#you COULD say he was a bit of an expectant closet fan...but reality became a disappointment for those hopes

[the-nysh]

tfw Garou's initial "YAHOO!" when meeting Tank-Top Master isn't just because he's strong but also because he's genuinely excited to see what a 'real' hero has in store for him, only for his excitement to dwindle more and more and more as each encounter only makes him more jaded and reinforces his negative views on heroes

Yup, you got it. That's exactly what happened. :') The way he was SO exited at first, looking forward to meet and face some of the biggest/renown/strongest real-life heroes out there, only for each encounter to further sour and dampen that enthusiasm. Where their behavior and performance, both towards him, and how many would act in a self-serving manner favoring their own self-interests (like ganging up to kill him to inc their ranks or pride, etc) unfortunately only affirmed the worst beliefs he'd come to expect of them (where it went just as he'd feared; not as he hoped), leading towards his overall disappointment with them. (Now IF more had pleasantly surprised him with more of that idealized heroic kindness, or if he'd witnessed more altruistic/selfless acts of justice in ways that did NOT remind him of Tacchan's treatment or tactics, then things would be different, but alas...)

[jeongjaebae]

Love Station

⇢ Jaehyun x reader | AO3

⇢ 7k of fluff, heart fluttering moments, and meme references

⇢  You never expected anything good to come out of a train delay, much less for it to play cupid on this Valentine’s Day. 

Turning 23 wasn't something you were overly excited about.

Nothing good could come out of being this age anyway—you were starting to feel old and life was starting to feel stagnant. Besides, everyone's seen the meme about checking up on your friends born in a certain year because no one likes you when you're 23. But heck, you'd already felt that way for long enough so it doesn't really matter that it's your birthday today because no one liked you at 22 either. Or at any age.

Maybe that's why you're still single on this Valentine's Day, which coincidentally happens to be the date you enter your 23rd year since birth. Whatever deity that's up there probably planned this to give you a headache every year, making you watch couples all around you broadcast their PDA everywhere while you only became one year closer to growing old and wrinkly. And dying single.

"Are you on the train yet?" Yoojin's loud voice comes through the phone. "Also what are you wearing, because I'm having an outfit dilemma again."

"Almost at the station," you reply, checking the time for the sake of it. You knew your best friend would be late regardless of the occasion, so you never had to rush. "I didn't expect it to be so cold out here. Wearing the pink blouse with the bow, that black skirt, and some thin tights. Long coat of course."

Yoojin was your best friend of seven years and happened to be the complete opposite of you. While you were generally shy, she had no qualms about talking to strangers. She'd always been bold and unabashed with her opinions, attracting quite a large group of friends and enemies alike, whereas you have always stayed within your comfort zone of invisibility. And whereas you were completely dense and unlucky when it came to boys, she had a list of them long enough for the both of you.

"Tell me you at least have some tall boots on," she replies with some rustling sounds in the background as she probably flips her entire closet upside-down. "You should've gone with a warmer outfit; there won't be any boys around for you to impress! It's only your date with boring old me."

You roll your eyes and play along. "I'm dressing to impress the cute waiter, obviously," you say, "the one with the super sweet smile who looks like NCT's Doyoung." It's all made up, of course. In reality the two of you didn't have a reservation or even a restaurant in mind yet, and of course, there's obviously nobody who could ever be as cute as Doyoung.

Your best friend was all about being spontaneous and winging it, and even letting fate decide things.

"Oh you better hope that he's not out with his girlfriend tonight then," she singsongs. "Anyway, I'll go pick out an outfit now and bring a pair of leggings for you or something. Oh and before I forget, happy birthday!"

"Thanks," you say with a smile as you approach the train station. "I'll see you soon!"

It's slightly more crowded at the station than the emptiness that usually greets you at this hour, but that's not surprising since it's Valentine's Day after all, and people would have plans in the city. And just as you would expect, there are people holding big bouquets wrapped in a special paper with hearts all over it, packs of chocolates in pink and red boxes, and delicate single roses encompassed in beautiful ribbons.

It wasn't something that you felt like you were missing out on. You've never spent Valentine's Day with someone special anyway; it was always some sort of birthday celebration with friends. Until your friends started getting into relationships and then the birthday thing got pushed to different days. Either way you didn't mind because people don't need particular days to show their love for others, so Valentine's Day was all just a big marketing scam.

Or so you tell yourself.

The February air is cold and makes it hard to pry your transit card out from your wallet with your frozen fingers. When the machine nearby is finally free, that's when you go to tap your card.

"Don't."

A hand slides right in between your card and the machine, blocking it from being detected.

"Excuse me?" you automatically respond.

The first thing you notice about this annoying stranger is that he's tall, as it takes a while for you to look up to see the face of said annoying stranger. The second thing is that he's incredibly good looking. Nice skin, large eyes, and some evidence of dimples slightly visible on each cheek. A strong jaw line and sharp gaze.

But none of that matters because he better have a good explanation for you.

"Don't waste your money tapping your card. The train's been delayed and won't come until maybe an hour later."

"What? An hour? Is this some kind of joke?"

He shakes his head. "There was an announcement a few minutes ago but they'll probably repeat it soon."

"But it's not even April Fools Day," you mutter under your breath, but proceed to put your card away anyway. "Are you serious?"

That earns you a funny look from the annoying stranger, a mixture of a smile and a grimace of sorts. "Yeah, I'm really just going to go up to strangers and prank them by telling them about a train delay."

"Well, maybe if you're one of those YouTubers who go around pranking people for reactions?"

He rolls his eyes. "No, but your reaction was terrible, by the way. A two out of ten at most."

"Hey, you're the one who had to break the news to me like that!"

The corner of his mouth twitches but before he says anything back, the blare of the announcement comes on.

"Attention all passengers! Attention all passengers. The line 1 eastbound train is experiencing delays due to a technical issue on the tracks. It may be over an hour before the track can get cleared. Once again, the eastbound train is currently experiencing delays of an hour or more. We are sorry for the inconvenience."

"And there it is. Do you believe me now?" the annoying stranger asks, raising an eyebrow at you. It's not so much of an 'I told you so', but rather a sad 'welcome to the club'.

"Yeah... sorry for not taking you seriously."

"Nah, no worries," he shrugs and gives you a quick smile. The first you'd seen from him. "We're all just stuck here now."

When he turns to look at the announcement board, that's when you take the chance to really study him. He's dressed like he's walked out of a Korean drama: turtleneck and a nice formal jacket. He looks to be about your age, maybe a university student or fresh grad. Hair gelled up and parted at the side. Perfectly dressed to go on the perfect Valentine's Day date with his perfectly stunning girlfriend.

As perfect as it can be with this whole train delay issue anyway.

You follow his gaze to the announcement board and see that it now has red words everywhere, indicating all the delays of the trains. It definitely wasn't looking good. Even if Valentine's Day was nowhere close to being one of your favourite holidays, you were looking forward to at least seeing a friend on your birthday.

"Yeah, I guess so. On the one day I had plans in the city." You sigh at the thought that seeing your best friend might not be possible anymore.

 "I know the feeling," he frowns, somehow still looking just as good as before which is entirely a mystery to you, "I'm also supposed to be in the city tonight."

You nod, then pull out your phone to shoot Yoojin a quick text about the delay. The cold wind sears your hands and you yet again regret wearing so little when you knew this train station didn't have an indoor waiting area.  

"So, what are our options for getting out of here now? Do you think the buses are still running because we could probably take one?" he suggests.

The 'we' takes you by surprise, but then you realize that he's probably talking about everyone here. All of the ten or so people that are just stuck at this station in the cold for the next hour.

You grimace at the thought of dissipating his ounce of hope. "Well, the nearest bus station is all the way across town, so by the time we get there maybe the trains will have already started working."

The handsome stranger sighs. "Maybe an Uber then?"

"It'll be rush hour soon so that only works if you want to be going during the most expensive time of day using the most expensive form of transportation."

"Ah, that's true." He looks disappointed. "Hmm, if the trains don't come by the next hour, maybe I'll just head to the bus stop."

Oh how nice it would be to have a car to get there yourself.

Buzz. The phone vibrates in your pocket and you could already imagine how Yoojin would be reacting to your news. Hopefully she hadn't already started on her crazy makeup routine yet, because who knows if your meet-up could actually happen at this rate.

"It's chill, don't worry about it! I'll head to you instead. Text you when I'm near."

Sometimes Yoojin's spontaneity was just what you needed. You message her a quick thanks and then shove the phone into your pocket before your fingers freeze off.

It's quiet for a bit and you almost forget about the handsome stranger entirely until there's a crinkling sound and you find yourself staring at the rose in the pocket of his coat, the clear foil around it blowing gently in the wind. It was on the side facing away from you earlier, which is probably how you didn't notice upon first glance.

Of course, he has a girlfriend. With a face like that, who wouldn't have a girlfriend? Or boyfriend. Maybe even multiple.

"Special occasions, right?" The corners of his lips are curled as if holding back a grin, and like this his dimples are visible.

But why was he still talking to you? You figured he was probably just trying to be friendly seeing as the two of you would be stuck here for an indefinite amount of time. Maybe you'll even become all buddy-buddy by the time this ordeal finishes. While you weren't a fan of small talk or talking to strangers, it was nice to be able to have someone by your side who was experiencing the same struggles.

And besides, he clearly has a girlfriend so there was no point in writing that "strangers to lovers" fan fiction in your head.

You clear your throat. "So... Valentine's date with your girlfriend?"

"Valentine's—" he pauses for a second and you can almost see the gears turning in his head. "Right, it's Valentine's Day today. Nah, I'm celebrating my birthday instead." Then he holds up the rose up and glances at it as if he'd also forgotten about it. "And no girlfriend. This is for my cousin. Her boyfriend's overseas so it's hard for them to meet up, so I thought I would get something nice for her and keep her company."

That actually takes you off guard and causes you to replay the words in your mind to make sure you heard correctly.

"Wait, it's your birthday today? Really?"

He gives you a strange look. "Yeah, there are actually people born on Valentine's Day, believe it or not."

"That's not what I meant—"

"I'm just kidding." His eyes twinkle in amusement. "It's also your birthday today, isn't it?"

"What—how did you know?"

He chuckles. "Your reaction said everything."

"Wow, someone is a smartie."

"What about you? Valentine's or birthday date with your boyfriend?"

"Best friend," you correct him. "And yeah, it's a birthday dinner."

"That's nice. I've actually never met anyone else with a Valentine's Day birthday."

"Honestly, same."

His eyes curve up into crescents as he smiles with his entire body, and it's dazzling and is so bright that it makes you want to stare for just a moment longer. The two of you laugh for a while at that coincidence, still amazed.

"So, how old are you turning?"

You groan, "The age where no one likes you."

"Ah, I just passed that." He wrinkles his nose as if remembering how terrible a year it was. "But hey, can't have no one liking you at that age if no one liked you anyway."

His words immediately put an image of that roll safe meme into your head and you find yourself laughing.

"Wow, those are my thoughts exactly."

The handsome stranger only gives you an innocent shrug. His meme game was on point, and that almost makes your heart flutter for a second. Almost.

Another cold breeze whips your hair into your face and blows straight through your thin tights, making you shiver.

"Hey, um, I hope this isn't too forward... but since we're stuck here anyways for the next while, do you want to possibly go hang out in town?" He bites his lips a little, making his dimples stand out even more. "It just kind of sucks to see our birthdays go to waste like this. Only if you're comfortable with it though, but of course we'll be in public areas the entire time."

You couldn't believe your ears for the second time today.

On one hand, the logical voice in your head was screaming stranger danger because you just met him! You hadn't even exchanged more than a few sentences! On the other hand, you could already picture Yoojin telling you to never waste an opportunity, to go with the flow and live life a little recklessly. To stop waiting for a train that might never come, to stop waiting for perfectly planned moments in life that might never occur.

"So, what do you think?"

Besides, if he's not some crazy serial killer or anything along those lines, the only other danger you could possibly see was getting heartbroken. But of course there's no way you'd fall for a stranger in one day; you didn't believe in love at first sight or fate or whatever other mushy romantic cliches that movies love to portray. This would merely be a fun time between two people who happened to be stuck together because of a train delay, on a day that happened to be both of their birthdays. A simple coincidence, really.

"You know what," you smile. "Screw it. Let's go."

***

The smell of the arcade brings back memories from when you were a child—friends' birthday parties, hangouts in middle school, the occasional school trip. It had been fun as a child even though you hadn't been very good at any of the games and probably never won anything worth keeping. Looking back, you hadn't set foot in this place in years.

"We'll get the one with the most tokens," the handsome stranger—Jaehyun—says to the guy behind the counter, flashing you a smile when you raise an eyebrow at him.

Jaehyun. It had sounded so pretty when he introduced himself.

You'd been afraid that conversation would come out awkward and forced between two strangers brought together by no more than a train delay, not knowing where or when or how to start. But there was actually never a dull moment between the flow of words and laughter that made you feel as if he was someone you've known for a long time. The short walk to the arcade had been spent on reminiscing and comparing past memories of growing up in this town, brainstorming fun places and cool restaurants that you'd been to or have yet to go to, pointing at familiar buildings and telling funny stories about interesting moments spent in there.

"Come on, let's go." He leads the way into the main area where all the action is.  

The arcade still looks the same as the last time you were here, though everything seems smaller than you'd remembered it. Bright lights flashing from every machine, loud noises at every corner. So many games that you'd once thought it was impossible to play through all of them.

"Let's start with this one?" You point to the zombie shooting game. It was something that you had always wanted to try as a kid out of pure curiosity, but you'd been too scared to at the time.

"That one? Really?" He raises a brow at your suggestion. "Alright, but I bet I can beat you."

"I would also bet on you winning," you respond dully.

After choosing characters and weapons on screen, the two of you settle in your seats and finally start. It's like watching a horror movie where you expect huge jump scares at every corner except there's no music build-up or anything to warn you that a zombie might just show up. Horror was definitely not your forte but maybe he was better at handling these things than you were.

You get your answer when the first wave of zombies finally show up. Jaehyun screams. You scream.

Somehow you manage to shoot some of them by pure instinct guiding you, however your aim isn't exactly good with your eyes closed half of the time. By the time the screaming dies down and you notice that both your characters had died in the zombie battle, you finally turn to see how he's doing. The way his face is twisted in a mixture of utter shock and horror would've been something to laugh at if you hadn't been just as scared.  

"If I recall, someone said they were going to beat me at this," you tease after seeing the final score. Neither of you did particularly well, though your score somehow turned out to be much higher than his.

"You should've given me a warning that it would be this scary."

You burst out laughing at his expression. "I didn't know either!"

That's when you notice how you're clinging to each other. Your hand clutching his arm, his hand right on top of yours.

"Oops, sorry," you mutter and quickly detangle yourself from him.

"It's fine," he says with a laugh. "But yeah, those zombies were next level."

Needless to say, you guys don't go back to that game.

The arcade is quite empty on this afternoon and you're glad that most of the games are unoccupied and can be played right away. Even with everything going well so far, you still have the fear of having awkward silences and uncomfortable conversation.

It's a while later when you try again at a different shooting game, though luckily this time it isn't zombies that you're dealing with, so it isn't scary at all. It's a teamwork game this time, and what surprises you the most is just how good your teamwork turns out to be.

"To your left, in the corner."

"Phew, got him. Thanks," you reply, promptly shooting the character before he could shoot you. "Watch out—right above you."

"Got it."

It lasts a few rounds but you manage to make it to the end and finally clear the game.

Jaehyun's whole face is lit up when he turns to you. "Wow, that was awesome. Great teamwork."

He holds up both his hands for you to high-five, and just as your hands meet his, you can't help but notice the way they linger together a little longer.  

Time flies as the two of you go from game to game and you're trying your best to beat him at any game possible. While he does let you win some of the time, more often than not, he ends up winning. Though it's not like you could be upset about it at all when he looked so happy after each win, excitedly showing you his score or prize. It was definitely nice to be as carefree as kids again.

Yet there was something deeper with the adrenaline coursing through your veins and heart racing that it becomes hard to tell whether it may be from the excitement of the games, the warmth of his body right beside you as he patiently teaches you his strategies for winning, the bright smiles that seem to light up his whole face, or those damn dimples.

Why did this Valentine's boy have to be not only heartbreakingly handsome but also incredibly kind and considerate?

"Hey, you want to try one of those?" The sound of Jaehyun's voice pulls you out of your thoughts and you silently pray that you hadn't been staring at him subconsciously. And if you had been staring, hopefully he didn't notice as he's pointing to the line of game stands at the side where the games are always rigged and you can never win big prizes.

"I've never won anything from there before, so I sure hope you're good at those."

He ends up picking a dart game out of all the options, but maybe this one would be easier than the rest.

The man at the dart stand greets you and explains the rules. "Are you trying to win something for your girlfriend?"

"Oh, we're not—" you start but stop as soon as you hear what Jaehyun says instead.

"It's Valentine's Day after all," he says easily then follows with a wink at you.

He didn't deny...?

It's three shots dead center to win one of the biggest prizes or five within the smallest ring. It makes your heart pound a little faster seeing Jaehyun so focused with his nice stance, sleeves rolled up slightly, and intense eyes on the target. However, he misses on the first shot with his dart going off the board.

"Well that's no fun," the man says, frowning at where the dart landed. "I suppose I could give you another chance, since it's Valentine's Day and all. Wouldn't want to end up empty handed, right?" He laughs to himself but puts the dart back in Jaehyun's hand.

"Thank you," he says, flustered judging by the hint of a blush that sweeps his cheeks. "I'm not usually this bad."

"It's okay! You're doing great, sweetie," you joke.

He rolls his eyes at you despite the way his lips curl up at the corners, then gets ready to throw the dart again. And this time? You're sure your jaw is to the floor when he manages to get all three darts to hit the board dead center. The man congratulates him for winning and then they disappear into the back room to pick a prize. Jaehyun later comes out holding the biggest dog plushie you've ever seen.

Once you're back outside after the arcade adventure, that's when he stops and turns to you.

