#you dont understand i want to immerse myself in a world where i know i'll get a full story in one book

[widojestonmain]

I was googling for good fantasy series where the books are all stand alones in the same universe with some of the same characters and people on reddit just kept saying you mean books that aren't in a series and I wanted to scream.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

i have a confession

recently i had some trouble and had to delete an email

problem is, i used the google docs there to write my fics. and i thought i downloaded them all, but only one of my major ones did, and i lost everything else

literally all of it

i am anonymous because i lost my tumblr acc but on ao3 i am veetheree, and i had this longer dilemma regarding my potterlock fic (pretty disillusioned with rowling and all.that, unsure whether to continue) but even so i saw that a lot of people subscribed to it and i wanted to at least see where the story leads, i had over 300k words apart from the 40k i published

and i domt hve it anymore :') i didnt check the process because it seemed okay and i had other uni and work stuff to take care of, and now i check it and :') it's gone :')) im not doing well, and i am going to delete the fic i think

i dont have the energy to maintain it and i dont want it to be left in the dust either - i have lost all hope for it, and this is just a punch in the gut. and i was proud of the plot and how i intertwined the 2 worlds too

this is mostly just a rant because i dont really have anybody else who can relate to the pain of fic writing and the challenges that come with it

also, as to why i had to delete the email - it's complicated, hacking situation and such, but it happened over 2 months ago so im not able to retrieve it and neither do i really feel like looking into it, im done with that fic for good 😭

that's all, thank you for being a safe space for me to go to, and i apologise to anyone who was waiting for that fic to be updated :(

Hey Lovely *HUGS*

OH GOODNESS, I'm SO sorry you had a garbage time with your email, and even more so, accidentally deleted fics from your Google Drive without saving all of them. I'm TERRIFIED of losing my own fics from my G-Drive all the time (I do actually write and have about 15 "snippets" of fics on there) and back them up religiously.

That said, I can understand how life can overtake literally everything and just make being online Too Much™ – happens to me all the time 💜🖤. And I know how disheartening it can be to just... not have the motivation anymore to continue on with something, heaven knows I've done that plenty in my 40 years, LOL. And Lovely, we have to remember to do what's best for us in the long run.

When I was a teen, I wrote a fairly popular Sonic fanfic series that I never completed, literally left it on a cliffhanger. This was back before even FFNet, and fics were distributed in the Sonic fandom on our Geocities pages via Webring, LOL. After life took over, it still remains unfinished over 20 years later. I recently found the original word docs of all 9 of the stories (with the 10th one half-finished) and while I cringe at my bad writing from back then, I still love immersing myself in that world. One of these days, maybe I'll finish it, because I do think it was a great concept and intriguing storyline that dealt a lot with humanity and sentience, just obviously written by a teenager, hahaha.

The point of that anecdote? We can still love the things we wrote, and still want to engulf ourselves in that world from time to time and not feel bad about it. And if you decide to come back to it a decade from now, that's okay too. You're only human.

And never EVER hesitate to come here for a friendly eyeball to vent to. I try my best to make y'all feel not so alone. Glad to see you are okay, Vee, truly. That's what's most important.

*SNUGGLE BUGGLE HUGGLE* I hope you have a beautiful, prosperous day. And I'm sure your fic-fans understand <3

[mochiwrites]

hello hello hello! I just finished binging amor lunae and amor solis and I thought I'd pop in to do a quick rant about it because I loved every bit of it so much!!

first of all, im a sucker for god aus. as a guy whose childhood was filled with nothing but Percy Jackson Percy Jackson Percy Jackson, god aus are an absolute weak spot for me. I love them so dearly, and yours was incredible.

beyond that though, I specifically LOVE the trope of the sun and the moon falling in love!! ive not actually seen anything where it actually happens (your fic was the first) but ive always been in love with the concept and your execution of it was absolutely stunning. proteus as the moon and solara as the sun worked so perfectly!

oh gosh I had so much more to say but ive lost my train of thought.

I rarely cry when I read or watch things. I don't know what it is, but I struggle with really feeling what the characters feel, and I could count the number of times a piece of media has made me cry on a hand and a half, but I was on the brink of tears practically the entire time I was reading. I don't know what it was particularly, but something about your writing style made it feel like I was transported to that world. I could feel the majesty of the heavens and the aching of both proteus and solara (and medea, im so sorry buddy) and the overwhelming love they had for one another. their willingness to give up everything just to be with one another was suffocating in the best way possible.

a lot of the time with those types of emotions, I find it unrealistic. I find it too overbearing for me to be able to actually immerse myself in them, but something about your writing made it so easy for me to understand. I felt everything they felt. I understood. of course solara would choose death over forgetting proteus. of course mumbo would give up his celestial status to be with grian. it was meant to be. they were meant to be. the stars and moon and sun all aligned in the precise way they did and the universe was created all for them to be able to love one another and it was perfect.

