#you can't use your identity as a protection against ppl calling you out

[kickassfu]

not me arguing with a dude that "accepts" gay people, but they shouldn't be shocked when society stops accepting them because there's too many words that mean the same thing in the queer community. HE HAS A TRANS FRIEND! HE WENT TO PRIDE! oh wow dude. good for you.

it's so wild to me. that ppl are so ready to throw the whole community in the trash because they're this way or that way. WHO GIVES A FUCK IF THEY HAVE A 100 WORDS FOR THE SAME THING? why does it bother you?????? just let ppl live their lives. conditioning your acceptance of the queer community just means you don't actually accept it. i know what a shocker. and yes even if you yourself is in said community.

like i shared something about the queer experience, part of a podcast, and they were talking about how it's ridiculous ppl call it a letter soup etc. so he already knew where i stood with this. so i dont get the point of bothering me. and the first message he sent me was literally "what's the difference between gay and queer?" like fuck off. i thought he was just interested in knowing. but now all i can see is that he wanted to start a stupid af argument. next time i'll just tell someone to google it.

edit: he's trans actually. which good for him. why does it matter in this situation? (yes i threw that i'm queer at his face too IM NOT A GOOD PERSON GET OFF MY DICK)

BTW DON'T EVEN DARE BEING TRANSPHOBIC ON MY POST I'LL FUCKING END YOU.

[gachagon]

I have to talk about this somewhere and I choose my tumblr lol because I don't make tiktok videos. All of the Black leftists I followed on tiktok for the past 4 years have suddenly decided to unmask themselves as Misogynists and people who cape for white validation and allow anti-blackness in their comment sections.

Essentially a week ago this one girl named Hannah (who, for context is Biracial with a black grandfather) said that Beyonce's performance was American propaganda, and that she didn't like that Beyonce was waving the American flag and using american imagery during her performance. A lot of southern black people came in to explain to Han (not even in a rude manner) that the american flag, and by extension the whole album that Beyonce made, isn't about nationalistic pride but about reclaiming a lost identity and seat at southern american culture.

What ensued after this however, were multiple black "leftists" immediately jumping to 'defend" Han from any sort of criticism at all. And the arguments that happened because of this ranged from "Black people don't know what the word 'Propaganda' means." to "Black people can't relate to Beyonce because most of them are poor" (Said by a White lady who really had no business even speaking on something like this)

One black woman who disagreed with Han's statement said that "Because she suckled from the teat of her oppressor she shouldn't be leading talks about something like this anyways" (lol)

And then all hell broke loose, all the black "leftists" immediately started to attack this black lady short of just calling her uppity and the n-slur and one person said it was "the worst thing he'd ever heard anyone say to anyone ever" (it's most definitely not the worst thing)

And now these black "leftists" are taking turns attacking another black woman because one man (who is black as well) is upset since she seemingly had the audacity to respond back to him in any kind of disapproving tone. The black lady made a video to him saying "hey I understand you may not agree with what I have said, and that doesn't bother me. But I have noticed that your fans are very volatile, anti black, and mysoginistic so I'd hope you'd be more mindful in the future before you make more videos about me since you could still send harassment my way anyways. And saying 'No hate to this creator!' in the beginning isn't really grounds for protecting me against said hate."

And he and all of his friends are currently gaslighting the hell out of her, and making it seem like she's "crazy" and "Mentally unwell" (ableist language they have all used talking about her mind you, these are people who supposedly stand against all kinds of bigotry apparently, but not when it comes to black women who disagree with them I guess)

And I guess the reason I even am making this post is because I feel like I have entered an alternate universe where all the black leftist creators I follow are revealed to be secretly awful people. I keep scrolling thinking "surely this creator i've followed for years and who has seemed reasonable in their opinions won't unmask themselves as a mysoginist to own one woman" but nope I am sorely disappointed each time. I've blocked so many people on that app, and it feels kinda wild that when the app is going to be banned THAT'S when I am shown how truly bigoted all the ppl I followed really were.