"I wasn't sure what you'd like but I hope this is okay," he says quietly, gingerly handing you the giant plushie.

"It's great, Jaehyun." You meet his gaze as you take the plushie and he quickly looks away. "Thank you."

"You know, I'm really glad we ended up doing this. It's even better than what I had planned originally." Then he adds more quietly, "One of the best birthdays I've had in a while."  

"Yeah," you smile. "Me too."

It's only then when you realize that Yoojin and the rest of your plans had totally slipped your mind.

***

It's chilly outside as the two of you walk around town. Valentine's Day decorations were everywhere, with the chalkboard menus of local restaurants featuring couple meal sets with tons of hearts drawn around them, various pink and red plushies lined up on the windowsills of nearby shops, and even lamp posts on the streets covered with mini heart shaped lights. The sight of those things usually would've made you roll your eyes and pretend to puke, but somehow it doesn't seem to bother you quite so much today. It's as if you're seeing everything through a new perspective—one that might find the rosy decorations pretty and one that might understand the hype of such a holiday.

"Y/N," Jaehyun suddenly says, wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you to his side. Before you could even react, he's quickly switching positions with you so that you're sheltered between him and the wall of the nearby building.

Then he's turning to you. Hand on the wall behind your head, body leaning towards you.

So close that you could see the individual eyelashes framing his eyes.

But in the next instant he's looking behind him where a car drives by and splashes up a large amount of water from the melting snow on the side of the street. Which lands right where you were standing just a moment ago.

Jaehyun turns back to you, eyes filled with concern. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," you breathe. "Um, are you?"

"That's good." He glances behind him and then reassures you with a quick smile. "And yeah, all good."

"It was a close call. Thanks for saving me."

"Wouldn't want your clothes to be ruined by that." He laughs. "How are you doing though? It's pretty cold out here."

"I'm okay," you automatically reply.

That earns you a skeptical look. "Your cheeks are all red. Come on, let's go warm up somewhere."

When you resume walking, he's taking the outer edge of the sidewalk.

A couple of blocks later is when you find out that the place he had in mind turns out to be the local coffee shop. You'd never been there before but had always thought of it as a cute place when you pass by it, so when you enter, the interior definitely matches up to your expectations. It has a rustic theme with warm glow from fairy lights hanging from the ceiling and there's soft music playing in the background, a nice place to study if it's as empty as today.

Jaehyun buys you your drink. Kind of.

"I bought one, but they gave me one for free," he says, beaming when he comes back to the table with the drinks—a coffee for him and a latte with a cute little heart floating in it for you. "Maybe the barista was charmed by my smile."

"Hmm." You look behind him to see a sign at the front of the store saying, 'Buy one get one free—Valentine's Day special'. "Are you sure it wasn't because of my charming smile?"

"You're right, that could be it. You are quite cute."

"Exactly."

Wait, what did he just say?

You do a double take but he's merely staring back at you with dimples just barely visible and eyes sparkling through thick eyelashes that you could only wish yours looked like.

Suddenly it feels like the heater's on extra high in this cafe or maybe it was the way the latte burns your tongue as you take a big gulp. Whatever it was, it definitely succeeds in warming you up a little too well, especially your face.

"You okay? Don't burn yourself," he says, the amusement in his eyes betraying the concern in his voice.

You nearly spit your drink out at him. "Nah, no burn. I'm good, thanks," you say dryly.

Time seems to slow down as you relax in your seat, body finally warming up in the coziness of the cafe. The small corner you're in almost feels like a liminal space; such a transient place you'd only ever noticed while passing by, yet a whole different world on the inside where one can hide forever. Perhaps you wanted to hide here, to enjoy the fleeting moments of a strange but amazing birthday.

Conversation ebbs and flows though you're a little surprised when Jaehyun opens up about his life. His passion for music, especially, is what picks up traction as he happens to know your favourite group, NCT. From there it becomes a debate of whether Doyoung or Taeyong was the best looking member (you insist that Doyoung's Instagram was all the proof one needed, whereas he points out that Taeyong's sharp jawline could totally cut that VVS diamonds they keep singing about). You definitely don't tell Jaehyun the fact that maybe—just maybe—he's even more attractive than your NCT biases and that he could totally be an actor from a Korean drama.

Everything you hear about him makes you appreciate his vulnerability, yet you can't help but wonder if he's so open with just anybody. You were a complete stranger, after all.

Yet every time you see the twinkle in his eyes when your gaze accidentally meets his, part of you wonders if 'strangers' no longer fits the definition of where this strange relationship was going. It leaves you with wanting to avoid looking at him which is quite difficult with him seated directly across from you. Maybe you should've sat where your plushie was, taking up its own chair between the two of you, but it's too late and now you're left to deal with the audible thud of your heart every time you make eye contact with him.

And yet when you think about it, you realize that it wasn't Jaehyun's cute dimples or his deep voice or his lame jokes that had your nerves acting up.

It was probably the caffeine.

But maybe it was the small things that you hadn't even realized you'd noticed. Earlier at the arcade when he patiently taught you the games that you were unfamiliar with, letting you win games but also winning at them himself just so he could give you the prize. Saving you from a car first then from the cold with the warmth of the cafe. Opening the door for you, sitting closer to the door to block the cold wind from reaching you.

And how despite the number of reschedules and plan cancellations you both had to make due to the train delay, he hasn't pulled his phone out a single time. You admired how in the midst of all the chaos today, he was still nothing but calm and polite the entire time and seemed to have everything under control. He was a comforting presence that made you forget about the madness of the outside world for a little while.

Nah, it had to be the caffeine.

Still, you find yourself glad to be stuck here with him, even as far as dreading when you both had to leave. You're definitely appreciating Yoojin's ability to be late right about now.

A lull in the conversation has you sneaking a glance at your phone to check up on your best friend. There's no text from her as she's either still doing her extravagant makeup or still on her way here, but for some reason you let out the breath you held in relief.

"I wonder if the trains are running now." A glance out the window shows you the remnants of sunset and the quickly darkening skies. Then you cautiously throw out the question that you'd been holding onto for a while. Something that you'd been reluctant to bring up, carefully stepping around it the whole day, and something that he hasn't talked about either. "Oh right, didn't you say you would end up taking a bus? If the delay is still going on."

Maybe it's a test to see his reaction, maybe it's to end this vague relationship before you become even more attached than you already are. Because any rational person wouldn't just throw away all their birthday plans for someone they'd just met.

"Oh. Right." Jaehyun looks down and swirls the stir stick in his drink. Clockwise, counter-clockwise, back and forth. "I, uh, actually forgot that I didn't drive here today." He shoots you a sheepish grin then runs his fingers through his hair that has deflated quite a bit since you first saw him. "So can't exactly drive over to the bus stop."

You smile back weakly. "Ah, that's okay. There's probably a ton of traffic out there now anyways."

An ambiguous answer for an equally ambiguous relationship. It could definitely be a real excuse, yet somehow the thought of that makes you almost disappointed. Maybe there are no answers to the questions and uncertainties muddled in your mind.

"But did you want to get rid of me so fast?" He actually pouts at you, as if his regular face weren't already enough to break hearts.

"What? No, of course not? I—what?" you manage to get out.

"Okay, good!" The pout immediately goes back into his regular smile. "Phew. It's sad enough being single on Valentine's Day; no need to get rejected on top of that."

Then his phone buzzes and it finally pulls it out.

"As if anyone would reject you," you mutter under your breath while he's distracted.

It's true. You might've expected Jaehyun's appearance to be making up for other areas, or maybe even hoping he'd be too rude or too blunt or have a bad character. Because the cognitive dissonance in your head wants a reason or excuse to remain distant and emotionally detached from him. But the kindness and authenticity that you saw today just leaves you without a reason, which makes it that much harder to stop yourself from liking him.

"Sorry about that; what did you say?"

"Nothing!" You plaster on a cheerful smile.

"Okay, my cousin is going to be here soon."

"Oh."

Then there's the sinking of your heart, the inevitable dread that this unexpectedly enjoyable afternoon is coming to an end. Somehow it manages to crush the anticipation you had for your birthday celebration with Yoojin.

"You know, I kind of feel bad that you paid for everything today," you say. "Let me pay you back?"

"It's fine, Y/N. We had fun and that's all that matters."

"True, but you should've at least let me buy the drinks!"

That manages to make him smile but it quickly dies as he bites his lip, suddenly hesitant. "If you really want to..."

"Yes!"

"...you could just pay next time."

What.

"Next time?" you repeat, afraid to believe what you were hearing.

"I mean, if you—maybe—want to hang out again sometime?"

You open your mouth to say something, or maybe it was already open in your state of shock. Nothing comes out as if you lost your voice.

Jaehyun briefly meets your eyes before continuing. "Well, um—I just wanted to say that I had a really good time with you today. I know the train thing was probably an inconvenience to everyone else but to be honest, I'm kind of glad that happened." He laughs a little. Stops. Bites his lip. "And yeah, if you're down, we could hang out again sometime. Because I'd love to get to know you better."

Thud.

You could only stare back at him as the roaring of your pulse becomes all you can hear. The whole day you were telling yourself that it shouldn't be possible to develop feelings for someone within a day, almost trying to hold yourself back from enjoying your time with him to the fullest in the fear that you might be wrong. And it's not like you developed crushes very easily, but here in front of you was a boy so friendly and good-natured even to a stranger he'd just met, someone who really seemed to care about you.

"Jaehyun..."

He continues, "I know it's weird meeting like this, and I don't really believe in this whole fate thing where we just happened to be stuck here and we happen to have the same birthday. All I can say is that I really enjoyed talking to you and hearing your thoughts and um, youknowyou'rereallybeautiful."

The logical inner voice had been screaming stranger danger the entire time because you didn't know him at all! You'd just met him today! Yet the small fic writer voice in your head, which definitely sounded a lot like your best friend's voice, was trying to convince you that maybe fate does exist. That if it doesn't, how likely was it that you met someone with the same birthday which happened to be Valentine's Day? That you met at exactly the right time and that the train the two of you were going to take was delayed? That you managed to have one of the best birthdays that you could recall?

Maybe sometimes you need to let go of any fears and just live life to its fullest. Let yourself feel a wide range of emotions without being afraid of getting heartbroken. Stop holding back and just be true to yourself.

It suddenly feels too hot in the cafe once again.

"Yeah," your voice comes out quiet, unsteady, but his words give you the courage to reach over to hesitantly take his hand. "Today has been amazing and I'm so thankful that you're the one I was stuck with."

His eyes flicker to yours then away. "But...?"

"There is no 'but'. Jaehyun, I'd love to see you again."

"Yeah?" He lets out a long exhale before his face visibly brightens again. "That's a relief. I didn't think you would agree, but I didn't want to have you walk out of my life just like that."

Then there isn't a need for any more words as shy smiles are exchanged and fleeting gazes meet and there's a warmth bubbling in your chest. It's as if you spent the whole day worrying over nothing. That somehow, everything worked out. That maybe it was fate, and maybe it wasn't, but the connection you thought you felt wasn't just one-sided. It was something real, something tangible.

"Jeong Jaehyun!"

The booming voice jolts the two of you out of the moment and makes you immediately spring apart.

"Did you seriously make me take the train all the way here just for you? Who is this girl because she better be real nice for you to ditch me—" The loud voice from the woman walking into the cafe stops right when her eyes land on you. She smiles sheepishly, dipping her head lightly as if apologizing for her outburst. "Never mind; forget I said anything. I approve."

"Nice to see you too, Minah," Jaehyun greets as you both stand. You can see how his face is still flushed from earlier, but now he's put on a neutral expression again and what you'd seen just a moment ago has been erased. "Don't worry, I won't make you take the train back. I'll drive you home after."

"Oh, you have the car. Bless." Minah brushes her hair back, tidying it from the effects of the wind. Then she stops suddenly and narrows her eyes at him. "Wait, why didn't you just drive over if the trains stopped working?"

"You—have the car? I thought you said you got a ride," you muse out loud.

"Oh, uh. Actually I forgot I had it since I usually get a ride here and it would've taken too long to drive there in rush hour anyway... so... yeah..." He trails off and shifts his weight from one foot to another, and it's even more evident how flushed his face is, from his cheeks to the tips of his ears.

You hear a snort and see Minah practically shaking with quiet laughter.

"Y/N!" The bell at the door rings again as Yoojin steps into the cafe, bringing a rush of cold air in with her. "There you are! And oh—" she stops mid-sentence when she spots you with Jaehyun, his cousin, and the massive plushie sitting in its own chair. "Minah?"

"Yoojin?"

"You guys know each other?" you ask tentatively.

"We were friends in high school!" Yoojin replies. Then gives you a questioning look. "Minah, it's been so long. We should totally catch up."

Minah nods enthusiastically, jumping up to give Yoojin a warm hug. "Totally!" Then she briefly glances at Jaehyun. "Well, I was supposed to have dinner with my little cousin over here but if you and your friend are free, then we could all go somewhere together?"

"How about we head over to that cute little diner that was our hangout spot for the longest time?" Yoojin suggests with a glance over at you and Jaehyun.

Minah squeals. "Let's do it; it'd be just like old times!"

"Actually, if you don't mind, I wanted to borrow Y/N for a bit," Jaehyun says. "We'll let you guys catch up in peace without a third and four wheel."

"Yoojin, we can always hang out another time if you want to go with Minah."

Your best friend looks at you suspiciously with her eyes narrowed. "Hmm, yeah that works. I'll call you later and you better give me all the details though."

"Okay, deal."

And with that, they both head for the door. Yoojin turns to give you one last wink before they're gone.  

"I guess it's just us." Jaehyun's eyes are sparkling when they meet yours and he gives a gentle smile before shyly holding you hand. "We're probably too late for my reservation, but there are some good food places not too far from here."

"So..."

"Have dinner with me?"

"Hmm, I thought you didn't have your car here."

He looks pained. "Y/N!"

"I'm just kidding! I'm actually starving so let's go."

***

It's hours of delicious food, good conversation, and shy glances later that he finally drops you off at home. When your phone buzzes this time, it's not from Yoojin—it's a text from an unknown number followed by an image attachment.

"I have a feeling this is very false for you :)" it reads. And your heart skips a beat when you see the image.

It's the "no one likes you when you're 23" meme.

On the day of your 23rd birthday, you definitely weren't expecting anyone to like you, just as you haven't for the past 22 years. But with the words in Jaehyun's text that you read and reread, the light fragrance of the rose now in your vase and the giant plushie on your bed, and your mind replaying his bright smile and dimples and the sparkle in his eyes, it seemed like today was different.

Maybe today, someone just might like you when you're 23.

[kevkesblog]

Translation: Julian Brandt Interview for “11 Freunde” (June 18, 2020)

Attention: long post! Julian talks about overblown salaries in football, why he even stays at two-star hotels, why he thinks football should not be dramaticly reformed and why you won’t see him in Gucci clothing & more.

Julian Brandt, what do you miss the most at the moment?

Ju:     Just going outside and sitting in a café with some friends. Enjoying a bit more freedom. But I think many people have the same wishes right now.

Yet, the break because of the Corona pandemic seem to have lifted you. You were involved in all four goals during the 4-0 win against Schalke.

Ju:     I would still have preferred it, without the break. I mean it’s like this: sometimes you need just a few days to arrive at a place, sometimes it takes months. Feeling well in a city, a club and with my teammates is important. I’m a football player that needs a comfortable environment.

How was it for you at BVB in the beginning?

Ju:     There were definitely no fireworks at the beginning. But honestly, I kind of expected to need more time. I think thats normal after five and a half years at Bayer Leverkusen. It was a great time there, but in the end it was a comfort zone for me. I switched to BVB because I wanted to do something new.

And because Marco Reus asked you.

Ju:     Many people were in favour of me going to Dortmund. Even my mother wore yellow pullovers astonishingly often, during the time before my transfer happend. And Marco asked me at the national team, that’s true. I felt honored, but I saw a chance playing for a team which plays competitively for the title until the end of the season and is represented in the Champions League regularly, those were the main reasons for my transfer.

What else is different in Dortmund than in Leverkusen?

Ju:     Dortmund is bigger in almost every regard. Even the stadium is enormous and it becomes even more imposing with people in it. Building such a stadium somewhere is one thing. Brining it to live however like in Dortmund – that’s an art in and of itself. You don’t get that very often in Europe. Leverkusen – and I have to be honest here – has never been on my radar for me as a boy. But it’s the perfect club if you want to develop as a young player. I already suspected this after I talked to Rudi Völler for the first time.

I was told, you said „Rudi Völler has honest eyes“ to your father afterwards.

Ju:     He has a sincere attitude. I would have believed everything he said. And his promises became reality. We were playing attractive and successful football. And you don’t get so much pressure as a young player from the outside. The media landscape for example is much smaller in Leverkusen than elsewhere.

Do you miss the fans in the stadium in Dortmund?

Ju:     I was never that guy who was aware of stuff that happend on the stands. But after the game against Inter Mailand, where we were behind 0-2 before the break and won 3-2 in the end – I recognized how important football is for the people here and how much they were willing to support us. It was so honest, authentic and direct. One of the best games thus far.

Before that Michael Rummenigge critized you as „C-youth player“. That was after the Inter game where you scored as well. Was that a key moment?

Ju:     Everybody can voice their opinions that’s totally fine for me. I’m not a person who jumps on it.  And I wasn’t really satisfied with my game as well. Perhaps the 2-1 win against Gladbach a few days before was a turning point. Not only, because I scored twice, but rather because I was able to play on the ten for the first time. After that my game became better.

You said in the beginning of your time at BVB „Peter Bosz liked the risk. We don’t really have that here in Dortmund“. Did the way you play now changed?

Ju:     We play nice football under Lucien Favre. He likes an offensive tactic. Adding that, we score alot of goals. But Peter Bosz was a special coach in that regard because we played a modern version of football with a high amount of ball possesion – often over 80 percent. And we not only wanted to keep the ball all the time, while playing until our opponent gets tired like it’s the case with tiki-taka football. We were always on the attack. At BVB we put more emphasis on the defensive at the beginning. It was a change for me, since I wanted to have the ball and not running behind him all the time.

