#yknow how if you say the same word over and over it ceases to become a word. yeah.

[raspberryjellybrains]

Okay I'm finally cracking and posting this here: for the past month or so, I've been entertaining a rather disturbing thought experiment regarding whether or not Dream eating dream food constitutes a sort of metaphysical autocannibalism and why on earth THIS is the move. Warning, this contains a ridiculous amount of conjecture.

So, we know he generally eats food from others' dreams, but does occasionally have food prepared by palace staff; this means that either way, the food consists of dream-stuff, which is what constitutes his being. Dream-stuff is what I refer to everything in the Dreaming being made out of since it seems to be a psychic plane rather than a more "physical" or carbon based one. The Dreaming is, in its own way, connected to all of the other Endless' realms as a plane accessible by all, but not necessarily through entirely physical means. This is important because each Endless' realm is tied to the being as a part similar to their bodily manifestations in that they are both a tangible expression of a concept, though the realm is not so neatly tied to a consciousness as any bodily manifestation, but it does contain a separate expression of consciousness.

This aspect of my understanding is a combination of stated fact and intense conjecture; Multiple times, it's stated that their realms are apart of their being in a more abstract sense, but we can understand from Dream's imprisonment that it's tied to the bodily manifestations as two portions of a larger, omnipresent whole. Now, how the numerous bodily manifestations and multiple-species expressions they can take as part and separate from the rest of the whole factors into this... dude, I don't know. That's an entirely different post I am not qualified to write because that shit gets confusing real quick. Despite this, what it tells us is that when a portion of the being is isolated from one, the other decays due to a severance in connection between the greater whole conducted through the manifestations.

WHICH IS ALL TO SAY

that the Dreaming and everything it contains is apart of who we know as Dream, and vice versa. He and the realm are one, which happen to exist separately* in space* meaning that anything done to the realm impacts Dream, and vice versa as well. This explains his weakness when the Dreaming gets taken over and partially destroyed, and the Dreaming being destroyed when he gets imprisoned, and the literal omnipotence he demonstrates within the realm. This means they're made of the same stuff. Can you see where I'm going with this?

If the dream-stuff from which everything in the Dreaming is derived is the fabric of the Dreaming, and the Dreaming is Dream, does that mean anything inanimate (understanding that when sentience is given it ceases to be of the same will, therefore making it separate from the conscious of the Dreaming) still counts as Dream (as a concept they're both apart of)? Or more succinctly, is dream stuff an extension of Dream?

If so, this would mean that eating anything made of dreamstuff is metaphysical cannibalism.

Now, eating from dreamers. That's a different chapter of the same story. We have now moved past mechanics and know that individual dreams aren't made of Dreams (if that makes sense), since they can exist separately, uncultivated by a conscious will to better serve a purpose. However, being dreams, they form the wider Dream as an omnipresent concept from which each manifestation is derived. Without dreams there is no Dream, but without Dream there are still dreams. This means that while the food there is derived from dreams, it's apart of what constitutes Dreams, i.e. what Dream and the Dreaming is made of. It's still all Dream.

This means that no matter what, food eaten in the dreamscape by Dream is food apart of his being, meaning that he is eating himself in a metaphysical sense. It could be argued that just because they're both constituted of the same stuff doesn't mean they're the same thing, like animals eating other animals, which is not cannibalism, just the food chain. Thing is, I don't know which one is which because it's not ever stated how closely tied these two portions of Dream are, and interpretation ranges wildly from reader to reader. This could all be a very carefully made moot point, but it could also not be and I have no clue, and judging by the wiki, no one else does either.

Finally, to entertain this point to its fruition and go back around the beginning, why the fuck is this the conscious choice. He is the only one who does this, which means it's not necessary, but a personal preference. When I presented this to someone, they compared it to the process of your body metabolizing fat, which could be considered autocannibalism but isn't because that's what fat is there for because it's self consumption on a very micro level; they have a point, if looked at on a very, very large scale as if Dream's bodily manifestations are just cells apart of the not quite living, not quite tissue of some massive immaterial being then yes, this is like metabolism. But I categorically don't like thinking about a giant incorporeal space body and everything we know as this character to which we are so attached as nothing but an animate mechanism, so I'm not going to! If you want to, be my guest, but that is not where I'm at right now. One can support or rebuke this point by stating that he gets hungry (but doesn't actually need to eat?), which implies a metabolic process within the "body" since cells get hungry but so do the things they're apart of (oh god what would the giant space body eat? filing that away to never touch again).

Understanding this, it's a personal, conscious choice, which leaves only one last unanswered or raised question: WHY. WHY. WHAT IS THE REASON. WHY IS HE LIKE THIS AND WHY DO I CARE.

okay rant over open and tell me your thoughts about this deeply disturbing thought experiment which won't leave me alone :)

[serahlink]

Knight in Orc Armor // F!Orc x FtM!Reader

Summary : After being harassed by some transphobic goblins, an unexpected hero swoops in to save the day.

Word Count : 2,675

TW : transphobia (including slurs and misgendering)

The weaved basket filled to the brim with fresh fruit and various vegetables weighed down in your arms. The market you were leaving behind was always a lively sight to say the least. Goblins, humans and orcs alike ran about, hashing out meats and services to one another. It was the one thing you liked about being in a close knit village. People were brought together in a way. That same gesture wasn’t given or taken by just everyone though. Being one of the only humans in the village usually warranted you relentless bullying and if that wasn’t enough, the fact that you are a trans man was a thing that some people didn’t take kindly of.

