#you don't have diabETES KATE???

[pure-mornings]

To do what he does I feel like I would have to become an architect of restraint. My first comedic idol about timing was @thathippiechick18 in college. She just had the best, most perfect zingers ever that would come out of left field and TPKO everyone around her. I aspire to be as funny as she was when we were in college together. She taught me the value of timing.

What I find so entertaining about Zac Oyama's comedy style isn't even the timing that everyone always talks about, it's his ability to create a full scene that feels like it's part of a longer story. Sometimes mostly through body language and expressions and with only a few words.

Like the "giving up halfway through telling a story" bit? He played this so real. He gave so many specific details. A place, a time, two other people with names, what food they serve, roughly the time when he's last been there, names of the games!!!! Like this scene does not exist in a vacuum. There are things that happened before and things that happened after. He even starts the scene like he is in the middle of a conversation! This is full on just a little glimpse into somebodies life.

Same with the "small talk at the dentist" prompt. And the only thing he says in that is "I was in class with his younger brother"! I can practically feel the presence of the dentist in that scene and he's not even real!!!

Other examples are the "trying to start a chant during a speech" and "bass part in an acapella song that doesn't have many bass parts " prompts. It absolutely feels like there are more people around him that are part of this scene.

How does he do it?

[stevensaus]

There's an important note about the experience I talk about in this post at the end. Trigger warning for discussion of suicide and self harm. September is Suicide Prevention Awareness month. I have rarely felt so deeply, profoundly alone as a few weeks ago when a room absolutely full of people were applauding around me. They were applauding a presentation by members of a local art-centered suicide prevention program. An aside: I'm not criticizing the program. It seems like a perfectly fine program, the kind of thing you'd see featured as the last part of a newscast so you feel a little better about humanity. Apropos to that kind of human-interest segment, their presentation focused a lot on talking to people, and very little time on the very real socioeconomic factors that influence suicide rates. You know the stories I mean: the ones that worry about "disturbing memes" and signs of mental distress rather than dealing with the reasons the mental distress is there. But it was the end of their presentation that left me feeling isolated, despite their theme of trying to connect to those who were thinking of harming themselves. I don't know if I can properly explain why I reacted the way I did. The words of their message -- "destigmatize mental illness" -- are good. I agree with them whole-heartedly. It's the primary reason I keep talking about my own issues and history in public on the internet. A large part of my reaction was the quick pivot from "destigmatization" to emphasizing how mental illness is a Very 👏 Important 👏 Issue 👏 that required a Lot 👏 Of 👏 Attention 👏. Nothing like singling out something as a way to stigmatize it. To make someone other. When I saw Kate Bornstein speak some years ago, she said, "I don't want allies." Those who label themselves "allies", she pointed out, by the meaning of the term, ensuring that everyone knows they are not part of that group. An "ally" can choose to walk away. An "ally" is separate, different from them, those people over there. I hoped the presenters would share just a line of their own story or struggles. After all, roughly one in five adults in the US has some kind of anxiety disorder -- that's more common than type 2 diabetes. Suicide attempts are common enough in the US that, statistically, I was far from the only person in the room to have made a gesture or attempt. Instead, the closing line that got the standing ovation and thunderous applause was "So that we can help them." And, although I was surrounded by people, that was the most alone I had felt in weeks. That feeling of loneliness and isolation had nothing to do with how many people were physically around me. I remembered a similar sense of isolation from a quarter-century earlier, from the mocking of fellow NCOs at a suicide prevention class where they didn't know I'd made a suicidal gesture a few years before. I remembered how hard it was to talk to people about feeling suicidal later on. I remember that it is always carefully framed as being about them, someone else. When really, it's about us. We talk about our physical health all the time. Even more as we get older (it's not a stereotype, kids). It's not a big deal. It's not shameful or special or different, even if it's a life-threatening illness. It is important, but it is not exceptional. Physical health is something you have in common with everyone else with a meat body. The way we talk about our everyday health problems is almost always 1 inclusionary for that reason. Normalize talking about mental health just like you would physical health. My name is Steven Saus. I've made a suicidal gesture before, and a few episodes of suicidal ideation. I have to pay attention sometimes to how some situations and triggers (the rejection sensitivity dysphoria in particular) sometimes interacts with that. I also have type 2 diabetes. I have to pay attention sometimes to how some situations and foods (I have a horrible sweet tooth) sometimes interacts with that.

The national suicide hotline number is 988. Use it. Ask for help from your friends, acquaintances. Get different perspectives. Especially if you think everything sucks, there is no way out, and nobody can help. I can't guarantee you anything. Nobody can. But you do not have to be alone. I promise you, there are more people out there who have stood where you are now. Who know what it feels like. Who have managed to cope and find it worthwhile to keep going. I am one of them. You will be too. The promised quick note: This is my perception of what happened and how it sounded. I'm quite aware that the emphasis on "them" I heard might have been entirely in my head. It may not have even been the last thing they said. I'm aware that one's perceptions aren't always the same as what others experience. What I can tell you is that it was the last thing that registered. I'm certain that my reaction is not what the presenters intended at all. There were also limits to the format that meant they were forced to be brief, and I'm sure there's things they had to cut. This isn't a castigation of that group or their efforts; they seem like they mean well and are doing good work despite how I reacted to their presentation, and that's why I've not named them here. 1 I am aware that is not the case for some health issues, particularly those who are invisibly disabled, and the same issue applies there. What I am referring to are things like a head cold, food poisoning, breaking a bone, cancer, etc. https://ideatrash.net/2024/09/loneliness-while-surrounded-by-thunderous-applause.html?feed_id=476&_unique_id=672c111b25da3

[catysharksstuff]

BODY

This week's essay is about the Body. My body. Our bodies. W e all have one after all. And relationships with our bodies have got to be among the most challenging, complex, difficult of all relationships. Or, maybe that's just me?

