#you can see the exact moment I gave up on the second chainsaw

[hack-saws]

Texas chainsaw massacre (consultant)

The most fitting slasher for chip I think.....

[undertaker1827]

Hey there dear, I was thinking carefully about my next request. And I thought of something touching yet hilarious. How about it's one of rare times where Ciel gives Sebastian the night off so he can spend time out in town with his darling S/o? But after some time Grell interrupts them and starts his hilarious del-comversitions and complaining about why such a powerful demon care for a simple human being and as Grell sees Sebastian ignores him and Sebastian's about to go with his S/o in his arms. Grell attacks them with goal to kill the S/o and both demon and grime reaper give a hilarious fight where Sebastian is beating Grell and then Will shows up and takes Grell with him. What do you think?

Will do, enjoy!

Masterlist

-

You couldn’t help the smile that came over your features as you walked with your hand in the crook of Sebastian’s elbow.  It was dark out as your partner still had to work for the former part of the day, but you were by no means complaining. This was a rare opportunity for both of you and you had every intention of enjoying it thoroughly. You talked together about anything and everything, nothing important or serious. You had missed him, missed being able to be with him when he looked happy and content, mind not focused on the work he still had to do around the manor.

Sebastian had asked you a short while ago what you wanted to do during this time you had together in the city, but all you were able to reply was that you didn’t know and you didn’t mind either, you were just enjoying his company. You ended up just walking around, takeaway coffee cups in hand and the space around you gradually darkening into nightfall. You wished there was a way you could stay in this moment forever; you were walking through a section of London that was filled with endless neon signs, advertising things in multiple different languages. The lights were all different colours, and each of them reflected off of Sebastian’s glossy, jet black hair like a painting or photograph. His amber eyes too were given an array of bright shades, making him seem all the more attractive. Good things never last though, as they say, and you knew the exact moment when the atmosphere changed.

Your demon lover stiffened, the hand he had lightly resting on your back suddenly pressing against your spine and the arm you were holding tense. He guided you away from the centre of the crowd you were walking through, casually yet attentively taking in your surroundings.

“We’re simply going to take a slightly different route,” he told you in answer to your unasked question, although you would be lying if you said that statement put you entirely at ease. You knew Sebastian would protect you from whatever threat he could sense coming that you had no knowledge of, but having an idea of what to expect always helped one’s confidence. It was when you rounded another corner, blocked in by a high rise block of flats on either side that his arm gently yet suddenly connected with your ribs, effectively bringing your purposeful striding alongside his to a halt. You didn’t miss the way he angled his body so that he was standing just a little in front of you, a protective stance you were aware he wouldn’t take unless necessary.

“Oh, Bassy!”

A chill crawled its way up your spine at the singsong voice that echoed from on top of one of the buildings, eyes locked onto a silhouetted figure as they leapt down to the concrete pavement below with astonishing grace and accuracy. Not human was supplied helpfully by your mind, though it had nothing to say afterwards. You looked on silently at the exchange.

“Grell,” Sebastian greeted just a little warily and with a sharp edge to his tone, “I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to move, we’re in something of a hurry.”

“Oh, really?” Grell taunted, swinging what appeared to be a chainsaw on two nimble fingers, “well I’m afraid I’m going to have to interrupt. You see, we never did get to finish our death match.” Sebastian held back a sigh at the play on his words and ignored the dramatic whirr of the chainsaw that accompanied them, then quickly turned back to you. He gathered you swiftly into his arms and leapt in a feat of acrobatics until he landed on the roof where the other being had come from. He attempted to make a swift getaway with you held tightly to his chest, but it took all of a few seconds for it become clear that it wouldn’t work. He expertly dodged the chainsaw’s blade as it bit into the concrete where his feet had been mere moments prior, and deposited you neatly behind him.

“Best stay there for now, my love,” he murmured to you before turning back around to face his opponent once more. You watched as the two fought, each dodging and attacking with what seemed to be equal skill and ability. It was clear to you that this type of thing had happened before with the two of them, though it was not something Sebastian ever mentioned to you. In hindsight, he probably thought knowing something like that would scare you off. Your ears perked up at a lull in the fighting, one which Grell wasted no time in filling with speech. “Why them then, hm?” He gave a small nod in your direction to indicate to whom he was referring. He sounded fairly curious all things considered, though there was no attempt to hide the bitterness in his tone. “A human of all things. You do know how terribly fragile and fleeting they are, don’t you?” Sebastian flicked one eyebrow up as he assessed his options, again wondering if just running away with you would be enough to deter the reaper. Probably not.

“All the more reason to let us get on then, wouldn’t you agree?”

Grell’s eyes narrowed just a fraction.

“No, I would not!” He made a move to lunge forwards again, Sebastian ready to block, when another weapon appeared apparently out of nowhere and neatly tipped Grell’s from his hands. The indignant cry he gave was promptly cut off when another man materialised, now holding both the chain saw and a set of shears? “Oh, Will!” ‘Will’ carefully avoided Grell’s flying hug and didn’t so much as spare him a glance when he landed hard on the rooftop.

“How many times must I say it, Sutcliff,” he growled out, voice bored, uninterested and extremely annoyed, “but you have a job to do and it does not revolve around this demon scum.” He glanced at you for a moment and you were certain that if looks could kill, both you and Sebastian would be six feet under by now. “Now come along.” He said nothing at all to either you or your partner, dragging Grell to standing by the collar of his red coat and fiercely ignoring his complaints. Unable to look away, you watched on until they had both disappeared into the night and Sebastian was running a gentle fingertip over your arm.

“Sorry about that,” he offered with a small smirk, “but shall we continue? I recommend a rooftop walk, the view of the stars is unparalleled.” You took his arm once more and pressed a small kiss to his cheek.

“I think I would like that.”

[hanoella]

Affettuoso- With Feeling (Part 3)

Pairing: Bucky x Pianist!Reader

Set after the events of TFATWS: In an effort to start over and make a home in Louisiana, Bucky meets a friend of Sam’s who ends up being his landlord. With only a driveway to separate them, he finds that he’s not the only one looking for a fresh start.

Series tags/warnings: Slow Burn, Eventual Bucky x Reader, Mentions of Domestic Abuse, Canon Level Violence

Part 3 Word Count: 3k

A/N: Can you tell I don't really have a posting schedule? lol. I also introduced links to the specific pieces I had in mind. I'm using soundcloud because I don't think everyone has access to spotify. Trying to be reader friendly! This can be read with or without the audio, as I do my best to still convey the thought in the fic. Though if you can, I highly recommend :)

Thanks again for all your support! Every heart and comment motivates me and is just so wonderful

Read Part 1; Masterlist

---

A few days had passed since the night that Bucky had overheard your troubles. It had been quiet since, and you hadn’t left the house. The curtains were opened during the day and closed at night, the only telltale signs that you existed.

Doesn’t she have to work? Bucky thought to himself. He speculated all the different possibilities as he used the riding mower around the property. Maybe you were an heiress? You seemed pretty down to earth though. Or maybe you sold a patented idea for a ton of money. All this land had to have been expensive. And to not request actual money from him?

He eyed up the width of the gate for your fence. The riding mower couldn’t fit so he would have to use a push mower for your fenced off yard. He hadn’t seen one in the garage. Maybe the old shed at the back of your yard had one? Bucky parked the mower in the garage, taking a moment to make a mental list of everything. Depending on if he found anything in the shed, he might need to buy a few basic tools and a chainsaw for that fallen tree.

He walked out of the garage and over to the shed. The leaves were changing color and it brought a whole new atmosphere to the secluded forest area. Opening the gate of the weathered white fence, he looked around to see if you were out. No signs of life. Entering the yard and closing the gate behind him, he started walking to the back. Halfway through, he stopped at the fire pit. The grey stone blocks were starting to crumble, with a few of the bricks having fallen off. It would probably be really nice if he got a little bit of cement mix and filled in the gaps. Bucky made another mental note.

The shed had no padlock so he was able to open it with no problem. Amongst the cobwebs and bags of soil, was an older green push mower that looked like it might work. He gave the gas a pull and got no response back. Looking underneath, Bucky saw what might be the problem. He’d have to take a closer look later. Putting the lawn mower back onto its wheels, he pushed it across the yard, pausing when he saw movement though the glass doors of the back patio.

Craning his neck to avoid the glare, he saw you sitting at your fancy full keyboard. The way the piano was against the opposite wall, your back was to him. You had big over-ear headphones plugged into it, so he couldn’t hear the sound but he saw the flurry of keys being pressed down. Whatever you were playing, you played passionately. Hands and arms gracefully moved despite the speed at which they were moving. Enhanced hearing coming into play, he heard the muffled clicks of the fluttering keys. Suddenly, you pressed down forcefully, holding whatever chord you had struck as your shoulders gently relaxed. A deep breath. Arm creating a graceful arc as if you had studied ballet, you pressed gently on another chord. And another. Bucky counted three more times you did this before you let your hands gently fall from the keys to your lap. Several moments passed before slid the headphones off of your ears to sit wrapped around your neck. Another deep breath. This time as the breath escaped you, you stayed slouched, head tilting up to stare at nothing on the wall.

A buzz broke Bucky from his trance.

“Call me, new mission” The text from Sam on his home screen said.

He pocketed his phone, glancing through the glass one more time. There you still sat.

Unmoving.

---

The roar of the plane’s engine was just loud enough to drown out Bucky’s thoughts without being annoying. If it weren’t for the adrenaline of the recovery mission under the cover of nightfall, he probably would’ve been lulled to sleep. Beside him sat Sam, looking on his phone for the exact coordinates of the politician they had been sent to rescue.

“Here it is. I’m assuming there’s some sort of underground base since there are no heat signatures anywhere within the radius where he was taken. It should take us about ten more minutes before we’re directly over it.”

Bucky hummed in acknowledgement.

Sam raised an eyebrow. “Earth to Bucky.”

“What does your friend do?” Bucky asked suddenly, sitting up straighter and turning towards him.

“… What?”

“What does she do? I’ve never seen her leave the house. Is she okay?”

“If you’re asking why she doesn’t leave the house, it’s because her contract doesn’t start for a while. She’s technically still supposed to be in physical therapy but she hasn’t found a place yet. You know, your whole routine gets messed up when you move.”

“For her shoulder?”

Now it was Sam’s turn to look at Bucky, trying to decipher the motive behind these questions. Bucky shifted his weight in the chair, antsy under the scrutiny.

“Never mind, I-”

“Yes, for her shoulder.” Sam said, cutting him off. He stopped himself from asking why Bucky wanted to know. There was an awkward pause before Bucky explained himself.

“I just wanted to know. I’m not used to seeing people so…”

“Similar to yourself?”

“I was gonna say isolated but fair point.” Bucky admitted. Sam leaned back in his chair, looking straight forward.

“She’s been through a lot… I know you heard some of it.”

Bucky blinked in surprise.

“I realized the window was open when I could hear you drive off.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s alright, it’s good that you know.” Sam said as he held up his hand to cut Bucky off.

“She’s just trying to get a fresh start. She’s in a raw emotional space and in the meantime is a little skittish. Just like someone else I know.” Sam jabbed his elbow into Bucky’s side as he enunciated the last sentence.

“Okay, okay, I get it. I’m trying!” He shouted as he held one hand up defensively and using the other to block the second jab Sam was trying to get in. Sam chuckled and then stood up, grabbing a parachute pack and tossing it at Bucky, who caught it without even looking.

“Figured you might wanna try an actual chute this time.”

Bucky rolled his eyes and mouthed Sam’s words mockingly with a grimace as he put the backpack on. Clipping it into place, he joined Sam at the side door of the plane.

“She used to play in an orchestra you know.” Sam said wistfully. “The piano. That’s actually how we met. She had volunteered to play a small concert before the dinner. It really helped raise a lot of money for the VA.”

Bucky stayed silent, prompting him to continue.

“Then that bastard she was engaged to beat her and then shoved her down a set of concrete steps when she tried to leave him. It was like a month after we all came back. She was in the hospital for a while. Broken ribs, broken shoulder, and a nasty concussion to boot. Neighbor saw the whole thing and called the cops but the courts were so backed up and the case fell through the cracks. Wouldn’t leave her alone after he got out. So, I pulled some strings and helped her move down here on the fly.”

“… That’s terrible.”

Bucky didn’t know what to say or how to react. They stood in silence, taking a moment to pay a respect of sorts to the trials you have been through. Then Sam broke the silence.

“She just needs time to heal in more ways than one. But she’s strong. Resilient.”

Putting a hand on Bucky’s shoulder, he squeezed it lightly with reassurance.

“Reminds me of someone else I know.” Sam said, finishing the conversation and pulling his goggles over his eyes, giving Bucky the opportunity to take the compliment without feeling too on the spot.

Pulling the door open, Sam shouted over the wind.

“Ready?”

Bucky nodded. Sam jumped from the plane and deployed the wings, the shield shining in the moonlight. Bucky jumped right behind him, using the glint of the silver star to guide his descent as he followed the man that gave the shield its meaning.

---

You laid with your head down on the kitchen table, letting the last golden rays of sun warm the side of your face. You were exhausted from going to physical therapy, especially since today had been the first appointment. All the measurements, all the exercises, all the stretching.

All the questions.

“So, how did you break your shoulder?” the young blonde physical therapist asked.

“Ah, I… fell down some stairs.” You said, looking down at your hands in your lap.

She didn’t look up from the papers, instead just raising an eyebrow.

“You also cracked some ribs and had a concussion?”

“… They were concrete.”

She looked up from the papers at you, analyzing. Her gaze softened and she asked no further questions on how these serious injuries had been obtained.

“Let’s look at your range of motion.”

You had practically stumbled into the house, kicking off your sneakers and plopping down at the kitchen table. Minutes passed by as you regained your breath, heartbeat steadying. The house was slightly cold since you had turned the heat down this morning. As your sweat cooled, you wrapped your arms around your legs in an attempt to keep you warm without getting up.

The sun feels so warm… You thought to yourself drowsily, feeling slightly less lonely. The sun was a cheap substitute for the warmth of a partner…

---

You jolted upright, the kitchen dark and cold. Neck and shoulder stiff from the awkward position you had dozed off in. Feeling the dryness of your mouth, you got up, stretching your neck gently while you walked to the fridge to get water. Chugging about half the bottle, you squinted at the clock. You had been asleep for about forty-five minutes. Groaning, you put the bottle down on the counter and walked into the living room to close the curtains. Grabbing one in each hand, you went to pull them together when you hesitated, noticing that Bucky’s apartment was dark for the third day in a row. The sleek motorbike that was usually parked under the slight overhang of the garage was missing as well.

He was probably on a mission, right? Not that it was any of your business. You shut the curtains and turned off the lights before lightly padded down the hall, stopping to adjust the thermostat. The heat kicked on, sending a puff of cold air your way. You shivered as you walked with a quickened pace to your room, shutting the door and heading into the master bathroom, turning the hot water on with just a tad of cold.

Waiting for the shower to warm up, you leaned over the sink and looked into the mirror. Dark circles under your eyes. Small scar on the bridge of your nose. Running your hand through the roots of your hair, you felt for the scar where the stitches had been. When was the last time you had a haircut? Or put on some makeup?

Some higher being must’ve felt pity for you since the steam from the shower fogged the glass, preventing you from tearing yourself apart any further. Stepping underneath the warm stream, you let the warmth seep into your muscles, then bones, filling every fracture and break with a temporary sense of wholeness until the emptiness of your heart and home caused it slowly to drip out until it, along with you, was gone.

---

The next morning, you weren’t motivated to do anything. You lounged around the house, sipping on coffee and browsing on your phone for furniture, clothes, even sneaking a peak at some pianos. Wanting to invest in one you’d use for the next several decades, you had put off buying one until the money from your contract with the orchestra started in a month. You were still well off, nowhere near struggling and probably wouldn’t ever be unless you decided to buy a mansion (which was a no). You just wanted to be careful.

In the afternoon, you popped a pain killer and muscle relaxer in preparation for the few hours you wanted to practice. Thirty minutes went by and the ever-present ache in your shoulder calmed enough to let you practice with relative peace. Sitting on the bench in front of the keyboard, you pondered what you might play to warm up.

Hmm, maybe a Chopin prelude? Short, emotional, familiar.

Your left hand held the soft deep chords as your right hand softly flitted around the higher notes. Breathing in and out with the music, you tried to ignore the ache that start to surround your shoulder.

Playing the last few notes, you paused before reaching over to the bottle of painkillers.

---

Shortly after finishing up, you dragged a small table outside next to the wooden bench swing that was hanging on the porch. Bundled up in a soft sweatshirt, long-sleeve shirt, wool lined leggings, fuzzy socks and slippers, you brought out your hot tea, several blankets, a pillow, and a book you had been meaning to read for months. You were determined to do something besides practice, watch TV, and scroll on your phone.

