#you can keep the weird obsession/death wish thing if you really want to & even the stupid dead dad narrative but are you fr?

[wickedghxst]

finally finished sottr. 4.6/10 that marketing campaign did this game dirty by making me think it’d be good. no wonder i ignored it for 6 years…

[jweekgoji]

Will you write for some Yandere!Orion Pax x reader? 👉👈

Yandere!Orion Pax/Reader [TFO/hcs]

tw: yandere themes, gn!cybertronian!reader, very brief mention of murder/death, mostly soft!yandere!Orion, overprotective, dependent behavior. word count: ~1000. a/n: i love making headcanons.

Orion is an obsessive, clingy and overprotective yandere that's for sure.

Orion is focused on you 24/7 in his mind, every time he's going out with someone else, he will constantly think of you. He's not having a fixation on you, like D-16 would with his darling, more like a thoughtful «I wonder if they will like it if I give it to them» or «if I COULD transform, I would be carrying them around everywhere!». His thoughts are mostly innocent, even though they often lead him to cause even more trouble. He will seek out a thousand risky stunts to do just to impress you, and he doesn't really care if Darkwing will beat him up because of it.

It is no secret that Orion is clingy. I already described it in other posts, and I will ramble about it again, but that silly guy does NOT know how to keep his servos to himself. Yandere Orion just can't comprehend the fact that you may not like it. You can find it weird, rude or just not tactile, and if he finds out, that's a pure torture. At first, he might find it funny and not take it seriously, you're probably in that «edgy, no nonsense and independent» phase some bots have, so he finds it his own personal goal to warm you up to him.

If you're somehow still adamant about it, I can see him trying to restrain himself from just squishing you against his frame the second he sees you in the same room with him. Cogless tiny Orion will be a sweetheart, so he always finds a way to satisfy his own needs without crossing the line. One day it's a simple touch on your shoulder, then he will try to hold your servo if lucky, and maaaaybe even give you a tiny peck on the cheek as soon as you look away from him. Touch is his love language!

Yandere cogged Orion/Optimus is a huge sweetheart but when he's tired and emotionally drained, the only thing he wants is to wrap his arms around you and hold you close to himself. Stay like that and don't say a word, it's not like you have a chance to escape.

Orion doesn't look like a person who thinks about his own safety. You will watch him running around Iacon from another trouble he got himself into, and he will even drag D-16 with him. Even though in his mind, it's for a better cause, If you're really close and dear to him, he also wants you to be the part of this adventure because he desires the better future for everyone and for both of you specifically. Together.

As Orion, still young, idealistic and naive bot, I never see him taking away your freedom. If you wish to tag along with him on the race, even though it's the most dangerous thing ever, especially with both of you not having any t-cogs...he will gladly accept it! As yandere Orion always cares about your well-being, but it's never the boring «I will lock you up just so you will always be safe» type of overprotectiveness. He neglects his own well-being to the point where he will gladly lose an arm or a leg if it means protecting you, and he doesn't care that he might die because of it.

You should constantly remind him to check Ratchet at least for once, but he will jokingly dismiss it since he's more concerned about that tiny dent on your frame. How did you get it? Do you need him helping you to polish? Orion already drags you to medic, meanwhile he is standing there holding broken metal pieces of his own body and like “that's just a scratch!”.

We all saw how Orion got protective over Elita once she was fired by Darkwing. His first thoughts are "yeah, I will NOT let that slide" even though he is two times smaller than their supervisor. Orion is a fighter for justice, for his darling he's a true gentleman, or...tries to be at least.

He's not that type of yandere who will murder someone if they hurt you, because his own beliefs are strong and unclouded. Yes, in the heat of battle, when it's either your life or the life of the enemy, he will never hesitate to end them, but even then he feels guilty about it (especially if we talk about young Orion/Optimus). If he actually ends up hurting someone, he will be devastated, and might as well take a long time to process it all.

How did it happen? How could he let this happen? He fights for freedom, for everyone, no matter if they're enemy or not, they all deserve at least a one chance for redemption. There will be a time when Orion blames himself for it, it corrupts his spark slowly, to the point where he thinks of himself as unworthy of you.

As much as Orion is an inspiring, he's self-conscious. The more not-so-happy events you go through together, the more he becomes dependent on you. You're a part of Orion's life, he can't shine brightly without his little satellite.

Yandere!Orion would constantly need you by his side. It doesn't matter where he is going, as long as he is with you. During his lowest moments, he wants you to reassure him and give him that comfort that will keep him at bay. He didn't mean to hurt anyone, but that worry and spark of rage blinded him, leaving his own servos dirty in the stranger's energon.

Young Orion is one of the softest yanderes to deal with. He still has to learn a lot about his own place in this world, his motivation, and his strength. Everything felt so easy when you were just two cogless bots, but the more time passes, the harder it is to deal with more complex feelings. Jealousy, disappointment, and regret. At the end of the day, you're the only person to keep him sane and not to collapse from the responsibilities on his shoulders. The problem is, it is too hard to get rid of that dependence.

[aliceattheart]

Can I request a Yandere Alastor, Vox, and Valentino(separate) please?

Yan! Hazbin Hotel x AFAB reader

Yeah! I totally don't mind at all :]

Sadly at the moment the only character I feel comfortable with writing for is Alastor. I don't know much about Vox and Valentino. I do apologize 😭

I kinda skimmed it for slight spelling mistakes. All in all, I got it done. :D

Yan! Alastor

Alastor is deadly obsessed with your scent. That's what led the Doll maker to you. His little Doll.

Alastor is sickened with existential possessive tranquility. To gaze at your smile only makes him yearn for your touch.

It was only a matter of time before he put his nerves beside and spoke to you. "Well hello there Miss, may I aquire a little bit of your precious time." Kissing the back of your hand. The charmer he appears to be. With a mouth full of sharp teeth and sharp claws. You found it weird that he was so gentle.

You have no one to blame for failing madly in love with his elegant charm and sweet voice. A voice that carried endless symphonies of love and no regrets.

You were content with his lack of Physical affection but none the less you did want to embrace and fall into his lips. He would give in every now and again but you couldn't shake of the somber ravenous guilty of intimacy.

Deciding that you couldn't keep a facade, you wanted to break things off. "Y/n, my Moon in the Red sky. Are you saying you don't want me?" When he put it that way you feel disgusted with yourself. But you can't give in.

"Alastor, my heart yearns for something more. Something you can't give. It's not because you've failed to love me. I'm just greedy and selfish."

The last words that came out of your mouth. Did you really mean it? After that you started to spill like an over flowing sink. Words you've never thought came out. "I was wrong for ever thinking of leaving you. I'll stay with you for all eternity, even if I don't have that. In death I wouldn't want to part from you." You were confused and apparently your mouth wasn't listening to your wants and demands.

Alastor sat facing you with big dark eyes, smiling benevolently at you. Opening his mouth to speak he said. "Y/n, you are my muse I can't just let you run off. No need to think or hide away. Let's keep you as my favorite Doll for all eternity, please?" He formed it as a question but in reality he wasn't giving you a choice.

With a snap of his fingers your body became silent to your pleads for movement. Alastor humming a tune, picked you up. You felt like a sack of potatoes heavy, yet weightless in his arms. Opening a demon circle to his residence. He proceeds to take you to his basement. Strapping you into a chair.

"My Sweet Doll Face. He whispered into your left ear. "This will only hurt for a while. I shall break you and put you back together. For my love for you is true. You shall move to my wishes and mine alone. Your heart shall not want for more." He kissed your lips. And sewn them shut.

For the first time in all your existence you wanted to beg for mercy, to god. Irony isn't, you couldn't speak.

Alice here :D

I this would be my first ever request. I want to make it short. In the future I'll specify the characters I right for. I pray that I'll be able to build the courage and make a Master list.

[aria-greenhoodie]

Hey guys did you know I have a gravity falls oc. They’re definitely not wish fulfillment self insert material don’t worry about it. Don’t even worry about it, man.

Click for Quality! Silly backstory stuff below the cut ↓

- They’re a little cartoon creature from a pocket universe! They’re an immortal creature like Bill, but way less powerful.

- They actually used to work at the theraprism, but went crazy and had a mid-immortality crisis leading to a manic crime-spree. During this turbulent time, they also developed their love for “projects.”

- A “project” to them is basically becoming obsessed with a person they find interesting and getting closer to them by any means necessary in order to study them like a bug. This isn’t romantic, and it isn’t even friendship, but instead a secret third evil thing.

- When they have a project going on, they’ll devote most of their time and energy to the person(s) involved, and they typically seem very content while doing so. Once a project stops interesting them, or if a project is cut short by outside forces (death if the person, sudden change of heart from the person, being caught and dragged to the theraprism, etc) they become restless, easily irritated, and sometimes mildly violent. Their little projects are basically the only thing that keeps them sane.

- Doesn’t really do “friends.” Used to, but it always ended poorly. Prefers their projects; if they loose interest, they can just leave!

- Had a mentor-apprentice type relationship with the Axolotl before their mental decline. Is now VERY conflicted about him; doesn’t like the disappointment in his eyes when he looks at them.

- Was Bill’s Roommate for a time. Was absolutely FASCINATED by Bill’s fucked up mentality. Instantly became one of their favorite projects.

- Bill HATED them like crazy. They would not stop talking to them and had an uncanny ability to make him open up about things he did NOT want to open up about.

- Lost access to Bill after the TBOB incident, since he was moved to solitary confinement.

- Did not take the sudden cancellation of their project well. Ended up breaking out of the Theraprism shortly after.

- Ended up in Gravity Falls by sheer coincidence. Immediately took a liking to the place for its weirdness (felt at home).

- Met the Pines family and became ENRAPTURED with Stanley. Started off just seeing him as a project, but eventually came to view him as something closer to a friend (or perhaps more :3).

- Mabel and them are BESTIES. Mabel loves to treat them like a little dress up doll and they love to model all of Mabel’s mini fashion creations. They also respect her chaos.

- Has a huge respect for Dipper’s curiosity. Has gladly acted as a test subject for him so he can be like Ford and research weird creatures.

- Ford does NOT trust their ass. They eventually form an (somewhat uneasy but otherwise amicable) alliance as time goes on, but Ford never fully bonds with them. He’s been burned by a chaotic multi-dimensional immortal criminal before, he doesn’t want to do that again. Curly gets it. They heard how Bill treated him from Bill’s own mouth (eye?) and have no plans to play copy-cat.

- Stan didn’t like them at first. They reminded him too much of Bill, and acted far too chummy with him specifically far too fast.

- Eventually the two grew closer, realized they had a lot in common (both criminals familiar with the grift, both have a tiny bit of a flair for showmanship, both have similar senses of humor, etc.) and became friendlier.

- The Axolotl knows where they are and is monitoring them closely. They don’t know he’s doing this. He plans to keep it that way.