This is where I am at with my body. I have never, in my life, felt "ok" with it. At least, not since I was a very small child. And I don't really remember life before. like, I don't remember a time where my body and I were ever "together". On the same side. On the same team. My memory has always been of an adversarial relationship. Chronic "not okayness". Me versus it; and anger, anger, despair.

I think awareness of my body as a thing-as a separate entity - something "other than me"-probably began around the age of eight or nine. But by eleven or twelve it was fully fury raging. I was diagnosed with type one diabetes in the middle of my twelfth year and at that point the divorce between"it" and "me" was well and truly complete.

My body was my enemy. My body was the reason I was not ok, not normal, unlovable. Not only did it not look right, it also didn't function properly. And it had become a specimen , something that revealed how inadequate I was, how broken, how malformed. My body: something to be critiqued, monitored, scrutinized, weighed, poked, prodded. An entity that was always "wrong',' always "not what it should be". Too big, too fat, too scared, too marked by flows - acne, lesions, bleeding...

This relationship was - is!- so tucked up. This poor inadequate container. This thing that broke, but still existed. Still "was". Still "tried" . However inadequately. This body still survived and me - inside it - the passenger on the broken train could do no better for it -non abuse it with food and booze and hate fueled running, slapping, smoking, smothering.

It makes me weep for all the trauma, hatred, and violence I have wrought upon this sweet, tired thing. This poor little conglomeration of tissue and muscle, skin and bone. All it has ever tried to do it contain me, give me a vehicle through which to experience this life, this world. My body has tried so hard to just be, to give me what I need, to carry me through my days. And in return I have been as abusive as any tyrannical asshole you could meet.

Boy howdy this a screed.

I think the base line is this: at this age - 46- I feel like I should have figured this out.

But I have not figured this out.

It is better than it used to be. I have more awareness now than I used to- I understand the harm of societal expectation. I know that growing up in the supermodel 90s and amongst"heroin chic" , and Kate Moss' waif ideal was less than awesome for a young woman. For any woman. Not that it got better. Thank fuck I didn't also have to contend with the internet and the ascendance of online porn.

And you know I also get that being diagnosed with an extreme metabolic condition -one requiring constant vigilance in diet, exercise, sleep, and medication - at the onset of puberty- in a new school, in a new county-was perhaps the most perfect storm of personal misfortune and tragedy. But I also admit that, despite an intervening thirty-four years, I have not found a pretty resolution to all the feelings; these intense, extreme emotions , that I still have.

I know I am not my body. And I also know that it is the one thing that is guaranteed to be with me through my existence in this life. I know this is the most important, most intimate relationship I will ever have. I know this is the foremost reason I am unhappy in my life. And I know that fact is little.... small ... petty. I'm unhappy because of a relationship in which I on the abuser. A relationship that is entirely within my power and ability to take better care. To do the right thing.

And yet.... and yet...

And yet, I do not.

Ah me, this is a big one.

I make these attempts. I clean up my act. I exercise, go to the gym, do yoga and hikes and High! Intensity! Interval! Training! I get eight hours of sleep. I monitor blood glucose. I eat vegan. I eat Paleo. I give up caffeine, lactose, glucose, gluten. I eat whole grains. I do not eat whole grains. Soy. No soy. Legumes. No legumes. I avoid beer, I avoid wine. I quit alcohol in totality. I do therapy. I consult an eating disorder psychiatrist.

Nothing. Works.

Nothing works.

You know what this is? This is my thing. This is the thing that chains me to humanness. This is the piece that keeps me from true liberty and transcendence. This harsh, stupid relationship - my prosaic, unkind, ungenerous attitude-towards the greatest gift that I have ever been given... This is why I fail.

It's gotta be different. I gotta get real. There is a way- I know there is a way- that may not be perfect, may not be ideal (but by whose metric? whose arbitration?) - but that is balanced, is reasonable, is kind.

That is not so big an ask. But it is also everything. I gotta find it. Have to.

[takeeachdayonebookatatime]

Why did you elbow me? 129

Achilles Castle part 34

Castle: pov we are finally now on the way home. While Lanie and Kate were helping out with the accident, I texted Mother letting her know what was going on. So she wouldn't worry about us because it was getting late. I notice Kate is awfully quiet in the back seat. Lanie says it's because she fell asleep. I don't blame her, with her fatigue she gets tired more quickly. Kate slept the rest of the way home.

Jim: pov Alexis and Dave got home 40 minutes ago. Castle, Katie and Lanie are finally home. I head outside to help them unload the car. Katie is asleep in the backseat. I very gently wake her up and help her inside. Castle tells us how they got to meet the band, and Katie got brought up on stage. He then shows us the video, I ask about the accident they helped out with Lanie and Katie tells us all about it. I'm glad they could help.

