#yes it is its the most beautiful thing ive ever made

[xviistrings]

an even better introduction to the crows nest

[fishnoodles]

when im weak to the devil it whispers to tell me to do an entire strokes fanzine. ok

[reidsmouthbabys48]

make your move baby

Summary: spencer and y/n have a complicated friendship, spencers imagination overpowers him one night and y/n teases him because what he was imagining made him hard.

Warnings: sub!spencer, virgin!spencer, nerdy!spence, sexual themes, leg humping, slight mommy kink, coming in pants, other small things.

18+ minors do not interact (unless you do I dgaf)

"hi spence" y/n says, walking up beside me. I give her a hopefully subtle once over, she's wearing tight black dress pants and a pink long-sleeved shirt the sleeves are rolled up to her elbows, and her long black hair is pulled back in a ponytail, she's the most beautiful girl I've ever layed eyes on but i can't tell her that, we're to close and the last thing I want to do is ruin what we have.

"Hi, how'd you sleep?" I ask giving her a small smile, she ruffles my hair and I blush as I move my head away, she laughs "you are adorable" she says and i blush even redder.

"Hey guys" Penelope says as we sit down at our desks, "Hello sweetheart" y/n says, quickly looking over at me then smiling at Penelope, I almost didn't see the hint of, amusement? in her eyes.

Almost.

-

Me and y/n are driving to my apartment to hangout and watch a movie, I want to ask why she looked at me like that but I know I shouldn't.

"Why did you uhm look at me like that when you were talking to Penelope?" I ask turning so sideways so I'm looking at her, she shoots me a questioning glance "what are you talking about spence?" She says, her tone is teasing. Maybe im just thinking to much about it.

"Actually N-never mind" I say moving to look back out the window but she puts her hand on my thigh, "what's up with you Spencer? You have been so short with me the past few weeks, did I do something?" She says looking at me, her eyes are filled with hurt and it breaks my heart because that's the last thing I want to do. I need to tell her, we've know each other too long for things to completely fall apart if I confess my feelings.

"No no, y/n you did nothing I would never be upset at you and not tell you why. you know that, it's just I've been trying to figure out my feeling for the last few weeks, I didn't think k I was being short or anything" I sigh, she squeezes my thigh tightly, i know it eas mean in a co.forting wat but its to close to whenr ive imagined her hands at, I grab her hand, "d-dont do that" I say trying to compose myself, she looks at me questoningly then looks down at her hand, removing it from my thigh.

I try my best to think about anything but her squeezing my thigh like that but my mind drifts off and I lose control of my thoughts, I imagine myself under her moaning as she kisses my neck, and rigid me. if only this shit would really happen- "spence?" I hear her voice ring through the air and I jump a bit.

"Y-yea" I mumble praying that she couldn't tell what I was just thinking, she looks at my crotch and a slight smirk appears on her face but she says nothing, I blush.

"Were here, I'll give you a bit to take care of that" the says still smirking, I let out a whine of embarrassment.

"No need to be embarrassed baby it happens to all of us it's natural to have dirty thoughts." She says winking at me, dammit.

"Unless..." she says moving her hand back to my thigh, "you want some help with it" she finishes squeezing my thigh roughly once again, I let out a whimper and bite my lip, embarrassed of the sound that came out of my mouth.

"Yes or no baby?" She asks and I nod "y-yes please, help me" I whine the end of it cutting off into a moan as she palms my bulge over my slacks .

"So responsive" she says and I whimper bucking my hips into her hand for more friction.

"No no baby, get out and go to your apartment" she says and I nod opening the door and immediately slide out of the car.

-3rd person pov-

You get out of the car a few minutes after spencer and slowly walk into the apartment complex, giving him some time to regroup.

Once you get to his apartment you knock on the door, "it's me baby open up" you say and the door immediately opens and you're being pulled inside and shoved into the now closed door, before you could protest his lips are on yours hungrily, you return the kiss, turning you both around and shoving him into the door, he moans at the roughness of your push and you grab his hair causing a low moan to rip from his throat.

You move backwards to his couch, your lips still on his, we both fall onto the couch, he moves to straddle your lap and he starts to kiss you again, "i-i uhm I haven't done anything like this before so I'm sorry if I'm not good" he says looking down at your lap, "baby it's ok" you say and he nods starting to hump your thigh, he moans loudly at the friction provided by your leg and you bounce your knee in time with him coming down on you, making the pleasure he feels almost unbearable, "f-fuck mommy I need to cum, please please I need it so bad" he moans and your eyes widen at the word 'mommy' mixed with his begging, his humping beame quick and frantic, his moans getting louder and louder, "come on be a good boy and cum for mommy baby" you whisper in his ear, moving down to kiss his neck. That's all it takes for the boy to fall over the edge, filling his boxers with his sticky release.

He leans his head into your neck, panting as you card your fingers through his soft hair "mommy?" You ask and he whines.

"Shut up" he says lightly kissing your neck.

"Hey no judgement here baby I just didn't think you were so... kinky" you say and he laughs, "you should see some of the stuff that I imagine when I'm wanking" he says, now you're the one laughing.

-

Ok I'm sorry this probably sucks I haven't had motivation for a long time and I wanted to write something before it left again lmao

[sunghoonnsupremacy]

hey, i just wonder if you'll be able to write something like "enhas reactions when their chubby gf is insecure about her body" cause im that gf and i feel terrible today? sorry if its too much ❤️ love your works

ANGEL BABY<3

idk if you wanted this to be nsfw or fluff so i just made it nsfw for heeseung and sunghoon<3 ty for the ask annonie!! hope you feel better soon♥︎

ot7!enhypen when their gf is insecure about her body.

warnings : smut in heeseungs, sunghoons is suggestive, mentions of pregnancy, the rest is just really fluffy and cute.

words : 762

heeseung : is the sweetest bf ever. showers you with kisses and love the whole day when he hears you talk badly about yourself. "baby, you're the most perfect girl to exist. i love you and that's all that matters, yeah? just look at how pretty you look. gonna look so fucking hot with a pregnant belly when i knock you up. " he tilts your head towards the mirror where you whimper at his hips snapping against yours at a fast pace. aftercare with him is even sweeter, you feel loved and appreciated just by his words.

jay : buys you so many gifts and cuddles with you all day. he hates seeing you upset about something that's not a problem in any way so he cancels all of his plans and never leaves your side until you start to feel better. he kisses every inch and curve of your body with sweet pecks to show how much he loves you. "my beautiful beautiful girl, please don't let your insecurities get into your head sweetheart. there's no such thing as a perfect figure. its all just said to made people feel bad about themselves. i love you so much and im here to protect you from feeling that way, remember that. "

jake : his eyes widen from confusion when you ask him if he still finds you attractive, hence you gaining weight since the first time you met eachother. he immediately says yes and cups your face to passionately kiss you. "i have never stopped finding you attractive, and i never will. even when we're old and crusty, you're forever my beautiful girl and that'll never change. get those nasty thoughts out of your hear , yeah pretty? i love you."

sunghoon : the moment you pout at yourself in the mirror and say you're starting to gain weight, calling yourself ugly he doesn't hesitate to slam you against the wall and kiss you roughly. his fingers quickly unbutton your blouse and run up and down your torso. "don't say that shit again. " he presses a sloppy kiss to your chest and gropes your boobs. you whine in response at his passive aggressiveness but lean your head back at his hands sliding your skirt down. sunghoon gets down on his knees and looks up at you with a possessive glint in his eyes. "let me make you feel better, hm?"

sunoo : you furrow your eyebrows at the pillow thats been thrown at your face and your boyfriend sunoo rushing over to you. "what do you mean you think you look ugly? y/n you're the prettiest girl ive ever seen. " he pouts and pats his thighs, signalling you to sit on his lap. sunoo sighs and pulls you into a hug with a kiss on the neck. "i get how you feel. but i need you to know no matter what changes in your appearance my feelings will never change. keep those ugly words out of that pretty mouth."  he grips you tighter and already helps you feel better. the two of you spend the rest of the day cuddling in bed together.

jungwon : he doesn't even react verbally, just kisses you softly. there's no need for words to be exchanged when you look into his eyes and see the glint of love in his stare. when tears start to fall from your eyes, he hugs you tightly. "it's okay princess, let it out. " he lets you cry on his shoulder and fall asleep since you're already in bed. as much as he hates to see you cry, he's aware that letting our your emotions will probably help you. don't worry. after a cuddle session, he takes you out for dinner at your favorite restaurant and buys you plushies.

niki : you two were hanging out with your friends when suddenly one of them made a joking comment about your weight. you didn't laugh, neither did niki. you're both aware of the fact you've been pretty insecure these past few days which is why he makes the friend repeat themselves when he suddenly throws a punch at their face. you gasp and stand up in shock. its pretty obvious niki didn't find it funny or amusing when he grips your wrist and takes you away from the hangout spot. he takes you to a secluded area and kisses you softly. "why'd you punch him niki..?" you whisper and he scoffs. "you know why. " he kisses you again before walking you home and playing video games with you until late at night to distract you from todays earlier events.

[welldonebeca]

Glitter and Goo (iv)

Summary: When you have to go on a mission to a different planet together, Bucky is hit by a mating ritual flower, and some feelings you two have been hiding come up. AKA: It’s a sex pollen fic with a side of breeding kink. WC: 1.6k words Warnings: Fluff. Aftercare. Tension. Comfort.

If you like my work, consider buying me a coffee or subscribing to my Patreon. It’s just $2 a month and I promise you won’t regret it.

Masterlist

Bucky held you for a bit in the quiet ship as you relaxed, kissing your temple gently as his cock softened inside you, his cum now dripping out slowly and you processed everything.

Those were absolutely intense days.

"I'll give you a bath," he promised you, rubbing your back in a comforting way, voice soft. "A message. Get you something warm to put between your legs."

You grimaced to yourself. Yes, you were a bit sore. Your cunt had had its most active couple of days of its life, nothing would ever top that.

"Will you carry me there?" you requested, still nuzzling his chest.

Bucky chuckled.

"I will," he assured you, kissing your cheek again. "But we need to get dressed first."

You pouted.

Well... yeah.

He helped you through it, though, pulling your pants up carefully and dressing himself up before taking your backpacks and picking you up.

Bucky opened the door of the ship with you wrapped around him, and if you weren't so tired you would be embarrassed of what you looked like, but he simply walked past the two people in PPE, carrying you inside.

His quarters were neat and had big windows that let in the light of the setting sun, with a beautiful view of it.

"Doctor?" FRIDAY called just as Bucky sat you down on an armchair. "Mister Stark wants to do a wellness check on you."

You let your head fall back.

Wellness check. He probably wanted to make sure you weren't fucked to death.

"He can talk to me through the com, text me or wait until I feel like walking," you told the system. "But that might take... a day or two."

You didn't even attempt to close your legs. That was a lost cause.

Bucky chuckled a bit.

"Tell him she is alive, FRIDAY," he affirmed, taking off his clothes. "And that I'm being a gentleman and giving her aftercare."

You smiled along a little.

Yes, he was.

You were briefly met with silence, until FRIDAY answered.

"He insists," she affirmed. "Tony says, and I quote, I need to see you to make sure Barnes didn't kill you with his cock."

You too sighed together and Bucky pinched his nose impatiently.

"He can come here if he wants," he told you. "But I'm going to undress anyway."

That made you giggle.

"Send him in," you decided.

Bucky took off his clothes without an ounce of shame, and you shed your shirt and pants before looking down at your naked tits.

They were covered with marks from his lips and teeth. Maybe you should put a bra on.

"Can you get me a bra from my backpack? I think I'd like to keep some things a mystery from Tony, our friendship isn't at the naked point."

He picked it up quickly, helping you just in time for the door to open.

"No knocking?" Bucky asked.

Tony scoffed.

"I built this place," he rolled his eyes. "I can enter any room without knocking."

You scoffed.

"Besides," he messed up with his bag. "Naked bodies aren't an odity for me."

He pulled a clear pad.

"Now, you didn't clean up, right?" he asked. "No shower, no little towel..."

You shook your head.

"This is pure, unadultured, two days of stink," you assured him.

Without explaining anything, he walked to your back, pushed you down and rubbed it on your back.

"Raise your arm," he commanded.

You did, confused, and he rubbed the pad under your pits.

"You smell like an orgy," Tony grunted, frowning his nose. "Please, tell me you kept the fucking in the dorm."

Bucky's lips curled a little, though he hid his smile quickly.

"What's that for?" he asked.

Tony pulled the thing from you, shoving it into a ziplock bag.

"Collecting sweat to study," he put it back into the bag. "Now, you."

Before Tony could even step to Bucky, he took the new pad from his hand.

