#you either die a fan of a competitive league or live long enough to see said league become a cupcake league

[nadianadims]

amazing how all the american woso fanboys who routinely do the absolute most to shit on lyon and diminish their accomplishments are currently getting themselves off over how ncc is suddenly the “best team in the world” after having won both the league and the championship with a considerable margin

[cultgambles]

BNHA Soulmate AU

I know I did one for mysme (more than 2 years ago omg!) but BNHA deserves one too

Yes..i do realize how random this list is ? i dont care

Word count: 1200

Masterlist | Requests? open

Hawks: it’s impossible to lie to your soulmate/the truth comes out

You were just a pastry chef down near Hawks’ agency

“So, I heard you made pretty good treats here?” he asked one day, stepping up to the counter

Not a normal Tuesday anymore, huh?

“Yup! I think they’re pretty good. Anything you’re dying to try?”

“Yeah, you--” Hawks’ slapped a gloved hand over his mouth, mustering up the most apologetic look he could do

“Ha ha, I heard you were a charmer! I just didn’t expect you to be quite this forward. How about a chocolate croissant?” you blushed.

“Sure, that sounds great..”

“700 yen please!” Hawks drops the coins in your palm. You hand him the pastry and tell him to come again, to which he says he definitely will

He does, the next day, and the next, and even the one after that

Your shop is also getting more popular too, since his fans want to try and get a look see at him

“So, Hawks, how’s your hero work going?” You ask him one calm afternoon. He’s sitting at one of the booths, and you’re sweeping.

“S’aight. Spying for the league, no biggie.”

“HUH?”

“You weren’t...supposed to know that.” his eyes turn to slits and he stands, not much taller than you, but his wings make him look massive.

“Hey, hey! I’m not gonna tell anyone!” you throw your hands up. “Cross my heart and hope to die!”

“Well I don’t want you to die,” he sighs, “it’s strange, I can’t seem to keep any secrets to myself around you, I just wanna tell you everything.”

“I feel the same. That day we met, and you said that, I was ready to drop everything and leave with you just to please you.”

“Is that so?” he grins.

 Every time one of you tries to lie or hold back what you’re truly thinking, it’s like a burning in your chest 

One time y’all had a competition to see how long you could do it

Keigo won

He likes knowing you’re always transparent to him, much better than the commission

Aizawa: before meeting in real life, you meet in the dream world

Why is he always sleeping? Oh, cuz he’s tired from hero work, and he also gets to see you

Damn timezones, damn you for living in California…

“Sensei,” it’s three in the afternoon, don’t you think we should be in a lesson right now? Iida asks.

“It’s 10 at night in California,” he mumbles, turning over in his sleeping bag.

“What did he mean by that?” the others wonder aloud.

In the dream world, he sees you in a meadow filled with wildflowers

Your hair splayed out, the grass tickling your nose

“Shota! You’re here!” you laugh, “come lay in the flowers with me!”

“Hi, [Y/N],” he smiles, laying opposite to you

“What’s happening in Japan?”

“The villains have been acting up, but the kids are working just as hard at their own studies and quirks. How are you?” Aizawa laces his long fingers with yours

“That’s nice, I’m sure they appreciate such a good teacher. And there was a storm a couple days ago, so rainy.”

“Come visit me”

“Now?”

“Of course now” he says, serious as a heart attack 

It takes a lot of convincing, but he manages to do it

Only, you don’t tell him, so while you’re on your flight, he’s sleeping in class and you’re awake doing a crossword and he’s looking for u in the dreamscape like --where they at lmao

He comes home from work to see you sitting on his door mat

So mad you didn’t tell him lol

Edgeshot: your shadow is the same shape as your soulmate, and same for them

First of all, petition to have more edgeshot in fics LIKE...have you heard his sub voice? So fucking hot--

Anyways

You have a weird shape in general (cuz his hair) and then for it to just get real skinny sometimes? It’s just like whaaaaa

His (your shadow) is more normal person shape

Honestly finds you one day from just doing hero work

Happens to glance down as he’s changing his arm into a blade and sees it happen

You approach him after he’s on the ground with Mt. Lady for photos

And he made and off hand comment about how he thinks he saw your shadow changed but wasn’t too sure

So he invited you to dinner just to make sure what he saw was correct

Respectful guy 

Love him

Dabi: initials tattooed on your person 

T.T was written on the inside of your left wrist, and you always covered it with a yellow ribbon. 

Your mother had told you how detrimental soulmates were, especially since hers had left the two of you one summer evening

Sometimes it made you sad that she instilled that belief in you, but it quickly goes away since you basically live in the worst parts of town

There’s more important things to worry about than a silly soulmate, and obviously they aren’t that forever

Thus you found yourself in the League of Villains

It was the night Dabi and Toga stumbled in.

He said, “I go by Dabi now,” and you were curious.

You observed him like he did the whole group, his gaze never staying on you for long, but flitting over to you frequently

Dabi kept his distance from practically everyone, however he did like your no-nonsense personality and the fact that you didn’t bother him like everyone else

Unless for missions, that was really the only time he talked to you

He was curious about your ribbon though, but he kept that inside

He’s not stupid, it must be for some soulmate

Probably left you and that’s why you’re in the league, and you cover it up like you’re ashamed

He had a mark too, long ago, before it burnt off with the rest of his skin on his wrist

Some of it must still be there though, that area is slightly more raised than the rest

He tries not to think about it

Day of him telling the world who he is

Both your wrists feel hot

You untie your ribbon, and it looks the same, perhaps a little darker?

You stare at him, watching Dabi

He briefly looks down at his own wrist and then back at you

You barely notice his lips turn upwards, and then he turns around to do his lil dancey dance

Honestly don’t see him for a while after that, he’s having cool down time

Knocks on your door at the hideout one evening

“So it’s you?”

“It’s me”

He takes you up to the roof, and y’all just sit in silence

But a good silence...you think. Honestly hard to tell.

Soon enough, he grabs your arm and runs his fingers over his initials

“Touya Todoroki, it’s a great name,” you parrot back to him softly

“Your name ain’t that bad either, dollface”

[fearfulkittenwrites]

Nighmares/Hallucinations

Word count: 1353

Notes: Hello! I don't have much to say except that I hope the anon likes it bc I think I might have taken the request a little too freely, and I'm sorry. I just couldn't write anything other than this, for some reason I just scrapped everything bc it sounded horrible. Anyway, hope you enjoy!

(This is a fill for @3ambird​‘s batfam bingo!)

Duke found himself staring at the ceiling again. His heart was no longer racing, but he wouldn’t exactly say that he was calm either. This is the moment after the end of a race you lost, when all of the adrenaline is starting to wear off and the hopelessness sets in. That’s it. You’re out of the competition, buddy.

Except that this isn’t a race, and Duke hasn’t just lost his spot for the finals. He had simply lost sleep.

He gets up, silently opening the door so as not to wake anyone up. As he walks through the hallway, he raises an eyebrow when he finds a sleepy (and now paralized) Damian with a hand on Dick’s doorknob.

“Say a word, and I’ll cut off your tongue, Thomas.” He whispers threateningly.

Duke puts his hands up and pretends he’s zipping his mouth up. Damian nods and slides into the room.

Duke keeps walking heading out for the balcony in the living room of the second floor. It was always so bright, illuminated by the stars and the moon, and he didn’t even need to turn on any lights in clearer nights such as this one. It really was a pity that this sky was only visible in the outskirts of Gotham. The people here suffer so much, it would be only fair the sky would be able to bring them some comfort before bed, but just as everything else, it seemed to be a privilege for the richest.

“Hey,” Jason greets Duke from the edge of the balcony, startling the boy a little “What are you doing up, punk?” He smirks.

“Could ask you the same question.” Duke shoots back, leaning forward against the handrails.

“Yeah, but I asked you first.” Jason says, laughing. The smell of his minty gum hits Duke’s face hard, almost making him sick.

“Couldn’t sleep.” He shrugs.

“That’s a bit clear.” Jason laughs again, and more of the gum’s minty scent flows through the air. Duke takes a step back.

“God Jason, what’s with the dreadful gum?”

“Don’t like it?” He smiles, blowing in the teen’s direction. He laughs as Duke fans his breath away.

“No. It’s making me sick.” He frowns.

“Well, sorry, but I really can’t help it.” He raises his shoulders “I’m trying to quit smoking again. This is better than cigar smoke, I’m sure.”

“Actually, yes.” Duke raises his eyebrows “And I’m happy for you.”

“Yeah, well, I died once and it was dreadful enough.” Jason shrugs “If I’m gonna die again, I just hope it’s not from lung cancer or a heart attack. Besides, I don’t wanna risk the one good part of me if y’know what I’m saying.” He exaggeratedly winks and points down at his crotch.

Duke laughs, rubbing his face at the nonsense.

“But you didn’t answer my question, not really.” Jason tries again “What’s keeping you up?”

“What do you care?” Duke smiles, but he’s a bit confused. Jason frowns.

“You’re my brother.” He says “What do you mean ‘What do I care’, is Dick the only one allowed to be caring in this house now?”

“I guess not.” Duke raises an eyebrow “I just never took you for the type to want to chit chat at four in the morning.” Jason stares at him blankly, annoyed “Alright, alright!” He puts his hands up “I’ve been having some pretty bad nightmares since the last time with Scarecrow, that’s all.”

“Ah, I get it.” Jason nods, supporting his weight on the handrails as he looks up to the starry sky “I’m always having my fair share of nightmares too.” He pauses to chew at his gum for a while, considering his next words “I guess this is where I should say it gets better, right?”

Duke chuckles.

“Yeah, probably.”

“Well, I can’t.” Jason hunches over, eyes dropping to the pale green grass lit by the moonlight “I don’t think I need to lie about this to you, kid.”

“You’re not that much older than me.” Duke complains “But yeah, I don’t think you do.”

“It’s enough of a difference for me.” Jason smirks at the boy “And in all honesty, I’ve never really been as good as Dick with the comforting talks.” He directs his gaze to the horizon, and God knows where his eyes are focusing right now “The thing is, when we live the way we do, we all get a little fucked up, for good. If nightmares are what we have to deal with, then, hell, I think we have it easy.” Jason spits his gum out, somehow hitting the trash can under them perfectly. He sighs again “Tim has panic attacks sometimes. Cass never learned how to read and still has problems communicating. Dick seems positive and productive to an outsider, but he struggles with anxiety and God knows how many other undiagnosed mental illnesses. Damian clearly has PTSD, even if he refuses to talk about it.” Jason shrugged.

“Well, I can’t assume that him dying could’ve been any easier.” Duke says. Jason huffs out a sad laugh.

“No. I mean, yeah, but also, no.” Duke frowns at the comment “He grew up in the League of Assassins. You weren’t here before, but you had to be blind not to see it.”

“Fair enough.” Duke says “But man, please don’t act as if you’re not just as fucked up, if not more.”

“I guess so.” He shrugs again “I just think I know how to hide it a bit better.” He pulls out the gum box, analyzing it “Or at least I used to.” Jason pulls out another gum and pops it in his mouth.

“You never really did.” Duek replies softly “You just went away so no one would see it.”

Jason bites the insides of his mouth for a moment.

“It’s not like anyone would want to see it, or even be able to help me.” Duke wants to say something, wants to yell at Jason and say that they love him very much, but he knows he’s right, to some extent. Everyone was a bit too fucked up to be able to pick him up properly “So you know... Roy and Kory... helped. As much as they could. Bizarro and Artemis too.” He chews a bit, eyes fixated on the trash can “I didn’t... completely give up on myself. I just... y’know, you can’t find everything at home.” He shakes his head for a moment “God, I’m supposed to be helping you... forget it, I’m not even making any sense.”

“No, you’re making perfect sense.” Duke says “And I’m not a child. You’re awake too, and I bet it must have something to do with your own nightmares.” He smiles softly “We can help each other.”

“Yeah, sure.” Jason looks at him again, smiling.

There’s a weird silence for a moment. Neither of them want to talk about it, and both of them know it.

“I’m... I’m really glad you’re here.” Jason starts, eyes fixated on the horizon again “I know I don’t always show it but I really am happy to call you my brother. It’s... a refreshing change of pace from all of those idiots.” He laughs, mostly to try and dissipate the feeling that he gets whenever he’s baring his heart. Duke laughs with him.

“Thank you.” He says “I’m happy to call you brother too.”

“Okay, come here.” Jason smiles, pulling Duke into what starts out as an awkward and overtly heterossexual hug.

But then both of them realize that they are alone. There’s no one there to judge. And Duke leans into his brother, pressing his chin on Jason’s shoulder as the older man allows himself to pull him closer, resting his cheek on the top of Duke’s head.

“I love you, man.” Jason says “And life is too short for me not to say it.”

“I love you too.” Duke replies “And yes, but please stretch it out for as long as you can. It’d be painful to live on a planet that doesn’t have Jason Todd and his trademark awful minty breath on my face.”

Hey! If you liked this, consider rebloging, pretty please? It helps spreading my work so more people can read it, as oposed to the notes. Regardless, thank you for reading, I hope you liked it!

[cards-onthetable]

I'd ask you to write a March Madness Joble but that feels very American-centric and maybe no one's interested. But if it led to playing a little one-on-one in the Reagan driveway with Looks and heavy breathing and Competitive Flirting and Jamie trying not to push him up against the brick on the side of his father's house maybe people would be interested. 👀👀🏀

Oh, like this?👀👀👀👀👀👀

This is like, Aggressively American so I apologize to all our non-basketball obsessed dumpster members. It’s also a lot of words and I’m kind of mad about it. Consider it an authorized add-on to @ontherockswithsalt‘s highschool!Joble AU and party like it’s 1999.

***

“That was not a foul!”

The loud protest rings out as I cautiously slip inside the Reagans’ back door. “Come on, you’ll let it go when Miami’s hanging off the guy’s back, but you call that?”

I don’t recognize the voice, but Jamie’s reply is unmistakable. “He got him on the arm, Danny!”

“Jamie?” I call. “Hey, I’m here.”

“Who’s that?” Danny demands, but Jamie doesn’t answer him as he appears at the edge of the kitchen.

“Hey, sorry, I knocked but…”

“But it’s a little loud in here,” Jamie shrugs. “Come on in, we’re just watching Purdue give Miami a run for their money. My brother’s here. Hence the yelling.”

I trail him into the living room just as his brother Danny slumps down hopelessly into Mr. Reagan’s usual armchair. “This is so bad. Dammit, Jamie--”

“Not my fault your bracket sucks,” Jamie shrugs. “This is Noble, by the way.”