You settled onto the bench, wrapping the blanket around you, nice and toasty from the layers trapping in the heat of a thorough practice session. The extra medication had really helped keep the pain at bay. Tentatively sipping the steaming cup, you closed your eyes to further appreciate the sweet tones of peach and honey. Setting the cup in your lap with one hand, you used your other hand to flip open to the first page.

---

Bucky hadn’t expected the mission to get so complicated. Finding the base was one thing, navigating in and out of the expansive maze was another. It took a few days to successfully get the target out and back to the embassy. He hadn’t properly slept during that time due to taking shifts with Sam. Not that it was any different from how he slept at home.

The sun was letting its last few rays bless the earth when he turned onto the driveway. Taking it easy on the gravel, he eased his posture and slowed the bike. He put pressure on the brakes as he made it past the final wall of trees that hid the water that was reflecting the last bit of color left in the sky. Rolling casually into a stop, he parked and let out a deep breath, shoulders sinking.

A stray bird calling out turned his attention in the direction of your house. The porch light was on. That’s new, he thought. Squinting his eyes, he saw a bundle on the porch swing. Was that you? Quietly walking over while taking his leather gloves off, he confirmed his suspicions. There you were, lying on your side propped up by a large fuzzy pillow. Eyes closed and breathing rhythmically. Scanning the scene, he noticed the mug on the side table, empty except for the used teabag. Your book was closed, the page you were on marked by one of your fingers. You must’ve fallen asleep while reading.

“Hey…” Bucky said gently. No response besides a small nose scrunch.

He repeated himself a little louder, squatting to be at eye level while gently setting his hand on your arm and shaking you lightly. You groaned this time, eyes fluttering open, taking a moment to focus. You squinted and pushed yourself up into a sitting position, losing your place in the book and attempting to blink the heavy drowsiness from your eyes.

“Bucky?” You questioned hoarsely as you met his eyes. He was still crouching so you were looking slightly down at him. Brow furrowed, you searched the blue of his eyes before looking around to see how dark it had gotten. As you turned your head back to him, he stood back up, scratching the back of his neck just to occupy his hands.

“It’s starting to get cold. I didn’t want you to spend the rest of the night out here.” He explained, choosing to look out at the water, now dark. When he turned his head back, you had also turned your head to look at the water, exposing the side of your neck, the tendons and clavicle accentuated by the strain. Bucky swallowed and your eyes met his, oblivious.

“Ah, thank you. I must’ve fallen asleep reading. I just started going back to physical therapy so I’ve just been so wiped… Anyway,” you said, dismissing yourself mid-thought. He didn’t want to hear about all that. “…did you just come back from a mission?” You eyed the diagonal cuts of leather on his jacket, noting the missing sleeve that exposed the glint of the metal.

“Yeah. I was gone for a few days.”

“Okay. I’m glad you’re home safe.” You mindlessly said, picking up the book and other various items strewn about.

Home safe. What an unfamiliar phrase.

As the words echoed in his mind, you had opened the door and stepped in, turning your head slightly to look back at him.

“Thanks again… Good night.”

“Good night.” Bucky replied, watching as you shut the door softly behind you.

Slowly walking down the porch steps, he crossed the driveway to the garage. Turning his head just in time to see the last light turn off in your house, he stood with his hand on the knob, meditating on the effect that one short sentence had on him.

Glad you’re home safe. Was this what it was like when you had someone waiting on you at home? The tired eyes and gentle smile. Would that be what it was like when he came home in the middle of a night from a mission when he had someone to share a bed with? Gently shaking them to let them know he was home? Or would he try to sneak into bed without waking them? He tried to imagine what that sort of intimacy would be like as he entered his apartment and then his room. Unzipping his jacket and tossing it over a chair, he stripped down to his boxer briefs and climbed into bed, wondering what it would be like if it was already warm.

[sideblog-666-thousand]

Euronymous Interview in Decibel of Death, ‘87. English Translation. Ft. Euronymous’ depraved torture fantasies involving Coca-Cola.

‘Decibel of Death’ was a French fanzine from the 80s. It’s first issue was released in ‘86, and by the summer of ‘87, it switched over from French to English-language. This has been my favourite interview of Euronymous for a long time now, so I decided I’d translate it to English so that other, non-francophone, people could enjoy it too. This issue in particular is from February of ‘87, and was their fourth issue overall.

I’ll add a link to where you can find this, and other D.O.D scans, below. If anybody wants me to translate more French, or Russian, interviews, feel free to PM me.

Note: NDLR is the editor’s notes. Any commentary or context by me will be in bold and in parenthesis, so feel free to totally ignore it. If something is between “« »” it’s because it was already written in English to begin with.

Disclaimer: if some of the sentences sound like the energizer bunny is hooked on an iv rig full of pure meth, don’t blame me, I did my best. Take it up with Euronymous himself. Also, I’m not excusing Euronymous’ poor behaviour, I’m just saying his poor behaviour is kind of entertaining.

Without further ado...

D.O.D: And once again, here’s Norwegian Mayhem. If you remember, we presented them to you back in the May issue of D.O.D. Since then, they released a new demo titled “Death Crush”!! Because of this event, we decided to ask the guitarist of this rather sinister band a few questions.

D.O.D: Okay, there’s been more than a few line-up changes in Mayhem. Can you tell us what the current one is?

Euro: Alright, there’s me on guitars, Manheim on battery, Necro-butcher on drums, and our session vocalist, Maniac.

D.O.D:  And what is the medium age of the group?

Euro: We are all 18 years old.

D.O.D: How long has Mayhem been around for?

Euro: Mayhem has been around since August of ‘84 with this line-up, before that, I played in another shitty metal group that was also called Mayhem. The other members also played in a crappy band before we all met.

D.O.D: How would you describe your music?

Euro: Ah, well, it’s like a wall of sound played at extreme speed all mixed with the sound of a chainsaw!!

D.O.D: In your opinion, who are the biggest posers on this planet?

Euro: That definitely has to be the Swedish group ‘Europe’. «Fuck them!!» I hate this band!!

D.O.D: Ha ha, what would you like to do to make them suffer?

(This is the exact moment where the interviewers realize that Euronymous is literally fucking insane. The editor censors some of the things Euronymous says because he has a very vulgar manner of speaking, so, brace yourselves. To make it abundantly clear— I didn’t censor any of this, if it was me, I’d let him continue swearing ‘til next year if he wanted to. Take it up with D.O.D!)

Euro: First of all, I’d cut them and make them eat their own (bleep)!! Then, I’ll fuck them in the ass with an empty bottle of Coke, and if they’re still alive somehow, I’ll drown them in their own piss!! (NDLR: I’d do the same to a few guys in Germany and Switzerland!!) But all of this is reserved for their guitarist, drummer and bassist, I have a far crueler torture for their singer, for him, I’m simply going to break his mirror and steal his perfume!! Haaaaafuckinghah!!! (NDLR: ahahahaha, this is so much fun!!)

D.O.D: Okay, Euronymous, onto more serious topics, who composes the most in Mayhem?

Euro: It’s me and Necro, but sometimes Manheim comes up with good riffs, he actually wrote most of P.F.A (Pure Fucking Armageddon)

D.O.D: I believe thrashers reacted pretty well to your first demo, right?

Euro: Despite the zero sound of this demo. It's true that it's actually the hardcore thrashers that appreciated it, although it was the others hating it that gave us an enormous promotion like with 'Metal Forces'.

D.O.D: Has there been groups that have influenced you?

Euro: Of course, early Venom has really inspired us, although we don’t sound like them in any way. We’re also influenced by bands like Hellhammer and Sodom.

D.O.D: Mayhem is a common band name, what do you think of other Mayhem (such as NYC Mayhem, Mayhem (WC), Mayhem (Oregon))?

Euro: NYC Mayhem* are excellent, I adore them! (NDLR: me too!!) and they call themselves NYC Mayhem. But as for the other Mayhems, they stink, «fuckin’ shit»,  like the Mayhem that’s on Metal Massacre VI*, they really stink, their music isn’t destructive like ours is at all, they don’t deserve this name, I hate them!!

D.O.D: I heard you guys played a show, how did that go?

Euro: It was really «cool», it was at a small rock festival that had around 3-400 «discofucks» (NDLR: this is the censored translation) and when we went on stage with our first session vocalist “Messiah”, we broke a bass over their mouths!! We gave these idiots hell!! Ha ha!! (I’ll link the show he’s referring to below)

D.O.D: And how did your other gigs go?

Euro: For now this has been our only show!! And we don’t know how the crowds will react at the prospect of future gigs.

D.O.D: Fair. Since we’re talking about future gigs, what will those be like?

Euro: They’ll be full of occult things, we’ll play in complete darkness and there’ll be red blood spots, chandeliers, smoke, and pig heads on stakes, it’ll be totally thrashing!!

D.O.D: How’s the Norwegian thrash scene? It’s pretty dull, no?

Euro: Right now, «it sucks», there’s no audience, but it seems to be going in the right direction with bands like Vomit*, Septic Cunts, Decay Lust, and Flowers in The Dustbin.

D.O.D: And what kind of things are your lyrics about?

Euro: depravity, like tearing someone’s (bleep), eating worms, and all those fine things!!

D.O.D: What are your favourite bands?

Euro: Really hard question, there’s so many good bands coming out but I think the bands I like the most are old Venom, Deathchamber, Sodom, Necrophagia, Destruction, Death, Kreator, Poison. (No, not THAT Poison)

D.O.D: Do you ever listen to hardcore?

Euro: «Yeah» I like Chaotic Discord, Septic Death, UK Subs, and others. It hasn’t been that long since I went to see Disorder and it was awesome!!

D.O.D: Are you considering going on tour?

Euro: No, not exactly. But soon we’ll play at a Norwegian thrash festival. We’ll also play at a thrash festival in Copenhagen, and probably do a few shows with Kreator/Necrophagia in ‘87.

(No, this isn’t a typo on my end, it actually says ‘87. There’s two reasons why this might be the case. One, it could be an error on the part of the editor, who deserves an interview of his own, or two, it could be an error by Euronymous himself since the interview might have been conducted in January. Euronymous could have mixed the years up as one sometimes does. However, ‘Death Crush’, the demo, actually came out in March of ‘87. What the interviewer and Euronymous are referring to as ‘Death Crush’ is likely ‘Death Rehearsal’, which is exactly what it sounds like, and was taped back January of ‘87.)

D.O.D: I heard you guys are recording a new demo, is it ready?

Euro: We just entered the studio to record the second “Death Crush” demo, but at the moment, we only have three songs. I’m also unsure of whether or not we’ll have enough money to record anything else, and the vocals still haven’t been put to music!!

D.O.D: There’s some rumours that you guys were contacted by certain record labels, is this true?

Euro: It’s true, we got a letter from Axe killer records saying that they were interested in us but they never listened to our music and I also sent them our demo tape but I don’t believe we’ll be receiving any letters from them now!!

D.O.D: Do you have anything to add?

Euro: Of course, «fucking ARGHHHH!!»

There, that’s all :)

If you’re interested in some of the asterisks I put in, here they are in order of their appearances:

*Unlike most of the bands Euronymous named in this interview, NYC Mayhem (and later as Straight Ahead) never released more than a few demo. They were a straight edge band from, you guessed it, NYC— Queens to be exact. Despite never releasing a full album, their sound inspired some grindcore and death metal bands, notably Carcass. They were also straight edge, which makes Euronymous’ mental breakdown over the Mayhem that was on Metal Massacre very, very ironic. Especially considering he was pretty straight edge himself, especially back in 1987– outside of maybe smoking some pot.

Here is their 1985 demo, https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=t-3geR1JbY4

*Metal Massacre is a series of compilation albums starting in 1982, released by Metal Blade records. Typically, these were independent and unsigned bands. Some notable ones include Metallica on the first edition with ‘Hit the lights’. Slayer in ‘83 with ‘Aggressive Perfector’. The ‘84 edition had Voivod, Overkill, and Hellhammer.

The one which Euronymous is referring to, however, is the one from ‘85. Here it is, the timestamp is 14:19 https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HqwfsLvLvuY

It’s really not that bad— certainly not worth the double exclamation points.

*If you don’t know who Vomit are, you must not know much about early Mayhem. They were another thrash band who shared rehearsal space with Mayhem. Torben Grue and Kittil Kittilsen (what a sad fucking name) were also ‘in’ Mayhem at some point. Kittil once shaved off his eyebrow, but I don’t know why. Here is a picture of the dork:

The show Euronymous is talking about: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mjay2Lmj9C8 yes, this is the show where Euronymous flashes his ass. I think it’s funny because he talks big but he seemed very hesitant to do it, and practically ducked backstage afterwards. Necro, on the other hand, was very proud to have broken his bass.

Well, that’s all I have. If you read this far, I hope you enjoyed the additional notes I left. Outside of a few more interviews of Mayhem, I also have a few obscure Emperor interviews that were posted to the internet in late 90s. There’s an especially funny one where Faust is allowed to interview Ihsahn and Samoth from prison. He’s sarcastic the entire time, refers to the readers as ‘morons’ and proclaims everyone should all die in a nuclear war with the same energy you cross yourself with. Overall, it’s a funny read. I also have one where he interviews Varg, and Euronymous (separately) for his own ‘zine back in the early 90s. Actually— I have A LOT of interviews of Faust for some reason, including two where he’s actually on camera. I might post them if I feel like it, or if somebody wants them. Is anyone here an especially big fan of Faust?

Last but not least, here is the link to the ‘zine:

http://france.metal.museum.free.fr/revues/fanzines/decibel_of_death/04/page_03.htm

[twooneztaylorthecat]

Delirious - Adam Stanheight / Reader

Adam Faulkner sat up frantically, his body rigid and his mind reeling, his hands grasping uselessly at the edge of his confines, his hair plastered to his face, and his mouth filled with grimy water. He spluttered, trying to breath without getting water in his lungs, and his fingers fumbled inconveniently all along the edge of his restraints. Coughing, Adam hauled himself out of the tub. He was weak and fatigued, but most of all he was scared. In a few frightening moments, that seemed entirely too long, he tried pounding on the walls; first slowly then gradually getting faster with every passing second. Through the darkness, Adam could feel the freezing tile on his fingers, and the sharp sting as he slapped his palms against it. When this proved futile, Adam backed away hesitantly, spinning 'round and 'round as if trying to find something that wasn't there, and then resorted to screaming. His attempts at being heard were unavailing, but he kept at it anyway mostly for the sake of his very own sanity; if he remained silent he was sure to lose his goddamn mind.

"No one can hear you," came a sudden voice from the darkness. It sounded so dismissive; in fact it almost pissed Adam off how apathetic it appeared. "Just calm down. Are you hurt?"

Adam's mind struggled to form a single coherent thought. Between his confusion and his fear, thinking was made difficult. He stuttered over his words for a couple short seconds. "I-I-I-I don't- don't know." He looked over himself, even though he couldn't see anything. "Yeah?"

There was a faint sound of stumbling around, and then a high-pitched buzz filled the room. In an abrupt flicker the darkness was replaced with a bright yellow light. The ceiling lights had come on, and Adam groaned, shielding his eyes away from the brightness. "I couldn't find them before..." The man apologized.

When Adam could see clearly again, he glanced over at the object to his right. Immediately upon seeing the results, he wished he had been a little more thoughtful on that prospect, for keeping him grounded was a metal chain connecting him to a metal pipe protruding from the tile walls. What calmness he had left evaporated all together and once again he found himself panicking. Adam yanked and tugged but it didn't matter, he wasn't going anywhere. "Holy shit. You did this, didn't you!?"

His companion pressed himself against the wall in alarm. "I haven't done anything!" He exclaimed defensively. "But we're going to have to trust each other if we want to get out of this. I mean, clearly someone didn't want us going very far."

Adam huffed. "But what the hell did I do?"

"Apparently you did something, or you wouldn't be here. Now, what's your name?"

That's a personal question, Adam thought. Why does he want to know?

Looking the man up and down suspiciously, Faulkner muttered carefully, "My name is very fucking confused... What's YOUR name...?"

"Lawrence Gordon," Gordon answered practically.

Adam laughed. "Sounds like a doctor's name," he whispered wryly.

"I AM a doctor," Doctor Lawrence snapped.

Adam stared at him awkwardly. Neither of them spoke a word to each other for a couple of never-ending minutes, then Lawrence stood up. "Here, let me try the door."

"Why didn't you?" Adam retorted, not expecting a reply. He was aware of the fact that, with the lights off, it was impossible to see your surroundings. Lawrence ignored him, but did cast him an annoyed look, as if echoing Adam's exact thoughts. He got to his feet.

