#you don't get to just start stabbing innocent people because you're upset and they made you angry dude

[tathrin]

The Fëanorians were Doomed to begin with...

Even if the sons of feanor had been handed a silmaril freely at any point in Beleriand it would not have helped them. Hey. Are you listening. The silmarils were hallowed. Ever since the first kinslaying they would have rejected the feanorians. Luthien could have walked right up and dumped it on their heads and it would not have saved them. Earendil doing what he did walked a very thin tightrope to an outcome where Morgoth is defeated. But either way, whether or not they knew it, the silmarils were lost to the feanorians almost the entire time they sought them.

"If Dior did this, if Elwing did that," it doesn't matter!!! Not even taking their perspectives and situations and political landscapes into account at all, it didn't matter!!! The silmarils COULD NOT be held by the sons of feanor. They were on an impossible quest and did not know it... only at the end could they see their own mistakes, and then there is little to be done. Self destruction of one kind or another.... they are in the narrative. They cannot escape it.

[mim16s]

Survival in game

Hello everyone, sorry for taking so many days to post an update. I was sick and couldn’t write, but I’ll try to be more active from now on. I hope you enjoy this chapter!

A part of this chapter may be a trigger for some people , for there is heavy violence against the reader and bad memories that will be explained in an upcoming chapter.

Materialist

Part 3

The atmosphere still carried a heavy tension, even after the game had ended. The imminent threat of death had lessened, but the feeling of unease lingered. You looked at Hyun-ju, feeling a mix of relief and anxiety. Words seemed insufficient to express the gratitude for both of you being alive.

— What are you thinking? — Hyun-ju asked, curious. — You've been looking at me for a while... Something on your mind?

You looked away, trying to organize the whirlwind of thoughts, especially during tense situations.

— I'm just happy you're alive. — Your voice came out calm but carried a sincerity that made Hyun-ju smile. You couldn't help but smile back, an almost automatic reaction. — I can't wait to get out of here. Do you think we'll have enough votes to end it for now? — you asked, and she seemed anxious, remaining silent for a moment.

— Maybe we'll leave today — she said softly.

— When we get out, I want you to meet my mom she will love you. I'll cook something nice for us — your voice was enthusiastic, momentarily forgetting the situation and thinking about meeting Hyun-ju in a different place.

— I'd like that — she smiled. — I didn't know you cooked.

— Well, I'm not a chef or anything, but I can make some tasty food.

— It's a deal, then — Hyun-ju said.The conversation was interrupted by a voice from another bed in the dormitory.

— Can I ask you something? — The older woman, with her son beside her, got your attention.

— Sure. — Hyun-ju responded politely, though you noticed a tension in her posture.— When you were playing jegi, why did you ask us not to look?Hyun-ju looked away, staring at the floor for a few seconds. The discomfort was palpable, and you wanted to offer support but didn't know how. Your mind raced, trying to find the right way to encourage her, but the words seemed stuck as usual.

— It's because I... — Hyun-ju began, but the woman interrupted.

— Shy? — the woman asked innocently. — Is that why?

— No, I'm not shy. It's just... I'm not finished...

— Finished what? — The woman's curiosity seemed insatiable.

— Mom, stop. — Yong-sik intervened, holding his mother's arm with evident desperation. — Stop asking so many questions.

— It's okay. — Hyun-ju tried to calm the situation. — It's just... I have more surgeries to go, and when people stare at me, I...You saw Hyun-ju's insecurity. Slowly, almost hesitantly, you slid your hand near hers, trying to convey comfort. Hyun-ju looked at you, and the small connection seemed to give her a bit more strength.

— Surgeries? Oh, so that's an implant, right? — The older woman said, realizing something but still not noticing Hyun-ju's discomfort. — I thought they were big...

She raised her hands as if to touch Hyun-ju's chest, but before she could continue, Yong-sik interrupted again, visibly embarrassed.

— Stop, mom! Don't touch her!

Relief came as more people entered, interrupting the conversation. You felt a little lighter seeing more people had survived, but not everyone felt the same, as you noticed the purple-haired man's group upset that more people had made it.

The masked soldiers entered. The tension returned as they began announcing the game results. Voices of indignation rose as people demanded a recount of the prize. But for you, the money no longer mattered. All you wanted was to leave that place and return to your mom. You looked at Hyun-ju, wishing to see her far from this hell.

As the voting started, your heart raced. Each vote was a stab of anxiety. You watched Yong-sik switch sides, pressing the "O" to continue. His mother's look of disappointment was hard to ignore. Your eyes met Hyun-ju's. Would she vote to continue too? She voted "O" before... No, she promised this would be the last time.

Your turn came. You walked to the panel, each step felt heavier. Without hesitation, you pressed the red "X," determined not to continue. You returned to the "X" side, your eyes fixed on Hyun-ju, waiting for her decision with your heart in your throat.

When her turn came, Hyun-ju walked to the panel. You watched, your body tense, your mind racing. Doubt was written on her face, but then, she pressed "O." The sound of the button being pressed seemed to echo in your head, drowning out every other noise around you. Your breath caught in your throat, and a wave of betrayal washed over you. You had agreed this would be the last game. Why would she lie? Your eyes filled with tears, the pain becoming almost unbearable.

She turned, and your eyes met. When Hyun-ju saw the pain and betrayal in your gaze, the realization of what she'd done hit her hard. She understood that her decision, based on her own needs and struggles, hadn't considered how deeply it would affect you. She had only thought of her debts, her unfinished transition, but now, seeing the pain in your eyes, the weight of her choice seemed unbearable.The voting continued, but everything around you became a blur. The voices of people debating whether to continue the game or not felt distant, almost unreal. The final result appeared: 23 votes difference. The games would continue. You stood up, walking slowly back to your bed. Each step felt drained of energy, each movement a struggle. You felt the eyes on you but had no strength to lift your head. You knew Hyun-ju was watching you, but the weight of disappointment was too heavy to face.

