#ykw this have been on my mind for months

[julietasgf]

I'm not tagging this and hope this doesn't go far, it rlly is just more of a vent than anything else, but it's really not okay how some shippers portray sejanus in relation to coriolanus. I know, and you guys know too, that if the roles were reversed and sejanus' actor was the white blonde one, things would be very different.

[qyriaha]

interacting w any media is rough but esp medical shows bc like damn. would anyone show up if i got in an accident? we can't tell

[angel-eyes05]

a line drawn in red

pairing: wade wilson x fem!reader

summary: you and your across the door neighbor have a complicated relationship with each other. things only seem to grow more murky after you invite him to a work party to embarrass your ex.

warnings: nsfw mdni 18+, friends with benefits, mentions of oral sex, p in v, unprotected (wrap it up guys), angry sex at the beginning, very sweet and tender at the end, pre-mutation deadpool cause lowkey i need to see ryan reynold's face in my mind lol, fake dating idk its confusing, wade's a bit of a rebound for a little bit, ever so slight dirty talk, wade using stupid little cringey pet names, pansexual deadpool moments because i love my canon king, you can see my wade wilson headcanons LOUD AND CLEARRRR here rip

word count: 6.8k (this is my longest fic to date are you guys happy)

notes: heyyyyyy so funny story i was meant to post this in like july/august when deadpool and wolverine came out to jump on the trend buttttt i got really burnt out as soon as i got to the smut part of this and then dropped it....BUT I FOUND THIS AGAIN AND FINISHED IT SO WE'RE ALL GOOD this is gonna get zero interaction cause the trend is over but ykw idc i really like what i did here so i hope you enjoy lol. i also did not really proofread this i was too excited to post it lol

dividers by: @cafekitsune

Apartment searching was probably the worst part of the breakup. Which was saying a lot considering how hard you took his news. Raoul and you had been together for about 6 and a half years, and had even gone as far as to move in with each other. It seemed like a good trade off, considering how much the two of you would be saving on rent. And with his parents being filthy rich and owning about half the apartment buildings in Manhattan, the two of you picked a particularly nice one.

Life seemed to be sailing by on calm waters. You had finally moved out of your shitty apartment with your shitty roommate and in with the love of your life, Raoul's stiff parents seemed to finally be warming up to you. To top it all off, you had finally scored a promotion at work. Coming from a less than steady foundation as a child, moving up in your work was something you prided yourself on greatly. It didn't pay as much as Raoul's did, but you loved what you did, and were damn good at it. That was enough.

It never was for him though. Not for his reputation. Or better yet, his parents'. Which is exactly what caused the breakup. "You know how my mother is, she's never going to be happy as long as I'm dating someone with your background." The words still rang in your ears. Your background. The words tasted like rotten fish. Just as you thought he was getting ready to pop the question to you also. He had the decency to let you stay in the apartment until you found your own, but you could tell pity was the fuel behind that fire.

You wanted a place in the city, close to work, but that proved incredibly difficult. After what felt like years of looking at "fixer-uppers" and failed bargain attempts, you finally found one. Was it nice? No. It was a tiny studio, with the only room separate from the main area being a minuscule bathroom. The view was shit, the lights flickered like a disco, and it was a mission to get hot water. But it was a three minute walk from your work building and was the cheapest room you had found so far, so you decided to settle.

You kept to yourself the first week after you moved in, only really leaving to go to work and do your laundry. Your friends had begged you to go out and explore the city with them, but you couldn't seem to drag yourself out of bed. You had been so busy apartment shopping in the past few months that you forgot to do something: Mourn your relationship. The minute you placed down the last bowl in the cabinet, the waves of grief crashed on top of you instantaneously.

Would it have worked out if you came from money? You try not to think about how the answer is most likely yes.

One late night while you're wrapped up and crying in your bedsheets, you hear the first knock on your door since you've moved in. You instinctually bury yourself further in the covers, praying the knocking will stop and whoever's at the door will get bored and go away.

It doesn't.

With a groan, you mosey out of bed, throw on a pair of pants, and answer the door. Rubbing your eyes, you find yourself looking at your neighbor. You had seen him a few times in the hallway when you would take down your dirty laundry, but you didn't pay much attention to him. He seemed to be in and out of the building, which was probably why you didn't even know his name. He was pretty tall, had light brown hair that was just long enough to not be considered a buzzcut, and a little scar slashing across his right eyebrow.

"Listen, I know this is weird and I know we haven't even met properly yet, but my microwave short circuited and I've been looking forward to chowing down on this burrito all day and I think if I don't get to eat it, I'll genuinely go crazy and destroy this entire apartment building."

You had to be delirious or something, there was no way he was jumping out of the gate with his first introduction to you like this. But low and behold, he lifted up the tin foil wrapped burrito next to your face as evidence for his dilemma. "With the power of whatever sick fuck looking down on us from up there, can I PLEASEEEEEE use your microwave?" he downright begged.

You took about 15 seconds to just stare at him and comprehend what just happened. "And you thought I was the best person to ask for this? Not any of the other ten people who live on this floor?" you asked bluntly. He scoffed at you.

"Well, for your information missy, it's a pretty well known fact that most people are away in dreamville at you know, 2:30 in the morning. And I've had a habit of noticing you like to have your tv blaring around this time of night, while not many other people on this floor do. So, using my beautiful detective skills, I came to the conclusion that you're the only other person up right now. And guess what! I was right!" This guy was weird.

You groaned and rubbed your face. "And you know, how else was I going to find an excuse to finally introduce myself to the hot girl who just moved across the hall to me." You glared at his cheesy comment, while he flashed a fake smile and waved the burrito next to his face.

You sighed, knowing you'd probably regret this. "In and out," you said, moving out of the doorframe and letting him inside. "Oh my god if you had a dick I would suck it so good right now," he exclaimed as he rushed inside like a little school boy, making his way right to the microwave and popping in the burrito. You took a second to comprehend his comment. "Yeah yeah whatever," is what you decided to reply with, not having the energy to argue with the man.

You slopped down on one of the chairs placed at your kitchen island, and substitution for a table, and let your head rest on the table while you waited for the man to leave. He leaned against the countertop while he waited for his burrito. You could feel the vibrations of his fingers tapping against the counter. "What do you want," you groaned. "How long ago?" he asked, shortly. "What?" "How long ago did they dump you?" Your head shot up off the counter. "Excuse me?" He smirked. Almost like his goal was to piss you off. "You had a partner, probably guy, definitely long term, he was rich, you weren't, parents got in the way, and you got kicked to the curb."

Clocked you from a mile away.

The sounds of the beeping microwave echoed in the uncomfortably silent room.

"Get your food and get out." "Someone's not very hospitable," he snarked. You got off the chair, walked up to the man, and slapped him across the cheek. "You come banging on my door at 2 in the morning, don't even have the decency to introduce yourself, you use up my appliances, and then you flat out insult me?!?! Kicking you out is probably the nicest thing I could do right now!" you shouted. He turned his head back to face you, staring dead into your eyes. You weren't sure if you were frightened, infuriated, or turned on by his look.

"Let me show you a better time," he groveled into your ear. Jesus, why couldn't it be daylight outside.

In the day, you have control over yourself. The sun gives you a sense of clarity, almost like the light shines in on your brain and gives you the ability to make good decisions. During the night hours, you still know good from bad. It's just much harder for you to stop yourself from going the wrong way.

He must have heard the way your breath hitched, because you could hear the slight snicker he let out shortly after. He could see you were still debating it though. "Listen. This is up to you. But just so I can plead my case, you're one of the most beautiful people I've seen in my whole life, and I work around a lot of hotties, so thats saying something." "You're losing me, tiger," you cut him off. He stutters and regains his footing. "I'd hate to see someone as beautiful as you get thrown off their game cause of some jerk who didn't know what he had until he lost it. I've seen it too many times and I'd hate to see it happen to you too."

You lean in a little, ears perking up. "I personally think, I can give you a better time than he ever could. So, we're gonna do this. If I'm better than he was, you gotta promise me that you'll get back out there. Capeesh?" You closed your eyes and rubbed your bridge. He leans into your ear. "And if you like it enough, who knows, I'd be down to make this into a thi-." "Just let me think!" you push him off you. He backs up, grabs his burrito from out of the microwave, and starts munching.

This is stupid. This is so stupid. It had only been three months since you and Raoul finished, but you were so ready to get into bed with this basically stranger. You honestly just wanted him to stop bugging you. But all things considered, at least he was an attractive rebound. And he seemed to know the situation and what this meant. You just needed a distraction at this point. From everything, and especially Raoul. This was sure to do that. Besides, what did you have to lose? Definitely not your dignity.

You looked over to see him eating his burrito. God you were so pathetic, this was actually turning him on. The way his mouth was gently moving around it. You were getting wet just thinking about the way it would maneuver around your folds. Fuck. This was really your decision wasn't it. Made by the way a man eats his burrito. Pathetic.

"Fine." He looked up from his meal. "Just this once though," you added. "Yeah whatever, we'll see how you feel when we're done," he teased. You grabbed his arm and led him to your bed on the other side of the apartment. You slowly stripped off your pants and underwear, agreeing with him that you could keep your shirt on. The next hour or so was full of pure adrenaline and ecstasy. He knew how to press every single one of your buttons as his mouth worked wonders on your pussy. You had the unfortunate feeling that you would be seeing him again after this.

Once he finished another round on your clit, he wiped his mouth and stuck his hand out to you from in between your legs. "Wade Wilson. Apartment D05." You couldn't help but giggle at the silly gesture. You then stated your name and apartment number and shook Wade's hand. "Pleasure to make your acquaintance Mr. Wilson." "Oh please, Mr. Wilson was my father, call me Wade. And the pleasure is all mine of course." He flashed a big smile when you giggled at his joke and dove right back into your pussy. The two of you kept going until the sun came up.

The two of you made an agreement after that night. If either one of you was sexually frustrated, lonely, or just plain horny, you two would go down on each other. Friends with benefits or something like that. Cause the two of you did talk to each other outside of sex too. Wade was a funny guy. He had his sweet moments too, despite being pretty brash. But man was he annoying.

He had a problem with never knowing when to shut up. This was a pattern during sex also. As more and more sessions went on, you noticed him becoming more and more vocal. Taking breaks to talk to your pussy while he would eat you out, striking up a conversation with you while you had a mouth full of dick. "Wade, I swear to God, if you want me to actually finish you off, you better shut the fuck up," you found yourself saying most nights, wiping his precum off your mouth. "Oh trust me sweetheart, women have left me hanging in worse situations," he would tease back.

Some nights you found yourself finishing off angrier than when you started. The two of you argued a lot. Mostly over dumb shit. Wade had a knack for pissing you off. Whether it was stealing things from your apartment, being too loud with the other people he would bring to his apartment, or just being plain forgetful with plans. Almost every outing to a club would end up with the two of you drunkly screaming at each other. But man, the way he would work on your swollen pussy with his tongue afterwards. You found yourself easily forgiving him move of the time. His argument was strong after all.

There was a set list of rules the two of you followed though. For boundaries sake. "We keep it to your apartment," he added as you wrote down details on a notepad. "Ugh, why mine?" you whined. "Cause mine's too dirty and I know your clean freak ass would have a heart attack upon seeing it." True, the way he talked about his apartment made it seem like a breeding ground for a STD. "And let me guess, you're too lazy to clean it up?" you jab back. "Hit the nail right on the head, darling!" he smiled sarcastically, taking a light swipe at your chin.

