#you wouldnt believe how much pain becoming sick has gotten me

[nemiisnemisis]

guys im alive i promis

i just got bodyslammed by sickness...AGAIN.

hfhrrhrhvfgnh IF I HAD A NICKEL FOR EVERYTIME SOMEONE GOT ME SICK INSTEAD OF ME GETTING MYSELF SICK, ITD BE MORE THAN ENOUGH TO PAY MY COLLEGE TUITION 3X OVER (and we all know that is going to be almost 1 mil right there-)

[tartagliaxx]

first off, hello 🤷‍♀️ anon! sorry i missed you out

and secondly, dw, marius is my favourite too lol, he reminds me a lot of my younger cousin who i lived with when i was younger. i was always the one who took care of him and marius calling me older sister just set off so much memories of my childhood. the both of them are also vv similar in personality, attention seeking, playful and artistic so i always see him whenever i look at marius.

artem is probably my second favourite ngl, ever since i read his ssr where he was jealous and got drunk (what a good combination lmao) i just grew so soft for him. at the end of the day, he's just a vv soft sweetheart who's insecure that we'll leave him :(( i have like 3 ssrs at lvl36, two of them are artem cards and the other is luke. i vibe with luke too bc i love the childhood friends trope, it's top tier. and as for vyn... i have vv mixed feelings abt him. i feel like he could so easily see through me if he was real and i'm just like, how about no. he's rlly pretty though, like rlly pretty.

*major spoilers*

and you've finished the archon quests!!! personally, i feel like the ending felt a bit rushed(?). it's weird bc i thought the resistance war against the raiden shogun was supposed to be the center of the story, but it just devolved to us helping yae with the entire war being swept to the side. and i already knew somebody was gonna die, and as soon as i saw that teppei had become the captain, i just knew.

it's interesting bc i would love to explore what happened to la signora and scaramouche to make them so disregarding of human life. like, i don't like them, but i want to understand their minds. it's sad to read signora's artifact's background honestly. and the fact that her crown said she used to be called rosalyne, that she had perhaps once led a more innocent and naive existence. i dunno, to me it seems like a good ending for her honestly, she had already lost herself after her lover's death and brings pain to many others, i don't think she can rlly return to being her again.

and honestly, a lot of people are talking abt scaramouche not telling signora he already had the gnosis and saying that he orchestrated her death, i don't rlly think so. i feel like he's just that apathetic to human life, even if it's someone that stands on his side, he just doesn't care enough. it also says how he never got along with anyone, not even his fellow harbingers, so i don't know why ppl expect him to seek out someone he doesn't like just to warn her of danger.

i vibe with scaramouche and la signora as the antagonists bc they're good antagonists, but as characters, well. other than the fact that they're pretty, they have like one likeable trait and that is their loyalty. they would do anything for the tsaritsa even if it cost them their life. i'm rlly excited to see what the tsaritsa has in store for us in the future.

considering our sibling is nicknamed 'the prince/princess', i wonder if there's gonna be a day where we're gonna have to go toe to toe with them. if we had them backed them into a corner with no way out, i wonder if they would kill us. it would be an interesting twist if we could actually die, but i feel like the protagonist halo will prevent it lol and i'm sorry bc god, this is so long.

— r. anon

marius. that’s the tweet. man,, you dont realize how in love i am w him?? like,, this man was literally my only hope when i fell horribly sick. i cant w myself now that i’m hearing it w my own voice. it must be nice to remember the good ol’ days… i despise my cousins and i dont have siblings so i dont really have that sort of connection w him. to me, his onee-san is just a joke? a petname? idk but it simultaneously makes me so mad and giddy just like childe’s existence does

i like vyn bc his vibes are sus but at the same time, he’s cares abt our mental health 🥺👉👈 no one’s ever said shit like that to me… jokes aside, luke is seriously threatening his spot bc of his blushing bs like pls 🤲 i’m so weak for that shit give me more. artem makes me soft too like,, he keeps mentioning that he trusts us and he’s just…. HE’S A BIG TEDDY BEAR THAT BLUSHES AT LIKE ACCIDENTAL HAND BRUSHES GRRRR. in conclusion, i love them all.

but man,, give me ssr luck… literally, im in pain…

now that the excitement’s worn off, i can now judge things properly. i think that… the pacing is horrible. like the plot is good, genuinely, but there’s just,, so much to explore abt this. if you think abt it, this is the climax and yet we didnt get much. scratch that. we got a lot but it’s all underdeveloped that it felt like nothing. we go to sangonimiya, got promoted, became captain for like, one sec before we are sent onto an investigation that didnt really produce any results bc app teppei alr knows everything? and then the delusion thing is a good plot point but it’s not really explored? just… a lot of things are left unexplored and i think that story wise, a lot of the possible lore explanations went down the drain. it would’ve been nice if we saw more abt the rebellion and if we had gotten to know whats the real deal w the commissions but eh… idk… i would’ve rather done more quests abt this whole storyline than like… do that whole dance w the three people who lost their vision in 2.0.

if im going to be honest, la signora is such a wasted character. like maybe her death was just for the shock factor or maybe it’s to prepare us for more harbinger encounters in the future.. idk but she’s such a good character from what we’ve seen but we know jack shit abt her and her motives. we know a little from the artifact set but beyond that, what do we have?

