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quicksilversquared · 4 years ago

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The Substitute Ladybug: Chapter 6

After Lila takes things too far and Marinette ends up with a broken leg, Paris is going to have to deal with a different superhero arrangement for a bit. Having to share her superhero identity with her parents before Hawkmoth can be defeated isn’t something that Marinette had planned on doing, but- well, it might end up being a bit of a blessing in disguise.

links in the reblog

Marinette entered school Thursday morning to find Chloe and Adrien in what appeared to be a very heated discussion in the corner of the classroom. Chloe's expression was switching back and forth between furious, pleading, and absolutely aloof as they talked, and at one point, she stomped her foot. Adrien flinched at that, but only for a fraction of a second before he squared his shoulders again and raised his chin, clearly determined.

Marinette ducked her head down and tried to focus on her sketchbook. Normally when her classmates got into arguments with Chloe she tried to step in and provide some backup, but Adrien and Chloe's relationship was different. As much as Marinette didn't understand it, the two of them had a history and in the past, her trying to step in didn't work out so well. It just put Chloe on the defense, and made things harder to solve instead of easier. Even if she kept her distance- well, Chloe would try to throw a fit about her eavesdropping.

So she did her best to not eavesdrop, but it was hard not to overhear the stray word here and there. "Bully" and "unacceptable" came up several times, as well as more than a few exclamations of "ridiculous!" from Chloe. And then, quieter but still loud enough to be heard, "but you promised..."

"That promise was based on the assumption that you would continue doing better, Chloe," Adrien said firmly, stepping away from Chloe. "And you haven't. And I can't tolerate you bullying my other friends."

Chloe turned up the sniffles. "So you're breaking your promise? To be friends forever?"

Marinette couldn't resist the urge to glance up at that. This was usually the point when Adrien would cave to whatever Chloe wanted, when she turned on the tears. This time, though, his expression didn't waver.

"You're just being manipulative now," Adrien said, stepping back. "I told you why. You just don't want to do any work to be better, and that's not fair. I shouldn't have to be making excuses for you all the time."

"Excuses?!" Chloe snapped, and now it was impossible not to overhear. "Excuses for what?"

Adrien looked absolutely incredulous. "Uh, for your bullying? For how you behave? For how mean you are to my other friends? For-" He gave himself a shake. "Actually, you know what, I'm not going to go over this all over again. I've already told you my reasoning. You know what you need to do better on if you want me to be your friend again. And I'm not going to argue about it."

And with that, Adrien turned away from Chloe, steeping away and heading back to his seat. As soon as his back was fully to Chloe, Marinette could see the nerves surfacing in his expression, nerves that he hadn't let show before. Clearly he was going out of his comfort zone by standing up to Chloe, but this time he was standing firm.

Her heart skipped as Adrien let out a short breath before pulling himself together, shaking off his nerves and squaring his shoulders up again before sitting down in his seat. That- that was really attractive. One of her biggest reservations- one of her biggest concerns, really- about Adrien and her crush on him had been his friendship with Chloe (as nonexistent as that friendship seemed sometimes, considering that he seemed to prefer hanging out with basically anyone else) and his reluctance to call Chloe out for her bullying.

It- well, it had been frustrating, sometimes. But now- this time, Adrien hadn't backed off when Chloe grew upset. Yet, at least. It was still early.

Either way, it was a step in the right direction. Hopefully.

Chloe sulked for the entire morning. She sent pouty looks at Adrien on and off all morning, clearly hoping for a change in heart, but Adrien didn't even glance in her direction. There were a few times when he almost did, but he caught himself right away.

"Ugh, I hope she doesn't get akumatized again," Alya muttered as she glanced at Chloe sulking in her seat as everyone else packed up for lunch. "Every time Chloe gets akumatized, something bad happens. Or at least it seems that way."

Marinette nodded in agreement, automatically checking her bag to make sure that the box with the Horse in it was still safely stashed in its pocket. Thankfully, with the change in Guardians and the corresponding change in the shape of the Miraculous Box, the shape of the temporary housing boxes had changed too, to a more circular shape that somewhat resembled her yo-yo, and it didn't make nearly as strangely-shaped of a lump as the other box style would have against the fabric. With that change- well, hopefully it wouldn't stand out enough for anyone to question what it was. So far, she had been lucky.

"Then again, maybe Hawkmoth won't bother," Alya mused after a pause, gathering up the last of her things and heading for the door. Marinette followed on her crutches at once, not wanting to miss the latest on superhero gossip. "After all, it's been- what? Five days since the last attack? I think that one really rattled Hawkmoth, because everyone that was nearby swore that Mayura got hit by Sting right away and the superheroes just dodged all of the akuma's beams, no problem. And actually- did you know Max analyzed the footage with Markov, and he says that the chances of that happening, especially with a completely new team member in the mix, were, like, single digits. So it's insane that they managed it. And in such a short, intense fight, too- like, they got right in there instead of trying to fight from a distance!"

Marinette hid a smile. Those sounded like fairly accurate percentages, honestly, considering the number of resets that she had had to do for entirely getting-hit-by-akuma-beams reasons. "That's pretty cool."

"Yeah, and I wanted to post his calculations and analysis of that, but Nino pointed on that it might spur on the Ladybug-vs-Coccinelle debate and I didn't want that." Alya let out a long sigh. "This whole thing- all of the sudden inexplicable improvement- it's weird. When Coccinelle first showed up, the fights were pretty comparable in length to when Ladybug was there, and then they just changed like a switch was flipped." She frowned. "Like there was some other change. But I can't figure out what."

