#you cant expect me to fix your shit and then also like. continually poke and prod me about it. fix it yourself u fucking clown

[bright-and-burning]

and now people are testing my patience at work omg i just spent 30 minutes standing around in -13C weather just to have to turn around and go home anyways. do not fucking play with me today!!!!

[angelthebedsheet]

“lip gloss kiss marks”

a/n: im making another oneshot so thank you to my broski jay ❤️

rengoku x genderneutral! black! reader

contains kissing, slapping kyo’s ass bc why not, kyo is technically up at an ungodly hour, reader doesn’t like the outside world, reader is a kyojuro ass enthusiast

modern au. f l u f f and some crack bc i cant resist

lets get it

_______________________________________________

You lazily leaned against the doorway with your arms crossed. You watched Kyojuro put on his white button, admiring how his back muscles moved as he adjusted his shirt. “I can feel your stares burning into my back, my love.” Kyojuro said with a slight chuckle as he looked at you in the mirror. You smiled. “What can I say? I’m simply a sucker for my husband’s muscles. Sue me.” You commented earning a hearty laugh from him. You lovingly watched as his eyes crinkled as his shoulders slightly shook. “Ah. You never fail to surprise me. Casanova in the sheets and a shy lil thing in the streets.” He said as he finished buttoning up his shirt. “It’s called me hating the outside world.” You sang while doing jazz hands.

“My brother is in the outside world.” He sang. “Shut up. Senjuro is my baby and I love him. Baby doesn’t count. I mean strangers and other shit like that.” You said, scrunching your nose. He hummed as he tucked his shirt into his pants. Your eyes trailed down his back to his snatched waist then to the main prize. That ass. Your man had a whole junk in the truck. Shawty was thick. You gotta tap that. You quickly shuffled forward and winded your hand back. You slapped it. He gasped and quickly held his bottom. He looked back at you with a bewildered expression and pink cheeks. “I touched the butt.” You said as you stared at your hand. “Y-Y/N! You can’t just do that!” He exclaimed. “Oh yeah? Who’s stopping me? There ain’t no law stoppin’ me from slapping the absolute dog shit out of my husband’s ass. You can’t just wear those slacks with that glorious ass and expect me not to pounce like a cat. Nu uh sir. You walk into a room and that ass walks in 5 minutes later.” You said passionately as you poked your finger into his chest. He huffed out a laugh as he glanced at your plump glossy lips. He could smell the coconut scent and he already wanted to kiss it all away.

“I walk into a room and my butt walks in 5 minutes later?” He questioned as he gently swatted your finger again. “That. shit. is. phat. It fuckin’ jiggles for fuck’s sake, Kyo! It’s mandatory! Let me get my daily dose!” You reached behind him and lightly patted his butt. He swatted your hand away. “Stop it, Y/N! I have to get ready for work.” He whined. “Need I remind you it’s only like what 5 am and you have a whole hour and a half before you even have to clock in?” You said as you adjusted your bonnet. “The early bird gets the worm! It always sets a nice example to be early and prepared for work!” He chirped before putting on his watch. “Sure, but there’s a thing called being too early which you’re doing right now. I don’t get why we couldn’t cuddle for just a few more minutes, sunflower. The bed is so warm and comfy while outside isn’t as warm and comfy.” You whined as you wrapped your arms around his waist. He chuckled and wrapped his arm around you. He cupped your face and used his thumb to gently carress your s/c cheek. “Becauseeee my sun, a few more minutes for you means hours. But, don’t worry! I’ll be coming home at a reasonable hour! So after work you’ll have me and my cuddles all to yourself.” He said as he pressed a kiss to your bonnet. He scrunched his nose and gently moved the elastic band of your bonnet back to kiss your forehead.

You hummed. “Still doesn’t make it better. Kyo I think I’ll die without my proper amount of cuddles and affection.” You said dramatically as you made your best puppy eyes. Kyojuro could feel his resistance breaking as he looked at your big bright eyes that he never failed to get lost in. “I’m sorry, my sun! But I can’t stay as much as I’d like to. You also have to start your day fully as well.” He mumbled. You cursed under your breath. “Fineee I won’t ask anymore.” You looked away and grumbled, very unhappy with the fact your puppy eyes didn’t break him like they did on multiple occasions. He nodded and tilted your face back to him. He looked down at your glossy lips and then back up to your eyes. You smiled gently and nodded, giving him permission to let his own gently meet yours, not caring if your lip gloss rubbed off onto his own.

He smiled against your lips as he continued to press short kisses against your own, moving his arms to fully trap you in a hug. You felt yourself lean back slightly due to the repeated kisses (not that you hated it. No no, it was quite the opposite. Kyojuro’s kisses honestly felt like a drug as his regular scent of cinnamon and vanilla filled your senses.) pressed onto you. He hummed as he pulled away. He glanced at your lips and stared in disbelief. “It... It didn’t rub off that much.” He said, surprised at the durability of your lipgloss. Usually, by the time he was done your lips would be ridden of any balm, gloss or lipstick you wore. But this right here? Props. It was actually Kyojuro proof. “Mhm. I’m wearing a thicker one so I don’t have to keep reapplying after you basically eat my lips off each time. Keeps em soft too.” You mumbled as you looked at his glossy lips. “Smart move, my sun.” He said, letting you go. You slightly groaned at the lost of his warmth. (I mean seriously this man was like a human heater why would you let go?)

After he was finally able to finish putting on his clothes and eating with you, he grabbed his knapsack from the couch. You watched as he adjusted the strap on the bag before slipping his shoes on. As he stood up, you fixed his tie. He smiled at you. “I have to go now, my sun.” He said as he cupped your face with both hands. He pressed a kiss to your plump lips and pulled away. You whined, making him press a couple more kisses. “I love you. Remember to call me if you need anything.” He said as he let you go. You nodded as you watched him turn to unlock the door. You held the door for him as he stepped out. You suddenly got an idea. You smirked as you quickly grabbed the back of his collar, pulling him back. He gasped as you twirled him around, grabbing his tie. “Stay for just a little longer? I don’t think I got my daily dose of your kisses.” You said with a devilish innocent smile. You watched as his cheeks reddened.

“Y-You’re evil.” He mumbled as you pulled him back into the house, closing the door behind him. “But you married me.” You cooed, satisfied he was under your spell. “But I married you.” He whispered as you pulled him to kiss you by his tie. Yeah no, he wasn’t going to come in to work by the time he wanted to leave with your stunt you just pulled. He kissed you back, shrugging off his knapsack. With a light thud, his knapsack fell onto the floor. You wrapped your arms around his neck. He kicked his shoes off and quickly lifted you up by your thighs. You squealed as he walked to the kitchen and set you on the island. “I have to go now, my sun.” You mocked once you pulled away from your liplock. He chuckled slightly. “You’re just a little too intoxicating. You little manipulator.” He joked. “Can’t hate the player, hate the game, sunflower.” You said as you pressed kisses all over his face. “Can you call in late today? Just this once?” You asked as you gave your best puppy eyes with a pout.

Damn you and your puppy eyes. He groaned as he pulled his phone out and sent a quick text before gently tossing it on the counter. “The things I do for you.” He leaned forward to get a deeper kiss in. You pulled him closer.

Kyojuro ended up coming into work slightly late with some glossy kisses marks on his pink cheeks.... He was clowned by Sanemi and Shinobu.

[triptychexe]

TITLE: Sunday SUMMARY: Sora and Fin’s weekend continues with a painting session at the boy’s dorm. Fin is more endearing than Sora thought.  GENRE: Budding friendship, budding romance, a wee bit of angst? PAIRING: SoKi (Sora x Fin), some Platonic!Solra (Sol + Sora) at the end WORD COUNT: 2.1k WARNINGS: swearing, some innuendos, mentions of poor mental health, mentions of bongs. If you think anything else deserves a warning, let me know! :) 

A/N: Almost every line or thought by Sora was written by miss Kara! Thank you Kara for working with me <3 i cant wait to work on more soki stuff w/ you :)))! Find Sora and more works by Kara at @cube-vivid​! 

SPRING 2019

Fin let out a groan as he re-entered his room. Day had left his dirty laundry on the floor, right where Fin had just vacuumed in preparation for Sora’s visit. 

“Myungdae!” Fin stood in the doorway of his room, his voice carrying down the hall. “You left your clothes on the floor!” 

Day’s bleached head poked out from the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist. The vocalist gave his friend a sly smirk. “Oh yeah, I almost forgot. You’re bringing a girl over.” 

At the buzzword ‘girl’, Kit’s head perked up from the living room couch, momentarily forgetting his video game.

“You have a girlfriend?” Kit asked in amazement, as if he couldn’t believe his ears. Fin rolled his eyes. 

“No. Lee Sora is coming over to paint.” 

“Right… paint.” Day arched his eyebrows and gave a few air quotes with his pointer and middle fingers. “What kind of painting will you two be doing, huh?” 

Kit let out a snort at the crude innuendo, but the joke seemed to have gone over Hyunki’s head.

“Probably abstract.” Hyunki said simply. The honest response sent his two group mates in a fit of laughter. The two were cackling so loud that they almost drowned out the noise of someone knocking on their door. Kit’s eyes widened as he gathered his things up and bolted to his room, one hand clamped over his mouth to prevent him from laughing out loud. Day’s mouth formed a perfect ‘o’ in surprise, a mischievous smile on his lips. “Go get changed!” Hyunki hissed, making his way to the door. “Only if you promise to keep your clothes on.” Day shot back. Hyunki’s eyes widened at the scandalous comment.

Before he could scold at Day, knuckles wrapped on the door again. Day sniggered before closing the bathroom door again. Hyunki hurried over to the door, opening it to reveal Sora. 

Sora seemed to be in a better mood today. She was rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet, a small smile stretched on her face. 

“Hey.” Sora greeted. “Hey,” Fin smiled back, something about seeing Sora smile made his palms kinda sweaty and heart pick up. 

“So are you gonna let me in or are we just gonna chill out here?” Sora teased, taking Hyunki out of his trance and bringing him back to reality. 

He could feel his entire body flush as he hurriedly stepped aside. “Sorry, come on in.” 

They walked through the now-empty living room to the balcony that was connected to the dorm. Outside, Fin had already set up their blank canvases and paint supplies. He even set a pitcher of homemade lemonade, some snacks, and a radio on a fold-out side table for them. Sora smiled at the layout in front of her.

“I should have brought snacks too, shit, sorry.” Sora apologized pouting absentmindedly. “Ah, don’t be sorry.” Fin shook his head, sitting criss-cross in front of one of the canvases. He was about to pat the spot next to him when he realized something. 

“Oh, wait!” Fin exclaimed, rising to his feet. “You’re gonna want to protect your clothes.” Sora looked down at her outfit. She looked good, even Fin could admit that. She wasn’t wearing anything practically revealing or typically sexy. Her outfit was all black and oversized, the graphic tee she’d tied up to be cropped and chains she wore grabbed Fins attention. The look was streetwear, but he could tell it was more expensive than the casual look appeared. Sora seemed slightly embarrassed looking down awkwardly. 

“Do I look so good it’s distracting you?”

Fin froze at that not really knowing how to reply. His mouth flipped open repeatedly as Sora fought off her smile watching how easily flustered she could make him. 

“I’m joking Hyunki,”

 Fin let out a breath at that nodding slowly as his eyes shifted around the room refusing to look her in the eyes anymore. 

“I should have worn something more chill, huh?” She said in a teasing self-deprecating tone. “No worries, you can borrow some of my old painting overalls.” Fin shrugged, tilting his head towards the sliding door. The two re-entered the living room and into Fin’s bedroom.

“Damn, I should come in here more often .” Sora commented with a chuckle when she stepped through the threshold. Her eyes fixed on the wall display of various bongs. Fin followed her gaze and let out a laugh. “Oh, those are Myungdae’s. A pastime of his.” Fin chuckled before hesitating. “Uh, just don’t tell anyone that we own those.” 

“Own any what?” Sora jokes. She played dumb, a lopsided smirk crossing over her face as she tilted her head to the side. Hyunki nodded appreciatively, giving Sora a knowing wink before dipping into his drawers, searching for some overalls. When he straightened up again, he was holding a beat-up pair of white painter’s overalls. 

“Here.” Hyunki handed them over, a smile on his face. Sora took them, sliding her chunky sneakers  through the baggy pant legs with minimal struggle. As soon as she straightened up, the chest of the overalls sagged towards her stomach, exposing her shirt.

