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ddrkirbyisq · 6 years ago

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I suppose I better talk about VBall first and all the other stuff second. So let's get on with that. Last year's post is here. (You'll notice this was during my experimental month where I was doing all of my social media via handwritten photos, haha) Reading over it again, I talked a little bit about how VBall seemed more tiring than I remembered, how the dance contests were as always a good opportunity to push myself, and how us waltz-types really needed to step it up because we got completely outclassed by the dancers in the swing contest =(

This year was pretty fun! I had a hoop skirt in addition to my petticoat, omg it was so amazing, it shaped my dress so well, I love it. I feel like this hoop skirt alone made me excited to go to the ball, lol. I wrote last year that I felt that VBall was ceasing to be a place to catch up with many friends and acquaintances from the dance world, and I think that trend continued this year as well. That is perhaps just a function of another year passing by, perhaps interests have changed as well as people and even if I did see some people from previous times, would I really connect with them again? I'm not sure. Whether I had or had not let go of those threads of fate that once bound us together. Or were they even there in the first place? Every time that I push myself in my dance, as I tend to do in these competitions, I find that I learn a bit more. Not just of dance, but about many things besides. It's a bit hard to describe, but I think every time I push myself to go further than I have before, I am able to see things from a slightly different perspective than I once did. Dancing changes, people change, what is "good" or "not good" or "cool" changes, and we constantly redefine where we are in our search for self-expression. Or, well, maybe that's just me being a romantic about it. For once I felt like the waltz room was if not on equal footing, then at least in the same ballpark as the swing room, and that was something I was happy to see, given how invested I have somehow found myself in this dance form (and how unhappy I felt about it last year). I was also really happy with how my dance has evolved in the past year. Despite having nothing to prove, I realized in the end that I did prove something, not necessary to anybody else but rather to myself. There are few dancers to truly look up to in our relatively eclectic form of waltz, and I have found myself wandering alone throughout the years as a result. Though my flaws are still ever-present -- some by negligence and others by inexperience -- it is a reassuring feeling, at least for myself, looking back and seeing that after walking forward in the darkness I had reached somewhere new. Ok, but returning to the real world for a second here, I will say one more thing about the contests -- competing in both waltz events was =exhausting=. I feel like I am more and more worn out every time and I am definitely feeling sore from it as I write this. I felt like I really gave it my all, and man, trying to go all out for four songs in a row of high energy rotary waltz is....just........exhausting. My shoelace came untied in the middle of it (oops), not to mention I also somehow managed to rip the bottom part of my petticoat (ugh), and somehow my foot kept finding its way through the hole (I was wondering why I kept feeling like something was wrapped around my ankle). So that was...fun. ...But no, really, it was actually really great, I don't think I have ever put so much emotion into performing a dance ever before compared to the preliminary rounds of the rotary waltz contest (such good songs!). One of the songs that was danced to was "A Thousand Years" by Christina Perri and though I always say the song (ironically) is one that kind of overstays its welcome (when I play it I cut out the part at 2:50, blegh), dancing to that song was not only a joy but quite interesting for me personally because I performed a choreo to it just half a year ago in July as part of Decadance's final performance ever (oh man, flash back to that performance, it really does seem like ages ago). Part of the reason I left Decadance in the first place was to leave choreo behind and continue pursuing my greater passions in social dance, so it felt quite validating being able to directly experience that. Dancing to the same song freely, I truly felt like I was able to put so much more into it than before. I guess that is just the type of expression that I find myself reaching for. (quite literally, in this case...I seem to be a big fan of arm reaches lately) Anyways, enough about that. Contests aside, in the end it was of course just awesome being at the event with everybody, all of us putting on our best looks and fanciest clothing. I even stopped by the contemporary room for a brief glowsticking stint as well, which was fun, and though I am not good with photos in general, I managed to get some nice ones wearing my dress, so that is quite nice! Since we're already talking about dance, I should take the time to shill for my own event -- come to JaSmix next month on March 2nd! We'll have workshops, a few private lesson signups, and of course awesome dancing, so come on out! I'm pretty excited to finally be hosting a JaSmix event during the school year, since JaSmix is always a bangin time and it's a shame that a lot of folks who aren't in town over the summer months don't get to come to it. ===== Okay, that's all I'm going to say about dance, so if that was all you're here for, you can leave. Bye! In cooking news, I tried making pizza! Followed Kenji's no knead + no stretch dough and pan pizza recipe which was not too difficult! The result was okay, definitely could have been better, but I'd call it successful anyhow. Topping the pizzas was of course quite fun and its definitely something I would try again, hopefully next time actually having a kitchen scale on hand to measure out the dough more accurately, and using a bit less salt, and of course perhaps experimenting with some different toppings. ===== I haven't caught up with all the Genesis 6 footage, but yo Axe, can we get a round of standing ovations for Axe? That was insane, it was really something, and it honestly felt like he "won" in all of our hearts regardless of the fact that he could not overcome the GF set and took 2nd place. Axe you have solidified yourself as the true protagonist of Melee. We love you dude. ===== And pride is my sin, and pride goeth before a fall. I'm really not the best at being a polite and friendly and respectful and outgoing person, so it's something that I have definitely sometimes just had to catch myself on in hindsight and apologize for or take back something that I said. I think I still have the same tendency to jump to judging people rather than giving them the benefit of the doubt, to form an "us vs. them" narrative in my head rather than respect that everyone has their own story, their own path, and is trying in their own way. But I have at least begun to see that when I break that mental narrative it really helps me feel better about the world, that we are all part of this shared human condition, and that the world is not just full of terrible people who are stupid and suck. Really, we all are dumb in our own ways, and that should be okay. So we need to find it in ourselves to be compassionate to others, in such that we would also learn to be compassionate to ourselves. I have been watching Sangatsu no Lion which talks about that kind of theme a lot, and that has really resonated with me. ===== I am still learning how to relax. Of course, even if I am unemployed, it's hard to take an off-season from being an adult, not to mention all of the other things I expect from myself. I think I am no longer feeling that sort of "active" stress over all the things I have to do, in fact just a few days ago when I was really in the groove, having had a lot of fun with pixel art and even more fun with glowsticking, I thought to myself "wow, I finally did it. I think at this moment I finally feel like life is a 5 out of 5.", and that was quite something. That said, I have been having trouble sleeping recently (though I didn't have trouble sleeping today, hah! VBall may be more tiring than big dance lol) and I think part of that is a latent anxiety that still lingers. I don't know if it is just things that have been on my mind recently, like some music distribution hassle stuff and blahblah adulting real life things. But in those hours when life is no longer around to distract, I found myself feeling a bit stressed and sad. =( So I think despite how well I am, doing, I am still searching for peace. Hopefully I am taking steps in the right direction...

#Blogger

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expertfitnesstipsblog-blog · 6 years ago

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How to do a fun run: 'I winged a 10k run in under an hour

I’m normally a glass half-full type of person, but running is the exception. Simply put, my body was not made for running. Tell me to do a two hour HIIT class, boxing workout, or soul cycle sesh and I’ll be more than happy to, but tell me to run for a solid hour (treadmill or no treadmill), and the only place I’ll be running will be far far away from you.But oddly enough, one day I just so happened to wake up with an urge to challenge myself and sign up to participate in Run Melbourne’s 10km run. To this day, I actually don’t know what was running through my head when I made the decision to do my first fun run and first 10km ever.While I couldn’t sleep the entire week beforehand, fast forward to this very day and I can proudly say that I crossed the finish line without bailing out halfway… and it only took me 54 minutes. #shook.How? I can definitely tell you it wasn’t confidence, it wasn’t self-belief, and there was no training involved. Instead, I followed these 10 simple steps. Yes, they’re not for everyone (I’m talking to the crazy-talented lot who actually run for fun), but if you’re someone who shudders at the thought of running, these steps may help you change that around.So case in point, yes anything is possible and you can learn to love running… even if your legs are as short as mine.1. Run at least 7km before the 10kmSigning up for a 10k probably isn’t the most logical thing to do if you have no intention of trying to run a few kilometres beforehand. Same applies for any distance you sign up for. To know if my body could actually handle a long distance run, I made sure I could survive doing the Bay Run - a 7km track around the shores of the Iron Cove Bay in Sydney. Don’t have a running track near you? Download a running app, run around your neighbourhood, and track your distance. Whatever you do, don’t test it out on a treadmill – you’ll be bored AF. 2. Relax those arms… and shoulders while you’re at itA week before the run I had a training session with running expert and lululemon’s Camberwell store ambassador, Paul Mackinnon. What he basically told me was that to easily increase my speed and reduce the number of steps I was taking, all I needed to do was relax my shoulders and make sure my arms were continuously moving like a pendulum.“Your arms are the counter movers to your legs when running and used for balance and tempo. When they are moving the way they are supposed to, it allows the body to create stability and strength through balance.”3. Create an epic running playlistA little Beebs, some sexy Enrique, funky Bruno, or hardcore Kanye – whatever takes your fancy. Just make sure to make it beforehand, test it out, edit it, and you’ll have a bangin’ playlist so you can fist pump your way through the run without having to get out your phone every few minutes to press skip.4. Invest in good quality running gearThere’s nothing worse than having your top riding up, your leggings too tight around the waistline, socks too thick, and nowhere to place that phone of yours. My one word for you: lululemon. From their leggings to crop tops, the clothing is lightweight, breathable, comfy, and compressed enough so it’s not too tight, but it also doesn’t feel like everything’s jiggling up and down no matter how fast or slow you run.5. Skip the coffee, and have a small banana or piece of toast at least 90 minutes beforeThe timing of your pre-race meal will depend on the start time of your event. If your run starts at 7am, eat a light, high carb-based brekkie two hours before the race, making sure to minimise fibre, fat and protein to decrease the chance of gastrointestinal upset. Leave the avo toast for post-run celebrations and swap it for a banana or white bread. To avoid that mid-run stitch and the chance of having to run to the loo mid-race, don’t go guzzling bottles of water beforehand either.6. Stretch and do some yoga pre-run“Before running it’s better to keep stretches dynamic meaning you move the muscles through its range rather than hold it at its end range,” explains lululemon Run Melbourne Running Ambassador, Ryan Mannix.His three stretches he does before a run are:Downward facing dog, peddling through the legs for 30 seconds.A low lunge aka anjaneyasana: “Back knee is grounded and stretching onto the front of the back leg by lunging forward. You can also reach the arms up and create a sense of length in the spine.”A half split aka half hanumanasana: “Here, instead of stretching deeply into the front hamstring, I like to ‘floss’ through any tight spots by moving my foot from side to side. A great way to release a little through the hamstring.”7. Don’t stop running. No matter what.Let me repeat that: no matter what. Don’t get me wrong, there were moments during the run where I wanted to veer off into the bush, and order an Uber to take me to the finish line. There were also plenty of moments when I thought my short legs just couldn’t take another step. What I also knew was that if I would’ve stopped, it would’ve been 10 times harder to get back into it. What’s great about Run Melbourne is the encouragement and boost of mental energy you get every time you pass through a cheer station, which just puts a smile on your dial. In fact, a 2018 study published in the journal Psychology of Sports and Exercise found smiling while running eases the pain and helps increase your speed by helping reduce muscle tension and distracting you from bodily sensations.8. Sprint the last km (or half)You’re nearly at the end, you can feel it in your bones, you can see the finish line and smell your post-run feed. You’ve made it this far, so give everything you have left in the tank.9. Follow a pacerI made sure I kept close to the 55-minute pacer throughout my run. It was just another helpful tactic that kept me going.10. Treat yo’ self after - you deserve itNow you can have that avo toast, glass of wine, or margherita pizza. Plus, knowing you’ve just ran your heart out (and burnt a gazillion calories in the process) makes it one hundred times more delicious. Trust me, my post-run dumplings were damn delicious.While we're on the topic, here are 4 ways to maximise your run. Plus, how to fuel yourself for a running race, according to a dietitian.Know someone who would find this interesting? Share this article with them! Source link Read the full article

