#you can do your own things but don't imply a default

[xenteaart]

when you're feeling weak, i'll be the words if you can't speak

pairing: chan x reader (i wrote it with idol!chan or producer!chan in mind, but it can fit any au, really) genre/warnings: er, angst, hurt/comfort, implied suffering w depression and anxiety. reader is feeling off and insecure. also kinda going almost non verbal author's note: a short lil songfic ig coz it's inspired by Isak Danielson – I Can't Lose You. basically channie being a comfort boyfie material

to put it simply, you were never not anxious or insecure. but stepping into the big adult life, you sort of learned to conceal it well, even from your own self. the fake it till you make it thing, and you could even say you've "made it" with a small exception of the days where your brain and your entire nervous system randomly circled back to your default settings. "so what are you gonna eat, baby?" chan asks with a cheerful soft tone, glancing over the menu and then back at you.

today's a good day. you haven't been too overwhelmed with work, nothing out of the ordinary happened. so naturally, a pinch of guilt somewhere deep in your guts makes you feel like a bother to be around, and today — for no good reason.

"are you okay?" he notices your slightly spaced out gaze when you're trying to read the menu but not really reading, more like frowning and getting nervous.

"yeah.. no. no, i don't know," you murmur barely audibly, losing your focus for the tenth time in a span of the last five minutes. brain fog takes over, making your vision blurrier than normal and your thinking all floaty and hazy. as if you're looking at the world through dirty lenses, but also the lights are too bright and your surroundings are loud.

"i dunno, i just..." can't even speak for myself today and choose a meal and say it out loud because suddenly everything is embarrassing and difficult.

chris looks slightly worried because you might be in pain or feeling unwell, but nothing hurts except your pride. because you're a big girl, you have been for years, and now you want to cry on the spot because you can't choose between pasta and soup all of a sudden. it makes you feel even more stupid.

"can you please choose and order for me today? my brain just can't," you try to explain, visibly stressed and overwhelmed by a simple mundane task, "i want somethin' warm and filling," you specify to make it easier for chan.

he doesn't make a big deal out of it, just nods and meets you with a gentle 'course, baby. he then talks to the waiter and makes sure they don't ask you anything which feels like a relief. sometimes it's nice to feel invisible, especially in a vulnerable state.

after the horrifying deed is over with, chris leans in a little closer to be able to speak in a softer, quieter voice.

"d'you wanna just have dinner in silence and head home?" he asks while massaging your palm with his fingers soothingly, so calm and nonchalant as if you didn't just obsess over the smallest thing to the point of making yourself filled with shame and insecurity.

that's how chris always does it. by showing you that whatever it is that's bothering you is not a burden to him. he's got you. it's okay if you want or rather need him to do something for you. he's happy to be your strong shoulder to lean onto and not think about a single thing while he takes care of whatever it is at the time.

"yeah. or you can tell me about your day and stuff. i wanna know and i'm okay with listening. just not... responding, maybe?" you give him an awkward smile as he nods understandingly and plants a little kiss on the back of your hand. a modern gentleman and a caring lover.

somewhere in the middle of a story about how cubase was lagging and almost crashed mid producing session today, the waiter brings your meals. it's two pumpkin cream soups, some grilled and seasoned breads and a fresh greek salad to share.

oh, to be loved like this.

your stomach growls at the smell of food, and a bright proud smile is instantly painted over chan's features.

[stellari-s]

Omfg ithaqua centric tumblrs exist/j

I don't know I'd your still doing requests but can I request ithaqua with a reader who's rlly sweet and nice and everything, but the manor did like a swap with the survivors and hunters so that the hunters are the ones that run from the survivors and when Reader is picked they go NUTS. Like everyone's out and injured in like 2 minutes. After the event reader goes back to normal but if people look closely, Reader's picked up a bit of a hunger for blood sometimes...

✨

haha, ikr, and gosh, i’m really slow, i hope you’ll forgive me! but i will try my best with your request! i don’t end up describing the details of the match much rather than implying what happened, so i hope that’s ok.

request; yes, by anon! requests are currently closed, but my commissions are open if you’re interested.

wc; 945.

tags; default! ithaqua, gn! survivor! reader (who becomes hunter), reader treats ithaqua’s injuries.

summary; miss nightingale had come with a sudden announcement — survivors and hunters were going to switch places! and so, you are put into a match with ithaqua as the last one standing…

this very day was like a fever dream — but would it be a dream if one could see a subtle, yet irreversible change?

“a switch?”

ithaqua stayed silent, but he crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. though he said little, his feelings reflected that of everyone else’s in the room where miss nightingale had gathered all the hunters on a whim to make the very announcement of a role switch. he honestly harbored mixed feelings on the prospect of being the one chased, rather than the one doing the chasing, but more than that...

he thought back to a certain face among the survivors. a seemingly innocent face, whose kindness knew no bounds. would they be up for the task, he wondered?

robbie’s enthusiastic voice dragged ithaqua from his thoughts back into reality.

“oh oh, does this mean we get to play something like reverse tag?”

“seems like it,” ithaqua muttered in reply.

miss nightingale nodded once everyone had settled down (or, displayed some semblance of having settled down). “i’m glad we are on the same page. gather in lakeside in one hour if you are called upon, and take care not to be late.”

when miss nightingale left, murmurs immediately broke out among the hunters.

...there really is something off with her. i don’t like it.

nonetheless, ithaqua had no right to refuse; he could only sigh and wait for an hour to pass.

“survivors will become the hunters?”

this was news to you. what in the world could have brought on this change in the manor owner’s heart?

...not that you could really understand him. in fact, many things in the manor had been intriguing.

little things piqued your interest, and whispered rumors became a source of curiosity.

“i’m not sure i feel comfortable facing against hunters... as a hunter,” helena said, “wouldn’t you agree, (y/n)?”

“hm?” you looked at helena, who had a resigned smile on her lips.

i suppose it would be difficult for her, considering she can’t see. then again, she has a cane, so maybe she’s fine, and her personality is just too kind?

some survivors were fit to be a hunter, but helena was not one of them. it wasn’t a bad thing; it simply wasn’t her strength.

you flashed her a gentle smile of your own. “it is definitely a sudden development. i can understand the difficulty in processing it.”

you neither confirmed nor denied it.

—— 20 minutes later.

there was only one hunter left now: ithaqua.

you had noticed this in previous matches against him when he was hunter, but even with those stilts that looked so easy to trip in, ithaqua was very quick on his feet. there was clearly a lot of skill in maneuvering around with those.

you would spot him, and you would chase after him, only for him to slip between your fingers like locks of hair.

while his appearance resembled that of a supernatural creature to be feared, you found through spending time with him outside of matches that he was not a bad person. in fact, he was quite nice behind that colder facade.

if it were other survivors, they would probably be more cautious around ithaqua.

finally, you caught up to him in the small boat in lakeside village. “you’re the only one left standing, ithaqua,” you said, “yet you won’t surrender. do you think two hours will pass before i can catch you?”

ithaqua chuckled. “i’ll take your words as a compliment.”

“as they are meant to be. but i think two hours is quite a long time, so will you allow me to catch you before then?”

“if you’re going to catch me, do it with your own abilities.”

you shrugged, a resigned smile playing on your lips. “i suppose it can’t be helped then.”

it turned out you didn’t need him to “allow” you.

after the match, which had lasted around half an hour total, ithaqua hissed a little in pain as you wrapped the bandage around his arm, where he had cut himself.

“would it hurt to be a little more gentle treating my wound?”

“oh, don’t you know? it’s better to wrap the gauze more tightly. i do sincerely apologize for the... slightly rough handling toward the end of the match though. so please just think of this as repayment.”

ithaqua fell silent. this was one of the rare times he had his mask off, so you could see his eyes narrowed, his brows furrowed, and his lips pursed as he averted his pale blue eyes.

“what’s wrong?” you waved a hand in front of him.

“i don’t know. but is it just me or do you just look... a little different?”

“hm?”

he turned to look at you for a brief moment before retracting his arm. “it’s nothing. thanks for treating my arm.”

ithaqua stood up and tried to walk out of the room, but you called after him as his hand made contact with the knob.

“hey, ithaqua.”

he stood in frozen in place like a statue, as if contemplating whether or not he should turn out. in the end, he stayed still as he replied, “what?”

though he wouldn’t be able to see it, you flashed a smile his way.

“i look forward to the next match.”

you could have sworn you saw his shoulders twitch slightly upon hearing your words. he then turned around (to your surprise) and, with a sharp tone, shouted “well i don’t!” before shutting the door behind him.

you couldn’t help but let out a lighthearted laugh — he kind of reminded you of a cat.

a cat surely worth chasing, you reckoned.

