#yk i wish i was one of those people who could continue working after life’s ghastly events

[purple-worm]

.

[writingssummit]

Hi I just read you’re tsukishima story and it was so cute omg but I have an idea

Let’s say y/n has a huge crush on tsukishima since they were children right. But tsukishima never rlly liked y/n in that way. So he would always like be kinda aggressive but like not in the physical way, like he would be cold to her whenever y/n would constantly say something abt them dating. In reality he did like her but he didn’t realize it. Then suddenly a new guy shows up, he’s like really handsome and he’s in a small band, he plays the bass. Y/n actually listens to that band and she was so excited so the two of them click really easy, that’s when she starts being distant with tsukishima and stops the talks abt them dating, tsukishima starts to miss everything y/n would say to him and he wanted to get y/n back, but when he tries he sees y/n and the guy sharing a peck 😔‼️ sorry if this was longgggg ugh

a/n: ahhh! I’m glad you thought so, haha! don’t worry about the length, specifics are always welcome! <3 this is a really good idea! i think it ended up on the longer side, but yk, more content is good? i also ended up naming him, so it’s easier to refer to him. i keep holding on to highschool settings i’m sorry LMAO- i haven’t finished season 4 and i’m not reading the manga yet :( but anyways, here’s a bit of angst/unrequited love to balance out my recent fluff posts !

asks/requests: open !

word count: 2.6k

warnings?: some angst/unrequited love

worth a try.

- TSUKISHIMA KEI -

growing up with tsukishima had been a whirlwind of experiences. ever since you had moved and transferred to his school the last year of primary school, you’d been drawn to him. the tall, blonde kid with glasses. you found his pride in volleyball admirable, and you even found him to be so much cooler than you ever would be.

you originally didn’t know anybody when you first moved, but you fit right in with both tsukishima and his own friend. it was a strange combination, but it worked somehow. while tsukishima was rude, and yamaguchi timid, you were loud and energetic. you were lively. you challenged him just for the fun of it, you poked and prodded, just having fun being around him.

you were his self-declared best friend.

looking back on it, you probably always had feelings for tsukishima. back in those days when you tried to get into volleyball yourself. wanting to be like him, you tried your best, but you weren’t all that good. he would make fun of you for it, but you weren’t bothered by settling for being supportive of him and your freckled friend. You were just as passionate as they were about it.

you were even there when that passion jaded. watched as he stared at his brother from across the game.

it was when you started junior high, that you came to the conclusion that you were in love with your friend. but unlike most people, you did nothing to hide it. why would you? you were always open, always honest and straight to the point. you just weren’t one to hide that.

“go out with me, tsukki!” you poked his side with a cheeky grin, your eyes bright. your friend wasted no time in rejecting you.

“no.”

“aw, you sure?”

“i would never date somebody so stupidly annoying.” you shook off the blatant insult, laughing instead with your hand on your neck. a small thing you picked up from your other friend. yamaguchi.

“you’ll come around one day!”

“i doubt that.”

it went on like that all throughout your remaining years until high school. a constant back and forth that became a schedule at that point.

it was decided that tsukishima would be going to karasuno, as would yamaguchi. and so would you. you would go where they go, you’d never thought about leaving them both. you’d stay with them as long as possible, holding on to their friendship like it was your lifeline..

and holding onto tsukishima even more so.

you were there with them on the first day, when they joined volleyball club. that first practice match against aoba johsai.

you weren’t always watching their practices, since you had your own club duties to attend to of course. but you always made sure to stop by the clubroom while the boys were getting ready, just to say hi to everyone and to a certain someone.

“hey, hey!” you poked your head from around the door, waving a hand. the team greeted you cheerfully enough, minus tsukishima. who looked annoyed to no end.

“tsukki, wanna go grab something to eat after your practice? i know a really great spot!”

he didn’t even look at you, only giving you the middle finger.

you laughed, shrugging. “worth a try.”

the first time the team had witnessed your very forward approach to asking the extremely salty and crude boy out, they were surprised. the way he turned you down so effortlessly too, threw them off. the added shock of anybody even liking him was the cherry on top.

“is this normal?” sugawara asked, a chuckle falling from his lips. asahi was beside him, sweatdropping at the sight of your affectionate display, and tsukishima’s obvious lack of reciprocation.

yamaguchi smiled awkwardly, nodding. “well- yeah, actually. It’s been happening for years.”

“i’d kill to have somebody all over me like that! lucky bastard!” tanaka held his fist up dramatically, as if clenching his heart in it. he even had a tear in the corner of his eye.

“well then, i’ll be on my way! good practice, everyone!” you chirped, finally leaving them.

“l/n’s got some serious determination.” tanaka whistled.

“misplaced determination. they won’t shut up about dating, it’s annoying.” tsukishima didn’t sound as impressed as his loud senpai was.

yamaguchi tilted his head to the side. “really? i would’ve thought tha-”

“shut up.”

a small laugh. “sorry, tsukki.”

it would forever continue, it seemed like. you never thought you’d give it up, you always knew that you liked tsukishima. your heart would pound, your stomach would feel fluttery. but even though you’ve been with him since you were children, it didn’t seem like he’d grown to feel the same. it would get you down sometimes, his mean and harsh words whenever you’d bring it up. either casually, or intentionally.

you couldn’t help being so hopelessly whipped!

you were walking down the sidewalk with yamaguchi and tsukishima, humming along to a new song that had been dropped recently. you were so into it, strumming your fingers like you were the one playing in the recording. tsukishima watched you with critical eyes, but yamaguchi watched as if this was entertaining.

“new song, l/n?” yamaguchi asked you, and you paused the music. you nodded right away, grinning.

“yeah! there’s this kind of new band I found a bit ago, i think around the time you guys met nekoma for that first practice match? their music is so cool!” you could go on and on about them, to be honest. they may be small, and very underground, but you liked them anyways.

“wahh, they sound cool- right, tsukki?” yamaguchi and you both looked behind at him, faces expecting the same sentiment.

he only scoffed.

you roll your eyes playfully, sidling up to him for the first time today. “you want to go get some ice cream, tsukki?” you wished, hoped for him to just say yes for once. your heart was begging at this point.

“get out of my face, l/n.” he said coldly.

with a defeated sigh, you walked a few steps quicker, before unpausing the music. the humming resumed, and yamaguchi glanced back and forth between you both with a weary expression.

“you could try to be a bit nicer, tsukki-”

“they can’t take a damn hint, it’s not my job to be nice about it.” He said stubbornly.

yamaguchi sighed himself, nodding along. there wasn’t a point in continuing the topic; he always shut it down whenever yamaguchi brought it up. he’s never been so aggressive about something before.

interhigh had come, taking up your friend’s time with it. you were upset that they’d be so busy now, but with the new tournament coming, came a new student.

he was friendly, and cheerful, and honestly probably one of the most charming people you’ve ever met in your life. he even looked familiar to you, like you’ve seen him somewhere before. you couldn’t figure it out, so you just opted to the conclusion you must have just passed him down the street at some point. or some strange case of deja vu? either way, he was in your class now.

you were just coming back from the bathroom, your earbuds plugged into your ears like they usually were nowadays.

