#youd think ive received terrible news

[sugar-omi]

The first one on step 3 is doing things to me 😫

https://www.tumblr.com/covehearted/775583802324090880/can-u-compile-all-of-coves-oh-my-god-i-need-to

*LINK

OH MY GODAKJSFSFG I SAW THAT POST BUT DIDNT LISTEN BC I WAS LIKE "eh" BUT THE WAY. STEP 2 IS SOOOOOO FUNNY BC THATS THE BEST WAY TO SUMMARIZE HOW FULL OF PANIC N DISTRESS PUBSCENT STEP 2 COVE IS BUT THE FIRST ONE IN STEP 3......... OH MY LORD. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. THIS WAS GOING INTO A TOTALLY DIFFERENT DIRECTION FOR A SECOND. WHAT THE FUCK

[spacexseven]

hello its dazai anon I'm currently thinking about subordinate au dazai so here i go

ive been imagining that in the verison of events where dazai catches feelings for darling cuz they (despite the many many reasons they'd have to let him suffer and die) took care of him while he was injured, that dazai would be very interested in paying that forward at some point.

when dazai first finds out that his favorite subordinate is terribly sick or badly injured and is gonna be out for a while, his mind immediately jumps to how... nice it might be to take care of them. well, actually the first thing is mind jumps to is a million worse case scenarios where they die and hes alone for the rest of his life but once he recovers from THAT panic attack he moves on to nursing plans. hed probably think it's a foolproof plan for having darling finally start warming up to him (especially if chuuya has recently gained some ground in that area), i mean, he likes YOU cuz you take care of him, it only makes sense that youd start liking him for the same reason! also he just... REALLY enjoys the thought of being your nurse. 1) since you're sick/in pain if he decides he wants to ask you a million questions or make you play games with him or kiss you a thousand times you can't run away 2) isn't it kind of. domestic? to take care of someone like that? he can almost pretend the two of you are actually together when he does this.

I should note that dazai isn't like. a medical expert or anything of that sort BUT since he has (mostly) good intentions in this escapade hed be willing to listen to advice from others or direct requests from you. except asking him to leave or get off you he won't ever do that but most other things. also he's still. dazai while this is going on so expect a lot of needless mockery about how weak and useless you are, but then in the same timeframe thinking about what might happen if you die and clinging onto you in complete hysterics. frankly hes just making everything worse all the time but thats dazai!

- 🩹

i couldnt take myself seriously while writing this T^T

when you don't show up for your usual shift with dazai, he's already on edge. he immediately thinks that you must be avoiding him—or that chuuya must have charmed you away with the promise of a day with no dazai. was it because of the time he hung you upside down? that was eons ago and hadn't he already made up for it with the numerous fun (dangerous) and exciting (life-threatening) adventures (escaping from yet another person dazai angered) he's taken you on?

but then he sees chuuya walking around on his own, and you don't show up again the next day, and now he's sure that something was very wrong. which is why, his first response was to show up at your door. maybe, if you were able to answer the door, you'd be terrified at the sight of dazai with his face pressed up to the window desperate for any sight of you, but as you were now, you were far too exhausted to even receive him, so naturally, after numerous attempts at slamming the doorbell, he let himself in.

the sight of you, so tired and incoherent, surrounded by tissues and water bottles, initially made him let out a huge sigh in relief. you weren't avoiding him! you were just bedridden—wait, was that because he insisted you help him find his wallet in the river the night before? was it his fault you were ill?

after the initial guilt, dazai jumps into action. you, as tired as you were, couldn't provide any more protest apart from a few grumbling words at the sight of dazai rummaging in your home, but he was unbothered, dedicated to his new temporary position as your personal nurse.

dazai wasn't too unfamiliar with runny noses and sore throats. for the most part, he was sure you weren't dying and he was somewhat confident in his ability to nurse you back to health. and surprisingly, you didn't seem too mad at his presence, begrudgingly allowing him to spoonfeed you soup that was far too salty.