precisely! that’s how i feel abt this whole thing when we’re talking seriously. like w ei, i dont really agree w whatever they’re doing but i want to understand why they do the things that they do. everything has a reason and their psychology is just interesting to me.

i think scaramouche’s nature makes it easy for him to disregard human life. call it arrogance or whatever but ultimately, he’s seeing himself as smth above all these people bc he’s more or less capable of standing toe to toe w a god. why should he bother telling signora? it’s not like he gains anything if he does. i think that when he got the gnosis, he’s just ‘well she dies if she dies. who cares abt that? i dont have any need for incompetent colleagues anw’ i agree and i dont think he orchestrated her death but at the same time, he just allowed it to happen too.

as for signora, i’m actually surprised? for the most part, i think that the harbingers took their posts for selfish reasons. for scara, it’s to entertain himself and pass time. for childe, it’s to fight and grow stronger. for dottore, it’s to conduct dubious research w/o anyone stopping him. i expected signora to have some similar motive like power or money but it seems like she does actually believe in the tsaritsa? it would be very intriguing if signora’s main motive in becoming a harbinger is simply bc she is loyal to the tsaritsa and her will. bc in contrast, i think scara and dottore are more loyal to the fact that the tsaritsa can give them what they want, not bc they actually like her. actually, idek if they’re willing to die for her lol. like i wouldnt be surprised if they suddenly abandon post in a life or death situation but who knows…

in any case, they are very good antagonists. i like yo think that the tsaritsa isnt as bad as the game portrays her to be… of all the gods, she’s the one im looking forward to the most but… haha… what version would that be….

i’m almost certain that they’ll make us fight our twin maybe before we face the unknown god? if one of them dies, i would be very sad. like legit. but knowing mhy, well, our twin is almost 100% a walking death flag.

anw i’m shutting up rn— i also spoke too much kahdjabdhakbsjansb—

[nctloveclub]

mamihlapinatapai

– pairing: mark lee x reader

– genre: angst!

– words: 2.25k

– a/n: its been a while since ive posted but i hope you like it :D i hope to get back into writing after putting it off for so long :(

(n.) a look shared by two people, each wishing that the other would initiate something they both desire but which neither wants to begin

you and mark were best friends, but the two of you haven't known each other long

like usually best friends have known each other since their childhood but you and mark had met in your second year of high school !

it wasn't anything extraordinary just simple. he ended up coming to class late and he had picked the seat next to you.

it was strange at first because it was like ??? ummm who ??? my friend usually sits there ???? (but they were home sick that day oooooh)

so the next day mark sits in the same seat next to you and when you're friend walks in they give you a look and you just shrug

they give you a wink and just sit in the seat in front of you

then that's when mark actually starts talking to you

hes a little shy at first just introducing himself to you and you do the same

at lunch mark ends up finding you and sits across from you

not gonna lie the air is a little awkward but two of you take the lunch period to actually talk and get to know each other

you find out that you had actually went to the same middle school but just in different friend crowds

the conversation was just simple

that's a word that would describe yours' and mark's relationship: simple

he was a breath of fresh air

he was something new, someone who you got along with

over the course of the year, the two of you had actually gotten closer and mark had actually befriended your other friend

"sorry i took your seat...."

your friend just looks at him and laughs, "dude its fine it's just a seat. if anything im glad you helped my little y/n get out of their shell."

you send a playful glare at your friend's way and continue the conversation you had with mark

eventually, your third year of high school has begun and the both of you are extremely close, like no one can separate the two of you

youre sad when you find out mark and you only share the same lunch period, having the same classes but different periods

"it's alright, i'll see you at lunch." he smiles and you nod, mark walking you to your first period

you dread your first day, making small talk with the people around you but you don't mind, impatiently waiting till lunch starts

you and mark immediately meet up, looking for a place to sit in the crowded cafeteria

you sit in a somewhat secluded area, there are still tables surrounding you but it's mostly away from the crowd

the two of you catch up and talk about how your first day has been going

soon enough lunch ends and mark's walking you to your 6th period

the day comes to an end and mark is waiting for you at the front of school, waiting to walk you home

"you know you don't have to walk me, you literally live in the opposite direction." you say as the two of you begin your walk

"i know, i do it because i want to." he replies nonchalantly and for the first time you feel something in your stomach

you feel butterflies in your stomach when mark walks you to your doorstep and they intensify when he gives you a hug before leaving

you watch as mark walks in the direction of his home and cant but wonder what the hell you were feeling

the school year continues to go on and everyday feels like a routine

mark walks you to school and first period, the day goes on, you meet at lunch and he walks you home

but as everyday passes, you cant help but feel more butterflies creep in your stomach as you see mark or when he holds your hand

what you didnt know was that mark had felt the same way, he had started to feel nervous around you, that he couldn’t think straight around you, you made his heart race and his face heat up

he started to become more affectionate towards you, holding your hand more often and wrapping his arm around you casually and also occasionally giving you forehead kisses

mark was just the sweetest boy ever and you couldn't believe that he really was your best friend, he made you feel like you were in a movie, that you were a protagonist in a love novel

he made you feel like you were on clouds and that whenever you were with him you felt like home

it took time for you to fully realize that you had fallen in love with your best friend

mark had also started to pick up on the fact that you were constantly blushing around him and he made you nervous

he felt a weight lifted off his chest, that maybe you reciprocated the feelings he had for you* but as they say, all good things must come to an end eventually

mark had told you that he wanted to become an idol, that music was his passion and something he wanted to pursue

of course you were supportive of him, you wanted to give the whole world to him

you always gave him words of encouragement and praised him for his talent

"remember me when you're famous mark." you say to him one day

"come on y/n, i'll never forget you. besides who said im gonna be famous one day, what if i don't end up making it anywhere?"