As meals were distributed, you remained still. The hunger had vanished, replaced by an overwhelming emptiness. Then, a pair of hands appeared before you, one holding a piece of bread, the other a liter of milk. You looked up slowly. It was Hyun-ju. She avoided your eyes, her expression filled with sadness.

— I noticed you didn't get any, so... I brought this for you. — Her voice was low, almost a whisper, filled with hesitation. You remained still, unwilling to take the food. — Please, eat something. You need to keep your strength up for tomorrow.

— I don't want to eat. — You murmured, your voice barely audible, reflecting your inner struggle.Hyun-ju placed the food beside you, letting out a heavy sigh.

— I'll leave it here... in case you change your mind. — She hesitated, her voice trembling with emotion. — I'm sorry for lying to you. I...

Before she could continue, Yong-sik and Geum-ja approached, breaking the tense moment.

— But I wasn't the only one who voted to continue. Look! Someone else voted for the circle, see? Look there — Yong-sik pointed at Hyun-ju as he spoke.

— Why did you do it? — Geum-ja asked, her voice filled with disappointment. — After promising we would eat together, why did you change your mind?—She said, mentioning a conversation you had before, where she had invited you to visit her house.—Is it because of your surgeries? Are they that expensive?

Hyun-ju remained silent, her gaze fixed on the floor. The words seemed trapped, but finally, she spoke, her voice breaking under the weight of her memories.

— Everything was... fine until I revealed who I really am. People thought I was strange, but that wasn't a problem. — Her voice trembled, each word a painful effort. — But after I said I wanted to be a woman and went through my transition... everything fell apart. My mom cried, my dad rejected me. I got fired and lost my friends. I need the surgeries, but I have no job, no money. I felt free, but... my life became unbearably hard.

You lifted your face, the initial anger starting to dissipate in light of her raw words. The weight of what she was carrying became clear. Despite the pain you felt, you began to understand. Hyun-ju wasn't just fighting for money, but for her own survival and dignity.

— Oh my... and what did you do for work? — Geum-ja asked, now with a softness in her voice.

— I was a soldier. — Hyun-ju replied, the weight of the revelation making Yong-sik's mouth fall open in surprise. You were a bit surprised, seeing the sweet woman Hyun-ju is, that job hadn't crossed your mind, but remembering how she acted in the game and how she handled the game's environment kind of made sense.

— And what will you do when you get out of here? — Geum-ja asked curiously.

— I'm going to Thailand. — The determination in her voice was clear, conveying hope. — I'll play one more game, have the surgeries there, buy a house... and start a new life.

Your heart ached. Thailand? She would go so far away? Maybe you'd never see her again.

— I've been to Thailand. — Yong-sik said, trying to lighten the mood. — There are many people like Hyun-ju there, you know? Seriously, and many are much slimmer and prettier than a lot of women I've seen. It's amazing.

— They say people there are much prettier. — Hyun-ju said.

You took a deep breath, trying to gather the courage to speak. Your voice came out trembling but full of sincerity.

— You're beautiful. It was the first thing I thought when I saw you.

Hyun-ju lifted her gaze, happy that you spoke to her and by your words, her eyes shining with unshed tears. Your words hit her with a force she didn't expect. After everything she'd been through, hearing that from you was like a balm to her soul. She held back her tears, feeling the warmth of your words filling the emptiness in her heart. For the first time in a long time, she felt seen, not as a freak, but as who she truly was.

___

The time for lights out was approaching, and a growing discomfort took hold of you. You felt a penetrating gaze that made your skin prickle, as if something invisible was pressing down on you. Your eyes scanned the room until they found the man with purple hair. He was staring at you with an almost suffocating intensity, his eyes fixed on you in a way that seemed to strip you bare, layer by layer. It was as if he were piercing through all your barriers with a single look.

Your heart raced, and the air seemed heavier. You tried to look away, thinking that maybe if you did, he would stop staring at you that way.

— Can we talk? — Hyun-ju's voice sounded beside you, pulling you back to reality. You turned to her, now alone as the woman and her son had left. You still felt the weight of that gaze on your back. The hairs on your arms stood on end, as if sensing something bad.

— Yes, of course. — Your voice came out more tense than you intended. You tried to focus on Hyun-ju, but the discomfort persisted, like a constant shadow.Hyun-ju took a deep breath, her eyes fixed on the floor.

— I... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have made promises I couldn't keep. I was wrong, and I'm sorry.

You observed her posture, visibly dejected.

— Hyun-ju, I understand that you're seeking your happiness. But I won't lie, your actions hurt me. I don't want to continue in this game, but I also can't force you to leave. I can't completely judge you because I don't face the same challenges you do. But I understand the pain of people distancing themselves.You paused, searching for the right words. — I've never had many friends. In school, the few I managed to make distanced themselves, afraid of also becoming targets of bullying, like I was. I know what it's like to feel empty.Hyun-ju raised her eyes, slightly widened, speechless.

— I voted to stay, but I will protect you. I made a promise to myself and I won't break it. As long as I breathe, I'll be by your side. Don't worry, I won't let anything happen to you and I promise this will be the last time I vote to continue..

You nodded, feeling a weight lift from your shoulders.

— Alright. Just... please, don't lie again. I don't like lies.

O silêncio que se seguiu foi pesado, mas trouxe uma estranha sensação de alívio, como se ambos estivessem começando a se entender, apesar de tudo. Você examinou a sala com os olhos até encontrar o homem de cabelo roxo. Ele estava observando você com uma intensidade quase esmagadora, perfurando cada camada do seu ser, ele mencionou um homem parado ao lado dele, que olhou para você e então riu junto com ele.

As luzes finalmente se apagaram, e você se virou na cama, tentando em vão encontrar o sono. A escuridão deveria ter trazido alívio, mas o pensamento do jogo mortal esperando por você na manhã seguinte não o deixaria em paz. A ansiedade apertou sua garganta, tornando cada respiração mais difícil. E agora, a pressão em sua bexiga começou a atormentá-lo. Você não conseguiria esperar até o amanhecer. Então, silenciosamente, você se levantou, tentando não acordar ninguém, mas quando estava prestes a sair, sua mão foi agarrada.

