#you ate your twin for lunch as a fetus

[leafuxxtea]

it was, i am the one who established you ate your twin in the womb

YOU THINK IDK WHO YOU ARE, OH GREAT (supposedly) UNKNOWN ONE????

like, who died and made YOU my lore creator 🤨🤨

AND WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME CANNIBALIZE BEFORE I WAS EVEN BORN??? 😭😭

anyways, sorry for answering this a bit late, this gave me a good laugh <333 sending lots of love, and i hope u have a good night/day!!!

[kalinawtokilig]

S/O who sleeps (too much) in the oddest of places

Ohh, being tired 24/7. I feel ya,,

((My formats will be a bit a different as I’m experimenting which feels and looks best, so bear with me))

- Y a s . My five favorite characters of haikyuu. yes. I agree. -

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Pair(s): Iwaizumi Hajime x Reader, Suna Rintaro x Reader, Tendou Satori x Reader, Yachi Hitoka x Reader & Sugawara Koushi x Reader

Summary: 

You are the type of person to either have pulled so many all nighters that fatigue has finally caught up to you and the backlash is very intense, or you are such a sleepy person you’ll take a nap anywhere, anytime. It had cause inconvenience sometimes, such as having to keep the storage closet in school locked to prevent you from sleeping and being locked in, or skipping some classes to doze off. But thankfully your partner was able to help and spot you in time before anything off happens. 

Iwaizumi Hajime x Reader 

((Ughhh, I love and pimp,,, I canNOT express that enough))

Iwaizumi knows his S/O can be such a sleepy babe

He wants you to be careful where you decide to rest

One time he wondered where you were, as he hasn’t found you in your class nor has his friends saw you in lunch 

He usually visits you to check up on you, to see if you’re okay, if you got enough sleep, or if you ate

He!! Is!! Concerned!! for !! your wellbeing!! 

With school ending and no practice today, Iwaizumi was eager to see you and walk you home, maybe even order takeout while watching a movie or something. When he said goodbye to his friends, he grabbed his scarf and jacket, heading to your classroom.

“Ah, Iwaizumi-kun.” One of your friends say, seeing him walk through the door and scanning the classroom. “If you’re looking for (Y/N), we haven’t seen them in a while. Last time we did it was the first few classes, then they left.”

Nodding in thanks, Iwaizumi decides to keep texting you, until you answer. But you didn’t. Which meant you kept your phone at do not disturb again OR your phone died. Again. You probably used it to listen to the newest podcast and went straight to school without sleeping a wink.Furrowing his brow, he grunted in frustration. “Where can they be?” 

He thought for a moment. 

‘Not in the storage closet, the janitor now locks it cause they kept finding (Y/N) in it. In the locker room? No, I got a text from one (Y/N)’s friends that they didn’t go to P.E.’

Then it clicked.

“(Y/N) better not be up there, it’s fucking freezing-” 

Speed walking down through the hallways and up the stairs until he reached the rooftop, he slammed open the door and he looked around, circling the entrance, he sighed with relief. 

You were napping against the back of the entrance building, a fluffy blanket and his hoodie that you were wearing to keep yourself extra warm. Not to mention you also layered his hoodie with his VBC jacket. You were lying in fetus position, your bag serving as a pillow as you snored softly, blanket pulled up to your nose. 

You look so precious. 

‘Snap out of it, Hajime! They could’ve gotten sick! They can’t sleep here any longer!’ 

Crouching down, he nudges your temple with the curl of his index finger. He’s not surprised that your skin was cold, the tint of pink on your cheeks and nose tell him how cold your face was. 

“Baby, wake up.” He speaks quietly, still rubbing the crook of his finger against your temple. 

Humming as your eyes flutter open, you sneezed, sniffing as you smiled in a daze to your lovely boyfriend. “Hallo, Hajime. What’re you doing up here?” 

He pouted a bit, now his face is tinted red. “Idiot, I was looking for you. You haven’t been answering your phone, did your phone die again?” 

You snuggled deeper into his jacket, looking so soft and cozy. Your boyfriend is practically dying inside from how cute you are. “Mm. I think so? M’not sure.” 

