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ladykailitha · 2 years ago

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The Subtleties of Steve Harrington Part 2

This is one is bit longer than the rest because there wasn’t a clear spot to break it up without splitting up one of the parts.

Part 1

One Month Before

The Corroded Coffin boys were on a mission. And that was to tell the Buckley girl to call off her dog. Because they sure as hell weren’t going to let Steve Harrington break Eddie Munson’s heart.

They walked into Family Video on a day they knew Steve would be off. How did they know he wouldn’t be there? Because it’s all Eddie was talking about all that week, that him and Steve were going up to Indy to Eddie’s favorite gaming store and get him a new fig to replace the one that been warped to hell in Eddie’s bag because he forgot about it.

“Welcome to Family Video!” Robin greeted cheerily.

“Buckley,” Jeff said, “we’d like a word.”

Her face turned calculating. “You know, all three of you ganging up on a girl at her work place where she can’t escape is preeeeetttty pervy behavior, yes?”

They all looked at each other in shock. They hadn’t thought what it would look like to her. To any outsider really. They whispered for a few moments before Jeff and Gareth turned to leave.

She watched them go with a raised eyebrow. “So how did you get picked as representative of the Corroded Coffin boys?” she asked him.

Brian shrugged. “Gareth is too hot headed and Jeff stammers when he gets nervous.”

“And I make him nervous?” Robin asked with a smile.

“You did just scare the two of them off, so...yeah?”

She grinned. “So what can I do for you Corroded Coffin boys today?”

Brian sighed. “Look, Steve is great guy and all. Saved Eddie’s ass when everyone thought he was dead. And we’re grateful. We are it’s just...” He ran his fingers over his face. “We don’t want Eddie to get hurt. He’s fallen for straight boys before and it’s hurt him bad.”

Robin’s eyes got wider and wider the more Brian went on until they were practically bulging out of her head. “Okay, okay. Slow down. Are you saying that you want me to tell Steve to what exactly? Stop seeing Eddie all together? Not be alone with Eddie? Not be friendly with Eddie? Because that’s pretty fucked up.”

Brian huffed out a sigh of annoyance. “It’s not like that. He’s flirting with Eddie. We’ve all seen the Harrington charm in action. And Steve’s turned it up to eleven around Eddie. Like take today. Would you go to Indy which is a two hour drive to go to a store for one item that cost two bucks max? The gas alone is gonna cost more than that.”

Robin licked her lips. “For Steve absolutely. But you’re right, that’s not a normal friendship thing. It’s best friend or boyfriend move.”

Brian nodded. “You have to see why we’re concerned. Steve is going to make Eddie fall in love with him and then get his heart broken when the next Nancy Wheeler walks by.”

She took a deep breath. “Okay. I know you are going to go running to the other two the second you walk out of this store. But if anyone else finds out and this includes Eddie I will hunt all three of you for sport. Do you understand?”

Brian gulped but nodded.

“Steve isn’t straight.”

He frowned. “He isn’t?”

She shook her head. “It’s a bit of a shock to the system, no lie. But Steve likes both.”

Brian cocked his head to the side. “So he’s actively flirting with Eddie? As in to try and woo him and shit?”

“Yup!” Robin said popping the P.

“Does Eddie know Steve isn’t straight?”

She raised her eyebrows. “I know I said not to tell him, but Steve is actively flirting with him, so he should.”

Brian shook his head. “I mean we wouldn’t have guessed Steve wasn’t straight, so...”

“So, does the former super super senior know that the boy who’s flirting with him isn’t straight?” Robin asked.

He huffed out a laugh. “Yeah, that.”

“I don’t know,” she groused. “Hell, you guys know him better than I do.”

Brian nodded. “I think he suspects but doesn’t want to be wrong.”

Robin nodded. “That’s fair.”

Brian shifted from side to side. “Thanks. I guess I should get back to the guys.”

She nodded.

Brian stepped outside and Gareth and Jeff were on him in a hot second.

“You get her to call him off?” Gareth asked.

Brian shook his head. “Nothing to call off.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jeff growled. “Of course there is. Straight boy hitting on gay boy needs to back the fuck off.”

“Bisexual boy is making moves on gay boy he has genuine feelings for,” Brian explained.

Jeff and Gareth looked at each other in confusion.

“Steve’s not straight?” Gareth asked.

Brian shook his head. “Nope.”

Jeff frowned. “I mean, we all know New Steve isn’t the kind to deliberately hurt anyone. Old Steve might have. But not New Steve. Why were we so sure Steve was out to hurt Eddie?”

Gareth shifted uncomfortably. “Because we assumed Eddie was the only gay guy in Hawkins.”

The trio fell silent. They knew that there must be other gay people in Hawkins. The town wasn’t that small.

“What do we tell Eddie?” Jeff asked.

“Nothing,” Brian said firmly. Before it was from threat of violence from Buckley, but now. He absolutely agreed with her.

“Nothing?” Gareth asked. “Doesn’t Eddie deserve to know?”

“From Steve?” Brian asked. “Oh absolutely. From us? Absolutely fucking not.”

Gareth and Jeff grumbled but reluctantly agreed.

Two weeks ago

Dustin was the hardest to convince. Which was annoying. And if Steve was being honest, hurt. A lot.

“For the last time, Dusty,” Steve said, digging his palms into his eyes, “I’m not going to date Robin. She is best friend and I am not her type.”

“Well what is her type?” Dustin asked. “You think she would go for Eddie then? Oh, maybe Argyle.”

Robin came bouncing into the room and skidded to a stop when she saw the looks on both Steve and Dustin’s faces.

“What’s up?” she asked slowly.

“Please explain to this butthead that I am not your type,” Steve said through gritted teeth.

“Hey, man,” Dustin said. “I just want you to be happy.”

Robin grinned. “You know, for such a genius you do have a bit of blind spot regarding matchmaking.”

Dustin frowned. “No I don’t.”

Robin laughed. “Yeah you do. You aren’t taking into consideration the fact that not everyone likes the opposite gender.”

Dustin rolled his eyes. “I know about gay people. I just don’t know any.”

Steve and Robin shared a glance.

“I only like girls,” Robin said, smugly.

Dustin looked back and forth between them. “Is that what you meant by not being her type?”

“Yup!” Steve said. “She likes boobies. Personally, I like boobies and dicks. Though not on the same person.” He paused for a second. “No. I take that back. That does sound hot.”

Dustin scoffed. “I’m willing to believe she’s a lesbian.” He pointed at Robin “But there is no way in hell that you like dudes. You’re the ladies man. The original.”

Steve laughed. “I think Harrison Ford or Tom Cruise might disagree with you there.”

Dustin rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean. How many girls have you dated?”

Steve tried counting but the number kept changing. “I guess it depends on what you consider to be dating. Two or more dates? Probably in the range of six or seven. If you include just one offs where either her or I didn’t pursue the relationship past the first date it would be closer to eleven or twelve.” He wasn’t going to bring up one night stands. He didn’t want to break the kid.

Dustin nodded as if he had been proven right. “And how many dates have you gone on with dudes?”

Steve boggled. “You do realize that dating one’s gender is frowned on and there is an epidemic going on where it’s hitting almost exclusively gay men? It was hard to find gay boys before that shit and now the pool has shrunk by a lot.”

Dustin just shrugged. “All I’m hearing is that you’ve never dated a man. So how do you know you like them?”

Steve put his hands on his hips and rolled his eyes skyward. This kid.

“Just because I haven’t dated a boy doesn’t mean I haven’t kissed them, Dustin.”

Both Robin and Dustin turned to him in shock.

“You have?” Robin asked.

“Yes,” Steve hissed. “And no, I’m not telling you who. I don’t kiss and tell.”

Dustin bit his lip. “You really like dudes?”

Steve threw his arms in the air. “Yes!”

Dustin rubbed his hands together. “That just opens up the possibilities for dates!”

Steve just groaned.

One Week Before

Steve was doing his least favorite favorite chore. He hated taking the brats to Hellfire because they were little shits. Because he loved it because it meant that he got to see Eddie.

Dustin was sitting behind the driver’s seat kicking Steve in the back. “You know Eddie’s gay, right?”

Steve sighed and glared at him through the rearview mirror. “We don’t out other people without their permission, dude. Not ever.”

Dustin rolled his eyes. “I’m just saying...”

“I know exactly what you’re saying,” Steve growled, “and I’m saying we don’t out people until they’re ready to come out.” He fought really hard not to look at the boy in the front passenger seat, to avoid doing what he just told Dustin not to do.

“I’m gay...” Will whispered.

Steve sighed. Looks like they were going to be a little late to D&D today. He pulled into a parking lot and parked.

“Thanks for saying something,” Steve said softly. “But you didn’t have to.”

“I’ve known for awhile,” Mike said softly.

Lucas nodded. “I might have not have known for sure, but yeah. That makes sense.”

Dustin frowned. “How the hell did I miss that?”

Steve turned around in the seat. “Because you’ve got a blind spot where anyone outside of the norm is concerned. Which let’s be honest, isn’t a good look for a scientist.”

Dustin pouted.

Lucas frowned. “Who else did you miss?”

Steve turned to Will with a grin. “Go ahead, tell them.”

“Steve,” Will said softly.

Lucas and Mike started shouting protestations and Steve just waited them out.

“How did you know, Will?” Steve asked after they had calmed down enough to be heard over.

Will blushed. “I saw the way you acted around Jonathan and I suspected. But then I saw how you acted around Eddie and I knew.”

“It’s a problem I have to be sure,” Steve said. “Crushing on both sides of a couple. Not...as a...not like that.”

“Not as a threesome?” Lucas clarified.

Steve nodded, deeply embarrassed. “But separately. So yeah. I had a crush on Tommy H and Carol. Nancy and Jonathan. But I wouldn’t want to get in the middle of all that. I don’t have crushes on any of them anymore.”

Mike folded his arms and pouted but Lucas looked thought for a minute.

“Yeah, I think that makes sense,” he said. “I can see it.”

Steve smiled at him and mouthed ‘thank you’. “All right, now that we’ve survived both of those bombshells, let’s get you to your nerd game.”

The kids had almost gotten to the door when Dustin stopped. He said something to the others before he came dashing back to the car.

“Will said Eddie!” he cried gleefully. “You have a crush on Eddie!”

Steve rolled down the window and hissed, “Shut up or he’ll hear you!”

Dustin jumped up and down. “It would be sooo cool if both of my dads start dating each other.”

Steve shook his head. “We’re just good friends, don’t meddle with that. If I think I’ve got a chance, you know I’ll go for it. But until then you stay out of it.”

Dustin nodded, grinning from ear to ear.

Part 3 Part 4

Tag List: @awkwardgravity1 @maya-custodios-dionach @spectrum-spectre

#My writing #stranger things #steddie #coming out #ladykailtiha writes

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donniesbabygirl28 · 2 years ago

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Dallas x fem! Reader that has a huge service dog. (To protect her)

I really believe that Dallas LOVES dogs.

And before you dated but you were friends with the gang.

You haven’t brought your dog that much

“Oh shit! I forgot about Zeus!” You exclaimed, getting up from the couch.

“Zeus? Who tf is that?” Two-bit said

You paused and it clicked. You remembered they never met Zeus.

“My dog.” You said, getting your stuff, and opening the door.

“can you bring him tomorrow?” Ponyboy aksed, wanting to meet your “puppy”.

You hesitated.

“I mean, you guys. I don’t think that’s a real good idea.” You said, not knowing how your dog will react around new people, especially boys.

They all pleaded and you hesitantly agreed.

So the next day you got his chain, and everything you needed for him and yourself and walked to the Curtis house.

When you got there, you knocked on the screen door before opening it, holding Zeus behind you.

“I got ‘em. But y’all stay back. He gets riled up around new people. And y’all are boys so I don’t know how that’s gonna work.” You said, trying to keep Zeus under control, since he was excited.

“All right. You can let him in.” Darry said, reading the newspaper.

You opened the door all the way, Zeus pulling you slightly, but you managed to keep him at your side.

Dallas’. jaw. Dropped.

I’m sayin this man will literally drop everything when he sees a dog.

He loves them.

And honestly everyone expected it to be a small puppy.

“Wow!” Ponyboy yelled loudly, alerting the dog.

The dog whipped around and growled and snapped at Ponyboy, his sharp teeth showing.

Ponyboy went pale.

“Hey! No! Do not do that!” You said, correcting your dog.

You sat on the couch next to Dallas.

Dallas scooted far away for you to have a lot of room.

You pulled at his leash gently.

“Zeus, sit.” You said, Zeus kneeled by your side immediately.

“Come here, pony.” You said, waving him to where you were sat.

The dog growled as he got closer, thinking he was gonna harm you.

Ponyboy sat next to you, nervously.

You scooted closer to pony, wrapping your arm around his shoulder.

The dog immediately stopped growling, his tail wagging a little as he realized this was a safe place.

He slowly started getting up.

He hesitantly walked around the room, sniffing people.

When he got to Dallas, he sniffed him, waiting a bit then licked his hand before pulling away.

When you and Dallas were dating.

He didn’t have to worry about you walking alone in the streets.

And I know what everyone is thinking.

