#you're the best there's just nothing else i can say about it 🤷🏻‍♀️ | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

seitmai · 8 months ago

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A wedding deserves to be talked about at length, so read more it is 🤷🏻‍♀️

He kissed the top of your head. "Nothing's changing. You know that, right? We'll just have a little piece of paper saying we're legally married, but nothing is really going to change. We can take a honeymoon next year. We can eventually tell your parents we got married if you feel like it, or not. We can talk about combining the rest of our bank accounts if you want to. But it's still just me and you. Us and Noah and the baby." "And Skittles."

🥺🥰🥺🥰

Also not telling the parents? Iconic, i love it! (I say this because if I ever get married I want either a surprise wedding or at the wedding people find out we've already been married for a while lol + my mom and stepdad got married and told nobody and then just sent pictures)

"You're beautiful all the time. And I'll kick everyone out after dinner. I'm not going to want them here after that anyway."

He has probably thought this all out Ling ago how to get rid of the people as soon as possible because he is selfless if it comes to princess

"I just want to adopt Noah and have a million more nights like this one," you whispered, still holding Bradley's hand and the coffee as he pulled the meal out of the oven. You took a sip of your drink and it was delicious, and so were Bradley's words as he told you, "Then that's what you'll get."

He will make sure of it 🥰

"Mommy, do you remember when we met Mickey? With Aunt Natasha?"

God, love that little man!

You yawned. "I wanted to shower and shave my legs." "Do it tomorrow. Or don't. I don't care." "But it's our wedding day." You let him tuck you into bed, and he slipped in next to you. "It is, Baby. Our almost-Christmas wedding since I couldn't wait until next year. And all I need is my exhausted Princess with her hairy legs for it to be fucking perfect."

I loved this part so much!! It is such a simple and small thing but damn it shows how much Bradley loves her 🥹🥰

You shoved the rest of the donut into your mouth and dug inside the bag. Your eyes went wide when you pulled out a tiara. An actual tiara with some purple gemstones adorning it, like an upgraded version of your paper crown. Now you really wanted Bradley to come home so he could see it on. He probably spent a fortune on it, like he did everything else for you, but you were already imagining that it might make its way to bed later.

He really couldn't contain himself! 👑

"Great. Excited. Noah already looks adorable. I guess Bradley looks okay."

Hahah this is why they are best friends

Maybe she grew up with someone in care work or being cared for and/or is just desensitized working with mostly hunky men that take off their shirt all the time for no real reason all the time but she is like: helping a naked person in their underwear? Literally normal daily business 🤷🏻‍♀️

"You know about that?" you gasped, excitement filling you up. "Please. I know about everything."

This is essentially Nat haha

He hated to say it, but the wedding wasn't that important to him. Not really. He would have done a big, overpriced ceremony if that's what you said you wanted. But this was fine as well. All he really wanted was to make it official. The Bradshaws. His family. He didn't need anything else.

🥹🥹🥹

He's such a family man it's insane!!

"She's great. She ditched you and ran away with another man and his adorable son not five minutes ago." Nat smirked at his deadpan expression and said, "You need to learn how to relax. I was just coming outside to tell you that we're ready to get started, okay?"

Bahahah love her!! Bradley is probably white like a sheet for a moment even with is eternal California tan

Hahahaha come on Bradley you really don't have to worry about him anymore loo

When he tried to kiss you again, Nat started snapping her fingers in his face. "Enough. I need to read all of this shit that I wrote down so you can get married, okay? Just stand there for a minute, and keep it in your pants."

I'm not sure if I want Nat to officiate me marrying someone or if I wanna marry her

Nat cleared her throat and started reading from her notebook. "Hi everyone. You all know me, and you all know these two idiots who decided they wanted to marry each other, so I'll make this quick. Bradley Bradshaw is my very best friend, and I don't even know why. He's not particularly funny, nor is he the wittiest guy around, and he absolutely can't cook anything."

She chuckled and said, "Because I also have a couple nice things to say about you.... Bradley is a lost cause in many ways, but he's loyal, and he has a cute son. Hi, Noah." "Hi, Aunt Natasha."

I mean she is saying what everyone knows and thinks hahaha

You kissed Bradley's thumb as Natasha said, "Clearly you're just going to do whatever you want, so go right ahead."

I can't 😂😂😂 her whole speech was so fucking funny and perfect!!

"See, Baby? We are pure chaos," Bradley told you, reaching down to scoop Noah up again. "We were so much worse before you, though. Thank you for falling in love with us. Thank you for putting up with me. Thank you for being more patient than anyone else I've ever known. Thank you for taking care of us, and for letting us take care of you. All I want is to be with you forever. The four of us," he said, his knuckles grazing your belly. "It's perfect, really. But I can't promise we will ever be less chaotic. All I know for sure is that I'm always going to love and appreciate you. And that it was worth going through all the bad stuff to get to this point. You were the missing piece. You were always the missing piece that we needed."

"Mommy, I'm hungry," Noah whispered, tugging gently on your dress as Bradley tried to contain his own tears.

Get that boy his snacks!!

"I'm still hungry," Noah whispered loudly, clearly concerned everyone had forgotten about him.

Valid!

Bradley watched you kiss his forehead as Noah said, "I got you a coloring book. It's Princesses." "Of course you did," you told him as your voice cracked. "You're the best." You were crying more now, but you looked so happy.

🥹🥰🥹🥰🥹

Even Nat was wiping at her eyes as she said, "Are we ready for the rings then?" When you both nodded at her, she pulled Bradley's wedding band out of her dress pocket and handed it to you. "Just put them on each other. Oh my God, I didn't think I would cry."

Even though Nat loves to rile up Bradley she really really loves the Bradshaws 🥹🥰

You turned around in Bradley's arms, and he looked delighted to be presented with your baby bump. "You let Noah pick out the wedding cake?" He winced in response as he ran his hand along your belly. "Yeah... about that. I'm really sorry."

Bradley I forbid you to say things like that!! If Noah picked out the cake it will be great and memorable! Also the most important things is the taste imo🤷🏻‍♀️

The cake had two tiers. The bottom was decorated with white buttercream and a bunch of green and brown dinosaurs. The detail was amazing. There was even a volcano. The top tier was decorated with purple flowers and topped with a knight holding hands with a princess that looked a lot like you. The two layers looked pretty ridiculous together, but it was beautiful.

Great choice Noah, great choice!👏🏻😅 (that boy can't do wrong in my head)

Bradley just grunted in response, slid the door shut with his foot, and carried you all the way to bed. Once he had you spread out, you watched him make quick work of removing his suit coat and purple shirt. "Did you pick out this dress on purpose because of the way it shows off your bump?" he asked, kicking off his shoes. "That sounds like the kind of thing my wife would do to make me go insane for her."

If Princess wasn't already pregnant they would have a wedding night baby, not honeymoon, wedding night lol

The Younger Kind Part 61 | Rooster x Reader

Summary: The wedding day itself wasn't all that important to Bradley. He just wanted to get to the point where you and he were officially married, and the details didn't much matter. At least that's what he thought before he saw you step out of the house. Then he realized that these were the exact moments he'd never planned for but desperately needed to experience.

Warnings: pregnancy topics, swearing, smut, fluff, and age gap (18+)

Length: 5400 words

Pairing: Single dad!Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x babysitter!female reader

Check out my masterlist for more! The Younger Kind masterlist.

Bradley must have been able to tell that you were anxious on Friday evening. It was just a normal day, really. He went to work and dropped Noah off at preschool on the way. You used a vacation day to clean up the house a little bit with the promise that you wouldn't overexert yourself. And you made some snack trays for Saturday afternoon along with a lasagna for dinner.

But to you, it wasn't a normal day at all, because you were getting married tomorrow. Whenever you started thinking about it, you had to stop what you were doing and sit down for a few minutes. When Bradley left with Noah this morning, he kissed you goodbye like he always did, seemingly unfazed by the weekend plans. But now it was hitting you hard. You were getting married.