“C’mon, let’s go home. You slept until school was over, dumbie.” He brought his hand close to you, sneaking out from the blanket, your warm hand grab his cold one, and he pulled you up, picking up your bag and then wrapping the fluffy blanket around your body. 

“When we get to your place can we sleep? You’re so warm, Hajime.” You shift closer to him, snuggling against the crook of his neck.

He chuckled, ruffling your hair despite your annoyed, tired, protests. “Of course we can bubs. But you got to do your homework.” 

You hummed again, softly this time. “I did it already. I can give you the answers if it means you’ll sleep with me.” 

Iwaizumi sputtered, “W-Watch what you’re saying, dumbass! You can’t just say that to anyone!” 

Hugging him, the fluffy blanket still covering you and engulfing him, you smiled slyly, “That’s why I’m saying it to you, babes.” 

“Idiot, l-let’s go.”

“Eager, aren’t ya?” 

“...Shut up.” 

((Yes. Give me all of Iwaizumi Hajime. Yes. I agree.))

Suna Rintaro x Reader

((Look at him.  LOOK AT HIM. Icant---)) 

Suna probably either does get enough sleep or he doesn’t, there’s no inbetween

Sometimes he does, cause he’s so tired from practice and collecting blackmail from the Miya twins fight

and there are times he doesn’t that you have to pick him up from class cause not even the loudest Miya twin can wake him up

That’s cause Suna trained himself to tune out Atsumu HA

But in reality, I feel like Suna is a light sleeper and if you were to wake him up, he’ll be like, “Wassup, babe?” In the husky ,,, tone,, aARYUFVAOR

He does usually need to find you, cause he does get concerned where you sleep

During gym class, you decided to fall asleep underneath the bleachers. You weren’t dead tired, but you had a big exam for three of your classes. Three tests take up a lot of mind power and studying consumes days and nights of good sleep.  Thankfully, Suna had let you wear his VBC jacket today, cause he knows how cold it can be in the gymnasium. 

By the time gym class ended, lunch rolled around and Suna had texted you that he was coming over to your homeroom so he can pick you up and eat with him and the twins. 

Arriving at your classroom, he looks around and sees that you weren’t there. Asking your seat mates, they reply to him that they haven't seen you since gym class. Blinking at them, he nodded and left. Pulling out his phone, he checked your snapchat and you posted nothing. Swiping up, he sees that you’re still in school, but it doesn’t exactly say where, only that you’re in the Eastside. 

Gym. 

You’re still in the gymnasium. 

He knew that you were busy studying for the three tests that he came to the conclusion that you didn’t get enough sleep, which meant you’re sleeping somewhere in the gym.

Going to your locker cubby, he opened it to see that you haven’t even brought lunch with you. Except two juiceboxes. Taking them out, he headed back to his class and picked up his own bento. 

“Where ya goin’ Suna? Aren’t ya s’ppose to eat with (Y/N)?” Osamu asked. 

“Hm. I will. Gotta pick’em up.” He replied. 

“Good luck findin’ them then.”

“Thanks, ‘Samu.” 

Suna casually walked to the gymnasium, taking long stride to get there at a shorter time. (Curse them... and their tallness))  Entering, he decided to call you. Then he heard the small ringtone you set up for him, the ‘bunny-senpai theme’ something like that. Following the sound of it, he stood in front of the bleachers in confusion. The ringtone was coming from there but you weren’t on the bleachers. Walking to the side, he heard the ringing become louder. Peeking from behind, he shone his phone light and saw a figure sitting against the wall. 

Snorting, he entered into the small cave and sat next to you, seeing as you were about to fall forward, he debated on either recording you fall flat on your face, probably groan and go back to sleep, or, he cannot do that. 

Being the good boyfriend he is, he placed his hand on your forehead, pulling it gently towards him, having you lean against his shoulder. He decided to take a photo, only for him and your eyes, adding it to his album of you two together. The album was called ‘Finding (Y/N)’, which was dedicated to you being found in the oddest parts of school and Suna finding you. You were mainly asleep in most of them, since that’s why he named it after you because of the places you sleep in or on. 

Last time he found you sleeping on one of the library tables, far back where all the bookshelves hide that table and other forgotten books. 

Throwing up a peace sign, a certain angle showing both him and you, he captioned it, ‘Underneath the bleachers :P’ 

Somehow the flash of the screen camera made you stir, waking up, you lazily blinked. 