"Whatever, my turn. I don't want any you know...actual sex stuff." Wade raised his eyebrow. "What do you mean?" You shrugged your shoulders, a little embarrassed. "I don't know, just like...I'd rather stick to the oral stuff I guess." Wade couldn't help but snicker. "What, you scared my dick's too big to fit in it or something?" "No, asshole!" you shouted, bopping the top of his head with the notepad. "It just feels...too personal I guess," you said, beet red.

What Wade didn't know was that going that far was just too intimate for you right now. You already felt guilty enough getting into this "relationship" with this man you barely know after just getting out of an almost seven year relationship. You didn't want Wade to feel like some kind of rebound. Even if he kinda was. You weren't sure if he even cared though. For all you know, he was just happy to get some pussy.

"Whatever, your loss cupcake," Wade shook off. "Fine then, I get my own special condition." "Hit me," you said, sitting up. "No kissing." "What?!" you shouted. "That's so stupid, thats no where near the same level as mine! Mine is at least a little understandable!" "Hey, you have your reasons, I have mine," Wade argued. "Fine....You'll still kiss up on my pussy though, won't you Wade?" you asked, grabbing him by his shirt collar and pulling him in closer to you. "Well what else is it there for, certainly not for sticking my dick in," he teased. You gave his already erect dick a smack and dragged him down into you bed, taking off his pants for your next session.

The next couple of months looked exactly like this, with a few trauma dumps in between of course. This was comfortable. You were still getting action, but nothing too much or serious. And Wade was a good guy for you. Or for this at least. Sometimes you would sit and wonder if the two of you could, you know, become more than this. An actual couple. Wade was your best friend. Yeah, he was a little shit, but he had been there for you more than anyone else before. He understood where you came from, because he came from the same roots. Him being really hot helped too you know.

But you could never be sure if he felt the same way. You weren't sure if he was the type for an actual relationship. Yeah, your crush on him seemed to grow bigger with each passing day, but this was easier for the both of you. Not ideal. But again. Comfortable.

Things started to change really fast though when a certain instagram story crossed your feed. "That bitch!" Wade heard you shout while out at Weasel's bar. "What now, someone twist up your panties?" Wade sarcastically added. You flip your phone over him show to one of your work friends with her new boyfriend.

A fourth month anniversary hard launch. "No way, is that him?" He asked, picking up the clues quickly. You nodded silently. You had failed to mention your past relationships to your friend Clarissa, so she must have thought he was some stranger or something. You had no idea how they met and started dating, but Raoul had seemed to come back into your life as soon as he left it. And you knew for a fact you'd be seeing him soon.

"I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do about this stupid party," you repeated to Wade as you paced your apartment floor, topless. Wade sat back on your bed, sipping on a beer bottle, his pants off. "He's definitely gonna be there, it's a Holiday party for God's sake! Everyone always goes to those stupid parties! And of course everyone goes with their partners so of course Clarissa is gonna bring him!" "And why do you have to go?" Wade asked calmly. You stopped pacing. "Because Wade my promotion basically lies in the hands of me making a good impression, which means going to every work function they've got. Valentine's Day dance, Thanksgiving dinner, and especially the Winter Gala," you recited.

You flopped on top of the bed in anger, letting out fake, annoyed sobs. Wade groaned, set his beer bottle on the nightstand, and lifted your face up with his two cupped hands. "If I go with you will that shut you up?" You stopped your fake tantrum and sat up. "Um, are you being serious with me right now?" He nodded. "Is that not asking too much? I mean like...I don't know if it's typical for someone to go to a work party with their friend with benefits," you brought up.

Wade cleared his throat. "Well, we don't have to tell anyone that. As far as your employers, and especially Raoul, know...we're dating." You sat to yourself and thought for a minute. It'd be nice to have someone accompany you to the torturous party. And plus, making Raoul jealous would be a bonus. "That wouldn't be too much? Like what about the whole no kissing thing, isn't it weird for a couple to not kiss?" you asked. "Hey, couples don't kiss all the time! And plus, we can still hold hands and stuff. Just the bare minimum. But I think it could work." He watched you as the smile grew more and more onto your face. You leaped into his arms, embracing him. "Oh, thank you thank you thank you Wade! You don't know what this means!"

Wade took a second, but he tightly wrapped his arms around your back and tightened the hug. "Anything for my favorite girl," he said quietly next to your ear. Neither of you let go for a while, taking each other in. For two people who had sex with each other about three times a week, this was the most intimate you had been. You could tell how serious it was by how quiet Wade was.

His breath was calm and steady, matching up almost perfectly to yours. Your head sat perfectly on the nook where his neck met his shoulders. But as soon as you begun to tighten your grip on him, he cleared his throat and let go. "I think I'm owed a good dick sucking for my good deeds," he awkwardly brought up. It took you a second to regain what was going on, after being so thrown off by Wade's sudden display of intimacy. "Oh...Oh! Oh you bet your ass," you recovered. Wade rubbed his hands together, almost like a corny cartoon villain as you lowered yourself down to his thick shaft.

You furiously tapped your fingers on your phone as you waited for a "ready to go" response from Wade. You added the final touches to your outfit. You spent a good chunk of your savings on your outfit for tonight, dead set on your revenge à la jealousy. The red velvet dressed you purchased hugged perfectly onto each of your curves and the string of thick pearls was cherry on top. You finally got the okay text from Wade, so you picked up your small clutched and jumped out of your apartment, knocking on Wade's door.

It was a sight you had never seen before. Wade W. Wilson was wearing a suit. A warm feeling flooded into your heart, seeing him make such an effort for the occasion. The tight fitted pants he was wearing brought a different type of warmth into your body. You noticed he was staring at you in a similar way, scanning the way the dress sculpted your frame. But the look on his face wasn't the normal lust filled eyes you had seen so many times before. It was different. Before you could decipher what exactly it was, Wade cut in. "How much did that dress cost?" You paused. "...You don't wanna know."

The taxi ride there was filled with repetitions of your master plan. Wade didn't seem to be paying much attention. It didn't matter though, as long as your head was in the game, this was sure to work.

You stepped out of the taxi and took in the view of the venue in front of you. You drew in a deep breath and found Wade standing next to you. "You ready party princess?" he asked, holding his arm out to wrap yours around. You smiled up at him and lock yours in. "Ready as I'll ever be playboy."

Most of the party was filled with shallow conversations with employers, bad music, and drinking. Lots of drinking. And then you saw him. You almost sprayed your cocktail out of your mouth at the sight. Your first instinct was to start smacking Wade's shoulder. "Jesus christ woman what is it?!?!" Wade shouted. You made a pointing gesture with your eyes towards Raoul. Wade follows your eyes. "Damn, I can see what kept you locked in for so long." "It sounds like you're begging for a trip to the hospital right now," you threatened. "Sorry, he just has a beautiful ass," Wade continued to tease. "Shame he's only into broke ass girls. Like you." "Can you stop being an asshole for once and focus!"

Wade rolled his eyes, put down his drink and pulled you out onto the dance floor. "What are you doing?" you confusedly whispered. "Going along with the plan," he said, not making eye contact with you. He put one of his hands on your hip and the other locked with yours. It surprised you how good of a dancer he turned out to be. He was light on his feet, swaying along to the rhythm of the music.

You naturally fell into his movements. You took moments of your dance with Wade to look over in Raoul's direction. He seemed fairly preoccupied with Clarissa, understandably. Your frustration laid clear on your face. Wade must have noticed, because next thing you know, he's twirling you and sends you into a dip. His face lit up at the sight of your sudden smile.

You look to your right and see exactly what you wanted. Raoul staring dead set on you on the dance floor. In an ditzy stupor you turn your face back to Wade. "I need you to kiss me." "What?" "Wade please just this once I swear, he's looking at us right now." He took a second to think, rolled his eyes, and placed a peck on your lips.

It didn't feel how you expected it to. He was rough, and mean with it. He brought you back up from the dip, roughly grabbed your wrist and dragged you back to the table with your drinks. You took a second to regain your footing. Wade downed the rest of his drink in one gulp. He looked shaken, upset even. "Are you okay?" you asked. Before he had the chance to respond, you noticed his eyes dart behind you. With record timing, you felt a tap on your shoulder and spin around.

Oh my god.

"I had a feeling that was you out on the dance floor," he said, in that smug tone he always used to use. You sighed to yourself. "Hi Raoul, it's been a minute." Catching you off guard, he pulls you in to a one armed hug, and lets go before you're able to reciprocate it. "Wait you know each other?" Clarissa asked, locked in on his arm.

Raoul starts first. "Um, yeah we were-" "We hung out at frat parties back in college," you cut in. It technically wasn't a lie. You just would rather spare yourself the embarrassment from her. Raoul didn't correct you, just a simple nod. "Aw, that's so cute!" Clarissa said. "Raoul's got so many friends I can hardly keep up at this point." Clarissa's high pitched giggle rang through your ears and you tried to keep a smile plastered on your face. "Oh I'm sure," you quietly added, getting a stink eye from Raoul in the meantime. God, you wish you didn't finish your drink earlier.

Raoul's eyes moved behind you. "I'm sorry, I didn't manage to get your name," he gestured to Wade. "Oh, that's Wade, he's my-" "Partner," he cut you off, moving up next to you and taking your hand. You squeezed it tightly, as a silent thank you. "Oh my god, congratulations!" Clarissa said. "I didn't know you had a boyfriend." "Yeah, we decided to wait until six months to go around posting about it and stuff," you added. "We would've waited longer, but I was too excited to keep it to myself any longer, isn't that right my love," Clarissa said, gently patting Raoul's jawline. "That's right my darling."

Just before taking Clarissa for a long, wet, uncomfortable kiss, you could feel a split second moment of eye contact between you and Raoul. Chills overtook your body. He was so...

Cold.

"I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to excuse myself for a moment. It was great seeing you Clarissa," you quickly spat out before rushing away from the scene. You could hear who you hoped was Wade's footsteps leading close behind you. He called out your name for attention while you ran down the stairs, into the lobby, and out the door. "What the fuck was that? You just don't talk to me?" Wade questioned as you looked out onto the sidewalk for a taxi. "Not now Wade," you pushed him off. You could barely focus. Your mind was running a mile a minute, your heart pounding like a freight train. Who knew all it took to send you back months of healing was one look.

"This was a bad idea," you said to yourself. "Anyone could've told you that," you heard Wade say under his breath. Not in control of your actions, your hand quickly reacted, whipping itself across his cheek. It left a bright red mark on his face as Wade quickly went to hold it. "That is the last fucking thing I need right now, Wilson."

You sound like your father. You sound like his too.

The two of you stood on the sidewalk in the falling snow for a good five minutes of silence while waiting. A "Sorry," managed to come out of your mouth. Both of you were mad. Saying and doing things you didn't mean. Both hurting in your own ways. You hated the way Raoul could control your emotions. Always could. Like you were in the palm of his hand. Seeing yourself in that position again brought a wave of anger like nothing else.

"Let's just wait for the taxi," Wade said. You didn't look back to see his face, but you could feel his energy radiating in the snow. You fucked up. Big time. You were too angry to fix it right now though. This was a problem to solve in the morning. All you wanted right now was to curl up in your bed and sob for the next five hours.

