#your faith has made you well. not mine but yours. thank you barbara brown taylor for giving me perspective on that verse

[queerprayers]

the deeper i get into my studies on my own theology as a theistic luciferian, the deeper i get into my studies of christianity and the beauty contained within the teachings and the stories, and its so funny how i find myself gaining a new respect for the faith through the lens of someone who practices by putting their soul into it, and not in the weird, passive and psuedo-capitalistic way of worship that i was raised with. the genuine adoration that radiates from your blog and your writings is breathtaking in its beauty to me, i cannot describe how much i admire you and your dedication to helping others. ironically i find it kind of endearing how our faiths cannot be separated as i owe so much to yours. it's with the deepest love and respect in my heart that i wish you the best, and that our separate journeys guide us to peace, happiness, enlightenment, or whatever we wish. i don't really have much of importance to say, just that i hope you're having an absolutely lovely day. hope this wasn't too cheesy, thank you for helping me learn.

Thank you and you're welcome, beloved.

This is so interesting to me and makes so much sense! It's something that I've noticed with a lot of spiritual/religious beliefs related to Lucifer/similar figures & practices--they're kind of Christian in nature? Or at least, as you said, inseparable. The word "lucifer" comes from a translation of the Bible, which to me always implied a valuing of the Bible in some way, even if only to hate it. Like even people who consider themselves directly opposed to Christianity (like atheistic Satanists) are describing their beliefs in relation to Christianity. Thanks for putting into words and being open about this! I have a lot to learn, but it's always nice to know there are people who know more that agree with me. :)

It brings me so much joy that you've found value in my words & the Christian faith, and I think it's great (as well as funny) that I've somehow created a Christian space that a Luciferian feels comfortable in. Truly there are so many chairs at our spiritual table, and so many rooms in my Father's house.

I wish you the best also, that you find what you're looking for in your faith, that it guides you and gives you meaning, that it enables you to love the universe and others. Love is all I ever ask of anyone, and I see and love how much you have.

<3 Johanna

p.s. Can I say may God be with you? By that I mean, may the universe and love be with you, because those are the same things to me. Whatever that means to you, I trust you get the point. (Good vibes.)

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

Answer asap (I feel bad saying that, but I'm stuck). Do you have any resources for dating/not dating non-christians? A dear friend of mine told me they care for me, and I feel the same for them, but... all the resources online warn again and again not to date non-christians lest they endanger my faith. I feel like going forward with this would be ignorant at best and would set us both up for heartbreak. And I fear my fear itself would lead to me trying to convert them. But I still care for them.

Hey, anon! Thanks for reaching out -- the rhetoric among many Christians against interfaith relationships, particularly with the argument that they’re “unequally yoked,” is something I haven’t addressed in years, and have been meaning to discuss again. 

Little disclaimer at the start that this stuff is so contextual, and it’s personal -- I don’t know your life as well as you do, or this friend of yours like you do. Maybe what i say doesn’t fit you and your situation. 

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To begin, I firmly believe that interfaith relationships can be and often are truly beautiful, holy partnerships. (This includes relationships in which one or multiple members identifies as an atheist / otherwise doesn’t ascribe to a particular religion.) 

When both (or all) members are respectful of one another’s beliefs, and find as much joy in learning as in teaching their partner(s), their unique perspectives can deeply enrich one another. You can bear good fruit together that glorifies God and nourishes others. 

This being said, you definitely want to at least begin working through your worries and fears before starting to date this person. If you enter the relationship overwhelmed with fear or guilt about dating them, it’ll bring a lot of resentment and angst. The rest of this post points out things you’ll want to reflect on and read up on before entering this or any interfaith relationship -- and offers resources that can help.

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Interfaith Partners: Always “Unequally Yoked”?

I’m sure you’ve seen a certain phrase on those websites you mentioned, drawn from 2 Corinthians 6:14 -- “unequally yoked.”  I’m going to end this post with some alternative ways of interpreting this verse, but what Christians who advise against interfaith relationships take it to mean is something like this:

Just as two animals yoked to the same plow should be of equal strength and on the same page so that one doesn’t do more of the work, or get tugged away from the work by the other one, two partners should also be of equal “spiritual” strength and on the same page when it comes to their faith...