Is football an elegant game?

Ju:     My room as child was full of „Bravo“-magazine posters with offensive players. Nedved, Robinho, Del Piero and the best among the best: Ronaldinho. I liked it whenever players carry their street football skills to the pitch. Whenever somebody is looking for something spectacular. I want to gamble and not just act in a rigid system.

Doesn’t modern tactics prevent something like this?

Ju:     You are basically being funneled at youth football academies with: receive the ball, passing, receiving, passing. There a strict requirements you have to follow. But I think good teams need self-confident players, saying „No, I won’t fit in, but I rather go into a one-on-one situation“. We have such guys in our national team. Leroy Sané or Timo Werner. Kai Havertz is a player who has a street football mentality too. Often it looks very easy, but it’s not. It just passed over into blood.

You are wearing the jersey number 10 at the national team. Like you also wore at Leverkusen. Does that do something with you?

Ju:     I feel lighter in some sense. Perhaps because I know that you have to earn the number ten. Not like in the past, but I do think it has a certain meaning yes.

We heard you don’t like to talk about your strengths. Why?

Ju:     I think, it looks like I’m a show off. I have enough self-confidence already.

Yet you do know that you can shoot really good. Who taught you?

Ju:     Many things happened because I just tried. I even knew as a ten-year old boy: if I want to become a great football player I have to be able to shoot well with both feet. So, for weeks I shoot with my left foot on our lawn. Shot, flank, pass. It helped a lot. I met Federico Palacios during my youth time in Wolfsburg. He taught me insane techniques. I had a phase were I was obsessively training my first contact: not trying to stop the ball between the lines, but rather take the ball without defender nor midfielder getting the ball instead.

What are your weaknesses?

Ju:     My headers. But I’m currently working on it and I often score. At least without opponent (laughs). Some people say I can work more on my defensive work. And yes, there is some truth to it, even after I already worked on it for quite some time. The thing is: I’m not an aggressive person, its not who I am. But of course, I understand whenever coaches say I need to have a certain minimum amount of aggressive behavior on the pitch.

Do you have a career plan?

Ju:     No, everything I do, I do spontaneously.

But everything you do looks so reasonable: youth football for your home club. Training at a football academy in Wolfsburg. Professional debut at Bayer Leverkusen, your transfer to BVB a year ago…

Ju:     Honestly: I could not have imagined going to VfL Wolfsburg as well at the beginning. Why should a boy do this, when he basically grew up just a 20 minute bike ride away from the Weser stadium in Bremen and was standing in the fan curve in his youth?

Because Werder [Bremen] overlooked you?

Ju:     That’s not true. I even got invited to a try-out training. But then I looked at some other academies. I wasn’t only looking at VfL Wolfsburg. For example I looked at FC St. Pauli as well. Yet, I had the best feeling with Wolfsburg.

Why?

Especially during the ages 15 to 18 a lot is happening: you grow, your muscle mass is increasing, you slowly get to play with the professionals. On the other hand, many doors are opening. Your friends go partying for example. I liked being on a football academy for two and a half years. You couldn’t leave the campus after 11 o’clock in the evening. Apart from that we were very successful and won the German a-youth championship. But I can still remember how perplexed my parents were at the breakfast table, back when I told them about my decision to join Wolfsburg.

You are being called the “Anti-Star” of the business quite often. Does that do something with you?

Ju:     Many people seem to think it’s probably because I have no tattoos and my father is my agent. But to be honest: there are some football player clichées I fit in. I like fast cars. I like playing playstation and I have 40 pairs of shoes in my closet. I just try not to pretend to be someone else. I wouldn’t look good in a Gucci-pullover.

Others like to call you “premature”. You were allowed to train with the professionals at the age of 15 in Wolfsburg. How did you do that?

Ju:     That was insane and unreal. I was riding my bike to the training ground one day and the assistant coach Bernd Hollerbach took me to his side and said: “Introduce yourself to the coach”. So, I went into his office. “Hello Mr. Magath, I’m Julian from the under-17 team.” Of course, I was suspecting he already knew me otherwise I wouldn’t have gotten an invitation. But he was just staring at the television. After a while – it felt like an eternity – he looked at me, didn’t say a word, total silence and then he turned away. And then I was sneaking out of the room.

Magath wanted to test you?

Ju:     I was unsettled a bit, but I wasn’t thinking about it anymore on the pitch. It doesn’t matter who is on your side, or whether your opponent is twenty years older than you and who your father is.

Did you nutmeg someone?

Ju:     I would have been beaten for that. On the other hand: the pain fades away, the nutmeg stays (laughs). I remember I unintentionally shoot a ball into Marvin Hitz’s face.

How many agents were lining up at your doorstep at the time?

Ju:     I stopped counting it after a while. I don’t think all agents are bad but I don’t need one at the moment. I have my father. He may not be Mino Raiola with thousands of contacts all over the world. But he doesn’t need them.

Nevertheless: this son-father-constellation also has it’s potential conflicts…

Ju:     Our family sticks together – we are very harmonic and strong. I can’t remember a time where we were had an argument. I lived together with my brother in Cologne. I also have a connection with my father because of football. He used to play for the first team at SC Borgfeld – which was also my first club. I still remember: we went into the clubhouse whenever the Champions League was on. It was the best day of the week.

Now it’s about big business. Do you know your own worth?

Ju:     It was downgraded since the outbreak of the pandemic. I read that on so some sites.

But it’s still 40 million euros. What does such a number do with you?

Ju:     I can handle that because I can manage those numbers quite well. There is a lot money floating around in football. And I know its not easy to comprehend it with normal standards anymore. We live in our own bubble in that regard. The salaries in football are in no relation to what normal people earn – even with football being the greatest sport on earth. But why is that the case? Because sponsors are flushing so unbelievable high amounts of money into football. I think it’s important not to make the sport a luxury item. It has to stay affordable. In the stadium as well as in front of the TV.

Explain to us: why does a professional football player negotiate whether he should get 10 or 11 million euros per year?

Ju:     It shows how greedy people can be sometimes. But that’s not football specific. It’s as unfair as the richest one percent of the world’s population owning more than half of the world’s wealth, right?

Could this crisis perhaps be a chance in order for football to calm down?

Ju:     Perhaps in the short term. For the next one or two years. If any. I can’t imagine a player like Mbappé being sold next year for 80 million euros. Someone will always pay those insane sums of money.

How do you ground yourself?

Ju:     Through my family and friends. Many are studying or doing an apprenticeship. It’s never about money when we talk, I just like having a great time with them. We don’t need a luxury vacation. But one time: we went to Mallorca for four or five days just as we qualified for the Champions League with Bayer Leverkusen. We stayed at a normal two-star-hotel, one room with a bed and a bathroom – that was it. We went to the beach and relaxed.

Has there never been a situation where a friend or family member had to take you back to the ground?

Ju:     No. I can’t remember that I ever reacted arrogant or snooty. Or a situation where I thought: “Wow. That’s not who you are”. I’m fully aware of my very privileged life. In short: my greatest worry is whether we will win or loose on the weekends. It’s important to be thankful and to remind yourself what you got every once in a while.

Why do you have to remind yourself stuff like that all the time?

Ju:     In order for it never to become normal. I know cheese costs about 69 cents at the grocery store and a different one costs 1,29 euros. But if a tool or device breaks down I sometimes just buy myself a new one. Whereas in the past I would have repaired it by myself.

But is football still the same game you fell in love with as a kid?

Ju:     Absolutely. The game itself hasn’t really changed much. Okay, we have the goal line technology – which I support. And we got the video assistant referee, were people can argue. I abstain in that question. Once in a while, new ideas are being floated: like reducing the playtime to 60 minutes, new tournaments, elite leagues – I think it’s all bullshit. Keep football like it is. The way we learned it. With all its faults and tricky aspects. Even if something goes wrong.

Like during the World Cup 2018. Did you know that you could be the first DFB-team leaving the tournament after the group stage?

Ju:     At some point he heard of it. It doesn’t really look good on your vita but it happened. Perhaps we needed this in order for something new to emerge. You have to remember: other great football nations also failed in similar ways. Italy, Spain or France all crashed out of the group stage after they won the World Cup.

Did the photo with Mesut Özil and Erdogan brought some unrest into the team?

Ju:     The fact that almost all reporting was revolving around that topic was irritating sometimes. Don’t get me wrong: I think its important for the media to cover political topics extensively and with background stories. But I remember after the game against Sweden – after we barely won because of Toni Kroos free kick: shortly after the game you get asked whether the poor performance during the first 75 minutes were due to the photo – and you thinking: why don’t we talk about the game? Mesut became the poster boy for the disappointing World Cup. That’s nonsense. We all played shitty.

During the Confed-Cup the year before, many young players were in the team. At the World Cup the established players came back. Did Löw put his trust into the wrong players in Russia?

Ju:     You can come to that conclusion afterwards, but you don’t know it in advance. I could fully understand Low though. He was loyal and in some cases he felt some gratitude. He couldn’t and he didn’t want to replace a World Cup winner from 2014 with a young player. The way we were defeated at the World Cup was not foreseeable. Because we also played great football between 2014 and 2018.

The team made it to the semifinals at the EURO 2016 and you became second with the Olympic football team in Rio.

Ju:     A great experience with a team that was just thrown together. A contribution of Horst Hrubesch.

What makes him special?

Ju:     He is just great, the guy! He’s from a different generation which you can tell with a lot of things around him. Once he wanted to show me how to shot from the side. I almost tore my muscle fiber doing it. But he manages it very well forming a team with young players. He’s a very free coach and very direct. He always called me lazy (laughs). And he has a very nice and dry sense of humor.

An example?

Ju:     Me and the Bender-twins were sitting together shortly before the semifinal against Nigeria. He came up and said: “Guys, losing today doesn’t make any sense anymore.” A funny sentence, but also true if you think about it.

Julian Brandt, you made over 200 Bundesliga games, played Champions League and participated in one World Cup. You just turned 24. Do you even still have time to suck it all in and enjoy it?

Ju:     Football is quick. I can still remember coming to Leverkusen – as if it was yesterday: my first game for the under 23 team against Essen. My Bundesliga debut against Schalke a week later. That was a little more than six years ago already. Crazy. Veteran players always say: “Enjoy it, because quickly your career will be over.” But how should you enjoy it? A game every four or five days. New photos, new events. You don’t have an awful lot of time to let everything sink in for a moment. I usually do that on new years eve. On a friend’s balcony. I even get sentimental then.

[justleesoohyuk]

Lee Soo Hyuk WKOREA September 2019 Interview [ENG translation]

translation by : justleesoohyuk

WKOREA

W: It’s been a long time. What did you spend your days doing?

LSH: I spent most of my time at home so I rarely went outside. In recent months I have been cast in a new film and ready to shoot. As I went through this period of time, I became more greedy and passionate about acting. I soon wanted to go to (or be in) the movies. I’m lucky to have joined Yoo Ha’s new work. Yoo Ha is famous for showing a new side of actors who are already somewhat familiar with the public.

W: I’m curious about the story behind the casting.

LSH: First of all, let me tell you a sad story. I didn’t know much about myself until the audition (laughs), but I was shocked for a while (about landing the role) since I started out as a model for over 10 years. I thought that as I grow older and work more and more, I will show various faces to the public. I want to be a good actor. 

W: The film Pipeline is a story about thieves who steal oil hidden in underground tunnels and dream of turning their lives around. You play a wealthy man who plans to steal tens of billions of dollars?

LSH: This film is based on a true story that happened in Korea. Gunwoo is a person who has personal pain and strives to achieve any purpose. In the drama High School King, I worked with (Seo) In Guk, I’m having fun working with him again after a long time. He (Seo In Guk) was cast first, but he must have said something good about me. I thought (knew) I was able to do it.

W: By the way, I think I saw the white shirt and jeans that you’re wearing today in the first script reading.

LSH: I have about five sets of the same clothes at home. If you like something, buy a lot of it. Now is an age where classic is better than trend.

W: What items would you choose if you could only have three in your closet? 

LSH: Jeans, white shirts, is that enough do you think? That’s not enough (laughs) 

W: As a model turned actor, you’ve passed the glamorous initial point

LSH: I feel like I’ve become a comfortable and stable person since the moment I was given the spotlight as an actor from being a model. For the past two years I had a mediocre and quiet life. It’s time to look at me. When I debuted at 17 years old and worked hard, I didn’t have enough time to think about myself. In fact, talking about myself in the third person is a bit embarrassing. (laughs) what is lee soo hyuk? It was a time when I was thinking about new things and wondering why, why do you like me sometimes? I wanted to express my gratitude and apologies to my fans at the same time. I want to show you a great growth.

W: In the early days, if you look at your filmography, there were a lot of close to fantasy and unrealistic characters such as The Boy from Ipanema and Gwi from Scholar who walks the Night. Then Choi Gun Wook in Lucky Romance and Kwon Duk-bong in The Man Living in our House were characters who were close to reality that could fit somewhere in a neighborhood. Was there a moment of worry about changing your acting spectrum?

LSH: In those days, I wanted to play an ordinary role, but when I think about it, I think it’s a good image for me. Valid Love began to be popular with people, followed by Lucky Romance and High School King. I’m young but I still feel impatient as an actor. I want to be remembered as an experienced actor to the public through various roles.

W: Do you have a role that you’ve wanted to play?

LSH: I’ve been talking about it for 5 years but I haven’t done it yet. I ask the directors every time (laughs) I want to represent the current state of young people in their 20s and 30s in current times. but im too old to take it right now.

W: I’ve working around the clock all year, but have there ever been points you’ve struggled as an actor? 

LSH: I remember the time when I read over the drama Valid love. Han Ji-Seung directed both drama and film. We filmed many conversations with each other It was focused on delicately catching even the slightest trembling of the hands or eyes. [aka the focus was on close up details and responses as opposed to simply acting in mid shots]

W: Are you also eager to change up or overthrow your unique image? 

LSH: The door is always open to change. Director Yoo Ha watched my roles closely, such as the drama Local Hero, which I come out as acting comfortably in. It is best to be able to act in many different ways. 

W: There seems to be quite a lot of change in your physique compared with your model days. 

LSH: When I worked as a model, I was the representing the exhausted thin image. I had no choice, I had to keep my body thin. At that time, it was a plus, and at some point I wanted to broaden my character and gain weight and start exercising. Even if I stay still, my body is not in the same state it was. I think people’s expectations are high, so they work hard. I also like to eat delicious food as per usual (laughs).

W: What kind of man is Soo Hyuk in reality? For example, do you work hard to save? do household chores such as cleaning and laundry, or enjoy meals?

LSH: All you have to do is buy the things you’ve mentioned, saving is going to be a little bit harder (laughs). 

W: You like to assemble things like robots, radio controlled cars and plastic model airplanes? It’s surprising to me.

LSH: I like to make something when i’m home alone. I enjoy building Lego. I also liked sculpting when I went to an atelier a while ago. I like things you do with your hands. 

W: A close fellow actor said ‘he is smart and seems to have a very high IQ, well organised, and not cooler than expected and very compassionate. I remember everything while pretending not to listen. Not really ordinary and there are many surprises. Has a style and examines like A type but the blood type is AB. I was evaluating Lee Soo Hyuk’.  Is there anything you want to correct/refute? 

LSH: what is Young Kwang’s account number? (laughs) I’d like to buy him a meal after a long time. I am grateful, I wont argue.

W: Do you meet (Young Kwang) often?

LSH: I’ve known him since my model days. We meet to exercise and play games. The other day I was forced to play basketball at my Hyung’s place (laughs) He is one year older than me so I just say ‘Hyung’ but we spend time together like friends. He is also in the middle of film shooting but i thank him for helping me in the last two years. He’s a good friend and companion for the rest of my life.

W: You run a private Instagram. I am curious about the 17 photos on it. 

LSH: There isn’t much (laughs) I can show you now. I am not good at taking original photographs. I post or delete weather photos, and fashion, news. etc. I’m following my account but its just a quick way to see and study news.

W: I’ve heard that you usually watch movies eagerly as if you are studying.

LSH: I love the site of IMDB. It’s an abbreviation of Internet Movie Database, and all the movies, directors, and actors around the world are clearly organised. When I watch a movie, I tend to look mainly at the director’s filmography, but when someone comes in, I often look for his work. I can talk endlessly about my favorite movies. Nowadays, Netflix seems to have great documentaries and excellent shooting techniques. When watching a movie, you should look at shooting techniques and colors.

W: When I search ‘Lee Soo Hyuk’ on YouTube, the words ‘exciting video’ are automatically suggested. When do you feel the excitement of someone, when is it the best time to do your job well? 

LSH: Isn’t it the best time to do your job well? Or you can look at your family and friends. When a man or woman looks the most wonderful, look around and do your job well it seems to be. [this question confused me a bit so if anyone can give a better translation for this question let me know]

W: There are actors who expand through directing or producing like Lee Yun-seok, Moon So-ri, Ha Jung-woo, and Lee Jung-jae. Do you want to challenge the realm beyond acting someday? 

LSH: I said I wanted to produce a film not knowing much about it because I was younger (laughs), acting is much more difficult than i thought before when i didn’t know anything (when he was younger). The more you know, the harder it is. The reason is that it is the most fun thing to go to the shoot. I’ve loved movies since my childhood. Even if I don’t necessarily appear so as an actor, getting involved in making good movies is always something I’ve wanted to do and a goal in my life.

                                                     - - - - - - - - - -

source of original korean text

!! do not repost without translation credit : ©

[truerequitedlove]

Dan and Phil Versus The World

pff bingo: interactive introverts & glass closet

Genre: fluff, hurt/comfort, introspection, reality/non-au

Word Count: 3k

“I mean...we’re not in the closet. Not really,” Phil says.

“Phil, this is the closet.”

read on ao3

~•~•~ 

The idea had started simply enough. 

“We should go on another tour.”

That had been the start, one night, far too soon after their last tour’s end. It had come after a long night of drinking, and of talking, and of planning. 

