#you believe that sue sucks and so do all the cheerios

[i-like-gay-books]

for the sake of transparency i feel the need to disclose that ive been watching glee again and it is phenomenal

[micahmademe]

It started with a simple dance routine Kurt Hummel needed to perform with the girls at the annual pep rally and just an hour later he found himself trembling beneath one Sebastian Smythe as his asshole was being absolutely destroyed and an orgasm was rocking through his bones.

When Sue Sylvester told Kurt he needed to wear the Cheerio skirt at the pep rally, he immediately wanted to back out. He was already being bullied for being gay and now if he was a gay guy dancing with girls in a /skirt/ he'd be absolutely killed. Though what Sue said was what went around here in McKinley.

Personally, Kurt didn't mind dancing in the skirt. He sometimes did dress up in them though they were always longer- but he wasn't complaining with this short one. He practiced with 'The Unholy Trinity', Quinn, Brittany, and Santana- who seemed to consider him as a friend now that they were all comfortable in Glee Club.

So, there he was performing a lengthy dance number with the girls and in the short bright red skirt. Never in a million years did he believe that Smythe of all people would be staring- from the bleachers jaw to the ground, piercing green eyes absolutely eye fucking him, and his large ass cock feeling suffocated by his boxers and pants- at him while he danced.

Kurt was in the males locker room which was empty as the jocks ran around the field actually playing the game now, slowly stripping out of clothes. He pulled off his Cheerio top, grateful that Sue allowed him to keep the male version and folded it neatly before setting it down onto the bench behind him. Kurt then pulled out some lotion, pouring it into his palm before rubbing his hands together and slowly applying it onto his body, humming at the feeling of his own hands.

Suddenly, another pair of hands were on him. Not just anywhere at him- a warm pair of hands were suddenly groping at his ass. Kurt jumped, his bare chest pressing against the cold lockers and he hissed. His heart absolutely pounded, scared on who was behind him and doing this. That was until he heard /his/ voice.

"Damn, gay-face… If I knew you were that flexible, I would have dropped the hobbit before I even considered it. God, do you know what you did to me?" 

Sebastian Smythe. 

Kurt felt his words jumble up in his brain and suddenly he felt something extremely hard press against his ass through his skirt. He gulped, turning his head to the side and looking at Sebastian through the corner of his eye. Sebastian was absolutely smirking, eyes full of lust and if he was telling the truth, it was all because of him.

"Se-Sebastian?" He stammered, wondering if this was some stupid prank or some even stupider bet like, 'can Sebastian get into Hummel's pants.' Sebastian just smirked and squeezed at Kurt's ass again, causing the male to let out a shocked squeak. "That's me, baby. Don't wear my name out."

Sebastian slid one of his hands up Kurt's skirt, feeling almost his thong line causing the make to quiver. Sebastian groaned out loud, "Fucking christ Kurt- a thong? What are you? A slut?" He growled out the last word causing Kurt to whimper. "Why.. why are you- what are you going to.. d-do?" He stammered, feeling himself slowly form an erection. 

"Well… if you allow me to, my plan was to absolutely destroy this ass." Sebastian hummed, slapping Kurt's ass, causing him to whimper and quiver again. "Though if you don't want me to… I can just leave." Suddenly the hands were off his ass and Kurt whined embarrassingly loud: "No! Please…. No-." He panted, his face flaming bright red with blush.

"No what, Kurt?" Sebastian teased, moving his head besides Kurt's ear and slowly nibbled at it. "Sebastian- please… touch me again." He whined, squeezing his eyes tightly shut. It was silent for a bit and Kurt was scared that the taller male would laugh at him, saying it was a prank and then leave. Though then the hands were back on, squeezing roughly under his skirt.

Kurt gasped loudly, pushing his ass back into Sebastian's hands. "Oh.. such a slut.. begging for my touch already." He hummed, licking his lips at the sight. "Se- Sebastian … why- why are you doing this?" Kurt whimpered, continuing to push his ass against Sebastian's hands. "Well, Kurt, you caused me to get a problem with your little dance… so it's only right for you to help me fix this problem... don't you think?" 

Kurt bit his lip and slowly nodded. Sebastian slapped Kurt's ass roughly and the smaller male let out a moan. "Words, baby. Words." Kurt gulped and nodded quickly, "Yes- yes,  Sebastian." His erection felt suffocating against his thong and he whimpered. "Sebastian… can you- can you please take off my skirt and thong?" He asked hesitantly.

Sebastian smirked and nodded, "Of course, slut." He let go of groping Kurt's ass and slowly pulled down his bright red thong, licking his lips. He threw the thong practically across the locker room before cupping his ass cheeks again. Kurt let out a whine, wondering why Sebastian didn't take off his skirt. "Seb… Sebastian? Why did you leave my skirt on?" He asked, feeling his precum drip down his erected cock that pressed up against his skirt. 

Sebastian moved his head to Kurt's shoulder and he began to bite at it, "I was thinking that you'd look so hot with that pretty little skirt of yours on while you rode me. What do you think, baby?" He licked his index finger quickly before dragging it through Kurt's ass cheeks teasingly. Kurt's body completely trembled and he nodded quickly, "Yes, Sebastian. Please let me ride you, Sebastian." He begged, breathlessly. 

Kurt's gasps suddenly went a pitch higher when he felt Sebastian's finger slowly slip into his asshole: "ah- ah- ah- ah-." Sebastian groaned at the noises and the tightness of Kurt's whole, "Like that, slut?" He asked, finally sliding his long finger completely into his asshole. Kurt nodded quickly and his legs quivered, "Yes-... oh god… more- Sebastian.. please, more." He whined a bit louder. 

Sebastian moved his second hand over Kurt's mouth gently, "Shhh… We don't want to be caught, do we?" Kurt just shook his head and gulped, mumbling over Sebastian's hand, "No… no, Sebastian…" Sebastian let out a hum, "Good boy," before he slowly thrusted his index finger in and out, groaning at the sight of Kurt's asshole sucking his finger in and how the smaller boy's ass backed up- trying to get more. "Does my little slut want more?" He cooed.

"Please, please- Sebastian, give me more." Kurt begged, his legs feeling as if they were about to give out right under him. Sebastian spit into the palm of his hand and he slicked up his middle finger before pressing it in besides his index finger. Kurt bit his bottom lip roughly, fighting back a loud moan. He let out a few high pitched ones as he backed his ass up, trying to get Sebastian's fingers deeper. 

"Tha- thank you..  thank you, Sebastian." Kurt panted, some drool escaping his mouth. Sebastian pressed a few kisses on Kurt's back and he slowly pulled both fingers out and thrusted them back in. "Such a good boy…" Sebastian praised and Kurt nodded his head. "Yes, I'm a good b-boy. Only your good boy." He moaned out a bit louder. Sebastian licked his lips and spitted into his palm once again- slicking up his third finger, his ring finger, before teasing it against Kurt's hole.

"How much do you want me, baby?" He asked, biting at the back of Kurt's neck. Kurt panted roughly and he cleared his throat. "So bad… please- Sebastian- I'll be so good. Your good boy a-and only yours… just please finger me…" He begged and then gasped loudly at the third finger. "Ooh, so good, baby." Sebastian praised, biting in hickeys all over the back of his neck. "Yes! Thank you, Sebastian." Kurt moaned out loudly, his head moving to the side so Sebastian had more access to mask him up..

"Shhh.. baby, stay quiet." Sebastian whispered as he thrusted his three fingers wicker in Kurt's asshole. Kurt bit his bottom lip, rolling circles back- getting the fingers deeper into him. "Yes, Sebastian. Sorry, Sebastian." He quickly breathed out. Sebastian groaned at that, "Fuck… you're so hot." Kurt let out a whine and shut his eyes tightly. "Please- please let me ride you now… please, Sebastian." He begged and after a few more thrusting the taller male gave Kurt, he pulled the fingers out.

Sebastian flipped Kurt's skirt and crouched down, watching as the smaller male's asshole clenched around nothing. He bit at his cheeks a bit before standing up again, letting go of the skirt and backed up- sitting down on the bench. "C'mere, baby. Come suck me off." He ordered and Kurt pushed himself off of the lockers shakily, turning around-- looking at Sebastian spreading his legs a bit, a big bulge at the front of his jeans.

Kurt licked his lips and slowly moved himself down to his knees, his hands trembling slightly as he pulled down the zipper of Sebastian's jeans. Sebastian watched Kurt work, lust filling his eyes. One of his hands reached out and stroked Kurt's cheek softly. Kurt leaned into the touch and finally reached into Sebastian's boxers, pulling out his impressive cock.

Sebastian's dick stood tall, flushed red and was leaking precum from the tip. Kurt's mouth watered at the sight. He held the base of the large cock and slowly pumped it. "Mm.. yeah, be a good boy and suck my cock, baby." Sebastian hummed, his dick twitching with anticipation. 

Kurt nodded, licking the tip of Sebastian's dick, tasting his precum and he hummed- continuing to slowly jerk him off at the base. He wrapped his lips around the head of the taller male's cock and sucked at it, his tongue licking at the slit slowly and soon he took more of the large cock into his mouth. Sebastian let out a groan at the feeling and at the sight, his hand going into Kurt's hair and he gently stroked it. "Ooh.. good boy." He praised and Kurt hummed, sinking more of the dick into his mouth.

Kurt shut his eyes tightly as he got Sebastian's full length into his mouth, thank god he didn't have a gag reflex. Sebastian's breath hitched and he gently tugged on Kurt's hair. "Yeah.. yeah, just like that baby." He groaned. Kurt's hands rubbed Sebastian's balls as he slowly began to bob his head up and down the male's length. He had brief tears in his eyes, because even without gag reflex- he'd never really get used to the feeling of something hitting the back of his throat over and over.

Sebastian's groans grew louder and he tugged Kurt's hair a bit more, causing the male to deep throat him. Kurt let out a whine while doing so and sped up his head bobbing. Sebastian soon found himself growing close to climax so he pulled Kurt's hair, tugging him off of his cock. Kurt was confused- worried he did something wrong but then he saw Sebastian let go of his hair and laid down on his back on the bench. "C'mon baby… you did so good- I think you deserve a reward."

Kurt quickly scrambled to his feet, hovering over Sebastian- legs spread on either side of the male underneath him. Kurt brought his ass down, whining at the feeling of Sebastian's wet cock rubbing against his asshole. "Ride me, good boy." Sebastian groaned, grabbing Kurt's hips. He nodded, panting out a: "Yes, Sebastian." before reaching down and grabbing the base of the cock and held it up- positioning himself.

He held the cock steadily and slipped the tip of the head into himself. Kurt let out a shaky gasp, adjusting to the thickness before he slowly began to sink in more of Sebastian's length. Kurt kept gasping, each one getting higher pitched and more breathy. Soon enough, he found himself with Sebastian's cock tightly inside his clenching asshole. Sebastian grunted, gripping Kurt's hips tightly- waiting for him to adjust to his length.

"Whenever you're ready, baby." He reassured, to which Kurt nodded. Kurt soon enough lifted himself up half off of Sebastian's length before dropping- the cock slamming in deep and his head was thrown back as a loud moan tumbled out: "Ah!" Sebastian grunted along and both of the males didn't care about their volume as Kurt raised himself up again and then thrusted down. "Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, baby." Sebastian murmured. 

Kurt whimpered at the feeling, "S-..so big.." he whined, rolling his hips as he began to bounce on Sebastian's length- a bunch of noises tumbling out of him. Suddenly- on one specific thrust downwards- Kurt hit his prostate. "Oh, Se…Sebastian~!" He moaned loudly and then Sebastian was thrusting upwards rapidly- slamming against the special spot. Kurt's body quivered and he gave out.

His chest pressed against Sebastian's- his ass raising upwards and he let the male bellow him manhandle him, pounding into his ass. Kurt moaned loudly, "Ha… Harder, Sebastian~! Please!" He felt like absolute bliss as he ass kept getting pounded by a big cock. Sebastian just growled, groping at Kurt's ass and 

slammed in harder just like the male said .

"Gonna… gonna cum!" Kurt shouted, feeling himself get close to climax. Sebastian let go of one of Kurt's ass cheeks and began to jerk him off as he kept on drilling him. "Cum, baby. Cum for me. You were so good, slut." Sebastian praised and soon enough Kurt's white cum painted the inside of his skirt. "AH~!!" He moaned loudly, his ass squeezing tightly around Sebastian's cock. Sebastian groaned and didn't slow down thrusting into him-- more so he picked up the pace.

He grunted loudly, "Oh fuck… baby. I'm going to cum in you!" He exclaimed and Kurt just quivered on Sebastian's chest as his asshole pulsed against the male's cock. Sebastian thrusted deeper, finally letting his load spill out inside of Kurt- both letting out loud noises throughout the empty locker room. Soon enough, Sebastian pulled out and his cum began to spill out of Kurt's asshole- down his thigh and then onto the ground.

Sebastian stroked Kurt's hair, "You alright, Kurt?" He asked and Kurt looked at him- shaking his head rapidly. He sat up, panting, rubbing his asshole against Sebastian's cock. Sebastian raised an eyebrow, confused on what was wrong and then Kurt was begging again. "No… no- Sebastian... please. I need more!" He whined, rubbing his asshole more against the slowly hardening cock of Sebastian.

Sebastian growled, manhandling Kurt until he was under him- his ass facing upwards as his cheek pressed against the bench. He smacked the quivering male's ass before groping it with his free hand. Sebastians other hand was jerking himself off to get hard again and soon he was- repositioning himself against Kurt's already abused asshole. "Oh… you slut, baby. You want more of me?" He asked, teasing the tip of his cock into him..

Kurt whined and begged quickly, "Please! Fuck… fuck me, Sebastian… I need more~!" He moaned out loud and shook his ass. Sebastian smacked it again and Kurt gasped loudly. "Since you were such a good boy earlier … I'm going to give you exactly what you need." Sebastian growled before sliding his full length back into Kurt and began to thrust quickly. Kurt's whole body shook and he began to let out loud noises. "Oh! Thank you, thank you!" He whined loudly, backing up against Sebastian's cock. 

Sebastian wrapped an arm around Kurt's waist, lifting him to his knees as he pounded in faster. His hand grabbed at  Kurt's cock and he began to rapidly jerk him off. "You like that baby? Your slutty hole is just swallowing me, ugh… so good baby." Tears ran down Kurt's face from how good it felt. "More, Sebastian~! Please, more!" He begged and Sebastian went as hard as he could, absolutely abusing Kurt's hole to another level. 