“Oh, lemme adjust that.” Hyunki offered, stepping forward to adjust the straps for her. Sora knew he didn’t mean to be as close as he was but she also didn’t mean to get so flustered by it either. If Fin was any other boy, Sora wouldn't be surprised if he used their close proximity to his advantage and made a move on her. He was at perfect distance to grab her hips roughly and kiss her. It was what she expected. What she didn’t expect was how Hyunki’s fingertips delicately maneuvered over her shoulders, barely touching her. Sora looked up at Hyunki in an effort to better understand him and his intentions, surely this was a move that she was not picking up on. But all she saw was Hyunki’s brows furrowed in innocent concentration as he slid the buckle back a few inches. 

“There.” Hyunki finally sighed. He looked down at Sora, a smile returning to his face. “Ready?” 

The two exited the bedroom, heading back to the patio. Fin sat cross legged in front of a blank canvas, gesturing for Sora to do the same. She cautiously sat down, picking the canvas up. The material felt awkward in her hands, as if the inanimate object knew she didn’t know what she was doing.

Her expression must have been apprehensive, because Hyunki let out a chuckle.

“You look like it’s going to bite you.” Fin teased. He nudged a box full of paint brushes and tubes of paint towards her. “Don’t think about it too much, just go with the flow.” 

“Go with the flow…” Sora repeated to herself under her breath. She picked up a plastic palette and a tube of paint, selecting a yellow color. 

The two sat peacefully, listening to some music and sipping lemonade as they painted. Beside her, Hyunki broke the silence by letting out a huff under his breath, running a hand through his messy hair. 

“What?” Sora asked. Hyunki flipped his canvas around for her to see. On the canvas in front of her were two angels, clearly modeled after Raphael’s Angels. Even though Sora thought Fin’s art was beautiful, his displeased expression told her that he wasn’t satisfied.

“What’s wrong with it?” Sora furrowed her eyebrows, not understanding the issue at hand.

Fin pointed to the complete angel, sighing. “I feel like I got the face wrong. They look like… like…” 

While Fin searched for the correct comparison, Sora felt her cheeks heat up and her heart flip slightly . She knew exactly who the angel looked like, she’d seen that face every day since she was born. It was all she saw when she looked in the mirror.

“They look like me.” 

Hyunki froze, his eyes widening. He looked between his canvas and Sora, cursing under his breath.

“Shit, I’m so sorry.” Hyunki flushed, looking as if he wanted the Earth to swallow him whole. 

“No, no,” Sora shrugged. “No one’s ever painted me before, even by accident.” 

Hyunki gave her a skeptical look, as if he didn’t believe that. He flipped his painting back around and sighed. “Do you want to take this home with you?” Hyunki asked. “I think Sol will kill me if I have a painting of not-you in my possession. And The other members might tease me until I die.” 

Sora laughed at the mental image of Sol finding that painting, nodding her head. “Sol is so protective it’s so stupid. But I’ll keep it, how many people can say they have a pretty painting. I can't wait to rub it in the girls faces, they’re gonna be so jealous.” 

“Great.” Hyunki grinned, blushing slightly at the subtle compliment . 

By the time they had finished, the sun was setting over Seoul, covering the sky in a purple and pink hue. 

“Time flies, huh?” Hyunki looked out over the city skyline ahead of them while holding his hand out for Sora to take. Sora hesitated, but took his hand to help herself up. She looked out over the city too. “Yeah…” She responded. 

The idol was so used to seeing Seoul that the city had lost its sparkle. It was just a mesh of concrete and scattered trees in her eyes but the way Hyunki was observing it made her realize that he wasn’t seeing what she was seeing. When Sora looked at Seoul she saw a city she could never escape, that just reminded her of everything wrong in her life. But Hyunki saw pure art. 

“Isn’t it pretty,” he said barely audibly. A pang went through her chest as Sora realized that it’s been so long since she’s been able to appreciate the beauty of the mundane. She would pay anything to see things like Fin. He seemed so carefree and content. Maybe if she stuck around long enough, Fin and all his multicolored thoughts would rub off on her. There’s nothing she wanted more than for that to be true.

Knuckles rapped on the glass door behind them. Sora jumped, Fin turned around lazily, as if he didn’t appreciate his thoughts being interrupted. The doors slid open, and Soonyoung stuck his head out.

“Hey guys,” He greeted. “I’m home.” ”Welcome back asshole, no one missed you .” Sora grinned, coming over to hug Soonyoung. Sol put his hands up, gesturing to the half-dry paint on her overalls. “How about air hugs?” Soonyoung chuckled. “These clothes belong to HBH.” 

“How was your weekend?” Fin asked, already cleaning up their painting supplies. “It was… a weekend.” Soonyoung responded vaguely, exhaustion etched into his words. Sora pursed her lips. She wanted to ask more questions, but she knew Soonyoung. Getting anything out of him would be like pulling teeth.

“I see you guys kept busy.” Soonyoung nodded his head towards the canvases. Fin nodded, scooping up Sora’s half-dried work. “Look at what Sora made.” Fin said proudly, as if he was the one who created it. “She’s a natural.” 

“Shut up,” Sora rolled her eyes, her cheeks glowing a light pink color, her arm reaching out to swipe the canvas out of Hyunki’s hands. “Or what?” Fin taunted, pulling the canvas out of Sora’s reach. Sora involuntarily mirrored the playful smirk on Fin’s lips. 

Sora leaned down to dip her pointer finger in white paint before launching forward and swiping a streak of white on Fin’s cheek. Fin laughed, turning away and wiping his face.

“Alright, alright, no paint wars please.” Sol intervened. “Sora, are you staying the night?”

Sora shook her head, wiping her finger on her pant leg.  “I actually should probably get back to my dorm before Dayna loses it. I didn’t think I’d stay this late.” 

“Do you want us to walk you to the train station?” Fin offered sweetly. 

Sora shook her head. “I’ll be fine, here,” Sora started to take off the overalls, but Fin waved a hand.

“Keep them for next time.” He said.

“So there’s gonna be a next time?” Sora said cheekily hoping it overpowered the slight nerves the statement created. Butterflies started swarming in her stomach at the idea of seeing Fin again. She cringed at the sensation.

Fin didn’t even think twice before saying a soft “Of course.”

Sol coughed to cover up a laugh. He could see right through her, no doubt.

Fin and Sol walked Sora to the door before saying goodnight. Once the door closed, Sol turned to Fin, a smirk on his lips.

“Please tell me you guys didn’t fuck.” Sol teased.

Hyunki furrowed his eyebrows. “What? No. No way. We were just painting.” 

“Uh-huh. So the ‘next time’ comment wasn’t a follow up date invitation?” Sol pressed, the corners of his mouth twitching into a grin.

“No… This wasn’t even a date so how could there be a follow up one ?” Fin looked completely baffled. 

Sol’s smile faded as he looked at his friend with a look of mortified awe. “You’re an idiot. An actual fucking idiot.” 

[hey-hamlet]

BNHA AU Ideas: Don’t Praise the Almighty (Part 2)

Also on AO3!

TW: Child Abuse (all kinds implied, explicit verbal and physical abuse), implied CSA

TL;DR:

Things you must sacrifice to make a hero: Humanity, Empathy.

Things you must sacrifice to be a hero: Everything.

But with the end of a symbol come the end of the hurt. 

Starting with I-Island Expo

mellissa calls them over like canon, shouto basically demands he gets endeavours spot. aizawa and yamada go too, mostly because yamada was going there for his show and they heard whispers of all might, and were worried about a possible izuku attending so aizawa went as a plus one

the other kids are there for the same reason, but other than scissors paper rock for the tickets it was a tournament brawl because ochako demanded combat.

she won, of course

anyway, they meet up w david and melissa, and izuku and her go explore the expo when melissa tells izuku shes quirkless he just give her the strangest look, and she's a little confused

i-island was a very chill attitude towards quirks. if you have one, cool, but they aren't useful to the inventors so its nbd if you don’t. and she says ab how she's a researcher and all the and he just looks at her like shes speaking gibberish

"they,,, they let you?"

and melissa looks dumbfounded "obviously? i mean, my grades are good enough?"

and izuku just start to cry. melissa is panicking bc she's already adopted this little hero as her little cousin because he's basically uncle might's kid. she like, hides him away in a corner and tries to understand what's wrong

and all she can get out of this crying kid is

"i used to be quirkless" and "don't tell all might"

she gives him a big hug and he talks ab how he was treated in middle school, and about how he hasn't told anyone in ua. she asks why he said don't tell all might and he murmurs that allmight doesn't think is very befitting of a hero to cry

deep down that doesn't sound right to her. but she only nods, hands him a tissue and they giggle about it behind a fancy model car

back in the office david and all might are talking

all might tells david that he knows his quirk is fading but it's ok, because he's training a successor and izuku is going to be perfect. that sounds ok to david. he's warmed by the total faith all might seems to have in his student, and the close relationship they must have to call him by his first name

all might confesses he’s looking forward to retiring and nurturing his student and david calls off the whole heist (well. he tries to. not that they listen.)

so Yamada and Aizawa are walking around the showroom floor and they see a "i was just crying but im trying to hide it and going an ok job" izuku with some random fucking blonde girl and they s w o o p in bc these are some worried dads

basically Yamada keeps her busy while aizawa says "oh i have to talk to you ab something" izuku goes over to aizawa and hes freaking the fuck out quietly. aizawa just leans down to look him in the eye

"you ok, kid?"

and izuku is confused

"what do you mean?"

"you looked a little upset back there, do you know that girl? is she,,, doing anything? to you?"

and izuku feels all warm and fuzzy inside and smiles at his teacher bc aizawa cares!! ab him!!

"no sensei, shes all mights kind-of-niece, she was just showing me around the expo"

and aizawa winces a little at the all might comment but what can he do

"well, don't forget you can talk to me, ok? i know i gave you my number on an emergency basis but i also want you to know your definition of an emergency is terrible. just call whenever you want"

melissa, bc she understands social cues unlike izuku, and also bc shes fucking 18 looks at yamada and says "what's wrong?" and yamada feels all the force of an 18-year-old girls glare of "ive adopted this kid and ill kick you for him"

"just worried about the little listener is all, he looked a little down"

melissa just sighs and nods

"yeah."

yamada expects her to continue but she doesn't. they both just kinda fiddle around with some random buttons until aizawa brings izuku back, who looks significantly cheerier now. melissa declares lunch is on her and that the teachers are coming too

aizawa and yamada try to wiggle their way out of it, until izuku also tries to so they all double down on going to lunch and izuku gets dragged along

when they get there he's fretting ab what won't ruin his diet plan, and aizawa and yamada feel bad. melissa just tells him to get what he wants

"but i dont want to upset-. i should be sticking to my diet plan though."

aizawa loudly declares hes getting a chocolate sundae and pork cutlet sandwiches. melissa, equally loudly, decides on carbonara. yamada fumbles for a bit looking for something unhealthy because hes a mess, finally finds a chicken karrage bowl and points at it like hes very proud of himself

melissa loses her shit laughing, izuku just giggles softly and aizawa fuckn snorts at the crestfallen look on yamada

izuku quietly asks if getting katsudon would be ok and melissa just looks into his eyes

"izuku i would kill a man for you of course pork katudon is ok"

anyway, the other students turn up, and momo shouts them all food, ochako proudly declares herself the winner of a fighting tournament and aizawa just slumps in his chair

"if i didnt hear that, you dont get detention for using your quirks without supervision"

and ochako just smiles with a scary amount of teeth

"who said we used quirks, sensei?"

and ochako proudly shows off the bruise on her upper arm where jirou punched her and jirou is whining bc she has a foot shaped imprint in her stomach s t i l l from the last round

everyone is talking n shooting the shit. it strikes the kids (and the teachers) a little weird that izuku is in his hero costume (the only other person there in costume is yamada, who is representing his agency. aizawa is in free dress but also his scarf bc he wanted to ask how the fuck it was made) but they just kinda, don't mention it

anyway, the bit w the quirk display

they hound aizawa into doing it, and he makes time pretty similar to bakugo and everyone is cheering for him and he's trying very hard to maintain his "im a professional hero not a dad getting cheered on by his stupid kids"

yamada wants to do it, but aizawa won't let him bc people need their ears

all the hero kids give it a go, including ochako, jirou, momo, etc. izuku (who at this point is like at 10%ish full cowl) makes time tied w Todoroki and izuku is talking ab how amazing todoroki is, and tenya chimes in with "you are quite amazing as well!" and midoriya blushes so hard he looks like a strawberry. he is very very flustered and keeps trying to deny it

eventually, everyone piles on the compliments (even katsuki bc this is the most fun hes had in ages) until izuku gets so flustered he hides behind aizawa like "you won't do this to me right?"