Adam watched Lawrence stretch himself along the wall, reaching for the door. It was locked, but even if wasn't, Lawrence's chain didn't stretch far enough to get him to the handle. "Well fuck," Adam uttered hopelessly.

Lawrence gave him an apologetic look, but didn't say anything to reassure him. It was then that Adam's eyes found the chainsaw resting right next to Lawrence's feet, and that's when everything changed. He started freaking out. In flashbacks he saw THAT moment replaying over and over again in his head, and he reacted violently, twisting his body and lashing out against his restraint.

The pictures burned his eyes, at least it felt like they did. With each passing second the flashbacks became more clear. He could almost feel Lawrence's pain when he cut through his flesh. Adam screamed. Agony ripped through his temples and he doubled over.

Lawrence's longing and flustered exclamations were lost on poor Adam as he writhed miserably on the tile floor in capable of regaining himself, his tormented mind struggling to cope with the memories. "Hey! I think I've found something! Pass me that tape."

Adam kicked, and flailed, but didn't hear Lawrence.

"What's wrong? Will you at least tell me your name?"

Still, Adam couldn't get the vision out of his eyes. It lingered there like a bloodstain on a white dress. It refused to put him at ease.

"Adam!" Lawrence threw his wallet at him. "Adam!" His voice was starting to blend into the buzz of the lights. "Goddamn it, Adam! What's happening?"

Faulkner tossed and turned. His heart was beating so fast in his chest he was sure it would pop at any given moment. His temperature was so high it was like he was in an oven that was set to self-destruct. His shirt and flannel were drenched in so much sweat, he could have easily been rolling around in the wet grass before arriving.

"Adam!" Lawrence threw something else at him. Was it the package of cigarettes? "Sit up! Sit up!"

Adam tried to latch onto what Lawrence was telling him, but he felt fried. His mind was so exhausted...

"Adam!" Gordon's voice was gone completely now, as well as the images that he had been seeing before. Adam was plunged straight back into darkness, and then THAT voice reached his ears. The melodic voice of his significant other.

In a frenzy, hastily and dazedly, Adam Faulkner exploded from the covers, his face burning up with fever. He was hotter than he had ever felt in his entire life. He gasped, paranoia engulfing him. His eyes darted around the room, taking in his surroundings quickly, fearfully. He was not where he expected to find himself. He was not with the person he was expecting to be with. Adrenaline pumped through him, making him fidgety, but finally he brought his attention to his partner. You were leaning over him, terror in your bright eyes.

Adam's breath slowed down audibly, once he realized where he was. You pushed him to the pillow again. You had tears on your cheeks but Adam wasn't in the mental state to be concerned about that right now. He let you adjust him on the bed, as you whispered, "You're so hot, baby. I tried to stop the fever, but... it just kept rising, and... You scared me, I thought for sure... Never mind. You were kicking and sleep talking. I don't what you said, though."

Adam stared ahead, grabbing hold of your hand. He held it so tightly you whimpered. You had to use all your strength to rip your hand out of his grasp. "What time is it?" He choked.

"Twelve AM. It's hasn't even been two hours yet."

"I... I can't go back to sleep. I need a walk." But Adam knew it was a lie. And he knew what you would say.

You stared into his face. His eyes had dark circles under them, they were bloodshot already themselves, and his skin was ghostly white. You frowned at him in dismay. Lately, he had stopped sleeping. His trauma was getting to him again, and you knew that was the only reason for it; his dreams were haunting him too much. "No, Adam," You said firmly this time. You weren't going to allow him to do this again.

Adam shook his head. "Let me. It helps."

"You are going to kill yourself one of these days," You growled, and gently held him down. You didn't want to cause him to feel trapped, that would only make things worse, but you didn't want him to get up. "You need to sleep, baby. You have a fever tonight."

"Maybe that's good?" Adam asked halfheartedly. He hadn't meant to alarm you.

You felt sick. "No." You combed your fingers through his hair. "Relax, Adam. You're going to be just fine. I know it, you know it."

Adam relaxed under his partner's soothing strokes. "I feel so cold..."

You gazed at him sadly. "A hundred and one degrees, Adam."

"Me?"

"No, the cat," You snapped sarcastically.

"Oh..."

Adam could feel himself losing himself to sleep. He was afraid of what would happen next in his dreams, but he trusted you to take care of him. Your careful caress was enough to put him back under. And as he wandered through a blurry haze of darkness, he heard your soft voice one last time. "I love you." A kiss was planted on his lips and when he started dreaming again, it was with you.

You in your favorite attire.

You with your prettiest smile.

You with your pleasant laugh.

And he leaned right into that beloved and charming kiss. All the while you stayed awake in the night, protecting him, keeping him away from his fears, and allowing your precious boyfriend to gather up on his much desired sleep.

[pynches]

there’s no one else (i’d love to hold more)

a/n: for @thegirlwhocanbemoved, the “wait, are you jealous?” prompt. It may not be what you expected but i still hope you like it!

word count: 1999

no tw!

For as long as Ronan could remember, everything he dreamt was a reflection of himself, his feelings and emotions implemented in whatever he decided to give life to in his dreams. Often, these feelings and emotions were unconscious, something Ronan wasn’t aware of before he saw them play out in real life.

The first time Chainsaw landed on Adam’s shoulder, gently nipping at his fingers as Adam had reached up to ruffle her feathers Ronan knew he was in trouble.

Chainsaw had taken a liking to Adam from the start. She had been too shy, however, to interact with him. Instead, she stared intensely at Adam every chance she got, much like her creator, flying away whenever Adam happened to look in her general direction.

This went on for a while.

Then Ronan stopped hating himself.

Chainsaw became a lot more affectionate after Ronan stopped denying his feelings. Adam’s shoulder had become a permanent residence for the raven and Ronan couldn’t blame her, he would be touching Adam on any occasion too if he thought Adam would let him.

Adam didn’t seem to mind either, always petting Chainsaw or ruffling her feathers, blissfully unaware of the implications of this, how she was really a part of Ronan’s soul embedded into the body of a raven.

Chainsaw was all too happy with the attention, preening at Adam’s careful fingers and fond gaze, something Ronan had dreamed about having directed at himself for months.

“I think she likes you better than me,” he had said one night at St. Agnes, a loaded confession disguised by an off-handed comment.

Adam laughed at that, something soft and fleeting. Ronan wanted to catch the laugh and put it in a bottle to listen to when the loneliness he often felt was threatening to rip him apart.

“I wonder why,” Adam shot back, his tone sarcastic but not unkind. He scratched underneath Chainsaw’s chin, Ronan had to clench his hands into fists at the sight before he did or said something stupid. Something that would reveal too much of himself and set him up for the eventual rejection he would like to procrastinate until he was less vulnerable, if that time ever came.

Chainsaw watched him knowingly, he had always dreamt up his creatures too smart for their own good. It almost seemed as if she was smiling mockingly. “Look! I’ve got Adam’s hands on me, something you’ve always wanted but never been the recipient of.”

Ronan stuck out his tongue at the bird when Adam wasn’t watching and went back to laying on the floor with a sour expression, his headphones back on his ears to drown everything out.

Not that much later, Ronan felt a soft kick to his boot and opened his eyes to Adam staring at him, Chainsaw tucked against his chest.

“I’m going to bed,” Adam said softly once Ronan had removed his headphones with the customary eye roll. It took him only a few seconds to realise why Adam had reduced his voice to a whisper.

Ronan felt his mouth pull back into an involuntary sneer. “Why the fuck should I care, Parrish,” he said loudly, waking up Chainsaw who glared at him. He would have felt bad for her if there wasn’t a hot surge of something awful coursing through his body at the sight of her nestled against Adam’s body, all protected and warm while he was reduced to sleep on the floor with only his jacket as a sorry excuse for a pillow.

“Jesus, Lynch,” Adam said, his tone reprimanding, his eyes disbelieving. Ronan tried to shake it off like he often had in the past without issue. He had been on the receiving end of that exact expression more times than he could count, but it usually not Adam who was looking at him like that, talking to him like he was something else than just “Ronan”. Something to be ashamed of maybe.

Ronan shrugged, pretended he had brushed the comment off and went right back to closing his eyes, ignoring the happy squawks Chainsaw let out when he was allowed in Adam’s bed.

Ronan’s blood only boiled further until he was so close to saying something he sat up immediately. He shook out his jacket and put it on, ignoring the confusion on Adam’s tongue.

“Ronan-”

“You can babysit the bird tonight,” he said before he walked out of the door. He was down the stairs before Adam could even comprehend what had just happened, he was in his car before Adam looked down at Chainsaw who looked back with a guilty expression.

Nothing ever escaped Adam, especially not when Ronan was the subject of his watchful gaze.

Ronan knew this, he knew he would have to explain himself in the morning but with the wide expanse of the highway stretched in front of him, the deafening beat of some song he had randomly burned on one of his tapes drumming through the thoughts nagging in his brain, he really didn’t care.

He knew Adam, despite his best efforts to remain unknowable so when the next day rolled around and Adam kept glancing at him from his locker, Chainsaw still on perched on his shoulder, Ronan sighed and closed the door, stepping right into Adam’s face. “What?” he asked, though he knew exactly what Adam was going to ask next.

“What happened last night?” Adam asked as if they had rehearsed this.

Ronan kept to the script. “Nothing special.”

It wasn’t a lie but it wasn’t the truth either.

Adam lifted one of his eyebrows with practised ease. “I don’t believe that.”

“I don’t give a shit about what you believe,” Ronan sneered back. This time it was more lie than truth. He watched as Adam looked around the hallway, catching some people glancing at them. They once had been notorious for fighting at any given moment but that changed over the months they had known each other. Now, when they happened to fight, it was treated as a new piece of gossip, happily spread between the bored boys of Aglionby.

“Meet me at St. Agnes tonight?” Adam asked. Ronan treated it as a command. He could never say no to Adam and somewhere deep within him, he knew Adam knew this but that was something he wasn’t ready to think about yet.

Ronan nodded and watched as Adam walked off, Chainsaw still on his shoulder, ignoring Ronan completely.

As much as he didn’t want to admit it, he did miss Chainsaw, the bird he had hand-fed through the early stages of her life and as much as he loved fighting, he hated fighting with her.

The evening couldn’t come early enough.

By now, Ronan had memorised Adam’s schedule to the minute. That didn’t prevent him from showing up late to St. Agnes. It was half an hour after Adam got off from work and Ronan had sought out every excuse to be this late. He marked it off as being busy but he knew the real reason.

He didn’t want to seem too eager and scare Adam off.

He knocked on his apartment door obnoxiously, impatiently waiting until Adam opened the door.

His hands were still a little dirty with leftover motor oil, his hair in disarray, no doubt from going through it with his hands when he was looking at one of the few exercises he didn’t understand and stressed about until he was practically tearing out his hair and biting through his pencils. In those moments, Ronan wanted to wrap him up and finally show him the softness Ronan kept inside at all times, show Adam the softness he deserved to feel.

Instead, he brushed past Adam into the small room, looking at him with a bored expression even though his heartbeat would have revealed it if Adam could hear it as much as Ronan could feel it.

“What do you want?” he asked, his words venom on his tongue.

Adam sighed as if he was already tired from the conversation, tired from Ronan. It set him off even more.

“To talk.”

Adam nodded his head to his mattress and sat down, staring up at Ronan until he sat down too.

“I don’t have anything to say,” Ronan tried but Adam pretended not to hear him. Instead, he looked at the sunset happening outside of the window that now had his attention. Ronan desperately wanted to get Adam’s eyes back on himself.

“You’ve never acted this way with Chainsaw,” Adam said, pricking through every layer Ronan had wrapped himself up with. “Something is wrong.”

“What do you care?” Ronan asked, hiding his desperation for Adam’s caring nature behind a disinterested tone, his hands buried in the pockets of his jacket to match the attitude even though he did it for the added benefit of feeling the heat of Adam’s skin through the leather of his jacket.

“You’re my friend,” Adam said like it was something simple. Ronan wanted to tear himself apart.

“She’s attached to you,” Ronan mumbled, willing for Adam to understand him without having to say anything more.

He didn’t understand it and even if he did, he didn’t let anything on.

“What do you mean?”

“She’s always around you. Sitting on your shoulder and shit,” Ronan said. Adam understood it as it was, the only explanation he was willing to give.

“Wait a minute,” Adam said and Ronan knew this was the end. “Are you jealous.”

Ronan Lynch didn’t lie but that didn’t mean he had to tell the truth either.

They stayed silent for a few seconds, watching as the sun fully disappeared and left them in the darkness, unable to see anything but the shimmer of leftover light outside.

Everything was easier in the dark.

“Are you jealous of me or are you jealous of Chainsaw?”

Ronan swallowed hard.

Adam took his hand, tangling their fingers together. Slight tremors were going through the muscles of Adam’s hand, revealing his own nerves at this development.

It made Ronan feel a little better.

“I don’t like a bird better than I like you,” Adam offered with a small laugh, a way out, a way for Ronan to laugh along with him and forget this happened.

“Do you like me?” Ronan asked instead, letting the desperation he felt bleed through his words. It was the one chance he gave Adam to say something or he would try to get over him even though it felt like Adam had nestled himself in his heart much like Chainsaw had nestled himself against Adam’s chest the night before. Secure and unmovable.

He felt rough fingertips on his jaw and couldn’t suppress the goosebumps rising on his skin. He couldn’t see Adam come nearer but he felt his breath mingle with his own, his lips close enough if he had the courage to lean forward.

He didn’t have the courage.

Adam had.

The kiss was slow, soft, nothing like either of them but right enough it made something unfurl in his chest.

“Does that answer your question?” Adam asked, a whisper against his lips before he was pulled into another kiss.

It wasn’t until they were breathless and lying down on Adam’s shitty mattress, unable to hold themselves up anymore, only illuminated by the soft glow of the bedside table light Adam had quickly turned on, that Chainsaw joined them, bumping her head against Ronan’s hand apologetically.

Ronan smiled unguardedly at her, giving her some crumbed crackers from his pocket he had kept there just in case she came flying back to him.

“You’re still my favourite girl,” he told her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “Don’t tell the maggot.”

He felt Adam’s eyes on him but for once he felt unafraid and looked back like he had wanted to do since the moment they met.

Adam smiled at him, his lips stretching over his teeth, and Ronan forgot what he had been jealous about in the first place.

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Sick Little Games: Six

B.C.

Natasha groaned and rested her head on the table slowly, “Y/N, as soon as I can move without my head pounding, I’m going to kill you.”

“Duly noted,” you say, handing her a bottle of water and a cup of coffee with a little hair of the dog in it. “Cheap wine hangover is the worst.”

“How did you get out without getting drunk?” Clint asks you, amused.

You shrug, “A little sleight of hand and some redirection... Drunk me really shouldn’t be let out in public.”

Bruce reached around you for creamer and laughed, “Definitely not. Last time Drunk you was out, you and Hulk would up reenacting scenes from King Kong.”

“King Kong?” Thor asked, confused.

“A movie about aa huge monkey that falls in love with a gorgeous actress,” Bruce said, rolling his eyes and tugging the end of your braid, “It was almost a PR disaster.”

“Only almost!” you defend with a squeak when Thor smashes you against Bruce’s side when he leans over your head to kiss his boyfriend, good morning.

“That is the cutest three-way I have ever seen,” Clint snorted as Thor and Bruce took advantage of your small stature and kept you in their little group hug, both of them kissing either of your cheeks affectionately. 

“It’s not the cutest one I have ever been a part of,” Thor quipped, letting you go so you could reach your coffee. 

“Thor!” Bruce scolded.

“What? I just said it wasn’t the cutest... not that it didn’t have the cutest participants,” He looks down to wink at you only to find you now resolutely focused on cleaning the dishes in the sink. Across the way, Bucky was telling his evening’s companion good-bye. The woman was clearly well-loved. Disheveled and wearing last night's dress, albeit worse for wear after a night on the floor.

The kind of woman, Thor assumed, that was your exact opposite. And suddenly. Terribly. Several tumblers clicked into place. Your heart had audibly stuttered for just a second. And now that he was walking towards you, it was racing. He glanced down at you, the tension in your shoulders. Then glanced around. No one else really seemed to notice it was amiss. Thor was willing to bet that he had only seen, and even then only because he could feel the shift in your energy. 

When Bucky comes to lean on the counter, you slip away quietly, taking advantage of Clint’s curiosity about Bucky’s companion and Natasha’s renewed complaining about her hangover to escape to your room. Bruce looked up at Thor, sensing the sudden shift in his mood, and Thor kissed him softly, trying to reassure him but didn’t have time to say anything before Steve strode into the kitchen. 