your eyes gape at him. "'mark are you serious? of course you're gonna be famous. you're one if the most talented people i know. if anyone were to become famous it would be you, you deserve it. you've worked so hard to achieve your dreams and you're an amazing rapper.

dont ever undermine yourself mark. and if anything, i'll always be here for you. i'll always be here to support you"

mark almost starts crying at your words and he can see the look the in your eyes that meant you meant every word you said

he didn't know what he did in his past life to deserve you but he's glad that he was able to meet you that fateful day

so mark begins his own training, starting to write songs, practice singing and dancing to become an idol

he tells you at lunch one day that a kpop company was gonna be holding global auditions next week and that he's gonna try

you're obviously excited for him and tell him to not worry and that he's gonna make it, that the company would be an absolute fool to not recruit him

then next week comes and mark misses a day of because of auditions

you don't mind, sending him a quick message telling him good luck !!! you got this dude :D

_also you'll be fine stop worrying :_p

the next day mark is back at school and he's anxiously waiting for the company to contact him to see if he made it to the second round

you notice it and reassure him that he'll be fine

but he looks at you and you notice that there's also something else on his mind, you don't question him yet though. he doesn't seem in the right head space

"mark what's wrong?" you ask as mark walks you home

your hand is intertwined in his, and he’s looking down on the sidewalk,

he looks up at you, "what do you mean?"

"at lunch, you seemed pretty anxious about the audition, but something else seemed off about you."

"well yeah im nervous. i think im gonna make it though, the audition was fine." he tells you and your brows furrow

"then whats the problem?" you ask, your voice more quiet

"the company is based in korea. i mean you already knew that but still. if i make it to second and end up passing it, i'll be moving to korea to become an idol." mark explains and your heart stops for a bit

the realization has sunk in your head

all this time you've been encouraging mark and letting him live out his dream but you never realized that you were gonna end up losing him

you feel your eyes start to water and you look up at him, already looking back at you

"dont cry, please." he tells you softly, bringing you into a hug, "i dont want to lose you but i can't hold you back." you whisper into his chest

"but what about us?" he asks, his voice sad

that question was hung in the air, what was gonna happen to you and mark?

you had come to fact that you were in love with him but this was his dream

maybe you could be selfish once, to tell him to stay, to try and pursue a career here, at home

but that wouldn't be fair to mark, this was something he dreamed about, you wouldn't allow yourself be the reason he stayed home

"nothing is gonna happen to us, i'll still be here to support you, even if you're thousands of miles away, i'll always be here for you."

the rest of the walk to your house was quiet, mark having attached you to his side and he didnt seem to plan to let you go anytime soon

when you arrived at your house, mark held you into his arms and his eyes looked into yours

you noticed the gleam in them, full of sadness and longing

you felt your mind screaming at you, to make the first move, to show mark how much you love him before it's too late

but you couldn't bring yourself to do it, it'd be too selfish

mark felt the same emotional turmoil

he wanted to hold you in his arms and just spend the rest of his life with you

he could see the sadness in your eyes and he realized what he would truly be giving up to achieve his dreams

his mind wanted him to just confess his love there, to just cup your cheeks and press his lips to yours

as the two of you gazed into each others eyes, you both came to the realization that you were both feeling the same thing

but the two of you couldn't bring yourself to do it, and with that you separated

mark had finally let go of your waist and you both moved away

you walk into your home and mark went to his

the next day mark tells you he made it to the second round and you give him a smile

a smile mark can see right through

he knows how heartbroken you feel and the pain you feel

he just wished he wasnt the cause of it

the school year is coming to an end and you'll become a senior

mark had ended up passing the second audition and he and his family would be moving to korea

the day he told you, you broke into tears

tears of joy and happiness but also of pain

you were beyond ecstatic for him, he was finally gonna achieve his dream of becoming an idol

but he was leaving, and you wouldnt know if he was ever gonna come back

the school year ends and mark tells you that he'll be moving to korea next week, where he'll be training and starting his senior year

you dread the next couple days

you and mark are inseparable, spending all the time you can before he goes

time goes by quick, one minute the two of you are having a movie night in your living room and the next you're saying your goodbyes at the airport

"i'm sorry y/n" mark tells you

"for what"

"for leaving."

