#your care is conditional and shallow

[nocherryblood]

May I add: living with chronic anything.

Sometimes people with chronic conditions do everything they can to avoid making symptoms worse, or to manage their existing pain. Creams, meds, long medical treatments, etc. Sometimes it's long and monotonous, and people are still in pain afterwards. Sometimes it's more manageable.

Sometimes, people with chronic conditions might not want to do that. Sometimes they just want to carry on as they are. Maybe it's health risks, or monetary reasons, or it's just not worth it. Sometimes people just don't want to do it, full stop.

Chronic conditions are chronic for one reason: even if they come and go in bouts, even if they're "not that bad"... they don't go away. Sometimes they remain forever, sometimes they may go away. But either way, you will have them for a significant portion of time.

Some people have cures and medicine that helps them to live as uninterrupted as possible, some don't- whether it's access to funds to get it, or because there literally just isn't something like that out there in the world, or maybe it's too risky. Sometimes you can be cured of one thing and it causes another, or it can come back, or, even if your main symptoms are gone, you may be left permanently affected by what the condition did to your body.

Some people have low pain or needs- this doesn't mean they're "overreacting" or "being too dramatic". Pain, even on a low scale, can be absolutely debilitating over a prolonged period of time. Sometimes, medical specialists can get very temperamental over this- personally, my conditions always get missed on 95% tests even if the markers to indicate I have them are there, so the specialists are very reluctant to give me help at first because they don't understand how much my pain affects my life until I prove to them that that help supports me to try to carry on as best as possible. This meme pretty much sums it up (for those who are confused, π, or, pi, is a number that never ends- the calculation for it has been going on for hundreds upon hundreds of years and we're still nowhere near the end seemingly):

On the other hand, some people experience extremely high pain levels and/or are severely affected by their chronic conditions, so much so that it limits them from doing a majority, if not all, of their daily life activities. Some can manage with a carer or assistant, some cannot. That doesn't make them "useless" or "unworthy" or "lazy". They are valuable as all humans are to each other, no matter whether or not they can work "like everyone else" to fulfill that cruel, uncaring, devaluing shitshow of modern expectations of an adult or not. Human decency and care for each other shouldn't ever be associated in the slightest with output or ability.

Sometimes, people's conditions are "intrusive" and/or affect other people's lives (e.g. family becoming carers or assistants, needing more support, being unable to control impulses or body functions) and whilst, yes, sometimes they can take effort to deal with by people on the outside, the person themselves is not incontrol of their condition and complaining 24/7 about it to them will just make them feel like crap. Contrary to popular belief, many people with chronic conditions are actually extremely aware of the effect of their condition on themselves and especially others, and are constantly overcompensating for it and putting so much effort into dampening it down just to make it more "palatable" for others. You don't need to tell them what they already know- if something's really affecting you, maybe come up with a realistic way to help before you ream off about how much something they're having to deal with is annoying you.

Please, don't expect someone to move mountains if you're not going to give them the rope.

And the final point I'm going to make is... please, for the love of your own compassion, sometimes there are people who are tired of having to constantly have to avoid triggers or irritants (e.g. with skin conditions), and want to allow themselves some semblance of being able to live like fully non-chronically affected (i.e. not living with a chronic condition) people for a while.

Concern is a lovely thing to have, but sometimes, people just want to have a bit of a break, y'know? I understand if there's concern about someone continually, severely harming themselves with their actions (i.e. eating an allergen they're highly allergic to, or something that could seriously harm them long-term)- of course, speak to them or try to empathise with them and then bring up your concerns, or come up with something alternative for them.

But if it's a short-term thing? Just let me have this one thing, please- my mental health needs it too. Don't judge me for wanting to have one long night out even if I'm chronically exhausted or easily get overwhelmed. Don't judge me if I have chronic skin conditions but want to have one nice perfume or pretty bath even though I'll be barely able to tolerate clothes in the morning. Don't tell someone they're dumb because they want to take a walk even if they may not be able to keep moving for long. I, and they, can regulate ourselves- we know the risk vs. the reward and sometimes you just want to do "normal" things for once.

Just... please. We're not defined by our conditions, but it doesn't mean we're not constantly affected by them too. They're a part of us, they're not always a welcome part of us, but they're there and we have to deal with them. Just please don't forget: just because we seem happy or fine, doesn't mean we can't be in pain.

when u go to write a mentally ill person in ur story you are presented two options. the first option is to write your mental illness realistically as you actually experience it with all the ups and downs and people who are like you will resonate with it and feel seen. except every person who reads instagram infographics on mental health that uses the phrase narcicisst for anyone who does anything that crosses them and unironically call themself a dark empath will call you scary and tell you that youre demonizing mentally ill people

the second option is to lie and write inspiration porn for those people to get hard to

[astrxq]

Amidst the Battle

jacaerys velaryon x healer!reader

words: 8k

notes: non-canon events! not following the show's timeline. warnings: kissing, talk of war and wounds (i think that's all) feedback is appreciated!!

The acrid smell of smoke and blood hung heavy in the air as you made your way through the aftermath of the battle. Your eyes scanned the field, searching for survivors amidst the carnage. The sun was setting, casting long shadows across the war-torn landscape, when you spotted him.

A young man, barely clinging to life, his curled hair matted with blood and dirt. You approached cautiously, your heart racing as you realized who he was – Jacaerys Velaryon, the dragon rider, prince, and heir to the throne of Rhaenyra.

You knelt beside him, your trained hands quickly assessing his injuries. Multiple lacerations, a deep gash across his abdomen, and what appeared to be a broken arm. His breathing was shallow, each inhale a struggle. Without immediate care, he wouldn’t survive the night.

“Hold on,” you whispered, though you were unsure if he could hear you. “I've got you.”

With a strength born of necessity, you managed to lift him onto your cart. Your cottage wasn't far, and you prayed to the gods, old and new, that he would make it there alive. As you guided your horse along the bumpy path, your mind raced. Treating a Velaryon, especially one as prominent as Jacaerys, could have been seen as an act of treason depending on who emerged victorious in this war. But as you glanced back at his pale face, you knew you couldn't live with yourself if you left him to die.

The journey felt endless, but finally, your modest cottage came into view. With great effort, you managed to bring Jacaerys inside and lay him on your bed. You worked tirelessly through the night, cleaning his wounds, stitching gashes, and setting his broken arm. Your stores of herbs were nearly depleted by the time you finished, but as dawn broke, his breathing had steadied, and some color had returned to his face.

Exhausted, you slumped into a chair by the bedside. You allowed yourself a moment of rest, watching the rise and fall of his chest. In sleep, the hardness of battle faded from his features, revealing a young man not much older than yourself. With a wet cloth, you gently cleaned his face, wiping away the stains of dry blood and dirt from the battle.

As you continued to clean his face, you couldn't help but study his features more closely. His curled hair, now free from the grime of battle, fell in soft waves across your pillow. You noticed a small scar near his left eyebrow, wondering what tale it might tell. His strong jaw was softened in sleep, and you found yourself tracing the line of it with your eyes.

A sudden twitch of his hand startled you from your reverie. You held your breath, watching intently, but he didn't wake. Releasing a sigh, you realized how dangerous this situation truly was. Housing and healing the son of Rhaenyra Targaryen could have cost you your life if the wrong people found out.

Despite the dangers, you couldn't bring yourself to abandon Jacaerys to the impersonal care of a volunteer center. The prince's injuries were severe, and his condition delicate. Each day was a delicate dance of tending wounds, easing fevers, and ensuring he had enough nourishment to sustain his weakened body. The thought of him being at the mercy of soldiers or opportunistic enemies made your decision clear – his safety was worth the risk.

In the quiet moments between changing bandages and preparing meals, you wrestled with guilt and anxiety. Every noise outside your cottage, every unfamiliar visitor passing by, sent a jolt of fear through you. Would they discover him? Would someone recognize him?

You rarely left Jacaerys' side, tending to his wounds and watching for any signs of fever or infection. His condition remained precarious, teetering on the edge between life and death.

On the third day, as you were changing the dressing on his abdominal wound, Jacaerys stirred. His eyelids fluttered, and a low groan escaped his lips. You froze, your heart pounding in your chest as his eyes slowly opened, unfocused at first, then sharpening as they landed on you.

For a moment, neither of you spoke. You could see the confusion in his eyes, followed quickly by a flash of fear and suspicion. His body tensed, and he tried to move away from you, only to grimace in pain at the sudden movement.

“Don't,” you said softly, holding up your hands to show you meant no harm. “You're badly injured. Any sudden movements could reopen your wounds.”

Jacaerys' eyes darted around the room, taking in his surroundings. When he spoke, his voice was hoarse and weak. “Where am I? Who are you?”

His voice, while weak, sounded accusing, almost too sharp for it to match his tired expression. He could feel his throat dry and raw, each word an effort to push out. You reached for a cup of water nearby, offering it to him cautiously.

“Here,” you said, your voice gentle. “You need to drink.”

Jacaerys eyed the cup suspiciously, his gaze flickering between it and your face. You could see the internal struggle playing out in his eyes - the desperate thirst warring with his ingrained mistrust.

“It's just water,” you assured him, taking a small sip yourself to prove it. “You've been unconscious for days. Your body needs hydration to heal.”

After a moment's hesitation, he nodded slightly. You carefully supported his head, helping him take small sips. As the cool water touched his lips, his eyes closed briefly in relief. When he'd had enough, you set the cup aside and settled back into your chair. Jacaerys watched your every move, his body still tense despite the obvious pain it caused him.

“You didn't answer my questions,” he said, his voice a little clearer now. He ignored the grumbling of his stomach, having gotten used to being hungry because of the war. 

You took a deep breath, considering your words carefully. The Prince's wariness was palpable, and you couldn't blame him given the circumstances.

“You're in my cottage,” you explained softly. “I found you on the battlefield three days ago, gravely wounded. I brought you here to treat your injuries.”

Jacaerys' eyes narrowed, suspicion evident in every line of his face. “And you just happened to stumble upon me? Why would you risk treating an enemy soldier?”

You met his gaze steadily. “I don't see enemies on the battlefield, my Prince. Only people in need of help. It's my duty to heal, regardless of allegiances.”

A flicker of surprise crossed his face at your use of his title, but it was quickly replaced by a guarded expression. “How do I know you're not holding me for ransom? Or waiting to turn me over to my enemies?”

You sighed, feeling a mixture of frustration and understanding. “If that were my intention, I wouldn't have spent the last three days fighting to keep you alive. Your wounds were severe, my Prince. You very nearly died.”

He seemed to consider this, his eyes roaming over the bandages covering his body. A grimace of pain crossed his face as he shifted slightly. “And what do you expect in return for your... kindness?” he asked, the last word tinged with sarcasm.

“Nothing,” you replied simply. “Your recovery is payment enough.”

Jacaerys scoffed, wincing at the movement. “No one does anything for nothing in this world.”

You stood, moving to a small table where you'd prepared a simple broth. “Believe what you will, my Prince.”

He stayed silent, his eyes scanning your features. As you turned back to Jacaerys with the bowl of broth, you noticed his eyes following your every move. The suspicion in his gaze hadn't lessened, but there was a hint of something else now - perhaps curiosity, or simply the weariness of a man too exhausted to maintain his guard fully.

“You should eat,” you said, approaching the bed slowly. “Your body needs nourishment to heal.”

Jacaerys eyed the bowl warily. “And how do I know it's not poisoned?” he asked, his voice still rough.

You resisted the urge to sigh. Instead, you took a small sip of the broth yourself. “See? Not poisoned. Though I suppose if you're determined to believe the worst of me, you could argue I've built up an immunity.”

A flicker of something - maybe amusement? - passed across Jacaerys' face, but it was gone in an instant. He took the bowl from you with his good hand, careful not to let his fingers brush against yours. As you turned to take his glass, with the intention of getting him more water, you noticed him trying to push himself up into a sitting position. His face paled with the effort, a sheen of sweat breaking out on his forehead.

“Please,” you said, setting the bowl aside and moving to help him. “Let me-”

“Don't touch me,” he snapped, his voice strained. “I can manage on my own.”

“But-”

Jacaerys ignored you, gritting his teeth as he finally managed to prop himself up against the headboard. He was breathing heavily from the exertion, his good hand pressed against his bandaged abdomen.

You waited patiently for him to recover, then offered the bowl of broth once more. This time, he took it with a curt nod, though his hand trembled slightly as he brought the spoon to his lips.

As he ate, you busied yourself around the small room, straightening things and gathering fresh bandages. You could feel his eyes on you, tracking your movements.

“What's your name?” he asked suddenly, breaking the tense silence.

You turned to face him, surprised by the question. “It's Y/n,” you replied.

Jacaerys nodded slightly, his face unreadable. “You will be compensated, once I am fully healed.”

You shook your head gently, a small smile playing on your lips. “That's not necessary, my Prince. As I said before, your recovery is payment enough.”

Jacaerys frowned, his brow furrowing. “I insist. I won't be indebted to anyone, especially not...” He trailed off, seemingly catching himself before saying something potentially offensive.

“Especially not a commoner?” you finished for him, your tone mild but with a hint of challenge. “Or perhaps you meant to say 'especially not someone who could be an enemy'?”

The prince had the grace to look slightly abashed, though he quickly masked it with a scowl. “You can't blame me for being cautious. These are dangerous times.”

You nodded, acknowledging his point. “Indeed they are. Which is why I hope you can understand my reluctance to accept payment. I have no desire to be seen as profiting from this war, regardless of which side emerges victorious.”

Jacaerys studied you for a long moment, his dark eyes searching your face. “You're either very noble or very foolish,” he said finally.

“Perhaps a bit of both,” you replied with a wry smile. “Now, if you've finished eating, I need to change your bandages again.”

As you gathered the necessary supplies, Jacaerys watched you warily. “You never answered my question about where we are,” he said.

You paused, “We're in a small village near the God's Eye,” you said finally. 

His jaw tightened, but he didn't press further. As you began to work on his bandages, he remained tense, flinching slightly at your touch despite your efforts to be gentle.

You could see him squirm from the corner of your eye as your hands removed the bandage that covered the gash on his abdomen, he moved his hand to the sheets, tightly clasping them as an attempt of relief at the pain.

As you carefully peeled away the bandage, Jacaerys inhaled sharply, his muscles tensing beneath your touch. You paused, looking up at him with concern.

“I'm sorry,” you said softly. “I know it hurts. I'll try to be as gentle as possible.”

Jacaerys clenched his jaw, his eyes fixed on a point somewhere above your head. “Just get on with it,” he muttered through gritted teeth.

You nodded, returning your attention to the wound. The gash was deep, running from just below his ribs to his hip. The stitches you'd placed held firm, but the skin around them was angry and red. You frowned, silently starting to clean it gently with a herb-infused solution, feeling Jacaerys flinch and hold back a pained grunt with each touch.

“How long might this take?” he broke the silence after you’d adjusted his posture on the bed to wrap the new bandage around his torso. 

“I am almost done, my Prince.”

“No, how long until I can fight again?”

You paused, your hands stilling on the bandage. Looking up at Jacaerys, you saw determination burning in his eyes, mixed with a hint of desperation. You took a deep breath, considering your words carefully.

“My Prince,” you began gently, “your injuries are severe. The gash on your abdomen alone will take weeks, if not months, to heal completely. And that's not considering your broken arm or the other lacerations.”

Jacaerys' face darkened, his good hand clenching into a fist. “Weeks? Months? I don't have that kind of time. The war-”

“Will still be there when you're healed,” you interrupted, your voice firm but kind. “Fighting in your current condition would be a death sentence, my Prince. You'd be more of a liability than an asset on the battlefield.”

His eyes flashed with anger, but you held his gaze steadily. After a moment, he looked away, his shoulders slumping slightly.

“You don't understand,” he said, his voice low and tense. He didn’t say anything else, lifting his arms so you could start to wrap the clean bandage. 

The silence that followed Jacaerys' words was heavy with unspoken thoughts and shared tension. His frustration was palpable, each breath he took a reminder of the pain he was in and the urgency he felt. As you continued to wrap the bandage around his torso, your fingers worked with practiced precision, yet you could feel the tight coil of tension in every muscle beneath your touch.

His skin was warm, the heat of fever not entirely gone, and as you wound the clean linen around his abdomen, you could see the fine lines of strain on his face, the way his jaw clenched against the discomfort. You tried to be as gentle as possible, but each movement seemed to draw a wince from him, a reminder of the toll the battle had taken.

“It’s not too tight, is it?” you asked, breaking the silence.

As you finished wrapping the bandage, Jacaerys gave a curt nod. “It's fine,” he said, his voice tight.

You could see the strain in his eyes, the way he held himself rigidly to avoid showing any sign of weakness. Gently, you helped him lean back against the pillows, ignoring his mumbled protests.

“You need to rest,” you said softly. “Your body has been through a tremendous ordeal.”

Jacaerys closed his eyes, exhaling slowly. When he opened them again, the anger had faded, replaced by a bone-deep weariness. “How am I supposed to rest when my family, my people, are out there fighting and dying?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Your heart ached at the pain in his words. Carefully, you sat on the edge of the bed, making sure to give him space. “By remembering that you're no use to them dead,” you replied gently.

“I do not wish to rest,” he struggled to push himself onto a sitting position, trying to get his legs off of the bed. He let out a grunt and a small whine at the pain, immediately stopping to place his good hand over the newly placed bandage. 

“See?” you said, “You can’t even sit without hurting yourself.”

Jacaerys clenched his jaw, frustration evident in every line of his face. “I've endured worse,” he said through gritted teeth, but he made no further attempt to move.

You sighed softly, understanding his determination but worried about the toll it was taking on his body. You stood, settling yourself before him and placing your hands on his shoulders. “You need to rest.”

“I’ve been resting for days!” 

You gave him a look which made him shut his mouth. Before he could protest any further, you applied pressure on his shoulders, making his body follow suit to your moves, and you laid him back down on the bed. “I will get you more supper, my Prince.”

As you gently guided Jacaerys back onto the bed, you could feel the tension in his muscles, the reluctance in every inch of his body. His eyes, dark with frustration and pain, followed you as you moved away.

“I don't need more food,” he said, his voice low and strained. “I need to be out there, fighting alongside my family.”

You paused at the door, turning back to face him. The sight of him, pale and drawn against the pillows, made your heart ache. “My Prince,” you said softly, “I understand your desire to rejoin the fight. But right now, the best thing you can do for your family is to heal.”

Jacaerys let out a bitter laugh that turned into a wince of pain. As you busied yourself preparing the simple meal, you could hear Jacaerys shifting restlessly on the bed. His impatience was palpable, filling the small room with an almost tangible energy. When you returned with a steaming bowl and a chunk of crusty bread, you found him staring at the ceiling, his good hand clenched into a fist at his side.

Jacaerys allowed you to adjust the pillows behind him, wincing slightly as he leaned back. “I can feed myself,” he said quickly as you reached for the spoon.

You nodded, stepping back to give him space. “Of course, my Prince. Just... take it slowly. Your body is still healing.”

He shot you a look that was part irritation, part grudging acceptance. As he began to eat, you busied yourself tidying the room, keeping a watchful eye on him without being too obvious about it.

“Tell me about the war,” Jacaerys said suddenly, breaking the silence. “What news have you heard?”

You hesitated, unsure how much to share. “I... I don't know much, My Prince. We're quite isolated here, and news travels slowly.”

His eyes narrowed, sensing your reluctance. “But you must have heard something. Please, I need to know what's happening out there.”

Sighing softly, you perched on the edge of the bed. “The last I heard, the fighting had spread to the Riverlands. There were rumors of a great battle near Harrenhal, but I don't know the outcome.”

Jacaerys' face tightened, his spoon clattering against the bowl as his hand shook slightly. “What’s wrong?” you immediately asked. He shook his head.

Your hand quickly moved to his forehead, seeing that his fever had gone up since you last checked. Jacaerys' skin was warm to the touch, a worrying sign that the fever, which had seemed to abate, was now surging again. You frowned, your healer's instincts kicking in. He swatted your hand away weakly, but you persisted, feeling the heat radiating from him.

“You're burning up,” you murmured, more to yourself than to him. “I need to bring your fever down before it gets any worse.”

He sighed, relaxing onto the pillow, finally giving up trying to convince you to let him get up. You left the room to get herbal medicine and a wet towel, lowering yourself to the edge of the bed to place the cloth over his forehead. He shut his eyes at the contact. 

The cloth felt cool against Jacaerys' fevered skin, and he let out a slow, shaky breath as his eyes closed. You could see the tension gradually easing from his body, though his brow remained furrowed with discomfort.

“Thank you,” he mumbled, barely audible, his voice thick with weariness.

Without thinking, you reached out, placing your hand over his. Jacaerys looked down at your hand, his expression unreadable. For a moment, you thought he might pull away, but instead, he took a deep breath, some of the tension leaving his body.

He swallowed the thick medicine, making a sour face before picking up his spoon again. As he resumed eating, you noticed a slight tremor in his hand, fatigue already setting in from the simple act of feeding himself. But you knew better than to offer help again, recognizing his need to maintain some sense of independence. Your hand was still in his, you tried not to pay much mind to it, he was wounded after all. 

You watched Jacaerys closely as he struggled to finish his meal, concern etching lines on your face. The renewed fever worried you, a sign that his body was still fighting hard against infection. As he set the spoon down, his hand shaking with the effort, you gently took the bowl from him.

“That's enough for now,” you said softly. “You need to rest.”

Jacaerys opened his mouth as if to protest, but then closed it, nodding weakly. The fight seemed to have gone out of him, replaced by a bone-deep weariness that tugged at your heart.

“I'm sorry,” he murmured, his eyes heavy-lidded. “I thought I was getting stronger.”

You shook your head, adjusting the cool cloth on his forehead. “Get some sleep.” His fingers tightened around yours, a small gesture of acknowledgment. You sat there in silence, holding his hand as his breathing gradually evened out into sleep. 

As dawn broke, you stirred from your uncomfortable position in the chair by Jacaerys' bedside. You hadn't meant to fall asleep there, but exhaustion had finally claimed you. Your hand was still entwined with his, and you gently extricated yourself, hoping not to wake him.

Jacaerys' face was peaceful in sleep, the lines of pain and worry smoothed away. His curls were tousled against the pillow, and you resisted the urge to brush them back from his forehead. Instead, you carefully checked his temperature, relieved to find the fever had broken during the night. 

Jacaerys stirred slightly, a soft murmur escaping his lips, but he didn’t wake. You noticed the lines of tension easing from his face, his breathing steady and deep. It was a small victory, but in times of war, even the smallest victories mattered.

Leaving the room quietly, you headed to the small kitchen area to prepare breakfast. You moved with practiced ease, gathering the few ingredients you had. The war had made supplies scarce, and you’d been careful to ration what little you had left. 

When you returned with a simple meal of bread, cheese, and a few herbs, Jacaerys was awake, propped up against the pillows, looking slightly less tense than the night before. His eyes followed you as you set the food down on a small table beside the bed.

“Good morrow,” he mumbled, reaching for the bread like a starved man. 

You offered him a small smile, relieved to see him awake and seemingly better. “Good morrow, my Prince. How are you feeling?”

Jacaerys didn't answer immediately, instead taking a small bite of the bread and chewing thoughtfully. “Better,” he finally admitted, though his voice was still hoarse and weak. “Thank you.”

You nodded, pouring him a cup of water and placing it within easy reach. “You're welcome. Your fever broke during the night, which is a good sign.”

He grunted in response, focusing on finishing the bread. After a few moments of silence, during which you busied yourself tidying up, he spoke again.

“Do you live by yourself?”

“Yes, my Prince.” you nodded.

He furrowed his brows, making a face and stopping his chewing to shake his head. “Enough with the formalities, you’re not my servant,” he took a sip of the water, “Simply call me by my name.”

“Jacaerys,” you said softly, testing the name on your tongue. It felt strange yet oddly comforting to address him so casually. “And yes, I live alone here.”

He nodded slightly, seeming to relax marginally at the use of his name. “Why did you become such a good healer?” he asked after a moment, his voice still rough but curious.

You considered his question, moving to sit on the edge of the bed opposite him. “I suppose it was a calling of sorts,” you began, your gaze thoughtful. “I grew up in a small village not far from here. My mother was a healer herself, and she taught me everything she knew.”

Jacaerys listened quietly, his eyes fixed on your face. As you gazed at each other, something shifted in the air between you. Jacaerys' eyes dropped to your lips for a fraction of a second before meeting your gaze again. 

There was a vulnerability in his eyes that belied the prince he was supposed to be, a young man laid low by wounds and circumstance. You found yourself drawn to him in a way that surprised you, a healer's compassion mixing with something deeper, something unbidden.

“My mother always believed healing was a gift,” you continued, breaking the silence that had settled between you. “She taught me that every life saved was a victory against darkness and despair.”

Jacaerys nodded slowly, his expression unreadable. “And you chose to follow in her footsteps,” he murmured, more a statement than a question.

“No... I-,” you replied softly. “I am simply a commoner,”

“You’re not spoken for?”

The question took you by surprise, it must’ve shown on your face by the way Jacaerys scurried to clarify. “I was just curious-”

“I... no, I’m not,” you replied, caught off guard by his sudden inquiry.

Jacaerys hesitated for a moment, his gaze flickering away before returning to meet yours. “It’s just... unusual, for someone like you,” he said carefully.

“Someone like me?”

He seemed to panic for a second, eyes widening for a beat before he cleared his throat, “I mean, you’re very kind.” he clarified, though his gaze remained steady on yours. 

You felt a slight flush rise to your cheeks at Jacaerys' words. The idea of being courted had always felt distant and almost foreign to you. Life in a small village near the God's Eye had been quiet and isolated, focused on survival rather than romance or social niceties. Most of the men you knew had gone off to fight in the war, leaving little time or opportunity for such things.

“I... thank you,” you managed to reply, your voice a touch quieter than before. 

As he finished the last of the bread, Jacaerys set the plate aside, his fingers brushing lightly against the edge of the table. His eyes, still heavy with fatigue but clearer than they had been in days, studied you with a mixture of curiosity and something else you couldn't quite identify.

“Tell me more about yourself,” he said softly, breaking the silence that had settled between you. “How did you come to live here, alone?”

You hesitated, caught off guard by his sudden interest. “It's not a very exciting tale, I'm afraid,” you replied, a small smile tugging at your lips. “After my mother passed, I inherited this cottage. It's been my home ever since.”

Jacaerys nodded, his brow furrowing slightly. “I am sorry, she sounds like a very kind woman,”

“It’s alright, it was years ago.” you paused, his chest heaved, lost in thought he bit the inside of his lip. 

“I’m sorry about your brother.”

He was silent for a moment, his expression unreadable. Then, to your surprise, he smiled. It was a small thing, just a slight upturn of his lips, but it transformed his face, softening the hard lines of battle and pain. “Thank you.”

Over the next few weeks, as Jacaerys' strength slowly returned, you fell into a comfortable routine. You would bring him meals, change his bandages, and help him with gentle exercises to regain his mobility. And in between these tasks, you talked.

Jacaerys, you discovered, was insatiably curious. He asked you about your life, your work, your thoughts on everything from the changing seasons to the intricacies of herbal remedies. At first, you were hesitant, unused to someone taking such an interest in your opinions. But gradually, you found yourself opening up, sharing stories of your childhood, your mother's teachings, the quiet joys and sorrows of your solitary life.

In turn, Jacaerys spoke of his own experiences, though he was careful to avoid mentioning anything too specific about the ongoing war. He told you of his love for flying, the exhilaration of soaring through the clouds on dragonback. He described the beauty of Driftmark, his family's ancestral home, with its shimmering waters and grand halls.

As the days passed, you found yourself looking forward to these conversations more and more. There was something about Jacaerys that put you at ease, despite his royal status. His quick wit and genuine interest in your thoughts made you feel seen in a way you never had before.

His arm had healed, the gash on his stomach still required careful tending, but it was gradually mending.

One day, as you were tending to the herb garden outside your cottage, you heard the sound of footsteps behind you. Turning, you saw Jacaerys standing in the doorway, leaning heavily on a makeshift cane you had fashioned for him so it wouldn’t hurt to walk. He looked stronger, more resolute, though still pale and somewhat fragile.

“You're up,” you said, a hint of surprise in your voice. “I didn't hear you come out.”

Jacaerys offered a small smile, his gaze sweeping over the garden. “I didn't want to disturb you,” he replied. “You looked... peaceful. I thought you might need some company,” he said, his voice lighter than it had been in days.

You smiled warmly, gesturing for him to join you. “I could always use an extra pair of hands,” 

He nodded, making his way slowly to where you were kneeling among the herbs. He grunted as he joined your position, hand cradling his bandage in discomfort, “What shall I do?”

As Jacaerys settled beside you in the herb garden, you couldn't help but notice how different he looked in the soft afternoon light. The sun caught in his curls, giving them a golden sheen, and his eyes seemed brighter, more alive than you'd seen them since he first woke in your cottage.

“Here,” you said, handing him a small trowel. “We need to thin out these chamomile plants. They're growing too close together.”

Jacaerys took the tool, his fingers brushing against yours for a moment. You felt a small jolt at the contact, but quickly pushed the feeling aside.

“Like this?” he asked, carefully digging around one of the smaller plants.

You nodded, watching as he worked. His movements were slow and a bit clumsy, but he approached the task with the same determination you'd seen in his eyes when he spoke of returning to battle.

“You're a natural,” you said, offering an encouraging smile. “I imagine it's quite different from wielding a sword or riding a dragon.”

Jacaerys chuckled softly, the sound warming something deep inside you. “Indeed it is,” he replied.

You worked in silence for a while, the only sounds were the rustling of leaves and the distant chirping of birds. Every so often, you'd steal a glance at Jacaerys, marveling at how at ease he seemed in this simple task.

“Tell me,” he said suddenly, breaking the silence, hands threading the weeds as he stole glances at your own hands to mirror your movements. “If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be?”

The question caught you off guard. You'd never really thought about leaving your small corner of the world before. You hummed, “I... I'm not sure,” you admitted. “I've never been far from here.”

Jacaerys looked up from his work, his eyes meeting yours. “Surely you must have dreamed of other places?”

You considered for a moment, your hands continuing to work almost of their own accord. “I suppose... I've always been curious about Oldtown,” you said finally. “The Citadel, with all its knowledge and learning. It must be amazing.”

Jacaerys nodded, a thoughtful expression on his face. “It is,” he said softly. “The libraries there are unlike anything you've ever seen. Shelves upon shelves of books, stretching as far as the eye can see.”

“You've been there?” you asked, unable to keep the awe from your voice.

He smiled, a hint of sadness in his eyes. “Once, when I was younger. Before...” he trailed off, his gaze turning distant.

You understood. Before the war, before the weight of his responsibilities had fully settled on his shoulders.

“Perhaps...” Jacaerys began, then hesitated. “Perhaps when this is all over, you could see it for yourself.”

Your heart skipped a beat at his words. The idea was so foreign, so impossible, and yet... the way he said it made it seem almost within reach. The thought of Jacaerys showing you around Oldtown, of exploring those vast libraries together, sent a thrill through you that you couldn't quite ignore.

“I... I would like that,” you replied softly, meeting his gaze with a mixture of gratitude and something else you couldn't quite define.

Jacaerys smiled, a genuine expression that reached his eyes. “Good,” he said, his voice tinged with warmth. “It's a promise, then.”

Jacaerys' eyes met yours again, and for a moment, you felt as if you were teetering on the edge of something vast and unknowable. The air between you seemed to thicken, charged with unspoken possibilities.

But then Jacaerys winced, his hand going to his side where you knew his wound still pained him. The moment shattered, reality rushing back in.

“We should get you back inside,” you said, your healer's instincts taking over. “You've been out here too long.”

Jacaerys nodded, allowing you to help him to his feet with a pained sound from his throat. As you made your way back to the cottage, his arm around your shoulders for support, you couldn't shake the feeling that, even though he was still in pain as of now, he’d eventually have to leave for war again.

Your thoughts raced as you helped Jacaerys back inside the cottage, his weight leaning heavily on you despite his efforts to remain upright after having strained himself into a bad position for his wounds. The image of him in pain, yet determined to return to the battlefield, haunted you. You knew his wounds were healing, but not fast enough for him, not when his heart and mind were still with his family and the war effort.

Inside, you guided him back to the bed, where he eased himself down with a grunt of pain. His face was drawn, his breath coming in shallow gasps as he settled against the pillows.

“You shouldn't have pushed yourself,” you said softly, your voice tinged with concern as you adjusted the pillows behind him.

Jacaerys spoke, his voice strained. “I can't just stay idle while others fight and die.”

You sighed, sitting beside him on the bed. “I understand your need to fight, Jacaerys. But you're not yet strong enough. Rushing back into battle could do more harm than good.”

His eyes searched for yours, frustration and determination warring within them. “But every day that passes, I feel more useless,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper.

“You're not useless,” you countered gently, your hand reaching out to grasp his. 

Jacaerys sighed heavily, his fingers tightening around yours. 

For a long moment, Jacaerys was silent, his gaze fixed on some distant point. The tension in his body slowly eased, his fingers relaxing slightly around yours. “I don't want to be weak,” he admitted quietly, almost to himself.

“You're not weak, Jacaerys,” you said firmly, meeting his eyes. “You're healing,” you continued softly, squeezing his hand gently. “It takes time. And taking the time you need now will make you stronger in the long run.”

Jacaerys looked down at your intertwined hands, his expression conflicted. “I've always been taught that strength is in action, not in rest,” he murmured, more to himself than to you.

“Strength is also in knowing when to rest,” you replied gently.

As Jacaerys looked up at you, his eyes softened. Slowly, almost hesitantly, he reached out with his free hand to gently cup your cheek. Letting out a sound that sounded almost like a plea, he pulled your face down to meet his. 

The first brush of his lips sent a shiver through you, a gentle exploration that spoke volumes of unspoken emotions. Jacaerys' lips were warm and soft, molding against yours with a hunger that mirrored your own. His fingers threaded through your hair, pulling you closer, as if afraid to let go of this fragile moment.

You responded instinctively, leaning into him, your hand finding its place against his chest. Beneath your touch, you felt the steady beat of his heart, strong and steady, echoing the rhythm of your own pulse. The scent of earth and herbs mingled with the subtle fragrance of his skin, creating a heady mix that enveloped you both.

He furrowed his brows, trying to focus on the kiss and not his inexperience. He’d spent most of his teen years fighting in wars, after all. 

His lips moved tentatively against yours, a mixture of desire and uncertainty evident in his touch. His hand remained on your cheek, his thumb gently caressing your skin as if trying to commit every detail of this moment to memory.

His touch is tender, and his kiss carries a mix of uncertainty and desire. You can feel his heartbeat beneath your hand. Perhaps he's been so focused on duty and honor that he's only now allowing himself to explore softer, more vulnerable emotions. He kisses you as if it’s the last thing he will ever do, not hungry enough to be lust but soft enough for your mind to swirl with possibilities of why your heart feels fluttery in your chest. 

But then, as Jacaerys shifted his position ever so slightly, a sharp intake of breath escaped him. His hand instinctively moved from your cheek to clutch at his side, where the lingering pain from his wound had suddenly flared up.

You pulled back immediately, concern etched on your face. “Are you alright?” Your voice carried a mixture of worry and compassion.

He winced, his features tense with pain. “It's nothing,” he managed through gritted teeth, trying to reassure you even as he struggled to catch his breath. 

“I just... I wanted...” Jacaerys's voice trailed off, frustration evident in his eyes as he looked away, unable to finish his thought.

You gently placed your hand on Jacaerys's shoulder, silently urging him to rest against the pillows. His brow furrowed with pain as he settled back, his breathing still labored. The moment of intimacy between you both had faded into the background, replaced by the urgent need to tend to his worsening pain.