your playlist!! gods, your playlist was perfect. I love it when fic writers have their own playlists for their fits because it makes the experience so much better, and yours did not disappoint!! I put it on shuffle while I read. "From me, the moon" started playing when mumbo met grian for the first time in amor solis and the lyrics paired with the scene made me cry. nothing could've prepared me for how much aching I'd feel while reading it. 1,672 years and 20,064 months and 610,711 days of loss and longing and I felt it and it hurt but everything fell into place for that one moment and it was worth it.

oh gosh I could keep going forever but this got way too long. I just adore this fic with all my heart and my soul and my being. I feel like it's genuinely done something to me. it feels like something's shifted in the way I see the world, and maybe that's a dramatic thing to feel about a piece of writing about some block people falling in love, but I don't care. im in shambles. I dont know if I'll ever be whole again. im grian, having everything I could possibly want, but knowing something's inexplicably out of place. there's something wrong and no way to know what.

im not the biggest fan of scarian (im much more a grumbo guy), but I may just read your scarian stuff purely because it's your work.

thank you for writing. thank you for sharing. you have a gift, and it is beautiful. never stop creating.

hi I’m ??? sobbing at you ??? so loud ???? 🥹💕 this was such a lovely lil treat to wake up uwahhh.

ueueue thank you sm !!!! this was my first “big” au for this fandom, and seeing the reception of it is so,,, 🥺 it makes me incredibly happy <33

I love the trope of the sun and moon falling in love so much. I think it came from the whole “character who’s the embodiment of the sun is shipped with character who’s the embodiment of the moon” concept, and grumbo fits that Very well.

but I??? 🥹 that’s such a huge compliment I’m so. uwahhh 🥹💕 I’m really glad that my writing made you feel all that <33 it’s always my goal to pull people into the worlds that I create and bring some kind of immersive feeling through my words. so knowing I managed to make you feel all that and it felt realistic is really !!!!!!!

and the playlist !!!! augh !!!! that’s the very first thing that I made for this au. it existed before amor lunae did. fun fact, I put the songs in a vague chronological order, going from when proteus and solara met, to when solara dies. I’ve written most of that au with that playlist going, and omg I could Not imagine reading those fics with the playlist going… you’re the bravest omg.

I love making playlists for my fics though :D every major au that I have has a playlist for it hehe

but 🥹💕 this au definitely holds a very special place in my heart. it’s a work that’s really important and very personal to me. I’m really happy that you enjoyed it <333

though !!!! if you don’t mind a little plug and a recommendation of my other works… I currently have an on going mumscarian au called songbird’s blood. it’s on my ao3 as a series called “night life” if you enjoyed the grumbo in amor lunae and solis, I think you’ll like the grumbo in night life too :D it’s a biiiig fantasy au where mumbo is a vampire and grian is a human who just happens upon his manor. grian is the first human to break through mumbo’s walls and befriend him. they’re very soft <33

thank you for stopping by and leaving this in my inbox 🥹💕 it was really nice to read through and made me really happy. if you read anything else of mine, I hope you enjoy !!! and please feel free to drop by again <33

[mapof-mysoul]

K-POP ?

It's been a while, but here I am. I was under a lot of stress as I was getting a new job. I started this week and though i haven't done much besides training. I'm excited about the possibility. I have been writing and reading and existing. My mind seems clearer not without its usual hurricane  of thoughts but just enough for me to see out from where I stand in its eye. 

Enough for the constant ache to be dulled. Kinda like what KPOP does to me. 

Weird transition but okay. I'll talk about KPOP.

As I write this I'm listening to BTS and Lee Know from StrayKids is commenting on bubble. So my reason for getting into KPOP BTS and my reason for spiraling down its rabbit hole SKZ. I thought it was a small hyper fixation as most things are for me. But a year and a half later here we are multi stan and all.

I joined this world just as BTS was announcing its group hiatus. Which sucked but I think I was lucky also. I get to experience them all for the grammys together and I get to learn them though their own individual music and schedules. I get to see them each for who they are as artists outside of BTS global phenomenon. I get to go back and see their struggles and growth knowing how it will all turn out.

I do however miss those who have enlisted and i'll miss those who still have to enlist. But thanks to BTS I have 5 individual artists I love and soon that will be 7 once JK and V  release their solos.

Thanks to them opening the door I found SKZ, which includes 8 chaotic guys whose music, energy and personalities also make me feel. 

When your mind is a mess to be pulled out of that is as close to euphoric as it gets. 

Yes there are other groups I enjoy. But these particular two make me feel seen, heard and understood. Yes they speak a language I'm struggling to learn but that's the thing they have opened me up to a culture and side of the world i never would have otherwise thought of learning about. Food, culture, language, customs and history are only a few of the things I've allowed myself to start learning. I want to understand them fully. 