Wade finally waved down a taxi for the two of you, opened the door to let you in first, and crawled in behind you. The tension in the car was so thick you were sure the driver could feel it too. It felt like you were in that car for hours until the two of you got out. As the car drove away and Wade looked for his keys to open the lobby door, all your thoughts began to flood out. "I can't believe he would wave her around in front of me like that!" You could feel the eye roll Wade was having right now, but didn't care enough to stop. He held the door open for you, as you continued talking into the elevator up. "And what was that kiss about?! Talk about show off. And gross also, their saliva almost flew into my eye." Wade stayed silent throughout your whole rant.

Still talking out the elevator and down the hallway. You were so caught up in your thoughts, you didn't even realize you were following Wade up to his door as he unlocked it. "And not to be a bitch, but how can Clarissa grow to stand him? Their personalities do not fit at all." Wade opened the door, and instinctively moved out of the way as he found you pushing yourself into his apartment as you continued talking.

He sighed to himself, closed and locked the door, threw his keys on the kitchen counter and stood by the door as you talked. "You know what? He went there to hurt me. He had to know Clarissa and I worked together, so he had to know I would be at that party! Why else would he go?!" Wade threw his head back, groaned, and began to walk up to you, shielded from your attention by the tangent you were on. "You know what, next work function he goes to, him gonna walk right up to him and tell him how much of an asshole he really is-."

The very last syllable of your sentence was picked up into Wade's mouth as his lips laced their way into yours.

You stood there wide eyed as Wade's lips rested on your mouth. He let go and opened his mouth for a moment as he lowered his eyes down to yours. "You talk too much. And you know it's bad when I'm the one saying that." You didn't have the room in your brain to respond. The only thing you could focus on was getting his mouth back onto yours. You grabbed the back of his head and smushed his face into yours, his own hands wrapping around your waist and hugging you into him.

This kiss was much different from your first one. This one was also rough, but surprisingly tender, like Wade had been waiting for this moment for ever. His lips maneuvered around your mouth the same way they did to your pussy, with a certain care and art. You were the first one to let your tongue slip, making its way into Wade's mouth. He treated it lightly, and with a gentle nature.

While you were distracted by the kiss, Wade hoisted you up to wrap your legs around his hips, and walked you to his bed. He let go of your mouth to dramatically plop you down on the mattress. "Before anything happens, I have got to get you out of that dress," Wade said, lowly and seductively. It was almost like magic, the way Wade's words could soak your underwear the minute they enter the air.

You unzipped your dress with haste, and tightly squeezed it off your body, tossing it to Wade's floor like it wasn't the most expensive piece of clothing you owned. To match you, Wade also stripped off his clothes, leaving both of you completely naked, except for undergarments, on his bed. Wade lowered himself on top of you, lacing his lips back into yours. Your hands explored his back, one of them taking a particular liking to one of his asscheeks, gripping and fondling it. Wade let out sounds of pleasure into your mouth as you played with him.

After a solid time of just making out, you separated your mouth from his. "What's wrong," Wade asked, a kind concern in his voice. You took a minute to gather your thoughts as you stared at Wade's cock, throbbing and bulging through his underwear. "Wade, I want you inside me."

Wade's breath hitched and you could see his cheeks grow red at your comment. "Are you sure?" It was crazy how much of his confidence and swagger he could lose because of your words. A symptom of something deeper inside his heart. You nodded gently. "I've never been so sure about anything until right fucking now," you whispered to him. Wade couldn't help but smile like a kid on Christmas morning. He laced his lips back into yours as his hands moved up your back and unclipped your bra like second nature. You used your hands to help him take off his boxers. The way his shaft sprung out made you gasp in delight.

Wade peppered kisses over your jaw, neck, and chest as he made his way down your body with his mouth. He took special time and care with your tits as he suckled on your nipple with that special tongue of his.

Wade was very dead set on his "no kissing" rule in the past, saving it only for when he would eat you out. Nothing above your hips or below your inner thigh. So, here and now, with his gentle kisses being pressed into your stomach, you couldn't help but giggle happily, your fingers scratching lovingly at the nape of his neck. You were so happy. Happier than when you two would mindlessly hook up. Happier than when you were with Raoul. Happier than when the stars would shine down on you from above. If you could pause time, you would stay in this moment forever. Tender. Pure. Happy,

The kisses made their way down your stomach, traced out your pelvic bone, and finally made it to the border of your panties. Wade's doe brown eyes looked up and made dead eye contact with you as his teeth latched onto your underwear lace. Your pussy throbbed with delight as you watched him pull down your underwear with his mouth expertly. He was most definitely not a novice at this. Once your underwear was finally off, Wade sat up on his knees, looking over your temple of a body.

In the time you two spent together, sure you did a lot of stuff together, but there were heavy boundaries in place. One being, neither of you had seen the other fully naked before. At least one piece of undergarment or clothing was kept on at all times, be it a shirt, boxer short, or skirt. Both of you wanted to get a certain level of privacy. But now, here you both were. Completely exposed for the other to soak in.

"You're so beautiful." His face was so full of admiration. No flirty tone. No pet name to level the meaning. He was absolutely serious. "You're so beautiful," you echo back to him, with the same amount of seriousness. Before he was going to do anything else, he lowered his entire body weight down onto you, skin to skin, and wrapped every inch of himself around you.. "What're you doing Wade?" you asked, gently scratching his bare back with your nails, feeling his skin rise and fall at your touch. "Cherishing you." You had no choice but to kiss him after that comment, a gentle peck from you landing on his lips. "I'm ready," you urged. Wade nodded. "I got you, princess."

Wade used his saliva to wet up your entrance, though not much was needed to help that situation. He used the rest of it to lather up his cock. Taking it in his hand, he gave you a kiss deep into your cheek, and pushed it inside.

Both of you moaned in a loud ecstasy as his thick shaft made its way into your leaking, tight cunt. Then, Wade began thrusting himself into you, as you grabbed onto his shoulders for support. His hands squeezed and manhandled both your tits as his hips rocked waves into you. It was exactly like dancing with him before. He had a certain rhythm to him, like he was a professional. It sounded cheesy as you thought it in your head, but it was true.

"Your pussy's so good for me," he whispered into your ear. "Like it was made for me or something." Your moans filled his ears, only encouraging him to go faster and harder with his thrusts. His dick filled up every crevice of your pussy, his tip pushing just right into your g-spot. One of his hand moves away from your tit and down to grope your asscheek. Your moans grow louder and your grip on his shoulder tightens. "You like it when I manhandle you, huh princess?" he teases. His mouth attaches itself to your neck as he sucks dark bruises into it. "Go harder Wade," you gasp. "As you wish," he cheekily remarks.

You can feel your body growing hotter as his dick throbs inside your tight cunt. The bed rocks and shakes with your movements. You wonder for a split second if any of your neighbors can hear you. The thought loses its momentum when you remember how much worse you've heard come out of this apartment room.

After a solid bit of going at it, you can feel your climax start to hit. Your breath goes shaky, your grip on him gets tighter, and your moans and gasps become more scattered and desperate. "I know sweetheart, I know, don't worry," Wade lowly whispers into your ear, giving your lobe a quick nibble after he's done. You begin to rock your hips as well, clashing into his, desperate to chase the high coming rushing towards you.

The high is magnificent, better than you had ever experienced with him. Your legs and body shake as your body comes around his dick, the orgasm ripping its way through your vocal cords. Wade slips his shaft out of you once your moans stop and finishes on his own on the edge of the bed.

You stay sitting in bed silent for some time, soaking in the full experience. Wade turns back to you and leans down to your pussy, soaking and slurping up your juices. Your body shivers under his gentle tongue. He does a reverse of before, kissing his way up your hips, to your stomach, to your neck, and finding its home on your lips. You wrap your arms around him as he kisses you, wiggling his way with you under the covers of his bed.

"So...how do you feel?" He asked, kissing your cheek. "Fucking great," you giggled. "Well duh, that was the obvious answer," he snarked, pressing quick kissing into every inch of your face, getting sweet laughs out of you. "You've suddenly turned into quite the kisser." "I think I was just waiting for the right moment," he said gently, scanning your face and finding a comfortable sitting in your eyes. "I'm glad you finally found it," you whispered to him. He smiled drowsily. "Me too." Wade nuzzled his head into the crook of your neck, planting soft kisses there. You closed your eyes as you took in his touch. You could feel yourself slipping out of consciousness, making a quick note to yourself to remember this moment forever. Cherishing Wade while you did so.

[shunsuiken]

WELCOME HOME, RASCAL! (a SAGAU)

synopsis. kamisato ayato, a character you’ve been waiting for the past eight months is finally rerunning on the limited-character banner. your luck on the last banner had left you devastated but this time, after being isekai’d into the world of genshin impact, should bring it up a notch.

tags. gn!creator!reader + fluff + implied reader x ayato + but technically this whole concept is like the genshin men x reader lmao + reader is physically affectionate

warnings. none

wc. 1.3k

an. this was inspired by my successful and expensive ayato pulls from last year <//3 also i KNOW the reader is the creator and could technically “pull” for ayato even without wishes but ykw lets say this creator!reader wanted to do the dirty work so they could have the satisfaction when they pull for him (take a fucking shot every time you read pull omg </3)

you’re staring at the sky, inhaling and exhaling heavily. there’s a thin sheen of sweat down your back which makes your clothes cling to you uncomfortably. a breeze blows past your nose, gently tickling you.

venti, i’m fine i promise. you sigh in your mind, knowing where that gust of wind came from. seems like he’s visiting mondstadt today.

for the past few minutes, you’ve been having a staring contest with the sky. your acolytes—your companions—grow worried at the sight of you. you’re unmoving and it also looks as if you’ve stopped breathing.

“your grace?” albedo calls out to you, giving you a soft smile. “the skies are ready for your command.”

you sigh, nodding your head. “yes, i’m aware. i’m just a little—” worried. you finish your sentence in your thoughts.

it’s been a while since you pulled on the limited-character banner.

you’ve been saving for ayato, specifically.

you have exactly sixty wishes—yes, you’re aware how risky it is to pull because if all goes wrong there is no backup plan. you’re tapping your finger against your lips to contemplate your decision again.

“your grace, if it makes you feel any better, i’m happy to remind you that you are the commander of the stars,” thoma’s voice pipes up and your expression shatters with a nervous smile.

“thank you, thoma. i appreciate it.”

“my lord will heed your words, you can count on it!” thoma encourages you, nodding his head like a puppy and you almost coo if it weren’t for the current situation.

you maintain your composure, lifting your hand to pet thoma’s head fondly. “i hope you never change.”

itto, who’s vibrating on the side next to shinobu, is ecstatic to hear about the homecoming of his best bro. honestly, he was just about as sad as you when he didn’t come home the last time. “hit it, your grace!” he yells in excitement.

you turn to the skies that are now a grand mixture of oranges and gold in your abode. “what the oni said!” you grin, voice loud and clear.

your other companions normally watch from the sidelines as you command the skies—or to modern day language—while you make a ten pull for kamisato ayato. there are cheers of excitement and simple “good luck’s” that are thrown into the air, easing the atmosphere and your nerves.

the holographic button shines, the “wish x10” button stares back at you and when you tap on it, a mesmerising shower of blue and purple stars rain across the sky. it is certainly a sight to see. it rivals the meteor showers from your home world. and only those in your abode get the opportunity to witness such a moment. you watch as the blue stars fall in front of you, wisping away and materialising into three star weapons.

you also receive a few constellations for some four star characters including kujou sara and rosaria but other than that, there hasn’t been any sighting of gold in the sky.

