#yes the druids do top surgery was this even a question

[donttouchtheneednoggle]

In which Elyan’s gender euphoria causes unforeseen problems

Based on this post and this moderately shitty drawing i did :')

“Are. You. Kidding. Me.”

Here’s the thing. Gwen was generally very supportive of her brother’s right to wear what he wanted. And it made a wonderful change to how he used to be, refusing to leave the house unless he was wearing at least three layers of his baggiest clothes, and sometimes not even then, he was so uncomfortable.

So when he’d finally returned after visiting the Druids and getting into four years of all sorts of unrelated trouble and his chest was finally how he wanted it to be she supposed she couldn’t blame him for indulging in the round table tradition of incredibly low cut shirts. And now she was confronted with it, Gwen couldn’t believe they hadn’t seen this flaw in the plan coming.

“Elyan for god’s sake!”

It had been a good plan other than this seemingly small detail that threatened to derail the whole thing. When Morgana had taken the citadel two weeks ago, attacking with such a volume of troops that they were instantly overwhelmed, there had not been time to grab anything before retreating to the secret tunnels under the castle. Thankfully Gwen had just come back from a ride with Arthur Lancelot Percival and Gwaine so was wearing boots and a dress that was easy to run in. (Merlin had been out gathering herbs at the time and they hadn’t heard of or seen him since. Gwen hoped he had escaped and hadn’t fallen victim to the dragon that they’d heard was causing Morgana’s troops all manner of trouble at night.)

Leon and Elyan had just been returning from a patrol and therefore had a bag of spare clothes and food with them when they’d retreated to the tunnels and bumped into the others (Literally. Gwaine’s black eye was still fairly prominent in the flickering candlelight whenever they had it.) so they’d manage to survive on increasingly smaller rations, able to do a of bit of recon and steal a bit of food wearing the uniform of the one dead guard who had chased them into the tunnels, waiting for an opportunity to… well Arthur was a little vague about that bit. But Gwen knew he’d never abandon his people.

Two weeks later though, with rations and candles dwindling, starvation had become a bigger risk than trying to get out. Indeed, they probably would’ve been forced out a lot sooner by dehydration if it weren’t for the hole in the tunnel roof that let rainwater in. And so it was agreed that Gwen would disguise herself as a boy and go first with Lancelot. 

They would pose as commoners, Lancelot being one of the newest of the knights to Camelot and therefore less recognisable (Percival even less so, but unfortunately nothing about him really screamed ‘stealth’). Gwaine had suggested they dress Lancelot as a woman, the story of Gwen and Leon’s escape the last time Morgana had invaded being one of his favourite stories. It actually wasn’t that bad an idea and he might well look good, but Gwen’s dress would not fit Lance particularly well and they were counting on hiding in plain sight and going in the daylight which required more convincing disguises. They just had to hope Lancelot’s newness and skill in sneaking around would disguise him well enough.

They intended to head to Nemeth to appeal to Mithian and her father, their closest allies, for help. Gwen hated the idea of leaving her husband, brother and friends behind but she could see the sense in it; while she could hold her own in a fight, her skills lay more in negotiation and diplomacy (along with sewing and blacksmithing of course. Oh and she could make an excellent pie too if she did say so herself. God she would kill for a pie right now… And she had recently become proficient in (and gained several bruises from) the art of ‘catch the pebble in the dark’. They’d been down here too long.)

Gwaine, being the most proficient at haircare, had already cut her hair short by the light of one of the last candles, no one trusting anyone with a knife near anyone’s head in the dark. She’d been a little apprehensive about it but it was actually quite a refreshing change. And by Arthur’s wide eyes and rapidly spreading blush when he’d seen her, her husband didn’t mind either.

She’d borrowed her brother’s spare clothes to change into round the corner from everyone though it really didn’t matter as it was currently. Y’know. PITCH BLACK. as he was the closest to her in height and stature, though still fairly far off. However the trousers had fit well enough once she’d tied them round the waist with twine. The problems had started with the shirt. The shirt whose v neck stopped somewhere near her belly button.

“You do know the idea of this was concealment right Elyan? Disguise? Not to flaunt myself?”

There was a confused silence, then:

“Ohh we didn’t think about binding. You should probably do that. This is an odd kind of déjà vu.”

“I really don’t think It’s going to make that much difference. My entire tit is out.” This got a snort of laughter from Gwaine and a strangled sound from some combination of Arthur Lancelot and Leon, all probably for different reasons. A few weeks ago she would’ve made an effort to be more ladylike but at this point she was so past mincing her words it wasn’t even funny.

“I so did not need to hear that,” Elyan complained.

“Did you really have to sit down and unlace the entire thing!”

“It looks better that way!”

