#your friendly neighborhood doomed relationship explorer
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midnight thoughts but basically. even if we are going into the stereotype that 'guys don't feel as much' or 'f1 is a brutal sport, it is what it is, you need to be cut out for it or simply leave', when we take the crazy lore that is brocedes it's actually very undeniable that nico and lewis had something. this was the true definition of bromance as of those days, and of a simple, genuine friendship these days. at one point of time, for a long time too, they were proud of each other. from go-karting to respective pre-f1 races and then, straight into f1. i see the 2008 hug as they both get to be on the podium, the happiness in their faces, and ohhh there's definitely something there. maybe not the irresistible urge to kiss or something, but a glowing ball of light. pure joy for each other.
as it slowly descended into the 2016 penultimate fight, you could also see the pain in their eyes. the title decider press meet always gets me because lewis is trying to be as detached from his words as possible, almost like a third person reciting a history as if he didn't live that himself. nico, on the other hand, is just pained as he tries to get himself past all the things he did just for a single championship. if what i read was right and he had paused contact with family, cut down on cycling, even got a lighter matte paint for his helmet bc it could gain him a fucking secondth of an edge (this is still crazy to me), its just painful. all the calculations and permutations you do to win, and at the opposite end of it all is a person who is a friend. was a friend? he didn't know by the end of it. the mind games they played, the banned moved the detailed studies. the utter betrayal of not even knowing the fact, but understanding the fact that they were going to sabotage each other just for a trophy at the end of some 20+ races where they shed blood sweat and tears for a win. at the end of the day, its a sport, and they were just humans.
of course it would break something, irreparably so. i respect nico for retiring days after his win. i respect lewis for actually becoming a better teammate, and even a friend to many.
now, years later, almost going to be a decade, both understood what brings them happiness at large. but there's always going to be that one part of the heart that bugs them, no matter how detached and away from it they are. maybe on lone days, they wonder if it was worth it all. maybe on loner days they wonder if its possible to rebuild what they lost, but it is not. so they see each other on the grid, at the opposite ends, cherishing (either privately or publicly) the way they were friends.
#brocedes#i am in severe need of sleep#at least i get to yap somewhere#f1#lewis hamilton#nico rosberg#your friendly neighborhood doomed relationship explorer#yappering#The Brocedethesis
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ethereal (voltron fantasy/royalty AU) (set up; part zero)
Heyo! It’s your friendly neighborhood Voltron fanfic aficionado- now your friendly neighborhood Klance writer but that’s honestly besides the point I don’t even know why you’d bring up my increasing obsession with them in this Klance fanfic that I swear everyone else will be in, too-
Today, I’ll be writing from a fantasy royalty AU with my favorite show cast ever, even though it may or may not be solely because I want to put water elemental!king!Lance in pretty dresses and makeup and just go crazy with my descriptions of gowns and other things.
I imagine, here, Lance would be from a kingdom with strong ties to Pidge’s kingdom, who has strong ties with Hunk’s kingdom, making them a powerful trifecta. I also imagine that Keith and Lance’s kingdoms are on very thin ice with one another, so Pidge encourages Lance to sit down with fire elemental!king!Keith.
I also imagine that Pidge’s kingdom is closely allied with Allura’s and that the two of them grew up together, while she didn’t meet Hunk or Lance until she became queen. Also, I’d like to have my beloved Ruler Pidge go by she/they pronouns, simply because I see a lot of myself in the way she dresses and carries herself and I actually believe that these pronouns would fit her, alongside all pronouns.
Hunk and Lance likely grew up together in a very close ally ship and continue to be close friends well into adulthood because that’s just how they are. I can imagine Lance is very vaguely aware of Allura’s kingdom and would never dream of picking a fight with hers since, by default, allying with Pidge made him allies with Allura, but he probably doesn’t know her very well pre the canon timeline because I kind of want to build that relationship from the ground up to make up for what the show did to me-
Keith is definitely allied with Shiro, and Pidge and Shiro were always friends through her older brother, who, along with her father, abdicated from the throne and joined an adventurer’s guild instead (because they believed that Pidge would be a better fit for a ruler and decided that, given how they are, reconnaissance and exploration fit them better. She agreed with this insight, deciding to rule the kingdom the best way she knew how). Shiro, being a much more experienced king and friends with their brother, likely prepared them for the role as they grew into it; the two are on friendly terms, but allied isn’t exactly the right term as none of the people in their alliance knew Keith, so they weren’t sure they could ally with him.
Lance met Keith at a gala years into his reign; they did not get along.
The system of Magic here will likely be dictated by what element one is born in the kingdom of, (i.e., Lance’s kingdom being the Aqua Kingdom, Pidge’s being the Spiritus Kingdom) and the strength of it in each person will be chosen based on a random set of variables that usually depends on the mood of the Gods corresponding to each element.
Lance- Water (Aqua Kingdom)
Keith- Fire (Ignis Kingdom)
Pidge- Life (Spiritus Kingdom)
Hunk- Earth (Terra Kingdom)
Shiro- Moon (Luna Kingdom)
Allura- Light (Lux Kingdom)
I imagine the reason an alliance is called for with Keith and Shiro’s kingdoms is because a traitor to Allura’s kingdom, either Lotor is planning on starting an entire mutiny with the ranks he’s managed to gather and then, consequently, conquer all of the rest of the kingdoms by force in the name of a long-dead kingdom- the Tenebris kingdom. His parents having died in the midst of a total economic crash caused by a codependent relationship with Allura’s kingdom whilst it was under her father’s rule, he was taken in by the state of Lux by Allura’s request, since they grew up together; unfortunately Lotor held lingering feelings of resentment- towards Lux, for causing the destruction of the only thing he could’ve ever considered his own by right, and towards his parents for always making him feel as if he was of no worth. He wants to conquer the entire world just to prove to himself that he is worth something, though, unfortunately, he’s on a path straight to death.
Might redeem him, might kill him off, might exile him- who knows at this point?
Hunk, I imagine, was a commoner who won the title of king through a series of magic-based trials (upon the death of the last ruler) and now keeps his entire family in the palace with him, using his title to take care of his family and citizens as a benevolent ruler. This likely happened when he was quite young- likely when he was 9 or 10, since magic is an innate thing and, in this kingdom, it’s tested in the youngest members of the kingdom in order to deem who is the most connected to their Goddess Terra.
Allura inherited her title when her own father died in the conflict with Tenebris- he went to battle with the people they’d unintentionally doomed in order to protect his daughter and his people, and died in the process; similar to her story in Voltron except her kingdom survives and Lotor and a select few survivors of the Galra become refugees.
Keith became king by beating the previous king’s son in a battle- his mother, being one of the higher ups in the government, sent word to him that the prince didn’t want to be king, so Keith wound up challenging him for the title. He won, successfully making his way into the world of prestige and getting closer to his mother. The prince left the kingdom shortly after- it’s believed that he ran away to be with someone, but no one is quite sure. All anyone knows is that he’s happy.
Lance wound up being king at a really young age- I’m imagining that, prior to his reign, his kingdom was incredibly strictly patriarchal. The previous king likely only had daughters, and the day of his death, Lance was born with incredibly powerful water magic. As a result, at the age of 6 years old, he was forcibly taken from his poor family and raised strictly to be a perfect king- however, he still saw his sister Veronica frequently in secret, the two of them sneaking around to eat baked goods and try on dresses together. When the palace staff found out, they tightened security and warned Veronica that she was no longer allowed to see him unless she wanted to be publicly executed. After his coronation (at age 8), however, he started making drastic changes to the laws that made the laws against commoners interacting with royalty more lax, and, once allowed to dress himself, started wearing dresses and makeup because it reminded him of home and made him feel as beautiful as he knew he was. He gets quite homesick quite often, and he’s still battling to get his family into the palace with him- he has, however, stripped the kingdom of its strict patriarchy. He constantly tells the kingdom that he hopes to one day pass the throne down to his own future daughter and still keeps the three princesses as his trusted advisors because he believes what happened to them was horribly unjust. The story will be told primarily from his perspective.
Shiro became ruler of his kingdom by fighting his way through gladiator ranks when he was only thirteen, winning the entire kingdom by brute force alone and leaving him with a lot more experience and trauma than he’d have liked. Being the oldest of the current generation of rulers and having inherited a kingdom that was closely related to Pidge’s and Keith’s, he guided them both through the process of becoming a ruler and the process of ruling, no matter how difficult it gets. It’s taken far longer with Keith than it has Pidge, since Pidge was raised a royal and has an innate sense of leadership and Keith is... interesting at the whole being a royal thing. Shiro, having grown up with Keith’s mother on the streets of the kingdom of Tenebris, was more than happy to take Keith under his wing- it helps the both of them come out of their shells more, so they have a mutual appreciation for one another.