[astradyke]

Just saw someone call DNP a QPR and at this point it’s like…are you even fucking real? are you homophobic? You’ve got to be homophobic to be saying shit like that

yeah like... i have a lot of thoughts on this but i struggle to articulate them so stick with me here. i'm going to start a lot of (unedited) trains of thought and then switch direction and i would love input here.

i have never been in an official QPR myself so i lack that direct experience, but i have individually explored QPRs/alternate forms of relationships outside systemic amatonormativity in my own life. i have also been in other spaces (which i won't detail here) where a lot of people would misunderstand QPRs-- seeing them as like, romance lite, not an entirely distinctive kind of relationship. like if you didn't want to call something romantic, you could just call it queerplatonic and that was safer, because that's less invasive, right? ...more on that later.

i think it's this 'romance lite' idea that drives people to assume DnP are in a QPR. as people have started to become aware of what QPRs are, a lot of misinformation spreads that QPRs are just like... romantic relationship except no sex? friendship except yes sex? a lot of framing QPRs as being some "More" iteration of an amatonormative type of relationship-- and thus, relevantly here, safer for people to 'assume' people are in.

it's my own personal assumption that some people take a perceived lack of a hard launch as a reason to assume DnP are in a QPR (note: i am aware that it's untrue that DnP have never hard launched, because they have three times; i use perceived here because people have differing thoughts on what a hard launch is for a myriad of reasons). this is because 'QPRs can be anything', so based on whatever fragments of information they perceive to have about DnP, they can just slap it together and call it a QPR. and the assumed range of behaviors that implies is not inherently inaccurate! two people could kiss on the mouth in front of you and they could be in a QPR. the world is beautiful like that!

but what assuming DnP are in a QPR does is it disregards what we actually see and hear out of DnP, and relies on a shit ton of assumptions. i need to preface before i continue here that i do NOT know Dan or Phil, and it is ENTIRELY possible that my judgments here are inaccurate, but i am working directly off of the information we have been provided. Dan and Phil have only ever indicated they are alloromantic and allosexual. people who are in QPRs can be allo, but if two people who are allo have said they had a past long-term relationship, have mentioned past romantic relationships with other people, have indicated separately that they are still in that long-term relationship, frequently reference the idea of having sex with each other, have intentionally or not put forward videos in which 'i love you' has been contextualized alongside typical romantic actions, and-- separate from each other-- seem to have a default allo understanding of other relationships, and more, it's... really hard for me to believe they're in anything other than a romantic relationship.

it's the idea that people need DnP to explicitly say that they are in a romantic relationship, no nuance, right now. which they don't have to do! it's also the idea that because Dan has referred to his relationship with Phil as being this incredible unique thing, "more than romantic", that must mean that it's not a romantic relationship. but more than romantic still means romantic, because a romantic relationship can fulfill you in many areas of your life, just like a QPR can for the right people! we have no evidence indicating that Dan and Phil are the 'right people' for a QPR! so it reads like just... outright denying the information they have shared with us about their relationship. and that reads like trying to be 'respectful' of DnP's boundaries by assuming that QPRs are a 'less invasive' assumption, which is... firstly, not true-- you can be invasive about assuming a friendship for fucks sake, it doesn't matter the kind of relationship but how you do it-- and seems to again somehow imply that QPRs are more intense but less important than romantic relationships? or something? simultaneous glamorization of QPRs and also disregarding them as anything that holds emotional weight? treating it like a proverbial unicorn? i don't know.

i'm like... overwhelmingly sympathetic, but incredibly exhausted, by this. because like: historically, in the past, i did think for a second that they might have been in a QPR! which was projection on my part mostly (trying to navigate QPR feelings at the time, being immersed in a lot of discourse about QPRs, etc.) but i dropped that near immediately because there's just No Evidence and it kind of makes me feel like people just don't know what QPRs are. it makes me feel like people are too scared to claim that they're in a romantic relationship, entangled in the past anxieties of being a 'demon phannie' etc., and so they go for what's next best: a QPR. but a QPR is not a stand in for a romantic relationship-- that would look differently! that would operate differently! and QPRs are not just a thing you fall into, it's not something you trip into, it's an agreement between two or more people. Dan and Phil would have to deliberately agree to be in a queerplatonic relationship and there is just no evidence backing that that's something they are interested in doing, or honestly, even aware of.

(i have no idea where to insert this, so side note that another possible reason why people think BIG was alluding to a QPR-- which i admit was part of my own issue at the time-- is because, as i mentioned earlier, Dan had referred to his relationship with Phil as being this unique force in his life, something he hadn't experienced. but my own interpretation-- and i believe the intent-- is not that the relationship with Phil is different in absolute nature to other relationships, but rather that the relationship is different due to its longevity, emotional security, etc. the relationship isn't 'More' than his past relationships because it's not a romantic relationship, but because it's with someone who he could experience true love with-- which, when you have been in past relationships without experiencing true love, having that experience may feel entirely fundamentally different).

again, i am sympathetic because QPRs are relatively untalked about and are given a lot of shit, and i've seen them be given a lot of shit by other queer people and that obviously really fucking upsets me. but like... the information DnP have shared with us readily point to a romantic relationship as the most obvious, direct conclusion, with the least amount of assumptions necessary. it's really nothing more than that. and i think it's either projection from people who are considering how queerplatonic attraction fits into their own lives (which i doubt as being the number one reason), or what is more likely, anxiety about being 'invasive', that is causing people to do this. which i do fear is kind of hand in hand with a subtle homophobia that leads people to deny relationships between queer people unless the couple is like, having sex in front of them and getting married. and even then, people can still deny it. because relationships are complicated but you have to use context. and i'm really exhausted of QPRs being used as an excuse to not accept a romantic relationship, instead of actually viewing QPRs as a beautiful kind of relationship some queer people have that is equal in value to a romantic or platonic relationship.

sorry to write an essay in response to this but i hope this like, roughly expresses my thoughts on the subject? again despite my best attempts at the time, i've not been in a QPR myself, and now do not think QPRs are best fit for me. so i lack that experience and i would love to hear more from folks if this misses the mark. but i have touched on this in the past and i wanted to provide a more thorough reasoning behind why i personally am dismissive of QPR theories*, at risk of people thinking that it's an objection to the idea of QPRs overall. i hope this is more of an informational meta than a direct discourse, since i don't know who is considering them a QPR at this point and i don't want this to read as a vague at all. if anyone who does see them as a QPR wants to chime in, i am happy to hear your perspective. okay much love <3

[thatseitagremlin]

gremlyn's danganronpa: despair time x limbus company au: hell's chicken edition (in which arei is also the ultimate conflict escalator)

the number of students who canonically can cook is actually rather high, but with 17 of these bastards running around there's bound to be Multiple incidents... (more yapping under cut!)

drdt cast's canon cooking abilities notes: -) has cooked in-universe: eden (ch1e3 baking + ch2e1 breakfast), hu (ch1e5 dinner), levi (ch2e1 breakfast), nico & veronika (ch2e3 breakfast), charles (ch2e4 cucumber flowers... do they count?? but he can cook eggs by ch2e8 so i'm putting him here) -) implied that they can cook: min (ch1e3 baking; afaik eden does most of the steps but she was there for the scene and understands the processes so i'll just put her here), rose (ch1e3 baking + ch2e6 lunch: "i was apparently supposed to help cook this meal"), j (ch2e1: "...the last thing i feel like doing is cooking"), arei (ch2e1: "but i also don't want to cook. what to do...") -) stated in qnas: whit (best cook in the cast, specialty is french), david (can cook decently but is usually too lazy to), xander (has a weak sense of taste and compensates by adding in Too much flavor, so his food is inedible to everyone else) -) disaster in the kitchen: teruko (ch1e1 investigation + ch1e5 dinner uses this exact wording, but i assume this mostly pertains to her bad luck fucking up electronics since she makes her own food throughout ch2) -) unknown: ace, arturo (afaik these two's cooking ability have never been mentioned so far!), mai (we barely know anything about her. so)

i split up all 16 sinners (replacing whit with mai, since arei banned him from the competition) into four teams of 4. i initially tried randomizing it while sticking to my personal rules of "xander and arei in different teams", "arei and eden in the same team (so they can cook together once before arei's character development)", and "hu in the same team with a 'sabotager' so she doesn't win", but i eventually decided to just make the teams manually. in-universe you can see this as arei rigging the votes.

this didn't end up as chaotic as canon limbus, but i guess that's what happens when most of your cast can canonically cook, so you have to provoke them to beefing with each other...

-) team 1: xander, ace, j, david. there was not enough common sense to counter xander's tastebuds and he learned absolutely nothing. sad! -) team 2: arei, levi, nico, eden. there was not enough hater energy to counter arei's sabotage. also arei had fun even disregarding all the sabotage she did but she won't admit that (yet) -) team 3: rose, arturo, veronika, mai. it's less "food" and more "abstract art piece" that horrifies their poor client, inflicting 10 sinking potency and 8 sinking count -) team 4: charles, min, teruko, hu. with hu's guidance they actually made a really good "family restaurant"-style chicken dish. the ones where it's a big portion for a family to share. they try to get teruko to carry the dish but min realizes and stops teruko from touching the plate. Unfortunately teruko's luck kicks in and min ends up dropping the dish anyways -) won by default: mai secretly let whit in team 3's kitchen and let him cook a backup dish just in case every team fucked up. papa bongy accepts the dish and they eventually un-distort him, making him mvp of the mission and winner by default!

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

Just read your eridan essay. I left a lot of words in the tags (sorry about that btw. I'm @kitkat-not-karkat, those were my tags) and I just. Holy fucking shit man.

THANK YOU FOR PUTTING IT INTO WORDS. Like. Genuinely. Thank you.

That said, do you have any ideas on why Eridan might specifically flirt as a sort of default response sometimes? (I really hope I'm not misremembering that, the fandom bastardizes the poor guy to be Cronus 2.0-)

I have my own personal speculation here, but I'd love to see your take on it!

I think it's a few things all working in tandem, and I think you definitely nailed at least most of it! I do agree that a huge part of his fixation on romance is the fact that a romantic partner is "supposed" to stick around, and Eridan is simply desperate for attention and friendship.