Danny turns a lazy glance on me. “Oh, that kid Mom was talking about.”

“Uh -- yeah, him,” Jamie confirms. He meets my eyes with a grimace that’s either apologetic or embarrassed, I’m not sure, but it’s damn cute either way.

“Basketball fan?” Danny asks.

“March Madness fan.”

“He’s pissed that Miami isn’t walking away with this game,” Jamie explains.

“I got Miami in the championship!” Danny wails. “Purdue sucks, they’re a ten-seed. This shouldn’t even be a game.”

Jamie rifles through a pile of papers on the coffee table -- his family’s tournament brackets, I realize -- and quickly checks. “No, you have them losing in the Final Four.”

“In my precinct pool, you dummy, the one that matters,” Danny grunts.

I squint at the score in the corner of the grainy screen, where number two-ranked Miami is losing by two. “Well I’ve got Miami in the Final Four too so…”

“So both of you are idiots. Miami doesn’t have the defense to match Purdue’s big guys.” Jamie holds up his own bracket sheet, a smug smirk tugging at his lips. “Go Boilermakers.”

“Lotta game left,” Danny warns him. “Don’t count your chickens, kid.”

Slinging my backpack off my shoulder, I drop onto the couch near Jamie. He does still help me out with Lit class but it’s become more of an afterthought, almost an excuse for the amount of time we’ve been spending together. I’m here once or twice a week, not to mention quiet mornings spent across from each other at our usual library table before class, and other… friendly excuses to hang out whenever they come up.

Danny -- a gruffer, more human contrast to Jamie’s polished parents, his Ivy League sister, the other brother who is apparently just a taller version of Jamie -- turns out to be more entertaining than the game. Purdue is dominating and soon there’s no question about who’ll win.

“You should’ve listened to me,” Jamie shrugs at his brother, who isn’t soothed by the sentiment. “I said when you turned in your bracket…”

“You did not, you’re full of it,” Danny grumbles.

“You know, I bet most people have Miami winning,” I offer. “Nobody thinks a ten will beat a two--”

“Well, not nobody--” Jamie interrupts.

“I didn’t ask you,” I say, shutting him up with a blind elbow to his biceps across the couch. “Who else you got in the Final Four? You could still have a chance.”

Jamie wrenches his arm away and counters with his own elbow. “Well I’m the only one here who got this game right, so maybe you should be asking me.”

I finally lean back against the couch, no longer playfully excluding Jamie from conversation with the angle of my body. “Oh-ho, you got one upset right, better call Sportscenter.”

“My bracket’s better than anyone else’s!” Jamie insists. “My entire Elite Eight is still alive. What about you, Danny?”

“It’s still early,” Danny retorts.

“Yeah, pretty early to have half your teams out--” Jamie ducks, laughing, as Danny pegs a wadded paper towel at him. “Well, you two enjoy watching your brackets die. I’m hungry.”

Taking the paper towel ball and the empty bag of chips from the coffee table, he heads to the kitchen. A moment later, when the game goes to commercial, I follow him.

“He’s just jealous because my bracket has been better than his every year since I was like, ten,” Jamie tells me. “Whenever I could start making informed decisions instead of random guesses.”

I help myself to the other half of the peanut butter sandwich he made. “That wasn’t until you were ten?” I tease.

“Well yeah, I don’t think I really understood the more obscure statistics until then--��

“Oh, my god,” I groan. “Why’m I not surprised?”

“What?” He wonders. “It’s how to do things if you want to win.”

“Stats don’t win games,” I argue. “If they did, there’d be no upsets, the Final Four would be all the one-seeds…”

“No, see, that’s not true. There are other important factors to figure out which team should win any given game, it’s not just win-loss record.”

I shake my head. “You’re the only person I know who can take something fun and make it like, some boring math problem. Your stats only mean so much. What matters is how you actually play.”

Jamie lets out an amused scoff. “That’s what stats are, man. They tell you how you play. A little more specifically than good or bad.”

“There’s no substitute for just playing,” I maintain. “Knowing how someone is on the court. You can’t break that down into a bunch of numbers.”

“Jamie!” Danny yells. “I’m gonna take off. Tell Mom Linda’s working on Sunday so she won’t be at dinner.”

“Okay,” Jamie calls back. “Any miraculous comebacks in there?”

“Can it,” Danny shouts, and the front door slams behind him before Jamie can do more than snicker at his brother’s frustration.

“You play?” he asks me as he turns to replace the jar of jelly in the fridge.

“Play?” I echo.

“Basketball, dude. Do you?”

“Sure.” I don’t, really. I quit organized sports around the time the coaches got serious and started to be pissed at me for dicking around.

“Alright then, let’s go,” he challenges with a flick of his eyebrows. “One-on-one.”

My eyes widen at the challenge. “What’ll I win?”

“That’s the question I should be asking you.”

“You’re not driving my car,” I announce, killing that dream of his before he can bring it up again.

“Sounds like you’re concerned. You know, I was the top three-point shooter by percentage on my eighth grade team.”

“How about you let your game speak for itself.”

“Just want you to know what you’re up against,” he says, an easy smile betraying his confidence. “Let me go change, be right back.”

He heads upstairs and returns quickly, having switched to mesh shorts rather than the jeans he was inexplicably wearing for a casual night in at his own house. Once he’s tied his New Balance tennis shoes he leads the way outside, where a hoop I hadn’t noticed before hangs above the garage door.

“First to eleven baskets wins,” Jamie says. “Jump balls go to the offense. Inbound at that crack right there. Here, you can be on offense first.”

Basketball propped against his hip, he waits at the designated crack in the driveway pavement as I position myself across from him, facing the basket. Then he passes me the ball and bends his knees into a defensive stance. I dribble in place for a moment before I attempt to go around him, only for his long arm to slap the ball away. He manages to grab it and turns to the basket to make an easy layup.

“Oh, so that’s how it is, huh?” I call out.

“Doesn’t have to be,” he smirks. “You could, I don’t know, play a little--”

“Alright, hey, check me the ball, let’s go.”

“One, nothing,” he says, and we start over.

This time I’m more ready for him. With a little momentum towards the basket, I stop short and send up a jump shot before he can adjust. It bounces off the rim and I dash for the rebound, making the second shot I take.

“How’s that for ‘playing a little’?”

“We might have a game here.” Jamie jogs to the inbound line and pushes his hair back off his forehead. “What’s wrong, Sanfino? Nervous?”

“No. For you, maybe.”

I bounce him the ball, expecting him to dribble and set himself up for his play. Instead he immediately flies past me and makes a show of his shot while I can just stand there and watch him score.

“What was that?” he calls as the ball rolls away. “Who’re you scared for?”

“Okay, so that’s how it’s gonna be?”

“How it’s gonna be? What, like a game? I’m not here to bake cookies, man. Get the ball.”

“You get it.”

“I’m winning.”

Brushing past him, I wing out an arm to shove him and then I smack the ball hard against his stomach. “Not for long.”

He’s a better ball handler than I am, but I’m bigger and I’m not afraid to throw my weight around a little bit. Where he pulls out fancy moves, dribbles between his legs and cuts around me to the basket, I just lower my shoulder against his chest and push back, keeping my dribble with the other hand until I’m close enough to turn and shoot. Despite our different styles we’re evenly matched, tied at eight when I have to take a time-out.

Jamie sends a confused frown my way as his chest heaves with a deep breath. “‘S wrong?”

“Lemme get some water,” I say, swiping at my sweaty forehead with the hem of my t-shirt.

“Hurry up, we gotta finish before my parents get home and park in front of the hoop. Whoa, unless that’s your whole strategy--”

“Strategy?”

“Put it off long enough that we can’t finish, and therefore you can’t lose.”

“Big talk from a guy who’s not actually winning,” I remind him with a teasing grin.

He body-checks me as we both go for the kitchen door like he can’t leave the game on the driveway. It’s different seeing him like this, letting loose a little rather than taking everything so seriously. Between that and the physical closeness of him as we play, every nerve in my body is buzzing and it’s kind of distracting. I don’t need the water break so much for the water as to relax myself for a second before I really do lose this game.

We down glasses of water, check the score of the game that’s on in the empty living room, and head back outside. Jamie pulls off his Harvard sweatshirt and his shirt comes up with it, flashing skin I didn’t ask to see. It almost surprises me when he shoves the ball at me and I remember I’m supposed to beating his ass.

“Let’s go!” he urges. “We’re losing daylight here.”

I pass him the ball to start his offense and he pulls another quick move around me to make a ten-foot jumper. Then I promptly miss the same shot, and he shoulders his way underneath me to come up with the rebound. Ducking away to reset, he beats my slow defense once more and I can just catch his point beneath the basket.

“Uh-oh, game point,” he pants, managing a knowing grin. “It’s your last chance, bro. Don’t blow it.”

“I’m not about to blow anything,” I assert. “Quit fucking around, Reagan, and inbound the ball.”

“Oh, he’s serious now, folks,” Jamie narrates to nobody. He takes the ball as I get in position at the line, and he bounces it to me. “Less than a minute left and it’s a two-possession game. Sanfino has the ball--”

Dribbling with my right hand, I turn my back to his defense and drive left to the basket.

“He’s going for the basket,” he continues, his breath hot at my neck as I push against him. “It’s a tough man-to-man defense. Lots of traffic in the lane--”

He’s fucking distracting, his teasing and his hips pressed against my ass stirring something deep in my gut that I try to ignore in my struggle to focus. When I shove off him with a strong push of one arm and turn to shoot, I’m just throwing up a prayer and it bounces hopelessly off the rim.

Jamie pivots and goes for the ball with me close behind. We both get our hands on it, fighting until I yell, “Jump! Jump balls go to the offense,” and rip the ball away. He scrambles to get back on defense but I’m quick enough to make the layup.

“Sanfino makes the layup and it’s getting interesting here in Bay Ridge, folks…”

“Oh, my god, shut up,” I demand, but I can’t help the laugh that escapes my winded chest.

He ducks his face againt a defined shoulder to clear the sweat, and then I pass him the ball. “The shot clock is winding down -- Reagan for the win -- five, four, three--” And he swishes a perfect long jumper, ending it without ever leaving me a chance.

He pumps a triumphant fist and jogs around me to get the ball before it rolls away. “And that,” he declares, “is what happens when you think you can beat the best three-point shooter on the 8th grade Bay Ridge Badgers.”

“Badgers?” I yelp, cracking up. “No way.”

“We only won two games,” Jamie admits. “But I made eighty-three percent of my three-pointers.” He stows the ball in the garage and shuts the side door behind him as he approaches me. “Hey, man, good game. That was fun.”

I accept his outstretched hand and we pull each other into a sweaty back-slapping hug.

“We’ll have to play again sometime, and I won’t let you win.”

“Let me win? Let me?” He shoves me back and heads for the door, grabbing his discarded sweatshirt as he does. “Whatever helps you sleep at night, dude.”

Running a hand through sweaty hair, I stay on the driveway for a beat to let a deep breath and a nice stretch disperse all the jumpy energy flowing through me. And then I follow him into the house.

[zephyrfuse]

What Reshi says about ur weapon (requested)

There are some weapons I don’t have enough data on or dont know what to say about it so I leave em blank.  Sorry for those who main those weapons and im like uhhh idk man lol

This is 50% opinion, 50% jokes if u take offence ill wedgie u

Splattershot JR Rating:  Nostoliga Player: You like the level one baby squid clothing or probably can’t aim well enough for N zap 

Custom Splattershot JR Rating: P fun to play tbh Player: You like the cute custom inkpack, and also are probably a p good player despite having terrible aim

Splattershot Rating: Reliable nostalgic shitbag Player: Laggy oneshotters who bullshit through anything

Tentatek Splattershot Rating: I think I like you a little more Player:  Not as BS as Splattershot but still p bs

Octoshot Rating: The only valid Splattershot Player: You are an Octo slut more than a tryhard Splattershot player.

Splattershot Pro Rating: I like it tbh Player: you have a little more loyalty to your weapon compared to forge players so i like you

Forge Splattershot Pro Rating: I use you briefly because ur good but not game changing Player: You probably follow the crowd in ranked SZ and use the weapon cause everyone else does decent with it but for some reason your win rate doen’t change much

Splash o matic Rating: Quick inkjets...are nice Player: You really are a rare tryhard who REALLy wants to show off with inkjet

Neo Splash o matic Rating: p fun tbh I like it Player: You can actually aim but stays low and prefer rush for support.  You still can be p bs tho

Sploosh o Matic Rating: Lesser Inkbrush Player: You can’t aim but you generally aren’t a bad player.  You LOVE just zooming around the map and panic specialing when someone gets close

Neo Sploosh Rating: I honestly dont even know  Player: I honestly never see anyone using this weapon

.52 Gal Rating: normie Player: you probs just like Aloha or rlly like RM and CB

.52 Gal Deco Rating: I like this weapon but also the 2ko sucks against it Player: You’re kinda a normie, but also you like sparkles and ur kill rate is decent

.96 Gal Rating: Get ur Armor Player: Idk much about u but the fact you had sprinklers was a pleasant surprise for me

.96 Gal Deco Rating: ??? Player: You didnt want to be a basic bitch like the 52 gal or the Splattershot pro so you live in this limbo willingly

Aerospray MG Rating: Traded u for brush a LOng time ago Player: 95% of the time u guys Suck...

Aerospray RG Rating: Fuck you that u stole the sprinkler from the inkbrush Player: I am trippin balls but you are literally all about them

N Zap Rating: Ur a good armor provider when teaming with friends Player: You are probably a tryhard noob

N Zap 89 Rating: What if it was orange and good at harassing chargers Player: You are almost DEFINITELY a tryhard noob 

Jet Squelcher Rating: God you are so valid Player: You probs use it for TC only if anything

Custom Jet Squelcher Rating: Stingray keeps me alive Player: You actually know how to play this game and are a p solid player although not flashy.  You are the more mature brother of the Splattershot Pro

L3 Nozzlenose Rating: I respect you Player: You are a rare beauty now a days and i need more of you

H3 Nozzlenose Rating: HOW its SLOW Player: honestly if you used the Cherry competitively in Splat 1 fuck you 

Squeezer Rating: Crack a cold one with the boys Player:  You’re a valid joke and i love u

Foil Squeezer Rating: Bubbles are nice Player: ??? Your kill rate isn’t THAT bad generally but also move on already

Heavy Splatling Rating: You are reliable and I trust you Player: Was a tf2 fan or a competitive charger fan who ditched the charger for a higher tier weapon

Heavy Splatling Deco Rating: I love you Player: You like bubbles and SZ

Mini Splatling Rating: You are like the lesser used more valid version of the splattershot and I like u Player:  You like to go fast

Zinc Mini Splatling Rating: holy shit Player: You like to go fast and realized this kit is bomb af

Hydra Splatling Rating: I love you unless ur my enemy on Shellendorf Player: You stand strong and fast and do not change

Custom Hydra Splatling Rating: Strong...valid Player: You realized inkmines aren’t always shit and thank you so much

Ballpoint Splatling Rating: hell yeah Player: you’re probably a higher level player and finds it fun but still realizes regular splatlings still a little stronger

Nautilus 47 Rating: God this is a nice weapon, its a shame its just a splatling gootuber Player: You are a skilled player but also not too tryhard since you know your weapon isn’t very good.  Practicing the stored charge swim strafing is fun.