“It's alright,” you assured him softly, your fingers brushing lightly over his forehead. “Just breathe. Let the pain pass.”

Jacaerys closed his eyes briefly, focusing on regulating his breath. You followed the usual routine, giving him pain-killing medicine, stepping out of the room while he changed into your old father’s clothes, and continuing to provide the healing and care he needed in the following days. The conversation about the kiss was long gone.

As the days passed, Jacaerys continued to heal under your careful attention. The gash on his stomach gradually closed, leaving behind a thin scar that was appearing. His arm, once injured and immobile, regained strength. He was practically healed.

As Jacaerys's physical condition improved, a palpable tension grew between you both. The memory of that tender kiss lingered, unspoken but ever-present in the air. You found yourself stealing glances at him when you thought he wasn't looking, your heart fluttering at the sight of his tousled curls or the way his brow furrowed in concentration as he read one of your few books.

Jacaerys, too, seemed more aware of your presence. His eyes would follow you as you moved about the cottage, and his hand would often linger a moment too long when you passed him things. Yet neither of you spoke of what had happened, as if addressing it might somehow break the fragile peace you had found.

One morning, you awoke to find Jacaerys standing by the window, his posture tense and alert. He ran his hands through his hair in stress, wearing the same clothes you found him in the day you took him into your care. Your heart sank as you realized what this meant.

“Jacaerys?” you said softly, approaching him.

He turned to face you, his expression a mix of determination and regret. “Y/n,” he began, his voice low and serious. “I must return to the war.”

A part of you had anticipated this moment would come, but you dreaded it. You had known from the beginning that Jacaerys was not just any injured soldier seeking refuge – he was a prince, with responsibilities that extended far beyond the confines of your quiet garden.

You approached him slowly, reaching out to gently touch his arm. “Jacaerys, rushing back into battle–”

He cut you off gently, his eyes meeting yours with a mixture of gratitude and resolve. “I need to do this,” he said firmly. “They need to know that I haven't abandoned them.”

You sighed softly, “I understand,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper. 

Jacaerys's expression softened, his hand coming up to your chin. His eyes scanning your face for a few seconds, trying to memorize every freckle, every detail he possibly could before he left again. 

For a moment, you both stood there, the weight of unspoken words hanging between you. Then, with a sudden urgency, Jacaerys leaned in and pressed his lips to yours, his eyes fluttering closed as his lips met yours. The kiss was urgent, passionate, filled with all the unspoken emotions that had built up between you. His lips were warm and soft against yours, moving with a newfound confidence and intensity.

One of his hands cupped your face gently, his thumb caressing your cheek, while the other arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer to him. You could feel the heat of his body against yours, the steady beat of his heart echoing your own racing pulse.

The kiss deepened, Jacaerys tilting his head slightly to better capture your lips. There was a hint of desperation in the way he kissed you, as if he was trying to memorize every sensation, every taste, every feeling. His tongue gently traced your bottom lip, seeking permission, which you granted with a soft sigh.

As the kiss intensified, you found your hands moving of their own accord - one threading through his soft curls, the other gripping the fabric of his shirt at his chest. The scent of him enveloped you - a mixture of herbs from your garden, the earthiness of the forest, and something uniquely Jacaerys.

Time seemed to stand still as you lost yourself in the kiss. It was bittersweet, filled with the joy of finally giving in to your feelings, but tinged with the sadness of knowing it might be a goodbye. Jacaerys kissed you as if it was both the first and last time, pouring every ounce of his gratitude, affection, and regret into this one moment.

When you finally broke apart, both slightly breathless, Jacaerys rested his forehead against yours. Silently, he moved his hands to your wrist, gently untying one of your bracelets and nudging your fingers with his. He held the bracelet in his hand for a moment, running his thumb over the woven threads.

“May I keep this?” he asked softly, his eyes meeting yours.

You nodded, unable to find words as emotion welled up in your throat. Jacaerys carefully tucked the bracelet into a pocket, as if it were a precious treasure. 

He grasped your face in his hands again, planting a soft kiss on your forehead. Lingering, he moved down to your cheeks, your nose, the corner of your mouth. He kissed every inch of your face, his eyes furrowed close as if he was trying to forget where he was going – if he was ever going to see you again. Finally, he reached your mouth again, giving you a slow kiss.

Jacaerys stepped back. He took a deep breath, squaring his shoulders as if preparing to face the world beyond your cottage. Unable to trust your voice to respond, you reached out and gently squeezed his hand, conveying your own gratitude and a silent farewell.

With a final, lingering look, Jacaerys turned away and made his way out of the cottage, his steps steadier than they had been in weeks. You watched him go, feeling a mix of pride and sadness as he disappeared from view. Alone once more in the quiet of your cottage, you leaned against the doorframe, your heart heavy with the weight of his absence. The memory of his touch lingered on your skin, his kiss still warm against your lips.

Months passed in a blur of uncertainty and waiting. As the war waged on, your heart remained tethered to Jacaerys, hoping and praying for his safety. You tended to your garden with a quiet determination, finding solace in the familiar rhythms of nature amid the turmoil beyond your cottage walls. Everytime a new black soldier came for aid at the care center, you’d sneakily ask about the war, for news, for numbers of wounded and dead – anything you could grasp onto.

News of the war's eventual end arrived like a bittersweet whisper, bringing relief mingled with sorrow for the lives lost. Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, as you continued your solitary existence, never quite giving up hope that one day Jacaerys might return.

Then, on a crisp morning that carried the promise of autumn, a knock echoed through your cottage. Startled, you set down your gardening tools and hurried to the door. When you opened it, your breath caught in your throat.

There stood Jacaerys, his once-pristine armor now battered and bloodied, a testament to the trials he had faced. His hair was unkempt, his face lined with weariness, but his eyes held a familiar spark of determination and relief as they met yours.

“Y/n,” he breathed, his voice hoarse but filled with emotion.

A rush of emotions flooded through you – joy, disbelief, and an overwhelming sense of relief that he had returned to you. Without a word, you threw your arms around him, holding him close as if afraid he might vanish again.

Jacaerys held you just as tightly, his arms wrapping around you as if seeking reassurance that you were real. “I'm here,” he murmured against your hair, his voice thick with exhaustion and gratitude.

Together, you stepped inside the cottage, the weight of the past months hanging in the air but overshadowed by the sheer relief of being reunited. Jacaerys sank into a chair, and you fetched a basin of water and a cloth to tend to his wounds. As you cleaned the blood and grime from his face and hands, your touch was gentle, conveying a silent understanding of all he had endured.

Once cleaned up, Jacaerys looked around the familiar surroundings of your cottage, a sense of peace settling over him. “It feels like a lifetime since I was last here,” he admitted softly, his eyes meeting yours.

You nodded, sitting beside him and taking his hand in yours. Your instinct made your hands  immediately go to his forearm, a cut that was no longer bleeding on it, tenderly tracing over the healed wound, feeling the scar that marked him.

“I'm glad you're back,” you murmured, your voice filled with a mixture of relief and lingering concern. He took your hand in his, his eyes searching yours with earnest intensity. 

“I want to stay,” he said quietly, his voice steady yet filled with vulnerability. “Here, with you.”

You squeezed his shoulder, a grin plastered on your face as he mirrored your movements. 

“Let me tend to your wounds,” you said softly, guiding him to sit by the hearth where you had once helped him find refuge. Jacaerys lowered himself gratefully, wincing slightly as he settled, his armor clinking softly with the movement. The air was thick with unspoken emotions, a delicate balance of relief and the weight of their shared experiences.

You fetched fresh water and clean cloths, moving with practiced care as you began to clean the grime and blood from his face and hands. Each gentle touch spoke of the months apart, of your worry and hope intertwined. 

Jacaerys watched you silently, his expression a mixture of exhaustion and gratitude, much like the first time you had tended to him.

[collaredsoldat]

Shower Suds.

summary: You give Soldat his first bath out of captivity.

warnings: Post!HYDRA Winter Soldier | Non-sexual nudity | Mentions of scars and injuries | Self-Harm mention | Post!HTP and abuse | PTSD symptoms & behavior

a/n: This wasn't supposed to be so long, but somehow it always happens when I write about him. Something sorta comforting with some recovery thrown in there. Unedited because I worked on this for so long lol ignore mistakes please! ;; wc: 5.8k

Filthy. You felt bad, really.

There was a lot of problems to tackle with Soldat's condition, but first thing's first...the soldier needed a bath. Badly.

He was dirty, his hair knotted, matted, greasy, his skin was covered in sweat and dirt, probably blood under the black uniform he still wore. The poor man stunk, and he didn't seem to even notice. Or care.

You found yourself in a bit of a hard situation, unsure of the best approach to cleanse him. A bath seemed problematic; he would essentially be marinating in his own grime, which was far from ideal. Would he sit for that long? Would he fight you? You weren't entirely positive.

On the other hand, a shower presented its own set of challenges. Your observations over the past days had revealed his struggle with prolonged standing. He didn't seem to want to stand for very long and often sat or laid down when he could. The majority of his time was spent either huddled in the furthest corner of the room or barricaded within the confines of the small closet, as if seeking refuge from an unseen threat.

As you mulled over the options, weighing the pros and cons of each, you ultimately figured a shower would be better in terms of cleanliness…if anything, you could have him sit in the bottom of the tub. Better than sitting in dirty water with the increased possibility of infection.

But there was one problem. How the hell would you get him into the bathroom in the first place?

You took a breath in, preparing for the worst, and went to the room he stayed in. It was the spare room in your apartment you barely used, but had been furnished as a bedroom in case someone you knew needed a place for a night or something. Not that you ever figured your friends would want to stay with you, you didn't have many to begin with. When you came in, your eyes scanned the room until they landed on him, spotting him huddled up in the corner like expected.

He didn't look up at you when you walked in, his gaze fixed downward and obscured by the curtain of his long, unkempt hair. The stillness that enveloped him was almost unnerving. Only when you took a few steps closer did he react, his head snapping up at you. His eyes bright blue against the dark, messy ink that surrounded them, like he tried to smudge off the black paint but failed.

You took another step forward, your movements slow and deliberate. You could see the change in his demeanor immediately with your approach, even as careful as it was; his breathing became more rapid and shallow, his chest rising and falling at an accelerated pace like he was preparing to be harmed.

"It's okay," you murmured softly, your voice barely above a whisper. Your hand extended slightly, palm open to try to soothe him. Carefully, you lowered yourself to his level, bending your knees until you were crouching before him. This position, you hoped, would make you appear less imposing and more approachable.

In the few days he had been in your care, you had begun to discern patterns in his behavior, learning to recognize the subtle cues that indicated his comfort level. You had started to understand which actions he perceived as threatening and which ones helped him feel more at ease. It was a delicate balance, one that required patience and constant observation, but you were determined to create an environment where he could begin to feel safe and secure.

"I think...a bath sounds nice. Doesn't it?" You asked him softly, smiling slightly to show you weren't intending to do any sort of harm. "It will feel good to clean off all that dirt...nice and warm water too...you've been shivering." You noted how cold he appeared to be, he was still latched in his cold clothes from when you found him. You were surprised the uniform kept in water.

He remained motionless, prompting you to reluctantly take a step backwards to leave him alone, you’d try later. As you turned away, the faint sound of movement caught your attention. Glancing back, you saw the soldier had risen to his feet, his eyes fixed upon you with an air of expectancy. "Would you like to come and shower?" you inquired, your voice barely above a whisper.

"Да." His voice was a harsh, grating sound, reminiscent of shattered glass scraping against parched earth. It was as though he hadn't uttered a word or tasted a drop of water in an eternity. Despite the brevity and roughness of his reply, it carried a weight of affirmation. You found yourself oddly relieved by this simple acknowledgment. It wasn't much, but in that moment, it felt like a significant step forward. The fact that he had agreed seemed like a small victory.

You had him in the bathroom. That was a good thing.

You pivoted slowly to face him, your gaze carefully scanning his imposing figure. For behaving so meekly, he was an intimidating body to be this close to. Your eyes meticulously traced the contours of his suit, lingering on the intricate array of tactical belts and buckles that adorned his outfit. Each piece seemed to serve a specific purpose, hinting at the dangerous nature of his profession. Your hand tentatively reached out, fingers trembling slightly as they approached one of the sturdy buckles.

Your action was met with an immediate and startling response from the soldier. His metal hand shot up with inhuman speed, grasping your wrist tightly, the cold metal a stark contrast to your warm skin. His hold was firm and unyielding, like a vice grip, yet it wasn't painful.

As his hand clasped around your wrist, his entire body tensed, transforming into a living statue. You couldn't help but flinch slightly at the abruptness of his reaction, your body instinctively recoiling even as his grip held you in place.

"I-It's okay, I promise," you managed to say, your voice deliberately calm and steady to avoid startling him further. You took a deep breath, choosing your words carefully. "I'm just going to help you undress for the shower... I promise I won't hurt you or do anything you're not comfortable with. We're just getting you cleaned up, that's all."

Your words didn't seem to have much effect at first. His eyes narrowed suspiciously, and his jaw flexed with tension. You remained patient, maintaining a soothing tone and open body language. "Take all the time you need," you added softly. "I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere. It’s just you and me." His eyes scanned you intently, searching for any hint of deception or ill intent. You met his gaze steadily, allowing him to see the sincerity in your eyes. After what felt like an eternity, his grip on your wrist slowly loosened until he finally released you completely.

Second time's the charm. You reached out with steady hands, your fingers finding the first buckle on his tactical suit. With careful precision, you unfastened it, the metallic click echoing softly in the bathroom. Then, you moved to the next one, and the next, methodically working your way through each fastening. The process was slow but deliberate, each buckle giving way under your patient touch until, finally, the last one came undone. You paused, surveying your handiwork as the suit lay open, no longer confining him.

With the buckles undone, your attention turned to the decked out belt encircling his hips. You grasped the front, feeling the sturdy material beneath your fingers. You pulled the belt free from the thick buckle, the black leather sliding smoothly through the loops. As you removed the belt, you took care to lay it gently on the floor beside you, the heavy belt colliding with the tile was bound to make him jump and you didn’t want that.

The belt now removed, you returned your focus to the suit itself. Your hands found the straps, and you began to loosen them, pulling them out slowly and methodically. His uniform reminded you of a rehashed straight jacket, the uniform nearly acting just as one. When the tight suit gradually relinquished its grip, you noticed an immediate change in the soldier’s demeanor. The restrictive pressure eased, and you could see his chest rise and fall more freely. It was as if a weight had been lifted, allowing him to breathe deeply for the first time in who knows how long.

You watched, a mix of concern and relief washing over you, as he took in several deep breaths. The realization hit you then, a jolt of disbelief and worry. The suit had been so constricting that it had barely allowed him to breathe properly. The thought was infuriating. What kind of protection was that? What twisted logic had led to the creation of gear that endangered its wearer almost as much as it shielded them? You found yourself shaking your head in disbelief. What the hell...

"There we go...good..." You praised calmly, your voice a soothing whisper in the quiet room. He stood before you, now shirtless, his muscular frame tense with anticipation as he awaited your next move. Your eyes couldn't help but linger on his exposed torso, taking in every detail of his battle-worn body.

His skin was a canvas marked by the harsh realities of his past. Bruises in various stages of healing painted his flesh in a morbid palette of purples, yellows, and greens. Fresh cuts, angry and red, intermingled with older, silvery scars, creating a chaotic tapestry across his skin. Each mark had a different cause, accidental, intentional, self inflicted.

Your gaze was inevitably drawn to the most prominent feature: the junction where flesh met metal at his shoulder. The scar tissue surrounding his prosthetic arm was a sight that made your heart ache. It wasn't a clean, surgical line as one might expect, but rather a jagged, angry border that spoke of crude methods and little regard for the body it was attached to. The metal seemed to dig cruelly into his flesh, as if it were trying to consume more of him. You couldn't help but wonder about the pain he must have endured during the procedure, imagining how they had torn him apart with brutal efficiency, prioritizing function over comfort or aesthetics.

Despite the visible evidence of his suffering, he stood tall and stoic, awaiting your next move with a mixture of trust and trepidation in his eyes.

You offered him a gentle, comforting smile, you were acutely aware of his attempts to appear strong, but the reality of his fear was unmistakable. In that spare room, his demeanor reminded you of a cornered animal, flinching and retreating whenever the door creaked open. He cowered from you, even when you tried to give him water to drink. The sight tugged at your heartstrings, you didn’t know much of what happened just yet, but you knew whatever it was must’ve been utterly horrific.

"I'm going to help you out of your trousers now," you explained in a soft, reassuring tone. "Then we'll get you into the shower. The warm water will help you feel better, I promise." You paused, giving him a moment to process your words before adding, "Is that okay with you?"

He remained motionless. His lack of response was telling - not a nod, not a word, not even a flicker of acknowledgment in his eyes. He simply stood there, statuesque, as if bracing himself for whatever was to come next. The stillness was almost eerie, so you took a deep breath, steeling yourself for what was going to come. You truly hoped he wouldn't begin to put up a fight randomly, you knew you couldn't take him if he did.

You grasped the zipper of his pants and slowly pulled it down, the metallic sound echoing in the quiet room. As the fabric loosened, you gently tugged at the waistband, shuffling them down his muscular thighs and allowing the pants to fall around his ankles. Without a word, he stepped out of them, his movements controlled as he jerked his foot to get the leg of the pants off completely.

His gaze remained fixed on you, his expression betraying no hint of discomfort or self-consciousness at his state of undress. You found yourself averting your eyes, a mix of respect for his privacy and your own sudden shyness causing you to look away.

Turning your attention to the shower, you reached out and adjusted the taps, your hand testing the water until it reached a comfortably warm temperature, you could always adjust it upon request. The sound of cascading water filled the bathroom, creating a soothing ambiance. Once satisfied with the water's warmth, you looked back towards him, your arm extending in a welcoming gesture towards the bathtub. "Come on," you encouraged, your voice soft and inviting, "it's nice and warm." A gentle smile played on your lips, your expression meant to convey comfort and reassurance.

But even with your efforts, he remained motionless, his feet seemingly rooted to the spot where he stood. His lack of movement prompted you to maintain your encouraging demeanor, your smile unwavering as you waited patiently for him to make a decision.

The steam from the shower began to fill the room, creating a misty atmosphere that hung between you, yet he showed no signs of stepping forward or retreating. He just stood there, planted like a tree. You frowned, seeing that he wasn't going to budge.

"Hey, it's okay," you said softly, "It's just water, and it's nice and warm. I promise it will feel so good. You've been shivering for a while now, and I bet the warmth will be really comforting for your cold skin. There's nothing to be afraid of." You continued to encourage him, your tone patient and understanding.

The soldier's reaction was tense and wary. His metal arm plates made a series of soft clicking sounds as he shifted his arm and adjusted his stance, his body language radiating discomfort and distrust, maybe even a hint of growing agitation. The way he eyed the water, you could have sworn he thought you were about to subject him to some form of aquatic torture. His entire demeanor screamed of deep-seated fear and suspicion.

"It's alright, really... Look, see?" You demonstrated by reaching out and touching the water, letting your fingers trail through the warm liquid. You made sure he could clearly see that the water didn't cause you any harm or discomfort. Could he be afraid of the water? The concept seemed strange, but then again, you didn't really know or understand the full extent of his experiences or traumas. You had made so much progress with him already, and now all that remained was for him to sit under the water and allow you to wash him. It seemed so simple, and yet you could see the monumental struggle playing out behind his eyes.

He finally seemed to respond when he observed that you remained unharmed by the water, and he cautiously approached, his movements slow and deliberate. His eyes wore wariness with a flicker of curiosity, carefully scanning your form and ensuring you made no abrupt or threatening gestures. As he inched closer, his body language betrayed a conflicting desire for comfort and an instinctive need for self-preservation.

Once he had convinced himself of a relative level of safety, he gingerly stepped into the bath. The warmth of the water seemed to catch him off guard, and with an almost childlike lack of grace, he unceremoniously lowered himself into a sitting position with a loud thud and for a moment, he appeared startled by his own actions.

Now fully seated on the bottom of the tub, he allowed the soothing warmth of the water to cascade down his dirt-encrusted body. The grime that had accumulated over time began to loosen and swirl around him, running down his body and creating murky patterns at the bottom of the textured bathtub.

He sat motionless, gradually acclimating to the comforting warmth of the water cascading down his back in a gentle, soothing shower. It was foreign to him, a luxury he had been denied for far too long. His time with HYDRA had been bereft of such simple comforts; the organization was a cruel and unforgiving entity, more akin to a heartless taskmaster than a nurturing presence.

His experiences with something as harmless as water was vastly different to what you were treating him with now - he was subjected to harsh, icy streams forcefully directed at him, the intense pressure through the hose so severe it felt as though it was stripping away layers of his skin.

He remembers being forcibly submerged by his handlers, a cruel and twisted game that shattered his expectations of a simple, cleansing bath. What should have been a moment of respite transformed into a nightmarish struggle for survival, where he was forced to submit to their ruthless whims.

The memory of sharp, abrasive bristles tearing at his skin and the application of painful, saline substances lingers. He didn’t want to think about the unnecessary groping he encountered either, something he wished he forgot along with his life during the chair’s wipes.

These traumatic encounters left an indelible mark on his psyche, turning what should have been a basic human necessity into a source of fear and anxiety. The handlers' sadistic approach to something as fundamental as personal hygiene served as a constant reinforcement of their control over every aspect of his existence, even the most intimate and essential.

For him, the act of bathing became synonymous with vulnerability, pain, and the complete loss of autonomy, a far cry from the soothing, rejuvenating experience it was meant to be.

This gentle treatment you were providing was so different from the abusive handling he had endured in HYDRA, it almost caused him to panic, the feigning comforts he were offered by handlers before tricked him too many times, and he refused to let his guard down.

His glacial eyes gazed up at you, the poor man looked absolutely pitiful under the steamy water, his once greasy hair now thoroughly soaked as rivulets ran down the contours of his entire body. You took a breath and exhaled out a soft sigh, your hand slowly reaching for your own body wash. You didn't have any products specifically designed for men, so your expensive shampoo would have to suffice until you went shopping.

You pumped the bottle twice, watching as the clear, slightly viscous shampoo pooled into your open palm and the refreshing scent of cucumber and mint permeated the humid air, filling your nostrils with its crisp, clean aroma. You turned and addressed him softly, "Alright, I'm going to wash your hair now. Just try to relax and sit still for me, okay? This might feel a bit cold at first, but I promise it'll feel good once I start massaging it in."

The soldier regarded you with an inscrutable expression, his eyes betraying only a hint of that fight-or-flight instinct, his mind was reeling as he battled the urge to respond to your presence. You knew he had the strength to easily break your arm if he chose to, so you tried your best to be as slow and careful as possible. Your fingers delicately threaded through his hair, methodically working the shampoo into a rich lather. You watched as the suds multiplied and foamed, the soapy shampoo pure white on top and slowly stained the closer it was to his scalp.

You noticed that every so often he would flinch ever so slightly or instinctively pull away from your hands. You wondered if he had hidden injuries or tender spots on his scalp, or bruises or cuts concealed beneath his hair, or maybe knots of tension that had formed from prolonged stress or blunt impacts. His hair must’ve been yanked around, his scalp was extremely tender and while you did your best to soothingly massage, he didn’t enjoy it as much as you hoped because of the discomfort there.

"It's okay, I understand it might be a bit uncomfortable. I’m just getting all that pesky dirt and grime out." You spoke in a gentle, reassuring tone, moving a little bit quicker so you could rinse and move on. After thoroughly rinsing his hair, you applied conditioner in the same manner as the shampoo, and then rinsed it out again. He looked much better now, his hair was now clean, wet, and sleek, with a smooth texture and a noticeable shine. It was so much better than before, and it had to feel better too.

Your hand extended under the rain of water, dampening a soft, handheld washcloth and applying a generous amount of body wash to it. You worked the cloth until it produced a rich lather. The soldier moved which caught your eye, you looked up at him and saw he had recoiled, his gaze fixed warily on the washcloth. He became noticeably slower and more hesitant, his eyes widening slightly as he regarded the cloth with apparent apprehension, as if it posed a threat. You furrowed your brow at his reaction to the cloth, he looked at it like you held a weapon of some kind.

"Hey, it’s alright…this won’t hurt. It’s just a cloth, see? A cloth with some soap," you said softly, you felt so torn up about his reaction to the simplest of things. "I won't hurt you, I promise, I'm just going to wash you a bit...get all that dirt and blood off you." You raised your hand holding the washcloth in a placating gesture. “It’s warm, it will feel good scrubbing off all that dirt, you’ll be nice and clean.”

Gradually, he relented and shifted backwards to where he had been sitting, permitting you to gently glide the damp cloth across his skin, meticulously removing every trace of grime from his body. After a few minutes of washing him, you noticed he was beginning to find comfort in the experience. His eyelids drooped, and his head dipped down slightly, a tired expression settling over his features as he succumbed to the soothing sensation of your ministrations. He wasn’t exactly serene, but he was too drowsy to focus on much else other than the feeling of the rag gliding over his back and flesh arm.

You adjusted him and you tended to his metal arm, diligently working the cloth between the intricate plates and joints of titanium, ensuring that no speck of dirt remained. You weren’t exactly sure how the arm was cleaned prior to finding him, but clearly there wasn’t a worry about rust or anything of the sort. The soldier remained motionless, allowing you unhindered access as the warm water cascaded over his back, leaving a rosy tinge in its wake. He enjoyed the hot temperature, he hadn’t felt hot water in decades.

Your focus then shifted to his lower extremities, concentrating on scrubbing his legs and feet. As the rag moved up to a more sensitive area, you paused, pulling the rag off his skin and slowly extending the washcloth to him. You pointed towards his privates, you softly instructed, "You can…get right there, I’d rather not touch you in that spot."

The furrow on the soldier's brow gave away his visible confusion, his eyes darting between you and the offered rag with a mixture of uncertainty and hesitation. It was clear that he was contemplating with the decision of whether to accept your gesture or not, if there was an ulterior motive, or if this was some sort of test. After what seemed like an eternity of internal debate, he finally extended a trembling hand towards you. His movements were slow and deliberate, as if he were approaching a wild animal rather than a simple cloth.

He grasped the rag from your outstretched palm, his fingers curling around it slowly. Once in possession of the cloth, he set about the task of cleaning himself. His actions, though quick, lacked the assurance of someone accustomed to such basic self-care. Each motion seemed so carefully calculated, as if he were relearning a long-forgotten, essential skill. It had been so long since he was allowed to clean himself. His movements were unsteady, his hands quivering slightly as he went about his ablutions.

It had clearly been an extensive period since he had been granted even this small measure of independence. The concept of autonomy was a luxury he had been denied for far too long.

When he was done with his hurried cleansing, the soldier's gaze immediately sought yours out. His eyes, still holding the rag, were filled with expectation, awaiting your next command. His posture tense and ready to respond to whatever instruction you might provide. The rag remained clutched in his hand, as if he were unsure whether to return it or continue holding onto this small token of independence.

"Good, you're all done," you offered a warm smile to him. Despite the wounds still visible on his body, you felt a sense of accomplishment knowing that at least the layers of dirt and grime had been washed away, your work getting him clean would pay off and be better for the both of you. You reached over and turned off the water, the sudden silence broken only by the soft dripping from the showerhead. "Let's get you dried off," you said softly, gesturing for him to step out of the shower.

He complied wordlessly, his movements careful as he stepped onto the bathroom mat. You couldn't help but notice how vulnerable he looked, standing there dripping wet, his eyes never leaving your face, his body completely littered in discoloration. Reaching for a large, fluffy towel, you unfolded it and wrapped it around his shoulders, enveloping him in its warmth to fight off the rapidly cooling water droplets all over him.

As you began to slowly dry his body, you noticed a change come over him. His softened expression now returned to its usual blank mask and the brief relaxation he showed in the shower was long gone by now. His body returned to the stiffness he had before he got in. His eyes remained fixed on you, following your every movement with an intensity that was almost unnerving.

You worked in the quiet calm of the bathroom, carefully patting dry each part of his body, mindful of his injuries. The soldier remained motionless, allowing you to maneuver him as needed, but offering no assistance, like a doll. It was as if he had retreated back into himself, leaving only an empty shell for you to tend to. You wondered what he was thinking behind those watchful, guarded eyes, they were pretty up close. Glacial, stormy blue irises that had been glued to you since you started to tend to him.

After drying him off, you were lucky to find a pair of boxers in your apartment and helped him into them, where they came from wasn’t something you could remember at the moment, but you were glad you had them. He cooperated as you dressed him, then stood there clutching the towel around himself like a security blanket.

His gaze fixed on you with a mixture of expectation and vulnerability, as if silently asking for further guidance or comfort. His wide eyes blinked languidly, and his soft pink lips formed an almost imperceptible pout, giving him an endearing, slightly lost appearance.

Lost. He embodied the word entirely. Physically, mentally, emotionally.

Taking in his disheveled state, you smiled a little, "How about we get your hair detangled, hm?" Your voice was warm and reassuring as you reached up, your fingers lightly brushing against the damp strands, feeling the water practically seep out of the ends.

The soldier's reaction was a mix of acceptance and hesitation. While he didn't outright reject the idea, there was a noticeable lack of enthusiasm in his demeanor. However he didn’t dare reject the idea, worried about any kind of retaliation. So he made his way to the stool nestled beneath the counter and lowered himself onto it. As he settled into position, maintaining a stoic silence, his eyes continued to convey that enigmatic expression, hinting at unspoken thoughts or emotions.

You positioned yourself behind him, your hands instinctively reaching for a comb and a bottle of detangling spray already sat out from your use earlier that day. You recalled how your fingers had encountered numerous knots and tangles when you washed his hair, and thinking about how knotted it looked dirty made you sigh outwardly.

The fine mist of the detangling spray settled on his hair as you applied it methodically, you guided the comb through his locks, working patiently to untangle any knots you encountered. You tried to be as gentle as possible, knowing not only were there a ton of knots, but you remembered his scalp was especially sensitive and sore.

Soldat remained still as a statue, his posture composed and unwavering. His disciplined demeanor allowed you to work unimpeded, your movements careful and unhurried. He maintained a firm grip on the towel draped securely around his body, the fabric acting almost like a barrier and protecting him from the world. You continued to work the comb through his hair, encountering tangles and knots that spoke of recent exertion or neglect.

The process of detangling was slow, your touch continued to be gentle yet purposeful, muttering soft apologies when you ran into an unexpected knot. Teasing apart the snarls with patience and skill, the resistance lessened, and you found yourself able to run the comb smoothly through his hair, the strands falling into neat alignment.

"There we are... much better," you praised softly, your voice barely above a whisper. The sight of his hair, now brushed out and free of tangles, felt like a monumental achievement. You couldn't help but admire how the clean, detangled strands caught the light, a stark contrast to their earlier disheveled state. Your fingers ran through his locks, gently ruffling the hair from being so flat against his scalp.

You couldn't help but notice the angry red lines marring his skin, peeking out from beneath the towel. The blotchy colors on his skin that ranged from purple to blue, it made you frown. Your instincts as a caretaker kicked in, and you found yourself wondering if he would allow you to tend to those wounds. Hesitantly, you reached out, your fingers barely grazing the edge of the towel just wanting to get a better look at them.

In an instant the soldier suddenly sprang to life, standing with such force that the stool he had been perched on skidded across the tile floor, the harsh scraping sound shattering the previous calm. He retreated to the far corner of the bathroom, his body language screaming defensiveness.

His eyes, which had been closed or downcast for most of your interaction, now bore into you with an intensity that made you freeze. They held fear, yes, but also a raw, primal aggression that sent a shiver down your spine. It was the look of a cornered animal, ready to lash out at the slightest provocation.

You immediately backpedaled, not wanting to trigger any aggression from him. "Okay, okay... no wound checks," you reassured as you raised your hands in a gesture of surrender. You took a step back, giving him more space, silently cursing yourself for pushing too far, too fast. The fragile trust you had built over the past few minutes seemed to hang by a thread, you didn’t want to snap the little you had.

Your words had a calming effect on Soldat, who clutched the towel tightly in his fists, ensuring it remained securely wrapped around him. His gaze drifted down to his soiled attire, prompting you to shake your head in disapproval. "No, those definitely need to be washed," you explained, your voice dropping to a thoughtful murmur, "And to be honest, these can hardly be called proper clothes. I'll make sure to get you some suitable ones tomorrow, alright?"

Soldat's eyes met yours once more, his gaze still carrying a hint of coldness and wariness, but he managed a brief, almost imperceptible nod of acknowledgment. You gathered his discarded garments and deposited them into the washing machine, silently hoping that the combination of leather and other materials wouldn't prove too much for the aging appliance. The damn thing had to be ran twice already, you just couldn’t afford to buy a new one right now.

As you busied yourself with setting the appropriate wash cycle, Soldat seized the opportunity to hastily retreat to the room that had been designated as his temporary living space.

He immediately gravitated towards the floor, as he had been the past few days. You hadn't seen him use the bed at all, rather stay cuddled in the corner or inside the small space of the closet. The towel long forgotten and laid splayed out on the floor, he ripped the blankets off the bed in one fluid motion and proceeded to wrap himself up in them, burrowing beneath the layers of fabric for comfort and security. The blankets having replaced the towel's symbolism for safety.

You wished he’d rest on the bed rather than the floor, but you knew better than to try to alter what he was doing. Leave him to be comfortable on his own, that is the best thing to do in this situation. And if Soldat wants to sleep on the floor in a huddle of blankets, then fine.

You approached the doorway, peering inside to see him nestled in a cocoon of blankets. His exhaustion was written on his face, yet there was a noticeable improvement in his appearance. The layer of grime and perspiration that had clung to his skin was now gone, you knew he had to feel somewhat refreshed.

You cautiously stepped into the room and made your way towards him, acutely aware of how his body tensed at your approach. In response to your closer proximity, he burrowed deeper into the thick comforter that enveloped him, seeking refuge from your presence.

A soft, reassuring sound escaped your lips as you placed a water bottle within his reach. As you anticipated, he remained motionless under the comforter, offering no acknowledgment of your thoughtful action. He stayed hidden beneath the layers of fabric, like a child seeking shelter from imaginary monsters lurking in the shadows.

"Get some rest, Soldat..." you whispered gently, your voice barely above a murmur. "I'll be down in the other room if you need anything. Don't hesitate to call for me, even for the smallest thing." With that reassurance, you slowly stood back up and turned to walk out. A faint noise suddenly caught your attention, causing you to pause mid-step.

The gentle rustling of the comforter drew your gaze back towards the floor, curiosity piquing your interest. The soldier cautiously peeked out from under the blanket's edge. His tired, weary eyes met your inquisitive ones, there was a beat of silence.

"Спасибо," the soldier rasped out, his voice meek and slightly hoarse from disuse, but still loud enough for you to hear clearly.

"You're welcome..."

Dividers by @/strangergraphics

Cover images from Pinterest. I do not claim them as my own.

[shewroteaworld]

I'll Hold Your Weight When You Can't

Premise: Brilliant sunshine!reader gets heat stroke on a case. Your best friend, Spencer Reid, is predictably worried about you. What he doesn't expect is to be forced to come to terms with his feelings for you.

Word count: approx. 3,200

TW: Brief mention of vomit and, perhaps, hospitals

(Y/N/N): Your nickname

Author's Note: Super excited to introduce brilliant sunshine!reader (aka, super smart sunshine!reader) onto my fanfic writing scene! Definitely willing to write more of her in the future if anyone is interested. Hope you enjoy!

“Does anybody have more water?”

“Where is the damn ambulance?”

Perhaps your job classically conditioned you to respond to Hotch’s “I’m seriously not fucking around” tone because your eyes crack open. 

Someone put weights on your eyelids and cranked the sun to extra-bright. The harsh rays burned your retinas and washed everything in a white blur. Did someone set off a flash bang?