honestly, this experience made him a little nostalgic, thinking back to oda taking care of him after their first encounter. but also, you were surprisingly quiet when you were sick, not the same silent anger you normally radiated, but just quiet. he didn't mind it all that much, though, since the first night he stayed over, you were so deliriously ill that he definitely took advantage of your state and asked you all sorts of questions that you'd normally ignore. half your answers didn't really make sense, but they served to be pretty entertaining deciphering games when you were fast asleep and he was bored.

the real fun only started when you started getting better. for one, you looked horrified at the sight of him prancing around in your apron and messing with your kitchen, but because you were able to answer him coherently, it was all the more entertaining. while waiting for your water to boil, dazai would offer to read your journal out loud, sing you a lullaby in the middle of the day, and even dare to ask if a kiss would make you feel better. and then he'd provide commentary on every object in your home.

the ease with which he navigated your home and the familiarity with which he handled your things did send some alarms blaring in your head, but what could you do in your current state?

any attempts at protesting his presence are fruitless. even if you claimed he might get sick from hanging around you, dazai would only laugh.

"i'm not as weak as you," he'd say, "i won't get sick. and if i wasn't here you'd probably be dead by now. besides, if i get sick, guess who'd going to have to come to take care of me?"

somewhere during his response, dazai managed to stick himself closer to you, a hand wiping at your clammy forehead. if at all you seemed to not get better, dazai immediately jumps to threatening you, saying that if you didn't get better, if you died on him, he'd never forgive you, promising to make sure that your ghost will be stuck with him. and that's about the best incentive to get better.

[carasueachterberg]

Flannery is about to enter her sixth month in OPH care which makes her a ‘long-term dog’.

photo Nancy Slattery

Currently, up to 30% of the dogs on our site are ‘long term dogs’. There’s a reason why each dog got that label and it certainly doesn’t mean those dogs aren’t good dogs.

It’s just means that these dogs don’t fit the cookie-cutter mold of what many people consider a desirable dog. Each of these dogs will need an intentional adopter who is willing to continue training the dog and understand how to manage the dog. This person will need to be patient and loving and committed. He/she will have to respect the dog, listen to the dog, and set the dog up for success.

As I write these words I realize that they describe what every adopter should be doing.

In our fast-paced world where we’re so comfortable outsourcing much of our lives—from meal-planning to lawn care to wine selection, we’d like a new dog to fill our home with love and joy and no extra work or mess. We’re disappointed if the dog isn’t house-broken and crate-trained or pulls on the leash. We expect that the dog will be good with other dogs, tolerant of cats, and friendly with all kinds of people. We want a cuddly dog, who already knows commands like sit and stay and down, and certainly, we can’t have a dog who barks excessively. The dog should have plenty of energy to play, but not so much energy that they bounce off the walls, leap on visitors or tackle the two-year-old. Oh, and the dog needs to be young and cute and just the right size.

Don’t get me wrong there are a few dogs that fit that bill, but truly, most don’t.

Sometimes it’s just a matter of not having been exposed to those things and with the right introduction, training, and patience, many dogs will fulfill those ideals. But some dogs won’t. It could be their upbringing or their breeding, or it could just be the personality of the dog.

[SIDEBAR: And, for the record, how many of us are so perfect?]

I spent nearly a year with my last ‘long-term dog’ and she is still in foster care now with a different foster home, a year later, having been adopted and returned. Gala is a gorgeous girl who tugs on my heartstrings every time I see her face pop-up on Facebook.

The depth of love and smarts in that dog still echoes in my life. She needs the right adopter and it breaks my heart that there has been no one willing to give her a chance in all this time, because landing Gala in your life would be like winning the love lottery, so complete is her devotion.

Flannery, like Gala, can be complicated, but like Gala she is also an absolute love, completely devoted to the people in this family. She has plenty of happy energy and is easy to train, but needs assistance negotiating the human world, mostly because, like Gala, she is so darned sensitive and smart. She notices things that other dogs might not and reacts to people with her whole heart, both traits that can overwhelm her.