I imagine this world will be vaguely futuristic and medieval at the same time- they’ll be able to have video conferences and reach other via communicators, holographic calls, things of that nature; but they’ll also be pretty old-fashioned in their manners of dress, their social systems, their currencies, and the vast majority of their laws. I hope that makes sense.
I wonder if it’s visible here that I spent three hours winging this and started getting more and more into it as I went, or if it’s obvious that I spend most of my time working with really obscure fantasy concepts.
BAHDHAAHAHA I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY THIS-
If you’ve got any suggestions for relationship dynamics (platonic, romantic, or otherwise), any pitches for traits you think the characters may have based on their slightly altered backstories, or any feedback in general, feel free to share- I hope you all find this as fascinating as I did while I was writing it!
Also, @keefsteefs It’s happening, I’m doing it, it’s gonna be so fricking awesome-
#voltron#voltron au#voltron alternate universe#VLD#Voltron legendary defender#klance#voltron klance#vld klance#voltron keith#voltron lance#voltron hunk#voltron pidge#voltron allura#voltron shiro#voltron lotor
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Skins inspired series: Our Youth (1999 - 2002) / Our Wasted Youth (2020)
This is a loooong request so bare with me. Be aware that these guys have known each other since the age of 16. They’ve had their ups and downs through the years but in the end they have managed to stay friends.
[ tw: mentions of underage drinking, sex, mental illness, eating disorder, substance abuse, suicide, overdose, bullying and death ]
The Shows
Our Youth was an American teen comedy-drama television series that followed the lives of a group of teenagers in the fictional small town of Madison, California. Its controversial story-lines explored issues like dysfunctional families, mental illness (such as depression, eating disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder and bipolar disorder), adolescent sexuality, gender, substance abuse, autism spectrum disorder, death, and bullying. In a time where most TV shows about teenagers were unrealistic affairs propped up by a cast of actors at least 10 years older than their fictional age, Our Youth changed all that by depicting realistic portrayals of teen characters who slept with each other, went to parties, drank a lot, smoked weed, and talked like the kids they were. Much of the controversy around its early episodes criticized its portrayal of sex, bad language, and explicit drug use but it was always careful to temper the hedonism with consequences, the comedy with tragedy. The show premiered on 25 January 1999 and went on to be a critical success. However, real life drama became too much for show runners to handle and the show was cancelled after three seasons. It ended on a shocking cliffhanger that left most viewers outraged and heart broken.
After the show ended the cast went their separate ways, trying different things to maintain their success but the bad reputation that came from the show seemed to follow them around. Some of them went on to star in low budget films and others completely fell off the radar. For years there have been talks and rumors about a possible fourth season of the series but it was not until early this year that it was announced that the show was going to be getting a second life. Netflix acquired the rights to the show in 2018 and finally announced that they were starting production at the end of 2020 with the original cast in tow. The fourth season of Our Youth has been renamed Our Wasted Youth and will take place 20 years after the events of the third season finale and will chronicle how the teens, now adults, are dealing with the ghosts of their past.
Behind The Scenes
So this show was a big deal back in the day. As far as aesthetics go then think of the show Skins, the UK version. It was mostly based on a group of kids who lived in the same neighborhood, went to the same high school and were involved in a lot of shenanigans. They partied a lot, got in trouble, sometimes they learned a lesson or two - most times they didn’t. Some critics loved it because of its realism, but others found it too controversial for television. It did not help that the cast, all between the ages of 14 and 16 at the time, were pretty much left unattended to do whatever they wanted and they didn’t choose to sit and study. There was a lot of bad behavior behind the scenes, scandals, fights, drama, etc. Life imitating fiction if you will. To the point where the show was cancelled after three seasons. They decided to end the show in dramatic fashion with the hits involved in a horrible car accident. The last shot of the show was that of the car wreck and the fate of the teens was left to the imagination. Yeah, people were pissed, demanding a resolution. Honestly at this point there was so much hostility that the actors were just glad that it all ended. I mean these guys were all hormonal teenagers, getting fame and money, so you can imagine what went on behind the scenes.
The show still had a huge fan base, even if the actors were not particularly famous anymore. They all had a hard time getting decent work because they had this very bad reputation of being disruptive. In 2010, Kurt Davidson, who portrayed Gus Chandler, was found dead in his home from apparent drug overdose. The actor had been fighting a long battle with addiction and it was during this time that the actors got together and had a little reunion with fans. They resolved their issues and started to become really good friends. There was a media outcry surrounding Kurt’s death though and an article was published on various news sources about the dangers of exposing actors to the drug culture at such a young age. Any hope that the show would come back was lost after the death of Kurt Davidson. But then in 2018 it was confirmed that the show was coming back to Netflix and was scheduled to start shooting in 2019. However, things got a little sidetracked and people started to think that the show was already doomed even before they started shooting. Thankfully things started to brighten up and the show started shooting in January of 2020. This new season will deal with the repercussions of the accident and how the characters are dealing with adulthood. It will have 10 episodes and they are currently shooting episode seven. Because of the tight schedule, these guys have been spending a lot of time together and who knows, maybe there’s the chance for a lot of new drama.
Now because I’m crazy, here are the characters of the show and their little arcs, just so you can get an idea of who you’d like your character to play.
Main Cast
Lukas Larsen ( 35 - 36 yo - character name - open face claim ): Lukas Larsen is an attractive, intelligent and popular boy. His manipulative ways often go unnoticed by many, and are a catalyst for the majority of the events in the series. At first he appears to have complete control over his friends, exudes confidence and has an answer for everything. He enjoys being the driver of drama and prides himself on being some type of puppet master. In the effort to keep his life perfect and interesting he does things that even the most self serving person would never do. He plays with people’s emotions. He plays games because he can. Furthermore he does not feel bad about those things until he loses control. As the series progresses we see Lukas lose control of himself, his friends and of the situation due to a distorted sense of self and an exaggerated sense of importance. We end the series with Lukas behind the wheel of the car and driving everyone into a ditch. NEW SERIES: In the new season Lukas is a lawyer, married and with kids. However, he is incredibly unhappy, cheating on his wife with Evie Nixon and getting involved in scams. We learn that the accident left him in a coma for seven months and that he had to relearn to do everything. Even though it looks like he has not learned anything on the surface we see that Lukas is carrying a lot of guilt for what happened and is seeing a therapist in order to cope.
Evie Nixon ( 34 yo - tbd - Kat Graham ): Evie is the youngest of the group as she skipped 9th grade. She is initially described as being "the sweetest girl you will ever meet". However, it is shown that underneath her sweet exterior, she will resort to anything in order to keep the power in her grasps, even at the expense of others. She starts the series off dating the head jock boy of Madison High. However it’s quickly revealed that she’s dating him more for status than for romance. When we meet the couple, they’ve yet to have sex and t is revealed that Evie is actually a virgin and is scared to ‘give it away. She faces a lot of criticism throughout the series, having to deal with her parents divorcing, an abusive older boyfriend and an addiction to antidepressants. However, she eventually learns that her manipulative ways are damaging to others and by the end of the series she becomes a much better person. NEW SERIES: The accident changed Evie. She became angry and distant. Evie is divorced and has a seven year old boy. She has two jobs and no apparent social life which makes her a little bitter. She is having an affair with Lukas Larsen but hates every second of it.
Gus Chandler ( 35 yo - Kurt Davidson - NPC ): Gus is Luka's best friend, but has an entirely opposite personality. He lacks confidence, is socially uneasy and struggles with school work. He often suffers from panic attacks that he learns to control over the course of the series. He tends to put himself down a lot, especially when it comes to his relationship with girls. He loves comic books, loves science, is very friendly and playful and treats everyone with respect. Gus learns to be more self confident and to stand up for himself which earns a lot of respect from his friends. By the end of the series Gus is engaged to Nancy Buckley. NEW SERIES: We learn that Gus died in the car accident. Some people believe the decision to kill off his character is a bit polemical since the actor died in real life. However, the series creators have stated that having another actor play the part of Gus felt wrong and that they needed the accident to have a serious consequence. “Kurt Davidson is still a huge part of the show and his character’s death is the driving force of the new season.” In some way that is true since a lot of the show revolves around the 20th anniversary of Gus’ death.