[batw1nggg]

hi. im here to kamukoma ramble. ok so i reeaaly hate how all kamumeshi Fan Content (which is basically all kamukoma content) waters down izuru to being the dominant one and servant to being his cute little dog like i feel like its so much more complex then that.

izuru was created to be subservient, to be smart enough to see through manipulation tactics and yet not care enough about himself to do anything to stop them, always doing something to serve someone else’s interests - and even when he does do one thing in his own interest (the killing game), it was largely because of his obsession with junko, so we see her still pulling the strings on him from beyond the grave (emphasized by his convo with her in his udg cameo). he doesn’t have power and he’s been designed not to want it. he’s been robbed of his humanity over and over again and been taught to accept it. he even explicitly states all of this in talent dev plan with taka

komaeda, on the other hand, is always framed with such heavy control over the narrative - he heavily influences dr2’s ending and takes that same puppeteering role in udg too. although he has that inferiority complex, he still holds so much power over everyone else, manipulating them like chess pieces. he is just as dangerous as izuru is, considering he has not only the intelligence but the motivation to act out like this, something izuru lacks.

and so this creates a really cool complexity where servant believes he’s meant to be subservient to izuru but this may not be wholly reflected in the way he acts, and izuru most definitely does not care for/about controlling servant. and, if izuru does take a domineering role, it’s because that’s what servant wants (especially after junko’s death, when he has no one left to place himself beneath), and so izuru’s still letting himself go with whoever the people surrounding him want him to be. he’s not with servant for the power trip, that goes completely against everything he’s ever been - because, in reality, IZURU is the one who exists to serve. to serve his creators, and then junko afterwards, even after her death. his purpose has always been assigned to him, not created by him.

both characters are fucked up and morally grey. both characters are the man, both characters are the god.

this is what i wish people would focus more on when writing their general character development and the development of their relationship. because they barely get any screen time you get lots of creative freedom and you can take this concept in either a “they are going to heal and get better together” route or a “they are doomed to always hurt each other in their codependency” route or some weird thing in between; again, personal preference, and if you want to keep izuru and hajime separate postgame this opens a whole new plethora of dynamics and development to write about after komaeda becomes himself again. the flexibility of their dynamic is whats so intriguing to me - kamukoma is a very complex and fluid idea that i wish more people would mess around with like this join me and we can play with them like putty

[opinioncore]

* ੈ✩‧₊˚— VICTIMs HOLD GRUDGES

౨ৎ ⋆ ｡˚— Reader x Yan! Various Genshin Impact Cast (Childe, Xiao, Scaramouche, Wanderer, Kunikuzushi)

୭ ˚. ᵎᵎ— INCEST (not to you tho), OC's, death, blackmail, murder, obsessive and possessive tendencies (yandere yadayda), ASSAULT, stalking, abuse of power, manipulation, afab reader, you/your pronouns or they/them... really just some messed up shit that I thought of while sleeping.

·˚ ༘~ Modern AU. Academy AU. Siblings AU. Triplets AU (for Scara, Wanderer and Kabuki).

ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ The death of your beloved and dearest friend has caused you to go to the lowest point of your life. And everyone just decided to make your life even lower. ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ first, second

ﾟ𐦍༘⋆! — INFOS~!

Zhongli, Ei are both owners of the largest, most successful, wealthiest and powerful companies out there. They are the top investors in Teyvat Academy.

Venti is also an investor but is a student.

Zhongli is the father of Childe, Xiao and Katrina (OC)

Patrina — Female. Is known for her spoiled brat like behavior and is infamously known for dating Tartaglia, which is her brother. She deeply hates her overprotective family and wants them to stop. Is the middle child.

Ei is the mother of Kabukimono, Raiden Shogun, Scaramouche, Wanderer (triplets) and Amaya (OC)

Amaya — Female. Known for her naivety, push over, innocent and meek attitude. She doesn't like what her brothers are doing to her, but she can't say anything about it. Is the youngest child.

Inako (OC) — Your homeroom teacher. Female. She's heavily mistreated, she has it worse than the other teachers. She can't fight back at all and is helpless.

Nayako (OC) — Dead. A student who was murdered brutally in Teyvat Academy. The murder was covered up to keep any kinds of scandals from the Academy. Your friend.

—-·-——-·-——-·-——-·-——-·-——-

You were never a fan of death.

And you weren't a fan of people who hide the truth.

Being a witness to the murder of a friend of yours, the closest one you've had and having it covered up made you feel numb.

Nayako didn't deserve that. No one deserves that. Not only does she get harassed by your fellow classmates, she gets killed too. And all the academy does is get you therapy (which is basically forcefully trying to make you forget it) the corrupt environment of the Academy is insane.

You hate everything that has got to do with the Academy. The students, the faculty, the environment... Everything.

You hate it. So why, why were you having one of the biggest investors and the one who paid hush money to keep the murder quiet — Zhongli Dei Lapis's — daughter cry on your shoulder as if she's a friend?

And why were you crying too?

-–———————————————–-

Patrina was a brat. Yet she was easy to tame. You avoided her at all costs but had to cross paths with her for a school project that your homeroom teacher, the only teacher you like and can tolerate — Inako — gave. Patrina at first was trying to do it all herself, you wanted to not help at all, but you instead insisted on helping instead of leaving her to do it herself because she couldn't do anything right.

You ended up doing the entire project as Patrina was too busy conversing with her older brother — Tartaglia —. The one that people think she's dating. It's weird and creepy as hell — especially when he's just openly talking about her in a sexual manner — aren't they siblings? You attempted to keep a low profile but failed when you heard him speak in Russian...

"I wish you could understand me in this language, my love. Because the amount of things I could tell you that others can't understand makes me feel so warm..." He spoke cheesily, but also in a creepy manner, because they are indeed acting like a couple. You snapped your head towards them when you heard that. Patrina just looked confused.

"My love?" You muttered confused in Russian albeit too loud for Tartaglia to hear. He perks up and looks at you, shocked. "You can understand me?" He asks, maybe it sounded amused, maybe it sounded excited, maybe it sounded confused... You could never tell.

You nod your head, and you could swear his lips lifted higher. "You can speak Russian?" He stood up from his seat next to Patrina and sat next to you. You averted your gaze and reluctantly nodded. He's delighted about that information.

"Wonderful! The name's Tartaglia, what's yours?" He asks, you don't know whether to answer or not, "My name is..."

—-·-——-·-——-·-——-·-——-·-——-

Patrina felt like her entire world lightened up the moment Tartaglia started paying less attention to her. For the whole class, all he did was talk to you in Russian, she thinks. But either way, she's happy about that. But she can feel the stares from Xiao on the back, he was sitting next to his peers — Venti, Heizou, Kazuha and the two of the triplets - Scaramouche and Wanderer —. Those guys are one of the many groups that harasses the homeroom teacher Inako.

You were getting agitated by Tartaglia and are trying to cut the conversation short and you failed miserably.

Class ends with nobody giving an effort in the school project but you. You gave your project to Inako to at least brighten her day up. She perks up to you with a hopeful smile on her face and takes your project happily, muttering a 'thank you...' and almost crying.

That is when Scaramouche decided it was funny to just — destroy the project by sweeping it off her hands and throwing it on the ground and stepping on it. You looked at him furiously. You were about to step up and stop him when Amaya gets in the way with Kabukimono trailing behind her.

She knew what you were about to do.

"Please don't — ah!" She gets pushed off by Scaramouche, and you immediately step in and push him off instead and get Amaya behind your back.

Amaya does not deserve the brothers she has. Scaramouche and Wanderer were pieces of shit and just like Patrina, Tartaglia and Xiao, is rumored to have a relationship with her. What's with the incestuous relationships in this school?

But either way you glared at Scaramouche who glares at you back. "Give that whore back to me." He demands. "Fuck off." You grit your teeth. He steps forward, about to forcefully take Amaya back but Inoko steps in like a teacher should and stops the fight. She ends up getting glared at by the guys, and she's trembling.

"Stay away from this, teach." Xiao warns, but Inoko insisted.

and you ended up outside with Amaya but with Inoko inside the classroom getting punished by them. You grit your teeth knowing you can't do anything, you can't barge in, you can't save her, you're helpless—

"This is all your fault..." Amaya whimpers, "You shouldn't have fought against them! Do you know how much power they hold in this school?!" She almost wanted to sob.

All your fault...?

What did you do wrong exactly? Being a decent human and actually doing something against their inhumane actions?

"How is this all my fault?" You muttered.

"Uhm... How is it her fault?" Kabukimono spoke up, oh shit, you have forgotten Kabukimono's presence and never expected him to follow Amaya

You stormed away. Patrina follows after you. You cannot handle this shit no more! This school is full of shit and dirt and everything derogatory.

That was what you kept repeating in your head, over and over again. Patrina is concerned and Amaya ends up getting forcefully dragged by Patrina, so now you're sitting in the cafeteria with both of the girls notoriously known for being in a relationship with their family.. and there's Kabukimono too.

You don't even feel like eating anymore. Kabukimono was eating peacefully. Looking at you from time to time.. "Are you gonna eat that?" He asks softly. You don't know how Amaya and him can be so... Innocent with siblings like Scaramouche.

You nodded, you didn't want to waste food anyways. Because unlike how Teyvat Academy is known for having rich students, you aren't rich at all.

You're also bullied because of that, but you don't really think of it much.

"Look, I know it's weird for me to say it but.. I'm grateful for you." Patrina starts, you look up at her, raising a brow, she blushes, "..Well— I'm grateful that you... managed to get Tartaglia to shut up." She admits. Amaya joins in too, "Yeah! Uhm, I'm glad that you actually fought for Ms. Inoko!" You feel warm about that, everyone just ridicules you for that, but they're over here... Just... Thanking you.

Kabukimono joins in, "I think you're great too!" He smiles. You feel speechless, oh wow.. I guess it's nice to be thanked rather than ridiculed. "What kind of food are you eating anyways? Let's skip school and go out!" Patrina says, you are slightly offended because so sorry for being poor.

"I.. I'm too broke to go out." You admitted, Patrina scoffs, "I'll pay~ I mean, I am one of the richest~" she smirks.. oh well...

And that's how you got to be good friends with all of them. Well at least you hope you guys are friends. Kabukimono doesn't think so, because he can feel his heart flutter whenever you're there. He'd always ask you about it, and you tell him he's in-love. So.. does that mean, he's in-love with you?

But anyways, Scaramouche and Wanderer are irritated, Xiao is hysterical, Childe is just thinking about you.

"How could I lose her..." Xiao is going insane silently, "That fucking slut is getting it when she gets home..." Scaramouche grits his teeth.

While you're getting overwhelmed by the amount of food and how tasty it was! So this was rich people's food, Patrina is just flexing, and Amaya and Kabukimono are eating.

Little did you know, Wanderer has his ways to find his little sister. And so does Xiao.

—-·-——-·-——-·-——-·-——-·-——-

Days pass by and both Kabukimono and Childe are falling for you harder, Patrina and Amaya are grateful to you and even Inoko.

You were trying to get away from Childe when you bumped into Scaramouche. Oh no.

Scaramouche was irritated, but then he got amused. "Well well well... It's the broke girl. You have fun picking scraps?" He mocks, and you just glared at him

"Oh? Feisty of you. I'll gladly get you to submit to me." He pulls your hair and shoves you in a wall. That hurts! You immediately pushed him off with all your might. What the fuck?!

He stumbles back, irritated, and immediately lunges at you, but he ends up getting punched in the face. You held your hands, shocked that you actually punched someone. He's shocked too. And he was about to pounce on you again but you ran away immediately. Leaving a little necklace behind. A necklace he oh so familiar with.

And the necklace just happened to have your scent.

-–———————————————–-

You hate every single second you spend on that place and you might just avoid those hallways at all costs. Running was never your forte, so of course, as cliche as it sounds, you ran over someone, and he was quick to catch you before you fell on the floor.

"Agh! I'm so sorry—" you apologized profusely. Until you got a good look at his face. It's Xiao. You pulled away immediately, running off. And he was left shocked. Weren't you the one who's been keeping Patrina occupied lately?

He smelled Patrina's scent on you, but that wasn't what he enjoyed, rather your scent was what he enjoyed. He looks forward to bumping into you more, you look very clumsy...