So here Kurt found himself, his cum spilled onto his skirt again and onto Sebastian's hand. His moans didn't stop as Sebastian slapped his ass and pounded deeply into him. Soon he was close to climax and a few more thrusts later- Sebastian pulled out and jerked himself off- climaxing with a shout, spilling all over Kurt's back. Kurt whimpered at the feeling, his body shaking as the pleasure continued to flow through him. Sebastian let go of Kurt and he pressed kisses on his back. 

"You alright, Kurt?"  He asked softly, stroking his hair again. Kurt looked at Sebastian, lips bright red- eyes half lidded- face flushed bright red. He smiled at him before quietly whispering, "Thank you." Sebastian smirked and pressed a kiss against Kurt's forehead. "You were so good." He praised and Sebastian smirked. "Such a good boy…" 

[wheresmynaya]

Two Ghosts Ch.22 | Brittana

Available on ff.net (x) ao3 (x) & below the cut!

If you would’ve told Santana Lopez a year ago that she would be spending her Friday in a janky bus full of rowdy high school cheerleaders who insist on bugging the crap out of her with their constant cheering and on her way to Cincinnati for a Cheerleading competition of all things while sharing a seat with her former girlfriend who is also her current co-coach, she would’ve told you to fuck off, loser because never in a million years…

Yet, here she is doing just that because apparently – even in death – Sue still had a way of making Santana’s life a living hell. 

Although with Brittany by her side again, how bad could it really be?

She’s come a long way since waiting on Karens back at the Spotlight Diner, but she can’t say that becoming a Cheerios coach is fulfilling a lifelong dream. The hours are more reasonable than the doubles she use to pull, the pay’s a lot better thanks to Sue, and she even has benefits now but she doesn’t think coaching is something she’d consider doing forever. It’s just nice to have a something stable for once, even if she has to put up with bratty teens for a few hours a day. They’re not really all that bad when she thinks of it. In fact, she was probably worse growing up.

Santana surprises herself when she thinks of it, but she actually believes she makes a damn good coach.

She wonders when she suddenly became this person that was so involved but she thinks about the years she has spent on the squad herself and her brief time as a Louisville Cardinal and it’s not really so surprising. Cheering has always been a big part of her life.

In a way, if it wasn’t for Sue insisting she join the Cheerios, she would’ve never met Brittany. And again, if it wasn’t for Sue and the Cheerios, she might’ve never reconnected with Brittany years later too.  

To top it all off, she’s wearing her Cheerios Alumni sweatshirt and reading through last month’s issue of Inside Cheerleading. She swears it’s purely for distraction purposes because she can only handle the girls’ chatter for so long and she doesn’t want to end up murdering anyone during the 2 hour drive.

\\

On one side, she and Brittany share a seat because Quinn called dibs on the last open booth and they’re apparently 12 years old again and calling dibs is a thing still. Santana had grumbled about it while watching Quinn make a show of all the space she had, fluffing her bookbag as she rested back on it like a pillow.

Brittany only laughed at the pair and dragged Santana to sit down next to her.

“You should’ve got that booth, Britt,” Santana urges then turns back to Quinn and says in a much louder voice, “Quinn’s stubby little legs don’t need all that room.”

Quinn just smirked and raised both middle fingers up, the high back of the chair successfully blocking her from the squad’s view. Santana pursed her lips at her friend’s cockiness.

“It’s okay, San, I like sharing with you.” Brittany replied easily then came in close so that only Santana could hear, “Don’t you remember all the fun we had on these long bus rides? We use to sit at the back and wait for Quinn to fall asleep…”

Santana’s eyes go wide at the memory and she quickly turns to find Brittany grinning. There’s a box of Dots in her hands and she pops one into her mouth, letting it bulge at her cheek.

The look is of pure innocence, but Santana knows better.

There’s mischief behind those piercing blue eyes and Santana’s not going to let Brittany get away with it. The tension has been pretty record-breaking over the last couple of weeks as they focused their attention on preparing for Sectionals, but being flirty with Brittany was always one of the easiest things to do, always one of Santana’s favorites.

Since Thanksgiving, that’s practically all they do now.

“Careful Pierce, two can play that game.” Santana warns with a smirk.

She reaches for the box of Dots in Brittany’s hands and shakes it until a Dot falls to her palm, her eyes never leaving blue. She’s trying to be seductive and judging by the look on Britt’s face, it’s totally working. She takes the Dot to her lips and slowly bites into it but then the taste of the candy hits her and she remembers something: she hates Dots.

Brittany starts giggling as Santana’s face screws up in disgust at the flavor.

“Yeah, I was wondering where that was going,” Brittany snickered, “I give it an A for effort though.”

“God, I don’t know how you eat those things. That one tastes like soap,” Santana grumbles, reaching for a water bottle to wash out the taste in her mouth.

“Awh, that’s the best flavor!” Brittany whines sarcastically, knowing full well that Santana always compared the taste of the green ones to soap. She pops another Dot into her mouth happily though and Santana cringes.

“I’m not kissing you until we’re at the hotel and you can brush your teeth,” Santana says to her lowly, out of Quinn’s earshot, “The taste lingers.”

“Like you can last that long,” Brittany jokes and Santana hates how right she is.

\\

It feels like they’ve been driving for years and the girls have now moved from reciting cheers to singing and Santana can’t decide what’s worse. It reminds her of the times she’d travel with the Glee Club where they’d occasionally break out into song, but that was expected from a club based on singing.

The Cheerios? Not a thing and there’s a reason for that: they suck.  

But she can tell they’re having fun, Alex in particular, and as offended as her ears are for how badly they’re butchering a perfectly good Ke$ha song, Santana can’t find it in her to channel her inner Sue and tell them all to shut up. They’re kids and they spend so much time being serious about competing, it’s good for them to let loose a little.

She’ll never say that out loud though. She’s got a reputation to uphold.

So she dives back into her magazine; she’s on to the newest issues now in hopes that she doesn’t change her mind and end up doing something ridiculous like a Diva Off against the whole squad just to reassert herself as the best singer here.

Reading a cheerleading magazine is still for distraction purposes, obviously, but Quinn and Brittany don’t believe her. Especially when Santana starts parroting interesting articles she has read or shows off pictures of cute uniforms from different squads across the nation.

When she catches their judgmental smiles, Santana huffs and closes up the magazine.

“Awh, why’d you stop reading? I was really getting into it.” Brittany pouted, already trying to open up the magazine again.

Santana just holds it away from Brittany’s prying fingers, “I will not be judged for my interest in improving the squad’s fashion sense.”

Brittany gives her a soft smile while Quinn laughs.

“Like we have any control over the design of the uniform,” Quinn replies, “I’m sure if it were up to you though, they’d all look like a bunch of mini-Santanas in tight skirts and high heels.”

“So cute,” Brittany deadpanned with a nod.

“And if it were up to you, they’d all be in like turtlenecks and headbands,” Santana quipped.

“Ooh, My Headband. Great song. Right, Q?” Brittany interrupted but Quinn only quirked her brow.

“Santana, we wore turtlenecks. The girls are wearing turtlenecks now, it’s winter.”

“See, that’s exactly what someone who is pro-turtleneck would say.”

“What now?”

“I’ll bet if you had your way it would be apart of their uniform year round.” Santana challenges but Quinn doesn’t look fazed.

“Most squads were them. Didn’t your Cards uniform involve a turtleneck?” Quinn asks and Santana scoffs at the implication in her tone.

“Yes, but I looked smokin’ hot in that uniform.”

“Yeah, you did!” Brittany whooped, pumping her fist in the air.

Santana and Quinn just laughed, Brittany always had a way of lightening the mood. Not that Santana and Quinn were being serious, bantering was like second nature to them, but Brittany still fit in perfectly.

It makes Santana smile at how they’re all still so in tune with each other as if no time had passed at all.

\\

As soon as they arrive to the hotel, Santana thinks she has just entered Hell and they haven’t even gotten off the bus yet. There are teenage girls everywhere and Santana watches as coaches try to wrangle their squads for check-in but it looks like a losing battle. Luggage lie abandoned, girls are running around, coaches look like they’re visibly regretting their career choice.

It’s sheer madness and there’s no way Santana is going to go through all that.  

When the bus rolls to a stop and everyone starts up with the excited chatter again as they collect their things, Santana stands and moves to the center aisle with a steely gaze.

“Oh no.” Quinn mutters while Brittany quietly watches, already knowing what’s about to happen. The two blondes stand to flank Santana regardless, always showing the squad that they are one unit.

“Hold up ladies, before any one of you even thinks about stepping off this bus let’s just get one thing clear.” Santana starts with a clap of her hands to get everyone’s attention. Everyone instantly freezes and turns their attention to Santana.

From the corner of her eye she can see Quinn pressing her lips so tightly together, as if she’s trying to keep from interrupting. She doesn’t care though, what’s the point of being the disciplinarian if she doesn’t instill the fear of God every once in awhile?

“I’d like everyone to look out the window,” Most girls look towards the side where the most action is while some look towards the parking lot, “You three, what are you doing? Other side. Yes, good. Everyone seeing what I’m seeing right now? Everyone witnessing the utter chaos happening out there?”

Most girls nod and there’s a few yes coach’s in the crowd and Santana nods too.

“Good. That’s exactly what you all aren’t going to do when you get off this bus. None of this running around like complete fools all of a sudden just because you’re away from home and your parents and you’re staying at a relatively nice hotel. You think, ooh new city? New me.”

Some girls exchange nervous looks with one another while others continue staring out of the windows.

“Nah. Not having it,” Santana tells them, “We are your coaches. We are not your babysitters and you will not have us running around after you. You’re going to act like you’ve got some damn sense hidden away in those high ponies and behave yourselves because if you don’t – so help me God – I will go all Lima Heights on every. single. one. of. you. And let me tell you, that won’t be pretty.”

The girls are still focusing on what’s going on outside, but Santana’s able to catch Brittany staring at her. She can’t linger long because Brittany’s smiling so proudly that it nearly breaks Santana’s character and she’s trying to seem threatening right now so she can’t have that.

“Focus up, ladies.” Quinn says suddenly and the squad turns to her at the command, “Coach S is exactly right. The best way to show these other squads that we’re coming home with that first place trophy tomorrow is by remaining composed and united. You are going to get off this bus in a single fill line and wait patiently for us to check you all in and hand out room keys.”

“And I don’t want to see anyone breaking ranks and socializing with the enemies.” Santana adds.

“But Coach S, my sister is on one of those squads.” Someone says and Santana just shakes her head.

“Sister? Not during Sectionals. She’s the enemy as far as I’m concerned. Look around you, kid. These are your sisters.” Santana replies, waving her hand out at the squad. She catches Alex’s eye and amends her statement, “Metaphorical sisters. Whatever non-platonic pairings going on are none of our business.”

“And won’t be considered incest.” Brittany adds too in a matter of fact.  

Alex’s cheeks instantly pink and Maddy has to stifle a laugh.

“Oh my God,” Quinn mumbles and whispers for Santana to wrap it up.

She waves the blonde off and continues, “So everyone is to behave or expect a visit from Aunty Snixx.” She can hear someone in the crowd whisper who’s that to the girl standing next to them causing Santana to groan, “You don’t want to know, alright! Is everyone clear on what we expect from you?”

There’s soon a sea of confident yes coach and it fills Santana with pride. She totally still has it and looks to Quinn, “The floor is yours.”  

Quinn just shakes her head and goes on to instruct the girls, “Okay then, grab your stuff and get in line.”

Santana turns to grab her bag too, surprised that Brittany’s already holding it out for her to take.

“Great speech,” Brittany compliments with a wink.

“Just a little something off the top of my head,” Santana smiles proudly as she follows Quinn out of the bus with Brittany tagging along behind.

\\

“I’m sorry, there has to be a mistake.” Quinn says to the receptionist, “You expect us to share one room? I specifically made a note that this squad has three coaches.”

“I understand that Miss Fabray, but we simply do not have the rooms available to accommodate your request. We’re currently housing several squads and their coaches for the competition this weekend. I’m sorry.” The young man behind the desk explained, Santana could tell Quinn was doing her best to keep calm while the squad waiting off to the side watching.

“Is there at least more than one bed?” Quinn asked with a sigh, “No way I’m sharing with these two. That one kicks in her sleep.”

“That was one time,” Brittany protested.

“Of course, you have been upgraded to the mini suite which contains two double beds.” The man states and Santana stiffens.

Two beds? There’s three of them which means someone’s going to have to double up.

She and Brittany have been taking things slow and although they haven’t really had a conversation with Quinn about what’s going on, Santana’s pretty sure she knows something already. However this thing between her and Brittany hasn’t reached the let’s share a bed level just yet, but she doesn’t think there’s any way to avoid it now. It makes her nervous, but it’s not like anything’s going to happen with Quinn there.

Then again, when has that stopped them before?

No. She likes how their relationship is progressing and involving great sex into the mix is just going to complicate things and Santana doesn’t want to do complicated with Brittany anymore. They’ve wasted too many years doing that.  

“And because the Cheerios are regular guests here,” The man continues, “Your squad has also been allocated to rooms on the highest level on the city-view side.”  

Santana tilts her head at Quinn, looking impressed, “Well that’s almost acceptable.”

“There is also a substantial credit left on the account,” The man adds, “Compliments of Sue Sylvester. Any room service or restaurant charges are covered.”

“Does that include the mini-bar?” Brittany asks from over Santana’s shoulder.

“Yes, it does.” The man answers.

Santana and Brittany’s eyes go wide while Quinn gives her famous Queen Bitch Smirk. She has no idea how much money is left on the account, but it has to be a lot because room service is hella expensive.

“That’s more like it.” Quinn says and proceeds with the check-in process until the man is handing her a stack of keycards.

“I knew Sue was loaded, but damn.” Santana says as Quinn divides the stack and hands them out to Santana and Brittany.

“Yeah, no way Figgins was going to cover this on his own.” Brittany agrees before they’re heading over to the squad.

They go over the rules and schedule they’ve been drilling in the girls’ heads in the days leading up to this trip, including Santana’s last minute rant from the bus. It’s nearly dinner time so Quinn reminds the girls to eat, whether it be in the restaurant or room service and to text the WhatsApp group chat she organized just incase they need anything before sending them off to get settled in their rooms.

\\

Brittany’s the first to enter their room with Quinn and Santana following close behind.