“(Y/N)? Can you hear me?” Miraculously, out of the screeching white, you made out JJ’s halo of blonde hair. 

“JJ?” You groaned. Even though you could barely see, it felt like the whole world was spinning, 

“Hotch, she’s coming around!” You recognized Morgan’s voice. “Welcome back to the world of the living, honey. We’re happy to see you.”

Your heart rate spiked. You never died. Did you die? 

“Yes, we still need a medic!” Hotch barked. 

You winced. “Wha?” Suddenly, your mouth couldn’t handle a one-syllable world. Even more alarming, your brain, the same brain that kept up with Emily Prentiss and Spencer Reid,  couldn’t understand what the hell was going on.

 “What I do?” You whined. 

“He’s not yelling at you, honey,” JJ said like a kindergarten teacher. “You’re just a little out of it right now.”

“Is she conscious?” Another voice entered. Your head spun. “I brought more water.” 

You moaned to suppress a gag. Your eyelids drooped, and you relished in the break from the light.

“Hey, smarty pants, stay with us.” Morgan pat your cheek. “Let Emily get some water in you.” You couldn’t force your eyes open more if you tried.

Your friend Emily. That’s who the voice belonged to. 

Suddenly, JJ pulled your hair from your face, Morgan lifted your head, and Emily forced a water bottle to your lips simultaneously.  The blinding glare seared your eyes and your head spun. You wanted to sob and maybe vomit.

Your chest hitched with a shallow inhale. “Stop.” You whined.

“(Y/N), it’s okay. Take a deep breath.” JJ said.

“No!” You exclaimed.

“Honey–” Morgan tried. 

You thrashed against his hold, but your exhausted muscles couldn’t throw Morgan’s gentlest grip. 

“Maybe we should let her go.” Emily said.

“She needs water.” JJ countered.

“She’s disoriented.” Hotch cut in. “Let her get her bearings first, but don’t let her close her eyes.”

Gingerly, Morgan lay your body back on the grass. Your head swam, and your vision rippled as if you could see the heat waves in the California air. You tried to take a deep breath but choked.  

You sputtered. Every inhale led to a series of dry coughs. In your delirium, you thought of Spencer. Your Spencer. Where the hell was he? Did he not love you anymore?

Suddenly, Hotch loomed over you. His tall frame blocked out the brutality of the sun’s glare, which eased your headache and nausea but not your cough. His eyebrows were so deeply furrowed they formed a trench of wrinkles across his forehead. “Check her airway.” 

Suddenly, you stared into JJ’s blue eyes. Other hands tried to manipulate your body. You jerked.

“(Y/N), relax.”

“Honey, please–”

“Turn her on her side!” Morgan’s cut off by Reid, his voice sharper than you’d ever heard. 

***

Spencer Reid has survived many traumatic situations. 

He's cared for his schizophrenic mother. He’s been kidnapped. He recovered from a drug addiction. And those are just a few items from his dissertation-length “PTSD-Causing Experiences” list. 

But many of his worst traumas were a by-product of being a profiler– a job which allowed him to utilize his intellect to help others. He was willing to accrue trauma like Pokemon cards in exchange for applying his genetic gifts to create a safer world. 

Reid could have framed your heat exhaustion as another scare in the line of duty. But when Reid saw you, his brilliant girl, on the ground, his heart fell through his feet.

Then, he saw how his the team responded to your medical emergency.

When he witnessed you coughing and writhing on your back as the team leered over with water, he thought he might explode.

You could be asphyxiating, and the team could be letting you choke while forcing more fluid down your throat. 

He shivered as he sprinted down the steps of the local precinct and onto the grassy field where you lay. 

“Turn her on her side!” He yelled as diagnoses and courses of action fled through his mind on hyperspeed.

“We’re trying, she—”

“Spence?” You choked out through a coughing fit. He’s surprised his ears caught it.

Reid knelt next to you. “Let’s get you into recovery position.” He said, his voice suddenly soft as clouds. Reid gingerly pushed you onto your left side. “Off your back, there we go.” He bent your right leg and slid it in front of your body to prevent you from rolling onto your stomach if you lost consciousness. 

“Did she faint?” Reid asked the team. He couldn’t take his eyes from your face. 

“We think so. She was dizzy, so she laid on the ground. Then she was unresponsive for at least 40 seconds,” Emily said. 

Spencer pressed the back of his hand to your forehead. Predictably, you were feverishly hot. “She’s burning up. Has someone called an ambulance?”

“Allegedly.” Hotch said, an edge to his voice. 

“We have, sir. They’re on their way.” A local police officer responded, exasperated.

Spencer’s eye twitched. “How long has she been down?” You whined, and he stroked your cheekbone with his thumb.

“It’s okay, sweetheart.” He whispered. 

“In total, 15 minutes.” Hotch supplied. “Emily, pour some more water on her.”

“This was for her to drink.”

“Use one bottle to pour on her face and neck.” Spencer said. “I ran and got Gatorade. She should start with sips of that when she can swallow. Heat stroke can also be caused by salt depletion.” 

Spencer was conversing with a local officer over the safety protocols in the area when a pair of policemen walked into the precinct, gossiping about the FBI agent who “folded fast in the southern Cali heat.”

Spencer’s jaw had clenched. Maybe one of his team members was ill since they put in most of the grunt work to catch the unsub. He would’ve been more annoyed if not for the worry gnawing at his brain. What if they were talking about (Y/N)? She looked a little shaky right after her chase with the unsub, but Spencer didn’t get a chance to ask his friend if she was alright. And, stupidly enough, he forgot to text her to check if she drank any water post-case. Quickly, Reid excused himself, grabbed a Gatorade from the fridge, and rushed to the field where your limp body trembled on the grass. 

“I’m going to pour some water on you, honey," Emily said. You flinched as the frigid water hit your hairline. 

“Breathe, relax.” Spencer said, shielding your nose. The last thing you needed was some accidental waterboarding.

Seconds after the water drenched your forehead, your whole body relaxed into the grass. “That felt good.” You smiled weakly. 

Spencer stroked your arm. “Let’s sit you up in a minute, okay? You should try some Gatorade before the EMTs get here.”

“EMTs? I’m fine.” You whined.

Spencer didn’t think it was possible for his eyebrows to crease further. 

“You’re not fine.” Gentler, he said, “and it’s okay not to be fine, sunlight.”

“But, I’m alive.” You tried to roll onto your stomach, but your bent leg kept you safe on your back.

Some on the team members chuckled, but Spencer didn’t find your delirium humorous. “I know you’re alive, sweetie. But you’re way too hot. I think you’re a little confused right now.”

“I’m just…” You winced. “I’m alive.”

The knot in Spencer’s chest tightened ten-fold. This could be heat stroke. At the very least, you had heat exhaustion. You were dehydrated. You were delirious. 

Best case scenario: you were ill for a few days. Worst case scenario: You had vital organ damage.

Just as he’s about to call 911 himself, JJ interrupted him. “Look–ambulance lights. Help is on the way, honey.”

“You hear that, (Y/N)? You’re gonna be fine.” Morgan said. If only Spencer felt that confident. 

“Spence…” You blocked your eyes from the light with your limp right hand. “I’m scared. I don’t feel well.” 

“Oh, (Y/N), I know.” He cupped your shoulder and hoped you could feel his love for you through his palm. That sent a jolt down his spine. He wasn’t supposed to comfortably think those thoughts about you.

You were sick. This wasn’t the time. He leaned over your body. He gave you plenty of breathing room, but his torso was  parallel to your hip so his eyes could meet your watering ones. “Hey, take a breath for me, Smartie.” 

Your nickname for him slipped from his tongue so easily it spooked him. Suddenly, he noticed his thumb stroking over your cotton t-shirt. He should stop. The whole team was watching. He was being was too intimate; he'd face stupid quips from Morgan for days. He kept stroking anyway.

He observed your chest rise and fall. Your breaths were shaky but deeper. He relaxed a tad. Vital oxygen was reaching your bloodstream.

“(Y/N), can we try something?” Spencer asked.

“Yes. Maybe. What is it?”

The knot in his chest loosened. You responded immediately and with more than two words; you were becoming more lucid. 

“Can you sit up and have some sips of Gatorade? I got your favorite flavor. At least, if your favorite flavor hasn’t changed from three years ago.” It most likely hadn’t. Once your opinion settled, it was frustratingly hard to erode your verdict. 

“I can’t…I don’t know.”

“I know sitting up is hard. I’ll help you. And I’ll prop you against my chest. I’ll hold your weight when you can’t.”

“KK, Spence.” Your childlike tone tugged at his heart strings.

Spencer and Morgan lifted your limp body from the ground. They manhandled you into a sitting position with your head propped on Spencer’s shoulder and your body tucked between his thighs. 

One of his arms stabilized you while the other raised a cold bottle of orange Gatorade to your lips.

After nine sips of Gatorade, you spoke again. 

“Orange.” You took another sip. "My favorite.”

He smiled into your hair. “When have I ever lied to you, (Y/N/N)?”

***

Spencer nearly created a crater in the linoleum floor of the ER waiting room with his bouncing heel by the time the doctor came back with an update. 

“She had a mild case of heat stroke. We currently have her on fluids, and she’ll need lots of rest for at least the next week.” Doctor Bahamani concluded. 

“No signs of metabolic dysfunction? Any respiratory distress?” Reid checked. 

Doctor Bahamani smiled knowingly. “She’s going to be just fine, Doctor Reid.”

“Can I see her?” Spencer asked. 

“Yes. Only two at a time, please.” 

Spencer didn’t care who volunteered with him. He moved without thinking. An outpouring of gratitude for his eidetic memory flooded him. Through the thickest brain fog, he could trust his recollection of the hospital to bring him to the correct hospital room.

The security staff practically had to drag him away from your bedside after the ambulance ride. They might have thrown him out of the ER if not for the flash of his FBI badge.

Something nagged at him as he sped past the nursing station. 

You were going to be fine. The ER doctor confirmed it. Yet his heart was still pounding and he could barely refrain from running. Even more odd, he wasn’t ashamed of his irrational behavior. 

So what if a doctor deemed you were okay? It was you. And he saw you groggier and more out of it than you'd ever been. And who knows how thorough the doctors were with their examination? It was completely reasonable to worry for one of his closest friends. 

He just couldn't believe you were alright until he checked you over with his own hands and his own eyes.

***

When you grinned at him from your cot, Spencer wasn’t sure whether to smile or cry.

Tears glazed your eyes. But, your gorgeous smile was back. 

“Spencer?” You asked, brow raised and head cocked. 

He’d been staring too long. He looked like an idiot, lamely standing in the doorway as if he were the one with heat stroke.

“Straighten your head. Your neck is probably tight.”

You smiled, but this time it was tight-lipped and painful-looking. “You’re too worried.”

He watched saline drip down your IV. “Of course I’m worried, (Y/N). You got heat stroke.” With a deep breath as a shot of courage, he sat in the chair by the head of your bed.

There was nothing odd about sitting with his best friend at the hospital. 

His chest twisted at “best friend” and his resolve collapsed. He couldn’t deny it anymore. 

He liked you. He really, really liked you. He actually might even–

“Luckily, I got out pretty unscathed.” You snapped Spencer out of his spiral. “A little dehydrated. Achy. Might feel sick for a few days.”

“Or weeks.” Spencer corrected.

“Trying to look on the bright side here, Doctor.” You smirked and Spencer swore his right ventricle tightened.

Then, your nose scrunched and Spencer's wiped clean of any concern about his cardiac health. 

“What hurts?”

“Just a little achy, Spencer. I’m alright.” 

He shot you a look. He knew all your excuses. He knew you went to self-harming lengths to not worry people. 

“You’re not alright.” He reached for the red nurse-call button. 

Your eyes widened in surprise. “Okay…my body aches, Spence. And the IV burns. But they’ve already told me that’s normal. No need to take nurses away from an emergency.”

The nurses at the station desk didn’t appear to be rushing around for anyone, but Spencer feared this wouldn’t behoove his case. 

“They can give you pain medication, if you want.”

You hesitated, and immediately Spencer pressed the button. When you smiled weakly instead of bickering, his worry grew tenfold but not without a rush of heat flooding his entire body. 

In Morgan's words, he’s down bad. 

“How are you doing, sunshine?” As if he’d been summoned, Morgan appeared in the doorway. 

Spencer stepped back from your cot. The part of him riled from Morgan’s “sunshine” moniker wants to shove his hand into yours. Spencer thought he hid his annoyance well, but something about Morgan's smirk told him otherwise.

“Um…”

Morgan’s smirk fell. “You feel that bad, huh?”

You chuckled sadly. “Do I look that shitty or am I an open book today?”

“You never look shitty,” Spencer said. A tsunami of blood rushed to his face.

“Anyway,” Morgan said, “Do you want anything, Beauty Queen? I can grab you some jello.” 

“Jello sounds nice.” You said, and something in your voice was so vulnerable and naive Spencer wanted to wrap you in his arms as tight as he could. Which was illogical. That would only hurt you further. 

He shook his head as if that would remove the thoughts from his mind. “I’m gonna see if I can check up on your labs at the nurse’s station. I’ll make sure they’re giving you the good drugs.” He smiled.

You laughed– a genuine laugh– and Spencer’s heart soared. “Thanks, Spence.”

“I’ll go grab your jello,” Morgan said.

“Hold on, you should stay with her just in case she needs anything," Spencer said.

“I’ll be fine, Spence.” You said, but Spencer was not prepared to take "no" for an answer.

“If you boys wants to run her some errands, I’ll stay.” Emily stood in the doorway. “JJ is coming soon too– she just got a phone call from a very frantic Penelope.”

Your nose crinkled. “Oh no.” You groaned, but you were smiling. 

“Oh, yes. Be prepared for some mother henning," Emily said.

“Garcia can’t be any more mother henning than Reid," Morgan said. 

Before his face could turn redder than a baboon’s bottom, Spencer fled.

He’s only two yards from the nursing station when Morgan intercepted him at the end of the hall. 

“So, you’re going to make your move, right?”

Spencer's body temperature plummeted. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He tried to shoulder past Morgan, but he was no match for his grip strength. “Reid, c’mon. You like (Y/N).”

Part of him wanted to laugh. “Like” seemed too simple of a word to describe the symphony of feelings (Y/N) started in him. “It’s…” He’s too tongue-tied to lie. “It’s complicated.”

You’re brilliant. You’re beautiful. You’re brimming with empathy. You’re everything Spencer could want. And it scared the shit out of him. Because that meant there’s even more to lose. And if he lost you, there would be no one to blame but himself. It was better for his psyche to not go there with you– to step back from the line rather than risk what would happen if he failed to make it work in the end. 

And what if you got hurt? What is you fell in the line of duty? Or worse, what if someone targeted you because of your romantic tie to him? Spencer's already experienced the pain of losing a soulmate-- a concept he wasn't even sure he believed in-- once. He wasn't not sure if he could survive it a second time.

There was too much unpredictability in his life. He chose a dangerous profession. He was gifted a ticking time-bomb of dangerous genes. He’d never forgive himself if he inflicted onto you the pain he’s been through; losing loved ones, whether through death or mental illness. 

Morgan's expression turned sympathetic. “Reid, you should give it a shot. Our lives our hectic. And if anyone deserves to be happy, it’s you.”

Spencer blinked to block tears from welling. “I just want her to be happy, too.”

“And who says you don't make her happy?”

“His idiotic genius brain.” Rossi appeared from around the corner.

Spencer froze. “You heard?” His face flushed yet again.

“Just the tail end. But Reid…” He trailed off.

Morgan took the hint. “I’m going to get (Y/N) some jello. With my charm, I could negotiate for some whipped cream.” 

“Don’t get whipped cream on it. She’s lactose sensitive,” Spencer said.

Morgan's stupid smirk reappeared. “Gotcha, Reid.”

Rossi took Morgan's place. Once Morgan was out of sight, he began his speech. “You love her. Don’t get in your own way.” Rossi put his hand on Reid’s shoulder. “And (Y/N) is an incredibly intelligent woman. Don’t insult her intelligence by thinking she can’t decide who is or is not worth taking a risk. And for what it’s worth…a man like you is worth the risk.” 

Rossi left Reid staring at his back. 

For the longest time, Reid convinced himself he refrained from asking you out to protect you from himself and his hefty baggage. And that’s not completely untrue. 

But suddenly, he realized he was primarily trying to protect himself from exposing his vulnerabilities to you this whole time. There’s never been a person whose opinion affected him like yours. There's never been a life he's wanted to protect more except perhaps...Maeve.

But just like it’s up to you to decide who’s worth the risk, it’s up to him to decide as well.

And if today taught him anything, shit happens. And if you slip through his fingers, he doesn't want it to because he wasn't brave enough to make a first move.

And being your person was more than worth the risk of rejection.

Author's Note: Thank you to so much to everyone who stuck around through my hiatus! I appreciate every single one of you! You're super cool :)

Happy to be back! Inbox is open to chat about writing and take requests! Please check pinned "Blurb Requests" post before requesting! (Will update the post as my boundaries update!)

Have an awesome day or night, wherever you are in this crazy world. I am incredibly thankful you spent part of your precious life reading something I penned.

Forever grateful,

shewroteaworld

[mya-valentine]

Can I request a fic for Kinich x fem reader please? during the archons quest IV (spoiler‼️ for people who didnt do the archons quest) reader almost died in one of the bases but traveler and Paimon (doesn't matter who tbh I love the twins) was able to save them just in time and Kinich hugged her not letting her go until he knew she was real and safe in his arms

Not a huge fan of angst but I'm okay with angst with comfort (happy ending)

From the Edge of Darkness

The Abyss Order had been relentless in its attack on Natlan, leaving a trail of devastation in its wake. With the nation in ruins, every base became a battlefield, and the resistance fighters were pushed to their breaking point. The Traveler and Paimon, desperate to help in whatever way they could, had been moving from one war-torn base to another, always hoping to arrive in time to save someone—anyone—from the onslaught.

This upcoming base felt different, though. As they neared the next base, an eerie silence filled the air. No sounds of clashing weapons, no cries for help. Just silence.

Paimon’s voice quivered as she spoke, “Traveler… something feels wrong about this place.” The suffocating tension in the air made it hard to breathe.

When they finally reached the base, the scene that greeted them was nothing short of horrifying. Destruction had torn through the camp like a hurricane. Blood stained the ground, mingling with the ashes of burned tents and scattered debris. Bodies lay strewn across the battlefield, broken and still. Each life extinguished in a brutal fight to protect their homeland.

The Traveler moved quickly, scanning the area, their heart sinking with each step. Please, let there be someone left alive. They silently begged the universe, their steps quickening with each heartbeat.

And then they saw you.

Amidst the carnage, there you were—barely alive. Your body was crumpled against the remains of a wall, blood trickling from a wound on your side. Your skin was pale, your breath shallow. You were hanging on, but only just.

“There!” the Traveler gasped, rushing toward you. They dropped to their knees by your side, frantically checking your pulse, their hand trembling as they felt the faint, uneven beat beneath your skin. “She’s alive, but not for long!”

Paimon’s eyes widened in horror. “We need to get her out of here! Now!”

The Traveler didn’t hesitate. With great care, they lifted your fragile, unconscious body into their arms. They could feel how weak you were, how close you were to slipping away. Every second counted. “We’re taking her to the stadium!” the Traveler barked. “That’s where the medics are.”

Paimon nodded furiously, her tiny body flying ahead, guiding the way. “Hurry! We don’t have much time!”

The journey back to the stadium felt excruciatingly long, each second a battle against time. But the thought of losing you—of arriving too late—drove them forward.

The stadium came into view, its towering walls offering a brief sense of relief. Inside, it was the last haven for those who had survived the Abyss Order’s attacks. It was bustling with medics, warriors, and refugees, each one desperate to protect what little was left of their world.

The Traveler barely made it through the gates before shouting for help. “Medic! We need a medic!”

The closest group of medics rushed over, their eyes widening when they saw your condition. Without wasting a moment, they took you from the Traveler’s arms and laid you on a stretcher.

The Traveler stood back, their chest heaving with exertion, watching helplessly as the medics tried to save you. Paimon hovered close by, her hands clenched tightly in front of her. “Traveler… do you think she’s going to make it?”

The Traveler swallowed hard, unable to answer. “I don’t know, Paimon… I don’t know.”

---

Not long after, the stadium doors burst open, and Kinich, the man you loved, stormed in. His usually calm and stoic demeanor had crumbled, replaced by pure, unfiltered panic. His eyes scanned the crowd, searching desperately for you, the woman who meant more to him than anything in the world.

When he finally spotted the Traveler, his heart lurched. He saw the exhaustion in their eyes, the grim set of their jaw. He knew something was wrong. “Where is she?” he demanded, his voice shaking.

The Traveler’s expression softened with sorrow as they pointed toward the medic tent. “She’s there. It’s… not good, Kinich. I’m sorry.”

Kinich’s breath caught in his throat as he turned toward the tent. His heart pounded in his chest, each beat filled with dread as he rushed toward you. When he reached your side, his worst fears were confirmed. You were pale and still, your chest barely rising with each shallow breath. Bandages covered the wound on your side, but you looked so fragile, so close to death.

“No…” The word came out as a broken whisper. He fell to his knees beside you, his hands trembling as they reached for yours. He grasped your hand in his, holding it tightly, as though if he just held on hard enough, he could pull you back from the brink.

Tears filled his eyes, blurring his vision as he bowed his head over your hand. “Please,” he whispered, his voice cracking with emotion. “Please don’t leave me. I can’t—I can’t lose you.”

His body shook with the force of his grief, the tears falling freely now as he pressed your hand to his lips, praying for some miracle, some sign that you would wake up and tell him everything would be okay.

Hours passed, but Kinich never left your side. He couldn’t. The world outside the stadium continued to burn, but nothing mattered to him except you. He sat by your side, holding your hand, watching for any sign that you would wake. Every breath you took felt like a lifeline, fragile but present.

The medics came and went, their magic stabilizing your condition, but Kinich’s heart remained heavy with fear. He whispered to you the whole time, his words soft and broken. “I love you… please come back to me…”

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, you stirred.

Your eyes fluttered open, and the first thing you saw was Kinich’s tear-streaked face hovering above you, his hand tightly gripping yours. You blinked slowly, your body heavy with pain and exhaustion, but you were alive. You were still here.

“Kinich…” Your voice was a soft, rasping whisper, but it was enough to break through the haze of Kinich’s grief.

His eyes widened, a sob of relief escaping him as he surged forward, pulling you into his arms. His grip was tight, almost desperate, as though he feared that if he let go, you would disappear again. His body trembled with emotion as he held you, his face buried in your hair.

“You’re awake,” he breathed, his voice shaking with disbelief. “You’re really awake…”

You nodded weakly, your arms coming up to wrap around him, though the movement was slow and painful. “I’m okay,” you murmured, your voice soft but reassuring. “I’m going to be okay.”

He pulled back just enough to look into your eyes, his gaze filled with love and relief. “Don’t ever scare me like that again,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion.

You smiled, though it was weak and tired. “I’ll try not to.”

For a long moment, neither of you spoke. Kinich simply held you, his heart finally beginning to calm as he felt the steady rise and fall of your chest against his. You were safe. You were alive.

And as long as you had each other, nothing else mattered.

“I love you,” he whispered again, his voice softer this time, but no less sincere.

“I love you too,” you replied, your words filled with warmth and gratitude.

The world outside was still in chaos, but in this moment, as you lay in Kinich’s arms, you knew that everything would be okay. You had survived, and you had each other. And that was enough.

.

.

.

Masterlist

[r0-boat]

Sitri x AFAB!reader x Amy

They both fuck you

Cw: breeding, slight baby trapping(Sitri saying questionable things), porn with little plot, Threesome, spit roasting, arguing, slight choking.

Amy is calm and Sitri fucking loses it lol

You don't remember how you got here... Your poor cunt getting brutally fucked by a devil while the other devil who is arguing with him is stuffed in your mouth.

Wait...Yes you do.

You need a devil's energy, and since everyone in Gehenna Who could help you was in a meeting, You stumbled around your vision, getting dizzy as your breath grew shallow, trying to find anyone in the castle. Anyone! You are so desperate. You could even feel The heat pulling between your legs as your body screamed at you to find someone.

Trying to focus on steadying yourself, You didn't notice the big figure in front of you. You ran face first into him, You swore you feel your head bounce off his chest.

"HEY! WATCH WHERE YOU'RE FUCKING GOING!" The man snaps, but his eyes widen when he recognizes you. "Oh! I-I'm sorry. Please, you have to be more careful." His voice went from loud and demanding to soft and gentle in seconds.

But you don't answer as you try to keep your body from passing out. You cling onto the devil, your fingers digging into his white uniform that was half hazard tossed on his otherwise bare chest. You could almost recognize his voice, but you were too weak to think about it. The demon caught you in his arms as you almost collapsed.

"Oh fuck! h-hey take it easy! Are you okay?"

He asks as if you didn't just almost pass out.

"Oh yeah, you must be Solomon's child... Oh fuck. Shit! You don't look so good!"In preparation for scenarios like this, Satan informed everyone of your condition just in case you happen to be out and about and you need emergency devil's energy. Amy knew how urgent this was because he knew how important you were to Satan.

"So I just gotta put my dick in you, and you'll feel better? Okay, piece of cake."Amy muttered because he lifted you into his arms. He left papers he had prepared for the meeting scattered on the floor. Amy ran down the hall as fast as he could, cradling you in his arms in the first room he found clean and vacant. He practically kicks down the door, laying you on the couch.

Immediately, he begins tripping his clothing. He wasn't hard, not yet, But he did feel a little buzz looking at you, You're flushed face, and you're rising and falling chest, Your clothes that hugged your body just right yet leaving some for the imagination. Fuck... The two of you have interacted much, Not as much as Leraye or Piemon or even damn Sitri. But he knew why Satan liked you. Oh, he could absolutely see it.

His hands gently caress you as if stalling to rip your clothes off. He could feel heat flush to his face. You open your eyes seeing a familiar figure. "Amy, please... I need you so bad," You whisper in a breathy tone that stole his away. He nods his big hands beginning to strip you slowly.

It's been so long since he had been with anyone, let alone another human. They had different parts than the one he used to sleep with. Then a penis they had folds that looked rather inviting and quite tasty...

His body moved on his own as he left your legs up to run his tongue across your cunt. One lick, and you buck your hips, finally feeling some relief you desperately craved, but it's not enough. "Please, more!" You whine. Your fingers dig into Amy's locks, pulling him into you, which he happily lets you. His tongue slides inside your folds, and his eyes roll back at your taste.

'So sweet... So good...'

It wasn't before long that your juices so his tongue. He holds you gently yet firmly as he slurps at your gushing. He didn't even realize how close you were until your sweet juices flooded his mouth. His horns and cock were drooling, and his mouth was glistening with your cum. He licked his lips as he crawled on top of you. His lips meet yours as you taste yourself on his tongue.

"Tell me if it hurts. Please," He says. You nod. Your hands dig into his shoulders, bracing yourself as you watch his huge cock slowly begin to press itself inside you. When his cock glides inside you, you watch as Amy tilts his head up, His tongue rolling out at the tight squeeze. You wrap your legs around him, and being inside you becomes torture for Amy, but still, he is waiting, scared that if you move too soon, he might break you. But you are not having it. You needed his 'devil's energy' and you needed it now. "Move Amy!" You demanded, which startled him, but he nodded, moving his hips slowly at first until he started picking up the pace, a nice sensual, deep pace, each thrust going so deep, brushing against every spot, making your toes curl. It had been so long for the devil. He was a lot closer than he thought he would be. He tries to hold on and make you come first before he explodes inside you. He licks, sucks, and bites your neck, his hands running over and touching, manhandling your body, His rough hands scraping against your soft skin. You tighten around him and come on his cock, feeling your tight squeeze. He gives in, filling your cunt up with delicious devil's energy.

Amy holds you to his chest. He smiles at you. He opens his mouth to speak, but the door bursts again. A very familiar blue-haired devil stares at the both of you... In his office... On his couch, naked, smelling of sex. Hearing your heart pounding in your chest, he couldn't tell if it was from sex or the fact he caught the both of you.

"Explain." A single word falls from his lips, his tone just as icy as his gaze as he glares down at the both of you. Amy glared back, cradling you in his arms as if protecting you. Finally, coming back to your senses You fully recognize where you are and what's going on You take a deep breath, and your eyes widen, stunned for a moment. You stutter, trying to form words, but Amy cuts you off. "I found them in the hallway They looked awful and they needed devil's energy if I wasn't there they would have died."

Sitri gives you an unreadable expression. His eyes widen, but his face is blank. He looks at both you and Amy. You could steal your heart, jumping out of your chest as you see Sitri clutching his fist and his fingers digging into his palms.

"Solomon."

He smiles, saying his nickname for you in a sing-song tone. The click of his shoes fills your ears as he steps closer.

"You want more right?"

In one hand movement he rips Amy off of you throwing him to the ground.

"Because I can't imagine a devil-like this satisfying you!" He growls, ripping his clothes off; his eyes are wild with burning anger, lust, and hot jealousy. Amy could only watch from the floor as Sitri grabbed you roughly, pinning you to the arm of the couch. You let out a loud, sharp squeal feeling his cock enter you in one thrust. Amy watched your eyes roll back as Sitri's pace was immediately rough and fast.

"This is how you satisfy Solomon!" He hisses through his teeth. "I know them better than anyone to know that they like being fucked like a cheap whore!"

Amy wanted to help you. His heart raced at how rough his rival was treating you, but at the same time, he didn't want to be left in the dust. He didn't want to sit by and watch as Sitri took you from him. And with your mouth occupied, drooling as you stare down at him, licking your lips, how could he not give you what you're so desperately asking?

He could feel his cock already hardening once again as he stood up. Your eyes light up as his dick dangles in front of your face. You open your mouth obediently; Amy nuzzles his fingers in your hair as he slowly pushes his dick in your mouth.

Sitri was quick to notice. "That's why you'll never satisfy them like I do, too gentle, too soft! You're lucky that I'm letting your diseased dick even near them!"

Your eyes flash a little bit as you feel Amy's cock twitch in your mouth as Amy growls back. "You're too rough! If this is how you treat them, then you'll be the reason why they go back to Earth!"

Sitri lets out a dark, crazed chuckle that makes you clench. "They will not leave me. I will not let them; I will trap them here any means necessary-!"

He leans down, whispering into your ear, wrapping a hand around your throat, feeling your pulse along with the stretch of your throat around Amy's shaft. "If I have to breed you, pump you full of my spawn, then so be it!"

Your eyes roll back. His breath tickled your ear as he whispered something so heinous, so dark, so delicious You go over the edge, and coming on his cock, your orgasm rips through you as you moan on Amy's dick. You milk Sitri as he explodes inside your pussy. His hips are still deep inside you, making sure you take every last drop of his seed.

And Amy feels your throat vibrate against his cock. He cums, sinking his teeth into his lips, trying failing not to moan too loud as he grinds into your face. You eagerly drink up every last drop of warm demonic seed going into your belly.

Three of you collapse, shuffling to the couch to demons on either side, their hands on your thighs, touching you and snuggling against your body.

For the first time, they did not argue; they just sat there enjoying your company, too tired to say anything negative towards each other.

[osarina]

ᡣ𐭩 IN A SKY FULL OF STARS, I SEE YOU

FEATURING: dazai osamu

SUMMARY: dazai is on the verge of falling apart. he can feel it happening, it's just a matter of whether or not he's going to be able to get out of your apartment before you come back and catch him like this. he has the opportunity for it—he does—but when he realizes that you might be in just as bad of a state as he's in, dazai decides to swallow his pride and put aside his own struggles to try to help you in the same way you've helped him in the past. {sfw, 3.2k}

AUTHOR'S NOTES: the first time fic stays hoarded for another week ... but i think this one is just as good eheheh. fun fact, when they're 22, reader acknowledges that this is probably the night she fell in love with dazai.

(warnings: fem!reader, pm!reader, in the beginning of the fic dazai is on the brink of a major depressive episode, reader is not in a good headspace when she shows up, reader has ambiguous injuries)

Dazai is not in a good headspace.

He arrives at your apartment in a whirlwind, not even your doorman dared to say anything to him on the way in. He’s wet and cold, his mind is in turmoil; he can’t stop the way his body is shaking no matter how hard he tries. The bandages on his wrist are fraying and the cool air conditioning of your apartment washing against his bare skin makes his body crawl uncomfortably. As he rushes into the bathroom, he nearly stumbles over his own feet, grateful that you’re not there to see the onset of what he knows is going to be a bad episode.

He doesn’t even know what triggered this one. 

The air getting to his lungs feels thin and shallow like he’s on a mountain peak and not in the comfort of your apartment. His fingers tug at his button-up as he falls to his knees in your bathroom, rifling through the cabinet to find his bandages—he needs to replace the ones that are coming off and then he needs to leave because he thinks he would rather die than let you see him like this.

His vision spins as he unwinds the bandages around his forearm, leaning his shoulder against the cabinet as he tries to keep himself steady. His fingers are cold and clunky, he can hardly wrap the fresh bandages back around his scarred skin, can hardly breathe. He tilts his head back, trying to force himself to get more air to his lungs but it’s just so difficult.

Fuck.

He drags his knees to his chest trying to calm himself down, resting his forehead on his knees, rocking back and forth slowly. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. He needs to focus—for ten minutes, he needs to focus. He can’t let you see him like this, can’t go out of the apartment with his bandages coming apart; he has to finish his left arm and then he can drag himself out of your apartment and rush back to the shipping container and ride out the worst of the episode alone, without your lingering eyes to see him at his lowest.

But as he unwinds the bandages of his left arm and starts to rewrap it with the fresh bandages, he finds his chest caving in because he doesn’t want to go back to the shipping container. The thought of not being able to curl up in the soft sheets of the bed in your spare room makes Dazai’s stomach churn, waking up cold and alone on the metal floor of the shipping container… all of the dark claws tearing his brain apart get sharper at the mere thought.

Maybe he can just lock the door, he thinks desperately. He can lock the door to the spare bedroom and he won’t let you in until it’s passed. He’ll rot in bed for days until he can force himself out from beneath the covers and then he’ll pretend like it never happened, evade all of your questions and brush off your concerns until you get frustrated and stop asking him.

Yeah, he thinks, this could work. It could work, and it means he wouldn’t have to go back to that cold, damp, uncomfortable container. 

No, he realizes, it won’t work, because you’re you and you’re frustratingly observant and have a quick mind to rival his own. More than that, you seem to actually care about him for whatever reason. You probably won’t let him rot there when you realize he’s not even coming out to eat and it just won’t work because he doesn’t want you to see him like this. 

He doesn’t want you to see him weak. Doesn’t want to lash out at you while he’s too consumed by his own mind to control himself. Doesn’t want to lose one of his only friend. (Maybe his only friend—is Chuuya actually his friend? Dazai is never sure) Not for the first time, Dazai wishes he was anyone else in the world, wishes that he didn’t have to constantly be at war with his own brain, wishes that he was normal. 

He’s tried so hard to keep up that facade around you even if he does know deep down that you know it’s a front. He’s been so careful, so meticulous in his efforts to act the way he thinks a normal sixteen-year-old would act and now it’s all going to be blown because what?

No, he can’t let that happen. He has to get out of here before you get home.

He doesn’t even know how this happened. Usually, he can feel a depressive episode coming from a mile away—he’s so used to them by now that it should be impossible for them to sneak up on him like this. The telltale signs are always glaring, always all-consuming; it’s impossible for him to ignore the way blackness edges at the corners of his vision, the way his chest becomes heavy with an indescribable weight, the way his feet become anchored to the ground, an effort to even just drag them against the ground. 

It’s impossible for him to miss all of this, he doesn’t know how he managed to do it this time. 

