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luna-writes-stuff · 3 years ago

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Day 2: Almost is never enough, Xu Shangqi

Song link

Fanfic, female! reader

Angst, heartbreak, flashbacks

Word count: 4871 (oops)

Tw: Heartbreak, sad Shang-Chi, use of Shang-Chi instead of Shangqi, but when spoken I use Shaun as this is before he revealed his true identity. Angst, but sad sad angst. It takes a dark turn, honestly. Mention of car crash, worst possible outcome. Goes from 1 to 10 real quick. Talk about alcohol and throwing up. Drunk Shang-Chi, drunk reader. One use of Y/N (sorry)

Summary: Reader, Shangqi and Katy used to be the closest friends could get, and there had always been some sort of connection between reader and Shangqi that told them they would end up together. But fate is cruel, and not acting on time can have terrible consequences.

“I'd like to say we gave it a try. I'd like to blame it all on life.”

You had known Shang-Chi ever since he left his father. You met him through Katy, who might've known him two days longer. And since day one, the chemistry between the two of you had been too good to put into words. The two of you remained blind to it, but you were the only ones. Katy had secretly held a place in her heart for the two of you, but Shang-Chi had asked her not to speak about it, as to not embarrass him somehow.

After school, the three of you would always go to someone's house, though it was yours more often than Katy's. A special bond between the three of you began blossoming, and you had been so sure it would last forever. But you were a child, and children were fools. They held no sense of reality or future whenever things became too good or excited. Emotions took hold of logic, and as a child; who could blame you? You knew no better. Neither one of you did. You were convinced you'd be with one another until the day you would walk to one another's funeral.

“Maybe we just weren't right, but that's a lie. That’s a lie.”

"Have you finished your French homework yet?" Shang-Chi, or Shaun at the time, asked, walking into your house as he looked at your form, hunched over the dinner table. It had been your exam year and you were working so hard to make it.

"Je ne le comprends pas!" You exclaimed, sitting upright and throwing your pencil down. "It means 'no'."

Shang-Chi laughed at you, taking a seat on the chair beside you. "I know what it means. I know French."

"Of course you do, mister perfect." You mocked, sticking your tongue out to him.

"So you don't want my help?" He asked through a smile, already making his move to sit back up.

"No, I do, please stay." You quickly defended, grabbing his arm and pulling him back down.

"Now help me write this stupid letter." You convinced, showing the half written paper in front of Shang-Chi. His eyes quickly scanned the paper, stiffling a laugh as he read the last sentence.

"That's not how you spell 'entreprise'." He explained, pointing towards the mistake.

"That's why I have you, right?" You wondered aloud, resting your head on his shoulder. "Help me out here."

“And we can deny it as much as we want, but in time our feelings will show.”

"That guy has been making googly eyes at you all night now." Katy remarked, standing next to you, holding a red cup. It had been senior prom and she had forced both you and Shang-Chi to come along too. Even if it was just for two minutes. But two minutes turned into two hours, and you have done nothing but sit in a corner, reading your book while occasionally drinking a bit. Katy had done her best to interact with others, but was quick to stand next to you with Shang-Chi and talk about anything and everything. But now, Shang-Chi had gone to get some more to drink, and - unfortunately - you could feel the eyes of the second guy bore holes into your back.

"I am aware. Perhaps I should just tell him to shove off. He might leave me alone." You offered, rolling your eyes as his made contact with yours.

"Or you could offer him a dance. It is a prom after all and you haven't even crossed the dancefloor yet." Katy proposed, but her words vanished into thin air as Shang-Chi appeared again.

"What were you two talking about?"

"About how the two of you should let go a bit and get out there to dance." Your friend announced, grabbing Shang-Chi's cup, then grabbing your arm and tangling it together with his, pushing the two of you forward.

"Have fun!" She yelled after you.

“'Cause sooner or later, we'll wonder why we gave up. The truth is everyone knows.”