“We’re going to starve to death by the time I get this laced back up! Can you not just loosen the laces like Gwaine!” No hang on, that was a thought.

“No!”

“Wait no, you shut up.” She mentally catalogued them. Lance was almost as bad as Elyan. Arthur’s shirt didn’t even have laces. Leon’s was the only one tightly laced up but his shirt would be more of a dress on her. Percival… she did not have the time to get into all the reasons why that would not work. There really was only one option.

“Gwaine. Strip. We’re swapping shirts.”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

[nanabeats]

Stealing a thing!

Stealing this from @a-kitsuneet-and-a-cybele, but instead just answering things down the list that I can or feel comfortable enough answering

1:Full name Alice Armstrong.

2:Age 22, last I checked

3: Fears? Mostly anxiety-related things, but something you might not expect is a fear of silence. Better dead than deaf, imo

4: 3 things I love I’mma be a dork and list @daxreythaak here. Also, music and good  food

5: 4 turns on Nope! Try again later.

6: 4 turns off Bad grammar, low intelligence, persistent clinginess,  and big egos.

7:My best friend Not answering this because it’s not a competition

8:Sexual orientation Yes.

9:My best first date Uhm. Dates? Right, people do those...

10:How tall am I 6′3

11:What do I miss Headshots. Every time. 

12:What time were I born Grammar o’clock. 3:44 AM, I think?

13:Favourite color Purple

14:Do I have a crush No, though I might go get one from the gas station. Orange sounds tasty right about now

15:Favourite quote This changes based on the day. Give me a topic, I’ll come up with something quotable for it

16:Favourite place My bed

17:Favourite food Knowing that Dax is reading this right now, General Tso’s chicken is fucking delicious

18:Do I use sarcasm? Never. Is there any other answer to this?

19:What am I listening to right now: Ga1ahad and the Scientific Witchery by Mili. @grexion just put it on in Plug. https://plug.dj/makais-shipyard

20:First thing I notice in new person: Hair

21:Shoe size Big

22:Eye color Blue with hazel flecks, or hazel with a blue ring around it. Depends on who you ask

23:Hair color? Very very brown

24:Favourite style of clothing? Simple.

25:Kiss someone that starts with the letter “R”? No/

27:Meaning behind my URL I wanted Foxy-thoughts but it was taken. Also foxes. And thoughts. And personal blog. Pretty self explanitory

28:Kiss someone that starts with the letter “M”? Teeeeeeeeeechnically?

29:Favourite song: At the moment, Zenmajikake no Kami wa Kaku Katakiri by Automata Girl. If I haven’t posted it yet, I will tomorrow

30:Favourite band: Depends on the day, but Alstroemeria, Shibayan, and RD-Sounds are my top three

31:How I feel right now? On a scale of 1-10? Ask Ana mains how they feel about onetrick Genjis stuck in low Silver, and convert that to a number. 

32:Someone I love: Already tagged @daxreythaak

33:My current relationship status Taken by ^

34:My relationship with my parents? FUCK NO

35:Favourite holiday: yule/Winter Solstice 

36:Tattoos and piercing i have: None

37:Tattoos and piercing i want: None

38:The reason I joined Tumblr: Long story short, @the-cursed-swordsman is a fucking cool blog.

39:Do I and my last ex hate each other? Normally? No. Presently? Fucking pissed at him for something that happened an hour ago

40:Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? The latter, occasionally

41:Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? EW NO! She has 44 years on me and I could go on for ages ranting about why that’s a bad idea

42:When did I last hold hands? Either this morning, 8:30 AM or last night, 8:00 PM

43:How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? Depends on how long I’m given. On a day where I have nothing to do? Three to five hours. Emergency? Three to five seconds, depending on how quickly I can get my legs over the edge of the bed 

44:Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? No

45:Where am I right now? Work

46:If I were drunk &; can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? The morgue. I don’t drink.

47:Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? Reasonable. Normally.

48:Do I live with my Mom and Dad? I’d murder the former and the latter hasn’t been in my life for twelve years now. Thank god. No.

49:Am I excited for anything? POP|CULTURE 6, Alstroemeria Records

50:Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

51:How often do I wear a fake smile? Nope!

52:When was the last time I hugged someone? Today, 9-ish AM

53:What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? I’d be confused as hell...

54:Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? Probably

55:What is something I disliked about today? Everything but Plug and so far, this list

56:If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Nah, I’m content as I am

57:What do I think about most? Anxiety things!

58:What’s my strangest talent? I guess I can kick myself in the face if I want to? Don’t ask how I learned that or where I got a prize for it?

59:Do I have any strange phobias? Silence

60:Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind.

61:What was the last lie I told? “Fine, I won’t drag you into this discussion”.

62:Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? Chatting online. I hate phone calls.

63:Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? If they exist, they exist. If they eventually matter, they eventually matter.  However, they do not matter to me at this moment, therefore they are not something I am concerned with

64:Do I believe in magic? To an extent

65:Do I believe in luck? Aye

66:What’s the weather like right now? Cloudy

67:What was the last book I’ve read? The Iron Druid Chronicles book two, Hexed, I think?

68:Do I like the smell of gasoline? No?

69:Do I have any nicknames? Plenty

70:What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? Rolled my ankle once. Hurt worse than the road rash from ditching my bike when a car cut me off, so probably more severe. I don’t get injured. I get sick.

71:Do I spend money or save it? Spend...

72:Can I touch my nose with a tounge? With someone else’s, yes

73:Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? Grammar. And no.

74:Favourite animal? DO YOU HAVE TO ASK?

75:What was I doing last night at 12 AM? Getting ready for bed. The night before that? Talking to people

76:What do I think is Satan’s last name is? Zhou.

77:What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7xai5u_tnk

78:How can you win my heart? Nope!

79:What would I want to be written on my tombstone? Something that other people will see as fitting

80:What is my favorite word?

81:My top 5 blogs on tumblr

82:If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

83:Do I have any relatives in jail?

84:I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?

85:What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

86:What is my current desktop picture? I have entire folder of these that I could share sometime if anyone wants me to.

87:Had sex? Yes

88:Bought condoms? Yes

89:Gotten pregnant? No

90:Failed a class? Only once, when sabotaged by my mother. I was still one of the best students in that class

91:Kissed a boy? Aye

92:Kissed a girl? Yup

93:Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? I think so?

94:Had job? Kinda

95:Left the house without my wallet? Who needs a wallet when you’re broke?

96:Bullied someone on the internet? Yes

97:Had sex in public? Kinda

98:Played on a sports team? No

99:Smoked weed? Not actively, though my stepdad was a dealer and the house always smelled of it

100:Did drugs? HELL no

101:Smoked cigarettes? Nope

102:Drank alcohol? Kinda, leaning no.

103:Am I a vegetarian/vegan? No.

104:Been overweight? Aye

105:Been underweight? No

106:Been to a wedding? Once

107:Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Frequently

108:Watched TV for 5 hours straight? When younger

109:Been outside my home country? Yes

110:Gotten my heart broken? Kinda?

111:Been to a professional sports game? Twice

112:Broken a bone? No

113:Cut myself? Never intentionally. I’ve cut myself ON things, but I’ve never self-harmed

114:Been to prom? And hated the picture from it

115:Been in airplane? No

116:Fly by helicopter? No

117:What concerts have I been to? I’d rather not...

118:Had a crush on someone of the same sex? What part of “Sexuality? Yes.” do you not get? Yes.

119:Learned another language? Partially

120:Wore make up? Yes

121:Lost my virginity before I was 18? No, actually

122:Had oral sex? Yes

123:Dyed my hair? It would kill me

124:Voted in a presidential election? No, the only one that I’ve been old enough to vote in was the most recent one, and at that point I was stuck in legal limbo between two counties and couldn’t get to where I was registered

125:Rode in an ambulance? No

126:Had a surgery? Not yet

127:Met someone famous? Kinda?

128:Stalked someone on a social network? Kinda

129:Peed outside? Yes

130:Been fishing? Yes

131:Helped with charity? Yes

132:Been rejected by a crush? Kinda? But not really.

133:Broken a mirror? Yes

134:What do I want for birthday? A “my” in this question. Also for people not to pay attention to it. Or maybe a new laptop would be nice

135:How many kids do I want and what will be their names? Five. Nope. Nuh-uh. Not gonna happen. Never. And Fat Chance. Really though, please no kids

136:Was I named after anyone? No

137:Do I like my handwriting? No

138:What was my favourite toy as a child? I don’t remember

139:Favourite Tv Show? Presently? Rick and Morty, though I watch it online.

140:Where do I want to live when older? Somewhere peaceful

141:Play any musical instrument? No

142:One of my scars, how did I get it? Set my hand on a broken mirror.

143:Favourite pizza toping? Topping. Bacon?

144:Am I afraid of the dark? No

145:Am I afraid of heights? Kinda?

146:Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? Gotten caught? Almost. Once. Though it wasn’t “bad”, per-se. My mother walked into my room unannounced during my first ever orgasm. That was... Interesting. She still doesn’t know about this.

147:Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? Aye

148:What I’m really bad at: Lots of things

149:What my greatest achievments are

150:The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: I don’t really hold on to things like that

151:What I’d do if I won in a lottery Invest

152:What do I like about myself: Well, I’m a fairly influential person when I choose to be, and I’m fairly good at pulling through tough spots

153:My closest Tumblr friend Not a contest, so not answering

154:Something I fantasise about: [REDACTED]