“your grace, look up!” tighnari calls you out of your thoughts and your eyes immediately capture the colour of a radiant gold, the dissipating tail of the star glitters like a sunset on the horizon.

you don’t even realise how your feet take you to where the star lands on the grassy field of your abode. you gasp for air to keep up with the excitement but you can’t deny the apprehension that crawls up your spine in anticipation.

“delighted to serve you, your grace.”

you gasp. this voice-

lo and behold, the yashiro commissioner himself appears before you, expression cool and posture poise. only he could ever uphold such grace and elegance.

“ayato! how are you? how was the journey? how do you feel?” you plaster your hands onto the man’s cheeks, checking to see if there were any scars while you bombard him with questions. your hand briefly holds onto his biceps before straightening down his outer coat endearingly.

it’s to everyone’s knowledge of how much of an honour it is for you to physically touch somebody, you are their creator for goodness sake! your hands are delicate yet so powerful at the same time. just a snap of your fingers could erase the existence of teyvat.

so the normally composed commissioner in front of you is rather stunned by your actions. although the experience he’s gained from spending years in politics and serving higher authorities, none of those moments would have ever prepared him for somebody above his rank to react the way you did. he’s stuck in place. you’re so… affectionate. and you carry it with you so boldly too!

goodness me. ayato panics, pursing his lips to contain his smile that desperately tries to reveal itself. “i… i am very well, thank you, your grace.” he avoids your starry-like eyes, voice quieter than usual.

thoma has to use his whole body to stifle his laughter at his lords’ face. how many times are you—is anybody ever going to see the yashiro commissioner so flustered?! oh, he’s never going to hear the end of this from thoma.

“my lord! it seems you’ve been received well.” thoma gives his lord a bright smile and ayato’s eye twitches at the short snicker that comes after his retainer's words. if only my lady were here, she would be giggling along so much too! thoma adds in his mind.

ayato clears his throat, “of course, it’s an honour to be received directly by their grace.” he bows his head towards you and you feel your heart skip a beat at his respectful gesture.

but it’s not the time to be feeling like this. you need to steel your heart. there is still a part of you that wants to scold him for not coming home earlier. “don’t scare me like that again! you had me so worried eight months ago.” you smile through your words but it doesn’t fool the yashiro commissioner.

“that was an oversight on my part, your grace.” heh, figured he’d say something along those lines. “how can i make it up to you?”

hm, how can he make it up to me? you put your chin between your thumb and curled index finger. actually, does he even have to? he’s already here and that’s good enough for me.

“well if you could make yourself comfortable in my humble abode, it’d ease my worries.” you turn your head towards the estate before looking back at him, noticing a strand of his soft blue hair flying in the air. you smile fondly, raising your hand to pat it down.

his eyes animatedly look up to follow where your hand went, and he huffs another soft chuckle at your actions. he’s only been blessed by your appearance once during an official meeting with the raiden shogun and other inazuman officials but who knew you were so loving and gentle in person?

they’re so… adorable. yes, that’s the correct term for them. ayato thinks to himself.

“might i ask if your grace could give me a tour around?”

your eyes sparkle as you nod your own head. “of course i can!”

ayato follows your lead around the abode, listening to your constant chatter, never missing a single word you say. he also gets introduced to everyone in the abode, giving them all a brief introduction with some simple exchanges in between.

you have to hold in your laughter when itto refers to the commissioner as ‘my bro’ again. it seems it still hasn’t occurred to the oni of “his bro’s” identity.

“your grace, i would be delighted to invite you over to the estate for some tea if you have no schedules in the upcoming week,” ayato suggests with a small smile on his face.

you raise a brow. “are you busy right now?”

ayato hums, going over his mental list of things to do. “actually i don’t have a meeting until tomorrow morning.”

“then it’s settled, we’ll have some tea right now!” you offer your hand out to him and he takes it, who is he to decline?

with a soft grunt that leaves his lips from your stronger-than-expected tug of the hand, ayato lets you lead him into your abode.

[batbabydamian]

question- do you mind doing fic recs? And if so, do you have any good fics centered around Dick and Damian's relationship? In particular anything that plays with their whole "I'm your brother but also your father/son but not but yes" thing they've got going on? If you see this thank you, you're doing the lord's work <3

anon if you’re still out there, thank you for your patience and hope you enjoy these! there’s MANY Dick&Damian fics i love so i tried to limit it to the “im your brother AND kinda your dad but not really” dynamic!!

3:16 by partingxshot

The knife pushes thin along Dick’s carotid artery, cupping the indent between neck and jawline—forcing him to angle his chin. The metal is warm, pulled with execution speed from under Damian’s pillow. “Okay,” Dick says quietly, tracking the intricacies of his own heartbeat—counting the space between breaths. “Guess I did need a shave.” (With faltering steps, Dick and Damian become Batman and Robin.)

i think every Dick & Damian enthusiast has read this lol it may be ongoing but its latest chapter is left on a very satisfying end for an arc!! 

an endless road to rediscover by littlearrows

In the months before Mar'i is born, Dick and Damian take a cross-country road trip together.

if you enjoyed the Dick and Damian tension from Nightwing (2016) #16-20 you might like this! :’) encouraging everyone to read those issues tbh

to be human by newsical

None of his Gotham acquaintances look upon his old life favorably — this, Damian knows. Was his life not noble before? Damian feels like a waterboarded gnat, swirling towards a drain. Gently, as though he has not ripped out Damian’s stomach with his teeth, Alfred says, “Attempting to take his father’s place won’t work, Master Richard…” Their voices peter out, and the last thing Damian can hear is Richard huff and say something that sounds like, “No shit,” and he is alone. Somewhere, a clock ticks. Damian pictures it melting. (Dick and Damian over the years.)

lovely dive into Damian’s personal growth and his relationship with Dick!! reading the poem that inspired the fic, especially again after finishing the fic is a nice touch!

Do You Feel the Way My Past Aches? by fishfingersandjellybabies

Bruce finds a wayward Damian asleep on his couch. Dick then find them both. An unexpected conversation ensues.

a tender Bruce perspective on the dynamic! “Bruce thought back to watching them work, Dick the master of the spotlight and Damian his perfect shadow.” THEM

When You're The One Who's Loved by fishfingersandjellybabies

Damian doesn’t understand why Dick is so upset. Tim does, though.

SO SOFTT ykw just go thru all of this writer's Dick & Damian fics they just exude love and warmth!!

Tea for Two by StormLeviosa

Their apartment is full of smiles now. It is because of Pennyworth, he is sure. Damian did not realise how much he'd missed Pennyworth until he came back. He slotted into their little family like the puzzle piece you do not know is missing. It was pleasant, having a grandfather he did not need to fear, and Pennyworth was all that and more.

part of a series, but easily read as a standalone. they’ve given up the vigilante life and DOMESTIC DICK & DAMIAN + ALFRED!! WHOLESOME!! i also enjoy the other Damian installments of the series, fun explorations of his interests/skills like violin!! and animals (going to vet school!!)

Pop-tarts and orange juice by Ididloveyou_once

‘Do you ever wish that Father had actually died?’ ‘Never.’ And despite the vehemence with which Richard says the word, Damian thinks that he might be lying. But only because he hates himself for the truth. Or: Bruce has been back from the dead for three months. Damian doesn’t know how to feel. He does know that he misses his da- Richard. They talk about it… Sort of.

"He wants to tell him that nothing compares to being Robin at his side. To being Damian at his side." WAILING

The Weight of Legacy by DawnsEternalLight

Damian didn’t think. He didn’t have to, protecting Richard was instinct by now. Darting forward right into the arc of Crane’s scythe as it aimed for his partner’s neck was as familiar to him as breathing, etched into his DNA. For if he lost Richard again, how could he continue to exist?  The man was not only his firmest tie to Batman’s mantle, now that Father was home and clashing with Damian, but at some point during their partnership he had inexorably woven himself into Damian’s very being. Through training, and lessons, and quiet nights filled with ice cream. Patience and love–a thing Damian had not hoped to find here when he’d first set foot on American soil.  To lose Richard would be akin to losing a limb. And so Damian acted as if that were true. He wove protection of his mentor, Batman, sibling, into every action he took and refused to accept failure as an option.

"We Both Know You're The Last of the Graysons" as a fic prompt is wild...that panel never fails to make me cry... also, another writer with an abundance of fantastic Dick & Damian fics!!

Emergency Contact by DawnsEternalLight

Damian: Apologies for the intrusion into your day, Richard. I need you to pick me up from the gallery trip early, it seems I have been stabbed. Dick blinked down at the message then read it again. And again. His brain not quite processing the words staring up at him, backlit by the phone.

this ventures bit more into parent Dick Grayson, as in Damian explicitly calling Dick his dad at the end but it's a fun fic!! that preview always cracks me up LOL

The Stowaway by LittleLadybugs

There's a cat in the penthouse. Fortunately, Alfred has yet to find out. Now to keep it that way. OR Dick tries his best to parent Damian. Damian tries his best, period. They’re both a bit clumsy, but they’ve got the spirit. There might be a cat Meow ᓚᘏᗢ 💙💚

smiling and laughing through this whole fic THEY ARE SO SILLY I LOVE THEM

as love carries its strength, but not its labels by AlterHarpia

Bruce is on a trip beyond Earth’s Solar System for longer than he intended, making Dick and Damian fall into an old pattern. “I'm not Batman.” A mere reminder, perhaps, but when said to Damian it always sounds like an apology.

basically them putting into words their own funky lil dynamic!!

Let The Right One In by whaleofatime

Hot on the trail of Deadshot threatening mayhem in Japan, Dick and Damian find themselves going undercover as a father-son duo on House Hunters International. Deadshot won't be the only source of chaos in Tokyo this summer, and Dick's only a little apologetic.

okok kinda cheating here since they’re just undercover as dad and son lol BUT it’s such a fun read of the duo on a Japan trip (mission)!

the primacy of personal conscience by birdsofthesoul

"WHAT MAKES IAGO EVIL? some people ask. I never ask." — Joan Didion, Play It as It Lays Or: Dick, his family, and the moral morass of a wishing well.

cheating again bc plot not focused on Dick and Damian’s relationship, but it’s there! really enjoyed the characterizations and dynamics here!!

soft clocks by dustorange

Side effects of being revived by Lex Luthor may include amnesia, going undercover into a high-level espionage agency, not recognizing your family, fighting your family, and dealing with the emotional weight and guilt associated with encountering said family. Ask your doctor if being revived by Lex Luthor is right for you. (a.k.a. Dick has amnesia during his time at Spyral. The family grapples with finding out he's alive. Dick grapples with finding out he has a family. Inspired by this post by bigskydreaming.)

lol sorry another not focused on their relationship but!! came and stayed for the plot, then the Dick & Damian moments KNOCKED ME OUTT!!