There are a lot of people who idealize relationships and believe that they're the "fix" or "solution" to their emotional problems, and Eridan's obsession with blackrom in particular (where the caligulas part of his trolltag comes from) definitely has shades of that. A kismesistude is an outlet for violent urges, as well as a romantic interest who ideally doesn't ghost you or leave you alone (cough Vriska cough), and one of the two concupiscent quadrants that needs to be filled so you don't get culled.

An interesting thing is constantly being implied within the comic, which is that moirallegiance is actually kind of the most important quadrant for trolls, but their culture has de-emphasized it in favor of the two breeding-related quads. After all, since adult trolls don't have to raise their own young, what Karkat calls "mating fondness" is biologically much less imperative to their species compared to the quadrant that keeps volatile trolls from going berserk and killing people.

Moirallegiance is always treated with a sort of mysticism - it's called "magical" by the narration in relation to Kanaya and Vriska's moirallegiance while that's still extant, it's the only quadrant described as "soul mates," and in contrast to "mating fondness," Karkat mentions the "mystical forces governing moirallegiance." Moirails - Equius and Nepeta being confirmed, but I genuinely believe that that's what Feferi and Sollux would have resolved to in that hypothetical golden ending - are also the quad that spends the most time together, rather than the two concupiscents. The initial description of the pale quadrant even outright says that the attraction is "instinctive." There's something magical and destiny-laden in a moirallegiance that just isn't there to the same extent in the other three quads.

But in Alternian society, kindness, guilt, and the other kinds of things you'd share with a moirail are considered weakness, especially for highbloods. When Feferi is breaking up with him, Eridan flips out the hardest at the implication that she felt the need to take care of him, insisting that he was perfectly fine. I think this is the reason, in addition to the painful breakup, that Eridan never pursues pale relationships, even though a moirail is what he desperately needs. Instead, he pursues the much more societally acceptible pitch quadrant, which can serve a similar purpose of discharging some of his pent-up aggression.

Moreover, his flirting isn't nearly as relentless as people think it is, although he IS both really stubborn AND really socially inept, which makes it difficult both to get a "no" through his brain, AND to make it stick. Another part of it is that he's operating at very little self-awareness, which means he'll often be doing something without consciously realizing it. Also, he's desperate as hell, and has basically no ability to differentiate good and bad attention. This leads to a pretty messy cocktail that basically means:

He'll hit on anyone at least once (desperation), with the exception of people it would be really weird to hit on, for example, their dancestors, who are way older than them.

If a rejection is not made excruciatingly clear, he probably won't register it as a rejection (dumbassery).

Nearly any attention he gets might be misinterpreted as flirting, even after a rejection is made (desperation, also, can't differentiate between good and bad attention).

Even after a rejection is made and he logically understands it and outright says he respects it, he might still act in a flirtatious way unconsciously (zero self awareness).

Because he will hit on anyone at least once, and is constantly making things weird and leaping to "romance?" even when there's no flirtatious intent, people kind of assume he's always hitting on them, even when he isn't.

His emotions always running at a fever pitch, and the lack of self-awareness he cultivates in order to help deal with his horrible cognitive dissonance, mean that even HE'S not sure about his real feelings. He's always feeling SOMETHING very, very intensely (it's the trauma and anxiety), which he mistakes for true caliginous hatred, or fevered flushed intent. Unlike Cronus, who's basically just trying to get some action, Eridan genuinely feels something for people, and his extreme lack of emotional intelligence means he has no idea how to parse his own tempestuous emotions. He always leaps to feverish concupiscent attraction because that's just how intense his emotions run at any given moment.

#4 is happening to Feferi and Sollux, IMO, while Rose never properly rejected him, so he still thinks they have a chance, and the same happened with Vriska when she started ghosting him post-kismesistude. #5 can be seen in his last memo with Karkat, where Karkat starts to wonder if past!Eridan was redflirting with him by inviting him to LOWAA, even as Eridan himself has no idea what the fuck Karkat is talking about.

Thing is, he DOES actually accept rejections once he gets them through his thick skull, which sets him apart from Cronus, who gets rejected, knows it, and keeps going. It's just... Eridan's messy. His emotions are all over the place, and too big for his stupid body, so he's always making things weird and intense.

I blame his lusus, personally. In a previous post, I talk about how a huge factor in his inability to identify negative attention is because he's basically being emotionally neglected. This has also led to his desperation for attention in general. When combined with the trauma from all the murdering and the pressure society puts on him to fit into a certain mold, it leads to some pretty explosive emotional ourbursts, of which his intense, insistent, and downright uncomfortable flirting is a major facet, but also, only a facet.

[atopvisenyashill]

actually, why DID aerion threaten to castrate egg and make him into a wife when he already had two sisters? and according to the wiki, maekar's eldest daughter daella is older than egg, so age isn't an issue. i don't know how long aerion was married to daenora but they only ever had one son . . . is grrm trying to imply that on top of everything else wrong with aerion, he might also be a repressed (problematic) gay?

hmmmmm. okay so several things.

one is that he sort of does this with daemon too - that fixation on viserys' sex life (and vice versa) is there in the book, it's not solely a show invention. i don't know that george sees daemon as bisexual (like...genuinely, i honest to god wish i knew how he viewed viserys, daemon, rhaenyra, and laena re: sexuality, i'm so damn curious), and i do think george has this very old fashioned habit of defaulting to like, The Depraved Bisexual, when he's establishing a Targaryen with weird sexual proclivities. But regardless, EYE personally, feel like most of that generation of Targs have very complex identities wrt sexuality because they're on 3/4 targ incest marriages at that point, and there is a lot of sexual abuse and pedophilia cooking in that court. the daemon/alyssa scene for example is daemon working through the fact that he has just has no conception of love without sex - why would he? his parents were siblings, his grandparents were siblings, he's married to his niece (the girl child he rocked on his knee!!), he has this psychosexual obsession with his brother because he wanted to be his brother's wife, and here it is manifesting again as sexual attraction for his mother. he just doesn't understand he has no experience with platonic and loving relationships. and i would argue this inability to separate platonic love from sexual attraction and romantic love is a core theme for every targaryen in the dance, on both the green and black sides.

and they don't break from this! jaehaera and aegon, first cousins, are forced to marry each other. viserys ii forces his children to marry, baelor and daena are forced to marry, and baelor locks his sisters up because of his shame over wanting to fuck them. viserys ii marries and has children by the time he's 13 years old! aegon iv does nothing all day but rape his own sister and sexually prey on teenaged virgin noble girls. the first break from this attitude is daeron but you can see that despite his clear efforts to get them to stop marrying in this way, the practice is still talked about and expected from the people in his family. i think aerion shows a marked return to this idea of sexually abusing people in your family to ~show them love. what's the difference, in the end, between aerion sexually assaulting egg and threatening to castrate him and daemon beating a messenger to death over the news that viserys married an andal? i don't think it's about sexuality so much as it's about showing us the way this family has such a twisted idea of what family even means that they continue to perpetuate deep and lasting harm against each other because it's all they've ever known. it's not about aerion being attracted to men, it's about aerion being attracted to power.

[kenobster]

I dislike the headcanon that Anakin struggled to understand the difference between "master" in a slavery context and "master" in a mentorship context.

Even though it's usually held by Anakin stans, this headcanon actually robs Anakin of some of his best, most compelling traits. Anakin (at nine years old) is portrayed as compassionate (eager to help at great risk to himself with no hope of reward), competent (able to make tactical decisions and perform great engineering feats under a wild amount of stress), and wickedly smart (among other things, he regularly supplies ideas on how to work around Watto's bullshit). If you and I are able to comprehend the difference between "master" as denoting a cruel participator in the enslavement of another human being and "master" as denoting a wise mentor who has achieved expertise in both skill and ethical conduct, then Anakin, even as a child, can certainly figure it out. His admiration for the Jedi would inevitably lead him to ask the necessary questions. By virtue of his compassion, he would strive to see things from their POV. And his competence/intelligence would allow him to comprehend their answers. Not to mention, Anakin is an expert on slavery. He has been studying this subject for nine intense years. He knows exactly what slavery looks like. Thus, jumping straight from Watto's ownership and into the Jedi's care, Anakin would recognize in an instant that Jedi mentorship is not slavery. In short, he's smarter than you. (And don't tell me you don't get it. You're reading this post on tumblr(dot)com, so I know damn well you learned the term "sensei." Don't play dumb with me.)

Thus, I'm very disappointed that people overwhelmingly write Anakin, as a padawan, having a fraught relationship with Obi-Wan in regards to calling him "master." I see this headcanon manifest a few different ways: (1) the Jedi explain what "master" means, which results in Anakin being upset and choosing not to not call Obi-Wan or anyone "master" (at least for a time); (2) the Jedi (who, in these fics, are implied to be dumb at best or ignorant at worst) do not explain what "master" means, and Anakin silently grows up traumatized by having to call Obi-Wan or anyone "master"; (3) some combination of the former; or (4) the subject is never raised; thus, no contradiction to the former is presented. (Authors of fics that fall into the no. 4 category are obviously not to blame for the former three scenarios; I'm just making an observation that little alternative exists--at least, not to my knowledge... Feel absolutely free to send your recs.)

