#yes its like the zalkas/glib fic

[blitzendoggo]

Baby, It's Cold Outside

Glib and Goodbid are trapped in a snowstorm together and cuddles seem like the best way to warm up.

Glib/Goodbid (2644 words)

~~~

Glib is going to murder S.G.

She is going to be drank like a Capri Sun, maybe Canyon too.

Glib and Mr. Goodbid are stuck in an abandoned cabin in the middle of nowhere because S.G. decided that they should go adventuring in the middle of winter. Canyon was onboard with the idea before S.G. had even finished out lining the plan. Glib had, of course, protested but once S.G.'s mind is set on something, nothing can talk her out of it. Goodbid had tried to point out that it was supposed to blizzard soon, but S.G. ignored him and now here they were.

They have no idea where S.G. and Canyon are -they got separate when the snow started coming down harder- and they can only hope that they are safe. They weren't too far from the town they originally came from, so maybe they made it back there. In any case, S.G. can shape shift into something resistant to the cold and Canyon has fur while Glib and Goodbid are drenched to the bone and shaking cold.

"At least we found shelter," Goodbid, ever the optimist, points out. He's taken off his hat and coat jacket. He rings them both out before throwing them over the dusty chair. He eyes the fireplace, which thankfully has wood in it, for a moment before turning back to Glib. "You wouldn't happen to know any fire spells, would ya?"

"No," Glib says, pulling his cloak tighter around him. It's dripping wet, but it's all he's got.

Goodbid sighs and kneels in front of the fireplace. He opens his briefcase and pulls out a flint and steel. It takes a few tries to get the fire going. "Ya know, you should really take that cloak off," Goodbid says over his shoulder as he nurses the small flames into a huge blaze. "It's only gonna make ya colder."

"Well, we don't really have any other clothes and it's not like I can wear anything else anyway," Glib snaps. "I burn through fabric, remember."

"Yeah, but the sopping wet cloak is doing more harm than good," Goodbid counters. He sits cross legged in front of the fire and unbuttons his vest. He holds the vest in his hand for a moment before sighing. He stands up back up, grumbling about stiff joints, and drags the chair over. He throws his vest onto the seat and sets the chair directly in front of the flame, hoping to make the drying process go a little swifter. "At least join me by the fire," Goodbid says, patting the floor next to him.

Glib walks over begrudgingly before plopping down next to Goodbid, leaving about a foot in between them. They sit in silence before Goodbid mutters "Oh to hell with it," and pulls his suspenders off his shoulders while he stands up. He unbuttons his dress shirt while he wanders around the cabin looking for blankets of any sort.

"Ah ha!" He yells triumphantly when he finds an entire closet of fur blankets. "These aren't fabric; therefore, you won't burn through them!" Goodbid says as he drops the blankets next to Glib. "So, strip."

Glib stares at him in an unamused manner. "I hate you," he grumbles as he takes off the cloak, immediately snatching a fur blanket and wrapping it tightly around himself. Thank god for magic loopholes and for Goodbid's knowledge of them. Goodbid takes the cloak from him and walks over to the other side of the cabin in order to wring it out. Once it's not literally dripping wet, Goodbid drags the other chair next to the fire and spreads it out on top of it. He takes off his dress shirt and places it next to the fire, leaving him in his dress pants and socks with no shirt.

"You don't wear an under shirt?" Glib asks as he stares at Goodbid's unsurprisingly fit chest. He's not super muscular but he has a defined chest.

"Normally? Yes, I do, but I haven't gotten around to mending all of them -they get holes in them when we fight things, ya see- and so I just decided to go without it," Goodbid explains.

"I bet you regret that decision," Glib jokes.

"Not really, it would also be wet right now, I'd just have to take it off too," Goodbid says casually as he starts unbuttoning his pants.

"Woah! Woah! What are you doing?!" Glib exclaims as he looks away from Goodbid.

Goodbid laughs good naturedly. "Sorry, Glib, I forgot to warn ya!" He apologizes. "I need to take off my pants too, they are as wet as my suit jacket."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever man," Glib grumbles, eyes trained on the fire.

"Throw me one of the furs, would ya?" Goodbid asks. Glib can hear water hitting the floor and he assumes he is wringing out his pants.

"You're leaving your underwear on, right?" Glib asks as he throws one of the blankets over his shoulder.

"Now, Glib," Goodbid says in a jokingly scolding manner, "I am a southern gentleman! You don't just get to see everything for free." He walks back to Glib with the blanket wrapped around his shoulders.

"Well, you certainly aren't leaving much to the imagination," Glib says as he looks Goodbid up and down. He's slim, obviously, but what Glib didn't expect was for him to be toned. It's not like he works out, but he is definitely strong.

The mustached man laughs and grabs another fur blanket and spreads it out and sits down. He crosses his legs and places his elbows on his knees, leaning towards the fire. Glib tries very hard not to stare. He tries to keep his eyes on the flames flickering in front of him, but his eyes keep getting drawn back to the shadows dancing across Goodbid's mostly naked form. And honestly, who can blame Glib? He's never seen Goodbid in anything less than a three-piece suit. Even when its ungodly hot, Goodbid wears his suit jacket.

The only time Glib has seen him without the jacket on was when they were sleeping in a forest after getting lost, and Goodbid was using it as a blanket.

So, forgive him for staring a little.

For staring a lot.

Glib doesn't notice the blanket around his shoulders slipping until Goodbid reaches over and pulls them back up.