“If you’re with Dallas, you shouldn’t have to worry about walking alone at night. Nobody is gonna mess with you if you’re with him.”

Wrong.

When you brought out the dog, non of the Soc boys bothered you.

Though, Dallas and your Dog were very competitive over you.

If you screamed because you saw a spider.

Dallas and Zeus would look at each other and race to you to see who gets there first.

Zeus liked Dallas so you didn’t have to worry about that.

Dallas would play with your dog while you were in the shower, he would walk him, even though he don’t see how you can hold him without getting dragged but he can’t when you’re walking him.

Zeus almost dragged Dallas one time.

But he got the hang of it.

And Zeus WILL protect BOTH of you.

Like at a rumble, you have to hold him so he won’t run to help Dallas.

Zeus sits there whining as the fight breaks out.

When the rumble is done, he will run to him, licking his face.

When you go to the drive in and someone else gets upset because you were blocking the movie trying to find a place to sit.

The dog turns around and snaps.

Zeus loves babies.

But when you are walking and the neighborhood dogs are outside you have to keep him away from the kids.

There was a time where you were waking and the neighborhood dogs started barking and one got loose and ran at you.

Zeus put his nose to a child that was playing, pushing her away so she wouldn’t get hurt.

And then attended to you quickly.

There were numerous times where you got out of the shower and found both of them cuddled up, asleep.

It was definitely a sweet sight.

You also most definitely have pictures.

You and Dallas play around with the dog.

Like you look at the dog and then you and Dallas peck each other on the lips, making the dog grows slightly.

And every time you two hug, Zeus jumps up and tries to get in as well.

Every time Dallas leaves to go see the gang, he kneels down and hugs Zeus, telling him to take care of you for him.

It’s so cute.

Sometimes when you and Dallas are in a fight, the dog starts barking loudly, growling at Dallas as if telling him not to get loud with you.

But there are times where Zeus is scared when Dallas screams at you and gets closer to you as he screams.

Like in his mind, he thinks he’s gonna hit you so he lays in front of your feet, whimpering and looking at Dallas.

This hurts Dallas a lot because he would NEVER hit a woman.

Especially you.

He’s a man of many things.

But he is no woman beater.

After a fight, Zeus usually pushes Dallas towards you. Almost like telling him to hug you.

And he does.

He apologizes every time.

And it’s always sincere.

No matter what it was about.

Dallas gets really upset when he accidentally steps on his paws.

I know we’ve all done that before.

“Aw! I’m so sorry!”

If anything happened to Zeus, Dallas would break down.

It’s like losing another part of himself.

And same for you.

If he lost you he swears he wouldn’t be able to love ever again.

It breaks his heart when you cry.

Especially if he’s the one that caused it.

I feel like if you’ve had an abusive relationship before, Dallas don’t play that shit.

It doesn’t matter to him how long ago it was, he will find the dude that did it to you and beat the living shit out of him.

And if you did have an abusive relationship, that was way before you got Zeus because he don’t play that shit either.

He would shut it down real quick.

Like, if you flinch during a fight.

Dallas is gonna break down crying.

Obviously he’s not gonna cry in front of you.

Because he shouldn’t be the one crying. Because he’s the one that scared you.

He’s gonna go home and THEN cry.

I’m not saying that he hasn’t cried in front of you.

He definitely has.

I feel like he’s one of those people that cry when they get really mad. (Me. 🙄🤚”

If Dallas cries in front of you.

Zeus will lay by his side and lick his tears away.

Literally.

♡⃝

#ponyboy headcanons #ponyboy x reader #ponyboy curtis #johnny cade x reader #johnny cade #johnny cade headcanons #dallas winston headcanons #dallas winston x reader #sodapop headcanons #sodapop x reader

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glamoureddreamer · 8 months ago

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Idea 2

Killer x Dream, fluff

Maybe these aren’t actually ideas but short little blurbs of what I could have written, whatever you’d call them I hope you enjoy :)

There was another battle between the guardians and their respective groups. Cross had switched sides and was now a part of the star sanses. Dream had welcomed him with open arms believing anyone could change if they just tried. The battle was at a stalemate, neither brother had an advantage due to the AU being neutral and with Cross switching sides they were now even.

In the heat of the battle, Dream must have gotten distracted because one moment he was fighting Dust when the next he had a knife against his neck and he was being held in place. He tried to get out of the grasp but to no avail, he nervously looked behind him. Both shocked and not surprised at all to see Killer.

“Dream!” He heard Cross yell. The battle froze, and the star sanses looked on in fear not wanting to do anything that could potentially kill the guardian. The bad sanses were grinning madly, even Nightmare seemed thrilled.

“This knife won’t kill a guardian like me.” Dream spoke lowly to Killer.

“Nah but it will hurt, that’s my goal.” He laughs.

“If you want Mr. Sunshine here back then come and get him.” Killer directed at Cross, who looked furious. Cross ran forward, not thinking in his defense however Killer teleported him and Dream before Cross could get close.

They were now in Nightmare’s castle. Killer waits for a moment, seeing if Horror, Dust, or Nightmare would join him. However after a minute of no one appearing he removed the knife against Dream's throat.

Before any words could be spoken Killer shoves Dream against the hallway wall and deeply kisses him. Dream didn’t hesitate to kiss back, both of their hands wandering and feeling each other up. It had been far too long, they both pulled back panting but kept their foreheads against each other.

“I missed you.” Dream smiles

“I missed ya too sunshine.”

It started with them going to the same store one day. Both had bumped into each other however neither of them wanted to fight, so Dream suggested a truce until they left. And well they never stopped the truce. They meet up when they can but it’s not often or for very long, each second is a precious one.

Dream chuckles lightly. “You didn’t have to scare them so much.”

“It’s fun to scare them.”

Killer leads Dream to his bedroom as they talk and play catch-up as quickly as possible.

Once they entered they were immediately greeted by several cats. The cats rush towards them and Dream gasps and picks one of them up.

“Hi, baby!” He says in a high-pitched voice. Killer never felt happier than when Dream interacted with his cats. Once each and every one of them has been petted and fed, Killer jumps on his bed where Dream already was and begins to cuddle him.

They sat in a peaceful silence beside the sound of his cats eating their wet food. Killer eventually sighed.

“What’s wrong?”

“You’re going to have to go soon..”

If it was up to Killer he would have run away with Dream a long time ago however he has found a family within the gang. He was upset that he couldn’t have both without hiding.

“I know, but I’ll be back soon. Hopefully sooner than this time but one day we can live happily together I know it.” Dream always knew just what to say.

Killer still was upset but he couldn’t let the thought of it ending ruin his time now. They talked about many things before they both drifted off to sleep in each other's arms. Killer’s cats even joined them once they were done.

Nightmare sighed as he teleported back, the battle had gone well on his end after Killer and Dream disappeared. The rest of the star sanses retreated after fighting for as long as they could. Now before Nightmare could finally rest he had one last thing to do, check what Killer did with Dream.

Nightmare opened Killer's door, only to see him and Dream cuddling on his bed with Killer's thousands of cats. Nightmare shuts the door and leaves them be. He wasn’t stupid. He knew what Killer and Dream were up to. However, he also could tell they made each other very happy. If it made Killer and Dream so happy at the very least he could pretend to be clueless.

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penrose-quinn · 2 years ago

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Green Light | Part Eleven

"You look like you're about to drown," you reasoned as if the closeness needed one, straddling your legs on his lap.

Shinichiro hooked a hand behind your knee, uncertain if he's cradling you to him or if you're lifting him up because he felt as if he's already flung himself from the bridge, six feet deep into rushing water, and you're diving down the river to go after him but somehow, nothing was agonizing when your hand brushed the hairs on his arm, then the vein stretched out like a branch on the bone of his wrist.

He mulled over how you could think that you'd only ever destroyed what you touched. His little finger nudged your knuckle a bit and you curled on him like you're making a promise to be careful with his heart.

pairing: shinichiro sano/gn!reader

content tags: they/them pronounces for reader, but ‘their’ is only used once. childhood friends. angst and hurt/comfort. slice of life ft. gangs. idiots to lovers. old friends trying to reconnect but are being dumbasses about it. they don't deserve the friends to lovers tag because they're stupid and pining. the second part of my sad attempt at writing shinichiro’s backstory but he isn’t a [redacted] here. dysfunctional relationship (for shinichiro and izana). underage smoking and mentions of gang violence. non-explicit sexual content at the end (no gendered terms). tokrev manga spoilers.

a/n: this backstory wouldn’t make a lot of sense if you hadn’t read the first part :’) he isn’t a [redacted] here lol, but i’m still tackling on whatever went on between shinichiro and izana (and everyone else). i won’t accept that he missed out on his adult years in this timeline and simply had to suffer on the other. i’m putting the best of what i could make up and write in this version of his backstory so i very much appreciate every like/reblog/comment this receives!

m.list ❁ read on ao3 ❁ part 12

There was a time you asked him what he wanted to do someday when he was at the peak of attaining everything.

You were still at the edge of eighteen. Still entangled in each other from the riverbank.

Shinichiro felt a nudge from your socked foot against his leg. Your boot was safeguarded close to his armpit for keeping it away from you. His hair was even mussed-up for it, but he couldn’t recall what the both of you were fighting about earlier ago.

You claimed that you were serious and he shrugged because he had the Black Dragons.

“You’re still planning to be in the gang after high school?”

During that time, it didn’t occur to him that you wouldn’t. “What’s wrong with that?”

“Be real. You can’t keep punching guys and meddling in their unresolved issues forever! It’s unsustainable. You’re more than that, Shin.”

You shook your head in disapproval like Takeomi though he would’ve probably enthused him to keep ruling over Tokyo, be the King.

Takeomi basked in their era like a man who found immortality and you just denounced him for letting the shameless power-trip rot his brain. Shinichiro chuckled, even though you accused him of it too. Called them losers.

You told him you wanted to go to college.

Everyone’s expected to, was what he wanted to say because that’s the least thing any good, grateful child should do for all their parents’ hard-earned labor. He hadn’t visited their grave in awhile. Mused over what flowers to bring them while you meandered on how you’re going to get a job, save up a lot of money to have a place of your own: high-rise studio, spacious room, and a balcony with a nice view of the city.

Shinichiro didn’t appear like he was listening though his lips fondly tilted up throughout because the sun rose with your voice and he never doubted you.

“You will,” he said finally. He knew because you could see the future.

“Yeah? Well, I don’t know what’s gonna happen to you without me.”

You sounded a little vulnerable. Shinichiro attempted to reach for your wrist but his fingers fiddled around the cold button of your cuff sleeve instead. He didn't want to think about what you actually meant, digressing with a remark that you looked good in the gang uniform, and you just rummaged for his pack and lighter in his pocket with a scoff.

He's lying down on the ground, one leg bent to the other and arms behind his head in the lackadaisical manner where he’s looking forward to a weekend of nothing because he hadn’t really crossed that point where he could have a life untethered to where he was now.

The both of you were still covered in wet grass stains till daybreak, and the world moved on.

How could age stack up like bills, pilling high until it left one bankrupt?

Shinichiro used to count how many stitches he had in a bad scar from a fight. Now, he counted his gains and losses over the years. Learned to budget the good left for himself. The best he could do was work. He had to make this work.

S•S MOTORS used to be a small, forgotten building wedged in the bustling landscape of Shibuya.

There’s the skeleton of an exposed ceiling, water stains on the walls, and a smashed window at the backroom. Shinichiro constantly mulled over if this was worth the loans while toiling himself over wet plaster on cracks. He’s starting from scraps again, though he figured he could be the architect of his future from here and he had a vision unveil itself in the ruins of a building, of the aspirations of a new generation.

Kanda went to see him yesterday. He was with the current president of the Black Dragons.

I want to bring back that place where everyone can belong, Shinichiro-san.

A family, a place to belong; Shinichiro reminisced how much he dreamed to build a home.

Company was divided into strays, regulars, and new customers.

Shinichiro still thought of you, walking in here one of these days.

It felt odd when everyone began to come to terms with your absence – his friends didn't have much to say about you anymore but they hoped you're faring well – and then, perhaps without being deliberate, passed his sentiments over to Seishu to the point the boy had probably ceased to guess what kind of presence you would be in his motor shop.

Seishu stayed in longer than he should, this hovel of scattered hopes and broken machine parts though he liked to watch him work in earnest, digging a hand wrist-deep into an engine as if he could find a damaged, beating heart inside.

He never spoke of that aloud, most of the time he didn’t speak at all, though he never had to tell him what happened to his face or how he's used to people seeing the burn scar before him. Shinichiro just saw a lost boy with raw, torn knuckles.

His thoughts went to Izana, and then back to Seishu, if he had somewhere to return.

He’d wander back in here the next morning.

Seishu opened up that he had a childhood friend who was smarter than him.

It’s a brief, trusting exchange, though what seemed like one of passing felt more momentous than what it was.

Shinichiro grinned, claiming that it's nice they had something in common. Seishu tilted his head at that before perusing the dead husk of a Suzuki Intruder, eyes frosted over in latent thought. He didn't question him about it like how he would on calmer days, sharing about scuffles and stories rekindled over a freely offered soft drink to soothe the bruises.