"I'll do it myself," he scoffed.

He rubbed his back with it before doing it to his chest, and you watched, entertained, as he did so over his torso. Bucky had a beautiful torso.

"Yeah, that works for me," he decided, still picking up things from the bag, pulling a needle and a vial. "I hope you didn't take any drugs over there."

You scoffed, extending your arm for him to take the blood, knowing well how important that was.

Bucky reached for your hand, holding it as you grimaced at the prickle.

You really didn't like needles.

Tony took his blood too, putting it into another compartment of his bag before taking a swab and looking at you, a bit hesitant.

"I need a few samples," he told you.

The made you frown.

"Of spit?" you asked. "I don't think you're going to find anything that you didn't catch with the sweat and the blood."

But he grimaced more, looking down at your legs and then your face, and you realised what he meant.

"Really?" you gasped. "Tony!"

Your friend shrugged.

"I don't make the rules," he told you. "And we need to know how his sperm behaves. Also, you'll have to start taking pregnancy tests in eight days."

You closed your eyes. Yeah, there was that.

"Fine," you sighed. "Just give me that stuff. I'll take it myself."

Tony turned around but Bucky took it from your hand, kneeling in front of you, and you spread your legs, shamelessly as you let him swab the cottom in you gaping pussy.

"Get extra too, if you can," Tony requested. "If there's any... you know."

Yep, and there was.

A lot of it.

Bucky didn't say anything as he took his sperm and filled a little vial, sealing it and pushing your panties back to the right place.

"Done," he stood up. "You can turn around."

Tony turned back, taking everything back and putting it in his bag.

"Done?" you asked him.

He looked at you.

"Can you stand up?" he asked.

You whined.

"Do I have to?" you asked. "Tony. I"ve been fucked straight for two days."

"Well, I need to know if you can walk," he insisted.

You rolled your eyes and kicked your legs.

"There, they can move," you told him. "Please. Can I rest now?"

He nodded, looking more relaxed now.

"Yes," Tony decided. "I'm just making sure that you are alright, okay? Those were very intense days. We were worried sick on this side."

You softened. Yes, you could see that. He looked like he hadn't slept since you'd left.

The two had a history together, after all.

"Thank you," you sighed. "But I'm fine. I promise. A little sore, but fine."

Your friend finally gave in, taking his bag over his shoulder.

"Alright," he exhaled. "I'll be going now and I'll send some real food for you in... an hour and a half?"

"Yeah," you told him. "Thank you."

Tony nodded and walked out, stepping out in hesitant steps, and the door closed behind him.

"He really doesn't like me, hm?" Bucky hummed, kneeling in front of you.

You reached for him, brushing his hair with your fingers.

"Tony is a little protective," you sighed. "It's his thing."

He hummed a bit, not disagreeing or complaining.

"So," he rested his head on your thigh. "Bath now?"

You relaxed.

"Yes, please," you told him. "Bath time."

Bucky kissed your cheek.

"I'll go get it running, okay?"

You nodded, and took off your underwear before as you waited for him.

He came back, at last, and pulled your hair up in a ponytail before picking you up, and you wrapped your arms around him as he carried you off.

"You're coming in with me, right?" you asked him, hiding your face in his neck. "Not gonna let me in alone."

Bucky kissed your shoulder.

"I just got you, sweetheart," he hummed. "You really think I'm going to just let you go?"

You giggled.

Five minutes later you were relaxing in the bubbly warm water, resting against his chest.

Bucky cleaned you up very slowly between your legs, knowing how sensitive you were, and scrubbed your body with a fluffy loofah everywhere.

You didn't even realise you had fallen asleep in his arms until you woke up and you were in his bed.

There was an insistent knocking on his door, and Bucky was moving very slowly to get it.

"I'm awaken," you mumbled. "You can move."

Bucky chuckled, walking away from you, and you frowned as you reached around his bed.

Where were the pillows?

You sat up, looking at the mattress and gasping.

He only had two pillows?

"What?" Bucky looked at you, carrying boxes inside.

"You only have two pillows!" you looked at him. "Why do you only have two pillows?"

He squinted.

"You know I'm more comfortable sleeping on the floor most days, right?" he asked. "I don't even use the pillows."

That made you pout and he shook his head.

"Do you want me to get you extra pillows for you?" he offered, putting the takeout in front of you."

You nodded, still feeling all sleepy.

"Are you hungry?" you asked.

He shrugged.

"I could use some extra hours of sleep before eating," he told you. "If you're alright with that."

You nodded, falling back to the bed. Oh, your skin was so soft. Had he put lotion on you?

Bucky put the food in the small fridge he had in the corner and crawled back to the bed with you, wrapping his arms around you and holding you close again.

"Sleep now," you nuzzled his neck. "Food later."

He just hummed along, kissing your cheek softly.

Oh, you could get used to this.

Bucky held you for a bit in the quiet ship as you relaxed, kissing your temple gently as his cock softened inside you, his cum now dripping out slowly and you processed everything.

Those were absolutely intense days.

"I'll give you a bath," he promised you, rubbing your back in a comforting way, voice soft. "A message. Get you something warm to put between your legs."

You grimaced to yourself. Yes, you were a bit sore. Your cunt had had its most active couple of days of its life, nothing would ever top that.

"Will you carry me there?" you requested, still nuzzling his chest.

Bucky chuckled.

"I will," he assured you, kissing your cheek again. "But we need to get dressed first."

You pouted.

Well... yeah.

He helped you through it, though, pulling your pants up carefully and dressing himself up before taking your backpacks and picking you up.

Bucky opened the door of the ship with you wrapped around him, and if you weren't so tired you would be embarrassed of what you looked like, but he simply walked past the two people in PPE, carrying you inside.

His quarters were neat and had big windows that let in the light of the setting sun, with a beautiful view of it.

"Doctor?" FRIDAY called just as Bucky sat you down on an armchair. "Mister Stark wants to do a wellness check on you."

You let your head fall back.

Wellness check. He probably wanted to make sure you weren't fucked to death.

"He can talk to me through the com, text me or wait until I feel like walking," you told the system. "But that might take... a day or two."

You didn't even attempt to close your legs. That was a lost cause.

Bucky chuckled a bit.

"Tell him she is alive, FRIDAY," he affirmed, taking off his clothes. "And that I'm being a gentleman and giving her aftercare."

You smiled along a little.

Yes, he was.

You were briefly met with silence, until FRIDAY answered.

"He insists," she affirmed. "Tony says, and I quote, I need to see you to make sure Barnes didn't kill you with his cock."

You too sighed together and Bucky pinched his nose impatiently.

"He can come here if he wants," he told you. "But I'm going to undress anyway."

That made you giggle.

"Send him in," you decided.

Bucky took off his clothes without an ounce of shame, and you shed your shirt and pants before looking down at your naked tits.

They were covered with marks from his lips and teeth. Maybe you should put a bra on.

"Can you get me a bra from my backpack? I think I'd like to keep some things a mystery from Tony, our friendship isn't at the naked point."

He picked it up quickly, helping you just in time for the door to open.

"No knocking?" Bucky asked.

Tony scoffed.

"I built this place," he rolled his eyes. "I can enter any room without knocking."

You scoffed.

"Besides," he messed up with his bag. "Naked bodies aren't an odity for me."

He pulled a clear pad.

"Now, you didn't clean up, right?" he asked. "No shower, no little towel..."

You shook your head.

"This is pure, unadultured, two days of stink," you assured him.

Without explaining anything, he walked to your back, pushed you down and rubbed it on your back.

"Raise your arm," he commanded.

You did, confused, and he rubbed the pad under your pits.

"You smell like an orgy," Tony grunted, frowning his nose. "Please, tell me you kept the fucking in the dorm."

Bucky's lips curled a little, though he hid his smile quickly.

"What's that for?" he asked.

Tony pulled the thing from you, shoving it into a ziplock bag.

"Collecting sweat to study," he put it back into the bag. "Now, you."

Before Tony could even step to Bucky, he took the new pad from his hand.

"I'll do it myself," he scoffed.

He rubbed his back with it before doing it to his chest, and you watched, entertained, as he did so over his torso. Bucky had a beautiful torso.

"Yeah, that works for me," he decided, still picking up things from the bag, pulling a needle and a vial. "I hope you didn't take any drugs over there."

You scoffed, extending your arm for him to take the blood, knowing well how important that was.

Bucky reached for your hand, holding it as you grimaced at the prickle.

You really didn't like needles.

Tony took his blood too, putting it into another compartment of his bag before taking a swab and looking at you, a bit hesitant.

"I need a few samples," he told you.

The made you frown.

"Of spit?" you asked. "I don't think you're going to find anything that you didn't catch with the sweat and the blood."

But he grimaced more, looking down at your legs and then your face, and you realised what he meant.

"Really?" you gasped. "Tony!"

Your friend shrugged.

"I don't make the rules," he told you. "And we need to know how his sperm behaves. Also, you'll have to start taking pregnancy tests in eight days."

You closed your eyes. Yeah, there was that.

"Fine," you sighed. "Just give me that stuff. I'll take it myself."

Tony turned around but Bucky took it from your hand, kneeling in front of you, and you spread your legs, shamelessly as you let him swab the cottom in you gaping pussy.

"Get extra too, if you can," Tony requested. "If there's any... you know."

Yep, and there was.

A lot of it.

Bucky didn't say anything as he took his sperm and filled a little vial, sealing it and pushing your panties back to the right place.

"Done," he stood up. "You can turn around."

Tony turned back, taking everything back and putting it in his bag.

"Done?" you asked him.

He looked at you.

"Can you stand up?" he asked.

You whined.

"Do I have to?" you asked. "Tony. I"ve been fucked straight for two days."

"Well, I need to know if you can walk," he insisted.

You rolled your eyes and kicked your legs.

"There, they can move," you told him. "Please. Can I rest now?"

He nodded, looking more relaxed now.

"Yes," Tony decided. "I'm just making sure that you are alright, okay? Those were very intense days. We were worried sick on this side."

You softened. Yes, you could see that. He looked like he hadn't slept since you'd left.

The two had a history together, after all.

"Thank you," you sighed. "But I'm fine. I promise. A little sore, but fine."

Your friend finally gave in, taking his bag over his shoulder.

"Alright," he exhaled. "I'll be going now and I'll send some real food for you in... an hour and a half?"

"Yeah," you told him. "Thank you."

Tony nodded and walked out, stepping out in hesitant steps, and the door closed behind him.

"He really doesn't like me, hm?" Bucky hummed, kneeling in front of you.

You reached for him, brushing his hair with your fingers.

"Tony is a little protective," you sighed. "It's his thing."

He hummed a bit, not disagreeing or complaining.

"So," he rested his head on your thigh. "Bath now?"

You relaxed.

"Yes, please," you told him. "Bath time."

Bucky kissed your cheek.

"I'll go get it running, okay?"

You nodded, and took off your underwear before as you waited for him.

He came back, at last, and pulled your hair up in a ponytail before picking you up, and you wrapped your arms around him as he carried you off.

"You're coming in with me, right?" you asked him, hiding your face in his neck. "Not gonna let me in alone."

Bucky kissed your shoulder.

"I just got you, sweetheart," he hummed. "You really think I'm going to just let you go?"

You giggled.

Five minutes later you were relaxing in the bubbly warm water, resting against his chest.

Bucky cleaned you up very slowly between your legs, knowing how sensitive you were, and scrubbed your body with a fluffy loofah everywhere.

You didn't even realise you had fallen asleep in his arms until you woke up and you were in his bed.

There was an insistent knocking on his door, and Bucky was moving very slowly to get it.

"I'm awaken," you mumbled. "You can move."

Bucky chuckled, walking away from you, and you frowned as you reached around his bed.

Where were the pillows?

You sat up, looking at the mattress and gasping.

He only had two pillows?

"What?" Bucky looked at you, carrying boxes inside.

"You only have two pillows!" you looked at him. "Why do you only have two pillows?"

He squinted.

"You know I'm more comfortable sleeping on the floor most days, right?" he asked. "I don't even use the pillows."

That made you pout and he shook his head.

"Do you want me to get you extra pillows for you?" he offered, putting the takeout in front of you."

You nodded, still feeling all sleepy.

"Are you hungry?" you asked.

He shrugged.

"I could use some extra hours of sleep before eating," he told you. "If you're alright with that."

You nodded, falling back to the bed. Oh, your skin was so soft. Had he put lotion on you?

Bucky put the food in the small fridge he had in the corner and crawled back to the bed with you, wrapping his arms around you and holding you close again.

"Sleep now," you nuzzled his neck. "Food later."

He just hummed along, kissing your cheek softly.

Oh, you could get used to this.