— Where are you going? — Hyun-ju asked, still sleepy, blinking slowly. She woke up as soon as your feet hit the floor, as if she were connected to you. She almost laughed, but the weight of the night didn’t allow it.

— I need to go to the bathroom — you whispered, trying not to disturb anyone else.

— I’ll go with you. It could be dangerous — Hyun-ju replied, getting up, but you interrupted her.

— It’s okay, go back to sleep. Nothing will happen. I’ll just go to the bathroom and come back quickly — you tried to reassure her. She hesitated at first but eventually nodded, still reluctant.

Hyun-ju saw you walking toward the bathroom door. She noticed the brief exchange with the guard before you entered, and then, a few minutes later, She saw two more people getting up to go to the bathroom. A bad feeling settled in her stomach, but she tried to ignore it. Maybe it was just her mind exaggerating, she thought.

Inside the bathroom, time seemed to crawl. The sound of water running was a constant in your mind. Then, you felt, cold and relentless, the presence of someone behind you. Your hairs stood up instantly.

— I’ve waited so long to find you alone, but that friend of yours never leaves your side. It was irritating — the man’s voice sounded low and threatening. You turned and saw him, the man who had been watching you earlier. Panic spread quickly through your body, but you tried to remain calm. Something was wrong, and this shouldn’t be happening.

— This is the women’s bathroom. You shouldn’t be here — you said, stepping as far away from him as possible. But he didn’t seem to care.

— Meu amigo e eu queremos mais votos para continuar jogando, então esse "x" ali precisa sair — disse Namgyu, que surgiu por trás do homem de cabelos roxos pressionando o dedo contra o tecido, a força causando uma leve ardência na pele.

— I just want to leave. Accept that — you replied, your tone firm but tense, trying to assert your opinion.— Oh, look at that, seems like we've got a brave one here — Thanos mocked, laughing.

— Do we need to teach this bitch a lesson so she learns some manners, man? — Namgyu asked, and Thanos grinned, stepping closer. His imposing figure became even more intimidating as he shoved you hard. You stumbled, nearly falling, fear growing in your eyes.

— Please, stop this. Just let me go — you pleaded, your voice trembling.

— Are you going to vote to keep playing the next game? — he asked, getting no response. He chuckled, raising his hand and delivering a hard slap. You fell to the ground, your face burning with a red mark as tears streamed down.

— I bet after this lesson, you'll change your mind — Namgyu said, kicking your stomach. The pain made you double over, powerless against their violence. Tears rolled down as you tried to defend yourself, but it was futile. The pain and humiliation brought back memories of your teenage years, of bullying, of cruel laughter.Suddenly, the kicking stopped. When you opened your eyes, you saw Hyun-ju, delivering precise blows. Namgyu and Thanos tried to fight back, but it was useless. She was relentless, only stopping when they were beaten and scared enough not to try anything else. They fled, leaving the bathroom in a panic

Your body was shaking, your head was spinning, and you just wanted to disappear. The sensation was unbearable. The memories of bullying from years ago flooded back, the recollection of being cornered behind the school while your classmates beat you. What Namgyu and Thanos did was the breaking point. You felt utterly out of control.

You hit your head against the wall, trying to turn the psychological pain into physical pain, something more bearable. But soon, you felt something different. A gentle hand held your head, but you still couldn’t stop. Your movements seemed frantic, and she held you with a little more force, interrupting the frantic rhythm of your head against the wall and your hand. When you looked, you saw Hyun-ju in front of you, her eyes worried, but her voice still seemed distant, muffled by the pain.

— It’s okay, not here anymore, it’s me. It’s over, it’s okay — Hyun-ju said, trying to calm you down. Her voice still seemed distant, but her presence was everything you needed at that moment.

She hugged you, holding you tightly, whispering words of comfort as her tears soaked your shoulder. But there was no peace. The weight of it all was still on you, and the feeling of helplessness continued to consume you. Your mind was in a dark place, and every word from Hyun-ju seemed to echo as if it were another reality, one you couldn’t reach. You tried to calm down, but you couldn’t. Your breathing was fast, your mind racing, your body paralyzed by anxiety.You felt your body slowly relaxing, but the feeling of helplessness didn’t go away. Your voice was weak when you spoke.

— I don’t want to be here anymore. I just want to go home... — Your voice came out dragged, weak, as if each word was a monumental effort.Hyun-ju hugged you tighter, as if she could protect you from all of that, from everything that had happened and was still happening. But the pain, the guilt, she couldn’t dissipate the regret stamped on her face.

—I know... I'm sorry...— she said, the weight of guilt heavy in her words. Thoughts swirled in her mind—if only she hadn’t voted in that circle, none of this would have happened. If only she had insisted on going with you to the bathroom, Thanos and Namgyu would never have had the chance to approach you. She blamed herself, but you could no longer think about what could have been; it all felt irrelevant. It didn’t matter what might have been, what could have changed. The pain was here now, and nothing else made sense. You gave in to the pain, crying against her as she wrapped you in her jacket, trying to warm you, shield you, protect you, even if she didn’t know if it was possible.

Hyun-ju tried to stop you from hurting yourself, holding your hands that were scratching, trying to substitute the head hits, but it was as if you were trapped in an endless cycle. She held you tighter, her hands now trying to hold you with all the energy she had, as if she could stop the pain from continuing. Her words of comfort came in a constant flow, but you could hardly hear them. All you could feel was the agony inside you.

— I don’t know what else to do... — Hyun-ju murmured to herself, her voice cracking with frustration, with the despair of not being able to help you.