"Maybe there was," Marinette suggested. "And- I mean, Ladybug's probably still been involved, right? Since normally she's the one giving the Miraculous out and a couple extra ones came into play?"

Alya snapped her fingers. "Yes!" she exclaimed, pointing at Marinette. Then she frowned again, her hand drooping back to her side. "Unless she just gave access to the other Miraculous to Chat Noir or Coccinelle. Probably Chat Noir, because why would she put a temporary holder, even a long-term one, in charge of that? She didn't even let other temporary holders keep their Miraculous for more than one battle in a row."

...Marinette was detecting a bit of jealousy there, but she wasn't going to try to call Alya out on it. After all, even now, Alya wasn't supposed to tell anyone about being Rena Rouge, and sensing jealousy wouldn't make sense unless Marinette already knew (or just suspected, but Alya probably wouldn't think of that) about Alya's superhero identity.

"That's what I'm assuming given the evidence, at least," Alya added hastily after a second, glancing back at Marinette as they headed across the courtyard and towards the locker rooms. "Since we never had the same temps show up for two battles in a row."

Marinette smothered a grin. "Right."

"I'd try to get in after a fight and ask questions, but with the short fights- unless I'm nearby to start with or they don't show up right away, I can't get there fast enough," Alya added. "And I kind of doubt that Chat Noir would answer much more about Ladybug's absence. Vacation, burn-out, and illness seem to be the top theories on the Ladyblog, but I bet he wouldn't want to narrow down the field of people who might be Ladybug by confirming anything."

That was the understatement of the century. Her partner wasn't going to do or say anything that would further risk her identity. In fact, she and Chat Noir had discussed the possibility of asking her mom to maybe be Coccinelle again for a week or two later in the year, just to throw people off, just in case anyone was suspicious about the timing of Marinette's broken leg.

If nothing else, random reappearances of Coccinelle might help put Hawkmoth on edge and a bit more cautious about coming out and joining the battle himself, knowing that Ladybug and Coccinelle could swap out without warning. If he and Mayura ventured out, they could end up in a normal battle against Ladybug or Chat Noir, or they could end up on the losing side of an intense 5-minute battle against Coccinelle and Chat Noir.

...really, the more she thought about it, the more appealing the idea to swap out teams on a random basis sounded. It would keep Hawkmoth guessing and hopefully off-balance, which was right where they wanted him.

"D'you think that Chloe's gonna try to throw another party to get back in your good graces, Adrien?" Nino asked from behind them, pulling Marinette out of her musings about how often Coccinelle might come out again after her leg was fully healed. "Since it worked last time?"

Adrien snorted, and both Alya and Marinette abandoned their conversation to step back and join the boys. "Maybe, maybe not. I mean, it didn't exactly end great, did it? Chloe didn't want anyone finding out about her bear, and then the whole school did. And having to be on her best host behavior for several hours clearly wasn't easy, plus her mom is at the Grand Paris now. She might put her foot down about having a bunch of collegèe students running all over the hotel for an entire evening." He shrugged. "And it's not going to impress me now. She's actually got to keep it up if I'm going to want to be friends with her. Or even tolerate her company outside of the classroom, really."

Nino squinted at him for a minute, then blinked. "Who are you, and what have you done with Adrien Agreste?"

"Har, har," Adrien retorted, tugging on Nino's arm before he could walk straight into a wall. He didn't look nearly as confident as before, glancing away uncomfortably before looking back at Nino. "It's just that, well, I've realized that she isn't a very good friend, and I'm not being a great friend to you guys when I don't say anything about her being a bully. And maybe she'll eventually decide that she doesn't care about whether I'm her friend anymore and go back to being a bully, but maybe she won't. Or she won't behave as badly, or- well, even a little reprieve is a good thing, right?" He sighed. "Though stopping altogether would be better."

Marinette bit her tongue. In all honesty, she really, really doubted that Chloe would stop bullying people. She had been doing it for so long that it was habit now, and why should she stop? When she bullied people and ordered everyone around, she got her way. The loss of one friend- one friend who had been spending practically no time with her anyway, since Adrien clearly preferred to hand out with their more pleasant classmates- was probably less of a sacrifice than suddenly no longer getting her way on everything.

"But I guess we'll see," Adrien finished, glancing back towards the classroom once more before resolutely turning away. "We can only hope for the best, really. So. Uh." He glanced around, clearly wanting to change the subject but struggling for a topic. His eyes landed on Marinette's crutches. "What's new? Marinette, how's your leg feeling?"

"It's healing," Marinette said, trying not to make the words sound as robotic as they felt. She shrugged as much as she could with the crutches. "I'm halfway done with the crutches, though. Hopefully, at least. The doctors said that it could be six to eight weeks until the cast could get removed, though they were leaning more towards six." She made a face. "I hope it's only six weeks. I want to be able to go back up to my room. And I'm tired of stairs being difficult."

Alya made a funny noise that was very quickly smothered. Marinette gave her a dark look.

"Stairs aren't normally difficult, I just sometimes go too fast!"

Alya looked like she sorely wanted to say something about that but couldn't. Adrien just nodded, though, completely sympathetic.

It didn't take long for them to drop off notebooks and gather their things to bring home for lunch. Nino and Alya darted off for a lunchtime date in the park, waving over their shoulders as they dashed off in their hurry to not waste any of their lunch hour. Adrien lingered by Marinette's side like he always did, making sure that her crutches didn't get knocked over by the other students rushing through the locker room.