…

“Glitter and Goo” was first posted on my Patreon on April 2023. To have early access to more of my work, subscribe to my page, it’s just $2 a month and I promise you won’t regret it.

…

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[notiddygothgf]

PROLOGUE

★ pairings: nanami kento x f! reader

★ synopsis: In the search for solace, Nanami stumbles right into the arms of an exotic dancer. In the search for money, an exotic dancer finds more than she bargained for. In the heat of the moment, a contractual relationship turns into something more. (or; the one where sugar daddy!nanami is sweet on his girl)

★ c.w.: drinking (more content warnings and tags)

★ a/n: OMG! im so excited to finally start publishing this fanfic. ive been sitting on it for a minute. DISCLAIMER LOL I dont condone the behavior observed in this story (even if I myself would have done it in a heartbeat) anything for papa nanami. im so normal about him (I have daddy issues). if ur new around here, say hi! if you've read my other ffs then welcome back teehee. chapter is not beta'd. we die like men. (I would recommend listening to the song while u read)

★ w.c.; 3k

my kinda love; chapter index

THE HORRORS. He dreamt about them often. Most of his dreams were of a similar nature; long, detailed, brutal. Bloody, at times. When he wasn’t kept up by the memories, he was dreaming about them – as if they had followed him into his slumber. When he woke up, his burdens were heavy on his shoulders. He would repeat this cycle every day.

He was compensated rather well for his traumas. Well was an understatement. Maybe it wasn’t… after all, no amount of money could ever possibly make up for the things he had seen.

He repeated the same cycle every single day.

“Nanami?” A soft voice shook him out of his reverie. It was his therapist – a woman of short stature with long, brown hair and a business-casual outfit on. 

He raised his brows, doing his best to appear as if he had been listening the entire time. “Yes?”

“I asked you if you’ve had any romantic pursuits recently,” She answered. Her smile was warm, patient, but the clipboard in her lap said otherwise. He was paying for her time. “Any efforts to let new people into your life…?”

Nanami’s face wore a blank expression. He fiddled with the hands folded neatly in his lap. “As in… dating?”

“Dating counts, yeah,” She nodded. She tapped the edge of her purple pen against the page rhythmically while she awaited his reply. 

He thought of the innumerable faceless women he had spent the evening with. He thought of warm mouths, soft lips, and supple bodies; Countless beautiful women he had tricked into thinking they had a chance at something more than a one night stand. Every time a potential suitor came along, he found himself being scared away by intimacy.

Not sex. He was no stranger to that, nor to its remarkable ability to take his mind off of the stress. It was what lurked in the shadows that daunted him – the lingering touches, the good morning messages, the heartfelt gestures. He could handle it when he was the one dishing it out, but the moment the energy was returned, every single time, he would find himself running away.

It was a dangerous game. He knew he was an evil, cold-hearted, bad man. A part of him wished he could have done right by those select women he had courted (for rather brief periods of time). The more sensible part of him knew he simply didn’t have the time nor the energy to confront his issues and commit to a single woman. 

So he continued to ignore his problems – finding comfort in a warm bed and a warm body whenever he could. Sex made for one hell of an emotional crutch when it was the only thing that seemed to make you feel anything other than indifference.

Indifference. That was the only thing he felt these days. That, and the rush – the pursuit of animalistic passion in favor of neglecting his personal qualms. The temporary escape from his permanent issues.

“I’ve had quite a few,” He answered after a pause that seemed to stretch on for a moment too long. “Commitment is a bit of an issue for me, still, but I’m making an effort to work on it.”

Only partially a lie.

“That’s great, Nanami!” She smiled. She clicked her pen against the page, scribbling something down before she turned her attention back to him. “Tell me more about that effort. Have you been letting those emotional walls down?”

He fought the urge to grit his teeth together at her inquiry. If you can call ghosting three women in the last month and a half letting walls down.

“I’ll be honest,” He sighed. Sitting back in his leather loveseat, he crossed one leg over the other. “I’m starting to believe I’m unable to open up to another person on that level.”

“Don’t say that, Nanami,” She scribbled something down. Her eyes weren’t even on him when she uttered this. “I think you just need to put yourself out there a little more. Ease yourself into that intimacy you typically shy away from.”

Put myself out there.

He thought again of the countless women he had been with.

“Forgive me for being vulgar,” He admitted. “But I think I have enough sex.”

“Not that,” She laughed quietly, shaking her head. “Intimacy and sex are two completely different things, Nanami – though they often intersect. You should try exploring non-sexual intimacy with a partner.”

“Non-sexual intimacy…” He reiterated. The term felt foreign as it rolled off of his tongue. “What do you mean by that?”

Was that what he had been missing? Non-sexual intimacy?

“Letting someone be vulnerable with you – being vulnerable with someone. The softness, that stuff that makes a relationship more than just physical. Other than love, that is,” She answered. Her manicured fingers smoothed over the page before flipping it. She was like clockwork. “There’s something healing about having a soft and, in your case, feminine presence in your life that you can be vulnerable with.”

“I’ve thought about it, but I’ve never acted,” He said. Casting a sideways glance at the analog clock on her desk, he asked, “Does that make me selfish? Shying away from non-sexual intimacy because I don’t understand it – even though I allow myself to indulge in sexual intimacy?”

“It makes you human, I think,” She smiled softly, writing something else down. Her brown eyes flitted up to meet him with unfounded warmth. “You should try letting someone in, Nanami. Might be worth a shot. What do you have to lose?”

Everything, was his first thought.

“I suppose you’re right,” He sighed anyway. 

The faint buzz of the neon sign before him grew louder as he approached it. It was hardly audible over the deep buzz of the bass coming from the other side of the door. The words “Cat House” blinked periodically, illuminating his tired face in its glow each time.

“You’re taking him to a strip club?” Nanami grumbled. Still, shutting the door of the sleek black vehicle behind him, he glanced at the glowing pink sign. “The kid is turning 21.”

After his white-haired-blue-eyed long-term-acquaintance stepped out from the other side of the SUV, the driver pulled off. Gojo wiped his hands off on the fabric of his suit. “Not just any strip club! My favorite strip club!”

“You’re a regular,” He sighed, shaking his head. “Of course you are.”

“You, my friend, need to learn how to have some fun,” Gojo hummed. He brushed past Nanami, making his way to the stairway that undoubtedly descended to the entrance. “Yuuji’s gonna love it!”

Nanami followed after Gojo, flicking his cigarette onto the ground below his feet. His footsteps crunched against the gravel pathway. “If this is what your definition of fun is, I don’t think you should have been the one planning out his birthday.”

“What would you have done? Take him to an arcade?” Gojo waved him off. He nodded towards the door the two men now stood in front of. “Kid’s 21, not 12. Let’s go inside.”

"Hard pass," Nanami answered calmly. He straightened his tie out, suddenly feeling rather overdressed for the occasion – especially considering the kind of establishment this was .

"Yes we are."

"I have better things to do."

"Like what? Moping and pouting at home?" Gojo interjected, reaching for his  arm – which Nanami quickly pulled out of his grasp. “It’s Yuuji’s birthday. Go celebrate with a lapdance, or something.

Gojo grabbed his arm again. Getting the strong feeling that he would simply try again if he pulled his arm away, Nanami let him.

“I will be doing nothing of the sort,” He grumbled. Still, he allowed Gojo to pull him into the entryway.

A low and seductive saxophone medley poured out from the speakers, and Nanami nearly considered turning back there and then. Gojo – with Nanami in tow – approached a rather scantily clad woman near the door. 

“Hi, doll. Party for Itadori?” He asked.

The hostess nodded. Gathering a few menus, she stepped out from behind the counter – wearing nothing more than a micro skirt and a bikini top. “Right this way,” she said.

The two men followed her into the club. Everything – everything – was pink. As pink as Yuuji’s hair, with red chairs and booths scattered throughout. It looked like the place had been designed by fucking Cupid himself. There were dozens of dancers strutting around the place – all of which wore tiny skirts and tight tops. 

Nanami didn’t miss the way Gojo’s eye’s trailed over the hostess’s ass while she led them over to their booth.

“The dancers here are phenomenal," Gojo said to him, raising his voice so that he was louder than the music. The stage was surrounded by at least 15 tables, all of which were packed with very excited-looking men. Conveniently enough, their table sat front-and-center to the stage. 

"Can I get you started with something to drink?”  The woman said, gesturing to the booth. “Or would you like to wait for the rest of your party?”

Gojo sank into one of the cushiony chairs at the table, and Nanami did the same. The cushion was a bright red velour. It was soft – he really didn’t wanna think about what sort of stories the chair could tell. 

“A strawberry margarita for me, please– extra dirty,” Gojo answered. He didn’t even have to look at the menu. Fuckin’ party animal.

The lady nodded, then turned her gaze to Nanami.

He had to think for a moment before he asked. “Do you have wine?”

“Yeah,” She hummed. “What kind?”

“Merlot, please,” He answered. “Bring the whole bottle.”

The lady nodded, and again, he caught the way Gojo shamelessly stared at the woman's ass as she walked away. Once he was certain they were alone, he asked his eccentric friend, "The drinks any good here?"

"You ask that after you order a whole bottle of it?" The man chuckled, crossing one leg over the other and rather conspicuously nudging Nanami’s leg with his foot. "They’re alright. The key is to get wasted enough that they taste better.”

That’s terrible advice. Nanami knew better than to try to argue with Gojo. He had long since learned his lesson. Instead, he tried to see the bright side of the whole situation. Perhaps this night out would help him take his mind off of everything

Yuuji and his friends had arrived only thirty minutes earlier, and they were already drunk. They were cackling loudly – so loudly that they were beginning to draw attention. Gojo, wiping away tears from laughing so hard, was clapping his hands together in amusement.

There was a brief moment of silence, during which Gojo went for the tequila bottle and poured everyone another round of shots. The clear liquid seemed to catch the light just slightly, just enough that it glistened as he raised his glass.

“Lovely students, gather ‘round!” He slurred, a drunken sparkle in his eyes. He tapped the side of his glass with a metal fork – the resulting clink cut right through the laughter.

The group hushed as all eyes focused on him. “I want to make a toast!” He announced after a dramatic pause. He glanced at poor Yuuji, with his “birthday girl” sash and matching tiara, and proclaimed, “I wanna thank all of you for gathering here to celebrate our beloved birthday girl’s special night!”

All eyes turned to Yuuji, who wore a dopey, beaming grin.

Gojo stood up from his chair, bringing the glass of tequila with him. Nanami watched with moderate intrigue – only because there was a 50% chance that his alcoholic beverage could wind up all over his shirt. 

“To Yuuji!” he declared, raising his glass high.

The group raised their glasses together. For a moment, Nanami felt a warmth in his chest – a rare moment of contentment amidst all of the chaos. Everyone was okay. They were here . Happy.

“To Yuuji!” They echoed.

He raised my own glass a moment too late, then threw it down the hatch. The bitter taste of the liquor as it flowed down Nanami’s throat and warmed his chest was not unwelcome. 

 Yuuji, however, nearly gagged on his, swallowing slowly before erupting into a fit of coughs.

Laughter erupted once again, and Nobara affectionately patted Yuuji on the back. As the group continued to revel in the celebration, the lights dimmed.

"Oh shit, I think the show is starting," Yuuji exclaimed.

"Quiet down, everyone! Gojo chimed in, his usual exuberance heightened by the alcohol.

As the lights dimmed even more, the atmosphere shifted. The group settled into their seats, anticipation filling the air. Yuuji, still wearing his birthday girl sash, looked around with wide eyes, a goofy grin plastered on his face.

The curtains gracefully rolled open just a moment later, ushering in a pulsating beat as a shadow emerged from the stage's depths. Gojo couldn't help but nearly roll his eyes at the sheer absurdity of it all. Gliding effortlessly to the stage's forefront was the dancer, adorned in a fetching ensemble—a pretty pink G-string paired with a matching corset adorned with little embroidered hearts. Her hair was styled into two low pigtails, and from where Nanami stood, he couldn't deny she was, well, kind of pretty.

The rhythmic beat filled the restaurant as the dancer began to sway her hips, accompanied by the provocative lyrics.

‘Tell nobody I control you

I broke you just to hold you,’

She placed a hand on her shoulder, trailing it around her neck before seductively sliding it down her glimmering, scantily-clad chest. The spotlight painted her feminine silhouette with hues of pink and red, and Nanami couldn't resist letting his gaze drift a little lower.

‘They can’t tell, but I love you,’

Grasping the pole behind her, the dancer executed snakelike hip movements. Her hands remained wrapped around the pole as she pressed her back against it, biting her bottom lip in a tantalizing squat. Legs opened, hips gyrating, she beckoned the audience forward. Nanami's eyes dropped below the belt once more as her body rippled enticingly to the beat.

