#you solve the entire relationship and see things we can't comprehend

[famouswolflamppaper]

I am so tired of checking the Gale tag on Tumblr and stumbling over some comments demeaning Gale and long-ass rehashed rants about whether Mystra groomed Gale. I don't want these. I just want to see Gale kissing other people's beautiful tavs and origin characters.

[charfletchh]

"i certainly hope you wouldn't ask for his permission to do anything," charlie smoothly concurred. "you're a sexy perfect angel and he's just some guy." she could not comprehend why some people felt beholden to their partners, considered their opinion- she had never understood how to take into account other people's feelings on her actions, and maybe that's why she'd never been in a healthy relationship. hm. or the answer was that other people were boring and couldn't keep up with her- yes, that sounded better.

"i guess that makes sense," she rolled her eyes, not entirely clear on why that was a good reason to keep a bit of gossip away from her but willing to let it slide. "well, look, i'm not like, the expert opinion on relationships-" more dr. phil than oprah- "but i think it's going to work out," she pronounced with the decided air of someone who was used to their predictions coming true. a manifester's dream. "i mean, you guys really like each other, so as long as neither of you fucks someone else or dyes their hair blonde without permission i can't see why not, right?" she was teasing, but all of charlie's relationships had ended for one of those two reasons (generally the former, but once the latter, as a matter of fact).

she groaned as she settled back in her chair, practically lying sideways in it as her bisexual improper-chair-posture had contorted over the course of their conversation. "do we look like the scooby doo crew? actually, you do, you should be daphne for halloween next year. but i don't." no, she didn't think the police were any closer to solving the case than they were at the start of the school semester, but she failed to see what she was going to do about it. "i think we should all do more drugs and think less. that works pretty well for me." not well enough, evidently. "i only use my computer powers for stalking exes, not solving crimes. you know, only the important things."

parker’s brow quirked upward at the mention of bleach, the encouragement—or, well, lack of discouragement—tempting to lean into. though, with her low-key frantic state, it probably wasn’t smart to bound out of her chair and take charlie up on her offer. as much as she wanted to.

maybe next week.

“hey,” she then countered, tone dancing along something teasing, “first of all, i don’t need his permission to dye my hair.” parker practically flipped onto her side, voice suddenly dropping to a honeyed murmur. “i could show up with blue hair and still drive him crazy.” though she tried to suppress a sudden burst of laughter, the attempt was short-lived. “but on a serious note,” parker continued, voice returning to a normal level, “i am sorry. honestly, i just sort of wanted to wait until after winter break to...” a nervous pause followed, but she persisted, “to see if it stuck. it was a whole thing.” her hand waved at her side, both an indication of that and an attempt to already wave the comment away. how did one sum up the last couple years of complicated, suffocated yearning and not sound completely ridiculous?

“but, more importantly, you’re right about the vibes. disgusting. but what can be done about it? like, outside of waiting it out? ransack the dean’s office? take it up with the shitty detectives? go nancy drew on the case? wire tap some phones?”

[flightfoot]

What's your favorite Rick Riordan series between Percy Jackson, The Kane Chronicles, Heroes of Olympus, Magnus Chase and Trials of Apollo? (or like, if you can't choose, what do you like about the series you've read?)

Trials of Apollo, no contest. 

I liked Percy Jackson a lot, it was VERY well done. Percy was hilarious and relatable, but also just super awesome, his dynamic with Annabeth was fun to read, along with his dynamic with Grover, the quests had a lot of entertaining encounters, and it had some well-executed themes that tied in with the overall conflict nicely, mostly about how parents’ and adults’ negligence and even abuse can harm their kids, the overall effects of that, and just... generally trying to get the parents to shape up, as well as the effects of not respecting others in general, like with how the minor gods and by extension, their children, are treated by the Olympians. It comes up with Percy’s relationships with both Gabe and Poseidon, and most of the campers’ relationships with their godly parents, and that’s a MAJOR cause behind the entire conflict, and one of the major things that Percy tries to make better at the end of the last book.

