#you'll never find peace of mind until you listen to your heart (musings)

[argonr]

[Thank you Google Doodle for this extremely on point dating app description of my idiot. Can't believe the Argon R nickname is turning out to be even better than I ever expected.

Happy Valentine's Day guys ❤️]

[hellsmayflower]

𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐆𝐒 𝐓𝐎 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐌𝐘 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄 . whether it be melodies that give you inspiration for your muse or songs that get you into the writing mood — pick ten songs that give you the urge, the drive or the creativity to write for your muse!

Queen of Peace. - Florence and the Machine. Suddenly I'm overcome. Dissolving like the setting sun. Like a boat into oblivion. 'Cause you're driving me away.

Now you have me on the run. The damage is already done. Come on, is this what you want? 'Cause you're driving me away.

2. No Tears Left To Cry. - Arianna Grande.

Right now, I'm in a state of mind. I wanna be in like all the time. Ain't got no tears left to cry. So I'm pickin' it up, pickin' it up (Oh, yeah) I'm lovin', I'm livin', I'm pickin' it up.

Oh, I just want you to come with me. We on another mentality. Ain't got no tears left to cry (To cry) So I'm pickin' it up, pickin' it up (Oh, yeah) I'm lovin', I'm livin', I'm pickin' it up.

3. Espresso. - Sabrina Carptenter.

I can't relate to desperation. My 'give a fucks' are on vacation. And I got this one boy. And he won't stop calling. When they act this way. I know I got 'em.

Too bad your ex don't do it for ya. Walked in and dream came trued it for ya. Soft skin and I perfumed it for ya. I know I Mountain Dew it for ya. That morning coffee, brewed it for ya. One touch and I brand newed it for ya.

4. When I was young. - Miley Cyrus.

Left my living fast somewhere in the past. 'Cause that's for chasing cars. Turns out open bars lead to broken hearts. And going way too far.

I know I used to be crazy. I know I used to be fun. You say I used to be wild. I say I used to be young.

You tell me time has done changed me. That's fine, I've had a good run. I know I used to be crazy. That's 'cause I used to be young.

5. Get Down. - Six Wives the Musical.

You, you said that I tricked ya. 'Cause I, I didn't look like my profile picture. Too, too bad I don't agree. So I'm gonna hang it up for everyone to see. And you can't stop me 'cause.

I'm the queen of the castle. Get down, you dirty rascal. Get down.

6. HomeWrecker. - Marina.

Every boyfriend is the one, until otherwise proven. The good are never easy, the easy never good. And love, it never happens like you think it really should. Deception and perfection are wonderful traits. One will breed love, the other, hate. You'll find me in the lonely hearts. Under 'I'm after a brand new start'.

And I don't belong to anyone.

They call me homewrecker, homewrecker. They call me homewrecker, homewrecker.

7. Do it like a Dude. - Jessie J.

Dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty sucka. You think I can't get hood like you. You motherfucker.

I can do it like a brother. Do it like a dude. Grab my crotch. Wear my hat low like you.

8. Escapism. - 070 Shake and Raye

Just a heart broke bitch, high heels, six inch. In the back of the nightclub, sippin' champagne. I don't trust any of these bitches I'm with. In the back of the taxi, sniffin' cocaine. Drunk calls, drunk texts, drunk tears, drunk sex. I was lookin' for a man who was on the same page. Now it's back to the intro, back to the bar. To the Bentley, to the hotel, to my old ways.

9. BitterSweet. - Within Temptation.

If I tell you. Will you listen? Will you stay? Will you be here forever? Never go away?

Never thought things would change. Hold me tight. Please don't say again. That you have to go.

A bitter thought. I had it all. But I just let it go. Oh, this silence. It's so violent. Since your're gone.

10. Gods and Monsters. - Lana Del Rey.

In the land of Gods and Monsters. I was an angel living in the garden of evil. Screwed up, scared, doing anything that I needed. Shining like a fiery beacon.