There's an irony to Wakasa punctuating on how he shouldn't be feeding the kid with too much sugar. Benkei stepped in the room with him, brandishing a paper bag of meat buns. No one hesitated to bring back the old man misunderstanding to get a rise out of the big guy. Crates shifted together, grating against floorboards, unserious threats, more jeering.

Shinichiro sighed expectantly on how his startup business was diving down into a rowdy one.

There were little, amused blips in Seishu's unaffected expression every time.

Shinichiro asked Seishu if he liked motorcycles.

He shrugged, handing him a torque wrench from the set laid beside him. He’s already familiar of the tools and quick on the uptake with a reserved attentiveness that should’ve been pored more on his studies, though he’s at that rebellious age where he felt like he should be elsewhere than losing himself in the monotony of real life.

Shinichiro understood, remembering a time when his youth had been overbearing, not taken seriously, and full of pent-up, adolescent anger.

Seishu didn’t believe he held that kind of rage, and Shinichiro smiled because you’d probably say otherwise.

Even so, he’d tell him that it’s liberating being true to himself in the same breath he kept bringing up that school was a bit better than his motor shop because he didn’t want the kid to screw himself over a lifetime of stinking in gasoline and grueling manual labor in the future. There’s a lot of options for him, just give it a shot.

Shinichiro had gotten better at enthusing that without being intrusive about it. Or at least that’s his assumption when Ken seemed more motivated attending his classes after having a similar conversation some time ago. He wondered if Seishu might get along with him more than Manjiro. His brother was rather selective on his clique of friends and Haruchiyo devoted being by his side till now.

In the end, Seishu chose the path of a delinquent in the Black Dragons.

Perhaps, that’s better than being alone on the beat-up couch in his shop.

Shinichiro wanted to be one with static, to be pointless for a moment, even when no one’s going to come looking for him at 3 a.m.

All the lights were down, spilling in the syncopations of the city and the tired wheeze of his heater, though he turned it off a minute ago because he’s saving up for this month's electric bill. His bones creaked from his neck, oily with sweat and Tiger Balm, but somehow, it felt like his spine splintered in half. He’s already fatigued from figuring his shit out and he’s not even in his forties yet.

Was it weird he couldn’t imagine what you’d look like at twenty? He’d been losing inspiration lately. He didn’t want to dump it on you, though sometimes, he hated thinking of you like that to the point he wished he choked on his beer and let it all fizzle away.

Manjiro called him out for moping. Shinichiro threw back that he’s a brat. His brother recognized your tone in him and the question withered inside his mouth. Benkei and Wakasa only shared a pensive glance after he recounted it at the bar. He's out of the loop between them and they didn't make him feel better for it unlike Takeomi, who slurred out that he wouldn't be so miserable if he just got over you, tactlessly well-intentioned and unafraid of speaking out his mind in all the ways asshole friends did to show they cared.

Benkei excused it as one of his drunken tirades again because they were aware how Takeomi had been spiraling from his life, and although Benkei was looking out for them, the reassurance was painfully needless. Shinichiro could see it in Wakasa's quiet, apologetic gaze.

They formed a gang. Had skipped school to smoke his first joint in the garage, swore that they had each other’s back since the hot blaze of their teenage years. So Shinichiro pondered how long Wakasa had eyes like that, or perhaps he just hadn't noticed them in awhile because he hadn't hung out with everyone as much when time became scarce and life kept getting in the way.

Then his hand clenched into a fist as he reached for his phone. The shape wasn't right and there's a coldness to the cell on his palm. Right, he lost his old one weeks ago. What's your number again? Didn't you change your email a year after you moved?

Regret twinged in his chest when Shinichiro couldn't greet you on your birthday today, reminiscing on waking to your message last August when you asked him what it felt like to finally be an adult, tagged after a found your soulmate yet?

He’s still sad and single. Instead of a retort, you responded back that it's okay when the both of you could just be sad and single together.

It sucked that he couldn't ask how you were though buried at the farthest place of his mind, he wondered if you'd even reply.

Shinichiro wanted to tell you that he fell in love again though the one who already got sick of his heartbreak was Izana.

He wasn’t sure how to confide about their sister having a crush with that attitude. He figured that out when she began to reinvent herself in small, subtle ways: a new hairstyle, a song she never liked or listened to before. There were the long, fawning looks, but they lingered more in the after-school daydreams, tucked like a lock of hair behind the ear for her earring to twinkle and catch someone’s eye.

Nothing’s working to her favor yet. He could tell from the way her fingers played with her hair a lot more nowadays because she'd rather braid her feelings than confess, whoever it was.

A symptom of unrequited love, or at least that’s what he assumed it was for needing to fill the hunger with the shy hope of tying wishes on a bamboo branch on Tanabata. Manjiro would rather drag Ken to the food booths than dress in a summer yukata with her and Shinichiro had to rummage his in the old closet.

It’s patterned with waves but his mother had described how the seigaiha looked more like dragon scales against a sea of stormy, black cotton. It’s the same one with two holes at the bottom hem; the one that riveted a woman with two moles under her lip, meeting in line of a takoyaki stall. Because Manjiro wanted a bit of everything, Shinichiro ordered the one with assorted flavors and she had hers with mozzarella. A greasy smear of it on the corner of her mouth made her smile more charming, remarking how endearing it was that he’d accompany his sister in a yukata.

Shinichiro offered to buy her a candied strawberry for making his brother pull a face once she drizzled a packet of hot sauce all over her food, though really, he’s stalling for time so he could talk to her some more.

Hoshiko took a sweet bite of his sincerity and told him that she’s got all night. They would surprise themselves for having a mutual friend from Gareji Yago. She loved his sense of humor. He blurted out that her laugh sounded like magic, which had his siblings stupidly reenacting the exchange over the dining table for a month.

They swapped numbers anyway. It’s almost like a call for destiny until it wasn’t.

Shinichiro supposed the retrospection might be worth passing along in his letters.

It'd been the only consistent thing between him and Izana when he wasn't allowed to visit and his sentence was further extended for misconduct. He had to ask Benkei the other day what his experience in juvie had been like, and with a dark somberness in his gaze, he never forgot how no one really came out of there being the same person.

Shinichiro would let Izana be who he wanted to be, but he was still his little brother.

There’s nothing in the world that could change that.

Shinichiro was eleven when his father asked him if he’d like to have another sibling.

It was one of those countless nights his father missed out on dinner, though Shinichiro would pull out his food from the fridge and reheat it for him in the microwave. Leftovers always made his mother sad.

He didn't quite comprehend the implication of his father's words yet, and one day he’d grow to harbor the sorrow, unwantedness, and pained resentment he never had in him, bursting from his fists like all boys did. Conflict had never been forgiving to his mother, but she would end up loving Emma and his father, regardless.

Shinichiro would ask a similar question to Manjiro years later, and a vestige of their mother lifted up his lips, sticky with the red bean paste of his taiyaki. His heart found ease from the sweet acceptance of his smile.

“Yeah, I'll definitely love him.”

Once Izana was out of juvie, they rode to a harbor in Shinisogocho.

He liked the sea best; a kingdom of star-studded waves, city lights. The vastness enthralled him, a kind of true calling to potential.

Shinichiro believed Izana was capable of many things so he filled the boy with dreams that couldn’t be bound in the legacy of a house. Manjiro had birthright, but Izana would always have freedom.

Either way, his siblings were meant to flourish. They’re his pride. That’s all Shinichiro could ever ask for.

There’s so much salt in the air that he lit a cigarette, blowing smoke like the distant beacon of a lighthouse – a warning.

No one ever told him that nicotine shouldn’t be something he was supposed to crave – he didn’t mean to poison you the way he did – though he would to his brother back then and it spared him a few more years until he could flicker one by himself on the same harbor, the same shade of night. Someday, the Black Dragon embroidered on his back.

Manjiro graduated from elementary around the time Izana was released though he remained disinclined to ask anything about Manjiro succeeding him in the gang.

In the silence between them, Shinichiro mentioned their sister instead. “Emma’s doing well. She got into fortune telling pretty recently, can you believe that? I still don’t get what’s all the fuss about horoscopes.” Shinichiro chuckled but it wasn’t shared. His brother almost looked dazed, out of touch. Out of reach.

“Her cooking is way better than mine. Maybe, you should try it sometime . . .”

The murmur of waves, ashes dropping. Izana languished on a long drag of his cigarette.

“Come have dinner with us,” Shinichiro tried.

His plea was lost to Izana, a shiny bottle adrift in the ocean, as he let another second pass and told him no.

By the time midsummer ended, Izana had turned fourteen; jarringly, grown into his limbs, about his shoulder blade’s height now, grown impatient when he made the major life decision to run away from the orphanage, screw the system.

All the risk-taking only brought tremendous frustration on Shinichiro because Izana didn’t even consult him about it. Contended with him on his questionable choices. That he’s secure with his underground connections, that he already managed to get himself a contract to an apartment somewhere within the realm of Black Dragons territory, not too far from the motor shop so he could visit him. Why can’t you just see that I’m taking responsibility for myself when you won’t—

Shinichiro wasn’t sure what kind of face he was making that broke off the conversation there. The silence stagnated further, and Izana must’ve been more shattered over their argument than he was. It left them irreparable for a night.

The first to make amends was Shinichiro, laying down his pride to atone, truly atone, and perhaps, the act was disarming to Izana.

Shinichiro had never seen him so distressed, and Izana believed him when his big brother said that he’s just worried for him, addressing that he’s right because he should’ve done something sooner.

Yet they didn’t live under one roof.

The implicitness of their bond had become complicated with the self-awareness. They still drank their weight on soda while rock songs hovered over them for the nostalgia trip, the ballad of their routine in the late, sun-glazed afternoon. They even liked their curry the same way. Medium spicy, the kind of heat Manjiro wouldn't appreciate in his mouth. There’s an eyeroll to every joke that didn’t land, the sneaking upturn of lips, the silver lining.

Some of his customers greeted Izana when he entered the shop. They didn’t refer to him when they spoke to Shinichiro about his brother. Izana stopped styling his hair up like Shinichiro one day, and everyone would look out for the autumn moon swaying beneath his ears, the sharp, wicked wit.

Shinichiro would gladly tune-up his motorcycle for free, asking him how’s he been doing lately. Izana wouldn’t bring up school or Emma, though he would about the gang and his ambitions for it. Shinichiro nodded to his every word, as if they’re talking about music or their latest excursion. He reminisced of their stroll at Tsukuda Bridge months ago, the river underneath evening-black and murky like the waves in Manila Bay.

There’s always an urge to drown somewhere in those depths, secrets and more secrets.

For the longest time, Shinichiro lacked the awareness that people puzzled over him until you'd say so someday, and in his reflections, being seen by you felt as if he'd been transparent enough.

Though perhaps, it hadn't always been like that because in needing to be closer, Izana fiercely searched for something in Shinichiro, imploring in the way he only knew how, and then return every other day, looking harsher than last time, hurting more than last time. He blamed himself for it too – everything’s wrong ‘cause of me – and Shinichiro wished he didn’t punish himself for existing, gently dressing the wounds with words and antiseptic.

“You’re my little brother. Nothing about you is wrong to me.”

Izana came to him with the storm on his back.

Shinichiro had never been scared of lightning but he was from the truth in Izana's eyes. He knew the question before it could be asked and he didn't deny it.

Retribution had never felt so fast and unrepentant by his fist. It's all what he's taught him and more, self-defense.

On the ground, his head throbbed and Shinichiro still had a full set of teeth, a rasp to remind him that blood-related or not, nothing will change between us, all right? Izana held back on his punch and Shinichiro wasn't pretending to be tough by staying still for another.

He's just resigned in all the ways guilt could cripple a man, seeing his little brother bleed for the wrong, wretched reasons. It's not your fault, he wanted to say, but to reach out meant ruining him and he couldn't bring him the happiness that could take him away from that hell.

There's a despondence on the bite of Izana’s voice, a wavering, anguished sound.

"I never want to see you again."

Shinichiro thought he saw you.

“What happened to you?”

“. . . I had a fight with my little brother.”

Sympathy made Akemi’s gaze softer when she brought him at her place to tend to his wounds at a tragic time.

Shinichiro wondered if sisters were just always like that. They would glare at you like you were a nuisance but would help you clean up after your mess anyway.

Emma never outgrew it. She did a lot of the housework nowadays and she knew exactly where to find the medical box, hauling it out from the bathroom cupboard under the sink with a sigh. She’s careful with the antiseptic because she knew how it stung and she didn’t understand why boys were the way they were, railing on how useless her brothers were. Can’t even cook their eggs how they want it made, or something like that.

Then he mulled over your sister, the way she swabbed the graze on his chin, and from this proximity, he traced out the part of her hair, her cheekbones, and then so clearly this time, her eyes in both shape and sentiment, how she looked more like you.

Sometimes, it’s staggering how he didn't know Akemi as much as he knew you.

He grew up trying to impress her by balancing himself atop the jungle gym, admiring her as an adult when she was hardly one herself who was just learning how to apply makeup to conceal the deeper insecurities at fifteen, to become more feminine to appeal to guys who weren’t worth all the emotional damage. She still wore mascara, the drugstore kind that clumped around her eyelashes, but he realized the mature lines under them suited her more.