“l/n, please take your earbuds out, it’s class time.” iour teacher scolded you gently, and you pouted a little. It was just getting to a good part-

you had tugged on them a little too hard, and instead of just getting them out of your ears, they came out of the headphone jack completely.

you were embarrassed as your new favorite band’s music started blasting out of the phone’s speakers, and you hurried to turn it off. You were blushing, laughing at yourself as you went to go sit back down.

ahh, dang! everyone heard that! you were just laughing at yourself in your head now.

there was a tap on your desk, and you turned your face towards the hand. it was the new kid, and his face looked bright.

“you listen to my band’s music?” he whispered to you, his face beaming, and you gasped quietly.

“is this you?” you pointed at your pocket, where your phone rested. he nodded.

“that’s so- wow, i go to school with one of the people in my favo-”

“l/n, do you have something to say about the lecture?”

you shook your head violently, holding back a huge grin. “n-no, miss!” your teacher sighed, and continued past the interruption.

the looks you both shared didn’t go unnoticed by tsukishima.

everyday now, you were hanging around the new kid. you had come to learn his name, which was ishiwaka teruo. you both had hit it off instantly, it was like you guys had known each other forever, and not just a few weeks. it was almost like some crazy twist of fate, or luck. you guys were both alike in a lot of ways, held similar passions, too.

“see you, ishi!” you waved a hand, grinning as he waved a goodbye back. you guys didn’t take the same way home, so he ended up leaving the opposite direction, while you walked with tsukishima and yamaguchi. you were humming again, one of ishiwaka’s band’s songs.

“you seem pretty happy, l/n.” yamaguchi chuckled, watching as you danced a little. 

“oh yeah, you bet! ishi actually invited me to sit in for one of his practices, isn’t that so cool? he plays the bass, and he even offered to teach me a few chords. i don’t really mess with instruments, but-”

“can you shut up about him? all you do is just yap on and on about this guy, hanging out with him isn’t enough for you? what’s so special anyways?” his tone was harsh, and condescending. “if you’re just going to talk about him all the time, i’m not walking with you guys anymore.” your eyes widened as soon as you heard what tsukishima had just said. your heart was pounding, like it had been caught in the act of something terrible. you even felt slightly ashamed.

“wow, nice, tsukki. sorry for being excited about something.” you muttered, clutching your bag straps tight. what did you expect at this point? he didn’t like you as much as you thought, if he was so ready to just leave you behind. yamaguchi sensed the tension between you both, which made him uncomfortable.

you were all quiet for the rest of the way home.

interhigh came and went, the loss against aoba johsai stung the volleyball team, leaving their spirits broken, and cracked. you hadn’t been to the game that day, busy with a certain band member. and your missing presence hadn’t been looked over.

“where were you?” tsukishima had confronted you in the hallways, while you were walking with ishiwaka to the water fountain. it was break, which meant he could freely talk to you now.

you looked away from him, a nervous air around you that wasn’t like you at all.

“i’m sorry i couldn’t make it, tsukki- i heard that you guys lost, and i’m really sorry i couldn’t have been there!” your words were careful and slow, like you were thinking on how to say the right thing to him.

the blonde closed his eyes, and looked off to the side. he didn’t look pleased in the slightest. “were you with your precious band member? like some kind of groupie.” 

ishiwaka raised an eyebrow, and you just shook your head. tsukishima was really doing this right now? you said sorry, what else were you supposed to say?

“you know what, yeah. i was with him. it’s not like..it’s not like i have to be around you or yamaguchi every second of the day, okay?” you sighed. “look, i’ll make it to your next practice, and skip my club activities. is that fine?”

he hesitated, before giving you a curt nod. you smiled in relief. “great! i’ll see you then. now, about that specific measure-”

you had left him behind, and tsukishima had been hit with a realization.

you hadn’t mentioned going on a date at all. not today, not even within the past few weeks. was something wrong with you? he’d gotten so used to that, but now even that wasn’t a constant.

it was like you were slipping away from him, day by day.

and he realized that he didn’t like that.

as the days went on, thoughts about this ran rampant through his mind. it was maddening, he was trying to focus on school, and now, as he was walking to the clubroom, volleyball. he was scarily silent, and yamaguchi caught onto it right away.

“tsukki?” he asked quietly, not wanting to push. but he wanted to know. ever since tsukishima had come back from break that day, he’d been acting strange. he was even saltier, if that was possible.

“am i not enough for l/n?” he spit out the question, like it was a disease.

taken aback, the freckled boy could only blink. the two stopped walking, looking right at each other now. “what?”

tsukishima barked out a laugh, running a hand over his face in frustration. “you heard me, yamaguchi.”

yamaguchi’s jaw dropped. “do you miss them?” was he for real? was this jealousy actually coming from tsukishima?

“hell if i know.” he muttered. but he knew the answer, and that’s what upset him.

“i knew it. tsukki, why did it have to be now, though?” he shook his head in disbelief. at the utter obliviousness of this boy. yamaguchi knew himself that there was something there in tsukishima, something resembling feelings for you. but of course it was when you were no longer always around that he saw it.

“what?”

“l/n isn’t a puppy anymore, they’re not following after you. if you haven’t noticed, they’ve given up. you need to do this yourself, and fix it.” yamaguchi stated. he wouldn’t be lying if he said that he’d been frustrated with the back and forth between you both, it was so obvious to him, but apparently not obvious to tsukishima. or you, for that matter.

“i know that.” he muttered. he would have to confront you about this. was he stupid? why didn’t he get this before? 

“then do something about it.”

tsukishima was quiet.

it was decided by him that he’d catch you outside of practice, since you said you’d be coming to watch. it was a quick, and impulsive decision from him, but he needed this to be figured out. his head was at it’s most unclear, and that was affecting him.

you were affecting him.

he looked around the outside of the gym, trying to see if he could spot you coming. it took a minute, before he saw a figure off to the side. it was you, he could tell by that bag anywhere. he stepped out, only to be met with the full picture.

you were with ishiwaka, and you were kissing him.

tsukishima hurried back into the gym with a stone-cold expression. oh. so this is where he stood now.

no longer at the top of your list, no longer important.

you walked into the gym, beaming. it angered tsukishima, more than he should have been. he yanked your arm, and held you by them with a vice grip. you looked up at your friend with nervous, maybe even scared eyes. you hadn’t seen tsukishima like this before.

“what is he to you?”

you blinked. “wh-what?”

“who is he to you? that little bass player.” his eyes were searching yours, for anything, anything that he could hold on to. you didn’t respond, only looking away from his intense stare.

your eyes didn’t hold that same look that they used to whenever you looked at him. 

he had his answer. and he didn’t like it. so he let go of you, maybe for real this time. things had changed so much, right under his nose. and he had let it happen.