“Suit up,” he said gravely, “We got work to do.”

“Who do you need?” Bruce asked.

“Y/N, Barton, Bucky, Thor, and Nat,” he said, “Apparently, some demons are teaming up with a terrorist cell.”

“What the fuck is Y/N gonna do about it? Read at them?” Bucky snorted.

Nat gave Bucky a look, “Don’t mistake composure and kindness for powerlessness,” she cautioned.

“Then why are they sending her with such a big team?’ he countered

“Magic takes time,” Clint snorted, “Someone has to keep goons off her back.”

“Indeed,” Thor rumbled, making a mental note to keep Bucky away from you.

________

The plane ride to the site is quiet. Everyone, even Clint, is quiet. Bucky is grateful, even if the crackling energy around you makes his skin crawl and itch. No one else seems bothered by it. Or maybe, he figures, they’re used to it. But, Sam, who wheedled his way into this particular mission, doesn’t seem bothered either. 

When they land, a way out, Steve looks down at you, “What are we up against?”

You pause, kneeling and pressing your palms into the dirt, “Demons. A couple vampires... at least. That’s what’s on the ground right now. Don’t try anything tricky. Headshots first ask questions later. If it doesn’t go down, run. If it chases you, find Thor. Or me. We’re gonna be the prime targets. To demons, the rest of you are like designer purses. Nice to have but ultimately disposable.”

“You heard the lady,” Steve said, tightening his grip on his shield. “Let’s move.”

Bucky eyes your choice of weapons and scoffs. A pretty stick and a sword. So. Useless. All you were probably going to do was put someone’s eye out. But he stays quiet. Thor had practically growled at him earlier when he went to sit next to you... Now he couldn’t get the idea if the most awkward orgy in history out of his head. Did Banner even know what boobs were for?

Bucky, though, doesn’t have long to ponder that thought before the fighting starts. And it doesn’t take long for him and Sam to realize EXACTLY how unnerving it was to watch a witch at work. 

Black blood spattered the grass at your feet as droves of demons headed towards you. Heads rolled, and your eyes glowed an unearthly silver in the purple haze of Twilight. 

“Oh fuck me,” he hears over comms. 

“They have a goddamn hell hound.”

“Y/N down!” Barton yells, and Bucky glances over just in time to see you drop to the ground as Clint fires an arrow into a Vampire’s eye. Just moments later, a... creature, glowing like radioactive waste and more mountain that hound roars, shaking the earth under his feet.

“Barton, Sam... Someone high up. I need a chain. Something strong...” you bark into comms.

“100 yards straight down, but you’re gonna have to fight for it. And get around the dog,” Clint said uncertainly.

“Thor,” You ask politely, “Help Steve cut me a path?”

Thor’s booming laugh can be heard even without the commlink and Steve pants, “Fuck, that is a huge dog.”

“And it’s only gonna get bigger the longer it’s topside,” you say, starting to sprint forward. 

“Bigger,” Sam yelps.

“Sam, cover Y/N. Bucky, Cover Sam. Nat, computers,“ Steve pants.

There is no time for argument as you streak forward, sword in hand as you snatch up the chain and jerk a knot in it. A heavy knot. “I really hope this works,” you pant.

Clint makes a horrified sound as you whip the Chain forward, and the hell hound bites down, whipping you into the air. “Y/N!” he half screams. In his head, he can see a million ways the angles could go wrong. A million ways you could die. And there’s nothing he can do. But watch this massive... Thing whips you around like a rag doll.

You drive your sword into its neck and hang on. “Thor, hit me!” you grit out through your teeth. 

“You’ll die!” He yells back.

“We all will if I can’t put this thing down. Trust me,” you say, your voice is calm, despite the tension in your voice. 

Thor take an audible deep breath and forces Lightening down on the creature. It hits in all its awesome power and the sound that the thing makes in like a chainsaw being thrown into a woodchipper. Inconceivable in it’s sheer... un- processable sound. 

And then, as it melts into black blood and rivers of flame, there is silence. There is nothing. Nothing but your labored breathing over calms and the ringing in all their ears.

__________

You know nothing. Nothing after the lightening. You don’t know that it’s Clint who carried you off the field. That medical practically had to pry you out of his arms. 

You don’t know that Thor couldn’t look. He felt like he’d practically killed you. That looking at your little body, unconscious and broken in a pool of ink-black blood, your own blood floating on top, was going to be seared into his brain for the rest of his very long life. 

You don’t see Natasha, Steve, and Sam huddled together trying to figure out the best way to get you home. If you'll even make it home.

And you don’t know that Bucky feels nothing. Not for you. Just a vague discomfort. Demons were gross. 

____________

A.C.

The sun was dipping below the horizon and Clint couldn’t look at you. You’d told him everything. It was like once you had started that you couldn’t stop. It had gushed out like blood from a wound. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he ground out. 

“I-” you start, flinching away from the anger you feel radiating off of him.

“Or Nat. Or I mean Fuck Steve?” he said jumping off the hood of the truck to pace. 

“I didn’t think it mattered,” you murmur, looking away. So far, you were proud of yourself, you’d managed not to cry. But now? You could feel your throat burning and you just... you needed to move. 

“Didn’t-” he stopped and stared at you in disbelief. “I’m sorry. Did you just say you didn’t fucking matter?” He laughed and jerked your chin up. 

“Y/N,” he said softly, “Baby. Tell me who made you think that. Please. I need to find them and introduce their kneecaps to a tire iron.”

You pull your chin out of his hand and bite your lip, “I just... I didn’t want people to take sides.”

Clint sighs, “Baby. There are no sides here,” he said, pulling you against his chest and resting his cheek on your hair. “He hurt you,” Clint said, “And no one is gonna be okay with that.”

Tags: @lancsnerd, @thorfanficwriter @blameitonthecauseway @etherealwaifgoddess, @stevieang, @beautybyfire, @sunmoonandbucky @mrsfox79, @bbmommy0902, @mendes-fan, @iheartsebastianstan, @wtfcas @pinknerdpanda, @process-pending, @ladifreakingda, @leasly, @coldbookworm, @hv-chw3, @past-perfect-future-tense, @starkrobb @beardburnsupersoldiers, @petlaufeyson, @queenoftheunderdark, @potatoheadthewise, @thehyperactiveteen, @thefridgeismybestie, @boyett514, @an-awkward-human-1, @sunshine-and-riverwater

[spookyspaghettisundae]

Always Happy

Framed by a dense forest surrounding it, a beautiful old house stood at the end of a long dirt road. Secluded, in the middle of nowhere in this lush rural countryside.

Crickets chirped and cicadas buzzed in the summer heat. Bruce wiped some sweat off of his forehead and shot Ria a glance. With fatigue in her eyes but refusing to show it in her gait, she returned the look and they then both surveyed the house. It was one of those old colonial era buildings but had been kept in good shape, with a refurbished wood facade and a coat of stark white paint to make the place truly shine on this sunny day. Whoever was responsible for the gardening work on the surrounding hedges and trees was an artist, having created an idyllic and inviting atmosphere that would have lured anybody in.

The backpacking couple walked what they figured would be the final mile of the day as they approached the house. They were dressed in T-shirts, sturdy cargo shorts, hiking boots, and baseball caps. Their colors did not match, but they might as well have.

“I expected way worse,” Bruce said with an approving nod.

Ria’s giggle in response reflected how their nervousness flew away in that instant. Their phone reception was impeccable here, but they had been unable to find any motels or hotels posted online for this tiny backwater town. After asking around, though, they had learned of Miss Lister’s place, who offered bed and breakfast services. They could not even find her house on a map, they had followed directions to get there.

On the way over, they had joked about how it would be some ramshackle hillbilly’s serial killer house like in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, or a trailer park filled with mutants, or some other absurd scenario straight out of horror flicks. Lister’s house was the exact opposite of those expectations and that proved to be refreshing in its own right because some part of the couple had truly expected to encounter something awful at the end of the road.

On the front porch, Ria looked around for a doorbell and found no button. She turned to Bruce who was trying to look through a window inside but failed to see much between the red velvet curtains. Ria asked, “Should we knock?”

Bruce shrugged and raised his hand to rap at the front door.

Before his knuckles hit any wood, the door swung open and a woman in her mid-twenties who was a head shorter than either of the couple looked up at them all wide-eyed like a deer in the headlights. She was dressed in a simple pink blouse, jean shorts, and white tennis shoes. Just about in the time they had to take in her appearance, she snapped out of it and gave the two guests a wide, toothy smile. Her pearly whites were straight and perfect.

“Hi,” she said with a cheery ring to the word.

Ria cleared her throat and said, “Uh, Miss Lister?”

“Missy’s my name, honey,” Missy Lister said in the same drawl that was common in these parts, followed by a shrill giggle, her eyes still wide as saucers as she looked the two up and down.

“I’m sorry, I must have misheard your name from the other people in town, I thought it was Miss Lister, not Missy,” Ria said, turning redder in the face by the second. She gave Missy a sheepish grin.

“No, don’t you worry ‘bout it, hon’,” Missy replied as she pushed the door farther open. She waved her hand for them to come inside, and she demonstratively looked that way with her big blue eyes, inviting the couple to follow her gaze.

The interior of the house was furnished completely in a pleasant contrast of dark wood with brass ornaments and neat white doilies strategically placed all about. Numerous house plants in different shapes and colors lined the corridor and flanked the doorways to other rooms. Cool air-conditioned wind seemed to flow out from the inside, instilling a sense of yearning in the two arrivals to enter and find refuge from a sweltering day of hiking.

Ria and Bruce exchanged another glance with each other. Excited smiles lit up on both their faces, and they followed Missy inside the house. She softly closed the door behind them and started giving them a tour of the ground floor, complete with a comfortable den and a roomy kitchen. Her accent and the lovely decorations paired up to give a delightful albeit quirky first impression.

In front of one of the doors, Missy paused and stared at it for a few seconds before she looked back at the two with a wide smile.

“Gimme a moment, you two. This here’s the cellar, and I need to check if my laundry’s done yet,” she told them with another ear-to-ear smile.

Before they could respond, she had already shut the cellar door behind her and disappeared down the dark stairs, with soft footsteps gaining distance.

“She reminds me of someone,” Ria said to Bruce in a hushed murmur.

Bruce chuckled and responded in the same fashion, “Yeah, that girl from the overly-attached girlfriend meme?”

Ria covered her mouth with her palm to stifle a giggle, muffling the words she added, “Yeah, I think that’s it.”

Just before they could ponder that any further, the cellar door opened and Missy returned, closing the door behind her again.

“Nope, still going. Pardon me for that interruption. Wanna see the garden? I’m told it’s magical,” Missy said, her words cascading out without pause, like a waterfall.

“After you,” Bruce said with an abrupt chuckle.

Missy walked ahead to lead the way, and the couple exchanged glances again, furrowing their brows almost simultaneously.

Stepping outside into the backyard indeed looked and felt like they had entered another world. The place looked like a small enchanted meadow surrounded by weeping willows and other large trees that cast a welcoming shade from the summer sun. Separated by arrangements of fist-sized rocks, perfectly kept patches of colorful flowers in bloom encircled the field and sparkled in single rays of light. A beautiful bench made of sand-colored wood and wrought black iron stood in the shade of the largest willow.

Bruce stifled a relieved groan as he unburdened himself from the weight of his heavy backpack and set it down on the backyard porch before walking out. Ria followed suit and they moved up to where Missy stood in the garden.

The grass and soil cushioned every step underfoot like the softest mattress imaginable. The mouths of both guests were agape as they turned and looked around while standing in the middle of this garden.

“This is amazing,” Ria said. Turning around to look at Missy, she asked, “Do you do all the garden work here? It’s amazing.”

Missy beamed and had an odd glint in her eyes.

“Yes, I do indeed. Well, I get some help from neighbors and even some of the guests every now and then, kind of a past-time with friends and all that, you know, we get together, do some gardening for fun, have iced tea, the works,” Missy rattled on. Turning away from her guests and surveying the garden herself, she continued, with a sense of marvel in her own voice, “I usually plant new flowers for each guest that stays here for a while.”

Bruce gently elbowed Ria in her side, and she followed his eyes before she could express her discomfort. While Missy monologued, the couple stared at some statues between the trees, overgrown by vines and other vegetation.

“You know, something based on the guests, something that reminds me of them,” Missy said, not noticing where the two were looking.

The statues looked infinitely old, and utterly wrong, in a way that made both of their stomachs knot. One of the statues had tentacles where a mouth should be, and a non-human, angular head with eerie, slit-like eyes. Another looked like a winged and bulbous-headed eyeless something, with elongated claws clutching a pole covered in alien-looking symbols that neither of them could decipher. There were more, but Missy distracted them from getting a closer look as she audibly turned around.

“You have a red cap, and you have a blue cap, so maybe I’ll get a rose and violet to represent you two lovebirds,” Missy said while giving them another wide, toothy smile. “C'mon, lemme show you your rooms, you’ll love ‘em so much you won’t wanna leave!”

She walked past them with her usual energy. Bruce and Ria’s next set of exchanged looks carried a hint of worry in them. Just before they arrived on the porch behind Missy, the small woman heaved both of their backpacks off the wooden floorboards and onto each of her own shoulders as if they weighed nothing.

“Lemme get that for you, you two look exhausted,” Missy said with a giggle.

Before they could respond to her, she barged back inside. Bruce cleared his throat but dared not speak up. Ria grabbed his hand. He squeezed back tighter than she did.

They followed the thumping footsteps of Missy guiding them upstairs to the bedrooms. She showed them around the upper floor as any tour guide would, and it was all just as flawless and picture-perfect as the rest of the house. Everything Missy said during the tour was as innocent and upbeat as ever. But the grip of the couple holding hands remained as tight as a vice all the while.

In one of the spacious guest rooms, Bruce finally broke the ice by clearing his throat again and idly asking, “I take it this is a really safe town, huh? Like, do you have anything beyond a sheriff out here? It’s really secluded, I bet nobody can—”

Ria squeezed his hand so tight that it felt like a bone might pop out. Bruce flinched and forced a smile.

“I mean, it is so quiet out here, I bet I could sleep like a baby. It’s, uh, lovely. So, uh, do you get, uh,” Bruce stammered. Ria’s grip did not loosen, and the pain caused him to almost wheeze out the next words, “Do you get a lot of guests this time of year?”

Missy slowly turned and stared blankly at the air between them. A semblance of her wide smile remained on her face, though it faded. Just when an uncomfortably long moment of silence had passed and Ria swallowed, Missy snapped out of her trance and gave them her usual toothy smile.

She blurted out, “Under the sky of Talithoth, the Zulovol are always happy and without sorrow!”

Ria and Bruce gave each other and Missy some awkward nods and the worst impressions of a smile, for they could muster no better.

“Ah, right,” Ria said with a cracking voice.

“This is your room, by the way,” Missy said, the facade of her smiling face never breaking, always perfect, like the exterior of the house. “You want me to draw you a bath? It’d be great on a hot day like this. Lemme draw you a nice bath,” she said without stopping to inhale.

Missy set the two backpacks down on the floor with a loud thud each and stormed past the two. The second she had turned the corner outside the room’s doorway, the couple grabbed their bags with the speed of people close to panicking and stepped back out into the hallway.

Missy had disappeared into the white-tiled room at the end of the hallway. The door to the bathroom was ajar. Sounds of sloshing water carried to the two as they stood there, captivated with a mixture of curiosity and fear. When they heard something that they would later describe as the sound of tearing flesh, fear took over. They fled from Missy’s house. Bruce could have sworn that someone or something chased them to the front door but neither of them dared to look back as they ran away, trailing back down the dirt road.

They told the story of this bed and breakfast to some friends even though they hardly believed it themselves. A year later, they heard from those friends again.

Their friends said this house did not exist.

—Submitted by Wratts

[thatonehiddenbladeingibraltar]

Omg I loved those video game hcs with the overwatch heroes! You know the ones where they were watching their S/O play their favorite game? Can I request the same thing except with Dva, Tracer, present day Genji, and Lúcio?

Much like every other set with the same topic, please feel free to go ahead and guess which games I’m referring to :)

Images are not mine.

Headcanons referred to can be found here and here

Present day Genji:

One of the few things Genji had retained over the years was his love of video games

And watching his S/O play video games. That too.