It had flustered her at first, but she had gotten used to Adrien's concern and his chivalry over the past couple weeks and had adapted to it. She had had to, because it was either that or end up in a Marinette puddle by the end of the day because he was always right there and ready to help her at a moment's notice.

With a bit of help from Adrien to get down the stairs in front of the school, it didn't take long for Marinette to reach the (mostly) even footing of the sidewalk. She thanked him with a quick kiss to his cheek, then hopped towards the bakery, dodging the other students as best as she could as everyone scattered for lunch.

Dodging was much easier when she didn't have crutches and a cast and could maneuver more easily, but at least most people tended to give her a wide berth. Marinette suspected that at least a few were worried that she might topple over and whack everyone with her crutches on her way down.

"How was school?" Tikki called as soon as Marinette made her way up to the kitchen and through the door. She was perched on Mrs. Cheng's shoulder as she warmed up lunch for Marinette. "Did it go well?"

"Someone made sure to lean down for his thank-you kiss today!" Sass called out, flitting out of Marinette's purse with an impish snicker. "He's looking forward to it now!"

Mrs. Cheng raised an amused eyebrow at Marinette while she spluttered. "A thank-you kiss?"

"I- uh- well-" Marinette spluttered, blushing bright red. "It's just- he always waits for me at my locker to make sure my crutches don't get knocked over, and then he's been carrying me piggyback down the stairs, and just being really sweet, and, uh..."

Tikki was giggling. "So he gets a kiss?"

"A cheek kiss!" Marinette clarified hastily. This was why she hadn't told her kwami (or Alya) about the cheek kisses, because she knew they would tease her. "As a thank-you! Or a hug, but he seems to like the cheek kisses and he leaned down for it today so that it would be easy for me to reach."

Tikki cheered and zipped over to Marinette. "That's good news! It's progress, right?"

"Or he's decided that it's a normal thing to do between friends," Marinette told her kwami with a little laugh. She had been working hard on not getting her hopes up or reading too far into Adrien's behavior. Doing so would just end with her stumbling over her words. "I doubt that he's seeing it as anything more."

"Yes, but he's clearly comfortable enough with you to encourage you to be in his space," Mrs. Cheng chimed in, stepping over to the table with a plate and cup for Marinette. She smiled at her daughter as she pulled out the chair for her. "And it's always nice if you're getting comfortable enough with each other to share casual touches like that."

Marinette just ducked her head, unable to keep the blush off of her face.

"So other than thanking Adrien for helping you out with getting around school, how was your morning?" Mrs. Cheng asked. She brought over her own plate of food, settling across from Marinette at the table. "Anything interesting?"

"Adrien is standing up against Chloe," Marinette told her mom, remembering the conversation that she had partially overheard from that morning. "He's told her that he's not going to be her friend when she's bullying people." After a moment, she frowned. "He seemed determined about it, but also really uncomfortable, somehow. Nino was teasing him about it, since the last time Adrien told her that, she went right back to being a bully right away, and Adrien just changed topics right away."

Mrs. Cheng smiled, setting her fork down. "Adrien is probably self-conscious about it, and drawing more attention to what he's doing is just making him uncomfortable. I'm sure he'd prefer quiet, private assurances that he's doing the right thing over teasing, no matter how friendly the teasing is."

Marinette frowned at that, puzzled. "Why would he be self-conscious about that, though? I don't understand."

"Because he's probably only recently realized what kinds of effects his friendship with Chloe and his excuses for her are having on his other friends," Mrs. Cheng told her. Her smile turned sad. "And a realization like that- well, it would be a bit uncomfortable that he hadn't realized it before, when it probably seems obvious looking back. So then he wants to make things right, which means going against habit. Habit, and I assume what he's been taught by his parents as well."

Marinette considered that. It made sense, but... "What his parents taught him?"

"Mr. Agreste seems the sort to drill in 'don't rock the boat' as an acceptable life lesson," Mrs. Cheng said, her nose screwed up in distaste. "And not the sort to want to point out what kinds of behaviors are right or wrong, or else he'd run the risk of Adrien knowing how very terrible Mr. Agreste's behavior can be." The nose scrunch intensified. "It's easier to just not bother to teach those lessons. More convenient, too."

"So if he's not been taught, then how would he be noticing now?" Marinette asked. She took a quick bite, then glanced up at her mom again. "Or do you think it's been something that's building up over time?"

"Well, it's impossible to know for sure, but I would assume that maybe a trusted adult mentioned something." Mrs. Cheng got up as the teapot started whistling, pouring herself a cup before returning to the table. "Now that he's going to school, he's coming into contact with more people than he used to. He's meeting more adults than the ones that his father had vetted and has control over. Maybe one of them said something."

Marinette thought about that. It had to have been a teacher, to see how Adrien and Chloe and all of the other students interacted, but that didn't seem right, somehow. "I can't see any of the teachers saying anything, though. Madam Mendeleev doesn't really get involved with student lives, and Ms. Bustier- well, she thinks that Chloe will get better if we're just nice to her all of the time instead of calling her out on being a bully."

"It might not be a teacher," her mom reminded her. She took a sip of tea, then made a slight face. "Ah. Needs honey."

"But how else would they know about what's going on at school?"

