#yoshimori: you almost fucking killed him

[birdmenmanga]

food service shichiro coming back to haunt me. this time in customer service mode

[gerrinson]

MOAR CONTENT

I am going to try actually generating some content. I am expecting to embark into adventure by running a monthly Kingmaker campaign. For those not familiar with Kingmaker, it is a series of adventures set in the mythical world of Golarion, put out by the company Paizo for use in their Pathfinder gaming system. It’s basically Dungeons & Dragons. And tons of fun!

In the meantime, I am going to present some highlights from my prior, and sadly defunct, gaming group. The party consisted of:

Yoshimori Mochizuki, a Kitsune sorcerer with a red panda animal companion named Niyati.

Ilyat Krugasdottir, an orc barbarian, former slave, lesbian, and bubble bath connoisseur.

Drogo Brownlock, a halfling rogue with a mild obsession with cooking.

Haran-ne-quet Lindele, an elf wizard who had parted ways with his family and traveled under the sobriquet of ‘Simon’, a nickname given to him by human friends.

And Allinav, a human bard, who grew up on the streets of Absolom and stumbled onto the path of the bard.

I take credit only for creating the stories that brought them together. The player running the character of Allinav wrote journals from the PC’s perspective for the first few sessions. Here are the journal entries, in his own words:

Entry one.

Today is the day! After weeks of training, my resume into the Pathfinders guild has been accepted. I received notice today by a very nice gentlemen that I am to be sworn in, as well as given my first orders as a member of the guild in three days’ time, and that I should and I quote "maybe purchase some more efficient clothing..." I guess this miss matched Hodge podge of an outfit sourced from local lost and founds does appear to be lacking in that official Adventurer Looks. This is most certainly going to be an amazing adventure, I cannot wait to see who I become partied with, A noble knight, a wise wizard, A cunning Evlish ranger, a Mighty Dwarven Paladin, or maybe a catlike rogue! Hmm, I wonder what sort of things I should bring with me on this trip. I feel like I should have a grappling hook... All good stories have a grappling hook... I think I'm going to buy a grappling hook.

Entry Two.

It's an Orc. There is an Orc not 10 feet from me, and it’s a Lady Orc. This is ridiculous! How did an Orc manage to become a member of the pathfinders guild!? Is there not some sort of law against allowing Orcs with great swords bigger than a person to just walk around Absalom all willy nilly? Today was the day I found myself partied with the strangest cast of characters I could ever imagine. We have the aforementioned Orc, Ilyat. She is just... Ginormous, at least a foot taller than myself, and the most strange and to be quite honest disturbing part of it all, the heavy dense smell of lavender. It's almost hard to breath! I wonder is this the scent that the stories always spoke of, that orcish scent that sends weaker men running from the battle field.

In addition to Ilyat, there is an elven sorcerer named Simon, He seems like a pretty nice fella, all things considered, was looking some place called "The Academy" We don't really have any academies from my area of town, maybe one of the richer folks can assist him in finding directions.

Next up is Yoshisomething somethingsuzuki, Looks like a regular human Sorcerer, but oh my word he has a red panda named Niyati. It is the most amazing thing I have ever seen, upon further inquiry he found it when it was a babe, whilst foraging in the jungle... I have made a note that at the next nearest opportunity that maybe we should go in search of more red pandas.

Finally, we have the worst of the group, and that is saying something when one of the group is an Orc Barbarian. Drogo the Halfling rogue. To those that may find this journal, if I am dead, Drogo is the cause. Not 5 hours after meeting this Halfling, He asked If I could show him where he could gamble a few coins, Obviously having grown up on these streets I knew just the place, what I did NOT know however was just how quickly the Halfling was to be angered, and even quicker he is to flee, and abandon me to the mercy of the 4 armed thugs he picked a fight with, and that had just lost out on a very large purse filled with coin. Ultimately I was able to scare the lot off with a little bit of bravado and a whole lot of telling them that I have it on good authority that a giant Orc would be coming by any second to check up on me. Suffice of to say, that Halfling is not to be trusted.

On a better note however is I've got a mission! Col Arkola is sending us to Maina. Apparently Goblins have been raiding the village, and in addition to that someone has been stealing Live Stock. I wonder if the two could be connected. I bet it's a bunch of Halflings… Halflings appear to be just the worst.

Side note, be sure to investigate getting limbs replaced with dragon bones.

Entry Three.

Drogo shall feel the wrath of any ancestor I may have that might deem me worthy of dealing out wrath. I was informed by one of the guards that Drogo attempted to steal from my pack last night while I slept inside the Guild Barracks. What sort of monster attempts to steal from his own group on the very first night, not a very nice monster that's for sure.

I will say though, one of the perks of being an adventurer, the food. They feed you like kings here, fruits, vegetables, breads, Beef Stews, Tankards of mead. This truly is amazing, although the stew wasn't as good as a hearty bowl of mystery meat.

We leave by boat today, after talking to the others, I've realized that I'm severely under geared. All of that Gold I'd saved is nearly gone now. Although Col. Ma’am informed us that we would be awarded 100 gold for completing the mission, as well as anything we legally obtain along the way. Of course the Halfling would need a definition of "Legally"

Entry Four.