The room is huge with two super comfy looking beds on one side of the room, flanked by night stands with modern lamps atop. Dividing the room, there’s an arm chair with a tall floor lamp behind it, the design similar to the other lamps. There’s a small, circular coffee table off to the side, topped with an all white flower arrangement and a couple books on architecture. Across from that is a matching couch facing a giant tv mounted on the wall above a sleek desk that stretches along the wall’s length.

There’s contemporary art in black frames thoughtfully placed around the room that tie into the modern light fixtures. It’s pretty swanky, Santana thinks, so she can only assume the bathroom is just as dope, but the view is what makes the coaches stop and stare.

It’s close to dusk and the lights of the city shine brightly against the darkening sky. The assortment of buildings and lights almost reminds Santana of New York and for a moment she kind of misses her life there.

“What a view,” Brittany breaks the silence and moves closer to the windows, pulling back the sheer curtains to fully take it in.

Quinn agrees but Santana’s moving to stand next to Brittany, watching her curiously as blue eyes dance all over the city lights. She hasn’t seen this kind of wonderment in awhile and she finds herself thinking of their first trip to New York for Nationals because that was the last time she ever saw this look. Everyone had been excited that day, it was all their first out of state trip and most of them barely left Ohio except for Brittany who would occasionally visit her family in Santa Fe. It was like a whole new world to them full of possibilities and suddenly Santana wonders if Brittany still thinks of New York in that way.

“Which side do you guys want?” Quinn asks, Santana didn’t even hear her starting to set up her suitcase on the luggage rack.

“What makes you think Brittz and I are the one’s sharing?” Santana huffs, crossing her arms over her chest.

Quinn looks up from her belongings and smirks, “You trying to tell me you wanna share, Santana?”

Santana scrunches her nose, “No. I can’t think of anything worse actually.”

Quinn chuckles and turns to Brittany, “Britt? You wanna share?”

Brittany just shrugs and reaches for her little suitcase, “I have a preference but I don’t mind switching things up.”

Santana’s surprised by Brittany’s answer and steps in, “We want the side furthest from the window.”

Quinn smiles back knowingly and moves to claim her rightful nightstand. In passing, she whispers to Santana, “That’s what I thought.”

“Whatever,” Santana grumbles and goes to unpack too.

\\

A couple hours later, they’re surrounded by various dishes from the all-day dining menu while they watch old episodes of Keeping up with the Kardashians. There’s a perfectly good couch and coffee table, but their beds are more comfortable and they sit at the edges trying not to spill anything on the white duvets.

Santana notices Brittany had gone a little quiet after the second episode and glances over to find her busily scrolling on her phone. There’s a frown on her face and Santana wonders what is causing it when there are things like Khole’s witty comebacks to laugh at.

“Hey,” She says softly, bumping their shoulders together, “Everything okay?”

Brittany’s slow to look away, but when she does she smiles and it’s genuine.

“Yeah, I’m just double checking my flight details for next week.” Brittany explains, “I forgot to send my mom the itinerary and she got worried that I forgot to book again.”

Santana tries to keep from looking anything but a little sad. She had almost forgotten that Brittany was going to San Francisco for the holidays so she could visit with her family since she missed out for Thanksgiving. Deep down, Santana is happy for Brittany; she’s told her before that it has been awhile since the Pierces have been together and she knows how much Brittany cherishes family time.

She’s just bummed that they won’t get to spend Christmas or New Year’s together. It’s silly because she’s gone 5 years without spending the holidays with Brittany, but after everything that happened on Thanksgiving, Santana thought things would be different.

The slight disappointment must show on Santana’s face because Brittany’s quick to slide her hand over and cool fingers wrap around Santana’s wrist and begin to travel up her forearm.

She smiles almost teasingly and asks, “You gonna miss me?”

Santana wishes she could say something witty to throw Brittany off her scent, but she struggles and replies dismissively, “I don’t know. Maybe.”

Brittany snickers and glances over at Quinn, too busy with cutting into her chicken to notice them, before pressing a quick kiss to Santana’s cheek.

“You’re cute,” Brittany whispers to her and Santana blushes, “And I’m gonna miss you too.”

“Cool,” Santana beams which is decidedly not her best response but apparently Brittany brings out the dork in her.

Brittany doesn’t seem to notice as she averts her eyes to her plate and picks at a fry. Santana can tell she’s deep in thought and whatever it is isn’t something good as Brittany begins looking somewhat dejected. She considers asking what she’s thinking about but Brittany speaks first.

She goes on to say quietly, “I didn’t even think to ask if you wanted to come with me. I mean, I did. I actually thought about it a lot but I just...”

Santana’s smile fades as she listens and watches Brittany shrink further in on herself. It makes Santana feel horrible, but she doesn’t know what to say to make the feeling go away.

“I guess I wasn’t sure if it was something you’d want to do considering we’re just – you know – and I thought about my family and how I’d probably have to explain our dynamic and I didn’t think you’d want to deal with that so early on.”

“Oh.” Santana breathes out because it’s the first thing that comes to mind.

Brittany bites her lip nervously, “Sorry, I said too much.”

Santana sighs because she hates seeing Brittany like this and even more so that she’s to blame. She thinks about what Britt must’ve felt when she was contemplating on inviting Santana to San Francisco and she knows that has something to do with how Santana has decided to move forward with their relationship.

They haven’t labelled anything or even gone on a date yet. Maribel and Quinn still don’t know and at first Santana categorized that as taking things slow but maybe she’s been dragging her feet?

Santana’s not really sure, but she hates the idea that Brittany feels the need to tiptoe around her again, so unsure of what’s okay and what isn’t. Things weren’t suppose to be like this and Santana feels like a complete ass for letting it get this far, but she can at least try to make up for it.

Even if it’s only something small, she makes a decision.

“Don’t be sorry, Britt.” Santana assures her, “I don’t think I’ve been very fair to you.”

Brittany’s suddenly confused but Santana just shakes her head and moves to squeeze Britt’s hand as she musters up the nerve.

“Hey Q?” Santana calls out after giving Brittany one last look.

“Yeah?” Quinn answers and when she turns to them there’s pasta sauce dribbling down her chin.

Santana doesn’t bother to point it out and proceeds with a calming inhale, “I’ve got something to say.”

Quinn quirks a brow and wipes at her moth with the napkin, “Okay?”

Santana swallows but she isn’t as nervous as she thought and the words fall freely, “Brittz and I are kind of seeing each other again.”

They’re not the exact words she wanted to go with, but the look on Brittany’s face let’s her know that she appreciates them regardless. Brittany’s been so patient with her, as always, and again Santana didn’t notice how selfless Brittany was being. If Santana was so committed to doing things right this time, she has to start holding herself accountable too. She has to take Brittany’s wants and needs into consideration too.

Quinn’s brows rise as she glances between the two before she smiles, “It’s about time! You know how hard it is to pretend I don’t overhear all your constant flirting? It’s cute but gross.”

“Hater,” Santana scoffs but she can’t stop from smiling while Brittany just rubs comforting circle against Santana’s back.

“Hater? I love you guys,” Quinn adds, “And you know I’m happy for you.”

Santana and Brittany send each other knowing looks and Santana’s heart soars.

“But just because I love you both and I’m happy for you does not meant you can try hooking up in the night because let me tell you,” Quinn says, “From past experience with sharing a room with you two, you’re not subtle.”

“Wow, way to ruin the moment.” Santana sighs with the roll of her eyes.

“See, I told you.” Brittany deadpans and Santana knows it’s meant to lighten the mood but Santana’s cheeks pink instantly.

“Britt..” Santana chastises but Brittany just looks back innocently while Quinn continues.  

“At least wait until I’m in the shower or tell me to leave the room? There are these great signs you can hang on the door that say do not disturb too, you should really try them out. They come with the room,” Quinn suggests before taking another bite of her chicken.

Santana just lets her face fall to her hand and mumbles, “Why are you like this?”

“Will do, Quinn.” Brittany answers a little louder and the proud smile is so worth the slight embarrassment Santana has to endure.  

[vcg73]

Witch!Kurt #44: Three Cats and a Coffee Shop

~*~*~*~*~ 

“You sure you’re ready for this?” Kurt asked, resting his hands on Adam’s shoulders and kneading the tense muscles with soothing pressure. “As much as I like the idea of being able to eavesdrop on this meeting, I don’t want you to feel like you have to go. You don’t have anything to prove.”

Adam nodded, lifting his own hands to lightly grip Kurt’s wrists, not to to push him away but to take comfort in the increased contact. “I know. I think I moved myself past that hurdle the last time we were in Lima, but I still want to go. And it’s not as if he’ll know it’s me. I’ll just feel better about things if I can be sure, once and for all, that he has no power over me. Besides, I rather like the idea of giving you a psychic Skype.”

Kurt laughed, pleasantly surprised by the little joke. He could feel that his husband was nervous but no longer terrified by the thought of close contact with Blaine, and that reassured him in turn. Giving those smiling lips a soft kiss, he nodded and let him go. “All right then.” He looked over at Fam, who were sitting on the arm of the living room sofa watching their exchange. “Sam? Are you sure Blaine will be at the Bean right now?”

The blank expression that the two young men typically wore when neither was exerting any particular control over their shared body cleared as Sam came to the forefront. “Probably. Before Burt came to get me, I used to spend most of my time there and Blaine always came in for at least an hour every afternoon around this time. Back then I was upset because he never wanted to talk to me, but now I’m kind of glad he didn’t.”

He twitched like he had just had a bug crawl over his skin. Sam had come an amazingly long way since being joined with Finn, but he could still recall what it had felt like to spend every day feeling confused, and exhausted, and desperately lonely, unable to understand what he had done to drive away the person he had believed to be his best friend. He was just starting to come to grips with the betrayal of that relationship, and the knowledge of just how much harm had been done to him, Finn, and so many others.

Kurt patted him on the back, understanding that feeling better than most people could.

“Okay, then. Sebastian, Tubbington, Elliott, and Adam, you’re on recon duty. While we see how things stand with Blaine, I want Dani and Monica to go over to McKinley and check with Sue Sylvester. I’ll text and let her know you’re coming. She can get you a pass to take a look around the school and find out what kind of shape the kids and teachers are in. Also find out if Blaine is sucking power or magic dumping with anyone in particular. My guess would be the current group of New Directions, if he hasn’t found another David or Sam yet.”

“On it,” Dani said. “I know where the school is from when I was dating Santana. We came here once for some concert the club was putting on.”

He nodded, interested to realize that nobody was hesitating at all about following his directives. On the contrary, they seemed happy to be taking action. He turned toward his old classmates.

“Santana, Brittany, and Johnny,” he said. “I know you’re probably surprised that I didn’t give you the McKinley job but I wanted to send someone the people there won’t be familiar with, and I have another job that I feel like your particular blend of talents is very well suited for.  I think it’s time we begin a subtle harassment campaign.”

Santana perked up like a child who had just received a new puppy for Christmas. “You want us to be the itching powder in Blainer’s shorts? For realz?”

He grinned at her excitement. “Absolutely. Wait for the others to finish their coffee run first, but after that you have blanket permission to become his unwelcome shadows. Use whatever dirty tricks you like as long you don’t get caught. I want Blaine irritated, annoyed, unfocused, and most of all, distracted from thinking about me and what I might be doing.”

“And what will you be doing?” Elliott asked, knowing his friend too well to think he would be content to sit here and direct the action without being part of it.

“I want to go to Dalton Academy,” he said.  “Ever since I first learned there was such a thing as influential magic, I’ve suspected that Blaine probably got started there. Most of you never saw him as a Warbler, but they used to hang on his every word, and hand him every solo even though their standing policy, at least according to the group’s council, had always been to parcel songs out fairly.  I remember competing for a secondary spot against two guys named Nick and Jeff, and finding out later that neither one had had a solo since Blaine started at Dalton, even though both of them had been there longer than he had.  It suggests that he’s probably been buying influence with magic since he was around fifteen.”

“So, five or six years,” Sebastian mused. “That sounds about right. You know that a big part of the reason I came to find Blaine back when we first met was because the Warblers were so united in being up his ass. It’s why I assumed he would be something special. By the time I started at Dalton the famous Warbler Council had graduated and nobody could organize themselves well enough to replace them. Taking over was a snap. At the time, I thought it was just my own charisma that made them fall in behind me like a row of ants, but I guess they were just conditioned to play follow the leader.”

He looked so disappointed by this revelation that Kurt could not help smiling. “That’s right, and I’m betting Blaine’s influential magic didn’t really ramp up until he went to Dalton, just as mine didn’t start to manifest until I became a student there. I’ve been thinking about this a lot and I believe there’s more to that school than just a couple of residual power confluences. Now that I have the power to really check the place out, I want a better look.”

Burt cut in before anyone else could speak. “Not alone.” He pointed a stern finger when Kurt opened his mouth to protest. “No. I know you’ve got a lot of power now, Kurt, but I’m gonna put my foot down on this one. If your group of Warblers was that far under Blaine’s thumb, what do you think the current group that he’s playing teacher with is going to be like?  You want to go to Dalton? Fine, but you take someone along to watch your back.”

Elliott, to Kurt’s surprise, sided with his father. “He’s right.  I can either take you over there now while the others go spy on Blaine, or you can wait until we’re back.”

Chiming in on the side of caution, Adam said, “We’re only going to be gone a short while, darling, and you’ll want to concentrate on whatever I’m experiencing. Afterward, you can go to Dalton better fortified with knowledge of what you’re walking into.”

It was obvious to Kurt that Adam wanted to go with him, but his husband’s reason for wanting to face Blaine was a sound one, and that he would almost certainly need a little time to recover after doing so.

It was not anyone’s fault that Kurt was suddenly itching to take direct and immediate action.

“Okay,” he agreed, trying not to show his reluctance. “You’re right. I’d rather stick with the current plan and wait until you get home. Just be careful, okay? All of you?”

~*~*~*~*~

Sebastian Smythe sauntered into the Lima Bean, looking as smug as it was possible for any person to look as he strolled over to an empty table carrying a large, lazily-lounging black cat in his arms. He had conjured the most casually expensive clothing he could think of, because he knew that Blaine Anderson had an almost Pavlovian attraction to a show of ‘better than you’.

Beside him walked a pudgy, bearded man dressed in wrinkled khakis and a black t-shirt covered by an eye-popping orange and white Hawaiian shirt, with a smiling sun medallion resting prominently against his chest.

Blaine Anderson was right where Sam had said he would be. Center table, seated alone. He looked up as the newcomers came into the shop, straightening his posture and smiling as they approached his table, only to frown when they turned left and took seats at an empty table nearby without seeming to notice him. His frown became one of puzzlement when the black cat peered up at the posted menu next to the barista station, looking as if it were considering what to order. His bafflement only grew when a smiling teenage waitress approached after just a few seconds, carrying a saucer full of heavily creamed coffee, which she placed in front of her unusual customer, patting his sleek little head gently before she took coffee orders from the two men.