[the-s1lly-corner]

Flufftober prompt 29: Vacation (Lambert)

chat im going to be so real i didnt mean for there to be so many cult of the lamb fics for this month but ykw im not complaining.... if there was anything i could change, it would be rewriting shamura and narinders pieces esp because their fics were written before the bishops final quests were added in buuuuuuuut its too close to my personal deadline for this as i write this (a few days before october 1st) so yeah heres to hoping i give writing them another shot in the future! list here woo yeah baby plot: you steal the leader away for a day spent at pilgrims passage... its hardly a vacation but its a break the lamb accepts with open arms notes: reader is gn, reader is written as an aquatic creature in mind but you can tune out the details to make them anything, reader is a disciple and has been around for a long long time, takes place post game while the lamb is getting the bishops, they/them pronouns for lambert word count: 1506 cws: none

Things were only getting harder after each addition to the cult, and as dissention grows the Lamb finds themselves getting stretched thinner. Always sent away to retrieve something- or someone- from the world outside the flock.

They were dead tired, despite what they told you; but you could see the drag in their hooves and the way their eyes squinted when a cultist flagged them down for their attention.

So when you noticed the kitchens running low on fish you jumped at the chance to steal the leader away for some much needed time away from the cult. Hence why you are now both standing at the shore of Pilgrim's Passage.

You lower yourself onto the sand and dangle your feet off of the sudden drop, and watched the waves under you. It wasn't still, but they weren't slamming into the rock and dirt. You watch at the red crown shifted into the form of a rod and casts itself into the water.

"You don't need to do that, you can buy from..." You eye darts to the figure a few meters away. "You know, the fisherman." Your mouth tightened a bit as you peeled your eyes away and looked to your leader. "We've more than enough coin to cover it,"

Lambert's mouth worked itself before they looked back down at you, curling it into a faint smile. "I know, but fishing is nicer. It let's me turn my brain off for a while!"

That was true. They would be gone for far longer than one would expect when coming down to the coast.

"You don't have to be here, truth be told I was hoping you'd stay behind and keep an eye on everyone..."

You shrug, fingers sinking deeper into the warm sand. Your fins stretched as you smiled at them. "Julty can handle it on their own! besides who would keep you company and make sure you don't spend the entire weekend here? You know they don't like the water, anyways."

Julty, the yellow cat turned from hard working farmer to devoted disciple.

Lambert says something you can't quite hear, shifting to sit down next to you. Their hands grip the fishing rod, fingers tapping on the reel. "There's still so much work to be done,"

They look so tired, but not defeated.

"The flock is growing and there needs to be precautions set, with the bishops... I'm surprised Leshy hasn't burned anything down yet, but we're struggling to keep up with Heket's appetite." They mumble the last part to themselves.

"Why not kill them?" You want to say, but the words don't dare sneak past your lips. If Lambert wanted the bishops dead, they would have done so already- they'd never think to bring them to the flock. There has to be a reason they've brought them here, even if temporarily.

You shift your jaw, and you lean forward over the edge of the drop as the Lamb begins talking to themselves again.

"And if the flock finds out the bishops are here, the dissention could- HEY-" They scramble to grab at you before you can fall into the water but they're not fast enough.

In an instant you're under the waves, the water warm against your scaled body. Your head breaks the surface as you smile up at your leader, who was about to jump to follow you... You file that away for later. "Why-" They began before you shot a stream of water through your mouth at them.

They splutter and glare down at you, although they don't seem to be all that angry. You duck under the water as the red crown morphs into something- what form it takes you don't know, as everything fades into darkness as you lower yourself into the water.

The hook of the fishing rod breaks the surface above you.

You stare at it, before a grin breaks across your face. You hook a finger around it and give it a tug. Lambert tugs back, not enough to tear you out of the water or bring you closer to the shore- but enough to raise you closer to the water's surface. You swim upwards, clinging onto the line.

"Oh dear it appears I've been caught!" You cry out into the air as you let the line pull you.

"Yup," The Lamb pulls you even closer, face still dripping with water. "I've never caught a talking fish before... real big one too, maybe we can use this one for a feast!"

You tug away from the line, grin evident on your face as you watch your leader grip the rod tighter in their hands. "No! I wouldn't taste good-" You give another tug.

"Or maybe we could indulge and eat this one live and strung up-" They grin back at you.

You give another tug, this one a little too rough- you snap around and splash water everywhere just in time to see Lambert falling forward into the water.

"Shit- shitshitshit-" You hiss as you dive forward, stopping only when Lambert emerges from the waves.

"My lead-" You begin before they splash salty water in your face. Your face scrunches as you begin to splutter out of instinct. "That's for getting my face wet."

You gag, but the salt water wasn't anything new to you. "So mean, I was just trying to help you cool off is all-" You spit into the ocean and sink chin deep into the water, leaving only your face visible.

You open an eye and look at the lamb, who was wading through the water. It wasn't deep here, only high enough to come up to their chest. You rise to your feet in the water, no longer needing to swim now that you were in the shallower parts of the water.

"Lambert?"

"There aren't really any fish here today, maybe I should have done a ritual for some luck..."

You frown, they'd already returned to prioritizing the flock. You drag your feet through the water. "We've still got plenty of other meats, and as I said earlier you can always just buy some fish."

They frown, before clapping their palms together and taking a deep breath. "That's fine, I can just run through Anchordeep and get some, I need to go there anyways to get Kallamar,"

"Lambert," You said their name firmer this time. Finally, they looked at you. Their bell jingled softly as they raised an ear. "Hm?" is all they give you.

"You can go to Anchordeep later, there isn't really a rush is there? You just got done with Anura-" You walk with them to the dock, and help them up onto the wood. "The bishops can wait for you, I'm sure a few days is a blink for them."

Lambert lowered their hands to pull you up from the water. You take them, and they pull you up next to them. You both sit on the dock, their hands still wrapped around yours.

Their fingers squeeze you, before relaxing. Their face is screwed in thought, eyes fixated somewhere on your face. For a moment, they almost seem sad. For what, you can't say.

"Time is different for Gods, but that doesn't mean I don't have a job to finish,"

They pause as they watch your eyes burn into theirs.

"But," They cling tighter onto your hands once more. "I suppose, the flock can manage themselves for a little while longer."

They turn your hand over and trace their thumb along your palm. Then, their fingers interlock with yours.

You smile just slightly as you look out to the sea. The sun had begun to lower and cast it's light across the water, staining it orange.

"We can try to fish again tomorrow, I can help you," You offered. "So you don't come back to the flock empty handed,"

"I'd like that very much."

"How does four days sound?" You ask, "Then we can return, that should be enough time to catch plenty."

They turn over your words in their head.

"Three days, I do not want to leave Julty with all the work,"

"There's other disciples... but.." You trail off and swing your feet over the edge of the dock. The Lamb grips you, preventing any chance of diving back into the water. Not that the thought crossed your mind. "Three days can work,"

They nod, and rise to their feet. "Where are you going?" You ask.

"Checking to see if the Lighthouse Keeper has a spare place to rest for the time being,"

You watch them walk to the edge of the dock, before turning to their left to the lighthouse.

The waves shift under you, hitting the dock's support. Still, the Lamb was putting the needs of their flock before themselves. Lambert did not need to sleep.

You pull your knees up to your chest and watch the light glint through the sea. Beautiful shades of orange and yellow and blue shimmer for you. By the time Lambert returns, the sun had long set.

[johnslittlespoon]

https://www.tumblr.com/johnslittlespoon/746623622743048192/yes-ur-so-right-curt-is-definitely-less-mouthy

in my mind when curt’s being punished buck and bucky are much sweeter with him then buck would be with john like yes he’s being punished but it’s still sweet. very much like a “we love u but u need to learn” type of thing

linked post | these are SO old like months old i'm so sorry omg, not even gonna bother scrolling all the way back for all the stuff we yapped about that week LOL so apologies if i repeat myself <3 (also cannot believe i used to write like a thousand words of brainrot in response to asks without adding a read more bar omg. when i'm trying to find old posts on my acc it makes it hellish to scroll thru lmaoo my bad)

but firstly, yeah i think the same! i think it's due to a combo of john usually being more purposeful with his attempts to egg on a punishment, and just in general being able to handle something more mean/enjoying it more. whereas curt needing to be put in his place is a much more rare occasion, and it takes a lot less to get him there. like you said, something along the lines of tough love, but also knowing just how to get him out of his head without going too far.

john probably (lightheartedly) complains about it sometimes, like whining afterwards that "you wouldn't have gone that easy on me, buck," or mouthing off during one of his own punishments, like "if this was curt, you'd be nicer," and just lands himself in deeper water lol.

and as for the second one, ooo yes! i can see them trying something like that in more of a playful way when curt's been a bit of a brat, yk having him sit at the end of the bed or even tying him there while john and gale ignore him (or try to, because they can hear his little whines and sense him squirming as they make out).

and at first it's hot for all three of them– curt enjoying watching his men get worked up over each other, and john and gale feeling curt's desperate eyes on them, hearing the little breathed out pleas. but maybe a few minutes in, john and gale realize curt's gone quiet, no more whines or tugging at his tied wrists, and when they pull away to look over he's all teary and flushed with embarrassment for being upset by it.

and curt sniffles out an apology before they even crawl across the bed to him, disappointed in himself for not being able to be 'good' the way they want, but they reassure him immediately, get him untied and pull him between their laps and tell him he did so good anyway, that it was a lot to handle, they should've known it would be too much, etc. kissing him sweet and soft and running their hands all over him until the tears turn to needy ones and gale and john both make mental notes that isolation–type things are a nope for curt.

(possibly something to explore there too, if buckbucky were already established and then curt was invited in, because maybe subconsciously curt gets a bit insecure sometimes about fitting in/being on equal ground when john and gale have so much history from meeting back in flight school. not sure that fits his personality with how easygoing he seems to be and how he takes things in stride, but ykw, it's our brainrot, we make the rules lol)

[thinkatoryprocess]

I love YKW and your fics. Is there any new Roman/Mencken fics set in season 4?

First of all, thank you <3 <3 I appreciate it!

Second of all, uh. So I had mostly been sitting on my hands re: anything set in season 4 because I wanted to see what Roman/Mencken interactions we would actually get. Unfortunately, Jeryd Mencken Day was a bust this time, so unless I wait until episode fucking nine I have to speculate.

Here are the few thoughts, just emotional beats, that leap to mind:

Roman hits a tailspin after 4x06 and before the election, and runs across Mencken while extremely emotionally compromised. They're both very stressed, but mostly Mencken's been obsessing about Roman for months, and things explode.

The night before the election, Mencken invites Roman to his home for the most sexually charged and intimate dinner of his life. It comes down to this: if Mencken loses, he's asking Roman out. If he wins, it is what it is. This is a lot to hear from a future President of the United States.

A variation upon a tailspin where Roman installs a hookup app onto his phone in a fit of bad decisionmaking and when he goes to meet the person it turns out to be Jeryd Fucking Mencken.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

Your new song/header text thing (idk what that area is called lowk) was fr actually just me this past week or two

Pause this is not in our convo but EXCUSE ME KARASU SERIES??? I SEE THAT HEADER GAME TOO HELLO WHAF IS THAT I need to hear the inspiration behind that idea….