Being trans has always been a journey for you, you’ve seen and faced countless discrimination and rejection. While it never ceased being an unrelenting pain, you’ve learned to let things like that roll off of you. You built yourself out of cold stone and you were proud of that. So when you spotted two mischievous goblins in your periphery, you were ready to ignore them and be on with your day. Then their squeaky voices began to taunt you.

“Why, if it isn’t ol’ (Deadname).” One cackled out on your left, easily keeping up with your patient steps. The question was an innocent one enough if you completely disregarded respect of your gender and how menacing their intent was. “Still an errand girl for your parents, are ya?”

The other one chimed in. “That’s how girls are, y'know? Maidens who don’t stray far from home~.”

Their voices didn’t fail to make you nauseous. Their raspy strained tones felt like daggers on glass and the urge to wring out their scrawny little necks only intensified. As if their transphobic taunts weren’t enough, one suddenly jumped in front of your way. Your once unfazed gaze was now bothered and stared daggers down at the creature, who wore a look you could only describe as sadistic.

“You’re no fun at all.” The goblin opposing your side pouted, yet held the same expression as the other one.

With papery hands folded over each other mischievously, the goblin blocking your path grinned a gross smile, baring his yellowing blocky teeth. His knobby hand outstretched to the food kept relatively safe in the basket and you caught a determined glint in his bulging eye. “Now, why don’t you be a good village girl and hand over a fruit or two.”

“Like hell.” You bit back, hugging the basket protectively close. Your response only brought an inquisitive look back from him.

“Really?” The goblin feigned shock, his curling smirk on his lips. “I wouldn’t take that a hero’s daughter would get that kind of attitude.”

“Son.” You corrected firmly, biting back the harshness in that statement. “Hero’s son.”

Just then, the small creature slowly made his way to you until you nearly fell backwards on yourself. He then swiftly hopped up on the basket and dug his chipped nails under your collar, bringing you in a distance that’s too close for comfort. “You will never be a hero’s son. All you are is a pathetic excuse for a daughter, you hear?” With each venom in his statement, he inched closer to where you could feel the musk of his breath. It was nearly suffocating.

Nothing was more suffocating than the heat from your building anger. You could tolerate most things, but slandering you under your own father’s name is something you would not ignore. With one shakingingly angry hand, you slammed down the goblin to the dusty floor and didn’t hesitate to get in its face.

“Listen here, you ugly fiend. You have some nerve to put anyone’s name in your mouth, let alone bring my fathers profession into this.” You spat. “You will not tell me what I will or won’t amount to because of my father going off and making himself a hero, you got that!”

Surprisingly to you, the goblin actually had a bit of fear in his eyes and you pulled up, a smirk on your face. “I think you need to get out of here.”

The goblin under you scrambled to its feet and ran past you, back into the direction of the village market. You then looked to the goblin, who was looking in a direction that wasn’t you. It’s wide eyes fixed on something tall that towered above you both and it was merely then that you realized a heavy shadow was covering your own. Whatever scared the goblins clearly wasn’t you but something much bigger.

Behind you, a muscled arm that appeared to have the bicep the size of your face reached past to pick up the sneaky small being, who yelped as the towering being picked it up. Immediately, you knew what kind of creature this was. An orc. If it wasn’t by the animal skins and steel armor you picked up on that told you it was an orc, it’s size sure did.

Slowly, you turned around. Your expectations told you that you’d be face to face with a savage beast who would rip out the spine of the goblin right in front of you, as if to send a message. You thought this was where you had to be prepared to fight all the fear pulsing through your veins and slay this monster but all that subsided like a cool storm when you saw her.

Instead of meeting a snarling beast, you found a beauty in its place. The toned body of a female orc was plated by armor and draped with various skins, a bow resting behind her back. The strap of it hugged around her torso.. Angular features were broad and tense under dark hair that shaped her face. Her concentrated features glared down at the stammering goblin she held tensely under her strong grip.

All the goblin could spit out was excuses and frankly, the female orc wasn’t buying it. “Tell it to my bow,” She snarled, “or get out of here.”

She only gave a flick of her wrist at most yet the goblin ate dirt at the velocity he was thrown. Quickly, he was on his feet and sped back into the village without sparing a word.

In the sudden quiet, you could hear the quick beating of your heart rattling in your rib cage. It only occurred to you just then that she saved you. This random orc was literally your hero.

Suddenly, before you could even think, you were enveloped in strong arms and being swaddled by the orc bridal style. Her eyes looked everywhere, examining you as if to check for any marks or bruising. You flinched a little, hands scrambling to cling onto anything as to not fall; that very place being her chest and neck. “-! Uh, excuse me!”

Under you, the woven basket fell to the ground with some spare fruit catching dirt ground. “Dammit.” You cursed under your breath.

She looked down at you curiously, her eyes being all you could see.

“Can you, yknow, put me down?” You cleared your throat, fighting back your raging heart beat and flush in your cheeks.

“Oh. Oh! I’m sorry,” To your surprise, she was sheepishly apologetic. “It’s just, you humans are so fragile so I just wanted to make sure you weren’t hurt.”

Fragile? Since when were humans treated as a baby species?

Essentially, she let you down and joined you as you began to assist you in picking up the fallen goods.

“Thank you.”

The orc peered up when you spoke and you found yourself stammering slightly. “But you really didn’t have to do that.” You sheepishly rubbed the back of your neck, picking up the basket once more.