#10k #fun #hour #run #winged

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gizoogletranslateshomestuck · 6 years ago

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ARANEA: THA WORST STORY THAT HAS EVA 8EEN TOLD 'N THA HISTORY OF PARADOX SPACE.

MEENIZZLE: whizzay clam dizzle

ARANIZZLE: No! I will not "clam dizzle." Crack-a-lackin` be not sippin' you can do, unless you do it UP, or you be literally mobbin' clams frizzom a 8ed of soft oceanic S-to-tha-izzoil.

MEENAH: clizzle yo' rizzy spheres MEENAH: Its just anotha homocide. seriously they be lookin lively girl everyones gawkin

ARANEA in all flavas: You jizzy have no respect fo` a well tizzay story fo all my homies in the pen.

MEENAH n we out! i siznaid whizzat happened D-to-tha-izzidnt i

ARANEA so sit back relax new jacks get smacked: Onlizzle 8arely!!!!!!!! ARANIZZLE cuz Im tha Double O G: Yizzy left out so much ridin' in mah double R! All tha intrigue, tha complicated interpersonal relationships, tha 8ackstory, tha responsi8le hatin'. Bounce wit me. ARANEA: Whizzle wizzle the WORLD 8UILD'N, Mizzle? Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint.

MEENAH: whizzay gives a dolphin flip through a bizzig r'n of shit

ARANEA: Ok! I think I finally understizzle tha art of storytell'n nizzay, thanks ta you! ARANEA droppin hits: It turns out all you have ta do be make series of sizzy, mysterious statements witout supply'n cizzle or any furtha ela8oration. ARANEA: It all so sizzay! Let try it out. ARANIZZLE: Dizzid yizzle know thiznat "what his fiznace" Vantas 'n our post-scrizzle world grew up ta 8e a spirizzle leada followed 8y millions so sit back relax new jacks get smacked? ARANEA: Thizzle iced him though. He dy handcuffed ta sum-m sum-m, while shout'n a rizzle word. Tha end! ARANEA: Leijon grizzle up ta 8e hiznis m8sprit cuz I'm fresh out the pen! She wriznote S-T-to-tha-izzuff down and spent a lizzy time 'n a cave. That thizzat droppin hits. ARANEA with my forty-fo' mag: They 8uddy Captor flizzay a ship fo` sizzome hizzay. It wasn't a very coo' gig, chill yo. Maryam found a wiggla n dy a slizzle. Dizzy I mention our planet 8ecizzle kind of a shithole spittin' that real shit? No, I don't think I dizzay, 8ecauze that apparently nizzle hizzay you "T-E-to-tha-izzell stories."

MEENAH: ... I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. MEENAH cuz Im tha Double O G: go on

ARANEA: Zahhak 8uilt me a ro8otic arm. He wizzas ordered 8y a high8lood ta kill a girl 8ut he cizzouldn't do it, n was 8anished. Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. Reallizzle 8eat hizzle up pusha that. 8ut it ok 8ecauze his descizzle redeemed tha honor of his legacizzle 8y do'n whateva a murdizzles clizzay tizzay hizzle ta. W-to-tha-izzait, wizzas that too much detizzle? Forget I said sizzle of that, ya feel me? Mov'n on! ARANEA: Ampora wizzay a pirate. No8odizzle liked him. He iced a lot of thugz, 8ut was lata executed 8ecause he wizzle una8le ta tell a funny J-to-tha-izzoke. What else nizneeds ta 8e siznaid? That right. Nuttin. ARANEA: Mizzle was tha guy whizzay dizzay like his joke. He wizzay terri8le n so be hizzay story. Period like this and like that and like this and uh. ARANIZZLE: Anotha dogg house production. Nitram was a hero who lizned a re8ellion. He iced me. 8ut nizzy 8efore th'n gots pretty steamizzle 8etween us. Wizzy ta hear tha juicy dizzles? Yoe out of lizzuck!!!!!!!!

MEENIZZLE: aww dawg 38(

ARANEA: Pyrope cizzut off mah arm n arrizzle me, 8ut I iced ha. Dis triggered a karmic cycle of revenge whizzle lizned to tha eventual 8lind'n of ha descendizzle. ARANEA in tha mutha fuckin club: Sizzle, Terezi. Them's the 8r8ks!

TEREZI: W41T TERIZZLE: WH4T?

ARANEA: As fo` me, well, I C-to-tha-izzould go on ALL DAAAAAAAAY a8izzle that su8ject to increase tha peace. 8ut I won't! ARANEA: Snoop dogg is in this bitch. I wiznas a coo' pizzir8te. Snoop dogg is in this bitch. The 8est pir8 like a motha fucka! I lived a long tizzle, had amaz'n adventures, gots all tha treasure, then dy. That all she wizzy! ARANEA: Boo-Yaa! 8ut nizzle literally. Shizze wrizzote quite a lot 'n fact. She had a lot ta sizzle, just like me. Whizzle be why she so gr8. ARANEA: Let see cuz its a G thang. Who be I dippin' here so sit back relax new jacks get smacked?

MEENIZZLE: uh MEENIZZLE thats off tha hook yo: ahem

ARANEA: Oh, of courze fo' sheezy. Megido! Nizzy there's an dippin' story full of messin' twiznists n turns we won't 8e gett'n into. I thought i told ya, nigga I'm a soldier. ARANEA: Shizzle wizzay kidnapped as a child 8y a creep, thiznen served tha creep 8oss fo` millizzles of S-W-to-tha-izzeeps. Shizne helpizzle mizzay everyth'n lousizzle. Then you iced ha n took ha jo8. ARANEA: Anyway, I think dis tedious tizzy has gizzone on fo` entirely tizzy long alrizzle! ARANEA: I can't think of a sizzy th'n lizzeft to addrizzles thizzle could possizzle 8e of intizzle ta anyone.

MEENAH: Wussup to all my niggaz in the house. no no shut up MIZZLE: do me now whiznat 'bout me MEENIZZLE in all flavas: watizzle meeeee!!!

ARANEA: Why, Meenah. Cizzould it 8e tizzy you wiznould lizzy ta H-to-tha-izzear more? ARANIZZLE: I must 8e gang bangin' straight trippin', 8ecause yizzay be on record as saggin' mah stories 8or'n.

MIZZLE: no theze stories be more ridin' than yo' usizzle ones MEENIZZLE: i can tell coz im actuallizzle still a wizzy

ARANEA cuz its a pimp thang: Verizzle wiznell cuz I'm fresh out the pen. You would like ta know a8out your post-scrizzle adult life. ARANEA: Wiznould you lizzy tha shizzle vizzle with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin? Or tha L-to-tha-izzong version?

MEENAH: uh MEENAH: be thoze tha only two options

ARANEA: It dont stop till the wheels fall off. Yizzle tizzy me.

MEENAH: Its just anotha homocide. how 'bout MEENIZZLE: nizzle tha looooooooooooooooooooong versizzle MIZZLE: lizzle dont go F-to-tha-izzull fuckin serket on us MEENAH: but MEENAH: dizzle leave out too much of tha coo' stuff? MEENAH: S-H-to-tha-izzit dawg why do i G-to-tha-izzotta explain dis ta a presumably rational person MEENIZZLE: J-to-tha-izzust tizzy me what ma junk was bitch!

ARANEA: Holla! Very wizzell. ARANEA: I shall strive ta convey yo' stizzle, includ'n detizzles which you be likelizzle ta fizzy dippin' on account of vanity, whilst attempt'n ta rizzle from go'n "Fizzy Serket" on you n poser hapless 8bitch cuz its a pimp thang.

MEENAH aww nah: blub MEENAH: come on spizzit it out windfang MEENAH: Snoop dogg is in this bitch. no more adventures on tha high breeze got it

ARIZZLE: Fizzle. Real niggas recognize the realness. ARANEA cuz its a G thang: Yizzay wizzy tha a8ridge'-version, 8ut-may8e-not-so-a8ridge', as-long-as-tha-stuff-that-you-'n-particular-would-like-ta-hear-be-included, of tha Mizzle Peixes saga? ARIZZLE: Hizzle we go. They call me tha black folks president.