"hey don't be sorry for that, you're pursuing something thats gonna make you happy and that's all i ever want from you, for you to be happy." you say, tears falling from your eyes

mark starts to cry at your words, his thumbs moving to wipe away your tears, which actually make them fall harder

he brings you into a hug and you look up at him and stare into his eyes one last time

the eyes that always made you happy, the eyes that always looked at you in adoration,

the eyes that always made you feel at home

the two can feel the longing the other holds, but you both can't bring yourself to do it

as the two of you continue to hug until mark has to leave you whisper the three words you've yearned to tell him

"i love you." you say, looking right into his eyes

"i love you too."

you hear mark's parents call for him, telling him that they have to board soon

the two of you finally separate and you're full on crying

mark begins to walk off before turning around and giving you one last smile, one you return through your tears

you watch as mark board and you wait and watch as his plane leaves, officially separating you from the boy you love

mark looks out the plane window, watching as the airport begins to get smaller and smaller

he lets out a sigh and feels his heart ache

you take out your phone and text mark, knowing he'll see it when he lands

i love you, dont forget me when you're famous ;)

"oh how could i ever forget you"

[ghost-nabbers-imagines]

👶 The baby is mine isnt it? Larry x reader

Ok so two things about this request. One, this is Larry's I have one started for Sal but really wanted to get this one up And two, a trigger warning is in effect. And in both instances the husband or boyfriend is an asshole who does not treat you well but it's going to be bad in Sal's.

Larry

I never meant to be the kinda guy who slept with another man's girlfriend. People who cheated on their partners were assholes and I wasn't like that. However, Sebastian was worse than any other asshole I've ever met. I've always thought he treated (Y/n) terribly and that she deserved better. I mean the guy treated her like shit, he was constantly poking fun at her, and making her feel bad about herself.

The day the affair happened she showed up at my door crying about how he had apparently cheated on her with a friend of his. We spent the night at my place hanging out like always except we got a bit too drunk and ended up having sex. It was the best sex I'd ever had with anyone and I knew that my love for her was genuine. I thought she felt the same way about me, I thought she would leave him and finally be mine. But I was so wrong.

She all but promised me she was leaving him that they were done. She told me she was leaving him for good this time, but a month later they were back together and she was avoiding me all together. I noticed she was different after that, more closed off, distant, almost scared. It was two months after that Ashley informed us that (Y/n) was pregnant. The news broke my heart and shocked me to my core.

It took me two weeks to get fed up with my feelings and to tell myself I had to to confront her about it. Pulling my hood up over my messy brown hair I trudged down the snow covered pavement. My hands were trembling and my mouth was dry, not because of the weather but from nerves to how she'd be towards me. Had I become a dirty secret that she wanted to hide away? Did she lie when she said she'd always felt that way?

As I knocked on her door a million ways this could go wrong flashed through my head. 'Shes pregnant with his baby what are you doing here?' My head practically screamed at me. Before I could turn and run the lock clicked and the door opened. (Y/n) peaked her head through the door her eyes widening when she saw me. She stepped out into the hallway closing the door.

"Hey Larry."

"Hey really that's all you have to say?"

"I'm sorry I know this is hard to understand right now but please try and believe me I'm doing what's best."

"I thought you were leaving him but now all of a sudden your pregnant?"

"Larry I wanted to leave I did but the baby changed things."

"Did you know you were pregnant when we slept together?"

"N-no I swear I-"

"And what about how much we drank that night? Did you tell the doctor you had gotten drunk within the first month?"

"Larry-"

"No please explain to me how you could be so damn careless. Not just to me but to the baby. And with everything you've told me about that jackass how could you want to raise a kid with him? Do you seriously think he'll get any better? For fucks sake (Y/n) are you really gonna let him treat your kid that bad?"

I truly didn't want to be yelling at her but I couldn't help it I was angry and hurt. Silent tears were cascading down her cheeks falling to the floor. Part of me wanted so badly to wrap my arms around her and stop her tears but the other part of me was focused on the pain in my chest. She didn't bother to wipe her tears away till the door clicked open again. Sebastian stepped out a frown already plastered on his face.

He glared at me in a way animals look at their rivals. It took every ounce of strength I had to not pounce on him, however whether I liked it or not he was still the father of her child. She would need him and that almost angered me even more. "What's going on here?" He asked putting his arm around (Y/n)'s shoulders making her flinch. I clenched my jaw shut balling my hands up into fists in my hoodie pockets.

"Nothing. I was just leaving." I scoffed turning to leave. "Wait Larry please." (Y/n) pleaded in a broken voice making me stop in my tracks. "Yeah. Larry (Y/n) hasn't told you the good news yet." He said in an odd voice. I turned to face the two, (Y/n) was looking away fresh tears pooling in her eyes. He had a boastful smile as he lifted up her left hand revealing a small diamond ring.

I like a sharp knife had pierced right into my heart at the sight. (Y/n) couldn't face me but she had tears falling down her face again. "We're engaged. Right after graduation we're getting married and then moving to Santa Fe with my mom." He informed me. "Congrats. You deserve each other really." I spat turning to leave their building. I felt numb but also broken as I made my way home.

What was the point of any of this any more? The girl I'd been in love with since fifth grade was pregnant and engaged to another man. I had truly lost her for good. I hated thinking I had become just another regret to her. Our drunken one night stand was nothing but that to her while I had hoped it would be the first of many times I'd get to be intimate with the girl i loved.