Kate: pov I'm so tired then again it's very late. Carter should be coming later in the morning before lunch. In the morning everything is set up so we can take the photos for the AHA event. I'm wearing the custom shirt Castle made me as a gift a few years back. For breakfast I choose cheerios with fruit on the side. I take my meds, blood thinners and antibiotics. Everyone else is having ham, fried eggs and hash browns. Lanie takes the photos inside and outside. Alexis then heads into Castle's office to edit the photos with him. I think they look cute so far. Carter is having car trouble and will be coming later in the day if he can.

Lanie: pov Kate's phone is ringing its officer Dillon asking if he and officer Cram can come over to ask me and Lanie some questions about the accident. She says sure. Me and Kate head into the bathroom to change her bandage on her hand. I have to access her pod today to give Kate her once a week meds. She grabs the supplies needed and lays on the sofa, I lift up her shirt. I fill the needle with the meds and inject it into the pod.

Officer Cram: pov me and Officer Dillon arrive at the house it's a very nice looking house. I notice a teenager walking into another room of the house. Castle says it's his daughter. on the wall between the kitchen and the living room is a defibrillator. I've got to know if you have ever used that defibrillator. Lanie says thankfully no, but we did have to use the one at the loft. I ask if, nervous. First time dad bought it. Castle says no nervous husband did after the cardiac surgeon recommended we get it. Oh, someone has heart issues. Kate says yes I do, being shot in the chest/heart does that to you. She then explains everything to us. Wow I don't know how she survived that.

Offer Dillon: pov since we have more questions and it's almost lunch time. Castle asks us what we want for lunch so he can order it. Officer Cram has diabetes so he can't eat certain foods. We decided on sandwiches and Castle will order brown rice bowls for officer Cram and Kate. Officer Cram says it's hard having diabetes on the job, always worrying if your sugar is too high or low. But I can't imagine what it's like for you Kate having a heart condition, especially after suffering cardiac arrest wondering if it will happen again.

Castle: pov Kate mentions to officer Cram and Dillon about this case. We had 3 years into our partnership. The lady murdered was a psychic. She was found in her pull out couch. There was a note talking about her murder the thing is the note was written before she died and she wrote it.

Kate: pov Her daughter told me she also had a gift like her mother. And a person named Alexander would save my life at a future date. This was months before I was shot and guess what Castle's birth name is Richard Alexander Castle. Both officers say no way, I tell them I don't believe in that stuff but something definitely happened. Castle mentions we solved the 3XK case and the Kelly Neiman case. Dad mentioned how proud he is of me for catching Joanna's killer and putting senator Bracken in jail. Lanie says what about the time traveler case. Castle thought the person was from the future and you didn't believe him. Then you spilled your coffee all over the original copy of the letter that was evidence.

Jim: pov Castle says what do you mean spilled her coffee all over the letter she never told me this. He mentions the copy they had was covered in coffee and they couldn't figure out why. Lanie then says it was stained because of Katie she called me all freaked out let me tell you the stains matched. Castle is very much shocked by this but except Katie's apology for not telling him. Martha says what about the case of the woman found frozen at the construction site. Katie says her husband murdered her then he supposedly died because of gang violence there was no proof if her father did it. Both police officers say thank you for the food but we must be going.

Alexis: pov we have it all planned out so dad can spend some alone time with Kate. Me and Dave are going to some beach event for a bit. Gram is going to some play, Lanie is going to get a massage and Jim is going to some meeting for ill family members Lanie suggested it to Castle. Lucky for dad everything was around the same time tonight. Kate is being lazy today since Carter couldn't make it. Lanie is doing a few of the exercises with Kate instead for a little bit. Dad got some nerf guns online so Kate can do target practice with them.

Dave: pov Lanie is keeping score and Martha and Jim are just watching. The targets are set up in the backyard, Mr Castle is sitting in his wheelchair. First person to get the most kill shots wins. Even with an injured hand Kate manages to win. To be continued. ……….

[newtonsheffield]

MOLYYYYYY!!!

IT HAS FINALLY HAPPENED!!!

Those 3 little words made my week!!! You can't probably imagine how long the Molly Nation has been waiting for them. I'm gona have them tattoo on my forehead. Alistair did what? gave me life and cured my diabetes. I'm going to re read this chapter so many times during the week, waiting for the next, that I will have it memorized.

I can already picture Mary's face when she gets back, thinking she is going to find a blood bath. And OH MY GOD!!!! The Bridgertons (specially Anthony) are going to eat Alistair ALIVE and I can't wait to be in front row for that show!

How could you possible think that we would came after you?! This chapter was everything we were waiting and more! You are brilliant!

I am sorry I am making this short, but I have to go and read it again! It's so gooooooood!!!

I hope you have an amazing weekend!!!!!!

❤️😘🐶✨

I have but one thing to say:

Molly Nation????????

Mary was nervous when Neddy slid into the kitchen with tears in his eyes and says "Mum says we have to go out for dinner, I think she's about to fight with my Dad, and it's all my fault."

Mary debates for a long moment whether to take Edmund out to dinner, or take off her earrings and wade into the fray herself. In the end when she hears

"I don't give a fuck-!" She snatches up her handbag and tugs Edmund from the room, texting Edwina as they're walking to the train station

Battle Royale is officially happening in the living room at present, clear yourself for clean up duty and get there as soon as possible. Also bring cardamom.

Edwina texting back immediately like On my way, Bringing Matt to beat up Anthony but she wants Cardamom????