Suna turned to you, kissing the top of your head. “Hey, Sleeping Beauty. Nice nap?” 

Sighing, you nuzzled against his shoulder. “S’cold, Rin.” You muttered. Opening his bento, he picked up some meat and popped it into his mouth, talking with his mouth full he replied, “S’cause you’re wearing shorts, babe.” He draped his hand over your exposed legs, patting them softly and then pulling it onto his own. “Where’s your sweats?” 

“Mn, I’unno. Must’ve put’em in the laundry. Or something.” You said, going back to sleep until you sniffed your boyfriend’s lunch. Tired eyes shooting up, you rub your head against Suna. “Can I have please?” 

Chewing rice, Suna picked up a piece of spice pork and offered it to you. 

Taking a bite, you mewled at how good it tastes. 

“Nice hiding place, by the way.” 

“Thanks, bubba.” 

((Omg,,,, I fuckin LOVE HIMMMM))

Tendou Satori x Reader

(AUYROVARFOYVARFOY YES,,,, I SIMP AND PIMP ))

OHHH what an energetic boi *cue puppy eyes uwu*

When he sees you napping he finds it sooo cute!!!

He can’t help but coo and call you the cutest nicknames for you to wake up too

“Peach” - “Jellal to my Erza” - “Beloved” - “Sweetcheeks” etc etc YUGFOEUYFGOUYEFV I LOVE TENDOU!!!!!

Shiratorizawa is a big school 

He usually wants you to go straight to your dorm or his dorm so you can nap, but he does want you to text him so he can see you and plop down next to you so you can nap together <3

If he can’t nap, he’ll read manga next to you be enveloped by your body warmth

When you forget to text him AND you’re not in either dorm, you know he’s gonna f i n d  y o u

out of love, ofc <3

At the end of practice, Tendou headed to his dorm, ready to shower and change into comfier sweats. Opening the door and dropping his bag to the side, he noticed there wasn’t a familiar lump on his bed. Shrugging, he took a quick shower and changed into warmer clothing. Drying his hair with a towel, he  sat down on his bed and checked his phone. 

“Ara, (Y/N) isn’t in their dorm. Good thing their roomie is there. Time to find my sunshine~!” Standing up, he pocketed his phone and closed his door. He could use the snapchat app, but he always like a challenge. Checking your reoccurring and unusual sleeping spots, he had found that you weren’t there at any of them. 

Humming, he had overheard from your classmates as he passed the hallways that they haven���t seen you after lunch. Like the good partner he is, he remembers your schedule. Since you had some of the same breaks, he made sure to drop by and wake you up so you can eat. He does find it worrisome that you like to sleep a lot that you forget to eat sometimes, but he doesn’t mind if that means he gets to see you more often! And talking about remembering schedules, he would sometimes pull you out of class so both of you can go into one of your hiding spots and catch up on whatever you wanted to talk about. 

Tendou loves hearing about your dreams. You tell him you have the weirdest and coolest anime-esque dreams when you’re at a specific place in school, saying it ‘Awakens your dream eye’. He indulges on it, saying that maybe one of your dreams can become a really cool manga idea, so he decided to help you keep your dreams consistent, doing research as in keeping a dream journal to continue the awesome dream you had, most of the time, you have your boyfriend on edge with how detailed your dreams can be. 

“My angel, lil’puppy, light of my life, where can you be?” He sang out at the hallways, passing by students who stayed a bit late to continue their studies or help around the school by cleaning. 

Stopping for a moment he recalled what your friend said; 

“(Y/N) probably dozed off again. I haven’t seen them since lunch and before that, we had lab.” 

Humming a made-up tune, he made his way to the lab reserved for the third-years, and as he slid open the door, he turned on the light and looked around. From checking to the storage closet and underneath the student’s desks he pouted a bit. 

A light bulb went off in his redhead. 

Going to the teacher’s desk and pulling away the swiveled chair, he bent down and smiled. 

“Found you, (Y/N)-ba~by!” 

You were sleeping soundly, your knees pulled up to your chest and Tendou’s VBC jacket being worn as it made you look so much more endearing. 