With slumped shoulders and silent tears I made my way into the apartments. Sal would be with Ashley so I knew I could get what I needed from his apartment. I grabbed the bottle of pills petting Gizmo on my way out. Next I went out to the treehouse turning on some of my favorite music taking a seat in a bean bag chair. I sat pondering the whole situation while staring at the bottle of pills now sitting on my shelf.

"She chose him over you." The voice in my head whispered. I squeezed my eyes shut trying to focus on the lyrics and drown out the voice. "They're going to get married, and have their baby and you'll just be a bad memory she wants to forget." The voice continued. I cranked up the music louder pressing my hands to my ears but it was no use. The voice was in my head, and unfortunately it was right.

Finally giving in I quickly scratched a note for mom and Sal. Once it was finished I began taking the pills followed by a swig of Fireball I kept up in my treehouse. I didn't cry or feel angry it was like something inside me was urging me to continue to take the pills. I made sure to include an apology about taking the pills to Sal in my note. Pretty soon there was only a small amount of pills left and I was feeling almost relieved.

As I took the last pill I leaned back in my beanbag chair my eyes landing on a Polaroid of (Y/n) and I. It had been taken by Sal just two weeks before the affair. Despite the drowsiness overwhelming me I picked up the picture a sad weak smile on my face. (Y/n) had a really bad day at school between Sebastian being a dick and apparently having her period, she ended up borrowing my jacket so she could tie her jacket around her waist. That's when it clicked in my head.

I tried to do the math in my head but I was slipping into unconsciousness quicker than I could add. The world began to get darker and darker. The last thing I saw before I passed out was (Y/n)'s beautiful face. I felt like such an idiot. Now both my girl and my baby would be stuck with that monster.

The next thing I knew I was standing across from my own corpse. "No! No I take it back! I'm not ready! I don't want to die!" I screamed at my slumped over body. Black opaque tears began to fall from my eyes never landing on the floor but disappearing mid air. "No you asshole! The babys yours! Wakeup and go save them before it's too late!" I yelled at my corpse. It was too late, I'd truly lost them both for good now because of my issues.

"Larry dear dinner is ready!" I heard my mom call from the ground. My poor mom would he the one to find me rather than Sal or anyone else. I felt even guiltier for leaving my mom alone. First my dad disappears on her now I kill myself? I felt selfish for leaving so may people behind.

"I'm so sorry mom." I whispered unmaterializing so she wouldnt see me. I stood there and listened as she called me once more still not getting any response. She began climbing the treehouse ladder mumbling something if I was asleep up here in this weather she'd kick my ass. My ghostly tears quickened hearing my mom's voice. When she reached the top of she immediately noticed the bottles and my body.

"Oh no oh god! Larry!" She screamed tears falling down her face. She kneeled next to my body her hand reaching up to feel my forehead. I could practically still feel her warmth but she felt how cold my body was. "Someone help! Please oh god be ok Lar Bear!" She screamed through sobs. She turned me on my side trying to get me to vomit.

Henry came running out to the bottom of the treehouse. "Lisa what is it what's wrong?" He asked in the same panicked voice Sal has sometimes. My mom tried and failed getting me to throw up the pills. "Call 911 Henry hurry!" She sobbed. Henry shakily pulled out his phone and ordered for an ambulance to come quickly before joining my mom in the treehouse.

"Oh no Larry." He said in a saddened voice as he knelt down next to mom who was cradling my head in her lap sobbing and taking her fingers through my hair. "My poor Lar bear." She choked out. I kneeled next to them placing my hand on my mom's shoulder making her turn and face where I was confused. I knew she wasnt ready to see me yet but I kept my hand there till the sirens came.

I watched from the treehouse as the loaded my body into a bag and into an ambulance. My mom and Henry went with a couple officers leaving me alone. After rematerializing I debated going into the actual apartments and talking to Megan but before I could I heard someone shouting my name. "Larry? Larry! Did you think that was funny? Because it was a really sick fucking joke." Sal's shaky voice yelled. I looked down to see him climbing up the treehouse.

Taking a deep breath I stood back preparing to deal with a very hurt best friend. When he got up to the treehouse he was shaking and had clearly been crying before. His eyes wondered up and down my ghost form seeing that it was in fact not a joke. "No. Not you. How could do this? How could you leave?" He said through a sob. "I'm sorry Sally Face. I left you and my mom a note. I went to see (y/n) today and Sebastian said they were getting married and moving so I lost it. I felt broken so I came back here to do this." I explained.

He shook his head sadly using his sleeve to wipe under the prosthetic. "I'm sorry Sal the voices got to me. By the time I realized the truth it was too late." I said apologizing. "Realized what truth?" He asked confused. "I found that picture the one you took remember?" I explained pointing towards the picture.

Despite being hurt and angry he leaned down grabbing the Polaroid. "Yeah that's the day you spent like all night cheering up (Y/n) and making her smile as much as you possibly could." He said confused as to why this was important. "Do you remember why I had to give (Y/n) my hoodie even though she's got a flannel around her waist?" I asked pointing to her in the picture. Sal went to speak but before he did his eyes got wide and he looked up to me.

"Oh my god dude!" He yelled shocked. "I know. I'm an asshole and now I'm no better than my dad." I said sadly. For along time I had a constant battle in my head about why my dad had left and why he didnt want me. Now here I was abandoning my baby and (Y/n). It made me hate myself even more to think about.