Slosher Rating:  I miss the burst combo Player: You like missiles that much dont u

Slosher Deco Rating: give me my soda slosher back Player: You are solid and good for CB (and probably rlly miss the soda)

Sloshing Machine Rating: Not my type Player: You generally always kill me and u solid

Sloshing Machine Neo Rating: ??? Player: always kills me but with bomb rush

Tri slosher Rating: I can’t use you for shit Player: You had the confidence of the Straight White Man till you got Nerfed

Tri slosher Nouveau Rating: still cant use u for shit Player: you arent as bad as the other counterpart tbh

Explosher Rating: I like u but not that much Player: You loVe the pit its ur best friend

Bloblobbler: Rating: Fun weapon for leaguing as MR. CLEAN Player: you’re MORE invalid than blaster unless ur doing the above

Blaster Rating: id rather die than touch u Player: Fuck you

Custom Blaster Rating: HISSSS Player: has ligma

Range Blaster Rating: BS plus slow = Extra BS Player: honestly I cant even begin to understand what kind of person you are

Custom Range Blaster Rating: ew Player: Fuck you if you cannot aim, and ESPECIALLY fuck you if you CAN cause you OKO me all the time

Luna Blaster Rating: Not bad but I’m too salty to use it Player: You LOVE TC and probably know you are a bunch of bull

Luna Blaster Neo Rating: Not as bad as regular blasters but still  Player: ???

Rapid Blaster Rating: I love u, ink mines ARENT shit Player: You are using one of the most valid blasters be proud

Rapid Blaster Deco Rating: Bombrush is useful sometimes Player: You are also p damn valid

Rapid Pro Rating: hard for me to use most of the time Player: You are a respectable player who is generally good and not that flashy.

Rapid Pro Deco Rating: Doesn’t get armor fast enough Player: ???? 

Clash Blaster Rating: Haha its crayons... Player: As much as the clash is bs, you still are p valid and can use stingray

Clash Blaster Neo Rating: Its crayons but bs Player: you hate aiming so much that you got away from the stingray

Splat Roller Rating: You’re p fun but not as much as the others Player: You really want a buff to this weapon dont u

Krak-on Roller Rating: My hero in RM for most of my career (till i started using inkbrush again) Player: You miss kraken it doesnt even make any sense doesn’t it

Carbon Roller Rating: Fast... Player: why you haven’t traded your soul for the deco is beyond me, but at least you still have yours and i respect you

Carbon Roller Deco Rating: holy shit Player: you traded ur soul to satan for the most bullshit chaos of weapons I fear you as an inkbrush main

Dynamo Roller Rating: God ever since they made you almost unusable you became so valid Player: You probs use both rollers but this time Sting ray seemed nice

Gold Dynamo Roller Rating: my wonderful new nerfed son... Player: You cry cause u want to cosplay Rider but rlly suck at this weapon OR you are actually good at this weapon and are fine that you can’t dominate the ring anymore like how it used to

INKBRUSH Rating: 420/10 I SMORCh, weapon of the GODS Player: You are SO valid, and if you use this outside of CB then you are a god and I will scream im ur biggest fan

Inkbrush Nouveau Rating: You’re a bunch of valid shit but only most of the time Player: You either use this ONLY for CB or want to actually die irl

Octobrush Rating: Reliable ranked weapon for easier going days Player: You like easier kills and harassing with autobombs and generally get a decent splat count

Octobrush Nouveau Rating: This kit is a downgrade Player: Probably a noob who can’t aim with inkjet

Flingza Roller Rating: It has a cool design and is the smarter of the two Player: knows to throw a wall before safely vertical flicking.

Foil Flingza Roller Rating: Dont use the vertical flick Player: Uses the vertical flick and dies 

Splat Charger Rating: Oh how I still love you even though bomb rush was nice Player: You probably moved on to Heavy Splatling but if not, you still are scary as fuck but suffer from lower splat rates.

Firefin Splat Charger Rating: Bombrush is good choice sometimes Player: You probably main both chargers but just like standing back and then rushing when you get your special

Every Splatterscope Rating: ew claustrophobic  Player: you a tryhard probably and isn’t as valid as normal chargers

Classic Squiffer Rating: god id give my blood to help you u poor cleaning tool Player: You probably main another charger but your heart is still here and i love you

New Squiffer Rating: I would be running out of blood but i still would give it Player: You spam autobombs to make up for your weapons shit abilities 

Bamboozler Rating: Pew pew pew pew ( i love this weapon but slightly salty ur range is higher than the squiff) Player: pew pew pew pew pew pew

Bamboozler mk 14 Rating: pew pew pew pew pew pew pew Player: pew pew pew pew pew pew pew pew pew

E liter (no scopes) Rating: Dam what happened to u son...i mean I mained u in 1 but i dont miss u that much, sorry Player: you just like the extra range but you often don’t do that good anymore

E liter (with Scopes) Rating: AHAHAHAH look what happened to u bitch Player: You deserved the nerf how does it FEEL huH

Goo Tuber Rating: I have high respect for this weapon and I WISH i was good at it Player: you’re most likely a tryhard JP player but JP doesn’t read this post so...you’re a tryhard charger user but knows your weapon isn’t at all that good

Custom Goo Tuber Rating: Ditto above Player: You just like the inkjet and extra mobility but also ditto above

Splat Dualies Rating: Nice, i cant aim burst bombs for shit Player: You can’t aim with inkjet or prefer the one two punch with the bursts

Emperry Splat Dualies Rating: I can’t aim with inkjet but one day.... Player: You probs are a tryhard ranked player and you are either good or bad

Dualie Squelchers Rating: Oh how I flipped out when I saw ur trendy upgrade...my dual squelcher baby all grown up...sniff Player: You just stuck with the originals and LOVE your missiles despite them being low tier specials for the longest time

Custom Dualie Squelchers Rating: You so smooth man...high tier but still valid Player: You probably use them because of they're high tier and reliable but you did make a good choice

Dapple Dualies Rating: I use you sometimes when I want your dps to do the work for me and want a bombrush Player: You are probably 25% BS but suffer when people do not use ur beacons.  You probs find some bs way to get beacons in the enemy spawn and constantly harass us from behind if ur actually good at it

Dapple Dualies Nouveau Rating: I use you to do the dps work for me and also harass people with toxic mist Player: no one used ur beacons 

Glooga Dualies Rating: its cute but God its...so slow Player: You never do too well and I respect you.  Probably uses it for CB or RM and doesnt mind the ink mines

Glooga Dualies Deco Rating: The tryhard cousin of the Glooga Dualies Player: You blamed the mines but then realize the whole weapon isn’t that good in general

Dark Tetra Dualies Rating: Weapon cooldown after roll is invalid Player: you just want to win but you generally aren’t as good as you like at it

Light Tetra Dualies Rating: Autobomb launcher surprised me Player: You are probably just trying it out for now but still ??? about it and is just having fun for now

Splat Brella Rating: 10/10 still salty u stole my dream inkbrush kit Player: You don’t care much about kills and u p chill.  You hate blasters tho

Sorella Brella Rating: My right hand man for ranked Player: You got tired of shit and decided to bring the thunder

Tenta brella Rating: so slow...but god ily Player: You are defense and support and probably love CB and ur teamies

Sorella Tenta Brella Rating: weird kit but valid Player: ???

Undercover Brella Rating: why are you so bad Player:  you tried it and realized it sucks.  You are salty of the low duration and slow kill rate

Sorella Undercover Brella Rating: thats a little better Player: you like CB probably and liked the original idea of the undercover and knew it sucked, but you are loyal

Any hero weapon Rating: I have one(1) Player: you have no life and likes to look cool

[optimisticcritique]

Gotham 4x18 - Review

This might just be the last episode for a certain character...it is time to see. 

Interim mayor? Haha good luck with that, buddy. I have a feeling you will either die or resign by the time this season ends. 

Who is the commissioner these days?

At least half of the people at this meeting are going to die this episode.

This woman really needs to chill--never mind. Freeze has it covered.

His voice sounds so much like a voice changer. Mr. Freeze could really say some fun deep voiced quotes with that voice. I actually believe it’s required in order to be accepted into the voice changer club.  

I want to know why they chose Mr. Freeze and Mad Hatter for this job. It may not require any specific skills, really. Do they just flip a coin to decide who will go kidnap or murder someone?

Look at this guy. Trying to make deals with anyone who will listen. Kind of reminds me of season 1 Oswald a bit. You know, trying to do whatever it takes to survive. 

You are really asking the Mad Hatter to save you from lunatics? Do you not know him at all? 

“Lunatics is a bit harsh. I prefer visionary” Well, that is typical. Is Jervis Jerome’s number 1 fan now? He is going to be so crushed when the visionary is no more. If it is anything like how he reacted to his sister, there might be more trouble coming. 

“I am with Mr. Valeska one hundred percent” Oswald, I hate to break it to you but...you are a terrible liar. That was unconvincing and you should know this.

Oswald is pretending to smile but deep down he is so ready to be done with all this XD

Hey, I know purple is Oswald’s color but that shade of blue tie? It really does bring out his eyes. 

Geez this toxin is way crazier than I expected it would be in this show. I really want to know why Jerome came up with the idea just now. Also, how did he explain it to Mr. Freeze and Scarecrow as they were helping to create it? Did he just say, “Hey yeah, I want them to go bonkers. Laugh maniacally, go insane, possibly start bleeding and change color from laughing so much so they look like sadistic clowns.”  

I am just waiting for the moment that Oswald leaps out of the truck and just runs as fast as possible. 

You thought Alfred would forget your birthday? I know life has been crazy but he has practically raised you. 

Ooh did you buy him a giant red wagon? 

Awe his baby bat mobile! Awesome! The fact that he didn’t even notice it in the garage until he pressed the button... 

I just realized...he has so much money...how come he hasn’t bought like twenty cars at this point? Although, to be fair, this one is so much cooler and is bullet proof. 

Harvey and his liquor.

I want to know how Oswald knows Jim’s cell phone number. Has he always had it saved in all his phones? Surely it isn’t public knowledge, unless he researched it.

“Well, this is a first” Oh please, like you two have never met in secret before ;)

This reminds of the Pilot, where Oswald was snitching on Fish...yeah, nothing can possibly go wrong here. 

“Why did you come here if you aren’t going to help me?!” Jim, I think you need a vacation, you seem tense. Also, at least he is giving you a heads up on the toxin that may destroy Gotham and turn everyone insane. Think positively :)

Oswald being scared of Jerome? I am honestly not surprised. 

“Or maybe you just don’t like the competition” ...maybe so but does it matter? You got to take whatever help you can get, can’t be choosy on the motives there.

“And I am an honest criminal, Jim” Oswald seems so offended. Like, how dare you excuse him of serving his own interests! 

Why did Oswald sneak off? Didn’t Harvey hear Jim say “Oswald” when he answered his cell phone so he knows who Jim is meeting with? Jim is not discreet.

Jerome breaking out a killer dance entrance. 

It is scenes like these that make me wish Jerome met Ed. You know that they would totally fight over who has the best extra entrances.

People losing heads? That’s a bit graphic for all of Gotham to witness...well, I mean, as of now. I am sure it is going to be even more graphic as years go by.  

Side note: I feel like the pacing of this episode is far better than last week. Less rushed, less story lines that need to develop.

I know the League has major skills so this probably wouldn’t happen but I can just imagine what would happen if someone had terrible aim, accidentally harming or killing Babs. She’d probably still live or be resurrected somehow but I can just picture the shocked responses and the person going “Whoops...I might need more practice...” 

Awe come on, let Tabby have her murderous fun! 

Yeah, Tabs isn’t having any of this league crap. 

Ooh wicked ice device! I want to see more of these cool gadgets that Victor has been saving. 

Wait, I know that tune... 

Oh my god they are doing 60s Batman theme! This is brilliant!

Now say “Batman!” or something similar.

*stops music before getting to the “batman” parts :( I guess close enough...the batman part will come later ;)

Where was Bridgit even shooting the fire for people to duck?

Of course he wants Jeremiah and Bruce...

Wait, so Jim didn’t seem totally against the idea when it was Jeremiah but when you mention Bruce Wayne? Absolutely not! 

Jim, now is not the time to be negotiating with him. He is not going to bite.

A bundt cake. Not really my taste. A nothing bundt cake is better. 

Happy Birthday, Bruce! Wait until you see the presents waiting for you today...

Wow, Selina. Way to take away all his wishes by blowing out the candles. Unless, of course, Selina was his wish. 

lol where did she even come popping from anyway? Such a kitten, pouncing when you least expect her.

Aww as much as I liked them having separate story lines from each other (just because I was curious to see where their stories would go), I did miss them sharing scenes. Teen batcat is cute. 

Luuuccccius! (Yes, I will say this every time I see him in an episode)

Where were you Foxy? Vacationing? Taking weeks of spa days? Practicing better defense skills? Hanging with your secret lover? What? 

Yeah, Jerome doesn’t care if he has to blow up any heads. It does not faze him whatsoever. 

I love how much Alfred and Selina care about the well being of Bruce...yet Bruce is going to do it all anyway. 

“I’m positive.” Yeah, I believe in you Foxy! “99% positive” That 1% is going to get you, isn’t it? 

Why didn’t the league show Babs this room sooner?

Wait, the painting has... why do I feel like this is a set up or something? This seems so fishy. 

You know, if Babs was still working her art gallery, this would be the painting on full display. 

Oh gosh...Babs is about to fall deep into this, isn’t she? 

Ooh Jeremiah and Bruce in the same scene! ..And now shaking hands and having a conversation!