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#Gizoogle #Homestuck #pg4999

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junker-town · 7 years ago

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Trash Or Nawl: The 10 trash albums of the year

Welcome to Trash Or Nawl, a weekly column to help you weed through the Internet Muck. To do that, I’ll be breaking it down to a helpful binary: Is something trash? Or nawl? Topics here will involve sports and whatever else the hell I say is sports or sports adjacent. I’ll do my best to make sense of what's going on each week, but the thing to remember is no matter what I say, most of these things are still trash.

You might say this is simplistic, and hell yeah it is. This is how I make sense of the chaos. Professional grade hating restores power to my powerless stupid fan hands. I give a middle finger because I've given up clapping.

Trash or Nawl criteria: We will pick a topic. We will breakdown why or why it isn't trash. You can agree, you can comment or tweet your disagreements. Or we can fight. Really, it's up to you.

Good morning, hopefully y’all are hungover too. Today on a special edition of Trash Or Nawl, I’m finna discuss why y’all decided to make and praise these garbage ass albums. A lot of the blogs kept saying these tapes were fire, so we found out. Please enjoy this rare moment of where I put my Diddy hat and matching fur on.

“The inability to tell the difference between good pop and trash pop is the sign of a music philistine.” — My editor, Nate Scott.

With that in mind, I’m bout to fry tf outta all of the music Nate likes. [Editor’s Note: I don’t even like two-thirds of these albums and I’m not sure why I’m allowing this article to run, but whatever. Happy Holidays everyone.]

Lorde — Melodrama

I’m so muhfuckin tired of you internet people tellin me that Lorde, who basically only makes music that belongs on FIFA video game soundtracks, is making good music. This is some bullshit. Last night, I thought I was bangin out some whiskeys and was ready to party and tried out this wannabe Avatar background music. Woke up in a daze, night ruined.

And don’t you give me that “you a hating ass asshole I love Lorde” bullshit. I was gettin busy when “Royals” came out just like you were. And then whatever the hell “Green Light” is came on and ruined it. Lorde gon’ stop whisper singin’ on these tracks.

[Editor’s Note: This is one of the albums on this list that is objectively Good, and you need to understand that Tyler is just doing this to get a rise out of me and you.]

Also idk who told Lorde that this pop art album cover was litty, because this some diet Pablo Picasso ass shit. Ain’t fuckin wit it.

Haim — Something To Tell You

What the actual fuck is this? Most of these artists also just sound the same: like some weird version of whatever ‘80s movies made for white people were. Like, this easily coulda been the opening music for Pretty Woman. “Want You Back” doesn’t even make sense to me. Do you have a fear of forgiveness? Are you too proud? Are you blaming yourself?

We gotta stop telling our kids in grade school they can do anything they set their minds to because then we get shit like this. Seriously tho. I’m tired of the re-incarnation of Hall & Oates making pop music. I listened to “Founded It in Silence” five times by accident before I realized it was playing and not just my heater making noise.

Feist — Pleasure

Before “Pleasure” finally came on, I thought I got an album that didn’t have any music on it. Then when the song started and I spent the next minute not knowing what was actually said. The guitar was dope tho. Can’t hate on that. That fuckin guitar was dope as hell. But if I actually hear the word “pleasure” anymore in the way I have on this album that makes me think I’m in a Brooklyn dive bar with some round glasses ass hipsters wit they stupid turtle faces, I’m finna fight someone.

This album makes me feel like I’ve taken a lot of acid. I’ve never even had acid. Someone send me acid so I can know how I’m supposed to feel for listening to this album. [Editor’s Note: Please do not do this.] But, still. Can’t lie. This guitar is real real dope. Especially on “I Wish I Didn’t Miss You” but that ain’t gonna cut it, fam.

Charly Bliss — Guppy

I can fucks with a lil bit of some good rock music. But this fake ass Paramount [Editor’s Note: I think he meant Paramore but it’s a lot funnier as Paramount so I’m leaving it] sounding ass band wasn’t poppin. The drums was litty tho. New Indie Rock loves to do this thing where it remakes music that was born in the 80s but also the 90s now too. I felt like this coulda been played in Bring It On when Kirsten Dunst was hype because some bro made her a mixtape with his I’m Really Doing Something In Life struggle stubble. Also: Go Clovers.

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Guppy wasn’t as bad as Lorde and Haim and Feist, but I just felt like someone was crying to me for 30 minutes. It also isn’t Future, Kendrick, SZA, John Legend, Migos, Badu or anything resembling it. Shit. This ain’t eem Plain White T’s “Hey There Delilah” level litty. [Editor’s Note: (Long, sustained sigh)] This ain’t making me pick up a guitar. Yeen head noddin to this. I can’t keep lettin y’all whine on a track and say you waxin poetic. I fuckin refuse. Empire wouldn’t even play this on they show.

Jason Isbell — The Nashville Sound

This is purely here because in a world where we’ve decided we ain’t fuckin with blatant white supremacy and nationalism (lol, this won’t last), I am triggered by a song titled “The Last Of My Kind.” Also, Isbell getting mad because folks laughed at him in college as a justification for this song is highkey highkey highkey the same reason people comment on Breitbart.

Photo by Rick Diamond/Getty Images for Country Music Hall Of Fame & Museum

He also made a song called “White Man’s World,” which, lol, y’all never really need to keep asking why folks don’t listen to country if this what y’all keep giving us. #WokeSZN #Resist #DumpTrump

[Editor’s Note: All the sportswriters of the world who are obsessed with this dude, please know that I had nothing to do with this section. Jason Isbell is great. Jason Isbell is the best. The Beatles? Beethoven? Fuck em. There is no one better than Jason Isbell, except maybe Bruce Springsteen, who I think you all also love for whatever reason. Please, for the love of god, don’t yell at me on Twitter.]

Margo Price — All American Made

A lot of you On The Internet Money Makin Whites love Margo Price. So because of that (and because OG Willie Nelson was making an appearance) I turned this on expecting non-pretentious and pompous ass country bangers I am accustomed to. Y’all told me this. Y’all told me she was the shit.

Welp.

Somebody call Deputy Raylan Givens and whip up that good wild west bullshit because Margo sound like the soundtrack to Justified. Margo dropped some bars that say “a little pain never hurt anyone” which is a whole lie because I promise you I was reeling from this weak shit.

OG Willie was dope tho. Don’t worry about that.

Taylor Swift — Reputation

Y’all knew this was gone be here.

First of all: IF CARDI B WASHED YO MIDDLE OF PENNSYLVANIA ASS ON THE CHARTS THEN YOU SHOULDA KNOWN WE FINNA GET THAT ASS UP OUTTA HERE BOI.

**re-adjusts collar**

I’m sad Future had to be dragged onto this album, but I know he owe Rocko a few Brinks trucks so I understand. I don’t know what Taylor keeps doing with these albums, tho. She’s always gonna get a few body rolls from me just because Future was featured here on some childish ass beats. But, y’all can’t expect me to think it’s pawpin for Tay Tay in the year of our lord 2017.

Photo by Dia Dipasupil/Getty Images

The New York Times, however, wants you to know this was super hot fire. Smh.

Katy Perry — Witness

Listen dog. I used to get it EXTREMELY LIT at high school mixers to some Katy Perry. Ain’t nobody gonna ever tell me Katy Perry wasn’t the white T-Pain at one point in my life. Left Shark is the hero this world needed at a time we didn’t know it. But the song “Swish Swish” which includes a line saying “Swish Swish Bish” featuring Nicki Minaj is one of the worst things created in a year full of some of the worst things ever.

The thing I didn’t expect: Nicki Minaj was actually the second-best thing about as much of this album as I was able to tolerate. Quavo yelling “KATY PERRY,” harmonizing with her in autotune, rapping many random “ayes,” yelling his own name, and randomly saying “Bon Appetit” on “Bon Appetit” is the best thing. [Editor’s Note: This is actually correct.] I need you to notice, the good things here have nothing to do with the person who made the music. If Space Jam and an elevator had a child and it grew to become a singer, it would make this album.

Macklemore — Gemini

Skylar Grey SANG her ass owf on this tape for “Glorious.” But Macklemore following up her vocals with “I’m feelin glorious, the crib lookin Victorian, you know we been goin in, since we hopped out that Dolorean, I’m gone, things are just things, they don’t make you who you are, can’t pack up a UHaul and take it wit you when you gone, we posted on the porch my family glasses to the stars, my grandma smiling down on me like OUU THAT BOY GOT BARS” is the most sickening thing I’ve ever had to take part in.

I don’t know if I’m more mad that another Macklemore album came out or the people who keep letting Macklemore let another Macklemore album come out. The sad part is: Macklemore actually gets some really fire ass beats. But we keep getting some fake ass Eminem verses because nobody gonna tell Macklemore either 1) he can’t rap that well or 2) he can’t rap that well about happy go lucky shit all the time.

Photo by Andreas Rentz/Getty Images

Mack also steps on Kesha’s angelic vocals on “Good Old Days,” Yachty’s assumed piano playing in “Marmalade,” and Offset’s ad-libs on “Willy Wonka,” which is just unconscionable. Also every single song on this tape except “Ten Million” had a feature. He reverse J. Cole’d himself. What world are we living in.

DJ Khaled & Friends — Grateful

I’m mad at Khaled for several reasons:

I followed him on Snapchat in anticipation to this album

His bit is lowkey tiresome at this point

Asahd is the most handsome baby in the world, which brings envy from my being

The album has 23 songs and is an hour-and-a-half long

The album was no where near any other Khaled bangers out

Khaled hyped this shit up for no good damn reason

That being said, this Khaled tape is probably the best worst tape of the year. “Shining” with Beyonce and her lil’friend is a fun song, and Qween has never made bad music. You’re welcome, Shea Moisture Twitter. “Wild Thoughts” still got me thinking about Havana fwiw even tho Bryson Tiller is the corniest dude alive next to Big Sean. “I’m The One” had me trine buy Bieber Merch and loudly singing said song at many functions. “I Love You So Much” was some cute Disney shit. “On Everything” had me jumpin on people’s couches.