Nancy Buckley ( 35 - 36 yo - character name - open face claim ): Luka's girlfriend. A girl who can never stay angry at his mischievous behavior for long. Outwardly, Nancy appears shallow, vain and conceited but she works hard and is emotionally mature. She is seen by most as a beautiful and confident girl but she suffers from the same insecurities as everyone else. At the beginning of the series she is dating Lukas and is always trying to make him happy. Eventually she realizes that the relationship is really toxic and distances herself from him. She and Gus start to get closer which causes a lot of complications and arguments between him and Lukas. By the end of the series Nancy learns to value herself more and she and Gus form a beautiful and healthy relationship. NEW SERIES: Nancy suffered a lot after the accident and the death of her fiance and that includes reconstructive surgery on her face which has made her feel really self conscious. She hasn't been able to keep a serious relationship and is emotionally closed off. Currently she works in real estate and seems to be leading a successful life. She has decided to be a surrogate for Ivy and her wife's baby.
Ben Morrow ( 36 yo - Dean Montgomery - Paul Wesley ): Ben is the party animal of the group. He has a difficult home life; he lost his brother to illness at a young age, and is an emancipated minor due to his ambivalent father and absent mother. When we first meet Ben he is presented as a fun loving pill popper who is always encouraging his friends to have fun. As the series progresses we learn that this attitude is just a front and that Ben’s life is actually filled with pain and rejection from his parents. His father is a crook and his mother has done porn her entire life, which has been a constant embarrassment for Ben. Ben is very volatile and unpredictable and unlike Lukas he very easily loses control of the situation. It is hinted that he is bisexual but it was never fully confirmed. By the end of the series they are rushing him to the hospital as he is overdosing inside the car. When we see the car crash we are left to assume that he definitely died. NEW SERIES: Shockingly Ben survived the accident but it left him with a lot of emotional scars. Unable to find a job he has turned into a life of crime that includes petty theft and drug dealing. The first time we see him again he is getting out of prison after spending six months behind bars for robbing a liquor store. We learn that Lukas helped put him away and that Teddy posted his bail. He also has a lover named Sean who also provides him drugs.
Cara James ( 35 yo - character name - open face claim ): A friend of Emily, an odd girl who suffers from an eating disorder. Cara attempts to hide her own struggles with mental health while her flamboyant parents ignore her in favor of their new baby. We first meet her as she returns to Madison High after spending months in a rehabilitation center. Cara is very observant, aloof and incredibly understanding. To her everything is magical. Her positive attitude gives the show a sense of hope when things get really bad. She and Ben Morrow have a very close relationship that was a constant will they/won't they throughout the series. By the end of the series she manages to overcome her disorder, and makes plans to leave Madison and travel to Europe. NEW SERIES: Cara made it to Europe after surviving the accident and became a famous model which caused her eating disorder to resurface. After a few scandals and the fact that she is not as young as she used to be, Cara returns to Madison and tries to reconnect with her friends. She finds out that this is easier said than done.
Teddy Vargas ( 35 - 36 yo - character name - open face claim - latinx ): is an easy-going skater who likes to smoke weed, and as the more sensible and responsible friend, he is often put out by Luka’s behavior. Teddy is forced to act as the leader of the group whenever Gus has a panic attack or when Lukas takes things too far; he is by far the most reliable in a crisis. We learned that his mom took her own life after battling depression and he has always resented his father for not getting her help. He has a very ambitious sister who always looks for the spotlight and manages to get all the attention from his dad. Teddy is always looking to save people and wants what is best for everyone. He is very compassionate and selfless but at the same time he knows when to put his foot down and always stands up for himself. NEW SERIES: Teddy suffered a leg injury and therefore he has to wear a brace. It was hard for him since he was always into sports, especially skating. He became a teacher and is currently the new high school principal at Madison. He tries to guide his students and keep them from doing the same mistakes he did as a kid but he is finding that to be challenging. He and Ben are good friends and we learn that he posted bail for Ben’s early release. Teddy is engaged to Molly Larsen.
Ivy Porter ( 35 - 36 yo - character name - open face claim ): Ivy is coming to terms with her identity as a lesbian. She is used to being the shadow of her sister, and is sulky but perceptive. As the show progresses, she begins to come out of her shell and strives for individuality. Much of this is due to her becoming okay with her sexuality and her feelings for Poppy Drake. She’s a kind and idealistic person but at the same time she can be selfish and passive aggressive. Her relationship with Poppy has its ups and downs but by the end of the series they had decided to stay together and make things work. Ivy was the only one who was not involved in the car crash because she and Poppy were spending the night together. NEW SERIES: Even though she was not involved in the accident Ivy was still affected by it since she was very close to Gus. We learn that she and Poppy broke things off and decided to stay friends. We also learn that Ivy married a woman named Susana and that they have asked Nancy to be their surrogate. Ivy struggles with the idea of starting a family but doesn't know how to talk to Susan about it.
Supporting Cast
Molly Larsen ( 33 - 34 yo - character name - open face claim ): is Luka's younger sister, and shares many of the same qualities as him. She is mysterious and manipulative, but almost mute. We see more of her in season 3 where she is involved in a love triangle and gets involved with a teacher. NEW SERIES: In the new series we learn that she managed to get her life together and is soon to be married to Teddy Vargas.
Poppy Bird ( 35 - 36 yo - character name - open face claim ): Poppy was Ivy’s on and off girlfriend during the first three seasons of the show. She is very carefree and open minded but at the same time very guarded. She had a difficult time coming to terms with her sexuality which was the cause of a lot of drama between her and Ivy. Eventually she accepted who she was and declared her love for Ivy. NEW SERIES: We learn that she has moved away from Madison and is currently living in Arizona. However she comes back for two episodes to tell Ivy that she has a terminal illness.
Susana Santoro ( 35 - 36 yo - character name - open face claim - POC ): Ivy’s wife. She works as a veterinarian and has three younger sisters. She is very cheerful, caring and incredibly perceptive. She wants to start a family and knows that Ivy has her doubts about it.
Tommy Mills ( 35 - 36 yo - character name - open face claim ): Evie’s ex husband who works as a bouncer at the local strip club. He comes off as being extremely rude and seems to have a violent streak. We learn that Evie left him because of his constant drinking and cheating, which is ironic considering she is having an affair with a married man.
Sean Michaels ( 35 - 36 yo - character name - open face claim ): Ben’s lover and drug dealer. Definitely a terrible influence in Ben’s life but at the same time he seems to actually care about him. We learn that he has a sick daughter and that he started to deal drugs in order to pay for her treatment.
Other Cast
There are other characters on the show that have minor roles like Luka’s wife, some friends, enemies, whatever. Let me know if you’re interested in playing a minor role.
Crew
Executive producer ( s ):
Director (s):
Writer (s):
Casting Director:
Costume Designer (s):
Make up artist (s): Margot Montgomery, Ashley Benson, 29
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Love & Great Buildings - Chapter Eight
Chapter: 8/19
Character/Relationship: Tom Hiddleston/Rosemary Mathews (OFC)
Genre: Romance/Angst
Summary: Three years have passed and a chance encounter brings Tom and Rosie together again. Can time make any difference or are they doomed to repeat their mistakes.
Rating: M
Author’s Notes/Warnings: This is part nine of Last Minutes & Lost Evenings. Many thanks to @redfoxwritesstuff for listening to me ramble incessantly about this story and being a sounding board when I needed it. You are a lifesaver, even if your stories break my heart.
Previous
CHAPTER EIGHT
Tom let out an exasperated sigh as he glanced at the clock on the wall. He couldn’t seem to focus and it was driving him nearly out of his mind with frustration. He’d dropped more things that day than he had for as long as he could remember; books, his phone, his keys, just about anything his fingers touched. He’d gotten lost during conversations; Luke had told him off quite spectacularly when he’d done so during the phone conference that they’d planned for weeks. And, to add insult to injury, he’d had very nearly tripped over Bobby, who’d been demanding a walk since before Tom had been fully conscious; twice. It was utterly ridiculous. But no matter what he did or how hard he’d tried, his mind kept wandering back to his phone call with Rosie the night before.
It had been wonderful to just be able to talk with her again. To be able to share his thoughts with her and to be able to hear hers in return. To once again have a peek into the world as she saw it. It was something he’d spent so long convinced he’d never have again. Something he’d reluctantly surrendered due to his own massive stupidity and shortsightedness. These last two weeks had honestly been some of the best of his life. Just knowing that she was a part of his world again; that she wanted to be a part of it was so far beyond anything he’d dared to hope for.