This is going to hurt when Jeremiah most likely becomes the Joker. Is Bruce going to blame himself for this too?

Wow, that is a very nice speech Bruce. You make a good motivational speaker.

I bet this guy is regretting being interim mayor. If you make it through this, you may want to take a very long vacation and just forget to ever come back.

So, what did Jerome do while he was waiting this whole time? Dance around? 

Wait, wha-Oh, of course Jerome would foresee this. Always be prepared for anything. Impressive.

Hey, where is Butch/Grundy while all of this is going on? He just joined the group last episode. Why isn’t he involved and by Oswald’s side?

Oswald looking at this like “Maybe I can build one shaped like a penguin later in life...” 

Hmm...why is Jervis using the watch now? He didn’t need the watch before, did he? 

Oz, maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to criticize Jerome’s plans in front of his most loyal followers... Just a thought.  

“A bird’s eye view” ha. ha. 

Jealousy? Okay, I know that Babs was pretty mean to Tabby in season 3 but this just seems like her mind is getting twisted or something... She isn’t thinking clearly. 

Babs isn’t letting this all go to her head or anything.

Tabby being so mistreated. She just wants to run a club with people she cares about. At least she can turn to Selina for help.

The two wild jokers in a deck sitting side by side. 

Jeremiah rolling his eyes at Jerome is such a mood. I get that way when I have to hear people ramble about stuff I have heard many times too.

“We are practically identical” Can’t imagine why...

Well, I give you points for effort, Jeremiah. You at least tried. 

Lucius is so done with this crap.

Lol Jerome repeatedly trying to hit the trigger. Him and Ed should rant about how frustrating that is. 

Harvey with his whole “I’ll shoot it down. Oh right” lol at least he didn’t impulsively do it first. 

Whose idea was it to leave only two people on there? Did they not think Oswald would get loose and stop it?

Oswald freaking out. Come on, you can think of a plan! Oswald’s thoughts: This is why penguins don’t fly!

Oswald calling Jim for help first because he knows Jim will help. I wonder if he tried calling others but they just didn’t answer. 

“I don’t even drive my own car!” LOL I’m dying. He is so not for this plan. 

Well, he can actually drive, he just probably doesn’t do it very often or likes to.

“If you don’t, thousands will die...maybe worse.” “What’s worse than that?” Pfft. Yeah, death doesn’t matter but not being able to rule? Far worse. Man, he REALLY doesn’t want to steer.

It seems to me that Jerome kind of knew he was going to end up dead all along, didn’t he? 

Oswald’s relief when he starts steering...he’s like “I’m doing it! I’m actually doing it! Oh my god...” 

You just know that Oswald is going to want to have a blimp of his own later in life. Well, I can now check that off the wish list. Now, can we have Oswald in a scene with some live penguins? Thanks. 

Where is Bruce and Jeremiah when all this is going on? Kind of a shame that they aren’t there to probably see Jerome in his final moments. 

Of course Jim would still try to save him but Jerome is like “Nah”. Would he really rather risk his life for all this? 

Laughing to his death. Pretty appropriate. 

This is sad. I’m going to miss Jerome.  

I believe I can flyyy. Okay, sorry. Now is not the time. The slow motion is getting to me.

Now, I am 99.9% sure that he looks dead. At least he died with a smile on his face? ...again...

I know it is all about plot armor but they should really define deaths better on the show. Selina falls out a window and lives. Sofia and Butch get shot in the head, live. Was Jerome’s body just too feeble? Was it because he was shot a few times AND fell off a building onto a car? 

Bruce trying to make things right. Starting somewhat of a friendship...that is doomed to be heartbreak. 

Oh my god he is still up there. How long has Oswald been up there?

Who knew Oswald would be Gotham’s hero? Go figure. 

“Jiiiiiiiiiiiiim” That shot, that scream. I swear it is like the end of a cartoon. 

Poor Oswald. I feel bad but it is also hilarious. 

If this is the end of the episode or if he is still up there at the start of the next episode, I will laugh so hard. 

I just think of the standby pilot like customer service. Standby: Yes, can I help you? Oswald: I am stuck on a blimp, I want off now! Standby: Is it the blimp or is it the zeppelin? People often mistake the two. Oswald: Wha-does it MATTER?! Standby: Please hold *music starts playing* Oswald: *screams in rage and frustration*  

Yeah, as good as Tabby is...it is difficult for her to fight against a few members of the League. 

Aha! Ra’s is about to come back. 

Wait, where are they taking Tabitha?

Jeremiah...uh oh...what’s about to happen? Surely, we aren’t just going to watch him drink tea. 

A gift. Don’t open it. Don’t open it. Don’t open it. 

You are supposed to be smarter than this. You JUST got back from dealing with Jerome. Do. not. open. 

A jack in the box? You know that isn’t from Wayne enterprises. Throw it now! It’ll probably spray you with toxin! 

A special made toxin for him? Oh, so it isn’t exactly the same as the other...that’s good to know. So, that is how it will affect him differently!

Oh god... this is about to be even more insane! 

What a birthday present for Bruce...the birth of the Joker.

I’m interested in seeing how different Jeremiah’s Joker will be to Jerome.

Kind of wish the season had one extra episode, so that we could have seen Jeremiah and Bruce be friends or partners for an episode before being sprayed. Maybe the package comes in the mail the next day, instead of waiting for him, and it doesn’t seem as dumb for him to open it.  

Over all: Solid episode. Jeremiah becoming the Joker is happening a bit fast but not enough for me to be too upset. I have to wait to see how it all plays out before deciding if his joker and evolution is a good one. RIP Jerome, you will be missed. The rest of the episode was nice. It always does well when there are only a couple of major story lines going with all the characters, rather than there being 4 or 5 separate ones. Babs sees a painting of herself and Ra’s from supposedly centuries ago, she believes she has a major purpose but Tabby doubts it, resulting in Tabby being kicked out/beat up by the League. Tabby encounters men who say Ra’s is the true Demon’s Head and isn’t really gone, they take Tabby. Bruce meets Jeremiah, offers him work with Wayne Enterprises. He briefly celebrates his birthday with Selina and Alfred. Lucius gets around 7 lines (not that I counted), where he helps in not getting heads blown to bits. Oswald tries to stop Jerome’s plan, ends up steering the toxin away from the city. Jerome falls to his death, but not before giving Jeremiah his own special toxin to drive him mad. The rest of the Legion of Horribles are in unknown places, I guess.

Previous review: 4x17   Next: 4x19

[itsadrizzit]

football ask: 1, 2, 8, 20

1. Which team do you support?

Ohhhhh…buddy, is this a hard question. Honestly, my SO jokingly said “that depends on what day it is” and then we realised that’s not actually a joke.

Okay…like the only team I will likely forever remain unwavering in my support of always and forever is Feyenoord Rotterdam, no matter how ragingly out of control the dumpster fire surges. Feyenoord is my fam and (as one of my favourite bands sings) “they might be crazy, but they is my family”. I’ll defend them to the death. Feyenoord is the football hill I will die on.

Others: I’ve been a Manchester United fan since a very long time ago (see response to question 8). I never wanted to be a Spurs fan, but they grabbed ahold of me many years ago and refused to let go. Same thing with Real Madrid. I keep trying to quit them. I keep failing. Those are the three clubs I will watch with some degree of regularity. I have a lot of other clubs that I take at least a passive interest in for one reason or another.

2. Why did you start supporting your team?

I’ll answer this in respect to Feyenoord although I have interesting stories about most of the clubs I support. Usually it’s due to no geographic proximity, but because I liked a player and I either tracked them there or I discovered them there and then I kept liking players and then liking other players and now it stuck. I wrote an article about it once.

So, Feyenoord. Rotterdam. City without a Heart. City of my heritage (part of it). City I love. Although Feyenoord wasn’t my local club (per se) it is the most exciting of the three Rotterdam clubs–Feyenoord, Sparta, Excelsior. The big club (I also wrote an article about how I’m a sucker for big clubs). Honestly, I really like Excelsior, which was a partner club of Feyenoord and where a lot of the Feyenoord youth players (AKA Varkenoord) got more regular playing time, although that’s over now and the two are rivals. Excelsior gives me all those lower-league feels I love so much. They were the smallest club in town. They (still) play in a 4500 seat stadium even though they are now in the Eredivisie (top-level), all of which I love (plus, don’t think I don’t dig this completely coincidental X-Men reference). But Feyenoord is the people’s club. The support of the city behind them. Their stadium, De Kuip, is full of energy and noise and excitement and everything that makes you feel alive. Their supporters are…not always fabulous, but they are dedicated and they love their club and they LOVE football. If you ever get a chance to watch a match at De Kuip, whether in person or on television or just on dodgy YouTube videos, give it a go. 

Honestly, it’s funny, because usually that sort of atmosphere is what keeps me away. Like I hate all the noise and the road flares and the excess. I love Excelsior because it feels more like watching a match with a few mates. But there’s just something about Feyenoord that drew me in and made me love them. The buzz around them. It’s been said that in the Netherlands you either like Ajax or you like Feyenoord, no matter where you’re from. That’s not strictly true, especially with the promotion to top flight of all three Rotterdam clubs and the recent successes of PSV Eindhoven and occasionally AZ Alkmaar, but it used to be true. And really, no matter where you’re from, I think it’s true that you do have to pick a side. It’s funny because I love Tottenham Hotspur who have so regularly gotten players from Ajax and it’s this magic transformation each time of “okay, I love you now” when a month before I was like…”I CANNOT STAND YOU, YOU ARE THE WORST.” (Not strictly true, I appreciated their talents and it hurt more that they were being used in support of the enemy). But it’s true that most people can name more Ajax players than Feyenoord players. But more people have heard of Amsterdam than Rotterdam. It’s fine. No one is salty about that……

8. Favourite all-time player.

This is another where I at first went…oh this is so hard and then said, wait, no it isn’t. And then SO was like “who is it” and I made him guess and he said David Beckham. And I said…oh, I guess it is hard because that’s not who I was going to say.

But then I thought about it and yeah, it is. Because honestly I didn’t really grow up caring about football. I didn’t live in a house where anyone watched football. I played it with friends, etc. but never in any organised way–just because I had (male) friends that played competitively and I would play with them sometimes because it was fun and they said I was good at it, especially for someone who hadn’t ever learned to play/watched the game. When I was growing up, and especially in my family, football wasn’t a thing girls did. There’s so much more support now for the women’s game than there was decades ago when I was a child, and I’m glad of it. I sometimes wish that had been there for me because I think I would have taken to it a lot earlier and really tried to be competitive at it. But that’s a digression.

The answer is that the emergence of David Beckham into the world stage is what made me put my head up and pay attention to football. A good friend of mine happened to be going to school in Manchester around the time Beckham was with Manchester United (after his loan to Preston) and he would send me letters (and emails once we emerged into the technology age) about matches and watching them in the pubs with friends, etc. It all sounded terribly exciting. Then the World Cup happened in 1998 and my attention was fully gathered. I dove headfirst into that World Cup. I let it consume me. I didn’t care that my family was openly mocking my love of football or that they would try to come in and actively turn the channel to something else. I was consumed. I was hooked. I was in. And most of that was because I LOVED watching David Beckham.

Looking back on it now, was he the best player? Not by a long shot. But he had that magnetism that just sort of drew you in. I was still young enough (although not that young) to be drawn in to his good looks. But the way he played football was what I fell in love with. I loved watching him with the ball at his feet. I loved his free kicks. 

Beckham is why I became a Manchester United supporter. He is why I became a a Madridista. He is why I will always love a good midfielder–especially one who is a marvelous crosser of the ball. He is why I always wanted to have Adidas shoes and nothing else. He is why, when I had my choice of where to go with school I chose England. He is so many things to me and I don’t know if I would be in the football world if it weren’t for him, for better or worse.

20. Favourite manager.

This one gave me trouble, because a lot of my once favourite managers have fallen out of favour recently.

I used to be a huge supporter of Ronald Koeman and his work at Feyenoord (the whole Janssen situation aside, although that should have been a red flag for me), but his recent presence in the media and handling of things at Southampton and Everton have sort of left me questioning.

I (unpopular opinion time) was a HUGE supporter of Andres Villas-Boas throughout his time as a manager. In fact, I was hugely excited when he came to Spurs (and, honestly, look at the players the club brought in under his management and tell me he didn’t do SOMETHING right). Honestly, I had given in and become a Spurs fan before AVB showed up, but I was really excited when they announced his taking over (and I know most of you weren’t around and following me on Tumblr back then, but if you go back in the archives you can see my Tumblr meltdown when Spurs fired him in which I spent many days being nearly inconsolable). I still hold that he was a good manager, and I liked his management style. I didn’t think he deserved to be let go at the time and I still feel that way.

I love Jurgen Klopp. Mostly because he amuses the heck out of me, but also because I think he’s a good manager. He’s not always the best tactically, but he has personality and I think for the most part players respect him. I like watching him. I like watching teams he manages (although I do not actually *like* any of the teams he’s managed, so….)

Zinedine Zidane. This one is weird because I gave Real Madrid SO MUCH SIDE-EYE for hiring Zizou as their manager, but WOW did it work out. Players that historically had little to no respect for managerial authority seem to readily work for him with minimal complaints. He has vision. He understands the game. He understands how to manage personnel. Most importantly, he understands how to navigate the political nightmare that is Real Madrid, and I have a hell of a lot of respect for what he’s come in and done at that club (love affair with Karim Benzema aside…)

Thanks! This was fun!!!!