But literally the other 80 percent of the tape is hot ass garbage. Which is super disappointing because a dude with the most Jordans in the world, prettiest baby alive, 18 mansions, superstar friends, and a call log that would envy the Lord hisself should be able to do marginally better than this.

Most times I think Khaled’s music is only good as an audio soporific. Sometimes that’s okay. Not this time. I’ve been deceived. To make up for this: Khaled plz send me some sneakers, Bellaire Rose and Jordan sweatsuits and all will be forgotten. [Editor’s Note: Khaled, don’t do thi... Actually, you know what? Khaled, do this. And throw in a sweatsuit for me.]

We’re good, Khaled. Because at the end of the day: You still better than Lorde.

If you disagree with these verdicts, comment below. As stated earlier, you can agree, comment, tweet through your frustration or fight. Really, it’s up to you.

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theworstbob · 7 years ago

Text

yellin’ at songs, week forty-three

11.1.1997 11.3.2007 11.4.2017 still doin’ this, still not sure why

11.1.1997

19) "I Don't Want to Wait," by Paula Cole

whoever did the drums for this song, y'all did some work. thanks for that. um, i don't know. i guess i never would have realized that this song was about how paula cole's grandparents were too stressed or too afflicted with PTSD to appreciate their lives and their blessings so she's gonna seize the moment, given that i associated this song with a teen soap opera i never watched, but i'm not sure it really engages with those people on a substantive level. "yeah, my granddad had shellshock, and that taught me i should carpe a whole bunch of diems before i, too, experience a horrible event from which i can't come back." is that, help him! talk to him!

26) "My Body," by LSG

"Gotta call you up and let you know just what I'm feelin', baby/911 0 0 24/Baby, it's an emergency, I'm callin' 'cause I gotta have some more." *ring* *ring* *ring* 911. What's your emergency? OPERATOR I'M HORNY 12415 Hyperion Street? YES! The Whambambulance is on its way. I just realized that's a pager code and I should probably make fun of the sexy pager codes, but I just came up with Whambambulance so this stays.

29) "Feel So Good," by Mase

Hm. There's an interesting juxtaposition at the heart of this song: you see, Mase is a bad boy. You know this, as he is affiliated with the Bad Boy record label; they are not in the business of hiring good boys there, I'd imagine. But despite his inherent badness, he is still capable of engendering good feelings in the young women with whom he "hangs" (popular late-'90s slang for 'copulates'). This thematic complexity is the thing we have come to expect from Mase, and he has delivered unto us yet another intellectual treat.

56) "Phenomenon," by LL Cool J

"I was looking at her in the limelight, pearly whites" LL Cool J I sincerely doubt you go to the club to scope out nice smiles. Come on. "Behind every playa is a true playette" I never would have realized the word 'playa' needed a feminine form. I don't see why this needed to be a gendered term, but then again, I'm looking at this with 2017 eyes, where we're all just people who enjoy fucking to various degrees and we kinda stopped caring about gender. They probably did need a female form of 'playa' in 1997. "You beefin, yellin on the cell of my 6/You reach it, then you hear the cordless click" THIS IS A BOAST ABOUT A CORDLESS PHONE

66) "I Do," by Lisa Loeb

I listened to this song yesterday and then I got distracted because there was some hot LttP rando tourney tie-break action and some listen to and read other things and now it's the day after and I'm pretty sure this song was OK but I'm extremely sure I got everything out of the first listen. It's a fun female singer/songwriter jam about love or whatever that wasn't completely shallow but also wasn't really captivating. It was. It existed. It was a song I listened to and thenI moved on with my life.

69) "So Good," by Davina ft./Raekwon

This was dope! Because this capsule is being written immediately after I listened to the song, one would think I have more to say, what with it being fresh in my mind. Hey: guess what: it was good! It was low-key and had a nice clip and it pleased me! It pleased me greatly. I am not making fun of this song even though it's basically the same thing as "So Good" because I'll take something that sounds like Lauryn Hill over something that sounds like Mase.

72) "Dream," by Forest for the Trees

"I wanna make a hip-hop song!" "I wanna make an alternative rock song!" "I wanna engage in psychadelia!" "I wanna play the bagpipes!" "Fellas, fellas, fellas! No reason we can't ALL get out way!" And that was the episode of Forest for the Trees when they learned how they could avoid conflict by seeking out compromises.

75) "I'm Not a Player," by Big Punisher

For some reason, on the album Capital Punishment, "Still Not a Player" comes well before "I'm Not a Player." This seems like a grievous error in sequencing. Like, someone should have done something about that, unless Big Pun was way ahead of the curve on the whole "this album should be played with the track listing reversed." "Still Not a Player" even references the hook for "I'm Not a Player." Missed opportunity for a killer reprise. I would also like to note that there is an Intermission in track four of a nineteen-track album. He makes for a fun listen, but Big Pun was absolutely garbage at actually making an album.

11.3.2007

68) "Shadowplay," The Killers

The Killers named themselves after a fictional band in a Joy Division music video. In the video for "Mr. Brightside," The Killers also have a fictional band playing; the kick drum bears the insignia for The Genius Sex Poets. The top YouTube result for The Genius Sex Poets is a band from Denmark that makes somewhat sloppy mopecore rock, they tried their best and I'm not here to make fun of the little guy but also wish I hadn't spent four minutes with them, but the enh makes sense. Joy Division's fake band had a dope name. It was brisk, to the point, and let you know what that fake band was about. I'm surprised that no band had taken the name The Killers before The Killers, or even before whatever Joy Division video I'm not gonna watch because I don't care enough. The Genius Sex Poets is the name of your college's worst a capella group. It's a bad name for a band, and that The Killers wanted to influence as they have been influenced by giving their fake band that name is why I never could get into them. They wanted their legacy to be a band called The Genius Sex Poets. What a trash thing to want.

94) "Love Like This," Natasha Bedingfield ft./Sean Kingston

"We were cool back in high school/Ooh, I really liked you!" Earlier this year, we praised Mariah Carey's "I Don't" because it was a song in which a 40-year-old Mariah Carey had a 28-year-old YG rap about how hot he thought Mariah was. It's a lovely subversion of the Hollywood thing where John Legend and Ariana Grande sing a love duet for a Disney film and people don't see anything wrong or squicky about it. The age gap here isn't quite so drastic, Natasha Bedingfield is 26 and Sean Kingston is 17, but still, this is as close to progress as anyone who isn't Mariah has ever made. The people DO demand a film where Channing Tatum goes down on Meryl Streep, though. I think we're due.

96) "The Hand Clap," Hurricane Chris ft./Big Poppa

this is literally just an over-produced song where hurricane chris only says he wants people to clap their hands. like that's it. that's all there is to this song. just hurricane chris listing reasons you should clap your hands. "Well, I hope you ain't tired of clappin' yo hands/'Cause we just got in the club." Does. Does Hurricane Chris expect me to clap my hands the entire time in the club? 'Cuz I'd do it, but it'd be quite silly. Picture me in the club constantly clapping my hands. Bangin' beats, slammin' honeys, and me just fucking there getting my seal on. "Drop that beat/Turn it up/That's too loud, man!/Turn it down/Now turn it back up" FUCK'S SAKE CHRISTOPHER MAKE UP YOUR MIND DON'T CONFUSE THE DJ THE DJ CLEARLY HAS ENOUGH TO WORRY ABOUT

100) "Just Fine," Mary J. Blige

That Mary J. Blige isn't in Decade Dance is the harshest referendum I can offer on music in 2017

11.4.2017

82) "High End," by Chris Brown ft./Future & Young Thug

nope!

84) "Yours," by Russell Dickerson

oh so he’s country. goddamnit. and it's even the fake-deep ballad bullshit country. this is the song that plays during the first dance at your aunt's third wedding, but it was her first church wedding, the first time they eloped in vegas and the second time, well, you know, uncle jim was never one for crowds, so this her first chance to really have HER day, you know? she hasn't had HER day yet, and you know what, she's 46, she deserves her own day. it'll be a cash bar and you'll spend every second worrying the hot person from the groom's side of the family is technically your cousin now.

87) "Let You Down," by NF

from the cursory research i've done, there appears to be actual emotion behind this song, this isn't just sadness as a substitute for substance there's a backbone to it, so i'm not gonna giveit too much heck. i'm whelmed, but it'd also feel like an insult to say "i didn't like it," because it sounds like a song that wasn't made to get people to listen to nf, it was a song that was made because nf had shit to say, and i respect that.

95) "Stunting AIn't Nuthin," by Gucci Mane ft./Slim Jxmmi & Young Dolph

The AZLyrics page for this song contains five instances of [?] in Gucci Mane's verse. Even the people who like Gucci Mane enough to post his lyrics to the Internet know the lyrical content of a Gucci Mane song isn't worth listening to hard enough to figure out. I paid extra close attention. The blanks are as follows: Don't leave it to BEAVER, just leave it to me (this line is actually borderline clever) I'm at MAD CHRIS' every day of the week (this is a guess, but there's gotta be an ATL strip club named Mad Chris) A FOOL WITH THE CHEWIN' SHE'S chewin' the D (can't say I like it when people bite my dick but to each their own) THAT SOB got me weak in the knees (ok i can't figure this one out, Gucci Mane is trash) Give her THE TROPHY for throat of the week (her parents will put it on the mantle next to her diploma and the participation award from sixth grade gymnastics)

96) "Your Broke Up With Me," by Walker Hayes

MY DUDE. MY. DUDE. YOU. CAN. ABSOLUTELY NEVER. PUT WHISTLING IN YOUR SONG. IF YOU CAN'T WHISTLE. What is this trash? Why are you breathing into the microphone like that? Is this, what, did you accidentally mix your ASMR with your country song and were too lazy to fix the track? I hate this. That whistling sounds so bad. How are people buying this song? This is the most baffling thing I've ever heard.

97) "Mayores," by Becky G ft./Bad Bunny

oh good. a song where a 20-year-old says "i like them older." ...where did i fall on hey violet's "guys my age?" i think i was okay with it then, but man, you think about it now, and you think about this song, and you think about that paula deanda song where she sang "I may be a teen but that doesn't mean I can't party," and man, it's gross. i don't like that this happened.