It's a really strange headcanon to appear so commonly because major canon contradicts it entirely. In the prequel trilogy, Anakin regularly calls Obi-Wan "master" as a term of endearment. Even at his most obnoxious in AotC, Anakin only ever says "master" in a tone better than or equal to neutral (which actually still defaults to respect purely by nature of the word that is being used). In fact, there are plenty of opportunities for Anakin to use the term resentfully (i.e. during the scene "You will pay attention to my lead" -> ">:( Why?"), but he never does. In contrast, he conveys enormous respect for Obi-Wan both to his face ("Then why don't you listen to me?" -> ":( I am trying") and in a private setting ("as wise as Master Yoda and as powerful as Master Windu"). The best evidence supporting otherwise is how he calls people "mister" in TPM. However, this happens prior to Anakin's indoctrination into Jedi culture, and we don't know why he is doing it. Nothing suggests an aversion to the way the Jedi use the term "master"; it could be something as simple as a custom-made-habit from Tatooine .

Based on these samplings, canon strongly suggests an alternative to the dominant opinion: Anakin experiences absolutely no distress from calling Obi-Wan "master" and he has been doing so of his own volition from a very young age.

I think the reason why the opposite opinion is so popular is because of how much Anakin's past is the catalyst for so many plot elements, including his characterization as Vader. Even as an adult, slavery is a giant source of trauma for him. Freedom and autonomy (or the lack thereof) are two of the central pillars to his character arc (all the way from "I'm a person and my name is Anakin" to "henceforth, you shall be known as Darth Vader" ... and then, back again to "just for once, let me look upon you with my own eyes"). It's clear that words are important to Anakin, and they can be weaponized against him--so it's easy to see how people got here. But I reject the notion that the Jedi (nurturers, peacekeepers, scifi buddhist monks) are doing any form of word-weaponizing, even unintentionally (when their whole thing is about being mindful/empathetic/compassionate, especially about alternate POVs).

I especially reject this notion when an actual emotional abuser is standing right there, next to Anakin, at all points in his Jedi life. Word-weaponizing is sort of what emotional abusers do. And you know who is responsible for blurring the line between "master" in a slave context and "master" in a mentorship context? Palpatine. Palpatine is the true culprit of the mechanism in this popular headcanon. He knows very well that Anakin is coming from a place in which "master" has, for a long time, meant wisdom/endearment/teaching/mentoring. He encourages this assumption and deliberately blinds Anakin to the fact that "master" in a Sith context actually means slavery. Vader becomes Sidious's slave in every aspect of the word. He calls Sidious his master, he bends himself to Sidious's every whim/command, he wears the cage that Sidious constructs for him--and he doesn't even realize it. Because Palpatine has twisted the word "master" into both a term of endearment and a term of superiority. Anakin can no longer tell the difference between learning and serving because Palpatine has made them the same thing. In the end, Anakin does become distressed at the word "master" but only because of Palpatine's abuse.

In short, enough of Anakin being dumb and incompetent and unempathetic as a padawan. Enough of the Jedi Order being either cruel or ignorant when it comes to Anakin's past as a slave. I get the urge, I really, really do (because Anakin's trauma post-slavery is super fucking addictive)... but friends. You're putting this urge into the wrong place. I beseech you--please come join me in this new playground, in this fun paradise!

Let the emotionally abusive Sith Lord emotionally abuse your darling!

Let. Palpatine. Make. Anakin. Suffer. :)

[fantasyinvader]

The thing is, Byleth being called “The Flame That Seeks Their Destiny” in their SS ending card, it kinda sells that the route was Byleth's story. Sothis called them that at the beginning of the game when she saved them from Kostas, she calls them it again when she sacrifices herself to free them from the Shadow Realm, and then Byleth is referred to as that again in the ending. It makes it sound like \Byleth remains the same person they always were, but at the same time they do show character growth in White Clouds. Said growth results in them fighting Edelgard by default, with the options that unlock joining her being framed as “changing the story,” indicating Byleth wouldn't do those things naturally.

The result to go against this results in Byleth being referred to as the Wings of the Hegemon. In their supports with Hubert, Byleth asks to be killed if they can't maintain their “humanity,” but owing to the Buddhist symbolism of the game humanity would mean their ability to reason and act in a humane manner. Reason and acting in a humane manner in a route that goes against the worldbuilding of the game, because as the devs said they did that worldbuilding in support of Snow while Flower thematically is about having different beliefs from the rest of the game and mowing down everyone who stands in your way as a result. The route even gets called out as the Animal Path by Dimitri, an animals in Buddhism don't have the ability to reason. It creates this irony as Byleth is... not in a good headspace here, can even enter into a pact to duel to the death with Jeritza in their shared ending, and believe if they should be killed if they can't hold onto their humanity despite the route implying thy already lost it. Byleth is unknowingly saying they should be killed, meanwhile they have stopped seeking their own destiny and instead merely become an extension of Edelgard.

This is some fucked up shit, but it goes further. They're symbolically linked to the idea of the Mandate of Heaven through the Sword of the Heavenly Emperor. They're supposed to remove rulers from power who fall into the category of hadou, which Edelgard calls her path in her S support. The game makes it out that Byleth supported a tyrant, and that by walking “A Path of Thorns” (invoking Christianity) they failed to do their duty. Not just as the upholder of the Mandate, but even as a teacher because they were supposed to guide their students yet not only let themselves be swayed by Edelgard but brought their entire class with them. Byleth is supposed to be someone who has smiles listed as their like, but in their S support with Edelgard they're told that people MAY have been happier with how things were (and recall, Edelgard has been ruling as a dictator). They may have been happier being able to rely on others rather than Edelgard forcing a system where people are supposed to rely on themselves, and Byleth also lists helping others as an interest.

Hell, they list trustworthy allies. Edelgard's summary in Japanese even has her say she is just as she appears, but the twist is that she is also the Flame Emperor the player has been fighting this entire time. She has been lying to Byleth, and those lies ended up resulting in Jeralt's death and Byleth crying for the first time in their life.

Plus, going Flower locks Byleth out of a paralogue where Rhea leaves her shield for them. It's Byleth's post-TS paralogue, unlocked by having at least one support level with Rhea, and they lose it for betraying her.

When you look at these sorts of things, it's kinda depressing how much both Pat and the fandom has twisted Byleth's character, yet they're also desperate to say that Flower is good for them. It doesn't fit with how they are in Heroes, Cipher depicted them opposing Edelgard, Hopes actually showed people what they were like and let them know they didn't like being the Ashen Demon, and then there's also Engage. The Byleth we see outside of Houses is more consistent with a Byleth that fights Edelgard, a Byleth that seeks their own destiny rather than being an extension of Edelgard.

Really, it just shows how different Byleth is from the Western fanbase.

[prolix-yuy]

Well uh... boy howdy. I got kneeling reach around for the position... so I'm gonna have to go for Dieter <3

Ohhhhh baby, that boy does deserve a kneeling reach around (and oh so many other positions!). I'm taking a slight change from my normal F!Reader characters though, because I want to give our bi boy a little love in a different way this time around.

Pairing: Dieter Bravo x M!Reader

Position: Kneeling Reach-Around

Word Count: 1340

Warnings: Explicit, 18+ MINORS DNI, mlm dynamics, bi Dieter, implied fingering (m receiving), anal sex, handjob, unprotected sex (don't be a fool, wrap your tool), references to blowjobs, cumming inside, consensual degradation dirty talk (requested by Dieter), some feelings at the end because our sweet boy needs to be cared for.

Notes: Dieter is our resident filthy boy, but I can never write him without some feelings so here we go! And this time we're going to have fun with a male reader! I default to F!Readers a lot just from my own personal experiences, but I really enjoyed this prompt with this reader character. There is a short scene including degrading talk going on here (as part of safe sexytimes), so if that's not your thing here's a quick heads-up!

Your hands smooth over Dieter’s back, riding the ridges and lines of his muscles from the nape of his neck to the base of his spine. When your thumb teases just at the top of his crack he hisses into the pillow.

“Still want to do this, handsome?” you say, adding just the slightest edge to your touch with a scrape of nails. Dieter keens, veins popping on the backs of his hands as he fists the sheets. 

“Yes, please, want you inside me,” he groans, arching back against your cock. The slick slide of his well-lubed hole tugs at your restraint, fingers digging into his hips. 

“Good boy, asking so nicely,” you say, circling the base and teasing your head against his fluttering entrance. 

It was not the way you thought your night would go, but when Dieter’s involved all bets are off.

He’d strode up to you at a gala, emerald velvet suit glimmering like a jungle cat under the candlelight, and offered you a drink. Two in his hands, so clearly this was a plan from the get-go. He talked to you at length, gently urging you away from the crowd with subtle motions until you no longer had to half-shout to be heard. Drinks finished, and enjoying a cooler breeze on a private balcony, he looked you up and down with a smirk.

“Seen some of your work,” he said, allowing you to try and make polite thanks before continuing. “The early stuff. You had a much worse stage name then.”

Your blood ran hot, then cold, then blazing as you realized what Dieter Bravo had seen you act in. A handful of softcore porn art films that toed the line of decency. You had a secret sense of pride in them, especially the one where you played Pan to a number of nubile men and women. Some of those scenes were much less simulated than others.

“Hey, don’t go swallowing your tongue on me, I liked them,” Dieter said, sidling up to you close enough that his heat ate through your jacket. “Liked you in them especially.” One of his expansive hands slipped under your jacket to stroke your waist, making your eyes flutter briefly. Regaining your senses you snapped your head around to see who might be looking or photographing. Dieter turned your head back with two fingers, dark promise in his eyes.