For instance, I took Flannery to an adoption event on Sunday in a small, busy, crowded pet store. She did really well for the first twenty minutes.

Flannery is a small dog and couldn’t see beyond the piles of cat trees, people legs, and store shelves that surrounded her.

Consequently, each new person surprised her and this was terribly exciting. Her tail was on full speed wag and it was all she could do to give me a few ‘sits’ as I tried to distract her from the activity and dogs around her. Her adrenaline sky-rocketed when two little boys approached and she slathered them in kisses, leaping up again and again for attention, before collapsing in a puddle beside them.

Eventually, though, the high energy and stress of meeting person after person got to her. She grew tired of the constant hands reaching for her and began to growl a low warning. That was my cue and we made a hasty exit. I knew she wouldn’t take her fear any further, as long as I heeded her request.

That growl said, “I’ve had enough. Even though I know this is all terribly exciting and part of me wants you to rub my belly and let me lick your face, the other part of me is overwhelmed by processing so many sights and sounds and smells. I need a break.”

The pictures and video of Flannery’s time at the event all document a happy little pup, lapping up the attention, but had we stayed much longer the pictures would have shown a much different dog. Because I know Flannery and because I listened to Flannery, we came home and had a perfectly pleasant rest-of-the-day.

So, is Flannery people friendly?

Absolutely. But Flannery has a limit to how much stimulation she can process. Flannery will need an adopter who knows this about her and who will listen to her when she’s had enough.

I think adopting a dog is a bit like getting married. You choose your dog/mate because you love this other soul, but you know (or should know) going in that there will be times when you will not love everything about the dog/mate and you will need to take a step back and figure out how you can help them and how you can co-exist.

Maybe your mate doesn’t like a houseful of noisy guests, maybe that stresses him/her out. So, it works better for you to meet your friends out at a bar or to go away for a weekend together. This doesn’t mean that your mate doesn’t like you to have friends, it just means you need to be respectful of your mate’s needs. Because your mate can tell you these things, it’s clear when change is necessary.

[SIDEBAR: When your mate doesn’t tell you these things, the car can begin to go off the rails…]

This works the same way with your dog. Maybe your dog finds meeting new people stressful, so you crate your dog when friends come over. You let your dog hear, smell, even see the people, but you don’t force your pup to meet them. Maybe your pup will be ready to meet them after the hype of entry has ended, maybe not. This does not mean you don’t have a good dog, it simply means you are being respectful of your dogs’ needs.

Sadly, the high number of long-term dogs in OPH care is a reflection of the fact that few people are willing to figure out how to manage a dog that acts outside the boundaries of what we expect. Dogs are not machines, though, and even the easiest dog needs your respect and effort. They love us with such complete devotion and in return deserve our respect and willingness to adapt to their needs.

The amazing thing about both Flannery and Gala is that neither really needs that much management, and the unbridled devotion you receive in return is off the charts. Both of these girls are funny, smart, quirky dogs who will adore their ‘person’ until the end of time. Once more, they both make exceedingly entertaining company.

photo Nancy Slattery

Photo Nancy Slattery

photo Nancy Slattery

OPH has begun exploring ways to better market our long-term dogs to help them find their forever families. They are offering more free training, more support, longer trial adoptions, even reduced fees for these special dogs. We want adopters to know that we will not desert you once the adoption takes place—we are invested in your success and the dog’s.

Finding homes for long-term dogs is a challenge that all rescues and shelters face. It’s a problem that only grows as we strive for a no-kill nation. Saving all the dogs, including the ones that a little more complicated will require effort and education and adopters who are open to a dog that is not a cookie-cutter pup.

And the thing I know, that all of us who have fostered a long-term dog know, is that the risk an adopter might feel they are taking in adopting one of these pups, is not a risk at all because all these dogs need is a little understanding and in return you’ll get a lifetime of love.

The bottom line when it comes to dogs and to marriage and to life is this – the more time and love and effort you invest, the bigger the payoff.