You got that medicine I need. Fame, liquor, love, give it to me slowly. Put your hands on my waist, do it softly. Me and God, we don't get along. So now I sing.

No one's gonna take my soul away. I'm living like Jim Morrison. Headed towards a fucked up holiday. Motel sprees, sprees and I'm singing. "Fuck yeah, give it to me". "This is Heaven, what I truly want". It's innocence lost. Innocence lost.

{{ snatched this. }} {{ if you see this and doing this,tag me. <3 }}

[kozutenshi]

with the strings of his lyre—semi eita.

a 2.3k word long myth retelling.

what was it, what did he do that made you fall for him?

was it the way he looks at you, sideways with that sparkle in his eyes as he strummed his stringed instrument like how he did the same to your heartstrings, or how his voice silenced the ones shouting in your head and had calmed you down more times than you thought?

you didn't know. more like, you didn't need to know.

it is true that he's impatient and somehow ill-tempered but he was hardworking, the callouses of his hands from the instrument he handled with care a proof of how many hours he had practiced. you adored him for that, with his pout, his smile, his laugh and his song.

was it the warmth, the calm, the charm? was it the spring that he always seem to bring with him whenever his music reaches your ears?

you didn't need to know the reason. you just simply love him like how he does to you.

what was it that made him fall for you? you were ordinary compared to him; everyone knew & see that fact, even you.

and yet, why are his songs dedicated to you?

was it the way you intensely look at him, always enjoying his music? maybe it was the eagerness to learn more about him, devoting yourself to not just listen to him, but understand him. maybe it was the fact that the nagging thought in his mind that no one will see through his temper & notes had stayed silent ever since you came.

was it the way you'll bring him the strength, the love, the way he always feels as if he was a dream whenever he looks at you?

he didn't know. he didn't mind it, though.

he was grateful of the patience and the comforting silence that he can never get as others demand his music.

he was thankful he had met you, had a chance to love you, and to hold you in his arms as his everlasting spring made everything bloom just for you.

"marry me y/n. then let's go somewhere far. away from prying eyes. won't you like that?"

the earth hummed with you as you answered him with a breathy agreement. the spirits of the trees and the flowers danced as he took your hand kept you in his arms until the sun sunk in the horizon.

it was wonderful, like a myth. magical, as if gods had descended upon you two to bless your future union.

he held you close to him that night, the silk drapes and the gold accessories all gone from your skin. a soft thin blanket covered the two of you just right, your scent intertwining with his.

it was just simply you and him.

"semi? do you mind if i go with my friends to the meadow?" he smiled slightly as your bright eyes met his, eager to be with your friends. he shook his head. "take your time, love." you giggled at his tiny blush as he realized what he had said though you yourself had felt your face heat up. you waved your hand as you ran towards your friends, leaving semi under the tree next to your home.

the view was peaceful but a tug on his chest made him feel unsettled. it was dull but his mind was scattered & he didn't know what to do.

what was that feeling?

he was thinking into his feelings, staring off to nowhere, when a hand was on his shoulder.

"semi! y/n-" he snapped out of his thoughts as he turned towards the source of the voice.

it was one of your friends that had come running, frantically pointing at the direction they came from with tears of panic streaming down their face. "-bitten!"

maybe it wasn't seen, maybe no one had felt it, but he could feel himself slowly sinking, the weight on his throat familiar to him as his tears sprung from his eyes whe he reached the meadow.

he didn't need to know how. he just wanted to be there for you, just in time for your shallow breaths, your last words as his heart breaks over again.

but fate has never been on his side. there you were; your figure laid on the grass, looking awfully peaceful, as if you were just sleeping. silently, he cradled you in his arms, the blades of the grass caressing your skin.

he smoothed out the wrinkles of your dress, taking specks of dirt out mechanically as he placed his forehead on yours. there were no signs of terrible pain; just a bite mark on your foot.

his heart in pieces, he weeped.