"But Larry you have to stop her from going!"

"How the hell do I do that when I'm stuck here? Not to mention, what would I say 'oh hey i know I'm dead and all but since you're pregnant with my baby you should stay in town and not marry that fuck head of a boyfriend of yours."

"You have to do something Larry. I mean she can actually see you and the baby will able to too."

"You're right as always little dude. Just hopefully she'll come over here after I was so horrible."

Not even minutes later we could here someone calling for both Sal and I. The voice was sad and scared but i recognized it immediately. "Go ahead hide for a second I'll try to break it to her." Sal said. I nodded unmaterializing as Sal and I made our way down from the treehouse it seemed like I could only go as far as the ground underneath the treehouse. The sight of (Y/n) almost hurt worse than that of my mom.

Her eyes were red and puffy and she had tear streaks down her slightly pink cheeks. She had a hand on her stomach the other clutching the necklace that had been a birthday present from me. I'd recognize the guitar pick anywhere it had been one I'd gotten at a Santiy's fall concert that she'd been to sick to go to. "Tell me it's not true Sal. Tell me it wasnt him." She pleaded crying. Sal pulled off his mask before comfortingly grabbing one of her hands.

"I'm so sorry (Y/n). But you should know he loved you so much." Sal said as she gradually lost it more at his words. She began shaking her head her other hand covering her mouth. "No! No no it's not true it's not true!" She cried out sinking to the ground. My heart ached and screamed for me to hold her but I knew I couldn't yet. Sal crouched down next to her placing a gentle hand on her back.

"(Y/n) do you remember what Larry and I told you about this place. About how we showed you Megan?" He asked trying to ease her into the subject. She looked up sniffling thinking for a brief minute. "About the ghosts? I thought we made all that stuff up." She said tears still falling down her precious face. Sal shook his head before answering "it was all real Megan was real. If you die in this building you stay here. Larry is still here." He told her. She let out another small sob.

"Where is he?" She asked looking towards the treehouse. I took a deep breath and materialized making her eyes widen in shock and she stood up quickly. "I'll give you some time alone." Sal said excusing himself. I turned my stare to the ground I couldn't look at her knowing what I had done. "Oh Larry. I'm so sorry this is all my fault." She said sadly. I finally looked up at her meeting her sad eyes.

"No I'm sorry. I was an asshole. A jealous fucking asshole and I'm so sorry."

"Larry theres something you should know. About-"

"The babys mine isnt it?"

She nodded and I felt myself begin to weep again. I fell to my knees the pain of this whole situation hitting me again. She moved in front of me and I wrapped my arms around her waist letting my head barely lean against her stomach. Her arms hovering around my neck. I sobbed into her stomach till I felt something gently nudge my cheek.

I looked up to face (Y/n) confused but she gave me a weak smile moving my hand to her stomach placing hers next to mine. "She's kicking." She whispered. Sure enough I felt the smallest little nudge once again. My face broke out into a grin. "She? I have a daughter?" I asked happily. She nodded giggling "Yes Larry we're gonna have a little girl."

My grin only got bigger as I stood up pulling her into as much of a hug as I could manage. "I fucking love you (y/n). I know i can't really be what you need considering I'm a ghost but I want to be a part of your life and our little girl's life." I told her pulling away from the hug but continuing to hold her hands. When I looked down I saw her hand no longer had a ring. "I want that too bear. I told Sebastian earlier it was over. That I wanted to be with my baby's actual father. He yelled and threatened me but I had already packed up my stuff and left. I was heading here when the ambulances passed me. I asked someone out front and they told me the young stoner Overdosed in the treehouse." She said frowning. "I'll have Sal fix my note to mom so she knows about you." I told her knowing despite my moms broken heart she would love to take care of her grandbaby and sort of daughter in law.

"Does Lisa know about any of this? Or about you still being here?" She asked. "No I haven't talked to her about it yet. She asked why you weren't coming over anymore I just told her you were back with him. And I dont think shes ready to see me just yet." I explained making her nod her head. Sal came back out his prosthetic back on but I could tell he too had been crying. "Hey Sal can you grab my note from the treehouse I need to have you change something." I asked smiling at my best friend. He smiled back climbing the treehouse before returning with the note and a pen.

"Tell my mom what happened, that I thought I was losing them both and how much I really longed for (y/n) to be mine and the baby to be mine. And add that Henry was the best step dad I could have asked for." I told him. He scribbled everything down as close to my handwriting as he could get before folding the note back up. "(Y/n) you can stay with me tonight if you'd like and go to Lisa's tomorrow." Sal told (Y/n). She turned back towards me smiling softly. "I'd ask to stay in the treehouse with you but I take it you won't want me climbing up there and everything. I laughed shaking my head. "I'll be watching over you dont worry." I promised.

~your pov~

The next morning I made my way down to Lisa's apartment with a lasagna I had picked up the stuff to have Sal help with. From the outside of the door I could hear Lisa's soft crying coming from inside. Taking a deep breath I knocked on the door. After a couple minutes the door opened to reveal Henry. "You hang out with the boys, (Y/n) right?" He asked observing my growing belly. I forced myself to nod with a smile before answering "Yeah Hi Mr. Fisher. I wanted to bring this by for Lisa."