His shoulders ached in understanding, about what it felt like to be heaped with all this responsibility you never asked for.

Perhaps, there’s a special kinship they could seek out in each other but he felt really stupid for seeing her now.

“I was so busy with everything else that I can’t help but feel like I neglected their feelings, what’s really hurting inside . . .”

Akemi serenely watched her daughter from the window. Keiko was in her yellow raincoat and sneakers, splashing on puddles from her dash to the maid café with a friend, and Akemi reminisced of you and her, muddy with youth and growing pains. Yours was so quiet and violent that it almost scared her. Shinichiro remembered that part too, raw like the scabs on your knuckles; remembered the threats and slurs they called her just to get a rise out of you; remembered most of them where from rival gangs that went against Seisaku.

You told him that all you ever saw was red and he didn't stop you for lashing out to her defense. He even fought alongside you.

Though having witnessed that side of you, Akemi recounted that she wound up yelling that you were acting like your brother. Her regret settled deep in her womb and you felt a little farther from her ever since. It wasn't like the both of you never reconciled and you would even claim now that she was just a teenager at the time.

“Siblings fight for a lot of reasons,” she said, but she also hurt you. Sometimes, she feared she might not have the opportunity to know you anymore because of it. Her eyes wandered wistfully to the window again. “I miss the both of them . . .”

Then she sighed, looking back at him. “I hope it gets better with your little brother.”

Shinichiro didn’t know what to say but it throbbed where it should, burning on his throat with remorse. I hurt him.

Akemi poured his cup again as if to fill in the silence with consolation and a meek hope that it’s never too late to reach out.

"You're not a bad person, Shinichiro-kun."

He drank his tea, tasting of tears.

"I'm a terrible big brother."

Shinichiro said it a second time to himself.

The world was cleansed by the rain, but his memories never absolved him.

He went home late that time, and they would ask him why he's bleeding. He would tell them he's fine and it would be like that for days. Something always festered in his silence.

The moment Izana stopped coming back to the motor shop so did Seishu.

Perhaps, this was what it’s like to mourn for the living.

Learning to cope with the hollowness in him that haunted the spaces of his room, filled with their shadows that had grown farther in the Black Dragons. Most would say the gang changed for the worse, gradually being embroiled in all criminal dealings, drugs and blood money. An elderly storekeeper was stabbed from the gang's aggressions. He died before he could reach the hospital and it was all over the headlines that morning.

It's enough to provoke Benkei to demand a reason for letting it happen, and while Wakasa had stood between them, he matched his partner more in his solemn, self-contained fury. There's a glimpse of the legendary gang leaders that divided Kanto in half in the confrontation. When it came to legacy, their outrage was justified for sacrificing it all for him. Takeomi watched them until he felt the need to intervene because Shinichiro wasn't as upset as he should.

This wasn't their generation anymore, and the successors after the eighth weren't any better when they carried the inherent spirit of vindictiveness.

One of Manjiro's friends would be a victim to this, and his little brother would ask him one day to put an end to it with Toman, dressed in black and gold as to honor what Shinichiro and his friends had striven to become a long time ago.

Black Dragons had always been meant to be led by his brothers.

Shinichiro contemplated if Izana could make a home from the ashes of another and Manjiro was there to pick at its bones. He just wished he could do more for Seishu, attempting to save a semblance of it in the scarcity. He understood what all of this meant to him and why he couldn't seem to visit when he was in a coma for two weeks. The motor shop was closed far longer and he was concerned if there's a place out there for him.

The last time Shinichiro had heard of him was when he was still struggling in physical therapy. Seishu was recently released from juvie by then, following a different tyrant in the Black Dragons. He wasn't alone in the gang, and Shinichiro supposed with his old friend beside him, they could figure something out of the madness. Perhaps, there was hope if they remained together.

In the midst of things, Shinichiro couldn't really do much, fearing to cause more damage than what's done and living through the rest of it than just staying dead.

“Do Mikey and Emma know?” you asked, hauling him back to you.

“After the accident in the shop, I told them everything. Figured I should, knowing it could be my last . . . Emma first, then Manjiro.”

Because it'd taken him surgery and a span of years to tell her the truth about Izana.

“It's unfair.” Emma shed a tear that day, crumpling in distress that made him want to scoop her up like she’s four, cooing softly, no, there are no monsters under your bed and your mother didn’t hate you.

He was petrified as she still sat there, hands clutching the skirt of her school uniform like how Izana would onto impossibly good, hopeful things.

"But you're my big brother too," she said before wiping her face and walking out of the room.

Shinichiro would still apologize to her, even though Emma never really stopped visiting him in the hospital with either Manjiro or Grandpa around.

The only time she did by herself was when they had an actual conversation without Manjiro's presence quelling her into a sense of peace and with a hum, recounted that she didn't know how to react when he reached her a bowl of red rice for breakfast weeks ago.

She panicked and got her first period on the day prior so she mistook it as a disgusting joke. Manjiro didn't even snicker. Shinichiro had little understanding on the tradition, expecting she'd be more knowledgeable about it than him, as he regretfully explained this to her. He forgot himself again with the shadow of a slight stubble, lending him a sad, sleazy look. He looked older too, and Emma chuckled softly at the memory. Old enough to be her father . . .

Because apparently parents cooked red rice for their daughters once they hit puberty, attempted to know what napkin to buy for them even if it's the wrong brand, console them from breakouts when they started flaring up like a disease.

It's the sort of stuff Emma had heard from the girls in class complain about because they didn't realize what they had, what she coveted for herself. No one was ever prepared when she came into their lives. She had two mothers but the both of them couldn't stay like her father, whoever he was.

Shinichiro and Emma ended up sniffling their emotions after that.

“Do you want to see Izana?” Shinichiro asked, but he knew.

Emma carried a certain poignance in her gaze. Abandonment could only mature her in such way.

She couldn’t look at him for the answer. Her lip wobbled. “Does he still want to see me?”

"Did you reach out to him?"

"I want to," Shinichiro said it as if it’d been unheard for a long time, and all he could do was stare passively at tall, decades-old towers within Marunouchi, the road ahead of him, and nothing. "But I’m not sure what’ll happen if I see him again. The last time was . . ."

He hesitated. Opened his mouth and closed it again, feeling exposed all over even when something locked tight in his throat.

The words wouldn’t come out like they should. He hadn’t spoken about this to anyone for two years, but the rift was almost nonexistent. Regret lingered like it’s just yesterday. He worked his jaw some more, and the ache pulsed where Izana hit him.

Shinichiro often dwelt of a different time when things didn't have to be so broken and he would make the right choices. His siblings never had to be separated and they could just be kids lounging around to watch show reruns on the TV than do homework, sharing a childhood of being ordered around and overfed with greasy kushiage by their grandfather. Maybe, they would measure the other's height against the doorframe with a Pilot marker. Shinichiro would have to scold them for vandalizing though he fondly wouldn't remove their scribbled names over the years until they could work with him in the shop or move out to come into their own. It couldn't be perfect because he couldn’t live up to what a parent could offer but he hoped it'd be enough for him provide them a home where they could laugh and love over the table, throw stupid tantrums, weep loud, grow and make mistakes.

But never like the ones he had committed.

"Izana wasn't a mistake." Shinichiro knew this in his heart. "Everything I did was . . . right?"

He waited for you to challenge him. Tell him where he's wrong and amend. There wasn't a time you hadn't because you loved him enough to tell him about himself so he called out your name and you inhaled, slow and pensive, as your hand reached up to fold a strand of hair behind your ear, the other still entwined with his.

“I feel bad for Izana. He doesn't deserve that,” you told him as your thumb traced his open, trembling palm. His ring on you was warm from your skin. “I feel bad for you too. For agonizing about this for so long.”

The inflections of your voice were pained and conflicted, admitting that to him. “Look, I don’t think I could speak for him. I don’t know him, not like you do. But what you did, keeping something important like that, wouldn’t it have hurt less if you just told him earlier?”

“I figured there was probably a right time to tell him, but then things got out of hand so suddenly,” and he hated it so much; how it brought back the memory of his mother on her deathbed, not knowing when things would get better, not knowing where to place all his despair and indignation to the world but in himself. “He’d been through so much, and I didn’t know what to do . . .”

“I wouldn’t know either.” You gave his hand a firm squeeze. “I know you’re just trying to help, Shin. You care about him. I used to proofread your letters, remember? You wrote to him like you grew up with him. I always thought it was sweet, the way you asked about his day and went on about yours, how you welcomed him in it. Emma would know.”

Shinichiro rubbed his eye. He already sounded congested when he spoke up, feeling even more pathetic.

“I kept her from him too.”

“Why did you?”

“It'd hurt her, if she knew her brothers wouldn’t get along.” Emma was too young to undergo through a lot with the changes and losses in her life. “If they fought . . .”

A pause, then a sigh rolled off your lips. “Wouldn’t have made a difference if she couldn’t see him anymore.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?”

“I feel like I should. I'm just," he trailed off, head hanging low because his frustration was spilling from his eyes and—

You gently pulled his chin to you. “You don’t have to, not with me,” you reminded him, catching tears before they fell with the pad of your thumb, "all right?"

Shinichiro nodded. There were wet blotches on your cuff sleeve for brushing it under his nose because none of you brought a handkerchief so you figured this would do. A bit of him stained you and you didn't mind.

You told him to breathe, and he realized what he'd been holding inside for awhile before letting it out.

"I . . . I didn't have the best relationship with my big brother either. Held a grudge for so long that I thought I'd die hating him, but it doesn't matter now. Being upset of your ghosts," you drifted for a moment with a murky emotion he couldn't name.

A bus stopped by; the passengers stepping out in worn, clear umbrellas. You couldn't see them, blinking vacantly, as you went on.

"You’re not a terrible big brother. You're not a perfect one either, but no one is, I think. You did get to know Izana. You were there for him before he even became a delinquent. You never owed him anything, weren't even blood-related. Sure, you're both complicated, maybe bonded over that and something more, and expected things that aren't aligning to what you want. It would've been better if you didn't keep so much of who is from him, but I'm not gonna beat you up to what already happened. I think you should just move on."

Shinichiro said your name, unsure if it's to protest or to process what you're saying.

"He won't see you, Shin," you reminded him. "It's the most closure you could get right now, unless he changes his mind."

He sighed, letting it sink. "You're right . . ."

"I know it's hard." Then you glanced back at him. There’s something poignant about your eyes. "You still love him, huh."

“Yeah,” was his answer. But . . .

“Your big brother,” Shinichiro started, “did he ever come back for you?”

“He can’t,” you fell back on his shoulder. “He died a year ago.”

Somehow, the two of you were in your house.

You told him it wasn't much of a home without your sister or her family.

Shinichiro contemplated how you would’ve lurked deeper into the emptiness for days had he not asked you to stay at his place.

Sleeves rolled up to your forearms, you ran him a hot bath. He threw back that you should go in first. You insisted that he should after hearing him sneeze awhile ago, despite his efforts to muffle it down his elbow.

The both of you remained stubborn and indecisive about it until you proposed that you join him in the tub instead.

Shinichiro had seen you nude before – perhaps not quite enough the first time – and it wasn't like the thought of your bare skin never crossed his mind. It's just that you're always covered-up, swaddled in layers that it's perplexing to him what it's like to look at you naked.

He remembered how you would cage yourself around your arms because you felt too sensitive out in the open. You didn’t like it when your nipples got hard, when the old scars jagged along your body as mementos of survival and belligerent adolescence. He still chanced on stealing a glance at your tattoo; dark and intricate, coiled around your leg like a tether. It's the part of you that remained unchanged.

He hoped for it. The desire was selfish and ruthless and all-consuming that it could be its own dragon.

You weren't one for bold statements though he couldn't help but contemplate how you carried it with you under your suit after all these years. Contemplated how the needle must've hurt, the social repercussions even more so, stung with blood and loyalty, though you were intrepid through and through.

Warmth bloomed in his chest. It wasn't the sweltering heat from the bathwater, but the realization rippling out of him the moment you dipped into the tub, both of your bare legs rubbing underneath, squeezed into a different brand of intimacy: curated perfectly for couples, couples who were at that awkward, fragile verge of discovering each other without breaking apart from their gazes.

"Can you come closer?" he asked. "You look faraway from the other side of the tub."

Then you came to him like a wave. Everything about you washed over him, sudden and all at once.

"You look like you're about to drown," you reasoned as if the closeness needed one, straddling your legs on his lap.

Shinichiro hooked a hand at the back of your knee, uncertain if he's cradling you to him or if you're lifting him up because he felt as if he's already flung himself from the bridge, six feet deep into rushing water, and you're diving down the river to go after him but somehow, nothing was agonizing when your hand brushed the hairs on his arm, then the vein stretched out like a branch on the bone of his wrist.

You glanced at him under your dewy eyelashes, and when he asked if you hated him, you shook your head and leaned forward to embrace, your hair clinging like arteries on his damp chest, as you let him perch on your shoulder, his lips memorizing a freckle.