When the boys got home, they ran inside while Skittles barked at them. "Hi, Mommy! I painted a wedding!"

Bradley scooped Noah up with one arm before he got to you, and Noah brandished a colorful painting that looked absolutely nothing like a wedding, but you took it and exclaimed, 'It's perfect!"

"I know," he replied as you kissed him on the cheek. Then he started to squirm to the floor, and after that, Bradley's lips were on yours.

"It smells good in here," he whispered. Then he really looked at your face and asked, "Everything okay?"

You nodded and kind of half shrugged. "Yeah."

"You and the baby feeling okay?"

"Mmhmm."

He gave you a skeptical look. "We're getting married tomorrow, Baby," he murmured, holding up a cup from the coffee shop. He'd written Princess across it like he always did, and you looked up at his earnest eyes as tears filled yours. "If you've got cold feet, then I-"

"No!" you gasped, reaching for the cup and pressing your body to his. "No," you told him with all of the conviction you had. "I love you." His arm wrapped around your back, and you felt instantly better. You tried not to jostle the coffee too much as you ran your fingers along his cheek and up into his hair. "It's just hard for me to believe I was just your babysitter earlier this year."

Bradley smiled and said, "You were never just my babysitter. God, I wanted you bad. Right from the start. In my bed, and in my life."

You let your cheek rest against his shoulder as you inhaled the scent of French vanilla coffee, and Bradley traced your spine with his fingers until you shivered. "I wanted you just as bad, Daddy."

"And Skittles."

"Obviously Skittles, too," he said, and of course the dog came running into the room.

As the kitchen timer started going off, you tried to slip out of his grasp, but he held on. "Tell me what's bothering you first."

You buried your face against his neck and inhaled deeply. Bradley smelled like home. "I'm a little nervous. I wrote my vows, and now I think they sound stupid."

"Nothing you say could sound stupid to me."

You groaned and added, "And I'm exhausted by eight o'clock every night now, and we have all these people coming over for the wedding. I look tired all the time."

"You're beautiful all the time. And I'll kick everyone out after dinner. I'm not going to want them here after that anyway."

When you laughed, Bradley started walking with you held against him. The kitchen timer was still beeping, and you didn't want dinner to burn, but you didn't want him to let go of you either. "I just want to adopt Noah and have a million more nights like this one," you whispered, still holding Bradley's hand and the coffee as he pulled the meal out of the oven.

You took a sip of your drink and it was delicious, and so were Bradley's words as he told you, "Then that's what you'll get."

So maybe it was kind of a regular night after all. You cut up Noah's dinner into bite size pieces for him, and Bradley was drawing lazy shapes on your pregnant belly with his knuckles while he ate. Then he cleaned up after he sent you and Noah to the couch to watch Mickey Mouse cartoons.

"Mommy, do you remember when we met Mickey? With Aunt Natasha?"

"I sure do," you said with a yawn. "That was the best day." Then Noah yawned, too, and it didn't take much coaxing to get him into his pajamas and into bed.

"Will you lay with me?" he asked as you tucked him in.

"Just for a minute, because I need to finish a few things for the wedding tomorrow."

You climbed into his bed, and the next thing you knew, Bradley was waking you up with a kiss. "Come on, Baby. Let's get in our bed."

You groaned and let him help you stand, and you ran your fingers through Noah's hair. "What time is it? I still need to vacuum and wash the kitchen floor."

"I already did it," he whispered as he led you out of the room.

You yawned. "I wanted to shower and shave my legs."

"Do it tomorrow. Or don't. I don't care."

"But it's our wedding day."

You let him tuck you into bed, and he slipped in next to you. "It is, Baby. Our almost-Christmas wedding since I couldn't wait until next year. And all I need is my exhausted Princess with her hairy legs for it to be fucking perfect."

You stifled your laughter as he curled up behind you, keeping you warm while you dozed off again with his big hand resting on your belly.

----------------------------

When you woke up the next day, Bradley and Noah were already gone. You knew the plan was for them to get ready at Natasha's place while she joined you here to help you with your makeup, but tears stung your eyes as you walked around the empty house. You missed them already, and you wanted them to come back home so you could make Bradley your husband. You decided to take that feeling as a pretty good sign that the wedding was going to be perfect.

The kitchen smelled good, and you found that Bradley left the fancy coffee maker on for you, but you gasped at what else you found. There was a light blue bakery box, and you opened it to find crown shaped donuts with icing that spelled out I LOVE YOU. You moaned softly and picked up the letter I donut and took a bite. You also found the bag from the jewelry shop, and you immediately remembered how sneaky he was the night you picked out the wedding bands.

"It's me!"

Natasha's voice pulled you from your wedding night daydream, and you rushed into the living room where she was already wearing a simple blue dress and holding several bags. "How are my boys?" you asked.

"Great. Excited. Noah already looks adorable. I guess Bradley looks okay."

You were cracking up as she wrapped you in a hug, and that's when you realized you were wearing an old TOP GUN sweatshirt and your underwear. "I need to start getting ready."

"Yes," she replied with a smile and a quick kiss on your cheek.

"And I really need to shave my legs."

"You should do that first."

"Yeah," you replied, laughing as you made your way to the bathroom. "I'll do that first."

Once you were clean from the shower, Natasha helped you into your new set of purple lingerie. You appreciated that she treated it like a business deal, simply saying, "Bradley will lose his mind later," instead of making a big deal about your growing belly. You were sure you'd be marrying him even if you weren't pregnant, but maybe it wouldn't be happening so soon. "Let's get your hair and makeup settled before we get your dress on. Go grab your tiara."

"You know about that?" you gasped, excitement filling you up.

"Please. I know about everything."

-----------------------------

Perhaps you were a little nervous last night, but now Bradley was the one who could barely handle himself. You were inside the house, but he wasn't even allowed to go in there, and it was killing him. He wanted to see you in the worst way and make sure everything was okay, but instead he and Noah were stuck on the back patio as everyone else started arriving. All he managed to get was a text from Nat with a thumbs up emoji.

"You look adorable!" Bradley turned around to see Penny kneeling in front of Noah, making a fuss over him. "You match with your dad!" It was true, because you had been the one to find the light gray suits and floral purple dress shirts. Bradley simply ordered them and got himself and Noah dressed.

As Maverick pulled him in for a hug, Bradley saw some more of his friends from work arrive. Not that he'd ever really consider Jake Seresin a friend, but after he took the seven hundred bucks in tip money, Bradley said it was fine if he wanted to stop by. You were with Bradley now, and you were never going anywhere. He'd see to that. He'd had a lot of time to come to terms with how young you are and how guys were always going to be looking and hoping. If Bradley were less confident in himself or your love, he'd have never made it this far. But here he was, waiting for you to walk outside in your wedding dress so he could take the wedding band out of his pocket and slip it on your finger.

Nat came strolling casually through the back door as Bradley hugged Tracy and Noah played with Amelia. Bradley broke away from his lawyer who congratulated him and assured him that all of the paperwork he needed was in perfect order for today and for the adoption. When he pulled Nat aside and asked, "Is she okay?" he got an eye roll in response.

"Yes," he replied, already scrambling to locate Noah and Skittles. "Let's fucking do that."

Bradley knew the ceremony was going to be short; you and he had designed it that way. Ten or fifteen minutes, and you'd have it in the bag. It would be a done deal. But when Natasha screamed at everyone to be quiet and Javy started playing the song Bradley asked him to, it all felt very real. The music was just the right volume, flowing through the speakers as Bradley held Noah and Skittles in his arms, and it washed over him when he finally saw you. His favorite song, the one you knew immediately back in your babysitter days, had him remembering the way he fell for you. How you picked on him in the best way about all the old music he loved. The way this song made him think only of you ever since he heard you singing it in his kitchen.