-–———————————————–-

Holy shit, embarrassed two times. Where the hell are the girls and Kabukimono are when you need them?

Patrina crashed towards you. Shocking you. Not again! But Patrina looked troubled, she was relieved it was you.

She felt like crying, and she immediately broke down in your arms. You didn't know what to do. How do you comfort people anyways. You reluctantly put your arms around her... And she sobbed in your arms, incoherent words and you just listened to it all. Soon she stops crying, her eyes puffy and face wet.

"Can you... Could you please come over to my house?" Patrina asks, no she pleaded at this point, she needed you to be there. Especially when she finds out her father —Zhongli — knows she's been skipping class. You were shocked. You didn't want to say yes. How could you? Especially when her father is one of the guys who paid hush money to keep the murder of your dearest friend Nanoko.

-–———————————————–-

Why do you keep on being a push over and just saying yes to everything people ask you of? Why are you here? You're seeing red. Seething angrily. You don't want to see one of the biggest investors, the man who paid hush money to cover up the murder of your friend— you don't want to!

The moment you stepped inside, Tartaglia was about to greet Patrina then saw me and he lightened up, it didn't show on his dead ocean eyes, but he definitely lightened up, "Ah! Ангел!" (Angel) He walks up to you happily and embracing you, you feel repulsed and pushed him off. "Don't call me that..."

Xiao was playing on his phone while sitting on the large couch and he smelled your scent and perked up. "The clumsy girl?"

"It seems you brought a friend over." A smooth and deep voice calls out.

Oh shit.

You slightly trembled when hearing his voice. And there he is. Zhongli Dei Lapis.

He seems quite surprised to see you, "Hmm, it's you. Have you been taking care well? Have you been attending your weekly therapy sessions?" He asks, but he doesn't really care does he?

Patrina looks shocked, and you averted your gaze. "Yes." You managed to mutter without stuttering.

Patrina soon starts speaking, "..I.. I brought her because she's my friend and has been helping me study for a while..." She said. Zhongli hums, "Is that so?"

"Well then.." he walks closer. "You wouldn't mind explaining why my dear Patrina has been skipping classes, hmm?" And you feel your face pale as you look at Patrina, who looked away.

-–———————————————–-

You feel betrayed. Done. You would never be the same person ever since. You have been avoiding Patrina entirely. For a whole week and more. Even her family members. You've just been hanging out with Amaya and Kabukimono.

It was fine and all.

Until it wasn't.

Because you just saw Amaya beaten and battered up in the hallway, and you have the girl you've been avoiding for a week and more, in your arms, crying about Amaya.

And you're crying too.

-–———————————————–-

:3

[lunariamv]

curbing yandere gojo satoru ♡ yan gojo x fem reader; obsessive + possessive behavior, manipulation, gaslighting, slight misogyny, stalking, attempted kidnapping, violence, death shoutout to the anime death battle matchup threads on reddit so i could write this dumb shitpost gone girl and breaking bad vibes accidentally (lol)

Okay, what the hell. This is not fair.

Life has seemingly cursed you if this is what your fate is. Ever since you were little, your jerk-off parents were controlling psychopaths. They prioritized the clan. It's always been about the needs of the family and never you. Your clan, a bloodline of gifted sorcerers, with incredible powers passed down the family tree. They're incredibly prestigious, and super airheaded. The childhood you had was filled with training, studying, and striving to be the best to prove your worth. Thank the gods you were able to keep your wit and you never became an arrogant husk of your former self as a result of your stressful upbringing.

Since the clan wants to breed nothing but powerful sorcerers, they try to keep the family to be strictly sorcerers of a high class… which was why as soon as you were brought into the world, you were assigned to marry someone from another powerful family. Mind you, that you had never met. A betrothal out of your control, and it was to a nameless, faceless spouse. If that wasn't already terrifying, it wasn't until you were older that you finally met them, and desperately wish you hadn't.

He's too weird for you. Gojo Satoru had given you the ick when he tried to get incredibly mushy with you. The first impression was so awful it left a permanent scar on your potential relationship, and never healed. Honestly, you didn't see how people thought he was hot. In fact, you thought he was kind of stuck up. Sometimes you'd find yourself thinking, maybe if someone inflates his ego enough, his head will explode.

You know who you actually like? Nanami Kento! The two of you met in Jujutsu High, and you've been head over heels for him ever since. He's handsome, intelligent, and stern, your ideal type. Though Gojo tried his hardest to keep you away from him, it was nearly impossible to stop your schoolgirl crush from blooming. So it really sucked when he quit being a sorcerer while you and Gojo continued on to be alumni. Still, you made time to visit him when you could. Even though Kento came off as strict at first, the two of you had pretty good chemistry.

Then one day he disappeared without a trace. Everyone who cared had written him off as the salary man who just needed a break, but you didn't buy it.

So for the past few months, you've been investigating his disappearance on your own. Gojo keeps trying to hinder you, monitoring your actions and intervening under the guise of 'trying to bond with his fiancé,' but you're pretty sure he knows something. Hell, maybe he did it.

Needless to say, you're incredibly skeptical of Gojo. Ever since you first met, he's leaned into the whole fiancé romance trope way too hard, which you despised, since you held feelings for someone else. It's so annoying, how this grown man acts like a lovesick puppy around you. Saying you were disgusted was putting it mildly, and this resulted in you rejecting his advances at every turn. Even now you're trying to push the limits on this whole 'fiancé' thing. Maybe you should just cut ties with your family and break up with him. What exactly is stopping you?

Gojo. Gojo is stopping you.

Unbeknownst to you, Gojo's been madly in love with you for as long as he can remember. Primarily due to the fact that you were strong and capable enough to be his equal. Not only that, but the fact you weren't easily phased by him drove him absolutely crazy. Even when the mask was off and he wore his glasses, you didn't treat him any differently, compared to most women who melted in his presence. He loved messing with you and trying to win your affections, so much so it's become a game to him. The sardonic, witty personality you have contrasts with him well. The two of you are clearly made for each other, so why do you play so hard to get?

Gojo was currently resting at his nice apartment. Consumed by thoughts of you, his cute soon-to-be wife. Unlike you, he was incredibly excited about the marriage. In fact, he wanted to just hurry up and tie the knot already, if it weren't for you being hellbent on trying to stall it for as long as you could. He might be considered traditional, but part of him wanted to know if he could turn you into a stay at home housewife. You'd definitely protest, seeing it as demeaning, but he liked the idea of you only being subservient to him alone. You'd live a quieter life, safely at his side, and you'd be solely for his eyes. At the moment, he was stalking- watching you on his phone tracker. It should be about now…

Oblivious to this fact, you were heading to your new apartment. Merrily, you had just gotten it and (oops!) forgot to tell Gojo about it. Before you went to the building though, you decided to get a snack at a nearby café. For the first time in a while, you leisurely went through your phone, paying more attention to your device than you normally do. It was just to do some cleaning up of apps you didn't need anymore. That's when you saw it.

What the hell is this thing…?

Never in your life do you recall installing this app on your phone. It was submerged, buried in the endless pit of your apps, as if it was playing hide and seek. At the top bar, you could see something was running, too, and it was sucking up your battery. Narrowing your eyes in confusion, you pulled up your search engine and looked it up.

Oh, it's a tracking app?

The reveal was so unsettling that you find yourself smiling. An amused yet horrified chuckle escaped you. Eyebrows furrowing, you muttered under your breath. "Oh no, get this shit off, I don't want this…" As you were saying that, you were deleting all of the suspicious looking apps on your phone. You even went ahead and did some extra research about tracking and put up some extra scans.

The white haired man frowned in displeasure upon realizing the GPS was stuck. The blip was frozen. Either it was as awful as the reviews warned, or you figured it out. What a pain. Regardless, he still held your last known whereabouts right there. Guess he shouldn't rely on technology so much and instead do things the old fashioned way, right? With that in mind, he went out to the last place the marker had placed you.

Back at your place, you were resting on your couch. You were still trying to wrap your head around the tracker on your phone. Who put that there? Gojo, most likely. He must've set it up the last time you two crossed paths, while you were distracted. While you wanted to be shocked at that reveal, you couldn't say you were surprised. He always struck you as a weirdo, to the point you were under the impression that he was borderline obsessed with you or something. It doesn't shock you in the slightest that creep would stoop this low.

Perhaps this was the tipping point you needed. After all, he just violated your privacy, and who knows what other things he's done. Holding up your phone, you called your parents to break the 'terrible' news. Needless to say, they didn't take your declaration to call off the wedding very well. No doubt this would kill relations between your family and the Gojo clan. Though, you found yourself feeling rather apathetic to the matter.

For nearly all of your life, you had taken a backseat for the good of your lineage. Years and years of enduring painstaking training, studying, and then a forced engagement for them, and for what? Virtually nothing in return. It wasn't even going to a good cause anyways, as this involuntary construction of human life served only to benefit an outdated, egocentric family tradition. The only 'good' you can argue you've done was saving lives as a sorcerer, which was just a byproduct of their success.

In that call, you told them to disown you if it pained them that much to have a disappointing daughter. To fully break away, you'd move to another country or something. Even though your intent was to sever the ties, there was a sliver of remorse deep in the recesses of your heart. Despite your cruel upbringing, you did feel some attachment to your parents. They were your family, and they were all you had. However, you couldn't marry someone you didn't love. Especially someone who was this clearly unhinged.

They were protesting all the while before you hung up. After a moment, you dialed another number.

There's a slight deep chuckle over the line. "…Well, it's about time." Gojo's voice ardently crooned over the phone. You could practically hear the smug grin on his stupid face. He sounded rather pleased that you finally called him for a change, like he had been waiting for this moment his whole life.

The cocky tone voice in his voice almost made you laugh. Almost. It seemed you beat your parents or his in delivering him the bad news.

"Hi Satoru." You said casually, as if you weren't about to drop a bombshell on him. Then you spoke the following lines. "I'm sorry, but I can't marry you."

There was a brief pause. One that drew on for an uncomfortable amount of time.

"Mm…? Did you say something, (Y/N)? I didn't quite catch that." He asked innocently. However, you're absolutely certain he heard you the first time. Even so, you decide to be nice, and twist the knife even further.

"I said," Your voice becomes more stern as you narrowed your eyes. "I'm sorry, but I can't marry you Gojo. The wedding is off."

"It should be obvious, but I'm not too fond of you, and I'd rather marry someone I actually love." The words flowed out of you like a river. A cool wave of relief washed off you as you truthfully spoke your mind. Speaking the truth felt incredibly good. For once, you felt like you were taking control. No more sitting aside, waiting for someone else to tell you what to do.

There's another split second of silence before Gojo spoke again. "(Y/N), I sincerely think you should reconsider." He drew a breath. "Think about your family, remember what this'll mean for them. Both your family and mine have been waiting for this since we were kids. Do you really want to do this to them?" He's trying to be rational, trying to convince you otherwise. If he was as crazy as you're theorizing, he must be suppressing his anger right now. Though, you're just as insane as he is. You know this'll drive him to his boiling point, and with that in mind, you continued your sprint across the thin tightrope.

"No, I'm pretty sure. Don't bother, I've already informed my parents about my decision. I hope you can forgive me for being selfish." At least you're kind enough to apologize. With that, you pulled your phone away from your ear. A digit hovered over the red button.

"(Y/N)--" Before he could reply, you hung up the call. Relief washed over you. With a genuinely content smile, you went back to whatever you were doing before.