The effort it takes is worth it. When you learn the meaning behind lyrics or remarks they make. Whether it's Love Yourself or Youtiful, I am grateful for the feelings behind these songs. I am grateful that I can know this world of BTS and SKZ and get immersed in so much more than their beauty. I mean yeah it's great to look at them, collect photo cards, albums or place posters on my wall. But when I look at those things I remember their words of kindness. 

I remember JK talking about how he missed us. Or Bang Chan seeing us weekly for Channies room. Things they don't have to do. Eat Jin or Asmr with Felix. Jimin and his little building lives or I.N drinking way too many energy drinks. They chose us as much as we chose them. Taehyung and Lee Know taking time to answer comments on their respective platforms. Namjoon's song recommendations on IG or Yoongi telling us the meanings of his songs regardless of how painful it must be for him to relive it. Hyunjin and Jhope dancing across my screen. Or Changbins laughter. Seungmins sacrasm and jokes and Hans' vulnerability.

These mens gentle masculinity is what has led most of us to feel closer to them then other western artists.

I love western music, from pop to rock, classic, jazz and indie but there is also rap and hip hop R & B on my playlist. As a latina i listen to bachata and ballads, reggaeton or merengue and salsa. My playlist has at least 11 languages on it. 

Can you tell I love music?

As a writer, feeling and hearing an emotion can fill me with it. I dont have to know the language, take one of my favorite songs by BTS' Min Yoongi or in this case his alias Agust D, The Last. 

The first time i heard it i cried, no lyrical reference not in either language i know. Just me feeling exhausted from the pain inside myself. Unable to cry at that point. Maybe it was the angsty pain in his voice but I knew I felt it too. I cried. Silent tears covering my cheeks. I was not alone. When I looked up the lyrics I sobbed again, because my soul understood before my mind could. He himself says music doesn't have a language. 

When I had the opportunity to see him in concert I jumped. Because he is my bias after all. I cried twice, once during Amygdala, because I knew exactly what he meant. Our traumas looked different but their effects were the same. I cried again during Snooze as he repeated over and over and over how "everything was going to be okay". As he reminded me to lean on him to take a break, and then when i'm ready pursue my dream once again. It felt good to hear it in person. But I didn't cry during The Last like I thought I would. Instead I smiled because that was a song that connected him and I and millions of people around the world. 

I wasn't an emotional mess the entire time. Instead I screamed in anger during Burn It, a song that gave way to that kind of behavior as well as a lot of his others. But hearing him pause to say hey “from now on i'll write with less anger”. Reminded me of my own writing journey. Of how I too have written angry and dark and pained. But like him I too have begun to step out of that. When im asked why Min Yoongi, its because he spoke to a part of me i thought would never heal and he was there when when it started to. Im not saying he saved me but it really fucking helped to hear someone, like him say "yeah same".

It wasn't just him, my SKZ bias Bang Chan. Might not have done one of his weekly check in in a while but he is also much like me. He fights for those he loves endlessly, forgetting himself in the process. Working until he pushes too far. Wanting to be better, do better, be the best and continually climb that perfectionist ladder.

I've heard him give advice about living and taking care of yourself. I've also heard him say he values respect amongst all things. He has many times spoken to his Stays about leaving the haters alone. He almost said he liked people who didnt give a fuck. But stopped himself saying people who don't care instead. He has talked about periods and sex education calling it explicit education. A Stay asked “what will i do without you?” his response they should live, “live life to the fullest.�� He even says that no matter who you are, what you want to be, he will be there for you. As a leader he is both beyond honest and careful, also hopeful that  overly enthusiastic Stays don't take things out of context or too far. He trusts his fandom. 

So when i say i listen to kpop. This is it. I watch endless content from many groups that catch my attention. Often I laugh until my stomach hurts and oftentimes I cry. I Read books they recommend, learn a language and culture and customs and history. So yes kpop sounds toxic or intense but to me it's safe in a world that often does not provide that. 

A world where my own mind is my biggest enemy. This is where I can both find myself while I lose myself. Disconnect from my own life and become immersed in another one. So ill keep reading subtitles and translations while i learn korean. But i'll also learn about their history and customs. 

Bowing, instead of the western greeting of hugs or Spanish cheek kisses I grew up with, is probably my favorite. I've never been a touching random strangers person. But in Dominican Republic that's what you do. I also love art now too. That's thanks to RM, the leader of BTS, who is an art collector and Hyunjin of SKZ who paints masterpieces to destress. I eat plenty of Korean food and visit HMart too much. But i've never been a picky eater. I'll try anything twice. 

So yeah this was all because of K-POP but I'm lucky I found them when I did because things have only gotten better since.