‘Cause you’re loyal, baby,

I love when you’re submissive,’

She was undeniably gorgeous. Her attire accentuated her curves, and her movements exuded confidence and sensuality.

‘Love it when I break skin,’

Gojo, in his usual flamboyant manner, clapped his hands and whistled at the dancer. Nanami turned to him, eyebrows raised in surprise, as if silently conveying, "She's hot." Gojo simply smiled in return.

‘You feel pain without flinchin’...

So say it…’

She stepped around the pole, so that her long, athletic legs were spread in front of it, her back was straight, and her hands were clasped around the pole above her head. She demanded attention – something reflected by the hoots and whistles resonating throughout the room.

‘Give me tough love,’

Slowly, she slid into a squat.

‘Leave me with nothing when I come down,

My kinda love,’

From there, she crawled onto her hands and knees, arching her back, rolling her hips against the floor in a way that had Nanami’s eyes blinking rapidly. She grinded and crawled, eventually transitioning onto her back, where she backbended and then cartwheeled onto her feet again.

‘Push me and choke me ‘til I pass out.’

His jaw would have been on the floor if he didn’t have an image to uphold.

Returning to her confident strides around the pole, she stopped to roll her body against it, smoothing her hands over her smooth bottom, eyes scanning the audience. Sliding her hands up her inner thighs, she flipped her hair up and then rolled back up slowly. She dropped down into another squat, then – spinning on the balls of her feet – she rolled over the floor, kicking her legs up into a split, hands on the ground, back arched.

‘ We don’t gotta be in love, no,

I don’t gotta be the one, no’

She’s amazing, he found himself thinking.

She rolled onto her stomach, pushed herself back onto her knees, and arched her back – all while running her hands over her torso, her waist. Her hips rolled forward, making a little riding motion that made Nanami reconsider his harsh words towards his comrade earlier in the evening.

‘I just wanna be one of your girls tonight’.

Spinning around to face the crowd on her knees, she crawled onto her hands and knees. She arched her back slowly, sensually – in an almost feline fashion – with her ass and heels pointed up.

She pushed herself onto her feet, hands holding her heels, rolling up slowly again – this time dagging her hand up the length of her smooth, long legs. She reached for the pole, rolling her body against it.

‘Push me down, hold me down,

Spit in my mouth while you turn me out,’

Is she even going to use the pole? Nanami wondered. He wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t. It looked difficult – something he could never imagine himself being able to do. And, shit, for what it was worth, she was putting on one hell of a show without it.

‘I wanna take your light inside,

Dim me down, snuff me out,

Hands on my neck while you push it out,

And I’m screamin’ out’

She hooked her leg around the pole – as if she had heard Nanami’s internal inquiry, and flipped up onto it. In one smooth motion, she seemed to defy gravity. Her legs were pointed up, straight towards the ceiling as the pole rotated slowly. Then, before Nanami could catch his breath, her legs split open.

‘Give me tough love,

Leave me with nothin’ when I come down.’

She looked so fucking… perfect, so remarkable. He found himself entirely hypnotized by her. Her back was arched, pressed up against the pole – hell, her whole body was bent backward. He had never seen someone do an upside down split in mid air with only their hands as support, let alone do it so effortlessly.

‘My kinda love,

Force me and choke me ‘til I pass out.’

Her eyes scanned the shouting crowd with a seductive expression. She wrapped her legs around the back of the pole. Then, still upside down, she relaxed her grip on the base of the pole, sliding down until her hands met the ground. 

He was surprised her breasts hadn’t spilled out of their containers by now.

‘We don’t gotta be in love, no

I don’t gotta be the one, no,

I just wanna be one of your girls tonight.’

In one fluid motion, she opened her legs and cartwheeled away from the pole. She sauntered up to the front of the stage again, sliding her hands up her hips, her stomach, her chest, her neck. Nanami’s eyes followed her hands hungrily on their journey up, and then again on their way down, down, down. With her hands on her knees, she sunk into a squatting position. 

‘We don’t gotta be in love, no

I don’t gotta be the one, no’

Nanami gaped at the stage. She was absolutely stunning. Her body moved with grace, and her long legs worked those heels in a way that left his head spinning. The way her hands gripped the pole ignited a desire in Nanami's fingers to reach out and touch her.

‘I just wanna be one of your girls tonight, oh.’

Strutting to the stage's front, she sank back down to her knees, this time facing away from the audience. Slowly, she bent over backward, bridging off the stage into the audience. What struck Nanami the hardest wasn't the sparkle of her chest or the way her hair framed her pretty eyes; it was the way she looked right at him.

‘ Lock me up and throw away the key,

He knows how to get the best out of me,

I’m no fool for the world to see, 

Trade my whole life just to be.’

And Nanami, normally a man of composure, felt the blood rush to his face. He felt something stir deep within his chest – a sensation he hadn’t felt in years. Her half-lidded, smokey eyes gazed into his with the intensity of a thousand wildfires—unwavering, unrelenting, glimmering. She was fucking beautiful.

Droplets of sweat slid down her chest, and she smirked before extending her arm towards him. An unfamiliar, small hand gently caressed the side of his face. Nanami's heart raced, the scent of sweat and perfume leaving him reeling for more.

Then, as if nothing had transpired, the dancer pulled herself back onto her knees and continued with her routine.

Nanami's head spun, utterly captivated. He felt Gojo tap him on the shoulder. 

“She’s good, ain’t she?” He shouted over the sultry beat.

As the bills rained down around the captivating dancer, Nanami found himself unable to tear his gaze away. Gojo's words still echoed in his ears, but a stubborn sense of restraint kept him from joining in the display of buffoonery.

Gojo, undeterred by Nanami's refusal, slid him some bills anyway. "Tip her," Gojo insisted. Before Nanami could protest further, Gojo walked away.

Left alone, Nanami hesitated, his gaze alternating between the bills in his hand and the dancer on stage, who continued her mesmerizing routine, seemingly unaffected by the cascade of money around her.

‘We don’t gotta be in love, no

I don’t gotta be the one, no’

He yearned to be closer to her. It was a strange feeling – one that he hadn’t felt before. He yearned to see her, to hold her, to…

The bills felt weighty in his hand, a tangible representation of the internal struggle Nanami was experiencing. After a moment of contemplation, he made a decision. With a determined look, he rolled his thumb over the bills one last time, then threw them up into the air.

Dollar bills danced around the woman as she moved, and she seemed to lock eyes with Nanami, a subtle smile playing on her lips. 

‘I just wanna be one of your girls tonight’.

He wasn’t enamored.

No, he definitely wasn’t enamored with the absurdly pretty exotic dancer on the stage. That’s what he told himself.

And even though he had slandered Gojo for being a frequent patron of the club before that night, he joined the rank of regular himself not very long after.

a/n: hi pookie cookie bookie butts! I didnt like this specific chapter, but I never like my first chaps. thats why I make prologues lol!! the story will get much better I swear. tell me your thoughts, requests, remarks, etc in the comments, as always!! love u all <333 -Leo

comments + reblogs are greatly appreciated!!

I obviously do not own jjk or anything related to it. please do not reproduce, copy, or translate my works anywhere. dont fk w me im a bruja.

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wanna join the taglist? | my kinda love; chapter index

[antimatterz]

what's after LIKE ?

dan heng x gn!reader

summary: i have no idea where i'm going with this but it's inspired by IVE - after LIKE. this is honestly more brainrot and less serious writing.

cw: fluff fluff fluff, kinda crush headcanons + confessions + established relationship headcanons + a bit of marriage? i don't know tbh i was just vibing to the song when i wrote this and made a dan heng love story ramble lol. this kinda has some spoilers to dan heng's past.

content under the cut | masterlist

your crush on dan heng was sweet but short lasting.

quick to sprout from its seedling, rapidly finding the light to blossom freely. dan heng was part of the very first memory you had access to, and finding his solemn gaze resting solely on you awakened a string of butterflies in your stomach despite the confusion that came along with waking up aboard a space station without even knowing who you were.

you knew nothing, nothing but your name. where did you come from? what was your purpose? how did you end up aboard herta's space station? why was fate so kind to have dan heng be the person to find you?

when your eyes met, something solid formed between the two of you, something that never vanished and only grew in strength as weeks flew by. he opened up to you so rapidly and you did the same. he seemed not so easy to get along with at first but you looked past that façade and tried to find who he really was.

and he happily showed you.

your crush on dan heng was undeniably there, and to march, it was the most obvious thing possible. smitten you were, as your gaze lingered on the quiet male with heart eyes. he was known as a distant person, cold even to most. but you always tried to look past his mask, and soon it shattered afore your eyes, showing the calm and kind-hearted guy hiding behind it.

but your crush only lasted so long. you liked dan heng, but little did you know he liked you too. like was merely the first chapter of your story together. dan heng, as direct as he was, wouldn't hesitate to tell you ever so bluntly;

i like you, y/n.

there was a whole new chapter abound, the follow-up of the story that came after like. you never knew what it would be, since you thought of your crush as one-sided. while you had hoped for love to follow after like you did not dare to get your hopes up. yet, dan heng's confession had your dreams come true. love was the new chapter of your story.

loving dan heng was surprisingly easy. although he appeared cold and indifferent to those he deliberately kept at distance he was the opposite when it came to you; still quiet, but soft and kind, caring and a big sweetheart in his own way. you got along so well and the way you two matched was impeccable.

sure, dan heng had his secrets, he had a whole past he could not remember much about – and refused to talk about, even with you. but that was okay, you accepted that and allowed him time and space. he was grateful for that, and now you had an amazing lover by your side.

dan heng treats you as royalty, while you pamper him with affection and shower him with love. more and more often you find him smiling around you. there was a whole new side to him, one that you had 'unlocked' when the two of you started dating. again, the male was an absolute sweetheart.

but even love wasn't the final chapter. because at some point he asked you to marry him, his voice filled with something you hadn't heard before. it was so gentle, like the fleeting smile he offered you when you said yes.

your wedding was small, with only a few attendants; march, welt, himeko, herta, asta, arlan, ring-bearer peppy, and even some friends you made along the way. and who knew, maybe the stellaron hunters were watching from afar? but even though it was merely a small and simple ceremony, dan heng made sure to pick the most beautiful planet alongside the star rail where the astral express rode upon. imagine, the love in dan heng's eyes when you gaze at each other at the altar.

who knew? what started off as such a simple and innocent crush had so much more in store for you. you finally knew what came after like. love, marriage, happiness forever with your beloved.

[gallierhouse]

asking for opinions about armand on a friday night is crazy because ive been terrorizing the people in my life about him for a month and now?? im being asked to talk about him?? anyway so i couldnt get thru s1 back in 2022 bc it felt like a kind of rehash of hannibal (character dynamics wise) in a different setting and kind of bored me. i really liked louis in the pilot and honestly would just watch a historical drama about a black pimp and his gens de couleur family in 1930s nola and that was cruelly ripped away from me and ill never forgive lestat. BUT THEN s2 arrived and i gave it another go and armand just rose out of this show as a character ive truly never seen before?? his identity-lessness, his role as a bad stage director, that eager black hole growing around 500 years of life, its so fascinating. the Moment for me with him is obviously the donor painting seeing the whitewashed beautiful pleading garish (when compared with the real man) painting just shifted something in my soul. and THEN getting hit with the arun/maitre stuff and them the entirity of ep5 directly after? ive literally memorized the loumand argument from listening to it so many times Television of All Time fr. i love failmarriages that rot and decay and are inescapable and loumands whole thing felt so good and fresh and so so tasty. those bitches do not like each other. they dont even like each other and yet theyve stayed together for 77 yrs in a relationship built on abuse, spite, and 24/7 power exchange bdsm and thats CRAZY ! plus ive never seen toxic yaoi executed so well with two nonwhite, darkskinned characters and as a south asian that lowkey made me happy lol. anyway i love armand so much he sucks so bad but i do feel deeply seen and deeply compelled by his little gremlin ass

I miss Louis’ New Orleans era too. I get why Lestat fell in love with him, though, if I saw this beautiful creature pull a knife on his own brother in the middle of the street I’d stop at nothing to pursue him. It’s alluring. I think that’s the part of Louis Lestat has always loved and loathed most, his fierce independence and survivor’s instinct and capacity for violence. I say loathed because Lestat’s always torn between wanting Louis like that and wanting Louis to be his little housewife. He’s stupid like that.

I thought his stage direction was nice. Were his plays “good”? No. But were his notes well thought out? Yes. His notes for the trial were good. So it’s the playwright’s fault the scripts were bad, actually.