On the other line, Gojo sat there motionlessly with his phone, the dial tone ringing in his ears. Silently, he held a haunted expression on his visage. Pale with wide eyes, it was like he had seen a ghost. It quickly faded once the anger set in, and his face twisted into a furious scowl. He's practically seething. Why are you doing this to him?! He wasn't oblivious to your tendency to reject his advances, but he didn't expect you to go this far. He'd figure you'd come around eventually, not throw it all away! All you had to do was go along and marry him. It was going to be perfect.

No, don't worry. Gojo faintly smiled to himself. This is still salvageable. He just needs to talk to you in person. Once you're face to face, he'll get you to change your mind, with a little persuasion, of course. Trying to suppress his raging anger, he calmed himself down as he swiftly walked down the streets.

Unbothered, you were laying on the couch, currently browsing the web for potential places to go. Singapore seems really good right about now…

"(Y/N)? Open the door!"

Ugh, there he is. It surprisingly didn't take that long for him to find you. To be fair, you deactivated the tracker a block down from where the complex was. He most likely found it and then asked your landlord for your door. Kinda stupid of you.

With a tired sigh, you lowered your head and fell silent for a moment. Maybe if you ignore him, he'll give up and go away.

Of course, he doesn't. Suddenly, your front door was violently kicked open. The loud slam made you gradually raise your head, drawing your attention. Your gaze flicked over to it, and lo and behold, Gojo was standing there at the entrance.

"…Well that's rude." You uttered with a nonchalant tone. Was breaking your door really necessary? Wonder what the costs are to get that fixed…

Maybe he was trying to play along, because he ended up gently closing the broken door behind him. He walked dangerously closer to you. "(Y/N), please. I'm begging you to reconsider." He spoke up. Although his voice was sultry, a smooth cadence like marble, there was a mild urgency hidden in the depths. "I love you. You're my darling fiancé, and I want you to marry me."

Standing up, you narrowed your eyes. A disapproving glare formed on your features. Perhaps in another life, or another universe, you would've found his declaration sweet. It was truly heart stealing stuff. Something that would make you melt into his arms like chocolate. Unfortunately, you wouldn't fall for it in this timeline. "How many times do I have to say it, Satoru? I'm not into you."

Tilting your head about an inch, your gaze bore into his. If he wasn't so upset, he would've been reveling over how gorgeous you looked right now. "I've officially broken up with you. So while I'm asking nicely, give up while you still have your dignity." You warned him.

Your threat garnered a low chuckle from Gojo. To him, it was nothing. While he did consider you to be 'equals', there was a clear difference in strength. He was one of the strongest sorcerers in the world, if not the strongest. While you were no doubt strong, he was much more powerful. If anything, he should be saying those words to you.

"That's cute." He nonchalantly commented with a smoldering glance. While his tone held intense admiration, the grin on his face was condescending. Either way, it's gross, and made you grimace slightly.

Despite the growing tension in the room, you refused to back down. If he was going to try to force you to be with him, you'd gladly fight against it. After all, it'd be a shame to let all your intense sorcery training go to waste. When he stepped closer, you got into a fighting stance.

Gojo stepped forward, and you anticipate it. His Limitless.

You’ve sparred with him before, so the concept of his ability wasn’t foreign to you. Taking a deep breath, you watched him carefully. Heightening your awareness, your focus sharpened, and you seemingly step out of your body for a moment. The heightened focus was like an astral projection.

The man dashed towards you in the blink of an eye. He went to strike, and you swiftly moved with a deflect. However, your counter attack doesn’t hit and you’re sent skidding back a few feet. Gojo chuckled again, and you could tell from that and his attack that he’s not taking this seriously. You’ll make him.

The two of you start fighting. Gojo engaged by trying to hit you, and his movements were fast, but you’re able to counter him to the best of your ability. Still, he’s holding back, and you figured that asshole enjoyed messing with you. Even so, you still used all your strength to fight back. If he wouldn't give his all, you most certainly will.

Meanwhile, Gojo realized you’re serious about putting up a fight. He’s been holding back as to not hurt his darling fiancé, but this was starting to become a pain in the neck. Might as well put an end to this already, even if it meant knocking you out.

In an instant, Gojo came at you. Time decelerated to a drag, and you forced your body to the side. With one swift motion, you evaded his grab for you. Following your movements, a sharp breath escaped you.

That’s when you observe the two of you had fully switched places. Finally, after dancing around him, your form was by the door, and it’s prime time to make an escape. To subtly inch toward the exit during the fight, that had been your plan all along.

Unfortunately, Gojo had long anticipated this ploy of yours. He simply played along because he could easily stop you. He raised a hand.

That’s when you call it. Limitless.

Gojo was going to close the gap and catch you. You wouldn’t be able to hit him. It was over.

Though, there was no fearful look in your eyes. They were stern and full of conviction. “That notion… I'll veto it.” You declare softly.

Silence followed your words. There was still a large gap of space between you two. What should've happened was a deletion of space, there was nothing of the sort. Caught off guard by this revelation, Gojo stopped and furrowed his brows slightly in confusion. His outstretched hand dropped about an inch.

What just happened?

His split second bewilderment opened a window of opportunity to you. Taking advantage of his stunned disposition, you spun on your heel and took off running out of the building.

Thankfully, you got the feeling in your leg back in the nick of time. You ran away.

A sigh escaped your lips. Back pressed against the side wall of the locked bathroom stall, you stared at the tile for a moment. The women's restroom of this coffee shop was empty, the only sound being the constant hum of the ventilation. Once you believed you were ready, you delved into your pocket and took out a card. Flipping it over, you read the printed numbers and inputted them into your burner phone. It was only a few seconds of ringing when the other line picked up.

You lowered the card. "I'm looking for a Hoover Max Extract Pressure-Pro Model 60."

It was burning hot in the car, so you had the windows rolled down. The cool wind blew your hair back, a reinvigorating feeling to the senses. You were driving down a long stretch of road. No other cars or people in sight. The yellow baked sun highlighted the dry, sandy grass patches surrounding you that seemed to go on for miles. With one hand on the wheel, you pushed up your sunglasses before resting your arm on the window of your SL Mercedes. Traveling to a new country was a whole different ballpark, but you were going to make it work. After being cooped up in a stuffy cargo plane, the open road was a sigh of relief.

Growing up, you and Gojo went to the same schools together to Jujutsu High. This meant he knew your sorcerer abilities pretty well. As far as he knew, your curse ability boiled down to energy manipulation.

Although the ability is labeled as ‘energy,’ the underlying truth was that's only the surface level explanation. There's more to it. The true extent of your abilities was kept a secret, thanks to your discreet, privileged family. As a child, you were told you had been graced with intense power. Though, you were vowed to keep quiet about the secret art you had.

The power to negate power.

In order to perfect it, you’ve been training it all your life. Surprisingly enough, this was the first time you’ve had a sincere reason to use it. For the binding vow that accompanies it is concerning.

At the price of negating forces of nature, altering the flow of destiny, an suitable exchange must be made. By contingency, the exchange offers up a functioning part of your body. A fair trade.

“To negate something means to willingly negate a piece of you,” your mother would tell your younger self.

The moment you cancelled Gojo’s Limitless, you had lost the feeling in one of your legs. It had gone numb, like a useless piece of plastic. In that state, you wouldn’t be able to move too fast. Thankfully, it came back quickly so you could make your escape.

For that reason, it was a double edged sword. Dangerous, but handy. You’d have to keep on your toes for the rest of your life, and you’d have to keep up your physical fighting, but as far as sorcery goes… Gojo can’t touch you. And you… can certainly hit him.

Thanks to your ability… you were able to escape him that day.

It was incredible. Being able to take control of your life, gave you a rush that you’d never think of ever having.

Once you escaped, you did everything you could to discreetly change your identity. Using your leftover riches from your family name, you were able to call in a person to help you ‘disappear.’ Gojo would never be able to track you. And with that, (Y/N) (L/N) vanished off the face of the earth. She was gone.

It was a nice, sunny day. You were relaxing at home.

It's been three years since then. By now, you should try to settle down, right? However, your cautiousness made you hesitant. If Gojo ever did come for you, the last thing you wanted was for someone to get caught in the crossfire. Like Nanami.

Upon reminiscing, you frown in realization. You never did find out anything about Nanami’s disappearance, didn’t you? Maybe he was dead after all. It wouldn't shock you if it turned out Gojo made him vanish. It'd line up with how creepy he had been thus far.

You offered him a small prayer in your mind. Hopefully he was at peace, wherever he was now.

After that, you went out onto the backyard porch. The crashing waves of the ocean ahead always set you at ease. The warm sun heated your skin. Leaning against the wooden railing, you closed your eyes, and lost yourself to the sound of nature.

"What a lovely sight." The sudden voice made you jump. What scared you the most was not that it terminated your solitary without warning, but that it took you years to forget about that cadence, until now.

Standing a few feet away on the platform, leaning against the railing, was a forbidden sight. A man that shouldn't exist in your little safe paradise. Somehow, he got here undetected, past all of your locks and security cameras.

Gojo turned to you with a charming smile. As if this was a reunion between two old friends. In a malevolent way, it was. "Though you could do much better than this, it's a nice place."

Remaining silent, you didn't say his name. You wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

How did he find you? Your benefactor, with no ties to the Gojo clan, changed your records, your appearance, and virtually anything that had to deal with your identity. Not a single trace was left. And yet, here he stood in your home.

Why couldn't he just leave you alone?

There were plenty of women out there he could easily have. Any of them would be happy to grant his desires, or even replace you as his estranged wife. You didn't understand why he insisted on having you.

"Why won't you give up already?" You asked calmly, an apathetic look in your eyes. At least three years have passed since you escaped the shackles of your predetermined live. Plenty of time for him to move on and find someone else. In a way, hiding was supposed to be your form of encouragement.

Between the two of you, he was much more stubborn. Arrogance paved the way for greed, and he refused to lose when it came to anything. A man with the mentality of a spoiled child. Such entitlement of course, extended to you. He didn't give up because he didn't want anyone else. Letting you go and moving on was too easy. Why settle for something he can get with ease, when it was much more exciting to chase what he can't have?

"I've already told you, (Y/N). Millions of times over…" He stepped closer while you retreated back. "I love you." His voice was warm and genuine.

"And it's a lie." You retorted with a razor-like glare. If he truly cared as much as he says, he would let you go. He wouldn't still be here. It was a selfish act, not one out of love. Perhaps he did a long time ago, but his sentimental emotions were corrupted by his egotism. "If you loved me, you'd leave me be."

"(Y/N). Why are you so selfish?" He asked, and you paused. As if a switch had been flipped, his expression grew cold. "Running away from your family, running away from me, and running away from us. You had a good life, and became a powerful sorcerer. Why would you throw that all away? For cowardice? For your insecurities?"

He held up his hand. A hopeful, promising shine was in his eyes. "I came here because I refuse to give up on you. I care about you. Come back with me, and I promise to help you. We'll get through this together. I'll make you happy." He proposed with a warm smile.

A pit formed in your stomach. Even now, he's still trying to manipulate you. Twisting the narrative to belittle your desire for freedom as an insecurity. Justifying his stalking and chasing after you as some sort of savior situation. That your autonomy was something that needed to be fixed. If you weren't so disgusted, you could see yourself laughing at the absurdity of it all. "No. I don't want to go anywhere with you." You gave him your answer.

"Aaah… that's not the right answer." He sighed with a hint of amusement. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he turned his back to the railing. Then he faced you and held out his hand.

He tried to use his ability, but you were quick to stop him. Your arm went limp, but you raised your leg. Kicking him as hard as you could, he was sent flying through the wall. He quickly recovered and got back up.

