#you ever think about what it would be like to be Qijiu's child? that's what Xie Lian is living through in that au

[levemetal]

So about that one Junmei Calamity AU

I just realized-

the soulcrushing guilt, the miscommunication, the divorce without even being married energy, the "we're getting a divorce" "we're getting married" flip flops-

Was anyone gonna tell me I Qijiu-fied Junmei or was I supposed to realize myself while high on migraine and ibuprofen.

(this is the AU in question)

[tossawary]

Thinking about the actual living arrangements between Wu Yanzi and Shen Jiu is interesting, because I would think that Wu Yanzi should be more than a little concerned that his new apprentice might decide to turn that bloody sword on him sooner or later.

Putting this below a cut because I'm talking about child abuse here.

You can come up with all sorts of angsty, abusive behavior for Wu Yanzi on the premise that he's afraid of what Shen Jiu might do, simpler examples being things like "he might have made Shen Jiu sleep outside if he was ever taking a room at an inn" and "he might have regularly taken all of Shen Jiu's belongings away because he couldn't 'trust' his disciple with them". More extreme, antagonizing examples being things like "he might have tied Shen Jiu up at night like a dog" or "he might have planted some kind of talismans that prevented Shen Jiu from coming near him or from leaving a small space". He might have even been "matter of fact" about it. Not obviously taking pleasure in a "necessary measure".

I don't think Wu Yanzi treated Shen Jiu like complete shit all the time, I think it probably would have depended on his moods, as it does with many abusers. I just think it's interesting to think about why exactly young Shen Jiu was "terrified to death" of this person. There has to have been a line of "worth putting up with this to learn some cultivation techniques" keeping Shen Jiu from deciding to just risk it and try to kill Wu Yanzi (the line ends up being Yue Qi at the Conference).

It's possible that Wu Yanzi treated Shen Jiu kind of okay most of the time, actually, trusting in his young apprentice's fear without relying on any kind of physical abuse. At the beginning, Wu Yanzi is something of a cultivator and Shen Jiu is not. By forcing Shen Jiu to participate in his foul crimes, he makes it harder for Shen Jiu to leave him, because now Wu Yanzi can threaten to TELL PEOPLE what Shen Jiu has done. And seeing Wu Yanzi kill people in horrific ways such as the Cursed Black Light talismans functions as a very effective threat by itself. "Behave or I'll kill you," is probably all the rope that Wu Yanzi would need to tie Shen Jiu up at night, honestly, stopping his apprentice from killing him in his sleep. Verbal threats and abuse are more than enough, especially when said by an actual murderer.

I think it's interesting to think about the different ways that abuse manifests, and how the different styles of abuse from Qiu Jianluo and Wu Yanzi might have affected Shen Jiu. We don't see a lot of Shen Jiu's life with Wu Yanzi, so we don't know whether or not his behavior was playfully cruel or tersely paranoid or coldly detached. It's easier to draw links between Shen Jiu's abusive treatment of Luo Binghe and Qiu Jianluo's abuse of Shen Jiu.

Anyway, I was thinking about this because I was thinking about more Canon Divergence AUs for Qijiu. Like, what if, after killing Qiu Jianluo, Shen Jiu gets a taste of what his life will be like under Wu Yanzi and throws caution to the wind to murder this guy? He desperately wants to learn cultivation, yes, but he doesn't want another master. Maybe there's some bounty on Wu Yanzi's head and Shen Jiu decides to take it, and hopefully leverage the kill as his legitimate entrance into the cultivation world?

I'm wondering how easy it would be to somehow get Shen Jiu to Cang Qiong Mountain Sect when Yue Qi has been trapped in the Ling Xi caves. I don't think that Shen Jiu would be happy about Yue Qi's imprisonment at all. That could end up being a very dramatic rescue.

[gaywarcriminals]

Please forgive grammar wrote this in a rush.

I'm writing a fanfic and a side plot point is that QHT and SQQ had SY. I've been wondering how SQQ would treat SY under these conditions. I made SY in this Au look half like SQQ and half like QHT.

So not only does he bare a resemblance to Shen jiu himself but also of Qiu haitang, also of Qiu Jianluo.

I feel like his treatment of Shen Yuan would be really bipolar, loving him one second, hating him the next.

Taking him out to eat because he has that smile childlike loving smile that Yue Qingyuan used to give him but also yelling at him and ignoring him the next because he also shared a face with the Qius.

Extra info, this is a Qijiu fic but at the moment SQQ Is raising him Yue Qingyuan is more of a uncle to him. And also he still is the Qing Jing peak but he's less hated because all of his allegations have been defended by Qiu Haitang. Despite shen jiu desperately wishing silently that she just kept her mouth shut because people now see him as someone to pity.