aizawa fuckn ruffles his hair and says "you're a good kid"

izuku just cries but he's smiling so wide everyone knows he's happy

so its the night of the party

izuku is dressed to the nines and he's sad ab it bc he wanted to wear something cheery and bright but instead he was dressed in a charcoal black suit, vest and a dark red tie. black shoes too

the one bit of cheer he shoved in were some red laces bc all might didn't mind them bc he was so "good" ab the suit fitting and the poking and prodding so he wears the bright red laces and he's very happy ab them

all might is in his hero costume, and he's very proud of the fact he and izuku match like a pair with the same shade of red bc that's his successor! his boy! all might tells izuku he can wait outside for the rest of the kids to show up and izuku is so happy! so he thanks allmight a lot more than he needs to and waits outside the door (all might was early to the event bc he needed to schmooze)

aizawa and yamada come later to a surprisingly well dressed izuku waiting patiently off to the side

they ask him why he's out there and he happily chirps that he's waiting for the other students that attended, they smile at him and walk in . all might sends them a glare from across the floor that aizawa returns just as spitefully

anyway, iida texts that he's stuck out the front bc the door won't open so he scrambles over to let iida and, apparently ochako as well, in (for the purposes of this au, todoroki, iida, ochako, izuku and melissa are the only ones of the kids at the beginning, todoroki's melodramatic entrance is stolen by jirou and momo. no mineta or kami bc they just,,, arent there lmao)

so the doors slam shut and melissa is like "wtf wtf" and the announcement sounds. they pile up the stair to look down to the dining room, teachers and other heroes tied up

the kids know a bit of sign from various hero class training bits by aizawa and "fun facts" by mic

so they brokenly sign to allmight and aizawa (the only teachers that can see them) that they are going to fix this

all might nods

aizawa looks panicked. these are kids. his kids. they shouldn't have to fight people with fucking guns

izuku says "ill keep them safe" and aizawa wants to cry because he believes him, but who'll keep izuku safe

so iida starts on his whole "we cant use quirks" speech before melissa can even remind them ab i islands quirk laws, izuku just murmurs

"all might gave me permission to fight. it'll be ok."

melissa freezes bc,,, she knows adults shouldn't be letting these kids fight, even if that's exactly what she's going to help them do. she mentions the quirk law anyway

now todoroki is pissed at all might but the bitch was gonna fight anyway. ochako is 100% roaring for a showdown

now they are,, a little more cautious. bc they are a smaller group here but izuku is like double the power so its not realllllyy an issue. the middle fight happens, they gain the wlw and mlm solidarity pairs (Jirou + Momo, Kirishima + Bakugo)

then pretty quickly lose bakugo and momo for a hot minute as they stay to finish up the fight while sending the others on

oh izuku totally has the punchy punchy thing from melissa i just forgot to mention it

so, bc melissa's dad didnt actually,, want in on it this time he's fighting back. he's stalling, pleading, backchatting; everything he can do to give someone a chance to fix his fuck up before it kills someone

so melissa and izuku make it to the top of the tower

izuku has been at shot more times than he's really happy about, just he has nothing more than a few grazes. melissa has a nasty bruise on her face and a cut on her arm from where she redirected a blow that would have stabbed izuku

the villain is talking ab how this was David's idea, and he's trying to explain to the kids that he's sorry, this was a mistake. he tried to call it off but they wouldn't stop. at this point he is totally away these people are real criminals and has been since the heist began

he's trying to convince them to run because as proud as all might is of izuku, and as proud of melissa he is, they are to young. they don't deserve this

izuku takes out the goons but the villain has already escaped with david and the quirk enhancer

izuku promises melissa he'll keep her dad safe and shes left in the control room crying alone because who'll protect the kid that's been nothing but kind and gentle yet has the weight of the world on his shoulders

also just an fyi bc you needed to know- melissa is down her heels and she lost her hairpin when she stabbed someone with it, she threw her heels at a villain too bc she was running out of ideas. melissa literally tied her hair in a big knot so she could fucking see

izuku is down a jacket - threw it over someone's head then punched them and his waistcoat is unbuttoned bc he need to punch. his hair is going fucking hog wild, even in the tighter clip yagi likes it kept in

anyway, when the alarms go off, all might fucking rockets to the roof and aizawa is fuming bc those are his fucking kids too

he and yamada have to take the goddamn elevator to the roof. its certainly not a slow elevator but aizawa is so fucking tense. yamada isn't much better

all might won't let them fight. he hands david and melissa off to them and tells them he and izuku will handle wolfram and aizawa is so pissed bc izuku is on his last fucking legs here

aizawas quirk doesn't work w the enhancer so he admits there isn't much he can do, but yamada is perfect here. but all might won't move out of the way long enough for mic to let his quirk go. honestly, hed be tempted to do it anyway if not for izuku also being there

anyway, all might and izuku do their lil double detroit smash and its all very sweet

kind of

bc,,, aizawa can see how izuku is shaken up, and close to passing out. visibly in a lot of pain but he's swallowing it all down and acting as if everything is fine and aizawa sees izuku with small might again and wonders why, why do they know each other?

yamada and aizawa feel vaguely ill when izuku and all might return to their shared hotel room after all might grabs a few bandages and alcohol wipes from a first aid kit. bc,,, aizawa can see how izuku is shaken up, and close to passing out. visibly in a lot of pain but he's swallowing it all down and acting as if everything is fine

aizawa and yamada stay with the kids, trying to cheer them up and bandaging wounds that don't need urgent medical care. melissa is just blankly watching out the door izuku left through

"why didn't they stay?"

aizawa just aggressively tightens the bandage around his sliced up arm. todoroki looks pissed. iida just kind of looks down

"im not sure, melissa. im... im not sure"

the next morning, as aizawa and yamada stumble downstairs to eat shitty hotel breakfast food, yamada glances out the window and looks like he's about to cry bc izuku, still battered and bruised, is stepping out of the gym over the road. its only 7am

they basically pounce on the kid and drag him to breakfast, where they find out he has been training since 5 and hasn't eaten yet and he's fucking, sheepish about it

"i got up a little late, so i just to my light routine for the morning, ill have to make up the time a little later"

aizawa just shoves pastries at his kid. izuku tries to stammer out that they arent part of his diet but,,, they look really nice and he's really hungry and stressed,,, and he caves pretty quick

so aizawa yamada and izuku are sitting around a table, both of his teachers arent totally human until they've had a coffee so izuku is happily babbling about some new hero teach he saw as aizawa grunts in affirmation

allmight shows up and izuku blanches. aizawa and yamada are a little too tired to realise until yagi is already over by the table. izuku quietly puts down the pastry and just cringes into himself

"im,,, im really sorry. i - i just"

"i got it for him" aizawa says totally deadpan as he slams back a whole ass cup of coffee

deep down inside he did it to flex on mister "i have no stomach so im not allowed caffeine"

all might sighs and gently chides izuku for not sticking to his diet plan. izuku nods miserably and excuses himself back to the room to 'get changed out of his sweaty clothes'

yagi sits and eats breakfast with aizawa and yamada as they try to understand what,,, what exactly happened there. it hurts both of them because they aren't sure what all mights doing

mic has seen one instance of something nasty going on, but other than that its just been a collection of terrible vibes

Training Camp Time Baby.

after that total clusterfuck of an event training camps still on

all might wants to go but nezu no sells him bc "you literally attract villains, all might" and like bitch is smart, he knows something is up. he's not sure what yet, but he's working on it

all might gives aizawa a personalised training schedule for izuku that he takes one look at and throws it out the fucking window

basically all might goes as "all might's secretary" to monoma

"very worried about my boy, and i think aizawa is training him too hard, could you please give me a run down on what happens each day?"

monoma, starry-eyed: of course all might

and there is this little,,, list of things he doesn't want izuku doing and he phrases them in ways that make it seem like he's being perfectly reasonable. like allergies or bad habits izuku is trying to break or whatever. izuku has to tell all might what happens at the end of every day anyway

all might,,, wants hourly updates,,,, but he realises that's not going to happen w aizawa's deep hatred of students on cellphones lmao

he hears izuku mentioning to todoroki that "yagi" wants to know what's happening at the camp and that he's excited to talk to his mentor about all the training they do. and aizawa is caught between wanting to find some bullshit reason to take izukus phone, or just pretending he didn't hear that bc who knows how much trouble not answering yagi could get him in

he makes an announcement that cellphones are to be on mute for the duration of the camp anyway.

yagi wanted to go on the camp, aizawa wouldn't let him, monoma is yagis mole etc we have covered this

in this au the league never latched on to bakugo, it's izuku that shigiraki wants, but to backtrack

getting off the bus its funny in a sad way bc izuku was so prepared to get hit by one of the teachers "training" them at any time he dodges the landslide

they all just kinda sit there for a second, stunned. izuku sighs quietly and jumps after his classmates

anyway so, they get to the camp a lil faster bc izuku is More Powerful, izuku (bc hes faster than iida on uneven ground) runs shinsou to the campground, they mind control pixiebob to stop the earthbeasts then run back to show the rest of 1A the way out

they get there in 2 hours

aizawa is very proud of his boy for thinking of that! and he ruffles izukus hair and its cute

in this au izuku isn't confident enough to say hi to kouta, but he waves. kouta just glares at him and he hides behind iida

they do a little extra training because 1A finished the earth beast thing so fast, half of the training is all of 1A trying to stop Izuku from going overboard. they get a little,,, disturbed when they realise just how long izuku can train without visibly breaking a sweat

they go to chill in the baths and iida sees izuku walking out of the changing rooms and freezes

because he's c o v e r e d in hand-shaped bruises

he tries not to react bc he doesn't want izuku to be uncomfortable and change his mind ab hanging in the bath w all of them

kaminari goes to say something and kirishima just fucking pulls him under the water before he can say anything, mineta is socially aware enough to not open his fucking mouth

they chat n izuku can kinda,,, tell,,, something is wrong but most of the bruises are places he can't see/doesn't look, like his shoulders, hips, back, back of his legs

and the ones on his wrist he just kinda brushes off bc he's still convinced this is normal. the thing w mineta happens, izuku helps kouta, iida comes with him to give him to the wild wild pussycats

and pixiebob looks like she wants to say something bc who is hurting this kid? and iida just catches her eyes and he looks so worried. she keeps her mouth shut, but makes sure to mention it to aizawa. she feels terrible when aizawa just curses and pulls his hair in frustration

anyway, 1B shows up and its hilarious bc 1A is going hog fucking wild other than izuku, aizawa is forcing izuku to learn to cook

so bakugo is screaming and blowing shit up, todoroki is in a fucking barrel, iida is running like afo is chasing him and aizawa is patiently showing izuku how to scramble eegs

monoma is losing his fucking mind

but yeah aizawa and izuku are sitting in front of a little stove w their legs crossed, izuku is trying to cut tomatoes and aizawa is supervising. they are making breakfast for 1A. slowly. all of 1A is being very careful to not disturb them, so there is this little bubble of calm around the egg station

"why,,, why arent i training?"

and aizawa fucking pauses

"this is training, keep up problem child."

and izuku looks so fucking lost but the eggs smell good and he gets to cook the bacon next. each part of the fucking breakfast is cold by the time 1A gets to eat it bc izuku was cooking it 1 by 1, little portions at a time

everyone just tells him its fucking wonderful

he joins in training after breakfast, ragdoll is placed on "izuku watching duty" which izuku has 0 clue about. if he gets hurt/sore/too tired someone gets sent over to get him to do something else

when she looks at him the first time she wants to cry bc,,, he's not tired, he's more rested than he's been in ages. but the places that hurt, before hes even been training, are sending blaring alarm bells in her brain

anyway, its amusing bc everyone is 'going beyond' and they are just trying to get izuku back so they can know what is 'going beyond' and what is 'going so far beyond how are you still moving'

everyone is fucking wiped and izuku is like 'this is the easiest training ive had in months what' and aizawas want to yell bc while hes being soft on izuku, they arent taking his training lightly, and this is easy?

he gives the curry to kouta like the show, they all go to sleep

izuku has a nightmare and shouto - the only person not asleep - tries not to hear the things he's saying. he can't hear much, but he wishes he hadn't heard anything. anyway at least they all wake up well-rested

unfortunately in this au the villains actually have a half-decent plan, and fucking, communicators -which isn't great for the kids

so muscular sees izuku and is like "oi compress move your arse over here" while he tries to kill kouta. so we get the joy of izuku saving kouta, getting him to aizawa and just as he hands over the kid, compress takes izuku and kouta just starts to cry

"izuku is kidnapped" time is a ride

the only thing they give him is a set of quirk suppressors and dont give him a key to get out of the bar. they are about as nice to him as they are to each other, a little softer on him bc he's young and they pretty much know what's happening to him

like, he gets out of compresses marble and he's panicking and crying, dabi just crouches down next to him and rubs his back, asks him if he's gonna be ok

shigiraki is trying to convince izuku to join then and his face just kinda falls when he sees izuku looking resistant

"you,,, you don't know that what he’s doing to you is wrong, do you."

and izuku looks like a deer in the headlights

"what do you mean? no ones- nothings- nothings wrong."

dabi just sits on a chair bc he knows where this is going and he doesn't like it. shigiraki looks at izuku

"if its not wrong, then tell me about it"

and izuku clams right up

ok but afo wants to talk to izuku. in this au he has literally 0 beef with the kid

he has only so much beef with the ofa users in general and he's typically pretty soft on them for being part of his brothers legacy, as soft as he can make killing them if they won't stop getting in his way, but still

but he hates allmight so fucking much and he's never been totally sure why

anyway, he asks to talk w izuku and this kid is shaking like a leaf and afo tells him

"you are a child. i have no intention of hurting you, i just want to know what all might has done to you."