Re: his identity, I really think he’s doing fine. Not everyone needs a laundry list of hobbies and characteristics to “have an identity.” It’s true that Armand molds himself into whatever shape that’s required of him and sometimes he makes erroneous assumptions about it, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have an identity. I think Armand doesn’t perceive himself as having an identity, and it’s obvious that he structures his life around whatever role he’s occupying, and that it’s all very fragmented and difficult for him to see the continuity in it, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have an identity. His priorities and thought process are fairly obvious to the viewer, so that’s his identity. You can see the structure of his mind. That’s him. Right there. We don’t have to wait for the “real” Armand, he’s already here.

I don’t remember when I started loving him, but it was before the painting. Maybe the hunt, or when he starts participating in the interview. The painting did change something for me, though, and so did the bench scene. But I liked him from the start of season two, really, from the moment I found out he’d essentially been stalking Louis the whole time in Paris. I like him most when he’s got a little bit of edge, but then again, I love him when he lies. I actually have a shirt with their argument printed on it. It’s so fucking funny.

Well, I think there was love, at least before Armand strangled it to death. I don’t know if Louis ever loved Armand again, not after the trial, but I think Armand loved Louis, although not in a way that would really be comprehensible as love to anyone else. Maybe only the way you love something you own. But I think he at least enjoyed the performance of it. Besides, all the best relationships are 24/7 BDSM built on abuse and spite. You don’t agree? I think it’s very romantic.

Yeah, it’s the first time I’ve seen something like that too. And it was the greatest thing ever and I’m really glad we got a South Asian lead, even if I’m unsatisfied with AMC’s promotional strategy. One million seasons of Armand and one million posters of his face splashed across all major cities around the world, please. He’s perfect! More people should see him. More people should be subjected to him.

[iheartliquor]

dam im back again guys i just been taking it east both my laptops r broken the good one and the old shitty onee so i havent been tumblring much . psycosis was the most terriffying experience of my life , and i still cant figure out wat was real and wat wasnt , but the main point is that it doesnt matter and wat matters is just takin care of myself and not letting that happen again . tbh my friends said oh we knew this was coming one day which kinda made me feel bad lol but at the same time like wat do u expect ? u can only get away w that type of sleep deprivation n constnat inebriation and completely ignoring ur mental illness for so long . im doing cbt books now and im refusing to see anything but the love and light in every situation , cause like , u kno j, as they say ,, where we dwell in consciousness is truly where we dwell in life . its just been kinda hard and strange and bad and i feel like i have to like , superstitiously take plan b now wheras before i knew i would be fine . or no i didnt i mean before i would let myself have that as a worry in the back of my mind but now i have to superstitiously take precautaions . i kno that can b its own type of ocd and im doin counciling for that . its all just been really stressful and terrifying .... iwanna tell about the experiecne but i dont wanna like , u kno , spread bullshit around or pay attention to it when its bullshit . some parts were so good and beautiful , but some parts were so terrifying . i really thought i was bein taken to hell , and then i really thought like , i was so convinced i kill:ed myeslf and hurt my mom in that way i promsised myself i would neverr ever hurt her . that wasnt real tho but it felt absolutely so real :((( , i think how many years i would read ghost stories online and that felt like searching for something divine more than bein raised w my lack of god or watever , anyways , yeah im not gunna dwell on everything but basically im doing a lot better , i can tell the full story once im far away from it . ive felt so strongly sometimes like , i wish i could go back , to the world i lived in for the majority of my life where theres nothing that can get me or make me do bad things . and i can , i can i can i can itll just take awhile to get to the mental place where i can plainly see it was all or mostly bullshit / hallucination . brutal summer to be hoenst for tthis gal , oh well , anyways , sending u all all my love . life is scary and life is crazy and its still just all a big mystery , no matter what anyone says , and itll b okay , and i think i'll getta see all the people i love again just in a different way . eternal love , unconditional love , undying love ..... yes those three are the theme of the day...... anyways ok everyone have a lovely evening, its precious beautiful august . summer means so much to me , being where im from , and ive just had to like barely barelyy survive it this year , idk . or i alwayss said Every Single Summer I Feel Like I Was Born Again but this year i really really know wat that feels like , just in the snese of im gunna take my mental problems seriously now , instead of ignore them like my whole entire life . I finally figured out why LIQUOR ALWAYS FELT LIKE MEDICINE..... hahaha ok . all love everybody .

[redrandomposts]

hi, I think the little mermaid au idea is so cool and I really like the concept! How does Mizi feel when she sees what left of Ivan and figures it out? I feel like since they are very close she would be very sad and mad at herself :(

Maybe Ivan can come back and everyone can be happy! :D

-🍎

hi 🍎!!!

mizi wouldn't notice, actually, because sua didn't tell her (or let ivan tell her) what would happen to ivan if he failed. sua's just like that. and... idk, man, she's pretty sheltered. too much to even make conclusions based on death, because she barely knows of it. she only feels something is wrong when she has to go back to the ocean without catching a glimpse of her best friend.

(she doesn't notice the letters, either. perhaps a passing servant had dropped them on accident, or it was specifically left for till)

but i can one up you!!! hahaha!

...it's kinda implied that till actually falls in(sane) love with ivan. why else would ivan would have his own entire wing near till's personal office, with jewelry and all kinds of clothes at his disposal?

ivan doesn't notice this because he was a prince and thought that ah yes, fancy lobster dishes and clothing made of the finest silks... this must be how everyone is treated. (guys ive grown fond of ivan and long black hair??? i knew what i was doing)

i have ideas for a HE, but for now...um, ok, here u are, something u did not ask for (till's pov (might be ooc))

===

it started at the beach. till ran away from his duties yet again (he was six! who entrusted him (of all people, nonetheless) with duties?!), this time heading to the beach. he's never been to the ocean so closely before, and couldn't help to just... get closer.

he never learned to swim before, as he was swamped by all other tasks that he despised. oversight on everyone's part. he was swept away by the waves, hopelessly fighting against the salty water. the salt burned his eyes, making him close them, but when arms (...smaller than him, what the hell!) wrapped around him he tried to open them.

pale skin, a pearl breaking through the water's surface. red and black scales that reflected the light so beautifully, as if sunset had just reached its end. jewels and silver chains that slowly fell back to place when displaced.

...skin? scales? what was going on?! is he like those... those addicts his mentor talked about?!

he closed his eyes. this was not happening. this was not happening.

when he opened his eyes, he caught sight of an angel from the sea. her face was beautiful, her pink hair, wet, fell like waterfalls. she had... blue scales, slightly tan skin, with gold decorating her. (what about the black and red sunset scales? the pale as pearl skin? the silver that reflected the sunlight like the moon did?) she was the most beautiful person he's ever seen in life.

a week later, he couldn't help but sketch the angel that had the wrong colors again and again by the beach. perhaps, if he got her attention again, they could become friends and eventually the king and queen of his kingdom! in his fervent imagination, he didn't notice the pearl until it slipped into the waters again, far from his grasp.

annoyingly, this repeated for weeks on end. over a year (or way more) of weeks, actually! the only reason till didn't think this was a weird doesn't-actually-exist image were the odd things he'd find when he was done sketching. fish, crabs, actual pearls, clams, a shattered but ornately-made hand mirror, a locket without anything inside, dadada...

and when he went into the library to find out (the first time he's stepped into there! everyone weeps in joy!), all he found were books about creatures in the sea that love music and make others love music.

music? he could do that! he brought a guitar out to the beach, and somehow got so lost in the music he forgot to check for the pearl! when he looked again, all he saw was black slipping underneath the waves again. what the fuck?!

each time he'd try this, it'd have the same result. he'd be so engrossed in his music and making songs that he'd barely, if at all, catch black hair and silver jewelry slipping into the ocean before he could clearly see it.

and he had a solution! if he came at night, then he'd surely catch the pearl before it could see him!

...listening to the singing, till once again missed his chance. pearl-pale skin reflected the moonlight, the ocean grew quiet to listen to the music, birds and fish crowded the rock the pearl sits on. black hair blended into the night, and the silver took and stored the moonlight, reflecting it to mimic the moon the best anything ever could.

and when it stopped, till was too dazed to react! he had to watch helplessly as it slipped into the ocean once again.

this continued for years. till was driven insane. a face he's never once seen, yet one he kept on chasing and chasing. he bought silver jewelry, imagining that one day, he could lay it out and trap the pearl once and for all. he bought various clothes, both men and women's, so one day he could cover the pearl and keep it for his eyes only.

it turns out he didnt need it, though! on his sixteenth birthday, the pearl was in the sand, a coat on his body, covering his thighs from the sun. long black hair splayed out, framing the face he's gone insane over trying to catch a glimpse of.

till decided to put him in the unused wing, the one right next to his. he carefully washed him, combing his hair and dressing him up to the neck. this could be a foretelling of his future, maybe. it's a much brighter future than he could have ever imagined.

ice-cold water, the kind that only appeared when the snow fell and the nights grew longer than day, poured on him when letters slipped through his door, sea foam decorating the parchment.

[fuck-i-like-too-much-stuff]

An year and six months back, i watched my first ever thai bl, and thats when i decided to give this side of media a proper try.

Three months after that, i watched the first episode of the BL that made me confirm my stance on being in this fandom- i was not leaving.

(Almost) Exactly an year back, those characters' ended their story, but hopefully temporarily because that was hell of an open-ended cliffhanger. However, as on Diwali, i revisit them (no matter how many times ive done so before) i cant help but see crackers as the perfect metaphor for them.

Only Friends- My Firecrackers.

Not only is this show the perfect BL commentary, an amazingly executed storyline, an example of pragmatic character development and examplar piece of cinematography- its characters and situations are riddled with metaphors. Some the makers put in intentionally, some the readers made up.

The show begins with explaning the roles of Our Four Best Friends at a club.

Mew, The Pure Virgin. The Fuljhari/Pencil/Sparkler.

Mew is introduced as the calm centre of the quad, the virgin who ends up taking care of his friends by the end of the night. He is confident in himself for everything except the only thing his friends are confident in- a romantic relationship that may not last.

While the choice of a sparkler may seem basic for Mew- it makes the most sense because he is exactly that. He is a standalone beauty that is often seen to be harmless. Except when the sparkle starts to burn too close to your hand, and you panic and discard it.

Mew lights a lot of fire in his friends' relationships. Whether it is when he is the reason Boston gets obsessed with Top, and thus causes Nick to become jealous. Or whether it is when he leads Ray on with a slither of hope on his stick, away from a falling Sand. Similarly, a sparkler is often the one that lends, gives or is robbed of its sparkle by other crackers. They are considered to be safe while they are also the ones leading in injury causes.

Mew burns bright and beautiful, by himself, and ready to call himself someone's if they want to gently draw imaginary graphics with him in the air, and also ready to burn the very hand that touches him if they misbehave.

Ray, The Drunkard. The Bottle Rocket.

Ray is an emotionally pent up, alcoholic, spoiled rotten twink. And he believes his release is completely dependent on the Sparkler Mew. However, when he realises he may not get Mew, he relies to stand on the bottle (yes, very clever i know) of alcohol that he is planted in.

Its his place, and he is at home even if the bottle will explode on him one day and leave him completely useless. That is if he doesn't release himself soon.

He contains himself, to his rather attractive and dangerous self. But he is kept away from most other crackers, being a flight risk (yes, i did it again, get used to it).

When he does finally burn, the wick slowly closing in on his body, he shoots up. Its quick, its sudden, most people cant even decipher when it happens. He doesn't realise it himself. Till he bursts out, in the open and is all light and glitter and noise and confidence.

Boston, The Whore. Phuldaan/Tubri Bomb/Anaar.

As someone who is extremely adamant on clearly defining a boundary between love and lust, Boston is a confident, beautiful, stubborn and explosive tubri/phuldaan.

The properties of this bomb are majorly that it requires little spark till it explodes and will not stop till it runs out. Its unsafe, its unhealthy, its bright and it comes with the most glaringly obvious red flags that if you ignore them- it is entirely your fault.

Boston attracts people who seek risk, who seem to not find comfort in the "average sparkler". Even if that means that they're risking their own explosion.

While Boston himself does crave company, he rains down fire on anyone who gets too close. That doesnt stop everyone however, not everyone is afraid of burning.

Cheum, The Dancer. The Chakri.

Like a chakri- Cheum is someone who will make you smile and laugh with her moves. She will be an obvious choice to hang out with, given her fun and jolly nature. And she will give everything her all.

Except that it also entails smacking the shit out of you, physically or mentally. When it comes to making her way into places she does not belong in, or putting people in places they do belong in- Cheum is your girl. Will she make impulsive decisions and overstep boundaries? Yes, she will. But no matter how many accidents she causes, you will still fondly remember her as a beloved cracker. Also she's hot as fuck.