And now you were stepping out of his house wearing a wedding dress and the tiara he picked out for you. Your glossy lips only made your smile brighter as you walked across the deck, purple shoes peeping out from the bottom of your dress. It wasn't a long walk along the path to where he was standing, and he'd remember every step you took for the rest of his life.

He grunted softly as he noticed the way your dress was snug enough to hug your bump like you were showing it off, allowing everyone to see what he'd done to you. He knew that the bouquet of purple wildflowers you held in one hand smelled as sweet as you always did, and you waved your fingers at him as you got closer.

"Hi, Daddy," you said with a smile just for him, and he rushed forward a few steps, closing the gap to get to you sooner.

"Princess," he whispered, leaning down to kiss you while Nat balked behind him.

"You're already doing everything out of order!" she said. "The kiss is literally supposed to be the last thing!"

You just laughed and kissed him again before also pressing your lips to Noah's cheek and patting Skittles on her purple bow. "It's okay, Natasha," you told her as you wrapped your free hand around Bradley's bicep and guided him to where she was standing. The song faded away, but you remained next to him as you smiled and said, "It doesn't really matter what order we do this in just as long as I end up married to Bradley."

"Okay, fine," Nat said, opening her notebook in a huff as Bradley set his son and his dog down. Skittles ran off toward Amelia, and Noah stood with his arm around your thigh looking up at you. As you ran your fingers through his son's curls, Bradley leaned in to kiss you again. "Stop kissing. Seriously. Or there won't be a big climax at the end."

The guys all hooted with laughter at what Nat said, including Bradley. "I don't think that will be a problem," you said, lacing your fingers with his.

"It certainly won't be," he whispered. "You gonna keep that tiara on all night?"

You looked a little bashful, but you said, "Of course, I'm a Princess."

You were laughing now as you said, "This is already the best wedding I've ever heard of."

"Jesus," Bradley said. "Why did I ask you to officiate?"

She chuckled and said, "Because I also have a couple nice things to say about you.... Bradley is a lost cause in many ways, but he's loyal, and he has a cute son. Hi, Noah."

"Hi, Aunt Natasha."

Bradley was shaking his head as you squeezed his hand, and he gave Nat the signal to keep going. "Right, well, here's the other thing about Bradley: he's been there for me for a long time, so any time he needs something, I'm always going to help him. It was easy to see that he was lonely and ready to start dating again at the beginning of this year, and when he said he was falling in love with his babysitter instead of the women he was meeting from the dating app, I told him to go for it. I'd never seen him happier than he was on the days when he got to see you," Nat said, smiling at you.

"Really?" you asked, looking at her before looking up at Bradley in wonder.

"Really," he and Nat said at the same time, and he had to fight the urge to kiss you again. Instead, he ran his fingers along your cheek and didn't take his eyes off you as he asked, "Nat, can I say my vows now?"

You kissed Bradley's thumb as Natasha said, "Clearly you're just going to do whatever you want, so go right ahead."

"Great," he whispered. He had everything he wanted to say written down on a note card in his pocket, but he didn't really need it. With Noah standing in between the two of you, he knew he had everything he needed right here with him. "You still never told me how you did it, Princess."

You looked up at him as he held your hand, a puzzled look on your face. "How I did what?"

He ran his thumb in slow circles along the back of your hand and said, "How you walked into my crumbling life and made everything better."

Your lips twitched as tears filled your eyes, but you were smiling as you said, "There was nothing to fix, really. You and Noah just made me fall in love with you."

"Mommy, I'm hungry," Noah whispered, tugging gently on your dress as Bradley tried to contain his own tears.

"I know," you told him with a watery laugh. "I made you a snack tray, but you need to let Daddy finish talking first."

You nearly dropped your bouquet of flowers as you threw your arm around his neck and snuggled in against Noah. "I love you both so much," you sniffed. "And I don't even think you're chaotic at all. Being around you is the calmest I've ever felt. Like I know you'll protect me and make sure I'm comfortable. I started falling in love as soon as I met you both, and I keep falling in love a little bit more all the time. And I will never take this for granted, because I never expected anything this good to happen to me."

"I'm still hungry," Noah whispered loudly, clearly concerned everyone had forgotten about him.

"I know, sweet Noah," you said as you laughed and cried at the same time. "And I'm going to take care of you forever, okay?"

Bradley watched you kiss his forehead as Noah said, "I got you a coloring book. It's Princesses."

"Of course you did," you told him as your voice cracked. "You're the best." You were crying more now, but you looked so happy.

Javy handed Nat his handkerchief as you took Bradley's hand in your smaller one and slid the thick band into place. Then he kept his eyes on yours as he and Noah did the same with your diamond wedding band. You let your hand slide up Bradley's arm and settle on his chest. Your eyes were focused on his, and the purple gems in your tiara were catching the sunlight. You were flawless. You were his wife. Almost.

"Nat?" he asked, covering your hand with his own and pressing it against his heart. "Are we married?"

"Oh, right," his best friend replied as you laughed softly and bit your glossy lip. "Yeah, according to me and the state of California, you're married. You already kissed and messed that entire part up, but you can kiss again, I suppose."

He handed Noah to her, and your lips came crashing to his as he wrapped one arm around you. This other hand settled against the side of your belly where the baby was growing, and he heard everyone cheering in the backyard. You were right, this was the best wedding he'd ever heard of as well. "I love you, Princess," he murmured against your lips, the sweet smell of wildflowers everywhere as you deepened the kiss again.

Then you pulled away and whispered, "I'll love you forever, Daddy."

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With two rings on your finger and your husband standing behind you, kissing your neck to the point of distraction, you tried to pull Noah's tray of ants on logs out of the refrigerator. "Daddy!" you gasped when his hand slid up from your belly to your breasts which did look pretty great in your wedding dress.

"Hmm," he hummed, giving you a little squeeze. When you whimpered softly he made a suggestion that you almost agreed to. "Let's sneak off to our bedroom for a few minutes. I want to play with my wife."

That word made you giddy, and you could feel every inch of Bradley's strong body pressed against yours. When you glanced outside, you saw your handful of wedding guests, dancing and playing with Noah. It was very tempting. Nobody would miss you, but everyone would know where the two of you went and why. "How much longer until you can kick everyone out?" you asked softly.

You felt him shrug behind you as he said, "The caterers will be here shortly, so probably about two hours before I can demand everyone leaves."

"Damn it," you said, pulling the snacks out of the fridge and unwrapping them. "I just want to take you and a slice of wedding cake to bed." You thought back to Noah's birthday party and the horny kitchen sex with the leftover cake.

"I'll feed it to you, and then I'll fuck you so good," he crooned, and you were about to tell him to send everyone home now when dinner and the cake arrived.

"Mommy!" Noah shouted through the back door, apparently no longer worried about his healthy snack since the sweets arrived. "Come look at the cake I picked out!"

You turned around in Bradley's arms, and he looked delighted to be presented with your baby bump. "You let Noah pick out the wedding cake?"

He winced in response as he ran his hand along your belly. "Yeah... about that. I'm really sorry."

You grabbed his left hand, his wedding band smooth against your skin where his fingers were usually a little rough, and you pulled him back outside with Noah's snack. "I don't know if I should be scared or-" You gasped when you saw it. "Oh my god, Bradley. It's perfect!"

"I love it!" you squealed, making sure Amelia took some pictures of it for you. Actually, everyone had been doing a pretty great job of capturing the afternoon on camera. After dinner, when you cut into the cake and fed a bit to Bradley, Nat took a video of you smearing some of the purple icing all over his lips and mustache. He looked startled as you started laughing before kissing him.

"You'll pay for that later," he promised, holding you close while someone queued up his favorite song again for you both to dance to. But he wasn't complaining when your mouth was on his for most of the song, tasting all of the sweetness on his lips.