And of course, these people will say, a person who is Christian is definitely spiritually stronger than any non-Christian -- and a non-Christian might just pull them away from The Way, getting them to skip church or prayers or even stop being Christian entirely.

But there are a lot of assumptions there that don’t hold true in every relationship, right? First off, who says every Christian is necessarily “spiritually stronger” than every non-Christian? To claim that is to assume that non-Christians don’t also have access to spirituality or to the Divine -- which I’m going to push against throughout this post. 

Furthermore, the assumption that a non-Christian partner will definitely harm your own Christian faith doesn’t have to be true, as I’ll get to in a second.

So yeah, keeping these assumptions about an interfaith relationship being inherently “unequally yoked” in mind, and with a plan on returning to this phrase at the end, let’s move on to specific things you should think about before entering an interfaith relationship. 

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Must a non-Christian partner “endanger” your faith -- or can they enrich it?

If being open to learning about how our fellow human beings perceive the world, humanity, and the divine “endangers one’s faith,” perhaps that kind of faith was not made to last. Perhaps it has to give way in order to birth a new, deeper faith -- a faith that is bold enough to wrestle with God as Jacob did; broad enough to survive questions and doubts and times of grief; and wise enough to perceive the Spirit blowing wherever She will (John 3:8), not only among Christians.

If your partner truly respects you and your faith even if it’s different from theirs, they’ll do what they can to help you be the best Christian you can be -- or at the very least, they will give you the space and time you need to go to church, pray, etc. And you will do the same, helping them to be the best Muslim, Buddhist, or simply person they can be.

I highly recommend asking this friend of yours before you start dating what their thoughts are on your being a Christian, and/or on Christianity in general.

Is it something that makes them happy for you? is it something that makes them deeply uncomfortable? or something that they don’t have strong feelings one way or the other on? .

How “involved” would they be open to being in your faith? Would they be interested in going to church with you, as long as they could trust you weren’t trying to force them into anything? Would they enjoy talking about your varying beliefs together and how they impact your lives? Or would they never ever want you to bring up Christianity (which I imagine for you would be a deal breaker)? .

Be open and honest with one another about what expectations you each have about things like boundaries around discussing faith, about time and space you each want for practicing your faith, etc. As you seem aware, it’s better to get all this clear before you start dating, to avoid problems later down the road! 

For an example of what such discussions might look like, I found this story from Robert Repta, a Christian man married to a Jewish man. Their union, he says, has included working out what it means not only to be gay persons of faith, but also persons of two different faiths:

“Ultimately, what happened was that in our struggles to find ourselves, we ended up growing closer together. We both supported and challenged each other. We began asking each other bigger life questions and talking about religion, God, science. Both of our lives were evolving, and what started to happen was that we started seeing the similarities in our core beliefs more than the differences. Some of those beliefs even evolved along the way.

We both believed in God. We both believed that God is love. We volunteered together. He would occasionally come with me to church, and I would occasionally go with him to the synagogue. Eventually, I could see that the common thread between us was unconditional love. The same unconditional love of God.”

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On pressuring a non-Christian partner to convert -- assumptions about Christian superiority & fearing for their afterlife destination

It’s really good you recognize that it might end up being hard for you not to try to get this person to convert! Before dating them, you should keep reflecting on this and decide whether that’s something you can let go of or not. If it’s not, then you’re probably right in thinking this relationship won’t work out. 

It would be highly disrespectful to this person you care about to pressure them to become a Christian in order for you to feel okay about being with them. (And for more thoughts on how evangelism and conversion as carried out by many Christians isn’t what Jesus had in mind, see this post.) Doing so would imply a lot of things, including that you don’t think they’re a worthy or equal partner unless they make this big change, that whatever beliefs or ideologies they currently hold are inferior to yours, etc.