If you’re ready to make an investment, you can find Gala, Flannery, and many more incredibly amazing and absolutely adoptable dogs at OPHRescue.org.

Thanks for reading!

If you’d like to know more about my blogs and books, visit CaraWrites.com or subscribe to my monthly e-newsletter (which is rarely monthly, but I’m working at it…everybody needs a goal).

If you’d like to know more about the book, Another Good Dog: One Family and Fifty Foster Dogs, visit AnotherGoodDog.org, where you can find more pictures of the dogs from the book (and some of their happily-ever-after stories), information on fostering, the schedule of signings, and what you can do right now to help shelter animals! You can also purchase a signed copy or several other items whose profits benefit shelter dogs!

If you’d like to know how you can volunteer, foster, adopt or donate with OPH, click here. And if you’d like more pictures and videos of my foster dogs past and present, be sure to join the Another Good Dog Facebook group.

I love hearing from readers, so please feel free to comment here on the blog, email carasueachterberg@gmail.com or connect with me on Facebook, twitter, or Instagram.

Best,

 Cara

Released August 2018 from Pegasus Books and available now

    Risk Worth the Reward: Long Term Dogs are worth saving #dogrescue #itsnoteasy but it's #worthit Flannery is about to enter her sixth month in OPH care which makes her a ‘long-term dog’.

[freakfreaqqfreack]

normally id be a little upset and get over it, but the one time im really in pain and just need you there, youre not. the other night, you seemed like you didnt want to be there with me at all: you were on your phone half the time we were together. i know i wasnt exactly prime company, but i would rather be alone than be there with some ghost of you. if you were the one who got hurt i would have been constantly trying to pamper you and ask you what you need or anticipate what you would need. i guess i cant expect you to read my mind and know to do that, but i thought that was just the natural reaction. thats what ive seen most people do. we cant even just talk, yknow? and for me, talking is so important. it makes me feel close and bonded to you and you arent able to have a conversation unless im leading it. you couldnt think of anything much to talk to me about when i wasnt able to reply. and tonight, you were off class at 6. i thought you would try to be over here as soon as possible. im not asking you to drop your schoolwork or your friends, i know those are important, but i dont feel like im important. if i was in your shoes and i found out how long dinner was going to take, i wouldve just left and had my own dinner at your place to be with you. instead, i waited two hours essentially holding my breath. why would i want you to come over just so you could do homework and then go straight to bed? id rather be alone and go to bed alone. its basically the same though, since its not like youd talk to me while doing the work. youd be physically present, but mentally elsewhere, and then id feel wrong for having wanted you over when you had stuff to do. why did you want to leave so badly even after i explicitly told you i wanted you to be there with me at the dentist? why didnt you turn the lights on and hold me and calm me down when i was in so much pain i could barely breathe the other night? if you were the one hurting so much, i wouldve sacrificed a nights sleep for you. why is your idea of cheering me up saying were going to go on lots of study dates? yes studying is important and i want to catch up on school, but thats not going to make me feel better. i want to hear that youll take us somewhere special, or that we’ll do something fun together. why am i the one who has to plan everything? who has to lead conversations? who has to instigate physical touch unless its sex? who has to say i love you first and then has to feel like youre not genuine every time you say it? why am i the one who gives so much and even after telling you exactly what i need, receives so little? all day i just wanted to be with you. even if i told you to come now, i wouldnt really be with you, id just be with your body while you were focused on other things. why do i have to hear you say you feel terrible, and that you hate seeing me in pain, when im the one in pain? why do i never feel like a priority? your mom had to invite me for new years. your christmas gift was impersonal. your letter was rushed. i feel like i put in so fucking much. i dont know what to do anymore. i feel like a ghost.