“I liked how you took charge,” he purred, brushing his lips against yours before stealing a kiss. His mouth made you weak in the knees, letting him part your lips to lick sinfully in. 

The path to his place was blurred around the edges, flashes of him straddling your lap in the back of his town car, palming your aching cock, a desperate whine muffled in your jacket when you gave him a hickey just below his collar. By the time you were stumbling in his hotel room all you wanted was his skin under yours. Pressing him against the door you kissed him breathless, tearing off your jackets and shirts before tumbling into the king bed. 

“Knew you’d be fucking sublime,” Dieter gasped as you hovered over him, hungrier for another person than you’d been in ages. 

“What do you want?” you asked, the deep rasp foreign to your ears. Dieter breaks into a beatific smile, eyes hooded with desire.

“I want anything you’ll give me.”

What you want to give him now, after plunging your fingers into his tight hole to work him open, is your cock for as long and hard as he can take it. He certainly feels ready for just that, pressing back on your length just enough to begin stretching him open. 

“Nice and slow, I don’t want to hurt you,” you say, and Dieter scoffs into the pillow. Your first push knocks the sass out of him, shuddering and moaning as you give him inch after inch. He gasps when the thick ridge of your head fits snugly inside, holding still so patiently as your eyes roll back at his tight heat. He feels fucking amazing around you, muscles clenching as he tries his best to be good for you. He’ll be richly rewarded for that.

One last pump and your hips are flush with his pert ass, letting him adjust to your full weight inside him. Reaching up, you stroke his sweaty locks.

“Ready for me to fuck you, handsome?” you ask, and when he turns his head pride surges in your chest. He’s fucked out and you’ve barely begun. A simple nod urges you to set the pace.

A shallow pull back, then a firm thrust forward has Dieter babbling into the pillow, every new pulse into his ass pulling wanton moans and whines. He’s slick and wet clutching at you, making you bite your lip at each new slide.

“Please, tell me…tell me I’m…f-fucking filthy. Tell me I’m a little whore,” Dieter stutters, your balls tightening up as you grind into him. Leaning over his sweat-slicked back, you pull him to his knees to sit back on your lap. You tug his head back on your shoulder, holding him firmly there as you grip his throbbing cock. 

“That the way you like it? You like me telling you how you’re dripping on my dick? I can feel how desperate your ass is for me to pound it. Pretty little slut, prancing around that party waiting to suck my dick. Begging me to go home with you. You’d do anything to have me split you open.” You steadily pour filth into his ear as you fuck sharply up into him, relishing in the slap of skin on skin. Dieter’s nails bite into your thighs but the pinpricks of pain only sharpen your arousal, taking his earlobe between your teeth to press just short of breaking the skin. 

“Fuck, yes, please, I’m your slut, let you fuck me any way you like, please please please…” Dieter wails, your first twisting at the tip of his cock to put him right on edge. Your orgasm is breaths away, Dieter’s perfect ass sucking you in and urging your hips to slam him recklessly. 

“Perfect. Little. Whore. Cum for me, you gorgeous cockslut,” you snarl out, and like you’ve found the button to Dieter’s fantasies he cums with wracking shouts and shakes over your fist, tears leaking from the corners of his eyes. You follow quickly in the impossibly tighter grip of him, spilling hot spurts of cum deep inside. A primal being roars in your chest, pleased that you’ve marked him inside and out. 

You stay inside until his breathing evens out, hard grip turning smoother and softer through his hair and over his chest. He giggles dryly a few times when your fingertips trace a sensitive spot. Finally you steady his hips and slowly pull out, kissing the back of his shoulders as you ease him down. You use the edge of the bedsheet to wipe your cum dribbling down, parting Dieter’s cheeks to collect the last of it there. 

Dieter is silent now, lying on his stomach with his face buried in the pillow. It makes your heart clench, a worry you didn’t expect prevailing.

“That was fun. I had a good time,” you say.

“Yeah, me too,” Dieter mumbles, tugging the comforter around him in a messy jumble. Over his shoulder you think you see deep red on his cheeks, and it strengthens your resolve.

“Can I stay for a while?” you ask, already sliding in beside Dieter. He’s stiff at first, then eases when you pull him back into your chest. 

“Sure, yeah, that would be…nice,” he says, lacing your fingers together as you press a kiss to the back of his head. 

“You don’t do this much?” you ask quietly when your eyelids start to droop. Dieter hums for a moment.

“Not this part,” he finally answers, barely a whisper. You press your laced fingers to his heart.

“You can do this with me. Anytime.”

You hope he believes you.

END

LJ’s Bangathon 2023

[samble-moved]

Madoka's Ascension Can Be Read as a Sort of Suicide

TW: Discussion of suicide, depression, etc.

Note: This is a repost from @/samble, my prev (deleted) blog, done for ease of access. I don't actually think this interpretation this was intentional, but it's another valid way you can read Madoka's actions.

I) Foreward/Beginning

A lot of people associate Homura with the idea of a "depressed character" in Madoka Magica. This makes sense, though you could likely argue most, if not all of the cast, is depressed/traumatized. However, Homura is the most blatent. She is constantly overly self-critical, has very poor self esteem, has canonically attempted suicide and has suicidal thoughts, and her entire witch is literally based around wanting and wanting to die.

But just because Homura's is one of the more in-your-face doesn't mean Madoka, who's literally portrayed as a goddess that gives hope, can't be seen as a character who's also going through things, even pre-Timeloop shenanigans...

II) Madoka's Self Esteem, or Total Lack Thereof

Madoka, throughout most of her appearances throughout the "main" anime timeline, has very obvious low self esteem. She compares herself to others constantly, seems to base her whole sense of self worth off of if she's seen as "helpful", and is always calling herself weak and a burden/bother to others. Most people think (perhaps rightly) that this is only due to the aforementioned Timeloop Shenanigans as shown in the anime, but Madoka actually thinks this way even before Homura becomes a magical girl. See: the drama CDs, specifically #1.

Here's a quote from the CD summary off Puella Magi Wiki that I think stands out (keep in mind, again, this is Timeline One Madoka, NOT the less self-confident Madoka from later Timelines/loops):

"On their way Madoka confesses to Homura that she used to think the same way as Homura, she felt powerless and useless but that changed when she became a magical girl...[before] she felt she was only causing trouble to other people."

This implies Madoka gains her confidence when she becomes a magical girl. But her lack of it in the first place implies TL1 Madoka, if/when she was human, didn't have high self esteem like people think. She got it from winning battles and helping people as a magical girl. So it's entirely possible that having a poor view of herself is actually Madoka's "default", and it can't all be blamed on looping affecting her. It's highly possible "later Timeline" Madoka IS just like First Timeline Madoka — she's just still human.

III) Madoka Only Ever Seems to Like Herself if She's Saving Someone (Even at the Cost of Her Life)

Even in the TL1 Madoka examples, did you notice how she repeatedly says her self esteem only raised after she becomes a magical girl? Being a magical girl, where job benefits include trauma, life threatening situations on the daily, literally no escape but dying, and becoming/watching your friends become eldritch horrors that you have to kill? That doesn't seem like something that would make you feel better, but worse.

However, the main draw to Madoka is saving other people. Forget her own life and safety, she'd rather help others! And...this could be a noble goal, if literally all of her self esteem didn't rest on her doing this.

Think about it. Madoka is fourteen. She's highly self critical, thinks she's useless, and overall has a very poor self image. But then, she contracts. Sure, she's in constant danger (which she acknowledges), but she helps people...which makes her happy, despite all the "mortal peril" drawbacks. Now think about if a normal human middle schooler said this. Like, a normal 13-14 year old girl saying her entire sense of self worth revolves around saving people while putting herself in life threatening situations. Nobody would say this is a "good" thing, most people would think she would need therapy, or to try and base her self worth on other things instead of just something so dangerous, or wait until she's older and has more experience. They wouldn't blindly support such a thing.

IV) Madoka as Someone Passively Suicidal

I want to start out this section by saying I do not think Madoka would ever intentionally and literally kill herself. Thus the "passively" aspect.

Obviously, Madoka never says something to the effect of, "I want to kill myself" or "I want to die" in the anime. However, her actions and blatent disregard for her own safety and life can be read as a more passive instead of active form of suicidal ideation, or just not caring about herself at best.

From choosetherapy, "Passive suicidal ideation happens when people desire death but do not make active plans to harm themselves. These thoughts may sound like, 'I wish I could go to sleep and not wake up,' or 'I wish I could die in a car accident.' Although these are not active plans and tend to be situations in which people do not die by their own hand, people may still engage in riskier behaviors as a result of these thoughts."

From Refinery29, on an article by someone who's dealt with this: "Most days, I enjoyed my life. I was invested in my plans and looked forward to the future. But every now and then, when things were particularly difficult, I wanted to close my eyes and disappear. Thinking about no longer existing was like an emotional reflex, something I sometimes defaulted to when faced with internal pain."

Now, again, Madoka is never for sure shown saying anything like this — but we also don't see a ton of her thought process, in general. What we do see, however, can be a bit alarming.

From the same summary of Drama CD #1: "Madoka tells Homura that she wanted to adopt the black cat [Amy] but apparently it likes being independent. So she asks Homura that if something were to happen to her, she would like Homura to take care of it. Homura panics but Madoka tries to calm her by telling her she is not planning on dying soon."