Shinichiro thought of the tattoo again, wondering if this was what it's like getting himself etched into your skin.

“How could you ask that, Shin?” you whispered back.

“I guess I’m just afraid.”

Despite his insistence to stay, you asked him to just wait for you in your bedroom, assuring him that it wouldn’t take long for you to collect his clothes from the dryer. He didn't turn on the lights and wearily dove into your covers, wet skin soaking through sheets, though he figured he smelled like you anyway as if that's enough to compensate for sprawling himself out naked and defenseless.

You found him like this later, clothes dumped on the dresser, towel discarded, as you climbed on top of him with the kind of languid grace that bordered to a sweet slowburn but he could tell that it's taking so much from you to not fuck him right there.

His hand was on your cheek, outstretched like he's still reaching for the moon, but it's just you and you're too considerate of him, placing a kiss on his palm. You didn't quite realize how much he felt like a beggar in that moment.

“I'll help you, if you let me.”

What he wanted to say was maybe, you should help yourself, then he'd laugh a little when the aggravation would chip away at you and he'd have to kiss it all better, or worse, didn’t matter which. He nodded. He needed you as your bodies met dripping, somewhere in the rain again, and your hair was akin to something like one and all the tangle of wild, disheveled emotions that hid the both of you from the world.

"Your big sister wouldn't like you smoking in your room."

"You think I care about what she thinks with what I do in my room?"

"Yeah. A lot." Shinichiro peered at you from your pillow.

"That didn't stop us, though," you said after igniting your cigarette with his lighter.

His eyes watched the tendril of smoke lick up your jaw and the curve of your ear, studded with piercings. You forgot to remove them from the bath so he did it for you when he swept back your hair and you craned your head to him, sheets rustling below your bare waists in the shadow of early twilight.

He left the studs atop the dresser, losing relevance to him once he heard his name and you eclipsed everything, coaxing him to lie down on his back with a hand on his chest. Then a gentle stroke from his brow, a gentler coo, "are you feeling better?"

Shinichiro closed his eyes and let himself drift from the pads of your fingers. The answer wasn't easy to read. He wanted you to ponder over him in circles. He's a lot needier when you granted him a reason to, but yes, he was feeling a bit better. Perhaps, you made him feel more that he'd draw your lips to him and suck the smoke inside your lungs to taint himself with the taste of your melancholia. Nicotine spared none of you from it.

"She's right, you know. Maybe you should stop smoking," he sighed out, a thread of smoke between breaths, his and yours.

"Stop talking about her," and the truth was he'd rather not talk about her at all, slipping his tongue in your mouth for a deeper conversation, one without words or pretense. Or the comfortable lies he’d tell himself to sleep and burn off with a cigarette in the morning.

The smolder of you turned him into a more honest man, even though his affections for you hadn't been a secret.

"I'll only stop when you do," you whispered.

Like that, you ended a conversation in the way you ended a fight.

You rendered him at a loss for words though he wasn't seeking to win and from a languorous stretch of movement, he reached you the ashtray himself. Then he smiled and remembered how it's so garish with the banana patterns on the dish that it stuck out in your room but you didn't mind purchasing it from the 100 Yen shop the other day, even though you didn't like to smoke here alone.

Something in the ashes would glow when extinguished; both of your fingers touching before you stole the ash tray from him and placed it somewhere on the floor, your outstretched arm shivering out goosebumps from the draft.

There's a small trickle from the windowsill puddling on the floor but you'd rather leave it like that than shut off everything again.

It's so quiet it hurts, so you had opened the window like a wound and the world wept.

A childhood framed in a window. The sole one you’d been gazing on for years, confessing that you didn’t really miss this room after you moved in and he wanted to ask you about it but faltered once your eyes fluttered shut, enjoying each other's presence in the cadence of the rain, awake.

It wasn’t a drowsy spell for you like how it was to him. Shinichiro had learned to adapt to the odd, irregular hours you slept, not quite meeting the other in time, even as it stood still the moment you overlapped him, a wave of warm, urging motion, and he was swimming in lazy endorphins as you spread out the comforter over the both of you, feet covered.

You didn't quite feel like a dream, achingly real and open like a door to this domicile that had been the size of your bodies.

Maybe you wouldn't believe him if he promised you that things would stay like this for the rest of your lives.

But he told you anyway, "I love you."

Exposition Corner:

[1] Tanabata: a Japanese festival celebrated in the summertime as to commemorate the story of the two star-crossed lovers Orihime and Hikoboshi, who are only allowed to meet each other once a year as long as the skies are clear. A popular custom in Tanabata is writing wishes in a piece of colored paper (tanzaku) and hanging them on a bamboo branch.

[2] Segaiha: a wave pattern of layered concentric circles creating arches, symbolic of waves or water representing surges of good luck. It can also signify power and resilience.

[3] Gareji Yago: this was actually the motor shop were Shinichiro worked at in the original timeline, and what I’m assuming before he got his shop (if Mikey’s accident didn’t happen). In here, I’m using this as the shop that’s owned by Yoneda, his boss/mentor I’ve referenced in the Bright Light series.

[4] “[…] if Izana could make a home from the ashes of another and Manjiro was there to pick at its bones”: a reference to Kotsuage, a Japanese funeral ritual wherein family members gather around and pick up the bones of a deceased loved one together using special long chopsticks after the body is cremated.

[5] “Because apparently parents cooked red rice for their daughters once they hit puberty […]”: to clarify, O-Sekihan, or red-colored rice cooked with Azuki beans, is usually prepared and eaten during auspicious occasions like New Year’s day or Coming-of-Age day. Regarding cooking red rice when a girl has her first period, it’s to celebrate puberty and there are some regions in Japan that still do it but serving sekihan isn’t as common for that as it is in festive celebrations.

In the context of the scene, please don’t think the red color of the rice is meant to represent period lol. It’s Emma misunderstanding it as a stupid joke and Shinichiro not being very good at explaining himself and being a bit misinformed (but he did what he did with well-meaning intentions!).

[6] I love you: So Shinichiro actually said the unspeakable aishiteru [ 愛してる ], not to confuse it with daisuki [ 大好き ] which is more commonly used in confessing one's love (romantically) in Japanese. For my Non-Japanese speakers, this is just my tl;dr of these references [1] and [2] so I’ll try my best summarizing them!

Aishiteru does mean “I love you” but literally, it translates to “[I] am loving [you]”.

“Loving” is written in the present continuous て-form as to emphasize the ongoing (ever-lasting) state of the feelings. It’s an expression to convey a serious and profound love that is only used in long-term relationships with a spouse and in rare, emotional occasions such as getting married or when someone is on their deathbed. It’s also hardly spoken to each other.

For cultural context, the Japanese are more reserved with their feelings. There are also many ways to express love but most of them are nonverbal. Conveying it isn’t usually spoken but rather acted on. The gist of it being the love for one another is mutually understood through actions and attentiveness without explicitly stating it.

Now with that said, I’ll leave how Shinichiro throwing the hard L-bomb at MC to everyone’s interpretation. (I’d actually love to read all of your thoughts on it if you’d like to share them with me! <3).

a/n: god, I really hope the way I write shinichiro's decisions and emotional trauma makes sense. no, nothing is resolved here. shin and izana (as well as inui) are still in non-speaking terms :’((((

part ten ❁ m.list ❁ part twelve

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cut3blush · 2 years ago

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Love Me

tw:Abuse, Noncon, violence, bullying, blood,Self-Hatred, Psychological trauma,

(P/N):Professors name

Authors Note: sry I’ve been inactive been really busy with classes and work I’m terrible at time management lol

Kai Chisaki wasn't always a bully.

It'll probably be because you hurt his ego.

Maybe he asked you out one time, but you were new on campus and wary of people, so you politely declined his offer.

For Kai, he saw that as you humiliating him in front of the school. The new girl just rejected the Kai Chisaki whose family is from the yakuza.

Kai who would say, 'who do you think you are?' and the cheeky guy he was before becomes someone else.

He started spitting insults here and there, never missing a day to make you feel weird or wrong about yourself.

The soft and beautiful radiant golden eyes from before turned dark and hostile towards you.

Sweet words turned harsh.

Flaws that you didn't see before started surfacing. Suddenly your hair is too messy and all over the place. Your skin is too dead, and it makes you look creepy. Your eyes are too dull and sad that you don't seem friendly anymore. Your nose is weird, and so on. The list never ended, and you started to change from the person you are before. Kai made sure to make you feel the way you made him feel. You suddenly became closed off and did everything to be unnoticed. It's better to be a nobody than be the center of everyone's torment.

Kai, annoying as he may seem, as his best friend Chrono puts it, is a popular guy, and it didn't take long for everyone to follow his lead. You're just trying to finish your last year and finally leave the hell you created for yourself, but Kai swore to make your life a living hell. "If it ain't my favorite dead girl!" Kai’s voice booms through the hallway. The chatters immediately stopped to witness the popular guy, and now, the loser of the whole school interact. "Got somewhere else to be?" His voice was sweet as well as his eyes, but you know, everyone knows that his intentions are far from being sweet.

What? Your tongue isn't working anymore? Bet it rot with your dead body, and now everything is decaying with you, is that it?" He raised an eyebrow at you, waiting for his gang to back him up, which they did. Kai smirked as the hallway started being filled with thunderous laughter, and they're all directed at you. You did nothing but bite your lip in hopes of stopping yourself from crying in front of everyone. You can't afford another round of teasing. You faked a laugh before turning away from him and started heading to your last class.

Kai hated the way your eyes looked at him with nothing but sadness. Your sadness wasn't even directed at him but at yourself. He just wanted to make you feel the way you made him feel so you can understand that the both of you belong to each other.

You're fucking perfect, and Kai is far from that. He might be the most popular guy in school, but you were way out of his league, so he had to bring you down to earth just a little bit. But it got out of hand. He had no idea how to stop what he started, but then something happened. He was just on his way out of detention, the hallways are now empty, everyone has already gone home, and Kai was used to that.

What he wasn't used to is the sound of whimpering. More importantly, it's the sound of you whimpering. He wasted no time and ran towards the direction of your voice, and as he turned the corner, his blood turned red hot in seconds. He's seeing nothing but red at sight in front of him.

(P/n) asked you to come to their office before going home to discuss something, and you didn't know whether to cry because of sadness or cry because someone actually cares for you. (P/n)shared their worries with you because your once impressive grades started pummeling down to the point where it can cause problems with your chances of graduating. (P/n) gave you special assignments to do so you can pass their subject, and you thanked them for that. You even hugged them so tightly and dwelled on the affection for too long, which worried them.

Is there something wrong, dear?" They asked, eyes glossing over yours with worry. You decided against telling them and just shook your head at them. "Do you think I'm failing my other subjects? What if I don't graduate in time?" (P/n) was quick to calm you down, telling you how the meeting with the teachers went and even joked about you purposely failing only their subject, which you laughed at.

You left their office with a smile, chuckling at the memories of their jokes when you suddenly felt an impact on your left side and then your right side when you hit the lockers with a loud bang, making you whimper in pain. "The fuck are you laughing at, dead girl?"

A familiar voice says above you. You look up to see Nemoto who you know is apart of Kai’s gang, but before you could reply, his foot started meeting your abdomen, your sides, or whatever part of you that he could kick. At some point, he was able to kick your face, which made your ears ring in pain, so you decided to shield your head with your arms to block his kicks. "I don't know why overhaul never did this before, but I am doing it for him. He'll be so proud of me! I can take over his place after he graduates." You didn't even realize that you weren't receiving his kicks anymore, but the sound of kicks can still be heard.

You peak out of your arms to see the Nemoto’s body across from you on the floor, receiving hits from a large man above him. "What the fuck do ya think you're doing?!" Kai growls in anger, and you didn't know if you were thankful that you weren't on the receiving end of his growl, but it still terrified you.

Kai growls in anger, and you didn't know if you were thankful that you weren't on the receiving end of his growl, but it still terrified you. "M-making you proud!" Nemoto spits out the red liquid before scrambling away after Kai pulls him up by his collar. "If I see you touch her again, you'll never be able to see a day again, you understand?" Kai pushes the boy away before looking back at you; all the anger on his face turns into something softer.

He scrambles towards you, kneeling before you and helping you so gently until you leaned on the lockers, heaving at the pain that Nemoto caused you. Kai continued to stare at you, eyes observing you before his hands gently prodded your face. "You’re bleeding…" He murmurs before pulling out a cloth and dabbing it softly on the wound, apologizing when you flinched at his touch, which surprised you.

W-what are you doing?" Your voice trembles, and Kai only sighed in response, shaking his head in disappointment. "Why did you have to reject me?" He asked, carefully putting a band-aid over the scar and he lowers his mask kissing it so gently with his pink lips. You stared at him in shock and confusion. Wh-What the f-fuck?!" You try to push him off, but he only gripped both of your wrists with one hand while the other caress your face.

"We could've been so happy together. You would've had a great experience, but you always manage to put yourself in danger… Why didn't you just let me in?" The gloved hand on your face goes to the back of your neck. Your struggles were no use when he quickly pulled you into a kiss, his tongue easily forcing itself into your mouth and coating and mixing your saliva with his.