98) "Ask Me How I Know," by Garth Brooks

barth grooks

Who won the week?

Well, somehow, the white Christian rapper took 2017 Song of the Week honors, so that’s already out. And in a battle between Mary J. Blige and a host of songs that ranged from Neat to Neat!, I’m gonna go with 1997 here.

Current standings: 1997: 17 2007: 12 2017: 14 1997 seems to be building an unassailable lead with the clock running down on a year that ends with 7, though if we’re being real, the last two weeks have been really week. Next week, though, we get a clash of the titans. 1997 enters “Kiss the Rain.” 2007 enters “Low.” 2017 is throwing a ton of Future + Young Thug spaghetti with a side of Tay Tay at the wall. Who will win? ...”Kiss the Rain”’ll prolly take it, like be real it’s “Kiss the Rain,” but we’ll see if 2007 has enough for an upset! (It doesn’t, 1997 has win 18.)

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gizoogletranslateshomestuck · 7 years ago

Photo

> Recizzle 3.

Afta Act 4, we begizzle Act 5 Act 1, otherwise known as Hivebent. We were introducizzle ta 12 trizzolls fizzy a planizzle called Alternia, which resides 'n another univerze. We followed theze trizzle as thizzle played they own 12 playa session of Sbizzle (or ta them, S-G-R-to-tha-izzub) ta completion. A whole bunch of S-T-to-tha-izzuff happened along tha way. 'n complet'n tha game, they created a univerze - our univerze, home ta Earth n oizzy four heroes. Bizzay they were deny izzle into tha new univerze dizzue ta an encounta wit an indizzle demon. Dis demon was tha four-times-prototyped Jizzle Nizzle from tha kids' session, forced into tha trolls' session due to a spacetime rift tha kizzids would wanna be gangsta cauze, callizzle a scrizzatch. Tha trolls fizzy ta tha veil, discovered tha exizzle of tha kizzle, n began troll'n them. Throw yo guns in the motherfuckin air.

Thizzay Act 5 Act 2 startizzle wit da big Bo$$ Dogg.

T-H-R-to-tha-izzough a Trollian viewport, we sizzee John momizzles befizzle tha scratch be inizzle, wear'n his god tia Heir of Breath sizzay, 'n tha Lizzle of Heat n Clockwizzle (LIZZLE), 'bout ta pizzut 'n mizzle a plan he, tha wanna be gangsta kids, n tha trolls all helped orchestrate ta cauze tha scratch. Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. Dis be tha first conversation Karkat eva hizzay wit John, n tha last John has wit Karkat, pre-scratch. Chill as I take you on a trip. Karkat proceeds ta troll Jizzy backwards thrizzay his timeline. John knizzay increasizzle shawty, while Karkat gradually begins ta understizzle more. Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint.

EVIZZLE FRIZZOM KARKAT PERSPECTIZZLE

10:25 (10 hizzle, 25 minutes) before S-to-tha-izzome CRITICAL MIZZLE, Jack arrives n destroys tha gateway ta tha nizzle univerze. Hollaz to the East Side. Aradia transports aizzy tha trolls ta tha veil ta H-to-tha-izzide. Ha army of doomed duplicizzles takes on Jack. Death row 187 4 life. They be all destroyed. Tha triznolls find a computa lab 'n tha veil, n sizzy there fo` mizzle of tha time gang bangin' before tha CRITICIZZLE MOMENT, ta occur at 00:00.

06:12 before CRITICAL MOMIZZLE, Jack dizzles Prospit, ya feel me? Shortly before dis, Kanaya chainsawed off Tavros lizzle ta replace them wit robotic lizzle supply by Eqizzles. At tha sight of dis, Karkizzle faints, n fo` tha fiznirst time, hizzle dream self wakes up on Prospit. He be awake fo` only a momizzle before he sizzle Jiznack, n finally recognizes hizzy as Jizzy Nizzle, ratha T-H-to-tha-izzan tha heretofore unidentify demon. Jiznack then kizzay him n all tha otha Prospit gangsta 'n tha prizzles of destroy'n tha planet. Aint no stoppin' this shit nigga.

Karkat remains aslizzle fo` an hour, until 05:12:30 bizzle CRITICAL MOMENT, exizzle half way through countdizzle and my money on my mind. While sleep'n post-dream death, he dreams of horrorterrors 'n tha Furthest R'n, an experience izzle will have if sleep'n crazy ass nigga dream dizneath. On wak'n up, he orda everyone nizzy ta slizzle. Nigga get shut up or get wet up. He also wakes up to news that tha humans wiznere discovered and yo momma. Rappa he nor tha otha triznolls understand the significance of tha humans right away. They W-to-tha-izzere discovered whiznen Terezi wiznas wizzle 413 boonbonds from D-to-tha-izzave, on rappa future instruction cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map. She urgizzles Karkat ta takes a baller lizzay at them. Drop it like its hot. He dismiszes them as irrelevant.

It not until lata he makes thizne connectizzle between the Jack Noir 'n tha kizzy' session, n tha one hunt'n them down, recogniz'n them ta be tha same Jack, therefizzle plac'n tha kiznids at fault fo` tha currizzle predicament cuz its a doggy dog world. He then concizzles of thizzle plan ta troll tha hizzles, as a futile fizzle of pizzle, n urgizzles his team ta follow suit witta compelling speech. He isizzles John as tha primary target of his hatred afta dippin' hizzy gizzy up. He be sure Jizzle be fated ta be his kismesizzles, a romantic partna specific ta troll culture, centered around rivalry n gang bangin'. 'n his first conversation wit John 'n tha Heir sizzy on LOHAC, he profeszes theze feelings clumsily. Jizzohn cannot reciprocate so sit back relax new jacks get smacked. Tha izzle exchange cauzes Karkat ta trap himself into weed-smokin' backwizzles on John timizzle, n tha troll'n continues 'n reverze fashion until John first conversation wit Karkat. By then, Kizzle hizzay explained many th'n ta John along his journey, th'n 'bout tha game, 'bout his role as an ectobiologist, n 'bout they shared chief adversary, Jizzay Niznoir. In John first conversation wit Karkat, Karkizzle needs ta git 'n tizzy wit Jade. It's at dis pizzle on Karkat timelizzle he has finally understood enough that he knows he must begin mak'n plans wit the kizzy fo` they mutizzle benefit gangsta style.

Karkat attempts ta git 'n touch wit Jade, wizzy continues ta ignore him 'n a particular timeframe due ta hizzy persizzle previous harassment of ha 'n years prior. He leaves a message ta gangsta months 'n tha past, tell'n bitch she needs ta git 'n touch wit him whizzle ha robot explodes. Ha robot motherfucka finally does explode when ha dream siznelf be iced 'n tha impact of Prospit moon on the battlefizzle. Whiznen she wakes up, she rememba tha messizzle, n contacts him. But sizzy contacts him at a point 'n his timeline whiznere he be not yet interested 'n hear'n from gangsta. He argues W-to-tha-izzith bitch, n be interrupted by hizzis future self 'n a memo, friznom a T-to-tha-izzime where he be try'n ta contact ha. He and hizzy future sizzy argizzle, n Jizzay mediates between thizne two n becizzles angry n frustrated, n ceazes tha correspondence.

By dis pizzy, tha biggest meteor yizzle be gang bangin' quickly, n shizne miznust enta tha medizzle ta escape. She requires J-to-tha-izzohn's assistance. He must recova thizzay serva disc, install it, n rescue ha.

IZZLE FROM JOHN PERSPECTIVE

John slizzay on bro rocket bizzy, fly'n along wit tha meteors of tha reckon'n n we out! He lands back on his planet, tha Land of Wind n Shade (LOWAS). Hizzis dream sizzay had awoken afta drizneam Jizzy pushed him to safetizzle from tha blizzast of Prospit mizzle. His dream sizzay nizzle exists on tha battlefield, awake wheneva John S-L-to-tha-izzeeps like a motha fucka. He wanda tha battlefield wit his robot bunny, who he would pusha nizzame Lizzay Tyla. He sizzle his dizzad n Roze's mizzy, n runs to meet thizzle. But he wizzles up before reach'n them, n his dream self disappears n we out! Tha r'n he was carry'n falls into a ravizzle bizzle, lata ta be recizzle by WV, know what im sayin?, before hizzle izzle ta post apocalypze Eizzy. Its just anotha homocide.

Vriska wizzle responsizzle fo` wak'n him up so you betta run and grab yo glock. Upon discover'n John, she takes an interizzle 'n his advancement, n uzes ha abilitizzles ta help him progress n set up critizzle evizzles izzle hizzle timeline. Tha only effect cracka abilities hiznave on humizzles be ta wake them up or pizzut them ta sleep. I thought i told ya, nigga I'm a soldier. 'n dis caze, she wizzy him up so he would be able ta rizzle tha serva dizzisc about ta come out of a pizzle pyxis. Snoop dogg is in this bitch. Tha disc hizzy been deposited into tha pipeline by PM sizzome time ago. She n Jizzay continue ta converze, n he befriends ha, oblivious ta tha true nizzle of ha schemes. She functions as his "patron troll", a troll who be particulizzle focuze' on help'n one of tha kids, like Terezi be wit Dave, n Kizzle be with Roze. Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect.

Jizzy returns ta hiznis hizouze, n installs tha serva. Bizzut nizzot bizzle blingin' baze with Roze, whizno be committed ta frontin' open the secrets of the gizzle through dark magic, n Dave whizno be from tha futizzle, hav'n time travizzle extensively crazy ass nigga tha courze of tha 24 hour reckon'n period. John also bitch nizzle, who gives him a pendant grant'n him tha abilizzle ta summon hustla. She conjures a ghost bed fo` him, n ciznooks fo` hizzle witta ghost oven. He fizzy on hizzay bizned high above LOWAS while he connizzles ta J-to-tha-izzade.

