#you see it is funny because my name is Cat and I fucking HATE printers

[spacevixenmusic]

actual video of me at my IT job

Rage against the machine

[mitchmarnier]

writing prompt masterlist #1

 Of course, there’s 75 million prompt lists out there but i figured there’s nothing wrong with making my own. Send me a category + a number + a pairing and i’ll write you a fic. Okay to reblog and use :) (x)

Fake/Secret/Etc Dating AUs:

my parents keep setting me up on blind dates but in reality I’m dating you and it’s so you help me get out of them

i hate commitment but my dad’s dying wish is to see me get married and you’re an old family friend i ran into at the airport on my way to visit him so hey let’s get engaged

you need a plus-one for your brother’s wedding so i’m going as a favor but there’s been a misunderstanding and now your whole family thinks we’re engaged

i’m mad at my parents so i ask you out because they wouldn’t approve of you and you’re well aware that i’m just using you but you agree because you find it funny but hey you’re actually super sweet

there’s this really creepy person hitting on me and i don’t know you but you pretending to be my partner completely saved my ass thanks how about i buy you a drink

we’re just really touchy friends and we get each other gifts all the time but everyone thinks we’re going out and we let them think that but why are you getting upset about me going on a date we’re not actually together? 

I’m sorry you always thought your love for me was unrequited but on to more important matters YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED IN THE MORNING SO YOU HAVE A DECISION TO MAKE YOU ASSHOLE!

Our mutual friend apparently has been waiting for us to get together and so they’re very angry/disappointed/upset when they find out that the reason we kissed last night was because we were black-out drunk

everyone thinks we hate each other and we keep that front up in public, so we have hilarious pretend fights and squabbles and pranks 

when we were little I accidentally mentioned that I had a crush on you but I always thought you didn’t hear me because you just looked at me weird and never commented but now we’re in high school and omg you just introduced me as your boyfriend/girlfriend/datemate wtf we never discussed this

friends to lovers aus

You’ve got a date tonight and you asked for advice on what to wear but I’m so in love with you and damn you look good in the outfit I picked out for you

You’ve liked me for ages and were really obvious about it and I didn’t like all the attention but now you’re over me I really miss it and fuck I think I like you too?

 You want us both to get in shape and I hate working out/running but your ass looks really good in shorts oh the things I do for my friends and their nice asses

Our best friends are that awful ‘cute’ couple that make-out in public and call each other “sweetie” and “sugar” and “babe” and god they’re awful let’s talk about how awful they are – develops into “shit we’re the awful couple now”

Celebrity/Famous AUs

listen, you may be a famous (and extremely attractive) guitarist, but that gives you no right to practise on the electric at two a.m when we live right next to each other.

We broke up and I used my feelings to write songs and now I’m super popular and you want me back

we decided to make a fake vlog drama for our subscribers and they all think it’s real but jokes on us we end up actually liking each other

I run a prank channel and you were some innocent bystander I pranked for a video but then it turns out hey, you’re also famous online haha shit

we met and started talking but i didn’t know you were a rising star until i noticed cameras following me wtf

you’re a reporter and i think you’re super cute so i’ll only give you personal interviews to help your career and also get you to talk to me more

I’m a celebrity and I have a secret social media account and we started talking online and now we’re close friends but you want to meet up oh shit

I’m a celebrity and I may or may not be following your blog which is dedicated to me. reading your comments and tags are hilarious and very flattering and I’m somewhat smitten  

You’re an actor/other famous person that I really admire and I just saw you in the street and as I was debating whether or not to say hi you came up to me and started flirting what do I do??

wedding/kids/marriage/long term relationship AUs

we’ve been dating forever, and you just caught the bouquet at our friend’s wedding

remember when we were in high school and we swore that if we were still single at 30 we’d marry each other, well hey guess whose birthday it is

i’m a runaway bride/groom and you’re driving my getaway car

I suddenly bumped into you after years and wow you look good but holy crap is that a kid?? since when?

you had a breakdown because the baby wouldn’t stop crying and you kept saying how you weren’t ready and how you couldn’t do it

whenever my kid starts crying I just hand them to you and then they just stop and start smiling

“i’m so sorry that my child pointed out how your shirt- actually nevermind i agree, that shirt is horrendous”

i always tease you because that’s just our thing we tease each other but for some reason you snapped at me and are you okay? what’s wrong?