[travelinformation0-blog]

300-070 tutorial 210-060 questions and answers pdf 200-105 pdf 300-206 exam topics

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300-070 tutorial 210-060 questions and answers pdf 200-105 pdf 300-206 exam topics

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Further report. Criminal case found near 300-070 tutorial railroad between 38th and 11th Street. Homicide. Completed. Criminal police, forensics, ambulance and emergency medical Finished. Received, 5885. Caught the suspect yet Finished. No suspects found. 5885, finished. Shakes looked 300-070 tutorial at the finger, that root was cut off the 200-105 pdf bones exposed bones finger. She looked at the glittering diamond ring, those eyes, and that twisted mouth Europe, that horrible mouth. Thriller spread throughout her body. Emilia Shakes swimming in the water snake river during the summer camp, and absolutely did not hesitate to jumped from the 100-foot 300-206 exam topics bridge, but as long as she thought of a hush think of Was tied into a ball, could not move, immediately fell into the feeling of panic like an electric shock. Because of this, Shakes walked so fast and was 300-070 tutorial so crazy when driving. As long as you move, 200-105 pdf they can not catch you She heard a voice and quickly looked up. A rumbling 200-105 pdf sound came from far and louder and louder. Few pieces of shredded paper are raised by the wind and fly along the rails. Dust circling around her, like an angry ghost. Then there was a deep whine Emiliano Shakespear, a 300-206 exam topics five-foot-nine patrolman, found himself facing 210-060 questions and answers pdf the locomotive of a 31-ton American-American company. The 300-206 exam topics red, white, blue-faced 210-060 questions and answers pdf steel behemoth is approaching her at ten 210-060 questions and answers pdf miles an hour. Stop Stop She shouted. The train driver ignored her. Shakes ran to the railway, standing in the middle of the rails, swinging his legs waving his arm, signaling the driver to stop moving forward. 300-070 tutorial With a long and harsh brakes, the locomotive stopped. Driver head out of the window. You can not open here, she said to him. He asked her what it meant. She thought, 200-105 pdf he looked so young, actually driving such a large locomotive. Here is a crime scene, 300-070 tutorial please turn off the engine. Miss, I did not see any crime. But Shakes did 200-105 pdf not have time to listen to him long-winded. She was looking up at a gap in the barbed wire fence to the west of the viaduct. Not far from above is Eleven Street. One way of trying to 200-105 pdf bring a victim here is to find that there is a way 300-206 exam topics to stop the car at Eleven Street and drag the victim across the narrow path to the edge of the cliff. If you park your car on the 37th Street in the 210-060 questions and answers pdf horizontal direction, he may 200-105 pdf be seen by people 300-070 tutorial in the windows of 20 apartments. The train, sir, just stop it here. 210-060 questions and answers pdf I 300-206 exam topics can not park the train here. Turn off the engine. In this case we can not turn off the train 200-105 pdf engine and it must be running. You call the dispatch or someone else to stop the train to Nankai. We can not do that. Get 210-060 questions and answers pdf it right, sir, Ive noticed the number of your car The car Youd better do it right away Shakes roared. What do you want, Miss, give me a ticket But Emilio Shakus climbed back up the steep hill again. Her poor knuckles crunched, her lips covered 300-206 exam topics in lime, 200-105 pdf dirt, and her own sweat. She drilled through the gap she had found on the tracks and turned around to 200-105 pdf study the Javets Convention Center across 11th Avenue and across the 200-105 pdf street. The convention center is full 300-206 exam topics of people today – there 200-105 pdf are participants and journalists. A huge banner reads Welcome United Nations Representative. Earlier in the morning, however, there was still no one on the street, and the murderer could easily find a parking space in the street, before the people unwittingly moved the victim to the tracks. Shakespeare strode to Eleventh Street and 300-070 tutorial observed the 300-206 exam topics six-lane main road, which is now full of traffic. Let it go She burst into the car sea, calmly cut off traffic on the north lane. Several drivers tried hard to force her to issue two tickets in a row. In the end, they dragged a few rubbish bins to the center of the road as roadblocks to ensure that these good citizens abided by the rules.