She felt her own impotence, felt like she was failing you in every possible way. Her face was pale, silent tears falling down her face as well. She didn’t know what else to do, but she kept trying, insisting on holding you as if it were possible to bring you back to your body, she didn’t know what else to do, but she wouldn’t leave you alone. She didn’t want you to go through this without someone by your side. Time seemed to stretch, as if the crisis would never end, and she didn’t know how much longer she would be able to bear seeing you like this.She whispered, repeatedly, almost pleading.

— I’m here... Please, listen to me... You’re not alone... I’m here... I won’t leave you...

[miyiee]

“TOMINO”

“TOMINO”

Written By: Miyie 〴

(Disclaimer! Please do not read if you are someone who is easily disturbed, make sure you are over 13 to read this content may include violence, alcohol, abuse, and blood, Thank you!) This is not your typical horror genre, it truly describes real-life “horror.” I really wanted to bring out these situations, as there are many out there who suffer from these.) -Miyie 〴

It’s only imaginary, it’s something so forfeit, something you cannot deliberately see.

………...See, I once had this friend, it was only engraved in my mind, not necessarily sincere nor significant to me, someone that was so authentically cruel, but yet I followed…..

A bird caged-girl, as she started to plug her ears to block out the interphone chime, I am fighting with an enemy I couldn’t even see, even till the end I was leading myself to a truly unseemly thing. A leash clings on my neck, each step, each walk, each breath I took. I am always being watched by someone, something.

Who, you may ask? My imaginary friend. “And, it has been that way for years.”

“Free me, lift me from my guilt.” If it were only so simple.

1/2/1981

Ever since the day I was born into this world, I have always been those principles of innocence, my mother, my father always checked up on me to make sure I wasn’t doing anything bad and they would always find me quite strange for a child. You see, I was always talking to the wall, in the same position. “Look! Mommy, isn’t he nice?” Yes. Tomino loved me deeply, there was no doubt, but you see, this love was a strange one and cannot be explained. “Sure, whatever you say, Hika.” She leaned down and pet me on the head. Of course to her extent, mother would never believe such nonsense...I always thought Tomino was there, someone everyone else could also see…...

Not just me.

…...

2/18/1988

One day as my mother was going out to head for groceries, I stopped her, no Tomino stopped her, he

told me to.

“Please just don’t go today, I would like you to just stay with me.”

  The day after, it was reported, documented on the news of an incident that happened to be the same street my mother was just going to head to, xxx street of Zemark, a shooting happening between two drunk white men, about 12 people had either died that day, 9 injured within that store. These sorts of incidents would occur several times after then on any random day. “That excuse again?” Tomino this, Tomino that.” Mother would often say to me out of frustration. She couldn’t understand why her daughter was acting this certain way after all. 

Was I really that childish or…. Did I speak the truth?

But, you see, such kindness comes with a price. 

A promise that was forged. 

I spend the days with Tomino, we play together, talk together for hours, I drew and wrote on his requests, but one day, it seems he has gotten quite bored of my childish acts and lingers for a little more fun and excitement. He threw my painting on the floor in anger, “So what do you want me to do then?”I asked. I wished I didn’t have asked, maybe then I wouldn’t need to do whatever he said..…. It was a little dark outside for a spring season while taking multiple glances towards outside the window. He told me to “Go outside and stab this helpless squirrel with a kitchen knife, smear its blood around in a circle on this painting, and to finally make a box around it in the sand with a stick.” When I declined, he would get mad at me and would not talk to me for hours, doesn’t help me anymore, so I did it, I obeyed him like a dog.

Mother tried ever since, to cure me of this disease, this illness. She looked for any doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, etc. “Your child is perfectly healthy,” they said. Not even the best professionals figured it out. Tomino was always mischievous, mysterious, secretive, smart about where he moves each of his pawns. To him, this was no more than just a game.

My father abandoned me because of this, well partly. He cheated on her, secretly, but it was funny since father still had this small affection for mom, so instead, he told her a white lie. I knew all along because Tomino tells me about these things. 

I was only left with my mother. “Why me?” Why can’t I have a normal child?,” I would often hear mother mumble under her breath. My mother was no longer the kind mother I knew. It wasn’t a surprise she has become an alcoholic soon after.  

“What are you looking at? You pathetic little brat, this is all your fault!”, mother said.

“I REALLY HATE THE SMELL OF ALCOHOL.”, I screamed at her.

Miza peered in on us in the corner, she came to my house for the project.

I knew,.... She knew.

……….

Tomino would often come to comfort me when I cry, although sometimes he is upset himself and never comes, he said it wasn’t my fault. “It was Okaa-san’s fault for not understanding us enough.”

School was no different. 

“No wonder her parents abandoned her..”    

“What a spoiled child.”

“Ewww, stay away from me….”

“Manipulative bi**”

“This is all your fault!”

I have always given in the efforts to redeem myself, but they were all main just seen as an unless waste of time.

“I’m not your friend anymore! How could you do such a thing?”

Wait- KI! Wha-what about you Miza, are you going to leave me too?, I asked. Deliberately. 

She looked at me sadly but she said nothing “...........”, as she just walked alongside her other friend.

I was always the one left out. It wasn’t my fault, was it?

I had to transfer to many different schools after then. 

“Ugh, isn’t that disgusting woman her mother?”

“Why would you raise such a slut?”

It always ended terribly. 

Tears were wiped with sleeves. I weep.

So then...

9/16/1990

Mother became even more so tired of all this as each day passed by. She dressed up, packed up. Slammed the door on me.

Unknown: “Wait! What about-!”

She left me…...

 “I don’t need her anymore, I should’ve never given birth to you.”

“Don’t leave me, I promise I will do all my chores, I would never cause you any more trouble ever again, please mother!”, I layed on the floor, begging.

But, that was the last sentence mother said to me, the last she spoke to me, the last time I saw her.

“Ojii-san, Do you think it's my fault?”

Unknown: “It’s going to be okay, Hika, come with me.”

….

Years passed then, it was hard to believe. 

“Hika, breakfast is ready!” “Coming Okaa-  Ojii-san!”

“What a weird grandchild I have.”   “hahaha, Ojii-san that’s mean!”  “Come eat, child.”