Remember that Madoka...

Is absolutely willing to throw herself into literal life or death situations to try and save someone, no hesitation, at 14

Is prone to risk taking behaviors in some cases due to the above, even fighting when she knows she will die or doing dangerous things that can 100% get her killed or injured

Does these things because her self esteem is so low she seems to see herself as worthless

Is constantly seemingly belittling herself (

Only gains self worth through saving and helping others, even if it literally results in her dying and is very dangerous (at 14!!!)

Makes a dark joke/request to Homura about Homura watching out for Amy (the cat) if "something happens" to Madoka in TL1, which is a little worrying, since things like making "hypothetical" requests like that sometimes happens if someone is planning on suicide (ex. "If I die, please take care of my pets" or "If something ever happens to me, please do xyz" and yes, I'm aware she doesn't commit suicide then, but I recognized this is likely the reason why Homura is worried).

V) How This Relates to Madoka's Final Wish

AKA how Madoka's self sacrifical nature goes full throttle, resulting in something suspiciously akin to that whole "passively suicidal" thing we just touched on.

I'm not sure if other people have noticed it, but it seems implied that Madoka knew, or at least didn't care that her wish would erase her from existence — and, worse, this is something she wanted to happen.

Mami literally tells Madoka she will never physically be able to stop fighting, and that Madoka will lose all individuality. Mami even tells her dying would be kinder. The same Mami that made a wish to avoid dying. And does Madoka freak out? Seem to show she didn't expect this? No. She just basically says, "Fine. That's what I wanted to do, anyways."

She knew this was a potential aspect of her wish, and does not care that it "kills" her (in a metaphorical sense) by erasing any and all records of her existing, and her as a person.

Remember that part about how something like, "I wish I could just disappear?" can be passive suicidal ideation? Yeah, well it's pretty clear now that this was intentional, or, at "best", something Madoka doesn't mind...when she 100% should absolutely mind as a middle school aged girl.

And Mami isn't the only character who sees Madoka's fate as sad and depressing! Homura thinks so! And Homura says dying would be better when she sold her soul to keep Madoka from dying!

Madoka herself is maybe content with it, but again, Madoka only likes herself if she's saving someone. If she's not, she thinks she's a burden on her friends and family.

Madoka has low self esteem -> Madoka gains it by saving and helping others, even at great risk -> her wish is a literal cultivation of that, as she wishes herself out of existence -> Madoka is likely "content" as the LoC because

She no longer "exists" and has no actual "self" anymore

She is useful and helps people, and only sees herself as anything other than a nuisance and a good for nothing when she's doing things like this

This isn't even getting into the lyrics and implications of Madoka's character song if it's being read this way, which is one of those "sounds happy, is actually really sad" types:

"Cracking a smile, yet I'm feeling lonely / The truth is, I still have more to talk about / But with the words 'See you later' / I say we'll meet again, but it's a lie / and with my usual smile, I say / 'See you tomorrow'"

VI) Additional Notes

I'd like to add (post-posting howomura edit here) that you can commit suicide (or quasi-suicide) for a "selfless" or "good" reason and for it to still be sad and messed up. Nobody is claiming Madoka is evil for sacrificing herself, just that she shouldn't have felt like she had to do it, especially at her age (fourteen).

People who do it so their families can get money, to make political points and attract attention to events, etc, may have "good" intentions and be "selfless" in their actions, but it doesn't mean those people should have had to do it. Altruistic and benevolent suicides are still tragic even if they're meant to be for good cause or to help others as a whole.

[randomidiocyncrazies]

(this post assumes that Kazui is gay, or some flavor of LGBTQ)

The thing is, I think Kazui's depiction of himself in Cat as a monstrous murderer is exaggerated by his self-loathing, but I also think it was probably a very abrasive conversation when he came out to Hinako. (tbh I actually kind of think he didn't intend to come out to her, and it just kinda happened in the heat of the moment*? But I don't have concrete evidence of this theory beyond his inability to talk about what's going on with him without several layers of indirect inferences + begging Es to claw past his lies/free him from them, and his overwhelming shame at the immutable truth about himself that he's hiding.)

*That said, his distorted line for T1 is "I'm such an idiot, why did I have to dream?" so that could imply he told the truth (dreamed of being accepted as his true self?) of his own volition

I interpreted the sequence of events in his MVs as him asking for a divorce without actually telling her why, which leads to her trying to save their marriage:

Coupled with the lyrics in half, I think at this point Hinako doesn't know Kazui's truth, so she's trying to comfort him without knowing what the underlying issue is. She is depicted as supportive in half, so I think she might be saying stuff like "tell me what's bothering you honey; we can fix this together as husband and wife, I'll always love you" without knowing that it's actually NOT something that could be 'fixed' despite Kazui's efforts all these years. The apple (a symbol of Kazui being someone/wanting something "outside of the norm"**) is in the spotlight because it's the looming specter in this conversation that Kazui cannot escape from—he's asking for a divorce because he's a green apple (or desires a green apple) instead of a red apple; it's the underlying cause of why they're having this conversation in the first place, even if Hinako isn't aware of it yet.

**while green apples certainly exist, most people think of red apples as the default

If Hinako tried to console her husband without understanding the root of his turmoil, imo it's not unlikely that she might've inadvertently said something that set Kazui off. She either said something that he perceived as naively optimistic/innocently cruel in her attempts at consolation (e.g. "whatever it is, we can fix it together as loving husband and wife"), or something that made him feel even guiltier (e.g. "I'm not doing enough to share your burdens, I'm sorry" or "I'll always love you")—most likely both. At this point Kazui had been lying for the vast majority of his life; he is excruciatingly aware that he cannot change his nature, even though he's ashamed of it and desperately wished he could change and "be normal". The fact that he's asking for a divorce now despite the aforementioned factors means he's been pushed to a point that he cannot abide by maintaining the lie anymore. So Hinako's empty reassurances would be aggravating, because it's something Kazui already KNOWS he cannot change, and they cannot overcome his sexuality (that he already hates himself for) "as husband and wife."

Hence lashing out, both to be self-destructive (he's so torn up about being "not normal" that he hates himself for it and feels like he's a villain) and also to express his frustration at the situation/at her. "Oh, you said you'll always love me no matter what? Well guess what, I never actually loved you! You said we can 'fix' this as 'husband and wife'? I tried to 'fix' myself for YEARS and I still can't make myself love you; in fact, I'm in so much pain being in this farce of a marriage and playing the role of a Good Husband for you that I need to leave. I am not attracted to you—never had been, never will be—so spare me the empty platitudes of us 'overcoming this as a couple' when you don't know ANYTHING about how I feel" etc.

The combined shock of 1) the ideal husband she loves had been lying the entire time during their courtship and marriage, 2) the ideal husband she loves seemingly*** being so hurt by her love and so contemptuously dismissive of the life they have together, and 3) that she's oblivious to all of this even though she thought she knew him better than anyone would've been devastating. And they might very well have been drinking (in celebration???) before this conversation, since they had the same clothes they wore in the champagne scene (though I think it's also possible that these are just their 'default' domestic clothing). If they had been drinking and/or celebrating beforehand, it's plausible that impulsive decisions that would've never been made sober were acted upon—Hinako might not have committed suicide**** (i think it was very spontaneous/not premeditated), and maybe Kazui wouldn't have came out (or would've been more in control of his emotions and/or circumstances when doing so).

***only seemingly, because we do see that he cares about her, just not as a romantic partner

****heavily implied that's how she died, though there is speculation that it was an accident, or that Kazui had pushed her (I personally don't find the pushing theory convincing/plausible with the evidence we have so far)

anyway. brb crying about the mukuharas forever.

[tozettastone]

RE: "there's so little F/F fanfiction," and its supposed relationship to misogyny, unexamined "fandom truly hates women," statements, and also why "eating your veggies" ala dutyfic is all kind of... inadequate and poorly expressed, in my view (and in my experience, as an AFAB person).

--

"Fandom hates women," is a statement that's usually written as though the person writing it does not hate women themselves. I think feminists who can't acknowledge their own misogyny are probably living the unexamined life (sorry, Socrates).

These people are right that misogyny is a problem. But they are wrong about how, why, and whether or not the amount of F/F fanfiction or female character-centric works is a proxy for measuring it.

I think there must be room to accept that among the people who happen to be assigned female at birth, even the most liberated suffer from some amount of internalised misogyny — or even just the relentless examination of their own thoughts in trying to root out the misogyny they know is in there. It's an ugly thing people really try to pretend isn't real. Feminists are also misogynists. Society has raised us all ugly and correcting it is a lifestyle, not a one-and-done deep clean.

Sometimes we've thought about it so much that every line of text is haunted by the long shadow of that misogyny. I know I often start and don't finish, or finish and just don't post, my f/f fanfics. It's not just because it attracts more harassment (although it sure used to, at least; I don't know now), but also because I overthink what I'm putting into the world: Is her vulnerability in this moment an attitude of feminine weakness? Is her stoicism just me the writer falling into a bland stoic butch trope because it's easy? Am I replicating gendered things I hate in M/F fanfiction but don't notice in F/F? Is this just writing in character, or is it a sexist stereotype? Hey, what if writing "in character" IS a sexist stereotype? What does this female character, a representative of her entire constructed identity, say about women? Shall I write another scene where she cuts her soft hair and rejects pink girly things and takes her job ever so seriously as part of a power fantasy, in which the excision of femininity goes hand in hand with the attainment of that power?