That's for me, I'm out. And darling?? Matt??? Does he know how to throw a punch???

We're about to find out!

Alistair Cowper is about to realise his miserable little life is not worth living. Not when he's kept Anthony Bridgerton from Kate Sharma and their son. May as well give up now, Boo.

You're done.

[roswelldetails]

RNM 2x10 - American Woman

EPISODE SUMMARY:

SECRETS OF THE PAST — After uncovering a cryptic message from the past, Alex (Tyler Blackburn), Isobel (Lily Cowles), Max (Nathan Dean), Michael (Michael Vlamis) and Maria (Heather Hemmens) set out in search of answers at the reservation where Alex’s mother grew up. Meanwhile, Cameron (guest star Riley Voelkel) encourages Liz (Jeanine Mason) to reach out to someone from her past after Auturo (guest star Carlos Compean) gets detained. Marcus Stokes directed the episode written by Rick Montano & Vincent Ingaro & Jason Gavin (#210). Original airdate 5/18/2020. 

DETAILS:

Tripp brings Louise to the Reservation in a body bag where the Navajo doctors are able to save her life.

"Your message said that you were gonna bring two women that would be no trouble.  This looks like a lot of trouble."

"I must have gotten the codes wrong."

"No, don't give me that Manes man nonsense. Not here in my own home."

"Her name is Louise. I promised her friend Nora I'd protect them. My brother triggered an ambush before I could get them here. And Nora…"

"Wait, what does the Air Force want them for?"

"They're not from around here. They're from...up north."

"Yìiyáh. No. She can't stay here… What if your brother comes here and finds a fugitive.  I can't put my people at risk for a white woman."

"Please. You're the only person I trust. If she doesn't make it, it was all for nothing."

"I'll have you remember that I was the one that saved your ass in Okinawa. I don't owe you anything. I'm only doing this because you're my family. And because I'm a damn fool."

A few notes on this scene:

--I don't know why Tripp pretends he got the codes wrong.  Unless he's spiraling and talking about the timing of the attack.  But it seems like he means the message that he was bringing them to the reservation.  Clearly things didn't go according to plan.  Though, it is always possible that we're still missing bits of the story.

--OG Easter Egg.  "They're not from around here.  They're from up north." For anyone who didn't watch OG, this is almost exactly how the exchange went when Max told Liz he was an alien in the 1999 pilot.

--Yìiyáh - I found nothing on this word.  I'm assuming that it's a curse word or general exclamation of negativity, but literally got zero results on google. It's possible, of course, that it's misspelled in the captions.  There were a lot of errors in the captions in this opening scene.

--While there really isn't any overt statement that Alex is half Navajo and this town is part of Navajo Nation (which has been in the news a lot lately and therefore is a good place in this country to be aware of), there's lots of clues or subtle enough statements that I feel like it can be accepted as fact, since: Harrison is a codetalker, the necklace is Navajo, tsela is a Navajo word. So I did a little peeking and it could work.  The closest Navajo town is about a 4 hour drive from Roswell.

Navajo Nation: 

(side note - Navajo Nation has extreme poverty but also is utterly gorgeous. And the Tribe gets income from tourism. Just a few places there that I'm dying to go? Monument Valley, Antelope Canyon, Shiprock.  Check it out.)

Liz comments on Max's irregular heartbeat, with literally no acknowledgment of the fact that she's straddling him and has a history of causing his heart to race...and other forms of lack of control (think 1x03).

"I'm excited about this though. You know Alex dug up all that info on our bio Mom. You sure you can't come?"

"Got to take my dad in for his blood tests. I want to check on Jenna too.  Cannot believe she's back in the hospital again."

"She's been in pain for weeks. I have no leads on the mysterious hunting van, and Charlie hasn't made contact."

"Hmm. To be fair, I do hear that phone service is a little spotty in flying saucers."

"Okay, I get that. You think my alien abduction theory is bogus."

"I know you're worried that this has something to do with you, but I don't think this is an alien thing."

"Cam and I had fractal burns on our necks. We had no memory of what happened. That's alien stuff. I just want clarity on something."

--Note that it's past time to abandon all hope of anything resembling a defined timeline for this show...once again we have weeks passing between episodes. This is the second time this season that the time passing has only been generically described as "weeks".  It's been at least a year since Liz came back to Roswell (per her conversation with Diego), but a year would be summer (late May or early June, specifically), and in this episode Isobel mentions that it's winter (which would be a year and a half).

Maria's pitch:

"In conclusion, esteemed members of the Roswell Tourism Board, while the Pony is normally a sanctuary for locals during CrashCon, I think that my plan to turn it into the Contact Cantina Pop-Up Bar will be a hit with alien fans."

"We're talking more money than we first speculated, aren't we now?"

"You know, Mayor Bernhardt, I forgot to tell you about our new morning cocktail… It's coffee, vanilla cream, and our best bourbon. Let me get you a double."

Note: so this is the famous Mayor Bernhardt. Funded by the Long family. Doesn't like immigrants. Had a racist relative who wouldn't give first prize to the black man.

Maria's vision…

Herself, younger, sitting at the Pony bar. 

"You have to let me go! You're just crazy! And I'm trapped!"

And then she runs from the bar crying.

She's not wearing the necklace.

Describing it to Michael:

"I had a vision, but it was more like a memory. Of a fight I had with my mom when I was younger."