[frigid666]

its not uncommon at all for a heterosexual person dating a bisexual person to be told by other heterosexual people that the bisexual partner they're with is not good enough for them, defective, it will never last, to j use them quickly (implying bi people are sex toys that can be discarded when the straight person is done w us) so they can move on to a "real" relationship, etc. heterosexual people don't see bisexual people as respectable partners for their true priorities: that being other straight members of their sexual class. like you said, bisexuals in opposite-sex relationships make it easier for the homophobes/biphobes around them to pretend they're straight, but they don't really see us on par with themselves. we are never as trustworthy or proper/pure as them, and we are treated as such.

this happened to an out bisexual girl i knew in high school. her boyfriend's friend (both christian) told him behind her back that he looked stupid dating her and to find a real partner (and also called her a homophobic word). and also to a man i used to work with, who got disowned by his religious family after coming out as bisexual (though i believe he was outed, can't say for sure bc we weren't super close so i didn't hear the full story). eventually, he started seeing a woman, but his family still didn't take him back. he had already "shown his true colors" to them, and in their eyes, anything he did after including dating a woman was just more proof that he is a deceitful, self-serving person who is using a woman he doesnt actually love for personal gain (biphobic stereotype).

we are not heterosexual people's first choice as life partners, not even for heteros who fetishize bisexuals; at most, bisexuals to this type of straight person are good for an experimental sex phase or something; and then they're off to marry another heterosexual when they're actually ready to settle down + have kids. they always have that knowledge that there is something "wrong" with us in the back of their minds and its only a matter of time before our true colors are revealed, so they don't take us seriously as partners; they don't want to build lives with us. to them, bi ppl are a ticking time bomb that could go off and transform into the depraved sex-addict they lowkey always suspected us to be deep down. some heterosexuals find our "sex mania" (aka us being sexual in any capacity, which is overblown to "mania" due to their preconceived notions about the destructive/gluttonous nature of our sexuality) titillating for a while, but they grow tired of it eventually and resent/shame us for it.

the only way for bisexuals to truly gain straight people's acceptance is by remaining closeted forever or by forming an agreement with a current opposite-sex partner to never disclose our sexuality to any new acquaintances for the rest of our lives.

like...bisexuals are j supposed to misrepresent ourselves and be ok with not being our true selves our whole lives, and that's seen as a privilege? since when has conditional protection that comes from denying your identity ever been considered the ideal dream scenario? bisexuals aren't allowed to want more for ourselves, we're supposed to be satisfied with being GRANTED protection from an opposite-sex partner, which btw can be rescinded at any time. an opposite-sex partner could decide (for any reason) that they're done keeping the secret and out their bi partner to everyone they know - to their family, their job, their community - and the bisexual's life is ruined. this is partly why bisexual people's abuse rates are sky high; we're easy to coerce, manipulate, and abuse when we're relying on the grace/goodwill of a member of our oppressor class to keep ourselves safe. that is a precarious position that is easily and routinely exploited + weaponised against us. none of this is something straight people must deal with.

using bisexual conversion therapy victims and their supposed ability to better adapt to a hetero lifestyle compared to homosexual conversion therapy victims as a 'gotcha' against bisexual people speaking out against biphobic oppression is gross. like... what do we know about ACTUAL bisexual victims? they're real people, not hypotheticals that exist in a vacuum; what's ""technically""" possible for them doesn't mean shit tbh. falling in love and having a healthy relationship is extremely difficult for (religiously) traumatized people; so even though bisexuals do have the capacity to fall in love and have a satisfying relationship with a member of the opposite sex, does that ACTUALLY happen? i'd bet anything that most of these bisexuals are in abusive relationships. the heterosexual partner likely resents they got a "broken" partner and uses their past against them. but this is all proof of privilege, right ? 😒 lifetime of suppression, self-denial, self-hate, and being treated as a useful idiot by everyone around them counts as a privileged existence now, apparently... and i honestly do think this speaks to how degraded homosexual people are in the world, that so many of them consider this to be a good, enviable life!

tumblr.com/yyzma/722569973718040576/actually-heterosexuals-as-a-class-do-prefer

I REALLY REALLY hope this isn't being posted in terms of bisexuals being "evil" and a lesser form of hetero/homosexuality, they prefer bisexualism in order to settle with their homophobic ideals but that doesnt mean bisexuals are suddenly in their good graces.... bisexuals might be in the good graces of homophobes but still suffer from it too so I hope radblr gets over this sort of assumption that bisexuals are totally immune to discrimination

Oops I contradicted myself in my last bisexual ask, I meant to say bisexuals are favored for homophobic ideals but that doesnt wish away homophobia they're subjected to

Hmm, I don't actually agree that homophobic people prefer bisexuals over homosexuals. We may 'look straight' in some institutional settings (e.g. on an emergency contact form), but there are two problems with the idea that 'looking straight' gives us all the material benefits of 'being straight:'

Firstly, we know that state institutions 'blind' to a group's experiences may inadvertently disadvantage that group. Our state institutions weren't set up with 'straight-like' bisexuals in mind; they were set up with heterosexuals in mind and any recent pro-LGBT changes have come with a heterosexual understanding. The blindness to our specific needs has real life consequences for our level of social acceptance, our financial security, our housing security, our mental health, our sexual health, and so on (it's like how the legal system was set up with males in mind, which renders any gender-blind law inadvertently harmful to women). For example, did you know that bisexuals aren't protected under my state's anti-discrimination law?