Still the unease he’d felt when she’d causally mentioned her fallout with Jules refused to be shaken. He’d only met the tall redhead a handful of times and in all of those she’d been warm and openly friendly towards him. But that had been before he’d broken her friend’s heart. And knowing just how close the two women were Tom could hardly blame Jules for hating him. He certainly would have. And knowing that because of him, even in such a roundabout way, they’d become estranged made the guilt he still carried that much harsher and harder to bear.
His kneejerk reaction had been to fix it. To jump right in without pausing to think if he had any right to do so. To do whatever he could to make it right. But the last time he’d gone off halfcocked in such a manner it had blown up quite spectacularly in his face. And, more importantly, he’d hurt Rosie. And badly. He couldn’t do that again. He refused to.
Tom took a deep breath and ran his hand through his already disheveled hair. There was little he could do about what had happened, he knew that. They would fix it on their own and in their own time. His interfering would only serve to make things worse. And Rosie said that they’re okay now, he told himself. Just let them fix it on their own. Let it go, Hiddleston. Just let it go.
He’d been pacing his living room nearly since he’d walked in the door half an hour previously. Bobby, sensing his master’s nervous energy, had been uncharacteristically whiny and jumpy. After nearly tripping over him, again, Tom finally decided that enough was enough. He knew that if he didn’t do something, and soon, he would surely lose what was left of his mind.
“Aw, buddy, I’m so sorry,” he murmured, reaching down to scratch the spaniel on his head. Bobby looked at him, head cocked slightly to the side. “I’ve got you all out of sorts haven’t I?” The spaniel barked once in answer and Tom chuckled to himself.
He stood quickly and headed for the side door where he kept Bobby’s lead. He turned back noting with a hint of amusement that the spaniel had followed him on his quest, and held up the lead. “Walkies?”
Bobby barked and bounced excitedly which caused Tom to laugh aloud.
“I’ll take that as a yes then.”
—
It had taken nearly half an hour for the pair to head out into the unseasonably chilled April afternoon; Bobby bundled in his quilted vest and Tom in his reliable, and mercifully warm, black wool coat. Door locked firmly behind him, he led Bobby down the front stairs and out the gate heading towards the main road.
The sidewalks were relatively crowded for so early on a weekday afternoon, but Tom played it little mind. The neighborhood was a relatively quiet one and he was hardly ever bothered walking in and around it. He’d made the decision to take them both on a few warm up laps through the quiet streets of his neighborhood before heading towards the ironed gates of the nearby park. The park was only a five minute walk from the house and had been one of the reasons he’d chosen to live there in the first place. It was large and had a long, winding path that was an excellent jogging site and one he frequented as often as he could.
An hour later saw Tom, and Bobby, making their second circuit around the leafy paved jogging path in the park. His head was markedly clearer but the heaviness that had come with it was still there. Bobby, for his part, seemed completely content. He’d kept a good pace with his master, stopping only occasionally when a particular tree or object caught his attention. A marked change from his puppyhood days where any and everything was both a potential friend and a dangerous enemy all at once. What a difference a few years made, Tom thought to himself with a breathless laugh.
Tom began to slow as they approached an empty bench along the path. The lace of his left trainer had loosened significantly during his run and he could feel the shoe slipping with each stride he took. The last thing he wanted was for the damned thing to come off or to trip him up. Because he knew that was when a lone photographer would be certain to show and preserve the moment for posterity. Especially given the way his luck had been running as of late. Luke would just find that fucking hilarious.
With a shake of his head, Tom propped his foot up on the bench, bending to tighten the loosened laces. His breathing was coming in harsh pants, his chest burning with the effort. God, he really was frighteningly out of shape. He’d cut back a bit on his running during the winter months; he still went as faithfully as he could every morning but not for anywhere near his usual distance, and now he was clearly paying for it. Bobby, who’s lead had been tied to the bench leg as he was oft to go ‘exploring’ if left unattended, bounced around Tom barking every so often at a passing jogger or squirrel, it didn’t much seem to matter which.
As he bent to his task, Tom heard rather than saw the women who had knelt beside the now jumping dog, scratching behind his ears and telling him in a soft, sweet voice just how handsome he was. The voice was strangely familiar though he couldn’t seem to place exactly why. Laces finally tied, he turned to face the woman and Bobby. Tom worked to quickly school his features into warm, but neutral politeness. He’d had far too many ‘chance’ encounters with women; mostly fans and, thankfully, mostly harmless, in the last few years to not be at least somewhat on his guard. He startled as a strangely familiar mass of red hair caught his attention.
Surely not.
The woman raised her head at Tom’s movement and he watched, torn between amusement and alarm, as Jules’ eyes widened in recognition. Speak of the devil, he thought with a flash of amusement. He watched as they quickly narrowed into green slits before slowly relaxing back into a carefully controlled neutrality. Jules stood staring at him, arms crossed at her chest. “Tom,” she stated, her voice a shade too even. Too controlled.
“Jules,” he responded, his own voice as even as he could make it. He offered her a friendly smile and then, not quite knowing what else to do, he continued, “And how have you been?” As soon as the words left his lips he regretted them. His words sounded flippant and dismissive even to his own ears. God only knew how she would take them. Of all the stupid things he could have possibly said…
“I honestly don’t have any desire to talk niceties with you,” she snapped back, her eyes narrowing once more at him.
Tom felt himself flinch. Her dislike of him clearly hadn’t been exaggerated, not that he believed Rosie would have done such a thing. He let out a resigned sigh. Well there went any hope of a polite encounter. He took a deep breath to gather himself and held his hands palms up in a gesture of surrender. “Look, I know you don’t like me,” he started, eyes settled on her face. “And honestly I can’t say that I blame you....”
Jules scoffed at this, shaking her head as she cut him off. “Damn right, I don’t.” She unfolded her arms, letting them drop to her sides before shoving her hands into the pockets of her jacket, and continued to glare. She appeared not to care overmuch that they were in a public setting nor how much her voice carried. His eye darted around the surrounding path but no one at the moment seemed to be paying them any mind. “Do you honestly think that just because you smile and act like a gentleman for the fucking fans and the damned cameras means you can treat people, who for some god forsaken reason love you, like they don’t fucking matter?”
He blinked at her stunned confusion, irritation bubbling steadily inside of him. “Now wait just a minute…”
She reeled on him, “No,” she hissed, jabbing a finger aggressively into his chest. “You are a conceited ass! You expect people to fall all over themselves if you flash them a smile. Well believe you me, I’m not buying it.” She paused, chest heaving slightly. After several moments silence she continued. “I don’t have the first idea what she sees in you. She fucking loved you. Loved you and you threw her away like she was nothing! Do you have any idea what that did to her? Do you?”
Tom stood, motionless as she continued her tirade, each word slamming into him with the force of a blow. He’d wanted to snap back at her how unfair she was being, how she had no idea how badly doing so had hurt him as well, but knew there was nothing he could say in his own defense. She was absolutely right. He had been a complete and utter bastard and nothing he could do or say would change that. But he wanted to. God, how he wanted to.
“She was a fucking mess for months,” Jules hissed. Tom’s reaction seeming to matter little in her need to lay everything out in the open. “She blamed herself, do you know that? She kept saying that if she had just kept her mouth shut then you wouldn’t have left.” She laughed coldly at that. “God, do you know how hard it was to sit there and watch that? Jesus. It didn’t make one bit of difference what I said to her. How much I told her that it wasn’t her. She wouldn’t listen!” She paused again, taking a deep breath before continuing. “But then she met Bryan. They weren’t perfect but she seemed to be getting better. With him. He made her smile and she was happy,” her voice softened slightly but quickly turned back into steel as her eyes caught his. “And then you just had to come waltzing back in, fucking with her head. I found her after you left, did you know that? She was devastated and there wasn’t a fucking thing I could do. Again. She’s my best friend and I had to watch her tear herself apart because you just had to have the last fucking say. You were gone why the fuck did you come back? She was happy.”
Tom swallowed, his throat felt tight and for a moment he wasn’t sure he could breathe. “I don’t know,” he whispered, his voice hoarse with the effort. He quietly looked down at his hands before continuing, “I wanted to fix it. I wanted to apologize for what I’d done to her. For how badly I known I’d hurt her. I just thought if I could explain; let her know that it was me; it was always me and never, ever, her, that she could know that none of what happened was her fault. That she could have finally have some form of closure. I wanted nothing more than for her to be happy.” He raised his eyes to hers, hoping she could understand. “I just wanted to make it right.”