Kane Chronicles... it’s been awhile since I read it. I don’t remember it having as prevalent a theme as Percy Jackson did, though there was definitely social commentary on racism, with how Carter was sometimes treated, and with how people had trouble comprehending that Carter and Sadie were full siblings, since while both are mixed, Carter’s pretty dark-skinned, while Sadie looks White. It was more of a background thing though, not a major plot point. I liked the characters and the plot fine, they were entertaining, and it was good overall - but it’s not a series I’ve felt a pressing need to reread either. Only real complaint I have about it is the romances centering around Sadie. Her and Anubis were kinda cute, but it would’ve been a lot cuter if she was older than 12-13, and he wasn’t a 4000-year-old god who looked, acted, and was treated as a 16-year-old. And then the whole thing with making it a love triangle with Walt who’s ALSO 16 and Rick’s method of “solving” the love triangle... look honestly I just would’ve been a lot more ok with the romantic shenanigans there if Sadie wasn’t a middle-schooler throughout it. Overall still good though, I’d be down for an adaptation of it, but it’s one of the few cases where I hope something IS flat-out changed to make the romances more palatable.

Heroes of Olympus is where I originally fell off of the Riordanverse. There was just so long between books and I could barely remember what happened between them, and with most of the books being like parts of the same quest (especially books 3, 4, and 5), unless you were constantly refreshing your memory of them via fandom, they were hard to follow, especially with several main characters and different character dynamics to keep track of. When I went back and read the whole set of them though, getting back into the series, it was WAY better, since I could read them as a coherent whole. I could tell he was struggling to juggle all the characters, but I thought he did a fairly decent job of it for what it was. I ended up liking all the characters - ESPECIALLY Leo, I thought he was great and relatable and funny, but I also wanted to hug him - and while the quest could drag on a bit at times, there were some interesting parts there. And Percy and Annabeth’s journey through Tartarus was GREAT. 

The themes for Heroes Of Olympus overall were pretty much the same as with Percy Jackson, but with less emphasis I think. It was mostly just “the gods (mostly Zeus, really) are being crappy again, but this time we have enough support among ourselves to manage, except for when a god is technically required to defeat a Giant”. A lot more emphasis was placed on individual character arcs and circumstances, which I think was a good choice, since with so many main characters, they needed more concentrated character development in order to put them up to par with Percy and Annabeth. Plus it allowed Rick to still go into some different themes a bit, like racism with Hazel, trauma with Leo, insecurity with Frank, etc, in a way that felt natural and relevant. It helped that they were broken up into different books for their introductions, so not everything was dumped in at once.

The ending of Heroes of Olmypus... yeah the final battle with the GIants was lame as all hell, and honestly the quest ended up feeling a bit like busywork, but screw it, I did LOVE one part of the ending. The imagery of big, bad Gaia, who even Zeus is so scared of he just wants to hide away with his head in the ground, physically manifesting and being about to take everyone out, everyone losing hope... and then screaming as Festus appears and snatches her up into the sky as Leo gives a shit-eating grin and hurls fireballs at her while insulting her the whole time is just GREAT. I always giggle, and I honestly found it a lot more memorable than the Kronos fight, even if it was technically less epic. It seemed fitting for her to be taken out in such an embarrassing way, by the boy she’d personally taken the most from.

Magnus Chase... yeah that’s the only one I didn’t finish. Quick note: its been over a year since I tried it, so I’m operating off of memory here. I wanted to like it, and after reading through Heroes of Olympus (which i originally stopped reading after Mark of Athena) and Trials of Apollo, I was all hyped up for more Riordanverse... and was disappointed. The basic elements were there, and the writing itself wasn’t bad, but... well, I never really got attached to most of the characters this time, I didn’t find the quest very interesting, and... well, you see how I mentioned about the themes in the earlier reviews? I thought Rick bit off more than he could chew with Magnus Chase, at least with the first book. (I slogged through the first book, got a hundred pages into the second book to see whether Alex, who I’d heard a lot of hype about, could save it, thought Alex was only ok but not someone who saved the book, and called it quits). 

So in Magnus Chase, Rick went DEEP into the social commentary on a lot of disparate subjects, trying to really tackle homelessness, child abuse (because no duh, that’s pretty much a staple, I think the only of his series that DOESN’T have major themes around that is Kane Chronicles), Islamophobia, ableism, and... I’m having trouble thinking of the exact term for it, but Blitzen was heavily looked down upon and derided for wanting to make fashionable armor and just being into fashion in general, so... I think it’s supposed to commentary on making fun of people for having interests that are generally seen as feminine? I guess? I dunno, it was definitely social commentary on SOMETHING, but I think the dwarves having their own particular culture here hurt whatever Rick was trying to say, since social commentary is very much tied to the culture it’s in, and we only have a small taste of dwarven culture, at least in the first book. 