The night had lasted longer than you had primarily thought. Katy's plan worked and you spend the entire night dancing with Shang-Chi, even after the reluctance of both sides. He had walked you home the entire way. Katy had insisted on being picked up by her parents (after she threw up in the school bathroom), so it had just been the two of you.

"Thank you for tonight." You offered as you reached your doorstep.

"Yes? You had fun?" He asked happily, putting his hands in the pockets of his pants.

"Eventually." You confided, shooting him a wink. When a silence struck between the two of you, you walked towards him, extending your arms. Shang-Chi caught onto your meaning and wasted no time in wrapping his arms around you, content with being in your hold, even if it would just be for a few seconds.

Your hands found the back of his neck, where they met, as you pulled him closer, not wanting to let go just yet.

"And here I thought tonight would be boring." You mumbled, before turning your head slightly and planting a soft, yet lingering kiss on the side of his cheek.

You broke apart after, showing him a tiny smile.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Shaun." You said with a wave, now turning around and walking into your home. You had missed the way Shang-Chi remained standing there, not sure on what to comment or what to do. His brain forming some sort of short circuit. It wasn't until he heard you walking up the stairs, that he realized he should probably go home too. It would later become a memory that would keep him up at night, both with fondness and regret.

“Almost, almost is never enough. So close to being in love.”

But your actions were never discussed afterwards. You both met the day after, but it had been as if nothing happened. Katy did not find anything off, that was how well hidden it was. The kiss had but nothing but platonic, Shang-Chi had now tried to convince himself. He hated how he thought it could've meant something else, but deep inside, he knew it was too good to be true.

You had made no intention of even mentioning last night, aside from the part where you discussed the creepy guy. Katy had been laughing about the fact she threw up on a dance, but Shang-Chi had remained quiet, only sharing an occasional laugh and comment.

Ever since that night, he felt himself change around you. He would suddenly pick up on the little things you did. His stomach would feel feather-light whenever he made you laugh, something that had not happened before. His heart would pick up on the sound of your voice and every other noise would be cancelled the second you wrapped him in your arms. Conversations became more personal and your interests had been above his. He cursed himself for acting like that over a simple kiss on the cheek, but now that his heart knew what it could get, it would not stop until that was accomplished.

“If I would have known that you wanted me the way I wanted you. Then maybe we wouldn't be two worlds apart, but right here in each other's arms.”

"You make sure to write us, okay?" Katy reminded as you inspected your boarding ticket. You were leaving for London, to finally go to that school you always wanted to go to. You got rejected your first try, but the second was an easy entrance. The only problem was that you would be gone for four years, perhaps only visiting during the holidays. Shang-Chi knew there was a very realistic chance of you forgetting them or starting your own life hundreds of miles away from him. And he hated the thought. It had followed him ever since you announced that you finally got allowed in. But only now, at the airport, he understood what this could mean for you.

"I will write to you every week, how does that sound?" You spoke, gathering Katy in a warming hug, letting her decide when to let go.

"That sounds perfect." She agreed, taking a step back with a smile. Shang-Chi had walked up to you, heart hammering in his chest while he tried to keep his tears at bay, convincing himself that he would see you again soon, no matter what would happen. He wrapped you in another, stronger hug, keeping his arms around your waist as his head rest against the crook of your neck.

"Don't forget me." He whispered, so quiet, you weren't even sure you had heard him correctly the first time.

"I won't." You silently answered back, stroking the back of his neck lightly. In response, Shang-Chi planted a quick kiss on your cheek, his body acting before he could realize what he did.

Upon parting the hug, you showed him a genuine smile. Katy took her place beside him, smiling back at you, even when she had no idea what had just happened.

"Flight 205 to London, England is ready for boarding." The dreading announcement finally filled the building, causing you to frown, letting out a loud sigh.

"I should go." You mumbled, holding onto your ticket and suitcase. "I'll see you this winter. I'm sure of it." You promised, offering one final wave before leaving.