Blaine shot a glower at the girl’s back when she walked away without so much as a glance in his direction, giving a flip of her high ponytail and a disdainful swish of her short skirt. Lima Bean employees were not supposed to wear skirts as part of their work uniform, but this one seemed to be doing whatever she liked today, including ignoring a customer who was raising his empty cup to request a refill. He focused back on the newcomers and decided to speak first, since they seemed annoyingly disinclined to be polite.

“Hey, Sebastian,” he said slowly, “Long time no see.”

“Oh … Blaine,” Sebastian replied slowly, feigning an air of surprise as though he had only just noticed that he and his unknown companion were not the only people in the coffee shop. His eyes flicked to the empty cup in Blaine’s hand and he smirked. “What happened, you forget to tip your server again?”

“She’s probably a Cheerio in her off-duty hours,” he grumbled in reply, setting the cup down with an annoyed click when the girl returned with two small plates of pastries for the men, ignoring Blaine once again as she left. “All of Sue Sylvester’s girls act like they own the world.”

The heavy-set man snorted around a bite of croissant. “Must be contagious,” he mumbled.

Blaine gave him a vaguely disdainful look as the man inhaled his pastry and brushed the crumbs off his shirt and beard. He flicked a gesture toward Elliott, who was watching him with impassive blue eyes over the top of the saucer and licking flecks of cream off his long whiskers. “Are you allowed to have that thing in here? Isn’t it kind of unhygienic?”

Tubbington gave Blaine an appraising once-over, flicking a few crumbs in his general direction just to annoy their observer. Even with all his screwing around in the minds and magic of witches, the little punk clearly wasn’t able to recognize a Familiar when he saw one. Probably because no self-respecting Familiar would be caught within a mile of him. Well, except for Sebastian. Tubbington nearly hissed at the boy on general principle. “We know the owners. They make an exception for Service Animals.”

“Service animal?” Blaine repeated, mouth twisting a little. “A cat? That’s ridiculous.”

“Support Animal then,” he replied. “Emotional, not that it’s any of your business. Ya nosy little shit.” The last comment was muttered under his breath, but Blaine’s stiffening features showed that he had heard. Tubbington hid a smile around a sip of steaming caramel latte – pity they didn’t serve booze in a place like this – from the cup their cute little waitress had just set in front of him.

Sebastian paid for the drinks, his own a regular triple-shot mocha, and gave the girl a generous tip, winking at her as she blushed and flounced away. Blaine scowled at her back, and Sebastian smiled at him. “You see, I find it very depressing to be around some people,” he said, taking a sip and nodding thoughtfully as though the drink had managed, barely, to meet his expectations. “The cat reminds me not to go around punching them in the face.”

Tubbington snorted a laugh at Blaine’s nonplussed expression.

“Oh, by the way,” Sebastian continued. “This is my uncle. L.T. is visiting town and I thought I’d show him my old haunts. Unc, this is Blaine Anderson. A high school acquaintance of mine.”

The way he said the words seemed to imply that that relationship had been so far in the past that it was barely worth remembering, like the imaginary friend one had played with when they were a toddler.

Blaine bristled. “We were a little more than that.”

“Were we?” he said, frowning slightly. “I forget, did we hook up at some point? It’s hard to remember. I was kind of a wild kid. You know how it goes, L.T.  Small town, not much to do, not too many out guys to choose from.”

His apologetic tone seemed to suggest that his friendship with Blaine had been a case of slim pickings being better than none at all, and Tubbington could not hold back a grin at the incensed expression on Blaine’s face. “Yeah, I get it,” he said. “Lucky you got a boyfriend now.”

Back off, gel-head. He’s off the market, Tubbington thought, reaching across to pat Elliott’s head as the black cat began to purr loudly. He had made the statement because he was curious to see how this self centered creature would react to the news of Sebastian’s relationship. Especially, if he was looking for a new pigeon following his breakup with Dave Karofsky.

“Why don’t you come over and join us?” Sebastian said, abruptly taking on a friendlier tone as he casually lifted a finger to gain the waitress’s attention and pointed to Blaine’s empty cup. She nodded and he smiled, knowing it would annoy the other man even more to have his order jumped to while Blaine’s had been ignored. “We can catch up a little.”

Blaine practically leaped to accept. He started to take the chair next to Sebastian’s, but changed his mind and took the one across when Elliott continued to stare him down with eyes that looked entirely too wise. “Not a cat person,” he explained faintly.

Tubbington slurped his latte, looking nearly as smug as his ‘nephew’. If only you knew, you little shit.

Thoroughly enjoying teasing this particular rat, Sebastian said, “Yes … I remember that now. Kurt said you wouldn’t let him get a cat after you moved in with him. He had intended to get one when he moved to New York. Even made sure the loft was pet friendly before signing the lease, but then he was too busy starting his new life at Vogue and moving in, setting up housekeeping, babysitting Rachel Berry. He barely had time for anything else. And that was before he threw college into the mix. Most of us understood that.”

Blaine flushed, recognizing the barb in that comment. He had been the only person who did not understand that Kurt’s jam-packed schedule as he was setting up his life in New York would not permit him to devote as much time to keeping Blaine happy and attended. “How do you know what Kurt’s life was like? You were never friends.”

He sounded like a sulking child.

Sebastian shrugged one shoulder, smirking knowingly as he said, “No, not then. I ran into him again after he dumped you the last time, and … well, let’s just say that we’ve learned a lot about each other since then.”

Blaine, who had bristled at the reminder of being dumped, suddenly looked like he wanted to murder Sebastian. The intensity of his gaze as he leaned forward and stared at his former friend was honestly frightening. It did not seem entirely sane. “What do you mean, since then? I heard through a couple of people at McKinley that Kurt had gotten married. Apparently to someone he must have just met. I know for a fact he wasn’t dating anyone at Christmas.”

Continuing to alternately sip at his coffee and pet the cat in his lap, a cat that had begun subtly growling at Blaine’s enraged tone, Sebastian just smiled with a knowing air.

“Check your sources, short-stack,” Tubbington cut in, ignoring the fact that in his human form he and Blaine were roughly the same height. He merely spoke to be condescending, wanting to get the boy’s attention off of Sebastian.

Sure enough that weirdly hostile focus shifted to him. He could feel the energy of badly focused magic washing over him, strong but sloppy, as if it were water thrown from a full bucket, searching for any target in its general vicinity.

Santana had been right. Swipe and Splooge was indeed this one’s style.

While the influence of Wild magic had no real effect on him, he could feel that Blaine had indeed grown dangerous with it. This profligate use of power, used with no real need or focus, paired with a hair-trigger temper showed that much. This boy had no more notion or care for how the power worked, or how to fine-tune it for a better result, than a monkey knew the difference between picking up a gun and pulling the trigger, or just tossing a handful of poop at someone. As long as it got a reaction, nothing else mattered.

“Kurt was seeing someone at Christmas. They got married on Valentine’s Day. I was invited, seeing as I’m a close family friend and all.”

Blaine looked like his head was about to explode. “Valentine’s Day?” He turned to Sebastian again. “You married Kurt, my Kurt, on our special day?”

He was yelling, not seeming to notice or care that everyone else in the Lima Bean had started staring. Apparently Blaine had known about the wedding, but not the exact date, or the identity of the other groom. That was very interesting. It suggested that whomever had spilled the beans when they returned to Lima must somehow have had enough control over themselves, in spite of his influence, to not part with too much information.

Had he been throwing the net of his influence over too wide a target, making it lose strength? Or had the sudden loss of Karofsky taken a greater toll than they had supposed.

Tubbington placed a hand against his own chest, pretending to adjust the chain that held his medallion, but in reality just covering the fact that the necklace had started to tremble against his breast. It gave him a chance to give Adam’s transformed body a supportive pat. Whether he was having a fear reaction to Blaine’s show of rage, or just getting angry himself at this show of possessiveness, Adam clearly needed a little help keeping control.

“Funny,” Sebastian said calmly, pushing away his cup and cuddling the cat in his arms closer, likely for the same reason that Tubbington was soothing Adam. Elliott was a very collected individual most times, but he did have a temper when someone he cared about was being mistreated. And he loved Kurt with all his big generous heart. “I don’t seem to recall Valentine’s as being anything special for you. Didn’t you hit on another dude right in front of Kurt in your first year as friends? Then pretend to be so badly injured from that rock salt I tossed in your face the next year that you couldn’t bother getting him a gift, even though you were dating and supposed to be madly in love by then? Ignored him so thoroughly, in fact, that Karofsky thought you’d broken up and that it was smooth sailing to Kurt’s heart.”

“What? You? He?” Blaine spluttered.

Sebastian laughed, his wicked green eyes gleaming. The rat was cornered now. “Oh, I know all about that. By the way, I just heard that Dave dumped you too. Always thought that guy was smarter than he looked. I guess it’s a good thing you and I never dated. You’d be Oh for Three.”

Everyone at the table flinched when a shockwave of pure uncontrolled power washed over them from the force of Blaine’s temper. Damn, he was even more hair-triggered than they had guessed if all it took was a mere mention of losing Kurt and Karofsky. He had always been a bit unstable, but the unfiltered and repeated use of stolen magic and high emotion – for that was certainly what he was siphoning from the crowds of brain-washed Standards – had taken its toll.

Tubbington, sensing the coming explosion, had placed both hands protectively over the disguised Adam and whispered a protective incantation under his breath. Thus shielded, the human was no more affected by the blast than the Familiars were. Even so, Tubbington felt a bit shaken and he knew it must be even worse for Adam to have felt that touch again after what he had experienced before.

He glanced around the café. The little witch behind the barista station was looking stunned. Their fellow customers, Standards all, suddenly looked as intelligent as a pack of zombies in a B movie. This might take them a couple of days to recover from.

Tubbington didn’t really do guilt, but he grimaced, wondering just how often things like this had been happening in Anderson’s vicinity while they had stayed home waiting for a perfect moment to confront him. Not that they could or should have done anything else before their coven leader was properly trained and protected within his magic, but the delay still sucked for these poor saps.

For his part, Blaine looked both shocked and disappointed that his three companions were unaffected. He reached forward as if intending to take the hand Sebastian had laid on the edge of the table to steady himself when the surprising temper tantrum had struck, and Elliott struck out at him with sharp, angry, protective claws, scoring a furrow along the back of Blaine’s hand.

“Ow!” he shouted, snatching his hand back and looking at the injury in disbelief as it started to well blood. Just as if he himself had not been the one to attack first, or as if he had already forgotten his murderous impulse, he scowled and pressed a paper napkin to the wound. “Get that fucking animal under control, Sebastian!”

“You might need a tetanus shot. We don’t know where he’s been,” Sebastian remarked.  

It took Blaine a moment to realize that his former friend was actually speaking to the cat.

As he shoved his chair dramatically back from the table, Sebastian looked at him with narrowed eyes. “By the way, Blaine. I’m not the one Kurt married, and you might want to think about all the things you’ve told me over the last couple of years. Because you aren’t nearly as good as you think you are, and this is fair warning. Kurt knows what you’ve done, or tried to do, and he’s through playing nice.”

For a moment, Blaine looked confused, then slightly frightened. But his focus immediately returned to his personal obsession. “Who did Kurt marry if it wasn’t you? Tell me!”

“Un-fucking-believable,” Tubbington said, slapping both hands hard on the table and standing up. He needed to get Adam out of here, the medallion against his chest was growing hot. Besides, he’d had about all he could take of this guy. “Why don’t you get a life and stop butting into Kurt’s, you little pecker-head. He ain’t your puppet anymore. We came here today to tell you that your reign of power in Lima is over. It started with Kurt, and now it’s going to end with him. Got me?”

Blaine looked warily from hard hazel eyes to challenging green ones. Even the black cat was glaring.  He blinked, as if he had just figured out that they were not affected by his influence somehow. He realized something else as well. “He’s at Burt’s house,” he said slowly. “That’s why Burt wouldn’t let me inside to visit Sam last week. Kurt was there.”

He was wrong, of course, but no one felt the need to enlighten him.

Blaine suddenly smiled brightly, an expression that had no business being on the face of someone who had just been subtly threatened.

This must be how stalkers look before pulling out a knife and getting all stabby,’ Tubbington thought, backing off a step.

Blaine laughed, “I get it! This was just a test, to find out if I still love Kurt. Burt, and you … you’re both trying to protect him because you don’t understand that he and I are soul mates. Kurt belongs with me. We both know that.” He sounded so reasonable that it was absolutely creepy. “He must have realized that he made a mistake and left that other guy. Just like me and Dave.  Kurt must be afraid I won’t forgive him, but I will.  We both made mistakes, but nobody has ever suited me as well as Kurt. I don’t need anyone else. We’ll get his marriage annulled, if he hasn’t done it already, and then we can be together. Just like we were meant to be. And he’ll leave New York. That place was never good for us. Too many bad influences. Other guys made Kurt think he could belong to someone else, and that he needed to pursue his own life, instead of taking care of me the way he should have. Let him know I forgive him and that we can stay in Ohio. Everything will be the way it should always have been.”

Sebastian, not usually one to display his feelings overtly, was staring at Blaine as one would stare at an in-progress fender bender. Watching him shift in the space of a ten minute conversation from jealous, to murderous, to whiny, to annoyed, to full blown fantasy land had thrown Sebastian off balance as very little else could.

Elliott was looking as if he’d experienced the unexpected sharing of someone else’s acid trip.

“Blainers has gone bye-bye,” Tubbington muttered.

Blaine was no longer paying attention to them. He did not seem to care at all when Sebastian made a vague excuse about having somewhere to be and the three of them exited the café.

~*~*~*~*~

They ducked into a convenient alley between a restaurant and a clothing store, so that the cat and the medallion could both resume their human forms.

Elliott took the arm of a lightly trembling Adam, Transporting him back to Burt’s house as the other two Familiars came along under their own power. Neither could carry another person, but as they had long since explained to Kurt, any cat could use the in-between spaces to Teleport themselves.

When they appeared, Kurt stepped forward and pulled his husband into a firm embrace. Adam’s arms came to encircle his waist, holding on just as tight.

“Are you okay?” Kurt asked, pulling back to look into his eyes. “I could feel how difficult it was for you to hold on. Do you need to lie down? Can I get you anything?”