Ooo interesting question— I've been going back and forth on this for a day so I'm just going to say 'first thought best thought', and put my waffling under the cut. For this scenario I think he would perform the role of father for the sake of appearances and as to not lower Qiu Haitang’s opinion of him, but would be cold in private, and potentially cruel if Shen Yuan continued to seek Shen Jiu out. 

Nuance: I think this would depend on a number of factors, including under what circumstances the child was conceived, what his present relationship with QHT is like, how the child behaves, and of course their gender.

Since you didn't specify, I'm going to assume that QHT had SY pre-fire, and given the dubiously consensual nature of SJ and QHT's relationship (non-consensual, really. Slavery.) and also Everything About SJ, I'm going to assume he didn't want a child. While it might seem that such a case would inherently cause SJ to purely loath his child, I do think one could make a case to the contrary.

There are (imo) pretty explicit parallels in the text between Qiu Haitang and Ning Yingying, with the implication being that SJ favors her in part because she's like QHT. Obviously NYY not being SJ’s own child removes a lot of Baggage, but he likes her specifically because she's a child who resembles QHT. If the child was a girl who acted just like QHT? SJ has way less issues about It, and his bad-parent-isms drift more towards overprotection and over-involvement than disdain. The further they get from "Mini QHT" this worse this will go for everyone.  Shen Yuan is immediately off on the wrong foot for being a boy, of course; to SJ, the traits he likes in QHT would be signs of weakness and foolishness rather than empathy and naïveté. Anyone SJ recognizes himself in is not allowed to be weak, because SJ wasn’t. SJ does not want to break the cycle he wants everyone to suffer with him. 

The part that I’ve been really stuck on though is how SJ would feel about his son resembling Qiu Jianluo. There is no evidence in the novel that SJ ever reacts to someone because they remind him of QJL. (“A-Luo” being a trigger for SJ is not canon. Qiu Haitang never calls Qiu Jianluo that, only gege. To my understanding it would also be strange for a younger sibling to use the “A” prefix for their older sibling. Also very importantly, the “luo” in Luo Binghe and Qiu Jianluo are two different tones. With cPTSD do often spread outside of just the direct 1-to-1 reminders of events, but I feel like this is more a case of non-English speakers misunderstanding.) I’m especially uncertain of how this affects SY because I don’t think SY acts much of anything like QJL— he’s certainly not a sadist who views those below him as inhuman. The only way I can imagine SY’s behavior reminding SJ of QJL is if SY is a transmigrator who knows SJ is the scum villain, and acts hatefully towards SJ + avoids him at any cost, clinging to his mother. SY glaring or looking down on the scum villain he loathes with QJL’s eyes could definitely be triggering to SJ. Still, there is a ton of room for interpretation here because trauma responses aren’t logical nor are triggers consistent between people.

Otherwise, I think SY acts much more like a combination of SJ and QHT. This still puts SY firmly in the danger zone tho lol— SJ would massively struggle to get along with a child that reminds him of himself (points at Binghe). That brings me the to the question of who else is witnessing SJ’s interactions with SY, how much SJ cares about their opinion of him, and how likely he thinks they are to tell other people about SJ’s parenting. 

If SJ is co-parenting with QHT, then he is going to be on his best behavior. Which means no physical abuse, and less emotional abuse until the child can control itself enough not to burst into tears every time SJ reminds it of its place in the world :/ SJ coparenting with YQY depends a lot more on his present relationship with YQY. When qijiu aren’t reconciled SJ gets a sort of resentful satisfaction from being his worst self around YQY and daring the man to do anything. YQY didn’t step in with Binghe, would he step in for SJ’s own son? If qijiu are on better terms SJ has more incentive to impress YQY tho, espically because YQY seems to care about the child (although that’s a jealousy risk).

No matter what, I think SJ finds interacting with SY fundamentally uncomfortable. Even if he feels affection for him, even if SY reminds him positively of QHT or YQY, there’s the sort of grating gnawing feeling when SJ looks at him too long. SJ is a busy man, anyways— the boy should leave him to his work and make himself scarce. 

[azaisya]

no art for this week bc its been crazy so have 1.7k of alternate ending/sequel to Sleeping Awake (my de-aged shen jiu fic). This was where I was going with the original before I decided I wanted to focus more on the qijiu, so some of the stuff in the beginning is repeated. If I was writing a sequel (which I probably won’t), then this would probably be how it started.

“Take one of my robes?” Yue Qingyuan asked, voice small. 