Secondly, we know that groups shouldn't be expected to hide a part of themselves just to fit in with broader society. I think 'the closet' takes on a different form when applied to bisexuals (neither better nor worse); we can either hide our sexuality and suffer the shame of knowing we're different (which may explain our rates of mental distress, homelessness, and substance abuse), or we can open up about our sexuality and suffer the shame of being different (which may explain our DV and sexual violence statistics). I mean... do these people know that homophobic people don't like single LG people either?

I also think some underestimate how the negative stereotypes that homophobic people hold about us can have impacts on our lives. We're not seen as 'basically straight' or 'better than LG' when we're single or in a relationship with the opposite sex, we're seen as promiscuous, boundary-less, insatiable sex-seekers, and we're treated as such.

Homophobic people don't want LG people to act like bisexuals. Homophobic people want LGBT - yes, even transgender - people to be heterosexual(/non-transgender).

[greensaplinggrace]

honestly THANK YOU for saying all that abt baghra bc i thought i was going crazy from not liking her??? bc i haven't read the books and only summaries of them on wiki and like. i dunno why ppl like her actually even in the show bc this guy, her son, is like "i wanna make the world better for us grisha" and she's just like "no." even tho he sees that she's MAKING HERSELF SICK from suppressing her powers! she's literally like in bed coughing in the flashback yet seem much healthier at the little palace. also like after everything, after her disapproval, after the fold, after centuries of waiting for the sun summoner.. he never abandons her. he makes sure she's cares for. he doesn't harm her. and i have to wonder if baghra has ever thanks him for that, for just not leaving her alone. like i dunno how im suppose ro believe aleks is a heartless villain when he still cares for his abusive mom like this. like has baghra even told her she loved him (honestly she reminds me of a classic emotionally unavailable asian parent but maybe that's just me). also im wondering if baghra ever told aleks that he had an aunt.. bc like.. now that u bring up her isolating him it's like hmmmm...

not at me being like alina... why do u trust the bitter old woman who literally beats u with a stick and verbally abuses u every chance she gets.. just bc she showed a bad painting... like.. pls use two braincells to see that who u figured out as his mother... is also using his protection..

like baghra could've upped and left with alina. but no. she stayed bc she knew she was safe under aleks's protection.

alsoim just impressed that after his first friend tried to drown him and harvest his bones... he didn't go into hiding???? he still wanted to make a safe heaven for grisha!!! HE STILL WANTED TO PROTECT GRISHA EVEN AFTER HIS GRISHA FRIEND TRIED TO KILL HIM FOR HIS FUCKEN BONES. like... this is the guy im suppose to believe is the villain???

honestly i feel like part of the reason why LB's plotlines seem so bad and disconnected (and sometimes outright racist but that's another rant) and why darkles is disproportionately more violent and villainous in the later books is bc she didn't expect the darkling to be so popular and wanted to stick with her guns of making him the villain. but also wanted the money from aleks's popularity. but like you can't have ur cake and eat it too.

Well thank you for sending this ask! It's very sweet and very passionate. I'm glad you liked my post! I didn't put as much thought into it as some of my others lol. I kind of just talked. But it was nice to be able to finally talk about some of the problems I have with both her character and the fandom/author's perception of her.

HERE is the post this is referring to, in case anyone's wondering.

👀👀 You've hit the nail on the head for so many things, here!

Baghra is extremely emotionally unavailable, basically to the point of neglect. She's also verbally and physically abusive, traits which I doubt were only reserved for her students and not her son. Baghra claims she would do anything to protect him, but I've known a lot of parents who have that mindset and yet still harm their children because they think it's "good for them".

Aleksander stays at Baghra's side for years, and even when they're opposing each other she's never too far away from him. Idk if you've read the books but he does eventually hurt her. And as much as I don't like Baghra, I think his actions were horrid. But I'm also honestly kind of surprised it took him so long lmao.

Yeah I mean, in terms of isolation, let's not forget that she never wanted to introduce him to his father, either. Baghra's sense of eternity clouds a lot of her judgments on relationships, which means she views most people as dust and therefore teaches her son to as well. The problem with that is that he's a growing child, and he needs those social and emotional attachments for healthy development.

I would bet quite a bit of money that Baghra has either never told him she loves him or she has told him so few times it's practically forgettable.