"hes not done anything bad, i swear!"

"then why don't you tell me about it?"

izuku sits there quietly and afo feels just generally disgusted with humanity tbh

"how did you two meet?" izuku slowly opens up about the day they first met, and afo feels a stab of empathy for izuku, because being quirkless now is pretty comparable to being quirked before, afo doesnt interject beyond nods and encouraging him to keep going

but eventually, izuku totally clams up, starts crying and can't say anything else. afo wishes he didnt look as scary as he did because he wants to give the kid a hug. he calls tomura to take him back to the bar and get him something to eat

it gets to the point that all of the villains are super fucking soft for izuku. he's very nice, treats them well, and has seen some horrific shit

so when all might shows up to "rescue" him, they close ranks. they don't even pressure him to become a villain, because each of them has felt society push them into boxes they didn't want, and they don't want to do that to izuku

anyway, they get to kamino bc the usual fuckery, and izuku is just stranded behind villains crying and looking ill

the rescue squad : bakugo, todoroki, ochako, kirishima, iida, and one stubborn shinso that befriended the hero departments resident nervous wreck

they look across the field and they feel ill because izuku looks sick. but they feel a little better when twice gives him a bit of a hug.

confilcted, but better

they see afo talking to him gently but quickly, gesturing both to the villains and to the section of wall the rescue squad is hidden behind. izuku tearfully points to the wall, afo nods, ruffles his hair, and goes to send him off when all might rockets in

basically afo has looked at izuku and thought "wow he's me but a good person" and thinks he's what his little brother would want a hero to be, so, while he's very much going to continue his villainous thing, he's going to go out of his way to avoid hurting izuku bc this kid is what his little brother wanted OFA to be

and allmight is exactly what he would have hated

so, all might takes a step forward to drag izuku, the villains push him behind them

dabi is basically saying something along the lines of

"so does being in the top ten require you to be a total dick, or is it just a running theme?"

"give him back"

"why all might, izuku is his own person."

"izuku, get over here, now."

izuku lets out a sob and vaults over the villains, hiding behind allmight and all might looks horrifically smug. izuku whispers something to all might, but all might shakes his head (he was asking if he could run away)

the fight begins

a few reasons he won't let him leave:

its punishment for being 'weak' enough to get kidnapped

its backup if afo gets the better of his because hes made sure izuku is more than a force to be reckoned with

he wants to know what dabi ment and hes very read to ask izuku ab it

izuku is honestly shaking like a leaf, quirk going bonkers and he can't turn it off. the rescue squad does its thing, and their hearts break when they see izuku look at them tearfully and shake his head

they all hide in the crowd and cry as they watch the fight go on, izuku shakily pulling people from the rubble in the background. when hes gotten all of the people free he can, izuku kind of runs out of reasons he isnt actively helping allmight. he grits his teeth and dives into the fight with the other villains

hes trying to keep them away from all might and they all look heartbroken ab having to fight him dabi is saying something along the lines of "we know he hurt you, but how? why?" and izuku is just crying

all might can hear this too

izuku actually misses a few kicks and punches bc his eyes are too filled with tears, but the villains are careful not to hurt him too much. they just want to get him down and out of the fight, but as uninjured as possible

but that's a little fucking difficult when compress and kurogiri are down for the count and everyone else has nasty death quirks

eventually, it gets to the point that trying not to hurt the other villains is only hindering afo, and all might is pulling exactly 0 punches with izuku present, so afo teleports the villains away, they feel bad ab leaving izuku behind but there is no way this little hero would go with them. they know that now

afo goes to deal the final blow to all might, izuku just moves

cant stop himself from planting himself between them and trying desperately to catch the punch. hes hurt, badly. but he's not as dead as all might would have been

there is a vicious edge to all might’s smile as izuku is blown across the battlefield, and lays there w/o moving

afo feels sick, all might just looks pleased

"ive done pretty well wouldn't you say?"

afo just stares at him

"ive created the perfect hero. selfless down to the last breath, filled with overwhelming power and determination."

"he's flawless. isn't he."

afo wants to gag

"so, in creating your 'perfect hero', you find it acceptable to sacrifice your own humanity?"

"absolutely"

(all mights been small might for this conversation i just forgot to mention it l m a o )

they exchange their final blows

izuku shakily gets up from where he lays crumpled on the ground and staggers over to all might, where he stands victorious over afo

iida, todoroki, shinsou, Bakugo, the people who have seen what yagi has done to izuku and how he has treated him are now slapped with the realisation that the number one hero and the person hurting their best friend are one and the same

shinsou punches a wall, bakugo looks like he's about to be sick. iida and todoroki look shell shocked. ochako is just lost and confused

all might wraps izuku is a hug, where izuku hides his sobbing face. all might whispers something in izukus ear, not that the cameras can pick it up

"come on now, heroes don't cry."

izuku takes a breath, wipes away his tears and steps back. All might rests a hand on his shoulder and looks into his eyes, and loud enough for the cameras to pick up and announces

"you're next."

izuku nods solemnly

in the back of a conference room, vlad watches as aizawa goes deathly pale in realisation. at ua, nezu watches on with a degree on concern. at the hospital, the clueless members of 1A cheer. those who know more feel nervous, those who know the most feel sick.

the internet goes fucking bonkers. all might transformed, defeated a crazy villain, and literally declared his successor live on television

izuku and all might end up in the same hospital room, and all might,,, allmight.. ye.

anyway, the kids from the rescue attempt call aizawa over and over and over. every teacher, student, pro

any hero of ua staff they have anyway of contacting, begging to find out where izuku is right now. aizawa would tell them if he wasn't going exactly the same thing himself

eventually recovery girl calls him and he hightails his way over. fyi inko isn't there bc shes passed out drunk at home uwu

he bursts into the hospital room with as much dignity as he could possibly have and it's not really very much. doctors are hovering around, stitching wounds, taking blood, and watching an ecg pretty closely (they felt the room for a minute and izukus started going crazy, so they thought something may have happened to his heart)

the amount izuku perks up when he sees aizawa is heartbreaking he rushes over and immediately starts looking him over, apologising and telling him he's brave and that he's sorry he couldn't be there to help and izuku tears up. all might is glaring a hole in his back but aizawa doesnt give a shit right now, his kid basically go taken by the boogeyman and his unstable son, then has a target painted on his back on live tv. aizawa gives 0 shits ab all might right now

izuku just looks stunned, and then he lets out a watery giggle

"you shaved, sensei."

and aizawa is caught between crying and laughing. gently asks izuku if he can give him a hug, and izuku looks so shocked he was asked aizawa heart breaks again. izuku nods shyly and gets a Good Dad Hug

aizawa stays until izuku falls asleep, then he rounds on all might

“I don’t know what you’ve done to him, but he looked more afraid to be stood next to you than a man who has killed countless. Whatever you did, you won’t be doing it again.”

All might goes to say something, anything, but aizawa grabs him by the front of his hero costume

Aizawa tells him in no uncertain terms that he’ll never be alone in a room with izuku again for as long as he lives.

And with that, he storms out, leaving all might to stew.

[strawberryspeachy]

So on the last day of july i went clubbing

Almost immediately met a cute boy and he asked me to go to a hotel with him. I debated but ultimately went with him. He asked if i wanted to go on a date because fucking japanese assholes equate date with hotel.

Went. Hooked up. Then. He said he wanted to go back to the club because otherwise “it would be a waste of his night”

Yeah

So... went back.... watched him look for another girl. And felt like shit

Eventually a boy that was ok looking talked to me. I didnt ignore him and he got excited over me talking to him after having ignored other boys. I didnt intend to continue talking to him but he was so excited the entire time and was nice so i just stayed with him.

We left together and sat on some sidewalk and talked. I saw that both his arms had cut marks all over them

And as a fucked up person... i stupidly think that other fucked up people will be as empathetic as i try to be and my depressed friends back home

He told me some of his shitty homelife - apparently he doesnt have parents

He asked me to go to a hotel with him and i said no... so we went to eat instead...

He kept being overly nice (in words) told me that he works at an old folks home and that he wants to learn english and come to america and help me take care of my mom.... in a sudden way

Rationally im not stupid and know that was a line. But im pretty stupid in general

He kept asking me to be his gf and i told him id need to go on a date with him to decide that

I just wanted to say no but...

He didnt pay for my meal - ya im one of those girls that that bothers

We seperated and he continued to text my the next few days. We set up a date. He asked me to go to him in yokohama - an hour away from tokyo

Since id never been there i said yes. But this meant i had to pay an expensive train ticket

He did pay for dinner and afterwards convience store for me... mostly... asking if i had change

He wanted to drink at the pier and insisted i get a drink but didnt pay for it

And then took me back to his apartment

It ended up being fun

The next morning while he was showering i was just poking around at his stuff. Not actually looking for anything just curious about the things he has

I looked at his wallet (honestly to see the design but i also always wonder why japanese guys are so comfortable leaving money around who is generally a stranger)

And then. I found. Picture from a photobooth. Him amd soem girl. It was dated from a week before.

He told me the night we met that he broke up with his ex a year ago. But this picture looked very much like a couple

I asked him about it and he just said sorry and threw it in the trash (not a real trash. It could easily be taken out) he said it was from a year ago

After. Bit i took it out amd pointed at the date. He literally hummed and refused to comment ...but he told me hell only see me...

I shouldn’t take that as enough but i did and told him when i got home that ill only se him too. I told him i liked him - and to this point he kept saying he likes me over and over. He has not said it since this. Just said he was happy that i used his name.

After that i went to okinawa for a few days. He told me his sim card broke and he doesnt have wifi unless he goes to a convience store (as an excuse to text slow)

I got back the next week and stayed home all week from a yeast infection that i think he gave me. When he barely responded i told him that

Then he responded continuously telling me that i just got it on my own and hes healthy so it wasnt him

That weekend i went drinking with some friends and messaged him. He responded immediately and i called him. Asking when his phone got fixed. He told me the day before

Then he told me he has pink eye and sent a picture. He said he cant go out of his house because of it

The next week was my birthday. He said hed be cured the day after and we could celebrate. Then he cancelled saying the doc told him hes still contagious

A few days after he sent me a picture of him with makeup on and contacts in saying he went to the salan. I responded immediately asking if he was still contagious and tried to call. He ignored me

I tried to call more throughout the day

Nothing

Over 24 hours pased so i used another account to say hi to him. After 2 hours he responded to the fake account asking who it was

And i flipped the fuck out. I told him a bunch of reasons why he sucked and that he did and fuck him

Then he responded to me with long messages. Many of which i couldnt understand (hes used incorrect kanji before that which makes translation strained)

His excuse was that he felt sick and slept for 20 hours (but he ignored me for over 27)and that he wanted to answer his texts in order. That he doesnt look at him phone much and then got mad at me for not being worried about him and instead getting mad

He didnt addresss any of my complaints like the fact that if im his gf i should be a priority

But because im a sucked i felt bad for trying to hurt him and apologized.... he said hed forgive me if i buy him an accessory next time we hung out...

Yeah. Red flags. I too if i had other options... would have said. Thats a weird way to accept an apology.

Also before (on that first date) when we talked about our bdays cause his was a bit before mine. I asked him what hed wanna do as a late celebration. He immediately told me he wanted yakiniku (an expensive meat meal) and clothes or accessorys from an expensive brand he likes...

So he continued to take over 24 hours to reply to me. With very small responces - he never asks me questions. I asked him to call the night before i went camping and he said he couldnt because he was too drunk from drinking with friends. I went camping and came back and got him on the phone. I demanded him to call and he said he couldnt cause he was tired from work and would the following day

I told him it makes me upset that he doesnt talk to me and that i constantly dont feel good because of him. He just said sorrry. I planned to say this is over if he didnt agree to meet me. But he agreed to a date the coming sunday... the day before i began work again. He said hed come to tokyo and and had a plan. It sounded fun.

Well come sunday morning.... he cancelled. He said he didnt have money. I tried to call him several times and he ignored me.

I confronted him in person. He got mad at me for it. Said he got some sort debt collection and got frauded... someone used his name to take out money and he has to pay court. He said he doesnt have money because of it.