Isobel interrupts Michael and Maria to pick them up for the road trip. Just a few relevant excepts from this scene:

"Pack your bags. We're going on a family road trip."

"Is this why Max wanted the day off?"

"In the photo of Max and Isobel's bio Mom, there was a water tower. Alex recognized that water tower from the town where his mom grew up. You should come with us."

Alex and Forrest talk in the Crashdown:

"Hope that limp isn't from a paintball injury."

"Nope. Those bruises have mostly healed. I just got a new prosthetic. Takes a minute to get used to. You working on your book?"

"I write my book on my computer.  However, I write my angsty emo poetry in an angsty emo journal."

"I'm actually working on some poetry myself. Well, song lyrics, technically. It's a lot harder than it was in high school."

"Yeah, writing was easier for me when I was a kid too. Feelings...we bury 'em now. You just got to find that thing inside of you that doesn't have a voice. Lend it yours. You know? Listen, I have like, zero musical talent, but if you need help with the worst part, we could, uh…"

"Actually I'm leaving tomorrow for a few days to go talk to some recruits."

Michael interruptus, and the conversation goes casual.

--What happened to "angsty nerd isn't really my type." Or...was it FORESHADOWING!!!?! 😂

--Oh hi there clear shot of Forrest's clearly Deep Sky logoed ring…

Cam has been having debilitating migraines that have been keeping her bedridden since the abduction.

Nurse Kate is a badass. she tries to keep ICE from getting into a patient's room. Liz hears her and hurries to the waiting room, where there's more ICE activity. Liz panics and tries to get Arturo out of the hospital, but she caught the attention of the ICE officers. However, Liz knows her rights.

"He has applied for his green card. I'm his sponsor, okay? This is his G-1145 right here."

"You can show that to the court."

"It's okay. Call the lawyer."

"No. He is a diabetic. It is illegal to detain a patient."

"Exigent circumstances. Move."

"No. Hey, this is an unconstitutional arrest and the ACLU will be all over you."

"Elizabeth, we respect the law in this family. If you're in trouble, who will take care of the mouse?"

--G-1145 is a request for confirmation that your green card application has been accepted:

--The timing of this all. Liz has been prepared for this moment all her life and would fight it to the point of getting arrested herself, if not for Rosa. Rosa's safety is the only thing that convinces Liz to step aside.

--As an only semi related note, this is a really interesting contrast to how they wrote Jeanine's character out on Grey's Anatomy.  

--Also feel like it would be remiss of me to not point out Liz's reactiveness and fightinf mentality is mirroring how Liz initially reacted to Max pulling her over in the pilot.

"Okay. So the Deputy on call says there's one detention center in the county. Here's the info."

"He doesn't have anything left in Mexico. No one. Nowhere to go."

"You can't think like that right now."

"I think like this always. Rosa and I used to recite our escape plan for if our parents got deported and we got separated in foster care. I begged my parents not to tell Santa where we lived because I was afraid he'd ask for papers. My whole life was built on a fear of this day coming, and it's here. If I'd have kept better track of his health, he wouldn't need these tests. I should have made him move to California. I thought we were safe being outside the hundred-mile zone, but after this election I should have known better. And I should have made him wear a sweater this morning because it's freezing out there. And what if he…?"

"...okay think. Is there someone we can call?"

"Kyle's at a conference, but I can have him call his mom."

"Do you know anyone with some real power? You know, Federal muscle?"

Cam gets dressed to take Liz to the Detention Center and Liz calls Diego for help.

The road trip group arrive at the reservation and meet Gregory Manes.  He says he remembers them all from high school.  He takes Max, Michael, and Isobel to learn about Louise while Alex and Maria go jewelry shopping.

Meanwhile Gregory is taking the Pod Squad to Louise's grave, but pauses for some flirting:

"You're still the Isobel Evans who convinced the basketball captain to pull four different fire alarms to get out of AP Gov, right? Yeah, legend. Here she is."

"Oh my God, it's covered in flowers.  It's winter."

"Rumor is they grow year-round unattended. She was a healer. I'm told she helped with trauma, addiction, that sort of thing. All without speaking."

"This another grave?"

"She was pregnant."

"Louise arrived gravely injured. And the baby didn't survive.

--Louise died the same day the Pod Squad came out of the pods, confirming that she is probably the old woman on the reservation that was described in 1x09.

--Michael found the mysterious purple flowers growing on Louise's grave.

Alex and Maria at the trading post.

"Are you okay? Seem a little off."

"I had a vision during a meeting this morning. It almost cost me a deal that could save the bar. Maybe I should just wear the necklace. Go back to being a social media guru. Slash barkeep. Slash magical trope in our redneck mayor's fantasy."

"So why did you really come today? Your ideal day off isn't fighting for the radio silence with Isobel Evans, so…"

"This is the back of my necklace. The word stamped in the silver says Tsela. The necklace is Navajo, so I thought maybe that was the jeweler, but no one I've asked here seems to know who made it. I just want answers."

"Well, there's a ton of silver jewelry for sale here. So why don't we just keep looking for something with the same stamp?"

Pod Squad sharing a bottle of acetone by Louise's grave.

"Noah said our planet was war-torn. But the hell they found here can't have been worth it."