Jules stared at him, her eyes narrowed in unadulterated suspicion. “You’ve done a bang up job of that,” she spat. “Do you know that shortly after your little impromptu therapy session she ended things with Bryan? He was good for her, he wanted to help her, fuck he encouraged her to talk to you, to get all of this,” she gesticulated wildly, “out so that she could finally let you go. He was there for her, cared for her, and she pushed him away. Because of you.”
He felt his heart stutter in his chest. Rosie had mentioned in passing that she and Bryan had ended, but hadn’t elaborated on the how or the why. And he hadn’t asked. Hadn’t wanted to know. Another wave of guilt washed through him. He hadn’t meant to cause her any more pain or grief and yet that was all he had seemed to do. “I was wrong to do that to her,” Tom whispered, fighting to keep himself focused. “It was stupid and completely selfish of me and I own that without question. And I know there isn’t any way for me to make up for what I’ve done and the hurt I’ve caused her.”
Tom paused again, gathering himself. “But I need to you understand that I love her. That has not changed. I’ve been an absolute and utter tit about it, but I do love her.” He looked Jules directly in her eyes, hoping she could see that he meant it. Every single word of it. “I don’t know what is happening between us now and I will not speak for her, but no matter what happens I am here and I will not go unless she asks me to. Whatever she wants between us; be it friendship or something more, I will take it and be grateful for it. She’s given me another chance, though god only knows it’s far more than I deserve, and I absolutely refuse to waste it. I’ve already wasted so many.”
“I wish I could believe that for her sake,” Jules answered, honestly. “But I’ve seen this song and dance before, Tom. And I’ve seen just how it ends.” She paused, shaking her head and laughed humorlessly. “She can’t say no to you and I think you know that. She’ll bend herself over backwards to make you happy and that’s honestly not fair to her.” She laughed again. It resonated with concern and uncertainty. “She’s had a rough few months. Especially with how things ended with Adam. I don’t want her to throw herself into something that could just make matters worse.”
Tom blinked at Jules in confusion. It took several moments for him to gather himself enough to speak. When he did the name fell from his lips in a near whisper. “Adam?” He lowered himself onto the bench, ignoring Bobby’s incessant barking. He’d never heard Rosie utter that name before but the way Jules spoke of him told Tom just how important he must have been. She never said... He felt an all too familiar sinking sense of dread flood through his gut.
Jules let out a quiet, mirthless chuckle; her eyes held a look of what he thought was almost pity, but he couldn’t say with any certainty. “They were together nearly two years. Happiest I’ve seen her in the longest time. They’d talked about moving in together and she’d mentioned entertaining the idea of marriage.” She paused again, shrugging. “But he got a job in the states. And with the shop and her life here…Well…He took the promotion and they quietly ended things. She was heartbroken and honestly so was he. It took her a long time to start to bounce back. I don’t want to see her get hurt again. Especially, not by you.”
Tom opened his mouth to respond then, just as quickly, shut it. He pushed himself to his feet and began to pace back and forth, vaguely aware of Jules’ stare and Bobby’s confused barking. He didn’t know what to think about anything he’d just heard, let alone what to possibly say in response. In the back of his mind, he’d always known there was a distinct possibility Rosie would find someone else; someone far better for her than he could ever hope to be. At first he had thought it might have been Bryan.
He’d only seen the man once, in passing, and the little he’d known of him had come from Rosie herself. It had hurt, yes, but not as badly as he had always believed it would. Looking back he wondered if it was because he had sensed Rosie’s own uncertainty. She had said she cared for him but never that she’d loved him. And with that he had, unconsciously at least, known that there was still a chance. A remotely possibility. But Adam…Adam seemed something else entirely. And Tom found that being faced with the reality that she had found someone rather than simply the idea of it, another matter entirely.
He took a deep, steadying breath and tried to make sense of his thoughts. “I don’t want to see her hurt again either,” he whispered, honestly. “I truly, truly don’t. I understand your concern and I know just how important she is to you. And you are to her.” He paused, looking Jules directly in the eyes. “I know my track record is far, far less than impressive, but I meant what I said. I love her. She means the world to me and I won’t make the same mistake again. I won’t.” He closed his eyes and took another short, calming breath, “I don’t know what the future holds or even if there is one for us, but I won’t walk away again. Not unless she tells me to and even then I’m not entirely sure that I could. I love her and right now, just having her as a friend is enough.”
Jules studied him quizzically, her eyes narrowing as she crossed her arms once again at her chest. “And when it’s not?” Her words were pointed, direct. Tom felt his heart plummet at them. He hadn’t let himself think anything beyond the fact that Rosie had let him back into her life. And how grateful he had been for it. That had been enough. But now the idea was there, he wasn’t sure he could let it be. Flashing Tom a knowing smile and a quirked eyebrow, Jules dropped to scratch Bobby’s ear once more and walked away.
With her words echoing through his head, Tom dropped himself silently back onto the bench. He loved Rosie, loved her deeply. That was one thing in which he was completely and utterly sure. She had loved him, at one point, and possibly still did despite everything that had happened. But he couldn’t know for sure. There was a history between them, as messy and convoluted as it was. What was less certain, however, was their future. She wanted his friendship, wanted him in her life. And he was happy with that. Happy because he was very well aware of just how it felt to have lived his life without her. Just how lucky he was that she was giving him another chance when he’d blown so many.
But would that be enough? Could he really be content with that if, when push came to shove, Rosie decided friendship was all she would ever want from him? That she cared for him but not enough for anything more. And if that were the case, could he stand by and be supportive if, he couldn’t bear to think when, she found someone else? Watch as she gave her heart completely to another man? Built a life with another? Married? Had children?
The idea filled him with an agonizing dread. He ran shaky hands through his hair and forced himself to take several deep breaths. The honest truth was he wasn’t sure he could handle it. And he didn’t know what that meant for him or for them.
Next
#Tom Hiddleston#Tom Hiddleston RPF#Tom Hiddleston x oc#Tom Hiddleston x ofc#Tom Hiddleston x original character#tom hiddleston x original female character#Tom & Rosie#Love & Great Buildings
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Love & Great Buildings - Chapter Eight
Chapter: 8/19
Character/Relationship: Tom Hiddleston/Rosemary Mathews (OFC)
Genre: Romance/Angst
Summary: Three years have passed and a chance encounter brings Tom and Rosie together again. Can time make any difference or are they doomed to repeat their mistakes.
Rating: T (for now)
Author’s Notes/Warnings: This is part nine of Last Minutes and Lost Evenings. Many thanks to @redfoxwritesstuff for listening to me ramble incessantly about this story and being a sounding board when I needed it. You are a lifesaver, even if your stories break my heart.
This story and its preceding one-shots can be also be found on AO3 under the username winterisakiller (sparkinside)
Tag List: @tinchentitri @noplacelikehome77
Previous Chapter
CHAPTER EIGHT
Tom let out an exasperated sigh as he glanced at the clock on the wall. He couldn’t seem to focus and it was driving him nearly out of his mind with frustration. He’d dropped more things that day than he had for as long as he could remember; books, his phone, his keys, just about anything his fingers touched. He’d gotten lost during conversations; Luke had told him off quite spectacularly when he’d done so during the phone conference that they’d planned for weeks. And, to add insult to injury, he’d had very nearly tripped over Bobby, who’d been demanding a walk since before Tom had been fully conscious; twice. It was utterly ridiculous. But no matter what he did or how hard he’d tried, his mind kept wandering back to his phone call with Rosie the night before.
It had been wonderful to just be able to talk with her again. To be able to share his thoughts with her and to be able to hear hers in return. To once again have a peek into the world as she saw it. It was something he’d spent so long convinced he’d never have again. Something he’d reluctantly surrendered due to his own massive stupidity and shortsightedness. These last two weeks had honestly been some of the best of his life. Just knowing that she was a part of his world again; that she wanted to be a part of it was so far beyond anything he’d dared to hope for.
Still the unease he’d felt when she’d causally mentioned her fallout with Jules refused to be shaken. He’d only met the tall redhead a handful of times and in all of those she’d been warm and openly friendly towards him. But that had been before he’d broken her friend’s heart. And knowing just how close the two women were Tom could hardly blame Jules for hating him. He certainly would have. And knowing that because of him, even in such a roundabout way, they’d become estranged made the guilt he still carried that much harsher and harder to bear.
His kneejerk reaction had been to fix it. To jump right in without pausing to think if he had any right to do so. To do whatever he could to make it right. But the last time he’d gone off halfcocked in such a manner it had blown up quite spectacularly in his face. And, more importantly, he’d hurt Rosie. And badly. He couldn’t do that again. He refused to.