She grinned. “What for? They were giving you trouble and I couldn’t let them do that. It’s common courtesy. Besides, I don’t really like goblins anyway. Pests are all they are.”

She had a bit of an accent, you noticed, but you couldn’t place what kind. Her own was pretty thick but it was easy to make out what she was saying.

“How long were you standing there?” You asked.

It was her turn to become all sheepish. She shrugged, a soft frown began to befall her face. “Long enough to see most of it.”

You weren’t sure why, but something about that frown sort of made you feel guilty. After all, it was enough to be discriminated against. You didn’t want to be pitied.

Then, you cleared your throat. “Right, well, I guess I’ll be going now.”

She stopped you before you could go, practically snabbed the basket out of your reach by its handle. Just as you went to curse her, her cheeky smile stopped you. “Let me carry this for you. You’ve gone through enough trouble today, besides, I’m heading this way anyhow.”

In a way you did curse her. In your head, your voice mumbled curse after curse of her smile and how persuasive it was. Even worse, she acted all innocent, as if she had no clue that a dumb grin like that could make you fall to your knees. Either way, you couldn’t refuse her and against all odds you were walking home with an orc by your side.

“So, tell me about yourself.” The orc suddenly said and she was smiling when you looked up at her.

“Why don’t you tell me about you instead?” You offered. “I mean, you’re the one who swooped in and all. I don’t even know your name.”

“Oh, that’s right. I never introduced myself, did I?” She laughed. “I’m Snatha.”

When she looked at you expectantly, you reluctantly introduced yourself. Snatha looked surprised, yet immensely intrigued. “That’s a nice name.” Her eyes lingered you for a minute longer. “You look a lot like him, your father, I mean.”

Her compliment nearly caused you to stop in your tracks to take it in. You’ve never heard something so heartfelt directed to you before. All your life you shaped yourself to be just like your father and it all usually fell on the hushed ears of people who ridiculed you constantly. Yet this one orc who barely knew you spoke of you as if she believed in you. It meant more to you than any transphobic comments ever did.

By the time you two made it back to your quaint village home, it was getting to be the peak of the afternoon and before you knew it, it was time to part with Snatha. You peered over at the orc herself who gently brought the basket from her shoulder to the ground. “Your house looks empty.” She commented.

“Yeah,” You mumbled. “It’s been just me for a while.”

The orc gave a sympathetic frown, realizing what your silence meant. Before she could give a word of comfort, you walked over and gestured to her to come near, close to your height. She obliged and when she was close enough, you granted her a soft kiss on the cheek. You pulled back and she looked back at you, face flushed and eyes wide; baffled.

“Thank you, for everything.” You smile. You would’ve gone and left straight for your house but instead, you took Snatha by the hand gently. “Actually..would you want to join me for dinner? It’d be nice to have someone to share a meal with.”

Her eyes drifted to your hand that softly squeezed hers and back to your hopeful face, a face she couldn’t have resisted even if she really wanted to. Snatha chuckled, “Of course.”

Instead of bringing the tall orc inside like you would’ve done any other sudden visitor, the two of you took to the back of your village hut where steamed meat was the main course tonight. The fire was blazing, crackling with each lick of flame. It was beautiful, you noticed, the way the light of the fire incandescently lit her features. Even if she was practically shoveling the food down her throat, you found it very endearing.

She only left a cleanly picked bone on her plate, leaning back with a hand over her stomach which was without a doubt full. “I haven’t had a meal like that in ages.” Snatha let out a full groan, smiling contently.

Just as you suspected, she must’ve been off either adventuring or maybe in the war before hand, perhaps both but you didn’t think to ask. Instead, you chuckled. “Really? Well, if you’d like, you can always come by here and get one. I’ll just have to remember to get more meat this time around.”

Snatha looked like she really liked the sound of that. Red glowed under her cheeks and while you told yourself it was because of the fire, some part of you suspected that it was more than that. “I’ll just have to take you up on your offer then, but don’t complain once I get stuck to you.” She teased.

You quirked a grin, then chuckled. “What makes you think I will?”

You could only smirk more and laugh as that red color you saw grew brighter and brighter and all she could do is sputter, struggling with what to say to you unexpectedly teasing her back.

After that, the conversation headed in the next direction. Next thing you knew, you were hearing Snatha’s war stories, stories she claimed to be from her own father which you learned died in a war years ago when she was merely a child. Across from you, she was animated on that log of hers as she practically reenacted the stories like it were theater. She was basking in the bravery and bravado of her warrior father, and it only immersed you in. It was easy to imagine the tall brooding orc dawned in warrior clothing atop a stone ledge, blood hungry eyes narrowed before leaping into battle, throwing no caution into the wind.

It was just like how you saw your father.

Slowly the warm hues of the afternoon were replaced by the cool blues and purples of sunset. It surprised you to realize you’ve spent the whole day with this orc and that’s when it disappointed you to realize it was now ending so soon. The two of you stood at the end of the trail where Snatha would depart from you. Before she did, she paused to say something.

Her eyes averted your gaze and she smiled, arm sheepishly rubbing her neck. “Before we say our farewells, I wanted to thank you for a great dinner. It’s one of the best ones I’ve had.”

“Same here.” You agree, also smiling.

Before she could turn to fully walk away, she paused and turned back to you. She looked a little reluctant and sounded a bit nervous. “By the way..I was wondering that, if you aren’t busy, if we could..I don’t know, go out somewhere sometime?” Although nervous, she indeed looked hopeful.