It didn’t take much begging from you for him to join you on the couch as you booted up the game

However, once the intro was over you and Genji were probably ready to jump into each other’s arms from a massive overload of fear

Although there were moments where the two of you managed to laugh, for the most part your eyes were transfixed on the screen and from the occasional glances you made, Genji was going through the exact same thing

Even when nothing was happening, the two of you were constantly scared that something was going to surprise you because of the game’s dark and somber atmosphere

The sharply defined graphics didn’t help either

Although it did make the game look extremely polished

When the protagonist got stabbed twice and had their hand chopped off by a chainsaw, you were surprised that neither of you screamed

Well on the outside at least

However, Genji’s arms were around you the moment an enemy shows up in the game, shocked from the grotesque and molded form of said enemy

He actually has to make sure that the two of you didn’t reach the brink of insanity with constant check-ins and taking the time to meditate before and after every gaming session

Even though you do keep good track of how much ammo and health packs you have left, Genji watches them like a hawk

Especially during a boss battle

God those bosses chewed up resources like it was nothing

He warns you whenever you’re starting to run low on bullets or fuel and suggests which weapon to use next

You swear you can feel Genji wince at some of the boss forms when you’re battling them

Especially the spider lady. You could feel the disgust roll off of him in waves

When they’re over, the two of you do sit in silence for a good period of time until Genji broke it

“That is…unnatural.”

The two of you do hand the controller off to each other, but for the most part he lets you take control of the situation

He always made sure to save the game even when he wasn’t playing the game

And the two of you made a mutual agreement that the elderly woman in the wheelchair that always showed up randomly was the weirdest part about the game

During the final boss battle, Genji did scoff a bit at how easy it was but you knew better

Needless to say, you were glad Genji was by your side throughout the entire ordeal, even though the two of you promised each other to never play that game again

Well that was until you got through all of the extra content and then you would officially stop

Because goddamn the lore was too well woven to be left alone

Lena Oxton/Tracer:

One thing Lena absolutely hated about your favorite game was how dark everything was

From the music, to the environment, to the tone itself, everything was dark

Not being able to see ahead was one thing that Tracer couldn’t exactly admit to liking

She actually has to force you off the couch to take a break and your smile only seemed to make her more exasperated even when you willingly go with her

Whenever you gave her control of the game, she immediately activated night vision and never turned it off

You swear that finding new batteries would be your main goal aside from story progression

Lena constantly twitched as you wandered around the area in search of a safe place and more resources

Absolutely screams when a jumpscare happens

Except at the cheap ones. She didn’t react to those at all

She did look startled whenever a random giggle but her agitated expression faded quickly

Every time some grotesque figure appeared on-screen, she always groaned and looked away

Tracer did hold onto your arm tightly when a giant wave that was sent from the heavens knocked the protagonist off of the flimsy wooden raft they were on and into a river filled to the brim with mutilated corpses

However the most disturbing thing that she did find about the game was the cult

God she hated the cult so much

And the amount of psychological horror that was featured throughout every step of the game

You actually caught her gaping at the screen with a terrified expression when a shadow appeared on the ground and appeared to be moving closer and closer until you turned around and there was nothing there

The only times Lena screamed was when you were close to dying or if tensions were running extremely high and she couldn’t take it anymore

It didn’t happen as frequently as you thought it would though

She did coo at the baby in the protagonist’s arms near the end of the game, but looked horrified when white noise began playing and light engulfed the screen before cutting back to the weird dream-like Catholic school

Lena’s shocked expression made you chuckle as the credits rolled and you couldn’t help but burst into laughter when she bombarded with you a thousand questions per second

Not that you minded all that much. She did seem more interested with the game more than ever now, which was all you could ask of her

D.Va/Hana Song:

When you told Hana about your favorite game, she immediately wanted to play it

Or at the very least, see why you liked it so much

Even though you barely got to touch the controller, you were alright with it, if only to carefully watch D.Va’s expressions as the game slowly progressed

But when you did get the chance to play, Hana was watching very attentively to every aspect of the environment

She did fall backwards slightly when a deathly pale woman with dark matted hair and an evil grin popped up in front of a window as rain and lightning continued to reverberate in the background

The two of you do jump at times, especially when a random noise echoed through your headphones

However the one moment in the game that made the two of you cringe was when a partially developed fetus lying in a white bathroom sink in amniotic fluid and blood

Its wails did not help in one bit.

When you do hear the radio telling you to turn around, Hana immediately snatches the controller away and keeps the protagonist moving forward and away from the malicious voice that blared over the radio

You didn’t say a single thing as she was staring at the screen intently, almost as if she was daring the game to tell her to do the opposite of what she was doing

Although neither of you screamed during the entire ordeal, you were certainly close to doing so at various intervals

Especially during the part with the bleeding fridge hanging in the main entrance

And the really disturbing bathroom scene describing several domestic murders that all included ‘some strange chanting’

D.Va does get extremely into it when she sees one of the hallway paintings disassembled all over the floor and the disappearing letters on the walls

However when she manages to solve all of the puzzles (with your help of course), the voiceover and subsequent cutscene left you in chills and a bit of curiosity

Hana does furrow her eyebrows when the unnamed protagonist turns around

“Isn’t that the actor from that popular zombie show a few decades ago?”

Regardless she is excited to see what the final game was when you told her it was only a game demo

That was until you told her that the full game had been canceled a few months after the demo was released

Expect her to be protesting to the game company for them to develop the full game for the next couple of weeks

Lúcio Correia dos Santos:

When he heard the in-game audio the first time, he fell in love almost immediately

Insists on you using his headphones to fully experience the binaural resonance while he plugged in a second pair of earbuds into another audio jack

Even though he prefers to let you play the game, you do catch him jump slightly whenever a voice shifted from one place to another

Lúcio does make a few observations of his own as you move the story along though

You swear he’s actually going to be buying any and all books on Norse mythology

Some of the visuals do make you turn away in disgust or make you take a break from the game, but trust Lúcio to take over if need be

If you also need calming music, he’ll put on a playlist and let you detox while he continued on

The two of you did have to admit that the game mechanics were quite smooth for its genre

However when the two of you begin to reach the climax of the game’s plot, you swear Lúcio’s also feeling the same amount of disgust and discomfort as you were

Especially when the protagonist’s backstory was fully revealed

At the end of the game, the two of you actually breathe a sigh of relief as the protagonist comes to terms with their past and the hallucinogenic visions and voices had begun to recede as the credits began rolling

Although the two of you did agree that it was a well-written game describing PTSD and psychosis, you and Lúcio also made a mutual agreement to never pick the game up again

But he did suggest the idea of performing at a few live concerts that were known to support reputable organizations that helped people with similar or identical situations to the protagonist

Which you were completely on-board with one hundred percent

@elise-the-assassin @videogamesanddragons @sylvennia @freedomaboveallelse

[endlessarchite]

If You Give a Gal a Chainsaw… (How to Cut Down a Small Tree)

Have you ever put a new tool in your hands and felt like Wonder Woman? Or, I suppose more generally, a superhero? I often feel that way. Power tools, especially ones I am using on a project for the first time, always give me a little bit of a rush.

Perhaps it’s because power tools are more often associated with dudeliness, so I feel a little rebellious against stereotype. Perhaps it’s because I get to learn more and pass that info along to you guys. Perhaps it’s because by the end of whatever it is I’m doing, something awesome is going to be there that wasn’t there before.

(It’s a little bit of all of that.)

Whenever I get a new tool, either by purchasing myself or from a new sponsor (the best kind of enablers ), I actively look for a way to start using it. So, when K mentioned that he wanted to take a weekend to visit his parents’ new tiny house in Tennessee, brought along my new STIHL battery-powered chainsaw. They sent me one a few months ago as part of this year’s partnership, along with a few other outdoor tools, and I was itching to use it.

His parents had purchased some of their family’s farmland to build on, and I was going to see it for the first time. They have a ton of old trees around the home and regularly cut them down (they did the same at their old home when I visited last fall — if you recall, that’s where Charlie saw her first cow EVER). I packed the chainsaw* because I knew the opportunity might come up where I could learn a thing or two from K’s dad and compare it to the gas-powered chainsaws I knew he had.

*I know, just casually bringing up the subject of chainsaws is a weird thing to do with your boyfriend’s parents, but it’s just kind of part of how I’ve gotten to know his family. His dad was thrilled to show me what he knows and it was a lot of fun, and not at all creepy the way it sounds as I’m retelling this story.

As luck would have it, there were a few trees ready for a good chop! Since several around their new property were dead and/or infested with termites, cutting them down was the best way to protect the newly built tiny house. K’s dad gave me a few pointers, which I’ve shared below (scroll to “how to cut down a tree” for that). You can also see a few scars on the bark of some of these trees where old vines had been strangling them.

I should also mention that, despite having enough forethought to bring my new chainsaw with me, I managed to forget my safety chaps – d’oh! I did find a pair of my STIHL earbuds in the car (I often leave them around my neck by accident when I do a store run, so finding a pair in my car or purse is pretty common!). I then borrowed some protective eyewear from K’s dad, but I’m recommending before we get started here that safety chaps protect your legs from the chainsaw if it takes a weird bounce. I will eventually use the chainsaw again at home, so you’ll see me correctly geared up like I was a the STIHL summit when that happens.

(I should have looked more like this.)

STIHL MSA 120 battery powered chainsaw review

Even though I was lucky enough to have my pick of chainsaws from the STIHL Lightning Battery System line, I opted for their smallest. On the surface, that sounds kinda nuts, since why wouldn’t I go for more power if I can? To put it simply, I wanted this to be a true test of what STIHL says this chainsaw can do:

Part of the AK Series, the MSA 120 C-BQ is a great battery-powered chainsaw for suburban homeowners, handling storm cleanup to limb removal. The MSA 120 C-BQ bundle comes standard with the AK 20 battery and AL 101 battery charger. It features low vibration, quick chain adjustment and STIHL Quickstop® Plus chain braking feature. Make 100 cuts through a 4″ log on a single charge, which gives you enough power to tackle a stack of firewood.

In terms of yard cleanup, taking out small trees, cutting firewood, and so forth, this seemed most in line with how I’d wind up using a chainsaw in general. It would be very rare for me to need to cut down a large tree (in fact, I hired out to the pros when I needed to take out the pine trees in my yard — not only because of their size but I needed the expertise and the satisfaction that someone had the right permits and approvals to do such a large job in a suburban area like mine). To get something bigger and then talk about how impressive it is to take care of these smaller tasks didn’t seem like as much of a good test.

Overall impression:

Pretty good performance for its size. I was able to cut down a couple of small trees and slice that into firewood in a single charge. It’s also really lightweight, which means that just about anyone can use it (I even got K’s mom to try it).

In other words: it will last about as long as your own energy to do the task. When it stops was pretty much when all of us were ready to be done for the afternoon.

Despite the years of cutting down trees, Mrs. Carter had actually never tried to use a chainsaw before. With some encouragement, I got her to give it a shot! I was so strangely PROUD of that moment of getting her to try it.

She would like me to tell you, from her own endorsement, that it’s light enough for seniors to handle. Since K and I both consider her stamp of approval to be a Pretty Big Deal, I wouldn’t be surprised if STIHL sent out a press release on that quote. It’s like the Good Housekeeping seal, only much more exclusive.

How to fell a small tree with a chainsaw

The phrase “fell a tree” always hits my ear weird, but that’s the other way of saying “cut down a tree” — which do you use?

At any rate, below is a recap of what I learned from Mr. Carter as he gave me pointers. Just in case it’s asked, I’ll clarify that he’s not a professional arborist, but he is an guy who has cut down scores (possibly hundreds?) of trees in his lifetime. Get your elders to teach you things, friends — they will, and it’s awesome!

1. Plan ahead

I had K’s dad pick the spots to cut as well as the path that the tree would fall (both in terms of him being the more experienced one and so he could be responsible for it not hitting his house!). But ultimately, you need to clearly identify where the tree will land. It appeared that his goal each time was for the tree to come down and not only clear the house, but to hit the ground without falling down on other trees (doing so could possible entangle the fallen tree with the healthy one, kill a healthy one in the process, or cause the other to fall in a weird direction and hit something unexpectedly).

He also took some time to clear away debris around the base. Fallen branches and other obstacles are dangerous objects you won’t want to trip on if you have to suddenly move out of the way.

It should also go without saying that people, dogs, and other precious things should not be in the area either.

2. Make your cuts at a comfortable height

Don’t feel the need to squat down and cut close to the ground right away. You can make your initial cuts, let the tree fall, and then cut down the remaining bit to a stump. Use a stance that is comfortable for you to hold throughout the entire cut. It’s safer to have a good handle on the chainsaw and prioritize on cutting in the right spot so that the tree falls where you want.

3. Cut a wedge on the same side as the tree will fall

Our first cut was horizontal, about halfway through the tree (sometimes 2/3 if it’s small). Allow the chainsaw to work the cut; do not work it in a sawing motion. The next cut is at a downward angle above the first cut, about 60 degrees or so, at a depth so the two cuts meet. This should result in a wedge-like shape cut out of the tree.

4. Make a third cut on the opposite side

Position yourself so you are neither directly under the felling area nor on the exact opposite side (it seems logical at first to be exactly opposite, but if the tree falls backwards, you don’t want to be under it).

A few inches above the first horizontal cut and on the opposite side of the tree, make another slice with the chainsaw but don’t cut all the way to the other cut lines. This is when the cut will separate the base of the tree, sort of like a hinge, and the tree will start to fall from its own weight. I was a little nervous when this part happened because K and his dad have ZERO FEAR getting up in the action and pushed on the tree (which I’m not sure you’re supposed to do, but I let it go).

5. Cut the stump

As the tree falls, move away from the tree. Once it’s down, cut the rest of the remaining trunk down to a stump.

6. Cut firewood logs

Cut off the smaller branches first until you have a clean section for making into logs. Elevate it off the ground slightly. Get most of the way through and slow as you get to the end of the cut (otherwise, the cut will give way and send the tip of your chainsaw into the dirt).

Family Time

Of course, that’s not the only thing we did on our visit. There was a good bit of relaxing, spending more time with one of K’s brothers and his wife (he has a total of 3 brothers), and getting some ideas on our future vintage travel trailer renovation (more on that later). Charlie and Stella had an absolute blast and were  ready for bed LONG before it was time.

Stella playing inside a hollowed stump – she thinks there’s an animal in there!

We also took an afternoon to walk down to another family property and visit Mrs. Carter’s uncle, who lives in the coolest old farmhouse (he’s in his 80s and still works out in the garden and built the second story!). I didn’t want to be too imposing and take photos inside, but if I ever can, I’ll happily share them here. I took few pictures of the other parts of the property from our walk, though.

Bonus Video

I didn’t take much video while I was up there, but I did get a couple of quick clips on my phone and put them together below. It’s mostly of the pups enjoying their trip (ha). Small bit at the end of my first time using the chainsaw (I promise, I improved from there!).

Hope you have a good one! I was hoping to share a few more things this week, including a post with lots of Charlie and Stella pics. Something on my A/C unit has busted and soaked through the ceiling in the living room, so it’s been a distraction-heavy week. With any luck, I can get back on schedule as soon as tomorrow!

The post If You Give a Gal a Chainsaw… (How to Cut Down a Small Tree) appeared first on Ugly Duckling House.

If You Give a Gal a Chainsaw… (How to Cut Down a Small Tree) published first on https://bakerskitchenslimited.tumblr.com/

[undertaker1827]

JWJWNAKAAN PROMT 1 AND 4 WITH GRELL AND HER S/O ANS HER S/O JUST WATCHED GRELL REAP THEIR BEST FRIENDS SOUL AND GRELL SEES THEM WATCHING AND IS LIKE SHIT FORGOT TO SAY IM A REAPER!!1!1!1 I LOVE UR WRITING AND I KNOW YOULL DO GOOD WITH IT 💕💕 HOPE UR STAYING SAFE AND DRINKING PLENTY OF WATER

I am drinking plenty of water, I hope you are too! Thank you and I’m glad you enjoy my writing, and I’m so sorry this took me so long, I hope you didn’t think I’d forgotten you!!

Hope you all enjoy and have a look at my masterlist?

-

Today was going to be a good day. You had woken up early with the intent to get up and get out. It was summer, it was a rare occasion in which the sun was beaming down over London and it was overall the perfect day for your plans. More accurately the plans for you and you best friend. Today had been in the works for a long time, keeping you both sustained through cold days and times where the day had not been exactly right. You were going to meet each other at London Liverpool Street station, then grab the tube to the centre of the city. Breakfast was going to be somewhere along the banks of the Thames, probably sandwiches and a good, strong cup of coffee each. Then the day would truly begin. You were going to hit all of the major tourist destinations, despite having already been to many of them previously. You planned to visit some of the on location shoots of your favourite show, purely for the sake of taking pictures and being able to prove you had in fact been there. You were going Asian for lunch, though where more specifically you had not yet decided, and all out fancy for dinner. And if you didn’t get home until the early hours of the next morning, who was going to stop you? Especially given that your friend hadn’t been feeling so well recently. This was bound to list their spirits.