"Adrien might have told them," Mrs. Cheng said. She was rummaging through the cupboards now, then smiled as she pulled out her jar of honey. "He may have picked up that something about how he was interacting with others was off, and wanted to figure out what with an outside perspective. It's what Chat Noir has been doing, because- like Adrien- he hasn't had the best adult figures in his life so far."

Marinette bit down the reflexive mum, secret identities!whine that rose in her throat in favor of listening. "Oh?"

"They've had poor social training, but neither of them are stupid. They're bound to pick up on discontent and exasperation when they do things like not speak up about bullying." Mrs. Cheng scooped in a half-spoonful of honey into her tea, then rejoined Marinette at the table. "In their eyes, they were responding correctly to the situation, so why is it causing problems? Noticing that something is wrong and reaching out to figure out how to correct it is hard, and actually changing your own behavior... well, it's very hard. I can tell you that Chat Noir was quite worried that people would make a big deal about it."

Marinette could understand that. When she first started really standing up against Chloe, she had been going out of her comfort zone. Chloe was an established bully with plenty of influence with the teachers, and Marinette... well, she protested against Chloe's bullying, of course, but actually pushing back as hard as she did now hadn't come easily. Just staying out of Chloe's way and not getting into fights- and especially getting into fights on her classmates' behalf- was easier. Just trying to comfort her classmates after the fact was easier- well, until Hawkmoth arrived on the scene and could dig his claws in before she could find them and cheer them up.

After that... well, Marinette had gotten an extra confidence boost from being Ladybug and a whole lot more determination from Alya, and she had thrown herself into pushing back against Chloe. It had been hard, and there had definitely been times when she had maybe not acted when she could have because she was too tired.

And she had started from a completely different point than Adrien had. Marinette had never been friends with Chloe, and Adrien had had years of when Chloe was his only friend. Marinette had been on the receiving end of Chloe's bullying for years and knew what it felt like, while Adrien never had. If her mom was right, Adrien had probably been dissuaded from recognizing and calling out bullying, while she hadn't. He was probably going completely out of his comfort zone.

Which meant that he needed his friends' support, not teasing.

"So do you think that I should say something about it?" Marinette asked. "Like, encouraging him? Or do you think that would embarrass him too?"

Mrs. Cheng smiled. "Well, it depends. Not everyone is the same, and it would be different if you brought it up yourself versus if Adrien had just faced off against Chloe again or someone else brought it up. I'd say that if he brings it up, that might be a good time to mention your support, too."

Marinette nodded. "Right. That makes sense."

"Good." Mrs. Cheng took another sip of her tea. "So, other than that, how was your morning?"

Afternoon classes were still ten minutes away when Marinette returned to school, giving her plenty of time to pick her way up the outside stairs (carefully) and across the courtyard. There were still some students walking around- after all, some people just ate in the cafeteria instead of going home- but for the most part, Marinette had a clear path to the locker room.

"Marinette! Wait up!"

Marinette paused, turning as much as she could to see Adrien trotting towards her, a grin on his face. He caught up to her right away, placing one hand on her shoulder to steady her as she turned back around to head forward again. "Hey! Where's the fire?"

"I wanted to catch up, that's all." Adrien grinned over at her. "You're going really fast on those crutches now. I don't think that I ever get that good when I broke my leg."

Marinette blinked. This... well, this was the first time that she had ever heard of Adrien having broken his leg before, too. Which- well, it was hardly as though there hadn't been chances for him to bring it up before, but maybe he had been worried about looking like he was trying to make himself the center of attention or something. "When you broke your leg?"

Adrien winced. "Yeah. I broke my leg when I was nine, during a basketball game against a team of older kids. It got a bit rough, and I ended up getting tripped and going flying." He paused, stepping ahead of her to hold the locker room door open for her to come through. He sent a glare at another student when they ducked through the door he had just opened, apparently oblivious to Marinette's crutches. "It was a pretty serious break, too. And I remember how much it sucked to have to deal with a broken leg. One of the things I hated most was getting my pants on and off every day. Like, even with shorts, it was just so hard to get them over the cast. So I may have begged my parents to just let me wear a skirt instead."

Marinette couldn't help but giggle. "Oh, man, I wish I could have been a fly on the wall for that. I bet your father wasn't thrilled with the idea."

"Not at all," Adrien agreed. "Even though I pointed out that the Scottish have kilts- I thought that was a very compelling argument, actually- and then the ancient Greeks and Romans had tunics. And it wasn't like I was going out in public anyway. But Father wouldn't hear of it." His grin widened. "He did eventually design several pairs of pants that had a zipper running all the way down the side, so that I didn't have to wrestle them over the cast. That was only after I started making and wearing bedsheet togas in protest, though."

Marinette had to stop walking so that she wouldn't fall over while laughing, leaning heavily on her crutches as she tried to imagine Mr. Agreste's face. He was so incredibly straight-laced that she had to imagine that his reaction had probably been either pretty funny or borderline frightening. She herself was glad that it was warm enough outside that dresses and skirts were an entirely practical choice, though she couldn't deny that she was also looking forward to being able to go back to her normal outfits as well.

But pants- capris, maybe?- with a zipper up the side? That was an idea.

...except that her sewing machine was only really accessible via use of the Horse Miraculous, unless she wanted to go up the stairs on her butt, and she was trying not to abuse the Miraculous powers for her own personal benefit. And maybe her mom had offered to bring the sewing machine down, but then she had to think about what materials she would need, and there were just so many components to think about, and she would need to start with a base pattern, which would mean going out to search for one.