Adam managed a smile as he pulled him closer again. “No, darling. I just need to be here with you for a few moments, knowing both of us are safe and sound. Could you see and hear all of that?”

Kurt shivered. “Most of it. I lost transmission here and there, but I certainly caught the last part. He sounded insane.”

“Looked it too,” Sebastian said unhappily.

Elliott sat down on the sofa and patted the space next to him. Recognizing that his Familiar needed the reassurance of his presence, Kurt cuddled in next to him and slung his arm around his shoulders, doing the same for Adam when he took the spot to Kurt’s other side.

The little group explained what had happened for the benefit of those who had not been able to magically eavesdrop.

“It has to be the influence of all those people he’s been stealing from,” Santana murmured, tapping her finger against her lips. “He was never the steadiest, especially when it came to Kurt, but considering how many brains he’s been hacking, and for how long, he’s bound to have picked up snippets of other people’s thoughts and feelings. It would have just made him even more whacked.”

Tubbington nodded. “I think so too. It was freaky how intense he got the moment Kurt’s name came up. And the way he attacked, just like that?” He snapped his stubby digits in demonstration. “That is not how a stable person reacts to hearing that their ex has moved on with his life.”

A little shudder traveled over Kurt’s body, causing the two loved ones bracketing him to both reach out and touch him with automatic reassurance. “I’ve seen that look before. He had it the time he tried to force me to have sex in the Scandals parking lot. When I pushed him away, he got that same ragey, possessive look. It freaked me out even more then than it does now. It was the first time I ever started to think maybe he didn’t really love me. But unfortunately within a few hours I’d decided it must have been my fault for saying no to him.”

“I wish you’d told me what happened on that night,” Burt said grimly. He had been listening from the kitchen door and he shook his head grimly at his son’s words. “I’d have murdered the little shit if I knew he’d ever laid his hands on you that way. Saved us all a lot of grief.”

Kurt smiled at him. “Maybe, but as much as I appreciate it, I’m glad you didn’t. I wouldn’t have been willing to trade your life, or your freedom, for his.”

“Neither would I,” Adam agreed, nodding respectfully at his father-in-law. “Though I can’t disagree with the sentiment. I didn’t know Kurt then, but I would give anything to have spared him that pain.”

There were murmurings of agreement throughout the group, and Kurt squeezed the two closest to him, touched by how much they all cared.

Burt continued, “The question is, what do we do next? No matter how warped his perception of fact might be, he’s going to be expecting Kurt now.”

“Do we just rush him?” Johnny asked, sounding uncertain. “Before he has time to bring in backup? I mean, he won’t be expecting all of us, right?”

Kurt shook his head. “No, but I don’t trust him not to grab the nearest innocent to use as a shield if he feels threatened. I’d prefer to avoid getting anyone else involved if possible. I think for now, we’ll just stick with our plan. I still want to do that research project I mentioned.”

Adam cocked his head, relieved but also curious. “I rather expected you’d be ready to march right down to the coffee shop and tear his head off.”

“I guess I’ve learned to be more patient since gaining magic,” Kurt told him, taking his hand and giving the matching set of rings on Adam’s left hand a light stroke with his thumb to indicate the other reason for some of that virtue. He looked at Elliott. “Dalton Academy tomorrow?”

Elliott nodded. “I’m in.”

Kurt looked at his husband. If there was going to be a little delay, then maybe, “You want to come?”

Surprised but pleased at the invitation, Adam beamed at him. “Love to. With all I’ve heard, I’m as curious to get a look at that place as you are. And this time, it’ll be my magic that comes in handy. Or have you forgotten that I can render people unnoticeable at will?”

Kurt had indeed forgotten that Adam used to do just that in protection of the Adam’s Apples from less than friendly NYADA peers. He was also delighted that Adam felt up to another adventure so soon, in spite of being emotionally shaken by this last one. “I feel better already.”

THE END

[dirtdoesntneedluck]

Second Futurama Script

I wrote a script for an episode of Futurama a couple month’s back, inspired by writing that first one I started a second, got stuck on where to go and have only a few weeks back finished it off. I don’t think it’s as good as the first (I don’t know if either are that good, but still) however I thought I’d share it regardless. Feel free to criticize it, all opinions are welcome, as long as it’s not a personal attack then I’m fine with it, we all have opinions on episodes of the actual show, so why should this be different?

Be warned, it’s 30 pages on Word so it’s a long read, it’s your choice, you don’t have to. For reference: Italics are description, bold is who’s talking, normal is dialogue, (Under name is the way the line is delivered).

(Disclaimer: I obviously don’t own the rights to Futurama, this is a non-profit idea and simply a writing exercise to keep me amused, so I believe it falls within fair use, please don’t sue! If you want me to take it down, I will.)

OPENING CREDITS

CAPTION: (Typing onto the screen) HELP! THEY CAUGH- (Previous text is deleted, replaced by-) NOTHING TO READ HERE. CARRY ON.

BILLBOARD CARTOON: ‘The Laughing Fish’ from ‘Batman: The Animated Series’.

EXT. PLANET EXPRESS – DAY

Low shot on the building as several ships fly overhead.

INT. LOUNGE, PLANET EXPRESS – SAME TIME

The crew, minus Farnsworth, are sat watching the TV, but not really paying attention as they do other things

ON THE TV: Morbo and Linda present the news.

MORBO

-Sending prices skyrocketing again.

LINDA

(laughs)

I’m just glad I’m rich.

(pause)

Turning to more serious news and the late night robbery of a liquor store by a swarthy Latin bandit.

Everyone perks up and turns to Bender, who shrugs.

BENDER

Nope, wasn’t me.

They’re still staring.

BENDER

What? I can’t commit every robbery. I have a lot of scams to run.

Farnsworth enters. Fry turns off the TV.

FARNSWORTH

(happy)

Horrifying and terrible news everyone! We’re all certain to be killed!

The crew cheer, it takes them a few moments to separate the tone from the words.

LEELA

Wait a second, what do you mean killed?

FARNSWORTH

That’s right, killed.

FRY

Well, I can’t complain, I did live a thousand years.

FARNSWORTH

Alternatively however it may simply be-

(happy)

Good news everybody!

(normal)

And no one will be killed at all.

Bender tuts, half way through engraving a headstone, it reads: ZOIDBERG, FISH MONSTER, UNBELOVED BY ALL.

BENDER

Make your mind up, which is it?

FARNSWORTH

It all depends on the success, or lack thereof, of your latest mission. A delivery to the warring planets of Alpha-Zeta and Beta-Omega. Two delightful little places located in the cheerfully named ‘Murder Zone’.

FRY

What bit am I supposed to understand here?

FARNSWORTH

Only that they exist a mere 100 miles apart and have been fighting over a perceived slight perhaps committed by one, or the other of them, sometime in the past. No ship has ever gone directly between the two planets, as anyone having been to either is labelled a threat by both. Luckily, however, I’ve prepared disguises for you and the ship so you can blend in on both planets.

FRY

Cool, disguises, I understood that part. Can I be a pirate?

FARNSWORTH

No.

LEELA

What are we delivering?

FARNSWORTH

Both planets are being delivered the same items, parts for there large manufacturing plants. So it’s vitally important you don’t give them the wrong package, otherwise you’ll be killed on the spot.

LEELA

(confused)

Okay?

AMY

Wait, I thought you said we’d all be killed?

FARNSWORTH

No, only Fry, Leela and Bender will be killed.

HERMES

So what about us?

FARNSWORTH

We’re all going to take Nibbler for a walk, get ice-cream and have a generally pleasant time.

Amy, Zoidberg and Hermes cheer as they exit the room with Nibbler and Farnsworth. Fry, Leela and Bender sit, annoyed.

BENDER

Well this sucks.

They continue to sit. Farnsworth pops his head back in.

FARNSWORTH

Well, what are you waiting for? I’m not paying you not to be killed.

EXT. PLANET EXPRESS SHIP – LATER

The ship idles a little way off from the twin planets of Alpha-Zeta (left) and Beta-Omega (right). A-Z seems to be covered in a thick smoke, where as B-O is incredibly clean, you can practical spot the people on the street.

INT. CARGO BAY, PLANET EXPRESS SHIP – SAME TIME

Leela, Bender and Fry stand in the middle of the room, between the sets of clothes and packages for both planets. A-Z’s are very old looking, like something from Victorian London. B-O’s look is ultra modern, all clean and sharp edges.

LEELA

Alright gang these are the disguises we’ll have to wear. Alpha-Zeta first then Beta-Omega.

Fry picks up a pair of trousers from B-O’s side, there baggy, the only item from there outfit which doesn’t seem to fit.

FRY

Look at these clothes, they sure are goofy.

LEELA

Fry, it’s not for us to judge what these people wear, besides they aren’t goofy, there just weird.

BENDER

(laughs)

Well, I’m just glad I don’t have to wear anything.

LEELA

Actually Bender, the professor said we had to re-spray you for both planets.

BENDER

(grumbles)

Fine.

Fry picks up a giant stencil and wraps it around Bender, Leela then uses spray paint to fill the gaps.

Completed the stencil comes off and Bender is now covered by a lot of light brown markings, he looks in a mirror.

BENDER

Well I still look better than you two do.

Leela and Fry have changed in the interim, it’s all drab grey’s and browns. Leela wears a flat cap that covers her hair and Fry has some raggedy fingerless gloves on. Both of them, despite the nature of there top half and shoes, are wearing very thin black trousers.

FRY

That’s for sure, this cotton is real rough.

Fry itches, quite uncomfortable.

LEELA (O.S)

Don’t forget your moustache, Fry.

Leela throws Fry and identical moustache to the one she’s wearing. It’s a thick brushed early 1900’s design.

FRY

What’s this for?

LEELA

The air quality down there stinks and so does the planet, these will help us to breathe and release a blast of strawberry every few minutes.

Fry has put his moustache on. Can smell strawberry’s.

FRY

Oh, nice.

LEELA

Bender you’ll-

Bender has already equipped a stick on handlebar moustache.

BENDER

Way ahead of ya.

LEELA

Alright, that just leaves the ship.

Leela press a button on the side of the hull, which...

EXT. PLANET EXPRESS SHIP – CONTINUOUS

...sees tiny little lights pop up out of the ship. They turn on creating a hologram. In this case the ship looks like a steam punk version of itself.

It heads towards A-Z.

EXT. SIDE STREET, A-Z – A LITTLE WHILE LATER

The ship carefully lands. The buildings here are made of stone and sit very close together. There longer than they are tall.

EXT. STREETS, A-Z – A FEW MINUTES LATER

Fry carries the package as he, Leela and Bender stride on. They seem to fit in well, aside from the trousers.

Smoke hangs just over head height. It means the residents of this planet, who are quite tall, have developed a forward lean, always looking down.

FRY

I’ve never seen so much smoke.

BENDER

Then some more won’t matter.

Bender lights his cigar and puffs out yet more smoke.

LEELA

Bender, you shouldn’t be revelling in the plight of these downtrodden people, you should be trying to help them.

BENDER

I don’t see you leading the charge.

LEELA

Hey, I give to charity you know.

FRY

You do? Which one?

LEELA

How should I know?

EXT. A-Z MANAFACTURING PLANT – A FEW MINUTES LATER

A large sign hangs above the plant: APLHA-ZETA MANUFACTURING CONCERN (NOT AFFILIATED WITH MOM CORP.). Only ‘not’ is in red whereas the rest of the words are in white.

Fry, Leela and Bender wander through the area until they reach the main door, it’s oddly short.

Leela presses the call button on the intercom.

LEELA

(male voice)

Planet Express.

Its a few seconds and then the door opens, they enter.

INT. CORRIDOR, A-Z MANAFACTURING PLANT – CONTINUOUS

Leela and Fry instantly have to lean forwards like the locals. The corridor is low because they’ve no need for the extra head space. All Bender has done is shorten his legs.

FRY

I think my spine just compressed.

LEELA

Mine too. Let’s get this over quick.

BENDER

(laughing)

You guys are always proving why your the infer-

Bender walks right into a low hanging light.

BENDER

Ow!

RECEPTION ROOM – MOMENTS LATER

The trio emerge into a slightly taller area. A woman sits behind a desk, is instantly suspicious of them.

RECEPTIONIST

You’re the delivery crew?

FRY

Sure are.

RECEPTIONIST

Right.

She’s unconvinced for some reason, exits the room into the office behind it.

LEELA

(low)

What’s that about?

BENDER

Fry, you idiot!

FRY

What?

BENDER

I dunno, do I need an excuse?

The receptionist returns, false smile on her face.

RECEPTIONIST

Please enter.

Leela leads Fry and Bender into the office.

OFFICE – CONTINUOUS

The office is again slightly taller. The height of a room here defines the occupant’s social standing.

The plant manager stands behind his desk. He watches as figures approach the frosted window that separates this room from the reception area.

PLANT MANAGER

So, you’re the delivery crew?

FRY

(slightly worried)

Sure are.

PLANT MANAGER

Uh huh.

Fry steps forwards and hands over the package.

PLANT MANAGER

(suspicious)

Let’s see, shall we?

The manager opens the package, is surprised to find it’s exactly what he wanted.

PLANT MANAGER

How about that. It’s what I asked for.

BENDER

Of course it is. What were you expecting?

Bender’s comment is ignored. The manager sinks to his desk and uses the phone, an old rotary model, talks very softly into it. The figures behind the frosted glass leave.

The manager gets back up.

PLANT MANAGER

Alright then, cheerio.

EXT. MANUFACTURING PLANT – A FEW MINUTES LATER

Fry, Leela and Bender walk out of the door and back into the smoke ridden area they were before. Bender extends his legs back to normal height.

LEELA

That was odd, right?

FRY

Definitely.

BENDER

They sure didn’t trust us.

LEELA

Maybe the professor was right. We’d better be careful.

They head back towards the ship, aware that there receiving a lot of attention.

EXT. PLANET EXPRESS SHIP – LATER

The ship fly’s from A-Z and stops a safe distance away. Off goes the first holographic design, replaced by the second, the ship now looks ultra modern, sleek and clean.

INT. CARGO BAY, PLANET EXPRESS SHIP – SAME TIME

Fry and Leela have changed outfits. Again, the trousers don’t seem to fit. As for their hair it’s pushed way up to a point, like a cone.

Bender is cleaned and then re-sprayed in the same manner as before. This time he looks a little like R2-D2.

EXT. METROPOLITAN CITY, B-O – A LITTLE LATER

The ship has no trouble landing, spaces are plentiful.