[hellonoblesky]

Gotta wait for all my friends to finish We Will Be Reunited before I scream in depth on our server, so here’s all my thoughts/theories on Chapter 1, Act IV: We Will Be Reunited (ft. thoughts about the Archons (who I think participated, who I think didn't), Kaeya, Gold and their motives, Dain, and Abyss Heralds)

Spoilers ahead!!

(tw/cw: trauma mention, loss)

(also TL;DR's will be at the end of the post!!)

Ok so apologies if this is disorganized, I’m still getting all my thoughts about the quest together

Cryo is the single and only element needed for the domain, which as a Kaeya main and someone with his backstory pretty much memorized, that’s pretty sus?? Especially because I’m pretty sure that the last Abyss domain that had to do with Dain also only asked for Cryo

Dain and the Abyss Heralds share a very very similar color scheme, is it possible that the rest of the royal guard was turned into the Heralds? That would also explain why the Herald ceases their attack once they realize who we are. They need to report back to their royal, not only to update them on the situation with us and Dain, but to make sure we’re an enemy they’re aloud to fight (and possibly injure severely)

Field Tillers.... are they designed for the attack, to reap the lives of other people in order to give wealth in land to Khanri’ah, or to defend Khanri’ah from those who wished to bring it down? Either way, they failed

Kaeya. Has his plan been abandoned (and him by extent)? Or is he actively working with the Abyss Order, to assist them and bring his plan forwards? Was he the one who took (or assisted in the taking of) the statue? It is a Mondstadt statue, after all. And if so, I don’t think Kaeya’s “I triumph over you” poem was a fun little thing that just got thrown in as a cool and funky hint into his backstory. I think he’s letting Venti know (or perhaps reminding him) that Venti has no power over him, and with his Gnosis in the hands of the Tsaritsa and her Harbingers.... he won’t have the power to defend his own land against whatever attacks may come Mondstadt’s way. Also does Kaeya know Dain? Does he know about Dain? Does he purposefully avoid Dain because he knows Dain is anti-Abyss? Does the Traveler's sibling know about Kaeya? Is the sibling the one who set up Kaeya's plan? What. Is. Up. With. Kaeya????

Dain is cursed with immortality for his failure to protect the royal family... but cursed by who?

The Abyss Heralds have similar movesets to Childe, so Skirk is either a Herald, or someone of a high enough rank to command the Heralds to help Childe train.

Also uhhh Gold, we didn't get any mention of them, but now it's entirely possible that instead of overthrowing the government, Gold just snapped after losing everything. Gold's corruption very well could have been their attempt to avenge Khaenri'ah. Maybe they corrupted Durin to strike Mondstadt in rage against our boy Venti?

Speaking of Venti, with the confirmation that Khaenri'ah was destroyed by the gods for being a land free of higher rule... I have thoughts. First of all, it seems Venti didn't partake in the fall of Khaenri'ah considering that he only awoke when Durin attacked and the people of Mondstadt prayed for him to save them. It's possible that Venti was against the destruction of Khaenri'ah and got knocked out by someone else (perhaps the Unknown God?) so he wouldn't interfere with the majority vote.

The Tsaritsa I think was strongly against the Cataclysm. After all, 500 years ago was both when she was traumatized and fell out with Venti. As well as her very very likely being the goddess of love. She probably wanted to negotiate for peace with Khanri'ah so no one would get hurt, Khaenri'ah could continue to create more and more advanced technology and advance their Alchemical arts in peace without threat. That way their arts could spread to other nations and there could be peace while mankind advanced. She also probably didn't want to see anyone (let alone her friends) hurt, but was younger and less aware of her power/hadn't yet come into her full godhood so was forced to stand aside. I think her falling out with Venti was rooted in the fact that Venti is older, and slept through it all until his people called for him. He left the entire godless nation of Khaenri'ah to the hands of gods bent on it's destruction. So now the Tsaritsa is against Celesta because they knowingly condemned an entire nation and she hates that. She may have even been so wrapped up in her anguish that she looked at her people and began to worry that she wouldn't be able to protect them, so she got harsher and harsher on them. Until she was just cold and closed off, hence the "no love left for her people".

Zhongli I don't think is free of charge though. 500 years ago he would have still reigned over Liyue, and likely seen the threat Khaenri'ah was becoming with it's machines stronger than Vision users and it's Alchemy with the ability to create life. It's entirely possible that he partook in the destruction of the nation if the majority vote of the Archons was to bring it down. He may have even brought the Adepti with him, which would make his entire team a deadly force and one that the 'Tillers likely wouldn't stand a chance against. Perhaps the Cataclysm was even the fight that killed Pervases. However, I think that Zhongli regrets his actions, and that's his motivation to handing off Liyue. Perhaps what he traded his Gnosis in to help the Tsaritsa go up against Celestia so he could have a sound mind, and help stop anything like the Cataclysm from happening again.

The Dendro Archon (the dead one, not the current one) I think participated hesitantly and then perished in the conflict. Khanri'ah's specialty was their Alchemy; Khemia could very easily have a reverse form that takes the life away from things. Being aligned with Dendro would likely make the Archon much more susceptible to a reverse form of Khemia's life-giving because Khemia was mainly used to grow plants. Khemia is how the Khaenri'ahn people were able to grow their civilization like they did, keeping agriculture alive underground via means that didn't require the sun. It probably was common practice to use it to grow plants (and kill off weeds).

Baal probably definitely was on the side of wiping out Khanri'ah. Yk, considering how she's the god of eternity and currently is collecting Visions to preserve power in the hands of the gods? She probably went "Khaenri'ah is literally building machines that could pose a Threat. We are not letting this order fall, gods will always rule that's how it's been that's how it will be."

Fontaine's god just dipped and watched the drama unfold, then judged everyone afterwards.

Mureta probably was all in and that's part of the reason Venti is so salty in his description of her. She heard the war, heard the reasons, and went "Where we dropping boys?"

TL;DRs:

Dain's Abyss Ruins only having Cryo as an element is sus because of Kaeya's place as the only playable Khaenri'ahn character (so far)

Abyss Heralds could be the rest of the Royal Guard

Are Field Tillers for attack or defense? Either way, they failed

Is the plan Kaeya's involved in abandoned, did he help the Abyss Order get ahold of the Statue they use, his poetry is probably him rubbing Venti's helplessness in his face

Who cursed Dain with immortality?

The Heralds and Childe share moves, so he probably trained with them

Gold's corruption might just have been them snapping after losing their entire nation

Venti probably slept through/was left out of the decision and execution of the Cataclysm

The Tsaritsa probably hates Venti because Venti probably could have stood up against Celestia but slept through the entirety of Khaenri'ah's fall instead

Zhongli probably participated in the Cataclysm and regrets it immensely

The Dendro Archon may have died in the Cataclysm (specifically via Khemia, I think)

Baal was pretty much definitely for the Cataclysm

Mureta was also very much definitely for the Cataclysm

[openheart12]

Mask of Death

A/N: I’ve been working on this fic for months so I hope you all enjoy I was so nervous to post lol

Thank you as always to @rigatonireid for pre-reading!! ❤️

Summary: Reader is kidnapped and of course, Spencer is there to save the day.