He dashed forward, and you swiftly dodged out of the way. You got a few good hits in, since he was wary to not use Limitless in excess against you. Now that he couldn't use it to protective himself, everything was fair game. You threw anything you could that was in the house. Lamps, décor, and even furniture. He dodged most of them.

"Enough with this, (Y/N)!" He called out to you. The house was nearly destroyed from all the fighting. Gojo grumbled under his breath. Now that he was aware you could nullify his ability, he had to get creative.

Suddenly, he disappeared from your vision. Heart racing in your chest, you glanced around the room and kept your guard up. There was no running outside, because he could be waiting at the exit.

You turned and sensed something. With your energy magic, you charged the tv to make it explode. Gojo emerged from the shadows and came at you. He was using his Limitless. You had no choice but to nullify it and prepare to counterattack, but suddenly, your mind went blank.

Just now, you had rolled the dice, and yielded the worst possible results. The worst part to neutralize… your brain. It made you lose.

When consciousness came back to you, Gojo was holding you in a tight grip. Pointed at your neck, the tip an inch away from your skin, was a syringe.

Gojo was breathing heavily. Pressing his built chest into your back, you could hear him in your ear. It was a good effort you put up against him, but now it was over. At last, he had you. "Let's go home, shall we?" He hummed with delight.

Before he could move, you snapped your fingers. A explosion of smoke erupted from your body, and the mass coated the air like a screen. You threw your head back, crashing into his face. His grip weakened slightly and you stomped on his foot with all your might, and jabbed your elbow into his abdomen. With a grunt of pain, he fully released you. Not wasting any time, you ran forward and dashed out the back door.

You spun around to see him emerge from the smoke to give chase. Reaching a hand into your pocket, you darted to the edge of the porch. You vaulted over wooden railing and jumped off. In your hand was a small device. You pressed the button.

A large explosion blew up your beloved home. There was a loud, thunderous crash. Debris flew in all directions, and the source was consumed in fire. Once your feet landed onto the sandy beach, you took off running.

On the run yet again. All the money you spent on disappearing the first time had significantly depleted your sources, and nearly the rest had just gone up in flames. You'd have to get creative with your next disappearance, for whatever time you had left.

As you were running, you suddenly stumbled and halted in place. The dizzy spell was so faint, it took you a second to recognize it. During that fight, the syringe must've touched you.

The unknown drug he gave you… you had no idea how much time you had until you passed out. However much time you had, it most likely wasn't enough to hide where you couldn't be found. All of your options were drying up.

Frozen, you stared at the ground. A blank expression haunted your tired features as you fixated on the gravel at your feet.

Was this it? It's all over?

Closing your eyes, you took a shaky breath. It's not. With your remaining strength, you continued running.

Gojo's manipulative speech to you, at first you completely dismissed it as nothing but deceptive garbage. It was bred on twisting your actions to make him seem like the victim. A gaslighting trap, to warp your perspective of reality, and convince you to return to him. Almost like the domains he put his enemies in. At least, that's what you originally thought. After reflecting upon it, you realized that there was some truth to his words. Even when fabricating lies, there will always be a hint of truth hiding in the cracks.

Maybe he was right.

All you've done is run away. In your youth, you fled from living a normal life to become the perfect child your parents wanted. At the expense of your childhood. You ran away from mistakes and imperfections to strive for greatness. Once that was over, you ran away from your family when they needed you most. Then you ran away from Gojo, from your relationship and your engagement. Here you were, proving him right by running away again.

If you kept going, you'd never be able to stop running. This track you set yourself upon, it was an endless one. A nonstop cycle of running on a wheel, with no destination. Gojo, while rendered vulnerable for the moment, was still immortal in the grand scheme of things. He held too much power. Untouchable and relentless, he'll be chasing you forever.

Perhaps… it was time to stop.

When you finally came to a halt, you were near the edge of a cliff. Below, the gathering ocean, crashing against the rocks. The comforting sound you had come to admire. The sun was setting in the sky, and the stars were finally revealing themselves. You've always wanted to come here, but you never found the opportunity.

"(Y/N)…" Gojo called your name. Though he sounded tired, there was a hint of teasing to it. It was the end of the line, after all. Even if you tried to jump, he could catch you. This game of tag had finally reached it's conclusion. "It's over. There's no need for this."

Silently, you met his gaze. The light breeze swept your hair as you stood still. A few seconds passed when you eventually parted your lips. "You're absolutely right." You said with a faint smile and soft eyes. "I'm done with you. Farewell, Satoru."

A bold choice of words. As much as he rather wouldn't, Gojo decided he'd have to hurt you, just so you couldn't run away anymore. Upon stepping back, you suddenly found yourself in a new space. The area around you was a celestial realm, a starry prison. He called his Limitless, and cemented you inside a domain. This way, you couldn't evade him. Even if you nullified it, he could just cast it again and again until you gave up.

So, he didn't know you were on the verge of collapsing. That was perfect.

Once more, you opened your eyes wide. They began to glow. Channeling all of your curse energy, you took his power, and turned it off.

Upon doing so, there was a sharp pain in your chest. Blood stopped pumping and your breath slowed to a cease. It was then that you lost feeling in your head, then your body. Falling back, you lost your balance and went over the edge. Your vision was growing blurry, and everything felt cold. Faintly, you could feel your body falling.

Cancelling his ability wasn't the ultimate goal. The consequences were. To negate all of his powers at once, you offered up the most important function of your body. The heart of the machine. It was held for as long as you could, and you made it.

Finally, you were away from him. To the one place where he couldn't get you. It might've been one last run, but it was something you did of your own volition. Nobody told you what to do, and you freely made your choice. Maybe Gojo could have given you a promising life, but you would never be happy. This outcome was what satisfied you. Your legs had grown tired from running, and now you could finally rest.

rip girlie

i like how at the start i was trolling but at the end it just got sad :')

dividers: cafekitsune

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[oshinohoshi]

Oshi no Ko Ch 160 thoughts

I think I'll start this out with a jump scare.

Imagine this guy showing up at your door trying to sell you a nice new set of kitchen knives. I'd take ten.

The above image is so ghoulish that I'd be tempted to see it as just Aqua's distorted perception of his father, not a mask off moment where Hikaru morphed into Slenderman

But I have no confidence that this chapter didn't just toss Hikaru's character development in the bin

A well-executed twist following a twist should be satisfying but rather than getting a nice "aha" moment, I'm just getting whiplash

Even though I don't like it, I guess I can buy a heartbroken and jaded Hikaru who subtly manipulated Ryosuke into becoming more unhinged and later influenced Nino to do his dirty work

Although I don't think Ryosuke needed any help being a dumpster fire of a human and Nino really has nobody to blame but herself

But then what were chapters 154 and 155 about?

The mess that was HkAi is so compelling to me. I find their relationship sweet and tragic. It was a disaster that could have become something lovely if they weren't such fragile people already deeply wounded at a young age

In order for Hikaru's realization that Ai loved him to be as impactful as it is, then "I'm going to do what I can for Ai" can't be a lie

Which means he can't have wanted to hurt Ruby after watching the DVD

Which means that we're gonna keep spinning in circles about Hikaru's culpability and motives until Akasaka lets us off this ride

We've gone from "Aqua delivered a revenge worse than death to an already self-destructive man" to "oh, I guess that meant nothing. Time to have a knife fight"

And then there's the below panel. The worst thing Hikaru said about Ai was that she was a normal girl who could be cruel. Now she's standing next to a very accusatory speech bubble

"Make people obey you?" Hikaru wouldn't think that of Ai post 154

I wouldn't be surprised if he's just winding Aqua up because he has a death wish, but I think that's just me trying to cope

I've been waiting a very long time for "you're just like me" from Hikaru to Aqua but it would have been more effective if the panels supposedly showing Aqua's power to charm didn't seem to have been chosen at random

Can I just say, this panel makes me uncomfortable:

It's hard to think of Ruby wholeheartedly singing love songs to sweaty 20-something men, and the way Ai and B Komachi started doing so when they were just children, and not feel weird

OnK does a wonderful job portraying the good things about idol fandom alongside the heinously toxic things, but it's so heavily weighted on the good side with Ruby that it sometimes makes me think Ai's death at the hands of an obsessive idol otaku who believed she couldn't be a real person because she sang love songs to her fans was a fever dream

And I know this is Aqua's image of Ruby, but it just seems like we're completely ignoring the arc where she went into full on manipulation mode (like father like daughter, I guess)

Anyway, the standout moments of this chapter were that Ai drew a heart on her toothbrush and the below panel. The little Hoshino family melts my ugly, deceptive heart

Christ. I haven't even mentioned Aqua's big ass knife

Aqua won't stab anyone. Just maybe do some light slashing

There is a blatant retcon about Nino and Ryosuke at the hospital because Crow Girl said there was a middle school aged boy there. The only ways this could not be a retcon is if Hikaru lied, Crow Girl lied, or crows really can't see well at night

Next chapter: Hikaru lets Aqua stab him but it bounces off because Nino, who wanted to protect her buddy, secretly made his suit knife proof. Ai's toothbrush turns out to be pivotal to the plot because if only she had used an electric toothbrush as dentists recommend, none of this would have happened.

[nyxi-pixie]

me when im supposed to be studying but instead im thinking abt mori and dazai again

let me go absolutely insane for a second (not a second. this is so long. i just checked mfer its over 2000 words. i need to be sedated. imprisoned. restrained. examined. smthn)

'a young man with a death wish once came to me and i wanted to rescue him but i couldnt' and like yeah. beast mori couldnt rescue him. but to a certain extent, canon mori sort of has (touch wood for long term but as it is, dazai is so much less intent on dying than he was in dark era).

and it just. i always wonder about the actual intentions of the mimic situation. because on the surface, it looks like what dazai calls it, then deeper than that, it looks like a very calculated long term strategy, and deeper than that, its just. kinda sad.

i just think its interesting that he plans the mimic thing the way he does knowing dazai will leave despite the fact that he doesnt want him to. and dazai himself reasons this as mori being afraid of him, that mori doesnt want dazai to kill him the way mori killed the old boss. but thats? not true? mori seems unbothered at worst and downright proud at best when he tells oda that dazai will probably kill him one day.

so. Why. did he do it knowing dazai would leave? it wasnt his only option; he could have set skk on mimic. like 5 second future vision isnt gonna do much when the danger is alr there (as oda says). and in the face of a massive black hole coming right at u or a building being dropped on you, five seconds really isnt gonna do much. so mimic cld have been removed without a casualty and the mafia could still have got the permit, and not lost dazai. (who is Objectively an asset to the organisation.) But thats not how it happens. Mori plans it exactly as he does knowing oda will die and dazai will leave. he also then makes it continually obvious that dazai would be welcomed back.

and ive been trying to think of other reasons for it, but across canon and insight from beast mori the only thing i can think of comes back to the fact that mori wants dazai alive. alive and aware that the pm is the best place for him, but alive more than anything else.

i think he wants dazai as his heir bc he knows dazai is enough like him to manage it, but i wonder if it also comes back to the fact that mori is trying to rescue him, and i imagine his own reason to live (and lord knows he suggests he needs a strong one in fifteen) is probably tied down to legacy and responsibility for the city. mori devotes his life to the mafia because he wants peace and appreciates that control (rather than eradication) of the worst of yokohama is the way to keep that peace. and thats enough of a reason to live for him. but it isnt for dazai.

dazai doesnt give a fuck about the mafia as a concept bc his motivations dont rest on ideals the way moris do. dazai only ever does anything because of the people he cares about. everything we see him do, EVEN in pm era where people claim he was some emotionless rockman, come back to his friends.