my in-laws despise me GREAT but around you they’re super nice so you don’t believe me

neighbours AUs

You always complain about how loud I am (whether it be TV, video games or music/musical instrument is up to you) and this is the first time you’ve actually knocked on my apartment door and given me a lecture there rather than giving me a phone call, but I’m not really listening because I didn’t  realise I had such a cute neighbour

you never open your door for children on halloween so i always pay the kids to smear your door with shaving cream

my printer isnt printing anymore and my papers are due tomorrow so im on my knees in front of your door begging to use your printer when the old lady from above passes us and thinks im proposing to you

we always run into each other on the stairs but we’ve never said more than hello but when we found out that we both hate the other neighbours, we became friends

i came home drunk and wouldnt stop knocking on your door. when you open i keep telling you to get out of my apartment

after a rough party night i find you sleeping on the stairs but since im still a little asshole all i do is put a blanket over you and a pillow under your head

Please help me, I know you have a kid and my sibling just dropped their baby on me where’s the button to put them to sleep?

I’m stressed and sleep-deprived, please let me pet your cat. 

I have really weird dreams and you have really weird dreams so now we’re in this contest to see who has the weirdest dreams.

Strangers/Meet Cute (or meet very NOT cute) AUs 

We were sitting next to each other in a public place and I saw a mosquito on you and my instincts just acted before my mind.

We mixed up our clothes at the laundry service and I have nothing left to wear and every thing you wear is too big/small for me.

We’re at a comic book store and if you tell me your superhero is better than mine I’m gonna have to punch you in the teeth.

There are no table left at this restaurant and you let me sit at yours since you’re alone.

I’m a single grown-up with busy friends but I want to go to Disneyland so I drop a message on a forum to find someone like me to go wear silly Mickey ears headband and stuff ourselves with cotton candy.

My computer broke down so I called an IT and now I need to find a reason to call them back so I delete important files and download adwares and do all kinds of stupid things. 

I almost dropped something and in my fumbling attempts to stop it from hitting the floor I accidentally projectiled it at your face and it’s a really nice face I’m so sorry

first day at a new job and oh fuck my boss is the person I drunkenly hooked up with last weekend/night

I wanted to go on the ferris wheel but there has to be two people to a cart come on random person let’s go oh wait are we stuck at the top? Fuck

 Our mutual friend set us up on a blind date and I thought I’d hate it but you’re actually… kind of funny? But because I expected to hate it in no way am I going to let you change my mind just because you’re gorgeous and funny and intelligent oh no my friend is not winning this

college/high school AUs:

i went on a date with a boy who had plans to take me to dinner and drinks. but he lost his wallet at a pizza place so we just walked around the neighborhood, sat in the park and talked.

we’re in the same study group but we dont talk but you brought goldfish and im starving

we have the same notebook and we took the wrong ones home so i used your notes on my open book test

you were my elementary school crush but you moved away but somehow we end up miraculously going to the same college and i barely recognized you because holy hot damn you are more attractive than i remember?

I tripped over on my way to this party and I’m bleeding profusely from the grazes on my knees and you’re a complete stranger that pretty much jumped me the second I walked in the door to play nurse

ive had a crush on you for 3+ years and now youre going out with my best friend and i definitely havent locked myself in a toilet cubicle to cry

We’re in different debate classes and I was constructing a case on the board and I come in the next morning and you’ve replied to all my points really well?? But I don’t even know your name? And oh shit, we’re taking over the entire whiteboard, is that your phone number squeezed into the corner of the board there?

You have braces and I don’t and I keep forgetting you’re not allowed to have gum so every time I offer, you give this death glare

You sent me a text asking if I wanted to go to prom on the day of prom and I’m not in town

I’m a notorious goody two shoes and you look like you get into fights on a daily basis, so when you were in the library on the first day I was supposed to be a tutor, I assumed I’d be tutoring you. But, as it turns out, we’re both tutors, and the people we’re tutoring keep blowing us off to make out and we have to go round them up

we have a mutual best friend but they cannot find out how much i like you then they’ll tell you, but i need to find out if you’re single!

I sat down in the wrong class and I’m panicking but don’t want to get up and leave because the class has started and you think it’s hilarious 

You pissed me off in class so I threw a book at your head and now I’m in detention and jesus fuck I hate you so much and the teacher made me apologise and wait you’re cuter up close

soulmate aus

if one soulmate gets an injury, the other gets it as well.