“Wake up, you hibernating bear. Gotta get up before someone finds us.” He crawled close to you and he cupped his hand on your soft cheek, turning to pinch it. Eliciting a whine, you scrunched your nose and glared with your eyes closed. 

“Open your eyes and time to rise! Satori is here to bring you back to your kingdom!” He teased, seeing that you started to stir, but your eyes are still closed. You held out your grabby hands and he pulled you into his arms. 

“Must’ve been a nice dream to have you skip all of your afternoon classes and forget to text me. Why sleep here?” He asks as he smoothed out your hair, you caught his hand and nuzzle your face into his large palm, his heart doing everlasting flips as how adorable you are. 

“Mm, kinda...superhero dream. S’a redhead antihero. Kinda lo’like you, Satori. He’s so cool, tryin’ ta change the system.” You replied a bit slurred, your eyelids opening half-way to stare lovingly at him. 

With his lip wobbling and eyes smiling, he lightly rubbed his nose against yours, “Always the smooth talker, aren’t ya, love?” 

(((I am dying. IWANT HIM IWANTAHIMMMMMM)))

Yachi Hitoka x Reader

((SYUFOYVFYYOYV YES I AGREE I LOVE HER I WANNNT HERR IM A GREEDY PERSON OKAY OMG LET ME SIMP IN PEACE JEEZZ)

The pretty girl worries to death

Yachi knows that you don’t sleep at night cause you’re too busy gaming

Last time she slept over at your place, she tried her best to stay up for you but she passed out, when she woke up, YOU WERE STILL AWAKE

Finds ways for you to sleep early so she won’t have to find you sleeping in the storage closet beside the folded chairs

Conflicted on not wanting to wake you up or waking you up so you won’t get in trouble

You look so peaceful when you’re sleeping! She really dislike waking you up :(

As practice rolled around, Shimizu-senpai asked Yachi to pick up some more chairs from the storage closet. As she walked there and opened the closet, she heard soft snoring. 

She should know that it was you, but she was scared to move anything cause she doesn’t know exactly where you are sleeping on. Shuffling slowly, she peaked over some of the corners, reaching the blue mats, she saw the tuft of your hair at the opposite end. Climbing onto the mat, she crawled and looked down, seeing that you were sleeping in a cramped space. 

‘How can (Y/N) be possibly comfortable?’ 

Your head was leaning against the stacked mats, knees pulled to your chest and arms crossed on your knees. Just as Yachi was about to reach and fix your hair, she squealed when you caught her wrist, pulling it down as her face was closely met with your tired eyes glaring at the person who tried to wake you up. Softening your stare, you smiled kindly, loosening the grip on Yachi’s wrist and kissing it from holding it a bit tight. 

You were satisfied with the new color plastered on her face, a stuttering mess. 

“(Y/N)! W-What’re you doing s-sleeping here?! Don’t you know how cramped it is? And dusty?” She asked, avoiding your gaze. 

Humming, you rubbed the pad of your thumb against her soft wrist, “M’sitting on a spare towel. What’re you doing here?” 

“I had to get chairs for practice.” 

Groaning, with your other hand, you rubbed your temple. “I missed my last two classes. Damn.” 

Yachi pouted cutely, “(Y/N), did you sleep at all?” 

“I took a power nap. For five hours. Heh, don’t act so mad, buttercup. At least I got to wake up to you.” You flirted, snickering at how redder she became. 

“D-Don’t do that! I’m trying to be mad at you! You know I worry about your health. An average teenager should try to at least sleep seven or eight hours!” 

Sighing, you smiled at her with fondness, “I’m nocturnal, Hitoka. I sleep as much as possible when it’s the daytime. And I know for a fact that a student like you doesn’t sleep as much considering all the advanced class work can be a pain in the ass. Wasn’t it two nights ago you face timed me at two in the morning cause you were ready to set your homework on fire?” Smirking as you observed her sputtering for an explanation, you raised your hand and held the back of her head. 

“I’ll fix my sleep schedule if you give me daily kisses, how about that? Would you accept my offer, princess?” Your lips ghosted her, you can practically feel how warm her face is. 

Staring at her, she scrunched her brows and pursed her lips. “I don’t mind that proposal.” Yachi whispered. 