every mortal life can meet its end anytime. he knew that so well.

but why did it have to be now for the one he loves? he wanted to take you in his arms, to sway you under the moonlight, inhale your scent whenever you pull him close to you.

all that turned to nothing.

the dryads watched him carefully, not knowing what to do for who knows what. he was talking to you with hushed words that only the wind can hear, his hand on yours. his tears had long dried & his eyes, red and puffy, had a tinge of stubborn conviction in them.

he laid you in a bed of flowers that day, letting you rest. the earth was eerily quiet, enough that even the gods had peered down curiously when the music and tunes of the young lover didn't reach their ears.

he denied it. for him, you were just resting in the small solace of the fragrant petals to remind you of his touch. he refused to give you to the gods. the sheer motivation and the stupidity of his plan made him cringe but he had no choice.

he'll go to the divine beings themselves if it means getting you back by his side.

he'll travel the whole world in search for a way to bring you back.

he'll walk through hell as long as he'll get to hold you in his arms as his spring envelopes you again ethereally as you smiled at him.

he'll find a way. he'll surely find a path to take.

the trees weeped with his new music, the sky poured. the gods on the high seats of olympus watched the puny mortal struggle and the earth with him. he didn't know if it was pity on him, pity on the world or his prayers being answered as the words had reached their ears, but eventually, he had found the secret to the underworld.

the descent was hard but he had now reached the throne room, hades in all his glory. the temperature was eerily low and the smell of earth was dulled out along with his senses. on the throne next to hades sat her majesty queen persephone, flowers wrapped around his fingers as she wills them to do so.

death & spring together; like how you left him in that one afternoon.

he poured his heart onto the song, every note singing of his love for his muse and maybe hades had also teared up at some point, it won't do anything but give him pity points.

"a soul can never return. that is just the nature of this world." persephone would've agreed with her husband if not for the familiar look of the boy's face.

"the balance of the world had already tipped he moment you, a mortal who hasn't lost his life, had set foot to the underworld. do you really think taki-"

"let's give him a chance."

stunned by the soft voice, hades' attention turned towards persephone. the silent plea in her eyes broke the coldness of his stare and he could only sigh as persephone persuaded him with a silent request.

"you will do this for me too, if you were in his place, right?"

gulping down the bile on his throat as he puts himself in the boy's shoes, he summoned your soul to the throne.

a soft smile spread across his queen's lips as the boy's arms enveloped around your body.

"i missed you. so much."

you could feel his tears on your shoulders, his warmth on your fingers. you could hear the broken tremor in his voice, raw from singing and crying.

but your vision was too dim to see him.

all you knew was that you feel loved with him. the memories were now just blurs, and you can't help but remember the sensation. the only memory you have of him, his familiar scent and warmth, was him sobbing, his words of love reaching your ears like a faint dream until everything felt and glowed vaguely, and your consciousness worked in your sleep. everything felt soft, as if flower petals caressed you in your slumber. the next thing you knew is that you were in this throne room, wandering around as the god of the underworld welcomed you.

you had aimlessly wandered around after then, slowly losing your sense of time and sight. was it day or night? was the sun out or the dark veil full of stars? how long has it been? your emotions were dulled. you were aware of your lack of pulse and the screams and wails of the spirits all around you.

a lost spirit.

you were fed up with it until a tune reached your ears instead of cries for help. curiously you had walked towards it, a sense of calm overcoming your body. the music seemed to reach everyone and the underworld had fallen silent.

the souls didn't know what to feel. they weren't supposed to feel but they wanted it.

they wanted to know the feeling of feeling.

but no matter how cliche it is, the raw thing in his voice and the way he had strummed radiated pure love and adoration. pain and suffering.

and all of it towards you.

unknowingly, your tears fell down, your voice but a breath as you recalled, so soft that it only sounded like a whisper. "semi."

he wiped his tears as he held your hand. "i've come to take you back, my love."

hades watched the interaction awkwardly, wanting to take persephone in his arms too, only to see thanatos shooting him a disappointed gaze.

the dead can't live for no price.

he cleared his throat before speaking. "on one condition."

the two of you looked up to the pair of gods in front of you. hades apologetically looked at persephone who had shot him a look at his side before turning to your pair.