His nails scrape against the floor as he pushes himself to his feet after he tucks the edge of his bandage in to keep it in place. Even that takes an agonizing amount of energy, his lashes flutter as he tries to brace himself for the walk across the city. He steps out into your hallway, takes another deep breath of the familiar air of your apartment, trying to savor it before he leaves to deal with days of hell on the cold floor of the shipping container he used to live in. 

And then-

And then the elevator up to your apartment slides right open and you walk out.

Dazai’s lips part in horror—he can’t even rush to his bedroom because he would have to get past you to do it. His mind races as he tries to figure out what to do, but it feels like the equivalent of wading through waist-deep water, his thoughts are slow and sluggish and stupid—he feels like Chuuya—and he desperately tries to mask his internal struggle with a smile, forcing his face to light up at the sight of you.

He can fake it—he can fake it and then he can make an excuse to leave and then-

You walk right past him.

You walk right past him.

It startles Dazai so bad that he finds himself freezing, head turning to follow you as you walk past him to sit right on the couch. There’s an empty expression on your face, distant and unreadable and entirely too familiar to Dazai—something that he sees in the mirror every night, something that he’s never seen on you.

This is his chance, he realizes. He can leave in the elevator you just came from, make a break for it before you notice he’s there, but… his gaze lingers on how you sat so rigidly on the couch, staring at the black TV screen, hands folded in your lap, so lost in thought that you’re seemingly blind to your surroundings.

Instead of making his way toward the elevator, his feet move toward you and he finds himself sitting primly on the couch next to you. He glances at you from the corner of his eye, unsure what to say, and then glances back down at his lap. 

You don’t even acknowledge his presence.

Finally, he clears his throat and asks, “Where were you?”

“A mission,” you say, voice bland and you still don’t look at him. “Had to get information.”

“Oh.” 

Dazai has never felt uncomfortable in your presence before, but he feels uncomfortable now because he just doesn’t know what to say when you’re like this. A part of him still wants to flee but you wouldn’t flee if it was him and something isn’t settling right in his stomach about it.

He glances over at you, eyes catching on discolored marks staining your wrists and forearms. He pauses, reaching out hesitantly to grab one of your wrists—your skin is soft beneath his fingers and a spark shoots up his arm from the pads of his fingers. You don’t pull away as he gingerly pulls your arm into his lap, frowning when he sees the bruises on you.

“Who did this?” he asks quietly, jaw tightening. “Who-”

“It doesn’t matter,” you tell him. 

Dazai gives you a sharp look, careful to not tighten his grip on your arm. “You’re hurt, it does matter. Tell-”

“It doesn’t matter,” you say, voice sharper this time. “Drop it, Dazai.”

Dazai falters at your tone—you’ve never spoken to him like that before. He doesn’t let go of your wrist but he does lower his gaze, unsure of what to do.

He doesn’t like this. He’s becoming increasingly more uncomfortable with each passing second. Doesn’t like the tight feeling in his chest. Doesn’t like seeing you like this. Doesn’t like the way he has no idea how to approach this. Doesn’t like that he doesn’t know how to help you. Doesn’t like that he wants to help you. He doesn’t like any of this.  

Dazai stares down at your hand. It’s still resting in his lap, you haven’t pulled it back to you. You’re just staring ahead again, you’re sad, and he feels a bit lost. And Dazai never feels lost, he always knows what to do but he doesn’t know now when it matters. He can talk his way out of every situation, makes plans to win any battle, but he doesn’t know how to fix this.

“I-”

Dazai doesn’t even finish what he was going to say. Honestly, he doesn’t even know what he was going to say. He turns his head back to look at you, feeling increasingly more helpless, and he doesn’t even notice the way the dark claws that had been threatening to tear him open slowly start to recede, doesn’t notice how the emptiness in his chest starts to disappear the more he focuses on trying to help you.

How do you help him? 

You sit with him sometimes when he starts to get lost in his own thoughts. You try to be casual about it so it doesn’t seem like you’re hovering. He figures it’s because you know he’ll get shifty and defensive if he knows you’re lingering because you’re worried about it, but Dazai knows, he just pretends like he doesn’t because everything feels less painful and lonely when you’re around even if he doesn’t understand why. And then that first time-

The first time.

“The roof!” Dazai suddenly says loudly, jumping to his feet. You twist your head to look up at him, a hint of curiosity in your eyes, and Dazai reaches down to snatch your hand, pulling you to your feet. He yanks you so hard that you stumble right into him but Dazai is unperturbed, dragging you forward to the elevator. “We’re going to the roof!”

“O-okay?” 

Dazai doesn’t have to look back to see your confusion, but Dazai has tunnel vision now. He bounces on the balls of his feet impatiently as he waits for the elevator to come back up, staring as the numbers as they tick upward. His fingers entwine with yours, grip tightening on your hand as he swings your joined arms impatiently.

You don’t say anything, more proof of how in your own head you must be right now. You’re always usually the one leading the conversation with him until you get him talking about something he can ramble about, then you just sit and listen, but you’re always the one to get the ball rolling. 

As the elevator arrives at your floor and he jerks you into the elevator with him, he can’t help the way his lips start to curl up, proud of himself for figuring out what to do with you. You’d found him up on the roof that night he’d nearly jumped, you had him lay down on a blanket with you and the two of you spent the night watching the stars. 

You showed him your favorite constellations, and told him the story behind them. Cassiopeia, the vain queen in Greek mythology who angered the Sea God; Andromeda, the princess who was sacrificed because of her mother’s hubris, and Perseus, the hero who had saved her. You told him that one day you wanted to learn the stories behind all of the constellations, but you haven’t had the time to look into them at all.

You’d seemed sad about it—sad that you haven’t been able to look into it, sad because you probably won’t ever have the time for it with how busy you constantly are with mafia business. You’re busier than even Dazai is most days, always out and about working on something.

So, Dazai learned them all—memorized all eighty-eight of their positions in the sky, learned the stories word for word, learned the histories behind the stories so he could give you the whole picture.

He figured maybe one day he’d end up back on the roof with you and he’d be able to show off his newfound knowledge. You’d be impressed, you would simply have to admit that he’s better than Chuuya, because he’s been trying to get you to admit it from day one but you have yet to utter the words out loud. He thinks maybe it’ll also make you happy, but he’s definitely more concerned with getting you to vocally admit that he’s better with Chuuya so he can hold it over the other boy’s head. 

Definitely. 

He types in the keycode for the roof—he can feel your eyes on him, narrowed and suspicious, because he’s not supposed to know the keycode to the roof. He gives you a sweet smile, mourning the fact that you’re going to have the code changed again and he’s going to have to go through the process of figuring it out all over again.

It only takes a few moments for the elevator to reach the rooftop and Dazai is rushing out into the cool night immediately, dragging you behind him. His gaze darts around until it lands on where you folded the thick blanket underneath an overhang and he finally lets go of your arm so he can snatch it up and lay it out in the center of the roof. He plops down immediately and then motions for you to join him.

When you sit down, you sit so close to him that your thighs are brushing and it makes Dazai’s cheeks heat up a little so he’s grateful that the darkness masks it. He lays down against the blanket and stares up at the sky, you follow him down and Dazai’s steady heartbeat wavers when he realizes that your fingers are brushing each other’s—he could grab your hand again if he wanted, it would only take the smallest shift of his hand to slip his fingers between yours, but he can’t bring himself to now without the excuse of dragging you somewhere to shield him.

So, the two of you just lay there, shoulders pressed together, fingers brushing, Dazai’s heartbeat thuds in his chest and his mouth feels dry, all plans of telling you the stories of the constellations out the window because suddenly all of the stars look the same. All of his practice pinpointing them is gone, he’s too hyperaware of your skin against his, how close you are, how stupid he’ll look if he’s wrong.

“That one is called Cygnus,” he blurts out finally, lifting his hand to point to one of the first ones he can recognize. “It’s a swan. There are a bunch of stories, but I think you’d like the Roman one the most. It’s mostly about Phaethon—he was the son of the Sun God, and he wanted to ride the sun chariot for a day, but he couldn’t control it. Zeus had to destroy it while he was in it and it killed Phaethon, the chariot crashed into the river. Cygnus was Phaethon’s lover, he spent weeks diving into the river to collect all of Phaethon’s bones to give him a proper burial. The gods were so moved by his devotion that they turned him into a swan and placed him in the stars.”

All of the theatrical narration he thought he’d be able to give you is long gone. His words are short and stunted, awkward, he rambles in a way that’s painful to his own ears. He swallows thickly when he hears you shift to look at him, fumbling as he tries to find another constellation before you can say anything.

“That one is Draco,” he says, pointing to one that he knows is near Cygnus, heart rate calming as he slowly starts to pinpoint each of the constellations. “It’s another one with a bunch of stories, but I think the most fitting one is the one that has to do with the Twelve Labours of Heracles—Heracles is right next to Draco, see, it’s right there. The dragon was called Ladon, he guarded the golden apples in the garden of Hesperides…”

As he continues to talk, his voice becomes more animated, easing into the stories as he moves from constellation to constellation, each story flowing into the next. He spins you a tale of each of the Twelve Labors of Heracles before shifting into the myth of Ursa Major and Ursa Minor. He talks so much that his voice starts becoming hoarse but he clears his throat and pushes through it.

It’s at the end of the tale of the Gemini Twins, Castor and Pollux, that Dazai finally dares to glance over at you. There’s a soft smile on your lips, a lidded look to your eyes that makes it clear you’re on the verge of drifting off to sleep. 

All of the tension and emptiness on your face is gone, you look ethereal beneath the moonbeams—so much so that Dazai stutters over the transition into the story of Orion. You’re prettier than any of the stars in the sky, more enchanting of any of the eighty-eight tales he learned for you. Your lashes flutter before looking up at him, eyes tired and sleepy and so full of emotion, and Dazai can barely breathe at the sight of it.

You don’t say anything, you don’t need to, Dazai thinks your eyes say it all. He watches as they finally droop shut, your head falling to the side as you drift off to sleep next to him. He can feel your forehead brushing his shoulder, but more than that, he feels the way your fingers slip between his, loosely holding his hand as your breath evens out. 

The words of the next story freeze in the back of his throat, a type of emotion swelling in his chest that Dazai has never experienced before. As his fingers tighten just the slightest bit around your own and he shifts to see the peaceful expression on your face. He forgets all about his ulterior motives, content to just bask in your presence, knowing that he’s the reason for your smile tonight.

[sweet-as-an-angel]

Miguel and Hobie Fighting for Your Love

Summary: Both men knew they were wildly in love with you. But, as you remain oblivious to their feelings, their conflict strengthens. A war is brewing.

“I won’t let you have her.” Miguel’s eyes gleamed between the velvet sheets of artificial night, the dim glow of the control panel at his back, casting a shroud over his front. Hobie stood before him, gripping his guitar by the neck, resting it over the back of his shoulders. His other hand sat in his pocket, creating the illusion of comfort. Yet, beneath his lax exterior, Miguel could hear his heart pounding. Racing. Hobie drew a breath, looked off to the side.

“I don’t think that’s your decision to make, Big Man.” Eyes half-lidded, he returned to Miguel, dragging his stare. Lethargy. Gave a thin smile. “Though, I suppose that if you knew that – really believed it – you’d know that you don’t stand a chance–”

Miguel’s fists clenched, the sound of his suit squealing beneath his grip causing Hobie’s gaze to flicker. He swallowed, shallow. He knew what Miguel was capable of – had seen how many lives he’d gladly put at risk for you. And he’d do it again if it weren’t for the fact that your friendship to both him and Hobie was what kept them locked in a stalemate; a spectral triangle; Bermuda. An anomaly in itself.

Of course, you had no clue that you’d captured the hearts of the two superheroes. The problem was that they did. Their softened attitude towards you, their care for the most banal of features of your life, their seemingly bottomless investment in your close circle of friends and beyond could have been construed as platonic concern. Friendship of the highest degree.

Once they realised that, individually, they were not alone in the pursuit of your heart, a competition was born. Miguel, ever the organised, careful individual he was, orchestrated your time together, manufactured it, monitored it – poured over it with a fine-toothed comb. Many a night had he spent awake wondering what your accidental brushing of hands had meant, whether the warmth that had flushed your cheeks was the result of his presence or the joke he’d just cracked, your laughter Calliopic. Persephonic.

He savoured every hug you shared, no matter how brief, sewing the patchwork memories into the fabric of his heart, the fragrance soaking into his bones. Your phantom warmth wrapped around him tightly, a second suit, whenever he needed it – needed you. He’d find ways of encouraging physical contact whenever he could, his heart throbbing at the feeling of your face pressed into his chest, your arms around his back as he embraced you.

He wondered what your kisses tasted like. Whether you thought of him when you used that chapstick he bought you, ice cream cake – the aroma of celebration. Because, to him, any moment with you was a celebration.

Miguel would offer to take you home after work. Though, not via ordinary means of travel.

He’d permit you to hop onto his back and slide your arms around his neck, taking you on a spin through the city, bringing you to the highest peaks, the pinnacles of human beauty through neon illuminations making the city sparkle like a sea of jewels. He’d feel his heart stutter as you shifted to get a closer look, your chin almost resting on his shoulder, cheeks just touching as you gasped, took in the scenery. In times like these, he was glad of the mask, of his ability to hide the effect you had on him, how you played his emotions like a string instrument.

“I’ve never seen the city like this before,” you told him, voice gentle at his ear, almost carried away by the wind. Miguel heard you. He strained his every spider sense to do so, no matter the conditions.

“Hobie hasn’t done this with you?” He tried not to let the hope in his tone show. You shrugged. 

“He’s more of a stargazing kind of guy. Though, I’ll let you in on a secret,” your voice tailed off. Miguel leaned in. You whispered. “I think he just doesn’t want to go pivoting off buildings after a long day of already having done so.”

Miguel felt an idea spark in his brain. The start of a new ritual, routine, for just you and him. This would be for him what stargazing was to hobie – he’d bring you closer to the stars than Hobie ever could!

Whenever he’d return you home, whisking you through the midnight air, he’d place you at your door, imply what a good time he’d had. And, as always, you thanked him, eyes crinkling before parting with a hug.

Miguel would wait until you’d enter your apartment and locked the door behind you before leaving, and even then, he’d find himself perched atop a nearby building, waiting for something, anything to happen – for any opportunity wherein he could prove to you he was a hero. In times like these, he wished with a selfish heart that you lived in a more decrepit part of the city.

He realised how much he loved you – adored you – when you fell asleep in his arms after work one evening. He’d been carrying you to your room when you just nodded off. In his grasp, you were tiny, fragile. Weak. The responsibility of protection, the fierce need to watch over you, to possess you entirely, overcame him, overwhelmed every sensibility he’d cultivated throughout his life.

And so, he watched you. Eneamoured himself with your sleeping features, the trust you displayed to have fallen asleep on him. In his mind, this becomes a core memory. One which he turns into a joke between the two of you, his own fragment of sanctity – the beginnings of close friendship – one he’d use to build a statue like Hobie’s. A statue of you. 

Hobie’s eyes narrowed. His nose wrinkled as his lips turned up in a half-sneer.

“You think the odd hug and a second of eye contact constitute as…what? A chance?” He scoffed. “A signifier that she feels for you more than she feels for the common man?” Incredulity danced in hobie’s eyes. Seethed from between his lips. The corner of his lips pulled back, revealed a smirk.

“Get over yourself, Mate. If she were interested, you’d know it by now.”

Of course, Hobie had his own collection of memories regarding you, his own wardrobe of moments sewn together with the thread of mirth to wear and fashion whenever and however he so pleased. He would wear it out to parties, on the town, to the Spidey-Station (as he referred to it with you). Show Miguel that his bare-threaded ribbon was nothing compared to his tapestry.

You and Hobie would wander the city when it was late and dark and quiet, talking about anything and everything that crossed your minds, more often than not leading the two of you to howl with laughter, leaning against each other as tears flooded from your eyes. The story, regardless of how funny it had been, held no weight compared to the joy that sparked in Hobie’s chest whenever you touched, whenever you simply existed with him. Fireworks.

You got him in ways nobody else truly could.

Many times had he come to visit you, only to lay his head in your lap and tell you what was bothering him. Sometimes it was trivial, others it was not. And every time, you’d sit and listen, playing with his hair and the badges on his jacket. And, of course, Hobie did the same for you.

One evening, you’d come banging on Hobie’s door, voice distraught as you called for him. He practically tore the door off its hinges when he heard how distressed you were, and, when he saw you, his heart tore. Your face was tear-streaked and your posture gave the impression of anguish, immortal and unrelenting.

“Hobie,” you cried. “Am–” your sniffing diced your words like meat in a kitchen. “Am I pretty?!”

Hobie blinked, unsure if he’d heard the question. And when he didn’t respond, you wailed.

Hobie knew what this was, for you’d spoken about it at length many times before. Insecurity was a powerful tool, especially when fuelled with sleep-deprivation and alcohol, one which Hobie wished he could destroy. But, while he couldn’t do that yet, he reached for you and took you in his arms. And as you cried into his shoulder, he told you how beautiful you were, how surprised he was that he was able to get a look in with you at all with how many men were chasing after you. And when you tried to say that no such thing had ever happened, he pulled back, gave you a smile, the visage of mischief.

“That’s ‘cause I scared ‘em all away!”

Your veneer cracked, and a laugh sprung from the concrete, the beginnings of life in an apocalypse. What Hobie wanted to say, though, what he nearly said, was everything he felt for you – how no word in the human vernacular could ever even begin to comprehend or compare how ethereal you were to him, how widely his love for you encompassed his very being, everything he said, did and wanted dictated entirely by the thought of you.

He opened his mouth, holding you close again. He could say it all now, while you were drunk – pretend it never happened if the exchange turned sour. But he knew he couldn’t live with your rejection, even if you’d have no memory of it.

He closed his mouth, swallowed the confession that teetered on his tongue like a pill. Consumed his contemplation, obscuring his feelings from you for just a little longer. While he couldn’t say it – not yet – he pulled you closer still, chest-to-chest, one hand at the back of your head and the other wrapped around your waist. A lover’s lock. And he held you. Tightly.

“You’re the most beautiful woman in every universe, (Y/N). I should know.” he murmured. He felt you nestle into him. You’d heard him. He sighed. “I just wished you could see it, too.”

Both men viewed the other as possessing some unattainable advantage, the beginnings of a  fabled proverb blatant in their desire to attain what they thought the other had. What they were both striving for.

You.

For Hobie, the very thing he had prided himself on was his self-believed downfall. Friendship. The two of you had been friends for years, basked in a platonic limelight. Initially, Hobie hadn't needed to worry about how you viewed him, but as he fell deeper and deeper in love with you the longer he knew you, the fact that you’d maintained such a close friendship with him without once giving the indication of romanticism frightened him.

Miguel had only waltzed into your life a few months ago. You didn’t have to see him in a platonic light, didn’t have to bear witness to his deepest faults or his subtlest of quirks. Quite simply, you didn’t know enough about him for his mystique to be shattered.

On the contrary, Miguel saw how close you and Hobie were, how, without saying a word, the two of you knew what the other was thinking. He found your incessant asking of “Do you think Hobie would like this?” when visiting a store to be intimidating. He wondered if you asked the same when you went out with Hobie. If he was the subject of your concern as your best friend often was.

Whereas Hobie knew your every thought and desire, Miguel knew he clutched at straws by comparison, drinking in every detail you afforded him, taking nothing for granted. He’d bring you gifts, stories, regalements from his time out in the field, and his chest would swell whenever you watched him with wide eyes. He hoped, with every fibre of his being, that your astonishment was confined to him and him alone. He prayed that your years of friendship to Hobie was enough to dull any excitement you may feel when he told you similar tales.

This war was simply beginning, no two ways about it. And as they surveyed each other, Hobie and Miguel, weighing up the other’s pull on you, their minds conjoined to speak once and for the last time.

“May the best man win.”

Reblog for more content like this! It helps creators like myself tremendously and it is greatly appreciated :-)

Masterlist Masterpost

Yandere Masterlist Juicy Original Content <3

[just-aake]

Who Would Sit at Your Grave the Longest?

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader

Summary: Who would ever mourn the life of a trained spy and assassin?

Warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, violence, mention of death, scenes from Marvel movies, multiple time skips

Words: 11,010

Red Room, Unknown — 2002

“If you passed away, who would sit at your grave the longest?”

It was a strange question, posed by one of the girls in the Red Room. The answers from the others are what one would expect – mom, dad, siblings, friends. 

People they remembered from their lives before. 

People who loved them.

With so many choices, it was difficult for some to decide who would fill that position.

Natasha, however, didn’t need any time to consider her answer.

She raises the gun in her hand and fires multiple shots at the practice target, each one hitting a fatal area. After the last bullet, she removes the empty magazine with practiced ease, reloads the gun, and aims at the target once again.

“Who would sit at her grave the longest?”

Her grip wavers slightly at the thought, but Natasha takes a short, steadying breath before steeling herself. 

Consecutive shots ring out in the room, hitting the target with perfect precision and demonstrating why she is one of the most feared assassins in the world.

For Natasha, the answer was clear.

“No one.” 

~~~~~~~ ⧗ ~~~~~~~

Abandoned Building, Budapest - 2003

With a tired sigh, Natasha leans her head against the wall of the abandoned building. She lifts her hand from her side, grimacing at the sight of blood covering her palm.

With a slight wince, she presses it against the wound again and glances at the person sitting across from her. 

His head hangs limply against his chest, his own hand pressing against a wound on his stomach. If not for his shallow breathing, Natasha would have thought he was already dead.

Taking a deep breath, she nudges him with her boot. “Hey, Barton, you still with me?”

He stirs slightly at her words, becoming more alert, and chuckles softly. “I knew you had a heart, Romanoff.”

Natasha rolls her eyes at his comment, turning her gaze to the distance, searching for any sign of backup from his organization. 

Clint Barton had been the first to see something different in her—something better—and had offered her a way out of her previous life. 

Now, the one person who might actually care about her existence was dying right in front of her.

A coughing fit seizes Clint at that moment, and a trickle of blood escapes his lips.

“If your people don’t arrive here soon—”

Before she could finish, the sound of an engine fills the air as a quinjet lands nearby, kicking up a whirl of dust. 

Spotting the SHIELD logo, Natasha quickly stands, grunting as she pulls Clint up and slings his arm over her shoulder, dragging him toward the plane.

“Over here!” she shouts to the disembarking crew.

The agents at the front eye her warily, cautiously raising their weapons until they recognize Barton and realize his condition. They quickly rushed to help, taking her place and carrying him onto the quinjet.

Natasha shuffles forward slowly, keeping a close eye on them to ensure they’re handling him carefully.

Suddenly, a hand brushes her side, startling her. Instinctively, she grips the wrist and yanks it away, only to find herself locking eyes with you, surprise evident on your face.

Her glare is sharp, a silent warning, but you furrow your brows and pull your hand free, undeterred by her reaction. 

“You’re injured too,” you point out, trying to examine the wound on her side.

“I’m fine,” Natasha grits out, swallowing hard against the pain. “You should be taking care of Agent Barton.” 

She tries to sidestep you, but her strength falters as the adrenaline starts to fade, and she stumbles. Bracing herself for a hard landing, she’s surprised when a pair of arms catches her before she can fall.

Leaning her head on your shoulder, Natasha takes a deep breath, trying to steady herself and shake off the wave of dizziness.

“He has enough people,” you say firmly, your voice resolute. “I can focus on taking care of you.”

With that, you adjust her gently in your arms and start guiding her toward the quinjet.

“Come on, you’re not dying today.”

You say it with such certainty and determination that Natasha can’t help but believe you.

As you walk, she glances at the side of your face, her curiosity piqued.

“How strange,” Natasha muses to herself, “to have found another person who seems to care about her existence.”

~~~~~~~ ⧗ ~~~~~~~

Stark Mansion, Malibu - 2010

After pretending to be impressed by Stark’s demonstration of the Iron Man armored glove and its repulsor beam, Natasha quietly slips away as Miss Potts confronts him for his reckless behavior.

At the private bar, Natasha prepares more drinks, anticipating Tony’s inevitable request for another round.

“This is quite the birthday party,” a voice comments from behind.

Natasha turns her head to find you leaning casually on the opposite side of the bar countertop, giving her a friendly smile. 

Since her initial encounter with you after joining SHIELD, Natasha hasn’t had the opportunity to work with you again, only spotting you in passing until now. 

She raises a questioning brow at you, curious about your presence and wondering how she missed you being part of the team for this mission.

“It seems you’ve gained Mr. Stark’s trust pretty well,” you remark, referring to her little performance earlier.

Returning to her task, Natasha responds as she continues to pour the drinks. 

“It’s not hard. He’s a textbook narcissist.” 

A loud clatter erupts from the other room and interrupts the conversation, prompting both of you to look at the sound in alertness.  

Tony picks himself up from where he stumbled into the DJ booth, then throws his arms up in the air with a cheer, eliciting an excited response from the crowd.

Spotting how he leans heavily on the table for support, Natasha shakes her head and continues her observations.

“His condition is worsening, though. He’ll need something to take the edge off soon.”

From the corner of her eyes, Natasha notices your expression become contemplative as you tilt your head and observe her curiously. 

“What?” she asks.

“Nothing,” you reply with a small shake of your head. “It’s just nice of you to worry about your new friend.”

Natasha rolls her eyes at that. 

Tony Stark is just a potential candidate for the Avenger Initiative that she’s been assigned to assess. From what she’s seen, he cares less about being her friend than she does.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Natasha asserts, turning around with the tray of finished drinks.

You smoothly pluck a glass from the tray before Natasha can stop you and sip it nonchalantly, unbothered by her glare. Still, Natasha can’t help but smirk slightly, amused by your bold action. 

Setting the empty glass down, you glance at Tony, who is still playing to the crowd.

“No harm in building genuine friendships,” you comment before nodding at the billionaire. 

“Anyway, lucky for him, Fury agrees. He wants to meet with Mr. Stark soon,” you reveal.

Natasha’s brows knit together in confusion.

“Fury sent you just to tell me that?” 

You turn your gaze back to her, a small grin tugging at the corner of your lips as you push yourself off the counter. 

“Me coming here was more of a personal choice.”

Her eyes narrow in suspicion, still puzzled by your answer.

“Why would you do that?” 

With a light chuckle, you meet her gaze, a slight smirk playing on your lips. 

“Maybe I just wanted to see the legendary Black Widow in action,” you admit, your tone teasing, before turning to walk away.

For a moment, Natasha is left stunned, her mind racing to make sense of your reasoning. But as you disappear from view, a sudden sensation tightens in her chest. She quickly sets the tray down and moves around the counter, her instincts urging her to follow you. 

Just as she takes a step forward, a deafening crash reverberates through the building. 

Whirling toward the source of the noise, Natasha’s eyes widen as she spots Tony, now clad in his Iron Man armor, locked in a fierce struggle with one of his other mech suits.

Natasha groans, rolling her eyes as she braces herself to clean up yet another one of Stark’s infamous messes. 

She wonders how you could think this man could ever be among those she’d considered a friend.

~~~~~~~ ⧗ ~~~~~~~

Stark Tower, New York City - 2012

With the portal closed and the battle over, Natasha and the other newly assembled Avengers gather on the top floor of the Stark Tower to complete the final task of apprehending Loki.

“Alright, get him on his feet,” Tony says, gesturing at the defeated god sprawled on the floor. His Iron Man suit begins to disengage from his body as he walks away. 

“Oh, and by the way, feel free to clean up,” he remarks to the others, waving at the destroyed room left in the aftermath of the battle. 

Natasha rolls her eyes at his words before focusing on the piece of metal in her hands. She taps Loki’s scepter gently against her palm and asks, “So, who gets the magic wand?”

Standing near the shelves filled with various bottles of alcohol, Clint retrieves two glass cups and answers, “Strike team’s coming to secure it.”

As he finishes speaking, the strike team steps out of the elevator, carrying a large case. 

“We can take that,” an agent offers, heading towards her.

“By all means,” Natasha replies, handing it to them and walking toward Clint. Out of the corner of her eyes, she notices one of the agents examining the staff’s point with their hand. 

“Careful with that thing,” she warns.

Clint nods in agreement as he hands her a glass, “Unless you want your mind erased, and not the fun way.”

As they both turn around toward the bar, the cups are taken from their hands.

“And I’ll take these,” you declare, placing them on the counter. 

“Medical team is also here,” you announce with a smirk, placing your hands on your hips. “Which means the agent with blood dripping from their head should have a seat.”

Natasha and Clint exchange glances to see who you’re referring to.

“Looks like you’re going first,” Clint declares happily, patting Natasha on her shoulder and stepping around you–not before sneakily taking back his cup. 

When Natasha doesn’t move, you cross your arms and tilt your head at her with a raised brow. 

“Well, are you going to sit, or do I need to wait until you fall on me again?”

Natasha huffs in amusement at the reminder before taking a seat on the barstool, giving you space to come closer. 

Stepping forward, you place yourself between her legs and gently brush back her hair as you examine her forehead. 

“Doesn’t look like you’ll need stitches, so that’s good,” you comment.

Natasha clicks her tongue in mock disappointment. 

“No scar? That’s a shame.”

Your lips twitch upward slightly at her words, and Natasha grins proudly, knowing she almost made you smile. 

As you clean her wound, your hands move delicately across her skin, treating her with the utmost care.

Noticing your closeness, Natasha takes a moment to observe you, intrigued at how comfortable you are around her. She was so absorbed in watching you that she almost missed your next words. 

“You all make a good team.”

At the mention of the others, Natasha glances over at them across the room, talking and jostling each other in a friendly fashion. 

It’s admittedly an odd bunch that Fury managed to assemble: a demi-god, a super soldier, a billionaire tech genius, a scientist with an angry alter ego, and a couple of master assassins.

“Not what I imagined, but surprisingly, it turned out okay,” Natasha admits. 

After finishing the bandages, your hand drifts from her hair to gently cup her face, lifting it to meet your eyes. 

“You came together, trusted each other, and had each other’s backs—all within just a few days,” you say, your voice steady with conviction. “That’s more than just okay.”

You give her a soft smile, tilting your head lightly. 

“It’s actually pretty incredible…and so are you.”

Natasha’s eyes widen at your words, leaving her speechless.

A familiar warmth stirs in her chest, similar to the sensation she felt the last time she met you—a subtle yet undeniable pull towards you. 

The intensity of your gaze draws her in, making her feel connected to you in a way she hadn’t anticipated.

Her fingers fidget in her lap as she considers bridging the small gap between you. She raises her hand hesitantly, about to reach out—

“Romanoff!” Tony calls, causing Natasha to withdraw her hand and turn her head, inadvertently making your hand fall from her face, much to her disappointment.

He and the others are gathered by the elevator, looking in her direction. Tony waves his hand in a hurried gesture.

“Hurry it up with the doctor-patient roleplay! The shawarma’s going to get cold.”

Natasha glares at him for the interruption before returning her attention to you. 

“Shawarma?” you ask with a questioning tilt of your head.

She shakes her head exasperatedly. 

“I don’t know. Tony wants to try it.”

You hum in understanding and take a step back. 

“Well, that bandage should be fine for now, but you’ll need a more thorough check-up when you return.”

Natasha leans forward slightly, a small smirk playing on her lips as she teases, “By you?”

You meet her smirk with an amused smile. “We’ll see.”

Accepting that she won’t get a definitive answer, Natasha nods and stands. As she’s about to pass by you, a thought crosses her mind, and she pauses beside you.

“What about you?” she asks.

You look up from where you’re packing your things. “What about me?”

Natasha huffs lightly at your evasiveness, ready to respond, but she hesitates. Her usual confidence falters, and uncertainty flickers in her eyes for a brief moment as they meet yours. 

After everything she’s been through, Natasha is still unsure whether she deserves to feel this way about someone—to want to not feel alone.

Noticing her hesitation, your expression softens, and you offer an understanding smile. With a gentle push on her back, you urge her forward.

“Go, you deserve to celebrate this win with your team,” you say, your voice calm and encouraging.

Before Natasha can reply, Tony calls out again. 

“The elevator’s going to leave without you, Romanoff,” he warns. 

You give her an encouraging nod, and with a light sigh, she makes her way to the elevator, where the others are already waiting inside.

Tony leans casually against the elevator doors, arms crossed and a teasing grin on his face. 

Before he can make a comment, Natasha gives him a shove, pushing him inside, and quickly presses the button. As the doors close, she catches one last glimpse of your little wave at her before you disappear from view.

Reflecting on your words, Natasha glances around at the people beside her. Surrounded by her new teammates, she begins to realize that maybe, she’s not so alone anymore, after all.

~~~~~~~ ⧗ ~~~~~~~

National Mall, Washington, D.C. – 2014

Natasha lets go of the back of Steve’s neck, breaking the kiss, and turns around casually on the escalator. With their fake display of affection, Rumlow and the other SHIELD agents do not spare them a glance as they search the mall.

She steps off the escalator smoothly and glances slightly over her shoulder at the super soldier. 

“You still uncomfortable?”

Steve clears his throat lightly, trying to regain his composure. 

“It’s not exactly the word I would use.”

The two walk calmly until they reach the path leading to the underground parking garage. As they pass through the doors, Natasha notices Steve’s awkward silence and decides to tease him a little.

“Don’t tell me you’re still flustered from that kiss, Rogers?”

Steve sighs at her teasing, “No, I just wasn’t expecting–”

As they round a corner, Natasha and Steve abruptly come to a stop, finding themselves face-to-face with a SHIELD agent.

He eyes them suspiciously, his hand moving toward his walkie-talkie. 

Reacting swiftly, Steve tackles him before he can alert the others, and the two engage in a fierce fistfight.

Natasha steps forward to assist, but before she can reach them, someone grabs her from behind and throws her against a concrete column. She groans in surprise as pain radiates from the impact. 

Before she can recover, a body pins her against the wall, an arm pressing against her collarbone.

Natasha’s hands instinctively push against the pressure as she focuses on her attacker. Her eyes widen in surprise at who she sees.

“Since when are you a part of the strike team?” she grunts out.

You frown slightly and nod toward Steve. 

“Since Captain America took down most of their men, and they had to pull others from different teams,” you explain before giving her a questioning look. “You do know he’s wanted by SHIELD, right?”

“Yes,” Natasha grits out, raising her knee sharply, catching you off guard. 

The sudden pain in your side forces you to loosen your grip just enough for her to slip out. With a swift motion, Natasha twists her body, reversing your positions, and slams you against the wall, pinning you there.

“Do you know why SHIELD wants you to hunt him?” Natasha challenges.

Despite being pinned, your expression remains calm as you raise a brow at her.

“What happened to the Black Widow who followed every order—no questions asked?”

Natasha pauses, thinking about the anger and sense of loss she felt after Fury’s sudden death—one of the few who had become an important figure in her life. He was betrayed, and she was determined to find out who was behind it, even if it meant going against orders.

“I’m trying something new,” Natasha answers. 

To her surprise, a smile spreads across your face, and you remark proudly, “Good.”

It’s then Natasha notices you aren’t even trying to break free from your pinned position. Your hands hang limply at your sides, offering no resistance. 

Slowly, Natasha lowers her arm from your chest and takes a small step back, allowing you to lean against the wall on your own.

You make no move to attack her.

Before Natasha can question your intentions, the walkie-talkie at your side crackles to life with incoming communication.

“Anything in the lower levels?” Rumlow’s voice asks.

Your eyes drift down to the device at the request for an answer. As your hand reaches for the walkie-talkie, Steve, having just dealt with the other agent, rushes toward you. 

But Natasha quickly stops him, holding out her to block his path. She watches you calmly as you raise the walkie to your mouth, maintaining eye contact with her the entire time.

“Negative in the parking garage,” you respond.

Rumlow’s frustrated growl sounds through the speaker. “Expand the search area and sweep the floors again.”