Omfg it’s not even near Halloween anymore ok but puss in boots Karasu would be so hot….losing my mind reading this is making me realize how long it’s been wtf glad you didn’t get piled with work on halloweekend though!! I guess on the flip side this means 2-3 weeks away from winter hibernation era LOL

Been so long I barely remember what happened in the episode but now that I think yes I do mad we didn’t get a full day before the match interaction compilation BUT ANALYST KARASU LOOKED SOOOOO GOOD barousagi rivalry on top though they’re dynamic is so much more uhh what’s the word enriching…? That’s not the one I was looking for but growth promoting I can’t find the synonym I need right now wait speaking of the itoshi brother beef being one sided is actually insane I’m ngl it makes rin seem so pathetic LMFAOOOO

LMAAOA it feels like it’s been a millennia since I’ve seen the acronym oaeu forced tumblr cleanse was not on my bucket list but omg that’s right can’t wait to see wingman chigiri too!!

LMAOA our chemical reaction actually cannot be topped Isagi get out of the way we’re the new egoists here (this lowk sounds kinda cringe but whatever)

OK BUT AT LEAST YOU FINISHED PI!! Like you let the quality work marinate and stew and then you cooked by finishing it ofc no hate to writers who cliffhanger stories because I’m sure they don’t mean to and things happen but you came back stronger than ever fr

But FRRRR the tags are always filled with those short blurb mass character things that we talked about ykw is actually hilarious though I was about to be like wait there’s some for nagi and peregrine came to mind and I was like lmao wait you wrote that nvm Kaiser and sae dominating the tags actually my villain origin story I still can’t believe people like sae that much considering we also don’t really see him THAT much like

The name inheritance has such aura omg wait the nature vs nurture idea for the fic is so cool though like having that as an underlying theme goes hard…also if Tullia got with Karasu id end up swerving still lowk but anyways current pursuit with Nagi >>>>>

FRRRR ITS ABOUT TO BE SIX KINDA SOON TOO?? Actually insane can’t imagine the past several months without our convos!!! LMAO THE VELOCITY EDIT COMPARISON so true though id rather have less things but with more substance

Ok merging into a mega post because I don’t want to scroll all the way again oops

Spontaneous late night hangouts are the best that’s where all the good convos happen LMAOO

Sadly have yet to locate the ds I definitely did not throw it but lowk might be buried within storage somewhere from my last big cleanup session so maybe that’s a winter clean out activity…

LAMAOAO ME the last resort option fr when there was nothing left honestly the concept of the platform was pretty good though it just got ruined by the recent paywalls/premium etc and then well. The people. LMAO

OMG YEAH wait i remember i read part of it but got distracted by pursuit and oaeu and bfb im pretty certain i got to the part where she runs across the ocean?? Definitely got past the point where her whole ct is explained and whatnot though that’s actually such a cool concept though another Mira big brain idea

Your brain is actually too big I fear wait also the whole innuendo of them wanting to fight each other for them being in love is actually genius like I need more words for the word genius I also love the way you did it so like eloquently in a way that it doesn’t feel weird or awkward too??? Like also considering (iirc) neither of us are really into the freaky (imagine this in the really bold real italic goofy ass font) side of things I think this was executed so well honestly maybe a writing side hustle is something you should consider LOL

Oaeu so canon at this point it’s hilarious we need an oaeu moment in additional time fr also YEAH USGHS I CANT believe they skipped over that and so many scenes generally no wonder I was like this third selection arc felt REALLY short yeah now we know why UGHHH CHIPMUNK KARASU YOU WILL MEVER BE FORGOTTEN

Wait speaking of your recent nagi drawing with that meme LMAO SO TRUE he also looks so cute i love his hair in your style but yeahhhh given how dubs also sound really stiff generally i figured the southern accent dubs weren’t much better….lmao……

Shidou Karasu dynamic so true I totally forgot to mention in pwc they have some interactions too and Shidous always like “Karasu chan!!” he really thinks Karasu is his bestie so I guess we know why they teamed up within PxG???

APSHDISS YEAH ok maybe it’s a specific demographic subsection of blue lock fans but yeahhh ok wait also the recent ep also did him even dirtier LMFAOA if ykwim that one panel/scene where his face is kinda fucked up SHSHSHSH

NOOO UGH where are the karasus and yukis of society surely fiction has to be based on some truth…right…..

I literally pull out that argument everytime I talk to a Kaiser fan (which granted is very very occasional) but literally like he got psychology books to read to learn to manipulate people wtaf….Kaiser fans have no rights slandering other favs like you like THE opp BFFR

TABIEITA EDIT MY LOVES also omg I remember when this song had a chokehold on everyone it’s giving me flashbacks

Also IVE SEEN THAT ARTIST BEFORE KARASU HAIR DOWN PSLSLSLSLSL SHIDOU COME SAVE US

Ok now more general catch up I guess LOL HOWVE YOU BEEN???? Hope your midterms all went well!!!

- Karasu anon

HELPPP LMAOAOA not me syncing up w you subconsciously…black out days (by phantogram) was fr the soundtrack of my 2021 fall life i listened to it sooo much i heard it the other day and was like forcibly thrown back to that period of my life KSDJHF i felt like it fit with the theme though…because like the background is black…so it’s like black out days…haha…also it’s just like an aesthetic title (?? i think that’s the official name for that particular bit of text ?? no idea though) and i didn’t feel like digging for another song so this is what it is for this theme HAHA

ISN’T THE HEADER FIREEEEE UGHHHHHH sighing dreamily i think that’s one of the prettiest headers i’ve made like ever…so visually pleasing…so thematically appropriate (not that crows really have anything to do with the story but yk. karasu) KSJHFS okay so ngl it’s the header for my vague thoughts about repurposing my megumi royal au (which i already took down jic) where he’s the royal guard but for karasu LMAOO i know we discussed yukimiya for it hence my post about karasu or yukimiya but a) i will always pick karasu and b) look at these lines from the very first version of the royal au (technically the version i took down was the second version because i attempted a rewrite but the first version is what people remember most fondly) and tell me megumi doesn’t give HEAVY karasu vibes in them…like he actually feels more like karasu than himself KSJDHFHK (also these are in no particular order in terms of chronology LMAOO i just took random screenshots…there’s way more karasu-esque moments but image limit + trying to give you less to read so i picked a few highlights that show why karasu is actually lowkey the perf option) unfortunately royal aus are hard for me to stay motivated for so i was like “okay i’ll be responsible and not do this to myself” however i AM rewatching reign rn (kind of…one episode a week pace sadly) so that might get me in the headspace to work on it?? idk

PUSS IN BOOTS KARASU SIGHHHH ugh he’s so handsome in literally everything but yeah him with the hat and the sword and everything LKDFJHW omg i need him…YES WE ARE APPROACHING THE END OF THE FALL SLUMP (hopefully) i am literally counting down the days i miss being motivated i literally haven’t posted any writing since the kaiser request i wrote a MONTH ago it’s disgusting

KARASU LOOKED SO GOOD LAST EP they’ve really been putting in the WORK to make him gorgeous they know what we the people want fr and we love them for it!! HELP i know what you mean the barousagi rivalry helps them grow and learn and whatnot ngl i don’t remember what the right word would be there either but it’s fine i got the concept FHKJSDLHK and yeah omg the itoshi bros continue to be unserious like i can definitely see why rin would be hurt in the moment because sae was admittedly very brutal but also like that’s the first time they’ve ever fought?? idk obviously you can’t expect a lot of emotional maturity out of kids but you’d think he’d at least think to himself “wow i wonder why my visibly unhealthy and traumatized looking brother is saying mean things to me after being alone in a foreign country for months” if not at that moment than at least later on since he’s constantly reflecting on that moment??? like again i acknowledge that sae was saying some CRAZY stuff and jokes aside i wouldn’t be THAT mean to my younger brother but at the same time rin had like 0 empathy for sae when he got back and my interpretation of sae in that moment is that rin basically kept poking at an obviously sore spot until sae snapped if that makes sense 🧐 but also blue lock insults are generally insane so idek if what sae was saying was actually that insane but anyways rin hanging onto it for years upon years and deciding he needs to crush and destroy sae is like next level hilarious to me BROOO it was not that deep ok but ngl this might be smth like how i don’t gaf abt the whole nagireo break up thing like i’ve said before the angst in bllk is just nonexistent to me except very select cases (cough snuffy cough) so i’m just like ok whatever about all of it

OAEUUU HELP I HAVEN’T THOUGHT ABT IT IN SO LONG i miss them…seeing aiku and niko on screen but never togehter is making my oaeu stan heart hurt #aikuniko(platonic)forever no because i always liked niko but oaeu has made me love him sm which is great because he’s really getting some moments in s2 and now i can rlly appreciate them

omg let’s replace all of the core four OPPS while we’re at it…no more itoshi bros + isagi + kaiser the only chemical reaction egoists we need are us two!!

LMAOAOA I DID FINISH!! i think part of it too was just me realizing i needed to give up on gege and accept that i had to come up with my own ending because honestly i finished around when shinjuku started becoming that weird repetitive cycle of fights and that gave me the courage to stop waiting for him to give me a satisfying ending and just become canon divergent…i can’t write a story if i don’t know the end beforehand which is why part 1 of pi was super quick for me — the “end” was planned in terms of the end of vol0 and her bringing yuta back to life!! but then i didn’t know where part 2 and everything with tullia that i set up was going to go until i had the vision of her dying to kill sukuna (also fun fact the way the title connects at the end with the blood like pomegranates was not in fact foreshadowed it just came to me as i was writing the epilogue…i don’t even remember where i got the idea for the title for atp but it was well before i even had the idea for the blood pact and all of that LMAOAO pi was one of those stories that genuinely wrote itself and came together perfectly as i went which made me seem like a foreshadowing genius but in fact it was just happy coincidence)

PLS omg i forget i wrote peregrine too sometimes so dw…i saw a screenshot on my camera roll of my peregrine era and i felt so nostalgic omg things were simpler back then i had like 300 followers or smth when i started it 😭 but yeah nagi really doesn’t have as much as you’d expect tbh!! and since this is such a long ask that likely no one will read i’ll admit that i think most people write him super ooc 😓 i can only stand MY version of nagi no one else has gotten that right balance of nagi vibes that make me like him in the first place so i end up lowkey annoyed because either he’s acting like an infant, a jackass, or a player and he really just is neither of those things…my complex is that i’m convinced no one understands my favs like i do but ESPECIALLY nagi like i think karasu is pretty well characterized for the most part?? people will make him more outgoing and flirty than i’d like but there’s some canon basis for it so i won’t complain but NAGIIII UGH nobody knows or loves him the way i know and love him #real #canon

INHERITANCE KINDA EATS RIGHT?? it gives a bit more horror movie vibes though (i think there’s actually a horror movie called inheritance maybe that’s why) but yeah tullia with karasu would’ve made me emo like wdym she gets my perfect handsome amazing man as a bf and i get shrek ninja 😭💔 okay wait speaking of tullia i was on tik tok earlier and i saw an edit of some anime idek the name but it’s like something something yamada level 9999 idfk (edit: my love story with yamada-lun at lv999…okay i was lowkey close) anyways i was like RIN AND TULLIA??????? it kinda opened my third eye because wait…not in pursuit but in another story why could i lowkey see it…