Shen Qingqiu hesitated, his awareness of how underdressed he was going to war with the instinct to refuse anything from Yue Qingyuan. He’d spent the last however-many-decades violently exploding every time Yue Qingyuan gave him a gift. He’d assumed they’d been given out of pity or obligation, expensive baubles to cover up the dirt of Shen Jiu’s past. 

But—

He really was very underdressed. This robe was one of the outfits he’d worn to sneak out to the Warm Red Pavilion, back when he’d been a lesser disciple and in need of subterfuge to get off his Peak. 

Wordlessly, Shen Qingqiu picked up Yue Qingyuan’s outer robe from where they’d carelessly dumped it the night before and slid it over his arms. It was a little too big and he chafed at wearing another person’s colors, but the look on Yue Qingyuan’s face was worth it. 

With a sarcastic wave, Shen Qingqiu turned on his heel and strode from his room.

The robe was a little less worth it when Yue Qingyuan’s head disciple dropped a teapot in shock when she saw him. 

He ignored her. She was the overly candid girl who’d intercepted him and Luo Binghe yesterday, but that didn’t surprise him. Yue Qingyuan was too soft with his disciples, and she was clever. Of course she would be outspoken. 

At the thought of Luo Binghe, Shen Qingqiu grimaced. He’d specifically ordered that the beast wasn’t to be fed all weekend. Ning Yingying had probably ignored that and brought him food anyways, charmed as she was by Luo Binghe’s pretty, pitiable face. 

He should lock him in the woodshed for another week, just for that. 

The thought made him falter, and he spared a moment to be intensely grateful that nobody was around to see him trip on nothing. 

He’d always told himself that he was nothing like Qiu Jianluo. That he’d only ever beaten boys who deserved it, that they should be grateful that he hadn’t done worse. 

He’d never touched any of them, after all, no matter what the rumors said about him. 

But his younger self hadn’t even needed to think before equating Luo Binghe’s shizun with Qiu Jianluo. 

That was another revelation, Shen Qingqiu supposed, to add on to all the others he was having. He didn’t like that one very much. It wasn’t earth-shatteringly surprising in the way that Yue Qingyuan’s apparently unconditional devotion was. 

Perhaps that said something about him. 

He didn’t like that very much either. 

He was still turning the matter over in his mind when he arrived at Qing Jing Peak’s familiar landscape. It was late enough in the day that his disciples should already be at their lessons, and they would survive a few more hours without him. 

The bamboo house was almost exactly as he’d left it, but somebody had made his bed and moved the black and silver fan—Yue Qingyuan’s latest gift—onto a table. It was a deceptively plain thing, despite the value of its skeleton. Shen Qingqiu suspected that the painting—bamboo and distant birds—had been done by Yue Qingyuan himself. It had the hesitant, detailed brushwork of somebody unused to painting but had tried their best anyways. 

It was the most sentimental gift that Yue Qingyuan had ever given him. His other gifts were impersonal things worth exorbitant amounts of money that suit Shen Qingqiu’s carefully cultivated image. 

Shen Qingqiu would’ve thrown them away, if there wasn’t some part of him that balked at wasting that much money. Mostly, they just languished in the backs of drawers or vanished into boxes. He’d thrown some of the more egregious pieces into Yue Qingyuan’s face. 

The fan was different, though. He could see the time that Yue Qingyuan had spent on it, could see the care and emotion poured into every brush stroke. 

It’d broken him. 

With a sigh, Shen Qingqiu shrugged off the borrowed robe and, after a beat, laid it out on his bed. His own clothes were more complex. His younger self would have despaired at all the finicky ties and complicated layers, but Shen Qingqiu managed with ease. 

With each layer he pulled on, the more that strange, nervous energy in his chest settled. It was as if something inside of him had been knocked off-kilter by his qi deviation and then shoved even further askew by the discovery that Yue Qingyuan had returned for him and the sudden realization that he’d come far too close to the line that Qiu Jianluo had drawn. 

The clothes made him feel more like himself. A doubtful boon, given the scum that he was. 

He turned to leave again but then hesitated, eyes lingering on his bed. Yue Qingyuan’s robes were a streak of shadow across the green sheets. 

He’d been so afraid, when he’d woken up the morning before. 

He wondered if Qiu Haitang was still alive. He hoped she was. He hoped she was happy. 

Was that fucked up?

Maybe.

Setting his jaw, Shen Qingqiu snatched the closest fan—Yue Qingyuan’s fan, the one that had started this all—and swept from the room. He made his way towards the woodshed with a calm, steady stride, the black and silver fan held loosely in his hand. 

He could see the distant shapes of his disciples running around the mountain, tiny blobs of white and green. A sudden anxiety struck him, so sharply that the fan creaked as his grip tightened around it. 