Character A has a soulmate, but Character A died before they got to meet them. As Character A navigates the afterlife in their ghostly form, they discover that they can’t “move on” until they’ve met their soulmate.

 the very first words your soulmate ever says to you are tattooed somewhere on your body since the day you are born

when you write something on your skin with pen/marker/whatever, it will show up on your soul mates skin as well.

You get an ‘impression’ of your soulmate when you turn 18 or something but all I got was a strong smell of bananas or something

you have a compass on your wrist and it directs you to where your soulmate is

i usually think i’m having a conversation with myself in my head but it turns out we’re telepathically connected

everybody is born with a map “tattooed” on their forearm that’s centered on the exact location of where they’ll first meet their soul mate 

[illchanceit]

DI'S MASTERLIST

main ❀ ko-fi ❀ ao3

❀Fics❀

«Brave» AO3: ❀ Tumblr: ❀ “He was trembling. Despite the darkness surrounding them, and the shitty dim light of the flashlight he was holding, Richie could tell that Eddie was trembling with fear. He wanted nothing more than to reach out, touch him, hold him. He wanted to tell Eddie that everything would be alright, that they would get through this.”『809 | T』

«Burn, Crash, Romance (I'll Take What I Can Get From You)» *WIP* AO3: ❀ “Richie didn’t know Eddie very well, not that he would want to, and even just looking at him now, he knew that Eddie Kaspbrak was exactly all the things that Richie had tried to tell Stanley that frat boys were. His brown hair flopped into his brown eyes, pressed down by some red snapback worn backwards and beige khaki jeans that looked glued to his legs. He was hot and the smirk on his face showed that he knew it.” 『2919 | E | collab with @pattysblum』

«Coffee Shop Angel» AO3: ❀ Tumblr: ❀ “Wow, I’ve never been called a literal angel before.” He’s no longer laughing, but his smile is wide and his eyes were still bright. “Baby, that should be considered a damn crime,” he sighs, shaking his head in disbelief. “You deserve to be worshipped.”『2218 | T』

«Cold November Rain» AO3: ❀ Tumblr: ❀ "He was an idiot. A stupid, cowardly jerk. Why had he run away? That kiss had been everything he could have ever wanted. It was soft, tender and loving. Richie had put so much emotion behind that kiss. So much, that it had scared Eddie. Scared him so much that he made himself believe it was all some kind of joke."『1512 | T』

«Don’t Monkey Around With My Heart» AO3: ❀ Tumblr: ❀ "He rubbed at his eyes, seconds away from falling apart at the realization that this was all just a joke to Richie. He didn’t mean any of the words he’d said to Eddie and he never would."『1228 | T』

«Forget the Past, I Want You In My Future» AO3: ❀ Tumblr: ❀ "He quickly pulled on his coat, making his way through the radio station with a smile as he waved to everyone who greeted him. ‘Keep smiling. You’re almost out of here. Just a couple more steps.’ Richie thought to himself as he pushed open the front doors and stepped outside, cold air hitting him and a chill running down his spine. He hugged himself, rubbing his hands up and down his arms, trying to warm himself up. He made his way down the stone steps of the station entrance, fishing through his jacket pocket for his car keys. The last thing he thought, as his fingers made contact with the cold metal of his keys and his foot slipped on a slippery patch of ice, was how much he really fucking hated Christmas. [or: radio DJ Richie Tozier slips on ice and has to spend Christmas in hospital, with trainee Doctor Kaspbrak looking after him.]"『3477 | T』

«Habeas Your Corpus» AO3: ❀ Tumblr: ❀ “A beautiful blond between his legs was not the direction he thought his Monday would be going, but he wasn’t going to question it. Even if a part of him knew that doing this in a courtroom, where anyone could walk in on them at any moment, was a horrible idea. Then again, Richie wasn’t known for his good ideas, much less for his common sense, and so he shrugged away any lingering doubt as he surrendered to the feeling of Eddie’s hands.”『6654|E』

«How to Bring Someone Back from the Dead» *WIP* AO3: ❀ Tumblr: ❀ “He finds it in the library. The book is tucked between a couple of self-help books that Mike told him he should look into reading. It’s out of place—doesn’t belong there—but the title peaks his curiosity. How to Bring Someone Back from the Dead. He grabs the spine of the book and gently holds it in his hand, inspecting it. There’s no author, no other information, just a title and a short dedication of sorts on the first page. “For those that have hope still lingering in their hearts…” He looks around, making sure no one is watching him before he swiftly hides the small book in the pocket of his jacket.”『1306 | T』