You did not see Shang-Chi's broken face, or Katy's uncharacteristic sulking frown and perhaps that had been for the best. Because one more look at your face, had been enough for Shang-Chi to grab your arm and force you to run away with him. But he did not get the chance. And he would perhaps never get it again.

“And we almost, we almost knew what love was. But almost is never enough.”

True to your word, you had appeared days before Christmas, surprising both of your friends. You had stayed over at Katy's, as Shang-Chi would often visit, taking the two of you out on nice evening. It had been December 23rd when Shang-Chi appeared in front of Katy's door again, but instead of waiting for her, he had only been there for you.

He had taken you out on a wonderful night, wandering the nearby Christmas market with you, the lights and music overwhelming you. He had bought you an adorable, ugly sweater you found, after with you surprised him with an equally adorable reindeer hat.

It had nearly been 2 AM, but the local pub was open, as it had always been. Yet, instead of the usual pub drinks, you both engulfed yourselves with hot chocolate, talking with each other about all the moments you had missed. For once, everything felt exactly as it once had. The painful aching in Shang-Chi's chest had returned, but the feeling his stomach left him after you shared yet another excited laughter had been worth every moment. He knew he should have grabbed his chance right then and right there, but he could not bring himself to do it. You would leave within a week, and he did not have the intention of scaring you off and making you leave earlier. So he would stay there, by your side, but from a distance, keeping his feelings to himself, no matter how much it had hurt.

“If I could change the world overnight there’d be no such thing as goodbye. You'd be standing right where you were and we'd get the chance we deserve.”

But the days went by slow, and every single one of them had been more painful then the one before. New Year's eve had approached and you had looked so beautiful that Shang-Chi could not bring himself to talk to you for longer than five minutes. Not even when Katy was around. He stuffed himself with the food around and drank way too much for his liking. You had tried to talk to him, but he just seemed to become more distant as you tried to connect with him. December 23rd suddenly felt further away than it had really been.

23:56, everyone was together in the living room of Katy's household. Everyone but one. Shang-Chi had rushed to the bathroom only seconds prior, the alcohol becoming too much for his system. He had sat in front of the toilet seat, his back hunched over as tried to get the upcoming bile out.

"Shaun?" You asked, knocking on the bathroom door, even though it had not been locked. "Are you alright?"

"Just perfect." Had been his response, but it was quickly followed by the rather unpleasant sound of vomit hitting the bottom of the toilet.

"I'm going to come in, is that okay?"

When the only thing you heard was his humming, you opened the door, sighing silently at the sight before you.

"Oh, dear." You cooed, kneeling down next to him, removing the tie from around his neck before rubbing his back soothingly.

"I'm sorry for tonight." He managed to get out, before emptying his stomach into the toilet once again.

"It's not your fault, sweetheart." You crooned, letting your hand wander into his hair, trailing slow circles into it.

"No, but it is. I haven't said anything to you the whole night, and it makes me look like a fool." He admitted, keeping his face above the toilet seat, though the urge to throw up slowly faded.

"And perhaps I am a fool. But then it's your fault, because you made me a fool. You make me do foolish things. And the worst part is that I don't even mind." He cried, a tear now escaping his eye.

"You're drunk, Shaun." You began, standing up to fill one of the empty glasses at the sink with some water.

"Of course I am, but it does not make my words any less true."

You formed your lips in a thin line, offering him the glass before taking your seat next to him again.

“Try to deny it as much as you want, but in time our feelings will show.”

"I love you, Y/N. I do." He confessed, grabbing the glass and gulping it down.

"I believe you. Tell me again tomorrow morning and we can talk about it." You promised, opening your hand to reveal a mint to him.

"I always carry them with me at parties." You answered his unspoken question, to which he nodded, taking the mint.

From the other room, you could hear everyone counting down. Both you and Shang-Chi had now been sitting with your back against the tub, your head on his shoulder, as his hand held yours, squeezing it occasionally.

"Happy new year!" You heard from the other room. You smiled at the laughter and cheering, turning your head towards Shang-Chi.