“Itadakimasu!”   If you couldn’t tell already, living with my uncle was nice and comforting, for once.

“Okay, I’m off, see you Ojii-san!”

It was only us two that lived together now after dad had left us and mother had disappeared off to somewhere. Ojii-san was the only person I have now, although he is growing quite old as days pass by.

Thing was, we are tight on money. Ojii-san tries his best to reassure me and tells me to just focus on my studies but I know about our financial problems.

The only other major reason why we had food left on our plate was that “Tomino” still exists, he protects me, this was part of our agreement. I thought for sure Tomino would get bored of me soon when I grew older, but he stayed and waited for the promise we made till the very end. It seems like Tomino never really ages and he just stays the same size every day even after years. Things just stayed the same. 

Tomino grants my wishes. But, that’s it….

….

11/7/1994

I walked between pebbles, between bridges, and on bridges. Tomino follows me wherever I go. It's like he’s a stalker, but I'm used to it. "I'm fine today, Tomino, how are you? You know, I know you're there..." "Yes, whatever you say.", he replied. He raised strange doubts when I was a child, but I loved him. It was my friend after all. He was the only person who knew me well. Tomino seems to look old these days, but not so deeply.He still seems to have stayed the same even after years.

As my walk almost reached my destination, I was in the middle of walking passed the archway of the two buildings as a shortcut followed by my upperclassmen.

"Ah, isn't that Hika Normanashi?"

Please, keep in mind that……..Nobody really knows my surname. It was a secret because of family issues. Tomino also knows. And since then I haven't trusted enough people to tell them anything. It wasn’t particularly very nice to see someone expose my surname.

I felt a hand grabbed me by my wrist as they proceeded to push me against the wall as the dude kept mocking my body.

Girl 2: "Hey, knucklehead! This is it! I brought over her here."

Unknown: “This little one doesn’t seem to scream much so it’s fine boss.”

As they threw me onto the ground below them, Grabbing me and pushing my head against the wall.

"S-STOP IT! RELEASE ME!"

Girl 1: "Hey, so what are you going to do? Get your boyfriend to protect you or something?"

“……… ..!”

"Wait! Tomino, don't!"

Soon, the blood of two young girls spilled under me, on the concrete under my feet. I was soaked in blood. The young man looked at me in shock of fear as if I were the murderer.

"Y-YOU MONSTER!", he screamed.

I looked down at my bloody shaking hands. The knife Tomino has given me…...

The young man tried to resist me as much as possible, but Tomino also fled before him and overwhelmed over him. I knew exactly what Tomino wanted me to do. Through the man’s eyes, I could see what it felt like to die, the terror. "Sorry, but you’ll have to die for me, it'll be fast, I promise." I closed my eyes. I took a breath. I wondered how just how many more people do I need to kill? There was no point in arguing with Tomino. This is his identity. I’m sorry Ojii-san………. The next thing I saw when I opened my eyes were two stranded dead bodies tied onto the tracks, two trains which ran at full speed in seconds over them. The man's body was specially cutaway where the organs were visible, but Tomino did not kill him yet. It can be said that Tomino threw him most. I knew about this, the way this guy died was exactly the same as a few years ago. "........ First, a small lead ball creates a large, deep bruise and breaks on subsequent hits. Finally, the skin on the back hangs on a long ribbon and the entire area If the prisoner determines that the prisoner is dying, an unrecognizable chunk, the strike will be stopped. "

I know I'm a murderer ... my feet move suddenly. But in the wrong direction. I could not stop sitting on my lap on the lawn and staring at the dead man.

His face stared at me and wanted to return, in hopes of revenge, I knew deeply.

But, Tomino doesn’t. 

No matter how many following attempts there were, Tomino always got away with it, dragging me along. When the news of these three students was blankly announced, the whole classroom began to place the blame on me. No one dared to approach me after that. I was invisible. It was an inevitable fate.

I couldn’t bring myself to believe my fate.

I couldn’t bring myself to believe Tomino was so cruel. 

I couldn’t bring myself to bear this anymore. I only have hidden the truth. I knew what he meant, by those silent words.

I planned my defeat. If order to win, 

You must lose. 

To bring illusion to reality, how do you do that exactly?

How can you eliminate something you loved so much in the world?

Without a doubt, I am always attached to Tomino, I believed there was always loyalty that has existed between us.   

Tomino made me feel emotions, of all kinds. 

The emotion of being valued, the emotion of being appreciated, and emotions of hatred. 

It was only that I could never tell what his objective was, nor who he was anymore. I cannot recognize him. I cannot be an attachment. I cannot be the one to ‘change’ him. We are like the strings of, the lines, the blinds between the lies. I cannot be there for him, I must stay away father always told me. 

“One day, he would ruin you. Do not be fooled easily, do not be influenced by terrible people easily. Keep that in mind, Hika. ”

…..

Friend, a person whom one knows, likes, or trusts. 

Was there ever trust that has enveloped in this relationship. 

“Let’s stay togeth-er forever, Tomino.”

smiles*

Hey…..., that warm smile you gave me just there…..

Was that a lie…. Or was that the truth? 

Was it a sad one or was that a happy one?

Call me an idiot, although I always have the ability to read people’s expressions…..

 I could never tell Tomino’s. 

I have never thought this day would come. 

I have always thought, it was the truth. 

How could he speak so falsely?

What did you mean exactly? 

….

12/24/1995

“I’ve grown tired of you, Tomino.” , I’ve had enough.

“Kill me, how are you going to kill me?” Tomino mocked me.

” I’m sorry, Tomino.” 

And within that, the only thing that can convince us of their love for each other is the truth. 

“I cannot ever get rid of you until I die, right? I wish you the best in the afterlife ...really.”

5/22/1985

I remembered the day we met, 

The garden was so beautiful, the pond filled with koi fish were so lovely, the flowers were all so pretty, the bridge above it was so clean, but it was all so lonely. I sat there walking and running around playing by myself until I grew tired. Where you came into existence ever since. Then, we would always be together. Where he was always quiet and kept to himself, but I didn’t mind.