Top, The Top Breed. The Ladhi/Judas' Belt.

Popular, liked by enthusiasts, and considered a classic example of "real firecrackers" our Alpha (derogatory) male Top, is a collection of bad decisions one after the other.

He is always teamed with the likes of bombs and so when he is neared by a sparkler, he doesn't feel like he could be "tied down" to that partnership for too long. Which is why even when he is lit up, his long ass tale leads him back to "his kind." Only to realise, he will always remain untouched by true feelings in his former company. The sparkler, however, doesn't take it easy on him. He has to burn a huge portion of himself off before he is ever touched again (as he should.) And also realise that if he returns to his former ways, there will be no coming back from breaking off in the middle.

Nick, The Tech Boy. The Cherry Bomb.

Our little angsty tech boy is none other than my favourite cracker of all time- the cherry bomb. He has the patience to let the wick last a long, long time. However if you let the spark reach the core- he will explode, and it will be cranky.

He isn't half as big or even powerful as Ton's anaar. Or long lasting like Top's ladhi. Yet, he is a beloved addition to the family, and remembered with fondness by all.

That being said, it still stands true that he is dangerous and borderline problematic since it does cause the most pollution- or in Nick's case- the most destruction. He comes out, gradually and with help, from the overshadow cast by the Big Guys, to be him.

Sand, The Bar Singer. The Handler.

There can't be crackers without someone to actually light them. Thats what Sand is. The one that connects them all without making more effort than carrying the right sparkler to the right wick at the right time.

Sand's enthusiasm and craving for the bright and loud leads him to be hopelessly stuck on Ray, the Sky Rocket. However, he does remember that those heights are only his if the sky rocket actually chooses to work.

He sees Top's ladhi to be too much work, doesn't even want to engage with it. However, when his heart gets the best of him and he does end up playing too close to it- he hurts many others in the surroundings.

He tries to contain himself, stop himself, not light any more fires that he can't possibly handle. Yet, he still remembers the mesmerizing sparkle of Ray's eyes. And he returns- each time, every time.

And obviously I can't finish this post without the scenes with the actual fireworks (though they were never shown onscreen)

Happy Diwali Once Again.

[darishima]

puppy your game collection is beautiful i dont know what most of those are except like the disgaeas (because youve explained them before), disco elysium (the occasional meme crosses my dash), roblox, and undertale maybeeeeee you could give me a tour of the others you like and what theyre about and stuff! whats muse dash ouppy that sounds like a rhythm game ^w^

thank you i know its incredible :3c soo here it is again i will go game by game and yap my ouppy little head off im sorry

starting from the left! desmume is a DS emulator that i got to play puyo puyo fever, a fullmetal alchemist ROM and a lucky star ROM and PPSSPP is a PSP emulator i got for uhh. i cant remember which game i specifically installed it for. i think it was puyo puyo fever 2?

roblox is. you know. roblox

my hero one's justice is a demo i downloaded from steam which i have not actually played LMAO i got the demo to see if i wanted to buy the full game but i guess its pointless because i havent bothered to check out the demo

class of 09 and class of 09 re-up (the sequel) are visual novels, hard to explain what theyre about.. basically its all about toxic evil yuri and drug abuse and self harm. its like if needy streamer overload was about coked up high school lesbians

disgaea pc is the second best game ever made

disgaea 2 pc is the number 1 best game ever made. no further explanation necessary

i have not actually played dont starve yet, it was recommended by a friend so i bought it during the steam summer sale for like 2 bucks. from what ive heard, its a survival game, kinda like minecraft if minecraft was way harder and the game hated you

disco elysium is the same, recommended by a friend, i bought it for super cheap during the summer sale, and have not touched it yet LMAO

muse dash is a rhythm game yes and its FUCKIGN INCREDIBLE. AND IM AMAIZNG AT IT. LOOK AT THESE SCORES BONESY ARENT YOU PROUD OF ME

full combo means i hit every note and didnt miss a single one >:3 im genuinely really good at the game not 2 brag,,, and YES you saw that right, hatsune miku and kagamine rin and len are playable characters!! they come with two respective DLCs which also come with a bunch of vocaloid songs and i bought them both <3 these are their sprites in game!

and if you buy it it gives you a bunch of adorable art on the loading screens :3 this isnt even all of them just a few i screenshotted. if i screenrecorded myself killing it in muse dash would you watch the video teehee...

ok back to game yapping. leaf blower revolution is an idle clicker game i got for free on steam, which i got insanely hyperfixated on for three days and played for like 14 hours straight once and then gave up and never touched it again

yume nikki is a little pixelated adventure game where you explore around a girl's weird dreams. the soundtrack is INCREDIBLE especially this song. its transcendental. listen to it while youre high trust me you have to

DDLC requires no explanation i think. its ddlc. you know what it is theres no way you dont

the song of saya (saya no uta) i will be yapping extra about because i LOVE IT. its a horror eroge visual novel about a guy named fuminori who, after a brain surgery, sees the entire world and other people as a disgusting fleshy abomination, whereas everything looks normal to other people. for example this:

is a completely normal hallway. but it looks like that to him. then he meets a girl name saya, who is the only thing in the world that looks normal to him, and he falls in love with her

and i reeeally really dont wanna spoil it cause its really good and i highly recommend you go watch it (theres a full playthrough on youtube) but lets just say saya is Not as normal as she looks.

celeste is a game ive only played a little of, but i love it so far. its a platformer about a trans woman named madeline climbing celeste mountain, and encountering a personification of her self doubt that she has to overcome to get to the top. i lovee the style of the game its so pretty and way easier than i expected it to be, which is great for me because im garbage at every game in the world that isnt muse dash or disgaea

disgaea 4 and disgaea 5 are self explanatory. i ADORE d4, though im not super far into it, but i havent started d5 yet im waiting until i finish d1 and 4

phantom brave is a game set in the same universe as disgaea which crosses over with it, i havent played more than a few minutes of the game but obviously i love it so far cause its similar to disgaea. im waiting to jump fully into it until i finish d1 and d4 though

OFF is an rpg also recommended to me by a friend, i downloaded it online but havent touched it yet 😭 pro at owning games i dont play

omori is also very self explanatory. i downloaded it off my friends steam account and he and i have been playing it together, im not far in but obviously i like it, i knew i would. aubrey is sooo mecore <3 i really need to keep playing it... i should have gotten into omori sooner. actually no i take that back because i think 14 year old me getting into omori would have been so world-ending that it would have shattered my psyche

spore is spore. idk how to describe it. you make a fucked up little creature and you make the fucked up little creature do shit thats the whole game

undertale is also very self explanatory. and boom thats all my games :3 well i also have animal jam classic which didnt fit in the screenshot but theres not much to say about that. other than the fact that i own a super rare nonmember mantis pet and im proud of it. and my den fucks

okay thats more than enough yapping im sorry .. stop asking me questions because i do not know how to shut up. ily though thank you for asking :3c

[imaginespazzi]

hiii!!! first time anon and silent fan and follower of ALL ur fics!!! ive reread GH a billion times its so damn good your characterisation is impeccable and the way u write angst UNPARALLELED i live for it! every update from you makes MY day i live in australia so i wake up every Tuesday morning and allocate the first 20mins of my morning to a new chapter☺️☺️☺️

ANYWAYS decided i need to show my appreciation FOR CHAPTER 6 as it is 1000+/10 so here is my long review:

- Love love love all the description around the wedding details - to be known is to be loved and it’s only been a year…how could Olivia possibly know Paige the way azzi does. She really never stood a chance🫢

- Drew being “sick” and later saying “so she’s not stopping the wedding” - so endearing he just wants his pookie sister in law😭😭 i NEED an angsty scene with him and azzi in present time (how old would he be? Teens/early 20’s) where he’s clearly resentful about how everything went down

- Man Tim and Katie🥹🥹🥹 the NECKLACE my heartttttt. So gracious and supportive..would love to know if there was a part of them crushed by Paige not ending up their daughter in law

- Finding out on instagram about the pregnancy is insane i would have to be put down. Surely azzi did not find out about the wedding over instagram…surely……pls…..

- “the first thing you’re gonna see is your smile. And you’re gonna think it’s the most beautiful thing in the world. Just like I do” Paige’s way with words…Paige just can’t help it but ur heart breaks for azzi having to hear such beautiful things from her EX

- Paige crying alone in the tent crushed under the weight of both Azzi and Stephie in her heart ugh

- MAYBE MY FAVOURITE DIALOGUE YOUVE WRITTEN: Why is your daughter like this?” Paige demands, “how is she gonna make me cry and then send somebody else to wipe my tears.” “Why couldn’t she just have stayed?” the blonde questions, “why does she always have to overthink things and make it more complicated? Why can’t she just listen to her heart once in her fucking life? Why can’t she just let herself live? Why is it always no with her and never just yes?” - it’s v poetic but you’ve somehow managed to write it in a way that isn’t clunky but feels SO REALISTIC I can literally see the regressed 20 something version of Paige complaining to her defacto MIL about her girl problems. AMAZING

- NVM best dialogue you’ve ever written: “it’s the same one Tim had when he first met Azzi.” how does ur brain work like this?!!???????

- Steph guest appearance YAY! I wonder whether Steph ever makes fun of Azzi for how she named her child, or if they were already closer at that point. UNCLE TWIN☺️

- Naur Paige falling to her knees to catch Stephie - down astronomically bad it’s literally been a day i love them sooooooo much

- And then I yelled at Mama and it made Mama cry too and I hate making Mama cry.” - Paige and Stephie have so many similarities (purple, mint icecream etc) but the biggest thing - they BOTH love Azzi so much 🥺🥺🥺 what a privilege and simultaneously a terrifying prospect… that you are two people on the planet that can have the greatest capacity to impact her (both positive and negative)

- “that’s okay ‘cause I don’t miss.I’m Azzi Fudd’s daughter. Right Mama?” “Right baby,” This made me clucky fr! Stephie is spectacular give me 14 rn 👩‍🍼👩‍🍼👩‍🍼👩‍🍼👩‍🍼

- The constant theme of Azzi being content, having enough but not having everything she wants💔 she’s sacrificed so so much it hurts me how scared she is to accept that she could be happier

- I am a SUCKER for the trope where person 1 cannot stand seeing person 2 having a meltdown and person 2 goes to leave but person 1 cannot bear the thought of letting them go and hugs them ugh this story is like a MOVIE

- “You want me to say that I flew to Dallas once to tell you that I fucked up but then I saw you with Olivia and decided you deserved better than me-” the parallels to the UCLA fic and Paige seeing Azzi with Zoe..need to see this scene written PLEASE

- “It’s never too late for us,” Paige whispers before crashing her lips against the woman” Oh Lord here we go. This lowkey shocked me cannot lie - was NOT expecting this. V v curious about the aftermath of this….before day 1 of practise is CRAZY.

ANYWAYS WOW v v long review but i just needed to show my appreciation for this masterpiece! please know that this fic brings me infinitesimal joy and i cannot wait for the next chapter!!!!!!!!❤️❤️❤️

OMG HI FRIEND (or I guess I should say mate like Australians lol?)!! Welcome to my inbox!

No one knows Paige the way Azzi does because Paige won't let anyone see her the way she lets Azzi see her

Drew is so absolutely done with these two dumbasses and had to make it very clear. I think Paige-Azzi were such an example to him and to have that taken has really made him cautious about love at the very raw age of 20 (that's how old he'd be in 2033 right?)

Paige always says the right things, the timing just isn't always the right one.

AH omg honestly it means much to me that you think my dialogues are realistic. Especially ones like that one where it's kinda heavy, I'm always a little self-conscious that maybe it sounds too speech-y and fake so I'm so glad it doesn't come off that way.

I think Steph and Azzi grew pretty close before Stephie because he was already her mentor but once she actually got to Golden State, he really took her under her wing and became more family than just mentor (Steph possibily teared up at the idea of Azzi naming her daughter after him)

Quite LITERALLY down bad lmao

The thing with Azzi, I think, is that she's a little scared to be loved. Like Azzi holds both Paige and Stephie's hand in the palm of her hands, and she's scared that she'll accident hold them too hard and crush them.

I do think there will be a flashback to Azzi flying to Dallas but tbd which chapter!

LMAO they're not very good at the taking it slow thing are they?

You are so very sweet and I appreciated this so very much!