Her proposal surprised you a little. You knew the two of you took to each other well but to have her also feel the same way was surprising but also, you were relieved. Of course you’d love to spend more time with her. With a soft smile, you nodded. “Of course.”

Snatha lit up from her nervous demeanor, also relieved. “Oh! Oh– that, that’s great!” Her tone told you that she was surprised you’d even take up that offer even when you thought you made it clear you liked her. After a silent shared moment, she cleared her throat. “I suppose I will see you in the ‘morrow then, Sir (L/N).” Snatha forced a formal warrior voice that made you laugh.

“See you too, Warrior Snatha.” You gave your best impression of her back, failing at the orc accent you tried to maintain. Afterwards, you again took her by the hand and stood on your tippy toes to jump up and kiss her cheek.

“Safe travels.” You said, leaving Snatha to place a hand to the kissed spot on her cheek and smile.

“You too.”

[vincent-frankenstein]

32: “I think I’m in love with you and I’m terrified.” With Logicality?

Ooh? I haven’t written Logicality in months! This’ll be fun :)

Summary: Logan comes to a startling conclusion, late one night.

Warnings: Uh insomnia, panic, it’s Very Soft but also the ending is ambiguous and not very happy, lemme know if there’s anything else!

Logan was hardly one for sentimentality.

This came as a surprise to absolutely no one. He understood the concept of nostalgia, knew that some people could benefit from the occasional bout of reminiscence — but he also knew that Thomas was not one of those people. Nostalgia only served to hinder them, in small doses, and incapacitate them in big ones.

Furthermore, nostalgia had nothing to do with his core duties. Sure, a side could stray from their core duties and enjoy other pastimes, if they were so inclined, but Logan was not so inclined. Each of his hobbies looped back to his own core; he even carefully structured his relaxation so it would contribute to his duties. Everything he did, he did for Thomas. Anything that didn't fit his role couldn't be allowed to be a part of his routine.

Nostalgia hardly fit his role.

So why couldn't he stop reminiscing?

It was late, later than he'd usually allow himself to stay up, and he was unfortunately cognizant. He found himself dwelling on a series of memories, each just as strange as the last. They had no connecting qualities, no hint towards why his brain had decided to string them together like an ill-advised PowerPoint presentation.

Well... that wasn't entirely true. Each memory had exactly one thing in common: they all involved Patton.

Odd, was it not? They cycled through his mind in a seemingly endless loop — Patton bringing him tea, Patton listening to him read, Patton wrapped in blankets on the couch, Patton Patton Patton —

He sighed, dragging a hand over his face. It was becoming increasingly evident that he wasn't going to get any sleep that night. A frustrating outcome, but an unavoidable one; the more he stressed himself out trying to force sleep, the harder it would become to actually fall asleep. He needed a distraction.

He stood, pulling his tie into place around the neck of his onesie, and left his room. A book and a cup of tea would do nicely as a distraction, and maybe he'd be able to salvage a few hours of sleep from the relaxation they'd bring. He figured it was possible, so long as he was able to banish the thoughts of Patton from his mind,

He turned the corner into the kitchen and froze.

"Oh!" Patton whirled, slipping into a twirl on his soft socks, a smile lighting up his face. "Hey, Lo! What's got you up so late?"

Logan took a split-second to curse his very existence before he snapped away his onesie, his formal clothes appearing in their place. Patton's face fell ever-so-slightly and Logan pretended his chest didn't jolt at the sight. "Salutations, Patton," he said. "I came down for some tea."

"Couldn't sleep, huh?" Patton said, with a sympathetic grimace. At Logan's nod, he turned back towards the counter, sliding the kettle onto the oven with a little hum. "Me neither, hun. Any particular reason?"

"I don't know," Logan said, his least favorite phrase in the entire English language. He stepped further into the kitchen, leaning up against the counter as Patton poured water into the kettle. "You don't have to do that."

"Nah, it's okay! I was re-heatin' some of the cookies I baked earlier, might as well have 'em with some tea." Patton's hands fluttered down by his sides as the kettle began to steam, and he bounced on the balls of his feet. "You want some cookies, too?"

He shouldn't. The excess sugar would only worsen his insomnia, making sleep all the more difficult to obtain. But... "Of course," he said, stepping around Patton to reach the fridge. He drew from inside the greatest of the indulgences he allowed himself, and Patton grinned.

"I was planning on reading until I feel capable of falling asleep," Logan said, as Patton lifted the kettle and poured steaming water into their two mugs — Logan's a deep blue, freckled with stars, and Patton's patterned with puppies. "Would you care to join me?"

"Only if you read to me," Patton said, with a soft smile that sent Logan's heart into an illogical bout of arrhythmia. He hadn't read aloud to Patton in... quite a while. Once, they had all gathered to listen to him read each and every night, but one by one the other sides had left him behind until only Patton remained. And even then they had grown apart, until Logan stopped reading aloud entirely.

He hadn't noticed how sharp the absence of that one small pastime had felt until Patton mentioned it just then, and he paused, eyebrows furrowing ever-so-slightly. Patton lifted a brow, and he cleared his throat. "I don't see any reason not to," he said, with a forced air of nonchalance, and Patton beamed.

Patton — who was the best at summoning, next to Roman — led the way out into the living room, where he snapped his fingers, sending a deluge of blankets and pillows cascading through the room, gathering into a large fort in front of the couch. Logan settled into the center, placing his mug of tea on the table.