«How to Know If You’re On a Date With Your Best Friend» AO3: ❀ Tumblr: ❀ “He could see the way Richie looked at him with furrowed eyebrows, eyes slowly widening as he realized Eddie was coming over to sit next to him. Plopping down on the seat, he pushed Richie further into the booth, making himself comfortable. Without breaking eye contact, he placed his straw in Richie’s milkshake glass and asked, “Are we on a date right now?””『2213 | T』

«Kiss Me By The Firelight» AO3: ❀ Tumblr: ❀ ““Alright trashmouth, truth or dare?” He looked over at Beverly, who had plopped down next to him, with a weary expression on his face. He studied her, the mischievous grin on her face not going unnoticed by an already alert Richie. “Dare, obviously. Only pussies choose truth.””『1247 | T』

«Kissed the Mark» AO3: ❀ Tumblr: ❀ ““Sorry, but you’re gonna have to tell me more than just your name before I let you put your hands on me.” Eddie jokes as he nods his head at Bev in thanks for their drinks. “I’m not that easy.” “Oh ok, hmm let me think…” Richie says as he pretends to think about what he’s going to say “I like long walks on the beach and being the little spoon, plus I’m a total bottom.” Eddie flushes at this, turning his head to avoid eye contact with Richie, and takes a sip of his beer. Richie continues to look at him, enjoying the way he continuously makes the other man blush. “What about you?””『3975 | E』

«Love Me (If That's What You Wanna Do)» AO3: ❀ Tumblr: ❀ “It was hard to say who exactly started it. After all, both of them were slightly tipsy the night The Kiss happened. All Richie could say—as his hand slowly slid down Eddie’s back, causing him to let out a faint whimper—was that he was very happy with the outcome of it all.”『1286 | M』

«Make It Up To You» AO3: ❀ Tumblr: ❀ “Maybe it was a little fucked up that he took considerable pleasure in watching his boyfriend of almost ten years cry as Richie denied him what he wanted most, but he couldn’t bring himself to care so much. If Eddie had caught on to his little guilty pleasure, he never mentioned it to Richie, and if he had an issue with the way Richie teased him in bed, he would have definitely called him out on it by now.”『4612 | E』

«Snowed Inn» AO3: ❀ Tumblr: ❀ “Richie and Eddie are carpooling home from college for the holidays but a snowstorm hits on their way there and they have to stay the night at a b&b”『4612 | E』

«The Future Freaks Me Out» AO3: ❀ Tumblr: ❀ “I’ll tell you one thing and one thing only spaghetti. I don’t want to think about a future where you’re not in it. I don’t want to think about you being on the opposite side of this country from me. I don’t want to think about any of that because I love you and it hurts. So please, shut the fuck up about college applications already!”『932 | T』

«Until I Hear It From You» AO3: ❀ Tumblr: ❀ “M-my parents sucked.” Bill said as he choked back a sob. “I mean... my own father hit me with his fucking car and then barely batted an eye. I’m terrified that I’ll fuck this up, Eddie. I don’t want to be a bad father, I want Ellie to have all the love and attention that Georgie and I never got growing up. You and Rich have two adorable daughters that have everything they could ever want...That’s what I want for Ellie. Please, Eddie, tell me how to be a good father.”『1599 | T』

❀College AU Prompts❀

«Richiepat» ❀ "you asked me out and I didn’t have time for dating between a full-time course load and my job(s), so I know it’s two semesters later but I’d really like to take you up on that date" + "we always end up eating alone in the school cafeteria at the same time, so when you ask me if you can join me, I’m surprised" «Steddie» ❀ "I catch you yelling at the printer in the library for not working and I don’t mean to alarm you since you’re clearly stressed, but I think you accidentally unplugged it" «Stozier» ❀ "some idiots decided it would be funny to mess with peoples’ laundry so now we’re sorting through our dryers and you’re holding up my pink underwear"

❀Drunk Prompts❀

«Reddie» ❀ “Why haven’t you kissed me yet?” + 2. Road Trip AU ❀ “H-How long have you been standing there?” ❀ “You’re sick, let me take care of you.” ❀ “You make me want things I can’t have!” ❀ the gang is playing a drinking game and Eddie wins, and he wants a lapdance from Richie ❀ “Please don’t be mad at me.” ❀ “You know you don’t have to try so hard with me, right?” ❀ “Are you jealous? That’s cute.” ❀ “Oh, God. We broke it–dude, he’s gonna be so pissed! This is all your fault–it was your idea!” + “… Is that my underwear?” + “Shut up and kiss me, you idiot.” «Stozier» ❀ “I know you’re mad at me, but will a kiss change your mind?” ❀ “Nothing is going to happen to you.”