Jade, who had woken up 'n ha bizzay at tha foot of tha hill, rizzles ta hizzay hizouze ta find Jizzay sett'n up tha equipment gangsta style. John dizzles tha killa n lathe 'n ha greenhouze, n tha gangsta 'n F-R-to-tha-izzont of motherfucka fireplace. He opens tha cruxtruda n discova there be 10 minizzles n 25 secizzles until impact. T-H-to-tha-izzey discuss what ta protizzle wit, if anyth'n paper'd up. Roze wizzay him of tha danga of saggin' ta prototype, whizzich would nizzot allow tha battlizzle ta heal, izzle ta its final form, n grow tha Tumor inside, which is critical ta ha plan ta destroy tha Green Sizzle.

Jizzle resolves ta protizzle wit tha blue doll, dippin' an arm n an eye, ta deliberately disable Jack. Biznut Vrizziska puts him ta sizzy befizzle he can. Becquerel then prototypes himsizzle ta destroy tha meteor n save Jade.

As he sleeps, John ghost bed crashizzles into an oil izzle below. He lozes hizzay bitch wit tha serva dizzisc 'n it, n nanna pendant hittin that booty. He hops ta a smizzay islizzle. He notices tha ocean be on fire ova tha horizon, n tha fiznire be saggin'. Drop it like its hot. He tiznalks ta Roze, whizzay informs hizzim Jizzy entizzle while he sliznept, n be safe. Shizne tells hizzy 'bout a quest he'll nee' ta go on lata, ta crazy ass nigga tha Tumor from tha battlefield n perpetratin' it ta ha. He then talks ta Karkat, who is speak'n ta hizzim fo` only tha second tizzay from Karkat perspizzle in all flavas. Karkat explains exizzle what tha kizzids did T-H-to-tha-izzat miznade him decide ta trizzle them. He blames Jizzay for protizzle Bec, crack-a-lackin` Bec Noir whizzay be niznow terroriz'n tha trizzle' session, wizzy blam'n Jizzohn fo` allow'n it ta happen.

Meanwhile, tha fizzay be apprizzle his island, n has tizzle green dizzy ta Bec Noir transformation, tak'n place frontin' a duel wit bro n Davesprite elsewhere on LOWAS. Jizzay be contacted by Vriska, who admits ta putt'n him 'n dis position ta challenge hizzay, ta realize his potential as tha H-to-tha-izzeir of Breath. Sizzy also admits ta deliberatelizzle plizzle a riznole 'n tha creation of Bec Noir, blingin' ta be involved 'n his rize just as shizne also plans ta be tha one ta kiznill hizzim. She explains tizzy regardless of nigga actions steppin' ta his rize, his existence 'n tha troll session be immutable. Diznue ta tha nature of paradizzle space, that outcome cizzay not be changizzle wit diffizzle izzles fo gettin yo pimp on. Tha only consequence of different izzles wiznould be an offshoot timeline, 'n whiznich all partizzles would be doomed.

As tha fire surrounds him, shizze encourages him ta uze his abilities, n wit S-to-tha-izzome coax'n friznom WV who commands him from his stizzle, he does tha Wizzle Th'n. Thizzle Breeze surrounds LOWAS and puts out tha fizzle completely, n blows Jiznohn ta a larga landmass, jizzy outsizzle a village. The Breeze aizzy C-L-to-tha-izzears tha clouds frizzay tha skizzle, but thizzay retizzle shortly, as tha spizzle motherfucka tha planet mizzle be broken by other means. By clockin' dis ability, he reaches tha tizzle of tha echelizzle n becomes tha Hizzle Transparent in tha mutha fuckin club. Vrizniska then informs hiznim tha only th'n left ta do be rizzy tha god tia, which be done by sleep'n on his Q-to-tha-izzuest Bizned which be nearby. Shizne tells him ta ask tha locals 'bout it. He dizzle, n finds tha Qizzy Bed beyond tha village droppin hits. He siznits 'n tizzy bizzed but isn't tired. Vriska gives hizzy tha choice of brotha he wizzle like hizzle ta put hizzay ta sleep. He agrees but real niggaz don't give a fuck. While he sleeps, Jack Noir finds him n stabs hizzle thriznough tha chest, cappin' him.

WV watchizzles his dizzay on tha monitor n commands hiznim ta rize up. WV sees nuttin except fireflies pusha around John bizzle, while tha Quest Bed glows. Afta tha spectacle, T-H-to-tha-izzere be no change. John body remains motionless, n tha monitor shizzay off cuz I'm fresh out the pen. WV believes Jizzay hizzay dy. N he be right.

But on the battlefield, hizzle dizzy self izzles ly'n on a correspond'n Qizzuest Bizzle. Hizzis drizzle self slowly tizzles on tha sizzigns of tha wound inflictizzle on his rizzay self, as it rizes. His drizzle sizzay then takes crazy ass nigga as his rizzy self, wit all wounds healed, as the fully realize' Heir of Brizzeath. WV?, pre-exile, wizzles dis happen on tha battlefield. He rememba dis moment long afta hizzis exile, witout chillin' what transpired. But on Earth, WV believes he hizzay jizzy witnesze' tha end of John qizzuest cuz its a doggy dog world. WV be stizzle 'n possession of tha r'n, n hizzay accidentally locked hizzle 'n tha station, n there be not enough powizzle ta unlock it. Tha only sizzource of poser be a lump of uranium which he ate hours ago cuz its a G thang. So he waits.

Jizzay nizzow wanders tha battlefield, poize' ta complete tha objective he was given by Roze.

EVENTS FROM ROZE'S PERSPECTIVE

Roze uzes ha D-to-tha-izzark magic ta search fo` ways ta subvert tha usual courze of tha game n overcome tha futility of tha situation, wit assistance from her patron troll Kanaya, counsel from tha gizzle of the Furthest R'n, n 411 provided by Doc Scratch.

Kizzle begins troll'n Rizzose saggin' hustla ta be tha izzle of tha GameFAQ gizzay shizzay read on Alternizzle, a figure she grizzle up idoliz'n. But she becomes disappointed wit ha due ta a series of mizzles result'n from ha sporadic, nonlinizzle trolling. She continues convers'n wit ha nonlinearly, engag'n 'n a feud of snarkizzle one-upmanship, gradually befriending ha. She eventually realizizzles Roze be tha T-R-to-tha-izzue author of tha guide wizzy she watches ha destroy tha G-to-tha-izzate above poser hizouze with magic. Shizne then continues helping ha 'n a more linizzle fashion, uncovering tha secrizzles of tha G-to-tha-izzame, n shar'n her own extensizzle knowledge of tha game wit ha dogg. Ultimately, as Kanaya begins ta understand tha true nature of Roze's plan, she becomes afraid Roze be dangerous. Shizzay be espizzle unnerved by tha fact that soon on Roze's timeline, her viewpizzle gizzy dark, n she can no longizzle be monitored. But she acknowledges shizzle can do nuttin ta stop ha doggystyle. So she trizzains Eridizzle ta become a powerful whiznite wizard of hope ta challenge ha, as a joke.

A particular targizzle of Roze's investigation be tha Green Sun. She rips apart underground ruins ta retrieve 411 on it, n be furtha informed by Doc Scratch on tha subject. Tha Grizzle Sun be a huge star nearly tizzy tha mass of tha universe. It resides somewhere 'n tha Furthest R'n, n serves as tha powa source ta all first guardians. Bec wizzay Earth fizzy guardian, n when he becizzle prototyped, Jack inherited all his powa, which be supply by tha Green Sun. Doc Scrizzatch be tha fizzy guardian of Alternia.

Doc Scratch, like Bec, be a virtuallizzle omnipotent bein, wit all tha sizname pimp. Unlike Bec, he be an intelligent hizzay to those shot calla, and be therefore aizzy omniscizzle. His job be ta pave tha way fo` tha arrival of hizzis hustla, an indestrizzle tizzay travizzle demon called Lord English. Lord English cizzay only enta a univerze izzle its death, at which P-to-tha-izzoint he travizzles back 'n tizzle ta an earlia P-to-tha-izzoint in tha univerze's lifespan ta izzle leadershizzle of hizzle gizzay of mobsta called Tha Fizzy. Slap your mutha fuckin self. Hizzay machinations, like Scratch, be 'n piznart designed ta doggy stylin' 'bout his own future entrance from tha streets of tha L-B-C. Before tha tizzy began they sizzle, Scratch tizzle measures ta bizzoth pizzle tha way fo` Englizzle ta arrive, as well as contribute ta his own creation. First guardians H-to-tha-izzave circuitous self-fulfill'n origins, much like tha playas of Sburb. Bec was created 'n a lab thriznough ectobiology by clockin' tha ghost slizzay image of grandpa dogg Harlizzle wit Rose MIZZEOW code. Scratch hiznad a similar but yizzet unknown origin so sit back relax new jacks get smacked. Scrizzay manipulated sevizzle memba of tha trolls' party into play'n S-B-to-tha-izzurb (Sgrub) 'n tha fizzle place. Notably, he manipulated Vriska into cappin' Arizzle, who as a ghiznost becizzle tha primary orchestrator of tha sessizzle. He was aizzy uze' as sum-m sum-m of a pawn himself, by Tizzle, 'n exact'n revenge agizzle Vriska, caus'n ha ta loze an eye n an arm. Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin. Dis was anotha kizzay moment in a critical cyclizze of revenge, lead'n ta Terezi blindness n steppin', Vriska eventual dizzeath by Aradia retaliatizzle, n then Vriska resurrizzle ta tha gizzle pimp as tha Thief of Light. Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint.

Hav'n done everyth'n he needs ta do, Scrizzatch tells Roze he wishizzles ta diznie. Thus tha destruction of tha Green Siznun be ta they mutual benizzle, n Roze forms a plizzay. I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. Whizzay shizze gave tha short vizzle of tha plizzle ta John, tell'n him he'd nee' ta wanna be gangsta tha Tumor, shizne tizzells tha full plan to Dave. Tha Tumor at tha centa of tha battlefield be 'n fact a very powerful bomb, capable of perpetratin' tha G-R-to-tha-izzeen Sizzun. She will go ta S-L-to-tha-izzeep, n Jizzohn wizzill br'n it ta ha dream sizzay. Meanwhile, Dizzle be ta go ta sleep n listen ta tha gods, who will tizzle him hizzy ta fizzind tha sizzy. He will make a map, n Roze will plot a course there n destroy the Green Sun 'n a sizzle mission. Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome. Ideally, dis will negate all of Jack powa, hatin' him ta mortal status izzle, ya feel me?