"Impressive design, Patton," he said, admiring the fort's spires, the twinkling fairy-lights spilling down inside, casting golden light across the room.

Patton chuckled. "I dunno, teach," he said, and Logan internally braced himself. "Are you sure it's fort-ified enough?"

"And you ruined it," Logan said, with the tone of someone who had to truly force their annoyance.

"Ah, you're right," Patton said, settling down by Logan's side. "This is the best I could get unless I built it by hand! But that would've taken a —"

"Don't you dare —"

"Fort-night," Patton finished, stifling his giggles behind his hand as Logan sighed. "A whole fort-y days and fort-y nights, yknow —"

"Cease immediately or I won't read to you," Logan said, his eyes narrowed. Patton pressed a hand to his mouth to stop his laughter.

When he finally had it under control, he smiled up at Logan. "The floor is yours, teach!"

"Falsehood," Logan said, lifting an eyebrow. "The floor is Thomas's."

"There we go," Patton whispered, pulling the plate of warm cookies closer. Logan shook his head; Patton was an enigma he could never truly hope to solve.

He closed his eyes and scanned along his bookshelf, fingers tapping against his thigh as he searched for an adequate book. He allowed himself the barest hint of a sentimental smile when he found it: a very old, very worn edition of The Secret Garden, bound in velvet. He lifted his hand, and the book appeared.

"Oh!" Patton gasped, eyes widening. "Oh... oh my goodness! Is that the copy that Thomas' teacher gave him in fourth grade?"

"The very same," Logan said. "Or, well. A metaphysical approximation of it. Does this suffice?"

Patton only cooed in response, his hands pressed up against his cheeks, his eyes closed as a happy smile spread across his face. "So many memories," he whispered, and Logan nudged against him to rouse him from his reminiscence. He opened the book and Patton leaned against him, his head dropping to rest on his shoulder.

"Chapter one," he read, his voice soft. "There's no one left."

Young Mistress Mary had only just reached her uncle's mysterious manor when Patton fell asleep, head drooping down towards his chest. Logan shifted, settling the book in his lap as he guided Patton into a more comfortable position.

Patton sighed gently in his sleep. He looked so... serene. It was a stark contrast from his usual demeanor; Logan could hardly remember a time when Patton wasn't absolutely full to bursting with energy, bouncing and twirling and jumping. Even in his saddest moments he still moved, shifting from one foot to the other, hands fluttering around. But now he was just... still. Quiet. His glasses askew, his golden hair falling in twirled ringlets across his face, his cheek pressed into Logan's chest, he breathed, peaceful.

And Logan found, somehow, that he was peaceful as well. For the first time that night, the cacophony in his brain had slowed to a quiet buzz in the background, easily ignored. Sleep tugged at the edges of his vision, blurring the world at the corners; he slid his glasses off his face and shifted again, falling into the warmth that Patton exuded.

It was odd. The very thought of Patton had been enough to keep sleep at bay before, but now his presence alone had calmed Logan down enough to sleep. The conclusion to be drawn was that he benefited, somehow, from Patton's company, that the other's existence was of great importance to him, that —

Oh.

Oh, oh, oh. Oh no.

How? Why? He wasn't built for this; he wasn't supposed to feel love! A healthy camaraderie with his fellow sides, perhaps, but not this. Not this.

"How did you do this to me?" he whispered, his thoughts pouring out of him. Sleep fled; he shifted again, twisting his hands in his lap, foot tapping against the ground as he thought. "This makes no sense! I'm not supposed to — that is to say, I shouldn't even be capable, and yet —"

The conclusion was as obvious as the existence of gravity, and came to him as easily as breathing. It weighed him down into the ground, stacks of doubt placed on his shoulders, and yet filled his lungs with air all the same, until his chest felt lighter than it ever had before.

"And yet," he said, whispered, breathed. He looked down at Patton, at the mess of curls pressed up against his chest, breathing ever-so-softly, and his eyebrows furrowed. The next words spilled from his mouth without forethought, with the hazy abandon of late-night honesty. "And yet, I — I think I'm in love with you, and I'm terrified."

He truly was. What did this mean? For him, for Patton, for Thomas? For the mindscape as a whole? If Logic was capable of something so... illogical, what other flaws existed in their system? What other problems would eventually come to light? There was no denying the feeling curling through his gut; it was just as Roman had described it, once. It was fire, but it didn't burn. It was air, but he couldn't breathe. It was love, and he couldn't believe it.

"...Do you mean that?"

He stiffened, a sharp gasp piercing his lungs. Patton pulled away, his eyes wide, a soft pink flush painted across his freckled cheeks, and he searched Logan's eyes. "Are you... are you really...?"

With a strangled noise, Logan shoved himself to his feet, tripping over the blankets piled around them as he forced as much distance between himself and Patton as he could.

"No, please —" Patton scrambled to his feet. "Lo, it's okay —"

Logan shook his head. His chest ached; freezing panic crystallized through his bones, and he took another step back. Patton struggled to reach him over the sea of blankets and Logan forced himself to breathe, forced himself to tear his gaze from Patton's.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, and sank out.

[benhaardy]

fresh || b.h.