[surveystodestressme]

41.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 2 101. What does happiness/joy feel like physically? i don’t know... it feels good 102. List five people you love starting with the one you love the absolute most. i don’t think i have a scale from highest to lowest.  i love jack, my parents, my sister, mariann, my brother 103. How many movies have you gone to see this month? a couple 104. If you could have 3 wishes…but none of them could be for yourself, what would you wish for? my boyfriend to [ass all of his classes, my parents to not have to worry about bills ever again, and my brother to get his life together 105. In what ways do you relax and de-stress when you are really tense? read, sleep, or do surveys lol

106. How much money would it take to get you to drive to school naked in the springtime and get out of the car? a lot lol 107. Have you ever killed an animal? i hit a deer and killed it 108. Have you ever lost someone close to you? yeah 109. What do you think of cloning? it’s kind of cool honestly, i just hope they don’t try to clone humans anytime soon 110. Do you read or watch TV more often? watch tv shows definitely 111. With all this talk of terrorism going around are you willing to sacrifice rights and freedoms for increased safety? it depends what those rights are. 112. What is the punishment you would come up with for Osama Bin Laden if you caught him alive? well he isn’t anything to worry about anymore lol so it doesn’t matter 113. Have you ever named an individual part of your body? not that i remember 114. Have you ever been on the radio or on TV? i’ve been on tv for my bowling league. 115. Have you ever won a lottery, or sweepstakes? nope 116. Have you ever won a contest or competition? i think so 117. Do you like to watch The Joy of Painting show with Bob Ross (check out this link if you don’t know who he is. Also please note me if you notice the link is broken) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob_Ross_(painter)? never watched it 118. Do you know what your grandparents and your great grand parents did for a living? my mothers mum helps old people for a living, my mothers dad works at target.  my dad’s parents, i honestly have no idea what they do 119. Is there anything really interesting in your family history? not that i am aware of 120. Is there anyone you trust completely? of course 121. Have you ever lost someone without having the chance to say goodbye? a few times 122. How do you feel about women in politics? i think we need more of them for sure 123. Would you rather have an indoor Jacuzzi or an outdoor pool? indoor jacuzzi for sure 124. What things are you interested in that you study or read about on your own? anything that has to do with outer space 125. Would you consider yourself to be intelligent? i like to think so 126. Would you consider yourself to be wise? i try to be 127. Have you ever given or received a lap dance? both i think lol 128. Have you ever spoken to a homeless person? yeah 129. Would you ever creep into the subway tunnels to go exploring? that does not sound like a good idea 130. If you could add 70 years to your life but only by making some random person die 70 years sooner would you? i don’t think i could do that 131. Can you finish any of the following lyrics? A: Nothing to kill or die for… B: Late comings with the late comin’ stretcher… C: I could make a film and make you my star… i don’t think i know any of these. 132. Were you ever with someone while they died? i mean, besides my pets no 133. Would you rather be a world political leader or a rock star? rock star for sure 134. Have you ever given someone a love letter that you wrote? yep 135. Have you ever sent someone a surprise though the mail? uhhh not that i can think of 136. Are you looking forward to any concerts right now? none that i have plans to go to 137. Of all animated movies, which is the best one you’ve ever seen? big hero 6 138. What are the best bands or songs to listen to while driving? it really depends honestly 139. What do you think is the most amazing thing that anyone has ever accomplished? there’s a lot 140. What could a member of the opposite sex do to impress you? make me laugh 141. About how many emails do you get a day? How many of those emails are junk mail? How many of them are forwards? on my regular email i only get a few a day and they’re usually important 142. What’s your favorite thing to do online besides write in your diary and hang out at this site? watch youtube videos 143. Do you believe Kurt Cobain (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kurt_Cobain) killed himself or was it a conspiracy? i have no idea 144. Have you ever though about hitchhiking across the country? i wouldn’t be able to do it 145. Who would you bring with you on this kind of a road trip? well on just a regular road trip i would take jack 146. Of the following, which word best describes you: accurate, bold, charming, dependable dependable. 147. If you are single, at about what age do you think you will be ready to settle down and get married? If you are married, how old were you at the time? i’m not single and i’m not for sure whether or not jack wants to marry me 148. Do you often wonder, when you say goodbye to people, if it is the last time you will ever see them? i try not to think like that 149. What movie are you most looking forward to seeing when it comes out? the new Jigsaw movie 150. What is your quest? to get thru life man 151. What is louder and more annoying: 200 adults talking or one four-year-old screaming? one four year old screaming.  i hate kids

152. Do you believe the stories about planes, boats and people mysteriously disappearing into the Bermuda triangle? i mean, yeah lol.  i’m gullible and that shit scares me 153. Who are you the most jealous of? my sister for having her life together lol 154. What is the happiest way you can start your day? waking up next to jack is always an amazing start to my day 155. Do you ever have moments where you feel like everything is all right in the world? yeah 156. Who thinks that you are offensive? i’m sure tons of people do 157. If you had to teach a class in something, what would you be able to teach people? about cats 158. Have you ever had a spiritual experience (an experience that cannot be explained by science)? no 159. Do you believe that this experience was truly mystical or do you think there is some scientific explanation for it, only you don’t know what it is? - 160. Do you get offended easily? sometimes

161. Would you still love and stay with your signifigant other if he or she had to have a breast or testicle removed? of course i would 162. Do you believe in fate or free will? free will 163. Do you believe that only boring people get bored? i don’t think i’m a boring person and i get bored often 164. Can life change or are we all stuck in vain? life can change definitely 165. What changes are you afraid of? the future 166. Are you a day person or nocturnal? i’m a night person 167. What one CD could you listen to for an entire week (no mixed CD’s, it must be an album)? probably a twenty one pilots cd 168. Which is worse, working in retail, food service, or an office? an office, i could never work in one. i can’t imagine how dull it is 169. What’s the coolest job you ever had? the movie theater 170. What is one central idea that your thoughts seem to come back to? idk 171. Have you ever wanted to be an actor/tress? yeah i used to but now i thin how awful it would be bc there would never be any privacy 172. If you had the power to control one person and make this person do anything you wanted for a whole day, who would you pick and what would they do? i wouldn’t do that to a person that just sounds cruel 173. What star sign are you and what is your sign like? aries and idk honestly i don’t read up on that kind of stuff 174. Did the Blair Witch Project scare you? it didn;t scare me at all 175. Are you in constant fear of death? eh not really.  i don’t think about it a lot 176. Does fear of death keep you from building a life? not at all 177. Do you like all your movies to be in wide-screen? i don’t mind either way 178. Are you a fan of any comic books? i like some of them 179. At what age did you attend your first funeral? i was pretty young but i don’t remember how old exactly 180. What do you smell like (lotion, cologne, sweat)? my deodorant 181. What are your greatest sources for wisdom? the internet probably or school 182. When you were little, where did your parents tell you babies come from? i never really asked until i was old enough to know 183. What is your favorite band? i don’t have one. 184. What’s the best cheesy 80’s song? i don’t know 185. What’s the best kind of movie to see on a date? something scary for sure 186. Do you like to sit in the front, middle or back of the Movie Theater? i prefer the front 187. Have you ever been inside an abandoned building? nope 188. Under what circumstances would you agree to work for free? unless it’s volunteer work, i wouldn’t 189. Candles or strobe lights? candles. 190. Do you think the Lord of the Rings movies are true to the books or did Hollywood change the story too much? i have never read the books 191. When you see a stranger on the street does your first reaction lean towards thinking of this person as a potential friend or as a potential threat? neither really, i don’t think much of anything 192. Is it natural for human beings to fear and distrust each other, or is it cultural? i think it’s natural 193. What do you really want to buy? a car right now 194. You have to choose. Would you be happier marrying someone rich for their money or living in the streets and subway tunnels with someone you love? living in the street with someone i love.  money is just an object and means nothing to me.  as long as i am happy with the one i love that is all that matters to me 195. If someone wanted to understand you what book could they read that would help? oh shit idk 196. Do you think it’s odd that Americans have freedom of religion and yet call themselves ‘one nation under god’? kind of 197. In what sense are you a minority? a woman i guess 198. Are you anti social? kind of 199. Do you photograph well? i think so 200. Do you think that human beings would survivor through a nuclear winter? probably not

[namisashimi]

The Gamer Youth from the Turn of the Century - Baolan

source. profile by danneergou (丹尼二狗) for pentaq.

translator. this needs a little context - baolan is the former name of ig’s support, megan. i started translating this article when it first came out in january 2017 but got too busy to finish it. i think i’ve jokingly referred to it a few times as the ‘baolan manifesto’ since it’s so long and dense (and no one cares about him). since he’s been doing very well in playoffs, i thought i’d pick it up again since it’s a truly fascinating look at both him personally and the path new players take to the lpl.

Now, you can call him by a new name: Megan.

Ask anyone – playing botlane for IG is not an easy task, especially in 2016. That year, IG's botlane often changed: Rain, Kitties, Marge, Ben – even their starting midlaner Rookie was forced into playing ADC for a game. 'Finding a strong, reliable, promising botlane pair' is the conundrum IG's manager Su Xiaoluo has spent the spring and summer splits bitterly trying to solve.

At NEST at the year's end, IG allowed their fans hope for an answer – their 'Baolan + Jackeylove' botlane successfully helped their team defeat LGD and win the championship. Of these two, Jackeylove had long made his name as 'China's Best Draven' and 'High Elo KR SoloQ Player,' while the support Baolan was a new player who was born in 1999, only just jumped from TGA to LPL, and had barely played 10 matches in 2016.

On January 6th, we met this true newcomer in the IG team house. This unhappy rainy day, Baolan accepted our interview while on his bed, dressed in his IG uniform and wrapped in blankets. Perhaps because he'd never had this kind of one-on-one chat with a stranger before, Baolan spent most of his time with his head lowered, almost talking to himself. If we reached a subject he found interesting, he would show it with a simple smile or by speaking slightly louder.

An eighteen-year-old boy's story cannot be too complicated, and Baolan is no exception. He dropped out of school to play professionally, struggled bitterly in the TGA, seized the opportunity to come to the LPL, and in the even more furious competition desperately adapted to finally achieve his dreams.

'Dreams are that which can always excite you,' Baolan said to this journalist.

It sounded like his answer was describing a process, rather than a tangible result.

a childhood without worry.

Seventeen years ago, Baolan was born in Yingtan. This place is so tiny that without an detailed description, you wouldn't even know it's in Jiangxi Province. Before boarding that plane to Tianjin and embarking on the first step on his professional journey, Baolan lived, grew up, and spent his childhood here, as carefree as any other child.

'The air was very good there.' Baolan's description of Yingtan was minimalistic. Compared to the busy major city – Shanghai – now surrounding him, 'air quality' was the only exceptional trait he could bring up about his hometown.

Normally, there are two requirements for a glowing childhood: good grades and sensible parents. And it was just Baolan's luck that he lacked neither – in elementary school he always had exceptional grades, to the point where he didn't even have to do his homework to be the teacher's favorite and was always the center of attention among his peers; as for the other, he had the kind of mother almost every youth would wish to have.

This mother allowed her son to play games in netcafes in elementary school, and she even took on the responsibility of transporting him and his friends there. Her reasoning for this was exceedingly straightforward: 'Because his grades were good, I thought it wasn't an issue. If he wanted to play he could.' These words of course showed the love a mother has for a son, but also showed the progressiveness born of long years of business experience.

Under these circumstances, Baolan advanced smoothly into middle school. But the talent and intelligence he once had was not enough for the increasingly complex classes, and more importantly, he still didn't do his homework. His grades slipped, turning his childhood from 'glowing' to 'ordinary' and his good fortune to disaster.

'I was done.' Saying this, the expression on Baolan's face was like that of a toplaner who had just eked out a 10cs lead over his opponent before dying to a sudden gank and being forced to watch a wave of minions die to his tower.

Because of his grades and attitude towards learning, Baolan was exiled by his middle school teacher to the back row of class, like falling from the technologically advanced Piltover to the slums of Zaun. Suddenly, he realized he was between a rock and a hard place – on one hand, from Baolan's perspective, being in the last row was 'bad;' on the other hand, the frustration he had learning made it hard to muster the enthusiasm to regain his glory, and besides, he was starting to develop some nearsightedness and even seeing the blackboard from the back of the class was a hard task.

'I didn't want to be that kind of person, but I was at the back of the class. So I didn't interact much with either the good or the bad circles in class. It was very lonely.'

Most of the time, Baolan only spoke with his tablemate, and he wouldn't talk about games. Just like his distaste for the 'last row of class,' he thought games were a 'bad element' and not something students should talk about.

You could imagine that if Baolan's parents didn't have such a practical and effective discipline style – then having gone from 'genius' to 'loner,' he would have faced resentful scolding from his parents for failing to meet expectations. Luckily, his mother once again showed her consistently lenient and noble-minded ideas: 'If he's not good academically, then he should try something else.'

Baolan begin to search for a new path: go, piano, guitar, art … even the hulusi (t/n: a niche chinese instrument). Saying this, he mimicked a rather proper playing posture.

'My mother often said I needed to learn things. I tried practically everything, but I couldn't find a passion for any of it. When I saw something fun, I'd be briefly very enthusiastic and really want to learn it, but after a while I'd find it boring and give it up.' This persisted until he encountered League of Legends – the first thing that could make Baolan settle down and study it at length.

'At the time, only League of Legends could make me not give up halfway, and it had a very high skill ceiling.'

the abyss of the tga.

It's hard to imagine, but even though Baolan has already become a professional player, he still doesn't think playing video games counts as a proper career. When he goes home for the new year, he'll rarely bring up what he's currently doing to his relatives. In the beginning, he walked into this world simply to mediate his own loneliness.

When he first encountered League of Legends, Baolan would play every day, watch videos, and while losing think to himself, 'I shouldn't have played that so poorly.' At the time the ladder was ranked by MMR. 1200 points was the default; if you won you gained points and if you lost you lost points. At his lowest point, Baolan dropped to 800 points. 'Should've been bronze, that rank.'

When he thought he had stagnated, Baolan was suddenly re-inspired after watching highlights of the Korean support Madlife; this also decided which role he would main. 2012 happened to be the year Madlife first showed himself. This support's boundless genius led him to be called 'M-God' and his team MiG to be nicknamed 'Madlife is God.' After finding his first League of Legends idol, Baolan tried support and found his game ability increased immensely: even when winning a game would only give him 3LP, he went from Platinum V to Diamond V in a week, then reached Diamond I in another week, and finally Challenger.

'I didn't know then that you could decay from Challenger. I was so happy when I reached Challenger, but after seven days, I discovered I'd dropped back to Masters.' After that, Baolan left the Bandle City server for the first server, Ionia. At the same time, his sudden improvement showed Baolan an opportunity, and he decided to leave school, try a new path, and expand his horizons.

There are many ways to become a professional player, and the most 'straight-forward and easy' one is to join a TGA team and play with them in TGA (now known as City of Heroes), and go step-by-step to higher and higher levels of play: LSPL, LPL, Worlds. Of course, this requires you to have enough skill and luck.

In 2014, Snake fought their way from TGA to LSPL, then from LSPL entered the LPL. In 2016, IM promoted from LSPL to LPL, then from LPL made it to Worlds. This kind of 'success in many short hops' miracle seemed to be happening every day, but these 'good things' weren't guaranteed to happen to you. Survival bias tells us the 'dead' say nothing.