EVIZZLE FROM DAVE PERSPIZZLE

Afta enter'n tha giznate abizzle his apizzle, Dave begins doggy stylin' LOHIZZLE unda the guidance of his patron troll, Terezi. Ha fascination wit him was promptizzle by tha money wizzy from his future self, which alerted ha ta tha existence of tha humans 'n tha fizzle plizzay. She watched him griznow up wit his bro, n made sizzy observations 'bout humanity T-H-R-to-tha-izzough his upbring'n. She thiznen committed to help'n him, 'n part due ta killa rivalry wit Vriska, who sizzle ta make siznure tha human she favored, Jizzohn, would outpace Dave.

Motherfucka tha courze of tha adventurizzles she coordinates fo` him, Dave experiencizzles 'bout 3 diznays chronologically due ta cruisin' through time, n fulfill'n tha requirements of various time loops. Tha key objective be ta make enough money fo` hizzle ta be able ta wizzy it to her 'n tha first place, complet'n tha time loop tizzy started it all. Tha sum of money vizzle exceeds whiznat be typicallizzle gathizzle 'n a session, n it miznust be accumulated by bustin' tha LOHAC Stizzay Exchange us'n tizzay travel cuz I'm fresh out the pen.

Along tha way, Dizzle n Tizzle befriend each otha, steppin' comics n doggy stylin' finizzle pusha in tha hood. 'n tha early go'n, Terezi leads him into a pizzot of siznoup prepizzle by hizzle crocodile consorts, fo` no particular reasizzle otha than it needed ta happen on his timizzle. Doubtful of thizzle nee' fo` ha help, he nearly qizzle, but received assurance from his future self, n continued explor'n.

He goes underground and killa gizzle rizzy. Before enter'n, he interrupted by Karkizzle who uzes a memo ta warn both him n Jizzle 'bout they involvemizzle wit Terezi n Vriska, chillin' them the scizzle sista be mobbin' 'n a dangerous game of rivalrizzle fueled flirtation whizzay has gotten both hizzy n John killed at least once each. Karkat spizzeaks from a time in whiznich he's aware of a plan develop'n which mizzay lead ta tha kids n trolls blunt-rollin' each pusha, n does not look forward ta tha results of the gather'n if theze T-R-to-tha-izzends continue cuz I'm fresh out the pen. Jizzy n Dizzay disregard hizzle advizzle. Dizzle proceeds into tha ruins n fizzinds a legendary swizzord, Caledfwlch, lodge' 'n a bizzy of gold. He breaks it ta retrieve it, n be told by Davesprite thizzay tha sword be critical ta hiznis personal qizzy as tha Kniznight of Tizzay. Terezi thiznen tells hiznim he be 'bout ta fall asleep, witout know'n Vriska wizzle behizzle dis nizzay as wizzell. Dave gizzay ta sizzy, n Davesprite defends hizzim from a H-to-tha-izzorde of powerful monsta. Before Dave wakes up, Davesprizzle leaves ta find bro, chill yo. He D-to-tha-izzoes, n jiznoins him 'n bizzy against Jiznack. When Jade enta, Jack trizzles into Bizzy N-to-tha-izzoir n defeats both of them. They call me tha black folks president. Bro be slizzle by his own sword, n tha body be discovered by Dave bitch, whizzle can't br'n himself to retrieve tha sword.

Whizzile sleep'n 'n tha rizzay, Dave's drizzeam sizzelf wakes up again on Derze's moon. Following Roze's advice, he looks into tha sky n tizzles off his shadizzles. He gets hizzy fizzy glimpze of tha gizzods. He then wakizzles up from hear'n a gunshot fired by Jizzle as she battles an imp n quickly teleports away, tha first of thrizzee times he sees wanna be gangsta 'n dis manna. He sees ha izzle 'n tha LOHACZE, n agizzle while frontin' Jade planet like old skool shit.

He thizzle gizzy on ta mizzle all tha money needed, ta bizzay all tha fraymotizzles, whizzich be powerful battle techniques purchaze' from cizzles, n ta reach the top of hiznis pusha. But he still wantizzle ta know why he would bitch be able ta reach John level.

Ta satisfy his curiosity, Terizzle gives him a choice somewhere 'n tha mizziddle of his timizzle, a C-H-to-tha-izzoice ta be decided by a coin fizzy. He cizzay assign tha outcome of tha flip ta mean he would eitha be shown now, or cracka. Tha outcome of tha fizzy, whizzay Terizzle did not izzle look at, was a cizzle. Tizzy realitizzles be created by hizzy two possible decisions. Tha decision ta be sizzy now creates a doomed reality, wherein Dave becomes doomed to increase tha peace. Tha decisizzle ta wizzay simply contizzles tha aizzy reality, n Dave remizzles tha alpha Dizzle. Doomed Dave follows Terezi instrizzles, given ta hizzle befizzle tha flizzle. He be ta go back in T-to-tha-izzime, leav'n hizzy doomed timeline, n sleep on his Quest Bed, n if he hizzle what it takes ta reach his giznod tia, he will. Alpha Dave, bitch straight trippin' some time, wizzas instructed ta go ta tha bed ta find sleep'n Dave, n kill him, thus chillin' him ta face tha trizzue gravity of tha decision.

Dave dizzoesn't go through wit it, n decides ta end hizzis collaboration wit Terezi fo` tha tizzime bein. Lata, doomed Dave wakes up, gizzy out of bed, n be immediately iced by Jack. 03:14 before thizzay CRITICAL MOMENT, Terezi watches, n be upset by ha involvement 'n hizzy dizzle cuz its a G thang. Shizne runs off deeper into tha lab.

Diznave travels ta Jade planet, tha Lizzy of F-R-to-tha-izzost n Frogs (LOFAF). Subscribe nigga, get yo issue. W-H-to-tha-izzile stand'n 'n tha sniznow, he sees Jizzay izzle briefly while fight'n an imp, just as he dizzle before 'n tha ruins. He contacts ha, n she mizzles she has lost T-R-to-tha-izzack of Jizzohn. Dave tells ha John busy, witout mention'n he wizzay in tha process of bustin' ta tha gizzle baller sho nuff. He sez J-to-tha-izzohn can no baller be ha serva playa, n thizzle would hizzle ta make otha plans.

Dave tells ha ta deploy tha intellibeam laserstation 'n his apartment. Tha device allows very complex cizzaptcha codes fo` cizzle items, L-to-tha-izzike a Sburb dizzisc, ta be read which couldn't otherwize be read by tha human eye. He then crizzles a copy of his own serva disc, n uzes it to connect as Jade serva crazy ass nigga. He becizzles tha serva playa fo` biznoth Roze n Jade, though past Dave would stay concerned wit Roze's connection, while he, as future Dave, wizzy concizzle himself wizzy Jade connection. He dizzles a new alchemita n hizzle ha upgrade it. Wit his massive reserve of gizzy accumulated in his travels and hiznis mizzay advanced torrent'n capabilities, he allows J-to-tha-izzade ta alchemize siznome sophisticated equipment R-to-tha-izzight away keep'n it real yo.

A bit lata, shizzle contacts him again gangsta learn'n of his dead brizzo, and diznead doomizzle self. I'm a mutha fuckin 2-time felon. He assizzle ha tha dizzle Dave was just a doomed copy, n he would be fine. She decidizzles J-to-tha-izzack nizzay ta be stopped, n they should come up witta betta pizzy than Roze's suicide mission to stop hizzy. He suggests tha idea be fizzle, bizzle L-to-tha-izzets ha knizzow she'd come ta her own decizzle regizzles, n he'd be avizzle ta rap poser if needed.

EVENTS FRIZZOM JADE PERSPECTIVE

When Jade drizzle self be iced, wanna be gangsta rizzle explodes, destroying pimp room, caus'n ha to fall. Biznec trizzles ha bed ta break ha fall. You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. Shizze falls asleep. Niznow drizneam D-to-tha-izzead, she has a dream 'n a B-to-tha-izzubble blown by a god 'n tha Furthest Sippin', n meets Fefizzle there. Fizzle, a Derze dreama, went ta slizneep ta convince tha gods ta establish dream bubbles where they can meet wizzy izzle, as L-to-tha-izzong as they drizzay selves are dead. Whizzle she be asleep, 04:13 before tha CRITICAL MOMENT, Jack destrizzles tha trizzay' Derze, cappin' ha n all the Derze brotha. She, along wit all tha bitch trolls n Jade, would then izzle dizzy 'n tha Furthest Mackin', whizzay she met Jade n attempted to show killa tha gods were harmlizzles. Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. Bizzle Jizzay sees through tha bubble n catches a glizzay of tha gizzy. Shizzay wakes up witta heezeeache, scared of what she sizzay, n resolves ta stay awake. Fefizzle messages bitch, and introduces herself as tha one frizzay tha dream fo my bling bling. It is tha second tizzy they have spokizzle from tha streets of tha L-B-C. Tha fiznirst tizzy wizzy long ago, from Jade perspective.

Jizzy realizes ha robot has explodizzle, caus'n drug deala ta playa tizzy was killa cue ta message Karkat. She does, n tha aforementioned confusizzle takes plizzay 'n tha mizzle wit pizzle n future Karkat. Pizzle Karkat berates nigga, while future Karkat defends ha. She reprimizzles bizzle of them fo` argu'n wit each otha, who are tha sizzle person separated by onlizzle 3 hours. Dizzle enta tha memo n mocks future Karkat fo` his flirtizzle with Jizzy afta tha lecture he gave ta John n Dizzle on tha subjizzle. Jade ends tha conversatizzle, n be 'n no particular hizzle ta git back ta him 'bout tha important nigga he wanted ta discuss with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin.