"I should've not given up, but you … you hurt me, you know?" He pulls away before admiring your face. "I lied, though. You’ve have always been so beautiful. I just wanted ya to give me a chance, but then you started avoiding me more." His jaw clenches before his grip on your wrists tightens.

His other hand goes under your shirt before fondling your breasts through your bra. He leans in towards your neck before sniffing and moaning as he continues to massage your breasts while his hips started to grind against yours in need. He growls against your neck as his grind started to get violently fast. "Ahh fuck!" His hips stopped before he's shaking against your body. Your eyes widened at him as you looked down at the front of his pants which now had a stain on the crotch area. "D-did you just—"

"See what you do to me?" He laughs before kissing your lips once more, the hand on your breasts trailing down before he forces it down your skirt and under your panties to feel your core with his big hands. His gloved fingers make a quick swipe up your slit, making you shiver at his feeling on your sensitive area.

"And I see what I do to you…." He inserts one finger, groaning at the way your walls are tightening around just one finger. Kai swore he could cum again at the thought of his cock entering your very tight pussy. "We didn't start strong, but we have all the time in the world now, just me and you…." He places a kiss wet on your lips, continuing his assault on your core while his thumb finds its way to your clit.

Kai enjoys the way your hips jolted at the feeling, and he smiled. "I will help you graduate with honors and then after that," he pulls back from the kiss before smiling at you. "We'll start over. I'm never leaving you again. I'll make sure that I'll be by your side forever. I'm never going to give up on you. We'll finally have what we both deserved."

He feels your walls fluttering around his one finger, so he added another, thumb flicking your nub harder, forcing you to release. "Mmm!" You bit your bottom lip as an orgasm was forced out of you, pleasure showering you as your eyes shut tightly. "So

beautiful….Angel”.

Kai pulls his hand out of your skirt before quickly placing his fingers inside his mouth to taste you.

"So delicious as well." He helps you up carefully before guiding you out of the school and into his car. "I'll drive you to school and from school from now on. There won't be a time when I'm not watching over you. I'll protect you from now on. I'm going to right every wrong thing I did to you, my Angel…." He leans down to kiss your lips then your head before fixing your seatbelt for you and starting the car.

"Everything will be better now. I promise I love you."

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muffinrecord · 2 years ago

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Hmm. So if you haven’t watched Crimson Resolve, Ranka and Ao used to be in the same gang. In this gang, the leader (the Bat) had Ranka as second-in-command, and made Ranka do a bunch of dirty work, including beating the shit out of lower-tier members... such as Ao. (Also I haven’t watched the event in a while so I might get a few details wrong).

Ao kind of has a big bone to pick with Ranka, as you can imagine, and Ranka was fully expecting Ao to kill her and was willing to let that happen due to all the guilt she feels. However, Ao ultimately spares Ranka.

With all of that backstory out of the way, I think that a little awkward distance makes sense. Like, both of them are in a really weird place. Ranka probably saw her oncoming death as a sort of salvation. Ranka wasn’t strong enough (possibly physically but definitely mentally) to challenge the Bat back and disobey. Additionally, you have to figure that the Bat also protected Ranka as much as she used her-- so there must be a lot of complicated feelings on Ranka’s part. In situations like this, it’s easy to go a black-and-white route-- make yourself into a pure victim or make yourself into a pure villain, and we can see which one Ranka chose.

Dying at the hands of one you were told to hurt might feel like a good ending. It might feel like you’re giving power back to a victim, power you yourself were responsible for taking away.

...But Ranka didn’t die, and she was spared. And now, Ao is the third sister, one of the leaders of the Promised Blood. Their power dynamics have been flipped. It’s a strange situation for both of them to navigate.

I really like that moment where Ranka says “I think.” Both Ranka and Ao are tacticians of a sort, and I think they are also both similar in that they kinda... manipulate people? Hmmm that’s not really the right word. Maybe it’s more that they keep their emotions close to their chest. I can see both of them having the guard up when they interact with each other. Neither knows how to treat the other one.

I think in that sense, gaming is the ideal way to work through it actually. They can be different people online, but also really just a different aspect of themself. The person I am online (in a game or even on this blog) is different than who I am in real life, but I’m always still me, no matter what me I am. But being in a game lets you drop baggage. Working together with someone in a game is different than working with them face-to-face in a battle against a witch. The stakes are lower but you can still cooperate. I dunno. It makes sense!

#Magia Record #Muffin Record #Ranka Chizu #Ranka Chizu Quotes #Ao Kasane #Bat of Monzenbashi

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hakugreenfinch · 2 years ago

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The piss tea defense post (yes really)

Aight you know I’m serious when I use proper capitals and punctuation so let’s go!

So it’s a very widely memed part of Vento Aureo that Abbacchio seems to not like Giorno very much despite Giorno never doing anything to deserve it and I do believe I managed to decipher exactly what made him so hostile towards this random teenager that did seemingly nothing wrong!

The short answer: Abbacchio set up a vibe check and Giorno failed it.

The long answer:

Okay I’ll try to not make this too messy so let’s go through the scene first!

Giorno introduces himself, nobody really seems to have a very deep first impression of him, Abbacchio included.

He’s not even really being mean or anything when serving the uh, tea. I would say he’s more neutral than anything? Sure he teases Giorno about it but so does Mista, they’re doing this not out of malice but as a sort of joke.

We can tell from the others’ faces that they know exactly what is going on (minus Buccellati), so it’s safe to assume they have been through this same ritual. What does strike me as odd is their reactions to Giorno seemingly emptying his cup in a single sip, trying to guess if he actually drank it or used a trick or Gold Experience to avoid getting, well, piss in his mouth.

If this has happened before, if they have all been served Abbacchio’s special tea then why are they so shocked when Giorno seemingly passes what looks like a test of courage and guts? And why does it make Abbacchio not trust him because we only see him refusing to trust Giorno after this one point?

It’s not a test of courage, it’s a literal rite of passage, on the less serious and more teenage-boys-doing-weird-shit side.

See, there’s this book I love a lot. A girl goes to a new school and on her first day, she gets tangled up in a class game of “marrying” portraits of historical figures and such and her assigned “husband” is an empty fish tank. She gets mad, ruins the game, gets the class in trouble and for a big part of the story she’s treated as an outcast for not playing along. Though the comparison is not the best, I think the whole tea ritual is a very similar game Abbacchio plays to see what his teammates are made of. Sort of like when an unnamed BL game character explains he makes friends by beating people up because nothing will stand between you once you’ve seen each other at your worst!

But what could happen if you’re served a cup of steaming hot pee? You realize you’re being played and get mad about it, you try to drink it anyway because these cool guys are telling you if you refuse you can’t be their friend (Mista even speculates playfully that maybe Giorno doesn’t want to drink because he doesn’t really want to be one of them) and make a mess and embarrass yourself in public or you don’t even realize what’s in the cup and you make a mess and embarrass yourself in public. Mean as it sounds (and well, I’m not saying it is a super nice and innocent thing for Abbacchio to do but that’s just how he is), it does very much seem to be a test of “are you willing to give up your pride and dignity and just have fun with us” to me. If you refuse to partake in this little game obviously you’re a killjoy but if you’re willing to play along and put your pride away you’re cool and in the gang.

And this is where the part that pissed Abbacchio off comes in! By using Gold Experience to trick everyone into thinking he actually drank the tea, Giorno refused to play by these rules and established a sort of dominance. Abbacchio doesn’t like that! Why did he refuse to be a silly goofy boy? Why did he have to make it about a power play? Why isn’t he willing to break down his false image of a badass cool guy and open up to these other kids who also at some point likely humiliated themselves in this way?

It’s not even just Abbacchio’s pride being hurt either. If you put yourself in his place it is weird and offputting that Giorno realizes what’s going on and refuses to go along with his stupid prank. If you look closely, throughout the show Giorno doesn’t really befriend the gang in the sense that I cannot recall a single scene where something silly is going on and he joins the fun or even talks to anyone about something that isn’t related to his mission at hand. While yes, making others drink your pee is weird and gross, obviously, it did lead Abbacchio to pick up on Giorno not really trying to be a team member like anyone else in the gang and even though we know Giorno is not a manipulative villain, Abbacchio doesn’t know that. All he sees is a kid not playing by his rules and it leads him to the conclusion that something is off about him and, well, even if his distrust towards Giorno isn’t really justified based on what we know about him, it makes sense if you consider what Abbacchio does and doesn’t know.

So, he set up a vibe check to see how fun his new team members are and by tricking his way out of having to look like a clown, Giorno failed that vibe check.

#unsanitary #jojo's bizarre adventure #jjba #vento aureo #golden wind #i guess this is my life now #analyzing piss jokes from the buff dude anime #stay tuned for next week when i'm defending polnareff shitting on someone's face! /j #and if you thought 'but he doesnt do that' oh you need to rewatch sdc because yes that happened!

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deathfavor · 1 year ago

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@unmachine said: Sorry for crashing at your place again. Sorry for filling your ashtray up twice as fast. Sorry for drinking your booze and giggling like an idiot on the floor next to you. Sorry for making every excuse for you to stick around, to make more time, to be deserving. Apologies apologies. Shame, guilt, desperation- it all starts to drain away. Just needed a little help from the aforementioned booze. Not even that much. His back would hurt tomorrow but that's fine. He's not about to hog Kazutora's bed too. He's got a hard enough head and a deep enough sleeper to make it through.

Not much changes when Eve drinks. It takes way more to get him even remotely buzzed. But he seems looser and speaks more freely (as if that's really much different from his sober state.) He rolls onto his side then his stomach, adjusting himself so he could see Kazutora face right side up. "This is crazy but I used to have long hair when I was younger. There are old pictures of me where I look dumb as hell!" he snickered. A hand outreaches, twirling a lock of his friend's hair on his finger. He glances down at it contemplatively. "Cause I was copying my brother. Long hair doesn't suit me though and I'm glad I chopped it all off... Brother... i'm pretty sure he hates me. I never figured out why or when it started, not that it matters. There's probably something wrong with me but I can't bring myself to not love him." An exhale through the nose and he drops his head back to the ground, releasing the other's long locks and rolling back over on his back to stare at the ceiling.

"I think it's because I'm better at loving things than I am at hating them. I gotta play at my strengths you know? It's hard being treated like shit sometimes but whatever... You treat me nice though...

so, thanks."

It’s more for Eve that Kazutora has the drinks on hand. He’d been avoidant of drinking before Takemichi had shown up, whispering about Bonten and Mikey. Afraid. Afraid because it isn’t that the drinks make demons, it’s that it lets them out. And his have already claimed two lives as it was. Where others could say I’ll kill you as typical gang bluffs or just friends teasing each other, Kazutora can’t. But then he’d chosen to chase the dark shadow of Bonten, to surge back into darkness, and it’s easy. Easy to drink at a bar while pulling information from people, to break a face. It was even expected like many things. But drinking here is different than the bar. It’s more relaxed. Something that makes him think of summer nights that were still too hot with cold beers and an abandoned arcade filled with smoke. It’s nice. And it seems to help Eve a little bit.

“ Yeah? " Kazutora tries to picture it, but it seems at odds with the Eve that he knows. “ I used to have a really cringe hairstyle when I was real young. Same time I got my tattoo. “ Anything to piss off his father, to be cooler, to be stronger. “ I think one or two pictures exist. Around fifteen is when I started the stripes. Never went back. “ Outside of another ten years in a cell. He watches Eve reach out to toy with one of the loose strands, but he doesn’t stop him. Only observes as he seems to be lost in thought, in memories. He understands that well.

He wonders what it must be like for Eve. To love in spite of that? Truth is that even now Kazutora can’t imagine that. Can’t imagine choosing to love when something seems to hate you. He’s always turned to hatred. To destroying anything that hurts him. Even... He watches as Eve sinks back down and rolls over, yet Kazutora doesn’t move. Doesn’t pull away as well, but lingers, close and watchful.

“ Nah. Believe me, I’m way more fucked up than you are. So hell even if there is something wrong, you’re doing better than me. “ He offers in his own strange way of comfort. A solidarity perhaps in the face of being fuck ups. “ I can’t relate to that. But that seems better. I’ve always hated easier. Hated anything that hurt me. I wanted to destroy what hurt me, wanted things to suffer like I had. I hated this fucking world. “ He admits, turning his head to glance out the window for a moment. “ I did destroy some of it. “ That was Kazutora. Destroying the few good things that came into his life along with the bad.

He turns back to Eve at the thanks, thanks that he doesn’t feel he deserves. But it is offered to him. He still doesn’t know how to handle it. He’s not used to being thanked. “ You don’t deserve to be treated like that. “ He answers quietly, Kazutora did. But not Eve. And then an old thought surfaces. “ If someone does treat you like that, I can beat the shit out of them if you want. Make sure that they don’t. “ He murmurs, because even now he knows the language of violence. “ But uh. You’re welcome. “ He adds, before adding “ ...Thanks for keeping me company. “ Especially now when there was no one else.