For the teams that participated in TGA, this is even more true. Every round of TGA includes more than thirty teams from all parts of the country; only two of them can join the LSPL. The high probability of elimination and the clustered matches made the TGA competition very cruel: perhaps some team would have just defeated a strong enemy, but within half a day, they'd have to face their own elimination from the tournament. For those who hoped to go pro, TGA was like a boundlessly deep sea they were trying to find a treasure in. It was just that difficult.

Of course, the inexperienced Baolan never considered this, and he quickly came to a decision. Thus, that mother who once brought her son to the net cafe to play games now sat with him on a plane from Jiangnan to Tianjin, where he joined a local team for a 3000 RMB salary.

What Baolan didn't expect was that just as quickly as his first professional journey began, it ended. For a few special reasons, the team Baolan joined in Tianjin disbanded quickly. Baolan didn't even have a chance to play in a proper match. Of Tianjin and that team, his only impression was being in a small house, unceasingly, unceasingly playing soloq.

That is the truth of many TGA teams: an owner with too much money to spend, players with only dreams and no skill, an organization that's only in it for fun, and an endless series of sorrows and joys, meetings and partings.

Afterwards, Baolan met Zoom. At the time, he was a part of a Ningbo team called BOE. Zoom took care of Baolan like a big brother and Baolan listened to everything he said. Afterwards, they also met Gear – a young man who had chased his dreams from Hong Kong to the mainland. The three quickly became friends so good you could say they 'wore the same pants.'

baolan's former 'big brother' - zoom.

'At the time, we thought the three of us could definitely get into the first division,' Baolan said very emphatically. But in actuality, Baolan didn't even have the chance to start on BOE, because 'that person (the starter) had a higher soloq rank than I did.'

Although the team's overall skill wasn't bad and it had his good friends, being entirely unable to play made Baolan anxious. At first, he thought, 'Doesn't matter, as long as I play well, I'll have the opportunity to start,' but the end result was: he, who had not played a single game with BOE, chose to leave, leaving Zoom and Gear behind, for a team that would let him play – a Hangzhou team, not too far from Ningbo, called MSC.

'From when I started with him (Zoom), I was always a sub, up until I left him and played a starting role for another team.' This departure was almost a means to 'prove himself.' In a team, players with close relationships are often very competitive, and by taking a starting position, Baolan hoped his own performance would tell his good friends Zoom and Gear: he, too, had the abilities of a starter.

the midlaner from hong kong - gear.

Instead, reality gave Baolan a vicious slap to the face. In that year's City of Heroes province-level competition, Hangzhou MSC encountered Ningbo BOE; Baolan met Zoom and Gear as opponents. In that match, toplaner Zoom played Darius, midlaner Gear played Lissandra, and they practically abused Baolan and his team 2v5. In that game, Zoom's Darius scored a pentakill.

After the game, MSC lost their chance to advance, and Baolan's spirits were low to the point where he didn't even say hello to his former teammates. 'After losing the game, I directly went back. That day it was raining, rain is the most tragic thing.' As he said this, a thin drizzle still fell outside the window.

Prepared to do whatever he could, Baolan circled back and forth in TGA for two years. In these two years, he went to Anhui, to Tianjin, to Hangzhou, to Ningbo. Every half year, he'd play in TGA; every half year, he'd lose.

But to him, no loss had as much of an impact on him as this one. Finally, after changing to yet another TGA team, Baolan couldn't take it any more. He stood in front of his boss and very steadfastly pronounced his feelings that he 'absolutely could not play any more TGA.'

After failing in the groups again, he hoped he could be recommended into the LPL. If he didn't have enough qualifications for that, LSPL would do.

'In all my years of playing TGA, every time I lost the boss would tell me: 'You're still young, you have to play TGA, practice harder, learn more.' Their words surely had some use for me, but I still felt...' Baolan stopped here. After a few moments of silence, he started talking to himself: 'Ah, there's not much to say. If I hadn't played so many years of TGA, perhaps I wouldn't be able to play in the LPL.'

Faced with the two years of his TGA career, it's hard for Baolan to not sink into this kind of ambivalent thinking. The unreliability of TGA and the difficulty of performing well always made it hard for him to find his confidence, but at the same time, he couldn't deny that those two years of chaotic fighting had helped him grow. Furthermore, he simply didn't want to look back on those years; his departure had an air of 'fleeing in panic' to it, because he 'just never wanted to experience again that feeling, that feeling of loss, that feeling that came every half year, that feeling of gambling.' Here, he used three descriptors in a row.

Luckily, he came to the LPL. Looking at how things have been going, everything is still okay.

the stress of the lpl.

LPL is the top-tier circuit in China. This place has the greatest exposure, the craziest fans, and the highest level of play; this place is every Chinese player's dream. For Baolan, who came from city-level competitions, being able to enter the LPL is very lucky. At the same time, he still missed how on the TGA stage, both sides' players would crazily yell 'Nice!'

In June 2016, at the beginning of the summer split, Baolan came to IG. Su Xiaoluo introduced him thus to the team's coach: 'This kid is not bad.' Because he wasn't old enough to participate in the LPL, Baolan was placed in IG's youth training team to practice and improve. At the time, IG's botlane issues were becoming increasingly serious. When Chris talked about that iteration of IG, he said that the Korean soloq king Rain was playing unreliably because there had been some problems in his family, and at the same time Kitties, who had been IG for a long time, was equally unreliable. To resolve that problem, Chris called in Tabe, hoping the competition would let Kitties return to form, but the final results were not exactly ideal. The roster changes and Tabe's inclusion caused the entire team to go through a trial-and-error phase, and they faced a lot of negative public opinion.

To IG, Baolan represented possibility; to Baolan, IG was his only chance. Before coming here, he had already thoroughly analyzed every LPL support.

'For some teams, I just didn't have a chance. VG's Caveman was a new player, and he wasn't too bad. There wasn't a chance EDG would lose Meiko, and LGD's Pyl had played with them for a long time.' Baolan used the most simple terms to approximate the chances he'd be able to start. In the end, IG was the choice where he had the 'highest chance of playing.'

For a young man who hadn't even hit 20, this kind of thought process was a little rigid. But it could undeniably find the best opportunity for a player to seize his already limited chances, and no matter what, it was very practical.

'Wherever I go, I give myself an objective. When I was in the TGA, I thought one TGA support was very good, so I would follow his soloq summoner name and check it every day to see how he'd climbed. When I went to MF's secondary team, I made the first team's support my objective. Every time I woke up and saw him, and I'd be motivated enough to play a whole day of ranked; then I'd go to bed very tired. For a while, I thought Tang Chi Sa's support Liu Qingsong (t/n: now Pinus) was very good, so I'd watch his ranked games every day and found he was really very good.' When Tang Chi Sa was relegated from LSPL, the support Lqs and his ADC Lwx showed up on Newbee's main roster, and these former TGA opponents once again met in the LPL. Like a sieve, LPL catches the best players in the secondary leagues and city-level competitions.

'Actually there are still very talented players in the TGA, but they haven't had an opportunity yet. I don't think I'm particularly talented – I'm just lucky.'

When talking about LPL's young support talent, EDG's Meiko is an unavoidable topic. From being discovered in the TGA to being moved to the LPL, to quickly meshing with EDG and becoming a top-tier support domestically, and then becoming winner of countless championships, winning MSI, becoming a part of the Worlds ranking... 'Meiko and I are about the same age, but I haven't even seen the glory he's received. If I'd call RNG's Ming someone I can look up to, then Meiko is a god.' When the topic of Meiko's almost legendary career was brought up, Baolan very naturally showed signs of envy.

'Of course there are some differences, but it's not just because I think he was lucky. He plays well, and on top of that he's lucky, so he can get what others cannot.'

'Will you take the initiative to go make friends with these players you respect?' this journalist asked.

'I'd prefer it if I can play well and then have people take the initiative to make friends with me,' Baolan replied.

July 24, 2016 – Baolan first entered the stage as IG's support; the ADC who joined him was Marge, and their opponents were Snake. In TGA circles, there was a popular saying: If you play in the LPL, if you're always a sub and don't have a chance to start, maybe you will never have the chance to start. If the team gives you a chance and it doesn't go well, you will never have a second chance.

'So, many players won't take the risk of playing in the LPL. They'd rather stay and keep playing in TGA,' Baolan said.

In the end, in that best-of-3, IG went 1-2 and lost in the end. At the end of the game, Baolan thought, 'It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. It was like we were all still human.'

In the first game, Snake had an immense lead in the early-game. SofM's Graves straight-out bought a Runaan's Hurricane, but at 35 minutes in the game, IG took a teamfight and turned the game.

In the second game, both teams played a slower game, and at 29 minutes in, Snake took the game after gaining a teamfight advantage.

In the third game, Snake had a small advantage in the mid-game, and at 28 minutes in, miscommunication between the initiator and the carries caused IG to lose regrettably.

In the three games, Baolan played Braum support, and allowed Marge to successfully and safely farm in the botlane, so at the very least, he was not a liability.

After this set of games, Baolan played increasingly often until Jackeylove joined the team and IG's botlane went from 'regularly surviving' to 'able to get a few small advantages.'

'I want to prove with him that we're the best, but that will probably take time. We're a little competitive among ourselves and try to see who plays better.' On his lane partner Jackeylove, Baolan had this kind of assessment.

Besides Jackeylove, another teammate who had a close relationship with Baolan was their jungler Kid. Beginning with Baolan's arrival in IG, Kid, who shared a room with him, took on the role of an older brother, just like Zoom did in the past. 'I've never spent any money when I'm out with Kid. Every time, he'll pay for me and invite me to eat.' Of course, Kid also has his own problems – such as snoring really loudly when he sleeps.

'In the future I'll try to sleep earlier, or at least sleep before he does.'

In the two days before this interview, Baolan had gone through a few sleepless nights: during the day, he'd play ranked until very late, and at night he'd lie in bed and be unable to sleep, then wake up and play more. But the reason for this were not the loud noises from his roommate, but rather that he was seeing the goals ahead of him.

'Because Ming has more LP than I do, a lot more, one or two hundred. So in the past few days I've been feeling like I can't sleep, like I have a rock in my chest. Yesterday I finally accomplished my goal and had 2LP more than he did. That night I slept very well.'

After all, he's still understandably a new player, and in the LPL, the stress is unending. In the new 2017 season, Baolan changed his summoner ID: Megan.

epilogue: those who are eternally in conflict.

Like Baolan, Zoom and Gear found their own ways out. The one regret is – they never managed to make it out of TGA by playing.

Zoom went to MF in the LSPL, where he was called the 'strongest toplaner.' After MF merged with WY and changed names, he once again appeared on the 2017 LSPL stage as the toplaner for DS.

Gear left the mainland, and went back to the LMS to join HKE (Hong Kong Esports). There, after one season (Summer 2016), he continued to play as their starting midlaner in 2017.

Baolan came to IG, putting on an entirely different uniform and picking up new teammates. When you become stronger, it's impossible to not leave your current environment. This requires you to say goodbye to many of the people you don't want to leave; this is a conflict.

But doesn't every young person live in this kind of contradiction?

To Baolan, the contradictions in his heart are not just those. He used to believe that 'those who look strong should be really strong,' but now he feels 'those who don't look that good might be truly good.' For example, he brought up SKT's ADC, Bang. Because he 'was in Faker's shadow, it's rare for people to say Bang is very good, and there are very few people who discuss him, but he always plays very well.'

On the other hand, he always desires a few external, self-serving things, like the recognition of others and fans. In fact, when he was analyzing the support players of each LPL team, 'popularity' was something he paid heavy attention to. 'I feel like veteran LPL players are not likely to be swapped out, perhaps because of their fans, or maybe it's because they're the core of the team and can't be changed.'

Whether it's better to be 'someone who looks good,' or “someone who doesn't look very good, but is very good,' Baolan didn't have any answers.

But a fish and a bear's paw cannot coexist, and he will eventually face this kind of choice. Of course, this is something every young person will encounter.

At the end, this journalist asked Baolan, 'If you weren't playing professionally, what would you want to do?'

'I would want to be a waiter, I think waiters are good people. When we go to The Bund to eat, I always feel like waiters are very impressive people, they can always give you what you need the most, and their attitudes are very good.' This kind of answer is very unusual, to the point of being somewhat nonsensical.

But this at least proves that Baolan is very young and still very childish. He still hasn't experienced the kind of life-or-death battle between WE and IM, he hasn't had to struggle in relegations like OMG, he hasn't left the domestic stage like EDG and battled for the world championship.

But when these 'hasn't yet' eventually turn into reality, I believe Baolan will have even more stories for people to tell.

editor's note.

At 'The Hero's Heart' competitive event (t/n: donation event), we saw IG, who were just coming back from winning NEST. Their manager, Su Xiaoluo, mentioned that they hoped we would interview IG's young player Baolan.

When we talked about why, Su Xiaoluo said, 'As a manager, the most common question many young players will talk to me about is salary and benefits. When he tried out for IG and played a few competitive matches, Baolan's salary was actually very small. After NEST ended, I brought up giving him a raise, but he didn't seem to care about this, and told me 'I came here to play.''

When he was 14 and League of Legends first showed up in his life, he chose this professional path, and without even hitting 17 he'd played two years of city-level competitions. In IG's weakest moments, he joined the team as a rookie, rich with potential and yet very young. As a manager, in this impulsive time, to find such a pure player in the generation of young players is a very lucky thing.

As we walked into Baolan's world, we discovered not only his pure love for the occupation, but also the loneliness and confusion so common with young people.

The biggest difference between young esports players and regular students comes from the different people they meet at this most critical point of life, and the way they understand society is different from that of those who go through school before walking into society. Compared to Baolan's chance to become a superstar, we're more interested in how these young players can find their identity in esports.

The experience of spending two years in TGA without any results can make someone ashamed to talk about their job to their relatives and make them call video games a 'bad thing.' The strength of other players in the same team can cause someone to undertake absurd training burdens; Ming's ladder position can cause them to not sleep at night, but instead wake up and chase LP; Meiko's professional journey can make them lonely, yet unable to take the initiative to meet these other players, instead hoping to prove themselves and have them want to meet him.

Before leaving, I noticed on the desk in the IG base, there was a copy of Salinger's Catcher in the Rye. The book describes how the 16-year-old protagonist, Holden, was born in an affluent middle-class family, but after being expelled from school for the fourth time, began to go into the world of adults and discovered the hypocrisy of this world. His idealism made him cynical, but he had to make compromises to continue to survive, making his life always in the midst of contradictions.