Warnings: mention of blood, kidnapping, implied torture, yk normal CM stuff lol

Word Count: 2,087

You had been working at the BAU for the past four years and since starting there, you had made lifelong friends. Emily, Aaron, David, Penelope, Derek and JJ were the best friends you could’ve asked for. Then there was Spencer. Spencer Reid who had become your closest friend and who you had caught feelings for almost immediately. Always wondering if he felt the same way as you did for him, but that was wishful thinking and you knew it.

The rare freetime that the team got was mostly spent together like having dinner at Rossi’s or going to the park with Henry and Jack. You and Spencer would always be glued to each other's sides and it didn’t go unnoticed by the rest of the team. They would make jokes to which you and Spencer would just blush while trying to change the topic away from you two.

When you had finally worked up enough courage to tell Spencer how you felt, you were shocked and relieved to find out he felt the same way. Your relationship could’ve been a liability so together, the two of you told Aaron who was behind ecstatic for you. You figured it had something to do with him losing his own wife, but you hadn’t been at the BAU for that.

Flash forward to the present, the team had been called to Rock Springs, Wyoming after a series of murders had taken place over the course of a month. The unsub held them captive for three days, torturing them before dumping their bodies into the Flaming Gorge Reservoir.

“Wheels up in thirty,” you heard Hotch say after he finished the debriefing, bringing you out of your thoughts.

It was a pretty standard unsub, traumatic childhood, white male in his early twenties or thirties, but as the case went on, it was anything but standard.

Of course you and Spencer sat next to each other on the plane, your hands interlaced throughout the whole flight. He was reading a new book you had gotten him from Christmas while you and Emily were talking about her and JJ’s upcoming wedding plans. The two had been dating for a couple years before Emily asked the big question.

You and Spencer went to check out the last known address of Walter Williams after landing in Wyoming. It wasn’t often that the two of you were teamed up together.

Arriving at a house in the middle of nowhere, you and Spencer walked up to the front door and knocked with no answer. You checked the back door while Spencer went to check a barn in the backyard. It was only for a minute and the next thing you know you woke up in a basement with your arms tied behind your back and your legs tied to a chair. You felt liquid trickle down the side of your head and assumed it was blood. You winced from the lights and they were dim so you probably had a concussion.

Your thoughts quickly wandered over to Spencer wondering if he was okay or not because you didn’t know what had happened, but before you could think of anything else, a man with sandy blonde hair and was about average height, walking into the room, a gun in hand.

“Y/N…” he smiled wickedly at you and the fact that he knew your name, sent a shiver down your spine. Something was definitely not right. “How is Spencer doing? Your four year anniversary is coming up, isn’t it?” He smirked at seeing your fear, you tried to keep your face straight, but miserably failed. “Cat got your tongue? Oh sorry, I forgot you’re allergic to them.”

“Who are you?” You finally managed to ask.

“You don’t remember me?” You shook your head no so he continued, “you probably remember my daughter, Anna, who was murdered the year before last. You promised me you would find her killer and I’ve been following you and not once did you ever look into her case again.”

Suddenly, you remembered the little girl, the one who still haunts your dreams from the brutality of her murder. You had looked into her case afterwards, but there were other little girls out there who needed you and the team. It was a hard decision, but you had to move on at the time.

“Mr. Williams...I promise you we tried everything we could, followed up on every lead we had, but we didn’t have any evidence and those are the hardest cases to solve.” You thought maybe reasoning with him would help, but it only angered him further.

“So that’s all she was to you? Just another case to be solved?” He scoffed, “that was my baby and I lost her and you didn’t do a damn thing.” He took a step closer to you, “well, you know what this means for you, don’t you?” He gave you a smile that made goosebumps erupt across your body. You in fact, know what this meant for you. If he stuck to his patterns that was.

“Revenge isn’t going to bring Anna back.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” You watched as he put his gun in the holster on his hip and traded it for a knife. You could tell he enjoyed the fear he provoked from you and it only edged him on. He ever so lightly ran the knife down your cheek to your neck and back up. “You know, this is the exact thing my Anna went through that night.”

You thought back to the details of the recent strings of murders that had the same M.O. as his daughters and didn’t know how you couldn’t piece it together. You tried to push the images of Anna out of your head all the time, Hotch had even brought up the idea of therapy to you afterwards and you took it.

“They’re going to find me,” you said confidently to which he just laughed. “She’s better off without you,” you shot back causing him to stop laughing and then everything went black.

You awoke some time later, you had no idea how long you were out. Minutes, hours, it all felt the same. Something in front of you had caught your eye, there was a video recorder with the red light blinking meaning it was on and you had no idea who was watching.

“Spence…” you called out softly. No answer. Your head was pounding now and the lights were making it worse. You jumped after hearing the door open and Walter walking back in.

“If you say shit like that again, it’ll be the last thing you do,” he warned and you weakly nodded your head. “Now where were we?” He glanced back at the camera and grinned. “Enjoy the show, Spencer Reid.” That caught your attention and your eyes widened in horror.

“Please, don’t do this,” you pleaded, but he got his knife out and went straight to you. After he was done, he left you in a bloody mess. The amount of blood you were losing wasn’t good and you began to feel lightheaded. You hoped, prayed that they would find you soon because your body was quickly beginning to give up. Walter repeated the process every hour, making you lose more and more blood. You had to stay strong for Spencer and your friends.

“FBI!” You heard and you felt hopeful for a split second, but that quickly vanished when you felt the cool metal of a gun pressed against your temple. The agents and officers poured into the dimly lit room, your eyes immediately going to Spencer’s. His eyes were full of fear...and something more that you couldn’t decipher. You tore your eyes away from him, taking in the faces of Hotch, Prentiss, Rossi, Jareau and Morgan. A flash of pink through the door caught your eye and you couldn’t help the small smile that passed over your face. Garcia had stayed back in Quantico as usual, but the news of your kidnapping had brought her to Wyoming. It warmed your heart to know that your friends cared so much about you and if you were to die, at least you would be surrounded by the people you loved the most.

“Let her go and we can help you,” you heard Hotch’s voice, but Walter’s grip on you tightened. You tried to meet Hotch’s eyes, to try to tell him that your life wasn’t more important than the other two girls who were still missing. They had family waiting for them and Spencer would be fine without you...right?

Hotch lowered his gun, the other agents following suit. “You don’t want to do this, let her go and we can talk. We can tell them you cooperated with us or make a deal with you, but in order for that to happen, you have to let her go,” he said in a calm, unwavering voice.

“Tell them where the other girls are and you can do whatever you want to me,” you said loud enough for only him to hear you.

“I’ll take you up on that offer, Pretty Girl,” he whispered in your ear causing you to shiver at the nickname that only Spencer or Derek would call you.