❀Emoji Prompts❀

«Reddie» ❀ 🎉👄🤒 ❀ 🐿🍌👙

❀Five Sentence Prompts❀

«Reddie» ❀ “they said that broken mirror equals in 7 years of bad luck”? ❀ “It’s three in the morning!” ❀ “It’s three in the morning!” ❀ “just because i love eds it doesn’t mean i want to be with him,” eddie heard richie say. «2» ❀ “you know I love you, right?” «2» ❀ “Do you want me to?” «2» ❀ “And what exactly do you think you’re doing, my love?” «Hanslon» ❀ "I finally found you"

❀Halloween Prompts❀

«Reddie» ❀ You've literally dressed as ____ for _____ years, shouldn't you change it up? ❀ You drank the punch at the halloween party and made yourself sick so I’m taking care of you AU ❀ excuse you, i will never be too old to go trick-or-treating and i hear the house down the street gives out full sized candy bars «Streddie» ❀ A cat followed me home and won’t leave me alone even when I put a little hat on it so I guess I have a cat now AU

❀Kiss Prompts❀

«Reddie» ❀ In the bedroom + Confessing feelings ❀ in the snow + relief

❀Misc. Prompts❀

«Reddie» ❀ claws - as an apology here’s something I wrote for you ❀ okay dee,,, write that fuckin reddie kiss i NEED it for my soul, ok??? ❀ Okay but like Richie finally comes out by writing his first comedy special on his own as like therapy to work through what happened and the whole thing is about the dumb annoying hypochondriac that he was in love with as a kid. “He put his feet in my face and kicked of my glasses and I said to myself he’s the fucking one.” ❀ ficlet for my moodboard based on “he knew well enough” ❀ “I may be short, but you could at least try to make kissing you easier!” «Stanpat» ❀ you’re obsessed with my homemade soup that I serve at my cafe and I’m too embarrassed to tell you that I’ve only been trying out new recipes to see you get excited for the soup of the day. «Stozier» ❀ can we talk about how "it takes hours to look this good richie" is followed by richie winking at stan

❀NSFW Prompts❀

«Reddie» ❀ “One baby won’t hurt.”

❀Headcanons❀

❀ Reddie // Sunflowers ❀ Ben // The Sims ❀ Stozier and Reddie // Stanley and Richie dated at one point ❀ Reddie // Chapter 1 End Scene ❀ Richiepat // Chaotic Best Friends

[dancinggrimm]

My Day in London: A Review

I just thought I’d share a few points of my day down in London earlier this week.

1. Missed my fucking train. I’d forgotten that there were some major road works going on and didn’t allow enough time to get to the station. The taxi driver very helpfully spent the last ten minutes of the journey telling me that I should have allowed more time until I wanted to knock his block off. However, he made up for it earlier by telling me a story about how he knew all about the history of my home town, Kidderminster, and how in the second World War the British Sikh regiment captured all of the Italian military (no they didn’t), brought them back to England as POWs (no they didn’t) and didn’t have enough prison camps so they closed down all of Kiddermister’s carpet factories (nope) and made people live there and that’s why Kidderminster doesn’t have any carpet factories any more (it has several) and why most of the townsfolk have Italian names (seriously? It’s full of chavs!).

2. Got another train and ended up sitting next to a man who was talking in his sleep in, I think, Korean. I wish I’d known what he was saying, because his two travelling companions sitting across the aisle from us seemed really embarrassed for him.

3. Went to the V&A museum. The guard on the way in to the tunnel entrance gave me the glad eye and told me I didn’t have to have my bag searched because I was too pretty to be a terrorist. This made me feel neither complimented nor particularly safe, but at least I got to take my bottle of Oasis into the museum unhindered. Mmm, delicious Oasis. Even tastier when it’s contraband.

4. I searched for but failed to find @atlinmerrick‘s favourite statue that looks like Martin Freeman in the nip with a peach bum. I did however see some wonderful statues, some nicely gothic ironworks, a lot of beautiful kimonos, and some truly fuck ugly high fashion clothes in the Balenciaga exhibit.