#unmachine #the duality loves over hate and hates over love #he is so surprised to be thanked tho #like him?? thanked??#could never be him #and yet here he is #THE SORRYS AT THE BEGINNING THO #felt so much like Kazutora's vibes too #both the out here like sorry for [long list of things]#even if it isn't needed #late night discussions be like this sometimes #᛭ — [IC] wounded tiger caught in mania's pit [KAZUTORA HANEMIYA]#᛭ — [VERSE: BAD END 2] tiger chasing death till the end of the road [KAZUTORA HANEMIYA]

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justsparklingwords · 3 years ago

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hi! i love your writing, don’t know if you’re taking request atm but if you are could you do something along the lines of the reader being dallys little sister and secretly dating ponyboy and one night ponyboy snuck into her room and dal walks in on them kissind and/or cuddling and is like wtf? sorry for the long request aha <3

You were so engrossed in your record player that you didn’t hear the creaking of your bedroom window opening until you turned around to see your boyfriend, Ponyboy, climbing through.

“Pony,” you whisper yelled, “What are you doing here!”

“I came to see you, of course.” You let out a small laugh at him tripping and falling onto the floor, not ignoring the small thud that followed.

“My brother is home. What if we get caught?” you couldn’t help but feel a little anxiety over the fact you were sneaking around with your boyfriend while your brother was just in the other room. It’s not that Dally didn’t like Ponyboy, quite the opposite, he enjoyed his and Johnny’s company almost more than anyone else’s in the gang. But you still haven’t bothered to tell him just in case their friendship got ruined..and just in case he decided to slug the only guy you’ve ever had your eyes on.

Ponyboy saw the worried look on your face, grabbing your hand and leading you to your bed. “Hey,” he places both hands on your cheeks, “don’t worry about him. We’ll tell him when we’re ready.” You felt heat creep up your neck. How you got such an amazing guy to be your boyfriend you’ll never know.

Bringing your face close to his, your lips connect in a breathtaking kiss, your faces titling to the perfect angle.

Unbeknownst to you both, Dally was heading upstairs to your room at the wrong moment to tell you to turn down the music.

Deciding not to knock, Dally barges right into your room, “Y/n, turn down the—WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?”

You and Ponyboy scrambled to get as far away from each other as possible, as if that would erase the image of you both kissing from Dally’s mind.

Ponyboy decided he’d speak for you both, “Hey Dal, how’s it hang—”

“Shut up before I kill you.”

“Alright.”

You didn’t know how you were going to get out of this one.

“How long has this been going on?” Dally pointed between the two of you.

You looked at your boyfriend and he shrugged. “A few months? Maybe six?”

You could tell Dally was trying his best to remain calm. “Six months? And you didn’t tell me? You’ve been sneaking around for six months?”

“Yes?” you whimpered out. You weren’t scared of your brother. Underneath that hard exterior was a big lovable teddy bear that would move the mountains for his little sister. Unfortunately, the lovable teddy bear had been poked with a stick.

Dally sighed, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

You felt bad now. You could in his eyes, no matter how hard he tried to hide it, that he was hurt, disappointed even. “We were going to tell you, we just didn’t know when. We wanted to wait for the right moment.”

Ponyboy joined in, “We were gonna tell you, Dal, honest.”

Dally’s eyes were trained on your boyfriend now.

“Dally, I love your sister with all of my heart. I would never do anything to hurt her.”

You heart swelled at his confession and confidence. Ponyboy had never told you he loved you before, and to say it to your big scary brother? He was definitely telling the truth.

Looking between the both of you, Dally let out a deep breath and pointed a finger at Ponyboy, “Yeah well if you dare to even look at her funny, I’ll cut your eyes out. Friend or not. Understand?”

“Understand.”

You walked over to Ponyboy and laced your fingers together, “I love you too, by the way.” The smile you both shared lit up the room.

“Gross,” Dally fake gaged. “No more sneaking into the house either.”

You chuckled, “We promise.”

“Yeah whatever,” he mumbled walking out of your bedroom.

You looked at Ponyboy, “I think that went well.”

Ponyboy couldn’t help but laugh at your words, “Yeah, I guess him not killing me is what you call ‘well.’”

“Care to redo that kiss my brother so rudely walked in on?”

He smirks, “Don’t mind if I do.”

A/N: much love, anon <3

#ponyboy x reader #ponyboy curtis imagine #ponyboy curtis #ponyboy curtis x reader #ponyboy curtis headcanons #dally winston #dallas winston #dally winston headcanon #dally winston imagine #the outsiders hcs #the outsiders headcanons #the outsiders smut #the outsiders imagine #the outsiders x reader #the outsiders fanfiction #the outsiders fanfic #the outsiders

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melina-ya · 3 years ago

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What they’re like as boyfriends;

Characters; Seishu ‘Inupi’ Inui, Hajime Kokonoi.

Warnings; a bit angsty.

Seishu ‘Inupi’ Inui;

Don’t you dare hurt this man’s feelings. I’ll be coming for ur neck.

You better treat him right, because he would go to the ends of the world for you.

He doesn’t want to lose another person in his life so he’ll always show you how much he values you and how much you mean to him.

It can be hard for him to find the right words sometime, that doesn’t stop him from showing you little acts of service and physical affection to make you feel loved.

Wants you to feel comfortable around him, at all times.

Is in general a very considerate person, but especially when it comes to your feelings. So you will never witness him trying to down play your emotions.

He is in touch with his feminine side and holds absolutely no place for toxic masculinity in his life.

I fr want his fashion advise.

Would never judge you for anything. Especially not for your body. He loves your body.

Beats up everyone who dares to talk bad about you. Can’t stand people who only have the courage to talk shit about you someone behind their back.

Loves laying on your chest. He says it’s more comfortable than a pillow, but actually just listens to your heart beat.

If you two were together while he was still in black dragons, he’d make you be besties with Koko.

Koko’s approval of your relationship is important to him. They’ve been there for each other for a very long time now an he really wants Koko to like you and you two actually get a long great.

After Tenjiku arc he’d have some kind of complex about you thinking of him as something/ someone he isn’t is.

Doesn’t want you to leave like Koko did. He isn’t Akane, you have to assure him you know that. You also don’t expect him to be, which takes time for him to understand.

When a insecurity or a issue pops up he isn’t too shy to talk about it, that’s why problems in your relationship never last that long.

He’s very mature, but knows when to let loose and also be childish for once.

He’s such a cutie.

Hajime Kokonoi;

This man-

Treats you like a princess. Like u deserve.

Spoils you so bad. You’re literally swimming in designers bags and clothes.

Does not care how many times you decline his gifts, you will accept them. Period.

In the end you always give in anyways. I mean why wouldn’t you lmao.

Let’s you do his makeup and even goes out with it on if it looks good. The healthy masculinity is immaculately.

When you want to try out a new makeup look on him and it doesn’t end up the way you wanted it to, he’ll tease you a bit, but would encourage you to try again and again until you get it.

He’s very patient, so just take your time and don’t stress. He knows you can do it.

Always believes in you and supports you. Is your personal cheerleader.

You know how Aang looks at Katara? Yeah that’s how he looks at you.

After Akane it was hard for him to fall in love again.

When you to met it took him a lot of thinking and time. But he did it, he moved on from her.

Don’t get me wrong she will always hold a special place in his heart as his first love, now nothing more or less.

Sometimes tho, in the itsy bitsiest moments you remind him of her. Even if it’s just for a second, he’ll feel so bad.

After sometime he’ll find the courage to talk to you about it. You’ll literally have to beat it out of him. When he admits it you just look at him as if he’s dumb, ‘they’re just intrusive thoughts, it’s not your fault. It’s okay.’

And since he moved on it’s most likely that you only got together later on, where he was already part of the Kanto Manji gang.

Meeting Mikey and the rest of the gang was an experience for sure. Even more so if it was after the fight of the three deities. Sometimes you question if he’s in a relationship with you or them, considering how much time he spends with them.

a/n; is it obvious that inupi is one of my favs lmao? Anyways I had a lot of fun writing this and thank you for reading.

#tokyo revengers #tokyo rev headcanons #tokyo rev x reader #tokyo rev fluff #tokyo revengers seishu inui #inui x reader #inui x y/n #tokrev inui #inui imagines #inui seishu #kokonoi hcs #tokyo revengers kokonoi #kokonoi hajime #kokonoi x you #kokonoi headcanons #dating headcanons

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gaybitchfx · 3 years ago

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Ok how about this, Draken is all touch and mean on the outside and during fights, but what if he was engaged to a s/o that was gentle and very domestic. And one day the gang comes over to pester and just annoy Draken only to find the reader is the person that opens the door and they just so confused that is, until Draken comes down stairs yawning. The sun glints on the ring that sits in his finger only to look at the readers finger to see a similar ring on their finger. I just had this thought.

A/n: I can just image their reactions and honestly it’s hilarious unless my humor is broken that is! Hope you enjoy!

“WHO’RE YOU?”

Ken Ryuguji x Gn!Reader

Category: Fluff🥰✨

Warning: Cursing

“You’re married?!”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to bother Draken-Kun! He might be busy.” Takemitchy said as he quickly followed Mikey, Mitsuya, Hakkai, Peh-Yan, Pah-Chin, etc. to Drakens new home.

“C’mon Takemitchy! It wouldn’t hurt just to go visit Draken!” Mikey said as he nudged Takemitchy who sighed.

“I kind of agree with Takemitchy, but we haven’t seen Draken for a small amount of time now.” Mitsuya said. “I agree with Taka-Chan.” Hakkai said with a smile.

After a few minutes of walking as all of them tried to remember where the hell the home was they had soon found it. It was a two story house and kind of small yet it was pretty welcoming.

Peh-Yan rang the doorbell and a few moments later the door opened, expecting a rather fall male with black hair, but instead was met with someone unknown to them. You stared at them with dotted eyes and they stared at you with dotted eyes in absolute silence.

A minute had passed and they were still like this till Draken came down the stairs yawning as he scratched his stomach.

“Someone at the door?” Draken asked before going over to you and seeing Mikey, Mitsuya, Takemitchy, Hakkai, Peh-Yan, Pah-Chin, etc. by the door. All of them looked dumbfounded.

“What’s up?” Draken asked with a smirk happy to see his friends again. “Wait a minute, who’s this?” Peh-Yan asked with a “confused”, well if you could call that a confused look.

“First come inside, it’s cold out here.” Draken shivered as he moved you close to him a bit as he opened the door wider. The light from the sun had made a small glint on Draken’s ring, but then when Hakkai looked at your hand he had seen the same ring on your ring finger.

Everyone walked inside and looked around in awe from how everything looked so neat and modern. “So first off, this is Y/n.” Draken said as he placed a hand on your head.

“Hello.” You said with a smile as you bowed slightly, your voice was soft and soothing to the ear. “Nice to meet you.” Mitsuya said as he shook your hand before also noticing the ring on your finger. “Alright, so, you know how I was never in contact with you all for awhile now?” Draken asked as he folded his arms.

Everyone nodded their heads a bit curious. “Well for those few years I had met Y/n. We’ve gotten to know each other and ended up dating for a few more years till we…” Draken trailed off and looked at you.

“We’re married.” You smiled as you showed your ring to everyone who looked at it with eyes that were literally sparkling. The ring was honestly really beautiful.

“You’re married?!” Hakkai screeched as he placed his hands on the side of his face like that one screaming painting in the museum. “Mhm. Goin’ on 3 years now.” Draken smirked with pride. “Congratulations you two.” Mikey said with a smile.

“Thank you! Since you’re all here do you want something to eat since it is pretty early in the morning?” You asked as you went over to the kitchen. Everyone besides Mikey and Draken scattered off to the kitchen as fast as you could blink. “Somethin’ wrong, Mikey?” Draken asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Now, Draken, buddy, if you ever break that kind persons heart in anyway possible there will be consequences.” Mikey said with a smile as he had a tight grip on Draken’s shoulder making him laugh nervously.

“Don’t worry, I know I won’t do that. I just know it.” Draken said as he watched you prepare breakfast while talking to everyone and laughing with loving eyes.

#draken x you #draken fluff #gender neutral imagine #gender neutral insert #ken ryuguji #tokyo revengers #anime #fiction #writers #manga

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jennagrinsoverml · 2 years ago

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I know you probably have a million rec lists you’re working on but I am wondering if you have any fics you’ve read since writing your rec lists that you would want to add to your existing lists? Or would you just make a part 2 for them in that case.

Ooh, anon, this is a great question! I usually don't add to my lists after they're posted, even if I come across a fic that would be perfect for it. (Although I will curse my luck to find the fic after posting lol) These days I don't do a lot of self-directed rec lists, since I get so many asks, so I haven't done any part 2s in a while.

The rec list I would most want to update/redo would be Season 4 Angst.

See, when I'm making my lists, I start them in my drafts and add to them over time. I don't add immediately when I'm reading. Usually I email myself fics, but previously I would sometimes copy and paste the fics into a word doc.

This turned out to be a mistake. Because...when I was doing the Season 4 Angst rec list...I forgot to include all the fics I had in my word doc. WHOOPS!

I felt so bad when I realized, but it'd already been reblogged a bunch, so it felt too late to change it.