In any case, all these things are fine to do social commentary on, but when you’re trying to go in-depth and really address them, it helps if they’re more tied in with the overall conflict in the book, and if each issue has room to breathe. As it was, it kinda felt to me like the characters were being paraded from location to location to confront some different social issue. I just thought it was too much, too crammed into one book, and the overall conflict had pretty much nothing to do with that. Like, at the end of the book Rick tried to tie it together with some sort of “we’re a band of misfits” message, and... well, a message based on NOT fitting in with society, isn’t one that’s very satisfying or cohesive. And the individual issues, while there’s certainly cross-sectionality between, aren’t intrinsically linked, so... they just don’t mesh together very well. Not so many, all mashed into one book. Plus I just didn’t care for any of the gods, and the only characters I liked were Magnus and Sam. Blitz and Hearthstone... they were just sort of “there” for me.

I can see why people like Magnus Chase, and it’s not BAD by any means, but it just wasn’t for me. Maybe I’ll take another crack at it at some point, but I’m not super optimistic about it. As it was, I just ended up looking up the parts where Magnus met with Annabeth and read those.

Trials of Apollo though, I ADORE. Apollo was hilarious (along with the books in general), it had a pretty focused message about child abuse and abuse in general, along with how a privileged position can blind you from the travesties that are going on around you, or that you yourself cause, and I just thought the themes worked very well. Rick went more in-depth this time on the exact consequences of child abuse and the ways that a parent could abuse and manipulate their child, something that wasn’t covered as much in his earlier series, as those were more based around neglect. I’m a sucker for a good redemption arc, and I was really impressed with how it was kinda slipped in with Apollo. Like, he didn’t even know he NEEDED one, and the good guys weren’t especially pressing him on that point, it’s a realization he slowly came to over the course of several books. And you can clearly tell that he’s conceited and has issues, but isn’t actually malicious... and slowly the reader comes to the realization that he has hidden depths, that not even HE knew he had. It’s really interesting how he did some pretty bad things (or DIDN’T do, a lot of it has to do with inaction and just being uncaring), but he never comes off as being like, evil. He comes off as being an arrogant, narcissistic person at first, but then slowly finding out that beneath that is a lot of pain and trauma, and part of that persona he’s built up has been to deal with this. Watching him slowly change and grow and discover himself during the series, in a way he never had before... it’s just amazing to read. Also puts a nice cap on the Greco-Roman saga, in that the past two series had a heavy emphasis on how the gods didn’t care enough and had to have their hands forced a lot, and Apollo sort of acting as a stand-in for those other gods, showing that yes, they CAN change for the better - something that most of the gods, and even other immortals, didn’t think was possible, even as they did it.

Well that was super long. But yeah, I have strong feelings on the Riordanverse, and Trials of Apollo is far and away my favorite.

[sellingmysoulforbts]

You're having second thoughts about your career choice. BTS x Reader Reaction

Genre: mild angst, fluff. College AU. Gender neutral.

Warnings: strong language, self degradation.

as requested by @erraticsoul

A/N: I just wanna say that it is okay to change your career path. You're really young when you are forced to choose what you want to do for the rest of your life and we sometimes make mistakes. The most important thing is that you are happy.

Kim Seokjin

He was there for you, every single time you needed that extra support. This madness began when you started having trouble with some of the subjects that you had to take in college. Thoughts like 'how can I become a professional if I can't solve this simple exercise?' clouded your brain. Jin came on time only to find you crying over your homework.

"Tell me, how am I supposed to do this my entire life?"

"By giving your best, like I know you do, and if that's not enough then it's probably not what you should be doing" he would answer.

Then he proceeded to tell you one of his terrible jokes about the subject your having trouble with. Like if you weren't having it with chemistry he'd go "hey, are you made of copper and tellurium? 'Cause you're CuTe" and if that didn't work, he'd always come to you with a new plate he's made in class because he definitely a culinary arts major.

Min Yoongi

He was confused, like he didn't get how you felt at all. Since he was really young he new what his goals were and started working really hard to achieve them. You, on the other hand, have thought about every single career path, none of them seemed to completely fulfill you. Like you went from wanting to be a model to a rocket scientist in the span of two months, so you knew as soon as you filled that application form to enter college, with whatever career you had landed eyes on at the moment you weren't going to stick to it. Yoongi would try so hard to help you find something you like and would like doing for the rest of your life, just like he did.