What if Luo Binghe had told them?

Shen Qingqiu couldn’t imagine how his disciples—the children of wealthy lords and poor farmers alike—would look at him if they learned that he was nothing more than a worthless slave. 

A couple of his disciples—the quicker ones, talking cheerfully while their peers tried to finish their laps around the peak—noticed him and ran over. Shen Qingqiu panicked and opened his fan with a flick of his wrist, raising it over his face. 

“Shizun!” the short-haired girl—Lin Xieran—called, as uncomplicatedly delighted to see him as ever. Neither of them looked alarmed or disgusted. If anything, they seemed a little more cheerful than usual to see him, although they were well trained enough to bow instead of run up him and cling. 

Shen Qingqiu rewarded them both with gentle pats on the head. If his hand trembled, none of them mentioned it. 

Luo Binghe, he thought, that off-kilter uncertainty creeping back into his chest, What game are you playing?

Well. He would find out soon enough. Voice as smooth as ever, Shen Qingqiu asked, “Where is your Ming-shixiong?”

The shorter one—a round-faced boy named Sun Tiandou who looked younger than he was—wrinkled his nose. “Ming-shixiong is still running with everybody else.”

Shen Qingqiu nodded imperiously. That was good. Ming Fan had been raised by respectable parents on a comfortable estate, and so he was prone to panicking over even the most minor of injuries. If he’d gone out to run willingly without his shizun’s prompting, then he couldn’t be terribly injured. “Good. And—” The beast died in his tongue. 

Had Qiu Jianluo called him a beast? He couldn’t remember. 

“—and Luo Binghe?”

Sun Tiandou’s expression tilted uncomfortably, but Lin Xieran’s lip curled at the name. “Oh,” she said, waving a hand flippantly, “He’s still in the woodshed.”

Shen Qingqiu idly poked at his newfound disgust with himself and discovered that it didn’t extend far enough to compel him to scold Xieran for her coldness. “Very good,” he said instead, “You’ve both done well today.” 

Their expressions turned instantly starstruck, and Shen Qingqiu continued down the path towards the woodshed. 

To his displeasure, there was a figure sitting against the woodshed’s door. He would’ve thought it was Luo Binghe if it weren’t for the bright orange of Ning Yingying’s favorite hair ribbons. She spotted him and leaped to her feet, waving her arm with the enthusiasm of a child who’d never been punished before. 

Shen Qingqiu flicked his fan open and waved it gently at his face. “What are you do—” All his breath left him in a rush as Ning Yingying threw herself at him, hands flying around his waist. 

Shen Qingqiu sighed and waited for her to let go. She did quickly enough, dancing back a couple steps and grinning up at him. “Shizun!” 

He examined her over the edge of his fan, tracing the shape of her bright brown eyes and her round face. He wondered if she really did look like Qiu Haitang, or if his mind had just seen a bright girl with gentle smiles and made the connection for him. “What is Yingying doing here?”

Ning Yingying’s expressions turned as sly as it ever went. Mostly she just ducked her head and scuffed her feet. “Yingying is, um—” She looked around, spotted the dirty dishes lying where she’d been sitting earlier, and hastily said, “Cleaning! Yingying is cleaning.”

Shen Qingqiu raised one eyebrow and didn’t bother replying. 

Ning Yingying fidgeted with the edge of her sleeve. “And, um, waiting for Shizun!” She looked up, lips curling into a hopeful smile. “This one is glad that Shizun is feeling better!”

Fear beat another staccato rhythm against Shen Qingqiu’s spine, a desperate rattling of what did Luo Binghe say. He revealed none of it on his face. “Did Yingying bring food to Luo Binghe during his punishment?”

Ning Yingying visibly drooped. “He’s so small, Shizun—”

Shen Qingqiu opened his mouth and then shut it, feeling suddenly tired. The rebuke on the tip of his tongue faded, and he just sighed. “Take the plates back to the kitchens.” 

Ning Yingying peeked up at him, hope lighting her eyes. “Yes, Shizun!” She ran to grab the plates and then scuttled back, eyes wide. “Shizun isn’t going to punish A-Luo, right? He didn’t ask me to bring the food.”

Any other day, and Shen Qingqiu’s temper would have flared at the familiar address. Instead, he just said sharply, “I’ve warned you to keep your distance from him, Yingying. Do as I say.” 

Ning Yingying nodded. “Yes, Shizun.” 

Liar. He didn’t call her on it, though. “Go.” 

She sketched a bow, shallower than she should’ve, and dashed off. But that was alright, because she was his favorite and she knew it.