I MISS EDITS BEING MAJESTIC luckily i think people are starting to really put their souls into editing again which is really exciting OMG YES IT ALMOST IS SIX MONTHS THAT’S CRAZY we have had our ups and downs (aka grass touching and chronically online moments) in turn but truly there is no one i would yap more with and i do always miss you when one of us must vanish from the tumblr-verse briefly HAHA

SDKLJFHSD I’M SORRY THIS IS A VERY LONG RESPONSE TO YOUR ASK YOU WILL BE SCROLLING AND READING FOR SO LONG consider it like all of my thoughts for the past while that you were gone or smth idk I’M SORRY IN ADVANCE LMAOAO I’LL TRY NOT TO RAMBLE AS MUCH (we all know that’s like never happening though i am nothing if not a rambler)

i think my ds is in my armoire somewhere i’d have to look too HKSJFH but yes late night hangouts >>>

yeahhh ads and paywalls and monetization and whatnot really were the death of wattpad as well as the audience it inadvertently attracted 😩 being on wp is def a core memory but i will never go back (although i do miss the nice comments i used to get but it’s not worth it tbh)

I LOVE H / H READER’S TECHNIQUE i mean yk how it is in the miraverse with bird symbolism…h / h reader and karasu need to do a bird theme character meetup or smth (wait side note idk if you saw but apparently kaiser’s is supposed to be based on a tropical bird BRO STFU he doesn’t deserve the bird theme designation!!) HAHA but also YESSS THAT’S LIKE MY FAVORITE THING like the words i love you are never said in that story but it’s so so obvious because every single time they’re like “i want to kill you” “i want you to kill me” yeah…they’re obsessed!! and yeah you’re right i don’t really like writing smut or reading it that much nothing against people who do it’s just not my preferred genre!! but i LOVE writing metaphors for sex idk if that makes sense but like in hurricanes / hummingbirds with the whole dreams of fighting = sex dreams thing idk something about it feels so much more intimate than just outright saying she dreamt of getting railed especially given the dynamic between the two characters where it’s meant to be more figurative…like am i implying something more here or is she literally just dreaming of actually fighting him?? HAHAH something about writing romance in a non physical way will always do it for me when i was younger (think early high school) i read this random bit of writing advice that if your characters need to kiss to prove to the audience that they’re in love then you failed at writing two characters that are in love with each other and i INTERNALIZED that SKLFJHS like look at h / h there are 0 kiss scenes but they’re so clearly in love?? or even either version of bfb there’s one kiss in karasu’s version and i’m p sure none in otoya’s…same with the first part of fwtkac…and all of cherry tree/the sequel…as well as the kaiser request i just posted…also probably all of my work i just don’t really like writing love physically imo love in metaphors >>>>

actually fun fact i do want to be an author!! maybe some day LMAOOO rn i’m on my fanfic grind though but if i ever write a book or smth i’ll let you know

okay this is so unrelated but angry chipmunk karasu is just making me think and like…tabieitaken + alvin and the chipmunks trio costume LMAOOOOOO yuki is obviously simon otoya is theodore (because green) and ig karasu is alvin?? actually i think i’ve seen a fan art on here of karasu shidou and tokimitsu as alvin and the chipmunks with shidou as alvin karasu as simon and toki as theodore but i like the tabieitaken version better because idrc abt tokimitsu (although admittedly karasu in glasses is a beautiful sight)

HAHAHA OMG MY SILLY NAGI SKETCH one of my mutuals had posted one of yuta and was like “i encourage everyone to make shitty drawings of their favs” and i was like wait now i have to do one of nagi LMAOAOA also the way you phrased “your style” is cracking me up fsr it sounds like i’m an official fanartist with an actual style and shit…nagi’s hair is kinda annoying to draw ngl but it’s also fun at the same time?? he’s so silly i love him sm (if you couldn’t tell by now)

LMAOO I KNEW ITTTT shidou and karasu are real to ME and also IN CANON no because idk if you saw my post about them but i am so convinced that shidou thinks they are THE bestie duo of all time meanwhile karasu is like ugh this freak again but he secretly thinks shidou is kinda funny so he’s just like wtvr and lets the guy hang around with him 😭 rn i’m being overwhelmed by this intense love for nagi and rin as a duo actually like it’s genuinely driving me insane how perfectly they go together and NOBODY recognizes that somehow??? like first of all look at their visuals they’re literally gorgeous in a very opposite way but also let’s talk about how rin is very emotional whereas nagi is very detached. how rin exclusively likes horror and nagi likes lighthearted children’s cartoons and dramas and romcoms. rin who seems like he’ll be mean but is nice in his own rude little way and nagi who looks like a sweetheart but consistently says the most foul things with his expression like 🙂. rin who is SO LOVED by his family (specifically sae because we don’t know much abt his parents) but is furious over his perceived abandonment and nagi who was ACTUALLY abandoned but doesn’t even care and thinks it’s normal and that his parents do treat him well. the dark slimy destroyer aura that rin has and the shimmery mystical light death aura that nagi has. the way rin is called a monster and nagi is called a god. how rin is associated with saliva and blood and nagi is associated with bones and graves. how rin wants to be a genius and is always trying to live up to someone else’s expectations and how nagi never wanted to be a genius and is actively trying to escape everyone’s expectations. LKSDFHSLDKF JBSDLFKHBLDKJF LIKE SHUT UPPPPP WHY WOULD I CARE ABOUT NAGIREO AND RINSAGI WHEN THE MOST INSANE PARALLELS ARE STARING ME IN THE FACE???? not that i ship them or anything yk i don’t ship but I NEED a nagi + rin duo or something in the future or else i’m going to have to start another nagi series and make tullia end up with rin just so i can use it as an excuse to write about this further because i could literally go on about it for many more paragraphs and i see NO posts about it?? anyways this is like my fifth rant in this response omg this is going to take you so long to read i’m sorry 😩

bro idk what the animation team is cooking with aiku but honestly idrc about him so i’m happy LMAOOO like they’re doing karasu JUSTICE yukimiya JUSTICE barou JUSTICE nagi KIND OF JUSTICE (he looks better in the manga at this point but he’s also not had his best moments yet so i think we’ll be good also they’re making him rlly cute in the additional times so i can forgive the occasionally weird proportions)

WE WILL FIND THE IRL KARASUS AND YUKIS SOON #TRUST they definitely exist but (at least in my case) they’re not exactly the type of people you meet while wandering the streets at 2am on halloween ykwim 😭

okay but honestly i wouldn’t even mind them liking kaiser because okay go off problematic fav it’s whatever i liked mahito at one point so i get it but they are ALWAYS the ones with the weirdest most ridiculous morality police-type takes it’s CRAZY like bro your own favorite character would probably hate you!! also he is literally the epitome of everything you claim to hate in a character who doesn’t even have those characteristics?? like i can only speak to the nagi hate i see because i don’t really see karasu or barou hate (everyone loves them because they’re perfect) and idrc if people slander characters who aren’t my favs (otoya does get slander but it’s lowkey deserved and yuki gets slander from dude bros but they’re kinda right sometimes so i can’t be too mad like yeah yuki DID kinda fall off in the nel 😭) but it’s ALWAYS the kaiser fans having the most insane out of pocket literally incorrect takes and being proud of them and then being like “yeah kaiser is my fav” MICHAEL KAISER???? YOU HATE NAGI FOR BEING “MANIPULATIVE” AND SAE FOR BEING “UNEMOTIONAL” AND YOUR BLOG THEME IS MICHAEL KAISER??? actually idc abt sae slander that’s #funny but it’s the principle yk…enemy of my enemy is friend and whatnot…anyways it’s rough being a nagi stan nowadays sometimes it feels like i’m the only one 😩 i predict he’ll have a brief resurgence in fans depending on how well his goal is animated but it’ll be forgotten within like a week or two because then rin will score and THEN shidou will come on field and everyone will be talking about sae and shidou leaving nagi to only be relevant in my heart 💔

I WILL KEEP THIS SHORT GIVEN HOW MUCH I’VE BEEN CHATTING buttttt i’ve been pretty good!! just relaxing mostly HAHA my midterms went well thankfully!! i was sick when i took them and hardly studied but still slayed #nagicore now i have like a week and a half until thanksgiving break and then another week or two before my long ass winter break so i will be even more chronically online than i already am after the first week or two of december is over!! that’s about when i locked in with pi last year so maybe something will have a comeback or i’ll start something new or something who knows…hmm i feel like that’s about everything i’ve been up to OH actually i did drive to meet with one of my tumblr mutuals irl because they only live like an hour away from me?? that was fun we hung out for a bit and went out for food together it was kinda funny to meet them irl…we had been insta mutuals for a while as well so it wasn’t like we didn’t know each other whatsoever like they knew my govt name and what i looked like and vice versa before i pulled up so it wasn’t like a jump scare or anything but it was still like omg…you’re a real person…LMAOOOO but yeah other than that i’ve been spending my free time sleeping, occasionally watching tv or reading a book, and trying to write but failing miserably 😓 what about you??? besides the obvious tumblr struggles 😭

[365-betterdays]

august 6, 2024 | 8:53PM

hi, tumblr. it's currently august 6, 2024 - 8:53pm. it;s been long in to the future since the first time i've shared my thoughts on this app.

here we are today.

i'm moving soon and i've been stupid lately. these days, i've been finding it harder and harder to articulate my thoughts. i can't exactly pin down and cross the many messages i've been... i don't even fucking know.

so with my wild attempt to organize, here is a list of the things i've had going on:

partied way too much last july. might lay low a bit this august, i don't really mind. i found love in music, which i hope i could find some time in the future to explore. good vibes.

got too drunk - kissed a girl at a bar. got to know a few people, around 20-ish.

met malik's cousin, migs. did some embarrassing shit together. he offered to get a tattoo after the first time i've met him, so i'm assuming i left a good impression. i got his and malik's initials. was it stupid? yes. did i enjoy? .... honestly, as dumb as it fucking sounds, i did. i think it represents the whole spontaneity persona i have. fun, stupid, random, rebellious, free - those are definitely words i'm comfortable describing myself as.

i connected with malik on a deeper level the past month.

i went to la union ! whoo ! fun times. got plenty drunk, enjoyed views and shit. it was nice.

i've been experimenting more clothing. i have new jewelry (bracelets, necklaces, earrings, or just garments in general) and they've been serving me well.... kinda. i still have to figure out how to mix and match them.

college soon, big whoo. i have mixed emotions about it but you know what, regardless, i don't think i wanna hear all the sweet talk either. let's skip that part. it's definitely going to be fucking hard. i'm gonna miss my family and i'm extra worried for my relationship and how things are going to work - i'm worried if i'd ever find a new life i'd be comfortable living in csb. i'm only hoping i'd find my family there. fingers are extra fucking crossed. it's a big school - so MAYBEEE. just maybe. and ykw, if i don't fuck it. i'll gather enough bullshit energy if i have to, and start looking for my people in taft in general.

oh yeah, i'm not sure if i already mentioned but i got a new snake tattoo last june. yay.

seeing thalia this friday. excited? YEP YEP YEPPPP

money situation during college - still blank but i feel like i could survive. i need to get used to not eating often. if i get hungry loads, i just know i won't be able to survive. i'll get used to it or atleast, try to.

i'm planning to try more new things during my time in taft. the idea of living alone is terrifying holy fucking shit but ykw, i'll get through it like a big girl. maybe try going to the gym for once, alone.... staying at different condos with friends, meeting up with people more often, buying clothes for myself, walking.. all alone? yeah. but.. eh, we'll see.

i've been thinking of getting a new piercing :3

i love my sister.

oh... my dad's permanently staying in america soon. i feel scared.

anyways, this long fuck ass list aside, i am definitely in for a big change this month. am i scared? yes. am i following through anyway? yep. am i prepared? no. i think nothing can really REALLY prepare me yk. i just have to thug it out. i honestly wish i was more excited but i'm.. not. i'm just one sloppy sausage of fear.