Hotch took a slow, tentative step forward making Walter return his attention back to him. “Step any closer and that’s it,” he harshly pulled you back, a whimper leaving your lips at the force. You saw Spencer’s eyes that had considerably darkened and in the three years you two had dated, you had never seen him this angry. He was always able to compose himself, but when it came to you? The man lost his ability to think straight and not to mention, that this was your first time being held hostage.

“Let her go.” Spencer tried this time.

“Wouldn’t you like that, Pretty Boy?” You could tell that was when Spencer realized who he was.

“You’re Anna’s father,” he stated. Spencer knew how much her case had affected you. “She wouldn’t want you to do this, Walter. She was nine years old and what happened to her was a tragedy, but you are torturing her closest friends right now merely for the fact that they’re alive and she’s not. Y/N, she worked tirelessly on your daughter’s case day after day and I know this because I was helping her. We hadn’t given up, but we were stuck and there were other cases that needed our attention. So I’m asking, for the sake of your daughter’s memory, let Y/N go and we can talk this out.”

You felt his grip on you loosen enough that you were able to get free and ran straight into Spencer’s arms. A shot rang out and you didn’t know where it came from. Spencer grasped your face with his hands, gently, to avoid hurting you further. “Are you okay?”

“B-better now,” you gave him a small smile, but you slowly felt yourself losing consciousness.

“I need an ambulance!” Spencer shouted out, cradling your bloodied body in his arms as he gently lowered you to the ground.

The soft murmuring of the hospital machines was enough to make you stir. Your entire body ached and your head was pounding and there was a weight on your stomach. When you opened your eyes, you saw Spencer with his head on your stomach with his eyes closed. A smile made its way onto your mouth and you softly ran your fingers through his hair, ignoring the pain it caused. You were just glad to be here with him without a gun pointed to your head. The gesture was enough to wake him up and he quickly moved off of you.

“Y/N…” you saw tears pricking his eyes and you felt your own start to water.

“Spence, I’m right here,” you patted the space next to you and as carefully as he could, he got into the bed with you and wrapped an arm around you protectively.

“God, I love you. I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“I love you so much.” Time passed and eventually the doctor came to check on you and was letting you go home as long as you had someone to be there for you and you did, you would always have Spencer in your corner no matter what.

“Come on, let’s go home,” he smiled at you and you matched it.

“Let’s go home,” you repeated.

[justasmisunderstoodasloki]

Christmas miracle| H.O

A/n: Surprise!! K, i wrote this for you! So, I wrote this for @in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh 1K celebration. Wanted to post it earlier, but i changed my story a couple times. This week i decided to change it all to a Christmas special. It might not be Christmas anymore, but where i live it's still Christmas. Anyway, i hope you'll enjoy it.

Another note: the prompts that I used are bold and the italics are readers thoughts

Pairing: Harrison Osterfield x reader

Word count: 1.4K

Prompts: (16) "What's so funny" + (23) "I told you so"

Summary: Christmas miracles do exist! (Sorry I suck at summaries)

_____________________________________

It was the beginning of december and you were hanging out with the Hollands. It was a nice day, not too cold and no rain. Peaceful, you would say.

Harrison was spending time with his mother, Sam was working and Tom left an hour after your arrival. So, it was just Harry, Tuwaine and you.

The question what to do when youre bored wasn't easy to answer, except when it's december. Do something Christmas-y. And that you did. The boys didn't have a tree yet nor decorated their house, but luckily you were there to help them.

Their home was almost done. Tuwaine was searching for some more boxes with decorations while Harry and you finished the tree. And while you where doing that, the two of you were talking about Christmas. You would spend Christmas with them in the evening and visit you parents in the morning. It is going to be the first time celebrating Christmas with them on Christmas itself. You were excited for that, but still nervous.

"Ugh no, don't be! It's not that special, if you look at it realistically.  It's just us hanging out like we always do, only this time there are presents and so much delicious food. " Harry reassured you.

"I know, it's just the holiday stress. " you stayed quiet before saying "It's also because of the gifts i got you all. I really hope you and the others like it"

"Ofcourse it will be good. And if it's not, then it's good because of your intensions" Harry said elbowing you. You smiled as response

The subject changed to Christmas movies. Talking about how it's not realistic and making comparisons about real life situation.

"I'm just saying that things like that don't just happen. "

"Well, maybe its going to happen to you,  you never know"

"Yeah right, now why would that happen to me?" You asked a bit sarcastic

"A Christmas miracle!" Harry smirked

"Keep dreaming, harry " you shook your head.

As on cue, Tuwaine entered the living room with two boxes. The three of you continued decorating the house. When you were all finished you decided that it was time for hot chocolate and a movie, a Christmas movie of course.

A couple days later, you thought back at the conversation you had with harry. Why would he say that to me? What makes him so sure that something is going to happen?  Did i do something? Did someone else do something?!

"Ooooh" you said out loud. Harry knew.

You had crush on Harrison. He is one of you best friends and you had known him for a some years.

What can you say, you drowned in those ocean eyes.  Well, that and he is just an amazing person. He is kindhearted, funny, smart and the biggest div you know.

That you have a crush on him is put mildly, actually you fell deeply in love with him.

You played it off cool, at least that's what you thought. You never thought soemone would notice, it's not something you want to tell everyone, especially Harrison. It would kill you if you ruined that friendship.

And him being into you romantically is something that is not likely to happen .

Finally Christmas!

You were sitting in the car, getting ready to hit the road. The boys lived around an hour away from your parents. Luckily, it's not that bad, you just need a good playlist and you'll be there in a blink of an eye.

You arrived just in time for dinner. You walked through the front door and you could smell the delicious food Sam prepared. After you'd put your bags in spare bedroom, you walked to the living room. You were greeted with lots of cheering 'hey's and 'hello's'.

Sam and Tom brought their girlfriends. You hadn't seen them in a long time, so you were excited to spend time with them again.

After dinner, everyone sat in the living room by the Christmas tree. It was all very cosy. Just talking and having fun.

And then it was time to open the presents, which was very exciting.  Luckily, they all loved the gifts you bought them and you loved theirs. After everyone opened their presents, you all decided to watched a movie.

The guys went to change into comfortable clothes, while the ladies made some hot chocolate. Then, you and Sam's and Tom's girlfriend went upstairs to change.

You were the last one upstairs. As you walked back to the living room, where everyone was sitting on the couch and on the ground, everyone went suddenly quiet. It wasn't long before they started laughing, not loudly, just kind of giggling to each other. You stood still under the doorframe. You wanted to laugh with them, but you were so confused.

"What's so funny?" You asked them. You felt nervous, hoping there wasn't somthing on your face or something else that you could feel embarrassed.

"I told you so" said Harry. He smirked and that turned into a proud happy smile.

You frowned quizzically and you started to panick at little. What did they do?

You didn't know how long you had been quiet, thinking what it could be. When suddenly a voice came from behind you. You were startled by it. It was pretty close to you.

You didn't have to look to see who's behind you. That voice, that sweet and smooth angelic sound, could only come from one person. You still looked behind you, and of course you were right about to person who stood there.