[jooniely]

i really want to know wth mxtx was smoking when she wrote svsss ,the premise was cool the first chapters were adorable and funny so how come it became soooooooo horrible, bingqiu is one of the worst toxic relationships ever, like it makes no fucking sense, one instance SQQ call LB a child the next they're in true love uwu ,The power inbalance is soo jarring ,LB literary never listens to a word SQQ says, hurts him,balantly disrespects SQQ friends ,coherce SQQ and guilt trip him into loving him, and leaving everyone he knows for him, what Binghe needs is a restraining order, and life long therapy and fix his daddy issues, but it seems that the majority of danmeis idea of love is toxic abusive relationships ,i am not against the ship , from the way the fans talked about Bingqiu i was looking forward to see their love blossom and them making up in a healthy way, but god was i dissapointed , like at least make it believable ,give them time to talk about their feelings ,clear the misunderstandings ,heal the wounds ,not whatever the hell that rape scene was about ,so is mxtx trying to tell us that raping the man you love with their consent "whatever the fuck this is supposed to mean " tormenting hurting and making them bleed ,is more important than them having a heart to heart conversation about the fuck ups they commited ,and showing how much they cherish each other , the fans will tell you that NO it's a deconstruction of the papapa to save the world trope ,like wtf is that even supposed to mean ,she deconstruct it by using the same awful shit

Anyway svsss was good at first and then it spiraled to complete nonsense ,it felt like mxtx just wanted to get it over with and move on, sooo much lost potentiel ,i recommend reading well written fix it fanfictions to get over the atrocity of canon, there are plenty of good liushen and qijiu fics out there

And sorry that i rambled a lot and for my bad english, i am just super dissapointed ,this wasn't what i signed up for when i read the many positive reviews

Hey anon let's be friends lol. I agree with everything here. You can clearly tell this was mxtx's first novel. Someone said they wrote it when they were in high school? So maybe it was also cuz they were young that it had some not so great things.

I finished the novel this morning and I was still NOT a fan. That scene was written in a way to make it seem like it was not sexjal assault but it clearly was. Binghe wasn't even mentally present and was not able to give consent and was terrified of what he did. This is the first time I saw the old binghe from the past come out. Shizun didn't give consent either. He basically just accepted his fate. You're right, how is it deconstructing a trope if you're gonna write the trope? And I think a lot of readers don't realize that this entire scene didn't need to happen. It was some bullshit reason that the author fully knew was bullshit. You have to wait for the special item to load? That's never happened, if it loaded right when shizun asked for it, then there would have not been that assault scene.

A lot of ppl use in universe reasons to explain why some things needed to be done but I'm here wondering why the author needed to add these things. At least let your characters suffer the consequences? Consequences for actions don't always mean getting hurt physically after making a wrong decision. It means after so much trauma, both binghe and shizun would barely be mentally functioning. Shizun's thoughts should have been a mess because this is his student but he also raised him and now that student is obsessed with him. One dream he meets old binghe and literally gets his limbs ripped then the next second sees baby binghe and he's okay after it. Even when he sees older binghe there's no residual fear.

With binghe being a psycho, and it being his sword that was poisoning his mind, why didn't someone immediately try to destroy the sword? Then when binghe is getting his therapy we could have explored the love between them.

As it stands I still don't see the love. I don't wanna read the extras to see whatever love that will develop there because those are extras. That shit should have been in the main book. But whatever I gave it a skim and literally already we got another assault scene. And old binghe wants shizun all of a sudden? The same one you repeatedly tortured?? Why???

Tbh old binghe and old shizun would probably get along well if shizun hadn't been abusive towards him cuz they were both psychos.

Shen yuan essentially looked like he just accepted whatever fate he had. Not once did I feel like he realized this world was his life now and not still some book, he's no longer and outsider. And also to just leave everything? It doesn't seem like to us but he spent years with his sect and qingge and qi ge. Oh my god the connection between old qingqiu and his child hood "friend" that should have been focused on more because in those few scenes we got so much material. So much emotional and complex scenes. I really hope there's a fic that explores this thread.

Anyways I still think their relationship is toxic. I know a lot of ppl still enjoy it and I'm okay with that as long as they know it's fictional. Some ppl are okay with toxic things as long as it's fictional but no matter what some say, it's scientifically proven that fiction affects reality. So as long as things stay fictional and ppl aren't looking at them and thinking this is okay or healthy then I have no issue. Not everyone will agree and understand each other so each side should stay on their own with one hating and the other loving, on their own.

I also ended up ranting lol. If u wanna talk more u can send another ask or just message me I don't mind! If u have read mxtx other works I would love to talk about them as well! Also you're English is perfect!