[nebulous-walkabout]

sands of identity falling thru an hourglass

driving past danny bonaduce’s house everyday looking at the uncut grass and dereliction that was his property and feeling the dread that the life of the washed up dj on '104.3 the golden oldies' in chicago is one of the first emotions i remember feeling tied to music. the stale decaying music that got played over and over for people that wouldnt try anything new, to me seemed destructive and soul crushing. thats generally where we first experience music though, in the back seat of our parents car. and my mom loved the oldies. of course it wasnt until a decade later when he would come out as a crackhead on celebrity rehab that it really made sense why the red headed kid from the partridge family wouldnt mow his lawn. for some reason that i cannot find though, this feeling i got when i would drive past his house with my mom while listening to his radio show, is still the feeling i get when i hear most old music. my musical taste is shaped by what i would absorb in my first few years on earth. they were a strange time for me, like most awkward kids. and we moved a few times, like most awkward kids. but we also moved stratospherically thru the socioeconomic structure when i was too young to understand it. when i was 6 or 7 in the first house i remember, we got a bose cd player and i discovered my parents cds. one of the first ones i remember playing over and over was smashing pumpkins' mellon collie and infinite sadness. i remember springsteen albums everywhere. live. even 4 non-blondes. rolling stones. that stuff laid the foundation for how i would unconsciously receive music and form my own taste. of course after you discover your parents music, you hunt out your own. and in the early 90's that was all about MTV. sure when youre 8 you dont understand it. but you know what other people think is cool. and i think that was the point. i dont know how the older kids consumed their mtv, but i can tell you 90's kids and later were all told exactly what they should like and listen to by VJ's we wish we were still dressing like. thats what informed us. taught us what kind of music we should explore, so later when we were old enough to peruse the aisles of tower records alone we could actually find what we like. the thing that made mtv better than the radio early on was it was selling an entire culture, not just pop hits. all sorts of atrocities from the faux fashion world of 1994 were pushed into the minds of millions of kids who let it define their childhoods. from mtv you found the sound, then you went out and tried to find it again in something else. after school most days i would hang out at my neighbor's house, he was older and actually my brothers friend, but i remember coming into possession of a Green Jelly CD at his house one day and my world changed. it was something i thought was uniquely for me, but how could it be? thats what music was about back then, buying into the idea that youre cool for liking this thing that everyone else likes too. quickly after that you start in on green day, and you love dookie, but you love it more because you think the secret song is just for you. and its a treat. and you use the music to make you louder. and you scream. but everyone is screaming. and no one else can hear you. i remember where i was when the news came on and told the world kurt cobain died. i was in the living room being forced to eat macaroni and cheese by my older cousin. i can still remember the carpet, but not the furniture. and its not so much that as a nine year old that i cared so much that kurt cobain died, because as a kid you dont really know who he is, you just know hes nirvana and hes cool. and your parents want to keep you away from the tv bc they dont want you thinking about hot guys killing themselves. fine. but that only made you like nirvana even more. then thats the sound. all i ever knew was that i really liked loud music, and thats all i ever liked. you start hating that youve been listening to B96 with all the girls that would grow up to be wannabe valley girls. you run around thinking you like music before you really know what it is. your identity at this age starts to be formed by it, although at this age its formed around the cool shit you do on your bikes when youre with youre friends. it relies upon how long you hold the controller before you die and have to let your friends play whatever video game you just got.