Every line of text might be a new enfilade in the long identity war. It's Schrodinger's sexism. Who's reading? What will this imply? What will they infer?

I just feel like, personally, until you can exist in society as someone that other people view as a woman, in a way that isn't being perpetually dissected and examined (by yourself, by others, by the people who feel insecure and defensive and want to respond to this saying "uhmmm sweetie that's YOUR problem, I'm an enlightened woman who genders and fucks how I want actually, YOU'RE the only misogynist here, you just suck," as though that's not yet another permutation of exactly the high-pressure, high-critique behaviour I just described), there will simply be fewer people putting their writing about female characters (and by extension F/F) into the public eye, and fewer people who want to do that writing at all.

It's just so fucking exhausting. I think it must be nice, sometimes, writing deathly boring (to me) M/F romance that openly embraces gender stereotypes, where she's always taken by surprise, and he's always competent. Ha.

But then you attempt a M/M romance, and you have to think, "isn't writing masculinity as the totally unexamined default actually kind of an act of collusion, too?" It doesn't have to be. But it sure can be, when you feel like this. And then you throw your laptop out the window. (I'm writing this on my phone. How did you guess?)

You have to draw a line somewhere, horribly, between your existence in a politicised body, your representation of politicised bodies in your art, and your existence as an individual who wants to enjoy their fucking hobby.

Maybe that means you delete all your social media accounts and go herd goats on a mountainside. Or you write about aliens for five years and give them whatever genitals you feel like today. But, like, listen. It's going to be fine. Gender is made up. I know, I know, pretty much everyone else thinks it's a holy binary, just like good and evil, and you have to live in the same world with them, sending coded gender messages all day every day and unable to stop. I know. But it is made up anyway.

Key takeaways: People should write whatever they enjoy writing and kind of just worry less about it. Worrying isn't helping you make fun art. And the amount of fanfiction about female characters and F/F relationships is a poor proxy for whatever we think we mean when we say, "fandom hates women."

[balkanradfem]

I get where most of the anons are coming from, your followers know your health and financial situation isn't ideal and want what's best for you and sadly in our current society everything comes down to money, so it's only natural people would want you to have more money even if it's just the smallest increase for a limited time.

But on the other hand, I respect your desire to stick to your principles and not increase the price. Just because society is set up this way doesn't mean we need to play by those rules, if nobody ever did things differently then nothing would ever change.

Being forced to play along with capitalism when I just want to share things with people has definitely taken a toll on my mental health as well, but ultimately only you, the person in this situation, know all the variables that affect this decision and if you think you can afford to not play along with capitalism in this situation then you should go for it.

But I will repeat what some others have said anyway because I do think it's something most of us need to hear more often - don't feel guilty about putting yourself first!

I will also mention though, when it comes to friends and those at least somewhat privy to your financial situation, I think they'd be happy to get chestnuts while also being able to help you a bit more financially especially in a way (in their eyes) that makes you feel less gulity about receiving their money. It reminds me a bit of the anons that occasionally ask if there's some way they can donate money to you.

Despite the capitalist structure we live under, humans have a desire the share and help each other.

Thank you for the nuanced and detailed explanation! Oh I hope I'm not stressing people out with my situation, I'll figure it out, I only mention it when it's relevant to the topic, I'm not complaining.

It's soothing to know my principles and ideals did get trough and people understand what I'm about! If a lot of people did things the way I do, we would all have cheaper food, more emphasis on human life and forming connections, and less concern about money, as it would not be the primary object that everyone's after. I understand that failing to play the capitalism game means you lose by default, but I've quit that game a while ago, I'm playing my own thing.

I feel like you're implying I sell chestnuts to my friends or to people who know about my financial situation - and I have to disappoint here, anon. All my friends get loads of chestnuts for free. When I forage them, I sort them into size categories, and I can usually only sell the largest ones. So about a third of them is un-sellable, and ends up being gifted to various friends and acquaintances. Even if they're not the most huge ones, everyone likes the gift of free chestnuts! I usually eat the smallest ones on my own. But! I keep some of the large ones for a chestnut cake.

I feel a little bad about all the people offering money because it's not polite to reject! But connecting this blog with financial gain would feel extremely wrong. This is what I believe in, my passions and stories and feminism and human rights, and environment, I come here to say what I need to, and see what other lovely women are saying too. It's such a social thing it would feel weird to bring money in!

And I'm also, deeply compelled to try and figure things out on my own. I guess it is a flaw but I can't let go of it.

Thank you for the lovely message, anon, I've enjoyed reading it! I'm going to sleep now, so if I get more messages, they'll wait until tomorrow, and I might not want to spam them all across people's dashes.

[volno]

Running Toolkit via MO2 - File Management Simulator 2024

Mod Organiser 2, as the name would imply, is a mod organising tool, one that is specifically designed for users who experiment with mods. What sets MO2 apart from other mod managers is that it keeps your game's data folder and your mods separate, instead it utilises a virtual folder system to create a modded directory that only exists while the game is running. Sort of like running a virtual machine, only on a smaller scale. MO2 also as a feature that enables it to 'catch' files generated by a program and store them in a separate directory, this is very helpful for using the Toolkit as we can use it to prevent project files from polluting BG3's data folder as well as give us better control over where our project files end up. So without further ado, lets get started with the guide.

Download and install the latest version of MO2 here on GitHub or here on Nexus Mods. then download the BG3 support plugin here For instructions on installing MO2, I recommend GamerPoets' video guide, this video showcases MO2 being set up for Skyrim, but the process is exactly the same for BG3 (note that you will have to install the BG3 support plugin before you are able to create an instance for it). You do not need to watch the video past the 4:00 min mark.

Time for some file management, in your mod list, right click and select the 'Create empty mod' option, this will be the folder that we are going to store our toolkit generated files in, so give it a fun name (I personally go with 'Toolkit Dumping Ground').

Open the "modify executables" window (the green and blue gears at the top of the screen), click the 'add an executable' option (the plus sign), select 'from file' navigate to 'Glasses.exe' and hit 'open'. Now that Glasses.exe is linked in MO2, we need to change the settings. Leave the 'Start in' and 'arguments section empty, we don't need to touch them, instead head down to the option that says 'Create files in mod instead of overwrite (*)', tick the box, and select the folder we made in step 3. Now whenever the Toolkit creates a file it will instead be created and stored inside the folder we have just selected. By default, MO2 will place files created by any executable it runs in the 'overwrite' folder, but its better to keep things in their own folder (as it can be easy to accidently clear the overwrite folder). If you have done this correctly, your window should look like this:

You can create as many folders like this as you like, such as ones for specific projects, just remember that you need to manually change the mod folder MO2 is using each time you create a project specific folder.

Now just hit 'apply' then 'ok' and you're good to run the toolkit! Go to the dropdown menu left of the 'run' button, select 'Glasses', then hit the 'run' button and the toolkit should launch as normal. Have fun!

From then on the toolkit runs just the same, just remember that your modded directory does not actually exist on your hard drive, and only temporally exists from within the application while its running. If you save a pak file in 'steamapps\common\Baldurs Gate 3\Data' from with in MO2s virtual folder, its actually being saved in the 'Toolkit Dumping Ground' folder (or what ever you called it). Another important thing to note, is that MO2 will also load whatever is in your game's data directory, for this reason I recommend having your Source Asset folder inside your game's actual data directory (especially if you wish to hotload files). I also suggest following Padme4000's recommendation and having one universal Source Asset folder as opposed to project specific ones, (see her guide here for why )

One other important thing to mention is that The BG3 support plugin is not an official plugin, if you are having issues with it please seek help on the mod page over official MO2 channels first.

Come stare at .lsf files with us in the BG3 Modding Community Discord, and support me on Patreon.

[the-starry-seas]

So this whole BOBF AU started because I saw a meme on reddit and proceeded to take it seriously

So Boba of course has all those problems about being a clone, and of course all those problems about his dad being dead. Being a Fett just means having issues in general, right? I mean we've all seen Jango.

Boba is doing his perfectly normal daimyo thing when the Hutt twins show up with their tribute. Instead of a rancor - in this AU, the rancor was left behind by the former daimyo that Boba shot - the Hutt twins have a clone. Specifically, they have a clone made from Boba's DNA, rather than Jango's. They specify this when they drop him off.

Boba understands this as the implied threat it is. Someone who has his DNA without him realising it... nope, he has to dig into that and kill whoever is responsible.

He also has an extremely traumatised eight-year-old. The new kid's designation is 'Clone Experiment Prime'. Which is a little long for a name so they (Boba, Fennec, Din) call him Prime. They also start trying to figure out where Prime came from.

Eventually they figure everything out, destroy the facility, destroy the remaining DNA sample, and then go and kill the Hutt twins. It's a win for everyone involved! Well, everyone in the Fett clan.

And then Boba has to go back to Tatooine and deal with Prime. He does not want to be a father. He does not want to deal with a kid. He does ask if maybe Din wants to adopt Prime. Din essentially says "What's wrong with you? Get your shit together and step up for your new kid."

Meanwhile Prime is well aware that Boba does not want him around. Sure, Boba hasn't said anything where Prime can hear, but Boba's default way of dealing with new things is to be closed off and aloof, and that's not exactly reassuring. Prime's general takeaway from all this is I wasn't good enough for the scientists, so it's no wonder I'm not good enough for my father.