In order for your interfaith relationship to go well, you would need to come to understand non-Christians as being equally made in God’s image, equally worthy of dignity, equally capable of doing good in the world. You’d have to come to believe that there is much of value within their own religion / ideology that you as a Christian could learn from. 

Let’s bring in our lovely Christian/Jewish couple from before: as his relationship with David developed, Robert discovered that 

“God is not conformed to this world we live in; God does not belong solely to the Pentecostals or the Baptists, to the Jews or Gentiles, to Muslims or Zoroastrians. Two of the most profound self-identifiers God calls himself in the Bible is “love” and “I am.””

Here are a few resources that can help you explore the idea that other religions are as valid as Christianity and also have much wisdom to bring to the world:

I highly recommend you check out the book Holy Envy by Barbara Brown Taylor to help you explore how you can be a devout Christian and learn from and form mutual relationships with persons who are not Christian. You can check out passages from the book in my tag here. .

You might also like my two podcast episodes on interfaith relationships (in general, not romantic ones, but the same material applies) -- episode 30, “No One Owns God: Readying yourself for respectful interfaith encounters” and episode 31, “It's good to have wings, but you have to have roots too": Cultivating your faith while embracing religious pluralism.” You can find links to both episodes as well as their transcripts over on this webpage. .

There might also be some helpful stuff in my #interfaith tag or #other faiths tag if you wander around. .

Simply getting to know whatever religion this friend does belong to (or what ideologies and value systems they maintain if they’re atheist / non-religious) can also be super helpful. Ask them what resources they can think of that can help get to know their religion as they experience it. Attend worship service (virtually works!), seek out folks on social media who share their religion, etc. I bet you’ll find a lot that you have in common -- and hopefully you’ll find some of the differences thought-provoking and enriching to your own understandings of Divinity!

I’m guessing a lot of your worry stems from the assumption that non-Christians don’t go to heaven. If you believe that not being a Christian leads to hell after death, it’s very hard to view non-Christians and their beliefs as equal to your own!

That Holy Envy book discusses this genuine fear many Christians have on behalf of non-Christians, and how to let it go.  .

Here’s a post with links to other posts describing the belief that many faithful and serious Christians hold that non-Christians don’t all get whisked to hell. .

And a post on the harm done by fearmongering about hell. .

Finally, a little more on the academic side but if you’re interested in some history behind Christian views of hell that can help you see that there really is no one “true” belief here, check out the links in this post.

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Reinterpreting “unequally yoked”

I said we’d get back to this, and here we are! While the easiest to find interpretation of 2 Corinthians 6:14′s “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers” is that it argues against interfaith marriage, there are other ways to read this text.

I adore this article I found on the passage from a Christian minister who is married to a Hindu monk -- “Unequally Yoked”: How Christians Get Interfaith Marriage Wrong.” Incredibly, Rev. J. Dana Trent writes that when she and her now-husband dug into 2 Corinthians 6:14 to see what it was all about, she found that 

“An ancient scripture meant to deter us from getting involved with each other actually brought us together. Our core beliefs in God became the focus of our study and relationship, not the issues that divided us.”

She also explains that biblical scholars say this verse isn’t even specifically about interfaith marriage -- which becomes clear when you read the full chapter surrounding it! It’s more general -- about the hazards of “working with” an unbeliever.

And what exactly is an unbeliever? Paul and other “believers” of these very early days of Christianity had a different definition than we might today -- an “unbeliever” wasn’t synonymous with “non-Christian,” because Christianity hadn’t even solidified into an actual religion yet! Instead, a nonbeliever was "anyone exposed to but was not faithful to Christ’s teachings—someone not characterized by devotion, love, peace, mercy, and forgiveness.” 

In other words, if a person in those early days was told about the good news of Jesus that entailed things like liberation of the oppressed and love of neighbor, they didn’t have to “become a Christian” to accept that good news. And thus, Rev. Trent continues,

“Today, my husband’s deep Hindu faith has taught me to dig deeper into what Jesus would have me do. Perhaps Paul might have even considered me an “unbeliever,” as I claimed to be a baptized Christian, but my life did not inwardly and outwardly reflect the Gospel. Since marrying Fred, I re-attuned my life to Christian spiritual practices: spending more time in contemplative prayer, practicing non-violence through a vegetarian diet, limiting my consumption, and increasing my service to others.