Grinning, you straightened your back as Yachi willingly leaned down to tilt to the right and returned the kiss. Pulling away, you stuck out your tongue between your teeth with a successful smile. 

“Since you’re awake, can you help me bring some chairs to the gym?” 

((I’m dying. I’m dying. IM DYING))

Sugawara Koushi x Reader

((This man,,, goddamn,,, angels voice DEVILS WORDS))

Sugawara knows you love to sleep too much 

He wonders if you hibernate in the winter

Makes jokes about you being bear,,, or a cat 

Would sometimes invite you to his house or go over to your place so he can make sure you eat and remind you to do your homework 

Babe loves to nap with you after practice!!

Snuggling into all the pillows and blankets you hoard 

“I am in the cave of the hibernating honey bear”

“Koushi, go to sleep”

Sugawara knows how sleepy you are, so he doesn’t mind coming to your place and greeting you with kisses for you to wake up to. Even though practice ended late and Coach Ukai was pushing them a bit harder, Sugawara became a bit energized after showering and walking a bit faster to get to your place. After your first-year together, you decided to copy your house key and give it to him. Arriving to your place, he opened the door and knocked off his shoes, greeting your parent as they told him you were sleeping, as usual. 

“I was lazy to cook, Sugawara-kun. So, I ordered you guys pizza and burgers. Knowing (Y/N), I know they would complain to me if I haven’t bought them fries either. It’s in the living room, so try to wake up that tired kid o’mine to eat. Went straight to sleep when they came home.” Your parent sighed, shaking their head at your behavior. 

Sugawara chuckled. “I’ll bring them down, don’t you worry!”

“I’m positive you will. If it’s you and food, (Y/N) won’t mind at all.” 

The teen went up the stairs and opened your door, switching the lights on as his eyes landed to the barricade of blankets and pillows that shifted a bit. Walking closer, he saw the small exposure of your facial features. Tearing away the blankets, he smiled as he leaned in to pepper your face with soft kisses. The apples of your cheeks, forehead, temples, nose, and lastly, your own lips. 

Stirring, you slowly blinked. 

“Good evening, Sugar. Did you sleep well?” 

You grunted. 

“Come downstairs, there’s food!” 

Two hands shot out from the blankets as you held onto your boyfriend’s shoulders, pulling him down as he yelped. 

“Koushi, you can’t use food against me. I was sleeping.” You said in a tired voice. 

He turned to his side to look at you, lifting his finger and tracing your face, cheeks, nose, arch of your nose, and your lips. You took his hand and intertwined his fingers with yours. With half-lidded eyes, you watched underneath your lashes the pink hue on his face, even the mole near his eye was highlighted. 

“You have to get up, (Y/N).”  “Why.”

“So we can eat and watch anime!”

“Hmm.” You brought the hand you were holding close to your chest, “But I wanna stay here and hold you.” 

Sugawara can be speechless at how flirtatious and bold you can be, even if it was unintentional. But he knows you, and he knows how to play this game. 

Shuffling close, you can feel his body heat, “If you wake up, I can give you some of the answers to the homework. And hand feed you fries.” 

Eyes fully awakened, you smiled cheekily, “You know me so well, Sugarplum.” 

[flowertboyz]

Lunch Time | LJY ~ Bora

genre: fluff

phrase(s): 21: “Do you think the baby would be down if I ate some chipotle?”

age: Joon & Yoon = 7 / Bora = fetus (6 months)

warnings: pregnant!reader

_______________

“Daddy, we’re hungry,” Joon whined, tugging on Juyeon’s sleeve.

“Really?” Juyeon asked, “what do you want, hmm?”

“I want Chipotle!” Yoon announced, jumping up from his toys.

Joon gasped, “I want Chipotle too!”

“Chipotle sounds good,” Juyeon nodded, “Y/N?”

You hummed, “do you think the baby would be down if I ate some chipotle?”

Juyeon hummed, “what do you think?”

“I mean, my brain is telling me no but my stomach is telling me yes,” you laughed, rubbing your bump gently to try and sooth the hard kicks that your baby gave.

“Let’s look at something else then,” Juyeon said.

“No!” the twins protested.

“Mummy will look for something else, okay? You three can still get Chipotle,” you promised.

“Yes!”

“Yay!”