"Happy new-" But your words were interrupted as his lips crashed into yours, his shy self long forgotten. Perhaps you should have been grossed out by the idea that he had thrown up only minutes prior, but you could no longer care. You rested your hand upon his cheek as the other held onto his shirt, kissing him back with just as much need as he had.

"Happy new year." He finished for you after you broke apart, wrapping you in a hug, forcing you onto his lap. With your head on his chest, you slowly breathed out, happy to be in his arms once more.

"Happy new year, Shaun."

“'Cause sooner or later we'll wonder why we gave up. The truth is everyone knows.”

During breakfast the next morning, it became prominent that Shang-Chi had no idea what happened the night before. He did not even realize it was an entirely new year today. But you could not get yourself to bring it up. He had been drunk and he knew it, but you did not know whether to believe his drunken words or not. In vino veritas was still a thing, of course, but sometimes, people say weird things when they're drunk. Maybe this just was one of those moments.

Shang-Chi did know something had happened, but he did not know what. You would not tell him and Katy did not seem to know. You had convinced him it was nothing terrible nor something to be ashamed off, but as they walked you to the airport again, the thought kept nagging at the back of his brain. What if he had done something terribly wrong and you just wouldn't tell him? But you would be honest to him, would you?

Upon saying your goodbyes and hugging your friends, you lingered on Shang-Chi, holding onto him tighter than you had done to Katy.

"You make me a fool too." You had whispered, before breaking apart and walking towards the check-in hall. He did not even get the chance to ask what it meant or what he could do. All that was in his power at the moment was stand beside Katy and hoping you would come again one day soon.

“Almost, almost is never enough. We were so close to being in love.”

Three years it had been since that day. You had not seen them in three years. Sure, you had kept contact over letters and mail, but you had not once seen them again since that New Year's day. Shang-Chi had yet to forgive himself over whatever happened, even after you told him thousands of times it had been okay.

"When can we see you again?" Katy's voice echoed from your phone.

"I am in my exam year now and I need my fullest attention. We can meet when I'm done." You told her, but you had told her this many times before already.

"I miss you." She sang.

"I miss you too, Katy. Can you hand me Shaun again?" You asked. Originally, it had been you calling Shang-Chi, but of course, Katy was there too and she felt the need to speak with you again.

"Of course!" She announced. A short silence was followed until you heard Shang-Chi's voice again.

"I have to go now, but can you call me again tonight? I have to ace this German test in order to pass this semester." You pleaded Shang-Chi, who responded with a chuckle.

"After five years you still need my help for languages."

"You explain it so easily!" You defended. "So call me tonight, okay?"

"I will. Talk to you tonight." He offered.

"Yes, you will! See you tonight!"

“If I would have known that you wanted me, the way I wanted you. Then maybe we wouldn't be two worlds apart, but right here in each other's arms.”

"Welcome back, miss 'I-actually-finished-school'!" Katy yelled, running towards you, making you drop your suitcase to intercept her halfway. "Next time, don't make us wait three years." She mumbled, though it was obvious she was joking.

As your eyes landed on Shang-Chi, you spotted the woman beside him. She did not appear familiar to you, so out of kindness, you merely extended your arm, offering your hand.

"Y/N." You introduced kindly as she shook your hand back.

"Jennifer." She spoke through a smile, making you return the gesture.

"Oh yeah, this is Jennifer; my girlfriend." Shang-Chi introduced, making your heart drop to the pit of your stomach. Girlfriend, of course. You could not even blame him. It had been three years, who knows what had happened.

Another smile made its way onto your face, now walking over to hug him, yet it had not been as tightly as it once was.

"You did not tell me you had a girlfriend, mister lucky." You tried to joke, breaking the hug before he could even let go of your back.

"Well, I wanted to introduce the two of you in person rather than on the phone." He explained, holding his hand out for Jennifer to take. You offered her a sweet grin, nodding your head at them.

"She's beautiful."

“And we almost, we almost knew what love was. But almost is never enough.”