Abusinesswoman mother and the complicated feelings he had in this new world are just a few similarities between the real Baolan and the novel's protagonist, Holden. I don't know which fan sent this book to be signed by Baolan, but for this book to appear here, there's something to think about.

The road forward is long, and I hope this professional career will give him all he seeks, and teach him the truth of life.

[apricotstone47]

Liebe Mitglieder, liebe Fans von Borussia Dortmund, hinter uns allen liegt eine Saison, die nur schwer in Worte zu fassen und nicht in wenigen Sätzen aufzuarbeiten ist. Eine Saison, die uns sehr, sehr nahe gegangen ist. Und obwohl sie am Samstag in Berlin mit einem großartigen Triumph endete, gibt es Erklärungsbedarf. Ich wende mich deshalb auf etwas ungewöhnliche Weise mit diesem Offenen Brief direkt an Euch. Der Verlust von Mats Hummels, Ilkay Gündogan und Henrikh Mkhitaryan; die Integration vieler junger und unglaublich talentierter Spieler; der langfristige Ausfall einiger Akteure, die als Leistungsträger und Korsettstangen dieser Mannschaft im Umbruch fest eingeplant waren: Das allein wäre Herausforderung genug gewesen. Zu Beginn der Rückrunde haben uns die Ausschreitungen beim Heimspiel gegen RB Leipzig und die folgende Südtribünen-Sperre durchgeschüttelt. Und mit dem feigen Bombenanschlag auf unsere Mannschaft haben wir vor dem Champions-League-Spiel gegen Monaco eine Erfahrung machen müssen, die die Grenzen unserer Vorstellungskraft bei Weitem überschritten hat. Das Ziel des Attentäters war, die Menschen in unserem Mannschaftsbus umzubringen. Das größte Wunder und zugleich das größte Geschenk in der Geschichte von Borussia Dortmund besteht darin, dass niemand ums Leben gekommen ist. Die Dankbarkeit dafür ist existenziell und nicht einmal im Ansatz zu vergleichen mit der Dankbarkeit für einen Titelgewinn. Vor diesem Hintergrund ist unser sportliches Abschneiden umso bemerkenswerter. Borussia Dortmund hat sich in der Saison 2016/17 zum achten Mal in Folge für einen internationalen Wettbewerb qualifiziert – davon allein sechsmal für die Champions League. Wir haben im Saison-Endspurt mit einem Herzschlag-Finale gegen Werder Bremen Platz drei erobert. Wir sind im vierten Jahr hintereinander ins DFB-Pokalfinale eingezogen – ein einsamer Rekord. Wir haben den Pott aus Berlin mit nach Hause gebracht und Euch allen am Sonntag beim Jubelkorso präsentiert. Gemeinsam mit einer Viertelmillion Menschen am Straßenrand einen solchen Erfolg feiern zu dürfen, macht stolz, macht dankbar. Macht Gänsehaut. Danke dafür! Dank gebührt allen im Klub, die geholfen haben, diese Grenzerfahrungen zu meistern. Dank und großer Respekt gebührt zuvorderst natürlich unseren Spielern, die an der Situation nicht zerbrochen, sondern gewachsen sind. Dieser Kader hat Historisches geleistet. Dank gebührt aber auch, das ist doch völlig klar, unserem Trainer Thomas Tuchel und seinem Team! Dass sich die Wege von Borussia Dortmund und Thomas Tuchel dennoch trennen, stößt bei Teilen unserer Fans auf Kritik und Unverständnis. Das können wir, die Verantwortlichen in der Geschäftsführung und in den Gremien von Verein und KGaA, nachvollziehen. Der BVB hatte mit Thomas Tuchel zwei erfolgreiche Jahre, in denen die sportlichen Ziele erreicht wurden. Allerdings haben wir – Michael Zorc als Sportdirektor und ich – uns in dieser Zeit in der Zusammenarbeit mit dem Trainerteam auch aufgerieben. Es geht bei der Wahrnehmung von Führungsverantwortung, und da unterscheidet sich Borussia Dortmund letztlich keineswegs von jedem anderen Sportverein oder Unternehmen, nicht ausschließlich um das Ergebnis. Es geht immer auch um grundlegende Werte wie Vertrauen, Respekt, Team- und Kommunikationsfähigkeit, um Authentizität und Identifikation. Es geht um Verlässlichkeit und Loyalität. Wir haben in der gegenwärtigen personellen Konstellation leider keine Grundlage mehr für eine auf Vertrauen ausgelegte und perspektivisch erfolgreiche Zusammenarbeit gesehen. Deshalb haben wir uns nach intensiven Gesprächen und vielen Diskussionen letztlich zu der Maßnahme entschlossen, die Zusammenarbeit mit dem Trainerteam nicht über das Ende der Saison 2016/17 hinaus fortzusetzen. Diese gemeinsame Entscheidung wird von allen Gremien innerhalb des Vereins und der KGaA einstimmig getragen. Ich bitte um Verständnis dafür, dass wir weder heute noch in Zukunft genaue Erklärungen abgeben können und werden. Vertrauensschutz ist seit mehr als einem Jahrzehnt elementarer Bestandteil unserer Führungskultur. Mir ist wichtig, deutlich zu machen, dass es bei der Entscheidung nicht um die Frage ging, ob man ein Bier miteinander trinken oder Skat miteinander spielen kann. Wenn wir die Dinge derart banalisieren würden, wären wir verantwortungslose und schlechte Entscheider. Ich bin auch durchaus nicht der Ansicht, dass Klubverantwortliche und Trainer grundsätzlich immer dicke Freunde sein müssen. Das sehr spezielle Verhältnis, das wir, insbesondere Michael Zorc und ich, zu Jürgen Klopp hatten, war nie der Maßstab für die Zusammenarbeit mit Thomas Tuchel und wird nicht der Maßstab bei künftigen BVB-Trainern sein. Noch eines möchte ich versichern: Seit ich in verantwortlichen Positionen für Borussia Dortmund tätig bin, habe ich das Wohl des BVB immer über alles andere gestellt. Das gilt gleichermaßen für Michael Zorc, für Thomas Treß und für unseren Präsidenten Dr. Reinhard Rauball sowie für die Mitglieder unserer Gremien. Borussia Dortmund hat aus den Fehlern, die 2004/05 um ein Haar zur Insolvenz geführt hätten, gelernt. Wir alle analysieren unser Handeln selbstkritisch, niemand nimmt sich wichtiger als den Verein, niemand stellt persönliche Eitelkeiten über die Interessen von Borussia Dortmund. Mit bedingungsloser Unterstützung habt Ihr, liebe Mitglieder und Fans von Borussia Dortmund, uns in den vergangenen Monaten durch schwierige Phasen getragen. Dafür noch einmal herzlichen Dank. Ich möchte Euch abschließend bitten, Michael Zorc und mir sowie allen anderen verantwortlich handelnden Personen bei Borussia Dortmund auch weiterhin volles Vertrauen zu schenken – so, wie es in den zurückliegenden Jahren stets der Fall war. Euer Aki Watzke

BVB.de

Zumindest das hätte er sich doch bitte schenken können

Dear members, dear fans of Borussia Dortmund,

we've just finished a season which is difficult to describe in words and can't be reviewed in a few sentences. A season that has affected us very, very deeply. And while it culminated in a great triumph in Berlin on Saturday, there are some things that need explaining. I've therefore taken the rather unusual measure of addressing you directly in an open letter.

The loss of Mats Hummels, Ilkay Gündogan and Henrikh Mkhitaryan; the integration of many young and incredibly talented players; the long-term absence of several players, who as key performers and experienced hands were a key part of our plans at this time of upheaval: these challenges alone would've been enough this season. The clashes at the home game with RB Leipzig soon after the winter break and the ensuing closure of the South Stand shook us. And with the cowardly bomb attack on our team, we were subjected to an experience in the run-up to the Champions League match against Monaco that went far beyond anything we could've imagined. The attacker's aim was to kill the people on board our Team Bus. The greatest miracle and, simultaneously, the greatest gift in the history of Borussia Dortmund was the fact that nobody lost their lives that day. Our gratefulness for that is existential and isn't something we can even begin to compare with the gratefulness we feel upon winning a title.

In light of these events, our sporting performance is all the more remarkable. The 2016/17 season saw Borussia Dortmund qualify for a European competition for the eighth successive year (six of those have been for the Champions League). At the end of the campaign we secured third spot in the Bundesliga with an exhilarating win over Werder Bremen. We reached the DFB Cup final for the fourth year in a row – in itself a record. We brought the Cup home from Berlin and presented it to you all at our victory parade on Sunday. Being able to celebrate such a success with a quarter of a million people lining the streets makes us proud and thankful. It gives us goosebumps. We would like to thank you for that! Thanks go to everyone at the club who helped us to get through these testing times. Of course, thanks and great respect go above all to our players, who emerged from this situation stronger rather than being crushed by it. This squad has made history. But, and this goes without saying, thanks also go to our coach Thomas Tuchel and his team!

The fact that Borussia Dortmund and Thomas Tuchel are nonetheless parting company has provoked criticism and a lack of understanding from some sections of our fan base. We, the people responsible for the board of management, the club committees and the KGaA, can understand this. With Thomas Tuchel at the helm, BVB enjoyed two successful years in which our sporting objectives were achieved. However, we – Sporting Director Michael Zorc and myself – also did not always see eye to eye with the coaching staff during this period of collaboration. When it comes to leadership responsibilities, it is not the result alone that matters – and in that respect, Borussia Dortmund is ultimately no different to any other sports club or business. What also matters are fundamental values such as trust, respect, the ability to communicate and work as a team, authenticity and identification. Qualities such as reliability and loyalty.

Unfortunately, we no longer believed the current coaching arrangement offered us a foundation for a successful future collaboration based on trust. That is why, following intensive talks and numerous discussions, we ultimately decided the best measure would be not to extend the cooperation with the coaching staff beyond the end of the 2016/17 season. This joint decision is unanimously supported by all committees within the club and the KGaA. I would like to ask you to understand that we cannot and will not provide any precise explanations either at this stage or in the future. The protection of trust has been a key component of the leadership culture in the more than a decade that I have been here. For me, it is important to make it clear that this decision was not made on the basis of whether two people could enjoy a beer together or have a game of cards. If we were to trivialise matters in such a way, we would be irresponsible and poor decision-makers. I am also not of the opinion that leadership personnel at a club and a coach always need to be the best of friends. The very special relationship that we, particularly Michael Zorc and I, enjoyed with Jürgen Klopp was never the benchmark by which we judged our collaboration with Thomas Tuchel and it will never be the benchmark for any future BVB coaches.

I would like to ensure one more thing: since I have been working in positions of responsibility at Borussia Dortmund, I have always placed the well-being of BVB over everything else. The same applies for Michael Zorc, Thomas Treß and our President Dr. Reinhard Rauball, as well as the members of our committees. Borussia Dortmund has learned from the failures that took the club to within an inch of bankruptcy in 2004/05. We all analyse our actions self-critically, nobody believes they are more important than the club and nobody puts personal vanities above the interests of Borussia Dortmund.

Your, dear members and fans of Borussia Dortmund, have helped the club through some difficult times in the past few months with your unconditional support. Once again, I thank you for this. I would like to finish by requesting that you continue to place your full confidence in Michael Zorc and myself, as well as all other persons in positions of responsibility at Borussia Dortmund – just as you have consistently done in recent years.

Your Aki Watzke

[flauntpage]

How to Pick Your New Favorite NBA Team

There’s never been a better time to love, watch, or invest your time in the NBA. The most appealing sports league in the world has become more than a nightly roller-coaster ride that lets countless scenarios unfold in the most entertaining ways, on and off the court. It’s a vibrant cultural touchstone with ceaseless momentum, planting seeds in Hollywood and the fashion industry, altering societal stigmas linked to mental health, gambling and marijuana, and engaging with complex and divisive political/racial/societal issues as they appear.

It's imperfect, but also couldn't minimize its own relevance even if it wanted to. While the NFL represents a divided nation, the NBA embraces incongruity. It’s full of young, engaging stars from all over the world. As they enter, ready to make a name for themselves, the identifiable stars who make the league so profitable dip in and out of free agency. They sign with different teams and demand trades. Next year, more recognizable characters will wear different jerseys than they are now—enough to spark countless narratives that are irresistible even to the most casual fan.

It’s helped create a hyper-competitive environment that, unlike the NFL, isn’t tribalistic. Rooting for a favorite team is almost antiquated in a world where people are fine sitting through a random Pelicans-Bucks game just to witness the moment Giannis Antetokounmpo squares up against Anthony Davis, as if it were a thrilling set piece directed by 35-year-old Steven Spielberg.

But nomadic viewership lowers emotional stakes. To cheer for one team over another is to glide from pain to joy and back again with timelessly indescribable feeling. If you don’t have a favorite team, I suggest you latch onto one before opening night; as the 2018-19 season gets under way, with a tasty collection of story lines, rivalries, and rumors all whip into a bottomless reservoir of talent, now is a terrific time to fall in love.

Let this guide do the heavy lifting as you try and find the most appropriate franchise to lead you through what promises to be the most captivating season in NBA history (until 2020 immediately blows it all away, of course).

You’re extremely indecisive: Phoenix Suns

You can’t remember the last time you actually watched something on Netflix, even though you open the app on your iPad every single night. The thought of committing to one show or movie is too difficult when there are so many other options. You mindlessly scroll through streaming purgatory, not quite understanding why you can't just watch everything at the same time.

The Suns—a team that somewhat-curiously fired their GM one week before opening night—don’t know who they are or what they want. Is it the playoffs? A slow-cook rebuild? Should they tank? Pay veterans? If you’re the type of person who returns 95 percent of what you buy on Amazon Prime, you deserve the Suns.

You don't have internet access: Charlotte Hornets, Memphis Grizzlies

No disrespect to these two teams, which have several interesting and undiscovered qualities that make them fascinating in their own way. But Miles Bridges and Jaren Jackson Jr. aren’t enough. Kemba Walker and Mike Conley can, in the right light, be seen as draws all by themselves, but if you don't see yourself staying awake for four quarters when they're on the west coast, don't pick them. On the other hand, if you're indifferent, don't mind losses, and can appreciate how beautiful life's absolute-slightest pleasant surprises are able to be, let's just flip a coin and be done with it.