Tom took a deep breath and ran his hand through his already disheveled hair. There was little he could do about what had happened, he knew that. They would fix it on their own and in their own time. His interfering would only serve to make things worse. And Rosie said that they’re okay now, he told himself. Just let them fix it on their own. Let it go, Hiddleston. Just let it go.
He’d been pacing his living room nearly since he’d walked in the door half an hour previously. Bobby, sensing his master’s nervous energy, had been uncharacteristically whiny and jumpy. After nearly tripping over him, again, Tom finally decided that enough was enough. He knew that if he didn’t do something, and soon, he would surely lose what was left of his mind.
“Aw, buddy, I’m so sorry,” he murmured, reaching down to scratch the spaniel on his head. Bobby looked at him, head cocked slightly to the side. “I’ve got you all out of sorts haven’t I?” The spaniel barked once in answer and Tom chuckled to himself.
He stood quickly and headed for the side door where he kept Bobby’s lead. He turned back noting with a hint of amusement that the spaniel had followed him on his quest, and held up the lead. “Walkies?”
Bobby barked and bounced excitedly which caused Tom to laugh aloud.
“I’ll take that as a yes then.”
—
It had taken nearly half an hour for the pair to head out into the unseasonably chilled April afternoon; Bobby bundled in his quilted vest and Tom in his reliable, and mercifully warm, black wool coat. Door locked firmly behind him, he led Bobby down the front stairs and out the gate heading towards the main road.
The sidewalks were relatively crowded for so early on a weekday afternoon, but Tom played it little mind. The neighborhood was a relatively quiet one and he was hardly ever bothered walking in and around it. He’d made the decision to take them both on a few warm up laps through the quiet streets of his neighborhood before heading towards the ironed gates of the nearby park. The park was only a five minute walk from the house and had been one of the reasons he’d chosen to live there in the first place. It was large and had a long, winding path that was an excellent jogging site and one he frequented as often as he could.
An hour later saw Tom, and Bobby, making their second circuit around the leafy paved jogging path in the park. His head was markedly clearer but the heaviness that had come with it was still there. Bobby, for his part, seemed completely content. He’d kept a good pace with his master, stopping only occasionally when a particular tree or object caught his attention. A marked change from his puppyhood days where any and everything was both a potential friend and a dangerous enemy all at once. What a difference a few years made, Tom thought to himself with a breathless laugh.
Tom began to slow as they approached an empty bench along the path. The lace of his left trainer had loosened significantly during his run and he could feel the shoe slipping with each stride he took. The last thing he wanted was for the damned thing to come off or to trip him up. Because he knew that was when a lone photographer would be certain to show and preserve the moment for posterity. Especially given the way his luck had been running as of late. Luke would just find that fucking hilarious.
With a shake of his head, Tom propped his foot up on the bench, bending to tighten the loosened laces. His breathing was coming in harsh pants, his chest burning with the effort. God, he really was frighteningly out of shape. He’d cut back a bit on his running during the winter months; he still went as faithfully as he could every morning but not for anywhere near his usual distance, and now he was clearly paying for it. Bobby, who’s lead had been tied to the bench leg as he was oft to go ‘exploring’ if left unattended, bounced around Tom barking every so often at a passing jogger or squirrel, it didn’t much seem to matter which.
As he bent to his task, Tom heard rather than saw the women who had knelt beside the now jumping dog, scratching behind his ears and telling him in a soft, sweet voice just how handsome he was. The voice was strangely familiar though he couldn’t seem to place exactly why. Laces finally tied, he turned to face the woman and Bobby. Tom worked to quickly school his features into warm, but neutral politeness. He’d had far too many ‘chance’ encounters with women; mostly fans and, thankfully, mostly harmless, in the last few years to not be at least somewhat on his guard. He startled as a strangely familiar mass of red hair caught his attention.
Surely not.
The woman raised her head at Tom’s movement and he watched, torn between amusement and alarm, as Jules’ eyes widened in recognition. Speak of the devil, he thought with a flash of amusement. He watched as they quickly narrowed into green slits before slowly relaxing back into a carefully controlled neutrality. Jules stood staring at him, arms crossed at her chest. “Tom,” she stated, her voice a shade too even. Too controlled.
“Jules,” he responded, his own voice as even as he could make it. He offered her a friendly smile and then, not quite knowing what else to do, he continued, “And how have you been?” As soon as the words left his lips he regretted them. His words sounded flippant and dismissive even to his own ears. God only knew how she would take them. Of all the stupid things he could have possibly said…
“I honestly don’t have any desire to talk niceties with you,” she snapped back, her eyes narrowing once more at him.
Tom felt himself flinch. Her dislike of him clearly hadn’t been exaggerated, not that he believed Rosie would have done such a thing. He let out a resigned sigh. Well there went any hope of a polite encounter. He took a deep breath to gather himself and held his hands palms up in a gesture of surrender. “Look, I know you don’t like me,” he started, eyes settled on her face. “And honestly I can’t say that I blame you....”
Jules scoffed at this, shaking her head as she cut him off. “Damn right, I don’t.” She unfolded her arms, letting them drop to her sides before shoving her hands into the pockets of her jacket, and continued to glare. She appeared not to care overmuch that they were in a public setting nor how much her voice carried. His eye darted around the surrounding path but no one at the moment seemed to be paying them any mind. “Do you honestly think that just because you smile and act like a gentleman for the fucking fans and the damned cameras means you can treat people, who for some god forsaken reason love you, like they don’t fucking matter?”
He blinked at her stunned confusion, irritation bubbling steadily inside of him. “Now wait just a minute…”
She reeled on him, “No,” she hissed, jabbing a finger aggressively into his chest. “You are a conceited ass! You expect people to fall all over themselves if you flash them a smile. Well believe you me, I’m not buying it.” She paused, chest heaving slightly. After several moments silence she continued. “I don’t have the first idea what she sees in you. She fucking loved you. Loved you and you threw her away like she was nothing! Do you have any idea what that did to her? Do you?”
Tom stood, motionless as she continued her tirade, each word slamming into him with the force of a blow. He’d wanted to snap back at her how unfair she was being, how she had no idea how badly doing so had hurt him as well, but knew there was nothing he could say in his own defense. She was absolutely right. He had been a complete and utter bastard and nothing he could do or say would change that. But he wanted to. God, how he wanted to.
“She was a fucking mess for months,” Jules hissed. Tom’s reaction seeming to matter little in her need to lay everything out in the open. “She blamed herself, do you know that? She kept saying that if she had just kept her mouth shut then you wouldn’t have left.” She laughed coldly at that. “God, do you know how hard it was to sit there and watch that? Jesus. It didn’t make one bit of difference what I said to her. How much I told her that it wasn’t her. She wouldn’t listen!” She paused again, taking a deep breath before continuing. “But then she met Bryan. They weren’t perfect but she seemed to be getting better. With him. He made her smile and she was happy,” her voice softened slightly but quickly turned back into steel as her eyes caught his. “And then you just had to come waltzing back in, fucking with her head. I found her after you left, did you know that? She was devastated and there wasn’t a fucking thing I could do. Again. She’s my best friend and I had to watch her tear herself apart because you just had to have the last fucking say. You were gone why the fuck did you come back? She was happy.”
Tom swallowed, his throat felt tight and for a moment he wasn’t sure he could breathe. “I don’t know,” he whispered, his voice hoarse with the effort. He quietly looked down at his hands before continuing, “I wanted to fix it. I wanted to apologize for what I’d done to her. For how badly I known I’d hurt her. I just thought if I could explain; let her know that it was me; it was always me and never, ever, her, that she could know that none of what happened was her fault. That she could have finally have some form of closure. I wanted nothing more than for her to be happy.” He raised his eyes to hers, hoping she could understand. “I just wanted to make it right.”
Jules stared at him, her eyes narrowed in unadulterated suspicion. “You’ve done a bang up job of that,” she spat. “Do you know that shortly after your little impromptu therapy session she ended things with Bryan? He was good for her, he wanted to help her, fuck he encouraged her to talk to you, to get all of this,” she gesticulated wildly, “out so that she could finally let you go. He was there for her, cared for her, and she pushed him away. Because of you.”
He felt his heart stutter in his chest. Rosie had mentioned in passing that she and Bryan had ended, but hadn’t elaborated on the how or the why. And he hadn’t asked. Hadn’t wanted to know. Another wave of guilt washed through him. He hadn’t meant to cause her any more pain or grief and yet that was all he had seemed to do. “I was wrong to do that to her,” Tom whispered, fighting to keep himself focused. “It was stupid and completely selfish of me and I own that without question. And I know there isn’t any way for me to make up for what I’ve done and the hurt I’ve caused her.”