You had made the decision to move back to America, in order to keep more in touch with your family and friends. Katy had once more offered you a roof for the time being, glad to spend some extra time with you again, but Shang-Chi didn't nearly show up as often as he had before.

"He's all lovey-dovey with his girlfriend now. It's disgusting." Katy joked in the middle of your round of Monopoly. You had asked her about Shang-Chi and she did not hold back.

"Of course, Jennifer is really kind, but she's so unintentionally rude at times. Yesterday, she told me she admired my bravery for wearing my hair in a bun. Like, what is that supposed to mean?" Katy joked, but you could see it had been truly bothering her.

"And one time, she cancelled our karaoke night, because she wanted to see a movie with him. Ugh." The young woman resumed, but you made no intention of talking about it with her. You had barely known the girl, so you felt bad for hearing such terrible things about her.

"Don't tell Shaun I said this, but last week, she cried because we were going to pick you up from the airport. She thought he was going to cheat on her with you." Katy explained between laughs.

"Why would she think that?" You wondered aloud, your focus no longer on the Monopoly game.

"Because the two of you used to be super cozy."

"Yes, but we were no couple." You defended, swallowing the lump in your throat, thinking about what could have been.

"You would have been if you hadn't left." Katy confessed, but she swallowed her words as quickly as they came.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for that to sound rude." She apologized. "It was great that you left because of your school, but let's be honest; you and Shaun would have literally been banging right now if you had stayed here."

"Katy!" You laughed.

"Just the truth!"

“And we can deny it as much as we want, but in time our feelings will show.”

"So, that did not work out." A voice spoke as the door opened, sighing heavily as he plopped himself down on the couch beside you.

"What happened?" Katy asked from the kitchen, busying herself with the pizzas in the oven.

"Jennifer and I broke up." Shang-Chi announced.

"Oh no! Why?" You asked, dropping the book you had been reading earlier.

"I don't know. She was acting all crazy and I did not really feel attracted to her anymore." He explained.

"Oh, I get that!" Katy began. "Remember Justin from high school?"

Both you and Shang-Chi hummed in response.

"He was cute, but only for a week. Spark kind of blew out."

You laughed at her metaphor, before turning back to Shang-Chi. "I'm really sorry for you, Shaun. She seemed like a nice girl."

All you got in response was a smile, followed by a thankful nod.

"If it's any comfort to you, we could get hot chocolate tonight. I'll pay," You announced, though Katy quickly threw off the idea.

"My show is playing tonight and I'm not missing it again. You can go with Shaun alone."

"Fine by me." You shrugged. "Hot chocolate?"

“'Cause sooner or later we'll wonder why we gave up. The truth is everyone knows.”

You and Shang-Chi had been seated in the same pub as before, the smell of hot chocolate filling your nostrils.

"Jennifer did not like you." Shang-Chi suddenly spoke up, making you frown at his words.

"Why? What did I do?"

"I have no idea." He confessed with a grin, taking a sip of his drink. "I once told her about you and ever since that moment, she had always held a grudge against you."

"What can I say? I'm just natural competition." You teased, raising your eyebrows a couple times, accompanied by a smirk.

"Perhaps." He had mumbled back, now looking at you as if it was his first time ever seeing you.

"Well, if she didn't like me, I don't like her either, so let's not spent the night dwelling about what could have been. Let's spent the night with joy!" You exclaimed, connecting your hand with his and giving it a reassuring squeeze, before returning your hand.

“Almost, almost is never enough. We were so close to being in love.”

"Katy, help. He did it again!" You yelled through the empty apartment, your mind foggy, but still half functioning. Katy emerged from her bedroom, her hair messy and her eyes half opened.

"He made me buy alcohol again!" You announced excitedly, bumping into Shang-Chi, who was clinging onto you as if you were his life-line.

"Are you both drunk?" She yawned, turning on the lights, helping the two of you to the couch.

"Just a wittle bit." Shang-Chi whispered, holding his fingers together at the 'wittle' part, a delirious grin on his face.