The afternoon was kind of crazy, and Bradley held onto you the whole time, only releasing you so you could dance with Mav and then Javy. And then all it took was one yawn out of you, and your husband was clearing everyone out of the backyard. Noah was all pumped up with too much sugar, but luckily he was going home with Penny and Amelia for the night. And lucky for you, your husband was as sweet as the wedding cake.

"Let me help you out of your dress," he whispered, setting butterflies off in your belly as he carried you inside the kitchen. "And I'll get your tiara out of your hair so you can get some rest."

"But I don't want to rest," you said, licking at a bit of icing that still clung to his mustache. "I want my husband."

He paused in the middle of the kitchen, eyes closed as you dragged your fingers through his hair. "Say it again, Baby."

"Husband," you whispered, kissing the prickly stubble on his jaw. "Please?"

"Maybe." You felt silly there in your tiara and high heels, but oh... the way he was looking at you. Bradley climbed into bed where you were being careful not to put your feet on the bedding, but you didn't need to worry for long. He took your ankles in his hands and placed them over his shoulders, stroking his hands up and down your thighs.

"Tell me what you want to do instead of resting, Princess."

The fabric of your dress was bunching up around your hips, and you knew the moment he saw your purple lingerie, because his knuckles connected with your core through the lace as you moaned, "I want my Daddy."

Bradley kissed the inside of your knee and caressed your thigh until you shivered. "Want me to do what?" he crooned, leaning down to kiss your lips. You could still taste the icing from the wedding cake when you ran your tongue along his mustache, and even though you knew what you wanted, you still felt shy asking for it.

When Bradley reached back to gently take your shoes off and toss them aside, you whimpered his name. He worked the zipper down the side of your dress and helped you shimmy out of it, and then you had your legs spread before him in just your tiara and purple lingerie. He looked sinful in his suit pants with his erection bulging and his wedding band on his finger as he said, "You're my wife. You get anything you want. Especially when you're wearing this."

You coaxed him closer so he was on top of you, and his length was resting on your core as you whispered, "I want you to make me squirt."

He groaned as he got to work like it was absolutely at the top of the list of things he wanted, too. "My pleasure, Mrs. Bradshaw," he murmured against your lips, and you were already clenching as soon as his fingers tucked inside the front of your underwear.

--------------------------

Bradley let you be as loud as you wanted. In fact, he was trying his damndest to get you louder and louder. You were his wife now, and Noah was gone for the night. Skittles seemed to have retreated to the kitchen for some solace as Bradley buried his face in your ass and pussy, legs spread open wide and shaking.

You cried out, "Daddy," over and over again as he changed his tempo from luxuriously slow to rough and fast. You wanted to squirt? Well he wanted you to soak the fucking bedding until you were crying. Every time he looked up at your face, he saw the swell of your growing belly, and he couldn't stop himself from grinding his cock against the bedding.

"Fuck," he growled, watching the rings on your fingers as you grasped at the pillow beneath your head. He could tell you were getting close as he brought you to the edge and then let his pace slowly fade away one more time, and when he slipped two gentle fingers inside you while sucking on your clit, you screamed his name. You soaked his face and hand, and he was afraid he was going to cum in his suit pants as your thighs clamped around his head, riding him through your orgasm.

"Oh my god, oh my god," you panted, sitting up in a bit of a daze even as your legs went limp. Your tiara was crooked, and your makeup was smeared, and Bradley couldn't get enough of the sight of his sated, pregnant Princess. Your eyes met his, and you smiled through your daze, sitting there on the wet bedding with your left hand resting on your belly. Meanwhile Bradley was a different kind of mess, trying to get his zipper down and alleviate his aching cock.

"Let me help you," you whispered, putting your hands on his wet ones before taking over for him. "Want me to go down on you?"

Bradley shook his head as you eased his pants and underwear down his legs and took his cock in your hand. "Baby, I want to fuck you. It's our wedding night, and I want to be inside you."

A soft yet determined look settled on your face, and somehow he ended up sitting in the wet spot with you straddling his hips. You didn't seem to care that his forehead was covered in a sheen of sweat and that he wasn't going to last very long. You just sank down around him, rocking gently as he whispered, "I don't want to hurt you. Either of you."

"I know," you replied, kissing him and brushing his hair back from his face. "I know, Daddy." He came with you just like that, your lips and hands gentler on his body than any touch he'd ever known before you. Your voice as soothing as his favorite song. It was no wonder he was so in love with you. It was no wonder he and his son couldn't live without you.

After he got you cleaned up and carefully removed your tiara, you fell asleep in his arms as he reminded you that in a few days, you and he would be finding out the sex of the baby after you adopted Noah.

"You're already the best wife and Mommy. I can't wait for number two."

"I love you."

----------------------------

It's official! Bradley married his babysitter! Noah is on his way to officially having Princess as his Mommy, and we will learn more about the baby so soon! Two parts of this series left! Thanks for reading and interacting and making this so much fun to write! Thanks @beyondthesefourwalls

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tallulah477 · 8 months ago

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i want to ask you something how do you stop being a people pleaser i don't know if I am one, but I've given things up for other people and did stuff to make my own siblings like me more and i just tried to be a good and nice person all my life and its just hard to break any cycles at all because that's what they expect from me now to be nice and sweet for the rest of my life

CW:// My thoughts about being a people pleaser and talk of depression, anxiety, trauma, insecurity, and general mental and physical health

I don't really know if you can ever really stop being a people pleaser 100%. I think it comes from a lack of met needs which can cause a lot of insecurity, anxiety, and trauma - and the need to constantly seek validation and approval from others or avoid conflict at all cost by adjusting your behavior (even if it comes at the cost of your wellbeing) is the result.

Being a good person and helping others when they need it isn't a bad thing, but when it negatively affects your health or mindset because your putting that person's needs above your own and completely disregarding what you need and what's best for you - that's being a people pleaser.

You have a hard time saying 'no' because, if you do, then other people might think you're selfish. You're constantly seeking approval from other people because you can't convince yourself that you're worthy enough of love unless you're being useful to someone else.

Basically, you value everyone else's time, opinion, and health more than your own because you feel like you can't trust yourself.

When I was growing up, I was the super sweet and kind "innocent" friend who could do no wrong. I never caused trouble, I could be trusted - was always a "yes, I can" "of course, I can" "no problem at all" type of person. I was terrified of disappointing anyone and always felt better with myself if I could just put a smile on someone's face for a second. But through the years and well into my adulthood, it turned into a lot and I sacrificed a lot of my mental, emotional, and physical health because of this.

Ultimately, my "ah-ha" moment came from anger which is probs not the best way it could have happened, but at least it did 🤷🏻‍♀️. It was a situation where I tried so hard to help a family member and make them happy, but nothing was good enough for them. Nothing I did was good enough, no matter how much I helped I always got told that "no one helps me cause no one cares" - I could fix any problem, do any task, and it still wasn't good enough. I had some really awesome friends at the time telling me little tidbits about what they learned in therapy and honestly idk how it happened but I just remember getting so angry at everything and looking at myself and hating who I was and finally having the thought "I deserve better".

Once I started really looking at things and dissecting my relationships and how certain people made me feel, a lot of stuff started clicking and I realized that I didn't have a lot of boundaries which are sooo important.

Boundaries are gonna be your new best friend.

Some boundaries can look like:

Saying “no” to things that drain you or don’t align with your values or best interests

Stop saying “sorry��. You don’t owe anyone an apology for doing what’s best for you and you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone.

Advocate for yourself. Don’t just agree with someone else. If you have a different opinion and it can be discussed respectfully, then do it. Sometimes it's going to be really uncomfortable, but it will get easier, I promise. If you’re dealing with a narcissist though or someone with similar tendencies, then honestly just get out of there cause they can’t be reasoned with.