 “Ne-ne! Tomoi-no!.....”  “Hi-ka!”(learned each other’s names) I wrote down both of our names and embraced it with a heart, the poor boy seemed so flustered for some reason. 

“Promise me that you would always stay by my side, never leave me, alright?” He seemed hesitant at first but then offered me his pinky.

 But that wasn’t the promise, Tomino hid the truth, he wanted much more. He just wanted to take my white soul.

Thank you for your company. Your kindness, no one can pretend. The flowers were never too strong to sustain itself, and the petals would eventually overtime fade out. The grass are cut away little by little by the humans because they hate how it was. The trees are brought down by the people in order to feed them. But, these were all often done without anything in return. I didn’t want to leave because I have faith in Tomino, but that would be selfish to say that, that was the only reason why I have lived. I wished I hadn’t agreed upon our promise.  I don’t want to stay, because it would mean I would still have to call Tomino a friend.

“I have more than once tried to deceive you, but you will feel that I am now speaking falsely,” Tomino said. 

 Tomino could never touch me because he isn’t real and because he cannot touch me, he cannot stop me. I wanted to cry, but nothing came out. 

 12/24/1995

I feel the breath of life taken away from me by the multitude. 

It was getting harder and harder to breathe as each second progresses. I have always tried to kill myself before. Standing at the edge….. I was a coward I could never face death. 

“Why? All you have to do is just to “jump”? It’ll all be over, right?”

  But, one day I found myself hung.. “I’m sorry.”

And then, everything just blacked out. The man in black disappeared, everything disappeared. There was no “Tomino”. There was just a little boy, all alone forced to carry out his duty.

“Goodbye ..old friend” 

“goodbye,'' he once said.

I could almost hear him saying in response...

12/25/1994

A woman in a black dress came to settle down a few white flowers as she prayed her hands together, she spoke only three words…..,

“I love you.”

….

And soon,

 a few more and more,

 flowers were placed.  

“Happy birthday, Hika.” , Tomino smiled.

“Here’s your present!”, as the young boy cheerfully places down a small box with a little teddy bear sitting on top. 

=//[For anyone confused]// “TOMINO” is her teddy bear, a stuffed animal^^

Well? Where’d do you think Hika has gotten her present from[Teddy Bear]?  

[roseduroi]

Innocent question, sincere answer, and an honest person || Chris Evans

Pairing: Father!ChrisEvans x Daughter!Reader

Word count: 3,351

Summary: Some questions are answered sincerely, others - not so much. The truth behind a sincere answer can be hurtful to an honest person. It hurts, but it’s the truth.

{A/N}: Not so long ago I watched “Gifted” and it inspired me to write this imagine. I may even do a part two of this (it’s really not how I wanted it to end, but it was getting too long) and to be honest, it takes me a while to write something properly.

English isn’t my native language, I’m so sorry for the mistakes.

“Probably all of us here in this studio have seen the movie ‘Gifted’?" Ellen asked the audience and they all nodded their heads, shouting something like 'yes', but the sound of applause overshadowed the answer. "I know right, it's a great movie!"

"So please welcome the co-star Chris Evans!" Ellen said, applauding as well. "Unfortunately, the mini copy of him couldn't make it today." She added as she stood up and shook Chris' hand.

Evans sat down in the white armchair after he greeted Ellen and the audience, a big smile playing on his lips. "Yeah, my little girl is with her mother in London. Haven't seen her in two weeks." He pouted, but inside his heart ached.

"I'm sure Y/N misses you too, Evans, and so does your wife." Ellen said and smiled, remembering the adorable little girl from the movie. "Recently released movie ‘Gifted’ left a really great impression for all of us, I believe. For me, I especially noticed the strong bond between the uncle and his niece."

"Yeah, the movie really has a deep meaning and a few good lessons we all could learn from." Chris nodded his head and looked at the woman in front of him.

"The title of the movie itself is a play on words that holds a deeper meaning. I mean, yes, the little girl, Mary, is a gifted individual. She's a mathematical prodigy. However, she is also gifted with her uncle's love. And vice versa. Frank, the uncle, and Mary is a gift to each other. The family itself is a gift, even when said family is of two, three, or four, or not even blood-related.  Meanwhile, Evelyn, Mary's grandmother, Frank's mother, is what happens when you don't appreciate that gift. When you take things for granted. And how fast you can lose them."

"And-and then you have to fight for it if you don't want that to happen," Ellen added, nodding her head in agreement. "So tell me, what was the hardest scene to film? Personally for you?"

"Personally for me," The young man paused, thinking. "I think it would be the final scene between my character, Frank, and his niece, Mary. Their reunion."

"Yeah, the scene was really intense." Ellen nodded, agreeing. "But your little girl did it like a pro. The crying and emotional disclosure, it was really realistic."

"Chris, where were you hiding such a talent?" The woman asked, laughing along with the audience.

The actor chuckled as well, but his face immediately changed as he started talking. "Y/N is a very sensitive person and one of the reasons why I didn't let her act sooner was because people are very cruel these days." He explained.

"And um... I remember one time when she came home from school crying because other kids were bullying her because she was my daughter. My daughter." Chris continued as Ellen's eyes widened a little bit. She didn't understand how people, especially the young ones, could be so merciless. Y/N was just a kid and she was already bullied. "So I guess I just... I want to protect her."

"’Course you do, she’s your child. You only want the best for them, even if they can’t see it, yet." Ellen muffled and looked down, but quickly lifted her gaze up and covered her unpleased feelings with the next question. "What made you change your mind about Y/N and acting?"

"My wife," Chris answered. "She made me realize I can't protect her from everything. I can't stop the world from hurting my kid, but what I can do for them is to be there as a supportive father."

"Your wife is a very wise woman." She complimented and the man nodded his head, agreeing. "So from what I’ve heard now, the final scene between Frank and Mary has a specific place in your heart. It holds a great meaning to you, doesn’t it?"