"But my savior is here once again." He continued, snuggling into your side as you laid on the couch, his head resting on your chest.

"This is soft." He remarked, poking it.

"Don't touch my boob, you perv." You giggled, slapping his hand away, to which he yelped a bit too dramatic for Katy's liking.

"You know, I do remember what happened New Year's Eve." Shang-Chi remarked. Katy rolled her eyes at his words, covering the both of you with a blanket.

"If I hear any moaning tonight, both of you can sleep on the street. And I mean it." She warned, before turning off the lights and walking back into her room. The second her door closed, both you and Shang-Chi burst out giggling.

"What happened New Year's Eve?" You asked, slurring half of your words.

"We kissed." He whispered, as if it had been a secret. You gasped in surprise.

"We didn't."

"Yes, we did, and it was right after I threw up." He stated proudly.

"That's disgusting!" You laughed, resting your arm around his torso.

"I did not tell you the next day because I was afraid you'd leave me again." He confessed, toying with the ends of your t-shirt.

"That's silly. I would not leave after kissing you." You defended.

"I even told you that I loved you. Maybe that's why I broke up with Jennifer. Because I still love you." Shang-Chi murmured, almost falling asleep now.

"That's crazy, because I love you too." You whispered into his hair.

"You do?"

"Mm-hmm. Ever since that dance at prom." You hummed.

"Wow....The world is crazy."

A silence struck the both of you, and for once, you thought he fell asleep. You were keen on following his example, already closing your eyes, enjoying the thought of sleep taking over.

"We'll remember this tomorrow, right?" Shang-Chi suddenly asked, his voice more quiet than before.

"Of course." You reassured. "But first, I'm going to sleep. Goodnight."

"Night night." He mumbled back, placing a soft kiss into the crook of your neck before nestling into your side more, letting sleep overtake him.

“If I would have known that you wanted me the way I wanted you, babe. Then maybe we wouldn't be two worlds apart, but right here in each other's arms.”

Breakfast had been the most difficult thing all morning; The terrible pounding on your head did not cease for once. The urge to throw up was ever present, keeping you incapable of swallowing even the tiniest bit of food.

"I'm exhausted." Shang-Chi announced, stretching his arms before resting his top half on the table, nearly dozing off on top of it.

"Don't be so loud." You shushed, holding your head in your hands, trying to cancel out his noise.

"Sorry." He mumbled through his hands as one subconsiously wandered of just to come in touch with your own. You looked up in surprise. Katy had no longer been at the table. How long had the two of you sat there? Did you fall back asleep? In the background, you heard the shower running, signifying that Katy was already done with breakfast and was busy changing.

"I know this is the worst possible timing, but do you want to go out on a date tonight? With me? Before we forget again." Shang-Chi wondered aloud, his volume down to keep your head calm.

"I'm not drinking again." You warned.

"Neither am I. I was thinking about seeing a movie."

"That can be arranged."

“And we almost, we almost knew what love was. But almost is never enough.”

But the date never came. After you were well enough to drive home a few hours later, a reckless driver bumped into the left side of your car, leaving you trapped, immobile and in terrible pain. You were gone before the ambulance could even arrive. Shang-Chi could not even properly process all of it happening. He remembered coming home to dress appropriate for the movie when the police called him, claiming he had been your emergency number. He had broken so many traffic laws to get to the hospital in time, but he knew it was useless. You had already been beyond saving when you were found.

He had spent days at your grave, telling you about the things that happened and things that he had hoped to happen. Every once in a while, he would bring hot chocolate with him, hoping to find some source of comfort, but the once sweet drink had turned bitter the second his tongue touched the familiar taste. The movie he had longed to see with you never once graced his eyes. Him and Katy had been each other's comfort; each other’s solace, but the feeling of someone missing did never go unnoticed by them.

It felt empty, humorless, and for days it had been difficult to even talk about it. But they would remain together for you. If they could not have you, they could at least have each other. And it would have to do.

“Almost is never enough baby. You know.”

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