It was still early when you ran though droves of commuters at Liverpool Street, waving your travel coffee cup in greeting. Your friend lifted a hand in return, though even from a distance you could see they looked a bit pale.

“Hey, you alright?” you asked, a little breathless from having moved so quickly. They explained they had felt quite ill for the last few days, but absolutely rebutted your attempts at going home and postponing the day out. You had been planning it for too long, they said, and really, you were excited enough to agree. You were making your way along the South side of London’s great river, a quitter spot and certainly not on the average tourist information sheet, but it was very close to an on location shooting site. It was really just a case of finding the exact place…

“There!” You called out suddenly, briefly glancing over your shoulder to beckon your friend and then running full pelt, thrilled at your discovery. In your excitement, you failed to see your friend starting to lean heavily on a black fence, nor did you see them collapse to their knees and finally fall to the ground. Location confirmed, you turned to speak to your friend, only to find they were not there. Calling their name apparently did nothing either. Becoming increasingly concerned, you quickly retraced your steps, only to hear an achingly familiar voice speaking clearly from around the corner. A voice belonging to someone who claimed she was too busy with work to go out with you the Friday just passed. Your steps carried you forwards until you could see crimson flooding the now grey, drab street. So focused were you on the explosion of colour that you didn’t see what she was standing over.

“…August 1995, died July 18th, 2019 aged 24 years. Heart attack. No notes of interest.” With that you watched as your lover, your crimson Grell yanked a chainsaw out of the lifeless body of your best friend, having placed a stamp in a book and returned both to the pockets of her coat. “Apologies darling, you truly were so young. But there such is life, yes? Now I have to-“

“Grell?!” The scream ripped through your throat before you had time to second guess it. “What the hell have you done?!” Grell flew around to face you, coat flaring out to frame her body and hair whipping around her head, the bloody chainsaw held out to the side with a strength you hadn’t know she possessed. You were knelt on the ground by your best friend in seconds, holding their hand and whispering to them, illogically trying to get a response, any response. Focused as you were on their body, you hadn’t seen Grell’s eyes widen at the sound of your voice, nor had you noticed the shock passing over her features or the realisation adorning it not a moment later.

“I never told you...” Grell breathed, amazed by her own carelessness regarding someone she cared so much about.

“Never told me what?” You choked out, looking up through the mist coating you vision. “Never told me what?!” Grell’s typically concerned look faded to something much softer, uncharacteristic of her outside of home. A quiet, sad air passed over her.

“That I’m a reaper.” You felt sick. You felt so sick.

“You just murdered my best friend and now you’re trying to play games with my mind? What the hell!”

“Y/N...” Gasping for air that didn’t want to come, you tried to push back your nausea, tears running down your cheeks and shaking your head. “Please, I know it was careless of me I just never thought - look it’s a lot to take in, I understand. But please listen to me. Look! My To-Die list, dispatch give me a new one every day. Y/N look!” She was desperate, you could see that. But even as you took the leather bound note book and glanced over your friend’s entry, you absolutely refused. This was utter madness. You trusted Grell, you were supposed to be able to trust her!

You threw the book back at her, uncaring as to whether she caught it or not. But when you turned back to the body laying next to you, your fractured heart broke to see someone already moving them. Eyes widening, you shook your head frantically and stumbled to your feet clumsily following after a man dressed all in black. He had a hearse pulled over in a tiny backstreet opposite to where they had been killed and he appeared to be taking them to it. He had already laid them inside by the time you got there.

“W-wait, please,” you whispered, emotion overwhelming your voice as you all but pushed past the stranger. “That’s my friend. That’s-”

You had almost reached their shoulder as a hand closed around your wrist, gentle but firm and strikingly cold.

“Come away, now,” the man murmured quietly, sliver bangs covering most of his face but his mere presence somehow calming.

“Undertaker,” Grell warned from over your shoulder, grip on her weapon tightening. ‘Undertaker’ raised a placating hand, carefully extracting yours from his hearse and starting to lead you back to Grell. When you realised this, you dug your heels in almost immediately.

“No. Don’t, she’s a murderer, she killed them!” You pointed behind you, trying to get this man to understand what had happened. Only he saw Grell’s face fall into despair.

“She’s not.” You paused in your protestations, raising the wrist he was still holding between you. What? “What she told you is true, she’s a grim reaper. They harvest the souls of the dead, they do not actively kill them. I can only assume it never occurred to her that she should tell you.” You turned, looking from Grell to Undertaker and back again.

“Y/N it’s true, I swear it,” she murmured, expression pained.

“Did you never notice her eyes?” Grell frowned, and you both moved to face Undertaker. “You must have, surely.” You moved to run a hand through your hair.

“Of course I noticed, I just... I thought the thing about chartreuse phosphorescent eyes was just a legend. I never realised, I never knew it was real!” Undertaker nodded.

“Understandable. I will have to go now, though. A fresh stiff always attracts too much attention.” His hand raised to silence your words before you had a chance to say them. “You’ll be able to see them again, just not right away. I’ve got my own job to think about.”

You and Grell stood in silence as the hearse drove away. It took you a while, but you eventually mustered up the courage to turn around, grabbing her elbow to make her walk with you and then quickly dropping it again.

“Will you explain? Please?”

“Of course,” she whispered. “As both myself and Undertaker already said, I’m a reaper. I only collect people’s souls when they die, I don’t kill them. It was her time.” Hands stuffed into your pockets, you glanced over to the river you were now walking besides.

“Could I have done anything?” Grell gave a small, sad shake of her head. You nodded in return. After another 10 minutes of silence, she spoke again.

“Can I do something? What do you need?” You inhaled deeply.

“I want to go home,” you started. “I don’t want to be alone,” was added more quietly on to the end.

“Hold onto my arm?” You glanced up at Grell, weighing up your options for a moment before deciding what the hell and then doing just that. The next thing you knew you were standing back in your apartment. Your incredulity was met by the reaper explaining a form of portalling was also something they could do. She looked at you calmly, silently asking what else you needed.

“Please just hold me?”

Grell nodded, dropping the chainsaw - which she had explained was actually a death scyth - and walking towards you, proceeding to sweep her arm beneath your legs then carry you to an armchair, sitting comfortably with you curled into her. Head resting on her shoulder and eyes slightly glazed, she drew gentle patterns along your back.

“Thank you.” It came out as a hushed whisper. Grell shook her head, squeezing you tightly to her.

“I’m so sorry.” You just nodded, squeezing your eyes tightly shut and trying to make sense of everything. You thought it would take a while.

[georgeycowell]

If You Give a Gal a Chainsaw… (How to Cut Down a Small Tree)

Have you ever put a new tool in your hands and felt like Wonder Woman? Or, I suppose more generally, a superhero? I often feel that way. Power tools, especially ones I am using on a project for the first time, always give me a little bit of a rush.

Perhaps it’s because power tools are more often associated with dudeliness, so I feel a little rebellious against stereotype. Perhaps it’s because I get to learn more and pass that info along to you guys. Perhaps it’s because by the end of whatever it is I’m doing, something awesome is going to be there that wasn’t there before.

(It’s a little bit of all of that.)

Whenever I get a new tool, either by purchasing myself or from a new sponsor (the best kind of enablers ), I actively look for a way to start using it. So, when K mentioned that he wanted to take a weekend to visit his parents’ new tiny house in Tennessee, brought along my new STIHL battery-powered chainsaw. They sent me one a few months ago as part of this year’s partnership, along with a few other outdoor tools, and I was itching to use it.

His parents had purchased some of their family’s farmland to build on, and I was going to see it for the first time. They have a ton of old trees around the home and regularly cut them down (they did the same at their old home when I visited last fall — if you recall, that’s where Charlie saw her first cow EVER). I packed the chainsaw* because I knew the opportunity might come up where I could learn a thing or two from K’s dad and compare it to the gas-powered chainsaws I knew he had.

*I know, just casually bringing up the subject of chainsaws is a weird thing to do with your boyfriend’s parents, but it’s just kind of part of how I’ve gotten to know his family. His dad was thrilled to show me what he knows and it was a lot of fun, and not at all creepy the way it sounds as I’m retelling this story.

As luck would have it, there were a few trees ready for a good chop! Since several around their new property were dead and/or infested with termites, cutting them down was the best way to protect the newly built tiny house. K’s dad gave me a few pointers, which I’ve shared below (scroll to “how to cut down a tree” for that). You can also see a few scars on the bark of some of these trees where old vines had been strangling them.

I should also mention that, despite having enough forethought to bring my new chainsaw with me, I managed to forget my safety chaps – d’oh! I did find a pair of my STIHL earbuds in the car (I often leave them around my neck by accident when I do a store run, so finding a pair in my car or purse is pretty common!). I then borrowed some protective eyewear from K’s dad, but I’m recommending before we get started here that safety chaps protect your legs from the chainsaw if it takes a weird bounce. I will eventually use the chainsaw again at home, so you’ll see me correctly geared up like I was a the STIHL summit when that happens.

(I should have looked more like this.)

STIHL MSA 120 battery powered chainsaw review

Even though I was lucky enough to have my pick of chainsaws from the STIHL Lightning Battery System line, I opted for their smallest. On the surface, that sounds kinda nuts, since why wouldn’t I go for more power if I can? To put it simply, I wanted this to be a true test of what STIHL says this chainsaw can do:

Part of the AK Series, the MSA 120 C-BQ is a great battery-powered chainsaw for suburban homeowners, handling storm cleanup to limb removal. The MSA 120 C-BQ bundle comes standard with the AK 20 battery and AL 101 battery charger. It features low vibration, quick chain adjustment and STIHL Quickstop® Plus chain braking feature. Make 100 cuts through a 4″ log on a single charge, which gives you enough power to tackle a stack of firewood.

In terms of yard cleanup, taking out small trees, cutting firewood, and so forth, this seemed most in line with how I’d wind up using a chainsaw in general. It would be very rare for me to need to cut down a large tree (in fact, I hired out to the pros when I needed to take out the pine trees in my yard — not only because of their size but I needed the expertise and the satisfaction that someone had the right permits and approvals to do such a large job in a suburban area like mine). To get something bigger and then talk about how impressive it is to take care of these smaller tasks didn’t seem like as much of a good test.

Overall impression:

Pretty good performance for its size. I was able to cut down a couple of small trees and slice that into firewood in a single charge. It’s also really lightweight, which means that just about anyone can use it (I even got K’s mom to try it).

In other words: it will last about as long as your own energy to do the task. When it stops was pretty much when all of us were ready to be done for the afternoon.

Despite the years of cutting down trees, Mrs. Carter had actually never tried to use a chainsaw before. With some encouragement, I got her to give it a shot! I was so strangely PROUD of that moment of getting her to try it.

She would like me to tell you, from her own endorsement, that it’s light enough for seniors to handle. Since K and I both consider her stamp of approval to be a Pretty Big Deal, I wouldn’t be surprised if STIHL sent out a press release on that quote. It’s like the Good Housekeeping seal, only much more exclusive.

How to fell a small tree with a chainsaw

The phrase “fell a tree” always hits my ear weird, but that’s the other way of saying “cut down a tree” — which do you use?

At any rate, below is a recap of what I learned from Mr. Carter as he gave me pointers. Just in case it’s asked, I’ll clarify that he’s not a professional arborist, but he is an guy who has cut down scores (possibly hundreds?) of trees in his lifetime. Get your elders to teach you things, friends — they will, and it’s awesome!

1. Plan ahead

I had K’s dad pick the spots to cut as well as the path that the tree would fall (both in terms of him being the more experienced one and so he could be responsible for it not hitting his house!). But ultimately, you need to clearly identify where the tree will land. It appeared that his goal each time was for the tree to come down and not only clear the house, but to hit the ground without falling down on other trees (doing so could possible entangle the fallen tree with the healthy one, kill a healthy one in the process, or cause the other to fall in a weird direction and hit something unexpectedly).

He also took some time to clear away debris around the base. Fallen branches and other obstacles are dangerous objects you won’t want to trip on if you have to suddenly move out of the way.

It should also go without saying that people, dogs, and other precious things should not be in the area either.

2. Make your cuts at a comfortable height

Don’t feel the need to squat down and cut close to the ground right away. You can make your initial cuts, let the tree fall, and then cut down the remaining bit to a stump. Use a stance that is comfortable for you to hold throughout the entire cut. It’s safer to have a good handle on the chainsaw and prioritize on cutting in the right spot so that the tree falls where you want.

3. Cut a wedge on the same side as the tree will fall

Our first cut was horizontal, about halfway through the tree (sometimes 2/3 if it’s small). Allow the chainsaw to work the cut; do not work it in a sawing motion. The next cut is at a downward angle above the first cut, about 60 degrees or so, at a depth so the two cuts meet. This should result in a wedge-like shape cut out of the tree.

4. Make a third cut on the opposite side

Position yourself so you are neither directly under the felling area nor on the exact opposite side (it seems logical at first to be exactly opposite, but if the tree falls backwards, you don’t want to be under it).

A few inches above the first horizontal cut and on the opposite side of the tree, make another slice with the chainsaw but don’t cut all the way to the other cut lines. This is when the cut will separate the base of the tree, sort of like a hinge, and the tree will start to fall from its own weight. I was a little nervous when this part happened because K and his dad have ZERO FEAR getting up in the action and pushed on the tree (which I’m not sure you’re supposed to do, but I let it go).

5. Cut the stump

As the tree falls, move away from the tree. Once it’s down, cut the rest of the remaining trunk down to a stump.

6. Cut firewood logs

Cut off the smaller branches first until you have a clean section for making into logs. Elevate it off the ground slightly. Get most of the way through and slow as you get to the end of the cut (otherwise, the cut will give way and send the tip of your chainsaw into the dirt).

Family Time

Of course, that’s not the only thing we did on our visit. There was a good bit of relaxing, spending more time with one of K’s brothers and his wife (he has a total of 3 brothers), and getting some ideas on our future vintage travel trailer renovation (more on that later). Charlie and Stella had an absolute blast and were  ready for bed LONG before it was time.

Stella playing inside a hollowed stump – she thinks there’s an animal in there!

We also took an afternoon to walk down to another family property and visit Mrs. Carter’s uncle, who lives in the coolest old farmhouse (he’s in his 80s and still works out in the garden and built the second story!). I didn’t want to be too imposing and take photos inside, but if I ever can, I’ll happily share them here. I took few pictures of the other parts of the property from our walk, though.

Bonus Video

I didn’t take much video while I was up there, but I did get a couple of quick clips on my phone and put them together below. It’s mostly of the pups enjoying their trip (ha). Small bit at the end of my first time using the chainsaw (I promise, I improved from there!).

Hope you have a good one! I was hoping to share a few more things this week, including a post with lots of Charlie and Stella pics. Something on my A/C unit has busted and soaked through the ceiling in the living room, so it’s been a distraction-heavy week. With any luck, I can get back on schedule as soon as tomorrow!

The post If You Give a Gal a Chainsaw… (How to Cut Down a Small Tree) appeared first on Ugly Duckling House.

from Home https://www.uglyducklinghouse.com/how-to-cut-down-a-small-tree-stihl-battery-chainsaw/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[darwinbigelow]

If You Give a Gal a Chainsaw… (How to Cut Down a Small Tree)

Have you ever put a new tool in your hands and felt like Wonder Woman? Or, I suppose more generally, a superhero? I often feel that way. Power tools, especially ones I am using on a project for the first time, always give me a little bit of a rush.

Perhaps it’s because power tools are more often associated with dudeliness, so I feel a little rebellious against stereotype. Perhaps it’s because I get to learn more and pass that info along to you guys. Perhaps it’s because by the end of whatever it is I’m doing, something awesome is going to be there that wasn’t there before.

(It’s a little bit of all of that.)

Whenever I get a new tool, either by purchasing myself or from a new sponsor (the best kind of enablers ), I actively look for a way to start using it. So, when K mentioned that he wanted to take a weekend to visit his parents’ new tiny house in Tennessee, brought along my new STIHL battery-powered chainsaw. They sent me one a few months ago as part of this year’s partnership, along with a few other outdoor tools, and I was itching to use it.

His parents had purchased some of their family’s farmland to build on, and I was going to see it for the first time. They have a ton of old trees around the home and regularly cut them down (they did the same at their old home when I visited last fall — if you recall, that’s where Charlie saw her first cow EVER). I packed the chainsaw* because I knew the opportunity might come up where I could learn a thing or two from K’s dad and compare it to the gas-powered chainsaws I knew he had.

*I know, just casually bringing up the subject of chainsaws is a weird thing to do with your boyfriend’s parents, but it’s just kind of part of how I’ve gotten to know his family. His dad was thrilled to show me what he knows and it was a lot of fun, and not at all creepy the way it sounds as I’m retelling this story.