“Understood.”

With that, you casually toss the walkie aside and raise your hands in surrender. When Natasha and Steve remain still, you give them a pointed look.

“Shouldn’t the two of you be looking for a way to escape?” you suggest, your tone laced with a hint of urgency.

Understanding your intentions, Steve gives you an appreciative nod and gently touches Natasha’s arm. 

“I’ll go find us a ride,” he says.

“Okay,” Natasha replies with a nod, watching as Steve heads off in search of a vehicle.

When she turns back to you, she notices a slight frown on your face as your arms cross over your chest.

“You two seem closer,” you observe.

Natasha chuckles softly, catching the hint of displeasure in your tone. 

“Aren’t you the one who told me to make friends?”

You huff in response, giving her a tiny glare before walking past her.

As you examine the unconscious agent on the ground, a thoughtful hum escapes you, clearly contemplating your next move.

Sensing your dilemma, Natasha steps beside you and offers, “You could always come with us.”

You shake your head and turn to her with a slight smirk. 

“Three’s a crowd,” you reply before taking a step closer, tilting your head curiously. “Did you really kiss him?”

Realizing you must have overheard her earlier comment, Natasha starts to explain.

“It was just a cover.”

She watches you carefully as you take another step closer, leaving only a small gap between your bodies. Feeling slightly distracted, Natasha swallows lightly and continues, unsure why she feels the need to explain herself further.

“Public displays of affection make people very…”

Natasha’s words trail off as you place your hands on her waist and lean in slightly with a tilt of your head.

“…uncomfortable,” she finishes softly, her eyes falling to your lips, which curve up slightly at her attention.

Her pulse quickens, and for a moment, the world around the two of you fades, leaving only the charged tension in the air between you. 

That familiar, tempting feeling stirs within her again.

She lifts her eyes to meet yours, noticing the amusement dancing in your gaze.

“Are you uncomfortable?” you whisper, the words softly caressing her lips.

Natasha finds herself leaning forward as she responds with a breathless sigh, “No.” 

Just as the space between you is about to disappear, you abruptly pull back, removing your hands from her hips and stepping away. 

“Good to know,” you say with a playful grin. You raise your hand to reveal a tiny taser disk between your fingers. “Do you mind if I borrow this?”

Still stunned by your sudden move, Natasha remains frozen, too shocked to react to the revelation of the item you swiped from her.

You chuckle at her silence, tilting your head playfully. 

“Catch me?” you request before activating the device and delivering an electric shock to yourself.

Recovering quickly, Natasha catches you as you slump forward, wrapping her arms around you and gently lowering you to the ground.

With a small huff of disbelief, Natasha cups your unconscious face, caressing your cheek with a fond touch.

You always know how to leave her speechless.

A truck pulls up beside her, and Steve leans out from the driver’s seat. “Ready to go?”

Natasha takes a moment to make sure you’re positioned comfortably before nodding and hopping into the passenger seat.

As they drive toward New Jersey, the silence eventually gives way to their earlier conversation.

“Really? Nobody special, though?” Natasha asks, glancing over at Steve.

Steve sighs, a touch of exasperation in his voice. 

“Believe it or not, it’s kind of hard to find someone with shared life experiences,” he replies, then gestures toward her. “And what about you? You keep urging me to go on dates, but it doesn’t seem like you’re taking any steps in your love life either.”

He nudges her arm encouragingly, adding, “That agent earlier seemed interested.”

Natasha smirks at his observation, her gaze drifting to the window as the trees blur past. After a pause, she answers, her voice thoughtful.

“I don’t know. People usually want something real,” she says, her eyes distant, as if she’s seeing something far beyond the road. She turns to Steve with a small, sad smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “Nothing about me is.”

Steve remains silent for a moment, processing her words.

“You know, you’ll never find out if someone can accept you until you let them see the real you,” he says gently, his tone firm yet understanding.

“Yeah…” Natasha whispers, almost to herself. 

Her thoughts wander to her secretive past, the parts of herself hidden from the world. If you knew who she really was, would you still trust her? Or would you leave her, like so many others had? 

Her entire life, people wanted her to be something for them—a killer, a spy, a tool. Everyone had their own agenda.

She turns back to Steve, a curious glint in her eyes. “Who do you want me to be?”

Steve meets her gaze, sincerity in his expression. “How about a friend?” he suggests, his words simple yet filled with meaning.

Natasha laughs, starting with disbelief but gradually softening into something more genuine.

Shaking her head, she imagines what her past self would think of her now—a person trying to be more open to others.

“Maybe I could manage that,” she decides, her tone lighter than ever before.

~~~~~~~ ⧗ ~~~~~~~

Avengers Tower, New York City – 2015

Laughter fills the common room of the Avengers Tower as everyone takes turns trying to lift Thor’s hammer. With one last grunt, Steve lets go and shakes his head in defeat, returning to his seat with a chuckle.

“Alright, be honest, it’s rigged,” Tony remarks to Thor. “The handle is imprinted. The one who is worthy is the one with Thor’s fingerprints, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, that sounds about right,” Clint agrees with a laugh, clinking his bottle with Natasha’s. He sits on the floor, leaning against her seat, and takes another sip.

Natasha chuckles lightly and brings her bottle up for a drink, only to pull it away and see it’s empty. She looks at it in confusion, wondering when she had finished it.

A hand takes the empty bottle from her, and Natasha turns to see you sitting on the arm of her chair, giving her an amused smile.

“You finished it two attempts ago,” you reveal.

“Were you watching me the entire time?” Natasha asks with a playful smirk.

You return her expression with a slight smirk of your own and lean in closer, your hand sliding against the back of her chair.

“Well, it’s hard to pay attention to anyone else when you’re around,” you reply.

Before Natasha can respond, Tony claps his hands together, exclaiming, “Alright, who’s next? Romanoff? Hill?”

Maria shakes her head as she stands and heads to the bar. “I’m going to have to pass.”

Chuckling lightly, you stand also and give Natasha an encouraging touch on her shoulder.

“You have fun. I’m going to get us another round.” 

Natasha’s eyes follow you the entire time as you walk away. When she finally turns back around, she notices Steve giving her a pointed look. 

“What?” she questions, arching a brow.

“Come on, you and her. It’s obvious there’s something between you two,” Steve insists.

“Don’t bother, Cap. She’s not going to be convinced. I’ve tried,” Clint chimes in, earning a tiny kick from Natasha in reprimand.

“Ow, see what I mean.”

Natasha rolls her eyes and shakes her head.

“We flirt,” she defends with a shrug. “It’s what we’ve always done. Just some innocent fun.” 

Tony, overhearing the exchange, joins the conversation with a nod toward something behind her.

“Yeah, well, it’s not looking so innocent over there,” he remarks.

Natasha furrows her brows and turns to look at the bar. Her frown deepens at what she sees.

You and Maria are talking and laughing together, with the latter leaning a bit too close for Natasha’s comfort.

“Hey, take it from someone who knows. You don’t want to wait before it’s too late,” Steve advises.

Natasha considers his words as she watches the two of you, contemplating what she should do. 

You and she have grown and maintained this comfortable dynamic for years. Of course, there’s an undeniable attraction, but Natasha isn’t sure if taking things further would be worth the risk of losing what she already has with you.

However, when Maria leans forward to whisper something in your ear, Natasha suddenly finds herself rising from her chair and heading toward the bar.

Just as you duck down to grab something from the bottom shelves, Maria takes the opportunity to slip away, passing by Natasha with a pat on the shoulder and a whispered, “Good luck.”

Frowning in confusion, Natasha glances back to see Maria and Clint exchanging a high-five. Realizing she’s been set up, Natasha turns to retreat to her seat before you notice her.

But it’s too late.

“Oh, hey, I’m almost finished with the drinks,” you call out, straightening with a grin as you spot her.

With her escape route cut off, Natasha decides to sit at the counter, her earlier irritation melting away when she meets your gaze.

“You sure you’re not getting distracted over here?” Natasha teases, her tone playful.

You laugh lightly as you secure the top of the shaker, shaking it with practiced ease, your eyes never leaving hers.

“Only if you’re the distraction,” you tease back.

Natasha relaxes at the warmth of the familiar banter, putting her at ease as she watches you finish preparing the drinks and pour them into two glasses.

You slide one across the counter to her and nod curiously toward the gathered group.

“You didn’t want to try to lift the hammer?” you ask with a curious tilt of your head.

“Oh, no,” Natasha replies, shaking her head slightly as she raises her glass to her lips. “No, that’s not a question that I need answered.”

“Really?” you respond, leaning forward on the counter, bringing yourself closer to her. Your hand inches toward hers, brushing her fingers lightly and letting the touch linger. 

With a slight smirk, you raise a brow. “Then what is?”

That familiar feeling stirs in Natasha’s chest again as she holds your gaze—the temptation to close the distance between you two growing stronger.

Recalling Steve’s advice, Natasha swallows nervously and answers in a soft whisper, “Something probably only you can help me with.”

Intrigued, you gesture for her to continue, your attention entirely on her.

“There’s this thing—this feeling,” Natasha begins cautiously. “It appears during certain situations, like a pressure in my chest.” 

You furrow your brows in concern. “Does it hurt?”

Natasha chuckles lightly, her gaze dropping to the drink you made for her, swirling it gently. The small ripples are nothing compared to the pounding of her heart at that moment.

“Sometimes,” she admits, her eyes drifting to your hand beside hers. She’s tempted to intertwine them but ultimately decides against it.

“It feels like I’m standing on the edge,” Natasha explains, meeting your eyes again. “I know what’s waiting for me if I turn and walk away, but if I choose to fall…”

She releases a shaky breath. 

“…I don’t know what that future looks like, and that terrifies me.”

Your expression softens with understanding. You reach out, this time more deliberately, and your fingers find hers with gentle assurance.

Natasha clears her throat lightly, a playful smile tugging at her lips as she tries to mask the vulnerability of her confession.

“So what should I do?” she asks, her tone teasing, an attempt to deflect the seriousness of the moment.

You chuckle softly, recognizing her attempt to lighten the mood.

“I think—”

The sound of scratching metal against the floor interrupts the conversation as Natasha and everyone in the room turn to look at the dilapidated robot that has just dragged itself in front of them.

The moments after that are chaotic as she and the Avengers have to deal with Ultron’s threat to the world.

New Avengers Facility, Upstate New York

With Ultron defeated and most of the original members either retired or off on their own adventures, Natasha watches bittersweetly as Steve welcomes the new recruits to the Avengers. 

Footsteps approach and stop beside her, and Natasha doesn’t need to look to know who it is.

“The new team looks good,” you comment, your eyes scanning the mix of familiar and new faces before glancing at Natasha’s expression.

“Do you miss them?” you ask softly, understanding the emotions behind her eyes.

Natasha sighs, her gaze still fixed on the newcomers.

“Nothing lasts forever,” she replies, a touch of sadness in her voice but not surprised. She’s accustomed to things not staying a part of her life.

You hum thoughtfully, considering her words before declaring with quiet conviction, “Well, you won’t have to worry about that with me.”

Natasha turns to look at you with a curious tilt of her head.

You offer her a small, reassuring smile. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” you say, your words laced with promise.

A soft smile spreads across Natasha’s face at your assurance, feeling the familiar warmth blossoming in her chest.

“You never answered my question,” she reminds you, referring to the conversation that was interrupted earlier.

Natasha waits, her nerves on edge as you consider your response. Finally, you meet her gaze with a soft expression, placing a gentle hand on her arm.

“You should do whatever feels right for you,” you say sincerely, giving her arm a comforting squeeze before turning to leave.

Natasha looks down, a slight shake of her head and a light huff of amusement escaping her as she recognizes your deflection.

“But if you want my opinion…” you add, pausing at the doorway, prompting Natasha to look back up at you.

Lingering at the threshold, you offer her a playful smirk. “… I’d say, based on my track record, I’ve caught you when you’ve fallen before.” You shrug lightly. “And it seems like everything has turned out fine since then.”

Your smile widens as you notice Natasha rendered speechless once again before you turn to leave the room.

Recovering quickly, Natasha strides after you with determination. She catches up to you this time, gently taking your hand and turning you around to face her.

Cupping your cheek, she leans in and kisses you, pouring all her emotions into the gesture.

Before she can even worry that she might have made a mistake, you wrap your arms around her, pulling her closer as you deepen the kiss, your lips moving fervently against hers.

The world around Natasha fades away, leaving only the two of you in that moment, and she knows she made the right decision.

~~~~~~~ ⧗ ~~~~~~~

Leipzig-Halle Airport, Leipzig – 2016

Natasha looks across the airport at the people she had come to call friends and then back at those standing beside her. As the two sides rush at each other and engage in battle, she can’t help but wonder how it came to this—how they all decided that fighting each other was the only option left. 

She’s not even sure if signing the accords was the right choice, but the one thing she does know is that staying together is supposed to be the most important thing. 

Just because they’re fighting now doesn’t mean Natasha cares any less about them. The thought lingers as the chaos of battle surrounds her. 

Clint flips her to the ground, and she reacts instinctively, bringing up her batons to block his bow from pinning her down. The two lock eyes, a familiar intensity passing between them.

“We’re still friends, right?” Natasha asks, her voice steady despite the conflict around them.

Clint smirks, the kind of smile that reassures her, even in the midst of battle. 

“Depends on how hard you hit me.”

Natasha grins back, then uses her legs to flip him off of her. She springs to her feet, ready to deliver a follow-up kick, when a sudden wave of red energy wraps around her leg, freezing her in place. 

Startled, she glances to the side, catching only a brief glimpse of Wanda before she’s hurled through the air. 

Natasha braces herself for the inevitable impact, but instead of hitting the metal wall of an airport car, she collides with a body in mid-air. 

A pair of arms wrap around her, cushioning the fall as they both tumble to the ground. They roll to a stop, with Natasha ending up on top. 

Dazed but unharmed, she pushes herself up, her breath coming in short gasps as she looks down to see who caught her.

“Hey,” Natasha greets softly, a small smile forming on her lips as she cups your face with her hands. “What are you doing here?”

You don’t return her smile, instead frowning at her with concern. 

“The Avengers are fighting each other, and you didn’t think to call me?” 

Natasha’s smile falters, and she shifts her gaze away, her voice soft with guilt. 

“I didn’t want you to have to choose a side.”

You release a knowing sigh. 

“You mean, you were afraid I wouldn’t agree with your choice,” you correct gently.

Natasha twists her lips at the truth in your words. 

Yes, she’s afraid. Her makeshift family is breaking apart before her eyes, and she’s desperate to protect the one other part of her life that matters. 

Why wouldn’t she try to shield you from this chaos?

Your hand covers hers, still resting on your cheek, drawing her attention back to you.

“I’ve told you, Nat. Do whatever it is you feel is right for you. I’ll support you no matter what.”

Natasha’s eyes soften, a wave of relief washing over her. She starts to lean in, but you stop her with a gentle press of your finger against her lips.

“However,” you add, your voice firm and disapproving, “not calling me and having me find out from Stark? That’s a different kind of trouble you’re in.” 

Natasha chuckles, taking your hand from her face and pressing a gentle kiss against your palm, a hint of playfulness entering her voice.

“Well, you still love me though, right?”

You raise an eyebrow, trying to maintain your stern expression, though it softens slightly.

“I don’t know. Ask me again after this,” you tease back at her. 

Before Natasha can respond, Tony’s voice crackles through the comms, interrupting the moment. 

“Uh, less flirting, you two. In case you forgot, there are multiple fights happening around you.” 

Natasha rolls her eyes, but the smile remains on her face as she helps you up, ready to rejoin the fray.

Leipzig Hospital Balcony

“You let them go, Nat,” Tony accuses, his voice sharp with disbelief.

Natasha doesn’t deny it. In the end, she chose to help Steve and Bucky because it was the right thing to do. If the fighting didn’t stop, it would only cause more pain for everyone involved.

“We played this wrong,” Natasha admits, her voice tinged with regret.

“We?” Tony scoffs, shaking his head in frustration. “You know, it must be hard to shake the whole double agent thing, huh? It sticks in the DNA.”

The words hit her like a punch to the gut. Natasha flinches inwardly, the hurt flickering across her face before she quickly masks it. 

His comment cuts deeper than she expected, reminding her of the ghosts of her past, the shadows she’s fought so hard to leave behind after all these years. 

But here, at this moment, those shadows seem to close in on her, dark and suffocating, reminding her of the person she used to be.

Her voice hardens, a cold edge creeping into her tone. “Are you incapable of letting go of your ego for one goddamn second?” 

Tony’s expression remains stony, but there’s a brief flicker of something in his eyes—regret, maybe, or disappointment. He doesn’t back down, though. 

“T’Challa told Ross what you did, so…they’re coming for you.” 

Natasha meets his gaze, her eyes steely, refusing to show any sign of fear. 

“I’m not the one that needs to watch their back,” she replies before turning to leave.

As she walks away, the weight of the confrontation settles in her chest, heavy and suffocating. 

She finds an empty hallway and leans against the wall, pressing her hands to her eyes, trying to push back the frustration and the sting of Tony’s words. Her breath comes in uneven gasps as she struggles to regain her composure.

A gentle hand touches her wrist, a gesture of comfort, but in her raw state, she instinctively swats it away. 

When she looks up, your expression is sad as your hands retreat to your sides. You clear your throat awkwardly, searching for the right words. 

“I can talk with Ross. Maybe change his mind or something.”

Natasha breaks away from your soft gaze, looking down and biting her lip to stop herself from saying the cutting remark on the tip of her tongue—that it would not make a difference, not with her past. 

She’s all too aware of the person she was, and no words could erase that history.

“Everything’s going to be okay,” you try to reassure her. 

Despite the same certainty and determination in your tone, Natasha can’t seem to find it in her to believe that to be true this time.

Glancing up, Natasha’s eyes fall on the bruises and scratches on your face, injuries you sustained because of her—because you chose to stand by her side. 

The sight only deepens the ache in her chest.

“Don’t,” Natasha mutters, her voice trembling. “Just leave.”

“Nat…” you begin, your voice soft, filled with concern.

But she closes her eyes tightly, shaking her head as if to block out the sound. “I said go! Leave me alone!” 

The harshness in her tone is laced with pain, and it cuts through the air like a knife. 

For a moment, there’s silence, thick and heavy, before you turn and walk away, leaving Natasha alone with her thoughts. 

The hallway echoes with the sound of your retreating footsteps.

Natasha sinks down to the floor, wrapping her arms around her knees, feeling the weight of her actions pressing down on her like never before.

She thought she could finally have a different life, that she could change, but nothing has changed. She still hurts the people around her.

So, Natasha does what she does best. She disappears.

~~~~~~~ ⧗ ~~~~~~~

Seventh Circle Prison, Russia – 2016

The whirl of the helicopter blades fills the air as Natasha flies away from the prison, the tension inside the cabin palpable among its three occupants.

“It means so much to me that you girls came back for me,” Alexei begins, his voice tinged with nostalgia.

Natasha, however, isn’t in the mood for such sentimentality. Her voice is sharp as she cuts him off, “No. No, you’re gonna tell us how to get to the Red Room.”

Alexei huffs, slightly taken aback by her tone.

“Whoa, look at you, huh? All business.”

“Trust me, this isn’t pleasure,” Natasha retorts, her eyes narrowing in irritation. She was not prepared to deal with her old family after just losing her new one. But the quicker she destroys the Red Room and saves the remaining Widows, the faster she can leave this part of her past behind.

Behind her, Alexei chuckles, though there’s a trace of bitterness in his laughter.

“Little Natasha, all indoctrinated into the Western agenda.”

Natasha’s gaze hardens as she turns to glare at him. 

“I chose to go west to become an Avenger. At least they treated me like family.”

“Really? Family?” Alexei’s tone drips with sarcasm. “Well, where are they now?”

From the corner of her eye, Natasha catches Yelena looking at her. A mix of emotions crosses Yelena’s face—curiosity, concern, and a brief flash of sadness—before she turns away, staring forward.

“Where is that family now?” Alexei repeats, his voice louder, more insistent.

Unable to face the question any longer, Natasha turns away, focusing on the landscape outside instead.

The ache of loss resurfaces within her, a painful reminder of the bonds she once believed were unbreakable, now torn apart so easily.

As the helicopter continues to slice through the air, the silence between them grows heavier, especially after Natasha discovers that Melina is still working for Dreykov, remotely operating somewhere outside of Saint Petersburg.

With Yelena now at the controls of the helicopter, Natasha takes a moment for herself. She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a small flip phone—the only possession she hadn’t discarded when she went on the run.

Opening it, she stares at the screen, at the message she’s been fixated on for weeks.

“I love you” 

It was the last thing you sent her after she had disappeared. 

Natasha swallows nervously before attempting once more to type a response. Her fingers move over the keys, spelling out the same words that appeared on the screen countless times before.

I’m sorry|

But once again, nothing else follows. Frustration wells up inside her as her fingers hesitate, struggling to find the right words.

Instead of clarity, a heavy weight presses down on her—guilt from your last moment together, regret over her actions, and fear of what the future holds for the two of you.

Before she can dwell on it further, the helicopter suddenly lurches, jostling everyone inside.

“Yelena?!” Natasha calls out, her voice filled with alarm.

The blonde-haired Widow nods calmly, her tone casual despite the situation. 

“Uh, yeah, the plane’s going down.” She flips a few switches, nodding in confirmation. “Told you we didn’t have enough fuel to get there.”

Groaning in frustration, Natasha quickly tucks the phone away, securing herself as she declares, “Everyone, brace yourselves.”

After a rough landing and leaving the wrecked helicopter behind, they finally arrive at Melina’s home.

The four of them sit awkwardly around the table, a scene eerily reminiscent of how it was many years ago.

Breaking the silence, Alexei exclaims joyfully, “Family! Back together again!”

Natasha rolls her eyes, dismissing his enthusiasm as she tries to stay focused on the mission.

“So, here’s what’s going to happen—”

“Natasha, don’t slouch,” Melina interrupts, her voice carrying a motherly tone.

Blinking in surprise, Natasha straightens slightly, though she couldn’t help but argue, “I’m not slouching.”

“Yes, yes you are,” Melina insists, her tone firm.

“I don’t slouch,” Natasha retorts, irritation creeping into her voice. 

“You’re going to get a back hunch,” Melina continues, unfazed by Natasha’s resistance.

Alexei nods in agreement, tapping her arm. “Listen to your mother.” 

“All right, enough! All of you,” Natasha snaps, trying to regain control of the situation and her emotions. Her voice is tinged with disbelief at their sudden concern—as if they hadn’t abandoned her and Yelena to the Red Room once their mission was over.

“I didn’t say anything. That’s not fair,” Yelena quips, her tone laced with dry humor.

Rolling her eyes, Natasha tries again, “Here’s what’s going to happen—”

“I don’t want any food,” Yelena complains as Melina places a spoonful onto her plate.

“Eat a little something, Yelena, for God’s sake,” Melina urges, her voice slipping back into the role of a concerned mother.

The constant interruptions and forced familial interactions finally push Natasha over the edge, and her frustration boils over.

“Enough! Stop, just stop pretending to care. Our family was never real,” Natasha snaps, her voice rising. “Nothing about us is real!”

Yelena’s breath catches in her throat at Natasha’s declaration.

“Don’t say that.” Yelena’s frown deepens as she continues, “Please don’t say that. It was real. It was real to me.” 

Natasha falters at Yelena’s response, regret immediately washing over her. She hadn’t meant to hurt her sister, but with everything that’s happened in the past weeks, she could no longer control her anger and frustration.

Swallowing hard, Natasha stays silent, her hands clenching in her lap to keep from reaching out to comfort Yelena.

Yelena shakes her head in disbelief, hastily wiping away a stray tear. “The best part of my life was fake,” she exhales deeply, her voice trembling with emotion, “and none of you told me.”

She turns to Natasha, her voice filled with hurt and heavy with accusation. “And you…you got out. Dreykov made sure no one could escape after that. Aren’t you going to say anything?”

Natasha holds Yelena’s gaze for a long, tense moment, the silence between them charged with unspoken pain. Finally, Natasha flinches away, guilt preventing her from finding the right words.

Melina reaches out, placing a comforting hand on Yelena’s shoulder. But Yelena quickly brushes it off, standing abruptly and turning to leave.

“Yelena…” Natasha calls after her, her voice heavy with regret.

Yelena ignores her, slamming the door behind her as she storms out.

“Uh…I’ll go talk to her,” Alexei offers, standing up to follow.

Natasha’s gaze falls, her eyes glaring at the table as the weight of guilt presses down on her chest, almost suffocating her. She suddenly stands, pushing her chair back with a harsh scrape, and quickly leaves the table, heading for the bathroom.

Once inside, she splashes cold water on her face, hoping to wash away the turmoil churning inside her.

Staring at her reflection in the mirror, frustration is etched into every line of her face.

Why does it seem like the only thing she’s capable of is hurting those around her?

Natasha can’t even remember what made her believe that someone like her could have a different life—that she could change and be more than what she was trained to be.

Sighing deeply, Natasha leaves the bathroom and returns to the table, only to find that Melina has gone as well.

Unsurprised, Natasha finds herself alone once again. She closes her eyes, taking a few deep breaths to steady herself. As she does, she recalls how she used to cope with the pain of loneliness, slowly beginning to rebuild the walls around her heart.

But then, a small commotion outside catches her attention.

Moving cautiously, Natasha heads toward the front of the house to investigate. As she reaches the door, she freezes, hearing a familiar voice that stops her in her tracks.

“I’m not here to cause any trouble. I’m just looking for someone.”

Natasha’s brow furrows in recognition, but she quickly shakes her head, dismissing the thought. It can’t be possible.

“The next town is five miles that way,” Melina’s voice responds, cold and unwelcoming.

Curiosity gets the better of her, and Natasha peeks out the door, stepping outside cautiously. Her eyes widen in surprise when they meet yours.

“Nat…” you say softly, taking a hesitant step closer. But before you can move further, Melina raises the gun in her hand, her eyes filled with a clear warning.

“Wait,” Natasha calls out, rushing forward. She places her hand on Melina’s, gently but firmly lowering the weapon. “She’s not a threat.” 

“Well, that’s a little offensive,” you remark with a slight glare, crossing your arms. 

Natasha gives you a look, silently conveying that she didn’t mean it that way, then turns back to Melina.

“Could you give us a moment?” Natasha asks. 

Melina hesitates briefly, her protective gaze lingering on Natasha, but eventually nods. With a wary glance in your direction, she retreats back into the house.

Once alone, Natasha turns to you, her expression conflicted with a mix of curiosity and concern.

“How did you find me?” 

“I got worried after the message you sent me,” you explain, pulling out your phone and showing her the screen.

On it is a jumbled message: “I’m sorrywjhsgf”

Natasha grimaces, realizing her fingers must have accidentally pressed some buttons during the helicopter’s turbulent descent. She mentally kicks herself for the unintended message.

“I didn’t mean to send that.”

At her words, your face falls as understanding dawns on you, the light in your eyes dimming. 

“Oh,” you mutter quietly, glancing down as you fidget with your phone before tucking it away. You shuffle in place unsurely before turning away with a shake of your head. 

“I should just go,” you say, disappointment clear in your voice. 

Realizing the misunderstanding she’s caused, Natasha quickly reaches out, catching your arm and turning you back to face her, her words spilling out in a rush.

“Wait, that’s not what I meant,” Natasha blurts out, her voice urgent as she steps closer. “I wanted to say more than just sorry,” she clarifies, hoping you’ll understand.

You pause, your gaze lingering where her hand rests on your arm. Slowly, you pull away, and her hand drops back to her side.

At your distancing action, Natasha’s heart pounds painfully in her chest as she realizes how much she’s risked by not reaching out sooner and letting her fears and insecurities get in the way of what truly matters.

She braces herself for the inevitable. 

But instead of leaving, you surprise her by simply crossing your arms and waiting, a silent gesture that tells her you’re willing to listen.

Natasha exhales, only now realizing she’d been holding her breath. The familiar way you look at her, unchanged from before, causes the walls she’d been building to crumble.

Taking a deep breath, she begins to speak.

“You have every right to be angry with me,” she says, her voice tinged with guilt. Natasha hesitates, searching for the right words to express the turmoil inside her, still struggling to find herself amidst all the chaos.

“There’s so much more I need to say,” she continues, her voice softening, almost pleading. “But the problem is that I haven’t figured it all out yet. What I do know, though—” she pauses, her eyes locking onto yours, searching for any hint of hope, “—is that I don’t want you to leave.”

When she finishes, your expression remains unreadable.

Natasha bites her lip, anxiety twisting in her stomach as she watches you contemplate her words. Being this vulnerable is unfamiliar territory for her, and it terrifies her more than she’s willing to admit. 

“Please don’t go,” she whispers, a final, desperate plea, hoping it’s enough to convey the depth of her true feelings.

You look up at the sky, exhaling softly as if weighing your options.

When your gaze finally meets hers again, a small, playful smile tugs at the corners of your lips. You gesture toward the house, the tension easing as a lighter tone returns to your voice.

“New friends?” you ask, the warmth in your tone bringing a small smile to Natasha’s face.

Natasha chuckles lightly, the pressure in her chest easing at your familiar banter.

“More like an old, broken family.”

You hum thoughtfully, your teasing grin softening into a more sympathetic expression.

“So, not much different,” you remark, referencing the fractured state of the Avengers.

Natasha sighs sadly, her smile fading at the reminder of her situation.

“What should I do?” she asks, her voice tinged with the uncertainty she’s been trying so hard to conceal. 

It feels as though no matter what she does, nothing ever changes. She pretends to have all the answers, but deep down, she knows the truth is far from that.

“Whatever you feel is right,” you respond without hesitation, your confidence in her unwavering.

Natasha scoffs softly, a flicker of disbelief crossing her features as she hesitates. Her eyes meet yours, searching for reassurance.

“And what makes you so sure I’ll make the right choice?” she asks, her voice revealing the doubt that lingers deep within her.

You take a moment to consider your response before stepping closer, gently cupping her face in your hands.

“Because after everything you’ve been through, you’ve still kept your heart,” you say with quiet conviction, your thumb gently brushing her cheek as you lean your forehead against hers.

“That’s how I know you’ll figure this out, too,” you add, your voice filled with certainty.

Your words settle over Natasha, bringing a sense of calm to her chaotic thoughts. For the first time in a long while, she feels a glimmer of hope—hope that maybe, just maybe, she can find her way through this mess and everything else, too.

~~~~~~~ ⧗ ~~~~~~~

Avenger Compound, Upstate New York – 2018

Natasha sits on the edge of the bed in her old room at the Avengers Compound, watching you as you methodically strap on your gear and check your weapons.

The room is dimly lit, shadows playing along the walls, and the tension from the past few hours hangs heavily in the air.

Her leg bounces with nervous energy, worry gnawing at her. She presses her palms together, fidgeting with her fingers, before dropping her gaze to the floor and releasing a soft, scared sigh.

But the fear isn’t for herself. 

“You can still go, you know,” Natasha mutters softly, her voice barely breaking the silence. 

You hum in acknowledgment, not pausing in your preparation, the sound of buckles and straps filling the room. 

“Do you want me to?” you ask over your shoulder, your tone casual, almost too casual for the weight of the question.

Natasha huffs, recognizing your familiar deflection, and shakes her head. 

With Bruce’s dire warning about the impending battle with Thanos and his army still echoing in her mind, she can’t help the fear that tightens her chest as she looks at the person who has chosen to stand by her side, time and time again. 

“I want you safe,” Natasha admits, her voice trembling with the honesty of her words. 

“Good, I feel the same about you,” you reply, turning to face her, your expression softening as you take in the sight of her.

“I’m serious. This isn’t like anything we’ve faced before,” Natasha warns, her eyes pleading with yours to understand. 

“Which means you’ll need all the help you can get,” you say, stepping closer until you’re standing right in front of her.

Natasha twists her lips, frustrated by the truth in your words. She looks away, trying to hide the turmoil in her eyes. 

But you won’t let her retreat. 

You gently catch her chin with your finger, guiding her face back to yours as you lean down to press a soft, lingering kiss against her lips.

Natasha’s eyes flutter shut as she returns the kiss, her hand instinctively finding the back of your neck, pulling you closer as if she can anchor herself in the warmth of your touch.

When you finally pull away, Natasha bites her lip lightly, trying to hold onto the warmth for just a moment longer.

You rest your forehead against hers, and she finally opens her eyes, meeting yours with a rare vulnerability she shows only to you.

“Are you scared?” you ask softly, your voice laced with the same fear gnawing at her. 

Natasha’s eyes roam across your face, memorizing every detail as if it might be the last time she sees you.

“Terrified,” she admits, her voice raw with emotion.

“Me too,” you say, a small, reassuring smile tugging at your lips as your thumb gently caresses her cheek. 

“Are you going to leave?” you ask, even though Natasha’s sure you already know the answer. 

The Avengers are her family. Imperfect and flawed, but they always strive to make the world a safer place—to do what’s right. She would never abandon them when they need her most.

“No,” she responds, her voice filled with determined resolve. 

You smile knowingly at her response, your gaze drifting around the room as a look of nostalgia washes over you. 

The soft, wistful look in your eyes tells Natasha that you’re recalling the memories of all the times the two of you spent together in this space. 

When you meet Natasha’s gaze again, a playful smile tugs at your lips.

“Do you still love me?” you ask teasingly.

Natasha huffs in mock offense, the corner of her lips twitching into a half-smile. You can’t help but chuckle at her reaction, raising a brow in amusement.

“Well?” you whisper, your voice low as you lean in closer, your breath warm against her skin, your hands resting gently on her shoulders.

Instead of answering, Natasha wraps her arms around your waist, pulling you in until you’re straddling her, your knees pressing into the bed on either side of her. 

The bed dips slightly under your combined weight, and Natasha holds you close, her hands firm yet gentle on your waist.

“I love you,” Natasha breathes out, her voice barely above a whisper. “And I don’t want to lose you.” 

You cup her face in your hands, your eyes filled with love and adoration as you give her a reassuring smile. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” you reaffirm, your voice steady and full of the certainty she needs to hear. 

You lower yourself onto her, gently guiding her down to lie back against the bed, your lips meeting hers in a tender kiss. 

You had said it with such conviction that Natasha can’t help but believe you, just as she always has. 

But how could she have known that after this battle, for the first time ever, it wouldn’t be true?

~~~~~~~ ⧗ ~~~~~~~

Vomir – 2023

They say that when someone is about to die, their life flashes before their eyes—a rapid montage of memories, achievements, failures, regrets, and the relationships that mattered most.

For Natasha, the idea of her life flashing before her eyes seems almost laughable. Her early years are a blur of pain, manipulation, and control—years she would rather forget than relive.

The truth is, her real life didn’t begin until much later.

If Natasha had to pinpoint the exact moment, it would be when she found herself face-to-face with the sharp point of an arrow—the moment she met the first person to see something in her worth saving when she had seen nothing in herself.

That was the moment she was given the chance to truly live.

Her mind floods with memories of the life she built after that fateful encounter—a life she had never imagined for herself, filled with friends, laughter, and moments of unexpected warmth.

She remembers the first time she allowed herself to trust again, to let people in despite the walls she had built around her heart. 

With all their quirks and flaws, the Avengers became the family she never knew she needed. They challenged her, frustrated her, and made her feel alive in ways she had never thought possible.

But it wasn’t always easy. Natasha recalls the arguments, the disagreements, and the moments when it seemed like they were tearing apart at the seams. 

However, no matter how far they drifted, they always found their way back to each other.

She learned to fight for them, to fight for herself, and to fight for something greater than her past.

And then there were those who reached out from her previous life, some seeking assistance, some seeking redemption. Even then, Natasha chose to rebuild those broken bonds of the past.

Yet, among all these memories, one person stands out more than any other. 

That person was there at every pivotal moment in her life—whether she was on the verge of giving up or standing tall in the face of adversity. Through the highs and lows, they were her constant, the one who saw her for who she truly was and loved her all the more for it.

In her final moments, Natasha’s mind doesn’t dwell on her victories or her failures.

Instead, she sees your face, the one constant in her life that brought her peace and happiness. 

Natasha remembers the way you looked at her, with eyes that held no judgment, only love. She recalls the way your touch calmed her, the way your presence made her feel safe in a world that had always been hostile.

As she falls, Natasha realizes that this connection is what matters most. It’s not the battles or the missions that define her, but the love she found in the most unexpected place. 

And as the darkness closes in, the last thing she sees is you, a symbol of everything she has fought for and everything she has come to cherish.

Her final breath is taken not in fear but in peace, knowing that she lived a life worth remembering—a life filled with love, friendship, and purpose.