Making time to care for yourself. Get enough sleep (I suck at this one 😩), do things to keep yourself healthy but also make the time to do the things that YOU enjoy. I find that saying affirmations help me a lot.

And sometimes it can be really hard, because its probably mostly family and friends that are getting this from you (jobs are also a super common hub for taking advantage of people pleasers) - and sometimes you see a loved one struggling with their own stuff and asking for your help and you want to help them, but helping them just drains you, especially if you suffer from depression or anxiety. So when you start enforcing your boundaries, you’re probably going to be told that you’re selfish, or mean, or have an attitude - but that’s not the case. Taking care of yourself is your first priority always.

I have no idea if this was helpful or not. But I hope it was! 🧡

#𝑻𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒆 𝑻𝒂𝒍𝒌𝒔 ♡#𝑰𝒏𝒃𝒐𝒙 ⤷✉

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binary-not-found · 3 years ago

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Episode 16 🤸🏻‍♀️

The last one before tonight's episode

This entire interaction is so weird for me, I wasn't able to read much into either one of them 🤔

What I can say is that the moment Lucy responded "He's been there less than a day" the defensive mode was activated in her and everything that followed from there was just her trying to prove something (I'm not sure what) that no one was arguing about 😶

May the goddesses of homosexuality bless Jane for the patience she has with these two, I had already locked them up somewhere 😬

Like here, she looks at her like saying that if Kate thinks Kai should already have something in less than a day it means that she already has something

Or maybe I'm seeing things where they're not, I tend to do that 😔

This reminded me of that scene in episode 6 where they're all in the war room and Kate just walks up to Lucy for no reason

Agent Whistler just looking to be closer to Agent Tara 👀

I love the way Kate hesitates for a second on whether to stay there or leave, like she doesn't know what to do once Jane left

I know Lucy wanted to turn all the way around to face Kate, but she's sooooo stubborn 😫😫

- Yep

Nothing else to add here 🙌🏼

I must admit that seeing the way Kate reacts here and just gets up and leaves, I was hoping that the mean Whistler I fell in love with had really returned 😬

Lucy, my love, I know it hurts, I know you are stubborn and proud and that you're really upset, you can stay that way all you want, but for your own health, LISTEN TO KATE! let her explain, close that cycle and let the anger and hurt go away 🙏🏻

I saw many comments saying that Lucy had rolled her eyes the moment she sees Kate, I saw others saying it was to what Jesse was saying, others saying it was just a reaction to the day she had

I think it's a little bit of everything, she was tired, she wasn't looking forward to seeing Kate, Jesse was being a baby about her driving again, and all of that led her to react, maybe not in the best way, I think it was for Kate, but not just for Kate 🤷🏻‍♀️

I know a few posts ago I said I would give my whole opinion on Lucy being rude and Kate and her kicked puppy eyes, but I think I'll save those for when I do 17, so I do it all together 😬

Also, I won't be able to watch the episode tonight, so maybe I'll have it ready tomorrow afternoon or Wednesday, I'll try to do it as soon as possible.

#ncis hawaii #ncishawaii #kate whistler #lucy tara #kacy #kacy analysis

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stylesunchained · 3 years ago

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I think another reason he's maybe stuck in this limbo of wanting to people to know him through his music but not wanting people to know anything vaguely personal about him is because he surrounds himself with ‘yes people’ and hasn't expanded far beyond that circle in a long time (and I understand the trust issues involved, but still).

I do believe he has people on his team who are his true friends and want the best for him but... they're also industry people who have a vested interest in his professional success because it furthers their own personal interests and careers, so they never challenge him because why change a formula that's working (at least financially) for everyone, and so it becomes this environment where everything is stagnant. There’s nobody there to suggest to him that this way of doing things isn’t the only or the best way because they don’t want to risk their own interests, and you can't truly grow personally if you're only ever exposed to the same shit and nothing and nobody ever challenges your own ideas. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Anyway I agree with everything else you've been saying, just wanted to add my 2 cents to the conversation, I hope what I was trying to say made sense!

I couldn’t agree more. Was chatting to a friends about this earlier and I said and repeat: Harry is extremely comfortable in the tiny little safe sandbox he created for himself and is unwilling to change it. He’s a creature of habits - same movies cause they’re safe and all that - and he has a lot of people around him that say ‘yes, sir’ to his every whim.

A lot of them are 100% invested in him because he can and definitely does further their careers. Look at Pleasing - he’s the founder but that company is clearly Molly and Harry L’s brainchild.

He *needs* to change and evolve and learn new things and patterns and he won’t until he has people who challenge his stagnancy within his circle.

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kindahoping4forever · 3 years ago

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🥺🥺 This year more than ever, I'm so grateful to have you in my life. You're so right, this year has been absolutely ridiculous. Everyday I woke up not knowing what insanity the day would bring but I always knew I was gonna be OK because I had you with me. 🥰 I'm so proud of us for not just getting thru it all but getting thru it together. Thank you for this post and for being my bestie. I love you! 💙💙🦦🦦🐢🦖

Big shouts and the happiest of birthdays to my #1, @kindahoping4forever. We’ve both had tough years in top of the pandemic, and here we are pushing through. I know I couldn’t have made it through school and work and what little writing I accomplished this year without you in my corner. You constantly have to remind me of what all I’m always doing so I’m not as hard on myself. I love you and I can’t wait to see what next year brings! Hopefully we can get back to writing together! 🥰🥰🥰🦦🦦 make sure you go show her some birthday love!

#you're the best there's just nothing else i can say about it 🤷🏻‍♀️#and this picture selection?#🤌🏻🤌🏻#very arm so much smooch 🤩😍#and the inclusion of (one of) Cal's latest thirst trap? i approve 😌🥵#thank you and i love you! 🥰💙#🦦🦦 friendship #cass and crystal #cal-puddies #🦖🐢🦞🦔#👩🏻‍🌾👩🏻‍🌾#things for me #crystal but birthday 2021

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castleamc · 3 years ago

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Headcanons | Pedro Characters & Trouble Sleeping (1)

pairing: multi-character x gn!reader (see below for which ones)

warnings: 18+, car sex, video chat sex, insomnia, nightmares, food consumption, lmk anything else.

a/n: so who are my insomnia moots?? knasjans ive had it since middle school with a little bit of sleep paralysis, its super lonely but 🤷🏻‍♀️ and so I write at this time, its hard for me to just sleep ive tried melatonin gummies (doesnt do enough), cutting sugar/eating late, sleeping early earlyyy. nothing helps I just stay awake. if yall ever need someone to talk to at 4am lmk, I'll probably be awake. 👉🏻😎👉🏻

Part 2 | Masterlist ⭐️

For Frankie, Javier, Jack Daniels, Ezra, and Dave York unlock below ✨

Frankie Morales 🚁

Frankie's ability to sleep was conditioned in him since the beginning of his training. On a couch? He'll sleep. Camping on the floor? He'll sleep there too. Waiting for your table to be ready at the restaurant? He can SO squeeze in a nap. For him it's easy, however for you not so much. By the time 1am strikes, you get surges of energy and you become restless. Frankie knows its hard for you to sleep, so some nights when you're rolling around in bed frustrated and you're on your phone he'd whisper "Wanna watch a new movie?" He loved sleeping, but he loved you even more. It always warmed your heart that Frankie tried his best to keep you company. He'd rest his head on your shoulder watching the video, laughing along with you. Sometimes he'd snake his hands between your legs telling you to get closer to him tracing circles on your thighs, letting you know he's there. Other days when your mind won't rest, he'll quietly ask you what you're thinking about while letting you rest on his chest as he caresses your spine until it lulls you back to sleep. He tries to stay up with you, but can't. You don't fault him for that, in fact you fall more in love with his determination to try to stay awake. Even if it's just for a few minutes. However on those heavy long nights it's Frankie that has trouble sleeping. He'd have his heavy nightmares varying from all those missions he's been through, and you'll be there. Ready to ease him back to sleep, never keeping your eyes off him. Kissing his temple, brushing back his brown curls as he holds you listening to your heart beat telling him he's safe. It gives you peace of mind watching him rest, ultimately dozing yourself in his embrace.