Ugh. Fine. She would stick to skirts for now.

"Nino thought that it was a bit weird when I mentioned it," Adrien commented after a moment, neatly catching Marinette's crutch after it slipped out from under her arm because she was laughing so hard. An uncertain look flashing across his face for a moment. "Because 'guys don't wear skirts' or something like that. But I thought you might find it amusing."

"Nino's jealous that he can't pull off a skirt and you can," Marinette said right away, wanting to wipe that insecurity off of Adrien's face. She could totally see Nino being weirded out by the idea of wearing a skirt, but he hadn't ever had a broken leg. He didn't know how inconvenient it was to get dressed with a cast in the way.

And for Adrien, who had all of his clothes closely fitted to give off an ultra-tailored look, it would be super inconvenient.

Adrien laughed properly at that, taking Marinette's backpack so that she could open her locker. "Most of it is in the attitude, I think. If he's uncomfortable, it'll show. If you're fine with it, things tend to look normal."

Marinette nodded. She could understand that. After all, it applied to models normally, too. Sometimes it really was all about how something was presented. "I wish I could have seen that. It sounds like it would have been cute."

Adrien perked up. "Would- would you want to come over sometime and see the photos I have, maybe? Mom took a bunch, since it took Father a couple days to make zip-side shorts that actually worked."

"And you wore a toga the entire time?" Marinette asked. Without waiting for an answer, she grinned. "I'd love to come over. Just let me know when it would be a good time."

Adrien lit up. "Great! I'll definitely ask Nathalie when you can come over. I'll have to frame it as a study session, probably," he added. "Just in case Father is still being a stick in the mud about the whole thing and doesn't want me to tell anyone about it. So we'll have to do some studying, too, to make it realistic. And it might not be right away, either, since I don't know how full my schedule will be."

"Oh, no, how terrible," Marinette deadpanned, smiling wider when Adrien snickered. He had been super self-conscious about his father's habit of having Nathalie or the Gorilla check in on him and his friends when they were over there to study at first, so it was good to see that he wasn't so worried about how they would react anymore. Adrien knew that they weren't going to judge him for his father's over-supervision. "Studying? How will I survive?"

As Adrien laughed harder, Marinette could only smile over at him fondly. After how uncomfortable Adrien had clearly been that morning, it was good to see him relaxed and laughing again. Maybe it wouldn't last long- after all, once Chloe returned from lunch, it was very likely that she would make another attempt at getting Adrien swayed back to her side- but for now, Marinette would just enjoy their time together.

#Miraculous Ladybug #my writing #The Substitute Ladybug #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste

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ookamikasumi-writer · 7 years ago

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Tricks to Tight 'Sneaky' DESCRIPTION

Art by Messa

How would you convey what is happening in this picture? - How would you describe this character? - Her actions? - Her setting? - Her mood?

Getting the IMAGE on Paper

Avoid Simple Nouns: The door, the car, the tree, the house, the sword, the dress, the hat... Write instead: The French doors, the Subaru, the oak, the Victorian cottage... Using a Specific Noun, rather than a simple and vague noun, automatically pops in description.

Adjectives are your Friend!

Adjectives give your objects and locations emotional flavor and impact. The trick is not to over-do it! Moderation - moderation - moderation.

One adjective per Noun: Put in an Adjective -- in addition -- to a specific Noun. The ornate French tapestry, the rusty Subaru, the yellow Victorian cottage.

Two adjectives per Sensation: Sight, Sound, Taste, Texture, Scent - are all perceived through the senses. The glaringly red French doors, the seductively throbbing jazz, the creamy bite of yogurt, the nubby white dishcloth, the pungent musk of wet dog.

The Not-So Dreaded -ly Words.

Every once in a while you will hear someone whine that you shouldn't use words that end in -ly. The "No -ly words!" whiners are usually the same people that say: "Don't use Adjectives!" Think People! How the heck are you supposed to describe something without adjectives? You CAN'T.

The "No -ly Words" rule DOES NOT APPLY to Fiction!

This rule comes from Basic School Grammar - grammar that was intended for NON-fiction, such as Reports and other boring description-less education-related or business-related writing. On the other hand, Fiction THRIVES on description!

Still Feeling Guilty?

If you can find another word that says the same thing without ending in -ly, use it. If you can't, then use what you have and DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

Making the Reader FEEL the Passion You want PASSION? Make the prose PURPLE!

Seriously. Sensually-Descriptive and Erotically-charged words are the key to Romantic and Sexually-charged fiction. If it implies a Sense - sound, taste, sight, texture, scent - you're halfway there!

So, where do you get them there what's-it words? From Trained Professionals: Other Writers. I pulled out my favorite trashy novels and hunted down phrases that really caught my attention and then I made a list of all the PRETTY words.

salacious humor

carnal gratification

languorous bliss

shrieking culmination

disconcerting stimulation

brutal carnal rapture

exquisite torment

lustful cravings

irresolute yearning

skittish laughter

I also dug through my thesaurus and made another list of all the adjectives I use over and over and over...