"The moment between those characters is very special. It shows how much Frank and Mary actually need each other. Their bond, how strong it is. It's very important, in my opinion." Chris explained. "Frank apologizes because he let her go, he gave up. He let his niece down, broke her trust, everything they had. He made a mistake. And he knows it."

"He did all that because he thought he wasn't good enough." Ellen finished for him.

"Yeah, I guess, that's kinda the point." The actor agreed, his eyebrows knitted together a little. "W-we... I and Y/N, rehearsed that scene many times. Whether there were cameras or not, people around us or if we were alone in our hotel room. We just practiced."

"It was not an easy scene.  In general, one of the hardest things actors have to do is to transfer the emotions to the audience." Chris said, looking at Ellen, who was listening carefully. "And it was a hard scene for Y/N, too. Perhaps that's one of the reasons why it means so much to me."

"What do you mean?" The woman asked confused as she moved back a little, trying to get comfy in her seat. "The girl basically nailed it."

"That she did. I'm very proud of her." The corners of his lips lifted a little, but his facial expression became serious soon after he continued talking. "It was a very last minute she realized she actually had to make, you know,  physical contact. That she actually had to hit me. And I guess it scared her, upset her." Chris tried to explain as best as he could.

"Y/N isn't a violent person, she wouldn't hurt a fly, especially her loved ones." The actor continued.

"And.. and did you have to say what? That-that, it was okay to hit you? Or-" Ellen asked, making small gestures with her hands.

"Yeah, something like that." He answered, moving his head a little. "She apologized so many times after the scene and every time I had to comfort her that it was okay, that it wasn't real, you know? She didn’t hurt me."

Ellen nodded her head, understanding what he had in mind. It probably wasn't easy for someone as gentle as Y/N to raise a hand against someone who was raising her and taking care of her, even if it was only for a movie. It's hard to hurt someone who you love and who loves you back.

"You're a leading actor in a lot of big movies, Avengers and Captain America. And now this film, which has just come out." The woman said and some main pictures of the movies started showing on the big screen behind their backs. "How do you manage to balance both your family and your job? I mean, you spend how much time on set? Six months? Seven? More?"

"Yeah, something about six," Chris answered, scratching the back of his neck. "It's hard, you know, to be away from your family. I mean, sure, we facetime each other when we get free time. We text and send pictures to one another on social media, as well, but it's not the same as eye to eye."

Chris was talking so honestly that not only you could tell that he was hurting and telling the truth from his eyes, but you could hear the pain in his voice as well.  

Home is where the heart is. It's a timeless old quote. And Chris‘ heart was wherever his family was, it was his safe haven. Every time he was away, his heart was cracking into billions of small pieces of longing, which over time always came back and lunged at his heart with even harder stabs. He missed them. A lot. And every time the actor was far away from them, miles and miles apart, he felt as his soul was being taken. Chris felt like he was missing out so much. And in fact, he was.

He remembers the day where he was away from home, once again, filming yet another movie. That evening he received a video snap from his wife. She filmed Y/N's first steps. He missed that too. He wasn't there when his little girl said her first words either.  Chris never felt so much regret in his life as he felt in that exact moment.

"I feel like I'm missing out on Y/N's life. She's growing up so fast and I'm never home." Chris said, a drop of pain hidden in his voice. "I feel like I'm failing my job as a father to Y/N and a husband to my wife." He said, remembering his little girl's heartbreaking words, how they slipped from her mouth so frailly, full of longing, craving for her dad to be home like a vulnerable snowflake on the warm palm in the silent night.

"Evans," Ellen said meekly, not believing with her own ears what the young actor just said. "You're not a bad father and you're not failing them. God, it's very opposite to that, Chris. Why do you think that in the first place?"

The blonde-haired man looked at the woman, sitting in front of him with eyes full of sadness, a sad small smile on his face as a small flashback started playing in his mind.

"Do you want to go to sleep?" Chris asked Y/N and closed the door of their hotel room. He turned around to look at his daughter, who put her favorite plush teddy bear, which he got her when he and his wife found out they were pregnant, on the bed. She always carried Bowie, the teddy bear, with herself, no matter where she was going. He was her toy-best-friend and friends don't leave each other behind.

"Mmm, I'm not tired yet." Y/N mumbled and climbed up on the bed. Her big eyes following her dad's every move from him taking off his boots to him putting his bag and jacket on the chair.

They had just come back from work, it was a hard day for both of them. They were filming the scene where Frank leaves Mary at the foster "parents'" care. Everything went pretty normally, the director had complimented them, saying the scene was well done and that work for today was done, after all, it was already pretty late. But not everything went that well as everyone thought. Sure, the scene was done, it was great as the producers said, but something was off with Y/N. Chris could tell that something was bothering her, even when she smiled at them, but he was her dad, she could fool anyone, just not him.

Chris looked at the little girl, who was staring at him for a while, and frowned as she dropped her gaze to the ground when their eyes met. She was avoiding him which meant he wasn't wrong, something really was bothering her.

The young actor sighed. "Okay. That's enough." He knelt in front of her and placed his left hand on her knee, causing her to flinch away from him. Chris knitted his eyebrows together. Did he do something wrong?

"What's up with you now? You've been avoiding me ever since we shooted that scene." He asked, trying to make eye contact with her, but when she still didn't let him, the worried father placed his warm palm on her rosy cheek, lifting her head a bit, finally meeting her beautiful eyes, just like her mother's, even if that gaze was shy and timid.

"Cupcake, what's wrong?" Chris asked her softly, his eyes filled with worry as he saw her teary gaze. "Do you miss mum? We can call her if you want." He gently tucked her soft hair behind her ear as he talked. But she shook her head no and closed her eyes for a short moment as tears started streaming down her cheeks, making the young actor's heart ache.