Javier Peña 🕶

Staying up during stake outs was probably one his favorite times actually for one reason in particular, you. If anyone were to ask him, he'd say he loved the peace and quiet being away from the office, away from the endless paperwork, and those grueling nights chasing down hopeless leads. When really he'd secretly look forward to spending more time with you. You'd plead to go with him clutching his arms, kissing his neck trying to convince him. And how could he resist? You were the one person that would understand the serenity he feels at night. He knows that stake outs are dangerous, so he'd let you come along only when he's positive that it's safe. You both kept a watchful eye at the building in question, asking him what songs he likes, if he thinks pineapples belong on pizza or not, and occasionally annoying him with your favorite game of 'I spy.' But your favorite activity was driving around in his Jeep in search of where to go for a late night meal or snack. It would start with a grumble of annoyance from him, followed by your stomach growling that eventually leads to abandoning the stake out all together to get food and eating it in his car. Trying new foods with him, talking about whatever came to mind was bliss. Javier didn't mind keeping you company at night at home also, he never had someone that he cared for so deeply like you. Anything you needed to help you sleep he was there. Even if it meant asking him to fuck you up to a point where you can't keep your head up or climbing onto his lap during stake outs riding him into exhaustion. He was there for you just like you were there there for him, reminding him that he deserves to be happy. So long as you had one another, staying up wasn't as bad.

Jack Daniels 🐎

When Jack was away overseas you found yourself alone in the house trying to find whatever to do. It was empty without him. Your inability to sleep kept you restless, and missing him so you walked around fiddling with anything you got your hands on and fixing whatever needed to be fixed in the house. When you're out in the barn you'd feed the horses, refill their tanks, and mowed the lawn. But you couldn't do that sometimes cause Jack beat you to it before he'd leave. He hated leaving you behind. Finding whatever he could to stall that inevitable "I'll see you soon". When night time came Jack would text you hoping that you'd be awake to video chat. He'd show you on his laptop the view of his room, ask about your day, you'd ask about his. You'd show him what you made, give him updates on the horses and the other farm animals. When you're really missing him, you'd simply show it. Placing the laptop between your legs touching yourself showing him exactly how much he you need him. Jack longed to be by your side touching you, making you moan his name by his hand. But he knows that's what you need right now, so he goes along touching himself focusing at how beautiful you look. Looking forward to coming back home to you. When you'd relax and drowsiness finally hit, you'd place the laptop on his side of the bed hearing him talk to you about wanting to paint the kitchen walls, maybe build a new birdhouse when he gets back. When you wake up the next day, he'd either still be on video chat saying good morning ready to leave or leaving a trail of kisses on your arm up to your cheeks to wake you up.

Ezra 🌿

After his return from The Green, Ezra's ability to sleep was cut short. It was done purely for survival. He needed to rest, but also staying up on the look out for other prospectors was necessary. It was a routine for so long that he hadn't noticed until he came back to you. On that first night together in his own bed, he woke up late to find you staring at the ceiling deep in your thoughts. He turned to see you not sad or tired, but content. You told him how often you'd stay up unable to sleep missing him during long hours of the day until it trailed to night time. You liked being up to an extent because at least this way you never forgot him and never lost hope. So when sleeping wasn't in store for you. You would listen to new music quietly, research new discoveries to tell Ezra, and maybe even pick up on a new hobby like reading. Ezra would ask you loaded questions about the plot, always invested in character motives. To keep each other's company at night, you'd both head to the beach collecting seashells, iridescent rocks and at times rare flowers. Together, you had infinite amounts of rare finds marking down its species, class, where it was located. This was a habit of Ezra you found to be hard for him to overcome, so you helped him. The same way he helped you find the ability to sleep when you're exhausted and crying wishing you could rest. He would distract you the best way he knew how, by talking for hours. This helped you because you found more and more topics to catch up on. He'd mention what food he missed eating, and you'd tell him what new movies came out that he might like. At last, you'd doze off on his chest leaving behind any traces of sleep deprivation.

Dave York 🧳

Dave was trained to be awake when needed and to be asleep when needed. It wasn't difficult for him, it was like flipping a switch. Clockwork. That goes with saying, he could sleep easily when he had to, but sometimes it was hard. He did have a few nights where he'd wake up in sweats panicking in his hotel room at loss of your body not by his side. It'd take him a minute to realize he's not home with you and the girls. He wasn't use to having someone like you accept his line of work, fear instilling in him at the thought of ever losing something so good like you. So when he'd wake in panic, he'd instantly miss you and call you. You'd miss him too. He knows how hard it is for you go to sleep. Those days he'd leave for weeks on end he would leave tea out in the kitchen for you with a pot ready to boil with a note saying "Try to rest, love you." You'd drink the tea to relax, but it was damn near impossible. Often you would go over paperwork, check the girl's homework, and catch up on your favorite tv show. When Dave would come home and catch you awake though, he'd feel guilty at how easy it was for him. You're so use to it by now that you accepted it, but it pained him to see the tired look in your eyes as you find a way to help you sleep. So instead of leaving you to go to bed, he spoke to you about his latest mission to which you'd perk up. Ask you what you think he did next, what the person he chased did, and what you would've done if you were him. It always managed to make you relax and eventually doze off just enough for him to carry you up the stairs to bed.

»»»»»»»❀«««««««

I hope you enjoyed this little headcanon I had in my head for a hot minute for a few of the Pedro boys. I might do the others another time when im awake this late. If you do read this late late, I hope you're able to find some sleep love! I know its hard to shake off that dreading feeling. Sleeping is nice, I hope youre able to rest. And you're not alone. 💜

no tagging just cause its a little headcanon, not really a fic.

sis if I was mantis, I'd be sleeping all the time.

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squidyyy23 · 3 years ago

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Hey! Happy Saturday 😬 would you like some questions?

1) Where do you get your news? Are you loyal to one news outlet or do you like a more pick n mix approach?

2) Do you snore?

3) Is there any word or turn of phrase that is hyperspecific to where you're from? For instance, in my home town, we call a woodlouse a 'cheeselog' I don't know why. I don't know where I learned it because neither of my parents were raised there. But I have always known, that is a cheeselog. 🤷🏻‍♀️

🐞♥️

howls my love. ❤️ happy saturday!!!

1) gonna confess a thing: i intentionally live ignorant to most news. i get a nightly email with like the top ten stories of the day which i skim briefly. and then i’ll look up specific things as i hear people talking about them. but keeping up with full blown news on a regular basis just stresses me out. too much shit that pisses me off and makes me ranty in a completely unproductive way. so i stay away as best i can and figure the major things will trickle whether i want it to or not.

2) nope. 😇 i will occasionally sleep talk. i did a ton as a kid but it’s mostly gone now. though every once in a while i’ll apparently just sit up in the middle of the night and rattle off some gibberish before passing back out. so either i sleep talk or am periodical possessed. 😂

3) so i didn’t even know what woodlouse was. had to google it. i’d call them a rolly polly. or i’ve heard them called pillbugs but i’d never use that word. so maybe that’s example number one? 😂

the only one i can really think of is “rainbows”. it’s a leather flip flop brand that are made locally and are really popular. like everyone has a pair and tons of people (my family included) where basically nothing else year round. but the brand becomes it’s own word? like i wouldn’t say can you hand me my shoes or my sandals. i’d say my rainbows even though that’s the only shoe i could possibly mean.