"I think they're talking about this." Harrison said pointing up with his finger while looking at you with a significantly sweet, charming and gentle smile. Oh, that smile

Looking up, you saw it, a mistletoe. How did i miss this? Why didn't I just walk faster? So, now what?

So many questions were rushing through you mind. You were so zoned out, that you didn't notice that harrison stood even closer to you.

He placed his hand on the left side of your face and leaned in. You didn't realise what was happing, until you were brought back to reality by his soft lips touching yours. As a reflection, your hand rested on his chest, while his other arm was wrapped around your back.

You were kissing harrison! Actually he was mostly kissing you.

The kiss was truly amazing. It felt like kissing a cloud, so soft. The butterflies in your stomach were out of control, like they were exploding. Going off just like firework.

The silence was broken by loud cheering, some were also whistling at you and harrison.

The two of you parted, but still looked at each other. You were still confused and scared to be honest. Did he kiss you for the sake of the mistletoe or because he liked you?

Your face expression changed by the rushing thoughts you were having. You wanted to say something, but what is the right thing to say. There were so many people present when you shared your first kiss with Harrison. It's a little uncomfortable, especially because you don't know the real reason behind the kiss.

Harrison noticed your changed expression and pecked your lips again. Hinting that he is into you.

You smiled shyly and gave him a slight nod, signalling that you understood what he meant but didn't what to say or do anything right now.

The two of you joined the rest on the couch, hoping no one would start asking questions. They didn't, but they were staring and smiling at the both of you and wiggling their eyebrows. "Just start the movie already" Harrison said laughing to get the tension off of the two of you.

Everyone went to bed after cleaning up. Harrison stayed downstairs, while you went up. Couple minutes past before you came downstairs again.

"That kiss was something, huh" You stated shyly. You bit your lip.

"Yea, it was" Harrison said almost whispering. You both stood in the middle of the living room. The only light in the room came from the Christmas tree, which made the whole ambience feel so romantic.

"In case you didn't know, i really like you Haz." You looked at his eyes, stepping closer to him.

"I know." Harrison whispered and closed the gap between you. His lips dancing again with yours.

It really felt like a Christmas miracle.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

K, I hope you liked it. At first i wanted to write something angsty, since it's your thing yk. You're an amazing writer and I wish I could write so smoothly like you. Love ya 🤍

Let me know what you think of this, feedback is more than welcome! 

And let me know if you want to be tagged :)

Tagging:

destiny's children @blueleatherbag @hjoficrecs @in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh

Mutuals: @fanficparker @miss-nobody576 @puffpastrysucks @uglypastels if you don't want to be tagged pls let me know

[ktheist]

story time: wartime child

warning: spoilers ahead.

this is where i rant, cry and scream about my fics. not all fics have a story time though! the ones that do just kind of have a special place in my heart ♥️

ok. where to start?

i.

i think the how i get inspiration for wartime child should be a good start.

i don’t really remember though. all i know was i read @softlyjiminie’s to hold a dragon’s heart. the part where she highlights the forest made a big impact on me - esp being someone who needs to imagine the scenes as i read, i was easily transported into that fic’s world. (and of course fraener was influenced by taehyung’s shapeshifter character!)

so i wanted to write another universe. the idea of races being at war was already there since who knows how long and i already wrote an excerpt of it months ago - before i even thought of the main character being jungkook or the involvement of a certain magical baby. but the concept was much darker and made it hard to me to continue writing. initially, the oc was supposed to be queen of the underworld who got tired of hiding and decided to rule the humans. then war breaks out - that’s as far as i got.

but felt like i needed to do extra research about races and their abilities. and of course ya girl was too lazy to research so i scraped the dark themes of war - not that the current wartime child is light but it’s lighter than i originally had in mind. couldn’t have been all fluff since someone actually died lmao

so i got started again on the idea after reading THADH. it just started coming to me yk - who’ll it be about? jk because he’s easiest to write. is there a twist? a magical baby! and ideas kept pouring from there on.

and i’m so glad i took my time with the fic - didn’t rush it, slept on some scenes and woke up with a better version or addition. i suppose it wouldn’t be possible if it wasn’t for quarantine and that gave all the time in the world.

but i hope everyone stays safe and that this pandemic ends soon. there are people out there who can’t afford to miss their jobs and have bills to pay. i hope the government does its job and help the people and let go of whatever political, financial interest they have. and to my readers specifically, i hope they’re holding on and staying safe and healthy.

ii.

i think i’m particularly proud of myself for holding back mary sue-ing the oc. i’m so glad i made her human and stuck with that until the end.

her character is a personal landmark for me - she’s the first character i wrote that isn’t emotionally detached in order to make an oc look “strong”. in a way, that kind of thinking (being emotionally distant to be a strong person) is toxic.

i don’t know if it is for others but i can only speak from my experience. i’d been that girl that thought crying was a part of being weak and not showing emotions means you’re strong - i was wrong sue me lmao

but yeah, i have a soft spot for the oc because she’s finally the “evolved” version of my mindset.

i think more often than not, we tend to associate the words “strong women” with physical strength or having a sort of control over people. while it is part of strength, it’s not the only definition of a strong woman. i’ve always held onto to the concept that the root of empowerment isn’t breaking the stereotype but it’s being able to choose to do whatever the fuck you want - stereotype or not. you want to go to work, have a successful career life? go for it. you want to get married, stay at home and take care of your kids? yas queen. you wanna find your own path and skip college? inspiring.

so to me, the oc was strong in her own way. she had decided to keep her kid and live for the two of them - ofc it was dumb of her not to ask for monetary aid from the baby daddy but her pride is part of her flaw and i love it. she was prideful in the beginning and didn’t want to depend on anyone. but what’s empowering for me is she took a brave step to reach out for jk for the best of her child’s interest. and when she found out he wasn’t coming back after jumping into the portal head first, she stayed strong for jun and raised him by herself - ofc she had help from taehyung and taeyeon but friends can only help so much. at the end of the day it’s just her and her kid. it’s just - her choice to be the mother to her kid is so powerful to me.

but i guess i mary sue-d jun a bit. but then again, you don’t always get a magical genius kid and struggle to raise em because they’re not how you raise normal kids lmao

iii.

god i hate kids.

but there are some that are sweet and pure and we just don’t deserve them yk? those are the kids i absolutely am soft for. and whew the baby fever - i saw too many baby videos on my timeline on twitter so you get jun!

i don’t want kids mainly bc they’re assholes but i’m horrified if i had one, i end up raising them as an asshole.

that’s when jun was born - the manifestation of the kid i never had and how i’d raise him. but irl isn’t that easy, you might slip up and end up raising a mini you-asshole. and ik for a fact that a neutral evil (me) is somewhat an asshole.

at first, i thought of just giving him a minor role here and there but i’m a winger and don’t outline my fics so he ends up probably with more screen time than jungkook.

call it fanfiction but koo’s baby edition lmao

iv.

the real mvp?

definitely the manga/manhwa(s) i read prior to writing wartime child. they’re another form of universe that sucked me in completely.