"Then what's wrong?" He asked her patiently. Chris knew that if he raised his voice just a little bit or seemed just a little bit angry or annoyed at her, she would just shut him out even more. Everyone does that, but no one notices. When a person feels horrible he either is quiet or he wants to pour out every problem, every ache he felt in his heart for so long and just once have somebody to listen, and if the listener gets annoyed and makes the other feel more pain, he will just scare the other away. Because no one wants to be not understood.

"Or did somebody hurt you?" The man asked, his eyes flashed with anger for a split second. Because, oh, God help that person who dared to hurt his little girl.

"Uh-uh, I'm good." Y/N murmured. "Everyone is nice to me."

"Then why are you crying?" He asked her, using his thumbs to gently brush away the silver droplets from her cheeks.  "You know you can tell daddy everything. I’m here for you. Always.”

And it was all she needed to finally break. She jumped straight into his arms, burying her face in his chest, her arms firmly wrapped around his waist, laud sobs escaping her mouth. Chris gasped from her so sudden movement, not expecting anything like that to happen, but he quickly hugged her back. His strong arms wrapped themselves around her frail form as his fingers softly rubbed small circles on her back.

"Shh, sweetheart, it's okay, I've got you." He soothed her. "You're safe. But you've still got to tell me what's wrong, baby girl. I need to know."

Chris frowned a little when she murmured something he couldn't make out. The man pulled away from her and brushed the falling salty droplets away.  "I'm sorry, cupcake, but I couldn't hear you. Can you repeat what you said?" He asked her gently and she nodded her head but didn't look at him.

"Please don't leave me." She whispered and there was a moment of silence.

"W-what?" Chris stuttered. His eyes widened and his jaw dropped to the ground. The time itself seemed to slow down and the dead silence hung above them, surrounding both of them as a big angry enemy of theirs.

Chris couldn't take his eyes off of his daughter, he couldn't believe his own ears what he's just heard, what she's just said. Or perhaps he didn't want to. Chris didn't want to believe that Y/N, his beautiful child, would ever think that he (or her mum) would... could ever leave her. He didn't want to think that this kind of thought has ever crossed her mind and how painful it must have been for her to think that he didn't love her enough and someday there would be a day when he'd decide to leave her behind.

He felt his heart crush, then crack into two different yet so similar, full of helplessness halves and finally, it felt like it was cruelly ripped out of his chest and then dropped into the mud without any mercy. The hardest part of being a parent is watching your child hurt and feel helpless. Especially if the cause of that pain is the parent himself.

"Y/N, babe, can you look at me?" Chris asked gently, his eyes full of sadness but glued on her. He took her chin in his hand, gently lifting her face. Y/N watery eyes met his blue ones and his heart clenched in the ache of guilt, knowing he was the reason behind her tears.

"Why would you think that, sweetie?"  He asked her, his thumbs caressing her rosy cheeks gently.

Y/N let out a small sob, closing her eyes tightly and forcing more tears to roll down her cheeks. "B-because that s-scene felt so r-real."

"You're... you're never home and," the little girl whimpered. "and I-I miss you so much."

"Oh, Y/N," he whispered and felt as his own eyes started to well up. He pulled her into his embrace and she laid her head against his chest, letting the tears freely flow and sink into his shirt.

"A-and... and I just want to be worthy of you."

Chris' breath hitched in his throat and he gently pushed Y/N away from him, so that he could look into her eyes once again. "Y/N, you are good enough, you are worthy. I love you for all that you are, all that you have been, and all you are yet to be."

"When you were born, there were a lot of sleepless nights, tiring days, early morning rises because you wanted to see sunrises. There was a lot of salivae, a lot of angry tears and morning cries. There was a lot of food on the ground and me when I tried to feed you. Mum's still the best at this." He chuckled a little.

"But I wouldn't have it any other way: I wouldn't change anything, even if somebody gave me the chance. I would do it over and over again. And I'd be just as much as happy as the first time."

"You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, my little monkey." His daughter smiled at the nickname. "I would never abandon you, Y/N, and neither would your mum. I would never leave you or ignore you when you need a shoulder to cry on. Never forget that and don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

Chris told her, sincerely, and kissed her forehead, pulling her closer to him as Y/N wrapped her arms around her father's neck and softly whispered. "I love you too, dad. Thank you."

"So, I guess at that moment, I did feel like I was failing Y/N and my wife, letting them down," Chris said, looking at Ellen. "But that day we got even closer with Y/N. People fall and then they get up to try again, the only difference is that that that time they know where they stumbled."

Ellen smiled. "Indeed."

Chris continued to talk with such a concentration that he didn't even notice the audience's shocked facial expression and small grins appearing on their faces when a small frame started slinking towards the actor.

Just as he started to notice the odd behavior, he flinched as he felt small delicate hands on his broad shoulders and a loud 'boo' coming from someone behind him. The actor widened his blue eyes and confusingly looked at Ellen who was laughing in her armchair. He turned around and looked at the person who's just scared him only to be surprised even more.

"Hi, daddy!" A cheerful voice greeted him. Chris looked back at Ellen as if not believing his own eyes when he saw his daughter standing just a few steps away from him and was the only one who scared him. He quickly rose up from his seat and swooped his baby girl right into his arms.  

Y/N waved at the audience, a big smile playing on her lips. She flashed Ellen a grin and the woman smiled back at the little girl in the father's arms, mouthing something like 'you scared him' to her.

"I thought you were with mummy!" Chris exclaimed, his happy smile not going anywhere as his eyes scanned Y/N's face.

"I am," She answered and looked at the audience, searching for her mother's appearance. "There she is!" Y/N pointed her finger at her mum once she caught a short glimpse of her.

Chris looked over the audience and his face brightened when he saw his wife sitting there, waving at them a little and mouthing a small 'surprise' to him. He kissed his daughter’s temple and tightened his hold on her.

He really was a happy man.

Some answers are hurtful, it stabs you in your heart and leaves you bleeding. But that’s just the truth. What’s more hurtful is to admit it and accept it. And when you finally do it, it may hurt just less.