[tossawary]

Chapter 19: “Weddings and Funerals” of “pride is not the word I’m looking for” random favorite lines with commentary because I’m doing a re-read. Not a full list or full commentary. 

-

 When Shang Qinghua told Mobei-Jun that he didn’t need Shen Qingqiu assassinated, it wasn’t because he thought everything would somehow work out if he just sat back and didn’t do anything. It definitely wasn’t because he was planning a so-called “perfect murder” and didn’t want the demon lord messing up his plans. The Problem of Shen Qingqiu has always been a lot more  complicated than “just get rid of the guy potentially making my nephew’s life a living hell”. That’s why it’s a real problem! 

- 

AN: Shang Qinghua’s thought process: “Can this problem be solved by: 

A) Waiting for the problem to go away? 

B) Murder? 

C) None of the above? 

If the answer is C... 

Fuck, it’s a real problem.” 

- 

 Shang Qinghua thinks that might actually be possible, though he’d have to do some research and smack his head until his Author God memories hopped into line. He thinks that the youth-restoration procedure would probably do the job, but he also thinks that Shen Qingqiu would probably rather be dead than be physically sixteen again or something (super fucking understandable) and have to start the cultivation process over from scratch (ah, that would be so annoying and embarrassing). 

- 

AN: Given that I actually invented a de-aging potion for this fic (if one that’s difficult to put together), the AU of “Original Shen Qingqiu is physically 16 again” has been rattling around inside my head ever since I wrote these lines. Shen Qingqiu was like, “Wait, let me picture how unbearably overprotective Yue Qingyuan would be... hmm... no, I’ll just stay like this.” 

- 

 Luo Jiahui seems a little anxious about the empty spaces at the table, but she fills the space as best she can by chattering about assorted restaurant business. At least until she abruptly takes a deep breath and says, “Hua-Ge, I have something to tell you.” 

 Shang Qinghua freezes in the middle of taking a drink. His unhelpful brain immediately races to guess the worst possible conversational subjects. His sister-in-law has somehow figured out that he’s a transmigrator?! His sister-in-law has decided that her son is not going to the Demon Realm under any circumstances?! His sister-in-law knows Binghe better than he does and has realized that the young protagonist is being abused after all?! Oh,  fuck, what is it? 

 “I’m getting married!” Luo Jiahui announces, breathlessly. 

 “Oh,” Shang Qinghua says, heart rate going at the speed of sound. “Wait,  what?” 

- 

AN: This chapter is why I didn’t go into the details of LJH/LQG in the last chapter, immediately post-timeskip. I wanted to blindside everyone with an “Oh, it’s THAT serious?!” moment. The last chapter established that “SQH is handling things”, then this chapter establishes that, as the plot goes on, “SQH is only barely handling things”. Which helps prep the following breakdown with the System World Update in chapters 20-22. 

- 

 “You didn’t have any time for yourself,” Shang Qinghua agrees, following this conversation of very obvious things that he already knew so far. He didn’t have any time for himself back then either, between organizing a conference and finding a cure on top of the usual day-in-day-out of the sect. “You did a really good job looking after them all by yourself!” 

 “They don’t always agree with that,” Luo Jiahui says, smiling but self-deprecating. 

 “Aha, well, they’re young.” 

 The disagreements of what was best for the children is why Shang Qinghua really had to get Fanli (who didn’t see herself as a child) out of the house by any means necessary. He was at a bit of a loss at how else to help. She was never part of  Proud Immortal Demon Way! Not even as a fragment of backstory mentioned in passing! Shang Qinghua struggles to compensate for these extra people who were never characters sometimes. 

 “Qingge was very understanding,” Luo Jiahui says. “But… well… then Fanli was gone and I had the restaurant keeping me busy, but that was all my own choice… and what good was waiting really doing us? It didn’t have to be everything or nothing. So… we talked… about what we wanted and what- what we were afraid of… and we decided to go forward slowly.” 

- 

AN: I said in the Author’s Notes on AO3 that I was going to use Jiage to shame Moshang and Qijiu, and I meant it. TALK TO EACH OTHER!!! Shang Qinghua, you need to talk to Mobei-Jun about what you want! Shang Qinghua, you can’t keep putting things on hold because of the plot! 

- 

 No offense to either his sister-in-law or his junior martial brother, but aren’t love stories supposed to be a little more… fiery? 

 “When I was younger, I thought that falling in love was supposed to be all excitement and passion and not being able to live without someone even for a second,” Luo Jiahui admits, a little wistfully. “I thought that it was supposed to be thinking about them all the time, not being able to stay away from each other, and needing to know what they’d been doing every second they were away. It was like becoming a completely different person. I thought that being in love was about one of us getting horribly jealous every time we even talked to someone else, doing things I didn’t really understand and changing myself just to keep him happy, and keeping secrets and sneaking around just to keep things from exploding. Because love is not being able to help yourself like that, right?” 