"Okay, how about being a teacher?" He suggested one time.

"But I'll have to know the subject first, so what can I teach?"

"Never mind" he said.

He would just enroll you in a bunch of classes that have nothing to do with your current major, just to see if you'd like any of it.

Wanting to become a producer was his lifelong dream, the feeling he got every time he got a step closer was something Yoongi wanted you to experience as well, so he'd never give up on you.

Jung Hoseok

He would be the one to notice and call you out on it. Hobi was a dance major, so he had practice almost every day and you'd come, even if it was late or skip classes to see him. At first he didn't think much about it, and he appreciated the effort you were putting into the relationship, but then you stopped coming like once a week or just skipping a class to have lunch together and began coming like three times a week, and he would see you around campus with friends when he knew you had class.

"Hey, I saw you today walking out of campus" he said one day, after he was done with practice and you were still there.

"Oh, really? I didn't see you, I'd have said hi. At what time did you see me?"

"While you were supposed to be in class" he answered, trying not to sound mad.

"Yeah, the professor cancelled it last minute, so I didn't really have time to tell you" you genuinely thought he was jealous because you were hanging out with boys, but he wasn't. You'd you really be here so late if you were cheating on him? No, and he knew you would never, but he was concerned.

"And has he cancelled classes all week, and last one?" He inquired.

His tone gave away he was implying that you had been skipping class for the whole month.

"No" you answered softly.

"Is everything okay?"

"No" you answered again. He took your hands as a way to show you his support. "Why?" "I just don't feel happy anymore, like when I first got in I was so sure this was what I wanted and now I find it hard and I'm really stressed. I've been looking for other career options and I might change majors so I guess I lost interest and just stopped making an effort to pass" you shrugged, he kissed your hands.

"It's okay. We're still very young and I want you to do something that makes you happy"

Kim Namjoon

You. Felt. Dumb. You were having such a hard time in some classes, and not understanding anything your teacher said. At first you just worked a little harder and visited your professor to ask some questions, but seeing your classmates getting good grades or putting a minimum effort to understand, made you feel out of place and dumb, like actually stupid. Namjoon was an extremely intelligent human being, and that's no secret. He was an English major, and an outstanding student.

He was going to surprise you, you had been busy all week with schoolwork and he knew how hard you worked so he gave you your space, but it was Friday and he missed you like crazy. He didn't expect, when he walked into your apartment, to see you crying over your homework. Like actually balling your eyes out. Your brain was so chemically imbalanced at the moment that you barely felt arms wrapping around your sobbing form.

He managed to calm you down a little bit, and finally asked what's wrong.

"I can't do it Namjoon, I actually am incapable of doing it. I'm just a stupid piece of shit who can't even solve her homework. Why am I even trying at this point? I'm going to fail because my brain does not have the capacity to understand this subject" you basically yelled out and broke down crying again. He was so pained to see you like that and hearing that horrible things from your mouth broke his heart.

"Shh, don't say that baby, you are not dumb" "of course you'd say that, mister my IQ is 148, I only get As with minimum effort. I've being working on this thing for a week. A WEEK, and I can't do it. My teacher is sick of me for going every single day to ask him something." You were getting angry at this point, not with him but with yourself. Maybe throw in your parents as well for making you this way, but not at him, never at him, even though your words proved otherwise.

"Baby, look at me." He said. You shook your head embarrassed at your attitude.

He squatted right in front of you and took your face in his hands, dried your tears and smiled.

"You are not dumb, not because you have to work a little harder does it mean you're less capable of doing something. Besides, you're so far from stupid. When I look at you I see a wonderful human being, smart and kind, and that's what I love about you. Your perspective on the world, and your unique way of understanding things." He told with a sincere voice and that made you smile a little. "Also, I do put effort into my work but I like what I do so much that I doesn't feel like it, now tell me, do you like what you're doing?" He asked. " I don't know anymore" "okay how about this? Let's take a break right now, we go grab something to eat, we get back, cuddle, watch a movie. Just relax and not think about college for a while. And we can discuss this in the morning with a fresh mind."

Park Jimin

He was mostly sad, you didn't choose this for yourself, it was your parents dream. He would just try and comfort you, by hugging you and whispering words of encouragement. You were sad, angry and scared. You couldn't do what you wanted because your parents didn't support you but you also didn't want to disappoint them.