5. Took the tube to Camden and managed to find exactly the same pub that my friend @bagelofdeath and I went to for lunch last time we met up. They do really good pizzas and cider, and have a little upstairs room overlooking a busy junction. So I sat at a table right in the window, looking out at the rain and the traffic, listening to indie rock music and cramming my face with carbs and rocket. Which is a very London thing to do.

6. Wandered up to the lock market for a bit of Christmas present shopping and did my best to avoid the storekeepers trying to ingratiate me. Saw many stalls selling the exact same products, the stall keepers of which all hurried to assure me were handmade by themselves that very morning. You wove all these printed scarves by hand in a morning? Why are you not in the Avengers?

7. There were way more shops selling bongs, marajuana sweets, and similar stuff than last time I was there. Sign of the times, man.

8. As I walked past one shop front the guy at the counter cat called me, which I hate, but he yelled “Hey darlin, where you from?” and when I ignored him he bitterly added “Oh yeah, that’s a really pretty name”, like he couldn’t remember what he’d even asked me, and it was funny enough that I didn’t really care.

9. He did exactly the same thing when I went back down the road an hour later. What a bell end.

10. So. Back on the tube and up to Leicester Square. I had a wander around the Lego store without buying anything, as you do (honestly, it’s more of a museum than anything else), and then popped into the M&M store which smells fucking awful. How do you manage to have a shop full of chocolate products and make it smell like the back of a printer? And who loves M&Ms that much that they want their whole wardrobe to feature them? They’re just Smarties’ inbred cousins! They were having a German Christmas market there too, but it wasn’t anywhere near as good as ours. Fuck yeah Birmingham!

11. Found a tiny second hand bookshop staffed by a woman who was the most perfect fit of a librarian stereotype I have ever seen and it’s genuinely tragic that she doesn’t work in a library. Tiny build, twinset and bead necklace, decorative chain on her wing glasses, nervous demeanor and a itsy bitsy high pitched voice. She was so cute. I bought a book just so she’d talk to me a bit more (and the book turned out to be quite good) and managed to put the Evangelist who had been badgering her into enough of a snit by interrupting him that he left.

12. It was 7pm by now, and time for the actual reason I’d gone down to London in the first place, the stage musical of Young Frankenstein at the Garrick Theatre! It was fantastic. Ross Noble, one of my favourite stand up comedians, was playing Igor and he was great, really enjoying the hell out of his costume and his occasional use of a French Horn. The songs were hilarious and, though they didn’t include my favourite moment of the Affectionate Elbow Nudge, the song that replaced it, ‘Don’t Touch Me’ (Tits! Tits! Tits!) was a real highlight. As was the extended performance of ‘Puttin’ on the Ritz’, and Lesley Joseph’s (72 and still a fox) Frau Blucher who was getting really annoyed with those damn horses. I loved it! If you can get to London before the end of February, give it a go.

13. Back on the train to come home, and spent much of the journey listening to the conversation of a young couple at the table seats opposite who were really not at all on the same wavelength. He would tell her about how often his brother threw up on trains and she would reply that yeah, the special effects on the music video she was watching on her phone would make anyone hurl, and he replied that he didn’t like Spotify either and it made everything look weird, and it was like that game where you’ve got to come up with names that start with the last letter of the name that came before it, except with entire concepts. Also, I played quite a lot of Kitty Powers’ Matchmaker, which was good fun, highly recommended.

14. Birmingham New Street Station is really, really creepy when you arrive there at 12.30 am and nobody is around and you can fool yourself into thinking that you’ll never find the exit and you’ll be wondering around in a tasteful but poorly signposted interior for the rest of your life like a brushed chrome pergatory until you’re suddenly outside and almost falling into a flowerbed and you don’t know what happened.

15. You know that thing where you and a stranger going in opposite directions nearly walk into each other, and you stop, and you move to your right and they move to their left, and you’re still in the same place, so you apologise and both move the other way, and oh no, ha ha, what a to-do, until one of you makes a break for it? While walking home through a pedestrian underpass I got trapped in that idiot dance for a good thirty seconds with the biggest fucking rat I have ever seen. She was the one that made a break for it, and I was honestly surprised not to see a small cowboy riding on her back as the ran past me.

And then I got home and went to bed, the end :)