Assault - attack, advancing, aggressive, assailing, charging, incursion, inundated, invasion, offensive, onset, onslaught, overwhelmed, ruinous, tempestuous, strike, violation,

Beautiful - admirable, alluring, angelic, appealing, bewitching, charming, dazzling, delicate, delightful, divine, elegant, enticing, exquisite, fascinating, gorgeous, graceful, grand, magnificent, marvelous, pleasing, radiant, ravishing, resplendent, splendid, stunning, sublime,

Dangerous - alarming, critical, fatal, formidable, impending, malignant, menacing, mortal, nasty, perilous, precarious, pressing, serious, terrible, threatening, treacherous, urgent, vulnerable, wicked,

Painful - aching, agonizing, arduous, awful, biting, burning, caustic, dire, distressing, dreadful, excruciating, extreme, grievous, inflamed, piercing, raw, sensitive, severe, sharp, tender, terrible, throbbing, tormenting,

Okay you got your words! Now...

How & When to Describe it:

Rule of Thumb #1:| -- The moment the POV Character notices it -- DESCRIBE IT!

Picture the scene in your head like a movie. If it shows up in your scene - it belongs on the page.

Rule of Thumb #2: -- Description should always reflect the OPINION of the Viewpoint Character.

Oscar the Grouch is not going to see - or describe - a field of roses the same way as Big Bird. Darth Vader's opinion (and description,) of Yoda is not going to resemble Luke Skywalker's. The Heroine is NOT going to describe the Villain the same way she would her Hero.

Rule of Thumb #3 - Limit your detailed descriptions to stuff that is Relevant.

How do you tell what's relevant & what's not? How IMPORTANT is it to the story? Will this object/setting/character matter later?

If it's Important, then describe it in loving detail.

If it's only incidental, than only the tiniest sketch is needed.

Rule of Thumb #4 - Moderation! Moderation! Moderation!

Once you have described a setting or a person thoroughly, you don’t need to Keep Describing them -- unless they change. A small clue here and there, such as keeping to specific nouns, will do.

WHAT to Describe:

Scenery: Every new scene should open with a snapshot of description that details the stage the action is about to happen in.

No more than 60 words max. If you need more than that to describe your setting - splice it into your Action.

Location Changes: Every time the scenery changes: every new room, every new view, every new place they arrive at - gets described; so the reader can see it, and experience it too -- but don't go overboard.

If your story is based in the normal contemporary world, what the Setting looks like only matters in their immediate location and how it affects them directly. For example, rain has more of an immediate effect on characters than would sunshine - unless they're a vampire.

Locations get 30 words max, because that's about how much the average person can catch in a single look. The rest of the details should be mixed in between the actions and dialogue as the character gets a better look around.

Note: Fantasy and Sci-Fi Require MORE Description.

In most sci-fi's and fantasies, the otherworldly SETTING is just as important as the characters because the differences between Fantasy & Reality actually affect the plot -- such as things that are possible in a Fantasy setting, but aren't in the normal world, and vice versa.

The snapshot at the beginning of every scene is still the same length (60 words) - but you have to continue to add more description as the characters move through the world.

People: Think of how you see characters in a movie. THAT'S how you describe the people your character sees. Start at the top and describe down. Bottom to Top description implies that the Body is more important than the Mind. It implies that the viewer is looking for sex -- and nothing more.

Note to Fan-Fiction writers: Fantasy Characters should get the opportunity to show off the full extent of their powers at least once because those powers are relevant to who that character is and why they act as they do. People get three whole sentences max. If you need more than three sentences, thread the rest in with the dialogue.

Describing the Viewpoint Character: Yes or No?

YES! YES! YES! I don’t know about you, but when I’m reading a story, I wanna know whose head I'm in -- as soon as I'm in that head! And I want to know what that person LOOKS LIKE! (Damn it...)

Viewpoint Characters only get three sentences just like any other person in the story.

Describing the Viewpoint Character is Tricky -- Literally. You have to use tricks to do it.

The simplest way to describe the POV character is by having them see their reflection, (which, is also why it’s the most common technique.) Try to avoid using mirrors. Mirrors have been done to death.

The other way is by having the character ‘notice’ themselves, one little action at a time. This works best when the character is highly opinionated about their appearance.

EXAMPLE:

The delicately feminine gown strewn across the bed was exactly the type I would refuse to wear under any circumstances. To make matters worse, it was a horrifying shade of fairy-tale iridescent pink. I could not believe they actually expected someone as un-delicate and unfeminine as me to actually wear it – in public! Blue-eyed blonds with hoards of golden curls wore shiny pink gowns. Big strapping girls like me, with long pin-straight black hair and cat-green eyes wore dowdy blue dresses, usually with aprons over them.

The trick I prefer to use is threading the Description into the character's Actions. Using their Actions brings other parts of the character into focus, rather than describe the character in one lump paragraph.