and then you move. youre alone. youve gone from this world you knew, and had a place in, to a very different place. for me it was even stranger, moving from a normal neighborhood with friends next door, to a place where you couldnt see your neighbors house, and your friends were always a car ride away. the houses were huge. the land was massive. and youre alone in the center of both. you become dependent on finding ways to occupy yourself. you start making your own mixtapes off the radio. you continue to make them better, tape over the songs youre tired of. you steal your older brother cd's. and then my parents had one of these giant motorized satelite dishes installed. it got everything. my new source of new kinds of music was movies on tv. movies like bio-dome changed my musical course. you hear a different kind of punk. and sure now you look back and its shitty, but back then it represented a change. and you felt good, and you want to be pauly shore with stephen baldwins terrible dreadlocks. and you want to dye your skin blue and skydive strapped into a drum kit. so you start taking drum lessons. and then you realize youre the weird kid. i didnt care. i liked what i liked, i didnt fit in with the way the rest of the rich kids liked to be. sure i had friends, but i had more than enough time to sit at home alone and absorb the world i thought i wanted to be a part of. for the last couple years before the internet descended from the heavens my musical taste was almost entirely forged by movie soundtracks. empire records, dazed and confused, and trainspotting. ever since then the joy i feel watching a movie depends almost exclusively on what im hearing behind the the people talking. my choice of movie relies on music, and to some extent the reverse is true as well, although i can enjoy music without a movie, but i cant enjoy a movie without music. this is something that has remained true throughout the rest of my life up until today.  in fact, thinking back, it is probably the reason i love so many terrible movies, because if it has a good soundtrack i dont really care how bad the story is. i would find myself more and more trying to find music from movies when walking the aisles at tower. i always wished i had a tower closer to my house, so my trips were not as frequent as i would have liked. instead often times i was marooned at home watching the golden age of music video technology. a period in time where who was making what video was news. the last couple years of mtv's usefulness was a weird time, in that trl and the rest of its programming was pointing us all towards a very specific set of music and videos again. it was like we jumped back in time 10 years and all we were given access to was the top 10, just like the radio had been doing for years. but then something changed. and it was everything. all the sudden your reach was limitless with a computer. all of the sudden it didnt matter that i was sitting alone at home. i had a computer, and for the first couple years the music came to me at 56.6kbps over the phone. i would sit up in the office under my moms painting studio on the other side of the house and just watch those status bars slowly fill in while i waited for my music. there was no limit. you would hear bands on mtv, early in the morning or late at night, or youd watchsnl or conan or kilborn. you never knew any of the bands but they informed your musical zeitgeist. and after you heard something you would know if it was 'it' or not, and if it was, you put it in queue to download. next thing you know youre listening to narcotic by liquido. your infinite musical catalog in the year 2000 was only limited by one thing: your drive to find new music. and so thats the way its been for almost 20 years. with endless new music at my fingertips, im still always floored by certain songs that i love but almost never hear anymore. part of the joy comes from knowing people would laugh at me if they came across me listening to certain things i like. in most cases these songs are terrible and im in the minority for loving them but theyre a part of me. and if you can listen to 'give it up' by cut'n'move without getting into it, youre a robot. by the time i was a teenager i was just another white kid living in a whitewashed world all day, anytime i left my room i was surrounded by people walking around with starched collars. but at home and in my car i could listen to my music as loud as i wanted, i made an obnoxious effort to let people know i was them. i would drive around in a range rover, with the harmon/kardon sub in the back turned up all the way, didnt matter where i was, school, the park, practice, the country club, they all heard what i was listening to, it didnt matter if it was pearl jams' crazy mary or the st lunatics. our world changed when our ability to freely pick out our own music tailored by our own tastes and informed by exposure to stuff like thestraightdope.com or whoever's music was playing in the background of kurt loders news updates. since then ive used peoples taste in music against them. it wasnt that i really cared what they listened to as much as what they wouldnt listen to. its a good barometer in my eyes. people that cant discern good music for themselves generally cant do much at all on their own. its my firm belief that if youre open about not liking something then you should at least have a reason. were living in a time where every thing you see or do is interrupted by someone trying to sell you on their idea.  the freedoms to be yourself appear to again be fleeting. the last bastion of personal freedom is quickly becoming monetized in a way it hasnt been before. the same way mtv turned into the channel that plays teenage mom all day, people are finding ways to sell people the same generic package again. you have to fight hard to find your personal space in this world and be yourself. while my musical taste is a representation of me and me alone, its sort of like a batch of cookies. my cookie might have more chocolate chips but all the dough came from the same bowl.