A moment later Lisa appeared next to Henry. "(Y/n) sweetheart come in." She sniffled offering me a broken smile. Henry let me in and took the lasagna to the kitchen for me. Lisa pulled me into a hug holding me tightly. She was wearing her pajamas but with one of Larry's jackets on. "He loved you so much dear I hope you know that." She said with a small sob.

"I know Lisa. I loved him too. I'm so sorry this is my fault. If I had just told him the truth about the baby, or if I hadn't been so scared of Sebastian he'd still be here. I'm so so sorry." I choked out feeling myself break down into tears again. Lisa pulled away pushing some of my hair back. "Now dont you talk like that Larry wouldn't want you blaming yourself or stressing about his actions. We'll all miss him of course but he wouldnt want you to be in so much pain in this state. He loved you and if you're saying what I think you are he would have loved this baby too. It's not your fault you were in an impossible situation." She told me sternly. I nodded trying to wipe away some of the tears. "The babys a girl. I wanted so badly to go tell Larry when I found that out. But Sebastian said if I talked to him there wouldn't be a baby to talk about." I admitted making Lisa frown before smiling and putting a comforting arm around me as we sat on the couch.

"Where are you staying dear?" She asked taking a sip from a mug on the coffee table. "I stayed with Sal last night once I found out about Larry. I was coming over here to talk to him about our baby but I got here too late." I sniffled. I pulled the picture from my pocket, I had brought a copy of the ultrasound picture for Lisa. She smiled grabbing the picture. "Is this her?" She asked. I nodded smiling at the picture of my daughter and her granddaughter.

"I hope she has Larry's eyes." I sighed. "Hopefully she doesn't have his nose. My father gave him that nose and he hated it. I cant imagine it's a trait he'd want to pass on." Lisa said with a pained laugh. "Oh god yeah. I kinda hope she does. It'd be like having a little Larry running around." I laughed. "What if you moved into Larry's room? I couldn't stand the idea of getting rid of his things or donating any of it." She suggested looking up from the photo. "Are you sure I dont want to impose Lisa especially with everything that's happened." I asked. She shook her head smiling. "Of course dear. I could use more family right now." She smiled.

~Third person pov~

Over the next couple months you lived happily with Lisa helping her around the house while she helped you with baby stuff. You spent most of your time after school hanging out with Larry in the treehouse. Sal and Lisa went with you to your appointments. Sal would take his walkie and let Larry listen in each time. Of course when you'd get back you'd go straight to him and talk to him about it anyways. As the baby was born and got older Larry was an amazing father in your opinion. He was always there for you and your child.

~Lex💛

[pepperminthealing-blog]

Day 1

I want to start this blog stating that I’m going to attempt to write everyday, and maybe even more than one a day. The events of this blog will not be in chronological order, it’s going by what is really tearing my heart apart that day, where my mind wanders. 

I want to say thank you for whoever reads this, and I hope through my healing it may give you some insight in your own life, or better understanding of whatever. Or even if you’re just curious, I hope it tickles your feather I suppose.

On we go.

A month and a half ago I met someone, and we had the instant click. Whether it was because we were considerably nerdy, or because he made me feel safe during my current situations. Honestly, it was all supposed to be a joke; and thats so sickening to me knowing that I fell that low. We first met on tinder, and he would send some uh... wonderful messages. And my co-workers and I would read them and respond, then chuckle as we just kind of made fun of this guy who seemed to really be trying too hard. -Sigh- Who would of known that this guy was actually someone with a very very soft heart. We lost contact once I left my job shortly after my miscarriage and gained contact back when I returned, he was already seeing someone and I was on the line of breaking up with the person I was with at the time as well. We made rules that we wouldnt hang outside of work until we both had ended those two terms, because we wanted to be as truthful and transparent with not just one another but with them, fairness to speak. Today, I couldn’t tell you how we got to where we were that day, it was literally just a click... Maybe I was craving something that he posessed because I wasnt getting it in my own relationship? Idk. But, the first night we hung out... I knew I had to keep walking with him. He took me to Wawa at 3am, and bought me a tuna sandwich, and we drove to some dock area and talked about politcal things, hospital business and just our opinions on the world. It was freeing, connecting and intoxicating to find someone who had a like mindset as my own, that could hold an intellectual conversation on things that really mattered to me. After hours of talking, he drove me back to my car and kissed me, and it felt so tender and innocent. I think that was the moment I let my walls down, that for some stupid reason my dumb broken heart wanted to just burst and open up to someone I barely had any knowledge of. The most we talked when seperated was sexual things, and from my past expierences that was never a good sign, but WHY DID THIS FEEL DIFFERENT? Was it because he was a nurse I worked with? That I believed he didnt have the capacity to break me like anyone else could in this world? -sigh.- I slept with him that night, and the hormones our brains release during that time, started the attachment. But it also set the fear in that he would be like everyone else. I want to skip around so much because diving back into these memories have been nothing but haunting the last week, but I’m trying to remind myself that skipping details is skipping moments that could possibly heal you. As I’m writing this, I’m crying tears over this stupid guy. And calling him stupid isnt going to fix anything, because even though you guys have gotten to read down to this part, I just want to say he isnt bad at all. He didnt leave to be an asshole, he was physically ill, he had an addiction problem and I was his catnip. And asking him to stay wasnt just selfish of me, but it was deadly. I would of never forgiven myself if he relapsed because I pushed him too far. I know he cared about me, and the impression I’m giving of him already doesnt give that off, so I wanted to say that before I continued the rest of this story.