"Do you think that Louise's baby died from her injuries or do you think maybe it was never going to survive?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I was pregnant. When you died. Obviously I'm not anymore. I just can't help wondering if that was my last chance. Assuming that humans and aliens can't procreate because they're different species. Maybe that little baby wasn't viable."

"You almost died during the abortion, didn't you? I could feel it. Noah almost killed you again, huh? Oh, I need a minute."

After Max leaves Michael offers to be a sperm donor for Isobel if she ever wants to have a kid.

Liz at the Detainment Center

"It's Ortecho. Arturo Ortecho. He's my dad. And he needs gliclazide and beta-blockers. I brought both."

"We can't take contraband here, but there is an infirmary on-site, if he's here."

"You know, out of curiosity, did Nebane Abienwi visit an infirmary before he died of a brain bleed in your custody? What about Johana Medina León? She was 25 years old, okay? People walk through those doors and they die...Who's your supervisor? You need prior approval before conducting enforcement in a hospital. There was a compliance memo."

"Right, a memo, which is just like a law only not. Unless you calm down, I'm gonna arrest you for obstruction."

"Okay, Liz, maybe sit down.  Sir, I'm Deputy Jenna Cameron, and we appreciate your interpretation of your guidelines, but we have an urgent health concern about an inmate here, if you just wouldn't mind checking the system."

Jenna goes with the agent…when she returns...

"Do you have a court case next week for a vandalism charge?"

"What? Yes, but I didn't do it. I'm just gonna plead guilty and pay the fine. It's nothing."

"They denied your dad's green card application because of a misdemeanor on your record. You can't be his sponsor."

Jenna's headaches overtake her. Meanwhile, the ICE agent comes back with news:

"Here just came up. Ortecho is being transferred to El Paso for his deportation hearing. You can see him there around Tuesday."

--Liz's misdemeanor is taking the fall for Rosa's vandalism from when she was arrested by Sheriff Valenti in 2x02.

Gregory takes the Pod Squad to see Harrison who is on his death bed.  Manes boys are always welcome here, the woman tells them. Harrison is the only one Louise ever spoke to on the reservation.

"He met my great uncle Tripp Manes fighting in WWII.  Harry was a code talker."

Michael gets Gregory to leave with him so that Max and Isobel can go inside of Harrison's head. Their conversation:

"You look like her."

"Harrison.  You look different."

"That was a lesson I learned from Louise. How to take your mind to a better time when you're in pain. Come on. I haven't seen the sky in a while. I'll tell you about her...I taught Tripp the codes in the Pacific. That's how we set up the rescue. He was supposed to snuggle Louise and Nora here, but the plan fell apart."

In the past between Harrison and Tripp:

"You've changed. The man I met on that ship obeyed orders."

"Guess I saw what happens when good men fall in line with bad orders. I'm a Christian, Harry. When evil itself tells me to kill a woman with child, I disobey. Even if the evil looks just like my brother."

A nurse rolls Louise into the room in a wheelchair.

"Did you find a family for her?"

"There should be music where you take her. I think she's a dancer."

"You can give her a house full of music, Louise. Nora wanted me to protect you so that you could protect the child."

"No. He's coming for me and I can't even move. No. When the devil comes, I won't be able to fight for her. Please. It is hard to be a woman on your planet.  It's only gonna be harder still for her. Roy Bronson believed in meeting hatred with compassion. And I want her to be like him. A light in the darkness. A little star on the ground. I want that for both my girls."

"Where did he take the baby?"

"Can't say."

"No. Tell us where our sister went."

"She isn't your sister. Louise rarely spoke, but when she did, she spoke of two daughters. Two stars on the ground. She had no sons. You aren't hers. You came from something else...She lived for decades longer than she should have, trapped inside of a body that could no longer dance, waiting for a sign that you would be all right. She loved you."

Jenna wakes up back at the hospital.

"I asked them to run a new test. Your headaches are spinal headaches. Because there was a hole torn into your spinal cord."

"I'm sorry, what? My kidnappers gave me a spinal tap?"

"Do you mind signing off so I can look at your tox screen?"

"Yeah, of course, but, Liz, you don't have to do this, okay? Your dad, and…"

"I need a distraction. I can't leave for El Paso until tomorrow, and they're not letting him have visitors other than his lawyer until Tuesday, so...thank you for being here. You used your privilege to help me. I'm furious that I needed it, but I needed it."

--Reposado is a type of tequila

--Spinal Headaches:

Isobel and Max on what they learned from Harrison:

"You've always been different than me and Michael, okay? Always. You were the leader. From the start. I mean, you're the special one. You're the healer."

"I was. Now I can't even sneeze without my heart skipping a beat. All my life, no matter how weird things got, I never felt alone. Because I was your twin. Maybe I'm different. Maybe I'm a freak...I can't stop thinking about being chained up when I was a kid. It didn't feel like someone bad chained me up. It felt like I was the someone bad."

"Max, you're not dangerous."

"Saving people destroys me. But killing Noah? That felt good. I was high. And whenever I think about what he did to you, I want to chase that high. I wish I could kill him a thousand times. Louise mentioned the devil. Maybe something evil was chasing them. And maybe that something was me."

"Okay. I want to show you something. You see this hand on her shoulder there? See, Michael thought it was just someone who got cropped out of the photo, but no. Any female would recognize that body language. She does not want that hand on her. Louise said the devil would come. I think something evil was after them, but it wasn't you. I want to find out who it was."