REQUEST: an imagine where the reader is friends with ben from her first year of highschool, and they stay friends through till sixth form, before they move to uni they confess their feelings for each other and it’s all fluffy and nice💖💖💖

A/N: helloooo thank you for sending me a request i hope i did this justice!! im super rusty but here goes!!!!!! i feel like a noob cause i dont really know how drama clubs function sorry but this is how the clubs i’ve been in kinda functioned during a free time period yknow? also i hope i got the school stuff right lol im aMeRiCan. yeet i would loveeeee some feedback because this is the first time ive ever written in second person so uhhh hit up my askbox! also i am basic and do not know anything about high school plays so they do romeo and juliet i apologize, yes it is basic and all quotes from it are taken OUT OF CONTEXT so uh just-just disregard romeo and juliet the play and characters and yeah whatever.

i tried my hardest to make this neutral for the reader so hair, eye colour, skin, shouldn’t be a problem though there is some playing with your hair tho lol.

Y/HT means your hometown.

had a blast writing this, thank you for sending in a request <3333. hope you like!

Wordcount: 2.1k

Warnings: fem!reader, one or two bad words?, p fluffy and also l o l rusty writer right here. this wasn’t proofread and was beta’d halfway so apologies for any inaccuracies or typos.

fresh

Isabel led you down the long hallway, fluorescent lights beaming down upon both of you as you walked. She looked behind at you, encouraging and cheerful as always. As you made your way to the drama room, you clenched your fists and breathed deeply. You had joined the drama club at the encouraging of Isabel, wanting to finally make more friends after a few days of being in this new school, this whole new place. Everything was different here, but maybe you could have one constant in this close group of people. You were nervous. It showed. She reassured, “Don’t worry, Y/N. We’re probably, like, the most relaxed people on this campus. You’ve got nothing to worry about, alright?”

You nodded at her, a tight smile on your lips. Hopefully, she was right. Though you’d always known drama kids to be loud and fun, you couldn’t help but shake that self-conscious feeling inside.

She opened the door for you both and let you enter before her into the room. The walls were painted black and had colourful drawings and paintings hung up on them which were student made. In the middle of the room were at least 15 people either sitting in chairs or scattered about on the ground. They were all doing their own thing. Some people were acting out scenes with each other, others were just talking amongst themselves or playing around. Two boys were in the corner kicking a football at each other while reciting A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

“Everyone? Welcome Y/N to the club!” You waved shyly at them and their exclamations at your presence. “Come over here with me,” said Isabel, who showed you over to an open seat in the middle of the room, next to a blonde boy. His face lit up at the sight of you coming to him.

“You must be the great Y/N Izzy’s always talking about!” He patted the seat next to him where you sat down. “I’m Ben.” He grinned at you, pearly whites shining. Ben adjusted his beanie and sat nonchalantly, hands in his hoodie pockets.

“Y/N,” you replied. You were still on edge but Ben seemed nice enough. You two sat for a little in silence, watching the chaos of the club in motion. Isabel had left to kick the football with the boys.

“So Y/N,” he piped up, ”tell me about yourself.” He sat forward, intent on listening to whatever you were gonna say.

“I moved here from Y/HT. I was never really into drama before now, I guess, but I used to act when I was younger. Isabel convinced me to join again ‘cause I’m still trying to find my way around here,” you replied, a small, nervous laugh following your words.

“Well, you’ll always be welcome here! I joined after I got injured and I fell in love with acting. I hope you stay.” Ben grinned at you, a glint in his eye.

--

Three years had passed. Three years of plays and lawless drama kids and Ben. You had grown extremely close with him, hanging out as much as possible, helping each other with your lines, and staying near each other during rehearsals and meetings. Both of you were attached at the hip. You were more at his house then you were at your own.

You had simply just fit. Snug and at home with each other. Snug enough that you had grown to have feelings for him. You prayed that it was just those normal feelings that people have for their best friends, where they were teetering dangerously over the line of romance but stayed safe, still platonic. Your prayers were not answered and you had fallen, hard, for your best friend.

It was hard to hide your feelings, hard to hide when he was so kind. Ben was willing to hold you up when you were low and willing enough to know pretty much everything about you without forgetting what you liked and what irked you. He hosted you at his house with no problem. Though you did the same, it was great knowing someone would give that same love back.

He was so affectionate and always greeted you with a grin and a kiss on the cheek. “Darling,” “love,” and “angel,” were synonymous with your name at this point. Ben invited you out to grab food, or watch a movie, or go shopping, and he always paid without fail. When you left his presence, when you looked down upon yourself, “I love you’s” from him were always, always there. Ben embraced you with open arms, in a figurative way and literally.

He was home. Simple as that.

Your friends summed it up when they said that you and Ben were like,”an old, married couple.” His warmth spread into your heart and now it felt like it was squeezing it. Squeezing it and then dropping it on the floor. Multiple times. Strange enough, you hadn’t changed much on the outside. You were still the same old Y/N around him but the second you got home, everything changed. You sat at your desk, head in hands. You were supposed to be doing homework but that was thrown out the window once you hung out with him that day, your mind taken over.

On those complicated nights, you contemplated telling Ben everything: how you planned out your words so you wouldn’t say anything stupid around him, how you sat alone with your thoughts at night just thinking, thinking about him, how his “I love you” made your heart pang with longing and fondness. You were worried everything would change. Even though you knew if you became a couple, nothing would become any different than before.

You could not take that chance. You couldn’t risk losing Ben.