"Like what ya see?" He asks teasingly. He flexes his arms a little, barely biting back a laugh when Glib intently watches the movement.

"Huh?" Glib asks blinking slowly. He grabs the edges of his fur blanket and pulls it tighter as Goodbid's smile becomes a little more genuine and less like his businessman smile.

"I saw you starin'," Goodbid teases.

If Glib's skin was anything other than black and blue, his furious red blush would be painfully obvious.

"Well, can you blame me? You're always wearing a full suit, and now you are sitting here in your underwear!" Glib counters, pulling the blanket up to hide his face.

Goodbid laughs with his full chest. "Well, if you want me to wear less, all you had to do was ask," Goodbid says coyly, leaning towards Glib.

Glib side-eyes him. "I'm not going to think about the implications of what you just said," Glib says slowly as he keeps his eyes determinedly on the fire. Goodbid laughs before sitting up straight again turning back towards the fire.

They sit in a comfortable silence for several minutes, listening to the storm rage on outside with the contrast of the fire popping and cracking and the sound of their calm breathing.

Glib doesn't notice when he starts shaking until he is literally vibrating with his teeth chattering uncontrollably.

"You okay there, Glib?" Mr. Goodbid asks with a genuine concern.

"It's fucking cold, and I'm a frog. What do you think?" Glib snaps.

"Aye, no need to get mean with me," Goodbid chides. He thinks for a moment before reaching over and tugging Glib towards him.

"What-?"

"You'll freeze over there," Goodbid says matter-of-factly. Goodbid tries to arrange Glib in his lap, but the frogman keeps struggling and pulling away. "Sit still, would ya?"

"No!" Glib says. "Have you lost your mind?" Goodbid looks at him as if he's the crazy one. "Look, no offense, but we are both practically naked. I wouldn't sit in your lap when we both had clothes on, so like hell will I do it when we don't."

Goodbid considers him for a moment before shaking his head. "The best way to warm up is skin on skin contact," Goodbid says firmly. "So, unless you have a better plan..." he trails off and pats his legs.

Glib glares at him before grumbling something about murdering S.G. and Canyon. He picks up a smaller fur (probably from a hare or something similar) and sets it across Goodbid's crotch. "So, I don't burn through your underwear," Glib explains under his breath before he slowly sits down on Goodbid's lap, like he's worried it's a trap. Goodbid waits patiently for Glib to settle on the edge of his lap before putting is arms around Glib and unceremoniously pulling him back so that his chest his flush with Glib's back.

"Skin on skin contact, remember?" Goodbid says lowly since they are so close together. Glib doesn't manage to suppress his shiver, but thankfully it is hidden among the rest of his full body tremors. Goodbid talking like that directly in his ear while they are both effectively naked is simply not fair.

"Ye-yeah sure, what-whatever," Glib says as his teeth still chatter. He's warming up much faster now, but considering he was nearly frostbitten before, he's still ridiculously cold.

They sit in silence for a while. Goodbid waits until Glib's not shaking like a leaf in the wind before asking, "shouldn't you be immune to the cold? You aren't alive."

"Well, if I couldn't feel anything, then yeah, the cold wouldn't bother me, but because I can feel things being undead makes it worse. I can't produce any heat, and I'm a frog on top of that," Glib explains. He's relaxed back into Goodbid and is fighting to stay awake. Despite being so slim, Goodbid makes a remarkably good pillow.

"Makes sense, makes sense," Goodbid murmurs. He places his chin onto Glib's head as he watches the fire with hooded eyes. "Do you miss being human?" Goodbid asks before tensing. "I'm sorry if that's rude of me to ask."

"Nah, you're good," Glib says, opening one eye to glance up at Goodbid. "You're full of questions tonight," Glib teases.

"Well, it's the first time we've been left one-on-one in a long time..." Goodbid says. He tightens his hold for a moment before relaxing it in a shrugging manner. "You can ask me something in return," he offers.

"Hm, deal," Glib says after a moment. "I don't necessarily miss being human I miss being tall and having clothes that actually fit," Glib says as he closes his eyes again. "Alright, my turn. What's your first name? We've always just called you Mr. Goodbid."

"It's Johnny," Goodbid says with a laugh.

Glib is silent for a moment before it clicks. "You're joking," he says. He shifts until he can look up at Goodbid. "Tell me you're kidding."

Goodbid shakes his head.

"You're telling me that your legal name is Johnny?"

Goodbid nods with a coy smile. "Johnny B. Goodbid! Don't wear it out," he finishes with a wink.

Glib out right laughs at that.

"Alright, alright, my turn," Goodbid says once Glib calms down. "What did you look like?"

"Oh, I was the most generic human. I was 6-foot-nothing, short light-brown hair, dark brown eyes, slightly tan skin," Glib says flippantly. "I could really disappear into a crowd because I was really nothing to look at."

"Sounds handsome," Goodbid says.

"Nah, I was painfully average," Glib says with a rueful chuckle. "Okay, uh, do you have any siblings?"

"Oh, did I never tell you guys that I'm the oldest of six?" Goodbid asks.

"No!" Glib says shocked.

"Yeah, I've got five little siblings. It's the reason I'm good with kids but I hate them. In order we've got me, Garry, Ein, Thomas -who is married to a lovely person named Linx and has an adopted daughter named Ruth- William, and my poor baby sister Mellany."

"That's a lot of people for one house," Glib says teasingly.

"You're telling me," Goodbid says wistfully. "You guys should meet them one day, they'd love y'all."

"I'm not sure I can handle eight Goodbids," Glib says with a chuckle before yawning loudly, cutting their conversation short.

Silence falls over them once again while they fall in and out of consciousness, both eventually falling asleep in front of the warm fire to wait out the snowstorm.