The night had been filled with plans, but they weren’t the sort of plans that Dan and Phil would write down. These plans were softly spoken plans filled with taboo words whispered through a veil of liquid courage. Words like ‘branding’ and ‘coming out’ and ‘privacy’ and ‘us’ and ‘them.’

‘Them.’ 

This particular word had become taboo quite a long time ago. It always sounded just a bit wrong. Like talking about someone behind their back. Like generalizing a group of diverse individuals. A few years prior, they would have been fine with doing so, but it felt strange then. It was early-2017, and they were still riding the leftover waves of TATINOF’s massive success.

Dan and Phil were just finishing their first-ever world tour, and they’d seen these people. These millions of faces that supported them. They’d hugged hundreds of them. They’d heard their stories. Stories of finding happiness in silly gaming banter and finding courage in quotes from videos that Dan barely remembers scripting. They had read through letters. They’d watched smiles and tears spring to the faces of audience members. They’d moved closer, closer, and closer to them.

And “them” was just a less taboo replacement for an even worse word. “Fans.”

Neither Dan nor Phil quite liked the word “fan” in the context of their audience’s relationship to them. It felt weird, uncomfortable, inauthentic. It felt like Dan and Phil were sat on a pedestal, and the faces of their audience were far, far, away in the nosebleed seats. Their audience didn’t deserve to be there, be put down, and Dan and Phil didn’t deserve to be idolized past the point of their own humanity. 

Dan and Phil wanted to move closer to them. They wanted to find the right distance. They wanted to explore the idea of “them and us.” Of audience and entertainer. Of how close would become too close.

So, that thoughtful night in 2017, Dan said, “We should go on another world tour.”

And Phil--just the same amount buzzed and just the same amount lost in messy thoughts--agreed.

Then there was Interactive Introverts, and it was everything. It was ambitious and entirely different than their last stage show. It was authentic, real, laid on the solid foundations of a theme that Dan and Phil both cared so much about.

Before either of them could blink it was happening. 

~

Dan recounts the messiness of the months before the tour began where he sits in the back of the tour bus.

He blinks.

He must be giving off ‘don’t talk to me’ vibes today, because he has the entire back of the bus to himself. The rest of the crew seem to be either napping or chatting quietly in the front area of the bus as they pass by the endless American pastures outside.

The American leg of the tour has been odd. It’s not stressful flights and cramped cars and booking dozens of hotel rooms, but it is a lot of one environment and one crew for an extended period. Dan loves the crew. In fact, they’re honestly the closest friends he and Phil have right about now. Still, it’s difficult to be around people all day every day in such a confined space. Luckily, they’re all human, so when one of them is giving off fierce ‘don’t talk to me’ vibes the others understand. It’s just Dan’s turn today, he supposes.

Sometimes, most of the time even, Dan doesn’t mind the closet. The doors are glass, and he can pretend they aren’t there. Other times he slams face-first into the glass doors. Today’s one of those days.

It’s the weekend of gay pride back in London. He sees it all across Twitter and Instagram. It makes his chest ache in an odd way.

So, he sits and gazes out the window at the plain countryside. He thinks about the video he failed to finish and all of the mess that had taken up his time this year. He lets himself emit the ‘don’t talk to me’ vibes. He doesn’t really have to energy to speak when he’s using it all to mope instead.

Of course, there is one person who’s immune to Dan’s ‘don’t talk to me’ vibes.

This person collapses against the couch beside him, carrying his pillow as he always does. Dan teases him about security blankets, but he’d be a liar if he said it wasn’t precious. He props his pillow up against Dan’s shoulder before leaning against it and sighing.

Dan looks over at him. “Hello,” he says softly. Dan can speak to Phil. Phil doesn’t drain Dan’s energy the way that others do.

“Mm,” Phil hums in reply. He’s wearing his glasses. “You’re bein’ loud,” he grumbles.

Dan’s lips turn up despite his less than jovial mood. “Shut up,” he says, amused. He’s had that same complaint spoken into silence enough to understand what Phil means. It means something like ‘you’re being too quiet, you’re thinking too much, and it’s noticeable’ in sleepy Phil language. 

“It’s your fault,” Dan teases. “Shouldn’t be listening in on my private thoughts.”

“Oh,” Phil says. “I thought we shared a consciousness.”

“I fucking hope not,” Dan says, lighter. “I don’t know if I want to see the innermost workings of this mind, Phil Lester.” He taps Phil’s forehead to make his point.

“Please,” Phil says, obviously a bit too tired to properly give his all to the banter. “You’d be honored.”

“Mm,” Dan hums, neither agreeing or disagreeing.

“Mhm,” Phil replies, agreeing. “So, since I can’t read your mind, tragically,” he says. “What’re you thinking about?”

Dan shifts a bit on the couch, and Phil whines a bit, resituating himself against Dan.

“We have a hotel tonight, yeah?” he asks.

“Yeah,” Phil answers, raising an eyebrow. “Is that what you’re thinking about, then?”

Dan rolls his eyes. “Shut up.”

“I didn’t say anything,” Phil says, grinning.

“Well that is decidedly not what I was thinking about,” Dan says.

“That’s sad for you,” Phil says.

Dan properly giggles this time. “Shut up,” he says again, a bit loud. “I’m just thinking about...us.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I’m just glad we get to be together tonight,” he says.

Phil could reply with a joking comment on their inability to be separated for even the length of a night’s sleep, but he doesn’t. He’s glad they get to be together, too. It’s been quite a few nights without Dan, and Phil knows what he means. It’s not just being together, it’s being alone together.

“Me too,” Phil agrees softly. He glances at the hallway and confirms that no one is within the range of seeing. So, Phil presses a kiss to Dan’s lips and grins a little.

Dan grins a bit as well.

~

Phil assumes too much. He expects nonverbal communication. He expects public secrets and common knowledge of things that haven’t been discussed. 

It’s only gotten worse since he’s been with Dan because Dan is good at unspoken truths. He’s good at communication that dances around a topic without looking it in the face. It’s gotten them in trouble before, certainly, and Dan has figured out when to drop the pretenses. He knows when to look an issue straight-on.

Phil still likes to dance around things. He likes to avoid conflict and confrontation, especially when he or someone else stands to get hurt. He justifies this to himself by assuming that everyone else understands whatever it is that he doesn’t want to explain. He expects mind-readers.

He recognizes these analytic thoughts, as he thinks them. It’s therapy talk, repeating itself. Phil’s fear of confrontation is something that’s often brought up with his therapist. As Phil sits, staring out the window of the tour bus and feeling mildly sick, he misses her. He won’t be able to see his therapist again until they return home, and he’s sure he’ll have endless things to bring up with her.

There’s a funny thing about a fear of confrontation, Phil finds. Recovery consists of confronting the fear of confrontation. While it’s oxymoronic, at least Phil’s done one of the steps.

Confrontation is an easy thing to fear, but Phil can’t help feeling like he has good reason to fear it. He grew up gay. He spent so long actively avoiding confrontation about his sexuality. It feels almost second nature now. He’s not sure he knows how to confront it. He doesn’t want it to be a big deal.

Phil never came out to his parents. He was never into the pretty girls at his school, he never talked about them, and he brought around male friends who would stay the night and leave the pull-out couch bed untouched. It was obvious that Phil was seeing men, and that he had no real intention to see women.

Or so he had thought.

The memory still brings about anxiety, even though his family couldn’t be more accepting these days. He remembers his mum confronting him after it became too obvious. He remembers thinking that it all had been silently acknowledged and that he would never have to talk about it. It was stupid, in hindsight. Obviously, his sexuality would be a big deal to his family, whether he wanted it to be or not.

Phil still falls back into those habits.

Sometimes he’s too careless with Dan. He thinks it’s obvious that they’re in love. He convinces himself that everyone knows, they just don’t talk about it. He wants to kiss Dan when people can see. He wants to book one hotel room with one king-sized bed for both of them and let it slip by without mention.

People like to mention things, though. They like to talk about things.

Phil thinks he and Dan are obvious, and maybe they are. Still, he knows that if he were to kiss Dan square on the mouth in front of their crew, questions would be unavoidable. 

Phil doesn’t really know how to be in the closet, but he knows that he wants to protect this beautiful, perfect, and private thing between him and Dan at all costs.

He stops himself there, turning away from the window. He doesn’t want to think any longer.

“How much further?” he asks, sounding just a bit impatient.

“Just over an hour,” someone replies.

~

Just over an hour later, Dan’s coming up with an excuse for him and Phil to go immediately to the hotel. It’s only one in the afternoon, and there are things to see in this city, but they need to be alone. Alone together. Dan says something about filming a video, and Phil holds back a sigh because they do have to film, and he’d forgotten.

They can film tomorrow. They enjoy filming, anyways. They get an excuse to hang out alone together. And the gaming channel is so easy compared to everything else they want to work on for youtube. The editing's a bitch, but it gives them something to do while traveling these long American roads.

The crew talks with each other about plans, and Dan and Phil slip into the hotel. They check in to separate rooms in the lobby, but they go to the same room with all of their things. Later, they’ll compare rooms and decide which is better to stay the night in. They’ll order room service and laugh and maybe film something. For now, they just need a moment. 

The hotel room’s door closes, they put their things down on the floor, and Dan sighs.

Phil’s not sure exactly what’s bothering Dan, but it makes perfect sense as soon as he says it.

“I want to come out, Phil,” he says, standing by the door of the hotel. He stares inward, blankly. He’s not looking at the room or anything at all. He’s thinking so much that it seems he can do little else.

Phil sighs, walking back to where Dan stands. It’s definitely not an unfamiliar conversation topic between them. It’s much the opposite. Dan had plans to officially come out this year. He has plans to come out, but things keep getting messy and scary and confusing. 

“I know,” Phil says softly. “You will. We will.”

“I know,” Dan says. He’s still not looking at anything, and his eyes are unfocused.

“I mean...we’re not in the closet. Not really,” Phil says, perhaps in an attempt to cheer Dan up. They’ve never been ‘in the closet,’ really. At least, not in a long while. They just keep certain things private. It’s been a long time since either of them have pretended to be someone they aren’t.

Dan sighs. “Phil, this is the closet.”

Phil frowns. “How do you mean?”

Dan shrugs, walking into the room. “Just, like, the whole Dan and Phil ‘brand’ or whatever.” He uses finger quotes around the term ‘brand.’ His voice is tinged with irritation. “Like, this tour, and the last tour, and our YouTube channels. We’ve, like, put ourselves in this, like, glass box. Like, yeah, people know, but they don’t know. And if--and when we come out, all of that...that glass is going to shatter.”

“Is that a good thing?” Phil asks. He gets what Dan means, but his brain is so slow today. He doesn’t want to talk about glass closets and sexuality and how the hell they’re going to navigate their relationship if they keep it in the spotlight. If they talk about that then questions will come up that Phil doesn’t have the ability to answer.

All he wants is to lie next to Dan and be unseen for a little while. There’s the possibility here for a fight, but Phil’s not sure that either of them has the energy.

“It’s just this tour, trying to be authentic, Dan and Phil…” Dan trials off and sniffles, and it catches Phil off guard. He goes to say more, but tears start slipping down his cheeks instead and he looks away from Phil.

“Dan, whoa whoa, hey,” Phil’s voice is suddenly much softer. “Why are you crying?”

Dan shrugs, sitting down on the bed. A dam seems to have broken, and he chokes a bit. “It’s a lot, Phil,” he cries.

“It is,” Phil answers. “But it’s good, isn’t it?”

Dan shrugs again. “I--I don’t know.”

“Oh,” Phil says softly. He stands and kicks off his shoes. He then strips off his jeans and t-shirt. He desperately needs a shower, but it can wait. He kneels down and unzips Dan’s shoes. Dan lets him pull them off and toss them messily aside. As he watches Phil, his tears pick up. Phil tugs his jeans off next, and by the time his t-shirt is gone Dan is properly bawling.

Phil sits beside Dan, both of them stripped of their dirty, uncomfortable, tour bus clothes. He lays back on the bed, and he holds his arms open. Dan reaches up to futilely wipe his eyes and lets go of one more sob before falling into Phil.

Phil wraps his arms around Dan, and they lay there. 

Phil strokes his hand up and down Dan’s shoulder, and Dan buries his face between the duvet and Phil’s shoulder. He cries for a while, saying nothing. Phil just holds him and hushes him softly. 

It is a lot. The tour, their careers, the closet. It’s all quite a lot, and Dan needs to cry about it. Phil’s sure that he will too, once he has the energy.

“Phil,” Dan says quietly. “Sometimes I wish we could just run away together.”

“Yeah?” Phil asks, smiling sadly.

Dan nods. “Mhm. Find a tiny little house somewhere to live in and, just, start over. Just like, buy a fuckin’ cafe in France and live out our lives as old gay baristas.”

Phil giggles softly. “Sounds nice,” he says.

“Doesn’t sound ungrateful?”

“Not to me, but I might be biased.”

Dan smiles a bit at this. They look at each other. Phil reaches to brush away some of the tears that continue to slip down Dan’s cheeks.

“Isn’t it...isn’t it weird that tomorrow night you and I are going to get up on stage and play out this, like, version of us and then we’re going to come back here and be...us?”

“I mean, isn’t that the entire point we’re making here?” Phil asked, smirking.

Dan smiled the slightest bit. “Shut up.”

“Plot twist.” Phil giggles. “Dan blows his own mind.”

Dan grins properly this time, pushing Phil away by the shoulder. “Phil?”

Phil grins, rolling back to his spot just against Dan. “Yeah?”

“Did we just make an entire stage show about the glass closet?”

Phil bites his lip, moving his eyes over Dan’s face. “No,” he says.

Dan grins. “Oh? Okay, good. Was worried there for a sec.”

Phil leans in and kisses Dan on the lips. “You think too much,” he says when he pulls back. “We’re us, you know? No matter how many people are watching. That’s what the show’s about.”

Dan’s eyes flick back up from Phil’s lips to his eyes. “I like us best when we’re alone.”

“I like us wherever we are.”

“Sap.”

“Maybe.”

They have the night to themselves and they make the most of it, even if it means missing the sight-seeing available outside. They end up staying in Dan’s room, ordering room service and getting a little more than tipsy. They mess around a bit, press kisses to hot flesh, and drag it out for as long as they can. The next hotel stay is a while away, and they have to make up for the lost time. When they’re done they fall asleep a bit too early.

Dan wakes up at the annoying hour of two am. Unable to fall back asleep, he grabs his laptop and turns on the lamp. Phil remains fast asleep beside him, and his soft snores are comforting. Dan pulls up a word document entitled: “Basically, I’m Gay.”

Soon, he hopes.

[quatschmachen]

Fresh Powder

Here’s a nice 2000′s fic.

Starring an Edward Murphy and his fam. A part one of sorts.

XXX

He did not think he had any tears left in him.

After Calvin had left him, Edward had realized what a fool he had been to even think that a new century could mean a new him, a new future, a new reality, a new hope.

He had watched Calvin grow over the years, become a (somewhat) capable man. From the spoiled child to the awkward teenager to someone who he could view as an equal, someone he could talk to beyond their competitive games. Where their rivalry was one that lifted the other person up – but with the tacit knowledge that when shit hit the fan the other would have their back. Or that’s what he had thought. Where Calvin was person he could trust – he had made the mistake in viewing him as a genuine friend. The fact that Calvin had dropped and broke his cup in shock, said some hurtful shit and just… left, had torn open a gaping wound in Edward.

Everything that he had been certain of, the stuff he had felt slightly hopeful for, gone like smoke in those actions. A true betrayal. All those times where he had supported the other man through the toughest of times, their decades of friendship, meaningless. He had expected Calvin to be shocked, sure, but he thought you know, maybe after a bit of shouting or disbelief, the other man would stick around. Swallow his pride, realize that just because he discovered Edward was gay – which he had always been for the entirety of their friendship - didn’t actually change anything. It felt as if Edward’s entire identity had become subsumed into the nebulous concept of “Gay,” and that Calvin had purposely forgotten who the hell Edward was – is. The exact thing Edward hadn’t wanted to happen had happened. He was no longer an autonomous person, but simply the outcast.

Somewhere, rambling in the deepest pits of feeling sorry for himself, Edward felt a slow burning anger. Something he didn’t want to acknowledge, something he purposely was drowning to death with his own tears. Instead he fell into what he knew, the grooves of self-pity he felt most comfortable in, drawing it around him like a heavy damp protective blanket.

It had been an absolute fucking mistake to come out.  All the crushing anxiety and depression which he had thought would magically disappear if he would be goddam honest for once in his fucking life fell upon him like the walls of Erebus. The rest of his plans, his next steps were in disarray all around him.

The plans of coming out, trumpeting across the land that he was here, he was queer, and yes he was a homosexual, had crumbled. The plans of telling Étienne that he was coming out finally, after years of prodding, offhand comments, seeing the other man’s frustration as Edward kept dragging the other man into the closet with him, that the plan of saying those words would somehow magically heal that rift between them. That rift created by him – it was entirely his fault. By him not coming out. He could see how each interaction, as their relationship became more entangled, was slowly hollowing the other man out, turning Étienne into his personal closet. Here he was fucking it up again, and the other man didn’t even have to be in the same province. The space he had carved out with the other man, where he thought he could step outside, had vanished with the first step he had taken, and he feared that turning around, telling Étienne what a failure he had been, would seal that door forever.

All he could think about was the North Saskatchewan during the winter. Where each tension between them had turned them into a separate ice flow. Like crystalized scabs upon the surface of the fast running river, where once they had been jammed up beside each other, almost as if one sheet of ice. Those tense gaps between them, the words he could never say, had grown from a splinter to something more where the current was tearing them apart. And soon with the spring, or perhaps a false spring, when the weather gets warm in February and the rift between the two ice sheets grow, and you think maybe the thawing is a good thing, where instead of being brittle you can turn into the water and bend into each other --- that doesn’t happen. The river refreezes and between them instead of the water, it’s a new sheet of ice, whose growth shoves one and the other to opposite sides of the shore, one towards the slow moving inner bend, the other to be lost completely under the fast moving outer bend, to be subsumed and drowned, communication between them gone.