 Shang Qinghua can’t really manage to speak right now. 

 It’s like someone has cut his fucking throat. 

 Which is fine! 

 “But that ended really badly for me,” Luo Jiahui says, with a nervous huff at her own understatement. “It was very exciting, but looking back, being in that kind of love was also very frightening sometimes… and it was a little lonely too… being in love with someone I couldn’t really talk to or trust.” 

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AN: This is more specifically vagueing SVSSS Bingqiu than Moshang, but it’s also shaming Moshang too. Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky wrote some extremely messed-up romances and he would have said, “Yes! It’s all super messed-up! That’s kind of the point!” But it also means that the man can’t really conceptualize (at least at first) or articulate the kind of relationship he would actually be happy to have with Mobei-Jun, especially when his relationship with Mobei-Jun had such violent beginnings 

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 The first person he tells himself is, weirdly enough, Qi Qingqi. Liu Qingge apparently already told both Liu Mingyan and Luo Fanli before he left, so Shang Qinghua heads over to see how the girls are handling it. (Also, he wants to pump Liu Mingyan for information on her mother’s opinions on weddings and marriage, in a really pathetic attempt to ready himself for the rumble.) He makes her agree to keep the information to herself before telling and she does, like a bro! 

 And then he tells and she laughs in his fucking face! Eventually, she realizes that he’s looking for sympathy, he’s not just here to let her enjoy his suffering, as a form of payment after everything he and Liu Qingge have inflicted on her. Then she laughs at him again, even louder. 

 Sure, he’d laugh too if he was in her shoes! But not to her face! Rude! 

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AN: Qi Qingqi also pointed while laughing, I think. It’s funny because it’s not her dealing with Liu Family shit this time. 

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 Shang Qinghua expected, this time last year, to be laser-focused on the plot! His attention was not going to stray even a little bit, he promised himself; he was going to be 110% dedicated to making sure that everyone he tripped into caring about made it through the least shitty version of  Proud Immortal Demon Way  possible. He was going to be a  machine  of a transmigrator! No distractions! All he wanted was for his family to make it through the quickest, least shitty bare bones of a plot! And he was going to  achieve, damn it! 

 Instead, he finds himself planning his sister-in-law’s wedding and it eats up time he didn’t fucking know he had to give. Immortal Alliance Conference, eat your fucking heart out! Cang Qiong Mountain Sect? Did he work there? Nope, he’s never heard of the place! He’s the Peak Lord of wedding planning now! 

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AN: This is me telling myself I’m going to get my life 100% together and then getting into a new video game and baking cookies instead. Or ditching my housecleaning plans to hang out with friends at a moment’s notice. 

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 At the wedding itself, Fanli tells her sister’s father-in-law that Binghe is also  very into birds and Shang Qinghua’s nephew spends a good chunk of the rest of the celebrations (and his precious time away from Qing Jing Peak) held hostage by his own politeness, listening to his new grandfather earnestly tell him about the various migration habits of demonic birds. 

 Well! Better him than Shang Qinghua, honestly! 

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AN: Inspired by that time we went on vacation and one of my brothers got mistaken by one of our travelling companions for a budding serious birdwatcher instead of someone who just thinks they’re neat - and also likes to point at them and intentionally call them by the wrong name. 

Also, LQG’s Dad in this fic and SY would probably get along super well. 

LQG and his dad in this universe have gone out on month-long camping trips to in which they pretty much don’t talk the entire time. They stalk monsters through the wilderness and have a great time.

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 Shang Qinghua is too busy keeping an eye on Luo Fanli and being  not talked to by Liu Mingyan, who is eighteen-ish years old now he thinks and still deeply embarrassed by the fact that he told her off for her real person fiction. (He doesn’t want to discourage her passion for writing! She’s pretty good for a kid! It’s pretty cute! Everyone needs their escapist hobbies! He just doesn’t want identifying information about his family being spread around freely, even if the characterizations of the couple are… uh… wildly reimagined, and he doesn't want to have to spend his very valuable time keeping a lookout for more illicit fiction.) It’s difficult to read her expression through the ever-present veil, but… yeah, she’s still pissed off at him.

 Ugh, teenagers. 

 Binghe is not allowed to bring several hundred nieces-in-law into Shang Qinghua's life. Just... no. Fuck, no. 

 He doesn’t even get a date to commiserate about this with. 