"you can take her, yes, but on one condition: don't ever look back."

his brows furrowed but he nodded at the strange request.

"if one of you looks back, she won't be able to see the light of the sun anymore."

semi gulped nervously only to feel your cold thumb brushing on the veins of his hand.you clutched it tightly, depending on your sense of touch. he inhaled a sharp breath before nodding more prominently.

"i understand." hades nodded, clasping his hands together. "well then, i wish you both happiness at the end of this trial."

and so the ascending started.

it was painfully slow but you have never felt at home. he took you by your hand and led you up to the small stream of light you can't see through your eyes.

his smell has even left your reach, the only thing connecting you were your hands and the vague sound of his boots, echoing.

you can hear a bit of his voice but you didn't understand; cannot understand. you were trying so hard to hear him but your senses have dulled, your voice gone. you were no longer human.

a soul. you were just a wandering empty soul, the shell of his lover.

the silence around you took over as his steps became muffled and finally disappeared. it killed you, knowing how he will do anything to check on you.

squeezing his hand, you reminded him you were there but it was too late.

the silence killed him like how it killed you. the last few minutes, hours of walking, you were responsive, always humming to his stories and attentively listened.

but step by step, he felt you slipping until the feeling that he was only talking to a wall took over.

it was funny, how he never thought of you not listening to him. you were always there to laugh at his jokes, hum a small tune and even add to the false stories you tell of the village's children.

so you slowly slipping away from him had hurt him as much as how he had lost you.

and so, he made his mistake.

he looked back only to find your eyes slowly overflowed with tears, a sad smile on your face. you had felt his hold on your fingers loosened, his hand slightly wavering since he had turned around.

he can sense your annoyance but also the sadness and the feeling of hope being crushed.

but he can sense it. no, he can see it. the tinge of bitterness and the love and gratitude in your blind eyes. he can smell your ever intoxicating scent from where he stood even if you can't smell it yourself. he can feel your touch tremble and your fingers turn cold again.

"no. im sorry. no-"

he stopped begging as you cupped his cheek, pressing your cold lips on his. it was soft, lingering. a reminder and a promise.

it was as if to say that you'll come back for him, no matter when it will happen.

and just like that you were gone from his fingertips, the ghost of your touch haunting him forever as if morning dew & fog lingered on the tips of his outstretched hand, the bitter taste of yet another mistake filling his palate as he climbed out of the exit of the underworld, the spring rain welcoming him back to reality.

footer: i originally made this for a valentine series but thought against it👽 reblogs are much appreciated!

[argonr]

what is your true role in the story?

the antihero

ah yes, hello edge lord. it is lovely to see you again. you my dear, are the incarnation of duality, and you might think of claws and venom mixed with grace but alas, nothing near as poetic. you my friend, are mixture of what is seen as right, and what is questioned. you follow the path of your own two feet, you know the twists and turns of life's forests quite well if I do say so myself. and you can meander along them wonderfully. you strive to stay true to a certain sense of principles you might call your code, but whereas in reality, those would be your morals. people tend to see you as strange. sharp edged and glinting you hide behind a cloak of chain mail but really you just prefer to show off your imperfections first. unlike many who scramble to make it as if their flaws never existed, you proudly raise yours up. saying, "this is me, this is the worst of me, now you know what to expect." and might I say, it is quite an intriguing mindset, for truth be told, the ones that love your spikes and craters are the ones who appreciate your softness the most. you wish not to be loved as something lovable, but as a monster. for aren't we all just beasts in human skin? you are brave, but you are lonely. you know quite well how to scare off most, making even the heroes with the boldest bravado creep away with their tails between their legs. you are not a villian, sometimes you play the part a bit too well. but nevertheless you are no hero either. you put yourself first, but if one wins your trust then may the gods have mercy on those who might wrong them. you long to be a poetic mess of sorts, and well, if the ink sets in long enough you might just become that sooner or later. but for one who is so dead set on truth you sure do hide a lot don't you? please, step out of the shadows, there is a difference to not making your flaws visible and to simply acting as if you're the most despicable person in all the realms. it's because you're afraid of attachment is it not? well let me tell you a little secret, everyone is. you say you wish to be left alone for eternity but than why are you craving connection. you wish to be known and understood truly, but you snarl and push the ones that might be trying away. please little wolf, accept you are lovable. you are not some ravenous beast that terrifies the multitudes, sure, you are not for the faint of heart but that does not make you an inkling less perfect as you are. young antihero, step into the sun. you would do better actually reaching for the things you want rather than pining for them in the darkness.