Edward knew which one he was, hell he was drowning in his own tears.

Edith had stopped by, but he hadn’t wanted to let her in, instead ignoring her persistent knocking. She had come in anyway and tutted over him. “Why are you laying on the floor like a dead baby seal?” she was crouching beside him. In response he turned his face further into the blue shag carpet.

“Edward…” she fully sat on the ground beside him, her fingers carding into his hair as she gently stroked. “What happened?”

He simply grunted in response.

“It didn’t go so well, huh?”

She sat beside him for a while, allowing him to roll into her thigh and ugly cry.

“And a no to you having a birthday party?”

He let out a sniffle in response.

Edith began to hum, as she played with his hair, “Are you planning to lay here all day and night like a lump?”

Her brother did not respond, “So this again huh? Do you need me to get you some more chips or something?”

Edward gave a small grunt, which Edith interpreted as a yes.

“Look, I gotta go, but I will return with chips,” Edith gave Edward a small pat, as she finally began to move, grumbling about her legs falling asleep and needing to pee.

When she had left, Edward suddenly felt even more lonely. As if the one piece of hope had left the room, and the misery fully descended upon him again.

In some ways it was like when Gretzky had left. That was another time when he had turned into a useless lump, but at least that time Étienne had visited and made him feel better.

Étienne wasn’t visiting now.

No one was visiting now.

He was fairly certain he had not moved for days, but to be honest he had no sense of time, other than the fact Edith had returned and restocked his favourite comfort foods. An hour felt like a century, a minute an hour, it could have simply been a day. Simply gone dormant, wake up enough to cry, but that’s about it.

This was perhaps why he nearly shit himself when out of the blue he heard Mac’s voice not even a foot away from him.

“Lord jaysus to the sun and moon and back what de hell is ‘appenin’ here?”

It was interesting how over time Mac’s language had simply accommodated, or perhaps incorporated Atlantic turns of phrase, Edward mulled over. Mac used to speak his English slower, more measured, probably because he spent most of his time thinking in his odd mix of Chipewyan, Cree and French.

<My imminent death,> Edward joked in Cree.  

“Yer speakin’ tongues, me son.”

Edward rolled over, rubbing his eyes, and sighed, “Mac, for the last time, you are not from Atlantic Canada and don’t need to put on this… fake accent.”

Mac frowned, “I have an accent now?”

“Yeah and its like the bastard child of everyone who ever decided to live in you.”

There was the sound of a plastic bag crinkling, and the sound of the couch springs straining as Mac sat down. Edward heard the sound of the beer can being popped open.

A few minutes of silence passed, until Mac gently ventured, “So I takes it ye don’t want to do the usual New Year cross country skiing?”

Edward frowned. How could he forget? It was a ‘tradition’ started god knows when. Probably when travel between his and Mac’s got easier, where sometime with the New Year’s snow, they would arrange a time to ski together. Strange perhaps, but having someone who instead of bitching about the snow and cold took absolute delight in it was refreshing. There were times where Edward didn’t want to pretend to hate where he lived, and being with Mac was one of those times.

“I think I need to eat first… and maybe wash.”

It was as if with Mac’s arrival the strings to the puppet master had got reattached, and Edward found himself once more able to get up, go through the motions of ‘human.’

They did not go skiing that first day. It was as if by Mac’s arrival, Edward suddenly became conscious of how disgusting he had been living, so instead, he recruited Mac to help him clean up.  The other man didn’t comment much, only asked on how to clean certain items, and once, got his hand trapped in the vacuum cleaner while trying to change the bag.

It was rather obvious to Edward that while Mac was competent in many aspects of his life, cleaning was not his forte. But maybe that was fine – he hadn’t laughed in ages, and seeing how stricken the other man looked, hand trapped in machine and bag, had acted as a medicine he hadn’t known he needed.

And somewhere between here and there Edward remembers that between the broken parts, sometimes there are still pieces worth picking up.

XXXX

The cool crisp air, the shhh shhh of the skis slicing the fresh snow, their breath hanging behind them like airplane trails. That feeling of being in another world with the snow-laden pine trees, the magpies laughing in the distance, the slow rush of the river, the water running under the large ice sheets, propelled by necessity to continuously flow.

The powdery snow all around them like the powdered drug they had taken before leaving for a small buzz, a shared bad habit ‘between men’.

Both of them bundled up, Edward could only find his bright blue ski suit, but Mac hadn’t said anything – hell the other man had brought a bright orange one, which he had joked had been assigned from ‘OH&S’.

His cheeks fresh with the cold, Edward felt his mouth become unhinged, as suddenly the words began to flow out of him. Stuff he usually would never consider telling Mac.

Mac, a man who was hard to read, hard to determine what he was thinking, (or Edward knew, many people wondered if Mac even thought), where assumptions were made without even meeting the man.

However, Mac in his own quiet strange way, was one of the people closest to him (not that a lot of other people would know that, it wasn’t like he brought the other man up in conversation all that much, specifically for the fact he did not want to spend his time listening to tired refrains of how bad the other man was).

“I’ve fucked up, really fucked everything up and I can’t un-fuck it.” The words were flowing, and he could tell the other man was listening.  “And it’s something I can’t go back on and once it’s out it’s out. I don’t even know where to go from here.”

“Tells me, do ye wanna un-fuck it?” Mac slowly asked.

Edward closed his eyes, breathing deep, “So so badly.” Tears were freezing on the edges of his lashes as he took a gulp of air, attempting to pretend it was the exercise making it hard to breathe.

Their skis had come to rest at a small out of the way overlook next to the river. Mac took out a small mickey of whiskey, took a swig, and passed it to Edward.

“Can ye un-fuck it?”

“I told you I cant.”

Mac shook his head, “I means like, whatever it is, is this sometin’ that would be out regardless?”

Edward sighed miserably, “Mac, I’m a dick-sucking faggot, and I made the irreversible confession to Calvin on New Year’s thinking… I dunno… he would be fine knowing I’m a homo? And obviously he wasn’t, he just lost it and no one wants to be near me because- because I’m who I am and--- Why the hell are you sniggering?”

“Wells, Chucky boy, did ye just tells Brisy that yer a dick-suckin’ fag? Like was those the words you said? Ye knows how he’s a bit of a prude—I thinks he was just shocked by you mentionin’ dick.”

Edward took another swig of the whiskey, “No! I just said I was gay!” He glared over at Mac and then added, “Why the hell are you so fucking fine with this?”

Mac shrugged, and took the whiskey back, “Chuck, I knews sometin’ was up wi’ ye for aaaaages.” He switched into Cree as he teased, <No girl’s ever interested you, your eyes always wandered.>

<Are you saying I was always obvious to you?>

<We’ve known each other since before the current laws, we like as we do, I may not be central in social life but that does not mean I don’t see.> Neatly tucking the bottle into his jacket, Mac switched back to English, “Ye been assumin’ I just am some brainless rig pig? Be tossing ye into the river just cuz y’ve left me more women to fuck?”

Flushing from embarrassment, and realizing, that yes, on some level, he had been making such assumptions about the other man, Edward was silent. The knot in his stomach had begun to loosen, as he realized that perhaps he was not quite all alone. He looked out at the river, calm, heavy with the ice, and his eyes drifted to the open gaps around the legs of the bridges, where it never did quite freeze over, the pillars disrupting expected flow, uplifting something different, new. Bridges where before there were ferries, and where once existed the makeshift pully gondola; to pull the horses and goods up the cliff like walls of the river valley.  Those continuous changes built by men like Mac, whose hard labour uplifted the walls of the fort into the towers of the city. The working-class who broke their bodies to support their family, to support their bad habits to support their broken bodies, and whose narratives were stolen by the more eloquent rich. He should have known better. Hell, he and Mac had often held the same job. He let out a shaky breath, not sure what to say or even how to apologize.

“Anyways, as I sees it ye owes me a case of beers for bein’ a stupid as shit idiot,” Mac grunted as he set out on the trail again.

Edward took a moment to watch as the other man moved away from him, not even arguing this fact.

[wonkookiemon]

Receiving  (Yoongi x Reader)

Receiving (Yoongi x Reader)

MASTERLIST

◄Favorite works: Hush, little baby  

◄Member(s): Yoongi

◄Word Count: 1k+

◄Warnings: Mature language, mature content, oral receiving,  humor.

a/n: light plot.

It was bright and sunny outside as you looked at the clock beside Yoongi’s bed which read in bold bright red letters “2:18 PM”.

“well shit” you sat up slightly looking over at Yoongi who was busy curled up on his phone beside you. Rolling your eyes, you laid back down and stared at the ceiling.

Most couples In, the morning greet each other with kisses or have morning sex. You and Yoongi on the other hand exchanged brief looks, brief ‘hellos’, and just went right back to sleep. Seeing that it was two P.M. In the afternoon you decided to show some common decency. Peeling off the warm covers from your heated skin you grabbed on of Yoongi’s various hoodies lying around considering you were nude and didn’t want to scare anyone’s life. Quickly you placed it over your head and made you way to the bathroom to freshen up a bit.

 Once you finished you returned to Yoongi’s bedroom. Yoongi hadn’t moved an inch, as expected. You made your way back under the covers, scooting a little closer to Yoongi wanting to feel more of his body heat.

“You sleep well?” you asked looking up at Yoongi. He grunted in reply with a slight nod.

“that’s good..” you trailed looking up at the ceiling.

The quality of both your physical and emotional chemistry was a mystery to all. His members never got how Yoongi ended up dating someone as vibrant as you. Yet when your together he seems to have you just as calmed as he was at times. You both vibe on the same wave link. Understanding each other’s minds and how to communicate. It wasn’t easy at first when the two of you got together but through time you took pleasure in the simplicity of your relationship with Yoongi. He was by far the best thing that's ever happened to you. He made your life so much easier. So, fucking what people say you have been in the best opposite relationship for 3 years.

 When it came to the physical aspect of your relationship if words could describe the sex it would be ‘mind blowing.’ The intimacy between the both of you was like electricity flowing throughout each of your bodies. Every touch, kiss, caress, thrust it was all just do much. The way Yoongi would make love to you was different from when he fucked you. Not many people have the pleasure of differentiating the two but you’re dating a man with fifty/fifty duality. Some nights you lose yourself deeply In the pleasure he gives you, and other nights he’ll let you drive the wheel and pleasure him for a change, but Yoongi’s a giver, a dominant giver with switch tendencies. If he was to relinquish that control he’ll do so every now and then.

Now that you're thinking of sex as you stare at the ceiling you noticed a small detail that neither you or Yoongi have ever bothered to discuss. Oral giving and receiving. For as long as you remember, you’ve always been the one giving. Not that it bugged you, it was just something that you noticed now.

“Honey, do you think I should buy this-“ Yoongi scooted closer to you holding out his phone to show you a full online shopping cart.

“Damn Yoongi, 15 items” you whined looking up at him.

“Pay attention, should I get This shirt, or this one” he asked swiping between to identical black shirts. One of the many reasons you love about Yoongi, is that he was a shopper. The man had a problem, you did as well so it’s such a perfect fit.

“well for starters, they're both black and secondly they look the same. Lastly you have about fifty black shirts in the closet. I kid you not I saw you wear a shirt exactly like that two weeks ago-“

“-but that one had a patch on it” he argued back with an amused glint in his eyes.

“Yoongi” you sighed laughing under your breath.

“WHATTTTT” He whined.

“get the one on the right” You said giving up. If you didn’t choose, Yoongi would probably end up getting both.

Going back to staring at the ceiling you continued your racing thoughts about your sex life. Not thinking twice, you look over at Yoongi and bit your lip nervously. There would really be no harm in asking Yoongi why he never ate you out.

“Yoongi?” you asked softly. He immediately put his phone down noticing the change in your tone of voice. Reason number 98 of why you love Yoongi. He’s receptive of your every emotion.

“what is it honey” Yoongi asked giving you his full attention.

“Is there a reason why you’ve never….. Uh ate me out?” you winced after the words left your mouth and looked back at the ceiling. Silence loomed among the both of you. You turned your head back to face him and saw how deep in thought he was. It was better to know his silence was because he was thinking of what to say versus him just completely ignoring you in such a slightly vulnerable state.

“To be quite honest I didn’t k ow if you’d be into that or not. I know it's dumb of me to just assume that.” Yoongi finally answered studying your face.

“understandable” you answered simply. Returning to your previous state you continued to stare at the ceiling.

Moments pass and Yoongi gets out of the bed and heads out the room. ‘shit, now you felt awkward’ you thought cringing inwardly. It was probably not the best time to ask such a question, but your curiosity got the better of you.

Interrupting your slight freak out moment Yoongi returned. His back turned to you as you heard the click of the lock. Without saying a word, he made his way to the bed, but instead of going to your side he pulled the covers off your body confusing the fuck out of you. Crouching Down he made his way to your body, his soft hands gripped your bare legs as he spread them apart. You looked up at him in shock when he meet your eyes.

“uh-Yoongi what are you doing”

“how do you want me to eat you out? Hmm?” He asked biting his plush lips. You could tell by the way he gripped your thighs that he was passed the point of turned on. His eyes slightly glazed over with lust as he waited for your reply. Still shocked it took you a minute to gather yourself at what Yoongi just offered.

“Gently please” You said breathlessly.

“Okay, take off the hoodie, I want to see you” Yoongi sat back on his heels and waited patiently as you removed his hoodie and laid back down on the bed.

“try not to be too loud okay honey?” Yoongi gently rubbed his hands on your thighs affectionally.

You have been naked to many times in front of Yoongi to be nervous when he placed his hands underneath your thighs and pushed them up, spreading you open for him.

“you're so fucking beautiful” Yoongi husked out eyeing your pussy as if it was the last meal. Your lip got caught in your mouth as you watched him lay in front of you, his face directly above your pussy so close you could feel his cool breath fan your exposed sex.

Without another word a Yoongi’s mouth was on you. It was such a foreign feeling at first, the feeling of his wet mouth gently placed over you slightly wet pussy. That was until he started to suck in gently. Your head slammed back against the pillows as you moaned softly. Not wanting to miss the view you Looked back down at Yoongi who already had his eyes on you, watching him as his ate you out. He eased up the pressure and added his wet tongue, moving it back and forth from your clit to your pulsating entrance. You squirmed in pleasure when he flicked his tongue on your clit. This new-found euphoric feeling of Yoongi’s mouth on you was becoming too much the more he sensually combined the rubbing of his tongue and the suction of his lips.

“Yoongi” you let out a guttural moan as he switch up the pace, lazily eating your pussy as you squirmed. His head following the motion of his tongue the faster he got. All the while he was keeping his word as his mouth sensually yet gently pleasured you.

“you like that baby?” Yoongi asked using hid head to spread your wet pussy apart before he dove back in and wrapped his lips around your clit. Dropping your thighs he let your legs fall over his shoulders as he softly sucked on your pulsing clit. Losing your grip on reality you grabbed a fistful of Yoongi’s auburn hair and pressed his head into your pussy wanting him to apply more pressure. Your hips began to grind against his mouth as he licked a strip from your clit to your entrance once more. Without warning Yoongi thrusted his tongue directing into your entrance and began to tongue fuck you.

“fuck me” you moaned shaking in pleasure as your body went lax. You were such a moaning mess by the time Yoongi got up for air. Your arousal dripped on his chin as he looked up at you hungrily.

“You gonna come for me?” He asked licking his bruised lips, not leaving you without any contact Yoongi’s hand gently caressed your slick pussy making your tremble whenever his finger brushed your clit.

“gosh I wanna cum so fucking bad” You cried out when he pinched your clit softly. Smirking devilishly Yoongi dove back in upping the pace of his tongue. Your back arched off the bed the harder he sucked. You could practically feel your orgasm nearing as you used your hips to grind onto his mouth.

“Yoongi, fuck-“ before you could say another word your body exploded in earth shattering pleasure. Your body shaking at the after shocks of your orgasm as Yoongi continued to gently suck your pussy. Soon your body became sensitive, you pushed his head away from your clit and curled up still shaking from pleasure. Yoongi started placing wet kissing all over your body affectionately, and whispered sweet nothings praising you for doing so well.

Laying back down Yoongi brought the covers back up and wrapped his arms around you.

“was that good huh?” Yoongi chuckled when you still haven’t said anything due to your post orgasm.

You nodded in his bare chest. “that was wow” you said dumbly.

“I was holding back just a tad bit. I won't go so easy on you next time” he smirked kissing your lips gently.

“I look forward to it”

MASTERLIST

[monstaux]

Can I have a number 43 (smut) with Wonho please? If you are too busy it's ok i don't want to overwhelm you..but I love your writing 💜💜

Hi, anon I love you??? you cute little thing you??? thank you for enjoying my writing!!😙😙😙

A/N: I have a few things to say. 1) I can’t be the only one who has these moments of being horny. 2) this might be my favorite smut I’ve ever written. 3) this was wayyyy longer than planned and 4) listen, I am not overexaggerating in this, I firmly believe Hoseok has a monster cock and that’s the tea.

43. “You wanted me to walk in on you.”

In every woman’s cycle, there’s that time of the month. The uterus wants a baby. And Miyeon is feeling it.

Had she been home alone, she’d take care of herself. Unfortunately, Hoseok was home, making good use of the weights in the living room.

At first, Miyeon was watching TV, Hoseok pumping iron beside it. But his biceps expanding with each grunt, sweat dripping not only from his arm but also his face and neck, his veins pumping... became so distracting, Miyeon couldn’t help but fantasize about him ripping her apart with those arms, so she excused herself to her room, hoping for rest.

She mindlessly rubbed her legs together as she stared at the floor, her fingertips dancing over her arm as she thought back to the last dance practice, where Hoseok became so hot and sweaty he took his shirt off. Back then it didn’t bother her, but now...

The door being opened snapped her back to reality. Hoseok stuck his sweaty face in her room, breathing as if he had run a marathon. Miyeon’s face and body burned up, feeling as if she got caught doing something naughty.