Tom paused again, gathering himself. “But I need to you understand that I love her. That has not changed. I’ve been an absolute and utter tit about it, but I do love her.” He looked Jules directly in her eyes, hoping she could see that he meant it. Every single word of it. “I don’t know what is happening between us now and I will not speak for her, but no matter what happens I am here and I will not go unless she asks me to. Whatever she wants between us; be it friendship or something more, I will take it and be grateful for it. She’s given me another chance, though god only knows it’s far more than I deserve, and I absolutely refuse to waste it. I’ve already wasted so many.”
“I wish I could believe that for her sake,” Jules answered, honestly. “But I’ve seen this song and dance before, Tom. And I’ve seen just how it ends.” She paused, shaking her head and laughed humorlessly. “She can’t say no to you and I think you know that. She’ll bend herself over backwards to make you happy and that’s honestly not fair to her.” She laughed again. It resonated with concern and uncertainty. “She’s had a rough few months. Especially with how things ended with Adam. I don’t want her to throw herself into something that could just make matters worse.”
Tom blinked at Jules in confusion. It took several moments for him to gather himself enough to speak. When he did the name fell from his lips in a near whisper. “Adam?” He lowered himself onto the bench, ignoring Bobby’s incessant barking. He’d never heard Rosie utter that name before but the way Jules spoke of him told Tom just how important he must have been. She never said... He felt an all too familiar sinking sense of dread flood through his gut.
Jules let out a quiet, mirthless chuckle; her eyes held a look of what he thought was almost pity, but he couldn’t say with any certainty. “They were together nearly two years. Happiest I’ve seen her in the longest time. They’d talked about moving in together and she’d mentioned entertaining the idea of marriage.” She paused again, shrugging. “But he got a job in the states. And with the shop and her life here…Well…He took the promotion and they quietly ended things. She was heartbroken and honestly so was he. It took her a long time to start to bounce back. I don’t want to see her get hurt again. Especially, not by you.”
Tom opened his mouth to respond then, just as quickly, shut it. He pushed himself to his feet and began to pace back and forth, vaguely aware of Jules’ stare and Bobby’s confused barking. He didn’t know what to think about anything he’d just heard, let alone what to possibly say in response. In the back of his mind, he’d always known there was a distinct possibility Rosie would find someone else; someone far better for her than he could ever hope to be. At first he had thought it might have been Bryan.
He’d only seen the man once, in passing, and the little he’d known of him had come from Rosie herself. It had hurt, yes, but not as badly as he had always believed it would. Looking back he wondered if it was because he had sensed Rosie’s own uncertainty. She had said she cared for him but never that she’d loved him. And with that he had, unconsciously at least, known that there was still a chance. A remotely possibility. But Adam…Adam seemed something else entirely. And Tom found that being faced with the reality that she had found someone rather than simply the idea of it, another matter entirely.
He took a deep, steadying breath and tried to make sense of his thoughts. “I don’t want to see her hurt again either,” he whispered, honestly. “I truly, truly don’t. I understand your concern and I know just how important she is to you. And you are to her.” He paused, looking Jules directly in the eyes. “I know my track record is far, far less than impressive, but I meant what I said. I love her. She means the world to me and I won’t make the same mistake again. I won’t.” He closed his eyes and took another short, calming breath, “I don’t know what the future holds or even if there is one for us, but I won’t walk away again. Not unless she tells me to and even then I’m not entirely sure that I could. I love her and right now, just having her as a friend is enough.”
Jules studied him quizzically, her eyes narrowing as she crossed her arms once again at her chest. “And when it’s not?” Her words were pointed, direct. Tom felt his heart plummet at them. He hadn’t let himself think anything beyond the fact that Rosie had let him back into her life. And how grateful he had been for it. That had been enough. But now the idea was there, he wasn’t sure he could let it be. Flashing Tom a knowing smile and a quirked eyebrow, Jules dropped to scratch Bobby’s ear once more and walked away.
With her words echoing through his head, Tom dropped himself silently back onto the bench. He loved Rosie, loved her deeply. That was one thing in which he was completely and utterly sure. She had loved him, at one point, and possibly still did despite everything that had happened. But he couldn’t know for sure. There was a history between them, as messy and convoluted as it was. What was less certain, however, was their future. She wanted his friendship, wanted him in her life. And he was happy with that. Happy because he was very well aware of just how it felt to have lived his life without her. Just how lucky he was that she was giving him another chance when he’d blown so many.
But would that be enough? Could he really be content with that if, when push came to shove, Rosie decided friendship was all she would ever want from him? That she cared for him but not enough for anything more. And if that were the case, could he stand by and be supportive if, he couldn’t bear to think when, she found someone else? Watch as she gave her heart completely to another man? Built a life with another? Married? Had children?
The idea filled him with an agonizing dread. He ran shaky hands through his hair and forced himself to take several deep breaths. The honest truth was he wasn’t sure he could handle it. And he didn’t know what that meant for him or for them.
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To Helltown & Back: Electric Citizen’s Laura Dolan Speaks
~By Jamie LaRose~
Photographs by Sally Townsend
My recent visit with Laura Dolan, the commanding winger of Cincinnati’s Electric Citizen, was both enlightening and welcomed. She is a vegan, a lover of classic cars, and a well-experienced thrift store fashionista. I remember meeting Laura in 2014, when Satyress had the pleasure of playing a show with Electric Citizen and Fu Manchu at Dante’s in Portland, Oregon. I found the band to be a delightful, friendly, and talented bunch. Electric Citizen is currently on tour with Monster Magnet in support of the new album, 'Helltown' (2018 - RidingEasy Records). Their third album is reminiscent of their first, 'Sateen' (2014), with its raw, powerful sound. This is a great Cincinnati Northside-true album, written, recorded, engineered, and inspired by “Hell Town” itself. Get your dose of heavy psychedelic healing at one of the tour dates listed below and get your copy of Helltown while you're at it!
I don’t know if you remember, it’s been a while, but we’ve played a show together. It was the Fu Manchu show in Portland, Oregon in May of 2014.
I thought so! Yes, I remember your band. You were wonderful.
You, too! I remember meeting you and talking with you about essential oils.
I remembered it was Pentagram or Fu Manchu because we played the same venue, it was at Dante’s.
All of us at Doomed & Stoned are excited to get the chance to talk to you at this time of your new release 'Helltown.' I was interested in the meaning behind the name of the album and the band. I read that “Hell Town” is one of the names by which the neighborhood you live in is known. I would like to know a little bit about the relationship between that and the writing process for the band on this album.
Absolutely. I chose that name for several different reasons. I mean the most obvious is the translation of where the album was written and practiced, recorded. It just kind of made sense to pay homage to that. I also like that it can also take on these multiple meanings, which is something I really try to do with songwriting, as well. It can be a futuristic thing, or it could play into current times.
Helltown by Electric Citizen
As far as what our neighborhood means to us is this is where everything happens. The studio where we record is a stone’s throw away from our house, which is also where we practice and write all the music. It’s just this really great little neighborhood which is unique in Cincinnati where there’s a lot of different ethnic groups, and there’s a lot of artists, the LGBTQ community is strong here. All of these different types of people that we are surrounded by are hugely inspiring to me. I just have this very special place in my heart for this neighborhood, and the guys share the same sentiment. "Hell Town" is a nickname that was more commonly used in the 1800s when it was an entertainment district for the factory workers because we are in a very industrial area. So this is where they would go and hang out after they got off work from the factories and it was just known as "Hell Town." There were so many different things about it that are so meaningful that it just makes it the perfect title for this album.
Where do you find or draw inspiration in the process for the band or when writing any music in general?
I like to start by writing a track and feeling out where it’s going from the melody standpoint, and then trying to craft something meaningful into that. The melody is such a hugely important part of the song. There’s so much to draw inspiration from like today’s political state, relationships between people, our current times. I feel fascinated by the idea that we are living in this huge turning point, the dawn of the era of technology and how that’s affecting us as a human race. That’s something I love exploring. Every day is like an episode of Black Mirror. What’s going to happen to us? There are so many things happening right now that we’ve never experienced as the human race.
I can hear that questioning nature of inspiration in the lyrics and music. What type of challenges might you face while working together and making and recording music together?