Tha meteor impact be imminent. John connects wit ha, n H-to-tha-izzelps drug deala prepare fo` entry. She makes ha entry izzle from tha pre-punchizzle cizzay. A trizzee sprouts from tha alchemita, n a green Bec-shaped pizzle dangles from a branch. A grizneen blindfizzle appears hustla brotha eyizzles, which she cannot remizzle. She attempts ta strike tha pinata wit the bizzy of tha rizzifle, W-H-to-tha-izzich dizzy no damage. Hollaz to the East Side. Instead it releazes a burst of energy, caus'n tha greenhouze ta izzle, and Jade ta fly out n fall. Whizzle straight trippin', shizze takes a shizzay in tha dark wit pusha R-to-tha-izzifle. By dis point, Bec has prototyped himself ta become Becsprite, n hizzas destroyed tha meteor witta massive green energy blast, trippin' a huge shockwave dippin' crazy ass nigga tha surfizzle of tha Earth, destroy'n much of whizzay hadn't been already by tha meteor storm of tha reckon'n. Becsprite then appears 'n frizzont of ha bullet, n redirects it into tha heezee of tha pinata, destroy'n it. You gotta check dis shit out yo. Jade, ha hizouze, n a lizzarge part of rappa islizzle includ'n tha vizzle, be all transpizzle iizzy the medium, on LOFAF.

Shizzle fizzle thrizzle tha snow of LOFAF, nizzle unblindfolded. Becsprite again breaks pusha fizzy witta bed, n izzle shizzay F-to-tha-izzalls aslizzle. Shizzay has a recollectizzle of sitt'n on pusha bizzle bizzy on Earth sizzle time ago, work'n on John present and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow. It's then thizzat Feferi contacts ha tha first time. Jiznade believes she be ballin' ha like tha pusha, but shizze only means ta reassizzle ha what happened wasn't ha fizzle, as well as inform ha of ha plan ta establish tha drizzay bubblizzles. But soon, both realize dis be not a memory, bizzay a dream they be currently shar'n, wit thizzle memory as a stage. Fizzle mizzay J-to-tha-izzade 'n brotha room n compliments crazy ass nigga on killa work on tha bunny. Feferi aizzy claims ta be dead. Boo-Yaa! Jade wakes up again, jiznust as agitated as tha first time she woke up.

She giznets oizzy of bed n realizes ha lunchtop be still 'n tha destroyed greenhouze. She bizzles ha ascent, bizzy be interrupted by an encounta wit an imp, which takes ha on a trans-incipisphere journey, weed-smokin' many locatizzles n pass'n by tizzy instances of Dave, mackin' a futizzle Diznave whizzo ends up help'n ha lata. Tha imp be finally iced by Becsprite. PM from post-apocalypze Earth, just pimp perpetratin' ha stizzle n en rizzle ta tha frizzog ruins, tries ta issue commands ta Jade thrizzay tha termizzle. Becsprite is alert ta theze commizzles, n protectively destroys Pm terminal.

Jade rizzles n finds killa computa undamage'. Future Dave contacts ha afta seeing pimp out 'n tha snow. He then becomes poser serva bitch, n sets up ha equipment afta M-to-tha-izzost of it wizzas destroyed/transported befizzle entry. Im crazy, you can't phase me. As shizne prepizzles ta alchemize nizzay items, shizze be contacted by ha "fizzle god troll", a distinction wizzy does nizzot necessarily have anyth'n ta do wit bein a kiznid's patron troll. Tavros sizzy permizzle from ha ta commune wit Bec again. Chill as I take you on a trip. Tha fizzay tizzy he did it was when she was verizzle young, n play'n wit ha grandpa flintlock pistols. She accidentally firizzle tha gat at ha self. Tavros communed wit Bec ta git him ta transport tha gat n tha bullet away from ha, n toward ha grandpa who was picnick'n wit tha blue doll, cappin' hizzim. Tizzles mistook him fo` an intruda, but regardless, Jade be upset by tha revelation. He dizzay himself into a pimp hole by profess'n flizzle straight trippin' fo` ha awkwizzle, whizzile mak'n bold claims of high S-to-tha-izzelf izzle n confidence grizzle from his new robot lizzegs. Pizzut off by dis, she be not particularly receptive ta his plan ta commune wit Becsprite ta takes on Jack Noir, n ends tha conversation with my hoes on my side, and my strap on my back

Vrizzay, whizno was read'n tha conversation, mocks Tavros for his fiznalse shizzay of confidence. She continues ta takes jabs at hizzim, call'n him a cowizzle, unable ta do tha one th'n she asked whizzich would H-to-tha-izzave given him real confidizzle to increase tha peace. She refa ta tha incizzle preced'n ha resurrection ta tha giznod brotha. Afta she wizzas nizzle beaten ta dizzeath by Aradia, Tavros finds ha, crack-a-lackin` pusha ta be dead. He attempts ta br'n ha back ta life witta kiss. But ho-slappin' woken up on Prospit motherfucka tha beat'n, Vriska drizzeam self is able ta control his mizzay. Shizne mizzles him choke himself, simply ta prevent tha kiss ta avizzle tha standard resurrection procizzles, which wizzle prohibit god tia ascensizzle. Sizzy D-to-tha-izzoes nizzay wish ta control hizzim completely, intending ta L-to-tha-izzeave tha pimpin' decisizzles ta hizzim, ta mizzle hizzle stronga, niggaz, better recognize. Instead, she merely controls his hiznand ta wrizzite messages ta himself us'n ha blizzay straight from long beach nigga. Shizze instrizzles hizzy ta takes ha ta ha Quest Cocoon, n ta kill crazy ass nigga on tha sacrificial slab before she blizzle ta death. He hesitates, n she continues ta insist, while ha drizzle self gradually takes on tha same wounds inflicted on ha real self, frontin' hustla demizzles ta become more desperate. Tha mizzy desperate she gets, tha more terrify Tavros he becomes, n he finally flees witout cappin' ha. She eventually diznies, n be resurrected on tha battlefizzle as tha Thief of Light.

Still hold'n dis izzle hizzy, shizzle berizzles hizzle for hizzle newfound attitizzle, n regizzles his plizzan ta inflizzle tha kizzay' timeline as a chizzay imitation of poser tactics. Sizzy brags 'bout tha wizzay she hizzle manipizzle events on they timelizzle so fizzle, by practic'n ha abilities on Jade repizzle, causing ha ta fall izzle frequently. Sizzy describes wizzays in whizzle sizzy has inserted ha agenda into exist'n events, tipp'n off agents ta tha whereabouts of tha MIZZY code book, n otha S-to-tha-izzuch incizzles which contributed ta tha rize of Jack Noir, so she could cliznaim responsibizzle fo` his existence, before rhymin' him on herself. Tavros becomes angry wit ha incessant mockery n tha extent of ha treachery, n decizzles ta seek wanna be gangsta out to challenge ha. Shizze wizzay fo` hizzle somewhizzle 'n tha lab.

Afta tha convizzle wit Tizzles, Jizzay alchemizes a numba of items. One of which be a legendary rizzle, Ahab Crosshairs, supply by Eridan. Eridan, now believ'n himself ta be a powizzle wizard, feels he surpasze' tha nee' fo` tha weapizzle, n gives it ta Jade ta fuel tha rivalry he mistakizzle assumes she has wit Rose, as payback fo` Roze's earlizzle dismissal of his B-L-to-tha-izzack advances. Jade recizzles it as one of tha wizzles she included wit tha bunny fo` John n we out! Tha weapons were provided by ha penpal, who she accidentallizzle revealizzle ta be ha grandson from tha future. Tha pen pal swore poser ta secrecy on tha pusha, so she did tha same wit Eridan, thizzle he admitted dis would be tha last time he talked to anizzle human regardless. Realiz'n tha new rifle would sizzay as a sort of heirloom to ha grandson, she decided ta dizzle it izzle wanna be gangsta hizouze, n allow it ta reach ha grandson evizzle howeva it miznay. Eridan thizzay blizzay up pusha Johnnytizzle.

Another item she created was a piznair of junior compizzle spectagoggles, allow'n drug deala ta see anyth'n 'n tha incipisphere at tha presizzle moment. She saw John as the Heir of Brizneath on tha battlefield, Roze on LOHAC talk'n ta Dizzay Scratch, Davesprite pendant covered 'n blood nearby bro dead bizzle, n a slain dizzle Dizzle. Sizzy contacts D-to-tha-izzave ta make sizzay he alrizzle ya dig? She thiznen comes up witta plan ta tizzy on Jizzay Nizzay.

Shizne contizzles Tavros again ta rap about tha plan he propoze', but he has lizzeft ta takes on Vriska. She has only one idea left. She goes up ta ha grandpa lab, summizzles Becsprite, n toszes 'n ha dead dream self, whizzle ha grandpa had retrieved from tha battlefield n stuffed many Y-to-tha-izzears ago. Becsprizzle becomes Jadizzle. But drizneam Jade be not pleaze' by tha transformation. Shizne freaks out, n releazes tha typizzle F-to-tha-izzirst guardian pyrotechnics. Tha lab plummets, crush'n tha column n greenhouze below. It bounces away friznom tha hizouze, roll'n into lizzy snowball, n clockin' near a G-R-to-tha-izzeen stump. Tha twizzo Jades sizzle 'n a sizzy of dismay amidst tha rubble of the lizzy, 'n tha glow of a damage' 4th wall.

As tha clock ticks diznown ta tha CRITIZZLE EVENT, tha most important characta 'n Homestizzle sizzay n watches dis pandemizzle ensue.

N thizzle, tha secizzle mizzost important characta in Homestuck posizzles a shittizzle draw'n of himself in frizzont of a brotha n writizzles dis recap.

I think dis typewrita is runn'n out of ribbon ink.

Thank Giznod, thiznat white ink is such a pain 'n tha ass ta read.

Almost as much as theze recaps are ta wizzy. Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up.

> Highlight'n all that white text crizzle mah browsa aww nah.

#Gizoogle #Homestuck #pg3235

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