STREETS – LATER

Fry, Leela and Bender wander through the city. Its inhabitants are tall like their neighbours only they stand straight, making them almost eleven foot. It’s not only their height but their gaze, everyone looks up.

FRY

I wonder what it’s like being that tall?

Bender extends his legs up, reaching the height of the people around him. Its a few seconds before he comes back down, tear in his eye.

BENDER

It’s great.

LEELA

Did you see the building up there?

He extends again, comes down crying.

BENDER

Next left.

EXT. B-O MANUFACTURING PLANT – MINUTES LATER

This place is taller than any skyscraper on earth and it’s not even the biggest building here. It has almost the same sign to the first plant: BETA-OMEGA MANUFACTURING CONCERN (NOT AFFILIATED WITH MOM CORP.).

Leela, Fry and Bender approach the door. The intercom is too high for Leela to reach.

LEELA

Bender?

Bender lowers himself. Leela gets on his shoulders and then holds on as he extends his legs.

Fry is left alone for a few moments, can’t quite here the conversation but it’s the same as before.

Leela and Bender come back down hugging and crying.

LEELA

Fry, it’s great up there.

The door opens.

INT. CORRIDOR, MANUFACTURING PLANT – MOMENTS LATER

This plant doesn’t look like it needs any parts, it’s almost fully automated. The crew head down the huge corridor.

RECEPTION AREA – MOMENTS LATER

Fry, Leela and Bender enter. A male receptionist sits at his desk. Looks down his nose to see them.

MALE RECEPTIONIST

You’re the delivery crew?

The tone is the same as before, the crew share a look.

LEELA

Sure are.

MALE RECEPTIONIST

A moment.

The receptionist exits into the office behind.

LEELA

So-

FRY

Yeah-

BENDER

Right-

There on the same uneasy page as the receptionist re-emerges.

MALE RECEPTIONIST

Enter, please.

OFFICE – MOMENTS LATER

A very tall room. The manager sits at his desk to make it easier for him to inspect Fry, Leela and Bender.

MANAGER

Well, it seems you’re the delivery crew.

LEELA

(strong)

Sure are.

MANAGER

All right then.

Fry walks the package over. To the tall manager it’s very small. He opens it keenly, looks stunned.

MANAGER

The supplies?

BENDER

(to Fry and Leela)

Jeez, what do these people think there getting?

MANAGER

If you’d stay there a moment.

It’s a nervous few moments as they wait. The manager speaks hush tones into the phone.

The doors open, two security guards enter. The trio gulp.

EXT. PLANET EXPRESS SHIP – LATER

The ship, normal livery, heads away from the two planets.

INT. COCKPIT, PLANET EXPRESS SHIP – SAME TIME

The cork of a champagne bottle is popped. Leela pours the drink into three separate glasses. She takes one, Fry and Bender the others. They wear two medals each, clean gold and dirty bronze.

LEELA

Heroes! Can you believe it!?

FRY

I knew that psychic wasn’t lying!

BENDER

Yet another achievement for me to add to the list.

They clink glasses, down the champagne.

Leela picks up a copy of the B-O paper, the headline reads: PACKAGE DELIVERY COMPANY DELIVERS PEACE BETWEEN PLANETS. The picture is of the crew standing with the leaders of the planets A-Z and B-O, who shake hands.

LEELA

I can’t wait until everyone knows!

FRY

Finally I can make my nephew proud of me.

BENDER

This calls for only one thing.

Fry and Leela wait to know what that is. Bender opens his compartment and takes out two more bottles of champagne.

BENDER

MORE CHAMPAGNE!

Bender shakes both bottles until the corks pop and the champagne flies out.

INT. OFFICE, MOM CORP. – LATER THAT DAY

A robot butler pours more champagne into Mom’s glass. She soaks in a bubble bath, watching a TV the size of a cinema screen. On her left is a case of dodo eggs, she picks one out, dips it in caviar and then eats it like an apple.

ON THE TV: Morbo and Linda are reporting the news.

MORBO

Surprising news just coming in from the ‘Murder Zone’, Linda?

MOM

I feel richer already.

Single on Linda, the picture from the paper beside her.

LINDA

That’s right, Morbo. It seems a package delivery crew has brokered a peace deal between warring planet’s Alpha-Zeta and Beta-Omega. This has-

MOM

(screaming)

WALT! GET ME FARNSWORTH!

WALT (O.S)

Philo or Hubert?

MOM

HUBERT!!

EXT. PLANET EXPRESS – THE NEXT DAY

The ship arrives rather sloppily into dock.

INT. LANDING BAY, PLANET EXPRESS – MOMENTS LATER

Noise can be heard before the crew comes down the stairs. All three are drunk. Eight bottles of champagne will do that to a person. Their arrival is something of a farce.

When they do focus, slightly, they find a furious Farnsworth standing waiting for them.

FRY

Good news, professor?

FARNSWORTH

No, not good news at all. The opposite in fact. Bad news.

LEELA

(laughing)

Bad news everyone?

FARNSWORTH

Yes. You’re all fired.

That sobered them a little.

BENDER

Fired?

Mom enters, bucket of water in each hand.

MOM

FIRED!

She throws the water over Fry, Leela and Bender.

READY AREA – LATER

Leela and Fry are still soaking, though drying off with towels. They sit with Bender as Mom strides angrily around the room. Farnsworth watches on.

MOM

What exactly did you numbskulls do to broker peace?

FRY

Nothing, we just delivered a package to each planet.

MOM

Nonsense, you must have done more than that?

LEELA

No, we really didn’t.

MOM

Hubert! What did you tell them to do?

FARNSWORTH

Nothing.

Mom picks up the B-O paper, rolls it to hit Farnsworth with. Unfurls it to show him to front again.

MOM

This isn’t nothing!

Farnsworth looks at the picture. With Mom stressing him he really pays attention. Something clicks.

FARNSWORTH

Which planet did you go to second?

LEELA

Beta-Omega.

FARNSWORTH

(of picture)

And this is what you wore to it?

LEELA

Yes?

FARNSWORTH

God lord! You were wearing the trousers for Alpha-Zeta on Beta-Omega!

FRY

That’s how they were laid out?

FARNSWORTH

It was?

LEELA

Yes.

FARNSWORTH

My word. With you wearing the wrong trousers on each planet, they both must have thought you were ambassadors from the other. The resulting niceness fostered an atmosphere of peace between them.

MOM

Destroying my manufacturing concerns on both.

FRY

Don’t you make, like, a billion dollars a minute anyway?

MOM

Not since you screwed everything up I don’t!

BENDER

Then just start another scam. I’ve got a great one going with-

Mom takes out a remote, points it at Bender, presses a button to shock him.

MOM

Enough!

LEELA

What exactly do you want from us?

MOM

To re-start that war!

LEELA

And why would we do that? Both planets are going to be much better off without it.

Mom shocks Bender again.

BENDER

Shut up, Leela!

MOM

You’re going to do it because if you don’t I’ll not only destroy this company but the lives of everyone who works here!

FRY

(shocked)

Even Scruffy?

MOM

Especially Scruffy.

Scruffy, who’s been stood just out of shot the whole time, looks very concerned.

SCRUFFY

I reckon you kids better go cause war.

He wanders off.

MOM

You have three days. Starting from two days ago.

FRY

(confused)

So we have?

MOM

ONE DAY, IDIOT!

Mom storms off.

FARNSWORTH

Okay, you heard the mean lady.

MOM (O.S)

AND SHE HEARD YOU!

FARNSWORTH

I’d better be going.

Farnsworth scurries away.

INT. FRY AND BENDER’S PLACE – LATER

Leela paces up and down the room. Fry sits nervously beside a far calmer Bender, who sips a beer.

LEELA

We are catastrophically boned.

FRY

Got that right, I don’t want to start a war.

BENDER

Why not? Plenty of money to be made from war.

LEELA

No Bender, no wars.

BENDER

Just a little one?

LEELA

No.

BENDER

Fine. Then I’ll guess we’ll just let Mom destroy our lives.

LEELA

We’re not doing that either.

FRY

Then what are we doing?

LEELA

I don’t know.

FRY

Why does Mom even want a war?

LEELA

That’s a good question. We should find out. She’s bound to have files we can steal.

BENDER

How? Mom has the best security out there?

FRY

It’d take some kind of thief to pull off that job.

BENDITO (O.S)

Perhaps I can help?

On a wire above them is BENDITO, a bending unit with a thin moustache and an eye patch covering a missing left eye. He drops down. He’s like a more suave Bender.

BENDER

Bendito! What are you doing here?

LEELA

Bender you know this bending unit?

BENDER

Are you kidding? Bendito’s my mortal enemy.

BENDITO

We’re also in the same book club.

FRY

Why are you here?

BENDITO

Bender scammed me. I came to even the score.

LEELA

Bender is this true?

BENDER

Do you even need to ask?

BENDITO

You cost me a grand total of three dollars.

From his compartment Bendito takes out the medals earned earlier.

BENDITO

These shall suffice as compensation.

FRY

Hey, those are my medals!

BENDITO

I found them in Bender’s room?

LEELA

Bender you stol-

(thinks about it)

Of course you did.

BENDITO

(handing medals to Fry)

My apologies.

BENDER

So, you gonna help us break into Mom Corp.?

BENDITO

Why should I?

BENDER

It’ll be fun.

BENDITO

I’ll do it.

INT. CAFE ACROSS FROM MOM CORP. – THAT NIGHT

Bender, Bendito, Fry and Leela occupy a window booth that looks out towards Mom’s. They plot the potential heist.

BENDITO

According to my source-

BENDER

“Source”? You mean the robot mafia?

BENDITO

(sighs)

Yes. The robot mafia.

(starting again)

According to them the system installed in the offices works on facial recognition. If we can fool them, by dressing up as Mom and her sons we’ll have a small window to hack the computer.

LEELA

How do we get in?

BENDITO

According to a different source-

BENDER

Elzar? Is it Elzar? Sometimes Elzar cooks there, you’re talking about Elzar, right? I know you know Elzar.

BENDITO

(louder sigh)

Yes, Bender. Elzar, I talked to Elzar! Any other questions?

The waitress passes by.

WAITRESS

Refill?

BENDITO

No.

A robot in the next booth turns round.

RANDOM ROBOT

What’s two times three?

BENDITO

Six.

FRY

Why does a robot need an eye patch, can’t you just replace your eye?

BENDITO

It’s a style choice.

(pauses waiting for more questions)

Any more questions?

BENDER

We’ll ask the questions here.

BENDITO

(even louder sigh)

Anyway. Elzar says there’s an express elevator exclusive to Mom. If we can convince the operator that Leela is Mom we can gain access to the penthouse.

FRY

I wanted to be Mom.

BENDITO

Leela is Mom. Bender is Larry. I’ll play Walt and Fry you’ll be Igner.

FRY

Igner?

BENDER

Larry?

LEELA

Fine with me.

BENDITO

Then it’s settled.

EXT. MOM CORP. – A LITTLE LATER

The group are now dressed as there respective characters. Leela wears sunglasses to cover her eye. Bender and Bendito are very obviously robots. Fry actually looks like Igner.

BENDER

At least if we get caught we’ll have funny mug shots.

FRY

There’s a relief.

LEELA

Will you two shut up?

BENDER

Someone’s already in character.

LEELA

What do you mean?

BENDER

Nothing, ‘Mom’.

They enter the building.

INT. FOYER, MOM CORP. – CONTINUOUS

This place is a lot busier then they were expecting. They walk as quickly as possible to the back and the waiting lift. A robot in a suit operates it.

LIFT ROBOT

Back already, Mom?

There are quick glances between each other, they’ve totally forgot to check if Mom was even out. Leela reacts fast.

LEELA

(sweet Mom)

Oh yes, uh, deary, we forgot the candies.

LIFT ROBOT

You and those candies.

The robot moves to let them into the lift, joins them.

LIFT

The doors shut. The five of them are closed in without the chance of escape, a most dangerous time. This is tempered somewhat by Bender whispering something about Leela being like Mom to Fry and Bendito, they chuckle to themselves.

Something else is said, the chuckles become laughs. Leela becomes annoyed. Turns.

LEELA

(mean Mom)

Will you knuckleheads knock that off?

Leela swings a slap that connects on the cheek of all three of them. Is oddly satisfied by it.

She turns back to see the Lift Robot minding his business.

LEELA

(sweet Mom)

Boy’s need discipline is what I always say.

LIFT ROBOT

Yes, Mom.

PENTHOUSE – MOMENTS LATER

The lift opens. All bar the lift robot flood out.

LEELA

(sweet Mom)

We’ll be but a minute.

The lift door shuts. Now they’re in the clear.

FRY

So, ouch.

LEELA

I’m starting to like being Mom.

BENDER

Already got the mood swings down.

He laughs, gets slapped by Leela.

BENDER

See?

She slaps him again.

OFFICE – A MINUTE LATER

The group are in the office. Bendito searches the computer without success. Fry watches the wall of security screens.

BENDITO

Nothing yet.

LEELA

Hurry up, who knows when she’ll be back.

Leela looks around, nervous, spots Bender rifling through a filing cabinet.

LEELA

Bender, what are you doing?

BENDER

I was trying to find my warranty but all I keep coming up with are replies to letters.

LEELA

Which letters?

She walks over and picks out a letter, it’s from Alpha-Zeta, dated a hundred years ago. She finds a different one, Beta-Omega, again, a hundred years old.

LEELA

Praise to Athena. These are replies from the two planets. Mom must have sent letters to them and started the war. We could expose her totally with these. Good work, Bender.

BENDER

Even when I not trying I’m a genius.

FRY

Hey look, it’s the people we’re dressed as.

ON A SECURITY SCREEN: Mom and her sons approach the lift.

BENDER

We gotta cheese it.

LEELA

How, we’re on the top floor?

FRY

Bendito-

They turn to find Bendito has left the office already.

PENTHOUSE

Fry, Leela and Bender emerge from the office to find Bendito slowly opening one of the windows. He turns, caught.

BENDITO

Oh, hi.

(pause)

So I can explain.

MOM (O.S)

Can you?

Exiting the lift are Mom, Larry, Igner and Walt.

MOM

(to Leela)

Well, well, it’s like looking in an ugly, one eyed mirror.

BENDITO

(taking offence)

How dare you.

MOM

Quiet, Bendito.

LEELA

It’s over Mom. We found the letters.

MOM

So I started a war so each side would buy equipment from me, who gives a crap? I’ve seen war start for a lot less.

(laughs)

How exactly are you going to leave with those letters anyway?