~~~~~~~ ⧗ ~~~~~~~

Cemetery, Ohio — 2023

“If you passed away, who would sit at your grave the longest?”

Natasha had asked you that question once. 

At the time, you couldn’t come up with a definite answer, so you had turned the question back to her. 

You remember the way her lips curved into a small, wistful smile as she considered it, her eyes reflecting a depth of sadness you had only glimpsed before. 

“I don’t know,” she had replied, her voice soft but honest, as if she had long accepted that was her inevitable fate.

Natasha could not come up with an answer then, but you did.

“Who would sit at her grave the longest?”

You didn’t need any time to think about the answer. Many people could rightfully fill that role. 

To Melina and Alexei, she was their beloved daughter, the one who had been torn from them too soon, only to return with a strength and resolve that made them proud. 

To Yelena, she was her cherished sister—a mentor, a protector, the person who had sacrificed so much to ensure Yelena had a chance at a real life, free from the chains of the Red Room. 

To the Avengers, she was a valued teammate and friend, the glue that held them together through the darkest times. She was their moral compass, the one who always found a way to do what was right, even when the cost was high. 

To the world, she was a hero, a symbol of resilience and redemption. The Black Widow, who had fought for a better future, leaving a legacy that would inspire generations to come.

To you…she was everything.

Your fingers trace the delicate grooves of her engraved name, feeling the weight of every memory, every moment you had shared. 

You stood by her side through nearly all of it—the battles, the victories, the losses. You had seen her at her best and at her worst, through moments of triumph and times of doubt. 

You loved her fiercely, from strangers to friends to something so much more.

She was the woman who had shown you the strength of vulnerability, the power of redemption, and the courage to love despite the risks.

In the end, you were right about all those who would come to see her, to pay their respects to the woman who had become an important part of their lives. 

But they would all eventually leave, returning to their own lives, their own battles. They would remember her, yes, but they would move on.

But not you.

“So, who would sit at Natasha’s grave the longest?”

That answer was clear.