I asked why he never tells me whats going on with him (because im dumb and beleive this... actually i dont. I hope hes being honestly and just has really bad luck but)

This time like last time i told him the way he treats me is how really awful boys who are using me and playing with me treat me. And i cant trust him if hes like this but doesnt tell me why

Well...i was there... i offered to pay for out date.... besides the 11 dollars it takes to get to him

He asked me to put 5 dollars on his train card.... it takes 3 dollads to get to and from where we went. He... mad sure no matter where we would eat it would cost 40 bucks - wanting to drink alc and such. It costed 43 dollars. He wanted starbucks but i kinda said no by saying i dont rlly like starbucks - but he still wanted to get a dessert - 3 dollars

And... he wanted me to buy him that aftermentioned accessory... a ring. He looked at very expensive ones... i... would not have paid for even as stupid as i am.. the one he got was 15 or 25 I forget which...

The thing is... if he wasnt actually... if i wasn’t comfortable being with him i woulda stopped this before... unfortunately. As usual. Despite initially not being attracted to him i really enjoyed his company and find him to be fun...

He said that we should go home at 8 i asked about going back to him place and he said no because hes tired and has work the next day. He knows i also do too. At the same time. And i tried to convince him and he kept saying no. Then i asked doesnt he wanna have sex. He said that we should go to a hotel. And i protested that hotels are expensive and his apartments free and just a cheap train station away. He said hes too tired and just wants to sleep at his apartment but hotels are exciting so hed be awake at a hotel.

He pushed them and i said at that point id be spending like 100 dollars on the day and he knows i also dont have a lot of money.

We awkwardly went to a manga cafe that was only 5 dollars but it wanted you to make a card that costs 5 more dollads. And then i got fussy because too much stress literally makes me lose control of my emotions.

It fucking sucks and i hate it. I have no fucking control over my emotions when my stress is bubbling (which it almost always is) and boils over.

I asked him if he can even pay just the 5 dollars and he said he has no money. I asked how hes gonna get to work with literally no money and he said his conpany pays for it (yea japanese conpanies pay AFTER you go )

We left. It was a bad mood. He didnt storm away from me even though i was basically crying in the street (i have had this happen with even friends. I start crying and they just walk away so even though it should be expected of someone claiming to be your bf... ya)

Anyhow i told him i just wanted to cuddle and talk and kiss

He looked annoyed but i guess he thought those wants were cute and looked for a isolated place

Because were in japan

Couldnt find one cause we were in a city and he again just started saying lets go home. That hes tired and not in the mood.

But we were in a quiet enough play.

And im bitching here but ill take a quick break to say i kept hugging him and stuff which he liked despite saying he was really embarrassed

He told me ealier ok that because of this debt thing hes gonna work two jobs

Which. Terrified me. The first guy I went on a date with in Japan asked me to be his gf and to move in with him and said he had to work two jobs for a month to afford to move so he wouldnt have time to see me. He told me his progress for two weeks and then ghosted me.

This boy told me hell make time to see me when i complained about not doing anything physical when i wouldnt see him again for who knows how long

Welp. Todays saturday and that was sunday. And while at first i thought he was trying because he replied to my messages in or at 24 hours for a few days. Its gone back to the 17 hours

And i asked him to talk on the phone

And he just said not tonight because after his current job hes working at home too

And because im dumb ive waisted my whole saturday waiting for him to reply and crying.

[the-quiet-winds]

Cause that’s Just Who I Am this Week (part one)

this is a bit of deviation from what @ichlugebulletsandcornnuts and i generally write, but i’m excited that we did it anyway.

[Part 1: My Heart is Like a Stallion, they Love it More When it’s Broken]

anne boleyn, in the time since she’d started her second chance and moved in with her five fellow queens, had made the unfortunate habit of not always cleaning up after herself.

it was never a huge mess, just sometimes some shirts on her bedroom floor, paper clutter on her desk, or a plate that didn’t quite find its way into the dishwasher, but it was still enough that ‘neatfreak’ aragon would get upset and ever the peacekeeper (and overall mother figure) jane would always step in to help out.

on this particular occasion, boleyn happened to have left a pair of slightly muddy shoes lying in the hallway, and as usual, aragon had not been best pleased.

“anne, for the last time!” she shouts up the stairs. “there’s mud all over the floor now!”

not one to be outdone, boleyn yells back without moving from her bedroom.

“you’re always being so dramatic. it’s literally the tiniest bit of dirt, i’ll wipe it up before i go later!”

the yelling is so loud that it shakes parr out of her writing-induced reverie and makes her look up from her desk. she glances over at katherine, who’s sat cross-legged on parr’s bed with a book open in front of her, hands are firmly clamped over her ears and a frown fixed on her face.

parr herself frowns; she knows the screaming matches the two sometimes got into upset katherine more often than not, so she presses a kiss to the girl’s forehead and pokes her head into the hall.

“would you both pipe down?” she calls.

“butt out, parr!” boleyn yells back.

“don’t take this out on her!” aragon seethes. “she had nothing to do with it!”

“of course you’ll defend her!” boleyn responds mockingly. “but i do one tiny thing wrong and suddenly i’m the bad guy!”

parr, detecting this is more than just a squabble, retreats back into her study and closes the door, then crosses back to the door and pulls the slightly-trembling katherine into a light embrace.

even as katherine leans into the hug, burying her face in parr’s shoulder, the shouting outside gets even louder.

“but it’s not just one thing, anne, it’s never just one thing,” aragon’s voice takes on a scathing tone. “it’s one thing after another after another!”

“oh my god, do you hear yourself?” boleyn reaches an almost incredulous pitch. “it’s a pair of shoes!”

“you know what you are, anne?” aragon’s footsteps sound, apparently climbing the stairs, but her voice doesn’t quieten to reflect the closing distance at all. “you’re selfish. who cares if we have to trip over your belongings all the time, or clean up after your messes, huh?”

there’s a knife of pure silence that slices the house apart. then parr hears boleyn’s door creak open, and katherine whimpers and pulls closer.

“selfish? really? that’s what you think i am?” boleyn challenges, voice steady yet disbelieving.

“i have never seen one instance in which you aren’t the selfish, conniving little witch who waltzed into my court and stole my husband all those years ago.”

parr sucks in a breath - those were harsh words, not only digging up the past but also calling boleyn a witch, which part knew brings up old wounds.

“at least i know how to be nice to people,” boleyn hisses.

aragon scoffs. “name once that you have ever done anything kind from simply the genuineness of your heart.”

to be fair to boleyn, there were a number of true, genuine statements she could have made about her kindness to the other queens since the second chance. unfortunately, boleyn was nothing if not stubborn and hot-headed, so what she actually ends up saying is: “i haven’t clocked you in the face for being really fucking annoying yet, have I?”

parr visibly winces, closing her eyes with a heavy sigh. in her arms, katherine trembles just a little more.

there’s another heavy silence, then aragon huffs a twisted laugh. “cant even defend yourself without dragging someone else through the mud?”

“well, in this instance,” boleyn challenges, “it’s rightly deserved.”

“i may be annoying,” aragon conceives, “but at least i’m not a selfish, spoiled brat who doesn’t care about the people she has in her life one bit.”

boleyn doesn’t answer for several long seconds. “is that how you really see me?” she asks, and her voice has lost all of its defiance, instead ending up just dark and cold.

“well, you clearly don’t care about any of us,” aragon practically hisses. “that’s been clear enough since we met again. nothing’s changed with you, has it?”

there’s another silence, and then the sound of a slamming door.

katherine continues to tremble in parr’s arms, and nearly jumps as the door quietly opens.

jane pokes her head in and looks to the bed, where parr is holding katherine.

“i heard the yelling,” jane says quietly. “i came up to investigate.”

she looks down at katherine. “are you alright, love?”

“i think she’s just a little rattled,” says parr, stroking up and down katherine’s arm.

“aragon sounded so mad,” katherine whimpers. “i’ve never heard her that mad.”

“it’s okay, kat,” jane says gently, sitting down on the bed next to her. “you know how anne gets under her skin. everything will calm down soon.” jane hopes her words are true, but she winces at the sound of crashing and stomping coming from boleyn’s room. katherine looks up with wide, startled eyes.

“it’ll blow over,” parr tries to reassure her, pulling her closer and letting katherine cling to her.

jane sits down next to parr and puts a hand on katherine’s back and starts to rub gentle circles.

“they sounded really mad,” she whimpers. the other girl’s fighting always scared her, but she had never heard boleyn and aragon so angry.

“i know, love,” jane soothes. “it’ll be okay, though.”

“that’s right, kid,” parr says. “they’ll get along again.”

parr’s voice is so sure that katherine almost believes it. that changes, however, the moment boleyn’s door is thrown open, her feet run down the stairs, and the front door is slammed shut behind her.

katherine’s bottom lip trembles dangerously and both jane and parr hold her just a little bit tighter.

“it’s okay, love,” jane shushes softly. “anne just needs some time to cool down, that’s all.”

“when she comes back she’ll be right as rain,” parr adds.

katherine wants to believe them, she really does, but she can still hear aragon muttering angrily downstairs, and the sound of boleyn slamming the front door behind her lingers in her mind.

argyle meows from across the room, then hops on the bed and curls into kat’s lap, purring like mad. parr’s hand holds her shoulder and jane’s combs through her hair, and then just a moment later cleves enters.

“it seems like this is the safe room,” she says with a nervous laugh.

katherine focuses her attention on the cat in her lap, scratching behind his ears as parr gives a sympathetic nod.

“hopefully we’ll have the all-clear soon when they both calm down.”

cleves leans against the wall next to the bed and lets out a half-sigh.

“they really know how to put some excitement into the day, don’t they,” she chuckles dryly. she glances down at katherine and her expression softens slightly. “how’re you doing, kat?”

katherine shrugs. she feels jane’s fingers sweep through her hair, then a gentle kiss to her temple. it doesn’t help relieve her anxiety, and she stays stiff as a board as she leans against parr.

---

boleyn fumes as she marches down the street. she doesn’t know where she’s going, nor does she particularly care, but just getting away was enough.

selfish?

was she really?

did she come off as uncaring?

she would take a bullet in a heartbeat for any of them, aragon included.

does anyone else know that?

she aims a kick at a stone on the street and sends it skidding away into the road. why didn’t anybody defend her?

sure, she could understand why aragon still got angry with her, she guesses. she hadn’t exactly been the kindest person in the world to aragon or mary back in the day. but she’d changed now. she regretted the things she’d said and did back then every day, and she thought the others knew that.

boleyn kicks at another stone and grunts when she misses and kicks the pavement instead. besides, it’s not like she was the only one who did bad stuff back in the day, but you didn’t see her holding a grudge against jane or parr for the shit that went down.

boleyn loved them all like sisters. why couldn’t anyone else see that?

she wanders aimlessly for hours, until she realizes its about time for stage call. she walks another few blocks to the theater and, with a sigh, lets herself through the stage door.

obviously, as evidenced by kitty’s little excited noise and jane’s not-so-subtle gasp, no one had expected her to show up.

she went into her dressing room with her chin up and doing her best to not look as pained as she felt.

it’s times like this boleyn wishes she shared the other dressing room; at least jane, parr and katherine would have the decency to pretend nothing had happened.

aragon, on the other hand, when she walks into the dressing room a few minutes later, keeps sending her glares from the other side of the room.

she tries to shrug everything off and focus on applying her makeup but the conversation from earlier still buzzes through her mind like an overly persistent moth in a lampshade.

they don’t speak, they barely look at each other, and cleves ends up sharing the other dressing room because the tension is too much to bear.

it carries to the stage, that tension. boleyn and aragon can barely stand sharing a space, but they put on fake and forced smiles and pretend.

it all is running smoothly until around halfway through aragon’s number, when maria’s kicking drums and maggie’s steady guitar become drowned out by a low hum, then stop altogether as their earpieces all die at the same moment, and the song awkwardly crawls to a stop.

they all glance at each other, unsure of what to do, before a stage manager appears.

“sorry everyone,” she says to the audience, “we’ve had a technical fault, we’re going to try and fix it, but we’ll keep everyone updated when we find out more information.”

she ushers the queens offstage as the band put down their instruments and follow suit.

the audience begins to warily talk amongst themselves,  a low white noise that is immediately cut the moment they walk backstage by aragon roughly shoving boleyn from behind, hissing, “what the hell did you do?!”

boleyn stumbles and nearly falls, then turns sharply. “what? you think i did this?!” she whispers back.

parr edges closer, ready to intervene, and katherine immediately darts into jane’s arms, who holds her protectively, keeping a watchful eye on the situation.

“you’re still mad about this morning,” seethes aragon, “and i knew you were cruel, but sinking this low?! sabotaging the show?!”

“i didn’t do anything!” boleyn protests, voice getting louder in her indignation. “this is ridiculous.” she turns to the other queens. “are you hearing this?”