Besides, Boba has Fennec and Din, and Din has Grogu, so it doesn't seem like any of them have any need for Prime. Fennec and Din pay attention to him, sure, but they don't exactly seem to care. They don't ever tell him that he's wanted.

So the tiny, scared, angry clone who's never known love a day in his life... runs. He was abandoned in the science facility, so he thinks he knows how to survive on his own. Turns out that things are much more dangerous on Tatooine than one might expect.

It's not long before Boba realises that Prime is missing, and he then assumes that Prime was kidnapped. He promptly starts asking around in the criminal underworld. By which I mean he shoots a bunch of people and makes a bunch of threats, because he's Boba Fucking Fett and he's pissed off.

When a crew of lowlifes run across Prime, they recognise him as the daimyo's missing kid, and figure there's a great reward in it for them if they bring him back to the palace. Prime does not want to go back to the palace. This is completely irrelevant to the lowlifes, who drag him off, quite literally kicking and screaming.

Boba is not impressed with the way they're treating Prime, and promptly commits more violence.

This does not endear him any to Prime, who's well aware that Boba doesn't like him, and figures he's going to be next because of all the trouble he's caused. His attempt at running for his life is thwarted by Boba catching him.

Boba is not prepared for Prime to break down crying, or for Prime to swear he'll leave and never come back, if only Boba won't hurt him.

Boba reluctantly decides that if he's going to be anything like his father before him... he's gonna have to adopt the kid.

This starts an extremely tense father-son relationship, which Boba proceeds to mess up multiple times, because he has no idea what he's doing. And because he doesn't really want to be a dad in the first place, but he knows that if Prime does run off on his own, he's just going to become another target as soon as anyone figures out his connection to Boba. (Also Boba has daddy issues and abandonment issues, and something something healing your inner child, but in this case it's a child clone of you.)

Upon being treated with kindness for the first time in his life, Prime becomes the sort of clingy that is generally reserved for baby koalas. Boba is hardly the best dad, or even a good dad, really. But he cares about what happens to Prime, and ensures that nobody has a chance to hurt him, and gets him a good education and a pet massiff and a coat that protects him from the sand and a bed that's soft. Prime thinks that Boba's pretty great.

He also starts panicking extremely when he starts thinking that he's a girl, because Boba always calls him 'son' and 'boy' and 'him', and there will surely be some problems in the family if Prime is suddenly none of those things.

Once again, having been forced to be self-sufficient at a young age due to neglect, Prime's solution to all this is to run away, because if nobody knows where she is, they won't be able to hurt her.

Once again, Boba thinks that someone's kidnapped Prime and kills people about it, because if anybody's laid a hand on his kid, they're going to regret it.

Fortunately nobody else finds Prime this time around. Possibly because they're all aware that Boba's on the warpath, and they don't want to get in the middle of that. Or maybe it's just because she's gotten better at hiding, and also has a massiff with her who looks ready to rip the face off of anyone who looks at her wrong.

Boba finds her a few days later and is not pleased with any part of this situation. (He's also been scared shitless by the idea that slavers got their hands on his kid, but god forbid he feel a normal human emotion, so he's covering all that up with rage.)

Anyway, Boba and Prime end up in a screaming match in the street, because Boba thinks Prime is absolutely bonkers for running away from home again, and because of the aforementioned rage cover.

He's also stunned speechless when Prime finally shrieks at him that she ran away from home because she's a girl and he wants a son.

In the most exasperated and baffled tone known to man, he tells her that he doesn't care if he has a daughter or a son, he just wants her to be safe. (And in that moment, maybe, he's the most like his father that he ever will be.)

Prime is also stunned speechless by this, because she genuinely thought that Boba would discard her the second she no longer lived up to his expectations. That's what the scientists did, and it's the only frame of reference she has, for failure.

Upon realising that he's not like the scientists, she immediately starts crying. Boba immediately starts panicking, because he thinks she's been hurt. He somehow panics even more when she flings herself at him and hugs him, because he has no idea what to do about any of this. Eventually he picks her up and carries her home.

Boba has exactly zero idea how to support his daughter in her social transition. She can do whatever she wants, obviously. But it seemed to be a pretty big problem, so he feels like he has to say something. So he tells her that he'll do whatever she wants, if it will help, and asks if maybe she can talk to him if there's any problems, instead of running away again. (He's over thirty so like. His knees. Please have mercy on his knees. He can't keep running around like that.)

Prime decides that she wants a new name, because being called Prime always went hand in hand with being called a boy. Also it reminds her of the lab she was raised and then abandoned in, and she doesn't really like that. She asks if Boba will help her look for a new one, and Boba is internally actually kinda excited by this because it seems like a gesture of trust from her.

She decides to change her name to Prim, short for Primrose. Boba has some questions about that, because wasn't the point of changing her name... well, to be different than before? But he doesn't ask, because he doesn't want another runaway episode, and also she seems really happy with it. Anything to make his daughter happy.

(Being eight years old, Prim does not have the vocabulary to explain why she changed her name so slightly. It's about claiming what once signified her lack of autonomy, and making it part of her identity once she's allowed to have one. Prim is a similar word to Prime. That's the point. She's so similar to what she once was - when she was a scared, abandoned boy in an old lab, certain of nothing but a father's uncaringness - and there's barely any differences right now. But they are there. And they mean everything to her.)

Boba asks her about the flower she named herself after. She shows him pictures and gushes about how pretty they are, and asks if maybe, some day, when she's older, they can go on a trip to see some in person?

He says he'll think about it. He surprises her a week later with a huge flowerpot full of pink and yellow primroses in full bloom.

She tells him that he's the best dad a girl could ever have. And in that one simple sentence, is contained everything she ever wanted.

[abyssalpriest]

I think people are so fixated on "there's no right or wrong way to worship gods" to the point they ignore their entire message. It's not black and white, yes. It's an entire rainbow of colours. Saying "there's no right or wrong, it's all right" is saying "there is a right way to do it" - but that aside... It misses its own point, or at least people saying it miss the point of the saying, because the point is there are spectrums at play here. No right or wrong doesn't contradict there being stronger and weaker ways of doing things, or more or less beneficial things, or harder or easier ways, and so on, in fact that's what it's saying - there's a million ways to do this. Pretending that "there's no right or wrong" means "everything is good and right and equal" strips away the intended choice and empower to choose and customise one's path. If being a witch is just as good for every single person as being a devotee is or chasing priesthood is or becoming a spirit worker is and so on, if channelling is equal to getting no messages at all or possession work or merging consciousnesses... There is no point in doing the hard work - which is exactly what is happening nowadays. We're shutting off the awesome results that can only be gotten from awe-inspiring work by calling heavy lifting spirit work the same as a devotee who only has an altar and no real idea if there's a god listening. We don't have to say one is right and the other is wrong to acknowledge there's a difference.

There is no right or wrong way to approach Lev. There are definitely ways that are more or less effective, bond-making, personable, easy, liked/appreciated by both parties, etc. People deserve the freedom and elucidation that discussions on spectrum brings; yes, they deserve to not hear some rando talk about how they're Wrong, but if we completely ignore that some things are more effective, work better for others, and so on... If we treat "there's no right or wrong" as synonymous with "don't say there's a better or worse way to do this for various reasons" we're not equipping anyone with an art and science here, we're equipping them with a way to roleplay a reality in which they already have everything they want just by existing

There isn't a wrong way to approach gods. You may approach them with something they loathe and have them cut you off forever - and then you may find out that that's really good because you had another god waiting to find you this lifetime to work with you and they wouldn't have found you if you hadve gone in that other direction. However... Sitting here acting like the default god etiquette of praising you, acting friendly, showing up where they're needed, and so on because you give them offerings and whatever is an equal relation in terms of efficacy and so on to another art which may involve channelling and possession and heavy deep magics and energy-bonding and so on... The former may be what you need, it may be right, but if we boil it down, one of these paths is not going to give you the same effect as the other even if you need what some people would falsely claim is the "wrong" answer. In this case, for any person, one of these is going to be the better option for you.

We can eliminate right and wrong from our vocabulary, but eliminating the idea that one path is not identical to the other in favour of focusing on an absence of right and wrong rather than a presence of efficacy or lack thereof and calling or lack thereof and a million other things completely reduces the actual art and science of spirit work to what's ultimately a way to get validation and immediate emotional satisfaction over results and long term satisfaction

Being labelled right or wrong is not a bigger threat than looming stagnancy, uncrossed off goals, and so on. You are worth more than putting on hold all of what you want to do because youre scared of implying there's a right and wrong way to do things. This is not a black or white matter, but if you like green and not red then you're gonna have to stop saying "there's no black or white there's no difference in colours every colour is the same shade of grey to me"... And also... If you want to actually get good at working with colours, you're probably going to have to out down "there's no black or white just different colours, and I just pick colours based on what I'm feeling and work with them". You have not been wrong if you realise that you're not meeting your goals, that you even have goals in the first place, and that you want to work towards something different. You are not invalid, wrong, or otherwise bad because you realised you were stagnating at a beginner level and you were making a bunch of mistakes, there's nothing wrong with being a beginner. And honest to god... Everyone is going to have opinions on you and your work. You don't need to put all your brain power into preemptively arguing with people who disagree with you, trying to teach them there's no right or wrong when they clearly disagree.