“You would. Now and forever.” 

~~~~~~~ ⧗ ~~~~~~~

a/n: this one was really long so if you made it to the end in one go, kudos for you and thank you for taking the time to read it!

[chheolie]

"tell your neighbor to find another personal driver"

jealous y/n

it was around three in the afternoon when you were holding your phone, looking at the screen showing the chat with your boyfriend, seungcheol. your fingers were still as you thought about the best way to express how intrigued you were. then, the words began to flow:

you: "oh, hey there! just casually wondering who that stunningly beautiful woman was sitting in the passenger seat of your car a few minutes ago? you know, the one that could easily be mistaken for a drama star? i mean, she's obviously someone very special to get a prime spot in your vehicle. just curious!"

seungcheol read the message laughing but still innocent, replied twenty minutes later:

seungcheol: "ah, that was my neighbor. i ran into her and offered a ride since we were going to the same place. where did you see us?"

you rolled your eyes at his shallow response. how could he be so distracted?

you: "oh, that's a secret." you: "you don't think you're forgetting something, do you?"

at that moment, he frowned, trying to recall something important, but nothing came up.

seungcheol: "i'm not sure, love. did i forget something?"

you: "MY RIDE CHOI SEUNGCHEOL!!!!"

he automatically slapped his forehead, feeling regret spread through his body.

seungcheol: "oh my god, my love, i'm so sorry." seungcheol: "i'm coming right now, won't take long!" you:

you: "it's too late, my brother already took care of it." seungcheol: "then i'll go to your place and meet you there." you: "no need, seungcheol, seriously."

you weren't the only one sulking in the car; mingyu was too. he had an important commitment but had to interrupt it when you called. it wasn't like you could just leave on your own; your condition didn't allow it.

"your boyfriend is going to pay for this, you'll see," he said, focused on the traffic.

"want help with whatever you're planning to do to him?" you said, looking out the car window.

your brother ended up laughing at your pathetic situation, recalling when he parked the car in front of the medical center and saw you with a grumpy face, leaning on the crutch.

"is his neighbor really that pretty?" he asked, chuckling.

"very funny, kim mingyu," you replied with a clearly forced laugh.

"don't worry, i bet she's not prettier than you," he said.

"of course, i'm your twin."

mingyu dropped you off at your apartment and, back in the parking lot, called his brother-in-law.

he didn't even wait for seungcheol to say "hello" to voice his indignation. "hyung! you promised to take care of y/n while she has her leg in a cast. i had to interrupt an important commitment to pick her up."

seungcheol, even on the phone, lowered his head, feeling the lack of responsibility on his part.

"i'm really sorry, mingyu. i genuinely forgot about her appointment, it won't happen again."

mingyu sighed heavily, still upset, but he trusted his friend and knew seungcheol was sincere. "i hope it doesn't, she counts on your help."

seungcheol, apprehensive and worried, took the opportunity to ask: "was she very upset?"

mingyu raised an eyebrow, curious. "about what? the pretty neighbor or you forgetting to pick her up?"

seungcheol sighed, feeling guilty. "both."

mingyu replied curtly. "yes, for both."

"damn, i'm going to hear so much from y/n about this..." he murmured worriedly.

mingyu smiled on the other end of the line. "good luck, you'll need it."

seungcheol hung up and sighed deeply, already anticipating the scolding he would get from you.

feeling the weight of guilt on his shoulders, your boyfriend rang your doorbell. you walked slowly with the help of the crutch and opened the door. you looked serious as you saw him, hoping for an explanation. seungcheol hurried before you could say anything.

"love, i'm so sorry, i swear. i really forgot, i know that's no excuse. and about my neighbor... i should have told you, i'm sorry." he looked like a puppy that was left behind.

you watched him, waiting for him to continue.

"i was distracted, but that doesn't justify what happened. you deserve my full attention, especially now. i promise it won't happen again."

you evaluated his words and finally sighed.

"seungcheol, i trust you, you know that. and i don't mind you giving rides to others. but it was hard seeing you with someone else and realizing you forgot about me."

he moved closer and took your hand. "i understand, love. it wasn't my intention to hurt you, i need you to know that. please, give me a chance to make up for my mistake."

you hesitated for a moment, but he was being sincere, genuinely remorseful, and you knew that well.

"you are very lucky that i love you, seungcheol."

he opened a relieved smile and hugged you, being careful with your casted leg.

"i promise i won't let you down again, my love," he said, with his face buried in your neck. "i love you so much."

you returned the hug. "i love you too, let's forget about this. but one thing i won't let you forget: you still owe me several rides."

he laughed and kissed your forehead. "absolutely. from now on, you have a dedicated driver twenty-four hours a day."

you pouted at him, looking at him with a playful expression. "oh, and tell your neighbor to find another personal driver."

seungcheol continued laughing and nodded. "will do. from now on, only you will have that privilege."

[uhohdad]

Can i request hehe? loser!könig x clingy reader 😞🙏, thank youu😍🥰😘🫦😝😏

(18+) Loser!König x Reader

König’s never met someone so touchy before. Laying your soft, delicate hand on his arm so casually, not even slowing the story you’re recounting. He’s stopped listening the moment you made contact with him, it’s impossible to focus on anything but the searing, electric heat that builds under your hand.

He freezes whenever you greet him with a hug. You don’t even seem to notice how he short-circuits when you smush your cheek in the space just below his chest, little arms slung around his waist. He can’t even bring himself to return the embrace, staring down at you with wide eyes long after you pull away. A bright, toothy grin on your face as you ramble on like you hadn’t just gifted him the most intimate moment he’s had with another human being in years, entirely oblivious to the cock at attention and filling the slack in the front of his pants.

König doesn’t text. And when he does, he restricts it to business matters only. So he’s truly not sure how to respond to your messages that consist of mostly nonsense. The café drink you ordered this morning, a picture of a random dog you saw while out and about, a joke he doesn’t understand in the least bit … asking about his day?

You care about how his day went?

And now König texts. Fighting the truly arduous battle of having large hands and a tiny phone keyboard. Sending you responses that are littered with typos and nothing short of cryptic. He feels as if you’ve classically conditioned him, because every time his phone lights up, so does he. He nearly throws his phone across the room trying to retrieve it to see what you’ve sent him this time. He spends way too much time, especially before bed, rereading your old conversations and smiling at the silly things you send him.

His favorite are the photos. Selfies, you call them. Pictures of you doing mundane things - except you’re in them. Giving him a photo of your face without thinking twice, not knowing the worth of such a priceless treasure.

König could stare at your face for hours, soaking in every detail as he replays your conversations in his head, the echoes of your laughter in his ears and his hand wrapped around his frustrated cock.

He likes to imagine how soft your lips would feel, where those delicate hands would wander as you press your tongue to his. Those pretty, sparkling eyes staring up at him while you’re on your knees, struggling to swallow a cock that you’re clearly no match for. Wondering what your face would look like twisted with overstimulation and pleasure as you take his thick cock, your plush chest bouncing against your ribcage with each powerful thrust of his hips. He stares longingly at your photo through drowsy, half-lidded eyes, pumping his cock until his breathy grunts turn shallow, every muscle tight and trembling. His finish splatters over his stomach in creamy droplets, coating his hardened hands while he milks every last drop, imaging he’s staking his claim deep inside your cunt instead.

You’re torturing him with your insistence.

He hopes you never stop.

♡ KÖNIG DRABBLE MASTERLIST ♡

[alygator77]

∘₊✧─moment of passion─✧₊∘

✧ note // this is part two for moment of weakness ✧

✧ pairing. satoru gojo x fem! reader

✧ summary. after getting in an argument with satoru, you unexpectedly encountered a vicious battle, putting you on the brink of death. feeling remorseful for his actions and words as you lay in the infirmary bed, satoru wants to do everything he can to make it up to you.

✧ warnings/tags. 18+ MDNI, nsfw, smut, bit of angst, fluff, friends to lovers, mutual pining, unprotected sex, penetration, oral (f & m receiving), praising, kinda breeding, shower/bath sex, reader does have a slight panic attack (with comfort), satoru taking care of you, satoru and reader in their 20s and both work at jujutsu high, both are powerful sorcerers

✧ words: 12.5k (ye i be yappin)

✧ a/n. the second part to moment of weakness! thanks everyone for your kind words :') i really had a lot of fun writing this. hope part two is to your liking ♡

Satoru feels an overwhelming sense of guilt and regret as he sits by your bedside in the infirmary of Jujutsu High. During each daily visit, he sits beside you for hours on end, silently clutching your hand and staring at your unconscious form. Each day that passes without you waking up is a day of torture for him.

He slowly watches your chest rise and fall with each shallow breath, his expression a mixture of guilt and worry as he constantly replays the memory of your last conversation together. It was a stupid fight, and he regrets every harsh word that was exchanged between the two of you. He will not accept it – will not accept that those will be the last words he speaks to you.

Satoru desperately wishes he could take it all back, to beg you to forgive him. But for now, all he can do is sit by your bedside, waiting for you to wake up as he prays for you to pull through. He longs so much for you to open your eyes and look at him again, to hear your voice. The thought of losing you is unbearable for him, and he's willing to do anything to make sure it never happens.

As consciousness slowly comes back to you, you find yourself staring at the familiar white ceiling of Jujutsu High's infirmary, the gentle hum of the ceiling fan and the pristine cleanliness of the room confirming your location. Soft voices can be heard talking in the room, but they sound muffled and indistinct, the words difficult to make out.

You take a second to gather your bearings, your mind fuzzy and disoriented. It takes a moment for you to realize that the voices belong to none other than Satoru and Shoko. They continue their conversation in hushed tones, not noticing you regaining your consciousness. Their soft and indistinct words blend together in a low murmur.

You can tell that Satoru’s voice is laced with worry, his words carrying immense desperation. "It's been days now...why isn't she waking up?"

"She's been through a lot. Her body needs time to recover." Shoko’s voice is calm and steady.

Your body feels weak and fatigued as you struggle to sit up in the bed. Your muscles barely respond to your commands as you only manage to fumble around the mattress feebly. The shuffling of your bedsheets causes Shoko and Satoru to immediately take notice of your movement, their conversation coming to a halt as they turn their attention towards you.

They both rush to your side, faces filled with relief and concern. Shoko is the first to act, her eyes widening as she sees you weakly attempt to sit up. With a firm touch, she gently pushes you back down onto the bed.

"Don't try to sit up too quickly," she warns, her voice stern. "You're weak and battered, your body needs time to recover."

Satoru is beside you in an instant, his hand gently resting on your own, tracing soft circles.

"You’re awake,” he exhales. “Take it easy, don't overexert yourself."

Shoko checks your vitals, her hands moving quickly and efficiently as she assesses your condition. "How are you feeling?"

You turn to Satoru and can see the concern etched in his features. Your heart sinks, immediately recounting the last time you saw his face – the coldness in his icy eyes. And now this look he is giving you – you can’t help but feel disappointed in yourself. Despite everything that happened, you always have hated causing him to worry. In an attempt to hide your slight discomfort, you give him a strained smile. “A bit… groggy. Just feels like I have a really bad hangover.”

Shoko can't help but roll her eyes and snort at your comment, her expression a mixture of relief and sarcasm. "Only you would compare recovering from near-death to a hangover."

Satoru gives a small, flicker of a smile at your attempt to lighten the mood, but the worry still lingers in his eyes. "You gave us quite a scare," he mutters with a huff of a chuckle, "but I suppose it's good to see your sarcastic wit is still intact."

As Shoko continues checking your vitals, her hands move with practiced ease, maneuvering around the hospital bed with urgency and poise. "Honestly, you're lucky to be alive y/n. You sustained quite a lot of damage."

You feel Satoru’s grip on your hand tighten a fraction, his eyebrows furrowing at Shoko’s comment. "Are you in any pain? Do you remember what happened?”

“I’m not experiencing pain, my body just feels weak,” you rest your head back on the infirmary’s stiff pillow and look up at the ceiling fan – your mind spinning just as much as it while you try to recall the events that happened. What did happen? You remember arguing with Satoru and then... nothing. Just a fog of uncertainty. Your eyebrows furrow as sadness washes over you – though you can’t recall what triggers this emotion, your body responds on its own volition. “I remember pieces… I think... it’s a bit of a haze.”

Satoru’s eyes narrow as he picks up your somber expression. He squeezes your hand gently, his thumb brushing against your knuckles with warmth. "Pieces, hmm?" he mutters.

You feel Shoko’s hands move quickly but gently over your body as she continues your check-up.

"That's not unusual," she says. "Trauma can sometimes cause memory gaps. Especially considering what you've been through."

As she finishes, she takes a step back, a small sigh escaping her lips, clutching her clipboard as she charts your vitals. "You'll be weak and tired for a while. The pain will probably come later, once your body fully registers what it's been through.” Her eyes flicker up to you and Satoru as she breaks her focus from her notes. “I need to report your condition to Principal Yaga. Gojo, will you watch over her in the meantime?"

Satoru nods, his gaze never leaving your face. "Yeah, of course."

The door closes behind Shoko with a soft thud, leaving you and Satoru alone in the infirmary. He remains seated in the chair beside your bed and his hands do not waver from yours – the soothing circles not stopping. You feel that with each gentle brush of his fingertips, he is touching you as if you are the most delicate thing in his life.

The silence that falls between you both is heavy. There is still a lingering sting in your heart at the sight of Satoru. You cannot shake the image of that once cold stare of his, the one he directed directly at you during your argument – and his words, the way he claimed that your shared passion meant nothing to him… it replays in your head constantly like a broken record.

Yet despite it all, despite all that was said and done, you undeniably wanted him by your side. Feeling conflicted, it is clear there is much that needs to be said, but neither of you speak up for a few moments. It is ultimately Satoru who breaks the silence, his voice soft and low, barely above a whisper.

"You scared the crap out of me. Don't ever do that again."

“Guess I caused you trouble again…huh?” unable to hide the somber tone in your voice, you force a smile in hopes to mask it.

"I'm not worried about the trouble you cause," he mutters, his voice laced with both irritation and affection. "I'm worried about you, dummy."

You blink as he squeezes your hand gently, his gaze softening as he fixes it on your features. He braces himself with a deep breath. "You've always caused me trouble. But I'd rather deal with a lifetime's worth of trouble than lose you," releasing an exhale – his voice evokes vulnerability as you hear it tremble slightly.

"I know I've been an ass... and I know my words have hurt you... but the thought of losing you... it..." shutting his eyes and pursing his lips, he struggles to find the right word to express his feelings, his emotions getting the best of him.

"I..." He pauses, his snowy lashes fluttering open as his gaze locks with yours – eyes blue with sorrow. "I'm sorry. For the way I acted and what I said. The fear I felt when I found you in that village, hurt and unconscious... it was a waking nightmare."

Satoru reaches out his free hand and gently brushes a strand of hair away from your forehead, his fingers lingering on your skin for a moment, caressing your face tenderly.

"You have no idea… how much you mean to me," he murmurs, "I don't know what I'd do without you... I can’t lose… this." He intertwines his fingers with yours, his grip on your hand tightening just a fraction.

Your heart flutters at his honesty. His hands are a bit clammy upon yours – is he nervous? You’ve never seen him be so vulnerable with you. You look down at your hand, intertwined with his, and shift your gaze back to meet his own.

“And what exactly is, this, Satoru?” you whisper, a slight tremble in your voice. “I’m so confused. You constantly send me mixed signals.”

Satoru swallows hard at your question, his hand still holding onto yours tightly, as if holding onto you for dear life. He hesitates for a moment, struggling to articulate his feelings and thoughts.

After giving him a moment, you continue “You need to let me in. I can’t understand how you feel unless you tell me.”

“This… us,” he murmurs, his voice strained with emotion. “Honestly, I don't know what we are either. I can't define it, but I know how I feel about you... and it scares me.”

He releases a shaky exhale, his gaze breaking from you momentarily as he looks away. "You're right, I know I've been giving you mixed signals. But every time I tried to get closer, something held me back. Letting people in... it's not something I'm good at."

You feel his grip on your hand tighten, his thumb gently stroking the skin on the back of your knuckles as he slowly adverts his eyes back to your own. "But you're right... I need to let you in. You deserve to know... everything." He pauses, his eyes searching your face as he chooses his next words carefully. "The truth is, I love you... I've loved you for a long time. And it terrifies me." Satoru’s confession hangs in the air, his words ringing with raw honesty.

His eyes soften as he watches you take it in. "I didn't want to admit it... even to myself," he whispers. "I thought if I kept my distance, if I played it cool, I could protect you from the danger that comes with loving me. But the truth is... I'm not good at staying away from you."

He gently brushes a tear from your cheek that you hadn't even realized had fallen.

Reaching up, you lightly place your free hand upon his. You can feel the warmth of his skin against yours, his pulse pounding slightly faster than usual. As you stare into his blue eyes filled with a mixture of love, fear, and vulnerability, you finally speak the words that have been ringing in your mind since your fight.

“You… when you picked me up from the bar. What we did… you said it didn’t mean anything,” you feel your voice tremble slightly as you try to prevent any more tears from falling.

Satoru’s gaze flickers momentarily as guilt and regret flash across his face. His eyes shift away from yours, unable to hold your hurt gaze as the memory of his harsh words come back to him.

"I was a bastard," he mutters under his breath, his eyes averted from your own as his white tousles hide his shame. "Those words... they were a lie. What we did... what we shared...” he pulls his gaze back up to meet your own, “it meant everything to me.”

"I was trying to protect myself... protect you... by pushing you away. But the truth is...” He sighs heavily, his fingers fidgeting with yours as he searches for the right words to say, finally letting out a defeated groan. “God, I wanted you more than anything in that moment. I still do. I was scared... and I thought if I pretended it didn’t matter, it would be easier to keep my distance.”

The raw honesty in Satoru’s confession causes your chest to tighten. The words you’ve desperately wanted to hear, his words, cut through any lingering doubt in your heart. The truth of his feelings and his vulnerability laid bare before you – you feel the tears well up in your eyes. Damnit, you can’t hold them back anymore.

You close your eyes and take a deep breath, shuddering as you try to compose yourself. When you open your eyes to meet his, your voice is soft yet firm. “You hurt me, Satoru. Your words... they stung.”

"I know," he mutters softly, strained with guilt. "And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for hurting you. I was an idiot, a coward. I should've told you the truth from the start.” He swallows heavily, his throat bobbing with the weight of his emotions. “I hope you can forgive me, though I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness… so I understand if you can’t.”

With a shaky exhale, you sniffle and wipe your tears – your lips curl into a half smile. “I’m the real idiot… can’t believe I fell in love with such a fool.”

Satoru’s face transforms at your words, his eyes widening slightly and a flicker of hope igniting within them. The tension in his shoulder’s eases slightly as a wry smile tugs at the corners of his lips.

“But don’t think you’re off the hook. You’ve got a lot of making it up to me to do. I won’t go easy on you Satoru Gojo.”

“Oh, I know you won’t make it easy on me. You never do,” He lets out a small laugh, a mixture of disbelief and relief. He brings your hand up to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss against your knuckles.

“Believe me, I know I'll have to work my ass off to earn your forgiveness. But I’m up for the challenge. I’m gonna make sure you never doubt how I feel about you ever again. I’ll do whatever it takes,” he vows, his voice filled with determination. “I’ll grovel, beg, whatever it takes to make up for my idiotic behavior.”

“The world’s strongest sorcerer on his knees for me? Now that is a sight I can get used to,” you snort and can’t help but give him a smug smirk.

Gojo huffs at your comment, rolling his eyes playfully while he pretends to take offense at your words. "Hey, careful there, I have an image to maintain," his brows furrow dramatically as he teases you with a mock hurt voice.

Pleased with his dramatics, you let out an infectious laugh – a wide smile expands across Satoru’s lips, the sound is like music to his ears. He truly missed your laugh.

“Oh, I’m going to enjoy this,” you snicker.

“Careful, princess,” he warns mockingly. “Don’t rile me up too much otherwise I might actually have to fulfill that fantasy for you.” His voice lowers to a sultry whisper, “I have no problem getting on my knees for you in other contexts. But trust me, I'll find a way to make you kneel for me too.”

You feel the warmth rise up to your cheeks as your eyes widen. “S-Satoru!” you pull away from him and whine as you bring your hands to your face, attempting to hide your embarrassment. He snickers gleefully, his eyes gleaming with mischief – he knows exactly how to get to you, and he's enjoying every second of it. “You’re being unfair. Shut up and help me up from this bed, would you?” you pout.

Unable to keep the shit eating grin off his face, a low chuckle escapes his lips. “Aww, you’re just too fun to tease. But alright, alright. As you wish, my princess.” Satoru lifts himself from his seat and nears you on the bed. He reaches down to gently pull the infirmary’s bedsheets off of you and his gaze drifts down to your damaged body.

His grin fades as he takes in the sight of your battered form, his heart clenching with worry. He can see the extent of your injuries more clearly now. The burns, the bruises, and the bandages covering a widespread of significant wounds. “Hey... are you sure you should be getting up? You're hurt pretty badly, love."

Looking down at your own wounded frame, it’s as if suddenly everything hit you all at once. You feel a lingering pain begin to course throughout you – your body finally registering what it’s been through. The extent of your injuries causes you to wince slightly in discomfort.

The helplessness of your condition causes a wave of frustration to wash over you. You hate being like this – you’ve always tried to keep up with Satoru and Suguru, and you know that him seeing you like this is going to cause him to worry even more. "I know," you whisper back with a strained voice. "But I can't just lay here all day. I feel so... hopeless. I want to get up and move, even just a little. Sitting around doing nothing is going to drive me insane."

Satoru studies your face as he hesitates for a moment – Shoko did say you need time to recover, but he’s always had a hard time saying no when he sees that determined look in your eyes. He knows trying to keep you in bed against your will is futile – you’ve always been unbelievably stubborn when you set your mind to something – it's one of the things he finds both endearing and frustrating about you. Finally relenting, he gives in with a resigned sigh and reluctant nod.

"I understand," he says, his voice gentle yet firm. "How about we try walking a few steps first to see how you feel. But if you start to feel faint or dizzy, you have to promise to tell me, alright? You're not going to do yourself any favors if you push yourself too hard too soon."

“I’ll be fine,” you insist, though you can hear the uncertainty in your own voice. “I won’t sit here doing nothing.”

Satoru carefully helps you sit up, gently slipping an arm behind your back as he takes your arm and wraps it around his own shoulder for support. His hands slowly and gently guide you into a comfortable position and his body feels warm and firm against yours, providing a support for you to lean on. As he slowly ushers you to the edge of the bed, you feel a tinge of soreness in your body, but it’s nothing unbearable.

"Just take it slow, okay?" he murmurs. "And you better tell me if you need to rest, no pushing through it."

With a gentle pull, Satoru helps you to your feet. As you take a subtle step off the bed, you cannot help but wince slightly the moment your weight drops to the ground. A lingering pain shoots throughout your body, but you bite the inside of your cheek, attempting to distract yourself and muster through it. You refuse to admit it – refuse to let him worry too much.

"How do you feel? Is the pain bearable?" his brow lifts as he examines you, his voice laced with concern.

"Just a bit sore," you say, trying to brush it off. "It’s fine. I need to move around anyways, stretch my muscles."

He huffs at your response, shaking his head slightly. "You're not fooling anyone, you know. I can tell you're in pain, my Six Eyes don’t lie, sweetheart. You’re wincing and we haven’t even taken a single step yet.”

You roll your eyes at his concern and groan with a strained voice. "Satoru, I feel weak, not broken… just help me get to that chair over there.”

Satoru lets out an exasperated sigh. "You're stubborn as hell, you know that?” he grumbles as his grip on you tightens. “But alright, if you're determined to make this difficult, I'll help you walk to the damn chair."

The journey to the chair feels like an eternity, each step causing a pained wince to escape your lips as Satoru carefully helps you with each tender step. His unwavering grip supports your weakened body and his gentle arms guide you into the infirmary’s seat slowly. Settling into the chair, you let out a loud exhale as your tense body begins to relax from the alleviating pressure.

Satoru’s own relieved breath escapes his mouth the moment you sit down as well – his hands lingering on your frame for a moment, as if not wanting to let you go just yet. He kneels down in front of you, his expression softening as he observes your fatigued form.

Taking in the lines of pain etched on your face, Satoru runs a gentle hand over your hair, his fingers tenderly brushing through the locks in a soothing motion. "There," he whispers, "You did good, you stubborn idiot. Now can you finally admit that you’re hurting?”

You close your eyes for a moment, relishing in the comforting feeling of his fingers flowing through each tousle despite his snarky comment. As you lean into his hand, for a brief moment, the pain seems to fade away.

"No, I..." you waver, losing the energy to put up this front. As much as you hate to admit it, you can’t combat how worn out you feel – your own stubborn attitude finally begins to yield. Opening your eyes, you give Satoru a sidelong glance, your eyes meeting his for a moment before you let out a soft sigh. “Fine. I admit it. I'm hurting… a lot.”

Satoru flashes a wry grin at your admission, a small sense of victory dancing within his eyes. "Took you long enough," he teases, still gently stroking your waves as his fingers tangle in your locks, giving you a gentle tug. "See, was that so hard? Admitting you're in pain is the first step to recovery, you know."

You exhale and release a slight chuckle – although you loathed being in this state, you had comfort knowing Satoru was here to take care of you. But as the breath escapes your mouth, you are suddenly met with a sharp discomforting twinge upon your abdomen. Flinching from the pain, you shuffle to readjust your position in the chair.

Satoru’s expression turns serious as his brow furrows with concern – he watches your body betray the strength you’re adamantly trying to cling onto. After withdrawing his hand from your head, he rests it gently on your knee. “Where does it hurt the most?”

“Right…here.” Lifting up your shirt slightly, you observe Satoru’s eyes widen, his hand on your knee clenching involuntarily as you reveal your abdomen – the bandages wrapped around you are stained in blood.

You grimace as the cool air hits the wetness of your blood-stained body and Satoru’s expression grows more serious. "Jesus," he mutters under his breath, his jaw clenching. "We need to have Shoko change your bandages… y/n, what did this to you? What the hell happened? Was it a curse?"

“I…” you hesitate, suddenly it feels like your head is spinning – the lack of blood making you just as light headed as the thick fog sheathing your memory. You lift your hand to your temple and close your eyes, furrowing your brow and pursing your lips as you desperately try to put the pieces together. Although your memories are hazy, you vaguely recall being with Suguru.

Satoru gently takes your hand in his, his touch firm yet tender. "Hey, take it easy," he says softly. "Don't strain yourself. Let’s take it nice and slow, okay? Can you tell me where you were last? Do you remember anything that happened beforehand?"

You nod slowly, swallowing hard. Images of the dim atmosphere, the sound of the calming music, the aroma of delicious cuisine – they all start to come back to you.  “I… I remember getting dinner with Suguru. I think he took me to a village.”

Satoru’s expression tightens at the mention of Suguru's name. He can feel a pang of jealousy in his chest, but he quickly pushes it aside, his concern for you taking precedence over his own feelings. Why wasn’t Suguru there then? He needed more answers.

“Yes, Koji village,” he echoes. “That’s the location you sent me on your phone, it’s where I found you unconscious. You were with him...? What happened then? Do you remember anything after dinner?”

You take a moment to recollect your thoughts – suddenly your eyes widen in shock and your lower lip begins to quiver. Was your mind playing tricks on you? The gruesome imagine of Suguru killing civilians, the visual of blood splattering on him, the smell of burning flesh, the screams, the empty look in his eyes. It becomes too much – you feel your body begin to tremble uncontrollably.

Satoru’s eyes narrow as he watches the color drain from your face. He can see the realization and horror in your eyes, and he knows you are remembering something awful. He rests his hands on your shoulders and rubs them soothingly, trying to ease your shaking frame.

"Hey, hey," he repeats, his voice softer this time. "It's alright. You don't have to recount everything that happened. Take your time, I'm right here with you."

You were on the brink of breaking down. You feel a tear start to fall down your cheek, your breaths coming in ragged – no control over your body, over your emotions. A high-pitched ringing sound begins to buzz in your ears as the sounds around you drown out. Were… you having a panic attack? You stare at Satoru in shock, his lips are moving as he tries to call your name, but you can barely hear him, can barely focus – the images were overwhelming you.

Satoru’s heart clenches in his chest as he sees the tremors wracking your body. He's never seen you like this before, so vulnerable and terrified. He squeezes your hand gently, trying to keep you grounded while his other hand tenderly cups your face, his thumb brushing away your tears.

"Hey, hey, focus on me," he whispers. "Just take a deep breath. It's okay. You're safe now. I'm here. You're safe."

As the pace of your breath increases, you desperately try to cling to Satoru’s calm presence, but your trauma is formidable – you find your mind to be caught in a cycle of fear and pain. The tightness in your chest makes you begin to gasp, trying desperately to get air inside your lungs as sobs escape your throat.

"Baby, breathe," he urges, his voice low and soothing. "Take a deep breath. Just focus on me. I know it's hard, but you have to calm down. Can you do that for me?"

Satoru’s voice is steady, commanding, and filled with tenderness – a lifeline in the midst of your panic. He keeps his grip firm on your hands, anchoring you to reality. "In and out, alright?" he murmurs, his voice tinged with concern. "Just listen to my voice and breathe with me. In... and out."

Satoru begins to take slow, deep breaths, counting silently in his head – you mimic him, the breaths gradually bringing you back to the present. Once you begin to stabilize, Satoru lifts himself up to his knees, pulling you close to him until your head is resting against his chest. His arms envelop your still shaking frame, holding you up as you regain control.

You continue to exhale into his chest, a tremble with each release. He holds you tightly against him, his hand stroking your hair in a soothing motion, waiting for your emotions to settle completely. The room is filled with only the sound of your breathing and the steady beat of his heart. He silently holds you for a long moment – once he feels the tremors in your body subside, you pull away and your eyes connect.

Slightly releasing his hold, Satoru’s hands still rest on your shoulders, a silent assurance that he's still there, still close. His expression is filled with concern as he studies you – although your face is etched with sadness, he is relieved that your breathing is steady now and your tears have subsided.

"You alright?" he asks softly. "Can you talk to me now?"

“Yes,” you whisper, voice still slightly trembling. “I remember everything now.”

Satoru takes a moment to absorb your words, his jaw tensing slightly as he senses the turmoil behind them. He knows whatever you're about to say isn't going to be easy. He takes your hand again, his fingers stroking your palm gently as he gives you a soft nod. "Okay. Tell me… everything."

“The village,” you murmur, your words feeling immensely heavy. “Suguru killed them all… and he almost killed me.”

Satoru blinks at you in disbelief – his eyes widening as he hears your words, his grip on your hand tightening. Did he hear you correctly?

"What?" his voice barely above a whisper. "Suguru… did that?”

Satoru takes a deep breath trying to calm his racing thoughts. Suguru – his closest friend. There is no way… he can't believe what he's hearing, but the look on your face is telling him that you're not lying. A mixture of shock and anger begin to bubble up within him.

"He almost… what?" his tone becomes sharp as a low growl emanates his throat – his eyes flicker down to your battered body briefly. "He hurt you?"

You swallow hard and nod, your eyes studying Satoru’s own as you can see the hurt pooling behind them. You are unsure where to begin – unsure if you have the willpower to even relive it, because speaking about it feels like it will make it true. You desperately wanted it not to be true – for this to be some terrible nightmare.

The intense gaze that you share with Satoru abruptly snaps apart, interrupted from the infirmary door swinging open – Shoko and Yaga enter the room swiftly. In that moment, Satoru’s expression darkens further, his first clenching in disbelief as Yaga confirms the worst.

“Y/n, pardon the intrusion. I was just given a report from a survivor at Koji village. We were told that Geto Suguru massacred the entire village. He has been missing for days.”

∘₊✧

Your recovery period is by no means lonely – Satoru is constantly by your side after hearing the news. He can’t help but feel high strung knowing Suguru is missing. He wants to be there to protect you at all costs.

Throughout the passing days, you can see how worn-out Satoru’s become. Though he tries to hide it, the exhaustion in his features are prevalent, the bags under his sapphire eyes grow darker with each passing day. Despite his fatigue, he doesn't complain, not once does he even mention how tired he is, but you undoubtably know. So much is expected of Satoru, him being the strongest and all, yet rather than going home to sleep he chooses to come to the infirmary after his duties, immediately slumping into the chair next to your bed with his normally immaculate hair looking disheveled.

Shortly after Yaga confirmed Suguru’s crimes, as hard as it was, you filled Satoru in on all the details of what had happened – including the conversation that you shared with Suguru before he began spilling blood. Satoru’s worst fears were confirmed. The realization that Suguru would target you, knowing that you were his Achilles heel – it crushed him and shook him to the core.

Satoru always knew deep down that you were his greatest weakness, anyone who wanted to hurt or control him could easily do so by targeting you – hence why he would always push you away in the past. But now, hearing that his friend, someone he trusted, would exploit that fact… it leaves him with a bitter taste of betrayal. Suguru knew that if Satoru joined his ambition, his dreams could become reality – after all, Satoru is the strongest, nobody would be capable of stopping them.

Mustering through ten tiresome days of physical therapy, vitals, medication and bland hospital food, your recovery is at long last within reach. You’re able to move easily now, with your strength finally returning to you, but this also makes you all the more restless – you are ready to get out of this dreaded hospital bed.

“Looks like you’re free to go!” Shoko looks down at her clipboard and back up at you smiling.

The words you’ve been itching to hear. A wide grin spreads across your face from your unreserved delight – you were so excited to finally go home. Your eyes instantly flicker over at Satoru sitting beside the infirmary bed. He stands up from his chair, stretching out his limbs slightly, and a small smirk crosses his lips as he meets your gaze. "Ready to get out of here, princess?"

Beaming in excitement, you spring up from the edge of your bed with an unwavering grin and leap into Satoru’s arms, feeling the rumble of his low chuckle as his warmth engrosses you in an embrace. Lifting your head up from where it was buried in his chest, you meet his eyes. “Please, get me the hell out of here.”

He grins down at you, his eyes sparkling with affection. "As you wish," he declares. With you still in his arms, he turns to Shoko and nods his thanks. "We'll be taking our leave now. Thanks for everything, Shoko."

“Right then,” she muses. As Shoko turns to leave, she hums and flashes you both a sheepish grin. You can feel her eyeing the two of you with a curious expression. Ah, that’s right – she hasn't been filled in on the details of what's happened… you never did get the chance to tell her about how your relationship has blossomed with Satoru. Later, you think.

After the door clicks shut behind Shoko, Satoru holds you close, his grip firm yet gentle – lifting his free hand, he prepares to wave his hand sign to teleport. “Here we go,” he mutters into your ear, his breath warm against your skin. “Don’t throw up this time, okay?”

You laugh and roll your eyes – that night, when he teleported you eagerly, it felt like a lifetime ago after everything you’ve been through. “Very funny,” you say sarcastically. “Yeah well, I’m not drunk this time Satoru.”

"True, you're not drunk,” he barks out a laugh. “So, hopefully, I won't have to hold your hair back this time, sweetheart."

You huff and shake your head at his teasing while he adjusts his grip a little more firmly around your waist. "Hold on tight, princess. You know the drill."

You nod, and the sensation of being pulled in all direction’s envelopes your body – you feel yourself thrust through eternity, and with a blink of an eye, there you are in your apartment. Your gaze flickers from the sofa to the kitchen, to the small collection of photographs and trinkets scattered around the space. It is peaceful and quiet – undisturbed, just as you left it.

He watches as you look around the familiar surroundings, a small sigh escaping his lips. His grip releases slightly as he allows you to stand on your own – but his hands remain on your waist with a lingering touch.

“Home sweet home,” he murmurs, his gaze fixed on your face with a relaxed smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “Feels good, huh? Miss it?”

You exhale your own sigh of relief, slightly pulling away from him. “Yeah. I for one can’t wait to take a bath. The infirmary’s quarters are nothing to ride home about.”

Satoru chuckles at your comment, his eyes full of amusement. "Oh, princess, if you think you're going to get a peaceful bath, you're mistaken."

His smirk widens as he pulls you closer to him, his arm sliding around your waist while his lips brush against the shell of your ear, "You think I'm letting you out of my sight for even a second after everything that's happened?"

Satoru’s words send a shiver down your spine, his breath warm against your ear, his voice low and seductive. “S-Satoru!” you whine. As he watches a flush of heat rise up your cheeks from his words, a low chuckle rumbles in his chest.

"You honestly think I'm going to let you have a peaceful bath when I haven't felt you in weeks?” he purrs, his voice dripping with honey. “Let you soak in the hot water all alone, when I could be there with you, hands roaming across your skin, touching you in all the right places? Come on, sweetheart. We never did finish what we started last time…”

He leans in closer, his lips hovering just millimeters away from yours. His face is so close that you can feel his hot breath dance upon your skin, his body pressed against yours, the heat radiating off of him in waves. You can see the desire swimming in his eyes, the way his gaze rakes over your face, as if he can't get enough of you.

As his lips begin to graze the edge of your jawline, you mewl – the feather-light kisses against your skin trailing down you as he carves a gentle path towards the crook of your neck. Your arms wrap around him, pulling him closer as you clench the fabric of his shirt. Dipping your head back, you invite his kisses to deepen as you expose more of your flesh for him to feast on.

He pauses for a moment, inhaling deeply, before his lips slightly part and his tongue flicks out, trailing a wet path along your pulse point. “S-Satoru..” your breath flutters, and he feels the rapid beat of your heart against his mouth.

A low groan emanates from his throat as he can feel the heat rising on you – God he’s been craving this. He pulls you even tighter against him, his hands gripping your curves, fingers digging into the skin underneath your thin skirt as he presses his hips into yours.

He begins to nibble at your neck, his teeth grazing your sensitive flesh as he sucks, leaving small marks while his hands slide to grip and caress the plush of your ass. “Wh-What’s gotten into you?” you moan breathily as the aching need between your legs begins to pool from his touch.

He pulls away and rests his forehead against yours, his eyes darkened with desire as he looks into your own. “You,” he whispers gruffly. “It’s all you. You drive me crazy, princess.” His gaze is smoldering and his lips are tantalizingly close to yours.

Closing the distance, your lips capture his in a deep, passionate kiss. His arms trail down your waist, snaking under your thighs as he effortlessly pulls you up. You press your chest flush against his own as he holds you, deepening your kiss as you wrap your legs around him and his hands grip your backside.

Satoru’s tongue explores your mouth in a heated frenzy as he carries you across the room and towards your bedroom. Your kiss is frenetic, as if each crash between your lips is insatiable. He halts his stride through the hallway to the bedroom as he presses you against a wall for a moment, his body pinning you there as he kisses you hungrily. You arch your back against him, your fingers tangling in his messy ivory hair as you feel a hand glide up your shirt, gripping your supple breast firmly. He groans into your mouth, his cock throbbing as his body responds to kissing you, touching you – the tension between you thick and electric.

He pulls away, breath mingling with yours, his chest heaving against you as he looks down at your kindled expression. "Fuck, I missed you. You're driving me crazy," he growls, "I've been waiting patiently for you to recover, I can’t wait any longer.”

As he collides his lips back against yours, his grip adjusts on you, allowing you to feel his length twitch between your legs. The pressure of him against your clothed core makes you desperately crave more contact as you increase the pace of your sloppy kisses with heavy breathes. Once you enter your bedroom, he swiftly throws you onto the bed, following quickly after as his body looms over you.

He stares down at you with a hunger – tousles of his disarranged hair hanging down as his icy blue eyes sweep over you, raking in the sight of your lips, plump and swollen as they glisten from the remnants of your shared kiss. You feel your heart thudding against your ribcage like a maddened drum as your chest rises and falls, the heat radiating from your body.

“Don’t hold back ‘toru,” you mewl while you slide your hands up his chest and down his broad shoulders. “I need you so bad.”

A low growl escapes him as your words reach his ears, your plea pushing him even further over the edge. "Oh princess," he murmurs, his voice low and rough, "You have no idea how long I've been holding back. I won’t. I won’t hold back now."

He lowers himself to you, lifting your shirt off of you as he begins trailing kisses upon your abdomen. Once his lips reach the hem of your skirt, his fingers begin to play along the trim of the fabric. His touch is slow and deliberate as he pulls it down, exposing your black laced underwear, already soaked from the pooling warmth between your thighs.

His breath hitches at the sight, and he lets out a low growl, “Fuck.” His body responds intensely as he feels himself throb at the sight of you. "You’re soaking wet," he murmurs. "I've been aching to touch you for so long."

You shiver from the sensation of his breath dancing on your thighs while he peppers kisses up them, until finally his lips are met with your clothed center. "Can’t stop thinking of last time.. I’m desperate to feel you against me, to hear your sweet moans," his voice is sultry as he slowly runs his fingers up and down your inner thighs, tantalizingly close to your core.

Each time he pulls away, you groan in frustration, your hips buckling forward and that tingling ache between your legs, eager for him to touch you. “Satoru, please... need you to touch me.”

With a low hum of approval, he leans in, his lips hovering just millimeters away from the spot you ache for him most. "Well, what’s this? So needy… are you begging for me?" a smirk playing on his lips. "Go on then. Use your words sweetheart," he purrs as his fingers tease the edge of your underwear, his touch feather-light. “Tell me what you want. Need to hear you say it.”

A shiver of anticipation runs through your body as he leans in, your body trembling with a shockwave of desire as his fingers trace intimate patterns against your skin. A moan escapes your lips, your breath hitching as you cry out, “Fuck, ‘toru. Please, please. Touch me, I need you. Can’t wait any longer..”

He grins in response to your pleading, his expression smug and satisfied as he revels in your desperation. "Hmm..." he hums, his fingers pulling your underwear down to expose your pretty folds. "Begging suits you, you know. Told you’d I’d have you begging for me.”

As you lay bare before him, he relishes at the sight of you dripping with arousal. “Fuck, you’re so pretty. Didn’t get a good look last time. Been eager to taste you.” He inhales and licks a long strip across your cunt up to your sensitive bud. A needy moan escapes your lips and your hips shutter under him as his warm breath murmurs against your entrance.

Your moan is like music to his ears, sending a shiver down his spine and making his length grow, pressing firmly against the fabric of his pants. He grips your hips and buries his face deep within you, as if trying to mold you against him. You can’t help but moan more, breathless while his tongue works extensively, exploring every inch of your womanhood, wanting to ingrain the taste of you into his memory.

Arching your back, you look down at him to be met with his gaze, intense, almost feral – a gaze that could set fire to the room. The hunger within him is barely contained as he drinks you in like a man deprived of water. Each flick of his tongue causes a primal need to pulse through his veins and shoot to his cock, throbbing and desperate to claim you.

He pulls back for a brief moment, panting slightly as he rakes in your flushed face, painted in pleasure as your chest rises and falls with ragged breaths. A smirk plays on his lips – lips glistening with your essence. "You taste so good.” With a devious glint in his eyes, he reaches down to your sensitive bud. Your eyes flutter shut in pleasure and a moan escapes your mouth as he begins to massage your clit with soft, circular motions. “Enjoying yourself?" he muses, his voice low and sultry.

“Feels good ‘toru,” you manage to gasp out. “Please… more.”

His smirk widens as he hears your breathless pleas, his fingers continuing their gentle torture on your sensitive button. "Good girl," he murmurs, his voice thick with satisfaction. "I’ll give you all the pleasure you deserve." He pushes his face between your legs again, his tongue dancing in your slit as he softly sucks and laps in your nectar.

You grip onto his head, your fingers pulling at his snowy locks while you plunge him further into you, rocking your hips upon his face, his nose rubbing against your vibrating clit. He lets out a low groan at your sudden fervor, and he feels his cock ache hard, almost unbearable, as it presses against his pants. Fuck, he loved it when you used his face like this. His tongue works quicker, matching the pace of your movements as you grind completely on top of him.

“Fuckfuckfuck, ‘toru. Don’t you dare stop, ‘m so close,” your voice trembles as your pitch rises – your vision goes blurry as the pressure builds below from your nearing peak. Your grip on his hair tightens and you are relentless with your movements, wanting so desperately to come undone on top of him – feeling like you’re ready to burst.

"Cum f’ me, princess," he murmurs, his voice breathless and gravelly as it vibrates against you. It brings you over the edge as you arch your back and rock intensely on top of his pretty face, rubbing it vigorously against your clit. Your pace ascends with each ardor movement – the tension within your core becomes unbearable, until finally, shivering and writhing in ecstasy as your toes curl and you moan his name, you cum on top of him. He lets out a deep strangled groan as he feels your walls tremble against him and the weight of your pleasure floods into him while you release yourself into his mouth. He drinks it all in, savoring each drop of your essence like sweet sweet honey.

When he pulls back with a satisfied grin tugging at the corners of his mouth, he admires your trembling figure, basking in the lingering waves of pleasure that ripple throughout your body. His own breath is ragged and his azure eyes are darkened with desire, yet glimmering with satisfaction as he licks his lips, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

“You look so beautiful when you cum for me,” he murmurs, “Could watch you all day, princess. We’re just getting started.”

You close your eyes for a moment as you attempt to catch your breath, but they instantly flutter open as you hear the sound of fabric shuffling. You watch as Satoru sheds his shirt, revealing his sculpted torso – his muscles flexing with each movement. He fumbles with the belt of his pants, his hands desperate and impatient to free his aching length. The buckle clinks softly as he releases it from the loop and Satoru lets out a sigh of relief as he unleashes himself from the confines of his pants.

Biting your lip, you cannot take your eyes off of him. His evident erection throbs in front of you. You can’t believe how big it is. It’s girth thick, it’s length long with a flushed red tip, glistening from a pooling drop of precum, aching to be touched.

Satoru grips his length, rubbing the slit of his head as the bottom of his thumb slides over the bead of clear liquid. He pumps himself slowly a few times in preparation, his words dripping with confidence as he promises, “I’m going to make you scream my name.”

A hand sinks on the mattress beside your head, bracing himself as he leans in closer. His body is coiled with need and tense with anticipation, his muscles rippling beneath his skin as he holds himself over you and strokes his cock, inching it closer to your cunt. He gazes down at you intently, his eyes dark and full of desire as he takes in the sight of your flushed body lying underneath him.

You feel the head of his erection circle around your lower lips, teasing you with brief moments of collision before momentarily pulling back. As he rubs himself against your already sensitive clit, a soft gasp escapes your mouth and you moan sweetly, squirming underneath him as you feel the heat and wetness of your combined passion beginning to blend together at your entrance.

His breath hitches and his grip on the sheets tighten as he leans closer. "So sensitive for me, princess," his breath is hot against your ear, dripping with desire. "You feel so good under me like this. I want to hear all of your moans as I bring you to the brink of ecstasy.”

His hips continue their gentle press against yours, his movements a delicious tease that borders on the edge of pleasure and frustration as he heightens the friction upon your reactive clit. Your body trembles beneath him with every touch, “Please ‘toru,” you whimper, “I’ve been wanting you inside me. Please, please fuck me.”

A low growl of approval escapes his lips at the sound of your begging – he pauses his movements, a mischievous glint in his eyes as he looks down at you, his arms caging both sides of your head now, trapping you beneath him as he stares down at you with lascivious hunger.

"Mmm, my sweet girl," he purrs, his tone laced with a mixture of affection and lust. “You begging me like that, it's driving me crazy. How can I say no when you ask so nicely?”

He moves closer, body pressing insistently against yours as he pushes your knees up to your chest. “I’ll give you exactly what you want, princess,” his voice dropping to a silky whisper. You arch your back as he finally sinks into you, thrusting his length into your cunt without any hesitance – parting your pretty folds as the warmth of him is welcomed against your plush wet walls.

The heat of his shaft is hot and his girth is eruptive, causing your breath to catch in your throat. You watch him shudder as he slides into you – a low rumble of satisfaction escaping his throat as your walls clamp down on his thick length. “Fuuck,” the words rolling off his tongue in a low growl, “you are so tight. God, you feel so good.”

A sharp gasp escapes your lips as he completely bottoms out inside of you. The heat of your combined passion melding together as you fully become one with him – his member pressing hard against your cervix.

“Nngh ‘toru… it’s big. Feel like I’m going to tear apart,” your body trembles beneath him and your gasps and moans are like a symphony of pleasure, fueling his own primal need. Your hands tangle in his hair, fingers brushing against his undercut and grasping for his ivory locks.

His head dips down, nose nuzzling into the crook of your neck as he relishes in the feeling of you wrapped around him. “I know baby, I know,” he breathes, his voice hot and damp against your skin, “But don’t worry you’re doing so good for me. Taking me so well.”

A shiver runs down your spine as he speaks, the deep timbre of his voice and the hunger in his words sending a jolt of pleasure through you – his words a mix of praise and desperation.

He pulls back slightly to look into your eyes, his hair falling over his forehead, framing his face in a wild untamed way while his gaze is filled with a fierce desire. "Gonna start moving now, sweetheart," he grumbles huskily, both a reassurance and a command. "You ready for me?"

Your eyes roll back as you feel his movements begin, slow and deliberate. His hands slide down your body, caressing your curves and gripping your hips, pulling you even closer against him. Breathy moans escape your lips as each thrust inside you has his cock kissing your cervix with insistent and measured pressure, causing you to arch your back even more against him.

Your pitch rises as your gasps fill the air, causing his own desire to surge with each needy sound echoing off the walls of your room. His hips grind in a steady, relentless rhythm as he rocks against you, his chest vibrating with a deep rumble of approval as he presses you into the mattress – clenching your hips tightly while his body envelops you. He takes deep trembling breaths as he relishes in the sounds of you writhing under him. Every shift of his body brings a new wave of pleasure to crash over you.

His eyes remain fixated on your face with each thrust, studying every expression and reaction. The heat from his skin sears against yours, each point of contact igniting a fresh wave of electricity through your body. He hungrily drinks in the sight of you, flushed and needy, your head thrown back in ecstasy. "God, you're so – ha – beautiful like this," he groans, his voice low and strangled. "So perfect."

He quickens the pace, his breath becoming strained as he increases the friction between your bodies, his own moans growing louder and more frenzied with each thrust as he feels his own desire driving him wild – his cock getter harder as he feels your pussy milk him, an overwhelming pressure building within him.

“Fuuuuck baby, fuck,” he manages to rasp out as his hands move to your chest, cupping your breasts as he begins to caress and kneed them, rubbing soft circles around your nipples, twisting and rolling them with his fingers. His own breath comes in short gasps as your hot wet walls consume his cock, squelching sounds filling the air with each thrust. He feels a desperate need boiling inside him – the need to fill you to the brim with his seed.

Every time he feels you tighten around him, he struggles more and more to hold back the overwhelming pleasure coiled within him. His strokes begin to become erratic, less controlled and more urgent. The slaps of your colliding bodies fill the air, along with your sweet whimpers and moans. A low growl escapes his lips as he captures your wrists in his hands, pinning them above your head against the bed. He leans in closer, his body hovering over you, his eyes locking with yours in a heated stare.

“S-Satoru…” you mewl.

“You like that?” he groans, biting gently onto your shoulder while grinding into you harder. “Fuuuck, I can feel you squeezing my dick...”

His increased pace creates a delicious friction that steals the breath from your lungs. You feel his cock rub against your clit with every thrust into you, the vibrations causing a shiver of pleasure to ripple through your body, relishing in the feeling of being completely full of him.

“Don’t stop… nngh, yesyesyes SatoruI’m so close.”

He grits his teeth as you continue to squeeze around him, your pussy milking him like an expert. With a low growl, he clutches your hips tighter and increases his pace even more, his hips moving with a primal rhythm that matches the beat of your hearts. His eyes flare with determination at your words, responding instantly to your pleas.

“Shit, your cunt is gonna be the death of me...” he groans loudly, feeling his orgasm building quickly within him. “Let go for me,” he growls, reaching down to tease your clit with his thumb. “Cum all over my cock baby...”

The sensation of his thumb on your clit brings you over the edge as you writhe in ecstasy. Your hands grip Satoru's back as your nails dig into his skin, carving down on his flesh as your plush walls clamp onto his cock - screaming his name as your essence coats his shaft with pleasure.

"Nnhh, oh fu-u-ck," he grits out, his voice choked and rough, his body shaking with pleasure from the sight of you, coming undone beneath him – the feeling of you covering his cock with your release, it’s enough to push Satoru over the edge.