Everything is going Tits up. Not an hour into our adventure everyone is bleeding, half of the other passengers on the boat hate us, and I'm pretty sure the orc managed to kill a half dozen elves while nobody was looking. She swears that it wasn't her that put all those elf skulls into that trunk, but I'm still skeptical, the next story I hear about a good Orc will be the first story I hear about a good Orc.

After seeing the Orc with a chest full of Elven Skulls, and then the Halfling trying to rob the poor lady's second trunk, which was fucking trapped by the way, seriously what kind of rogue just flings open a trunk like that; hence all the blood, It took me a good portion of the rest of my gold, and a solid hour worth of talking to both the captain and the woman to make sure everything was squared away, and no charges would be filed. I feel as if this is some sort of cruel trick, I've been partied with what appears to be a group of felons, and a red panda.

Fun fact of the day, some Elvish clans send their remains and ancient relics to special shrines so that their souls be at peace. Keep that in mind the next time you run across a nice lady with a trunk full of skulls.

Entry Five.

My first attempt at travel by boat has ended. Three of the longest, partially sleepless night aboard this boat during the storms is over, I never wanted to be on solid ground so badly before. We have arrived at ‘Oppara’, the first stop on our journey.

Have you ever heard the rumors that Adventuring is a good way to make some gold pieces? Those rumors are a lie. It's been less than a week, but my coin purse is not nearly empty. In order to complete the next portion of this journey we will need to take a barge up river, and in order to do that it's going to cost us double because of the Orc. Between paying for the Orc Tax, and constantly keeping an eye on the Halfling I have little doubt that I will either end this crusade dead, or very much so in debt.

It's raining again, Captain Slather has informed me that it is almost time to push off. Maybe playing some music for these chaps with get us to our destination faster.

Entry Six.

Forget everything I've said. Adventuring is Amazing. It's been three days since the barge began to head up river towards Maina, and today we saw our first action as a group, without any Halflings running away.

Sometime around lunch I was watching the waves the barge made as it swiftly moved upstream when from under the water we saw some otters, sure they were not as adorable as the red panda, but these ones appeared to play with us by splashing us with water, The orc didn't seem to even notice them, but what do you expect from such a beast. What was unexpected however was when the otters turned into Nixie! Two Magical fae sea creatures! Simon appeared quite smitten by them as they were talking back and forth in what sounded like garbled noise. Yoshi, who was less enamored, made sure that the rest of us understood what was going on. Apparently the Nixie were in search of champions to help save their children from a fearsome Taztlewrym, which according to the stories I've heard is a DRAGON!

After a brief debate, and a promising to the captain, Barnabus Slather that so long as they wait for us at shore we will give them an additional 5 gold pieces, we began our journey up an offshoot stream to the nixie's den. After assessing the situation, and taking up positions, the Wyrm made its appearance charging with full force towards Ilyat whom was guarding the land entrance. This “mighty” Dragon was of little threat to such a magnificent cadre of heroes, a couple of powerful swings from Ilyat's great sword, and a single Arrow from Simons bow, we felled it without a single wound received. After the hide had been carefully skinned and stowed away for sale at a later date, And the Halfling nearly murdering all of us by trying to remove its poisonous sacks, the Nixie were kind enough to provide us with some potions, and well wishes. I'm still low on gold, but the rush of battle shall keep me energized for days to come.

Entry Seven.

After 3 more days on the barge, we have arrived in Maina without further incident, which in of itself is a minor miracle, but even better we have sold the wrym skin, and I have won a story telling competition! After stopping off at ‘Meklo, Meplo, and Shrine’ and meeting a true to life angel person The group split up to take care of the business of restocking supplies, I of course Sent word back to Col Arkola informing her of the news she may here regarding the Elf Skulls, and after that I decided to visit the trumpeting swan from the recommendation of Miss Shrine, which as the name might suggest, has trumpeting swans which sound once for each hour, on the hour. There was so many talented bards and the fact that I won reaffirms that I made the right choice in deciding to finally leave Absalom.

The competition was to tell two stories, And It appears that most of the other bards were not prepared to tell the additional story, I however was able to make up a short story based on the day’s earlier events.

The Orc and the Angel Has any a time seen such a more odd pair One so full of rage and ready to strangle The other so stunning you can only stare But looks can be deceiving One searches for acceptance While the other is scheming The subtle change in stance, By the beast so wounded "That orc has no worth" spoken with venom How can someone so lovely, say something so stupid Little does she know this orc is a Phenom.

Of course in order to get to the finals I had to tell the tale Of how we had slain the mighty two headed dragon in order to save the Meer folk city, and how in the middle of battle I squared off with the dragon face to face, Lute versus fire breathing destruction, and how we came out victorious against all odds. A little embellishing never hurt anyone. The 75 gold pieces added to my cut of the Wrym skin has my gold pouch nearly filled to the brim. I should investigate purchasing a second one, possibly a third which I'll trap to keep that filthy Halfling on his toes. Below is a rough impression of my first place medal, its solid bronze, and would no doubt work quite well in a fight.

*Editor’s note - he didn’t actually include a picture so you’ll have to use your imagination.