i have them to thank because i think my narration got way smoother. i used to struggle with that - i couldn’t convey my character’s emotions properly to the readers and i think that’s what makes a big difference in whether a fic becomes liked more or less.

but then again, the likes may very well depend on tumblr’s algorithm. so at the end of the day, i think got lucky with the amount of notes.

v.

none the less, the support i got was beyond my imagination. mainly because it was all fluff and angst and lacked sexual content.

not that i’m saying a fic needs to have smut in order to attract more readers but i think we should acknowledge that the ones with sexual content gets better audience and that’s amazing too. shout out to all the writers who are able to write amazing sex scenes - that shit ain’t easy 🙌

i wish i could thank every single one of my readers for reading and the potential ones who probably liked or reblogged as a “to-read-list”. and i don’t know if my sincerity reaches the ones i manage to thank. i’m not good with words and i want each respond to a feedback to be different and meaningful but i don’t know if i managed to do that. but i’m truly grateful for those who reblogged with a comment, it made my whole week.

and i remember kirbykook’s ask - i’m guilty for keeping it in my inbox for longer than i should. they’d asked about the future of the fic and what would happen after jun’s little sibling is born. it gave me a reason to revisit wartime child’s world and realize how much i enjoy writing that fic ♥️

x

so that’s all for story time! thank you for reading 💓

[putschki1969]

KEIKO ~ Interview Translation

Note: Thanks to my friend who sent me pictures of the interview so I could make a full translation!! I was dying to read the whole thing. it’s really nice to know what has been going through Keiko's head all this time. Everyone, please be sure to read it!

My one chosen CD is Kalafina: 「Winter Acoustic "Kalafina with Strings"」

ー First of all, please tell us why you picked Kalafina's 「Winter Acoustic  “Kalafina with Strings”」 as your one chosen CD? KEIKO When you are creating and recording a new album you are usually not used to singing the songs, at least that’s what I always thought but for this album there was only one new song, the rest were songs we had already sung in the past during various concerts. This album feels like a testimonial, it is the direct result of all of our combined efforts, something the musicians, Wakana, Hikaru and I created together. This single album is a manifestation of all the change and growth we have gone through throughout the years, it’s very unique compared to our other albums, it has its very own charms so that’s why I picked it. ー Kalafina have held acoustic concerts for a very long time. KEIKO We held our very first acoustic mini live during the Christmas season in 2009 in the Oazo department store located at Tokyo station. After that, we started to participate at the OTADAMA SNOW STUDIO event which ultimately led to us holding annual “with Strings” lives. ー Is there any song that left a particularly strong impression on you? KEIKO The first track of the album,『from heaven above』. Kajiura-san changed the arrangement quite a bit for the recording so it doesn’t really sound like anything you might have heard at one of our concerts. The only thing I remember about performing this song live is that I always felt very nervous. By singing this song for so many years I was able to deliver a straighforward and clear performance during the recording despite the changed arrangement. All of us are also very fond of 『Kimi no Gin no Niwa 〜 with strings ver.〜 』. Each and every positive aspect of the original version is elevated due to the accoustic arrangement. Whether you are just listening to the song or singing it, you will immediately feel refreshed and happy. This morning I listened to the entire album for the first time in a long while. When I got to this song I remembered how much I loved it. ー There is a different sort of appeal compared to band arrangements, right? KEIKO When we first started doing our “with Strings” concerts we had to work through many obsticles, we tackled them one by one. First we realised that if we didn’t manage to create a flawless harmony we wouldn’t be able to continue doing acoustic lives. Having realised that the three of us felt a strong desire to let our voices resonate in the most thrilling manner, we were always in search for the most beautiful sound. Once we had worked past that hurdle we wanted to adjust our singing style according to each venue. I feel like we couldn’t have made this album if we hadn’t put in all this effort in the past. The production process was very intense, it left a strong impression. For the first time ever we recorded alongside the musicians and we even studied our English pronunciation. ー Now let’s talk about the upcoming tour. For the first time in four years you will be performing at a Yuki Kajiura LIVE. Please tell me about the process that has led up to your appearance in this tour! KEIKO While I was taking a break I wanted to reset my mind and body, in the process of doing that I got a little disconnected from music. But once I had heard from Wakana and Hikaru and how things are moving along for them I got a little impatient with my own situation. At that time I talked with various people about music and they kept asking me, "what kind of music would you like to sing from now on?" I didn’t have an answer for them. To be honest, I was quite shocked at myself that I wasn’t able to answer the question. There was no way to go on like that, something had to change! However, it was always Wakana and Hikaru who inspired me, it was them and no one else who motivated me to sing in the first place. For the past ten years I have been involved in the activities of FictionJunction and Kalafina so I had no idea what to sing or what to listen to all by myself, I really wanted to know what would be best for me. From then onwards I started listening to live recordings of various artists at full blast in the studio, for hours on time I became part of the audience and immersed myself in the music, it became part of my journey to find my very own music. That’s how I spent my time. I made a conscious effort to feel and experience as much music as possible. ー You finally started to make progress? KEIKO I tried singing some of the songs that touched me on an emotional level, I even recorded some of them ... I did my usual thing until I was able to sing those songs perfectly but at the end of the day I couldn’t find anything that really suited me. Then one day by chance, I found myself listening to some of Kajiura-san’s work, I just kept replaying it. In that very moment I had an epiphany. Shorty after I had first met Kajiura-san back in the day she had suggested to me, “why don’t you try listening to some of KOKIA’s work Keiko-chan?" I remembered that she had told me in a casual conversation that I should study her music because it would really suit me. While becoming familiar with KOKIA’s work once again I realised that many of her songs contain coined words, they have a very unique time measure  They reminded me a lot of Kalafina’s songs so I felt an immediate attraction. Suddenly it all became clear to me, “the songs I have been singing all these years, I was able to do it because I had so much love for that music". Once I had realised that I felt incredibly relieved, my heart calmed down and I thought to myself, "maybe I don’t need to find new music..." From that point onwards I started singing Kajiura-san’s music, I focused on songs that didn’t have a lot of chorus work. ー So after going around in circles you eventually ended up where you first started? KEIKO I have been part of Kalafina for ten years, last year we ended up separating. After that I was trying to find my very own style of music, naturally I thought I had to find something “new” but honestly, I just really love the music Kajiura-san creates, including Kalafina’s songs. Once again I realised that I have just so much love for it, I have been immersed in her world for such a long time, I devoted more than ten years to her music. That is why I decided to return to that path again, there was no need to shut down my feelings and wishes. I was very set on that idea, my wish was clear, if I hadn’t been absolutely sure about my path there wouldn’t have been any point in continuing my music career. I put all of these thoughts into words and wrote a long letter to Kajiura-san last year. I pretty much said, "for me it is not about finding my own music, it’s about looking for an extension of the things I love doing. I would like to discuss this directly with you.” ー So that’s how it happened. How does it feel?  What’s your mental state considering the Yuki Kajiura LIVE is right around the corner? KEIΚO I am really nervous. One part of me is enjoying this, the other part is dying from nervousness *laughs* In over 15 years I have never taken such a long break from singing in public so I am really worried about that. Yuri-chan (YURIKO KAIDA) and KAORI have been encouraging me a lot, “it’s like riding a bike, you will remember everything right away!” "Don’t you worry about anything!" But I am still like, “ahhh, no, no, that’s not true!!” *laughs*  KAORI suggested I should listen to last year’s YK live recording and as expected from a Yuki Kajiura LIVE, the quality was extremely high, you coud tell there was a professional group of people at work.  ー Do you have a theme for the upcoming tour, anything you are focusing on? KEIKO It's been a really long time since I have harmonised with anyone so for me these lives are purely for pleasure. First and foremost I am overcome by emotion that after four years I am once again able to join the group of people who bring Kajiura-san’s music to life. I might feel different once I have gotten past the first few lives but I think every concert will kinda feel like I am coming home. No matter which live, I think there will be a tiny voice whispering in my heart, “I am back home!” *laughs*