“What are you getting?” Juyeon hummed, watching the twins as they occupied themselves once again.

“Waffles,” you giggled.

“For lunch?” Juyeon chuckled.

“With loads of toppings,” you said, “chocolatey ones. The baby’s craving it!”

Laughing, Juyeon nodded and leaned up to kiss your head, “don’t tell the boys.”

“Eatings sweets without them? They’d be heartbroken,” you chuckled, placing the order.

~

“Boys! Food’s here!” Juyeon shouted, carrying the bags of food through the house and into the living room.

“Yay!” Yoon cheered, the twins both running down the stairs to join their dad, sat around the table.

“Yoon’s, Joon’s,” Juyeon gave out the bowls of food, “and Mummy’s.”

“Thank you!” you smiled as Juyeon handed your food to you on the sofa.

“What did Mummy get?” Joon asked.

Juyeon faltered, “uh, just some other stuff.”

“What is it?” Yoon asked, peering round to try and look inside the packaging.

“It’s Mummy’s,” you laughed, “just eat your food, okay?”

“But what if I wanna try yours?” Yoon pouted.

“Yoon-ah, Mum’s pregnant, she won’t give you food,” Joon said.

You laughed, “you are right.”

“But why can’t we know?” Yoon asked, his eyes shining as he turned to his brother.

Joon gasped, his brain connecting the dots as the boys jumped up onto the sofa to see what you had.

“Waffles?!” they exclaimed.

“You two wanted Chipotle!”

“But now I want waffles!” Joon whined.

“No. These are for me and your sibling, okay? Not for you. Eat your Chipotle.”

“No one said we could have waffles for lunch,” Yoon grumbled.

“Not fair,” Joon sighed.

“You two can’t, it’s a Mummy thing.”

“That’s even more not fair!”

“What?!”

[mcauja]

Women & Weed... and a baby???