 It’s a very small wedding, family only (Luo Jiahui’s shitty parents  don’t count  and her older brother was forced to decline the invitation), so that Luo Jiahui and Liu Qingge can keep their privacy. Madam Liu huffed about it - the battles in talking her down were both great and terrible - but her son stood his ground! Sure, people might whine someday about not being invited, but the great thing about Liu Qingge is that they can more or less just say,  “Well, we couldn’t stop him from doing whatever he wanted!”  And people just have to take that unless they want to claim they could take on the Bai Zhan Peak War God! 

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AN: Trying to imagine the AU in which SQH brought MBJ as his date to this wedding. SQH would’ve liked to be able to bring MBJ as a date, but alas, they are not dating and the groom would probably try to kill the man. 

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 Shang Qinghua is not expecting, soon after returning from his sister-in-law’s happy and long-awaited wedding, to be solemnly informed that Shen Qingqiu’s health has only really deteriorated these past months. Wow, that’s a huge downer. 

 Also, he already knew that? He’s been getting Mu Qingfang all the right supplies to treat their shixiong. He didn’t actually abandon his duties to the sect for a family wedding. He knew that Shen Qingqiu had fallen sufficiently ill to need tending on Qian Cao Peak in the past month and he considered it, well, convenient timing in regards to Binghe’s permission to attend his mother’s wedding not being randomly revoked. Cold-hearted, maybe! But he had lots of other things to worry about at the time, like informing Mobei-Jun that his sister-in-law was getting married and so he’d be regrettably absent to attend the wedding. 

 Then he’s told that Shen Qingqiu is not expected to improve this time. 

  “Oh, shit, they really think he’s dying,” Shang Qinghua realizes. 

 This really wasn’t in  Proud Immortal Demon Way. 

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AN: I seriously contemplated cutting this chapter in half because of this mood switch. Like, I went in intending on writing a serious mood switch, but in practice, wow. It felt like a lot more in practice. 

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 “Our sect leader asks about the boy and his progress,” Shen Qingqiu rasps, his voice turning more and more accusing. “He’s  so very  concerned about the boy. We can’t have such a beloved child  crying  to his devoted family that he’s been mistreated or neglected, can we? How flattering these assumptions are. It makes a man wonder what exactly people think he’s going to  do to the boy.” 

 Shang Qinghua might have an itemized list somewhere, honestly. 

 “Ah, I can’t speak for anyone else,” Shang Qinghua says finally. “But please don’t take it personally, Shen-Shixiong. I don’t really trust anyone. Anything can happen behind a locked door, you know?” 

 Some honest cynicism can go over well with the man. 

 Shen Qingqiu laughs bitterly now. 

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AN: It can be fun in media where Character A is like, “Ahhh, I hope no one discovers my secret!” And Character B is like, “So, about this extremely obvious thing that you’re doing...!” 

Shen Qingqiu is as honest and open as he is throughout this scene because he honestly thinks that he’s dying. He’s determined to be blithe about it. 

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Shang Qinghua at least gets to see Mu Qingfang’s face journey as Shen Qingqiu accuses their sect leader of letting him think that he’d left him to die. As Shen Qingqiu yells about being treated like an unwanted ghost, as a potential blackmailer, as an embarrassing disappointment, as a petty troublemaker, as a spoiled child, as a problem to be solved, and as the last blemish on Yue Qingyuan’s reputation - anything but as someone worthy of being trusted with Yue Qingyuan’s problems and of being treated like an equal friend. 

 Yue Qingyuan tries to explain that he didn’t think Shen Qingqiu wanted to hear his excuses, and Shen Qingqiu shoots back that he would rather fucking die than beg the man he’d thought had forgotten about him to explain when exactly he became not worth rescuing as soon as possible. 

 Yue Qingyuan tries to explain that he didn’t want Shen Qingqiu’s pity or to force the man to be grateful that he’d  tried. 

 Shen Qingqiu tells the man to go fuck himself. How could it not hurt for someone he loved to hurt him and then just…  move past the hurt  like the pain wasn’t  who they were? 

 “All the world could revile me… reject me… leave me to die… and I would pay their hatred no heed! What do they truly know of what I am? Of who I am?” Shen Qingqiu demands. “But if  Qi-Ge  could throw me away… decide that I just wasn’t worth the  trouble anymore now that he’d had a taste of a better life… then I really must be wretched beyond all things at the root! If he believed it, then… then it had to be true.” 

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AN: Because I just wrote a Qijiu confrontation over this exact thing, like, a few days before, I thought that I could get away with writing out this entire confrontation in full. I think it works better if the audience has to imagine some of it. And because SQH is the POV character, it felt right that he not be in the room and not be a full witness to this scene. He doesn’t get to see everything.