[argonr]

16 Factor Test

[It checks out. Especially the anxiety and introversion. He doesn't come off as an introvert if you just watch him, but he's got a really hard time talking to people he doesn't know well. He'd rather have company, but he's like a cat so it has to be under his conditions 🤣

He's a mess. I feel like his "emotional stability" percentage should be lower.]

[argonr]

what kind of herb are you?

Oregano

You are home to so many people and yet you're not at home with yourself. Everyone needs something from you and you desperately try to prove that you're enough but you're never enough, never good enough, never even you despite all of that. Your hands shake but only when you're never looking at them and your smile is so ever-present you can't help but wonder if its fake, wonder how much of you is real. You're a caretaker, but are you even good at that, or are you faking yourself out into believing you're something that you wish you could, someone that someone else needed you to be when you were small and so full of need and hope and fragility? Who are you underneath the need to be someone's home? Who are you when you come home to yourself?

[argonr]

what flavour is your soul?

salt

ah little kraken, bold are you. restless sailor, dauntless fighter, lower your sword, let me see your shield. ah, of course, they are but the same object. oh wave-tossed ruffian, lend me some of your mettle would you? you have been struck by the sharpest of spears yet you still stand here proudly. but off your guard, elsewhere of the battlefield, you will find your spirit can parch others. your words are but weapons crafted from your soul. little lion, sheathe your claws, or the ones you love the most will suffer. you do not have to be strong all the time love, there's nothing wrong with being soft. vulnerability is not weakness, and if it were, what's wrong with that? strength is not always your greatest tool, your heart is good. put down excalibur, and use your words. you'll find they will carry you much farther. not everything in life is a battle.

[argonr]

☀️🕷️

𝐎𝐂 𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐉𝐈 𝐀𝐒𝐊𝐒! | accepting selectively

☀️ SUN - are they a morning person? what is the first thing they do in the morning?

[Yes, but it's only because it's a habit that was formed in the Navy. He'd still be a morning person because of how hard the sun hit the orphanage in the mornings tbh. His morning routine is pretty basic: make himself look presentable and then wake up with coffee.]

🕷️ SPIDER - what is their biggest fear? do they have any irrational / mundane fears?

[Dying alone. He knows it's a likely possibility, but it still scares him. He's spent a good chunk of his life, almost 20 years of it, alone at this point. Having it end with no one there now that he's found family again feels like the most terrifying thing in the world.

Some irrational fears include pyrotechnics, fireworks and any out-of-nowhere loud noises. He also can't watch films with war scenes or gunshots in them without having significant warning to the point of it ruining any enjoyment he might otherwise get from said movie.]

[argonr]

Your Muse’s Teacup

[argonr]

💧☁️

𝐎𝐂 𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐉𝐈 𝐀𝐒𝐊𝐒! | accepting

💧 DROPLET - random angst headcanon

[Rin has thought and said some of the worst things while incredibly drunk (wishing someone else had died instead of his brother, things like that). He's unfortunately got a really good memory for his bad nights, so he's spent full days apologizing either to gravestones or to people who have no idea why he's apologizing.]