Alex and Gregory:

"Hey, I just wanted to say thank you before we go. I also feel like I should congratulate you on getting out."

"Of the Navy?"

"Of the family. Getting out from under Dad."

"You got to break free of him, man."

"Do you feel free?"

"I don't think I get to be free until you are, Alex. You know, you're my brother. I wish that I would've stood up for you more."

"You know, I think he's actually getting a little bit better. It's like the stroke melted away the psycho in his brain or something." 

"If you can forgive him you should. Cast off the stone. Let me hate him for you. I owe you that much."

Back at the trading post with the whole road trip group.

"We scoured the store for jewelry that said Tsela on it, but nada. Although I did manage to spend an entire week's worth of tips anyway."

"Tsela?"

"Yeah it was printed on the back of my grandmother's necklace. I thought I might find some answers here."

"Well, apparently, it is Navajo for star on the ground. So, you guys ready to go?"

"Star on the ground.  Maria? What year was your grandmother born?"

"Uh, '48, I think?"

"Was she adopted?"

"Yeah. Oh my God."

"Your grandmother was my sister."

Note: The direct translation of Tsela is stars lying down. Interestingly, it's often a name in Navajo. When I googled it, the top results were names for Navajo boys.

Diego and Liz's conversation:

"Diego, I never would have reached out if it weren't an emergency. Thank your mom for me."

"The Senator was more than happy to call in a favor. She's always liked you."

"I like her too. We need more people like her."

"Look, we got lucky your dad got out at all, much less without an ankle monitor. And you pissed a few people off back there, so it's not likely that this is the end for you. Who's your lawyer? Or should I make some calls?"

"No, you've done enough. After what I did, I can't even believe you listened to my voicemail...How did you get here so fast?"

"I was at the airport in Phoenix when you called. Just had to reroute real fast."

"And how have you been?"

"Well, my fiancée left me. I'm kidding. No, I'm seeing someone.  It's getting pretty serious, so…"

"Good. Me too."

"Good. We can be friends...And don't take this the wrong way. Please tell me you're not wasting that incredible brain of yours writing alien hamburger puns."

"I am working on a few projects. Nothing I can talk about, but, I'm not wasting anything."

"Well, all the coolest studies make you sign NDAs anyway, so…"

"You know what? There actually is something...Do you know what butyricol is?  Worth a shot. It's this chemical I found in my friend's tox screen. I had never heard of it."

"Maybe you're slacking, Ortecho."

"I am sorry, it has only been a year. Did you literally forget everything about me?"

Note: I'm very pleased to say that when I googled butyricol, half of the top results were RNM related.  Definitely not a real drug.

Malex fight in the bunker:

"We're closed!"

"Hey, that alien console piece that Jim Valenti left me...You still have it?"

"No. I sold it on eBay."

"You didn't attach it to your console."

"I tried. Doesn't fit."

"So, Tripp left this for my dad before he died. My dad thought it was a code, but this is a reference sketch of this exact piece. My dad's been looking for this thing for 30 years and Jim Valenti had it all along...I'm gonna give it to him. I want to see what he does with it once he's got it. Look, if it didn't fit in your console, then it fits somewhere else. My dad could lead us there.""Your dad hunts aliens, Alex. He'll lead my family right off a cliff."

"I've protected you so far. That's not changing. Besides, he's different these days...I don't trust him, Guerin. I just…I'm asking you to trust me.""When we were kids, you believed people were good, despite humanity doing everything to prove you otherwise. And, God, I loved you for it. But what was charming when we were 17, it's just stupid now. How do you not see that? You believe there's some good in your father?"

"Yeah. Yeah I do. God forbid I have faith in people who don't give me a good reason to."

"That's not fair."

"No? Why is your hand covered? You miss your injury because you want to hurt. Your anger made you feel safe. I will always hate my father for what he did to you, but I don't want to live in that toolshed for the rest of my life. I don't want to walk around thinking that people don't change, that one day everyone's just gonna let me down, 'cause I am not building a damn rocket ship in a hidden lair. There's one way for me off this planet. And I need to believe in a reason to stay. I promise I'll keep you safe."

"Can't let you leave with that."

"What are you gonna do? Fight me for it?"

And then Alex leaves and is kidnapped. Hit over the head by an unknown assailant. The note from Tripp blows away.

Max and Liz are talking back at Max's house while Max drinks a lot of bourbon.

"You know, you never told me why your parents immigrated here in the first place."

"My dad wanted a family, but not in Juárez. There was no opportunity, no money. Women were disappearing there all the time. He didn't want my mom to be one of them. So he fled. You're wondering why your family came here."

"If I even had a family. I know so little about my own story. And the parts I thought I understood are just unraveling."

"Max. Family is the one area where I am certain that biology does not matter. Look, when I found out that Rosa was only my half sister that didn't change anything."

"This is different...There are only three of us on this planet, as far as we know. I mean, feeling disconnected from them makes me feel completely alone."

"Completely alone? I'm right here."

"When you needed a rescue today your Mensa society, old money son of a senator ex was there to answer your prayers. I couldn't even answer a call. You didn't need me."

"Oh my God. Okay, so would you prefer that I did need you? Would you prefer to come home to find me crying into my dad's windbreaker so that you can swoop me up and drive me to El Paso for his deportation hearing in the morning?"

"That's not fair. You wanted me to talk about today."

"Yes, okay. I'm sorry. I want you to feel better."