--

You were laying down on Ben’s chest, him propped up on his backpack against the wall in the drama room. Both of you were reading from the script in your hands. His chin was on your head and you could feel him mouthing the words to his lines. He was playing with your hair mindlessly, this affection, again, extremely apparent. You turned your head to look at him and poked his cheek, to which he responded by puffing out his cheeks. Both of you laughed and resumed your routine, watching your ever chaotic drama mates be loud and rehearse, all in preparation for your last ever play before university: Romeo and Juliet.

Ben was cast as Romeo and you, Juliet. Before, you both had preferred taking side roles. You two were hidden gems, the quiet ones, but Isabel had pushed you to try to take the lead one time. Everyone was working as hard as ever to make the play special; a fourth of the club was off to uni after this year.

He put his arms around your waist, squeezed your body tight, and nuzzled his face into your shoulder as you read out loud, “O gentle Romeo, / If thou dost love, pronounce it faithfully.” He read his part and you both read until Juliet had to leave.

You could feel Ben’s chest go up and down as he breathed steadily. It was as if there was no one else in the room other than you two as you practiced your lines. You recited,

“And yet I wish but for the thing I have:

My bounty is as boundless as the sea,

My love as deep; the more I give to thee,

The more I have, for both are infinite.”

--

Tonight was the last performance of Romeo and Juliet. It was extremely bittersweet. You could see how everyone had improved in their methods over the years and today was the last demonstration of that, the last day everyone would truly be together like this. Everyone was going to different universities, all for different reasons and majors. Romeo and Juliet was your final curtain.

Ben’s family came to you after you dressed out of your costume. They gave you flowers and sung their praises at your performance. They gave you a ride to the diner where you were to meet with the rest of the club to celebrate your successful performances.

Both of you shuffled into a booth in the corner along with the other 4 members who had their last performances sat with you. You and Ben ordered your normal stack of pancakes and fruit. He had his arm around you the entire time, switching from your shoulder to your waist every once in a while as you both conversed with the rest of your uni-bound friends. Your friend who was sitting on yours and Ben’s side left to talk with the lower classmen. Leaning against Ben, you put your feet up on the rest of the booth.

“Hand me my makeup wipes, yeah?” You asked Ben, pointing back to your bag on his side. You heard him rummaging around in your things.

“Here, love.” He gave you the wipes and you wiped off all of the heavy stage makeup, undid your hair, and shook it all out. You sat up again and looked up at him who looked as if he was watching you closely. It was only one second, though. Only one second.

--

Your food had come, the meal had been had, the cheerful crying at your third-to-last goodbyes to your group had ceased and now you and Ben were walking home together through the park close to your own house. The ground was wet with rain, though thankfully, it had subsided and there were no clouds lightening the night sky. The moon was full, the grass was dewy, and there was potential in the air. A spark.

As he walked alongside you, you thought of how his kiss during the play had stuck on your lips and how his hand tightly clasped in yours while you professed your love felt. Though the words of Juliet just flew through you, it all felt real, even with the period costumes and lights and stage. His lines were simply just that. Lines. Words that were written 400 years ago, in language from 400 years ago that he acted out on stage to you and you back to him. But it just felt real, much too real. You were alone with your thoughts once again, the subject of them standing just right beside you in silence himself.

“Y/N?” Ben piped up.

“Yes?” You looked at him looking up at the sky.

“Don’t you think how crazy it is that three years ago we met, we talked about why we joined the club, and you were really only here on a whim? Now tonight, it’s our last performance in this group ever. And you weren’t even sure if you wanted to stay! We’re here now and I was Romeo and you were my Juliet and—I just feel as if everything’s that led up to us being here was so special. Like you were meant by the universe to join the club, sit next to me and talk to me and be my best friend. You were a blessing, Y/N, my blessing, and I just-”

Your smile grew and grew and grew and your pulse quickened and everything felt wild. Absolutely, motherfucking wild. Your limbs were jelly. There were alarms going off in your brain “You just what, Ben?” You said softly, tears at your eyes at his lovely, lovely words. He turned to face you as you both stopped underneath a lamppost, the light and the moonlight softly illuminating features. Your best friend stepped closer to you. “You just what, Ben?” You now whispered, seeing his own gooey smile and his eyes, filled with tears, drop down to your lips and back up again to your eyes.

“I just—I love you, Y/N,” he whispered. “I love you more than anything.”

“I love you too, Ben.” Your grin was wide enough that it squeezed the tears out of your eyes. “I’ve loved you since, like, year 11!” You laughed while wiping away the wetness from your face.

He blushed and took your hand in his. “I got a crush on you two months after we met, dude.”

“No freaking way, Ben!” Your eyes went wide. He liked you for this long? And here you were contemplating everything, overthinking everything!

“Yes, way!” He laughed. “I didn’t want to leave it until we left to uni together because I know I’d be agonizing over it. They say uni’ll be the best years of our lives so… why not start it out with a bang? In more than one way, if you know what I’m saying…” he said playfully, winking. You rolled your eyes and made an attempt at pushing his shoulder, but you both snickered at his joke.

“I love you, Ben. Seriously.”

“And I love you, Y/N. Seriously.”

[napstablooks]

for that ask meme thing,,, do all of them >:Oc

oh god

oh god are you sure

well…

HERE GOES I GUESS,

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen, Fly On The Wall - Joey Pecoraro, Fourth of July - Sufjan Stevens, All the Angels - MCR, For Emma - Bon Iver, and Shelter by Porter Robinson2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

Nick Valentine’s voice actor.3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

”Before I could fasten them, light poured down on me and there he was without a shirt, holding a flashlight.”4: What do you think about most?