#i’m also very guilty of the california overusage of ‘like’ 🙈#does that count a hyper local speak?#and it’s so hard to get rid of. things just sounds wrong without it.#question friday #<- does this mean we’re time traveling and i get an extra weekend day?

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butmakeitgayblog · 3 years ago

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hiiiii! hope you're doing okay. i really love your fics and yours are one of the few that i look forward to reading whenever you have one out. as a baby clexa fic writer, i personally try not to read other fics because i'm afraid that i might unconsciously copy an idea of theirs that i already have in mind, or might just be fitting in the story i try to write. have you had any troubles like this or is it just me being more of an academic writer than one who writes for leisure? which im also having trouble with, btw. i find it hard to write conversational dialogues that are authentic because english isn't my first language and the only time i ever write in it is when i do schoolwork. i might be thinking too much of it, idk. 🤷🏻‍♀️

all in all, really this is just an appreciation ask for you and your works from an anon who devours clexa fanfics, most of which are your works. you write with a flow (idk if that makes sense). so thank you so much for your works, and just want to say (again), you're works are some of the best I've read and keep on rereading again and again. hope you have a great day!!!

Thank you so much, this was such a lovely message and I'm so glad you like them 💕 and if you stories are on ao3 send the link!

Tbh I do think you're being too hard on yourself. Dialogue is seriously so hard to write, and the fact that you're multi/bilingual and doing it is impressive all on its own. My dumbass can't speak two languages and am even shit at just English as it is. So yeah that's something to be proud of.

As for the question, honestly not much. At least not consciously. I haven't really struggled with it myself but also I was a silent reader for years in the fandom before I ever tried my hand at writing. I had no idea what I was doing when I first started (still don't 🥴) and I actually think the fact that I had read so many fics helped me immensely. It helped me see different styles and approaches and techniques that were successful. Listened to criticisms people had and things they liked in others writing. Helped me see how stories were best structured. And then applied all that to my writing when I finally got the guts to try and put my thoughts into words, and slowly over time I've developed my own style just through trial and error. But I absolutely give it up to the other clexa authors for being a bit of a collection of crash course teachers that helped me even if they didn't know it lol

And beyond that, I honestly think reading other's stories can help give you inspiration, rather than looking at it like you're copying. I think reading others work is invaluable actually. Who cares if an idea seems close to another, that's nothing. Heck, my niche in the fandom is literally taking movies and rewriting them as clexa🤷‍♀️. Can't copy more than that. But there's really no such thing as a unique idea anymore, and even still if you had 3 writers all sit down with the exact same prompt, you get 3 completely different stories. Even if the general idea or plot points are similar, your voice and your story will always be it's own thing (obviously barring intentional plagiarism but I know that's not what you mean)

It actually reminds me of a post I saw years back about another writer saying they were afraid that they had no unique ideas for a fic and the person answering them said something like, think of your story as a cake. You see your cake sitting there on the table next to someone else's and all you can think is, "mine isn't as pretty as theirs. Mine's vanilla and their's is chocolate and look at how much taller there's is than mine." You're looking at your cake and seeing all it's flaws, all the ways you think yours is subpar to the other, but the birthday person is just having the time of their life because "HELL YEAH, TWO CAKES!" That's how readers feel. They wanna read your coffee shop au and the 1300 other coffee shop aus because hell yeah, 1301 coffee shop aus 🥳

#anon #writing #nice things

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heartbreakerholland · 7 years ago

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aftermath pt. 3 [pp]

A/N: omggg idk how i feel about it but tbh i teared up while writing it but maybe it's just me who knows 🤷🏻‍♀️ anyways i hope you guys enjoy!

Word Count: 2.8k+

Summary: The five stages of grief. It's your funeral day.

Warnings: A little swearing, very sad and angsty!peter bc i know u guys like that shit for some reason, description of a dead body kinda

[master list] [pt. 1] [pt. 2] [pt. 4] [pt. 5]

•••

2. Anger

Your funeral was a month after you died, it taking so long mainly because your boyfriend refused it to take place. If you had a funeral, if Peter had to sit through the service and listen to speeches about your life and see all the others in black, crying just like him? That would mean you were actually dead. That would mean Peter would have to accept it, which he didn't want because he knew you weren't.

The day of the funeral was on yours and Peter's 2 year anniversary, May 2nd. (As if it couldn't get any worse, he thought.) Nobody had to convince him to go, surprisingly enough. He didn't want to at first, but the night before, when he was looking at the stars in search of you, realization dawned on him that he had to. He had to see you again. He had to know if he was right or if you were actually dead.

The only strange thing that happened on that day was Peter was the only person who didn't cry. He cried every day and every night, but not then. Instead, he was empty and moved like a zombie, going through the motions but never fully there. He was woken by a grim Tony, who previously had to prepare himself for whatever mess Peter became in your room, which he surprisingly wasn't.

Peter got up, climbed out of your too empty bed, and got dressed. Just as anyone would. He ate breakfast, got in the car that carried all the other Avengers, and stared at the freshly shoveled dirt in the cemetery where everyone sat in front of. There was a 6-foot deep, perfectly rectangular hole next to the open casket with your body laying in it. It was a sunny day, as if the weather was a slap on the face to Peter, pretending this wasn't one of the worst days of his life.

He felt nothing. He stared at your casket and listened as the speakers spoke. He was surrounded by waterfalls of tears coming from every eye but his, with mountains of used tissues accompanying them. He joined the others occasionally, laughing when others laughed when someone spoke of a memory they had of you, though no one knew his chuckles were out of bitterness.

How could they talk about you like you're not here anymore? Peter would ask himself. How could they be willing to say these things just so they can finally forget it? How could they be willing to forget you?

He didn't want to hear the people trying to be a fake deep, releasing their memories of you so others could cry about different memories. He looked around the back of the crowd, seeing cameras for the news and tabloids. You were open about your identity, yeah, but he knew the press was there just to write stupid articles for money, not because they actually cared. Everyone was fake, only at the funeral for their own benefit.

That's when Peter realized how angry he was at everyone, including you and himself. He realized how much you meant to so many people, yet everyone had a different version of you in their life.

You were just the superhero to citizens and cities you've saved, with cool superpowers nobody really knew how to explain and frankly didn't actually care, as long as you did the dirty work. You were the media's favorite person to write about, always being glamorized as the best Avenger because you were the youngest or the worst Avenger for the same reason and whatever else they could pull out their asses. You were a hero that some people labelled as a lifesaver, because you did that so much. Peter knew those you've individually saved became superfans for their superhero, because you meant just that much.

You were the second teenager Tony Stark took in as a mentee, though he came to love you as his own kid just like Peter. You were another girl for Natasha, Wanda, and Pepper to bond with when the guys became too much, always able to talk about even the smallest problems together. You were the comedic girl that Thor loved to joke around with yet also have deep talks with, especially because you were the only other person besides Peter and Vision that could wield mjolnir. You were the oddly intelligent girl that Bruce loved to work on projects with, the girl that somehow mastered archery when she practiced with Clint, the girl that had the patience to hold a genuine conversation with Vision.

You were someone special to everybody, and that's what Peter hated the most. He hated that there were versions of you that he's never met and never will, and he hated the fact that he hated it. You weren't just Peter's Y/N, you were a different Y/N to your parents and the Avengers and the citizens you've saved. You even had a place as a different Y/N to past teachers, bus drivers you've thanked, classmates you've smiled to in the halls. You even had your own version of Y/N. Did anybody even know you as a whole? Did Peter ever know you? Did you allow Peter to know you, or just what you wanted him to know?

How could you have left him when there was still so much about you that he didn't know?

People standing up from their seats and walking away brought Peter out of his thoughts. The service had ended. After everyone said their goodbyes to your body and each other, it was only your boyfriend and teammates left. He stood frozen in front of his chair, watching them go up to your casket one by one, hearing them whisper their final goodbyes to you.

Peter no longer felt empty. He was enraged.