Read that title, take a moment to remove your britches from betwixt your uptight asscheeks, and follow me as I paint this picture for you right quick... January 4, 2017. Just days after naming and claiming my greatness for the year, which included losing that last 15 pounds, going back to school AGAIN, cooling out on flings and meaningless one night stands, and finally obtaining a passport, I sat on the toilet of my closet sized guest bathroom, scared shitless, waiting to see what the twin pregnancy tests I'd taken simultaneously would tell me. "Lol biiiiiiiiiiiitch GUESS WHAT?!" is what those pregnancy tests revealed. Rather quickly, I might add, so there was no time for second guessing. Those pink goddamned lines appeared like a sleazy landlord on the 2nd; posthaste, ready to run my pockets and kill my vibe for the foreseeable future. I was fucking pregnant. Gross. I'm sure most women take those few earth shattering moments afterwards to let the future materialize before them, beginning to dream of a reality they'd never imagined before. Not me. I had a nightcap jay rolled and ready for me before I discovered this new truth because I mean c'mon lol no way, right? RIGHT?! Wrong. So I take my few deep breaths, text my best friend and tell her that she needs to fix this because yeah NO, and I clomp back to my room in a stupor as muscle memory leads me directly to my ashtray where the fresh blunt is waiting; calling. Whenever things in my life go awry, all I need is a little time, a little space to think, and a little bud and I can fix or fineness anything. But just as I'm about to blaze the stress away, I could feel myself developing a little white angel on my shoulder. "You're pregnant Auja, that's bad for the baby dumbass." "Oh yeah, I forgot... Fuck." I smoked a little anyway tho because fuck that little white useless ass angel. Where was she when my uterus was being infiltrated?! Why didn't she tell me to swallow instead?!?! Stupid bitch, I hate that angel. February 9, 2017. It's been a few weeks since I realized I was harboring a squatter in my womb and life has flipped upside down. It's as if my body was waiting for me to catch up to what was happening before shit could really start happening. Mere days after those God forsaken pink lines appeared, morning noon and night sickness followed suit, with intense all day nausea bringing up the rear. I'd made a doctors appointment immediately and on the day of, while filling out the bullshit paperwork, I find myself once again stuck and scared shitless. "How often do you: consume caffeine, drink alcohol, smoke cigarettes, partake in recreational drug use?" Oh shit. Should I lie???? I should lie right?? I mean I didn't even do any of that other stuff before so I'm good. And it's not like they'll know anyway; I've stopped since I found out so it's not like I would really be lying. "Oh we'll also need a urine sample in just a second" FUCK!!!!! Okay, just tell the truth then. Fuck. And so I did. The Gods honest, "every damn day, at least twice a day." truth. Would this doctor call the imaginary pregnancy police on me? Would she look over the rim of her glasses and judge me as if I'd stabbed a white woman multiple times and was about to get away with it?! Would everyone pretend it's all good then on the day of my delivery, CPS shows up and rips my beautiful baby from my arms without bothering to cut the umbilical cord?!? I had completely went on auto pilot and panic mode while Dr. Nice White Lady went through the questionnaire with me, dreading that moment we'd have to discuss my hophead tendencies. "I see here it says you used drugs before pregnancy..." "Yes but only weed" "Well while we can't encourage or discourage that, I do have to inform you that it could possibly affect the baby" *inner dialogue* "DUH bitch that's why I stop-- hold up... did she just say she can't DISCOURAGE me from sparking up??" *Bitch ass angel refusing to mind her business* "Yeah but she can't ENCOURAGE you either dumbass" "1) call me dumbass again and see what happens. 2) nobody ever ENCOURAGES smoking weed but other weed heads. She's a doctor, she basically just told me roll up at my own risk..." "No, that's not what she sai--" "Aaaaahhhh!! Unt-un shut yo ass up, I ain't tryna hear it. You already know what's up!!!" And she did. My stupid shoulder angel I mean, not Dr. Nice White Lady. She knew what I'd been suffering through, but, you, reading this, may have no idea what pregnancy does to women. Each instance is different. All the forums and mom blogs I scoured for slivers of peace and sanity would reiterate this time and again. Most often they tell you to ask your doctor about these things, but your doctor will more than likely bullshit you then prescribe a drug you can't roll up and smoke, but a drug nonetheless. A drug that might make you a little LESS nauseous, but would not keep you from retching up the food you just ate 10 minutes ago. Some days it can be so bad, water won't stay put. You ever thrown up ice cold water??? Spoiler alert, that shit comes back just as cold and it's fucking disgusting. I took to eating Bomb Pops because supposedly popsicles soothe the stomach and help fight against dehydrating yourself and your unborn child but in my case it just made for patriotic toilet decorations. Can't even lie tho, it was kinda cool watching the red white and blue come up in the exact same order as it had gone down. Gross, right? Lol And it's not just stomach issues us preggers have to endure. The sleepless nights, the aches and pains of a body growing and changing to accommodate new life, the mood swings, the anxiety. THE ANXIETY OMG. As it stands, at 4 months I should be gaining about 1-2 pounds per week. I am currently 5 pounds lighter than I was when I first found out about my baby. I worry CONSTANTLY I'm not feeding it enough; that the lil guy(or girl, please be a girl) isn't getting the proper nutrition. That I'm a shit mom because I can't seem to do this without weed. But I mean gahdamn what's a woman to do?? Liquids don't hold and sometimes even just the sight or smell of food while sober makes me dry heave. I search google every day looking for new developments and studies that will assuage my guilt. I don't have to look very hard, almost all weed/pregnancy related studies conclude there isn't enough evidence to surely say weed will harm a fetus, but science can't ever let you have your moment so the "That doesn't mean it's okay" undertones are always there. The judgement I'm sure I'd receive from family and certain friends worries me, and every appointment I have with Dr. Nice White Lady, I fear the lecture I'm sure she's holding onto. But at days end, as I puff puff then take my prenatal vitamin, I can't help but feel a little indignant. My body, my baby, my bud, right?! If things are okay, then I should keep doing what works right?? I heard it's healthy heartbeat and witnessed Baby Big Heads growth in the sonogram. It's recently started to move around in there and it feels like gnarly gas lol I gladly welcome the morning vomit because that means my lil shorty is still alive and kickin. Afterwards I toke up and eat a hearty breakfast and then lunch and sometimes even dinner. I drink way more water than I ever have and make sure I'm getting all my fruit and veggie servings. As it stands, I'm living and self caring better than I ever have before, and my kid is all the better for it. What harm will a little session do, ya know?? Peace and blessings.