And everything becomes more complicated because so many of Baghra's actions are understandable because of her life and her history, but the impacts they have on the people around her, especially Aleksander, are permanently damaging. And the fact that that's never gone over in critical depth in the books or how it's glossed over in fandom is just very disconcerting. Like, acknowledging Baghra's failings doesn't mean we're excusing Aleksander's actions, it just means we're holding Baghra liable for her own. Which the fandom should be doing, considering she's the epitome of an abusive parental figure.

And Alina trusting Baghra over Aleksander is even more confusing! Especially in the show!! This is the woman who beat her and abused her and tortured her friends when they tiny little children (and who probably still does so now that they're adults). This is the woman who mocks you and harasses you and insults you on a regular basis. Why does Baghra revealing she's Aleksander's mother make Alina change her mind?! Like fuck, I'd just feel bad for Aleksander. No wonder he kept it a secret, I would too! And that painting is enough evidence?! Really?! A random painting shown to you by this abusive mentor that's been making your life hell. That's what you're going to betray your new lover over?

The friends trying to harvest his bones thing is a good point, too. I think Aleksander, especially show Aleksander, is incredibly idealistic. I think he cares too much for others - those he's deemed worth his care (a sentiment given to him by Baghra). Despite everything she's tried to teach him about hiding and abandoning others and never caring and never doing anything to help or reach out or connect with people, Aleksander still continues to do so. It's likely because he never got it from Baghra growing up, and so is desperate for those emotional needs to be fulfilled elsewhere.

His turning point, when Baghra tells him it was understandable that those kids tried to kill him because the world is such a hard place for them - that's crucial. And the reason it's possible as a motivating factor is because of that idealism and that desire to help and that desire to be everything his mother isn't. Baghra tells him this trauma he just experienced was because of the oppression of his people, and instead of following her lead and accepting that, going into hiding and abandoning everybody to their misery, he goes I can do something about that. I can make it so this never happens again. Which is usually how trauma like that combines with one's core personality traits at a young age, especially when there's none of the essential support systems in place to aid in recovery (ie, the role Baghra should have been filling but wasn't, because she decided to exacerbate the problem instead).

And yeah, one of my biggest problems with the ham-fisted "beating you over the head with a sledgehammer of evil deeds" look-how-bad-this-character-is! portrayal of the Darkling in the later books comes from the impression I get that Bardugo doesn't trust her readers. She's so desperate to have us hate this character and think him an irredeemable villain, not trusting any of her readers to engage critically with a morally gray character, that it feels quite a bit like condescending fucking bullshit. Which ew, I know how to engage with literature, thanks.

She really does seem to look down on a large part of her fandom, and imo, the infantilization of the female characters in her books seems to carry over to her impression of most of her female readers as well. Which is why the Darkling's character arc gets fucking destroyed. But he's still a good cash grab, of course, so she'll shake his dead corpse in front of the fandom for money every time she wants something from it.

Also! Another reason I think her plotlines feel disconnected (I'm sorry Bardugo I respect you as a person, but shit-) is because the writing in SaB is just bad. I mean, nevermind the absolutely nauseating implications of the way she portrays the Grisha as a persecuted group who's situation is never actually fully addressed as it should be, considering Grisha rights is what her main villain is fighting for (imo for a series called the Grishaverse, LB seems to be pretty anti Grisha), but her characters and story alone are just wrong for each other. They don't fit together.

And the ending is one of the main pieces of evidence in that regard! You can’t say the ending where Alina isn’t Grisha anymore is her “going back to where she started” when she’s always been Grisha. She just didn’t know she was Grisha because she denied that part of herself that she was born with.

Alina is reluctant to move forward or change, she struggles with adapting, and she’s very set on the things she’s grown attached to throughout her life. She also has some latent prejudices against the Grisha, and so denies the possibility of being Grisha for those reasons as well.

Alina’s lack of powers in the beginning of her life because she willfully doesn’t learn about them to avoid change versus her lack of powers at the end of the book when she’s accepted them and then they’re stripped away from her by outer forces are two entirely separate circumstances. You can’t make a parallel about lost powers and lack of Grisha status bringing her back to the start when she was always Grisha and she always had powers and she simply refused to come to terms with it because of personal reasons.

The first situation is an internal conflict that indicates a story about growth and a journey of self acceptance. Denying herself the opportunity to learn about her heritage and to find acceptance with a group of people like her because she’s tied to the past and because of the way she was raised is the setup for a narrative that tackles unlearning prejudice and learning how to connect with a part of her identity that was denied her and learning how to grow independent and self assured. It’s the setup for a different story entirely. The second situation is an external conflict that centers around the ‘corrupting influence of power’... for some reason.