So, kind anon, I'm going to take advantage of this ask to share the fics I wanted to then! (As well as a few more I’ve found since.) Not all of these are angsty, so this can be a general Season 4 rec list to supplement the angst one 😁

ours, always. By @theanxiouscupcake

Chat Noir knows this is not a regular patrol when he arrives to their spot. She's pacing up and down, muttering to herself, occasionally tugging at her pigtails. When he lands on the roof, she looks up, startled and as her eyes take him in, she jumps at him to swathe him into the tightest she’s ever given him.

“I- I swear, I didn’t mean to,” she says softly. “I- I mean I did, but I didn’t plan to do it! We were just- Everyone was so upset with me, and I couldn’t take it anymore, minou, a-and I…”

He tries to hug her again in reassurance, but she pushes away, eyes scrunched shut as she words burst out of her. “ I told my best friend I’m Ladybug.”

One-shot. This fic is, I think, what we all wanted after Gang of Secrets. That is to say, Ladybug actually TELLING Chat that she revealed her identity to someone else. And it hurts, and Chat is clearly hurt, and he’s allowed to be, but also Ladybug isn’t made out to be wrong or bad. It’s just this real portrayal of how that could have gone (how it should have gone).

The Break (My Broken Bones are Mending) by MoonlightShines

“I can’t believe you broke your ankle!” Alya bemoaned for the hundredth time. She fluffed the pillow underneath Marinette’s bad leg.

Marinette threw her head back on her bed with a drawn out groan. “I know!”

“Girl, what are we gonna do?”

“I don’t know!”

One-shot. The premise of this one is a little ridiculous with Marinette breaking her ankle, and then her and Alya deciding that she can continue to be Ladybug and maybe no one will notice. Needless to say...Chat notices. And proceeds to be sweet as can be because of course he does. And the whole thing is just so sweet and I loved the ending!

The Sun is In Your Eyes by @deinde-prandium

The morning after they’ve revealed their identities to one another, Ladybug and Chat Noir have a much-needed talk. Post-season 4.

One-shot. Oh man, I love this fic a ridiculous amount. We get post-reveal pre-relationship in the aftermath of all of season 4′s angst and it’s beautiful!! Chat trying to hold back because he doesn’t want to pressure her, but his feelings haven’t changed, of course they haven’t. And Marinette’s learned that her partner is the boy she loves and she’s afraid but they actually talk to each other and it’s absolutely beautiful!!!

they took the crown, but it’s alright by welcomedistraction

it doesn't surprise her that she falls for him in that moment. it only surprises her how long it took in the first place.

Two-shot. We all saw the way Ladybug looked at Chat at the end of Strike Back. Here we have the aftermath of Ladybug realizing her feelings for her partner, which leads to a sweet mix of angst and fluff, and an eventual identity reveal. It’s a sweet fic!

Build You Up by @coffeebanana

After the events of Risk and Strike Back, showing up to school and acting like nothing had changed feels wrong. Adrien doesn't want to be there, listening to the fears and criticisms of his classmates. Worrying about Ladybug. Trying not to let his doubts consume him.

But it turns out there's someone else who might want to be there even less than him. And maybe the answer to his problems has been sitting behind him in class all along.

One-shot. My absolute favourite post-season 4 fic! Like, this is EXACTLY the fic that I needed after watching Strike Back. It’s so, so good and there’s an identity reveal and I don’t want to spoil it, but this fic is gorgeous and you should definitely read it if you haven’t already! (And if you have, well, consider this an excuse to read it again!)

Off the Mark by @buggachat

Ever since Nino's (frankly embarrassing) akumatization into Rocketear, Chat Noir's behavior had taken a strange and sudden turn in the presence of Carapace, and Nino could only think of one possible explanation:

Chat Noir hated him.

Somehow, Adrien didn't seem to agree.

One-shot. This is adrino (can be read platonically) not love square but it’s so, so good. As you all may have realized by now, I’m an absolute sucker for misunderstandings, and I’ve been desperate for good fic dealing with the aftermath of Rocketear since it came out. And this is just SPECTACULAR! Nino doesn’t understand why Adrien’s so bothered, but of course it’s clear to us as readers, and it’s finally resolved so beautifully omg I love this fic!!!

#miraculous ladybug #ml fanfic #ml fic #ml fic rec #ladynoir #adrino #prpr #ml love square #ml season 4 #ml strike back #ml gang of secrets #ml rocketear #jennarecsml

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jiminiesfavouritecolourisblue · 4 years ago

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Our little love - mafia/soft Yandere au OT7 Drabble

So I might’ve started this with a little angst and really soft hints of yandere behaviour however I think I might do a part two for this with a little bit more yandere and jealousy vibes (I got ideas okay, just needed a starting point)

“Tell me why I shouldn’t put a bullet in your head little love?” Even with the gun pressed firmly against your head, the cold of the barrel threatening to do as he said, you know Yoongi won’t do it, even if you deserved it.

All seven of them stand around you, no matter which way you face you’re met with the disappointment and the consequence of your betrayal in their eyes, but you refuse to look down in shame, you deserved to feel the guilt that pumped in your veins.

“He asked you a question Y/n,” Jin doesn’t have the smile he reserves for you on his face, all their demenor’s are cold, and you are the reason why.

“You love me,” you whisper, looking Yoongi dead in the face with no fear.

“I thought you loved us too,” Namjoon steps forward, breaking the circle around you, coming close to stand next to Yoongi. He has his hands in the pockets of his black blazer, silver hair pushed back.

“Was it all a lie?” if a voice could break you it would always be Jungkook’s, he was the one it took the longest to become close to, and when you had you could see the softness in his eyes despite his career. Of course he would sound the most hurt, he trusted you the most.

Yoongi, with his unfaltering gun, was the other member of their team that took you almost as long as Jungkook to get close to. While Jungkook was just shy, Yoongi didn’t trust anyone, he pushed people away, hurt them to keep them far, you learnt that the hard way. While his eyes looked like they held no emotion in this moment, you knew better, he had shown you his soul, you could see behind the barrier of his expression.

You took his wrist into your hand and pressed the gun harder against you.

“You should shoot me,” it would be better to be dead than live without them, they would never forgive you for what you’d done. The betrayal cut too deep, these wounds wouldn’t heal.

Yoongi scoffs, but you don’t let his wrist go.

“I told you all she shouldn’t be trusted,” he says to the others. “Why would a girl like her fall for men like us?”

You can feel the pain in his words, because above all else, no matter what he says, Yoongi just wants to be loved. They all do, that’s why it was almost too easy.

“Well now we know, don’t we babe?”

“That wasn’t my intention,” you swallow the sob that threatens to rise in your throat, you hate seeing him like this, you hate that you’re the reason why they’re hurt. Every time they came home with a bullet, or a cut or wound, it would kill you inside and you realised then you were compromised.

“No your intention was to infiltrate our defenses and rat us out,” Jimin’s the one to chime in, standing next to Tae who looks at you like you’re dead to him.

“Detective L/n, did you really think we’d never find out?”

You look to your side to make sure Jimin could see the honesty in your eyes.

“It wasn’t my intention to fall for you,” you sound like you’re choking with the way you’re holding back tears, but you don’t want to cry in front of them, it would feel like giving up.

You were assigned to go undercover to infiltrate the uprising gang called BTS, they climbed the heirarchy of organised crime too quickly, too dangerously, something had to be done. You went in with every intention set to take them down until you got to know them, love them, and you knew then you couldn’t do your job. The internal battle to do what was right but felt wrong and what was wrong but felt so right was causing all your morals to be questioned.

Tae scoffs at you now, not believing a word from your mouth.

“I don’t think we should kill her Hyung,” he says to Yoongi, “she needs to feel her betrayal, it would be too easy to escape us with death.”

Namjoon hums in agreement. The cold of the gun leaves your skin and you almost feel unsteady without it. Yoongi doesn’t look at you anymore now that it’s not there, instead he takes your wrist as you previously had, and they walk you to the car. You don’t fight, or talk, or argue, or ask what they wanted to do to you.

The boys had trusted you infinitely, while others had agendas and seeked their downfall they knew you were the only one that wouldn’t betray them, how wrong they were. For your safety they kept an eye on you, when you went out one of them would follow to ensure their little love didnt get into trouble or worse, get hurt. Imagine their surprise when you walked into the police station.

You didn’t tell them you went in to hand in your notice, unable to continue with this lie, it didn’t matter, the damage was done, anything you said would be meaningless.

Your sat inbetween Jungkook and Hoseok, who still hadn’t uttered a word to you, but you could see him restraining his hurt and anger. Jin was in the drivers seat with Yoongi beside him. The others must’ve taken the other car, you don’t really acknowledge it you’re too deep in your own thoughts.

You don’t come up for air until you feel a hand soft on yours in your lap, Jungkook doesn’t look at you, just at how he’s stroking the back of your hand with his thumb comfortingly. You don’t mean for your heart to swell in your chest, pushing the tears up and out.

Jin and Yoongi don’t miss the way your bottom lip trembles in the rear view mirror, the small sniffles or the tears glistening down your face that you wipe away quickly with your other hand. Hobi puts his arm around you, still looking out the window as if you’re not there, but his actions show what they all know in their hearts; they still loved you.

“Why are you crying baby girl you’re not the one with the knife in your back,” Hobi mumbles. They think you’re scared of what they’re going to do with you now they know, but that couldn’t be further from your mind. They want to reassure you, but the words are stuck in their throats.

“You need to be punished darling, otherwise you won’t learn,” Jin can see you nodding to his words in the mirror in acceptance.

“I know.”

——————————————————————————

You expected them to put you in the cellar where they tortured their enemies, you don’t even realise you’re in the living room until you’re placed on the couch. You don’t look up until Namjoon is standing in front of you.

He traces his finger from the edge of your jaw to your chin, your eyes big on him from his soft touch. The calm should scare you, but the only anxiety you have is over whether you should hope for another chance or whether they’ll throw you onto the street when they’re done.

When a tear hits Namjoon’s hands he frowns, they didn’t expect this from you when they confronted you with what they uncovered. They expected you to reveal another face, the true colours beneath the girl they all fell hard for, kick and scream and throw insults their way over the life they had, how awful they were, how they didn’t deserve to be loved. But you kept quiet, eerily quiet, and they didn’t know what to think anymore.

Letting you leave was out of the question, whether you wanted to stay or not. Not because they were concerned that you had seen too much, they didn’t care, they couldn’t imagine their lives without you anymore. The trust might’ve faded, but their love for you was real. Yoongi might’ve created a farce with the gun to your head but it was done to see your reaction, the truth behind the last 6 months of your relationship.

They expected you to beg for your life like every other person at their mercy, but you always defied their expectations.

“You’re so quiet my love,” Namjoon says to you. “Nothing you want to say to defend yourself?”

You shake your head, no there was nothing you want to say or explain.

“Then you take your punishment without complaint?”

You nod without hesitation.

Namjoon releases a deep breath, building the nerve to do what they knew would reveal whether your feelings for then were real or a lie you fabricated for your job. But he wasn’t one to easily be vulnerable, especially not after the blow that they faced today.

Jimin can sense it, the words on their leader’s lip, and he decides to take over. Namjoon steps aside as Jimin kneels on the floor in front of you. He takes your hands that are fidgeting on your lap and place them by your side on the seat, resting the weight of his head there instead.

He hugs your lap with so much love you can’t mistake it for an illusion, he rubs his head into you as much as he can.

“Stay with us,” if his actions weren’t a shock to your system enough, his words pushed you over the edge. You look into each of their eyes and the vulnerability you had learned to recognise was there begging you to want to stay.

“But I...” you don’t know what you want to say, the beating of your own heart was overwhelming in your chest. “I- I hurt you all so much.”

Yoongi hums in agreement, stepping forward to stroke your hair back, the hurt was still there they couldn’t lie to you, but losing you would be worse.

“Do you love us?” Jungkook asks taking a seat beside you, Taehyung sits by your other side. Jimin rubs little circles into your thigh while they wait for your answer.

“So much,” you confess. “I couldn’t do it, I- I”

Your words break off in a sob, as Tae takes your hand in his and presses a kiss to the back of it, a weight lifted off his chest. Jungkook pulls you into him, arms wraps around you as you let out your cries and the man in your lap places little kisses on the expanse of your thighs. You feel overwhelmed with the love theyre displaying when you were expecting their hate.

“But I dont understand,” you cry, “why aren’t you all angry, why aren’t you yelling at me?”

“We love you too,” Jin smiles the way he only reserves for you, and you feel thankful for it.

“It doesn’t matter how you got to us dove,” Hobi comes to kneel beside Jimin, wanting to be close to you too. “If it weren’t for your job you wouldn’t have met us.”

“I don’t know about that Hobi,” Namjoon chuckles. “You were meant for us my love, we would have found you one way or another.”

“We forgive you,” Jungkook kisses your hair. “Just don’t leave us.”

“We wouldn’t let you go even if you tried,” Tae voice rumbles in, leaning his face against your neck while the youngest holds you, still latched to your hand.

“You’re ours,” Jimin’s muffled voice comes from your lap, he’s pressed his face into you.

They would never let you go, and you don’t want them to. You thought all they wanted was love, but now you think you’ve reflected your own desire into them, they just wanted you.

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