From: INSATIABLE

Good god in heaven, this guy wants sex? With her? Was he out of his mind? She wasn’t unattractive; she’d never had a problem getting dates. Her generous bust-line, more than generous butt, and small waist drew the guys out of the woodwork. But this guy was just too pretty to even consider someone that didn’t come straight from Hollywood. “I’m flattered, really, but…” She pushed up from the bench and her coiled hair teetered precariously on top of her head. She made a quick grab for the chopsticks jammed in the twisted knot of her long dark blonde mane. Several of her charcoals rolled from her sketchbook to land on the floor with the tiniest sound of breaking glass. “Oh, damn…” She abandoned her hair and leaned over the side of the banquette sofa, reaching for the fallen charcoals. Her bare foot struck the wall under the night black window and three of the vampire paperbacks by her knee were knocked to the floor. She groaned in annoyance. It figures… A cute guy and I am an instant klutz. Lifting her feet carefully over the backpack hogging the far end of the sofa, she turned on her belly to get her feet on the floor. Not the sexiest move in the world. Just call me Grace. She hunched down to gather the fallen books and broken charcoals. The man crouched at her side and collected one of her fallen vampire books. A black brow rose as he scanned the back cover. “What interesting reading material.” Elaine’s cheek heated as she stood. “Yes, I read trashy romances.” She leaned over the sofa to stuff her charcoals and her other two books into her back pack. “It’s a girl thing.” “This is a romance?” “A trashy romance; it has sex in it.” Elaine glanced over her shoulder and froze. He was still crouched, but the book was forgotten in his hand. He was focused entirely on the curve of her jean-clad butt, bent less than a foot from his nose. His midnight stare lifted from her butt to capture her gaze. “Then you like sex?” Elaine swallowed the lump in her throat. Oh boy, I really stepped in that one. She stood upright slowly, trying to gather what dignity she could, and then turned around to face him. “Yes, I like sex.” It was too late to deny it now. She tugged the hem of her thick white cable knit sweater down over her hips, and butt. She held out her hand. “My book please?”

Using Description Wisely!

Once you have described a setting or a person thoroughly, you DON'T need to Keep Describing them -- unless they change. A small clue here and there, such as keeping to specific nouns, will do.

For example, in the above excerpt, the man was not described, though Elaine was - and thoroughly. Why was that? Because I HAD ALREADY DESCRIBED HIM in a previous part of the story, this part in fact:

From: INSATIABLE

“Might I have your company for the night?” “Huh?” Elaine glanced up from her belly-down sprawl across the private compartment’s plush banquette sofa. The art deco lamp directly over her was on, but polished cherry wood walls made the rest of the antique Pullman car very dark. She blinked. Where did he come from? A tall man in a nearly floor-length black leather coat, stood just inside the deep shadow of her compartment’s door. His hands hung loose at his sides. “Pardon the intrusion.” His voice was soft, low and velvety with a touch of exotic eastern European lilt. He tilted his head toward the closed door. “I did knock, and your door was unlocked.” Elaine bit her lip. She hadn’t heard the knock. Hell, she hadn’t heard the door to her train compartment open either. Damn it, she had to start remembering to lock that door. She sighed. Too late now. “I’m sorry, my best friend says a bomb could go off when I’m drawing and I’d miss it.” “An artist’s concentration, I understand.” He stepped into her pool of light. Blue highlights gleamed in the unrelieved blackness of his hair. He wore it combed straight back from the deep peak of his brow, hinting that his hair was long and tied back. Midnight dark eyes peered at her from under straight black brows. Sharp cheekbones and a strong jaw-line defined his aggressively masculine face, but the lush fullness of his mouth and the ivory-pale color of his skin belonged in a neo-classical painting. Wow, GQ magazine must be missing a model. She had to close her mouth. The man’s face was that freaking gorgeous. “I’m sorry, what was it you wanted?�� One corner of his mouth lifted, hinting at amusement. He clasped his hands before him. “Your company, for the night.” “My company?” She blinked. That couldn’t be what it sounded like. “For what, exactly?” “Sex.” His slightly amused expression didn’t change.

What was in the picture at the beginning of this article?

A woman.

A time of day.

Weather conditions.

Actions & Emotions.

Color.

MOOD.

In your response to the picture above, did you include EVERYTHING in the picture, or only some things? Did you include her hair color and its texture? Her eyes? Her clothes? Whether or not she was pretty? Her sword? Her actions? The snow?

What did you include?

What did you leave out?

What did you merely mention and what did you actually Describe?

What did you give color, weight, flavor and emotion to?

If you were to give your description to a friend who has NOT seen this picture, and then Showed them the picture, would they recognize it?

DESCRIPTION The ONLY way to get YOUR picture across to the Reader.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ DISCLAIMER: As with all advice, take what you can use and throw out the rest. As a multi-published author, I have been taught some fairly rigid rules on what is publishable and what is not. If my rather straight-laced (and occasionally snotty,) advice does not suit your creative style, by all means, IGNORE IT.

#writing tips #writing #fiction #fan-fiction #description

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oliverphisher · 5 years ago

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Chrissie Krebs

Chrissie Krebs is an Australian Author Illustrator of children’s picture books. Her first book ’This Is A Circle' was published by Penguin Random House in 2016 and was followed up by a cheeky Christmas story ‘There is Something Weird In Santa’s Beard’.

Chrissie had the wonderful opportunity to work with Michael Gerard Bauer on his hilarious story about a nutty rabbit - 'Rodney loses it' was released in 2017 by Omnibus Scholastic. Two more picture books are scheduled for release in 2018 by omnibus scholastic. Chrissie still cannot believe that she is getting paid to draw pictures all day.

She is currently living her inner four year old’s dream.

What are one to three books that have greatly influenced your life?

If I had to narrow it down, I would have to say that Dr Seuss - The Cat In The Hat would be the most influential book in terms of inspiring my career in writing and illustrating for children. I adore the clever and chaotic storyline that is coupled with Suess’ impressive and expressive illustrations. I remember studying the pictures very closely as a child.

The Harry Potter Books are also another deeply influential series. I was a lot older when I read them, but it certainly opened me up to another world full of opportunities and magic. Also JK Rowlings backstory - from struggling single mum to world renown author is truly inspirational.

What purchase of $100 or less has most positively impacted your life in the last six months (or in recent memory)?