In a world where Grisha do not have social, political, or economic power and they are hunted, centering your heroine’s journey of self acceptance and growth around an external conflict about... the corrupting influence of power (in a group of people that don’t actually have any power?!) just doesn’t work. It is literally impossible to connect the two stories Bardugo is trying to push in Shadow and Bone without seriously damaging the main character’s developmental arc.

The only way a narrative like this would work, claiming that she has gone back to where she started, is either a) if the Grisha weren’t actually a persecuted group and instead were apart of the upper class, or b) if the one bad connection between the two instances is acknowledged - that Alina denied a part of herself crucial to self acceptance and growing up, and that losing her powers at the end has also denied her. It is a tragedy, not a happy ending.

Alina suffered because she didn’t use her powers. She grew sick. It was bad for her. This was not a resistance to 'the corruption of power and the burden of greed', it was her suffering because she couldn’t fully accept herself.

Framing the ending as a return to the beginning can’t be done if you don’t address how bad the beginning was for your main character. You brought her back to a bad point in her life. You regressed her. This should be a low point in her arc. It should be a problem that’s solved so she can finish developing organically or it should be something that is acknowledged as a tragedy in it’s own right, for the future the world (the writing) denied her.

This is a ramble and it makes no sense and I’m really sorry, but my point is that Bardugo put the wrong characters in the wrong story. The character arc required for organic development doesn’t match the story and intended message at all. The narrative doesn’t fit the cast. She's got two clashing stories attempting to work in tandem and she ends up with both conflicting messages that fans still can’t comprehend in her writing and an ending that doesn’t suit her main character to such an impossible degree that it’s almost laughable.

So yeah, there's a few reasons why I think the story and the plot feels so bad and disconnected. I hope you don't mind me making this answer so long! 😅 I was not expecting to write this much.

[sapphos-darlings]

being bi and seeing so many bi people being homophobic assholes can be really disheartening. i wouldnt know how other bi ppl act since ive never met one irl, and probably wont soon because of complicated stuff but damn. seeing how we act on the internet and seeing other people's receipts of us acting like shit....are we really like that? why? i never knew. thats so...embarrassing. cant we try to be better?

First thing you have to ask yourself is if you are like that. If you aren't, or don't want to be, then make the active choice to shut these people out of your circles and not tolerate them in your communities.

I don't have this experience with bisexuals, but I've been online long enough to know that other people have. There's rotten eggs in every group of people, but with those who are bisexual, there is both the pressure from the heterosexual world to reject homosexuality and the influence to develop heterosexist and homophobic thinking patterns, that with some, turn into active prejudice against gay people and people in gay relationships. Others are ignorant of how their world view is biased, and others suffer from internalised homophobia.

As a bisexual, your first duty is to yourself: make sure you're in an environment where you are not hurt by this behaviour. When you have a stable and supportive environment for your own identity, your second duty is to condemn this behaviour when you see it. That does not mean that your job is to go out there and correct people day in and day out. In fact, if you see this type of content online too frequently, as it sounds like you do now, you have to return to your first duty: ensuring that you are comfortable, that you are protected, that you are in a good mental space and have the support you need for your identity. But if you then, outside of your own base of operations, bump into a homophobic bi - you have a few options. You can directly tell them that's not cool, which is cool, and then for all I care you can block them so they can't pull you into an online fight that you don't want to be having. Mute the thread, mute the person, close your DMs, do all of this from an anonymous throwaway account that cannot be reached. Alternatively, if you're not in a place to be outright stating this, you can write your thoughts out in your own space.

"Man I saw this really assholey person saying this shit today, and I disagree with it so much, it really ruined my day to know that opinions like that exist. :("

Press send, disable replies if you get nasties in your notes. You probably won't, however, since this should be happening primarily in your base of operations.

Finally, when you see people sharing "receipts" - unfollow, mute, give your black- and blocklists something to eat. You don't need to be reading that junk, unless someone is specifically making a callout for you, in which case you might want to take a look at the accusation (not the entire post) first and decide whether you did something wrong or not, and then unfollow, mute, blacklist and block.

You're not an educator or a family member of these people. If you are their friend, then challenge this situation head-on with them and make the right calls on whether to continue that friendship based on their behaviour. Or if they're toxic and you'd rather not be their friend, then just leave them cold. You're not responsible for anybody else's behaviour, but to be a good person, voicing your opinion when you're safe and cosy and supported in your own corner can be invaluable in the fight against homophobia.

Leaving, by the way, is also a statement you make. Cutting associations with toxic people is not running away from a fight, it's showing them that you don't agree with them and want nothing to do with their ideology.