With a strangled moan of pleasure, Satoru gives into the sensations overwhelming him – spilling his load deep inside you, plunging you with his hot sticky seed as ropes of white cum paint your insides. His cock pulses against your walls and he grunts as he rides out his orgasm, pumping his load until there was nothing left.

He looks down at you with a mixture of satisfaction and tenderness, his body heavy and spent as he tries to regain control of himself. He quivers with pleasure as he pulls out his sensitive limp cock, his thick white cum oozing out of you, dripping down your thighs.

"God, princess," he gasps, his voice thick with exhaustion. "You drive me wild." He collapses on top of you, his chest heaving against your own, his heartbeat rapid and erratic as he nuzzles his face into the crook of your neck.

Your panting breaths mingle together as you gently brush your fingers through Satoru’s hair, tenderly massaging his scalp while you hold him close. “Hmm,” a satisfied hum escapes you. “Guess I am your weakness.”

He lets out a soft chuckle, his breath warm, murmuring against your skin. "You figured it out.” Melting into your touch, Satoru holds you close and nestles himself further – embracing you as if he couldn’t bear to let you go, inhaling the scent of your skin. “You definitely are, always have been."

You both lay there for a moment, enjoying the warmth and comfort of each other’s bodies – but you can’t help but let your mind race a bit. Thoughts of Suguru tug at the corners of your mind. You haven’t mentioned him to Satoru since that night, when you told him about the crimes he committed. You had a strong desire to catch up to Satoru, you don’t want to be his weakness, his downfall. You want to stand beside him as an equal – you want him to come to rely on you just as you rely on him.

“Hey ‘toru…” you speak softly and seriously as you continue to run soothing circles on his scalp. “Whatever happens next… you don’t have to do it alone.”

His eyes flutter open as he feels the shift in your demeanor, the change in the air. He can sense the seriousness in your tone and the concern in your touch. He pulls back slightly to look into your eyes, his own gaze softening slightly at the worry he sees reflecting back at him. For a moment, he is silent, contemplating your words and the weight behind them.

Finally, he lets out a sigh and nods, his expression growing more pensive. "I know I don't have to," he says. "But it's not about me. It's about everyone else, about doing everything I can to protect them… to protect you."

A wry solemn smile tugs at the corners of your lips. Typical Satoru, putting himself last. There was no sense in arguing with him right now. Instead, you were going to work ever harder – to push yourself to catch up with him. One day you’d make him rely on you, and then you’d both face Suguru together. Shaking your head slightly as a sigh escapes your lips, you bring your hand to Satoru’s cheek as you softly caress his face. “You’re hopeless, you know that?”

He grins at your words, the corner of his lipa curling up in amusement. "Yep, that's me," he replies, his tone lighthearted. "Hopeless and in need of saving." He nuzzles his face into your hand, relishing the feeling of your touch on his skin. With a turn of his head, he presses a gentle kiss to the palm of your hand before speaking again, "But trust me, princess, I appreciate it. More than you know."

With a fond grin, you let out a sigh and rest your forehead against his own. "Love you, you big dummy."

Satoru rolls his eyes playfully, but his expression softens at your words. Leaning in slightly, he brushes his nose against your own, "Love you too, you stubborn pain in the ass," he teases, and then he captures your lips in a gentle, lingering kiss – his hand coming up to rest on the side of your face. You let out a hum of contentment, savoring the tender feeling of his lips on yours.

When he pulls away, you let out a small whine of disappointment, only to be greeted with his smirk and the sound of his teasing words. “We should get you cleaned up. I guess you can finally have that bath you’ve been wanting.”

Your eyes light up at the thought, the promise of hot water and steam calling you. A soft huff of laughter escapes your lips and your eyes sparkle with amusement. "About time you remembered," you reply, with mock exasperation. "I was starting to think you were going to make me wait forever.”

"Yeah, yeah" he glints, his free hand coming up to brush a strand of hair out of your face. "But you know… honestly a bath sounds nice. I could also use a good wash. Especially after all the work you just put me through."

You raise your eyebrow as you can see a sly grin tugging at the corner of his mouth and you snort playfully at his suggestion. "You're just looking for an excuse to soak with me."

Satoru leans in closer, his lips hovering just millimeters away from yours – his breath dances upon your face while he hums at you mischievously with a lazy smirk. "Why, you up for a little more fun in the tub?"

He still had more in him? Biting your lip, you look away from him for a moment as you pretend to think before responding, your tone playful and sultry. "Oh, I dunno, I think I’m pretty tired after all that exertion you made me do."

Satoru’s grin mischievously widens, “I can help you relax, common just let me join you,” he pleas childishly with a slight pout as he nuzzles closer to you with puppy dog eyes.

Your roll your eyes but they quickly betray you as they flicker down to his lips, tantalizingly close to your own. "It depends," you tease, your voice low and alluring. "Can you behave yourself in there?”

His eyes rove over your body, taking in each curve and contour as an unwavering smile spreads across his face. "Behave myself? That's a pretty big ask, princess. But for you, I'll try my best." He leans in closer, his lips brushing softly against yours as he speaks. "But no guarantees," he murmurs, his breath hot against your skin.

∘₊✧

"Fuck baby," he grunts through clenched teeth, "That's it... Just like that..." He pushes his member into your mouth, eyes half lidded in pleasure.

It is clear that Satoru had no intention of cleaning up. The sounds of his moans echo off the tile of the bathroom, steam enveloping your bodies as it creates a veil of warmth around you. Satoru’s groans heighten as you wrap your lips around him, taking him in deeper and deeper with each bob of your head. Your tongue swirls expertly around the sensitive underside of his shaft while your fingers trace teasing patterns along his balls. Muffled sounds escape your lips as he thrusts gently into your warm mouth.

Satoru’s hands cradle the sides of your head as he pulls you closer – his hips bucking forward. “Mmm.. that’s it…,” he hisses as he watches your lips stretch around his length. His fingers tangling in your hair as he holds you steady, thrusting himself deeper into you.

The sounds of the bath water rippling underneath you with each thrust, the grunts of Satoru’s pleasure and your muffled moans fill the air. His fingers tighten their grip on your hair, guiding your movements. Suddenly, he pulls back just enough, teasing the head of his cock across your plump lips, giving you a moment to breathe as you pant on his aching arousal.

“You’re so cute taking all of me like this. Fuck, your mouth feels better than I imagined. Been wanting to do this for a long time,” he murmurs breathily while his hand reaches down to gently stroke your cheekbone before lifting your chin up to look at him. He rakes in every inch of you with a mixture of pleasure and adoration – drinking in the sight of you, lips plump and pink while slightly parted.

“I’ve been wanting you too ‘toru..” you hum in pleasure, a tingling ache pooling between your thighs as you’re satisfied in how desperate he looks for you – you flick your tongue out and swirl it around the slit on his weeping tip, savoring in the taste of his precum as his head rolls back slightly from the sensation.

Satoru’s eyes flutter shut as he lets out a sensational gasp of pleasure from your tongue, dancing tantalizingly over the sensitive head of his cock. A shiver racks through his body down to his spine and a rumble of satisfaction vibrates in his chest. The sound he makes sends a thrill throughout your body – you smile around him, your tongue swirling in a way that drives him wild.

“You're too good at this...” he grunts out between ragged breaths. “Getting too close, I need to cum inside of you,” he rasps and suddenly pulls away, grabbing you as he spins you around. He pushes you forward onto the side of the tub and lines himself up with your soaking entrance.

You whine and welcome him eagerly as you rub his member between your slick folds, bent over and craving him as you coat his tip with your sweet essence. “Nnnm, need you inside me, please ‘toru.”

He grins down at you with a sly smirk plastered on his lips. “So needy, what happened to being too tired princess?” and with a swift motion he plunges his cock deep into your wet pussy once again, causing a sharp gasp to escape your throat that slowly turns into a needy moan. A low growl rumbles in his chest as he grips your hips tightly.

Leaning himself over your back, Satoru’s hand snakes around your waist and cups one of your breasts firmly, kneading it as he presses kisses along your neck. His warm breath plays upon your ear as he begins to move. “Good girl, taking me whole,” he purrs, “gonna fill you up again.”

Feeling the warmth of your slick walls enveloping him sends a wave of pleasure coursing through his body – he begins moving rhythmically, each thrust met by a symphony of soft gasps and lewd squelches echoing throughout the bathroom.

"Nnngh, – you feel – ha – so good ‘toru " you gasp, your voice coming out in short, breathless sighs, each one a testament to the pleasure coursing through you. Satoru revels in making such erotic sounds escape your lips, it fuels a primal passion within him and drives him even more over the edge.

Groaning in pure pleasure, Satoru wastes no time picking up his pace – each forceful thrust making your body bounce enticingly on the waterline of the bathtub, sending waves of satisfying splashes to cascade against the sides of the tub.

His hand on your breast searches for your nipples, pinching and rolling it between his thumb and forefinger. You can feel the intensity building within you, the pleasure mounting with each passing moment – arching your back from each satisfying sensation, you push yourself deeper against his shaft and moan. “Yesyesyes, I’m so close ‘toru.”

He can feel your pussy clenching around his cock, signaling your impending climax. With a smirk, Satoru increases his pace even further, driving himself deeper into your quivering depths. His other hand slips down to tease your clit, rubbing small circles around it while he continues to pound deeper into your dripping cunt with each stroke. “That's it... let go, princess,” he murmurs into your ear before biting down gently on the lobe.

You gasp as his throbbing member hits deep against your cervix, and the combined stimulation of your sensitive bud sends you over the edge to ecstasy – your body a live wire of pleasure. You cry out Satoru’s name loudly, a mantra of pleasure and surrender, fingers digging into the edge of the tub, gasping and shuddering through your orgasm as your clamp your walls down on him, coating his cock with your sweet messy release.

Savoring each ripple of your inner muscles gripping onto Satoru’s aching length with such delicious fervor, he feels you milking every last drop out of him until he finally surrenders to his own building orgasm. His strokes become erratic as he chases his climax, driven wild by the sight and sounds of your pleasure echoing off the walls, adding fuel to his own burning desires.

“Fuuuck – ha – ‘m gonna cum.” His balls tighten as he releases his hot seed deep into your quivering cunt, spurting forth in hot streams, filling you up until you’re dripping with your combined pleasure. Holding onto your hips tightly, he rides out every last pulse of pleasure until finally collapsing.

You fall against the side of the tub, both panting and trembling from the intensity of your release. The sound of your ragged breaths fills the room, the only other sound being the soft slosh of the water around you. He holds you tightly, his body draped over yours while he trails gentle kisses upon your skin, his hot breath dancing on your neck with each shaky exhale. He buries his face in your hair as he attempts to catch his breath. "God, you're... amazing," he mutters.

You let out a soft hum of agreement, your voice raspy and spent. "Hmm~ you're not so bad yourself," a tired smile playing at the corners of your lips as you feel the exhaustion and blissfulness settling in your bones. You lean into his touch, closing your eyes and savoring the feeling of his skin against yours.     

He lets out a soft chuckle, his own breath still coming out in short, ragged gasps. "Not bad? I'll have to try harder next time," he teases, his voice dripping with playful arrogance. As he adjusts your position slightly, his arm encircles your waist, pulling you closer against him like a protective cocoon as you sit back in the tub.

His skin is hot and slick against your own and his heart beats softly against your back – a steady reassuring rhythm in the stillness. He leans in closer, his lips finding the spot just below your ear, "God, I can't get enough of you," he murmurs.

Feeling yourself melt into his arms, your body relaxes against his in a comfortable heap. You let out a sigh of contentment, closing your eyes as you bask in the warmth of his embrace. “Good," you murmur back, your voice drowsy with contentment. “No more pulling that shit where you leave me high and dry, okay?”

He chuckles lightly at your response, his chest vibrating against your back as he laughs. "No more leaving you high and dry, I promise," he reassures you, his tone serious. Planting a kiss on your shoulder, he runs his thumb gently over your hip, his touch soothing and comforting as he mutters. "Never gonna leave you hanging like that again. I swear."

∘₊✧

As the warm sun peers through the blinds of your windowsill, you grumble as you sleepily rub your eyes. "Satoru?" you mutter and reach out, searching for his warmth, but all you feel is the cold, empty sheets beside you where he used to be. Your eyes flutter open, and you squint against the glare of the sunlight streaming in. “Satoru?” you mutter again, your voice still thick with sleep. You frown suddenly deepens as you realize that he's not here. The silence is deafening. There is no way, right? He wouldn’t do this again?

You spring out from your bed and briskly walk down the hallway, unable to hide the desperation in your voice and the tears that begin to slowly well up in your eyes as you call him again “Satoru?” Your stride freezes as you hear the clattering on pots and pans coming from the kitchen, the aroma of freshly brewed coffee and sizzling bacon wafting in the air.

Relief washes over you, followed by a surge of slight irritation. How dare he leave you in bed alone again, worried about where he disappeared to. You walk briskly to the kitchen and see Satoru standing at the stove – the early morning light casting a warm glow on his disheveled hair. He is dressed in a casual t-shirt and sweatpants, cooking breakfast as if nothing happened, looking all too domestic with a spatula in one hand and a mug in the other. How does he always manage to look so damn attractive while aggravating the hell out of you at the same time?

He turns slightly at the sound of your footsteps, a crooked smile playing on his lips. “Morning, sleepyhead,” he chirps, as if he wasn’t just mysteriously absent moments ago – his casualness only fueling your annoyance.

“Satoru Gojo, I swear to God,” your voice is tinged with frustration and relief as you grab the throw pillow from the couch and hurl it at him – only for it to hit an invisible barrier and fall to the ground, Satoru stopping it with his infinity, a playful smirk on his lips.

"Hey, hey, now. No need to throw things at me. I was just making you some breakfast." He holds up the spatula in one hand and the coffee mug in the other, looking entirely too innocent.

✧ahhh, something about satoru being a big clueless idiot but meaning well :') hope ya'll enjoyed this! thanks for reading ♡

taglist: @haychhans @mysticnozel @luvrsbian @xxxxwhatsername @imonhereforareasonsadly @kalulakunundrum @ch3rryistheg @skyahri @genshingeeksworld @seilahtitania32 @strychnynegirl

[aliteralsemicolon]

I'll still be here

To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, till death do us part. You and Spencer plan to honour your vows at any cost, no matter how insignificant or difficult the situation seems. 

Spencer Reid x Fem! Reader

DISCLAIMER This story is SFW but still intended for mature audiences. You are responsible for the content you consume. Make sure to read all necessary warnings. Please remember this is a work of fiction; if you don’t like it, don’t read. Not proof read.

WARNING: Light descriptions of cuts and bruises, PMS/period talk. Proceed at your own risk.

Word count: 2.2K See notes at end for authors note & spoilers.

You never felt more at peace than when you were with your husband. He’s your solace, your other half, your soulmate. You also never felt more dread than when he was away. Since his return from prison, you’ve been increasingly anxious whenever he leaves, scared that he might not return for God knows how long again. You're always holding your breath, only releasing it when you see him walk back in through the front door and immediately into your arms.

The relief you feel is instantaneous. Until you pull back after a minute, just to be greeted by shades of green, yellow, purple and blue staining various parts of his visible skin. Your smile drops when you notice the condition he’s in. Messy hair, dirty clothes, two shallow cuts on his lip and temple…and the bruises. So, so many bruises. Most noticeably above his brow, on his cheek and a particularly large one from the side of his mouth to his jaw. 

The first time he came home like this was in the early stages of the relationship. He had offered you an out, stating that this was normal with his line of work and would most definitely happen again. You assured him that you weren’t going anywhere and that you’d be there every single time to nurse him back to health. True to your word, you were still here five years later.

You unintentionally sigh, slipping your fingers to intertwine with his and guiding him to the bedroom. You gently sit him on the edge of the bed and leave him there to retrieve the first aid kit. Spencer watches you disappear into the bathroom. You’d surprised him by choosing to stay, despite the many outs you were given. He’d come to expect being abandoned at one point or another, but you stuck by him through his worst times. Without fail or complaint, you were always there. 

Something’s different today. He can’t put his finger on it exactly, but he’s literally trained to pay attention to human behaviour, no matter how skilled you are at masking your emotions, he’s better. You emerge out, making your way over to him and climbing into his lap with your legs on either side of him. He leans back onto his hands, allowing more room for you to get comfortable. Using the base of your index finger, you turn his face to one side by his chin and begin wiping his cut with some disinfectant. 

He subtly winces at the initial sting, relaxing after the feeling passes. Not a single word’s been passed between you two since the initial greeting. He keeps his eyes on you waiting for you to meet them, but you don’t. You stay focused on tending to his injuries. You’d just finished with the butterfly bandages on his temple and had moved on to the cut on his lip. 

“What’s wrong?” He whispers.

“Aside from the obvious?” You joke, tilting his head to the other side to deal with the bruises. 

You begin rubbing some vitamin K cream, trying to be as careful as possible. His eyes are still locked in on yours. You nervously chew on your lip from the scrutiny. When you're done generously applying the cream you make quick work of stuffing it back in the first aid kit. You keep your gaze lowered and Spencer takes it upon himself to cup your face, tenderly demanding for you to meet his eyes. 

The ambient lighting brings out the golden that hides in the usual brown. It’s almost impossible to hold eye contact, especially when he’s got his compelling puppy look plastered on his face. You scatter your sights anywhere else, feeling flustered and push yourself off him.

“S–stand up. I need to check the other bruises.” You gesture for him to comply as you speak.

“There are no other bruises. The paramedics already did a full check up.” He stands regardless, towering over you.

You nod as you take a step back and rush towards the bathroom again. You feel Spencer snake his arms around your waist while you put away the first aid, your body automatically leaning into his touch. He’s patiently waiting for you to look at him through the mirror, but you can’t bring yourself to look at him. You didn’t know why today was different from any other time. He’s come home in worse conditions, this was actually one of his tamer returns. 

“Can you at least look at me?” He kisses your parietal, rubbing circles on your skin with his thumbs.

You forcefully take a peek at his face, throwing in a weak smile, but immediately retreat and try to walk away. He doesn’t let you this time, only giving you enough room to turn around before entrapping you between the counter and his body. He takes hold of your hands and you stare at them, letting your fingers caress his palms when he loosens his grip. Spencer observes you, desperately trying to figure out what’s causing your repulsion. 

Was it the bruises? That doesn’t make sense, you’ve seen worse. Did something happen when he was away? You didn’t sound any different over the phone. He couldn’t recall anything strange about your behaviour until he got home. Something had to have happened between the last time he called you and now. 

“Hon–”

“You need to shower. I’ll heat up dinner for you.” You’re broken out of your trance when he breaks the silence and successfully push past him this time.

You race to the kitchen, but your husband doesn’t relent, pacing after you. He calls your name a few times, but you don’t respond. His gaining presence makes the room feel like it’s shrinking. It’s when you feel him pull you by the shoulder that you finally snap. 

“Spencer, please just stop!” You spin around to face him. 

He comes to a halt, just inches away from you. The pained look on his face makes you want to beat the crap out of yourself. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap…I just– please, go shower. I’m okay. Everything’s okay.” You plead with shallow breaths. 

“Neither of us are going anywhere until we talk about this.” He pushes, knowing that if he doesn’t get you to talk now you’ll just close up. 

You were much like him in that regard, always disregarding your feelings until they exploded on a much larger scale than necessary. He wasn’t going to let you avoid this problem. Tears welled in your eyes and you bit the inside of your cheek to try and evade them. You don’t expect the choked sob that spills from you. All the feelings you worked so hard to bottle, spill and sink you down to the floor.

“Hey, shh.” Spencer comforts as he puts his arms around your body, sinking down with you. “I’ve got you, my love, I’ve got you.”

He strokes your hair, offering you a safe space against his chest to cry into. He doesn’t stop with comforting stimuli, rubbing your back and kissing the top of your head. The two of you stay there for sometime. 

“I’m sorry.” Your voice is muffled by his shirt, but still audible.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” He reassures, a hand still in your hair.

You pull out of his embrace, still sniffling and look up at him through clouded lashes. You feel slightly pathetic, but there’s no judgement on his face. Only empathy and adoration. 

“I don’t know what’s wrong. I’m probably just PMS-ing.” You mumble.

“Premenstrual syndrome is very common, in fact 3 out of 4 women have or will experience PMS in some form. The physical and emotional changes you experience with premenstrual syndrome may vary from just slightly noticeable all the way to intense– I’m rambling, sorry.” 

“It’s okay.” You sadly chuckle. “You know I like when you ramble. Plus it’s a welcome distraction.”

“I know that…my point is that even if that’s the case, I won’t let you use that as an excuse to invalidate your feelings. Please, talk to me. Say whatever’s on your mind.” He speaks so softly, it makes your heart ache. 

“It’s not a big deal…” You begin and Spencer gives you a look to shut down the negation. “I guess it– the bruises, Spence. I don’t know why, but seeing you like this…it’s difficult today.”

“It’s not just today.” He exhales, shaking his head. “This is something that’s been going on since…I got back. From prison. We haven’t talked about it yet, but maybe we should.”

He wasn’t talking about the whole prison situation in general, the two of you had discussed that not long after his return. Spencer’s well aware of how antsy you get since then, even though you try to hide it. It’s why he texts you every chance he gets and makes time to call you, even in the middle of an investigation. 

“There’s nothing to talk about. I knew what I was getting myself into long before all of that.” You shrug, not wanting to give him a reason to offer you a chance to leave.

“Yes…but, that doesn’t make it any easier.” He counters.

“Spencer, I swear to god if you try to give me another out–”

“No. No more outs. You’re stuck with me. I want us to find a way to make this easier for you.” He chuckles lightly, rubbing soothing patterns on your forearm. 

He was so gentle with you, always finding some way to remind you that he loves you. If not with his words than with small touches. Though you didn’t see it as a small gesture by any means, knowing how he usually recoils from physical touch with others. 

“I honestly don’t know. I don’t think it can get easier, you know? Seeing the person you love more than anything come home like this. Especially when you don’t see them for days to begin with. I mean imagine if it was the other way around.” You confide, biting your lip from the nerves. 

His tongue darts out of his lip, an indicator that the gears in his head were turning. 

“That’s fair.” He nods. “Then maybe…it would be easier if I came home everyday? And not like this?” 

You pause, trying to comprehend what he means. 

“Are you implying that you resign from the BAU?” 

“If that’s what it takes.” He confidently replies. 

“Spencer, you love this job. I can’t ask you to leave it for my sake. I mean this is your life’s work.” You remind him.

“True, there was a time when the job meant everything to me.” He smiles, briefly reminiscing. “But that changed the second you took me as your husband.” 

Your heart threatens to leap out of your chest. At the same time you wonder if this is a cry for help. You never thought you’d ever hear him say he’d leave the FBI. Your concern must be plastered all over you, because Spencer feels the need to reiterate. 

“I love this job, I love you infinitely more.” 

“I only want you to quit when you’re ready to quit. Not for my sake. All I meant was that I want you to be a little more careful out there. I can’t lose you.” You’re dumbfounded by his admission and resist out of guilt. 

You never wanted him to choose between you and his work. 

“You won’t lose me. I’ll be by your side for the rest of our lives, the same way you’ve been by mine since I met you.” He drags you into his lap, pulling you impossibly close.

“That’s not a choice you can guarantee.” You scoff playfully.

“No, but it’s a choice I make regardless. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here for as long as you’ll have me.” 

He wasn’t going to budge. Spencer would do anything for you. He’d already given over a decade of his life to the bureau, the rest of it was yours. 

“I don’t want you to quit until it’s something you want for yourself. Just promise me that if things get too intense or dangerous, you’ll step back for a bit.” You throw out a compromise and drape your arms around his shoulder, prompting him to wrap his arms around your waist. 

“I promise. As long as you promise me that if it becomes too much for you to handle, you’ll tell me.” He’s looking at you as if you’re the most rare jewel on the planet, which to him, you are. 

“I don’t want to make you leave.” You oppose, running a hand through the base of his locks. 

“You’re not making me do anything. I want to do this. I’ve let myself lose a lot to this job. Let me be very clear when I say that I won’t lose you to it. I will not let it push us apart. Promise me.” He implores.

It’s so hard to refuse anything this man says when he looks at you with stars in his eyes and speaks to you in such a sweet tone. He’s your whole world and you’d do anything for him. 

“I promise.” You roll your eyes and giggle, the sound making him beam. “And by the way, I wasn’t going to let your job come between us either. Is it a pain in my ass at times? Yes, but I’ll still be here when you come home.”

“I love you.” Spencer blurts out, leaning in for a kiss.

“I love you too. More, actually” You contest.

“Whatever you say, my sweet angel.”

Spoilers: Established relationship, hurt + comfort, fluff.

AN - This is my most sleep deprived not-blurb, blurb ever. If this doesn’t make sense it’s because I wrote this without thinking about it or reading it over. There is no plot to this, it’s just a very self indulgent hurt/comfort fic that came to me in a dream (wish Spencer came to me (sorry)).  This is your reminder that I am not Spencer Reid and I do not have an IQ of 187. The facts I make him spew could very well be bull-shit and he only spews them for the purpose of this story. 

Rumour has it that if you comment nothing significant happens but it makes my day because I enjoy reading what you have to say :0

Thank you for reading!

[bahablastplz]

All in | Finale

pairing: Lee Felix x f!reader (mafia au)

summary: You didn't know what you were getting yourself into when you started dating Yang Jungwon, notorious mafia boss. Your life gets flipped upside down when you're found beaten and bloody by SKZ, the rival mafia group, and you're quickly integrated into their lives. What will happen when you try to leave your old life behind and start anew?

warnings: please see series masterlist for all warnings

series masterlist ~~ main masterlist

<< previous ♡

You barely take a breath before you’re running across the room, finally able to take in Felix’s condition. 

You don’t even realize that you’re screaming, cradling a hurt Felix into your chest. You say his name, over and over but he’s unresponsive. 

“Help,” you cry out. “Please, someone help.” He doesn’t seem to be doing too well, blood oozing from his shirt, and you can’t help but think, ‘he’s dead, Felix is dead,’ but you see him take a shallow breath, and you can’t help the tears that escape you when you think maybe it wasn’t all for naught. 

“Please,” you cry again, and to your pleas of help, someone finally comes rushing in. The door swings open and it’s Hyunjin and Changbin that find you holding onto Felix as if he were your lifeline. 

“Help him,” you sob. Your hands are covered in his blood in an attempt to stop the bleeding, and you think you would do anything if it meant that you could see Felix again. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go—it was supposed to be you, being the sacrificial piece to potentially give your life to save them all, to save him, if that’s what needed to be done. Instead, your actions have caused Felix to act out to protect you, causing his own harm. How could this have been prevented? 

You watch as Changbin lifts an unconscious Felix out of your arms and off the ground. Changbin grimaces at the sight of Felix, at his state. 

Hyunjin walks over to the other body slumped in the corner of the room. 

“Chan—“ he says, addressing you as if to ask what happened. 

“He’s dead, he’s already gone,” you tell him. “Felix, please focus on Felix. He might still have a chance, please.” 

Hyunjin lifts up his arms, conceding. Your heart wrenches as they bring him out of the room, and you hope this isn’t the last time you’ll see him. You don’t want him to leave your sight, really, but as you go to follow them someone places a protective hand on your shoulder. 

“It’s okay,” Jeongin tells you. In your frazzled state you didn’t even see him come in. “It’s alright. You can stop crying now.”

His words hit you like a punch to the gut. “No,” you protest, while wiping some tears from your eyes. “Not until I know he’ll be okay.” 

Jeongin wraps you into a hug, one that you gratefully accept. You bury your head into his shoulder, not caring about the snot and tears that will inevitably stain his shirt. 

“I’m so scared,” you admit. “If I lose him, it’ll be my fault.” 

“Don’t think like that,” he scolds. “Not yet. For now, the only thing you can do for him and for yourself is have hope.” 

You think that Jeongin is wise beyond his years, and his company soothes you in a way that couldn’t be properly communicated through words. 

“Are you hurt?” Jeongin asks when he pulls away, looking you up and down.

“I’m fine,” you answer. “Felix—“ 

“Listen, there’s nothing we can do about Felix right now except sit and wait. Let the doctors do their jobs. You,” he emphasizes, turning your hands over to examine your bloody knuckles, “are what we should worry about in the meantime.” 

“I’m fine,” you emphasize. 

“It’s okay if you’re not.” He shoots a look behind you at what you know to be Chan’s body and he’s ushering you out of the room. He’s sparing you from having to look at it any longer, from having to relive it. You can tell he wants to pry and ask what happened but he doesn’t. You’re grateful. “Go, take a shower and get the blood off of you. Someone will make you something to eat, and if you’re hurt, Jisung can help to patch you up. 

“But—“ 

“Let us help you,” he insists. You don’t have the resolve to argue any longer. 

You wash off Felix’s blood in the shower. You almost don’t want to, thinking that this is just a small piece of him that you still have with you, but your better judgment tells you that it’s a ridiculous thought. You remember what Jeongin had just told you–the only thing you can do is have hope–and so you don’t cling onto the thought that it’s all you have left of him. Felix will be okay, you repeat like it’s a mantra. The crimson runs down the drain. 

You can’t deny that you feel much better after your shower. Your hair needed some tender-loving care, of course, with how much you messed it up before your escapades with Heeseung. Your hands are tender around your palms and finally starting to scab up, but your knuckles are still lightly bleeding from where you punched a mirror. You don’t know how you didn’t notice—your adrenaline must have been protecting you from your aches and pains. When you ditch your dirty, torn clothes and replace them with a fresh and clean set, you feel more human. 

You push back the guilt that you feel for being able to do something so mundane, like taking a shower and brushing your hair, when you don’t even know if Felix is alive or dead. You leave your room, not wanting to spend a minute longer in there than you had to. It was a day ago that you had been trapped in here, after all. 

Jisung finds you first, wide eyes and confused expression. You take him up on his offer to wrap your hands up and help treat your wounds. It’s here that he finally asks you about the events that had occurred this morning–well, he more makes a statement, and you take this as an opportunity to open up. 

“I can’t believe Chan is really gone,” he sighs, applying a balm of sorts onto your hands that makes you wince. “Nobody expected Felix to be the one to do it. They must have really gotten into it.” 

“It wasn’t Felix,” you admit. Jisung blinks at you owlishly, not quite understanding what you’re referring to. “That killed Chan. It wasn’t Felix. It was me.” 

His mouth opens into a slight ‘o’ shape, taken aback though he doesn’t exclaim or make any remarks. He simply takes your words in stride, nodding at the news. 

“Are you okay?” he asks. “The first time is never easy.” 

“It’s not my first time, technically,” you say with a small chuckle. “Earlier today, I killed Lee Heeseung and Woojin as well.” 

“Woah,” he exclaims. “You’re joking?” 

“Unfortunately not. It was supposed to end today. In my head, Felix and I could have been free, together, without the burden of everyone out to get us. Without the restraints that Chan had put on all of you. It was supposed to be done–but now Felix, he might not even—”

“Hey, it’ll be okay,” Jisung says, finally finished treating your injuries. “Well, we don’t know for sure, but it’s gotta be. Felix is strong.” 

“I love him,” you say, tears finally beginning to stream down your face. You’re surprised with the delay, that it took you this long to break, but you truly can’t help yourself. 

“I know,” he replies. “We all know.” You perk your head up to look at him, surprised. “Felix… we’ve never seen him be happier.” 

You don’t know how long you cry for, but you’re in the presence of Jisung the whole time. It’s comforting. When you finally are done and your sobs turn into little hiccups, he walks you to the kitchen, where Minho is cooking a meal for you. Eggs, toast, and bacon. You’re especially appreciative of this, since you’re not sure the last time you ate. You eat in silence, giving Minho a smile of gratitude.

You sit on the couch and watch TV while you wait to hear the news about Felix. At one point, Seungmin comes and joins you. He’s on crutches, his leg completely wrapped from where he was injured not too long ago himself. You watch some crappy TV medical drama together until it’s time for the game, and then he turns on baseball. You are finally able to doze off here, on the couch, which you are both surprised and happy about, because 1.) you weren’t sure you would be able to fall asleep so easily, and 2.) it helped the time pass by quicker until Hyunjin comes to find you. 

“I just heard back from the doctor,” he tells you as you blink awake. Your heart starts to beat rapidly in your chest, but you remind yourself not to get your hopes up too high, despite what Jeongin told you, just in case you are completely let down. “Felix… they think he’s going to be okay.” 

“Really?” you ask, wiping a tear away as you look up at him. You can’t quite believe his words. 

“Yeah. The bullet, it missed his heart, but just barely. He just came out of surgery, and they said it was a success. We’ll just need to closely monitor his recovery in case of infection or any bleeding, but they said his chances are pretty good.” 

You envelop Hyunjin into a hug. You’re so overcome by strong emotions that you cry, again. 

“We’re surprised,” he says. “As much as I hate to say it, Chan has never missed a shot, so we really couldn’t be sure.” 

“That’s because Chan held my hands and made me point the gun at him,” you realize. “I moved, at the last second. Maybe that’s why…” 

Hyunjin nods. “You may have just saved Felix’s life.” 

─ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──── ♡ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──

Felix is unconscious for about 3 days. You see him as soon as you’re allowed to, and you spend just about every possible waking and unwaking second with him. You lie in his bed, talking to him even though you know he probably can’t hear you. You sleep right next to him in his bed too, only leaving when the doctor’s ask you to. 

You can’t deny that he looks rough, pale with all sorts of tubes sticking out of him, but he’s alive. That’s all that matters, and you’re thankful for it every day. 

You’re right there with him when he finally wakes up. The doctor advised you to not tell him too much at first, worried that the news about Chan might put him into unnecessary shock. 

You watch as his eyes flutter open, wincing from the bright hospital lights. He searches the room for a moment until he finds you, and you lock eyes. He smiles weakly. 

“You’re okay,” he rasps. You squeeze his hand tight. 

“I’m okay? Felix, you’re okay!” you laugh. You reach over to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear and he leans into your touch. 

“I love you,” he says, his voice still hoarse but full of emotion. 

“I love you too,” you tell him. It’s not the first time you’ve said this to one another, but it somehow holds more weight than the first time. 

You stay with Felix for practically his whole recovery. You are grateful for every second that you have together, now unburdened with the fear of someone who will try to take him away from you. 

“Chris is dead, isn’t he?” Felix asks one day. The two of you had just been lying in bed, eating breakfast when he asked you out of nowhere. Now that there was no longer a risk of you messing up his recovery or putting him into shock, you could answer him. You nodded your head slowly. 

“How did you know?” you murmur. 

“Because I’m here with you,” he replies. “I figured… for us to be here, together…” 

“Right,” you answer. “That makes sense. Um… yeah, he is dead.” 

Felix doesn’t say anything. He rubs circles into your knuckles instead. You rest your head on his shoulder. 

“Thank you,” he says at last. “And also… I’m sorry. And don’t ever do that again.” 

“Hmm?” 

“Leave, without me. Do something like that, without trusting me. Take on that burden alone. Potentially… sacrifice yourself, for my sake. Please, promise to never do that again.” You look over at him and realize that his face is wet, tear-tracks staining his ever so beautiful features. “Do you know what it would have done to me, if I had lost you? I would have been broken, Y/N. I woke up alone in that safe-house, alone, I immediately thought the worst. You… you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am so grateful for everything you did, but you didn’t have to do it alone.”  You reach over and wipe a tear from his eye with your thumb. 

“I’m sorry,” you tell him. “I just wanted… I hoped that I could put an end to everything.” 

“I know. And I could never be mad at you for that… I was just so, so scared.” 

He tilts your chin up suddenly, bringing you into a searing kiss.

“I want you,” he says when he pulls away, a string of saliva connecting your lips. “Can I have you? Please?” He pulls you even closer, so that you’re all but straddling him in his hospital bed. 

“Felix, what about your injuries? We have to be careful,” you gasp. 

“I’m better, angel, I promise. It doesn’t matter, I just need you so bad right now.” He grinds his hips up into you, pulling your clothed core against his length. He sees you hesitate, clearly fighting an internal battle at whether or not it’s a good idea. “Don’t think. Just feel, tell me you want this too. I’ve been waiting for so long.” 

 You hesitate again, your gaze flitting between his dark eyes and spit-wet lips. He asked you what you wanted, so you suppose all you can do is answer him truthfully. “I want you, too.” 

He lets out a sigh of relief at your words, flipping you over suddenly so that you’re beneath him. He wastes no time in getting you unclothed, and he himself can’t seem to get his own pants off fast enough. 

He worships you there in that room, his lips meeting any inch of skin he can find. His fingertips graze all over your body, from your neck to your breasts to your thighs. Your back is arching, keening into his touch before he has even started to touch you properly, but everywhere your skin meets feels electric, as if it were the first time. 

“Felix, please,” you beg as the ghost of his fingertips finds your wetness, barely dipping in to gather your arousal. “I need you now. No teasing.” 

He lets out a shallow breath. You watch as he grabs his cock, pushing it through your folds. He taps his head against your clit, smiling at the breathy reaction you give him in turn. His grin quickly drops when you wrap your legs around his waist, pulling him closer. 

He pushes into you then, dropping the act of the teasing and giving in. You can’t help the moan that escapes you, and you can tell Felix himself is trying hard not to let out his own sounds. 

You kiss him, long and slow as he rams his hips into yours relentlessly. You kiss him until your lips are bruised and swollen from breathing in nothing except for the air he lets out, from where he would nip at your bottom lip and tug it between his teeth just to see your eyes roll back into your head. 

He holds you tight while he fucks you, completely safe and embraced in his arms. You can’t tell where Felix ends and you begin, as every inch of skin that the two of you have is touching each other. He grinds and grinds into you though, holding you close with his face pressed into your neck as your release finds you quickly. 

You come undone in his arms. He kisses you through it, dropping words of praise and watching every micro-expression. You’re his now. You always have been, if you’re being honest, but it never felt truly cemented until this moment. 

He doesn’t stop when you’re overstimulated from your release. Later he would tell you that he loves the way your moans turn into squeaks and the tears start to pool in your eyes from the pleasure, but for now you let him use you until he finds release of his own. You want nothing more than to please him, for him to know that in every way he is yours, you are his. 

His hips slam into you a few more times, harder and faster, losing his pace as he approaches his own orgasm. You know he’s close by the way his hips stutter and the way he fights to keep his eyes open, torn between scrunching them up in pleasure and staring at you and your beauty underneath him. 

You pull him into a final kiss, your hands coming up to rest behind his head as you say those  three words again, the ones you feel that you can say so freely now. 

That’s what pushes him over the edge, his hips coming to a halt as he stills inside of you, spilling his hot release into the deepest parts of you. 

He rests his head on your chest, fingertips gliding over your skin again as he watches your skin pebble up from the sensation. You stroke your fingers through his hair. 

Felix is alive and so are you. You have gone to the ends of the earth for him, and you would do it again if it means you can continue to have moments like these. 

─ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──── ♡ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──

It’s not until a week later that you finally have the discussion about what to do. In the meantime, Felix focused on his recovery and you cherished every moment together. But of course, those times had to come to an end… you must talk about what’s next. What will become of SKZ now that Chan is dead? You know this isn’t an easy decision to make, and while you don’t entirely have a stake in what becomes of the group, you know you will have a say in what becomes of you. Because now that Chan is gone… you can finally leave, if that’s what you desire. 

A group meeting is called. 

There’s only seven members present at the table, and you. The empty chair where Chan once sat does not feel as bothersome as you thought it might. It’s a reminder, if anything, of what came before. Of what the future might hold. 

You start by telling the story of what happened to Chan. From your escape to your successful infiltration of ENHA, all the way to the fight with Chan and Felix. Gasps are heard around the table when he reveals what Chan told him, the truth about him being the one to kill Felix’s parents. Then you revealed how you were the one to kill Chan. Some eyebrows were raised, but nobody really said anything. 

“So what now?” Felix asks. 

“You were his right-hand man,” Hyunjin says. “If you want to fill his shoes, they’re yours. If you think we should disband, that choice is entirely up to you.” Nods are seen around the table. Felix lets out a loud sigh, running his fingers through his hair. 

“It’s hard,” he answers, his accent coming out heavy. “I think SKZ has become a home to some of us over the years, and it feels wrong to take that away from anyone.” 

“I have a proposition,” you interrupt. All eyes are on you but it doesn’t feel as scary as it would have when you first arrived. You feel free to speak to everyone now, and you do. “SKZ can become optional to anybody that wants to stay. No ultimatums, like Chan used to have. Felix, you can continue Chan’s businesses, but only the ones that you want to. In the meantime, anybody can do whatever they want.” 

Felix smiles at you, encouraging you to keep on going. 

“Seungmin can look into our accounts and see how much money we have… Seungmin, we’ll pay for your surgery. Innie, we can give you the money you need to go to fashion school. Changbin can see his mom again, and the rest of you, we can give you space to figure out if this is what you really want to do. There will be no punishment for leaving.” 

You see the way that Seungmin and Jeongin’s eyes light up at your words, immediately receptive to your idea. Nobody seems completely turned off to the idea–it’s just a matter of logistics. 

Felix decides that he likes your idea. He’s willing to fill Chan’s shoes, he decides, if it means that he can use his power to help everybody else out. He doesn’t want to have any empty promises, unlike Chan. It’s in this way that he feels he can truly find a purpose for himself, after everything that has happened. He asks Hyunjin if he will become his right-hand man. You can tell that that action means a lot to him; you make note to truly thank him later for all that he did, in helping you and Felix escape. 

Everyone decides that they want to stay in the house. Whether they’re going to participate in SKZ activities, only time will tell for some of them, but over the years they had created this family that they just didn’t feel ready to leave. One that you have become part of. 

Which is why when Felix asks you in front of everyone what you want to do, your answer is easy. 

“I want to stay,” you explain. “I don’t know what I’m going to do yet. It will take some adjusting, but I want to find a job. Something to do for myself. It’ll be different, being able to leave freely. I’ll probably take some time to go visit my sister, to explain the situation, but I want to reform my bond with her. And I want to stay here with Felix, and with all of you, if you’ll have me.” 

Felix smiles, his eyes turning into soft crescents at your words. “Of course we’ll have you.” 

And that settles that. 

That night, you crawl into Felix’s bed with him. You cry in his arms, as you often do most nights since the incident, but he consoles you. When he’s with you, you get the feeling that everything is going to be okay. 

He tells you that he loves you. You say it back. 

You are his and he is yours. The future looks brighter than it ever has because he will be there with you. You have a whole group of people to fall back onto now. Even after everything you have been through, you don’t regret it and you wouldn’t change it. 

You are a different person, after all, and you like who you are now. You have become stronger, more resilient. And while you want to thank Felix for that, you know that you have done a lot of it yourself. You are proud. 

Hopeful. 

─ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──── ♡ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──

A/n: The end guys! I hope everyone enjoyed. Thanks to everyone for sticking with me, and thanks to my frequent commenters and rebloggers, you guys have all made it worth it. I'm finally done with my first multichapter story and it feels so bittersweet, All In really has been my baby for several months. Let me know what you thought of the ending!! I don't know what will be next, probably several random oneshots but I hope you all will stick with me for my next story, whatever it may be. <3

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[sugurizz]

𝐒𝐌𝐔𝐓/𝐍𝐒𝐅𝐖 +𝟏𝟖 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐬 𝐃𝐍𝐈!!

𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫’𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 ── Bby Boo Joo is a M E N A C E but I know a lot of us noticed him being all soft and tender (like 1% of the time) but oh well, I can work with that 💪🏼. So here’s some of the ways Jaekyung expresses his…feelings? Ig. kinda his love language.. in a way 💕…

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐧: 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐀𝐒𝐊.

Also thanks for the inspo and sorry ik this ask was sent long ago 🤧. U can call me Hana but I’ve been thinking about Yuna as a new alias…idk.

𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬: established relationship, Physiotherapist F! Reader, shared house, implied power dynamics, hints at sex/ SEXUAL content.

Living in Jaekyung’s penthouse sure made life easier for both of you. It slowly aquainted you to each other, bodies and minds. You slowly got used to his mannerisms, little habits and his little pet-peeves. The sense of pride it gave you to feel like you knew him more than anybody else sure gave you a tiny ego boost. especially him desiring you whenever his body needs it…

♥︎──♥︎ He checks on you randomly. Casually pretending to walk by your room and just making sure you’re there. He does it almost whenever he’s home with you. Sometimes getting a bit sly with it so you don’t really notice him. But you slowly learned it was his way of checking up on you, making sure you’re around him -you know- just in case…

♥︎──♥︎ He hates you not being home, especially when he’s back from overtime training. Whenever he’s feeling stressed, uneasy or just in a sour mood, he’d rather you be around him or at least somewhere he knows.

He made it obvious the one day you were away til a late hour at night. He came home from his evening workout, didn’t find you there and instantly texted you.

‘I’m home. need you to check on my shoulder.’

♥︎──♥︎ He always complains about his feather-light sleep, but snoozes like a baby whenever you’re in his bed. The nights before his matches are surprisingly best for him. He gets the best sleeping quality after he pounds the juices out your poor pussy. He wakes up before you for sure, but his cute disheveled morning hairs are sure proof of a healthy healthy nap.

♥︎──♥︎ He likes it better when you make the food. His cocky ass always claims he’s fine making it himself but eats twice the amount whenever it’s you cooking his meals. He’d pretend he’s tired and not in the mood whenever he craves your cooking cause…his ass can’t simply ask for something lol. Yet he gets all giddy and blushy when his fav smoked eel dish is ready.

♥︎──♥︎ He hates to see you in any pain. Always saying it’s just for himself though…You know, just because he wants you always safe and ready to keep him in peak condition. and NOT because he actually cares or anything.

Yet why does he still gets annoyed at you getting the slightest scratch? He frowns when he notices you wearing band-aids, having a bruise or even some random shallow cuts on your hands and he’d instantly grab your arm, staring into your eyes and asking you how’d you get the injury.

♥︎──♥︎ He likes randomly noticing you…*ahem* underclothed. booty shorts definitely trigger his inner perv. He stares at your ass when you’re standing in the bathroom, doing your skincare freshly out of a quick nighty shower. So damn shameless when he stares. Almost undressing you with the raven eyes and thick lashes. So annoying…

You usually end up taking another shower that same night, only with his thick cum flowing down your thigh the second time :3

♥︎──♥︎ He can sense whenever you’re feeling down…IRONICALLY? Sounds like a joke with Jaekyung being the dick he is LOL but trust me on this one.

He almost has a sixth sense whenever you’re sad, scared, stressed out or just if something inconvenient happens to you in general. He’d never admit it -obviously- but it bugs him if he ever caught you teary-eyed. It gets him uneasy and you can tell when his mood sometimes matches yours..

Uhhh smells like love in here *insert Jaekyung stuffing his nose with toilet paper scraps*

♥︎──♥︎ He hates when you struggle to do something by yourself instead of asking him for help. (paying bills, dealing with packages, paperwork etc…) Says they’re just ‘bs problems’ and he can solve them for you much quicker and better than you could. He’d do it himself or even pays someone to do it instead.

Besides, he’s not kidding when he says he wants all your focus on him so he’d rather everything around you gets taken care of just so you can be there for him at all times.

♥︎──♥︎ He doesn’t mind your outside life but would definitely notice when you’re all cute and dolled-up for some reason.

It’s not only about the dolly looks to be fair. He’d bend you over the kitchen counter in your stained apron and fuck you dumb or suck your tits in your goofy pattern pjs on one of his long sleepless nights…

But the time he notices you spraying your cherry fragance in the bathroom, your perky breasts sticking shyly through your dress and a shiny jewel dangling from your ankle bracelet always gets him tight in his boxers.

He walks in with his glossy eyes, same naugthy grin you see when he’s in that mood..

‘Tomorrow’s my back check-up. Better not be late.’ He steps behind you, arms lazily crossed above his chest.

You nodded and made your way through the entrance, catching a honeyed voice behind you.

‘Hey Doc. I’ll drop you by'...

…His white McLaren got you there way ahead of time. so ahead that you ended up clawing at the door close to you, the little ankle bracelet jiggling over Jaekyung’s back and your shaky arms wrapped shut around his shoulders. Begging him to let you cum in fear of missing on your little night out...

[awkward-walking-potato]

Can I ask for charles, or hank and a sick reader?

The sun was just beginning to dip below the horizon, casting long shadows across the sprawling lawn of Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters. Inside the grand building, Charles Xavier was in the middle of an important meeting with his fellow X-Men. The room was filled with the usual hum of discussions, plans being laid out for the future, strategies to keep the world safe.

You sat beside Charles, quietly listening to the conversation, but you could feel a strange weakness creeping through your body. You had been feeling off for days, a heavy fatigue weighing down on you, but you had brushed it aside, not wanting to worry Charles. He had enough on his plate as it was.

But now, as the voices in the room seemed to blur and your vision began to swim, you realized you had underestimated just how sick you really were. You tried to focus, to push through the dizziness, but it was no use. The room started spinning, and the last thing you remembered was reaching out towards Charles, trying to catch his attention before everything went dark.

The sound of your body hitting the floor sent a shockwave of alarm through the room. Charles’s heart skipped a beat as he turned to see you crumpled on the floor beside him. The meeting was forgotten in an instant as he swiftly wheeled himself over to you, panic tightening his chest.

“Y/N!” His voice was sharp with fear as he reached out, his hands trembling slightly as he gently lifted your head. Your skin was pale, clammy, and your breathing was shallow.

“Get Hank,” Charles ordered, his voice calm but with an undercurrent of urgency. Storm immediately got up, leaving the room to fetch the doctor.

Charles cradled your head in his hands, his mind racing. He should have noticed you were unwell, should have sensed something was wrong. The guilt gnawed at him, but he pushed it aside, focusing on you.

“Stay with me, love,” he whispered, brushing a strand of hair away from your face. His thumb gently stroked your cheek, trying to ground you, to bring you back to him.

Hank arrived within moments, his medical bag in hand. He quickly assessed your condition, taking your pulse, checking your vitals. “She’s running a fever,” Hank said, concern in his voice. “She needs to rest. I’ll take her to the infirmary.”

“No,” Charles said firmly, his tone leaving no room for argument. “I’ll take care of her.”

Hank looked at Charles, understanding the depth of his resolve. With a nod, he stepped back. “If you need anything, call me.”

Charles nodded, then focused his attention back on you. With a gentle but steadying hand, he used his telekinesis to lift you effortlessly into his arms. As he cradled you close, he could feel how fragile you seemed, how your body trembled with fever.

He wheeled you to your shared quarters, the familiar comfort of the room bringing a sense of calm to his racing mind. Once there, he gently laid you down on the bed, covering you with blankets to ward off the chills that racked your body.

As you lay unconscious, Charles stayed by your side, his hand never leaving yours. He whispered soft reassurances, his voice a soothing balm even though you couldn’t hear him. He kept a cool cloth pressed to your forehead, trying to bring down the fever, his eyes never straying from your face.

Hours passed, the sky outside growing darker. Charles remained vigilant, his heart aching with worry. He could sense your discomfort, the way your mind was clouded by illness, and it tore at him that he couldn’t take the pain away.

Finally, as the night deepened, you began to stir. Your eyelids fluttered, and with a soft groan, you opened your eyes, the world coming into focus slowly.

“Charles?” Your voice was weak, but the sound of it was like music to his ears.

“I’m here, love,” he said softly, leaning closer. “You’re safe. Just rest.”

You blinked, trying to gather your thoughts, but the exhaustion was too heavy. “I’m sorry,” you whispered, guilt coloring your voice. “I didn’t want to worry you.”

“Shh,” he soothed, brushing his fingers through your hair. “You have nothing to apologize for. I’m just glad you’re awake.”

You managed a small, tired smile, your heart warming at the sight of him. “Thank you for taking care of me.”

“Always,” he replied, his voice filled with a quiet intensity. “I’m not going anywhere.”

With that, you allowed yourself to relax, sinking back into the comfort of the bed. Charles stayed by your side, his presence a steady, comforting force. As you drifted back into sleep, you knew that, no matter what, he would always be there to watch over you, to keep you safe.

And as the night wore on, Charles continued his silent vigil, determined to stay with you for as long as it took.