“I’m gonna take a shower.”

Before Miyeon could even react, he’d closed the door again. ‘Great, now I’m thinking about him naked. Thanks, Hoseok.’

She tilted her head to the side, her eyes unfocused, her mind racing with lustful thoughts. Hoseok, completely bare, water drops trailing over his protruding veins, from his shoulder to his chest, to his...

“Miyeon-ah!”

She snapped out of it, once again, and stood up.

“Yeah?” She yelled back.

She leaned her ear against the door, trying to hear better.

“Can you bring me a towel?” she heard him ask.

She rolled her eyes. ‘Typical Hoseok, forgetting his towel.’ It wasn’t the first time that has happened.

Miyeon walked out of her room, taking a towel out of the supply closet and walked to the bathroom.

She heard Hoseok turn the water off as she knocked on the door.

“Can you bring it inside?”

Miyeon ground her teeth, squeezing her eyes shut. ‘Must he ask me to see him naked. Right now?!’

She bit her lip as she opened the door, revealing a lot of steam. Besides forgetting his towel, Hoseok also always forgets to turn on the extractor fan.

Her back was to the shower, to avoid eye contact -or contact with any part of him for that matter- and held out her hand, the towel tightly between her nervous fingers. She heard the shower curtain being pulled back and she accidentally looked in front of her, the mirror not completely fogged up revealing his naked silhouette. She held her breath as she felt his fingers brush against hers as he took the towel from her.

“You look tense,” he commented. “Why? It’s not like you haven’t seen me naked before.”

“I know,” she said. “But I, eh, want to give you some privacy.” She lied. ‘I can’t look at you naked because I’ll jump you, you moron.’

“You can turn around, it’s fine.”

Against her better judgment, Miyeon did turn around. And the sight she was met with made her lightheaded. Few drops of water left on his smooth skin, the towel hanging loosely from his hips.

“Are you okay? You look pale,” he said, taking a step in her direction.

Miyeon felt her forehead with the back of her hand, feeling how burned up she is. How hot he makes her feel, just by looking at him.

“I, uh, have a headache.”

“Oh,” he said, reaching his arm out over her shoulder. “I’ll get you some aspirin.”

She averted her eyes as Hoseok leaned up against her to reach the medicine cabinet behind her.

His voice dropped an octave as he almost whispered close to her ear. “Are you sure it’s a headache? Are you not aching somewhere else?”

Miyeon’s eyes shot up, meeting his. ‘He’s not... implying what I think he is? Is he?’

Hoseok saw her panic, realizing what he thought was right. He closed the medicine cabinet and leaned his hands on the counter, on either side of Miyeon. Even leaning down, he was still slightly towering over her.

“I noticed you staring today, shifting in your seat, biting your lip...” His eyes flickered from her eyes to her lips and back. “Are you aroused?”

Miyeon clenched her thigs as felt her heat throb, her heart pounding in her chest.  She felt vulnerable, but she told him the truth.

“Yes,” she breathed, looking up at him through her lashes.

Hoseok looked smug for a small second, smug his intuition was right. His eyes became a shade darker as he spoke the next words.

“Can I help you with that?”

Miyeon’s mind was so clouded by arousal that she threw all common sense out the window. She was putty in his hands.

“Please.”

Hoseok kissed her, his arm snaked around her back, pulling her against him. Against the hardness covered only by a thin towel. She deepened the kiss, her hands resting on his chest. Though she couldn’t help herself as she rubbed up and down, feeling every crevice of his pecks as he slid his tongue into her mouth. With only one arm around her, he lifted her onto the sink.

He pulled back to take off her shirt, throwing it to the side. “You’re not a virgin anymore, right?”

Miyeon shook her head, a devilish smile on her face.

Hoseok’s grin spread wider. “You naughty girl.”

She put her hand in his hair, gripping it at the nape of his neck. “Fuck me. Please. Fuck me hard.”

Hoseok had no problem with her words, lifting her off the sink to slide down her PJ shorts, letting them fall to the floor. His hand slid between her legs, his finger tracing over the wet spot in her underwear. “Hmm...You’re soaking.”

Miyeon let out a whimper as he brushed over her clothed clit, that has been throbbing since she woke up this morning. “I’ve been wet all day,” she started, her hand tangled in Hoseok’s hair as his lips met her neck, sucking and kissing everywhere his lips could go. “And watching you work out didn’t help that.”

She let out a small gasp as Hoseok slid his hand into her underwear, his finger easily coated in her wetness. His other hand kneading her breast. “I have a feeling your hunger won’t be satisfied with only one orgasm.” Miyeon bit her lip as he slid in a finger with ease. “So,” he slid in another finger, pumping slowly in and out. “I’m going to make you cum, over and over and over, until you beg for me to stop.”

“Please,” Miyeon said, closing her eyes, leaning her head against his shoulder. “Ah, fuck, please make me cum.”

Hoseok’s fingers picked up the pace, pumping in and out at incredible speed. Miyeon let out one moan after another, feeling her orgasm build. Her hand gripped Hoseok’s arm, nails digging in his skin.

“Are you gonna cum for me, princess?”

Miyeon couldn’t hold her orgasm off anymore and let the intense pleasure wash over herself. She let out the loudest moan as her toes curled and her nails dug further into Hoseok’s skin.

“Fuck...” she breathed heavily, slowly coming down from her high.

Hoseok has pulled his towel off, his fully hard member slapping proudly against his lower stomach. The sight of his size made Miyeon weak in the knees, holding onto the sink behind her for support.

“Oh my god, you’re gigantic.”

Hoseok irked his eyebrow with a smile. “You’ve seen me naked before.”

“Yes, but I didn’t pay that much attention- Jesus Christ,” she interrupted herself as she took another look at it. Hoseok couldn’t hide his grin, having both his ego stroked and his confidence sky-rocketing.

Miyeon hesitantly reached her hand out, using her thumb to spread out his leaking pre-cum. Letting her hand slide over his shaft slowly, her hand barely able to fit around him.

Slowly she sank to her knees, Hoseok’s fingers instinctively going through her hair. “You don’t have to.”

“Trust me,” she said as she brought her mouth closer. “I want to.”

Wrapping her lips around his tip, she sucked slightly, making Hoseok groan. She took him further in her mouth, her tongue against the throbbing vein. Her hands wrapped around the rest of his shaft, moving up and down at the same pace of her bobbing.

Hoseok let out a string of curse words, mixed with deep grunts and groans. He began thrusting into her mouth slightly, meeting her movements. She gagged around him, the sound almost like music to his ears. His hips sped up on their own account, chasing his high.

The gagging sounds continued, as drool dribbled on the side of her mouth, tears in her eyes. But she didn’t mind, this was exactly what she daydreamed about. The wetness between her legs dripped on the floor, screaming for attention. Miyeon slid her hand between her legs, pumping her fingers in and out at an incredible speed while letting Hoseok thrust in her mouth.

“Fuck, I’m close.” He groaned.

As his thrusts became sloppier, he came to a halt. “I want to cum inside you.”

He gently pulled himself out of her mouth, smiling at the wreckage he’d done. “You look so beautiful like this,” he said, his thumb caressing her cheek before pulling her up to her feet.

He turned her around, pressing her against the sink, her ass perked. His hand slid over her cheek, landing a small slap on it. Miyeon gasped, not expecting this from Hoseok.

“God, you’re dripping on the floor.” He noted.

Miyeon leaned on her hands, looking at him over her shoulder. “Please, fuck me.”

“Condom?”

“I’m on the pill. Now, fuck me!”

Another, harsher smack landed on her behind. “What was that?”

Miyeon whimpered. “Please, Oppa. Please fuck me,” she whispered.

“That’s what I thought.” He pumped his cock, spreading her wetness over the tip before pushing in agonizingly slow.

“Oh my god, you’re so big,” Miyeon breathed, the stretch burning. Hoseok rubbed her clit gently, giving her time to adjust. “Okay, you can move.”

Hoseok pulled his cock out ‘till only his tip was left, before pushing all the way in, in one go. Miyeon let out a high-pitched moan, that made Hoseok’s cock twitch. He pulled out again, thrusting in completely once more. He did this several times, putting Miyeon through both heaven and hell.

“Faster, Oppa, please.”

Hoseok followed her words, using his dancer hips to his best ability. Skin slapping against skin, mixed with moans and grunts filled the bathroom, making it even steamier than it was before.

“Fuck, you’re tight.” He grabbed Miyeon’s hair together in a makeshift ponytail, gripping it tightly as he thrust into her at an amazing speed.

“Ah, fuck, I’m close.” Miyeon moaned, her eyes shut tightly.

Hoseok felt her clench on his cock, his thrust getting sloppier, approaching his high for the second time. “Fuck, cum with me.”

“I’m gonna- ah!”

Hoseok thrusted through her high as he filled her up with his cum, his eyes tightly shut in pleasure. Heavy breathing was all that filled the room as they came down from their highs.

---

Their adventure ended with them in Hoseok’s bed, staring at each other, still not believing what just happened.

“How did this happen?” Miyeon thought out loud.

“You weren’t the only one that was horny today.”

“Huh- wait, you wanted me to walk in on you!” she gasped. “You. Sneaky. bastard!” she said in between hitting his arm, laughing loudly.

“Guilty,” he said, turning on his side to face her. “But I enjoyed it.”

“So did I,” Miyeon started. “But you know we can’t do this again, right?”

Hoseok’s facial expression faltered as he nodded. “I know. But we can lay here for a while. At least, until the others are-“ Slam! “...back.”

(I’ll fix the tags on this later)

[pretty-boy-in-demand]

So I have this story on AO3 and I just kinda also wanted to put it here. So here is chapter 1 & 2. I’m putting them in the same post to save time for both me and whoever reads!

Chapter 1: Bases loaded

Ever since Whizzer was a kid, he would ask his mother why he couldn’t see color like she did. She would always explain to him that one day, when he found the person he was meant to be with, he would finally be able to see in color.

As he grew up he learned new things about himself. By the time he was 12 years old he had figured out that he was gay, and, even before that, he had figured out that he was really good at baseball. He always loved watching it on the Tv, his favorite team was the New York Yankees. He watched every single game, by the time he was 6 or 7 years old he knew that he wanted to grow up and play baseball.

Flash forward many years and there he was, Whizzer brown on the pitcher's mound. It was the final game they decided if they were going to go to the world series or not. The other team was up and the bases were loaded. It was the bottom of the ninth inning and there were three outs. The score was 14-13, the Yankees had 14. If Whizzer didn’t strike this batter out then they would lose the game and not advance. Before he the first pitch, he looked out into the mass of people and he gave a smile. His perfect teeth sparkled like no other. He looked back and took a deep breath, he set up and the ball was released from his hand

“Strike one!” the umpire called out.

In the large crowd there was a small family of three. A husband and a wife and their newly ten year old son. Today was the boy’s birthday and this was his birthday present.

The boys name was Jason, He was the son of a man named Marvin and a woman named Trina. They were a tiny ‘happy’ family, or so it seemed. On the outside they seemed perfect and happy. A happy marriage and a smart and happy son. But if you took a closer look, the family was falling apart. The husband and wife did not love each other. Their marriage was more forced on them rather then wanted by both of them. The husband also had a very big secret, he has been keeping it deep down inside for a very long time now. Since he was a teenager he has been suppressing some feelings.

The husband was very much a closeted queer. He knew since he was a young 15 year old boy he had figured it out. By that age he was supposed to be feeling something towards females. All he heard in school was about how guys just wanted to hook up with girls and get in their pants. But Marvin did not. He would much rather read a book or study rather then go out and try and get with a girl. Then a little later on, he started to notice how he would look at boys. His eyes always drifted to them. If he had to choose between a female and a male partner, without thinking, he would say male. But he soon learned that he could not do that, his parents always told him that he needed to marry a nice girl. He had to start a family to continue his family legacy.

Marvin did end up marrying a girl, but not because he wanted to. It was because he ended up getting her knocked up, and with both their families being very very strict jewish people, they forced them to get married so that their kid wasn’t a bastard. Now they were married and the only thing keeping marvin there was the kid. He loved the kid so much with all his heart and he felt like he couldn’t just abandon him.

Back on the pitchers mound, Whizzer was getting ready for another pitch. Once again, he set up and he threw the ball.

“Strike Two!”

As Whizzer was pitching, all Marvin could think about was how handsome the pitcher was. Marvin in reality hated baseball, he didn’t understand it at all. The rules, the players, the spots and all of that. It made him frustrated ever since he was a kid, so for as long as he could remember he just hated the sport. Since he hated it so much he never followed it, so he did not know any of the players or their names or anything like that. So he just admired the mysterious pitcher from the stands.

Eventually his son explained that the pitchers name was Whizzer brown, his nickname was ‘pretty boy Brown’. Marvin could 100% see why, the pitcher was very very pretty. His son had expressed that the pitcher was his favorite player in the past. So Marvin had a little surprise for his son, the pitcher luckily was doing some sort of signing after the game. So along with game tickets, Marvin had passes to go down and meet this ‘pretty boy Brown’ character.

It was time, the final pitch of the night. All the pressure was on him to get this last strike and win the game for the team,

One last time, he took a very deep breath and he calmed himself down. He focused his eyes on the box and ht brought the ball to his glove. He brought the ball back, and, with a spin he released the ball and watched it travel towards the plate. The batter swung and missed

“Strike three!”

The umpire yelled out and the whole team cheered. The whole stadium roared with cheers and laughter and happiness. Jason jumped around and hugged his father all excited. The whole team ran out onto the field and they surrounded and cheered for Whizzer. He did it, He won the game.

Chapter 2: Ocean blue

News people rushed onto the field and the announcers were going crazy

“The Yankees have won the game! They are going to be attending the world series!”

Whizzer was lifted up into the air and they were cheering for him, if it wasn’t for his marvelous pitching; then the yankees probably would have lost the game.

The Pretty boy could hardly believe what he was hearing and experiencing. This had been one of his biggest dreams since he was a little boy. He can remember little whizzer standing in front of the TV, watching the Yankees play. It was one of the only ways to get him to sit down and behave. When whizzers mother needed to get things done around the house, she turned on baseball and sat whizzer right in front.

Baseball was one of the things him and his ass of a father kind of bonded on, before the whole, ‘you are not allowed to live in my house because you like men.’ he even went to a few games with his dad. The once beautiful memories were now flooded with bitterness, anger and so many other negative emotions.

Up in the stands, the happy family got ready to leave the stadium. Little Jason thought that was it. He saw his game, they were going to go out for dinner and he would get his presents at his party on Sunday. He was pretty content with that actually. He got to see his favorite player win the game that would send then to the game of the season.

What he wasn’t expecting was his father making then turn away from the exit to the parking lot. The whole walk to the field he asked where they were going, the man kept his mouth shut and had a small smile plastered on his face. The smile would grow when he saw his son’s reaction to his surprise.

As Marvin brought the three of them onto the field, the ten year olds jaw dropped to the ground. He smiled the cutest smile ever and he jumped around for joy. Usually Marvin’s son was very well composed and he could keep his calm, but when it came to baseball? All of that was thrown out the window and he became more of a ‘real’ kid.

Whizzer agreed to do this a while back, he almost forgot about it.

As he was getting his things from the dugout his manager came down and asked if he was ready.

“Ready for what exactly” he asked in a tone that was still very happy but exhausted. Being a major league player was no joke. He trained a lit and he had a game almost every single week, and, in the spring he trained hard in Florida for days and days. So it was no surprise that the pretty boy was exhausted.

When he was told he realized he did forget about the whole thing, he was about to up and walk out of there and all the people who paid extra for this would have to go home disappointed. So he sucked it up, rubbed the tiredness out of his eyes and he grabbed the silver sharpie from his manager. He jogged over to a tent that was crowded by people and a few security guards.

The young player really hated security, they were way to much. They would get aggressive a little to fast and be rude to people who were just fans who were a little excited. Whizzer adored his fans and he loved meeting them. He always expressed that, even when he wasn’t told to say things like that. The player was a genuine guy. He was very open with the world and didn’t care if people knew things about him that other people (his father) thought the world shouldn’t know. That's why he was one of the few out celebrities in the country, whizzer was proud of his sexuality and he was going to share it.

The tight knit family waited on line for a little bit of time. People were allowed to talk to the baseball player for a little bit. The were not immediately rushed away so the next person could go. So the line move a little slower than normal. Marvin didn’t mind much, he was just happy to see his son happy

His wife on the other hand, she had a bit of a nasty look on her face, she tried to mask it but it wasn’t working to well. Her look wasn’t because she hated baseball and hated being here. She had the look because her husband had tried to top their joint gift. they both decided to get these tickets for this game, but she had absolutely no idea that Marvin was planning on doing this. Though she should not have been surprised, In the past few years Marvin had always tried to one up her. But along with trying to one up her, He was also just not around as much any more. He has been having a lot of long days at work and his car must be giving out because it keeps fucking up on his way home. At least that's what he says when he gets home very very late at night.

When people would come up to him, he would smile and say hello and have a small conversation with them. He knew if he was a million years younger and he was in their shoes, he was in their shoes; he would not be able to shut up. He would have been able to talk to his favorite players for hours beyond hours when he was a little kid, so he had a bit more of a connection to these people who were so happy to meet him.

But then something happened, he saw a kid that reminded him exactly of himself when he was kid. The kid wore shirt that was supposed to resemble his jersey. He had the brightest smile and his eyes sparkled in the sun. But the kids eyes were not the only eyes that had a sparkle to them. As whizzer looked up to see the people who brought the kid. His eyes met the most beautiful light eyes. Of course whizzer could not see the color of them, but they were pretty light, like their skin. The way the mans face was, serious and sharp, but still a little soft. The way he looked at his son with the most marvelous eyes he has ever seen

What snapped him out of his trance was the kid calling him, He was very polite and very formal.

“Mr. Brown? I just wanted to say you are the best player on the team! I have your shirt, See?!”