“oh, don’t drag them into it,” aragon hisses.

“that’s it,” boleyn huffs. “i’ve had enough of this shit.” she turns around and aragon folds her arms.

“where are you going?”

“i’m getting out of here,” boleyn doesn’t turn back to look at her. “i’m not gonna let you stand there and talk to me like that.”

“you can’t just leave,” parr protests, “we have a show to finish.”

“vicki is here,” aragon says stubbornly.

boleyn lets out a half-strangled laugh. “it’s not like anyone seems to want me here.” she turns to see parr edging closer, cleves standing near aragon, and katherine clinging to jane near the wall. boleyn would be lying if she said the look in kitty’s eyes didn’t break her heart. she straightens her back and makes to leave, when parr makes one final desperate attempt, her voice low and clear as she speaks quietly. “if you go, you’re just proving her right.”

“proving her right?” boleyn repeats quietly. “proving her right? so everything i’ve done, that doesn’t matter, and it all comes down to whether i stick around and let aragon yell at me some more?”

“anne, that’s not what i-” parr begins, twisting her hands anxiously, but boleyn interrupts.

“i know what you meant. you’re all thinking it, aren’t you? that anne boleyn, so selfish, she never gives a shit about anyone else. i’m right, aren’t I? that’s what you think?”

"listen," parr interjects, voice low and dangerous, "i do not believe for one second that you are selfish, or unkind, or don't care. but i know you, anne," she says. she's quieter now, gentler. "i knew bess, and i know that you care so much in your sort of way. but if you storm off right now," she points to the door behind anne, "all you're doing is proving to aragon you don't care enough to even wait around for the show to start."

as if on a cue, their earpieces whirl back to life, and the show continues again.

well, for another fifteen minutes or so.

boleyn is unusually alert during jane's solo. typically she loses herself in the harmonies for the duration of the song, but tonight parr's words and aragon's insult rage through her head.

therefore, she is able to see and hear the light fixture coming loose over jane's head before anyone else.

"jane!" she screams, jumping up to push the woman out of the way as it comes sailing down.

there’s a crash and an audible gasp from the audience, then silence.

[hermannsthumb]

Okay, but if Newt's the sexy mechanic, then Hermann's the sexy tech guy. Newt will come up to Hermann like "Dr. Gottlieb, my laptop is having some issues. Could you maybe take a look at it, please?" "Newton, I know full well this is a problem you can fix easily." "PLEASE, Dr. Gottlieb? I'd just feel SO much better if someone like ~*you*~ would look at it."

see i saw this ask and automatically decided you meant “tech guy hermann au that’s not even sexy” and ran with it so thank you for enabling me :)

Hermann is not officially campus technology support, nor, technically, is it something he’d even supposed to be consulting in without the proper university-sanctioned credentials, but the technology support they used to have was so bloody awful that half the time computers came back in worse shape than they were going in, so around six months ago Hermann simply...decided to take matters into his own hands. A coup d’état, so to speak. When he’s not lecturing on astrophysics, or lecturing on advanced mathematics, or holding office hours, Hermann’s consulting in technology services and training the undergraduates there via workstudy how to properly do their jobs. 

They’ve had a marked rise in consultations since Hermann took over, which Hermann supposes is to be expected as a side effect of competence.

They’ve had a marked rise in consultations with one man in particular.

Dr. Geiszler is the head of the biology department, lectures in both biochemistry and engineering, and--if rumors are to be believed--completed grad school in his teen years and has at least six PhDs to show for it. By all accounts, he’s a veritable genius. It’s why, for the life of him, Hermann cannot figure out why Dr. Geiszler has come to technology services more times than Hermann can count in the past three weeks.

The first time was understandable: Dr. Geiszler burst into the office shouting, frantically, about how his computer crashed and he lost nearly twenty-five student assignments, so Hermann--pitying him, one educator to another--sat him down and took care of it himself. After that, it was less understandable. Dr. Geiszler’s computer was making a weird noise and he didn’t know why. Dr. Geiszler somehow managed to uninstall his trackpad. Dr. Geiszler accidentally deleted all of his shortcut icons for applications. Dr. Geiszler was sure his wifi was broken, until Hermann pointed out he’d merely turned his laptop’s internet connection off. Dr. Geiszler forgot how to change his desktop background.

Today, when Hermann sees that familiar, scruffy, bespectacled head poking over the counter of the front desk, he does not even bother logging Dr. Geiszler into their appointment system, just sighs and motions him back.

“Hiya, Hermann,” Geiszler says, dropping into the swivel chair next to Hermann but refusing to sit in it properly, simply straddling it backwards. “How’s it going?” Hermann does not, truthfully, mind Dr. Geiszler’s complete lack of professionalism, nor the fact that he bypasses titles and simply calls Hermann by his first name, but Hermann feels as if he ought to put up a front and makes a face every time anyway.

“What have you done today?” Hermann says, and Geiszler laughs weakly before pulling his laptop out of a tote bag that’s more enamel pins than fabric.

“Would you believe it?” Geiszler says. “I managed to delete my email account.”

Geiszler did not, actually, delete his email account--he’d merely logged out of it--and once Hermann shows him this in five minutes Geiszler shakes his head in amazement (like Hermann cured cancer on the spot and not, in fact, merely entered “gmail” into the search bar). “Wow, Hermann,” he says. “You’re so good with computers. I wish I could be that good.”

“You have a doctorate in engineering,” Hermann says.

“And you’re still better than me at this shit,” Geiszler says, and then pats Hermann’s arm like he’s congratulating him. “Congratulations. That’s pretty impressive, dude.” He does not remove his hand. Geiszler has tattoos, Hermann notices. Geiszler also has very strong hands.

Hermann clears his throat. “Dr. Geiszler,” he begins, and Geiszler shakes his head and smiles.

“Just call me Newt,” he says, and squeezes Hermann’s arm lightly, companionably.

“Newton,” Hermann corrects (because he refuses to use that nickname), face heating up for unknown reasons, “I have another appointment, so if you would--”

Newton drops his hand. “Right,” he says. “Sorry.”

Hermann finishes up for the afternoon at one so as to be on time for the lecture he’s got to give at one-thirty, but he’s stopped by the sophomore Physics major who works the front desk on his way out the door. “Just so you know, Dr. Gottlieb,” she says, and Hermann swivels on his cane, “Dr. Geiszler’s almost exceeded his maximum allotted amount of appointments for the month.”

Hermann pulls his glasses up to peer over her shoulder at her computer screen, where she’s pulled up Newton’s data profile; sure enough, Newton has stopped by tech services ten times since January. Eleven times, if Hermann would’ve logged him in today. The maximum they allow per month is twelve, but Hermann can’t remember the last time they had someone make more than four. Newton is a special case. “Should I send him a warning email?” the sophomore says.

“No,” Hermann says. “Don’t bother with the limit for Dr. Geiszler.” He doesn’t imagine Newton’ll pay much attention to the warning, anyway, just plead with Hermann for an appointment until Hermann finally caves in. “You can simply automatically assign him with me.”

A new email pops up in the corner of the front desk’s PC; it’s from Dr. Geiszler. After Hermann nods at her, the girl opens it. “Dr. Geiszler’s requested another appointment with you tomorrow,” she says. “He says...his speakers aren’t working.”

Hermann narrows his eyes. “He requested me?”

“He usually does,” the girl says, and scrolls through the tech services email inbox until she finds a folder marked ‘Dr. Geiszler’ (made at Hermann’s behest). At least eight emails, all after that very first appointment with Hermann, all requesting an appointment with--at first--the full honorary title Dr. Gottlieb, and then devolving into Hermann. “I made him an appointment with someone else one time and he cancelled it.”

“I see,” Hermann says, frowning and--to his surprise--mildly embarrassed. “Yes. Ah. Thank you.”

He hurries out.

When Newton shows up for his appointment the next morning--“I don’t know what I did, Hermann, but the sound just stopped working!”--and it turns out to be yet another easy fix (he had his computer on mute), Hermann decides he’s had enough. “Newton,” he says. “I know full well this was a problem you could’ve fixed easily. All of your problems have been problems you could’ve fixed easily.”

“Yeah,” Newton says quickly, “but, uh, I just feel better having someone like you look at--”

Hermann holds up his hand and cuts him off. “Why are you really here?”

He expects Newton will make some elaborate excuse, but to his surprise, Newton quickly drops his clueless act, shrugs, and grins. “You wanna get dinner?” he says.

“Dinner?”

“With me,” Newton adds. “And on me. If that wasn’t clear.”

“That is,” Hermann splutters, because his first instinct was to give an enthusiastic yes (Newton is messy and scruffy and infuriatingly attractive) but he thinks, reasonably, he should play at least somewhat hard to get, “I don’t. This whole time--?”

“Yep,” Newton says.

“That’s a horrendous abuse of campus resources,” Hermann says, though the past month suddenly makes a great deal more sense, and then, to Newton’s obvious glee, “Oh, yes. Alright. Dinner.”

Newton continues making appointments, but he and Hermann usually spend them in far more conductive ways after that: Hermann’s office is private, after all.

[tilltheendwilliwrite]

Qi Flows for Her

Chapter Five

Previous Chapter

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC x Bucky Barnes  |  Word Count: 5112 Warnings: Language, angst

Celine made sure she was last onto the jet where she took Bucky’s previous seat in the back, darkened corner, as far away from the others as she could get. She snapped the hair band wrapped around her wrist, using the physical pain to remind herself to breathe. Her hair hung forward, hiding her face. Back to the straight, dark brown of before, she listened as they murmured about the rest of what they found and looked after Peter who had been knocked out for his own good.

God… that had hurt like rejection hadn’t hurt in years.

Hunched over, she leaned her face against the wall, the metal cool against her skin. A tear worked its way down her cheek. She’d known this was going to happen, had been saying so since the beginning. Yet, she’d still chanced to hope this time would be different. This time someone would see her for who she truly was and not react with fear.

Why do I bother to hope? She snapped the elastic at her wrist again.

“Celine…” The whisper of Charles' voice only made her flinch.

“Go away, Charles…”

“Darling, I can feel your pain.”

“Pain you have a part in instigating. Go away, Charles!”

“Celine… please…”

She sighed. “What did you expect? That I’d come here, reveal myself, and everything would be tea and crumpets? Go… the fuck… away!” She gave a mighty push and slammed her shields closed.

Her inner demons were relentless after. The voices of hate and disgust hissed and wailed in her head. The self-loathing caused her to wrap her hands around her middle. She was an abomination. A freak. A thing to be feared and despised. No one wanted her. No one would care if she just walked away.

Disappeared.

Died.

The phone in her pocket vibrated.

She ignored it.

It continued to go off for the next fifteen minutes straight, becoming an annoying vibration against her thigh until she finally dug it free. “What?” she sighed, expecting Charles.

“Little girl, next time you pick the fuckin’ phone up on the first ring!” The snarling voice of Logan had her lip twitching.

“Yes, papa,” she sassed.

“What the fuck happened, Celine?” he demanded.

Sighing, she glanced through her hair at the others speaking quietly away from her. “Can’t, Logan. Not now.”

“You’re on the plane?”

“Yeah.”

“Did they hurt you?” he snarled.

“No.”

“Not physically, you mean. Dammit, Charles! I told you sending her was a bad idea!”

It almost made her smile. The Wolverine was highly protective of those he called family. “I’m a big girl, Logan,” she murmured. “I tie my own shoes and everything. I’ll be fine.”

He huffed a dismissive bark of sound. “You ain’t fine! I can tell you ain’t fine! Do I need to come kick around a few super soldiers again? Cause I fuckin’ will!”

“The way I heard it, it sounded like a draw, though Steve said you’re a heavy son of a gun.”

“He’s one to talk,” Logan grumbled.

Leaning her head back against the wall, Celine smiled slightly. “Put up a bit of a fight, did he?”

He snorted. “Decent enough.”

“Good. You were getting full of yourself again.”

“Tricky little witch,” he scoffed. Silence descended for a few seconds before he murmured, “Celine… you can come home. I can replace you if you want.”

She wiped the tear from her cheek. “Nope. Charles sent me. I’m staying until they kick me out.” No matter how much it hurt.

“Look, if you’re doing this to punish Charles cause you’re pissed, then don’t. He’s already hurt you shut him out.”

This time she snorted. “He deserved it.”

“Yeah, probably,” he chuckled. “Take care of yourself, darlin’. And if you need me?”

“I’ll let you know, Logan. Tell Rogue I miss her.”

He grunted just before the line going dead.

She stuffed the phone back in her pocket and returned to her silent reflection, feeling only slightly better.

When the jet landed what felt like hours later, she was down the ramp and into the tower as if the hounds of hell were nipping her heels. To her mind, it wasn't far from the truth.

***

Steve and Bucky watched her go, neither knowing how to fix what they’d wrought.