"I'm so sick of this Jimin, I don't think I can keep doing this." You said one day, you had to study for your upcoming tests but finding motivation was hard.

He couldn't fully comprehend your dilemma, his parents were super supportive.

"I know baby, but the semester is almost over."

"And then comes the next, and one after that, and on and on, not to mention the years ahead of me of working in this" you wanted to cry, just let out your frustration.

"Hey, how about, you start taking classes for what you really want, until you build up the courage to talk to them." He suggested. "I don't know I'm so scared." Your voice broke a little. His caring instincts kicking in immediately, so he hugged you. "It okay, I'm sure what they want is for you to be happy and have a safe future financially, that's why you're here, but you can prove to them that you'll succeed doing whatever you want, and I'm here to support you every step of the way. I believe in you, and besides I'm quite thankful to your parents for picking that for you or we might have never met."

"You're right" and with him by your side you had the motivation you needed.  

Kim Taehyung

It was hard, Tae, your boyfriend, always seemed to have more free time, and enjoy his college experience way more than you did. He was one of the few things you were grateful for, during your time in college. The little study dates you had were like the only way to get you to open a book, and they were a 2x1 deal for him. Taehyung was an art history student and it required to read a lot so he could do his school work and spend time with you. You weren't irresponsible or anything but you started to wonder if you chose your career right, because the lack of motivation was really dragging you down. You were in the coffee shop you usually went with Taehyung to study just contemplating how you wanted your life to look in ten years, when he came.

"Hey" he said. "Hi" you answered still a little distraught. "Did you order?" You nodded in response. "Is everything o-" he started but you soon interrupted him "how did you know what you wanted to study?" "well my school took us to a museum for a school trip once, and I was fascinated by the art, but also intrigued as to what led the painters to do such masterpieces and I guess I got hooked on that. Why?" "I'm just not sure with what I'm doing,I never had a revelation moment so I just went with what sounded the least unpleasant at the moment" "Well how about we finish here and we can go find some counselling for you?" "You think I should change majors?" "Baby, when was the last time you felt happy and satisfied with your work and what you learned?" He asked and you grew quiet at that. "Exactly. What you do for the rest of your life has to be something that you enjoy and you're clearly not enjoying this." So you did just that, found help to discover what makes you happy.

Jeon Jungkook

I mean he would be kinda disappointed that you didn't told him first thing and that he had to discover it for himself. You were thinking and rethinking if you had made the right choice, so you turned yourself into a little help from the internet, trying thing from quizzes all the way to astrological birth charts, of course when he wasn't around.

As you were spending the weekend together doing homework and watching movies, he stumbled upon a word he didn't quite know the meaning of. He was studying animation, and taking classes for film production, but he was trying to do some homework for an English class.

"Babe, can I use your phone real quick? Mine ran out of battery" he asked. "Sure, what for?" "I just want to Google this word" he said and have you that bunny smile, you handed him the phone unblocked, not worrying in the slightest. He got it,and quickly clicked on the  navigator, as he was about to type he peeked at your search history, things like 'how to choose your major', 'how do I know if I made the right decision','best careers based on your zodiac sign' that last one made him chuckle but he was generally preoccupied, because something was definitely wrong. He made a mental note to talk to you about it. Jungkook quickly made the research and completed his task. He then approached you, to give it back to you. You were just in the couch reading something, as he handed you the phone with a smile you sensed something off. "So, what's the best career for a virgo?" He wondered. It took a minute for it to click. "Kook…" you trailed of, not sure as to what to say. He sat down next to you. "Why wouldn't you tell me?" "I just- I was.. am so confused. I believe I chose what I did for a reason but now I'm not so sure and it been going on for a while. I guess I didn't want to bother you with stupid problems like that." You told him. He just shook his head. "That's why I am your boyfriend, so you can come to me with whatever is bothering you and we can fix it together cause we're a team, and it works the other way around too." "You're right, sorry" "It's okay, but promise me you will from now on" " I will, I promise" you smiled at him and he answered back "now that that's out of the way, let's find your perfect major" and with a kiss on your cheek, you then proceed to go through a lot of lists and quizzes a lot of websites suggested, together.

~~

a/n: I’m so sorry this took so long but the scenario really hit home and I got distracted, anyways i hope you enjoy it and like it. 

gifs not mine

[oceanspray5]

The entire first few minutes of this movie are so incredible. This scene is the climax to that opening and I love it so much because of how much we learn about the Pevensies in such a small amount of time. The storytelling is phenomenal because it establishes so much.