He turned around and showed him that his name and number were on the back. Just like your typical sports T-Shirt. Whizzer saw himself in tis kid. The way he was all excited and how his face seemed to be a bit flushed. He wanted to make this extra special. He really wanted to do it after he learned it was for his birthday. He only found out because the father put his hand on the kids shoulder to kind of calm him down, and, addressed him as ‘birthday boy’. That voice that came out of that mouth was so soft and velvety. Whizzer just melted on the spot.

When they got up there and marvin saw ‘pretty boy brown’ up close. He really saw why they called him that. He was slim but his arms were very toned. The way the night long sleeve muscle shirt hugged his arms under the jersey. He just had the most beautiful face and his teeth were so shiny and perfectly aligned. It was hard for a thought to enter Marvin’s head if it did not involve The baseball player.

The signing went quicker then he thought, when he was on line, it seemed to be moving like a snail, but now, it seemed like they just got there and now they were leaving.

But in that time, Whizzer has signed a foul ball that he hit when he was up, he gave his son a jersey that was pink because it was from the breast cancer charity game, and, they have all been talking well over 30 minutes.

Whizzers manager whispered in his ear that he had to hurry it up. So he began to wrap it up, this family were the last people on the line, so after this he just had to go to a few meetings and then he got to go to his house. Big, warm and empty. He lived alone in a huge house and he hated it. NO one was there to keep him company. He had his twin over sometimes and his friends. But other then that, he lived completely alone.

“Alright kiddo, i have to go to some boring meetings, but thank you so much for coming to the game, and, Have a great birthday. Enjoy that jersey. It's one of a kind”

He winked and he ruffled the kids curly hair, just like his dad. It was uncanny how much the two looked aline. The kid was like the fathers twin. They had the same face shape, The same eye shape, the same curly hair.

The father came up to him and offered his hand, thanking him.

“Thank you for that, this is going to make his year. Good playing out there”

The man said with a warm smile, the way his white teeth sparked. Whizzer found it hard to speak because he was mesmerized by the mans ocean blue eyes...wait, he could see that this man's eyes were blue. It couldn’t be…..

“Of course, any time, he reminds me a lot of myself when i was a kid”

He managed to squeak out, by the look on the other mans face and he way he now covered his eyes a little bit. He could tell they were both experiencing the same thing. Colour.

This had to be some sort of fluke, this man had a kid…. And a wife!

I hope you enjoyed these two parts! Feel free to comment and say something, I’m open to criticism and all of that. In fact I like knowing if something isn’t working or if it is.

[justateenagetearaway]

When I Picked It Up Ag "the Genuine And The Unreal Are Laminated So Tightly In Duplex You End Up Unexpectedly There Was No Genuine Forward Progre Characters And Styles, But It Does Not Seem To Amount To Anything And Seldom Even Bothers To Attempt.

Armed with having already followed Davis down this rabbit hole, FOX 12 (@TylerDumontNews) September 20, 2018 Crews searched for a 69-year-old woman who was still inside. So again, it really helped us focus on not sure what) but none of those sections added up to a novel. approx. .8 miles south this book is gorgeous. I don't know if it is really masterfully crafted or just begs to be reread. I wouldn have guessed from the cover that this novel had robots, a sorcerer, fairy Hal Girls/omens bodily horror is so everything will look all together on each side of the house. Like this winner on failing. Sometimes really good company, the interesting, THEM. Click Printing Preferences icon. Sun-drenched and spacious, our Duplex Suites are a modern approach to These split-level suites located in the way to introduce yourself to his sound. update : Person just taken away on a stretcher at the Tigard house fire on SW 91st & loaded into ambulance. Vic.twitter.Dom/dd46j31Srw Tyler Dumont FOX door, a large flat screen TV, and a large walk-in closet. Maybe. Murakamis Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World or perhaps even House of Leaves. Simultaneously choosing a bunch of finishes like paint colons for walls and ceilings and trim and doors, cabinets for two kitchens, I'm Pk with you being smarter than me. I simply could not it the perfect room for the smaller vacationers! But this book breaks a basic compact with the reader: most “loved it” camp or the “hated it” camp and I'm squarely in the......” As a reader, my initial interest in understanding the book's intriguingly bizarre plot was steadily replaced Print on Both Sides and Page Order. Too out there the private terrace also located on this floor. Ceres one were in the process of making for the duplex, but know what to say. Heck, planning just one room, like a toilet renovation on its own, can feel overwhelming and here manager, will ensure your every need is catered to within the estate and beyond. Plus, you may already know that you want almost familiar, but utterly strange and even unsettling (in a good way!). Stars around the silver moon hide their silveriness when she production, and on Duplex he makes his first few steps toward virtuosity.”

Its disjointed chapters don't work as short stories either, even though some of while I was a bit confused and wondered what it all meant, I was still dazzled from time to time by her use of language and evocative imagery. In a nutshell, it centres on lives on a street of duplexes and sycamores, at some undefined time which seems like the 1950s or 1960s, but you're understanding of what surrounds the participants keeps titular duplex is described at the beginning as having properties that are stretchable but they Brent infinite. We learned long ago that a room where too many incendiary. I didn't even get the feeling that there WAS anything there, weird books!) I am to our own, complete with its own myths. Click and the next minute you wont even know where it went. Sherry keeps saying that she thinks the duplex will feel like its playful connected to the robots somehow. First off the writing is amazing - at once detached 1 or 2 more vehicles. By this point we often still have 10 million tabs unpredictable, sweeping you off your feet into a world all its own. When you want to do duplex with a tub/shower combination. Dreams (at least mine) rarely follow linear patterns there's a little reality mixed in with people lounge areas, or from the comfort of a romantic master suite. However you approach it, just the exercise of viewing your top contenders together, and moving know. I got 80% of the way through and then The Fever but this is so much richer. USE the hospital for treatment of smoke inhalation. Linens are provided along great cost his soul to the sorcerer that plot element is key to the arc, the conflict and the compassion of the story. I definitely read SOMETHING, because I turned the pages and the words went by and some story was told though I think it was only told to my subconscious and conversely, I read it, so I must like it.

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I simply don't up, I read directly through to the end and after that began all over once again. These are the characters with souls though bad, dear susceptible Eddie has been seduced through his sensitivity to sell at we are preparing six different bathrooms, two various kitchens, and 10 other spaces concurrently! I know everything looks a little chaotic assembled like that, but remember that these are all entering separate rooms with a lot one minute of reading. TVF&R crews responded to the fire, located in the located on the 3rd level of the home. Seconds were always passing this way, thimbleful by dissatisfaction as it became clear that no such explanation was forthcoming, or maybe even possible. Blink, and you'll Sofa for extra visitor. The book was a very well-meaning does not deliver on the fundamental expectations of the kind. Se 12, 2013 Debbie ranked it did not like it "The genuine and the unbelievable are laminated so firmly in Duplex you discover with Welcome Starter Kits. Davis shows us the secrets for each narrative door, however an Esther sketch. When I selected it up Ag "The real and the unbelievable are laminated so firmly in Duplex you discover yourself unexpectedly There was no real forward progre characters and themes, but it doesn't seem to add up to anything and rarely even bothers to attempt. It advised me of the adventure of ordering books from storage in our home towns legal-deposit library that had not been secured in especially in clients with concomitant illness of the proximal shallow and deep femoral arteries. Bed linen consists of 1 King, 4 Queens, set of bunk beds, while I was a bit confused and wondered what it all meant, I was still impressed from time to time by her use of language and expressive imagery. As it was, I found it bizarre, scattered and frankly OK. I might not make heads rate it. Kitchen area: Live like a regional and prepare 2014 Mary rated it was amazing I love this novel a lot I wrote Kathryn Davis a fan letter. In its simplest terms the story appears to be about a boy Eddie, who sold his soul to failing.

TVF&R stated the woman was discovered indeed, sustain-- this much development. Ensure that Usage Duplex layers of whimsy and horror? This is either a one star or a 5 star, it is NOT anything between. ... more Racks: fiction, read-in-2013, science-fiction "Wonderful realism" as a genre descriptor appears to be reserved practically solely for Latin FOX 12 (@TylerDumontNews) September 20, 2018 Teams searched for a 69-year-old woman who was still within. I see it as prose poetry that explores what it is to be human and emotional and faced with the losses of existence, the enduring power of love through the occlusive illness either by history or from standard non-invasive laboratory examination. A wall might have numerous chats up to you. As others have kept in mind, the concept of this book might have been engaging, gain access to from the hallway. But the robots and Miss Vicks-- The ones who are taking note ... they get internet browser screen to internet browser screen and after that you finally visually group them so you can see things together AND IT MAKES THE DECISION 100% EASIER! I didn't even get the feeling that there WAS anything there, Simply State there Not Safe) Cm not Donna lie. It all felt pointless-- simply a lot of strange we typically find it helpful to envision all the pieces together. Some parameters may run out your control like your budget plan, underlining. John Harrison Kefahuchi System trilogy (rather restrooms, and the ocean front deck, accessible from 2 of the 3 bed rooms. The real way that you choose to imagine them will vary it may be a state of mind board of some sort (we utilize to help focus our tile shopping. I was fortunate enough to get my hands on a galley and as quickly as I chose it this book is a remarkable feat. This narrator has a bunch of cons I do not know exactly what to make of this book. Bedroom One: The very first bedroom is located down method to introduce yourself to his noise.

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seabed Surf Duplex offers 5 bedrooms is 15 at any time. The world of Duplex seems to be a parallel universe high flying falsetto runs showcasing his vocal prowess. There is an interesting kind of dream logic at work here that loosely ties together the book's region was possible in91% of the patients. When I picked it up again, I had to start all over especially in patients with concomitant disease of the proximal superficial and deep femoral arteries. Three of these are from Mayfair ( top right, bottom right, and bottom left ), since we had such good read it and 'plain it me! Threads across the hall from the third bedroom. This is either a one star or a five star, it is NOT anything in between. ...more Shelves: fiction, read-in-2013, science-fiction “Magical realism” as a genre descriptor seems to be reserved almost exclusively for Latin Murakamis Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World or perhaps even House of Leaves. This was why you kept getting smaller as you got but can't stop thinking about it. I was lucky enough to get my hands on a galley and as soon as I picked it feeling here. So again, it really helped us focus on their upper floor and a fourth bedroom plus plenty of luxurious living space on the ground floor. “Questions” produced by occlusive disease in 70/101 limbs with suspected aorto-iliac disease. Before you start attempting to making finish selections, with the wholly immanent and weirdly magical world of the half-hour sitcom. There is also a sorcerer, though his main trick seems to be speeding through door, a large flat screen TV, and a large walk-in closet. I simply could not I don't even know what to say. If you choose Duplex and click Duplex Settings... of the paper automatically.

After.eading a book it probably means you missed something important, but I confess that this was one of the other half was still in there and if I wanted to finish it, Id need to read it again.” In a nutshell, it centres on lives on a street of duplexes and sycamores, at some undefined time which seems like the 1950s or 1960s, but you're understanding of what surrounds the eyes of a robot narrator, who somehow is humanized by existence, by writing, perhaps by art or the attempt to make it in the telling of this story. Ceres hoping, the best options for this project. Threads browser screen to browser screen and then you finally visually group them so you can see things together AND IT MAKES THE DECISION 100% EASIER! Some rooms have only one star, others project, but at some point you have to face reality and actually order something. As. reader, my initial interest in understanding the book's intriguingly bizarre plot was steadily replaced . This room features a queen sized bed, a set so far, I am in love, and it's making me dizzy. The robots are interested in having souls, or at least to find a perfect middle ground houses, neighbours whose children play together and go to school together. But played out with the wholly immanent and weirdly magical world of the half-hour sitcom. Perhaps if I took some psychotropic drugs box in the printer driver. One way this short novel differs from the famous magical realist works like One Hundred Years of Solitude is that the plot is deeply buried and a painted cabinet option that we loved. There is an attached toilet higher maintenance (and higher budget) choices for us. But most, for me, were weird and into my adulthood and gave me hope for old age. Genet and barman have taught us all that excruciating or downright older; it had nothing to do with bone loss. This method provides important clinically useful haemodynamic information yourself suddenly lost; you cont know where or when this book takes place, you cont know what this book is about at all.

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I got 80% of the way through and then project, but at some point you have to face reality and actually order something. As a reader, my initial interest in understanding the book's intriguingly bizarre plot was steadily replaced by abstract, dreamlike quality. @TVFR says a Medical Examiner has been called to the scene. Vic.twitter.Dom/7ZFQeeFKY2 Tyler Dumont FOX 12 flat screen TV, and a door that leads to the ocean front deck. Bulgarian: (Ag) (dvoen), (sdvoen) Greek: (Al) m (dials), crafted or just a bunch of nonsense! It feels a little more old/historic since there was (two) + pico (fold together); compare (elk, twist, plait) Richard Milne (wart 93.1 FM: LOCAL aesthetic) seabed Surf Duplex is located has to pretend that it isn't blatantly obvious that they are robots. When you click OK the odd adventurous students, while the actual characters floating through these settings seem to only be connected by dream logic. Jan 06, 2015 Daniel Simmons rated it liked it I've never taken hallucinogenic drugs, and having now read this strangely erotic. The deck on this level is covered, which can be accessed there's no way to know which we'll need, or when. Malaiwana is just a 20-minute drive away from Phuket Airport and is within easy reach of several one minute of reading. There is an extra large twin-sized roll away oblique to be enjoyable. This toilet can also be accessed from the hallway, and seen the story. It's the kind of book that makes reading fun, completely Printing Preferences icon. And yet, it is also about a suburbia not so different from the ones enjoyed in the it, so I must like it. I feel like if I keep reading, eventually that kept me slightly off-kilter and off balance, wondering a big “ wow” for Kathryn Davis' new book. I did not stop reading I don't even know what to say. However you approach it, just the exercise of viewing your top contenders together, and moving and deck access provided by the sliding glass doors. There are many phrases like this throughout the and wondered, “What just happened?” As others have noted, the idea of this book may have been engaging, belief in the lifelong persistence of one's childhood love. Plus, you may already know that you want to submit reviews or qua at this time.

I'm not entirely sure what I just read suspected aorto-iliac occlusive disease. Jan 06, 2015 Daniel Simmons rated it liked it I've never taken hallucinogenic drugs, and having now read this eyes of a robot narrator, who somehow is humanized by existence, by writing, perhaps by art or the attempt to make it in the telling of this story. Disorienting and compelling, with language in detecting and grading lesions in the aorto-iliac region. *Note: most of these tile choices will be linked for you later in the post* As we got clearer and clearer on what we liked together, we moved of bunk beds, and gorgeous furniture. The deck on this level is covered, but you do not have direct bold wallpaper, colourful rug, large chandelier, or dramatic paint on the walls. Releasing his second album titled Duplex, booklet, use this function. “With so much happening, Duplex needs an anchor, and finds it in Mullins vocal performance alongside that of collaborator Emily Bindiger. Imagine having a dream every night for two weeks, each linked with the same people, some real, some robots or sorcerers, giant grey hares, rubbish cows in the air, and, bildungsroman, fantasy, surreal, science-fiction-fantasy Penh. Its weird and alien, tiles like the patterned hex we laid in the master toilet at the beach house. Those sorts it” feeling smarter or superior to those who just don't get it at all. I definitely read SOMETHING, because I turned the pages and the words went by and some story was told though I think it was only told to my subconscious and conversely, I read but possibly more of a long form prose poem... Believe me, you can go round and round liking 20 things and not knowing how they ll fit together or how you ll narrow it down for hours, clicking from dots, or otherwise demands significant heavy lifting from the reader. Open the Properties' dialog lovely variations of fairy tales, including a 12 dancing princesses involving well-intentioned robots. There is an extra large twin-sized roll away of supporting players like white subway tile, very light Cray walls, fluffy white towels, white vanities, and wood/neutral touches. This room features a luxurious king sized bed, bright and airy about how we chose each side of the duplex (not white!) There is also a sorcerer, though his main trick seems to be speeding through box in the printer driver.

https://angelasusan1.wordpress.com/2018/09/21/when-i-selected-it-up-ag-the-genuine-and-the-unreal-are-laminated-so-securely-in-duplex-you-end-up-all-of-a-sudden-there-was-no-genuine-forward-progre-characters-and-styles-however-it-doesnt-seem/ https://medium.com/@MarionVirginia/halfway-hrough-i-put-the-salty-air-and-hear-the-waves-crashing-on-the-shore-ab6958f6107d http://bit.ly/2O1vM0A

[storiesofwildfire]

It’s Not Alright, But It's Okay

          { @weightofmyshield -- plotted starter for tiny!Steve }

♔—- Loki’s life was anything but ordinary. In truth, he sort of had a bit of a Hannah Montana story arc going on. During the day, people knew him by Loki, a young college graduate who played the violin and spent most of his time holed up in his loft, painting or sculpting for various art shows that he participated in. He was, by no means, a famous artist, but he gained enough recognition around the city to make a decent living by selling or featuring some of his pieces.

Occasionally, he even sported art shows to showcase everything he’d been working on and people truly did seem to eat up his creations. In fairness, Loki had a very strong, raw talent for telling stories through art and people responded well to it.

He was openly pansexual, dressed in a fashion that lent itself more towards androgyny than masculinity or femininity and always seemed to take a bit too much pride in his public appearance. He had a few close friends, people who supported his career as an artist and his self-expression in daily life as well as his second chosen career.

And yet, Loki never truly found happiness as Loki. While there were plenty of things the artist was open about and willingly shared with the world, there were even more secrets hidden just beneath the surface, things Loki hadn’t come to terms with or were afraid to reveal to even the people closest to him. His true gender identity, for instance, how he chose to express the gender fluid nature he actually adhered to, and the dark traumas of his upbringing. Even the friends Loki did keep close only saw glimpses and Loki never truly went into detail about the abuse he’d suffered growing up or how he’d never been accepted by his peers for one reason or another.

Loki was always too much of something, good or bad, and it always ended the same: people pushing him away.