[threadsoflacee]

i am an avid truther of the "compliment anybody u might save their life" motto. it is so unbelievably real. 1 time in 8th grade when i was just beginning to explore being goth a girl saw me drinking water in the school bathroom and went OMG SHES SO PRETTY. i went . wait me ?!? and she said YES youre the most beautiful girl ive ever seen. she looked genuinely fascinated to have met me . to this day 4-5 years later i still think about it. last week my friend who ive known for 3 years made a joke and i laughed and she said wait i never noticed how straight ur teeth are. im soooo insecure about my smile and this simple observation literally healed me. my speech therapist who ive known for 3 years told me two weeks ago i looked softer with my red dyed hair and that she liked soft things. my mom told me i had a soothing aura. my therapist said she wishes she had my long soft hair and that i had perfect skin. GUYS sometimes its all just about the compliments. if u dont find the person particularly attractive to u u can compliment their makeup or smile or new nails they just got or even the pins on their backpack. i swear its not awkward. some of us humans are walking the streets starved for love and praise and just a simple observation might make our day or even week!!!!!! i love to randomly compliment people and watch as they smile and get kind of shy it is what i live for

[ladyvictory22]

Falling into Temptation: IV: Discovery

"In the garden of Eden, where butterflies danced in the springtime of our souls, secrets become thorns, and sin, like an adulterer whispered in the confessional, now faces the inevitable revelation of hidden shadows."

Escaping now was something common in his days, leaving a little earlier, taking a late lunch at work. Christian could say that he spends a lot of time at Toto's apartment and although he would like to spend the nights there, they know that it is something they can't... not yet.

But there was something Christian could do when he couldn't stay, it was take Toto's shirts, he delicately chose the most common ones, Toto has always been bluish tones, so those are the ones that Christian chooses the most.

Toto rarely wears a dark tone, but when he wears them he looks beautiful, he looks like a beautiful sculpted prince and so unattainable, in fact, at this moment he looked like this, Christian looked at him spellbound, blue sneakers the same tone as the shirt, a white pants and a dark blue shirt that made his skin stand out and fit so well. Toto was standing reviewing some reports before giving the go-ahead to his work team, then they would go out, sometimes they liked to take walks in the park that was near Toto's apartment.

He doesn't know if he was looking at him too much, but Toto felt his gaze.

"What's going on?" He said still looking at the documents.

"Nothing, I'm just looking at you" he responded with his chin resting on his hand. "You look so good like this"

Toto made a half smile and looked up, Christian was on the couch with his usual pose of one leg resting on the other, they both smiled at each other, it felt domestic.

"Oh yeah?" Toto said, moving his attention away from the documents and approaching

"Yes, blue looks good on you... I like it" answered the youngest.

"I know, maybe because some of my shirts suddenly disappear" he said while facing the other.

Christian gave a small giggle and Toto smiled.

"I like it a lot," Christian whispered, knowing that he had a slight blush on his cheeks but he didn't care.

Then Toto put a knee next to the other's leg, almost making the gesture of sitting on him, placed a hand on his neck and placed his lips against Christian's.

Now it was so common for them to flirt with so few things, they loved to express their admiration for each other more in minimal things, in compliments.

When they separated they both smiled

"Brown" said Toto.

"what?" Christian asked.

"Brown is your color," continued Toto, "when you usually go riding andin the usa those tones in your clothes usually highlight your skin and your eyes, even when you go to the paddock and wear a brown jacket, due to its tone it can be combined with different palettes..." he left a small kiss again and then added " Although considering how you look with your Red Bull suit, blue and black also suit you well."

Christian felt himself blush and Toto laughed softly and left him another kiss, walking away from him and returning to the documents.

And Toto is like that, he pays attention to every detail, and is always in charge of praising every quality, aspect or whatever, ever since Christian shared stories about him, about his selfesteem, he seems to protect him.

~~~~

There are times when certain decisions that you don't want to make or are afraid to make are often ignored until there is nothing left to do.

It seems that both Christian and Toto were in that line, they knew that there was a decision to make but they ignored it, they focused on each other.

Although sometimes the conversation would arise, suddenly one of the two was impatient for a decision and then the other didn't know what to do. Sometimes Christian, sometimes Toto.

After a moment in silence, they both reconciled with a sweet hug, one of protection, sometimes they felt like the storm was coming at any moment.

~~~~

In fact the storm was only brewing as a natural disaster, like a tropical storm or hurricane. They hadn't noticed anything because the shadows hadn't come to life, they were just in the dark.

Geri remembers the first time she found a shirt that wasn't her husband's size in his closet. Of course it seemed strange to her, but the shirt was delicately kept at the back of everything, almost hidden.

She felt a strange current run through her body, but she shrugged it off, in the end she gave herself an excuse before asking her husband something.

The funny thing is, even on Grand Prix weekends, Christian had one of those shirts there. It seemed to be….usual.

~~~~

He generally wore those shirts to sleep, when his wife was not around or he simply wore them to work and put on a sweater over them.

He used to give Toto his shirts back when they spent the night, sometimes he chose to wear another shirt, sometimes he didn't.

~~~~

She didn't touch the shirts...not at first, she just knew she'd find a different one in the closet. As she well knows, fear screams and intuition whispers, she does not know in what tone her thought was speaking, she only knows that it was saying something, something that she was trying to ignore.

Sometimes the mind can be your biggest enemy and you have to fight with the thoughts it gives you because they are wrong, it's just fear speaking.

However, the setting and the actions staged, he was beginning to feel someone's shadow like the presence of a person and he did not like that.

~~~~

Not that it was common for Toto was in Brackley, because he alternated his days with Monaco. However, they both knew each other's free time.

As always, the meetings were similar to those in the paddock, meeting, talking, sleeping or simply suddenly there was a call with too much heat between them that made them want to eat each other fiercely.

On other occasions, that fire could appear in the middle of an outing.

They felt like teenagers, but it was so hot that they liked to do it from time to time and that was something they didn't expect.

When Christian first got into a Mercedes, a Mercedes driven by Toto Wolff.

And there Christian understood why that man was the personification of the brand whose Formula 1 team he owned, he saw him drive, with such class, elegance, he confirmed something that in a way he already knew, Toto is as Mercedes as Mercedes is Toto. ...and sometimes the gestures spoke so much for him, in the middle of the road a very territorial hand would rest on Christian's leg and look for his hand only to leave a small caress and then return to the helm.

Just that gesture, feeling the hand go down his leg, made Christian bite his lower lip subtly with a half smile... because Toto can sometimes be territorial and he likes it.

Then on one of those occasions, while they were on the road, Christian took Toto's hand and slowly held it on his leg, reaching further.

Toto smiled and kept his hand there willingly only moving it away when necessary, then the hand would return and sometimes go deeper. Christian closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

The caresses became more insistent on the youngest's thighs, touching points that Toto already knew quite well... that he generally liked to bite and leave his mark there.

"Should I stop or do you want to get somewhere more private?" He said and his tone of voice sounded deeper.

Christian smiled, he already knew, Toto was impatient now.

"What does Mr. Mercedes decide?" He said looking at him hungrily.

He doesn't even know where they stopped the car, but they did. Toto turned off the road onto a path that led to some pretty earthly views.

That's the little he remembers, since from one moment to the next he was on Toto, with a hungry kiss, a war of tongues and a bite.

Soon after, Christian was rising and falling, moaning softly, while Toto's hands remained on his hips, squeezing hard.

If you had been told years ago that you would be in this situation, having sex in a Mercedes and even more so with whom, you would have laughed thinking that it was a silly and absurd idea.

But here he is, melting in Toto Wolff's arms, moaning his name on her trembling legs and wishing it would never end.

Arrive a point at which, Christian bit Toto's shoulder so hard that he left one of his marks.

After that first time, they did it a few more times, even on Grand Prix weekends... lending a car just for that.

~~~~~

She hadn't realized that her husband's shirts were disappearing until he sometimes looked for a specific shirt but didn't get upset if he couldn't find it.

Susie wasn't a controlling woman, it's not like she doesn't care what Toto does, it's more the trust placed in him.

However, in all the years dedicated to Formula One, at least once a piece of clothing could be forgotten, a sweater, a towel... but how often? That was... something peculiar.

At first she put it down to the mere stress of the season, the need to do his job well had prompted her husband to be more dedicated to the team, more so if that meant spending more time in Brackley.

The first few times she didn't feel anything, she is a woman who uses reasoning and logic to find an explanation for things easily.

Although I probably wouldn't find any explanation over time.

~~~~~

Christian liked that Toto marked him even if it was controlling his strength.

He did it, yes, he had the self-control not to bite and leave marks all over Christian's body because he knew it couldn't be done. However, there was one place where he couldn't help himself.

Toto loved to bite on his thighs, a path of kisses, hickeys and then bites that burn more when he is eating Christian and he simply wraps his legs around Toto's head.

Christian's way of marking used to be different, when Toto was already on him, everything was based on the scratches on the other's back and his usual bite on the shoulder.

~~~~

She noticed something unusual when she realized that the shirtsthey disappeared maybe on specific days... and also in specific colors.

Although there was one more curiosity, as well as the shirtsthey disappeared  appeared again and at least that gave Susie a rational explanation for Toto not looking for her clothes properly, although at the same time a strange explanation considering that her husband is quite tidy with his clothes.

Even when he is in Brackley she knows that all his clothes are meticulously chosen and organized, although sometimes it seems that he takes extra clothes on his trips.

Then perhaps in the distance of his thoughts the shadow of a person was forming in his mind, a thought that in any case becomes inevitable when strange actions begin to appear.

~~~~

The first time Toto saw Christian wearing one of his shirts was when he was entering the paddock, it was very early the fans weren't arriving yet so they could still move freely until there was an avalanche of people.

Toto, with his usual sunglasses, looked at him in the distance, lowered his glasses a little to check the color of the shirt, he had noticed that it was a little too big for him.

He felt satisfied, it was like a way of knowing that Christian is his, that he belongs to him and he liked the thought.

He approached, Christian was talking with other colleagues, they greeted each other normally, they knew how to act in those situations, but hints of flirtation always appeared.

"Blue looks good on you" Toto said smiling.

"Obviously, you know Red Bull has blue... but it is generally a neutral color and in different shades" mentioned the other

"You like using those shades, don't you?" Djjo

"Of course every time I have the opportunity I will do it, in fact I think I will buy another shirt soon" he said with a wink.

They both smiled, sometimes it was fun to know that they were playing on a fine line, because only they knew what they were talking about, what encrypted messages there were.

~~~~

Geri had not realized that Christian was wearing those shirts until one day she saw the closet again; she had already developed a paranoid habit of searching the closet.

Until one day he couldn't find the shirt or shirts, because suddenly they had started to vary between one or two.

And it was a different occasion, there was no sign of a shirt around and for a moment he felt relief.

She showed her mind that creating ideas or assumptions from something seen was not okay, even more so if she has never asked her husband anything.

But the strange chill would return to her when Christian returned from a grand prix, the shirt he was wearing was... one of those shirts.

She stood still with her arms crossed, watching as her husband greeted their children and pets, he approached her and left a kiss on her cheek, when Geri sought a kiss on her lips.

She felt him avoid her and the cherry on this dessert culminated, when she felt a different aroma on her husband, it was like the mixture of two perfumes, hers and someone else's.

She felt his hands cold and a tightness in her chest, she was breathing hard, because her mind was being invaded with assumptions that were probably taking the form of a person.

That's when she decided that she would touch one of those shirts sometime, that she would smell the aroma, although she didn't know exactly what use it would do other than just hurt her.

~~~~

Susie fueled her doubts when there was a blood stain on one of her husband's shirts, it was faint, it was on the shoulder of the shirt. It was strange because it's not like Toto would have had an accident... which she would know.

The thing is... those stains appeared on different shirts and they were always sometimes on the collar sometimes on the shoulder.

And there could be a million reasons why there's a stain there, but connecting Toto's unusual actions, it's inevitable to think about the presence of a third wheel in this situation.

~~~~

When thoughts take over you considerably, you begin to review the past, the present and the future...the how?, when?, and above all, something that Geri wondered was why?

She remembers seeing Christian quite stressed, there were nights when she heard him crying in the bathroom and she just didn't understand why.

Your husband was at a successful stage in his career so why this stress? Why that feeling that he was dying for something? In the present I already understood why, longing for someone you couldn't be with could be torture. But nowadays Geri could tell that Christian no longer longed for that person, rather he already had her.

She didn't want to face it yet, because they were just vague thoughts, crazy ideas that came to her mind in trying to explain her husband's behavior.

~~~~~

Susie could say what, when your perspective changes that's when normal days become cloudy, rainy.

When doubt is planted, it is very difficult to root it out. What is even worse is when you cannot tell anyone about it, it is like a poison that begins to spread throughout your head.

Maybe Toto's behavior had changed a while ago and she hadn't realized it.

Like when she saw him drinking too much, he seemed lost in his mind. She remembers asking him what was happening, if perhaps it was because of some stress issue with Mercedes, although they were getting better every day, he had just looked up and those penetrating eyes seemed annoyed at having been interrupted.

However, he gently told her that nothing was wrong, taking another sip of his drink and returning his gaze to his computer.

She felt chills, Toto rarely had those kinds of looks.

At that time she took it as something due to stress, currently she no longer knows whether to take it that way.