Well, we’re pretty lucky in that we get along. That’s something I don’t take for granted because we’ve had a few different change-ups in the lineup, and we’re now kind of back to where we were at the beginning of the band. We had a great time with our other bass player, but the dynamic can be very different. Having the energy of the original band, and the relationships we all have with each other is a huge help as far as writing and making the music, as well as enjoying the process the whole way. I think we make it harder on ourselves by choosing to record analog; that’s definitely a much more tedious task than recording digitally. We have a pretty standardized process where Ross writes the basics of the song, and then we all start layering on top of that using a huge amount of editing. I think it’s a really important quality to have to be able to stand back and say, “You know what, I’ve created something and it sucks,” and I’m going to scrap it and try again. I think that self-reflection is really important.
It is the universal nature of some good work to be thorough. Speaking of the process of the mixing and the engineering, can you explain a bit about that process as used in the new album?
Unlike the process of the second album which may have been a bit more polished than we would mean, we knew on the third album that we wanted to try to capture what we had in the first album.
It sounds like everything about 'Helltown' was done in “Hell Town.” From the new tracks, I can see its relationship to the first album in its grittiness and more natural nature. What are the details of the release?
The album official release date is September 28th. It’s being released worldwide through Riding Easy Records. There is distribution all of the world, you can get it at Riding Easy Records in the states and of course we are also starting a tour with Monster Magnet on the same day so you can come get it from us at the merch booth.
What are some of your most successful accomplishments so far as a group?
Beyond what we’ve created, which is really the whole reason we’ve started doing this, I think that some of the bands we’ve gotten to tour with have been a huge accomplishment. There’s been Arthur Brown, a long-time hero he is the godfather of shock rock. He’s inspired so many different artists. We’ve opened for King Diamond, Joan Jett, Fu Manchu and this tour with Monster Magnet is a big deal for us. That’s a band that’s really made a name for themselves. Getting to tour Europe, I personally had never been over there before touring as a band. It’s great to go into a project like this having no expectations, and then having all these things happening. Every single one of them has kind of been mind-blowing for us. That’s one of the things I’ve learned growing older, have no expectations and life will exceed them all.
How have you grown as a singer and artist over the years?
When I was first starting out, singing in bands, I had such a fear for doing what I’m doing. As soon as I was able to release that and have the fearlessness of, “If I fail, I fail. If I don’t, I don’t.”, I would encourage anyone that’s going into any form of art; remember to have that fearlessness. It’s so freeing. I feel like that’s such an important message, especially to young girls that are interested in doing this and following in our footsteps, singing in a band or whatever it is. It’s just, "You have nothing to fear except fear itself!"
What is your message to the universe?
Oh wow, that’s a good one. Hmm, that is such an important question. I think really for me it comes down to… just be kind to each other. Everybody in this world is fighting their own fight, and I think it’s so important to remember to give room for people to behave like they do because you just don’t know what’s going on with their life. I think that ultimately what this world needs more than anything right now is kindness. I guess it would be just as simple as that. Be kind to each other. Maybe to ask everyone to love each other is too much, but if you can’t find that in your heart, just be kind.
Electric Citizen & Monster Magnet on Tour
10/02 - Chicago, IL @ Bottom Lounge 10/03 - Minneapolis, MN @ Cabooze 10/05 - Denver, CO @ Bluebird Theater 10/06 - Salt Lake City, UT @ Urban Lounge 10/08 - Portland, OR @ Hawthorne Theater 10/09 - Vancouver, BC @ Commodore Ballroom 10/10 - Seattle, WA @ El Corazon 10/12 - San Francisco, CA @ Thee Parkside 10/15 - Santa Ana, CA @ The Observatory 10/16 - San Diego, CA @ Brick By Brick 10/17 - Phoenix, AZ @ Rebel Lounge 10/19 - San Antonio, TX @ Paper Tiger 10/20 - Dallas, TX @ Canton Hall 10/21 - Houston, TX @ White Oak Music Hall 10/23 - Atlanta, GA @ The Masquerade 10/24 - Nashville, TN @ Basement East 10/26 - Baltimore, MD @ Baltimore Soundstage 10/27 - New York, NY @ Gramercy Theatre 10/28 - Cambridge, MA @ The Sinclair
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Finished 'Stranger Things'? Time to get 'Goosebumps'
[Ed. Note: This post was originally published on Aug. 5, 2016. With Halloween almost here and the return of Stranger Things upon us, we wanted to give you a great binge option before returning to the world of the Upside Down]
Netflix has scored a summertime smash in the form of Stranger Things, an affectionate and addictive homage to ‘80s favorites like Explorers, The Goonies, and Poltergeist where precocious kids experience cross paths with the supernatural — including a monster lurking in the woods by their small town of Hawkins, Indiana.
Based on the social media reaction, Stranger Things is the definition of an audience favorite. Furthermore, it should be a gateway for younger viewers to discover the charm of the vintage ‘80s and ‘90s films and TV shows the series so lovingly riffs on. Netflix is home to one such series: Goosebumps, the TV version of R.L. Stine’s popular horror franchise. A Canadian-American co-production, Goosebumps ran from 1995-1998 as part of the Friday afternoon Fox Kids line-up. And don’t let the tame “Fox Kids” name fool you — in its best episodes, Goosebumps was legitimately spooky, providing nightmare fuel for elementary schoolers, middle schoolers and even high schoolers. Here are five of the strangest, creepiest things to appear on that kid-friendly horror series. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
Greg’s Camera Episode(s): “Say Cheese and Die”; “Say Cheese and Die…Again!” Lesson #1,056 why you shouldn’t bring home the stuff you find in abandoned warehouses: It might be cursed! Greg Banks (a post-Mickey Mouse Club, pre-Young Hercules Ryan Gosling) learns that rule the hard way when he thoughtlessly “borrows” a camera from one such dilapidated depository, only to discover that whoever it snaps pictures of winds up experiencing a series of unfortunate events.
Grool Episode: “It Came From Beneath the Sink” Sponges are handy household items, right? Not when it’s actually a monster in disguise as a handy household product! This creature, known as a Grool, is particularly attracted to kids going through a patch of bad luck, like Kat (Katharine Isabelle, who went on to star in the cult werewolf flick, Ginger Snaps) who has moved into the house where the Grool previously dwelled. By the end of the episode, though, the sponge has become part of Kat’s family. The same can’t be said about the fang-baring potato her dog digs up later…
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Monster Blood Episode(s): “Monster Blood”; “More Monster Blood” Not since the Happy Fun Ball has their been a stranger novelty item than Monster Blood, a lump of green slime that gets bigger — and meaner — the more it consumes. (It’s a good thing that Nickelodeon’s slime is Monster Blood-free.) In the slime’s second appearance, it sneaks aboard an airplane to cause havoc in the skies. Forget snakes on a plane…slime on a plane is the real menace.
(Photo: Fox Kids)
The Pumpkinheads Episode: “Attack of the Jack O’Lanterns” Eager trick-or-treaters may wish Halloween lasted forever, but endless amounts of candy sounds less fun when you’re being forced to parade through your neighborhood by a pair of pumpkin-headed monsters. That’s the elaborate prank that young Drew (Erica Luttrell) decides to play on her regular Halloween tormentors Tabitha and Lee, enlisting a pair of unique friends to portray those walking Jack O’Lanterns. Stick around for the twist ending, which gives Drew a good reason to fear for her own safety.
Slappy Episode(s): “Night of the Living Dummy II”; “Night of the Living Dummy III, Part I”; “Night of the Living Dummy III, Part II” “Bride of the Living Dummy” The wooden face of the Goosebumps series, Slappy the Dummy is a regular presence in Stine’s books, and appeared on four episodes of the show as well. Utter the words “Karru Marri Odonna Loma Maluno Karrano” and this red-haired ventriloquist’s dummy comes to life…no puppeteer required. His evil plans grew grander as the series went along; in the two-part “Night of the Living Dummy III” he plotted to transform a trio of tykes into dummies. And in “Bride of the Living Dummy,” he decides to get hitched to a comely, if psychotic doll named Mary-Ellen, a relationship that dooms them both. If ventriloquist dummies already give you goosebumps, Slappy may make you break out in hives.
All four seasons of Goosebumps, plus additional specials, are streaming on Netflix.
More Halloween stories from Yahoo Entertainment: Horror experts on Hollywood’s “true” horror stories — fact or frightful fiction? 19 terrible “sexy” Halloween costumes no one should ever wear MVPs of Horror: Kiefer Sutherland reveals behind-the-scenes bromance on ‘The Lost Boys’
#_revsp:wp.yahoo.tv.us#halloween#lists#_author:Ethan Alter#goosebumps#_category:yct:001000086#_uuid:7db8bb16-122a-3a38-935c-52ede3a11919#_lmsid:a0Vd000000AE7lXEAT
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