Fry, Leela and Bender look to one another, they have no idea. Leela catches Bendito edging towards the open window, spots his escape plan, a good old fashioned rope.

LEELA

I think the real question is. How are you going to catch us?

Leela rushes Fry and Bender to the window, together with a late reacting Bendito they grab the rope and begin to slide down it.

CUT BETWEEN PENTHOUSE AND EXT. MOM CORP.

Everyone is sliding down the rope at pace, but the building is huge, there not even a quarter way down.

FRY

(getting rope burn)

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

Mom looks down from the window at them.

MOM

Idiots.

She unties the rope. It slackens.

LEELA

Um, guys.

Everyone looks as the rope passes them by.

FRY

That’s bad, right?

Everyone bar Leela starts screaming, she has to think fast.

LEELA

Everyone grab on to my legs.

They do. Leela slips through the Mom dress, still wearing her normal clothes beneath, and grabs the bottom of each side of it. It catches the air and becomes a makeshift parachute.

Mom stares at them as they float away.

MOM

What the crap? I didn’t know I could do that?

EXT. SKY – CONTINUOUS

Leela is barely clinging on to the dress, she’s being weighed down too much, it’s starting to affect the altitude.

LEELA

We’re too heavy.

FRY

(offended)

What are you trying to say?

BENDER

Wait, I have an idea.

Bender spots the roof of a building coming up. He kicks Bendito off of Leela’s leg. He drops.

BENDITO

(falling)

See you Thursday.

Bendito lands with a thud on the roof. The gang laugh as they begin to gain altitude.

EXT. PLANET EXPRESS – DAY

We whip around the building.

INT. LOUNGE, PLANET EXPRESS – SAME TIME

The whole crew sit around watching the news on TV.

MORBO

Mom stock took a dip today as letters emerged showing her to have set the war between Alpha-Zeta and Beta-Omega in motion almost a hundred years ago. However Mom stock trebled in value just hours later when war broke out between Sigma-Epsilon and Kappa-Tau.

Leela turns off the TV, disgusted.

LEELA

Typical, we stop one war just to cause another.

FRY

But at least it’s not the same war, right?

BENDER

The important thing is it’s not happening here.

FRY

Amen.

LEELA

Ugh.

CUT TO CREDITS

[miasswier]

miasswier’s ultimate glee ranking: no 38

38: Wheels

Written by: Ryan Murphy Directed by: Paris Barclay

Overall Thoughts: How in the world did I forget how incredible this episode is?!?!?!! I remember all the awesome things that happen in this episode, but somehow forgot that they all happen in this episode – for some reason I thought Defying Gravity was in “Ballad”? I don’t even know. Anyway, this episode is absolutely fantastic, but I’m going to head straight into what I like about it because I don’t want to repeat myself too much!

What I Like:

This is the first episode of Glee that actually feels like we’re watching an ensemble show. Artie and Kurt get their own subplot, and Tina gets a little bit of the spotlight too. Also, Puck and Quinn get to interact for a solid two or three minutes throughout this episode without either Finn or Rachel getting involved. And Will isn’t as central to the plot! It’s honestly fantastic

The introduction of Becky Jackson, who would become one o f the most hilarious characters in all of Glee. It’s really interesting seeing her here, and how different she is from how she ends up. You can definitely see Sue’s influence on her, and while in some areas it’s a bad thing, overall I think it was really good for her. She ends the series with so much confidence that it’s absolutely blinding, and I think the way Sue treats her really helps her.

Sue calling Will out for being ableist in the guise of being open-minded. Becky very clearly has no problems with Sue telling her she needs to improve, and she also responds to her in a way that no other Cheerio ever does – she straight up tells Sue that she’s trying, but it’s difficult. No other Cheerio ever says anything like that to Sue. Even though we watch Becky grow in her confidence and independence, you can already see the seeds of that here. Seriously, I just absolutely adore Becky Jackson and her relationship with Sue, and I’m totally willing to fight people who don’t.

The scene with Puck and Quinn “baking”. This is honestly the scene that made me fall in love with these two as a couple. It’s adorable, it’s hilarious, and it’s really, really sweet. I think it’s the first time in the whole show that we actually see Quinn genuinely happy. It’s refreshing.

Puck calling Finn out on his shit, how he’s always complaining about how hard this is on him but never seems to realize that it’s a thousand times harder for Quinn. The fact that it took five whole episodes of Quinn being pregnant before somebody asked “what about how she’s feeling” is really sad, though.

Burt sticking up for Kurt and not taking any of Will’s bullshit.

Burt being faced with the reality that Kurt is being bullied, and probably will be bullied for the rest of his life. It’s an emotional scene, and while it’s nice to see Burt tell Kurt that “nobody pushes the Hummel’s around”, you can also see how it’s just hitting him that Kurt doesn’t have it easy, and will never have it easy, all because other people are narrow minded and stupid. He never once blames Kurt or asks him to stop being himself – in fact, he encourages Kurt to continue being himself, and seems legitimately angry when Kurt admits he flubbed the note. It’s really refreshing, coming from the guy who “isn’t in love with the idea” of his son being gay and isn’t ready to have a conversation about Kurt and guys yet.

Kurt being willing to sacrifice a solo because he doesn’t want his father to be hurt by the bullying he faces. I feel like this really defines a huge part of Kurt’s character, and it’s nice to see him becoming fleshed out.

Will drawing attention to the fact that McKinley High isn’t accessible, and Artie wanting to use the Glee bake sale money to build a ramp in the auditorium. I’m really glad that they touched on the issue of accessibility without getting too “life is hard enough for Artie as it is can’t we make it just a little easier for him?”, which I find a lot of shows, movies, and books tend to do. They focus wasn’t on how hard Artie’s life is because he’s in a wheelchair, it was on the fact that the lack of accessibility in the school is what makes his life harder. He isn’t the problem the – the school is.

Brittany openly and honestly being friends with Becky – not because she feels pity for her, but because she actually likes her. I have no idea how this Brittany eventually turned into the awful, mean-spirited Brittany that we were subjected to throughout most of seasons 3 and 4. I feel like people always want to focus on Quinn’s character assassination but honestly, this show did Brittany so dirty.

I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with the scene between Tina and Artie at the end. I do think they’re super cute and super sweet, and the scene definitely has that tone. Tina revealing that she doesn’t have a stutter and doesn’t feel like she has to keep faking because now she’s in Glee and doesn’t want to push people away is sweet, but I also really appreciate that Artie calls her out when she says that they’re the same, because he’s right, when it comes to this, they’re not. He can’t fake the fact that he’s in a wheelchair, and it was unfair of her to act like they have something in common because of a speech impediment that she’s been faking for years. That being said…

Things I Don’t Like:

… it’s not like Tina gets to fake being Asian. Artie acts like because Tina doesn’t have a stutter she suddenly isn’t a minority and doesn’t know what it’s like to be discriminated against. To be fair to Artie, though, Glee never really addressed race issues on a large scale, and was honestly full of microaggressions and just… overall had a very bad, very ugly relationship with race. So it’s not like Artie is specifically being ignorant (and I mean, for fucks sake, he’s a fourteen-year-old, I don’t expect him to be completely knowledgeable on intersectionality and oppression), it’s just how Glee rolls. It still rubs me the wrong way, though.

Small addition to that, who the fuck has their first date in their high school after hours? Why?

The fact that we finally get to see some of the everyday struggles that Artie faces because the school simply isn’t accessible, but it’s shown through a montage of Finn and Rachel struggling with these things.

Finn and Rachel using a fake disability in order to get Finn a job. That is honestly so disgusting and gross, I can’t even begin to explain how awful it is. Ugh.

Quinn making no effort to get a job herself, but insisting that Finn do so. Look, I’m usually on Quinn’s side in this whole story, but in this episode she is honestly being quite unreasonable. Especially considering Finn isn’t actually the father of her baby, and she knows that full well.

Rachel acting like she deserves the solo that was literally handed to her. If you don’t work for something you can’t get mad when it’s taken away. Also, that line where she’s like “maybe one day you’ll find a way to create teaching moments without ruining my life” makes me roll my eyes SO HARD. How is Will supposed to ever teach anybody anything if you demand all of his attention and every single song ever sung? For fucks sake…

Everybody acting like Brittany shouldn’t be hanging out with Becky, and seeming surprised that the two are friends. Fuck off, you assholes.

Songs

Dancing with Myself: Artie’s first real solo. I can’t believe it took nine episodes for us to get this. Artie’s voice is amazing, and this slowed-down version of the song really works. I especially like how the instruments fade away at the end and we see that it’s really just Artie singing alone in the auditorium. It really works to showcase how lonely and isolated he feels. My only issue is that we are forced to watch Will awkwardly creeping. I wish they could have let Artie just have his moment, instead of making it about Will deciding to be Noble.

Defying Gravity: I’m a huge Wicked fan, so this cut version has always sort of irked me, mostly because they cut my favourite part of the song. I also am not really a fan of the Rachel sections of this song (and I’ve never bothered listening to the full Rachel solo version) because I feel like she sounds too much like Idina Menzel and what’s the point of doing a cover if you just sound exactly like the original singer? The format of it for the diva-off is cool, though, and Kurt sounds awesome. It really does suck that they forced him to mess up the note when Chris Colfer specifically wanted to sing this song.

Proud Mary: I love this song! The energy is awesome, and I feel like it’s the first real group number that we get. The choreography is awesome, and the outfits are adorable. Really a fantastic way to end a fantastic episode.

[justasmallbloginabigklainefandom]

Glee 6x08 liveplurk

Yuè [glee 6x08] i still can't believe RIB thought it was a good idea to get Klaine back together and have them get married... in less than half an hour

Yuè don't get me wrong Yuè i've wanted these two kids to get married to each other since the minute the two of them made eye contact Yuè i've wanted this even before i realised it wasn't legal in America Yuè but not like this Yuè never like this Yuè man, since i was mostly on tumblr you might not know, but when the entire wedding storyline started in 4x21, i was totally against it and watching the proposal, as beautiful as that speech is, pains me Yuè and then all that useless crap happened, only to make them break up again Yuè really, why couldn't they just elope??? Yuè i watched this in the middle of the night, since it was still their wedding and i remember being overly conflicted, but a minute before the ep started, i told myself to push it all away for 45 minutes and just watch my boys and girls be happy, but i'm still somewhat bitter Yuè they deserved better Yuè all four of them Yuè you know what I do like? Yuè how much things have changed in such a small time Yuè because you know, this wedding takes place in 'November 2015' since glee decided to do a time jump, even though it aired in Feb 2015 and shot in 2014 Yuè and Santana tells her how gay marriage isn't legal in America, because back when they were shooting it, they didn;t dare to hope that in less than one year, gay marriage owuld be legal Yuè i am so emotinal Yuè hi Tina Yuè KURT IS WEARING RIPPED JEANS Yuè how are those parents okay with giving away their children to their teachers to go to a random wedding in another state Yuè BRIDEZILLA BRITTANY Yuè "well this isn't about me" oh honey Yuè "it's my dad" "it's his dad" Yuè THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY LOOK AT MY GIRLS Yuè WONDERFUL Yuè Brittany's wedding dress might be one of the most beautiful dresses in the show Yuè you know I love how their Brittana dresses definitely fit their personalities Yuè Brittany's dress is light and airy and sweet Yuè Santana's dress is stylish and simple and modern Yuè Mercedes let it go Yuè this went from slaughtering a chicken to sadness Yuè really the way Santana sees Sue keeps changing rapidly it's stupid Yuè Oh no Walter Yuè btw again props to the costume department for a blue shirt and green pants Yuè the parallels between the scene that's about to happen and the one in McKinley from last episode are stunning and well thougjt Yuè THIS SCENE WITH THIS MUSIC IS GREAT Yuè OH JESUS Yuè LOOK I SURE AS FUCK LOVE THIS SCENE BUT Yuè "... everything is fine now" KURT ARE YOU KIDDING ME THAT'S BULLSHIT Yuè I AM SO SAD THEY NEVER GOT A REAL CONVERSATION Yuè since when is Puck one of Tina's boys Yuè Blaine you look cute but this is stupid Yuè Puck and Blaine... wtf Yuè Tina why the fuck did this happen Yuè ... Santana please Yuè Oh this place is beautiful Yuè "he's fragile be careful" Yuè HONESTLY PAM AND CAROLE MEETING FOR THE FIRST TIME IS BULLSHIT Yuè Kitty your dress!!! Yuè SUGAR Yuè KLAINE Yuè MIKE Yuè hey did I just stop Jenna's tattoo Yuè shit Carole is right they really look great in those white suits Yuè some people saw this as using Finn's death to manipulate Kurt into marrying but as someone whose family is kind of in a crisis right now, I get them and I think it's very normal Yuè Burt and Carole are hilarious Yuè "where the hell am I going to find a lizard" Yuè Brittany. .. sweetie Yuè "cannibalism" Yuè again their wedding outfits sure as fuck match their personalities I mean.. Brittany's diamond headband and Santana's earrings Yuè KISS KISS KISS Yuè NO BUT REALLY TWO KLAINE AND TWO BRITTANA KISSES IN ONE EPISODE #BLESSED Yuè "I can't marry you if I'm in jail for killing this bitch" Yuè you know I didn't cry during the ceremony but I was on the verge of tears during this reunion cause it made me and Santana so happy Yuè thanks Sue Yuè shit I'm about to cry again Yuè waot where is Brittany's sister at??? Yuè KLAINE Yuè really boys you suck at weddings Yuè Wemma wedding? Let's fuck Yuè Brittana's wedding? Let's also get married Yuè "I promise on Will Schuester's future grave" Yuè honestly Brittany this is very touching, but also really random Yuè "... okay I still don't get what you're talking about though" Yuè really glee Yuè this was bullshit Yuè they all deserved better Yuè sure I don't think they will regret this for one second but it's just stupid and like.. KURT AND SANTANA WOULD NEVER SHARE THEIR WEDDING DAYS Yuè Oh hod Yuè I can't call this romantic, Kurt Yuè "I. .. don't know... I don't know..." THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS ENTIRE STORYLINE BLAINE Yuè I'm happy you love each o th er but Blaine you're right this is crazy Yuè AND LOOK AT THAT, THEY SKIPPED ANOTHER IMPORTANT CONVERSATION. IT'S THE SECOND TIME THIS EPISODE Yuè really glee why Yuè glee why Yuè Remember how Kurt and Blaine were supposed to make out in the backseat of a car while this song was playing ah jesus praise Yuè same for Kurt and Blaine tho Yuè their wedding suits just absolutely fit them Yuè sure for Kurt I expected more accessories but it still fits Yuè EVERYONE'S FACES Yuè look at my boys... so handsome Yuè such a coincidence Blaine's mum happened to be in Indiana righr??? Yuè MY HUSBAND IS IN THE BATHROOM AND HE MISSED THE WHOLE AISLE THING Yuè Mason and Madison are wearing the same colour!!! Yuè thank you Burt for this speech Yuè GAY MARRIAGE IS MARRIAGE LOVE IS LOVE Yuè no but really where are Santana's dad and Brittany's sister?? Yuè AND COOPER Yuè MY HUSBAND IS IN THE BATHROOM AND HE'S MISSING ALL THE VOWS Yuè honestly just. like the Klaine proposal the vows are beautiful but it pains me to watch it Yuè Remember how they cut "Roll away with me!!!!" Yuè I'M A WORK IN PROGRESS Yuè SO. IMPORTANT. Yuè shit I think this is the first time this wedding actually hits me holy fuck what is thos Yuè "by the internet" Yuè THOSE KISSES HOLY SHIT Yuè i can't believe Celeste the Neckbrace Cheerio is there Yuè .. they're married Yuè just like tat Yuè They're married Yuè holy shit Yuè "I just called Target and they're closed" Yuè this speech is trash Yuè it's not even funny it's just trash Yuè NO ONE IS UGLIER THAN YOU WITH YOUR CLOTHES OFF Yuè this is so trash and yet I'm laughing cause it's so stupid Yuè I want that cap Yuè Y'ALL ARE MY OTPS Yuè shit son Kevin killed that song Yuè and shit son Hemo is going to kill it on DWTS Yuè I also didn't know Becca could dance like that Yuè I love how Mike just dances with the ladies Yuè BLAINE AND HIS WHITE MOMMA DANCING Yuè (sorry I will forever be bitter. Gina was a wonderful addition to the cast but uhm Lea Salonga? ??) Yuè Tina wtf Yuè "what kind of idiot does this???" "...you" Yuè I am also happy that they really are friends but yes Mike is right holy shit even Harry said how sometimes realistic stuff needs to happen in this show Yuè I'm happy Mike is such a chill guy Yuè okay a couple of things, because this song, as amazig as it is, is totally unreal Yuè Carole and Pam never met, and yet they've fully rehearsed a song together Yuè it must've been planned with 4 woman, because they all wear those matching awful dresses, even Carole nad Pam, even though they didn't know their sons were going to get married Yuè with other words: PLOT HOLE GLEE WTF? Yuè no but really I once redesigned all these dresses for the mums Yuè SUGAR Yuè I think filming went a bit wrong here tho Yuè I also love these Brittana wedding outfits Yuè CAROLE!!! Kurt S FACE Yuè WHITNEY Yuè MARIEL Yuè PAM Yuè Oh Blaine facepalming Yuè also I misspelled Santana's mum's name: Maribel Yuè HUSBAND Yuè TH EYRE HUSTBANDS Yuè OOOH Tina and Kitty and Rachel Yuè SUGAR DANCING WITH HERSELF AND PUCK DANCING WITH BLAINE'S MOMMA WHO'S WASTED AF Yuè honestly Klaine and Brittana deserved a first dance Yuè after 6 years we finally got a Gay Squad group number Yuè Jane you're beautiful Yuè Puck must thing Blaine's momma is amusing Yuè you know even before they started dating, Sam and Rachel were so close to the Hummel-Hudsons Yuè ah yes a random Tartie scene Yuè preach Artie Yuè I love how Kevin wanted them to be endgame Yuè guys this is so stupid and yet so them Yuè BACK UP FIANCE Yuè "Tartie" "Artina" well it's better than Chang-Chang Yuè KLAINE WHAT A HANDSOME COUPLE WITH KURT WEARING THAT KITTY SWEATER AND BLAINE LOOKING FANCY AF Yuè I am Sue Yuè you know as crazy as this wedding storyline was, this garanteed that Klaine and Brittana are connected for life and honestly that was all I ever wanted and never dared to dream about Yuè Look at them Yuè THEY'RE SO HAPPY