You're a frontrunner with low self-esteem: Golden State Warriors, Los Angeles Lakers

Bandwagon jumping is a timeless, ever-irritating sports fandom felony. Not to judge people who willfully commit such crimes, but those involved probably wear knockoff Yeezys with pride and/or regularly test drive a Ferrari through their neighborhood without telling anyone who asks that it’s not technically their car. These people love finishing first, especially if they can get there by cutting corners. They cheat at golf.

The Warriors are here for an obvious reason: they’re the best team, have won three of the NBA’s last four titles, and something will go horribly wrong if they don’t three-peat. If you choose them, you’re avoiding disappointment and the general misery that comes with cheering for any one franchise in a 30-team league. You're also extremely risk averse and painfully boring.

The Lakers (currently) do not have the same cachet as Golden State, but there’s an undeniable swagger that takes shape whenever the best player alive/ever is leading your favorite team. Even though L.A. almost definitely won’t win the championship in 2019—and may not even make the playoffs—there’s a certain confidence that comes with cheering them on. And in the back of your mind, you also know that there’s a decent to definite chance they add another superstar next summer and immediately become the prohibitive favorite. You’re not fooling anyone with this pick. LeBron still equals world domination.

You’re a masochist: Sacramento Kings (application pending: Minnesota Timberwolves)

Fans who’ve spent the past dozen years rooting for these two teams remind me of the flagrantly NSFW opening to Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning. They are the hopeless drifter who wouldn’t wish what they’ve endured on their worst enemy.

The Kings are perennially hopeless. If you intentionally choose them, one can only assume that you take cold showers and eat ice cream for breakfast. Your favorite adjective is “numb.” Pessimism lords over your decisions, backed by the belief that something will eventually go terribly wrong because it usually does. Choose this team if you expected Kevin McCallister to die the first time you watched Home Alone 2.

Since 2007, the only team with a lower winning percentage than Sacramento is Minnesota (and they’re coming off a 47-win season!). It’s too early to say whether they belong here, though. Karl-Anthony Towns might be the best player alive in a few years and it’s probably too early to make any definitive statements about Andrew Wiggins’s trajectory. But Jimmy Butler’s trade demand hit this organization like a PTSD diagnosis. This franchise can’t have nice things. Go all in at your own risk.

You’re patient, possibly to a fault: Atlanta Hawks, New York Knicks, Orlando Magic, Brooklyn Nets, Los Angeles Clippers, Chicago Bulls

Even as each one of these organizations embarks on a rebuild with fresh ideas coming in from their front offices and coaching staffs (except Chicago), it’s so hard to trust any of them (including Chicago). The Knicks are carefully constructing a new house, brick by brick, behind David Fizdale’s militaristic obsession with conditioning, but their best and most unique player may miss the entire season. Orlando is all in on size, length, and seemingly illogical physical proportions found in their two most recent lottery picks. The Hawks are collecting assets. The Nets and Clippers have serious cap space. The Bulls are focused on their curious core of talented misfits.

It could be a while before any of these teams see playoff action, and some of these rebuilds may top out with a first-round elimination. But there’s value in getting in on the ground floor with a long-term investment.

You’re either older than 35 or younger than 12: Dallas Mavericks

This is a strange category for any team to be in, but it’s fitting for the Mavs. In what will unofficially be Dirk Nowitzki’s final season, sentimentalists will not want to miss any Mavericks games this season. Given his age (40), it’s possible that any minute could be Dirk’s last. It won’t take much, maybe a badly sprained ankle or severely pulled hamstring. If you believe “stop and smell the roses” is the most important expression ever uttered, ride with Dallas.

Beyond Dirk, this is a fun team that may be on the cusp of something special. Athletically, Dennis Smith Jr. looms as a natural disaster, and Luka Doncic may someday be the face of the freaking sport. The Mavericks won’t make the postseason (again), but it’s not a bad time to get in, even if you don’t remember or care about Dirk’s prime. (If you’re one of those people, please let Ian Thomsen teach you about it ASAP.)

You're searching for a religious experience: Milwaukee Bucks, New Orleans Pelicans

If you can’t fall asleep, stay up and watch Giannis and AD dominate everything. Both will spend random weeks throughout the season looking like God. Right now, there might not be a more terrifying mass-adrenaline moment associated with basketball than whenever these two leave their feet. Neither has yet to peak; each enters the season with a refurbished supporting cast. So long as they stay healthy, you should be extraordinarily pleased with either team. If not, prepare yourself for an inescapably deep depression.

You believe loyalty is the glue that holds society together: Cleveland Cavaliers, San Antonio Spurs

There were moments over the summer when I completely forgot Cleveland had a basketball team. LeBron was (and in some ways, still is) the entire organization. That doesn’t mean the Cavaliers are wretched or incompetent—Kevin Love just signed a lengthy contract extension and Collin Sexton may win Rookie of the Year—but it does speak to how demoralizing it can be to lose the greatest player who ever lived two times in the same decade.

To go from the thrill of an annual Finals appearance to the sudden realization that you may never make the Finals ever again is dark. And if you weren’t born in Cleveland but willingly choose to root for this team two years after they won their first championship and two months after LeBron left town, please know ahead of time that there’s now a hard cap on how much joy professional basketball can bestow upon you.

The Spurs would be in a different category had Dejounte Murray not torn his ACL over the weekend. For an organization that heads into every season with higher sustained expectations than any other over the past 20 years, this season will either be an ephemeral off ramp that Gregg Popovich and R.C. Buford withstand as practically as any two minds possibly can, or the epilogue for an era that often felt like it'd never need one.

Choosing the Spurs or the Cavaliers is admirable, but don't do it if you can't handle having people in your life suddenly wanting to avoid eye contact.

You think modest expectations are the key to true happiness: Indiana Pacers, Denver Nuggets, Utah Jazz

By far the most fulfilling teams to root for are those talented enough to overachieve, young enough to learn from mistakes, armed with an exciting direction and a clear identity. In short, pick one of these teams if you’re content with a team that will probably fall short, but in doing so provide a memorable, fun season that bears a ton of optimism going forward. And in the outside chance any one of these organizations reaches the conference Finals, or beyond, you’ll look like a genius.

You hate change (and possibly yourself): Washington Wizards, Portland Trail Blazers, Detroit Pistons, (application pending: Miami Heat)

This isn’t a statement about how any of these teams play. Each of them has star power—assuming Jimmy Butler ends up in South Beach—and should be pretty good. It’s more an indictment of the hole their front offices have thrown them into. Even with a Pistons team that just fired its president and head coach, these organizations are, for the most part, stale. They aren’t going up and they aren’t going down. Right now, they just sort of exist.

You’re on their side if you don’t understand why your Blackberry is no longer socially acceptable, still watch network television (but found Amazon’s Forever kind of interesting), and have never owned a car with power windows.

You want to have your cake and eat it too: Houston Rockets, Boston Celtics, Toronto Raptors, Oklahoma City Thunder, Philadelphia 76ers

There are specks of a blatant antagonist in your DNA, but you picked one of these five teams because you hate losing but don't want the grief that comes with attaching yourself to a prohibitive favorite. The Rockets, Celtics, Raptors, Sixers, and Thunder may not favorites, but they're not underdogs either—all of them should be better than the Lakers—and if you pick any one of them, you've done so because you believe they will win the whole damn thing.

You’re setting yourself up for probable disappointment and that’s okay! You’re the type of person who’s 100 percent confident Tiger Woods will win two majors in the next eight months and convinced that fanny packs are a trend with staying power. There’s a decent chance neither of those predictions come true, but anything is possible in your world. We’re talking about a calculated gamble. You acknowledge that all of these teams may lose their last game (with Philly and Oklahoma City far more likely to fall than the other three), but where’s the fun in siding with a juggernaut? Go one or two rungs below that and feel more astute if everything works out. Which...it may!

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MANY clubs do not respect this competition but I only have good memories of it. In my first season as a professional with Borussia Monchengladbach, when I was 18, we went to the final, which was something special. Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho checks the surface at the Friends Arena in Stockholm ahead of the Europa League finalPA:Press AssociationThen I won it twice when it was the Uefa Cup, with Inter in 1991 and Bayern Munich five years later. Keep up to date with ALL the MANCHESTER UNITED gossip and transfers on our club page plus fixtures, results and live match commentary In those days it was much harder. The second club in every top country played in it. With Inter, we had to play Rapid Vienna, Aston Villa and Partisan Belgrade — tough opponents — just to get to the last eight. Every match was like a final. Then we had to beat Sporting Lisbon and Roma. But since the Champions League was expanded, the quality and interest has gone down, especially when it comes to the group phase. Utd and England raiders Jesse Lingard and Marcus Rashford relax on the eve of the Europa League final in SwedenReutersI’m happy we have a final like this. It’s the best final we could have had. Most of the great results of Ajax were a long time ago, when they had so many fantastic players. Nobody needs to talk about the history of Manchester United, because everybody knows it. MOST READ IN FOOTBALL 'THEY'RE A DIFFERENT LEVEL' Dutch legend Edgar Davids fears Marcus Rashford and Anthony Martial will tear Ajax apartBIG SAM WALKS Sam Allardyce 'shocks Crystal Palace after telling bosses he is quitting' after just six months in chargeBAD MOOS UNITED FANS Freakishly accurate psychic Dutch cow predicts Ajax will beat Man Utd in Europa League finalCURTAIN-RAISER Who do Premier League champions Chelsea face in the Community Shield if they Arsenal in FA Cup final?TAKE STOCK Man United arrive in Stockholm and will wear black armbands for Europa League final in tribute to terror attack victimsFERGIE TIME Sir Alex Ferguson drops in for Man United training ahead of Europa League final... but can you guess which star is ducking from cameras as he made his own shock trip to Carrington?CHERRY PICKED Jermain Defoe turns the clock back and agrees three-year £65k-a-week Bournemouth deal'A F***ING JOKE' Gareth Bale and Luka Modric left shocked after finding out they won't lift La Liga trophy until NEXT season'I HAVE NO AMBITIONS' Sam Allardyce hints he is to retire from management after sensationally quitting as Palace boss'IT'S NOT ABOUT MONEY' Yaya Toure to reject offers from China as he reveals determination to stay at Manchester CityPLEASE DON'T DIE-GO Antonio Conte is fighting to keep star striker Diego Costa at Stamford Bridge and away from a move to ChinaGUNNER GO? Alexis Sanchez's agent arrives in Munich for talks with Bayern chiefs as Arsenal exit loomsCOSTA BATTLE Man United and Juventus will battle it out for the signature of Bayern Munich winger Douglas CostaSWANS-ONG HOLD Everton agree £25m deal for Swansea star Gylfi Sigurdsson but may pull out over £120k-a-week wagesDOUBLE DIP Alexis Sanchez prefers move to Man City but Arsenal star’s agent is pushing for Bayern Munich switchSOMBRE STARS Downcast Manchester United squad bussed to a secure location ahead of flight to Stockholm for Europa finalWALK OUT THE DOOR Chelsea and Bayern Munich enter the race to sign £40million Tottenham defender Kyle WalkerPEP TERROR SCARE Pep Guardiola's wife and two daughters 'suffering with shock after going to terror concert in Manchester'RON THE UP Cristiano Ronaldo's girlfriend Georgina Rodriguez signs for model agency after leaving GucciMARC UP Marcus Rashford set for £10,000-a-week pay-rise on his Manchester United contract this summer United, with their coach and concept of playing, are not like Ajax at all. The Dutch side have a very young team, full of fast attacking players. I watched their quarter-final with Schalke and they showed a very good mentality. They never gave up, even when they were down to ten men and it seemed everything was going against them. One thing is Ajax have a fall-back option for the Champions League. Jose Mourinho relies on experience and organisation against Ajax youth and flair of AjaxGetty ImagesUnited do not. This is their last shot. They have to win to be in Europe’s elite club competition next season. But Ajax, who finished second in the Dutch league, can get in it through the play-offs in August. That means the pressure is on United to win. DANGER DOLBERG THE big threat to United is Kasper Dolberg, the young Danish striker. Kasper Dolberg jets in to Stockholm as youthful Ajax prepare to take on Man UtdGetty ImagesHe is a player who can make a defence crazy. He’s fast and young and I’m sure a lot of bigger clubs will be looking to sign him after the season he’s had. Dolberg played very well in the Europa League and in the Dutch Eredivisie and if Ajax are going to win the final he is the most likely reason. Dolberg will certainly be very important and what I like is that he is not one of those forwards who waits for the ball to come his way. He looks to go wide, never stops working and is happy to go left or right to get in the game. Kasper Dolberg could be the biggest threat to the plans of Jose MourinhoAP:Associated PressDolberg is everywhere, runs a lot and changes his position, including dropping into midfield to pick up the ball. He’s very much a team player and you cannot stop him completely. POG IN A POKE I’M NOT a fan of Paul Pogba. Maybe he is a talent but I don’t see him as any more than that. When I look at his transfer fee and what he has done, it is not anywhere near enough. I expect much more from someone who cost £89million. You can maybe say that he is young and it was an investment for the future but he has to prove it. I don’t think Pogba, 24, is a leader. I have been looking for more, particularly in the moments when the team is not working well. When a game runs out of your hands is when you look for someone like Pogba to hold the team together and give them rhythm, but I feel he only plays for himself. World-record buy Paul Pogba is no leader, according to legend Lothar MathausRex FeaturesI feel he has under-performed, maybe not for United, but for me he has to show he can be that sort of leader and I am concerned about his temperament in big games as well. He doesn’t always control himself and that can be dangerous for his team, especially in a final. NO RASH IN THE PAN UNITED are missing Zlatan Ibrahimovic, their hero. But Zlatan’s injury has been good for Marcus Rashford because I’m not sure he would have played if Ibrahimovic had been fit. I’ve followed Rashford for the last 18 months, watching him emerge for United and England, scoring the important goals and I have been impressed every time I see him. Manchester United's England striker Marcus Rashford (left) has thrived in the absence of injured top scorer Zlatan IbrahimovicGetty ImagesWhat I like is his speed, technique and confidence, especially given how he is still only 19 years of age. He has a great future for United and England. MY VERDICT AJAX have nothing to lose and it should be an open game. They can play as they want, without being afraid. While United have reached the final — and that is an achievement — they did not show the calmness I expected against either Anderlecht or Celta Vigo, who both caused them real problems. But I always feel experience is so valuable in a final and United have far more of that. Mourinho will know how to close the game down, as well, if they get in front. The last European final he was involved in saw Inter beat Bayern 2-0 in the 2010 Champions League. I expect the same score in Stockholm. #ManchesterUnited #EuropaLeague #EuropaLeagueFinal