#you should probably blacklist those tags because there will be a lot of word vomit

[dangermousie]

So, I am continuing to read Ever Night and got to this bit:

“Sangsang stood in a daze on the mountain. There was a small town at the foot of the mountain. She could see the waterwheel at the steam outside the town, and vaguely hear the bustle coming from it. At noon, she could smell the scent of food from the town. She knew that this was not reality. Because in this world, Ning Que was not by her side. But she could not ascertain if this world was the world on the chessboard because she only saw the world and not the chessboard.”

She knows this world is an illusion and not real because NQ is not by her side and she knows he will never leave her in any reality. OMG YOUR OTP COULD NEVER!

And then this bit:

She was not allowed to leave because if she walked too far out, she did not know if she would be able to find her way back. If Ning Que were to come to this world to find her, she should stay at this spot and wait for him. This was something that Ning Que would always tell her before he went out to hunt or do something else when she was very small. He would repeat over and over again that she was not to leave her spot no matter what happened because he would not be able to find her should she move. Sangsang would always seek confirmation then. She would ask, "Will you definitely come to find me?" "Of course." Ning Que would say. Then, Sangsang would rest assured and do as he requested. She would stand in the same spot and wait for him without moving.

She is waiting for him in illusion world because (a) she just knows he can find her anywhere and (b) because he trained her to when they were children and seriously their childhood is SO HORRIFIC because he is only four years older than she is, so basically he’d be eight and she was four or something and they’d do this, this is insane!

Also, this bit when, of course, he finds her in illusion world:

Ning Que said, "Don't be afraid. Come to me." Sangsang shook her head. She looked at the light surrounding her and said, "You will die." Ning Que said, "I have said before, that if you die, I will die too. So why don't we die together." Sangsang knew that this was true, so she jumped down.

I love that she doesn’t care if she will die, just worried for him and then his response and how she just accepts it as a matter of course.

This OTP is so freaking epic.

And here is when he learns she is going to live:

After some time, Master Qishan tenderly looked up at Sangsang and said, "There is no illness in the world that cannot be cured. However, it will be difficult and painful to cure it." Sangsang glanced at Ning Que and said serenely and with determination, "I'm not afraid of pain." She was not afraid of death, but she did not want to die. That was because she knew that Ning Que would be very sad if she died. He might even die with her. That was why she wanted to live. She would continue living no matter how much pain she had to endure. That was why her answer was so firm. Master Qishan looked at her with the beginnings of a smile. He answered just as firmly, "Then I will definitely be able to cure you." When he heard that, Ning Que suddenly felt a buzz in his mind, and he could not hear anything further. His body seemed to have suddenly turned into floating clouds on the cliff. He stumbled onto the futon and could not speak. Almost at the same time, all the tightly closed pores on his skin began to sweat. His Academy uniform was drenched in seconds, looking as if he had been in the rain. This year, while he had seemed as calm as usual and did not seem any different when conversing with others and fulfilling matters. In reality, he had been anxious and fearful in the extreme because of Sangsang's illness. When he heard the Master's affirmative, the negative emotions he had kept within him for a long time were quicky released in one go, along with the cold sweat. His body and heart were taken over by the extreme joy he felt, and he felt as if he was about to float up into the sky. However, this sudden release of emotions had caused an intense blow to his body. He suddenly became very weak and was like a severely ill patient who had just started to recover. Master Qishan looked at him and guessed that he must have endured unimaginable torment and pain. He comforted him kindly, "This is a cause for celebration." Sangsang took out a handkerchief and wiped the sweat that flowed like rain from Ning Que's face. Ning Que smiled with difficulty, saying, "This is indeed something to celebrate."

He is so insanely tough - I mean he’s had to be, he had to kill someone and escape the massacre of the entire household when he was four and then wandered and lived on his own raising a freaking baby he found in a pile of corpses - and yet he just cannot with SangSang, she’s basically his reason for living. I mean, he basically has a breakdown from sheer relief and he’s ice cold facing hordes of killers. This is a trope I love so much - despite his age, he’s a hardened killer with flexible morals and rather fearless (mainly because he genuinely doesn’t care too much if he lives or dies, he’s too fucked up) but he is endlessly, hopelessly soft for SangSang. I do think finding her saved his life not in the physical sense but because otherwise he’d have become a murderous monster and been killed long ago. And this isn’t “bad guy soft for one innocent” trope either - Ning Que is cold as hell but he is not a classic bad guy - he doesn’t seek out killing because he gets pleasure rom murder (though it doesn’t bother him to kill for money or other practical reasons), and he has (a very few) people he cares for and some principles. He’s terrifying but not evil. And SangSang is no Disney Princess even before she transforms into Goddess Ruler of the Universe. She is endlessly practical and helps him with revenge killings (and helped him kill that abuser old man they lived with on the mountain - and seriously, it basically encapsulates them that NQ even as a kid was willing to put up with all the abuse as long as he thought it was a safe place for SangSang but when he realizes it was not and the man was going to harm SS, it was murder time. My feral babies!) and just reserved and money-grubbing and just. I love her.

PS I will NEVER be over the fact that Ning Que is so stubborn and so fixated on SangSang he basically warps the universe. Because he finds out the girl he raised and his little handmaiden is basically terrifying Goddess Supreme and he effed up her equivalent of mortal trial and now she has awakened she loathes that she slummed it with a human and will endlessly punish him for it, and he’s all “oh, OK, dammit, I WILL TURN YOU HUMAN AT LEAST FOR ME AGAIN no matter what” and he succeeds in awakening her humanity again and like !!!! Your insane murdery OTP could never.