its why hes never at the centre of the plot. he cant be, because he never does anything for himself. fifteen, in which he is a titular character, is a plot that rests vastly on chuuyas back story. dazais original motivation prior to meeting him is just to khs, and only upon meeting chuuya and them having their whole weird Thing and dazai deciding to be an obsessive freak, does he actually have personal stakes in the job. then in stormbringer, its all abt chuuya again, and dazai is only involved bc he cares about him (whatever he actually says aside). tdipud is driven by odas storyline, and so is dark era. dazai is only active in them bc he cares abt oda.

even when he has more idealistic motivations come canon era, they come back to the fact that hes doing it for oda. anything Above And Beyond that promise is bc hes acting to save the agency, who are his Friends. his motivations are deeply personal in complete contrast to moris, and it is perhaps the only place they really differ.

now ironically, it seems to be that the only decisions mori makes influenced by personal feelings are because of dazai. which takes me to the fact that i think he let dazai leave because he recognises thats whats best for him (at least in the short term - and we'll get to That in a second). and its not really a loss for the organisation because dazais too practical to ever dismiss the mafia, and he still gut responds with their methods. so its an easy sacrifice, a justifiable one.

then theres the contrast with the kouyou&kyouka thing. kouyou doesnt want kyouka to taste the light only to have it sour on her tongue when she realises she cant actually have it because of what she is. because kouyou believes anyone tainted by darkness the way they are can never be free of it. (because she couldnt get out herself).

i wouldnt be surprised if mori thinks the same way, certainly in regards to someone like dazai who Is naturally built for the mafia in a way kyouka really isnt. mori at least believes dazais blood is mafia black and whether or not this is true is irrelevant. he Does have to actively fight his impulses in order to do the Right Thing even now. And even doing that, he still falls into their methods when its practical, or when he's paranoid or unsettled enough to need the comfort of habit, hence the way he treats aku even four years removed from the mafia. hence the way he treats atsushi immediately after Q appears (the way he so instantly latches onto his older self literally slapping the self pity he detests in himself and in his former kouhai out of his current one). hence the way the parallels to mori spring up most when dazai has just been shaken by something.

so i wonder if mori let dazai walk into the light knowing (or believing) he wouldnt fit there, and would come back with a stronger commitment to the mafia as a whole because it may be a concept of sorts, but its one that embraces him in a way the light doesnt, and while dazai does things for the people He cares about, its a mutual thing - he feels responsibility for the people that care about Him too (which probably ties in to the desire for a quiet suicide without bothering anyone, and also to the disgust he has w the sheep - because it Isnt a mutual exchange there).

i think it was always intended as a temporary thing (five years away from the mafia maybe. the 'five years' right before dazai comes to take moris place). give him a taste of the light and let him come to his own conclusion that he doesnt belong there, and eventually turn back to the mafia where he does belong.

(despite suggestions that dazai Doesnt really belong there - smthn smthn cat/dog symbolism - though people suggest this implies he belongs w the ada and i dont think thats true either esp given the way hes omitted from the group so often. i think the cat symbolism w dazai likens him more to natsume than atsushi&fukuzawa esp given the way theyre shown tgthr so often. dazai doesnt belong to any organisation or rigid group, he just fits in line w whoever he cares abt and wherever he decides hes content to stay. v much like a cat actually.).

anyway, moris idea seems to be that dazai wld realise the mafia is somewhere he is cared for, and he cares for the people within it in return. though it doesnt seem to have really turned out that way (maybe mori j underestimated the power of the ada's one specialty: forced integration into its found family. lmao)

so you could see it from a practical perspective: mori sending dazai out to show him he really belongs w the mafia and shld come back to them when the time is right, thus mori secures his legacy by leaving the pm to dazai and the mafia is led forward by someone who could handle it the way mori has.

but. hes never pushy abt dazai coming back. hes downright polite abt it (contrasting to the way he treats yosano), and he puts an awful lot of effort into saving dazais life. (kinda funny that he sends chuuya to pick dazais ass up every five seconds with no reward for either of them - chuuya post dead apple literally asks and moris just like ? uh the safety of the city?? bragging rights😁👍? - but when he sends chuuya to save the agency as a whole the price is Heavy like. exchange of a member is crazyyy.)

dazai is always very much considered One Of Their Own. his seat is still empty waiting for him to come back, he and mori post guild are Always cooperating (despite the kinda petty way dazai talks to him during the reunion - the whole 'i burnt the coat' thing - its almost childish, spiteful in a way that speaks to personal hurt that undermines any control he might have had of their kind of distant passive aggressive exchange. but. im too insane abt that interaction that my interpretation cld be entirely bs.)

they communicate through this ridiculous game of chess, and rely on each other to keep both their organisations afloat. when anyone else from the ada tries to pull the same thing, mori pulls out contracts for their damn souls but when its dazai hes just like ? oh ur bf needs to save you again? of course i can spare him to go pick you up from european prison yeah not a problem! ill even glue his vampire cosplay teeth in!!

in connection with that, even with dazais commitment to Doing The Right Thing, he does not do it in the right way. hes perfectly content to use mori-typical underhanded methods to get the ada to the right place. he sends aku To His Death Knowingly for the sake of saving atsushi and by extension the rest of the agency (and he may have known that the vampirism wld sorta bring him back?? but he still sends him to die), and its sorta similar to mori sending aku out to deal with hawthorne and mitchell while hes in rlly bad shape.

anyway dazais methods always make me think of that cunty exchange sskk have in dead apple 'thats not the way we do things in the detective agency' 'was that a bad joke😘 ur too much weretiger🌈✨💖'. but like. dazai Doesnt work the way the ada does. at least not when things get tense enough to drive him back to habit.

i think people like to interpret dazai as being a better person now, and i think in some ways he is. because hes always influenced by the people hes around most. but also, his motivations havent really changed from pm era. he still does what he does for his friends, they just happen to be on the right side now.

anyway. mori puts more work into keeping dazai alive than any other character (bar perhaps chuuya - but thats because mori saving dazai runs hand in hand with chuuya doing it given hes the one sending him) which is. aurgh.

mori and the wish to save people is just interesting in general. the fact that he became a doctor in the first place is telling on its own plus the unhinged way he deals with yosano - of course someone obsessed with saving people would want a cheat card for sending Death packing - but maybe i could believe it was just a power thing, more to his sense of control. playing with life and death so that he can play god. and i think that probably is just a little bit part of it, esp during the war.

but theres also the way he treats doctors within the pm (sb calls it respect for his former position but it may also be knowledge that the better treated they are the more people they will save). And the only reason he works w the tripartite agreement is bc he loves yokohama, wants its people, including its underground, alive and all that (honestly it probably links back to war stuff - hes really intent on peace).

so hes already someone that is intent on saving people (and beast mori makes this obvious w the way he treats atsushi) but theres a personal edge to it w dazai, possibly bc dazai is so much like him, and asgr is kind of obsessed w the saving your mirrors bc you cldnt save yourself thing (sskk. atsushi&lucy. chuuya with his clone. beast akutagawa siblings. beast atsushi&kyouka. i could continue).

im frothing at the mouth but basically, mori does everything for practical reasons in line with his ideals, his grand vision for the PM, but that doesnt mean he isnt making any emotionally charged decisions. its just that theyre always justified by their practical outcomes. (Especially where dazai is concerned). so he can pretend that theyre not driven by personal feelings but IM WATCHING U MORI U CANT HIDE FROM ME.

yk i sometimes wonder if i see him too sympathetically for a guy thats as so sucks as he is but someone has to counterbalance the 75% of the fandom that thinks hes pure evil for no reason and has no thoughts outside of Being Terrible so. here you go have this from the depths of my brain.

[spencer-is-alive]

my top five FAVORITE fics I wrote this year

it’s almost new year, and I got a lot…

A lot done this year

so, let’s go over my top five favorite fics I wrote (and finished) this year, not in any order

thanks to @unhappy-sometimes for the idea!!

Tapes and Face me

This one is a twofer, mostly because they’re connected. I’m very proud of tapes because I really wanted to capture that analog horror feel, mostly because my irl friend was really obsessed with the Mandela catalogue at the time. Face me was like my first huge foray into whump. My favorite part of this fic was Sylvia and Anya’s relationship, and the letters Anya wrote to her as “mission reports”.

Open eyes

I wish this one got more love and attention. It was a very weird character study I wrote where Twilight meets Loid Forger and Redacted, who are separate but also the same as him. It bounced off from @buf309’s doppelgänger comic, but sort of became its own thing, it even had some fanart that I’m too eepy to find rn, I’ll have to reblog it later.

Tastes like blood

an idea that was over a year in the making, where Yor gets to enact revenge on someone for (almost) killing her husband on their wedding night. This fic is so important to me because Maya Rowan, the would-be killer, was such a fun character to write. I love her so much. This fic did have a sequel that I have yet to finish unfortunately, but IT WILL BE DONE (at some point)

Clementine

your stock standard “Anya gets kidnapped by those gosh darn scientists” plot, based on my initial interpretation of the song “my darling Clementine”, where, in my mind, it was about a father who lost his daughter in the river, and he couldn’t swim, so he “lost his Clementine”. The “swim” here was meant to represent how twilight couldn’t deal with his own feelings for his daughter, so he lost her, but then he gets her back again, fighting tooth and nail to keep her safe. For those who don’t know, I am especially weak for father-daughter stories (my relationship with my dad is great dw) so this one his very close to my heart. The scene where Loid finally says “I love you” to Anya was inspired by Ai Hoshino’s death scene from Oshi no ko (which unfortunately ended very badly this year, spare yourself the trouble and just look up Ai’s death scene, that’s as peak as the story gets) and I was listening to the ost of her death scene while writing it. And my god does it just tear you up inside.

also his mom’s ghost saying “you’ve been holding her like that all along” still rips me to shreds okay?

and last but not least

A way out

“Yay Norman mention”

“Update wtf?”

— @unhappy-sometimes, 2024

what CANT I say about this fic? It’s, imo, my magnum opus. It was so goddamn cathartic to write it. If you’re going to read it, please, please mind the trigger warnings.

getting on with that, this fic is so important to me. It started out as a very angsty whump fic that somehow became a very personal look into a narrative about self harm and coming to terms with one’s existence. Really, if you’re in the right headspace, I would suggest you read it. BUT ONLY IF YOU’RE IN THE RIGHT HEADSPACE. it genuinely reflects a lot of the dark thoughts I’ve struggled with since my hospitalization when I was thirteen. I hope that, if I can find some catharsis in it, maybe you can too.

well, that’s a wrap. I’ll still be writing, but I just wanted to get this post out there. Love yall, and happy new year!