As luck would have it, there were a few trees ready for a good chop! Since several around their new property were dead and/or infested with termites, cutting them down was the best way to protect the newly built tiny house. K’s dad gave me a few pointers, which I’ve shared below (scroll to “how to cut down a tree” for that). You can also see a few scars on the bark of some of these trees where old vines had been strangling them.

I should also mention that, despite having enough forethought to bring my new chainsaw with me, I managed to forget my safety chaps – d’oh! I did find a pair of my STIHL earbuds in the car (I often leave them around my neck by accident when I do a store run, so finding a pair in my car or purse is pretty common!). I then borrowed some protective eyewear from K’s dad, but I’m recommending before we get started here that safety chaps protect your legs from the chainsaw if it takes a weird bounce. I will eventually use the chainsaw again at home, so you’ll see me correctly geared up like I was a the STIHL summit when that happens.

(I should have looked more like this.)

STIHL MSA 120 battery powered chainsaw review

Even though I was lucky enough to have my pick of chainsaws from the STIHL Lightning Battery System line, I opted for their smallest. On the surface, that sounds kinda nuts, since why wouldn’t I go for more power if I can? To put it simply, I wanted this to be a true test of what STIHL says this chainsaw can do:

Part of the AK Series, the MSA 120 C-BQ is a great battery-powered chainsaw for suburban homeowners, handling storm cleanup to limb removal. The MSA 120 C-BQ bundle comes standard with the AK 20 battery and AL 101 battery charger. It features low vibration, quick chain adjustment and STIHL Quickstop® Plus chain braking feature. Make 100 cuts through a 4″ log on a single charge, which gives you enough power to tackle a stack of firewood.

In terms of yard cleanup, taking out small trees, cutting firewood, and so forth, this seemed most in line with how I’d wind up using a chainsaw in general. It would be very rare for me to need to cut down a large tree (in fact, I hired out to the pros when I needed to take out the pine trees in my yard — not only because of their size but I needed the expertise and the satisfaction that someone had the right permits and approvals to do such a large job in a suburban area like mine). To get something bigger and then talk about how impressive it is to take care of these smaller tasks didn’t seem like as much of a good test.

Overall impression:

Pretty good performance for its size. I was able to cut down a couple of small trees and slice that into firewood in a single charge. It’s also really lightweight, which means that just about anyone can use it (I even got K’s mom to try it).

In other words: it will last about as long as your own energy to do the task. When it stops was pretty much when all of us were ready to be done for the afternoon.

Despite the years of cutting down trees, Mrs. Carter had actually never tried to use a chainsaw before. With some encouragement, I got her to give it a shot! I was so strangely PROUD of that moment of getting her to try it.

She would like me to tell you, from her own endorsement, that it’s light enough for seniors to handle. Since K and I both consider her stamp of approval to be a Pretty Big Deal, I wouldn’t be surprised if STIHL sent out a press release on that quote. It’s like the Good Housekeeping seal, only much more exclusive.

How to fell a small tree with a chainsaw

The phrase “fell a tree” always hits my ear weird, but that’s the other way of saying “cut down a tree” — which do you use?

At any rate, below is a recap of what I learned from Mr. Carter as he gave me pointers. Just in case it’s asked, I’ll clarify that he’s not a professional arborist, but he is an guy who has cut down scores (possibly hundreds?) of trees in his lifetime. Get your elders to teach you things, friends — they will, and it’s awesome!

1. Plan ahead

I had K’s dad pick the spots to cut as well as the path that the tree would fall (both in terms of him being the more experienced one and so he could be responsible for it not hitting his house!). But ultimately, you need to clearly identify where the tree will land. It appeared that his goal each time was for the tree to come down and not only clear the house, but to hit the ground without falling down on other trees (doing so could possible entangle the fallen tree with the healthy one, kill a healthy one in the process, or cause the other to fall in a weird direction and hit something unexpectedly).

He also took some time to clear away debris around the base. Fallen branches and other obstacles are dangerous objects you won’t want to trip on if you have to suddenly move out of the way.

It should also go without saying that people, dogs, and other precious things should not be in the area either.

2. Make your cuts at a comfortable height

Don’t feel the need to squat down and cut close to the ground right away. You can make your initial cuts, let the tree fall, and then cut down the remaining bit to a stump. Use a stance that is comfortable for you to hold throughout the entire cut. It’s safer to have a good handle on the chainsaw and prioritize on cutting in the right spot so that the tree falls where you want.

3. Cut a wedge on the same side as the tree will fall

Our first cut was horizontal, about halfway through the tree (sometimes 2/3 if it’s small). Allow the chainsaw to work the cut; do not work it in a sawing motion. The next cut is at a downward angle above the first cut, about 60 degrees or so, at a depth so the two cuts meet. This should result in a wedge-like shape cut out of the tree.

4. Make a third cut on the opposite side

Position yourself so you are neither directly under the felling area nor on the exact opposite side (it seems logical at first to be exactly opposite, but if the tree falls backwards, you don’t want to be under it).

A few inches above the first horizontal cut and on the opposite side of the tree, make another slice with the chainsaw but don’t cut all the way to the other cut lines. This is when the cut will separate the base of the tree, sort of like a hinge, and the tree will start to fall from its own weight. I was a little nervous when this part happened because K and his dad have ZERO FEAR getting up in the action and pushed on the tree (which I’m not sure you’re supposed to do, but I know better than to start correcting / questioning

5. Cut the stump

As the tree falls, move away from the tree. Once it’s down, cut the rest of the remaining trunk down to a stump.

6. Cut firewood logs

Cut off the smaller branches first until you have a clean section for making into logs. Elevate it off the ground slightly. Get most of the way through and slow as you get to the end of the cut (otherwise, the cut will give way and send the tip of your chainsaw into the dirt).

Family Time

Of course, that’s not the only thing we did on our visit. There was a good bit of relaxing, spending more time with one of K’s brothers and his wife (he has a total of 3 brothers), and getting some ideas on our future vintage travel trailer renovation (more on that later). Charlie and Stella had an absolute blast and were  ready for bed LONG before it was time.

Stella playing inside a hollowed stump – she thinks there’s an animal in there!

We also took an afternoon to walk down to another family property and visit Mrs. Carter’s uncle, who lives in the coolest old farmhouse (he’s in his 80s and still works out in the garden and built the second story!). I didn’t want to be too imposing and take photos inside, but if I ever can, I’ll happily share them here. I took few pictures of the other parts of the property from our walk, though.

Bonus Video

I didn’t take much video while I was up there, but I did get a couple of quick clips on my phone and put them together below. It’s mostly of the pups enjoying their trip (ha). Small bit at the end of my first time using the chainsaw (I promise, I improved from there!).

Hope you have a good one! I was hoping to share a few more things this week, including a post with lots of Charlie and Stella pics. Something on my A/C unit has busted and soaked through the ceiling in the living room, so it’s been a distraction-heavy week. With any luck, I can get back on schedule as soon as tomorrow!

The post If You Give a Gal a Chainsaw… (How to Cut Down a Small Tree) appeared first on Ugly Duckling House.

from Home Improvement https://www.uglyducklinghouse.com/how-to-cut-down-a-small-tree-stihl-battery-chainsaw/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[petraself]

If You Give a Gal a Chainsaw… (How to Cut Down a Small Tree)

Have you ever put a new tool in your hands and felt like Wonder Woman? Or, I suppose more generally, a superhero? I often feel that way. Power tools, especially ones I am using on a project for the first time, always give me a little bit of a rush.

Perhaps it’s because power tools are more often associated with dudeliness, so I feel a little rebellious against stereotype. Perhaps it’s because I get to learn more and pass that info along to you guys. Perhaps it’s because by the end of whatever it is I’m doing, something awesome is going to be there that wasn’t there before.

(It’s a little bit of all of that.)

Whenever I get a new tool, either by purchasing myself or from a new sponsor (the best kind of enablers ), I actively look for a way to start using it. So, when K mentioned that he wanted to take a weekend to visit his parents’ new tiny house in Tennessee, brought along my new STIHL battery-powered chainsaw. They sent me one a few months ago as part of this year’s partnership, along with a few other outdoor tools, and I was itching to use it.

His parents had purchased some of their family’s farmland to build on, and I was going to see it for the first time. They have a ton of old trees around the home and regularly cut them down (they did the same at their old home when I visited last fall — if you recall, that’s where Charlie saw her first cow EVER). I packed the chainsaw* because I knew the opportunity might come up where I could learn a thing or two from K’s dad and compare it to the gas-powered chainsaws I knew he had.

*I know, just casually bringing up the subject of chainsaws is a weird thing to do with your boyfriend’s parents, but it’s just kind of part of how I’ve gotten to know his family. His dad was thrilled to show me what he knows and it was a lot of fun, and not at all creepy the way it sounds as I’m retelling this story.

As luck would have it, there were a few trees ready for a good chop! Since several around their new property were dead and/or infested with termites, cutting them down was the best way to protect the newly built tiny house. K’s dad gave me a few pointers, which I’ve shared below (scroll to “how to cut down a tree” for that). You can also see a few scars on the bark of some of these trees where old vines had been strangling them.

I should also mention that, despite having enough forethought to bring my new chainsaw with me, I managed to forget my safety chaps – d’oh! I did find a pair of my STIHL earbuds in the car (I often leave them around my neck by accident when I do a store run, so finding a pair in my car or purse is pretty common!). I then borrowed some protective eyewear from K’s dad, but I’m recommending before we get started here that safety chaps protect your legs from the chainsaw if it takes a weird bounce. I will eventually use the chainsaw again at home, so you’ll see me correctly geared up like I was a the STIHL summit when that happens.

(I should have looked more like this.)

STIHL MSA 120 battery powered chainsaw review

Even though I was lucky enough to have my pick of chainsaws from the STIHL Lightning Battery System line, I opted for their smallest. On the surface, that sounds kinda nuts, since why wouldn’t I go for more power if I can? To put it simply, I wanted this to be a true test of what STIHL says this chainsaw can do:

Part of the AK Series, the MSA 120 C-BQ is a great battery-powered chainsaw for suburban homeowners, handling storm cleanup to limb removal. The MSA 120 C-BQ bundle comes standard with the AK 20 battery and AL 101 battery charger. It features low vibration, quick chain adjustment and STIHL Quickstop® Plus chain braking feature. Make 100 cuts through a 4″ log on a single charge, which gives you enough power to tackle a stack of firewood.

In terms of yard cleanup, taking out small trees, cutting firewood, and so forth, this seemed most in line with how I’d wind up using a chainsaw in general. It would be very rare for me to need to cut down a large tree (in fact, I hired out to the pros when I needed to take out the pine trees in my yard — not only because of their size but I needed the expertise and the satisfaction that someone had the right permits and approvals to do such a large job in a suburban area like mine). To get something bigger and then talk about how impressive it is to take care of these smaller tasks didn’t seem like as much of a good test.

Overall impression:

Pretty good performance for its size. I was able to cut down a couple of small trees and slice that into firewood in a single charge. It’s also really lightweight, which means that just about anyone can use it (I even got K’s mom to try it).

In other words: it will last about as long as your own energy to do the task. When it stops was pretty much when all of us were ready to be done for the afternoon.

Despite the years of cutting down trees, Mrs. Carter had actually never tried to use a chainsaw before. With some encouragement, I got her to give it a shot! I was so strangely PROUD of that moment of getting her to try it.

She would like me to tell you, from her own endorsement, that it’s light enough for seniors to handle. Since K and I both consider her stamp of approval to be a Pretty Big Deal, I wouldn’t be surprised if STIHL sent out a press release on that quote. It’s like the Good Housekeeping seal, only much more exclusive.

How to fell a small tree with a chainsaw

The phrase “fell a tree” always hits my ear weird, but that’s the other way of saying “cut down a tree” — which do you use?

At any rate, below is a recap of what I learned from Mr. Carter as he gave me pointers. Just in case it’s asked, I’ll clarify that he’s not a professional arborist, but he is an guy who has cut down scores (possibly hundreds?) of trees in his lifetime. Get your elders to teach you things, friends — they will, and it’s awesome!

1. Plan ahead

I had K’s dad pick the spots to cut as well as the path that the tree would fall (both in terms of him being the more experienced one and so he could be responsible for it not hitting his house!). But ultimately, you need to clearly identify where the tree will land. It appeared that his goal each time was for the tree to come down and not only clear the house, but to hit the ground without falling down on other trees (doing so could possible entangle the fallen tree with the healthy one, kill a healthy one in the process, or cause the other to fall in a weird direction and hit something unexpectedly).

He also took some time to clear away debris around the base. Fallen branches and other obstacles are dangerous objects you won’t want to trip on if you have to suddenly move out of the way.

It should also go without saying that people, dogs, and other precious things should not be in the area either.

2. Make your cuts at a comfortable height

Don’t feel the need to squat down and cut close to the ground right away. You can make your initial cuts, let the tree fall, and then cut down the remaining bit to a stump. Use a stance that is comfortable for you to hold throughout the entire cut. It’s safer to have a good handle on the chainsaw and prioritize on cutting in the right spot so that the tree falls where you want.

3. Cut a wedge on the same side as the tree will fall

Our first cut was horizontal, about halfway through the tree (sometimes 2/3 if it’s small). Allow the chainsaw to work the cut; do not work it in a sawing motion. The next cut is at a downward angle above the first cut, about 60 degrees or so, at a depth so the two cuts meet. This should result in a wedge-like shape cut out of the tree.

4. Make a third cut on the opposite side

Position yourself so you are neither directly under the felling area nor on the exact opposite side (it seems logical at first to be exactly opposite, but if the tree falls backwards, you don’t want to be under it).

A few inches above the first horizontal cut and on the opposite side of the tree, make another slice with the chainsaw but don’t cut all the way to the other cut lines. This is when the cut will separate the base of the tree, sort of like a hinge, and the tree will start to fall from its own weight. I was a little nervous when this part happened because K and his dad have ZERO FEAR getting up in the action and pushed on the tree (which I’m not sure you’re supposed to do, but I know better than to start correcting / questioning

5. Cut the stump

As the tree falls, move away from the tree. Once it’s down, cut the rest of the remaining trunk down to a stump.

6. Cut firewood logs

Cut off the smaller branches first until you have a clean section for making into logs. Elevate it off the ground slightly. Get most of the way through and slow as you get to the end of the cut (otherwise, the cut will give way and send the tip of your chainsaw into the dirt).

Family Time

Of course, that’s not the only thing we did on our visit. There was a good bit of relaxing, spending more time with one of K’s brothers and his wife (he has a total of 3 brothers), and getting some ideas on our future vintage travel trailer renovation (more on that later). Charlie and Stella had an absolute blast and were  ready for bed LONG before it was time.

Stella playing inside a hollowed stump – she thinks there’s an animal in there!

We also took an afternoon to walk down to another family property and visit Mrs. Carter’s uncle, who lives in the coolest old farmhouse (he’s in his 80s and still works out in the garden and built the second story!). I didn’t want to be too imposing and take photos inside, but if I ever can, I’ll happily share them here. I took few pictures of the other parts of the property from our walk, though.

Bonus Video

I didn’t take much video while I was up there, but I did get a couple of quick clips on my phone and put them together below. It’s mostly of the pups enjoying their trip (ha). Small bit at the end of my first time using the chainsaw (I promise, I improved from there!).

Hope you have a good one! I was hoping to share a few more things this week, including a post with lots of Charlie and Stella pics. Something on my A/C unit has busted and soaked through the ceiling in the living room, so it’s been a distraction-heavy week. With any luck, I can get back on schedule as soon as tomorrow!

The post If You Give a Gal a Chainsaw… (How to Cut Down a Small Tree) appeared first on Ugly Duckling House.

If You Give a Gal a Chainsaw… (How to Cut Down a Small Tree) published first on www.uglyducklinghouse.com

[garagedoorsbrighton]

If You Give a Gal a Chainsaw… (How to Cut Down a Small Tree)

Have you ever put a new tool in your hands and felt like Wonder Woman? Or, I suppose more generally, a superhero? I often feel that way. Power tools, especially ones I am using on a project for the first time, always give me a little bit of a rush.

Perhaps it’s because power tools are more often associated with dudeliness, so I feel a little rebellious against stereotype. Perhaps it’s because I get to learn more and pass that info along to you guys. Perhaps it’s because by the end of whatever it is I’m doing, something awesome is going to be there that wasn’t there before.

(It’s a little bit of all of that.)