Lucy is so young. She barely understands what's going on and is so curious about her surroundings because things are changing in a way she can't comprehend. Her innocence shines a lot and you can see she's confused more than anything else because she isn't fully aware of everything except the fact that there's a war which means she has to leave her mother for a while which makes her sad but not overtly so possibly because she doesn't really have a concept of time. She's sad later on but slower than her siblings while processing what's going on.

Edmund is sullen and angry. He misses his father the most and hates all the uncertainty and changes that are happening and, because he's young, attributes these changes to the fact their father isn't here to stop them occurring. ("If Dad were here he wouldn't make us go"). I feel like the initial scenes do such an important job building up how much Edmund is still a child even though he's older than Lucy. He's scared too and we can tell he was close with Mr Pevensie because of how upset he is at his absence, even going so far as running into the house despite the bombing to get his portrait. The war isn't the problem for Edmund. He understands it better than Lucy but he's not still fully aware of the wider picture. He's angry and upset because, for him, the fact that his father is gone is the reason why everything else is terrible too. He hates the war but its not his concern because he just wants their father to be home again and he thinks his problems would all be solved if Mr Pevensie were back even if the war was still going on. It's heartbreaking how well his anger and it's roots are painted. In this scene he's trying to deny affection from his mother because he knows he's leaving her and already hates that it's another positive thing being taken away from him. His relationship with his older siblings is strained and he feels lonely because after his father, we see Mrs Pevensie is the one who stood up for him. Edmund had no problem accepting affection before but now that he has to go without it, he trying to distance himself already almost as if he's trying to protect himself from the same hurt he feels without his father.

Susan is afraid yet trying so hard to be brave. She hates the war because it's against her nature. She suddenly has to assume the role of a mother because she's older than Lucy and Edmund. She's trying so hard to be what is logically expected of her as oldest sister but at the same time she's bottling her own emotions in the process and trying to see everything through logic and pragmatics in order to forget what's actually happening. She's trying to make her parents proud even if she has to leave them and that desire is penultimate for her because it's all she has to hold on to in the uncertain times. If she feels too much fear, thinks too much about her parents and their situation, she'll break and Susan cannot allow that for herself so she distracts herself by assuming responsibility and trying to be a good sister and daughter.

And finally,

Peter. He's just a boy. He's a teenager and the sheer grief and hardship in his eyes is so evident! He knows he's responsible for his family and as an eldest sibling I can understand his pain. He doesn't want to be brave. He doesn't want to be strong but he has to assume responsibility. He was trying to shoulder the responsibility of his father and support his mother but now he has to shoulder the responsibility of his mother for his siblings too because she won't be available either. And when he sees the soldiers at the station, it's clear he misses his father too even though it's more subtle than how Edmund shows it because again, he's the oldest and he's had to grow up way too fast. He can't afford to be angry and closed off like Edmund because he understands the situation better ("If Dad were here it would mean the war is over and we wouldn't have to go"). He's spread too thin which is why he's unable to be patient and understand Edmund's feelings because he's trying too hard to deal with his own. He's expected to be the man of the family and shouldering that responsibility for his siblings, the fear for his father's life and then his mother's too is eating away at him with no one to turn to for support. He's doing his best even if he's making mistake and he's just so sad because of how hard everything is on his young shoulders. It's something I never realized the full extent of when watching this scene as a child but now that I'm older, it hits so much harder what an isolated position Peter is forced to be in.

The build up to the Professor's House was SO BRILLIANT and the train station scene did such a good job setting up the mind frames of each of the children and how they felt not only about the war but about each others' coping mechanisms as well.

                                                            evacuating london.

[traumavevo]

i lost friends and almost friends because of him and i still think about how one of them said "i'm not comfortable talking to you or doing an art trade with you anymore after learning what you said to someone"

which pissed me off instantly, because i knew exactly what happened and it's such bullshit, too, that he lied to me that everytime we'd fight (which was usually, but not always, because he did something or he decided that something that i was bothered by or triggered by wasn't important or that i wasn't supposed to be bothered by it) that when i'd apologize for upsetting HIM he'd say it's water under the bridge. he never apologized back, for a goddamn thing. he'd always assume the worst of me too for having foot in mouth syndrome, thinking i'm being shitty on purpose when no, i'm quite literally a dumbass and maybe if you took the time to explain what i did/said was wrong WITHOUT INVALIDATING HOW I FEEL ABOUT IT, maybe i'd be more open to actually fucking listening. he'd just ALWAYS do that.