☁️ CLOUD - a soft headcanon

[Rin plays Animal Crossing to calm himself down and unwind. His island is an organized place with cute yards for each resident (so not my island) and his residents are mostly cats (like my island) because that's the animal he's used to be around thanks to his time on the VCS Salt.]

[argonr]

📸🍼

𝐎𝐂 𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐉𝐈 𝐀𝐒𝐊𝐒! | accepting

📸 CAMERA - do they enjoy having their picture taken? what's their go-to pose? do they like taking photos? what do they take photos of?

[Ish? He's used to it since he's a charter, but it doesn't mean he's 100% comfortable with it. His go-to is either standing straight or one hand on his hip. As for taking photos, he doesn't think he's good at it but he takes photos of his projects.]

🍼 BABY BOTTLE - what are their thoughts on children?

[They're cute, but another life is too much responsibility for someone who can barely take care of himself.]

[argonr]

🙊

𝐎𝐂 𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐉𝐈 𝐀𝐒𝐊𝐒! | accepting

🙊 SPEAK-NO-EVIL - what is something your oc will refuse to stay quiet about?

[His sexuality and his very strong desire to have a committed relationship before anything happens. You cannot make him shut up about that, no matter how hard you try. He's 49 and still adamant to follow it through, let the man live.

There's another one, though he lagged a little because the Navy would get on his ass if he was verbal about it too soon. Nowadays though, he will tell you about the mistakes the Navy made when choosing to pursue the Battle of Dapp. It was a mistake and a massacre and he will not let the people in charge of watching good men and women die live that down.]

[argonr]

🌺? I don't think any been mentioned before...

𝐎𝐂 𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐉𝐈 𝐀𝐒𝐊𝐒! | accepting

🌺 HIBISCUS - do they have any allergies?

[I've never mentioned allergies because he doesn't have any. If he's got anything it's mild intolerances that I haven't completely thought through.]

[argonr]

🎂

𝐎𝐂 𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐉𝐈 𝐀𝐒𝐊𝐒! | accepting

🎂 BIRTHDAY CAKE - when is their birthday? do they like celebrating it?

[October 18th and it very much depends on when you ask that question. Now that he's found his way into Jay's world and he has people he can really celebrate with, yes. Prior to finding that world and after the war, no, because it was just a reminder of the sibling he no longer had. Even in Jay's world he'll still be a little melancholy because in the end there's no replacing his brother.]

[argonr]

🍰🥞

𝐎𝐂 𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐉𝐈 𝐀𝐒𝐊𝐒! | accepting

🍰 CAKE SLICE - favourite cake flavour? are they specific about types of cakes?

[He's not picky, and even as a kid he didn't care that much because cake was a rare thing. Birthdays only and even then it was cupcakes. He's also baked all sorts of cakes at this point that nothing is weird to him anymore. Out of all of them, despite his dislike of mayo as a child, he really likes the chocolate mayonnaise cake despite his initial protests upon discovering the recipe.]

🥞 PANCAKE - what is their comfort breakfast?

[Oatmeal and pancakes. The oatmeal will always have fruits in it and the pancakes will always be slathered in syrup of some kind. These are the two breakfasts he grew up with, and because of that they're both nostalgic and comforting to him.]

[argonr]

A 📦 from a person who was "most likely to try and take over the world" in their senior year book.

𝐎𝐂 𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐉𝐈 𝐀𝐒𝐊𝐒! | accepting

📦 PACKAGE - what's some "most likely to..." that can apply to them?

[Hmmmm. It took a lot of thinking and some internet scouring to answer this, but anyway here's a short list:

most likely to have the highest body count (no context 4 u)

most likely to drink himself into a stupor

most likely to do something really dumb

most likely to nearly kill themselves on accident

most likely to have many secret hobbies

I know a lot of these are things that have already happened but #3 can still be beaten and he's bound to gain more hobbies to add to #5 as well.]