[demiboy-dean-winchester]

ykw. im gonna answer this question. but fair warning, this is gonna be a Long Rant, so im gonna hide it under a read more. continue if you dare /lh

a few months ago, my beloved mutual @louthingg randomly recommended star trek tos to me one day. and i was like, "huh. ive never watched any star trek, but i cant think of a good reason why not besides 'my dad was a doctor who guy not a star trek guy', maybe i should give it a go"

so i did. and within the space of like. the first 3 episodes. i was hooked. a category 7 autism event started and i got Obsessed. and ofc a large contributing factor to this obsession was the chemistry between the main characters. hell yeah i shipped spirk. hard. i dont think a ship has ever been Easier for me to ship. these motherfuckers are gay and no one will ever change my mind on that.

with every episode i fell further and further down the rabbithole. every touch, every moment of lingering eyecontact, every line that makes you go 'WHO APPROVED THIS????'. i have never really been a big fanfic reader, especially not ship focused fanfics, but i started devouring spirk fics like my life depended on it.

and then. the fateful day came. i Finished tos. i had told myself that when i finished it i would start tng, since one of my irl friends really wants me to watch it. he says its 'better'. but i found that i just. couldnt.

the thought of leaving behind these characters that i had come to know and love caused me physical pain. it felt like losing a friend. jim and spock, yes, but also bones, and scotty, and all the rest of the tos crew. i couldnt do it. so i did what any rational human being would do.

i started watching the movies. and at the same time, i started watching the series again from the beginning. best decision i could have possibly made because HELLO??? THE MOVIES???? HOW ARE THEY EVEN GAYER

wrath of khan had me honest to god pacing around my kitchen gesticulating wildly as i yelled to my roommates about spirk. i have never felt more like this image in my life

so, has spirk affected my life? absolutely. i have a new special interest, and i have made so many friends from posting about it. i would never have met any of my star trek mutuals if i hadnt watched this show and gone insane about this ship. @spirking-and-smirking, @spirk-trek, @shatnerihardlyknowher, @snek-of-eden, @kaffkanya, just to name a FEW.

this show has changed my life, and i dont think ill ever be the same again. and honestly? i wouldnt change that for the world.

question cause im nosy and i love hearing peoples stories about spirk: when did you get into spirk, and why? also has it impacted your life in any way?

[bedoballoons]

WAAAAA TODAYS RHE LAST EPISODE OF TGCF S2 😭😭😭 I CANNOT WAIT ANOTHER 4 YEARS FOR S3 BEDO IM GKNNA LOSE MY MIND WHY IS IT ONLT 12 EPISODES AAAAAAAAA I NEED TO SEE THE FAVOTUTE SECENES ANIMATED I NEED TK SEE MOEE HUALIAN ANINATED

ykw at least we can get fed with official art of them every onve in a while 😞😞

Youre not into tgcf i dont yhink but im ginna yap here anyway EHEHEHEH

-🧚‍♀️

Please yap all you like!! I have no idea what you're talking about but I feel the pain of having to wait! I watch helluva boss on YouTube and I've been waiting for months to get a new episode!! I think it's gonna be a year! 😭 And things were amping up between characters!!

[mxoleander]

big cw for suicidal talk

I used to have this pact with myself that if my birthday was shitty then I'd kms and a few years ago a lot of rough shit happened and I told myself that ykw, life is shit sometimes, and ended that pact

but ever since then my birthday has been shit and whirls of suicidal thoughts happen bc of it, I think I ended up cursing my own birthday

Like I get part of it is I basically trained my brain to have suicide on the mind this month, but also there's shit that happens outside of myself like my dog dying last year, or this year my mother destroying the day we were supposed to celebrate

It's like the universe held all of those feelings till after I no longer held them as punishment or smthn

[rjalker]

Okay. Before I forget entirely.

My dream was this girl trapped in a time loop in a space station with:

her deadbeat dad

a girl she'd never met before that day named Shelly. Or maybe Shella. It was something with Shell-

her BFF, who used he/him and ne/nim pronouns and was wearing a shirt I absolutely am now required to make....His name might have been Matt? Max? ...I think it was Matt...?

some horseshoe-crab looking dead aliens

It was a weird time loop. Instead of only going for one day, it lasted like, one week to several months depending on what she did.

Over the course of the time loop, among other things:

She and Matt became BFFs with the Shelly

her relationship with her father only continued to get worse because he's a jackass

she learned how to disassemble almost every part of the space station to steal the scifi batteries to power her radio / flashlight / MP3 player,

She learned how to first dissect and then butcher the dead aliens, since parts of them were edible (Yes, she did learn the hard way which parts were not edible. It took a lot of sneaking around / convincing to make sure she was the one who ate the potentially-poisonous parts since no one believed her about the time loop)

Her name was.....kinda hard to remember her first first name. It was either Bethany, or Elizabeth. I think it was Bethany. I think her middle name was Ann. I don't know what her last name was.

A conversation with her father, who has just picked himself up off the floor after getting hit in the eye by part of the dead alien that reacts to pressure while dissecting it, so his left eye is stained red and puffy: "[insert whatever her dead name was here], will you stop goofing off and help us here!?"

(Matt has been standing off to the side for the whole show of her dad getting a black eye from a dead alien, going O: and trying not to laugh)

"My name is Bethany Thomas, dad, how many fucking times do I have to tell you?" She snapped. [this is in fact the first time in this loop she's told him but she forgot that part atm]

She turned to leave with Matt, only for her father to demand, sarcastically, "And which girl's last name have you taken to get rid of mine?"

[This was the part where dream-me, who apparently read the book this movie was based on, burst out laughing.]

She turned around to look at him like he'd sprouted three heads, once again forgetting she hadn't already told him this a million times. "Bethany Thomas is my first name." (Give her a break, she just got back from a five month span of time loop)

She and Matt left while her dad was just sputtering in rage and yelling that he's going to ground her and she better listen to him because he's her father and blah blah blah. Yeah literally no one but him thought that gave him any authority over her at all.

Anyways I mostly forget her explanation for why she chose her name, something about one of her friends calling her McKenzie as a joke, which morphed into "Mac Kelsie" and then she was like YKW, I do want two first names. And chose Bethany Thomas to represent her feminine and masculine sides.

Aslo there was another scene with Shelly trying to introduce herself to this girl she's never met before only for her to go !!!!!! "Hey Shelly! I'm so glad to see you OMG!!!!" and then she realizd "oh wait, this is the start of the time loop she doesn't know me yet" and she just kinda hunched in on herself and was like, "Oh, don't mind me, I died but I'm better now."

Shelly was like....okay....so what are you doing with that scanner? [taking out the battery for her radio/flashlight/mp3 player is the answer]

I don't know where my brain comes up with this stuff.

[evilsnievil]

So after a terrible breakup from a 10 month relationship with my first ever love that occurred 3 months ago which led to my alcoholic era which ended in me almost deleting myself from alcohol poisoning and almost getting sent to the psych ward like month ago i am finally moving on (i am still deeply traumatized from the breakup and almost dying as well) and in a unforeseen turn of events I think my best friend and I are going to fuck sometime in the next few days.

I met this son of a bitch at the beginning of the school year and we have been through the depths of hell together like we’ve become so close emotionally I’ve never been so vulnerable and comfortable with someone irl and he reciprocates like I’ve been there for him through some tough shit and we just get each other we’re like this 🤞

So when this bitch asked me to call him a slut i swear to god almighty it awakened something within me like y’all don’t get it i was just minding my goddamn business and now for the past like 3 days like i don’t even know I am seeing a new side of this dude this boy wrapped himself around my finger talkin about some “I’ll be your slut” and “I’ll do anything for you” ETC. and good god shit is going straight to my head i feel so powerful it’s so fucking hot.

Anyway i was thinking like ykw fuck it what better way to lose my virginity than to this lovely beautiful good boy who knows about my daddy issues and is the closest relationship I’ve ever had in my life like I’m either very wrong or very right and he’s making it very hard to find the downsides yall dont wanna know how horny ive been everyday every hour since thursday.

With that being said tho I’m very anxious rn idk if it’s because I need to go to sleep (it’s probably because I need to go to sleep) but I’m overthinking this sm and I blame my ex for bringing my hopes up that maybe I’m not unlovable and unattractive and then crushing that shred of confidence and self esteem like a bug which was really fucked up so now I’m just like what if this is a joke what if I’m humiliating myself and being laughed at rn like why would anyone love me let alone want to have sex with me and that’s like really weighing on my soul and Im feeling a huge sense of dread rn and I don’t know what to do.

In my brain I think I’m like subconsciously putting a disconnect between my best friend and the person who wants to have sex with me so like I think the right thing to do is have like one of those semi serious conversations with him and just be open about how fucking insecure I am and I know his angelic self is gonna give me that reassurance that I very badly need to hear and yeah imma probably do that before we maybe have sex and there’s nothing to be scared of I know my best friend is a good and understanding person I just need to hear it from him that things are chill or smth idk

[courantdair]

ykw not to quantify """trauma""" but (doing exactly that) i actually have decided that nine months of almost dying multiple times comma attempting suicide getting albeit temporarily kicked out developing substance use problems sleeping outdoors honestly anything about being transgender in an ER is actually probably worse than "being very stressed about my life due to yr proximity to my situation." which isn't to dismiss the very real, inexcusable, irreversible, & tangible harm that the latter entailed but just to say that "you commenting on how proud you are for surviving this year despite, & i quote, 'That Shit,' is admirable but also - in my uncharitabel & petty moments - feels kind of ludicrous considering the fact that 'That Shit' had My Pulmonary Embolysms involved." like again i'm not discrediting or minimizing the very very real + painful experience it must have been to be near all of this stuff & my reactions to this stuff but also like wow you had to spend a week sleeping on your friend's couch before moving into your new apartment? that's so sad. (not totally sarcastic, it is sad/hard/difficult). i'm actually still sleeping on my friend's floor and might not graduate depending on how scary my lab results come back tomorrow. but congratulations on submitting your thesis even though you don't feel proud of it since you associate it with 'going through That Shit.' it's very interesting because i actually wasn't able to write a thesis at all due to um, Being Me! 👍🏽

& again, you naming yr experience as 'ongoing trauma' is accurate, & is something that deserves to be healed. but i think part of why i'm mad is that i'm also frustrated that for me i'll have to relive it for maybe even the rest of my life considering that i apparently have progressive disabilities with no cure. & i'm mad partially for more selfish reasons but like i'm kind of done feeling so remorseful bc ofc there are steps i am taking to be more mindful of my reactions but also like okay we're done for real i have the self respect not to keep associating with someone who only sees me as one million problems to be solved. i really do wish them all the best i will always want them to be happy. but continuing to blame myself with no recourse isn't productive/restorative at all, i am a whole human person you spent four years of your life with, not just a self harm project that happened to you