[dallonwrites]

LOVER BOY - WIP INTRO

[ lover boy by @dallonwrites / sfgate / tumblr user catilinas / lover boy | little weirds by jenny slate / lover boy / hellraiser (1987) / manhunter (1986) / the lost boys (1987) / lover boy ] this post has alt text.

disclaimer: this is my own original work

Genre: Literary that wishes it were horror Setting: San Francisco, 1987/88 Aesthetics: fake blood, uncanny SFX in old horror movies, grainy home videos, a deeply orange sunset, retro arcade games, an empty mall, overripe fruit, anatomical heart models, heart shaped candles, leather jackets, rolling fog, the moon in the ocean, bowling alleys, red lights, trying to see a ghost in the hallway, real blood, mixtapes from former lovers, nightclub bathrooms, vampire fangs, neck kisses Summary: Sometimes, to cope with change and unpredictability, Beau likes to pretend he's the protagonist of a blood-soaked horror movie. And all he's ever wanted is a lover. But after the death of his childhood best friend he retreats into himself - frustrated at love and frustrated that Bobby hasn't haunted him the way he promised to - until he's jolted back by former friends needing his help with a movie project, an ex lover returning as new ones find new ways to hurt him, his friends and his community getting sicker, and a near death experience that comes with the urgency to record everything around him whilst he still can. The more that happens, the more he tries to find ghosts around him. The more times he sees blood on his hands, the more painful his old coping mechanism becomes, as his thoughts become less and less tasty.

what if you were autistic but you didn't know it because it's the 1980s and your special interest is horror movies and sometimes your brain feels a little bit blood-soaked but it's okay because it feels good! it makes you feel better, right? but then your best friend dies and also you lose the closest person you had to a lover and you wonder if you've wasted your time obsessing over romance but you don't have time to think about it because life keeps happening and nobody seems to care that your community is dying and no matter how hard you try you never see a ghost in the hallway or the bathroom mirror like you want to, and then your lover comes back but he's different, and so are you, and you really want to stop looking death in the eye, so you try to capture everything around you on your video camera to show that you were here, we were here and we're alive, and your queerness is your heartbeat and all you want to do in this life is love, so that's what you do, despite everything, whatever that love looks like, even when everything gets louder and brighter and too much to bare and you're starting to get scared by the blood in your thoughts

I call this "the culmination of my growing obsession with horror and the undergrad dissertation I wrote on how the AIDS crisis functions in queer narratives". I think it's my favourite thing I've started in a long time! There's so much flesh to this story that I haven't even dug my hand as deep into it as I could go. It's fun, it's silly, it's raw, it's sweet, it's emotional, it's complicated, it's a bit bloody, it's theatrical, it's trying it's best. It doesn't take itself too seriously but it's also crying in the bathtub you know

Characters (just a few otherwise this would get way too long)

Beau (he/him) the bestest boy in the whole world. Someone pleeeease take him to a farmers market on a chilled Sunday afternoon

Benji (he/him) Beau's little brother who Beau thinks is the bestest boy in the whole world. Even though he loves bugs and dirt and wants to be a shark when he grows up

Bobby (he/him) dead but before he died he thought being a ghost would be so fun. It'd be so much easier to sneak up on Beau! He could finally go to Fire Island! He loved handmaking jewellery and wanted to be a volcanologist.

Felix (he/him) the ex lover! He's doing sooo much better since the last time you saw him! Hey why is he crying in that movie theatre bathroom

Tiff (she/they) Beau's old friend and roommate. Tattoo artist who collects eye shaped decor and broken rotary phones. Lesbian/gay solidarity is the backbone of this novel.

Dorothy (she/her) In love with the moon and acrylic paints. What if you bumped into your ex boyfriends twin sister and feel like you shouldn't get involved but then you remember she's realllyyy fun to talk shit about people with?

[weatheredlaw]

what i liked about rvb: restoration (spoilers ahead)

okay i've spent a lot of time complaining to some friends today about what i didn't like about restoration, so i'm going to tell all of YOU what i did like, because i don't like to inundate myself with negativity!

Caboose

as a caboose fan, as a caboose girlie, as someone who has written a bunch of caboose fic - i fucking stayed winning last night. burnie keeping caboose knowing how to speak spanish was excellent. caboose was treated so well, he really wasn't the butt of a joke (the bit about epsilon programming in the "shut up caboose" lines was very funny to me, it's peak church and caboose and the fact that they came out and weird times was so so funny)

follow-up caboose point: i LOVE that he's too unpredictable for epsilon, it's truly caboose in a nutshell. and he was treated as capable and able to do things. he was also so GOOD. i'm absolutely not over this and i probably never will be:

caboose deciding to bring back tex because he wanted them to win? flawless. no notes. excellent.

Grimmons

i knew as soon as it was announced that burnie was writing this season that we were not going to get the grimmons ending of our dreams (yes i saw that google drive, yes it haunts me forever) but this isn't about what we didn't get

it's been 21 years since "why are we here" and i loved the shots of the two of them standing together. it always feels right when they're a pair, no matter what's happening.

i'm going to take what i got and write the fix it fic later. simmons gave grif what he always wanted - a way out. he gave him those papers, he said "here, you can leave, no strings attached" and the almost first words out of grif's mouth were: "come with me." it's romance, to me. i'll take it.

willing to go out in a blaze of glory together. say no more.

Sarge

i really wasn't sure if this was going to be a joke or not when it started happening. meta!tucker pulled out his sword and sarge was too close to the door and i said outloud GET AWAY FROM THE DOOR and damn

i know it was SUPER cheesy, but i was a fan of the sarge-grif interaction there at the end. sarge's animosity for grif has always been played up for laughs, but the last few seasons (retconned simulations or not) really strengthened red team. and the chorus trilogy did, too.

man i loved these lines:

(this shot makes me miss donut so bad but this is about what i liked, not what bothered me so please take this shot of sarge and the boys)

also sarge going back for caboose was so so so so good to me. "one of us" - yeah man, caboose is one of your boys. you gotta go BACK for your BOY. and he fucking did. i really wasn't sure if this death was going to stick, it got me pretty hard. (he didn't HERK-BLEH so idk if it counts but)

Tucker/Sigma

META!TUCKER RULES

conceptually, i fucking love this. i think it would have been nicer to get a bit more pre!meta tucker and see what was going on. his absence is handwaved a bit but if i'm able to remove seasons 15-18 from my brain, i'm able to focus more and say yes, ok.

i do have questions, like what was he acting like? did he do anything strange? did he disappear RIGHT away or did he linger and then go? it seems like wash doesn't know, and i think if wash knew tucker was the meta, he'd have been a lot more concerned (the bit at the end with wash and doc and tucker being taken care of was nice)

but i'm OBSESSED with this idea that tucker's stuck in there and he doesn't want to be there. really genuinely i love sigma and how nasty that little shit is. it's interesting that epsilon has the memories, but sigma still knows EXACTLY what the director did to the alpha and, even while it hates him for that, it's completely willing to use that on another person:

and THIS PART:

ugh MY BOY. it was nice to have tucker back, i was sad we had to see him like this and i wish we had more time with this concept, it's very delicious and it's one thing i do LIKE about the later seasons being retconned.

Wash and Doc

okay so i had to go back and watch some of the last episode of season 13 to understand this better, because i hadn't watched season 13 in a REALLY long time. once my memory was jogged i understood what was happening better. to recap, if you're like me and forgot:

wash and carolina were on the evac ship headed towards the reds and blues. after they win their fight post-epsilon death, it seems that the evac goes wrong and wash is injured. in that scuffle, doc dies getting wash to safety. this seems to be a breaking point for wash and doc manifests as a hallucination that Dr. Grey seems to be aware of. she never address that it IS doc, but she (and ADMIRAL FUCKING DONUT OK) are aware wash isn't doing well.

this was something i saw on reddit - doc being dead was foreshadowed pretty well! here's the image from the reddit page:

one shadow! i'm sure a lot of y'all saw this but i was busy thinking wash didn't sound like shannon mccormick (it was him! he just isn't talking about the show online really it seems - i haven't checked his tumblr for a while, but he's p much silent on twitter, i assume he came back after some negotiation because he and RT no longer work together, even before RT was dissolved)

EDIT: upon rewatching this it appears to move WITH doc but i do LIKE the one shadow thing so i'm gonna stick with this

also doc disappears from frame whenever other people are talking. no one ever addresses him, and i assume because he says doc's name while talking about the meta, Dr. Grey is like ah yep he's hallucinating again.

upon first viewing i thought this was a little rushed, and i still believe it was kinda shoved in there at the end, but after sitting with it and doing a little season 13 refresher, i actually really like this and i think it's very bittersweet. wash doing his best to cope with his guilt and thinking about the person who saved him and having them live on like this is incredibly hard, but it also feels incredibly REAL for his specific history and trauma

Other things

carolina coming when wash calls for her

wash BREAKING HIS LEG to call his best friend like dude wtf

simmons still wanting to save tucker, knowing he isn't the one who killed sarge

the work from home security guards. it's funny. it's really funny.

"i hate the future"

sitting around the fire and remembering! i cried! THIS SHOW AND I GREW UP TOGETHER

the trocadero song. it fucking got me.

tex and carolina fighting the meta. just. bad ass.

the framed photo of wash's cat

the AI's bickering in tucker's head. theta saying "he's tired and scared." delta comforting theta.

geoff really delivered grif's lines. they were SO unhinged i loved them.

speaking of VA's - michael malconian! honestly i was so worried when joel was fired that we were going to lose caboose forever. it made me SO sad to think about, but when they started making some PSA's and kind of made some jokes about the voice change (and in restoration!) i was much more hopeful. i really think he did a SUPER good job capturing caboose. my favorite scene in red vs blue is caboose saying goodbye to church in season 15 - and i think my second is now michael's delivery of caboose telling tucker he's already forgiven him if he decides to kill him. he just totally knocked it out of the park.

and just speaking of...him.

there's a lot i wasn't happy with, and i guess i could make a list about that, too. i feel like it's a lot of things y'all probably weren't happy with either, but this is what i DID love. and i think there's some more i'm just not remembering and i think i will come to really love this. someone already said it best imo: it was good enough and that's ok. i grew up with this show, seeing it end was incredibly emotional for me, but it feels right to say goodbye.

bow chicka bye now.

[horrorknife]

brokeback mountain still fucking me up almost 12 hours later. i cant stop thinking about it. ennis and his quiet sad cowboy life...he only wanted to survive but he wasn't really living his life, not the way he should have or wanted to. all because he was so traumatized by the murder of a gay man that he was forced to See the aftermath of. and it makes sense, of course it does. but jack wants to Live, not survive, and he wants to be true to himself enough to have a daily life with the man he loves.

ennis survives until the end because that's all he's doing. he hides himself, burrows so deep into the closet that he decides a life with jack isn't ever attainable. but jack wants to fight for it! he wants to share the closet with ennis, but ennis is too scared to even open the door.

i kept thinking, too, about how jack was more "visibly" queer than ennis was despite never publicly saying or doing anything. aguirre is openly homophobic to jack because he saw the two of them fucking around. but when he goes to texas to rodeo, it just seems like there's this underlying vibe of everyone around him Knowing he's gay. he's treated badly at the bar and we're led to believe it's because he got bucked off earlier that night, but the vibe is. Weird. the way people look at him doesn't feel right. jack's parents also seem to know what's going on if there's anything to be said about their weird behavior at the very end of the movie and his father's absolute refusal to let his ashes get spread at brokeback + how cold he is to ennis.

another interesting thing to me was that ennis doesn't open up to anyone except jack. he's quiet and straightforward but he's open with jack in a way he isn't with anyone else, not even alma (during their marriage) or his daughters. it seems like he can only be honest with Himself if it involves jack. but jack keeps everything close to his chest and really doesn't ever come out and tell ennis very much. he lies about aguirre being homophobic to him and he never tells him about the other gay guy he met. he's not open about parts of his childhood like ennis is. he's a self-contained world.

the irony of all of this, of course, is that ennis' survival method spawned from the murder of a gay man does allow him to survive while jack is brutally beaten to death for being gay. i'm just so obsessed with all of it. i know "i wish i knew how to quit you" is meme-ified to hell and back but it's such a crazy fucking line. you get it instantly. if you've ever been in any kind of situationship like that you Know what it means and how it feels. fuuuuck man. there's a lot more i could say but this is probably pretty disorganized already i just had a lot of thoughts and shit to say. tbh i have a lot More to say but this post is already long lol

[kandisheek]

FIC REC WEEK 16 – DARK FIC

The Secret Side Of Me by sweetNsimple

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: M Words: 12,684 Tags: Cannibalism, Vore, Fluff and Angst

Summary: Steve butted his forehead against Tony's. “I love you.” “I think it goes without saying that I might just feel the same way about you,” Tony drawled. “Maybe. I think I'd like to hear it anyway.” “Well, fine. I love you, Hannibal Lecter. Please don't feed me anymore people.” He smiled. “I'll see what I can do.”