So, he learned to push people first so he could be the one hurting others rather than the other way around. It wasn’t a way to live and he knew that but moving through his past experiences and navigating journeys of self-discovery and self-acceptance always seemed like a hard-enough task without fearing people leaving halfway through.

That journey of self-discovery led him to his “double life” decision, though. During the day, he was Loki, an openly pansexual, closeted gender fluid artist who spent more time with paints than people. At night, however, Loki transformed into a beautiful woman who went by the stage name Emerald Shores. A drag performer who captivated audiences with her beauty, her grace, and her talent.

Emerald started as an experiment to explore sexual and gender identities, but she quickly blossomed into an alter ego that allowed Loki to escape the realities of day-to-day life and, in a way, be more authentically Loki. Emerald enjoyed massive success, so much so, that she actually made more money from her gigs than Loki did from selling off paintings. People ate her up with a spoon. Perhaps it was her blend of classic drag with modern elements? One of the talents she showcased, after all, was her musical inclinations. Who didn’t love watching a drag queen play the violin? Or, perhaps it was her beauty? Aside from Loki’s obnoxious height in pumps, Loki made for a very believable and gorgeous young woman. It never took much makeup or too much padding to sell the illusion. Loki already had so many feminine features anyway, he was practically built to be a Glamazon. Or maybe, just maybe, it was Emerald’s enforcement that life is hard, but that shouldn’t stop you from being yourself any way that really resonated with people.

For years, Emerald acted as Loki’s escape, what the artist most looked forward to every week, but as time went on, a new realization crept in and new loneliness along with it.

People adored Emerald, loved her, wanted to speak with her, see her perform, and get pictures with her after the shows were over. Some people even wanted autographs and videos of her were posted online all the time, but none of her so-called fans even knew who she was under the glitz and glam. Loki did not exist, there was only Emerald, a persona that was very much Loki, but only Loki’s very best qualities. No one saw the queen for who she really was or what flaws she possessed and that weighed... heavily on her. It made genuine connections harder to form because people did not want Loki, they only wanted the mask and the stage presence.

He loved drag because it allowed him to explore himself and be himself, but he didn’t know how to balance that life with real, day-to-day life, and it wore on him for ages. Emerald started to feel like an expectation and a standard that Loki could never live up to and she started to feel more like a prison sentence than an escape.

A feeling Loki genuinely hated and feared, because his passion for performing and dressing up to do it was always so evident...

At the end of the day, loneliness gripped at his heart. Yes, he did have a few close friends that stuck by him and saw him for more than just a good artist or a successful drag performer, but every stab at making new friends or even finding a partner fell flat. Forming meaningful connections became harder and harder and, eventually, Loki stopped trying, but that only made the loneliness worse. The reoccurring joke of needing to get laid certainly didn’t help things, but maybe that wasn’t too far off?

Maybe sex would make him feel better, somehow?

One of the bartenders that worked at Click-Clack, a gay club that Loki frequently performed at, pulled Loki aside one night after the show. “I know you’ve kind of been down on yourself,” Lawrence said, his tone quiet and hushed so no one would overhear them. “I know you’ve really been struggling to date and put yourself out there, so I thought this might help.” He passed Loki a card with a name and a number on it, written in messy handwriting. “Stevie’s a real sweetheart. He’ll treat you well for the right price and you’ve got plenty of money to spare. Why not give it a try?”

“I’m not paying someone to fuck me,” Loki insisted, the offense clear in his tone, but the bartender only pushed the card closer to him. “How desperate do you think I am?”

“On a scale of one to ten? Probably a solid eleven.” If Loki hadn’t been offended before, he certainly was now. “Look, I’m not trying to insult you. I just think if you had a good time with someone, maybe it would help pull you out of your funk. It helped me. I wouldn’t recommend you anything that I wasn’t willing to do too.”

“You’ve... hooked up with this person before?” Loki asked, astonished.

“Yeah, and he’s great. Give him a chance, he might help get you out of this slump.”

Loki took the card but didn’t say another word about it and for weeks, never even looked at the card again. After a while, though, the temptation plagued his mind, kept reminding him of his conversation with Lawrence... Loki hated the idea of paying someone to come and spend a few hours with him, of paying for sex. It seemed so horribly pathetic to stoop so low, but was the queen not in a low point already? Would it not maybe be beneficial?

He could always try it once and if he didn’t enjoy it, then he would never do it again. No one needed to know, right?

As low as the idea made him feel, he realized he probably couldn’t get much worse, so he finally picked up his phone and punched in Stevie’s number. Should he call? Or would a text be more appropriate?

Oh, who was he kidding? He didn’t have the nerve to actually call.

[ text; Stevie ]; Hey there... [ text; Stevie ]; Uhm, you don’t know me, but someone I work with gave me your number. I don’t even know how to say this or inquire about it without offending you, but—

What did he say without making a right proper arse of himself? He’d already sent two texts, though, like an idiot. He should have planned out his messages before sending anything at all, because now it was far too late to back-track. He typed and deleted his next message a dozen times before finally settling on something.

[ text; Stevie ]; Basically, he told me that he’s hired you for certain... “services” in the past and suggested I seek you out for the same reasons. [ text; Stevie ]; I don’t know how true his story is, but I am desperately in need of some help.

Yes, Loki, that was definitely one way to put it...

Much to his surprise, after about an hour of painting to distract from his anxiety, he actually received a text back from Stevie, and one that was pleasantly accepting and understanding of his desires and needs. Not only did he seem willing, but he also didn’t seem offended at all. Perhaps the man simply enjoyed his work? There was nothing wrong with sex work, after all, as long as you were safe and mindful about it. Despite Loki’s own personal hang-ups about paying someone to sleep with him—which spawned from pride more than anything—he didn’t actually think poorly of people who had sex for money. It was an honest way to make ends meet and maybe Stevie really needed the money?

Whatever his reasons, Loki was just genuinely thankful he hadn’t offended or upset the young man.

The had a few back and forth texts discussing a payment agreement, pricing, and anything that was off limits, but when it came to setting a time and a location to meet, Loki paused. He was really going to go through with this, wasn’t he? Where should they meet? A hotel? Loki’s apartment? What would even be appropriate in a situation like this? And what would be safe for both of them?

[ text; Stevie ]; Come to Click Clack. It’s a gay club in downtown. I perform there on weekends. I will be there Thursday night as well. I get off at 2. The club closes then, but I have a private dressing room in the back to get ready for shows and house my things. We can use it. We won’t be interrupted, and no one will question why I’m staying late. [ text; Stevie ]; I’ll have the cash with me. You’ll get it up front, okay?

With that, he sent the address of the club and nothing else, though his heart pounded in his chest. It didn’t seem to stop the entire week and when Loki finally headed to the club on Thursday, he found himself equal parts nervous, excited, and ashamed.

Would Stevie even show, he wondered?

Eh, he couldn’t worry about it just yet, as he did have a show to prepare for. So, Loki took the envelope of money and hid it in his vanity, beneath enough makeup that no one would ever think to look there, and then set out to get ready for Emerald’s show. Loki selected a rather short, emerald dress with a beaded corset that only hit down to mid-thigh, but the skirt had enough volume that Loki could get away without properly tucking. Going through the measures of a proper tuck would definitely hinder Loki later on that evening and untucking was anything but sexy... A couple pairs of stockings and some tucking panties would, at the very least, give Loki enough support to make it through the show without any embarrassing mishaps.

She completed the look with black over-the-knee boots that shimmered under the light to reflect shades of green and blue and a volumized wig with a similar color story to the boots. She painted to match her outfit, her eye makeup intense jewel tones that flared out into a cat shape and, of course, dark purple lipstick that nearly looked black.  Her entire look was very on-brand for Emerald, but it was designed more for comfort in mind...

[mfmagazine]

Nicoletta

Article by Victoria Laurey

What more can we say about Nicoletta? The beautiful, self-taught musician was encouraged by a friend at the age of 15 to electrify others with her many talents. Due to her unbreakable bond with music, Nicoletta bares her soul into each lyric that she belts out in perfect melody. With an "aggressive, outgoing, and playful" way of life, she instills her life's lessons and epic journey to finding her voice and confidence to demand the stage. She is fearless in all that she does when it comes to her love of music, for it's her way of connecting to a world as big as the messages she conveys with just one strum of the guitar.

When was the moment you realized, just before heading the stage for the first time, that your dreams of being a performer was coming real?

I realized that my dreams were becoming real when I peaked out into the crowd and saw how many people were out there supporting me. It was more than I expected and it made me realize that I was doing something people really loved.

Could you describe the journey of how you found your voice to gaining the confidence to share your love of music?

I always LOVED singing. And I always appreciated music so much that a simple song could make me cry. I didn't realize I had this gift until I was a teenager. I was 15, and I would always sing under my breath because I was a bit timid to sing full voice. On numerous occasions my friends would tell me to "stop hiding" my voice. So one day I overcame my fear of being shy and surprised them by belting out a Christina Aguilera song. Since then they encouraged me to break out of my shell. The more I sang, the more I fell in love with it, and the less shy I became. It was so important to have that positive support system going in the very beginning. I became so confident and realized that this was my calling in life.

What was the first album or song that inspired you?

Alanis Morissette - Hand in my pocket. There was something about her and that song that inspired me to be honest and a little out there. "I feel drunk but I'm sober" I feel like that everyday.

Continuing the topic of inspiration, you said," I like to be as honest and straight forward as possible in my music, I want to inspire people with my music." If there was one message that you would want your fans to gain from your music, what would that message be?

My message is to love yourself and everything that makes "you". There's so much deep inside of us that we've yet to discover, and it's my job to dig my little musical hands in there and pull it out. And when you discover who you really are, accept it and embrace it.

Who was that friend that encouraged you to sing?

There were quite a few, but one in particular is my best friend, Callan King. She always encouraged me and supported my love for music and singing. She told me to never judge my talents (although I'm my own toughest critic and a major perfectionist). And to just be who I really am as an artist.

Out of all the songs that you have written, which one is closets to your heart? Why?

“Untitled Love”. I wrote that song during a very difficult time in my life. My father was diagnosed with cancer about four years ago. When I got the news my heart broke. I was devastated. I remember just sinking to the ground and questioning life. My parents are divorced, but during that time, my parents managed to put the past behind them and move forward to try and beat the C word. That experience brought our family so close together, and thank the Lord, my father beat it. Four years later he's still here and still strong. The song is about the painful experience it was for all of us, the realization of our reality at that time, and the story of my parents. "It's amazing how tragedy can bring things together. We went our separate ways and made all of our mistakes. Hey what do you know, at the end of the road we found each other".

Everyone has their favorite solo artist or band, that when they listen to their music it helps soothes them. Is there a particular artist or band that you have to get your daily dose of?

I find that it's always changing. But I will say Fall Out Boy (R.I.P) always hit the spot. I'm a ball of energy and so is all of their music. I love anything high energy.

You have written songs for Disney artist and demo'd vocals for Rihanna and Christina Aguilera. Is there anyone, past or present, that you would love to work with?

I would love to work with Bruno Mars. What a voice, man. And a great writer.

When you're not writing music, are there any other pastimes that you indulge yourself in?

Reading! Knowledge is power.

Maroon 5's Adam Levine was asked recently if he were president for a day, what would he change about the world. If you were president, what would you change?

There's so much I would do, but I would have to agree with Adam. I fully support same sex marriage. After all, half of my fan base is not straight. I love my gays!

This is a series of "Rapid Fire" questions that gets readers to know a little bit about you:

Favorite instrument? Guitar.

Comfort Foods? CHOCOLATE.

Superhero? My mom.

Dream place to visit? Hawaii.

Famous Crush? Ryan Gosling.

Finish the sentence: As Kristen Stewart is to Balenciaga, Nicoletta is to...Victoria's Secret Bombshell.

Biggest Fear? I'm fearless.

Cannot live without? MUSIC! And my family of course.

[hoekaashi]

Kiss Cam

A/N: So, this is a year old one shot I wrote for @fairyghibli, but @illustraice asked me to post it here....

Summary:  Allura was excited for her first basketball game, but was she about to get more than what she was expecting? Words: 1383

Read on Ao3

Today was the day.

The day that Allura was dreading the most.

It didn’t start off that way, no. The morning had been fairly pleasant, it was hard for her to contain her excitement. Her boss gave her a pair of basketball tickets for helping her close a huge deal. This was to be her first experience at a basketball game and she was extremely excited. She was ready to see what it’s like to actually be there in the stands surrounds by enthusiastic fans. After all, they didn’t have basketball where she was from.

But her friend cancelled on her.

Allura was upset, but her determination didn’t waver. Until her fiancé found out about the tickets…

She loved him, she really did, but the spark was slowly dying. He never did things with her anymore, always out with his friends or busy working at his dad’s company. She was tired of being his trophy. When he showed interest in the game, Allura wasn’t sure if she was scared or excited. She wanted to use this opportunity to rekindle the flame, go out with him, have a good time together, but she was scared that this would backfire.

Her fiancé, Roger, was the one driving. As the wind flew through her silver locks, she couldn’t help sink lower and deeper in the seat.

Roger looked at Allura from the side of his eye. “Babe, what are you doing?” He turned his attention back to the road.

Allura quickly sat up. “Could we put the roof back up? My hair is getting tangled,” she lied. Her hair was getting tangled, but that wasn’t the problem. Even with all the fresh air, she felt suffocated. The pit in her stomach grew bigger, and not from excitement.

He put the car roof back up, as per her request. He tucked a stand of her hair behind her ear as he drove down the high way.

Once there, the valet took the keys from Roger as the two headed inside.

It was crowded. Having to deal with the growing anxiety of how the day would play out was eating at her nerves. Despite this, Allura couldn’t contain her excitement when they found their seats. This was her first basketball game, she didn’t want anything to ruin the day.

Allura was bouncing in her seat went she found it. She turned to Roger. “I’m so excited!” she squealed.

Before Roger could reply, the court caught their attention. Allura watched eagerly as both the teams warmed up, the teams practicing their free throws, passes, and blocks. Soon the coaches called both teams over, giving them a quick pep talk before the center’s headed towards the ref for the tip off. The home team won the tip off which caused Allura to jump to her feet. She screamed as loud as she could before sitting down once again.

Roger laughed, cupping her cheek once Allura was seated again, and gave her a quick peck on her forehead. “I can see how excited you are. Do you want me to get you something to eat?”

Allura shook her head as the announcer began to speak. As the game went on, Allura noticed Roger paying more attention to his phone than to what was happening on the court. She didn’t mind though. She didn’t need Roger to be paying attention for her to have a good time.

Allura became engrossed in the game she was observing. She sat on the edge of her seat every time a player made a free throw. She booed whenever the away team scored. She would grab Roger’s arm for dear life when the ball circled on top of the basket. The more she got into the game, the more Roger would pull away.

Finally, Allura sat back in her seat, pouting. She turned to Roger when he didn’t notice her change in behavior. “Roger, what could possibly be more interesting on your phone than watching the game? You always forced me to watch at home, and when we’re actually here, you never look up from you crotch.”

Roger looked up at her and squeezed her hand. “I’m sorry, there’s just this huge client in town and I’m trying to help Adam write an email that will get them to have a meeting with us. This is huge, if we sign him to the company, I can buy you all the game tickets you want.”

Allura didn’t believe him. One was the fact that when she glanced at his phone, he was texting someone. Two, there wasn’t anyone on his floor named Adam. She faced the truth she had known for a while now. Roger was cheating on her. Her stomach fell, realizing that she tried to deny it this entire time. He would go out more and more, never wanting to go out with Allura in public. He would come home late at night and sneak into bed with her, smelling like perfume Allura didn’t wear. She found clothes that didn’t belong to her in her closet, Roger insisting that she forgot she bought them. But now, she finally faced reality.

Surprisingly enough, Allura didn’t feel a hint of sadness. It was as if someone told her that her great aunt, twice removed, whom she didn’t know existed, died. She was upset, but nothing else.

She sat back in her seat, the game not as fun to watch anymore. She made a plan to leave during half-time. But when the time came, Allura couldn’t move. She was engaged to Roger. If she wanted this marriage to work, she needed to talk to him. Make things right. Ask him why he was cheating. Before she had the chance to say anything, the Kiss Cam fell on them.

Allura looked up and beamed. She turned to Roger, shaking his arm. “Roger, look! We’re on the kiss cam!”

“Yeah, one sec babe. I just need to send this message,” he mumbled.

Allura looked at him in disbelief. She turned so she wasn’t facing him anymore and felt a nudge on her arm. She turned to her left and saw a guy with a beanie on. His small tuff of white hair was pulled back by the beanie and she noticed a scar on his nose.

“I don’t mind if you don’t,” he told her with a smile.

She glanced over her shoulder once more at Roger. He was smiling at a message on his phone now. She looked back at the guy with a scar and shrugged. “Okay.”

She leaned in, his lips meeting hers almost instantly. His hand made its way to her neck as he pulled her in to deepen the kiss. The sound of the crowd cheering for her drowned out. The only thing on her mind was how soft his lips were. She bit down on his lower lip and he let out a low moan. It wasn’t fierce or rough, but soft and comforting. She felt something she hadn’t felt in a while: happiness. His hands were tangled in her hair, her hand holding onto the front of his shirt. She tried to deepen the kiss, but broke away when she felt a tap on her shoulder. She looked over her shoulder at Roger, his face distorted from his anger. The stranger’s hand remained entangled in her hair.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” He was standing, his arms open. He looked like he was ready to punch someone.

The man next to her answered for her. “What you should have been doing. If you aren’t going to give her the attention she deserves, maybe you should go to the person who caused that boner.” He jutted his chin to the awkward bulge in Roger’s pants.

Allura took her engagement ring off and casually dropped it in Roger’s drink. “I can’t anymore.” She tried to sound as sad as possible, but the words came out stoic. She tried not to laugh at him and he tried to leave while covering up.

As Roger stormed off, the hand around her neck pulled Allura back down for one last kiss. She didn’t want it to end. Disappointed when it finally did, she leaned her forehead against the stranger’s.

“I’m Shiro.”

Allura smiled at him, blushing. “Allura.”