this specific instance though i did say some awful shitty things that i don't think he deserved, and i think that i could've done a lot better in handling all that in retrospect, but he really just went "i've had enough of you pushing me to talk about stuff i don't want to!" and behind my back sabotaged my relationships /w people he knew, banned me from his server too. i backed off after it happened because i realized, a bit too late i guess, that i needed to let myself calm down before i reapproach this, but nah, oopsie woopsie.

i've explained to him multiple times, my trauma behind why i'm unable to let fights and disagreements go without solving them, is because my bitch of a NEX would LITERALLY weaponize this against me and gaslight me any time i tried to give her space to calm down, or i left to calm myself down, by claiming she doesn't remember what happened, or that it never happened, or that something that quite literally has never occurred in the entire duration of my fucking life, has happened, and me calling her out on gaslighting me is me being abusive somehow. it became a literal trigger for me. i told him all this, and expected him to at least think of ways that we could find a compromise and a work around for what /i/ need, and what he needs me to respect wrt to spoons.

it took me SOOOOOO FUCKING LONG to be able to let MYSELF walk away from fights in order to calm down without panicking, it fact, it happened VERY recently? like before our last fight there?

but no. i'm the toxic awful one. like always. nobody ever seems to fucking comprehend that i'm a trauma survivor, still dealing with the aftermath because i have trust issues so fucking bad i can't even open up to my THERAPIST about it? i've had numerous therapists and i've never been able to open up abt it enough to any of them where we could start addressing it properly. it still affects me! heavily! i have so many goddamn triggers that i'm embarrassed by it! I'M SO HYPER VIGILANT THAT RANDOM PEOPLE I SEE IRL DRIVING BY IN CARS REMIND ME OF HER.

god and then he tried to tell me "i don't think you're a bad person i just don't think we're compatible as friends" fake fucking platitudes i don't fucking care if you don't think i'm bad, your words and actions do NOT line up, you have already been established as fucking liar, bc you, you know, LIED to me about forgiving me every single time we'd argue, plus ykno, the whole bit about sabotaging my friendships? real cool shit. then he tried to act as if mine and his fight was the entire servers business and seemed to not understand why i was fucking upset at him telling others what went down between us. every other time has been between us, we have been able to, between us, to more or less solve it. but i guess he was just lying the entire time, and now i don't even know if he was sharing everything i said to him that wasn't nice to everybody he knew and people were just waiting for me to misstep again. i don't fucking know. i'll never know. i don't want to know. fuck them all.

pls the bits where his behavior literally reminded me of my NEX, or how when i asked him to please take care in HOW he worded things to me he said that he can't change his entire speech patterns for one person, and how he's like that with every one he's friends with. bullshit, harper. bullshit. if you were like how you were with me to everybody then i genuinely don't see how anybody sensible or reasonable would EVER put up with that bullshit. you're such an ableist, abuse apologetic transphobic shit head and i'm glad you're gone from me because you were also influencing me to keep buying fucking designs that i don't need at high prices. you can't even save your goddamn money and you surround yourself with people just like you who's priorities are to lust after the new and cool design, or getting dainty slot after fucking dainty slot. maybe you wouldn't have so many problems feeding yourself or affording your pet's vet bills if you didn't spend 75% of your income on ocs. you have over 2 thousand of them. :| what is it now, over 3k? over 4? i'm not counting. we're mutually blocked on toyhouse, afterall. if you can see a psych, btw, then you can also see a therapist. i do not believe that shit that you're unable to see one but not the other. get therapy because you desperately fucking need it.

just thinking about how prior to the post about wh i was talking about my ex-fp harper, and then thinking now about how very recently he basically fucking turned on me and turned all his friends again me in one night. i've already written up 2-3 threads on twitter about this but it fucks me up about how i had to respect all his boundaries no matter what but the moment i asked him to respect mine he suddenly had excuses for why he couldn't, or twisting it to somehow be something i did wrong and not him. plus him misgendering me by refusing to use my neos and citing his autism as his excuse about why he can't use them, and him also using a name for me (not quite deadname but.. more or less) that i asked him literally the day before "hey, don't use this for me anymore!" and he agreed, then went behind my back calling me henry again when alla that happened.