[zapp87]

Tag game!!

I was tagged by Matthew @siouxsies-banshee 😊

1. Who are you named after? Umm first name? A baseball field, believe it or not. Lmao

2. Last time you cried? Umm idk my days have been blurring lately. I was stressed a lot this week though so probably sometime then

3. Do you like your handwriting? I. Love. My handwriting. I worked pretty hard to get it to where I want so like, I’m v proud of it lol and I show it off any chance I get (but sometimes people have a hard time reading it)

4. What is your favorite lunch meat? … Lunch meat?? Wtf this is a weird question and I dont think I have a proper answer

5. Do you have kids? Absolutely not lol

6. Do you use sarcasm? Damn straight lol

7. Do you still have your tonsils? … I had to think about this one lmao but yes I do!

8. Would you bungee jump? Yo, under the right circumstances? Hell yeah

9. What is your favorite kind of cereal? I eat cheerios way too often lol but just regular. Not honey or whatever (sue me). I also like cornflakes

10. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Yeah, I wear high tops every day so itd be hard to get them off if I didnt lol (sidenote, I used to have high tops with zippers on the side?? Amazing)

11. Do you think you’re strong? Yeah, I do. Lol but I actually want to work on my physical strength lately. My upper body strength game is WEAK and I’m gonna change that

12. What is your favorite ice cream? Chocolate chip cookie dough! 

13. What is the first thing you notice about someone? Clothing. I’ll remember outfits/hair before faces and I’ll remember faces WAY before names. I suck at names lol

14. Football or baseball? BASEBALL. I fucking grew up with that shit. I enjoy football too, and I’ll always watch the Superbowl and stuff but… Baseball, man

15. What is the least favorite thing you like about yourself? Listen, I’m a cocky bastard and there’s not a lot I dislike about myself lol but if I had to pick? My lack of physical strength. And I’m working on it, so

16. What color pants are you wearing? Right now they’re multi-colored hippie pants ✌️

17. Favorite smell? Coffee, leather, hairspray, stuff like that. The smell of concert venues is also like, mega comforting to me haha

18. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? I actually call people pretty often so I had to check haha it was my older brother

19. Favorite sports to watch on tv? I’m gonna agree with Matthew. I’m all about WWE, guys. Its so fucking good!!

20. Hair color? Naturally light brown and right now it’s bleach blond

21. Eye color? I never know how to answer this lol theyre brown and green? Not a v good combo but I’m gonna say hazel

22. Favorite food to eat? Umm I love pasta. Also, pulled pork sandwiches are bomb

23. Scary movies or funny? Funny. I’m not big on scary movies tbh

24. Last thing you watched? Sons of Anarchy ❤ the most recent obsession

25. What color shirt are you wearing? Grey!

26. Favorite holiday? Halloween and then probably Christmas

27. Wine or beer? Umm I enjoy both but probably beer

Imma tag @ieroandthepatience, @wildnloose (it took me a minute to find you girl, you changed your url lol), @leathermouthz, and @ubetterhurrytogetapieceofbach if yall want to, of course ❤❤ and its open to anyone who wants to, I’ll tag you!

[wheresmynaya]

Two Ghosts Ch.1 | Brittana

I’ve caved. Here’s the first chapter! Fanfiction (x)

 Judging by the light that streams in through the edges of Santana’s curtains, it’s way too early for her liking but the incessant buzzing of her phone against the nightstand is too hard to ignore. She’s so exhausted from the night before; she hates working doubles, but the money is decent so she sucks it up a few nights a week.

She swats at the screen without looking in hopes of snoozing the alarm she must’ve accidentally set to AM instead of PM. It takes three attempts before the buzzing stops. Santana sighs in relief and snuggles deeper into her pillows.

           “Hello?”

Santana’s heart jumps and she picks her head up slightly from the pillows. She recognizes that voice, a familiar blonde she once knew. Then again, maybe she’s dreaming.

           “Hello?”

She’s definitely not dreaming and realizes the voice is coming from her nightstand. She rolls on to her back with a groan, refusing to open her eyes as she brings the phone to her ear.

           “This better be good, Fabray.” Santana grumbles although she is genuinely curious as to why Quinn of all people is calling her out of the blue. She couldn’t remember the last time she spoke to her. Matter of fact, she can’t remember the last time she spoke to anyone from the Glee Club days.

           “After all these years, you’re still not a morning person?”

           If Santana’s eyes were open, she’d roll them, “Are you calling just to check because if you have to ask then it’s way too early.”

           “It’s 11:45,” Quinn chuckles down the line.

“So?”

Quinn’s voice turns solemn, “I assumed you’ve heard the news already, but I guess not.”

           That tone piques Santana’s interest, she remembers it well from the day her father told her that her abuelo had cancer and her mother had the same tone when she told Santana she and her father were getting a divorce. Several things rush through her mind all at once and it causes her to sit up.

           “What’s happened?” Santana finally musters the courage to ask. She tries to fight the images of another blonde she used to know from surfacing and all the tragic possibilities because she shouldn’t be the first person she thinks of, no matter how long it’s been since they’ve spoken.

           “It’s Coach Sylvester.” Quinn says and the name is yet another blast from the past, “She passed away yesterday. The funeral is Sunday.”

           Santana’s jaw drops and she’s overcome with a mix of emotions; some of relief because Sylvester wasn’t the name she was expecting but also grief because despite the amount of shit Sue put her through while on the Cheerios and in Glee Club she had her moments. Sue taught her how to be hardworking and to have drive and be disciplined in the most unconventional ways and she wouldn’t have met Quinn or-  

Santana stops and swallows thickly; that’s the second time she’s thought about her today, the most she has in awhile.

She decides later that night, after thinking long and hard whether or not a trip to Lima, Ohio is worth not flying her mother up for Christmas, that she really wouldn’t be the person she is today without Sue and the right thing to do is pay her respects.

She wonders if others from her squad will be there too, one Cheerio in particular, and that curiosity might’ve been what swayed her decision.

But mostly to pay her respects, at least that’s what she tells herself as she books her flight.

 \\

 If you had asked Santana in high school where she pictured herself in five years, working late nights as a singing waitress at the Spotlight Diner, scraping gum from underneath tables and barely making ends meet wasn’t really what she had in mind.

Then again, she didn’t really have a game plan in the first place but rather two things she was certain of: She would be living in New York and she would be with Brittany.

In a way, she somewhat got it right: she lives in New York and- Well that’s about it. She found a tiny apartment that’s kind of cute if you close your eyes and she has a job that she generally enjoys most of the time and she even transferred her credits from Louisville and finished her Business degree despite having a really hard time deciding whether or not she should.

But she did it anyway and she found herself a community of people who are like her and appreciate her and it all should make Santana feel accomplished, like she really is doing something with her life, but she can’t help but feel like something is missing.

Or rather someone, but that someone isn’t an option anymore.

She stopped being an option the day she told Santana to follow her dreams. Santana didn’t know at the time that the conversation that took place back stage in the auditorium would also be the last time they’d speak, but that was unintentional. She had every intention of keeping in contact with Brittany, updating her on how things were going and sometimes just to talk because even though New York is filled with people it can get pretty lonely, but it was too hard for Santana to go back to being just friends, as if they ever were.  She couldn’t compromise Brittany and Sam’s relationship, no matter how much it hurt her to see Brittany with someone else.  

And it wasn’t like Brittany was reaching out to her either, so it kind of just stuck. When Santana walked away that day, that was it. She vowed to move forward with her life and never look back.

 \\

 Santana’s mother, Maribel, picks Santana up from the airport late Thursday night with a kiss on her cheek and a warm hug Santana hadn’t realized she had missed.

           “Welcome home, mija.” Maribel says as she pulls away from the hug, “You look thin. Did they feed you on the plane?”

           Santana shakes her head as they begin walking towards baggage claim, “There were snacks, but I’m not very hungry.”

Maribel gives a disapproving look, similar to Santana’s abuela, and back when she was a teen she used to hate that look, like she couldn’t take care of herself or something, but now it makes Santana chuckle. Now she knows that’s how they show they care.

“I’m fine, Mami, really.” Santana assures and that seems to appease Maribel who begins to smile again.

It doesn’t take too long for Santana’s suitcase to topple out onto the conveyer belt and soon enough they’re loaded up in Maribel’s little SUV and headed home. Santana stares out the window at the passing cars and buildings that were just the same as they were the last time she was in Lima.

It’s hard to believe that was nearly five years ago to the day.

Santana doesn’t realize she’s dozed off until Maribel is gently nudging her to wake up. When she hops out of the passenger seat, she shivers a little, not expecting it to be colder than before when they left the airport, and she quickly moves to roll her bags inside.

She hadn’t expected there to be much change as she walked through the door and there isn’t. Everything is exactly how it was when she left and she finds comfort in that. It’s not until she makes her way to her room that she realizes she isn’t too fond of how unchanged some things really are.

She had forgotten how dark her room was, how Maribel let her get away with picking out such dark wallpaper she’ll never know, but she missed all the space. She could probably fit her entire apartment in New York in her bedroom in Lima. But her room was a lot emptier than it used to be; she took most of her clothes and shoes with her to New York so all that was left was furniture and a few knick-knacks and-

Her eyes fall on a bedazzled picture frame on her desk, home to an image of two girls, with beaming smiles on their faces, so completely in love. Santana remembers that day like it was yesterday; the day they became official. They were at the annual carnival that came around every summer and they had spent the evening wasting money on rigged carnival games and stuffing their faces with cotton candy and funnel cake and riding every ride at least twice. It was nothing but laughter and love, the best day ever.

Santana was the one to ask; she waited until they reached the very top of the Ferris wheel. She couldn’t remember a time she was that nervous but afterwards, she couldn’t imagine why. Despite being terrified of heights, Santana focused on shimmering blue eyes and suddenly the rest of the world fell away. Nothing else mattered that night; she didn’t care about the talks and the looks, just her.

They were already so in love.

What happened?

Santana blinks herself back to reality, fighting a strange lump that forms in her throat. She’s in Lima for barely a few hours and she’s already taken a painful walk down memory lane. She had been doing so well over the years, barely ever giving that girl in the picture a second thought because she promised herself she wouldn’t do that. She wouldn’t let herself reminisce because that led to thinking of all the possibilities of what they could’ve been and that was too painful.

Wishing and hoping for something that was clearly not meant to be.

Things are different, the girls in that picture are just two ghosts now so what’s the use in dwelling on the past?

She takes a deep breath and gently lies the frame down before moving to unpack and get ready for bed.