Much to many Christians’ dismay, it took a person of another faith—a seemingly “unequally yoked” partner, to strengthen my Christian walk.”

Isn’t it beautiful to hear how this relationship between a Christian minister and Hindu monk has born good fruit for both of them? They help one another become the best Christian and best Hindu they can be, respectively. They are both so deeply committed to faith -- that doesn’t sound like an “unequal yoking” to me.

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Whew, this got long! But it’s a big topic, and one I hope you’ll take the time to explore. Bring God into it; bring your friend into as much as they’re comfortable. And feel free to come back and ask me more questions as you go.

If anyone knows of other articles or other resources that explore the good fruit that can come from an interfaith partnership, please share! 

[bobmcinnis]

If

Borrowing  a line from Christopher Lambert from the Highlander movie franchise –“ I am Bob Mcinnis from the clan MacInnes, and I canna die.” Well actually, I can – I am not immortal, but I can possibly leave a mark, a legacy on my children, my grandchildren, my friends, and my community. I have a choice about how my actions today may be seen tomorrow and tomorrow. Every action or inaction has a consequence, a side effect. Sometimes positive, sometimes not so much. But if I have a choice, then it’s up to me. I wish I could stop here and tell you that in every opportunity to make a difference, I do something extraordinary – I wish I could tell you I do something – I wish I could say to You I don’t ignore the choice. (even when I realize that it’s up to me.)

Disclaimer – The thoughts opinions expressed are mine, and while they may have arisen from my experiences working in the community impact/ social profit sector and may be similar to those of organizations that I am associated with, they really only represent my if ideas on where we (together ) could go. I would like to say that if I offend you, provoke you or piss you off that I apologize. I would like to say that, but I wouldn’t mean it.

When I began thinking about the iF question that pushed me to reconsider some of my presuppositions and slay some sacred cows I realized (only in hindsight that I have been on a journey, a journey for the past 10 years. A journey inspired by John McKnight, Peter Block, Phyllis Tickle, Barbara Taylor Brown and their work in community engagement and development. A journey guided and challenged by the responses from people like you. A journey that has taken way longer than I had imagined but is now reaching an oasis where some of the ideas and actions have taken hold and are thriving and spawning to fruit. Years ago I ran smack into a reality that I thought was unimaginable. Research showed that thousands of kids in Calgary were going to school hungry every day. Somebody should do something about this. Somebody needed to do something. I had a metaphorical look in the mirror and realized that it was up to me. Even with that fundamental first principle:  It’s up to me, the approach we initially took was a pretty conventional organizational solution. BB4CK would take responsibility and feed kids (all of them). As crazy as that sounds – it is a pretty common conclusion for those of us who suffer from extreme delusions of grandeur. But, proximity, context, and necessity forced us out of the comfortable agency model into exploring how the community could assist/lead us in finding a solution to child hunger. The last year that I was with BB4CK, we had more than 3000 volunteers come alongside us and help prepare nutritious lunches, from our kitchen and from locations in the community. Children gave us their birthday money, kids helped feed kids, churches and parent councils stepped up and said: “it’s up to us." Brown Bagging has articulated the expression of our vision in an if question since 2007. With thanks to Chip and Dan Heath and their book “Made to Stick,” we begin almost every conversation with “If your brother’s child was hungry, what would you do”?  Tens of thousands of people have heard this question and responded with their own version of It’s up to me. This response conjures both the message of responsibility as in “It’s up to me” because I am part of this community and only through my actions will this get fixed. It also should be liberating in the sense that “It’s up to me” allows me to choose how you make a difference. I can take action that is appropriate for my place, passion, and position. I can make it my own response.

It’s up to me. It’s up to you. In this time, in this place, with these people, we should expect miracles, but somehow we have become satisfied with mediocre    Responsibility In1804, Thomas Jefferson was campaigning for his second term and the pitch was " I believe that every American, given the opportunity, will take care of themselves, their family, and their community."