Reasons why I love it: I like to call this one the "wholesome cannibalism fic". Seems like it might be a juxtaposition, but I promise you, it's not. The reasoning behind Steve's issues and actions is really sympathetic, and I love how it ties into the kinkier sides of this fic. Also, Tony's reaction to what Steve is doing feels very real and in character. This fic is lovely, so if you can stomach - haha - some self-harm and cannibalism, I highly encourage you to give it a try.

What Rough Beast by immoral_crow

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: M Words: 6,343 Tags: Character Death, Super Soldier Serum, Love

Summary: Steve Rogers, super soldier. It’s amazing really that it takes them all so long to work out just what the serum can do… but given enough time all things become apparent. This is a story about love, and loss; the things we would do to be true to ourselves and true to our hearts; and the prices you must pay to do that.

Reasons why I love it: I don't want to spoil anything about this fic, so I'm just going to say that it's amazing and deeply sad and makes me want to cry every time I read it. Please go and experience it for yourself, it's fantastic!

Apricity by nostalgicatsea

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: T Words: 1,542 Tags: Dark Steve, Mental Instability, Murder

Summary: Tony came to him, warm and bright like summer to his everlasting winter. Steve would do anything to keep him forever.

Reasons why I love it: Seeing how unhinged Steve is after the ice is really sad. I love the explanation that nostalgicatsea gives as to why Steve does what he does in regards to his obsession with Tony. It makes sense in a really twisted way. This fic is amazing, and I highly encourage you to read it!

Things We'd Held in Secret by Dira Sudis (dsudis)

Pairing: Steve/Bucky Rating: E Words: 11,146 Tags: Cannibalism, Super Soldier Serum, Rituals

Summary: Steve and Bucky were trapped together behind enemy lines in 1944. Bucky was badly injured, and for days Steve fed him the only way he could with no supplies on hand but a sharp knife. Bucky didn't understand what was happening at the time, and afterward there was never a good time to tell him--but now that Steve knows what he really did for Bucky, the secret is going to have to come out.

Reasons why I love it: If I had a dollar for every time I read wholesome cannibalism fic, I'd have two, which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice. The reasoning behind the cannibalism in this fic is so emotional, especially on the second go around. And oh my god, Bucky just breaks my heart here. I adore this fic, and I hope you give it a shot yourself!

I Wish You Were a Monster by Anonymous

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: E Words: 5,220 Tags: Pedophilia, Past Non-Con, Child Abuse

Summary: Steve has a terrible secret. One he'll never act upon. He never acts on these desires, but he struggles with them, because he knows how wrong they are.

Reasons why I love it: This fic is really hard to read, but it's some incredible food for thought. The whole subject is handled very delicately and dare I say ethically, and I loved seeing a perspective that isn't obvious at first glance. Which is why I think this fic is very important, even outside of fandom. If you read this one, let me know what you think, because I'm very curious how other people might interpret this fic.

[anxious-lorf]

I didn't want to have to talk about this on my Tumblr. Heck, I didn't want to talk about this AT ALL, but... I guess I care too much about people I've never met.

If anyone here would like to defend HAMAS and their brutal attacks against innocent Israeli citizens, I would please ask that you un-follow me.

If anyone here would like to defend the Israeli government, claiming that they can do no wrong and have not systematically abused the Palestinian people for decades, I would ask that you also un-follow me. Neither side of this polarizing conversation is going to like what I have to say next.

HAMAS isn't after the liberation or freedom that you think they are. They're after bloodshed. Senseless, violent bloodshed. They have indiscriminately launched missiles at a nation the size of New Jersey. They have taken civilians captive for the purpose of livestreaming their executions. This is not an exaggeration; these are facts which any reputable news source is able to confirm. And despite that, there are people around the world calling them the heroes and "standing with" them.

That said, the current management of the Israeli government has been nothing but cruel and unjust to the Palestinian people, to the point where many have even called their heavy-handed control a kind of apartheid. (If you don't know what this is, look it up.) By all accounts, they seem like the bad guys. And their government's leaders most certainly are. I can understand perfectly the desire to call HAMAS the good guys for opposing them. Except for one thing: They're not attacking the government. They're attacking its people.

If HAMAS was really interested in making their home a better place for Palestinians to live, they would have targeted government officials, military bases, any of the tools through which the Israeli government keeps them down. But they didn't. They went after the people. They went after concert-goers, minding their own business, trying to enjoy their day and taking no active role in maintaining the apartheid. By now it should be clear that HAMAS's goal was never liberation; it was genocide against the Israeli people. Call it "vengeance", or a "bloody retribution", or whatever fancy word you want to use to distract from the fact that innocent people are being slaughtered by the thousands, but genocide is genocide. Israel and the Jewish people living there have seen countless genocides targeting them across history, from Egypt to Germany. HAMAS is not the first. And they most certainly will not be the last. Because HAMAS knows it cannot win against such an overwhelming foe. And so they lash out blindly.

Or at least, that's my best guess. Truth be told I honestly don't know why they're doing what they're doing. I can't fathom death and destruction on such a scale. I know anger, and that desire for revenge, but that's about it. Killing someone for real, let alone hundreds? And broadcasting it? That's beyond me. I don't think I could ever bring myself to do what they're doing. To quote a former high school friend who got mad at me over defending the rights of immigrants, I "care too much". And that's why it sickens me to see others close their eyes to the bloodshed and call it "liberation". Those are PEOPLE we're talking about here! Living, breathing, flesh-and-blood people with families and hobbies and weird obsessions that they've probably rambled on and on about to their friend who just shake their head and nod while pretending to listen because, while it's boring, they care about that person! And now those friends, I bet some of them wish they could listen to those ramblings one last time, because they know they'll never hear them again. To them, that person was a friend. But to others, they're just a statistic. One out of the 1,200+ deaths that have already happened and are continuing to happen. I said before that I couldn't understand how they could kill so many innocent. In that same sense, I can't understand how someone could so nonchalantly brush those deaths aside.

Look, I get it. I hate the Israeli government too! There's tons of legitimate reasons to hate them. We can all agree that they're a problem, right? (Well actually my dad would probably get really upset if I criticized Israel irl, so many not EVERYONE everyone, but I assume the majority of heavily left-leaning people reading this whom my posts seem to attract can agree.) So then, why and how does it make sense for HAMAS to be attacking its everyday citizens and not its government? It doesn't. It's like kicking a dog because a collapsing bridge totaled your car and stranded you in a dark forest. That dog didn't do anything. They were probably just minding their own business. Heck, they might’ve been a rescue dog who was trying to guide you back to civilization. But because that dog has been kicked, they won't want to help you.

The people of Israel are the same way (and people in general, I think). The vast majority I'd say were just minding their own business. But some were actively trying to help the Palestinian people. After attacks like this, do you really think they're going to be as willing to keep helping as they were before?

I have long been in support of a two-state solution. I had hoped that some day, this tiny little country about the size of New Jersey would know peace. But peace cannot exist with the way things are now. Not with Israel's current leaders, not with HAMAS, and especially not with people continuing to support needless bloodshed.

Sorry if I said some things you didn't want to hear. I'll get back to my regularly scheduled funny haha posts after this. But I just REALLY needed to get this off my chest. Like I said, I care way too much about people I've never met, and people who I'll now never get the chance to meet. I can't turn off my empathy. (Trust me; I've tried.) And... I don't think you should turn off your empathy either.

[ladyk23]

List 5 topics you can talk on for an hour without preparing any material.

I’ve been tagged by @imsfire2 to list 5 topics I can talk on for an hour without preparing any material. I don’t know what kind of weird lecture she needs speakers for, but here goes:

1) Outlander. How could I not pick this as my first topic? It’s been my utter obsession since 2020. The TV show first, then the books by Diana Gabaldon, the actors - some whom I’ve been lucky enough to meet several times, the locations I’ve been to, the ones I haven’t been to, conventions, premieres, cosplays, you name it, I can probably talk about it, even if you would prefer I didn’t.

2) History. I don’t pretend to be an expert. Ims never said your talk had to be accurate. But I am definitely passionate about it, or at least parts of it. Obviously I said Outlander as my first topic, and that is historical fiction, but a lot of it is based around real events that happened, such as the Jacobite rising of 1745, the battle of Culloden, the American revolutionary war etc. Before Outlander (and still now) I had a big obsession with the Tudor period, so my fascination with history has long been a thing, and Outlander just added fuel to an already raging fire. My secondary school history teacher Mrs Fogg was my favourite teacher for good reason. I often wish I’d continued my education and gone into history more and maybe today I’d be a historian or history teacher myself.

3) Movies. That’s very general, again I don’t know ALL movies, but I could certainly talk for an hour about some of my favourites. I could also throw in stories about movie premieres I’ve been to, actors I’ve met, actors I wish I’d met, which ones I would invite to my imaginary dinner party where you can have anyone alive or dead. How River Phoenix’s death affected teenage me, my crushes from my earliest to my latest, great movie soundtracks, how one person can be a horror fan and love Disney movies too, Jane Austen adaptations, Marvel movies, yep I can talk at length about movies.

4) Writing. Again, I’m no expert. This won’t be a talk about how to get published. But I can talk about my process - how to write a thing and not finish it - or I can talk about my other process - how to write a thing and not finish editing it. I can talk about blogging, writing fan fiction, short stories, and yes, novels, even if I probably won’t ever publish mine. I can talk about the importance of having a writing community to keep you going even when writing is the last thing you want to be doing. I can also talk about how bad grammar and spelling really ruins a novel. My grasp of both of those things leaves a lot to be desired (which is why I clearly need Ims’ proofreading skills), but even I can be taken out of the moment of reading and enjoying a novel, if the writer misspells their main character’s name. 🤦🏻‍♀️

5) I was going to lump this in with Outlander, but honestly I could easily talk for a separate hour about my AMAZING Outlander book club. Established in 2021 by a woman who just wanted a group to keep her accountable in her attempt to read all eight books in the Outlander series. That was it. What actually happened is an incredible community formed, where women support each other and are there for each other in every aspect of life. We became so much more than a book club. We still ARE a book club though. We read all of the eight books we set out to read, then we read the ninth one that was published while we were in the process of reading the eight. Then we started a chronological read of ALL of the books in the Outlander universe, as there are spin off books and novellas too, and we’re currently reading one of the spin off novels as our book this month. We have been on two retreats to the smoky mountains of Tennessee, 30 women in a castle sized cabin for 4 days, and there are no fights, no disagreements, no arguments, no cat fights, just 30 women getting along, laughing together, working together to cook and clean, we tell each other deep important stuff, and get nothing but support back. We’re a family at this point. I love every one of those women and never thought I’d ever find a group like this that has come to mean so much to me, just from joining a book club.

Thank you so much for the tag Ims. I nominate @arms-and-arrows, @littleblueartist, @fishyandclintbarton, @katsdisturbed and @uuuhshiny but only if you feel so inclined.