Peter was alright, the bullet nothing more than a flesh wound, but the way the boy had reacted to her… they’d quite literally watched her heart break.

She was far more powerful than they’d realized. So much so, she’d plucked a soldier off the mountain and ate him before throwing something, likely his soul, into... hell? The underworld? Somewhere else? They had no idea.

Were they a little disconcerted? Sure. Who wouldn’t the hell be? But were they scared of her? No. The shock had kept them mute though, something they now realized had done a lot of harm.

She’d sat, huddled and silent in the corner, gradually curling in on herself, getting smaller with each passing moment until her phone had rung.

Steve had been about to go over and force her to answer when she’d finally dug it free on her own.

The irate voice of Logan was one he’d never forget, and he’d exchanged an eye roll with Bucky. He was a gruff son of a gun, but intensely loyal and protective, especially of Charles. Clearly, that protection extended to Celine.

Logan’s accusation, the comment about hurting her, had caused both of them to stiffen in offence. Her denial and his rewording had jabbed them both firmly with guilt.

Logan was right. They hadn’t hurt her physically. Emotionally? In her heart?

Yes.

“Shit,” Steve hissed softly once the others had exited.

“More like fuck, punk. We screwed up.” Bucky sighed, making his way toward Celine’s seat where he crouched down and swiped his fingers through the dark droplets on the floor. “She’s been bleeding.”

“What?” Steve jolted, coming quickly to Buck’s side.

“Yeah. We should check on her.”

“Pretty sure she doesn’t want to see us, pal.”

“So? We fucked up. We should fix it before it gets worse.” Bucky got to his feet and headed for the doors.

They walked in silence, both feeling intensely guilty.

She'd done some incredible things tonight, but they hadn’t told her so. Had her force been a little excessive? Sure, but seeing Peter take a bullet had Steve longing to hit the asshole sniper with his shield, so he understood how upset Celine must have been.

When Natasha stepped into the corridor, blocking them from getting on the elevator,  Steve heard Bucky sigh and tried not to echo it.

“Need something, Nat?” Steve asked.

“I hope you get it now. You'll send her on her way?”

Steve frowned and shook his head. “Why? Celine’s part of this team.”

“Really!” she snapped. “After seeing what she did? What she is?”

“What I saw was a powerful woman who was treated like a freak tonight by her own team. Me included. She's still a person. Still Celine. Her powers don't make her anything different.”

“Shit! You've got a hard-on for her too! I knew Barnes was balls deep, but I expected better of you, Cap.”

Bucky’s hand wrapped around her throat and slammed her into the wall. “You're pushing the line, Natalia,” he snarled softly. “Celine may be Styx, she may be ridiculously powerful, but she's bruised, broken, and your snide comments aren't doing anyone any good!”

“She’ll destroy this team!”

“You said the same thing of me when Steve brought me in. The ghost. The Winter Soldier. The HYDRA weapon. Fuck you, Nat! She's no different!”

She blinked at him, stunned. “She's completely different! Did you not watch her kill a man tonight by eating his life force? Was that simply my imagination?”

“And I kill people with a gun or a knife. So what?”

“You're not about to take us all out in our sleep!”

“But I could if I wanted to!” he roared. “So could you, goddamnit, but you don't see any of us trying to shove you out the door!”

Laying a hand on Bucky’s shoulder, Steve urged his friend to let Natasha go. Once he had, Steve rounded on her himself. “You've taken issue with Celine since the moment she arrived. What's the beef, Nat? What's the real problem here?”

“This is the real issue! You're both so blinded by the hot new piece of ass; you can't see the danger she presents.”

“And me, Natasha? Am I also blinded by a hot piece of ass?” Wanda asked, appearing behind them. She looked at him, and Steve felt a clutch around his heart. The red wash of power in her eyes showed how disconcerted she was feeling. “But then, I am also one to be feared, to be treated like a freak. To be caged and collared because of what I am. What Hydra made me.”

“Wanda, no… I…” Natasha shook her head. “You're different.”

“How?” she asked coming closer. “I use similar powers. I can kill nearly as easily. You also locked me up to keep me away from people because I was a danger to society. Because you didn't trust me. Celine has shown me nothing but kindness after I have proved myself untrustworthy three times,” her voice rasped with self-hatred. “I keep telling myself, I cannot control other people's fear, only my own. Tonight… I failed at both.”

She walked away, and Steve's heart cracked. It appeared many of them were regretting what happened tonight.

“Celine is part of this team. She stays part of this team,” Steve said with finality.

“Fine. But my working with her comes as a last resort. I don't trust her to have my back.” Nat spun and headed away from where Wanda had gone.

Bucky waited only until she was out of earshot before muttering, “I'm not sure I trust you'll have hers.”

“Buck,” Steve sighed.

“I ain't ever seen her like this, Steve. She's been confrontational and just…”

“Nasty,” Sam muttered, wandering down the hall. “I'll go talk to her.”

“You alright with what happened tonight?” Steve asked.

“Alright?” He took a deep breath, eyes widening as he shrugged. “Not sure I’d say alright. Am I gonna throw a hissy fit? Nah. I kinda think Scott’s got the right idea. Better with us than against us.” He patted Steve's shoulder. “Am I gonna think twice about pissing her off? Hell yeah!” Chuckling, Sam continued on after Natasha.

“That's four,” Bucky murmured, a smirk twitching his lip. “Let's go poke the bear, see if she'll forgive us.”

“I think you mean the dragon. Damn that was cool,” Steve grinned.

“Now you sound like Parker.” Bucky’s face fell as they got on the elevator. “You think the kid will come round?”

Steve sighed. “Hope so.”

She’d been so happy spending time with Peter. Having the kid look at her in fear had just killed her.

When they stepped off the elevator, they had the answer hit them full force.

“Celine! Please!” Peter was standing outside her room, one hand pressed to his ribs, the other banging on her door. “I'm sorry! Let me explain!”

“Peter? Shouldn't you be in the med wing?” Steve asked sternly.

The kid shook his head. “Not until I apologize. Not until I tell her how sorry…” Pain took his breath, not all of it physical.

“Okay, kid.” Taking Peter by the elbow, Steve held him up. “How long you been here?” he asked.

Seeing as how the kid was still in his suit, he doubted Parker had even been to see Bruce, or if he had, the kid had snuck out.

“A while,” Peter mumbled.

“And she hasn't answered?”

Peter shook his head.

“FRIDAY located Celine.”

“Celine is on the roof. Captain? It appears she's is quite distraught. She is standing on the roof ledge.”

“What?!” Three voices bellowed before all of them scrambled for the elevator. It took them to the glassed-in common room where they barreled out the door to hit the exterior stairs which would take them to the roof.

Steve grabbed Peter's shoulder. “Are you alright to go around? If something goes sideways…” He didn't need to say Peter was the only one capable of catching Celine.

“I'm good, Cap!” Peter turned to go.

Steve dragged him back. “You stay out of sight. Let us talk to her before you do anything; you get me?”

“Yes, sir!” Peter nodded.

“Go.” He gave the kid a small shove and sprinted up the stairs after Bucky. His heart stuttered when she came into view.

Hair blowing back in the wind, balanced on the balls of her feet, she stood, hands relaxed at her sides, staring out over the city.

“Celine?” Bucky called quietly.

“Doll, you want to come down from there?” Steve asked, both of them edging closer.

Her head turned only enough to show them her profile. The tear streaks were impossible to miss. “Not particularly, Captain. I like the view.”

“Sweetheart, we'd really like it if you came down from there,” Bucky muttered, moving slowly forward.

“I am not your sweetheart, Sergeant. I am not your doll, your baby, your darlin’. I am Celine. I am… a vampire. I am Styx. And I am always to be feared.” She turned to walk the narrow edge of the building.

“Celine, please come down.” Steve would beg if he had to.

She paused, looked at him, and sighed. “You believe I do this, walk this ledge because I wish to hurt myself?” A snort of derision escaped her. “I wish to clear my mind, nothing more.” She turned back to face the city, turning her back on them. “I have no wish for company, especially from those who see me as something to be despised.”

Striding forward, Bucky reached for her arm only to have her dance out of his reach. “Celine!”

“What, Sergeant? Are you here to look at me with fear again? Are you going to tell me to leave? Explain how I am too much a freak to be part of the Avengers?” Night seemed to flow into her, swirl around her. It darkened her hair and brightened her eyes. She stepped backward, crouched, and snarled like an angry animal. “Then you tell me now to go, and I will pack my things!”

“No, Celine,” Steve said, holding up his hands. He approached with caution like he would a wounded creature. “Yes, you surprised us with what you did, maybe even spooked us at first, but we're not afraid of you.”

“Yes, you were!” she almost howled. “And after you said…” She shook her head. “I knew you would fear me. Everyone fears me. I should never have hoped for anything different.”

The words were so soft they could barely hear them, but they hit harder than the Hulk.

Bucky walked toward her, hands raised. “Read me, my aura, my emotions. I’m not afraid of you, Celine. Steve’s not afraid. Sam’s not afraid. Peter isn’t afraid. Wanda isn’t afraid. Come down. Talk to us. Let us show you.” He held out his hand.

“No… no, you lie!” She gave a violent shake of her head. “I won't look! I won't! I can't take anymore! Why are you so cruel?”

Peter landed on the ledge a few feet away. “Celine, I am so sorry.”

She whipped to face him, and Bucky lunged.

His arms closed around her, dragged her from the edge and back to the center of the roof. Expecting a struggle, he held her tightly, but she only sagged, eyes wide and staring at Peter.

The curl smoothed from her hair, the colour lightened. Her eyes lost their glow, and her face fell. Instead of struggling, she turned into Bucky, turned away from Peter, as a distressed cry escaped her lips.

“No, no… you were afraid. I made you afraid. You wouldn’t… let me help…” she moaned, clinging to Bucky.

This time it was the devastation on Peter’s face which broke Steve’s heart. “Celine, doll face Peter’s sorry. He, like us, didn’t mean to hurt you. But you were pretty impressive tonight. More than we’d expected. Read us. See for yourself. It's not a joke.”

“Promise,” Bucky murmured and stroked her arm. “No one's gonna be cruel, darlin’. Give us a chance.”

She bit her lip and looked between the two of them. Such pain shadowed her eyes Steve's heart felt like it tore open for her and whatever trauma had forced her to this point, to where she felt the need to wall herself off from everyone.

A moment passed before her amber eyes filled with relief and she sagged against Bucky. “Oh…” the word flew free on a heavy exhale.

“Can you forgive us, baby?” Steve threaded his fingers through her hair, gently pulling her head back so he could see her eyes.

They were wet, as was her face, so he wiped her cheeks dry. A breath shuddered from her, and she gave a slow nod. She looked as shocked, possibly as stunned as he and Bucky had been when she’d thrown a dragon into the sky and plucked a man off the mountain.

“I thought your dragon was incredible, Celine,” Steve said softly.

“And the way you dealt with the guards on the gate, and the people at the warehouse… amazing,” Bucky smiled.

“You were really spectacular, Celine. I'm… sorry I hurt your feelings,” said Peter, coming closer. “You did… kinda startle me, what with you havin’ just, like, eaten a dude. I promise it won't make me spaz out on you next time.”

“Peter,” she whispered, hands tight to her chest.

“Hug?” he asked, holding out the one arm. The other remaining pressed to his wound.

Bucky let her go, but Celine was hesitant to reach out until Parker gave an exasperated sigh and simply dragged her in via a shot of webbing and hugged her.

“You wanna fix me now?” Peter asked. “That is if it's still okay?”

She nodded a small jerk of her head before placing her green glowing fingers on his side.

His eyes widened in surprise when the pain disappeared. “Wow. Celine, you're so awesome!” He laughed as he lifted her off her feet and swung her around.

“Peter!” she squealed in surprise.

Chuckling, he dropped her to her feet and hugged her tight with both arms. “Thanks, doll,” he drawled, bussing her a kiss to the cheek - bold little shit-eating grin on his face - and darted away. “I'll check-in with Bruce. See ya tomorrow!”

She pressed her fingers to her cheek, eyes full of tears, but a smile was twitching her lips. Turning to face them, her smile broke free. “You people are so messed up.”

Bucky grinned while Steve laughed.

“Maybe it's your previous fri-uh-colleagues who were messed up,” Steve said with a sheepish grin.

“Yeah, darlin’,” Bucky smirked, “You just needed a couple’a old guys and a kid to see you for who you really are.”

“Speak for yourself, pal. I ain't old,” Steve snorted.

“Maybe being in the ice that long just froze your self-preservation brain cells,” Celine quipped.

“Then what's Peter’s excuse?” Bucky asked.

“Young and foolish,” she scoffed. “He doesn't know any better.”

Steve shook his head and held out his hand. “C’mon. You were bleeding on the jet. Let’s see it.”