Jump ahead a couple hundred years and I wonder if we can get based the vitriol and work together in small human-scale groups of 2-12 to care for each other in ways that only people who are proximate can.

       Barriers When I began thinking and acting on this premise (that it is up to me), I ran into some obstacles. There were four personal categories of barriers and at least three systemic obstacles that I needed to overcome. Don’t know what, don’t know who, don’t know how; It turned out that with a bit of research, action, evaluation, and new action, I was able to overcome these don’t knows. I continue to act, fix, act rather than let analysis paralysis or the fourth and significant personal barrier set in. The fourth personal barrier that I faced and have heard from thousands of people over the years that stops them is fear, fear that I am not capable, fear that we are not capable. John McKnight in his 1985 book Careless Society identified this fear as a product of our environment. As we delegate more and more responsibility to others, we are told and begin to believe that we are less and less capable. This is part of the non-sustaining belief structure that we operate under. Time for belief in self, family community is now, it is time to make a leap of faith, it’s time to accept responsibility not to delegate it. We have watched the city and know its immense capabilities. When faced with a common challenge or common opportunity individuals have stepped forward in acts of kindness, not random acts of kindness but deliberate acts, deliberately choosing kindness over meanness. Small everyday actions that are meaningful because they are intentional. As an aside I have had many people begin their counter-argument with “ I don’t have time” to which I say “you don’t have time to care?” I believe the time excuse is a red herring. The busiest people I know are the ones making time for and acting on their opportunities for deliberate acts of kindness. It is really a matter of priority, a matter of choice. Clay Shirky, in Cognitive Surplus, made the argument that we have plenty of time            Wikipedia; All the articles, edits, and arguments about articles and edits represent around 100 million hours of human labor. That’s a lot of time. But remember: Americans watch about 200 billion hours of TV every year. It’s up to you.

Maybe Three first systemic principles that we hold to be the solution, and may have someday been part of a solution,  may have become the problem, the barriers.            Universality, equality, privacy Universality only ensures that we build a box, a program that meets the minimum need by those we seek to serve. Universality ensures that the lowest common denominator is reached but it we need to find ways to meet the requirements as expressed by others not impose our expectations of their needs upon them. It likely ensures that we improve their living in their current situation but I am not satisfied with improving the way people live in poverty when raising them out of poverty is a possibility. If we continue to manage social issues, social issues manage to continue  but if we begin solving social issues, maybe the people’s lives will be improved, forever improved and we will have less need for social issues management organizations.

Privacy protects. It protects us from each other. I understand the concern over personal identity theft and keeping my pin and credit card secure, but that isn’t really privacy. I appreciate that there are some things that we would rather not share with others outside of a chosen few, but that is really discretion. The kind of privacy I am concerned with is the cloak of shame rather than a hand of respect that we have fallen into. The type of privacy that makes disclosing to a friend that you are having difficulties, or reaching out to a neighbor in a time of need. Unless I know that you have problems, I can’t offer to assist so we are left delegating(hopefully and naively) to big government or big organizations to use criteria and qualifications rather than human texture to build a box that likely is either too small or too big or not appropriate at all for the person we are trying to help.

    The Choice is yours – are you willing to look in the mirror? Are you ready to say “It’s Up to Me.”

You aren’t in this alone. We have seen a shift towards community action on issues of the environment, homelessness, child hunger, domestic violence...  It needs to begin with you, with you allowing the human texture of a situation to touch you, it starts with you stepping over the velvet rope and taking action, big or small but action towards a solution. Evaluate whether that was helpful, adapt and climb over the rope again. Eventually, you will have learned enough, cared enough that the velvet rope that makes you an observer rather than a participant will disappear. Then talk about what you have done – not to brag or impress others but by way of encouragement. Invite others to join you, to see the possibilities and together your small actions become miracles in someone’s life. You are capable, you are creative, I give you permission to make a difference. It’s up to you.