[bartsugsy]

Oh Lo. Please teach me your ways. I mean I'm not even overly negative about everything, but how can you always be so excited./see the positives with each new spoiler/quote? I wish I could lol. Cos seriously, IM's definition of 'fun' and mine appear to be vastly different. This mainly boring scheming Robert plpt continues into next year? We're not getting a reunion til 2018 are we? Lord, they really want to test our patience don't they? Have we not paid are dues yet? haha! Who's exit you think?

do you know what anon, it’s weird, but i was actually thinking about what i would say to someone earlier today, if they asked me how i tend to stay positive???? it’s like our brains just know sometimes lmao - but that’s why you’re about to get a weirdly deep answer instead of what i usually say here

and honestly, i was thinking about this because i was thinking about life in general and how much i believe in the power of positive thinking? and how incredibly well it works? in fandom terms particularly, it’s a life saviour - in life it’s can be a lot more of a struggle to remind yourself but yk we’re not getting that deep we’re just talking about a soap

i get that it sounds like bullshit, but it works for me literally every single time. i’ve found that complaining about things is literally giving voice to negative thoughts and giving voice to negative thoughts is giving power so that they can breed more negative thoughts and before you know it, you’re sinking down this weird self-made hole of sadness - and not only that, but it spreads to other people, because humans are like feelings sponges and we feed off other people’s emotions a lot - it’s hard to be the lone person feeling one way in a room of people feeling the other. it’s like subconscious peer pressure.

but then the opposite - looking at the positives, being as steadfast and determined and strict with yourselves to look at the good sides of everything, is fucking life changing. there are like one thousand and one ted talks on this - like, you wouldn’t believe how many damn ted talks there are. anyway, because i was in this weird mood this morning and reflecting on it, i watched one that used a quote from wayne dyer - “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

THIS IS SO EMBARRASINGLY DEEP FOR WHAT IS ESSENTIALLY A CONVERSATION ABOUT FLIPPIN EMMERDALE SPOILERS BUT IT’S TRUE OK 

it’s true. if i look at spoilers andlook for the positives and literally refuse to give voice to the negative, pullmyself back to the positives whenever i do, and beyond that encourage thatpositivity in others through humour or happy thoughts so that maybe it spreads - and if i do it enough times that it becomes natural to me, a natural response to anything and everything, then… well… everything gets a hell of a lot more fun and enjoyable and those things that maybe i once thought were negative and worrying somehow turn into positives. and that’s not me desperately trying to tell myself something is good - it just genuinely does become something that inspires good feelings in me, happiness and excitement and whatever. i can’t really explain how well it works - you have to experience it. but like now? now i literally fucking love that rob and rebecca had a one night stand lmao. like. i love that god damn story beat so much. it’s just about changing the way you look at things - so when i used to look at that scene, all i ever saw was jfc why i don’t actually want this - but after really and honestly thinking about it in every way, by about acknowledging that i can’t change it and then looking at it from every angle, i look at that scene now and i see the show committing to showing just how affect robert is about everything, and also playing out a soap trope in what is literally the most shippy way possible. i see a scene that is, perversely, entirely about robert’s love for aaron and also a scene that gives me a great look at who robert is as a character and the way he reacts in situations. 

it sounds ridiculous? like, it really god damn does, but like… actually, why does it matter if it sounds ridiculous if i’m having fun and hopefully making other people smile occasionally lmao

also, beyond this, i’m also all about accepting the things i cannot change - and the writing of emmerdale? that’s a thing i cannot change. so why fight it? why not just buckle in and enjoy the ride? what the hell else am i gonna do? 

so yeah, anyway, it’s not about paying dues or anything, it’s not about making us suffer for our crimes of loving too much lmaooo  - they’re just…. it’s a soap and they’re telling a story that ultimately has robert and aaron interacting regularly and still being stupidly in love and eventually reuniting properly. so all i can do and all i want to do is find ways to enjoy the journey - and this is true of every storyline ever. 

and the result of me giving as much voice as i can to the things i enjoy and literally just ignoring any thoughts i may have or thoughts other people have about what they don’t because i don’t find them helpful (sorry all other ppl i love you i just gotta do me) - is that what we’ve had so far has been so much fun for me. i enjoy aaron and robert interacting in a - in a way, very abuse era-esque manner, obviously in an entirely different context. like - they both want to be together but they can’t - and now the feelings are there but only tenfold and so their scenes always have that bubbling underneath. a little bit of subtextual love and angst is fun. yes i want them to get back together and make out and cuddle and all that good and lovely jazz but like… that’s not the only way to enjoy their scenes, i don’t think. why would anyone ever rewatch the lighter relationshippy aspects of the abuse storyline if it was?

like - the smitten kitten scene? maxine’s episode where they go to find sandra? rob dealing with aaron leaving to see family in ireland for a bit (#parallel) and literally just trying to get info about how he’s doing out of chas on a daily if not hourly basis? they weren’t together during any of that. so why do they need to be together as a couple to have amazing, wonderful scenes now? why does them being split up automatically mean we’re in for months of no robron at all? because that hasn’t been what i’ve seen so far and from everything that has been said, that isn’t what they seem to have in store for us going forward.

obviously, you know, you gotta do you etc etc but… yeah, this is literally my secret lmao. just… idk. it took me a long af time to learn this and i had to go through a lot of sadness to get there but… idk the idea of being sad about a soap all the time just isn’t something i’m interested in for a way to spend my free time. so i don’t spend it that way. 

basically, what i’m saying is, this isn’t just innately me, irrationally excited about all things ever. it’s something i learnt to do and it changed my god damn life for the better in every damn way.

(i think it does make me a horrible person to try and be salty with when it comes to plot or spoilers though because i will, with all the love and good intentions in the world, probably refuse to let a conversation wallow in that misery and probably change the subject to something happier in order to preserve the hard work i’ve done on myself)

idk idk hopefully this doesn’t sound like a flipping lecture or whatever but this ask just came at a hilariously appropriate time for where my head has been at this morning