Anyways, weeks passed and James and I would have deep conversations about our lives, fantasies, dreams and things. He would care for me when I was sick, reach out and cushion the blows I would take from the break up I just endured. He would push me to take the stress of work and push through it, remind me that I’m doing it for the greater good, and that I was doing just fine. He calmed the storm in my mind for a brief period of time, while I rumbled the dark one in his. Sex and the connection we made was what he called “catnip” to him, and he tried to push me away and I pulled him right back in. Not only was I intoxicating to him, but he became just as much to me. Who wouldnt want someone who could protect them from the harsh of the world for some time?? To give them that freedom feeling that they have CRAVED to feel for years? Valentines day, he gave me 3 chokers, and they meant the absolute world to me. Not only were they ones I wanted, but they had meaning to me. They were heartfelt emotional presents, specially from him; and I felt I was flying. I think that night was the night I began the falling process, or well... I know I did. I stepped off the ledge after he told me to not move furniture into a house he was only renting. I refused to believe that, in my head I thought I could save him, that this would be different. And the signs he gave off, gave me the hope that just that was happening.

......this is the hardest part.....

The day after Valentines day, I woke up and in my stomach I felt something different. I felt like our connection was torn, I was depressed and I thought it was just maybe me. We talked all day, and everything seemed normal. But that night, when he got off his shift, he met me in the staircase at my work. The staircase where he would visit me before he left, where he told me how crazy he was for me, where we shared some of our best kisses.... The staircase I walked down to have my first in face conversation with him...I sat next to him... Him: “Hey buddy, how are you?” It always bothered me when he called me buddy, I wasnt his buddy. I was his Kitten, his baby... “I’m alright, how are you?” “Tired.”  I wanted to just slump onto him and just melt. But I could feel the tension behind his words, that there was something that he wanted to say. “Are you still coming over Thursday?” “I don’t think thats going to be a good idea, buddy.” That last sentence shattered the world that he built up with me. I pressed on asking and he began to lightly tell me how what we built up was unhealthy for him, which I didn’t understand at that moment how it was unhealthy. How our relationship was bad for him, but I wasnt. His hazel eyes stared into mine, and I could feel that wall being built between us, I felt shut out. I tried clawing at that wall, pushing, hammering everything I could to get him to tell me why he was leaving. I sat on that second stair of the top while he stood below me, asking me to tell him to leave... I couldn’t. Telling him to leave was like telling myself to drown at that moment. How in such a short period of time could one person make me feel all this in a second. I didn’t grasp how we went from one moment of bliss, to.... hell. I’m still processing through this part, and it wasn’t until last night that it all made sense to me. James expressed so many times that he didn’t want to leave, but what we had was enticing his addictive nature, which could push him to relapse. And the only way to stop that, was to stop being with me. And I felt like I was so unhealthy for him at that point, no matter what he said. But it wasnt me, it was what we had. And there was no going back from that, you can’t just build up a relationship and then change it expecting it to change with you. So, you have to end it...  Which is still hard on me, because I care deeply about him. And because I care deeply for him; I’ve started to let him distance from me.

I wrote him one final text last night expressing every little emotion I had for him, and apologizing for throwing his stuff out, which I regret so much now because I dont have an inch of his love in my house... just my bed still smells like him. I can’t count how many times I’ve thought about him in a day, or how I’m still picking pieces of our relationship apart to find solutions or how BADLY I fight with myself to text him, begging him to text me back. Even after we broke up, he still wanted to come take care of me... I invited a random guy over to poke at him when we broke up, and he still came over to calm the pain in my heart once the guy left. Who does that? Not only do I know that what we have was unhealthy for him, but by the way I acted when he hurt me, was how I knew I was unhealthy for not just him... but those around me.

Moral to this story, even though its not fully finished but this is as much as I want to dive into it today is that... people are lessons. And James was the one who left pain in my soul, and that pain finally opened my eyes to how dangerous I am to people, how much pain I actually feel. I’m so for healing those around me, and saving those who need it. But... I forgot about me. I forgot that I need those things too, from myself. As of right now, I havent texted him; I’ve kept my word to let him distance, and I think he’s finally removed me from snap chat so he wont look at my stories and have the craving to return. 

As for me, well... this whole thing has made me realize that I need time to really heal and figure out me. I’ve been in and out of things in life, that I don’t think I’ve ever slowed down long enough to process what it is I’ve gone through. 

Do I love James? I think I loved the idea of being with him, and the feelings he gave me.

Do I care about him? Yes, and because of that, I don’t want to get in the way of his recovery.

Do I hope we can ever become something? At this point I think it’s healthy to say that everyone hopes they can get back with the person who just left them . I do hope we can talk one day, i miss our conversations. 

What’s next? Well, work today... I’m  dreading the day we have to run into each other at work, but that day will come and when it does, I’m going to embrace it and push through. 

I think thats enough for right now.