I was using a very old version of Adobe Photoshop (CS5.1) up until recently when it stopped working when I updated my iMac. I was devastated, this program was my livelihood, it was how I illustrated. I was dead against Adobe’s new business model of charging users $70 a month for their creative cloud suite so I began to search for another program.

I found, after much research, a program called Art Studio Pro. It cost me AU$32.00 and it works just as well as Adobe Photoshop and I don’t have to pay an exorbitant fee to Adobe every month. It has been a life saver.

How has a failure, or apparent failure, set you up for later success?

The road to publication for me has been a long one. It took me fourteen years from dreaming about being a children’s book writer and illustrator to actually receiving a contract. I now have five books out in the wild. After so many years of trying, I entered a competition where I was dead certain that I would at least be shortlisted. I even gave myself an ultimatum - If I wasn’t going to get shortlisted in this competition I was going to throw away this crazy dream of becoming a children’s book creator. I would take it as a sign that this dream was just not meant to be. When the shortlist was announced - I discovered that I wasn’t on the list. I was devastated, but I had made the ultimatum. So I decided to let go of that dream and concentrate on other things in my life. It was only 6 days later I got an email out of the blue from a commissioning editor from Penguin Random House enquiring about a manuscript I submitted to their slush pile. That manuscript became my first picture book. Sometimes we hold on too tightly to a particular way that your dream should be realised that you become blind to other opportunities. That was me, I had to learn to let go for the flow to occur.

Are there any quotes you think of often or live your life by?

Although not connected to children’s books, I have on a piece of paper on my studio board:

‘He who angers you controls you’

Sometimes it’s hard to move past a wrong deed or an injustice, but continually focussing on it is completely debilitating. I have felt this way before and it has drained me of all motivation and creativity. I don’t want to give anyone that isn’t worth my time that much of my energy anymore.

What is one of the best investment in a writing resource you’ve ever made?

Being a part of a writing community is so important when you are working in isolation (as most writers do) so becoming members of writing organisations is really important. I am a member of the Australian Writers Guild, SCBWI and the Australian Society of Authors. Not only do these organisations help you to stay in the loop of what is going on in the writers market, they also offer advice on contracts, competitions and opportunities to network with publishers through literary speed dating and pitch parties.

What is an unusual habit or an absurd thing that you love?

When I am nervous or I have to complete something challenging, I automatically (and without conscious thought) start humming the A Team theme song.

In the last five years, what new belief, behaviour, or habit has most improved your life?

Due to having a supportive husband, I have been able to work from home within the last five years. Working from home can be very isolating and there are many distractions - like housework and Youtube. I now break down everything into mini goals. I give myself a mini goal every day - a goal that is achievable. For example, I am currently working on writing a feature length animation, my aim is to complete at least five pages of the script every day. If I complete more - great! But I need to complete five pages before I allow myself to be distracted by other things. Beforehand I was putting too much pressure on completing everything now instead of realising that it is a marathon, not a 100 meter sprint. I would get overwhelmed and would give up too quickly, now I am feeling better about my progress.

What advice would you give to a smart, driven aspiring author? What advice should they ignore?

My advice would be - Keep practising. Keep entering competitions, attend networking events where you can spend time with publishers and other industry professionals. A big piece of advice regarding writing would be - When you finish your manuscript, keep it in a draw for at least six months (twelve would be better) then take it out and reread and edit it. I find that many people want to send off a manuscript to a publisher as soon as they finish it but in most cases it isn’t ready. Sometimes leaving it for a while and then going over it with a fresh set of eyes can be the best thing for your work. Sometimes you will see glaring errors that you didn’t see before because you were too close to the story.

What are bad recommendations you hear in your profession often?

Not so much a bad recommendation, but it is never a good idea to be too pushy. Book publishers and Agents really dislike forceful interactions. If they like your story - they will contact you. Don’t push yourself or your story on them, it isn’t a good look and they will remember you as that pushy person that should be avoided.

In the last five years, what have you become better at saying no to (distractions, invitations, etc.)?

Unfortunately, I am not good at saying no to people. But if a pushy person has contacted me under the guise that they are a fan but they want me to show their manuscript to my publisher (Yes, I get people like that, unfortunately) I have a basic template that I send out to them with generic advice on how to get your manuscript looked at. I never show my publisher other people’s work for them.

What marketing tactics should authors avoid?

Over saturating social media with your book is never a good idea. I don’t want to inflict that type of bombardment onto my friends and family anyway it also creates fatigue with your work. Your author pages on social media platforms like instagram and facebook should be interesting but not annoying and constant.

What new realizations and/or approaches have helped you achieve your goals?

Being an illustrator as well as an author, I realised that I need to expand my skills into other areas. This has included working on a humorous greeting card line as well as merchandise for a gift company. This keeps my ‘brand’ in the public eye still and gives me another source of revenue. Also being able to visit schools to talk about writing and illustrating and conducting workshops help me stay relevant in the children’s book world.

When you feel overwhelmed or have lost your focus temporarily, what do you do?

I take a break. As hard and as simple as that sounds, walking away from a project that just isn’t working is sometimes the best thing to do. I sometimes start work on a completely different project or I will start doodling in my sketchbook and create something completely different to give my brain a rest.

Any other tips?

Don’t give up. Don’t think your goal will come in the exact way you envisage, always be on the lookout for opportunities because they can come in ways you never thought possible. And don’t fall for vanity publishing! Research your potential publisher before agreeing to anything.

________

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