Whenever I get a new tool, either by purchasing myself or from a new sponsor (the best kind of enablers ), I actively look for a way to start using it. So, when K mentioned that he wanted to take a weekend to visit his parents’ new tiny house in Tennessee, brought along my new STIHL battery-powered chainsaw. They sent me one a few months ago as part of this year’s partnership, along with a few other outdoor tools, and I was itching to use it.

His parents had purchased some of their family’s farmland to build on, and I was going to see it for the first time. They have a ton of old trees around the home and regularly cut them down (they did the same at their old home when I visited last fall — if you recall, that’s where Charlie saw her first cow EVER). I packed the chainsaw* because I knew the opportunity might come up where I could learn a thing or two from K’s dad and compare it to the gas-powered chainsaws I knew he had.

*I know, just casually bringing up the subject of chainsaws is a weird thing to do with your boyfriend’s parents, but it’s just kind of part of how I’ve gotten to know his family. His dad was thrilled to show me what he knows and it was a lot of fun, and not at all creepy the way it sounds as I’m retelling this story.

As luck would have it, there were a few trees ready for a good chop! Since several around their new property were dead and/or infested with termites, cutting them down was the best way to protect the newly built tiny house. K’s dad gave me a few pointers, which I’ve shared below (scroll to “how to cut down a tree” for that). You can also see a few scars on the bark of some of these trees where old vines had been strangling them.

I should also mention that, despite having enough forethought to bring my new chainsaw with me, I managed to forget my safety chaps – d’oh! I did find a pair of my STIHL earbuds in the car (I often leave them around my neck by accident when I do a store run, so finding a pair in my car or purse is pretty common!). I then borrowed some protective eyewear from K’s dad, but I’m recommending before we get started here that safety chaps protect your legs from the chainsaw if it takes a weird bounce. I will eventually use the chainsaw again at home, so you’ll see me correctly geared up like I was a the STIHL summit when that happens.

(I should have looked more like this.)

STIHL MSA 120 battery powered chainsaw review

Even though I was lucky enough to have my pick of chainsaws from the STIHL Lightning Battery System line, I opted for their smallest. On the surface, that sounds kinda nuts, since why wouldn’t I go for more power if I can? To put it simply, I wanted this to be a true test of what STIHL says this chainsaw can do:

Part of the AK Series, the MSA 120 C-BQ is a great battery-powered chainsaw for suburban homeowners, handling storm cleanup to limb removal. The MSA 120 C-BQ bundle comes standard with the AK 20 battery and AL 101 battery charger. It features low vibration, quick chain adjustment and STIHL Quickstop® Plus chain braking feature. Make 100 cuts through a 4″ log on a single charge, which gives you enough power to tackle a stack of firewood.

In terms of yard cleanup, taking out small trees, cutting firewood, and so forth, this seemed most in line with how I’d wind up using a chainsaw in general. It would be very rare for me to need to cut down a large tree (in fact, I hired out to the pros when I needed to take out the pine trees in my yard — not only because of their size but I needed the expertise and the satisfaction that someone had the right permits and approvals to do such a large job in a suburban area like mine). To get something bigger and then talk about how impressive it is to take care of these smaller tasks didn’t seem like as much of a good test.

Overall impression:

Pretty good performance for its size. I was able to cut down a couple of small trees and slice that into firewood in a single charge. It’s also really lightweight, which means that just about anyone can use it (I even got K’s mom to try it).

In other words: it will last about as long as your own energy to do the task. When it stops was pretty much when all of us were ready to be done for the afternoon.

Despite the years of cutting down trees, Mrs. Carter had actually never tried to use a chainsaw before. With some encouragement, I got her to give it a shot! I was so strangely PROUD of that moment of getting her to try it.

She would like me to tell you, from her own endorsement, that it’s light enough for seniors to handle. Since K and I both consider her stamp of approval to be a Pretty Big Deal, I wouldn’t be surprised if STIHL sent out a press release on that quote. It’s like the Good Housekeeping seal, only much more exclusive.

How to fell a small tree with a chainsaw

The phrase “fell a tree” always hits my ear weird, but that’s the other way of saying “cut down a tree” — which do you use?

At any rate, below is a recap of what I learned from Mr. Carter as he gave me pointers. Just in case it’s asked, I’ll clarify that he’s not a professional arborist, but he is an guy who has cut down scores (possibly hundreds?) of trees in his lifetime. Get your elders to teach you things, friends — they will, and it’s awesome!

1. Plan ahead

I had K’s dad pick the spots to cut as well as the path that the tree would fall (both in terms of him being the more experienced one and so he could be responsible for it not hitting his house!). But ultimately, you need to clearly identify where the tree will land. It appeared that his goal each time was for the tree to come down and not only clear the house, but to hit the ground without falling down on other trees (doing so could possible entangle the fallen tree with the healthy one, kill a healthy one in the process, or cause the other to fall in a weird direction and hit something unexpectedly).

He also took some time to clear away debris around the base. Fallen branches and other obstacles are dangerous objects you won’t want to trip on if you have to suddenly move out of the way.

It should also go without saying that people, dogs, and other precious things should not be in the area either.

2. Make your cuts at a comfortable height

Don’t feel the need to squat down and cut close to the ground right away. You can make your initial cuts, let the tree fall, and then cut down the remaining bit to a stump. Use a stance that is comfortable for you to hold throughout the entire cut. It’s safer to have a good handle on the chainsaw and prioritize on cutting in the right spot so that the tree falls where you want.

3. Cut a wedge on the same side as the tree will fall

Our first cut was horizontal, about halfway through the tree (sometimes 2/3 if it’s small). Allow the chainsaw to work the cut; do not work it in a sawing motion. The next cut is at a downward angle above the first cut, about 60 degrees or so, at a depth so the two cuts meet. This should result in a wedge-like shape cut out of the tree.

4. Make a third cut on the opposite side

Position yourself so you are neither directly under the felling area nor on the exact opposite side (it seems logical at first to be exactly opposite, but if the tree falls backwards, you don’t want to be under it).

A few inches above the first horizontal cut and on the opposite side of the tree, make another slice with the chainsaw but don’t cut all the way to the other cut lines. This is when the cut will separate the base of the tree, sort of like a hinge, and the tree will start to fall from its own weight. I was a little nervous when this part happened because K and his dad have ZERO FEAR getting up in the action and pushed on the tree (which I’m not sure you’re supposed to do, but I know better than to start correcting / questioning

5. Cut the stump

As the tree falls, move away from the tree. Once it’s down, cut the rest of the remaining trunk down to a stump.

6. Cut firewood logs

Cut off the smaller branches first until you have a clean section for making into logs. Elevate it off the ground slightly. Get most of the way through and slow as you get to the end of the cut (otherwise, the cut will give way and send the tip of your chainsaw into the dirt).

Family Time

Of course, that’s not the only thing we did on our visit. There was a good bit of relaxing, spending more time with one of K’s brothers and his wife (he has a total of 3 brothers), and getting some ideas on our future vintage travel trailer renovation (more on that later). Charlie and Stella had an absolute blast and were  ready for bed LONG before it was time.

Stella playing inside a hollowed stump – she thinks there’s an animal in there!

We also took an afternoon to walk down to another family property and visit Mrs. Carter’s uncle, who lives in the coolest old farmhouse (he’s in his 80s and still works out in the garden and built the second story!). I didn’t want to be too imposing and take photos inside, but if I ever can, I’ll happily share them here. I took few pictures of the other parts of the property from our walk, though.

Bonus Video

I didn’t take much video while I was up there, but I did get a couple of quick clips on my phone and put them together below. It’s mostly of the pups enjoying their trip (ha). Small bit at the end of my first time using the chainsaw (I promise, I improved from there!).

Hope you have a good one! I was hoping to share a few more things this week, including a post with lots of Charlie and Stella pics. Something on my A/C unit has busted and soaked through the ceiling in the living room, so it’s been a distraction-heavy week. With any luck, I can get back on schedule as soon as tomorrow!

The post If You Give a Gal a Chainsaw… (How to Cut Down a Small Tree) appeared first on Ugly Duckling House.

from Ugly Duckling House https://www.uglyducklinghouse.com/how-to-cut-down-a-small-tree-stihl-battery-chainsaw/

[bespokekitchesldn]

If You Give a Gal a Chainsaw… (How to Cut Down a Small Tree)

Have you ever put a new tool in your hands and felt like Wonder Woman? Or, I suppose more generally, a superhero? I often feel that way. Power tools, especially ones I am using on a project for the first time, always give me a little bit of a rush.

Perhaps it’s because power tools are more often associated with dudeliness, so I feel a little rebellious against stereotype. Perhaps it’s because I get to learn more and pass that info along to you guys. Perhaps it’s because by the end of whatever it is I’m doing, something awesome is going to be there that wasn’t there before.

(It’s a little bit of all of that.)

Whenever I get a new tool, either by purchasing myself or from a new sponsor (the best kind of enablers ), I actively look for a way to start using it. So, when K mentioned that he wanted to take a weekend to visit his parents’ new tiny house in Tennessee, brought along my new STIHL battery-powered chainsaw. They sent me one a few months ago as part of this year’s partnership, along with a few other outdoor tools, and I was itching to use it.

His parents had purchased some of their family’s farmland to build on, and I was going to see it for the first time. They have a ton of old trees around the home and regularly cut them down (they did the same at their old home when I visited last fall — if you recall, that’s where Charlie saw her first cow EVER). I packed the chainsaw* because I knew the opportunity might come up where I could learn a thing or two from K’s dad and compare it to the gas-powered chainsaws I knew he had.

*I know, just casually bringing up the subject of chainsaws is a weird thing to do with your boyfriend’s parents, but it’s just kind of part of how I’ve gotten to know his family. His dad was thrilled to show me what he knows and it was a lot of fun, and not at all creepy the way it sounds as I’m retelling this story.

As luck would have it, there were a few trees ready for a good chop! Since several around their new property were dead and/or infested with termites, cutting them down was the best way to protect the newly built tiny house. K’s dad gave me a few pointers, which I’ve shared below (scroll to “how to cut down a tree” for that). You can also see a few scars on the bark of some of these trees where old vines had been strangling them.

I should also mention that, despite having enough forethought to bring my new chainsaw with me, I managed to forget my safety chaps – d’oh! I did find a pair of my STIHL earbuds in the car (I often leave them around my neck by accident when I do a store run, so finding a pair in my car or purse is pretty common!). I then borrowed some protective eyewear from K’s dad, but I’m recommending before we get started here that safety chaps protect your legs from the chainsaw if it takes a weird bounce. I will eventually use the chainsaw again at home, so you’ll see me correctly geared up like I was a the STIHL summit when that happens.

(I should have looked more like this.)

STIHL MSA 120 battery powered chainsaw review

Even though I was lucky enough to have my pick of chainsaws from the STIHL Lightning Battery System line, I opted for their smallest. On the surface, that sounds kinda nuts, since why wouldn’t I go for more power if I can? To put it simply, I wanted this to be a true test of what STIHL says this chainsaw can do:

Part of the AK Series, the MSA 120 C-BQ is a great battery-powered chainsaw for suburban homeowners, handling storm cleanup to limb removal. The MSA 120 C-BQ bundle comes standard with the AK 20 battery and AL 101 battery charger. It features low vibration, quick chain adjustment and STIHL Quickstop® Plus chain braking feature. Make 100 cuts through a 4″ log on a single charge, which gives you enough power to tackle a stack of firewood.

In terms of yard cleanup, taking out small trees, cutting firewood, and so forth, this seemed most in line with how I’d wind up using a chainsaw in general. It would be very rare for me to need to cut down a large tree (in fact, I hired out to the pros when I needed to take out the pine trees in my yard — not only because of their size but I needed the expertise and the satisfaction that someone had the right permits and approvals to do such a large job in a suburban area like mine). To get something bigger and then talk about how impressive it is to take care of these smaller tasks didn’t seem like as much of a good test.

Overall impression:

Pretty good performance for its size. I was able to cut down a couple of small trees and slice that into firewood in a single charge. It’s also really lightweight, which means that just about anyone can use it (I even got K’s mom to try it).

In other words: it will last about as long as your own energy to do the task. When it stops was pretty much when all of us were ready to be done for the afternoon.

Despite the years of cutting down trees, Mrs. Carter had actually never tried to use a chainsaw before. With some encouragement, I got her to give it a shot! I was so strangely PROUD of that moment of getting her to try it.

She would like me to tell you, from her own endorsement, that it’s light enough for seniors to handle. Since K and I both consider her stamp of approval to be a Pretty Big Deal, I wouldn’t be surprised if STIHL sent out a press release on that quote. It’s like the Good Housekeeping seal, only much more exclusive.

How to fell a small tree with a chainsaw

The phrase “fell a tree” always hits my ear weird, but that’s the other way of saying “cut down a tree” — which do you use?

At any rate, below is a recap of what I learned from Mr. Carter as he gave me pointers. Just in case it’s asked, I’ll clarify that he’s not a professional arborist, but he is an guy who has cut down scores (possibly hundreds?) of trees in his lifetime. Get your elders to teach you things, friends — they will, and it’s awesome!

1. Plan ahead

I had K’s dad pick the spots to cut as well as the path that the tree would fall (both in terms of him being the more experienced one and so he could be responsible for it not hitting his house!). But ultimately, you need to clearly identify where the tree will land. It appeared that his goal each time was for the tree to come down and not only clear the house, but to hit the ground without falling down on other trees (doing so could possible entangle the fallen tree with the healthy one, kill a healthy one in the process, or cause the other to fall in a weird direction and hit something unexpectedly).

He also took some time to clear away debris around the base. Fallen branches and other obstacles are dangerous objects you won’t want to trip on if you have to suddenly move out of the way.

It should also go without saying that people, dogs, and other precious things should not be in the area either.

2. Make your cuts at a comfortable height

Don’t feel the need to squat down and cut close to the ground right away. You can make your initial cuts, let the tree fall, and then cut down the remaining bit to a stump. Use a stance that is comfortable for you to hold throughout the entire cut. It’s safer to have a good handle on the chainsaw and prioritize on cutting in the right spot so that the tree falls where you want.

3. Cut a wedge on the same side as the tree will fall

Our first cut was horizontal, about halfway through the tree (sometimes 2/3 if it’s small). Allow the chainsaw to work the cut; do not work it in a sawing motion. The next cut is at a downward angle above the first cut, about 60 degrees or so, at a depth so the two cuts meet. This should result in a wedge-like shape cut out of the tree.

4. Make a third cut on the opposite side

Position yourself so you are neither directly under the felling area nor on the exact opposite side (it seems logical at first to be exactly opposite, but if the tree falls backwards, you don’t want to be under it).

A few inches above the first horizontal cut and on the opposite side of the tree, make another slice with the chainsaw but don’t cut all the way to the other cut lines. This is when the cut will separate the base of the tree, sort of like a hinge, and the tree will start to fall from its own weight. I was a little nervous when this part happened because K and his dad have ZERO FEAR getting up in the action and pushed on the tree (which I’m not sure you’re supposed to do, but I know better than to start correcting / questioning

5. Cut the stump

As the tree falls, move away from the tree. Once it’s down, cut the rest of the remaining trunk down to a stump.

6. Cut firewood logs

Cut off the smaller branches first until you have a clean section for making into logs. Elevate it off the ground slightly. Get most of the way through and slow as you get to the end of the cut (otherwise, the cut will give way and send the tip of your chainsaw into the dirt).

Family Time

Of course, that’s not the only thing we did on our visit. There was a good bit of relaxing, spending more time with one of K’s brothers and his wife (he has a total of 3 brothers), and getting some ideas on our future vintage travel trailer renovation (more on that later). Charlie and Stella had an absolute blast and were  ready for bed LONG before it was time.

Stella playing inside a hollowed stump – she thinks there’s an animal in there!

We also took an afternoon to walk down to another family property and visit Mrs. Carter’s uncle, who lives in the coolest old farmhouse (he’s in his 80s and still works out in the garden and built the second story!). I didn’t want to be too imposing and take photos inside, but if I ever can, I’ll happily share them here. I took few pictures of the other parts of the property from our walk, though.

Bonus Video

I didn’t take much video while I was up there, but I did get a couple of quick clips on my phone and put them together below. It’s mostly of the pups enjoying their trip (ha). Small bit at the end of my first time using the chainsaw (I promise, I improved from there!).

Hope you have a good one! I was hoping to share a few more things this week, including a post with lots of Charlie and Stella pics. Something on my A/C unit has busted and soaked through the ceiling in the living room, so it’s been a distraction-heavy week. With any luck, I can get back on schedule as soon as tomorrow!

The post If You Give a Gal a Chainsaw… (How to Cut Down a Small Tree) appeared first on Ugly Duckling House.

from Ugly Duckling House https://www.uglyducklinghouse.com/how-to-cut-down-a-small-tree-stihl-battery-chainsaw/