She arched a brow in wry condemnation. “After the last few days, do you honestly think I cannot fix myself?”

He arched one in return, shook his hand and said, “Just give!” It was a fair imitation of what she’d done the day they’d met, causing Bucky to burst out laughing.

Rolling her eyes, Celine stalked forward to hold her hand out palm up. “There, you see? Perfectly fine.”

Steve frowned as he traced his fingers over her palm. “What did you…” he started to ask when it dawned on him what she’d likely done to herself. “Celine…” Heart hurting, guilt filled him for what she’d gone through, those talons of hers digging into her flesh with her anguish. “I am sorry.”

Her eyes softened. “I know, Steve.”

Bucky collected her opposite hand, sighing quietly as he stared at her unmarked flesh. “I promised you I wouldn’t feel any differently and at the first opportunity to prove it, I fucked it up.”

She gave her own sigh, released their hands, and patted both chests. “You are good men, but you are only human. I am,” she shook her head and turned away, “not.”

Steve went after her, grabbing her by the elbow to drag her back against his chest. “You are as human as the two of us. Powerful you may be, but you’re still human, Celine.”

Her eyes brightened, and her hair curled. “I am not. Human’s do not feed off other humans.”

“Your mutation only makes you different, Celine. It doesn’t make you less human.” Bucky’s hand curled around the back of her neck.

Trapped between the two of them again, Steve couldn’t help but notice the heat she radiated like a furnace. People always commented on how hot he or Bucky ran, but Celine seemed to nearly double their temperature. Cupping her chin, he tilted her face up, so her diamond-bright eyes shone for him to see. “You aren’t a freak. You’re an Avenger. We’re all a little… abnormal.” He couldn’t understand how she could’ve grown up in a place like Xavier’s school and view herself so differently from the other mutants. If anything, it should have been a place she fit into fairly well.

“I believe I’m a lot abnormal, Steve,” she chuckled, the curl of her hair growing more prominent as her eyes drifted down to his lips.

Bucky’s hand went from her nape to her throat, pressing up beneath Steve’s to tilt her head back onto his shoulder. “You ain’t the one with the vibranium arm,” he said, smirk growing.

Her eyes watched his lips as well before her tongue darted out, moistening hers.

Steve had never wanted to kiss a woman as badly as he did Celine in that instant. The desire he was trying to contain roared into life.

It sent her eyes darting back to his. They blazed bright, burned into him, filled with distress and sent her jerking away from them both. “Sorry! Sorry. That’s my bad… ha, I should go.” She darted away, down the stairs before either of them could move to stop her.

Groaning, Steve thrust his hand through his hair. “Fuck!”

“No shit,” Bucky muttered, trying to adjust his pants without being overly obvious.

“What the hell keeps happening here?” Steve grumbled.

Sighing, Bucky shook his head. “I don’t know, punk, but…” a wash of red filled his cheeks, “I… kind of like it.”

“What?” he gasped, jerking his head up to look at Bucky.

The metal-armed soldier shrugged. “Feels… good having her between us. I don’t know. She just… fits.”

“Bucky…” Steve shook his head.

“I know, I know. Can’t seduce a recruit,” he huffed. “But Steve, you can’t tell me you don’t feel it. We ain’t talked about it, keep pushin’ it to the side, but we can’t fight what we’re feeling.”

“She won’t even be a friend, Buck. Besides, you just watched her rabbit when she got a hint of something off me. I’m not going to put that pressure on Celine.” Steve stalked toward the stairs. “I don’t even know what the hell is happening! Every time it's just us, you, me, her, it’s….”

“Intense sexual heat?” Bucky chuckled.

“Laugh it up, jackass,” Steve grumbled.

“I’m serious!” he scoffed. Grabbing Steve’s arm, Bucky forced him to stop. “I’m asking this in all seriousness, if she chose me over you, would you be okay with it?”

“Bucky… I… Why are you even going there?”

“It’s a hypothetical, Steve. Just answer the fucking question.”

“I’d have to be, wouldn’t I?”

“But you’d hate it, right?”

Jerking his arm away, Steve snapped, “Yes, damn it! I’d hate it!” and stormed down the stairs.

Bucky simply jumped over the rail to land in front of him. “I’d be the same way!”

Coming to a stop, Steve’s eyes closed in pain. “I know, Buck. I can’t be your rival. I won’t be. I don’t have it in me to go against you, and you know it.”

“Stevie.” Bucky’s hands closed over his shoulders, gripped tight, shook him a little. “You think I could?”

When he looked up, Bucky’s eyes were bright with emotion. The smack which came to Steve’s cheek was anything but light, yet it was full of affection, even as it stung something fierce.  

“You’re my brother, Steve. I wouldn’t ever do that to you. I love you, pal, and we’ve been through too much hell to fight over a girl, even a dame as amazing as Celine. Whatever comes, we’ll figure it out. Besides, she’s skittish as a baby deer,” he sighed. “Doubt it will go anywhere for either of us.”

Both sighed unhappily and continued inside.

***

A little panicked, Celine made her way back to her room, thankful she avoided seeing anyone else. Riding in the elevator, she allowed herself a small amount of hysterical laughter for, sure enough, she’d found herself sandwiched happily - and hornily - between the two soldiers again. Her nature had taken over thanks to her overactive libido, and she’d drawn them in.

And it had felt… good. Too good.

The spike in Steve’s chi had nearly made her moan and beg for a taste. The Captain was potent!

Bucky, too, though slightly more in control, his arousal had shivered through her. It was subtle, like the nip in the air which preceded a snowstorm but it was still delectable.

So intent was she on the near taste she’d had, something she really should be berating herself for, Celine did not notice the aura waiting in her room until her hand was on the doorknob. Steeling her spine, she slowly pushed her door inward.

The lights were on, the one sitting on her couch doing nothing to hide her presence. Natasha smirked smugly at her.

“I do not remember inviting you to my room,” Celine said cautiously, remaining in the doorway.

“You didn’t. Come in, shut the door, and sit down.”

Brow arching, Celine snorted. “I think I will stay where I am.”

Anger flared in her aura before Natasha smoothed it away. “I think… Adeline, you will want to do what I say.”

The use of her real name was so rare, Celine momentarily froze. Closing the door, she moved toward Natasha, growing angrier by the second. “So, you have found my birth name. What of it?”

Picking up a tablet, Nat read, “Born Adeline Evans to one Tammy Evans, drug addict junky, and alcoholic absentee father, Marcus Evans. Ran away from home at thirteen, wanted for questioning in the death of one Franklin Delacore after he was found dead on the floor of your bedroom.”

She refused to flinch, only sat in an armchair and crossed her legs. There was nothing there. Charles had seen to the reports, the heart attack the man had had was ruled as an accident. Her mother’s drugged up ravings were nothing more than the ramblings of a woman out of her mind.

“Lived on the street, it seems from the age of thirteen until fifteen.” Here Nat looked up. “Wouldn’t it be interesting if the police were informed of the mutant Styx whose MO perfectly fits the two cold cases they have from way back when Adeline was a teenage runaway.”

“What do you want, Natasha?” Celine asked, without a hint any of what she’d said had been true.

“Oh, I’m not done yet,” she fairly purred. “There’s also the information about poor Thomas and Jacob. Nasty business that. It really would be a travesty if the new team found out what you’d done to your old team. To your friends.”

“What do you want, Natasha?” Celine asked a second time.

“What I want is for you to leave and never come back, but we can’t always get what we want, so how about what I need?”

Tired of these games, Celine snapped, “Just spit it out, Widow!” Hair curling, nails lengthening, she dug her talons into the cushioned arms of her chair.

Natasha stiffened her entire countenance sharpening. “I’ve safeguards in place, Styx, so think twice about hurting me. Anything happens to me here, or on a mission, you're a part of… all this information goes public.” She smiled, a predatory baring of teeth. “It would be a pity if the Professor's involvement in all your messes came to light.”

The cold weight of fear wrapped around Celine’s heart. “Get to the point, Natasha.”

“I see how you look at them you know. Steve and Bucky. They’re too blinded by the pretty girl to see the monster you really are. You're going to stay away from them; you're going to stay away from all my friends. You'll limit your involvement with the team outside of missions.” She got slowly to her feet, triumph and bravado coating her innate fear of what Celine was. “Isolate yourself, Celine, or I'll do it for you. Permanently.” Striding toward the door, Natasha dropped the tablet in Celine’s lap, the faces of Jacob and Thomas staring up at her from the screen.

Celine spoke softly, “Be careful, Widow. What you try so hard to protect… may not take kindly to your methods.”

“You’ll never tell them. You try so hard to be human, fit in, but you're a monster. I know it. You know it. If they knew what you'd done….” Natasha let the words hang as she shut the door and walked away.

Celine stared down at her lap and lightly touched first one and then the other face.

Natasha may have found the information on the boys, she may know some of Charles involvement, she suspected the Widow had likely bugged her room, but Natasha didn't know everything. She couldn't for there were no records of what Celine was beyond the mental knowledge shared by four people.

But the two smiling faces on the tablet in her lap, the one lost and the one…. She couldn't bear to think about it. The pain it caused was simply too great.

She placed her hand flat on the screen and ignored the tears which fell down her face as she cried for things she could never make right, and for the life she might have possibly had here.

Next Chapter

[violetbard]

Penny for your thoughts on Mindfang?

big finale for this stuff, yeah?

boohoo, shes a big bitch, eight eyes douche, blah blah.

thats vwhat youre expecting, right?

honestly vwhat do i say at this point. mindfang another case of someone vwho pokes the bear, vwith a knife, and then shoots it dowvn vwith angry frustration as to vwhy it lashed out to begin vwith. she got angry that i finally decided to stop taking shit and i responded back to her instead of taking her beef; vwith honestly far more passivwe responses vwersus the shit she givwes. 

most of it isnt evwen to hurt? if any at all; vwhen ivwe approached i havwent made fun of her past, her quad relationships, none. just joshing around or asking questions. or responding bitterly if she happens to say something first in the slurry of insults.

look through my tag for her. her tag for me; her mentions of my name. my mentions of her. im not a fucking bluff. 

im called the bother and yet shes came onto my posts randomly making fun of me. if i come to her for a small chat, she laughs. shes the one vwho commented on her blog about my decisions that dont relate to her. or continues to comment on my vweight or my concept of livwing or about my fake quads vwhen i smile tight and attempt to respond in a vway that keeps the peace.

someone once said i havwe good self esteem.

i really dont and im fucking dying from all the shit thats happened recently, evwen outside of her. but shes recently been a thorny factor.

yet people decided to only chip in vwhen it finally goes too far; chip in and act like i cant say anything or be upset at things people havwe harassed me for in the past to the point of hurting hard.

as if other people are also aloud to havwe emotional disrupts?

i havwe a fucking support dog nowv to help vwith that shit, for petes sake. get the hint.

nevwermind the most recent block; prior to that she unfollowved me for doing fuck all; i remember doing nothing but chipping in a casual joke due to some stuff on her other blog and then she started asking vwhy im the vway i am.

ivwe been called fat for posting selfies. ivwe been called a vwhore for sleeping vwith others. ivwe been told that i shouldnt exist and that i should go die for catching up on dash.

same old vwerse, different bloody singer.

if she vwants to change, for other people, then thats fine. i NEVWER said that vwas an issue, nor that people should stop being proud, as much as her pitch vwants to put vwords into my mouth. i get shes a bad schmuck too; that shit nevwer truly dies out as much as anyone tries to admit it. ill take full on fault and say that sometimes i still do dumb shit despite calming dowvn ovwer the svweeps.

i get it.

but people dont havwe the right to tell me howv to feel as much as they givwe her the ability to continue to talk aloud about evwery thing she hates on blog. people dont havwe the right to tell me howv to feel in privwate. they dont havwe the right to call me a bad person for getting angry ovwer harassment that i only havwe myself to defend against.

this is literally a recap of last year, but serket addition. 

maybe if i did do something id apologize, if it vwas something i actually did. but the ovwerwhelming bullshit that is nowv, especially vwith dash dragging and lack of trying to fix shit, doesnt help, so im done. if she doesnt vwanna help herself vwith this, and no one else vwants to help, then ill help myself; maybe in turn her, for her sake i guess. she doesnt vwanna vwait up on people after all.

im at a point nowv vwhere my energys shot through and then depleted, and i cant care to push out so much anger, evwen if its fucking natural. i dont vwant to.

i knowv she has me blocked, and evwen if she didnt or doesnt she vwont read the lot of this, but you nevwer knowv vwhats to change. also i just answvered this for because i vwas asked to, and this is stuff clogging my chest.

so, to make evweryone happy, im just going to pet my dog and smile so things go back to feeling peachy keen and there are absolutely no issues present.

that vway she and the dash dont havwe to feel uncomfortable.