Tony walked up to him, eyes uncharacteristically red and puffy. "Hey, Pete," he pat him on the back, rubbing Peter's back as if he were trying to silently comfort the boy. After thinking of how to phrase his next question, Tony asked, "Are you gonna go see her?"

That set him off. "That's it?" Peter directed not just to Tony but the others as well, poison in those two words.

Tony looked taken aback. "Whaddya mean, kid?" he asked slowly.

Peter scoffed. "That's it?" he gestured towards your casket, with a couple of the others still muttering to each other. "You're just gonna accept it? You're all just gonna sit here and cry, then talk to Y/N as if she's actually gone?" He didn't want to say "dead." He couldn't.

Tony sighed, tearing up again but not allowing them to escape his eyes. "Peter," he paused, though the boy wasn't sure if it was for him or Tony himself. "She is gone. I'm-"

"No!" Peter's voice raised, bringing the attention to their friends, but frankly, he didn't care. They needed to hear it too. "You're all just going to talk to her one more time and that's the end of it? You're not gonna try to bring her back? You're not-"

"Peter," he cut him off, then sat on a random chair and signaled the teenager to as well. He kept his hand on the boy's back, thinking of what to say and how to stay patient. "I'm about to say the corniest stuff that comes out of movies, just as much as some brutal honesty, but you've gotta listen and understand, okay?"

Peter gave a short nod in response, staring at his hands while both their elbows rested on their knees.

Tony sighed, continuing. "Look, kid. I'm sorry to say, I really am, but she's actually dead. Y/N Y/L/N is dead," his voice cracked at that sentence, but he went on. "And trust me, I know how much you want there to be a way for her to just un-die, but you can't do that. You heard Strange. He spent an entire week's worth of time to find a way to keep her alive, but there was no way out of it. He had to realize that and he couldn't do anything about it. Nobody can. You have to do the same."

Peter stared at Tony, finally letting out the first wave of tears for the day.

His mentor continued, "I know it's hard, Pete. I know you're waiting for the day she comes back. I know you probably want to be in the same position she is right now. I know that you feel lost and that a part of you probably died with her. Trust me. I know. Maybe a part of you did die with her. But you know what? A part of all of us died with her. We all had our own experiences with her, and it might not hurt as much, and I know you probably feel a little different because you know that you're hurting the most. We all know you are. But she would want you to move on. She said it herself, remember?"

Peter nodded, still silent despite the fact that Tony's words reminded him of the Spidey suit recording everything. Of course he remembered; he rewatched your death every day.

Tony sighed again, rubbing his face with the palm of his hand. "Look, point is, I get it. It hurts. You're hurting. You wish she weren't dead and you probably blame the hell out of yourself for not being able to save her, but nobody could. We all have to deal with that fact. But you can't turn back time, you can't make a deal with the devil, you can't use some black magic to bring her back. All you can do is remember her and remember how she made you feel and how you made her feel, and everyone sure as hell knows you made her the happiest she ever could have been. But she's dead. And the only way she'll really still be alive is from your memory and everyone else's, not from you pretending this never happened. Do you get what I'm saying here?"

Your boyfriend sighed then nodded in response, but only for Tony's sake so he wouldn't be pestering anymore. Tony's speech had hardly any affect on Peter. If anything, it only made him angrier. "Can you-" Peter started, gulping a lump in his throat that he didn't know was there. "Can you give me a minute?" He gestured towards your casket, signaling he wanted to talk to you.

Tony nodded. "Take your time, kid." With that, he motioned for the others to join him back in the car.

Peter walked up to you, suddenly aware at how long it's been since the two of you had been alone together. He never wanted it to be like this, whatever this was. He stood frozen, staring at your lifeless body, still secretly hoping you would give him any sign that you were alive or at least had been listening to him after all this time.

He opened his mouth as if he were about to speak, but nothing came out. Instead, he firmly placed his hands at the edge of the casket, his knuckles turning white from his grip. He stared at you just like he'd been ever since he arrived to the cemetery. Your eyes were closed, hands resting one on top of the other over your unmoving stomach. Your hair was the same length and color as it was before, oddly having not grown in the month Peter hasn't seen you. You were wearing a dress that Peter was asked to pick, which of course he knew you would have loved. (The two of you had planned your wedding, including what you'd wear, after all.) Flowers of all kinds framed your body inside, adding some color to your abnormally pale skin. You looked beautiful.

You looked dead.

"Hey, babe," he said casually, though his voice immediately cracked and he couldn't get the stupid fucking lump in his throat to get out. He didn't know what to say to you until he decided he would just say everything, so he pulled up a chair in order to sit next to you. His forearms rested on the edge of the opening of the casket, hands clasped together as he kept staring at you because God he couldn't just stop.

He took a deep breath. "Y/N, I-" his voice cracked again. "Y/N. I am so sorry. You're gone but I can't admit that you're dead. Well, until just now." He chuckled nervously at that, as if it were a regular conversation between the two of you. "I failed you and I just-" he stopped in frustration. His eyebrows furrowed and his hands clenched. "I'm sorry, okay?" he said angrily. "I hate myself so much for not being able to save you. I could have done one simple thing that wouldn't have put either of us in these positions."

His tears were flowing, though the boy couldn't feel it. He was just so angry, the feeling overpowering all his other senses to make him furious at everything. "I hate myself so much for not telling you I love you one last time. I don't think I ever even showed you or proved to you how much I do love you. But now-" God will his voice stop fucking betraying him? "Now it's too late. I regret it so much. You'll never know how much I cared about you and loved you and wanted to spend the rest of my life with you and-" another sob choked him up. "Why did you leave me?"

He put his head in his hands, the sobs overtaking his shaking body. "I'm sorry, love, but I just- I don't-" He took another breath, rethinking his next words as he looked back at you. "I was thinking earlier," he tried speaking normally again, as if you could actually listen. "While people were talking about some glamorized bullshit about your life, yaknow? And I know they're hurting too, but hearing them talk like that was disgusting. It's like they brought up a moment you shared with them, but they emphasized everything as if you meant the world to them but in reality they probably never thought about you or cared about you until now, just because you're dead. They don't get it. You're my world. They don't fucking get it and it's like a slap in the face. I don't want to think of you and be sad like this. I don't want to see pictures of us and only get sad when I'm supposed to be happy about our memories. I don't want there to be a day where I forget your scent and your laugh and how you felt when we kissed or held hands or hugged or even high-fived." He realized his voice rose from being so mad, so he softened it as he continued. "I just wish we had more time. I wanted to get to know you even though I know you'd insist you let me know everything there is to know. I wanted to get married and have kids and pets and buy a house. You promised we would do that. You promised. Why did you have to break your promise? Why did you have to leave me?"

He put his head back down, hands pulling at his hair as his face scrunched up with his loud cries. "Y/N," he muttered, then looked up to you again. "Y/N. Babe, love, darling, honey." He had to get the names out. He had to call you it all, one more time. "Y/N. You were the love of my life. You are the love of my life. Why did you go?"

Peter Parker was defeated. He sat there, crying for who knows how long, a hand slightly touching yours but it felt so wrong because you were cold and didn't move and you were physical proof that you just weren't alive anymore. He would never feel your warmth again, or hear the softness in your voice on quiet nights or the agitated yells when you argued with him. He would never feel how your hair felt when he ran his fingers through them or how you would admire paintings and books and music. He hated all of it.

"I'm sorry, Y/N. You told me to, but I can't move on, and I'm sorry." He pulled a picture out of his pocket, looking at the two of you happily frozen in place. He made a copy of the photo earlier because he wanted you to have it while he had the original. He placed it between your hands, so you were holding it. You died loving him, and so he wanted to make sure the frozen love went with you, wherever you'd go. "I love you so much. You'll never know. But I do. I always will. I do."

•••

tagged: @thollandtrash

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