"Well, you think maybe you could go back in time and not meet someone as handsome as Diego? Seriously. He's like if someone mixed a cologne ad with a Kennedy. It's ridiculous. I will never feel adequate again."

"You're wrong. Max, let me be clear. You are objectively better in bed...And I never woke up on a Sunday morning to him singing Hank Williams in the shower...He never snuck unreasonable tips into my dad's checks. Or quoted Henry the Fourth. Coming home to you at the end of my worst days and my best days is the only rescue I need."

I actually found this background on the Ortechos to be fascinating.  In case you don't know Juárez is a pretty big city directly opposite the border from El Paso. It does have some huge crime issues. But it also is one of those border cities where the border is a little thinner. Like San Diego and Tijuana.  People live in Juárez and work in El Paso and vice versa.

If you want to see a really dark & gritty portrayal of Juárez, I'd highly recommend you to check out the American version of the show The Bridge.  Which literally deals with an investigation related to disappearing women.

Isobel and Maria at the Pony:

"She looks so determined."

"Yeah, neither of us would be here if she hadn't been. You know she was paralyzed 50 years and she still managed to use her powers to help ease troubled minds. You know how hard that is? To take on someone else's suffering? I mean, it doesn't just disappear. She would have been carrying all of that."

"She suffered so much loss."

"I don't know how to be worth it."

Michael on the bracelet.

"The beads are made with pollen from the alien flower. I found another plant growing at Louise's grave. Okay my working theory is that they grow from alien remains. There's this UFO lore about that Libyan desert where the flowers have been discovered before. You don't have to wear it if you don't want to. I know better than to think I can save Maria DeLuca. I hope you decide you can save yourself."

Max is still drinking after Liz went to bed.  At 4:04am Diego calls and wakes her up. 

"I made a call, about that toxin in your friend's system. Butyricol. It's a drug. It's a memory eraser. It was developed by a private organization and purchased by the military for weaponization. There's no approved application outside of violent combat."

Liz tries to call Alex, but he's too busy being unconscious in the back of his SUV.  So his kidnapper pockets his phone.

Max has a memory flash. There's fighting, weapons clashing, a woman's voice...all while he's chained down in the cave. Louise appears and kneels down to touch his shoulder.  He looks afraid, but she's trying to comfort him (even though she has blood splattered all over her white clothes). She smiles and nods and then cuts Max free of the chains with her alien weapon. She offers him her hand, but before he can take it a figure in white appears and he and Louise fight. Max cries out and hides his face.

Present day Max is visibly shook by the flash.

MUSIC:

1.  Shelly Fairchild "Worry No More"

2.  Powerslide "Just You And I"

3.  Will Fox "Against The Tide"

4.  Tommee Profitt feat. Sam Tinnesz "Bullet With Butterfly Wings"

[royaltyspeaking]

I don't think it's fair for people to question when Kate will have an engagement soon. She may have underlying health conditions that put her at risk. (Diabetes, asthma)

I promise you that if she did, that cow would have been milked to death by now.

[mandalhoerian]

If you're taking the OC Emoji Asks, how about 💥, 🙈, and 🪤 for Vera?

hello kate!!!! thank you so much for sending me an ask!! 💞💞

for 𝐎𝐂 𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐉𝐈 𝐀𝐒𝐊𝐒 !

💥 COLLISON - what emotions do they have trouble dealing with?

inadequacy, incompetence and not being enough -- vera is objectively a genius and has a wide range of skills, her forte is her brain. after raccoon city, when she has to transition into being an agent (for jill and chris' pre-bsaa organization), the fact that she cant immediately get good at fighting (and that her durability is on the floor because of her diabetes) bothers her SO MUCH. She can't deal with it. It's equal to bashing your broken hand in because it's not working properly. Vera can get competent on just about everything regarding learning like immediately, but this is an exception and it brings out childish emotions.

🙈 SEE-NO-EVIL - whats a side of your oc that they don't want to show other people?

That she actually has self-hatred issues. She wants to be perceived as an arrogant, self-confident, high-energy drama queen who can't be brought down. In actuality, she holds herself up to impossible standards and is too harsh on herself. She doesn't want anybody to see she's struggling. Leon traumatized her by seeing her vulnerabilities in RC so its awkward for her lmao

🪤 MOUSE TRAP - what will always lure them into certain danger? a loved one in danger? a promise of something they are always searching for?

she will dive into it on her own the moment something piques her interest lmao, like, no danger can lure her, she'll chase it herself. she's a big coward in nttd right now but it transforms into suicidal maniac trope post-rc, so you can imagine.

[1smxx]

Indigenous apocalypse, decimated forest, the Winter of our discontent's upon us

Desolate apostles, left with Strongbow at the crossroads

We are nothing but an eating mouth, oesophagus, colossal

We won't stop until we've beaten down the planet into pellets

Before the interstellar mission to inflict more terror

It's killing me, it's killing me, it's filling me, I'm vomiting, it's still in me

Everything is fine really, silly me

Poor kids shot dead, poor kids locked up

Poor kids saying, "This is the future that you left us?"

Stopped up lunch meat, processed, punch from an unclean fatcat

Tasty, tasty poison

Carcinogenic, diabetic, asthmatic, epileptic, post-traumatic, bipolar and disaffected

Atomised, thinking we're engaged when we're pacified

Staring at the screen so we don't have to see the planet die.