My friends.5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

”Ur gay lol”6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

I sleep with them on because I’m a cold bitch7: What’s your strangest talent?

I type on my phone so much I’ve memorized the keyboard. Is that a talent8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

Girls are fucking hot

Boys are soft9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

god one can dream can’t they10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

a few weeks ago i think hah11: Do you have any strange phobias?

honestly none that I can think of right now but I used to be scared of the lamp in my basement as a kid I thought it would eat me12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

many times13: What’s your religion?

I’m agnostic!14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

probably walking! I love taking walks15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

I’m awful at photography so probably in front of it16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

oh god uh. good question. the front bottoms? got me through a lot17: What was the last lie you told?

honest to god it was that i wasn’t depressed when i was18: Do you believe in karma?

yes. not super strongly, but if someone does bad shit and something to happens, ima just watch from a distance.19: What does your URL mean?

it’s from Undertale! my favorite ghost kid!20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

greatest weakness: can’t take criticism because of schizoid.greatest strength: I’m very accepting and I care for everyone.21: Who is your celebrity crush?

MMMMM Krysten Ritter is my MOTHER22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

nah dude I’m underage and lonely23: How do you vent your anger?

by hurting myself. deadass. this isn’t to be dramatic. that or i scream a lot24: Do you have a collection of anything?

JOURNALS! i have over 2025: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

video chatting 26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

in a lot of ways no, but in some ways… yes. yes i am.27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

sound i hate: crunching of anythingsound i love: wood crackling fire!28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

what if nobody really loves me?29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

yes and yes!30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

right arm: my therapy journal hahaleft arm: my teddy bear, Roger!!31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

laundry detergent! i just washed my blanket32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

a hospice in my town33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

West Coast even though I’m living in the hell of the east coast rn34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

god i don’t fuckin know 35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

to make yourself enjoy it as much as possible and help others get there along the way!36: Define Art.

something you create because of a feeling (or no feeling).37: Do you believe in luck?

Yes! kind of like I believe in karma.38: What’s the weather like right now?

it’s 7 am here and its slightly warm, but clear out 39: What time is it?

7:12 am!40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

Nope! don’t have my license yet41: What was the last book you read?

I think it was Sharp Objects42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

sorta - after a while it makes me sick43: Do you have any nicknames?

Bee, Robino, Robee, Rob44: What was the last film you saw?

A Beautiful Mind!45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

idk i think i sprained my ankle a few times but otherwise i don’t do enough to get injured46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

yep!!!!47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

Overwatch! it’s been an obsession since about july of 201648: What’s your sexual orientation?

not sure right now. pan with a preference towards girls maybe?49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

not big ones but yeah50: Do you believe in magic?

yes!!!!!!!!!!51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

yeah i’m a super angry person :/52: What is your astrological sign?

Virgo 53: Do you save money or spend it?

i spend it so bad lmao. i don’t have any rn though cause no income source54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

pizza :D55: Love or lust?

love, always. always always.56: In a relationship?

nope! just got out of one about a week ago.57: How many relationships have you had?

4! only two of them meant anything.58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

no i’m a failure ;A;59: Where were you yesterday?

i was @ my house sleeping60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

yep! a music box from my mom61: Are you wearing socks right now?

no they are evil62: What’s your favourite animal?

SEA OTTER!!!!!!!63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

i make them feel super comfortable around me! i love it when people are themselves around me, it makes me feel trusted. i don’t do it out of malice or anything ;-;64: Where is your best friend?

at her house a few miles away from me…i get to see her today!65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

-esuerc (is that how you spell it?)-mercysblaster-moon-goblin-mojavemessenger-welcome-to-far-harbor(these aren’t in order)

66: What is your heritage?

whitest of the white. irish or something? i think? fuck if i know anymore67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

streaming overwatch on twitch haha68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

trump.69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

fuck yeah dude who do you think i am lmao70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

i think so! i think I’m a very caring and loving person. id like to come to me for my problems, yknow?71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

fuck my job save the dog i can always find a new job but i can’t always save a dog’s life72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a - yes. i tell everyone.b - i enjoy myself the most i can. c - no. i’m not afraid of dying.73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

fuck. trust. i guess.74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

don't stop me now by queen! never ceases to make me smile like a dumb idiot75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

3309 hah76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

trust. absolutely. and being comfortable and putting everything out in the open.77: How can I win your heart?

make me feel trusted and give me love. lots of love.78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

of course it can! 79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

realizing that i am my own. nobody else’s.80: What size shoes do you wear?

9 women’s heck off81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

i always knew it would end like this! dammit!82: What is your favourite word?

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

smiling…a heart full of love.84: What is a saying you say a lot?

”big mood”85: What’s the last song you listened to?

Concrete - This Wild Life86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

PERIWINKLE !!!!!87: What is your current desktop picture?

it’s a cool map i found while researching DnD dungeon layouts!88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

trump!!!!89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

”why do you lie?”90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

i’d freak out but i mean if they just chilling they can be my friends91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

oh shit to freeze time obviously92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

the time that i had a long talk with a friend at 3 am. you know who you are. i can’t remember anything that good for the past few years.93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

being abused.94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

FUCK UHHHH carly rae jepson95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

hdkjhajk omg idk uhhh probably new york to visit my friend shivani96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

nah fam97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

yep!98: Ever been on a plane?

i have and i hated it99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

please, just let there be love.

YOU’RE WELCOME, ANON!