~~~~

Christian's hand went up and down on Toto's back, they had reunited after a few days in which they had not been able to see each other, there were obstacles.

Bycoincidences, their wives had been present at the most recent Grands Prix, and for a change they had had a lot of work developing their cars.

it is Needless to say, when they met they couldn't keep their hands off each other, so much time in abstinence had consumed and irritated them.

They needed to see each other, even if it meant taking time for themselves, for their bubble, for their garden.

The garden was still in spring, they felt that they had everything under control, which is why they felt calm.

Christian raised his hand to her shoulder, feeling the mark of his most recent bite.

"Oops, I think I overdid it" he said, tapping lightly.

Toto sighed "You haven't cared about the previous times, my love."

Christian smiled "I hadn't imagined how deep they were."

"It's only been a few times..." Toto mentioned trying to sound like a complaint but he sounded pleased "although I prefer that you do it... because I don't care."would control"

"In what sense?" He said closing his eyes, because Toto began to leave kisses on his neck.

"Because it would mark you completely all over your body," he said, gently biting the minor's ear, making himsighed gently.

"Will you show me where?" askedleaving carried away by the sensation of the other's lips.

Toto positioned himself over him, kissed his lips, his neck, down to his chest then licked and sucked each of his nipples, making them rigid and continued going down slowly listening to how soft he was moaning.taking out the other.

~~~~

Sometimes we can make decisions that can take a very painful toll on us, even more so when you have suspicions about a threat stalking your relationship.

Geri one day decided to test her husband's behavior, she prepared a dinner, she dressed beautifully for him. I was planning a romantic evening.

~~~~~

When Christian arrived he found a very decorated dinner and his wife looked beautiful, in her white outfit with some gold accessories thatthey stood out.

Christian smiled kindly, "what's the reason for this?" He said looking at everything.

"I just wanted to surprise you, I think we need some time for ourselves" she said.

The dinner went well and despite things, Christian always talked about work and other things with Geri.

~~~~

For a moment she thought that everything was fine, the dinner was going normally and Christian seemed like the old Christian to her.

Talking about work, showing their affection for their pilots, they also talked about their children, about upcoming events.

Then just for a moment the doubts dissipated and she attributed all those thoughts to her husband's behavior coming from some stress.

And that those shirts were probably just new sizes that he was wearing, for a moment everything fit, everything had an explanation.

Just for a while.

~~~~~

Unfortunately that tranquility dissipated in the blink of an eye, Geri wanted to end the night in a more romantic way.

Christian no.

When they got to the room she pulled him and kissed him.

Christian took a long time to reciprocate, he froze since he hadn't done this with her in a while.

The last few times were when he was still dealing with his feelings with Toto over the winter break.

Christian kept his eyes open and felt them moisten, he felt his lips tremble as she had her eyes closed and continued the kiss.

~~~~

She felt that everything was fine, when she separated from him, she smiled softly and took his hand to guide him to the bed.

He smiled softly at her, followed her, sat him down on the bed and she climbed onto his lap.

~~~~

Christian didn't really know what he was doing and didn't know how to move, she started kissing his neck, he felt uncomfortable. He sighed more, however, it was not from pleasure, it was from anxiety.

"Geri..." he said softly.

She hummed, holding onto his neck.

"Geri...stop" he said taking his wife's arm.

~~~~

She pulled away and looked at him with confusion and fear deep inside.

"What's going on?" He asked, staying calm.

"I can't..." he said, looking nervous.

"Because?" She said and the thoughts came back...the tranquility of dinner was over.

He swallowed, licked his lips and said "I feel tired."

"But this might relax you..."she prompted and gave him another more eager kiss and tried to start unbuttoning his shirt.

~~~~

Christian began to feel desperate, even more so when he felt his wife's hands, eager to want something more.

"Geri" he said softly taking her hands.

She pushed Christian's hands away, she didn't let him touch her.

"Geri..." I repeat once again

"Geraldine" he said with a stronger tone of voice.

Then he took her by both arms and pulled her away from him.

She looked at him surprised.

"I don't want to" he said looking at her.

~~~~

She could tell that at that moment she saw him as a scared puppy, forced to do something he didn't want to do, then she took a good look at her husband's outfit and realized that he was wearing one of those shirts... and suddenly the fear went back.

He moved away and sat next to her on the bed, they stayed like that for a long time or maybe it was a short time, he doesn't know.

There was only their breathing... then she felt how he placed a hand on her leg and placed a gentle kiss on her cheek.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice shaking, and he moved away from her.

She felt her eyes moisten, and when she closed her eyes, tears were running down her cheeks.

~~~~~

Geri wasn't the only one crying that night, Christian had gone to one of the guest rooms, locking himself in the bathroom andhad cried.

Yes, part of it was because he had rejected his wife and that in a way was a blow to him, because he was hurting her directly and now he really felt like he was doing it.

On the other hand, he felt uncomfortable, uncomfortable with her touching him, because his body was already accustomed to other hands, other lips, another force. His body only wanted Toto now.

~~~~

And if we talk about lack of privacy, Toto was not far behind in that situation. Yes, he looked at Susie with love, with affection.

Even though he knew he was disrespecting her, with what he was doing, with her heart belonging to someone else.

I tried to compensate for all that, spending time with her, talking to her, listening to her about things about work or things about her life.

It was an attempt to reward things they had been missing. He was making a transition from seeing his wife only as a friend, not as something more, something he once desired, loved and cared for.

Now he loves her, but not in the same way and he also takes care of her.

~~~~

Susie had noticed it of course, the lack of intimacy she attributed to stress, because for her everything fit even more with the rhythm that Mercedes was following, they had been poor as a team for a while. But after Lewis' first victory they had started to improve, they were back in the game.

She understood her husband and accompanied him, on the other hand she was also dealing with her job and the new category she managed, so everything was normal.

It was normal until the perspective of her thoughts changed, when she felt the figure of a third person. He began to notice more.

Toto avoided his kisses, and they were limited to his cheek or forehead.

The look of affection was there, but now there was a different atmosphere. And she refused to accept it... she refused to let those thoughts cross.

She always explained things to herself, she always looked in the mirror at home and told herself that it wasn't like that... those thoughts weren't like that.

~~~~

The first rejection he experiencedvividly It was at an event, it was a private family event.

For the ironies of life, it was a wedding. An event that should be about love and affection, happiness, the beginning of a happy story.

For her it had been a moment where somehow her world began to crack. In the romantic atmosphere, the music sounded faint, he had been away for a while, he was talking on the phone, and she looked at him in the background.

He usually didn't answer calls at events like this, unless it was an emergency or an important decision with his team.

But it didn't seem like a call of that kind, not when she saw him smile in a way... that he only did when he was flirting, when it was someone he was interested in, like when he once did it with her.

He shuddered and felt that the romantic atmosphere of a wedding contrasting with his situation made everything more suffocating.

But she had the courage to push her thoughts away, she got up from the table and went to look for him, he had just hung up.

"Hello" he said

"Hello," she said, "you took too long, something happened."

"No, nothing happened," he said softly.

Then she approached with the intention of seeking his lips, but he only limited himself to her cheek, gave her a half hug and told her "let's go back to the party."

She accompanied him but felt the rejection, it hurt her.

~~~~

Christian had left many messages, he hadn't wanted to call so as not to worry Toto, but he still did.

I wanted to see him in the morning, which they generally didn't do, but it seemed such an urgency that they did it.

When they met Toto became more worried, Christian's eyes were a little swollen... he had been crying.

"God... honey, what's wrong?" He said caressing her face.

Christian didn't say anything, he just looked at him, swallowed and just hugged Toto.

The Austrian put his arms around him and asked again "what's wrong? Tell me..."

"Last night... I rejected Geri" he whispered and you could feel the fear

Toto didn't say anything, he just sighed, he continued caressing Christian until he walked away.

"She prepared a dinner, an evening andintentfrom that something would happen later..." he said, looking down "I... I couldn't" he felt the tears coming back again... "it's not right."

"Shhh" Toto silence "will be resolved"

"And when?" He said, holding back tears, "we have postponed that decision for a long time."

"I know," said Toto. "Believe me, I realize the consequences too..."

"So?...what if he suspects or something and I..." he started to say but was interrupted

"It can be normal for couples to not have intimacy one day," Toto said... "although I'm not the best at explaining that."

Christian looked at him surprised.

"I haven't touched my wife in a while," Toto confessed, "I didn't want to say it because I didn't want to make you feel obligated to do the same..."

"I... I haven't touched Geri either, I didn't want to say it either..." Christian also confessed "I love you... my body no longer wants other hands or other lips"

Toto smiled kindly and gave her a soft kiss on the lips "I love you... I want nothing more than you."

After some time to calm down and try to think about how to solve this, they had another talk... affection towards them.

"I... you know I still love him, what happened yesterday reminded me of all the damage I'm doing to him... that if we continue to drag this out... it will end badly" said Christian "I didn't say anything about intimacy because it How do you still look at your wife."

"In the same way that you see yours," Toto replied, "I have affection and gratitude for it, yes, I am also aware of what I am doing... I am also aware of how long we have prolonged the clandestinity in ours."

"What will we do then?" Christian said.

"Wait for the right moment to fix this... and be able to dedicate time just to ourselves" Toto said, placing a kiss on the other's cheek, Christian nodded and just leaned against Toto.

So in theory the decision had been made, it was the two of them, and out of respect for them they had to try to distance themselves and wish them something better than them, two sinners who are deciding to sink into their own vice.

~~~~

The days after that, Geri felt like she had sunk into a very heavy fog. Feeling emotionally distant from Christian was very difficult to process.

Although everything seemed like it wasn't, Christian was far from her, he didn't get to sleep at night, apparently he had silently started using the guest room.

Then the clothes had started to move there, I couldn't see the shirts in the closet anymore, although I knew they were in the guest room. The uncertainty of touching and feeling the aroma was affecting him.

Intuition told him that something wasn't right, fear told him that if they checked it he would feel worse.

Then one day when Christian was away, she walked into the room, opened the closet and found one of the shirts there. Geri remembers staring at the shirt and deciding what to do.

Then he hesitated, took it, felt the fabric, and then felt the aroma, a very strong man's perfume, mixed slightly with Christian's perfume.

She felt a chill, quickly placed the shirt in the same place and ran out of the room, she felt overwhelmed.

His head was trying to process what was happening, thousands of thoughts were bombarding his head...he didn't know what to do.

~~~~~

The way to discover something is different but the pain is the same or worse.

Susie remembers exactly what it was like, she knew that, he had a separate apartment near Brackley, sometimes he stayed there when they argued or he just stayed there because it was closer to the company.

In those days this he stayed in the family home. Once again he was looking for one of his shirts, although he hadn't done that in a while.

Susie then looked over where Toto was, only with his pants on and his torso uncovered. Previously this would have been a beautiful sight for her, seeing her husband like this, but today it wasn't when strange suspicions were swirling around her head.

Then she saw the reason why there were sometimes stains on her husband's shirts, a nice mark was visible on her husband's shoulder and it seemed recent... then a chain of scratches were visible on his back.

He froze there recording the image in his head, his heart beat very hard and he just left in silence.

While the bathroom in her room was still frozen, she looked at herself and could feel that this time the cracks in her world were getting bigger.

And the question was running through his head "why?"

She didn't feel when tears began to fall on her cheeks, she just felt lost in her thoughts. I just felt like everything was ending.

~~~~~

And when everything seems cloudy, a raging storm arrives, sadness turns to resentment, pain turns to anger.

Geri didn't know who he was, he didn't know what he looked like. Or maybe if she had an idea, at least she was bigger than her husband. Even so, I didn't have much information, but I knew it was a man.

She then decided to take her own measures, some part of her told her that she could get her husband back and that she should try until the end.

This person had to be someone from the paddock, someone from her husband's team or from the company.

She decided that her plans were going to change, she was going to dedicate herself to accompanying and supporting her husband more often.

And I wasn't going to ask him.

~~~~~~

Susie on the other hand was in limbo, she didn't know who she was, she didn't have a clue of anything, but that wouldn't stop her from discovering.

Taking advantage of her work range, she decided to accompany her husband on upcoming races and also accompany him when he went to Brackley.

He had to be aware of everything, his agenda, what he does, who he talks to.

And I couldn't involve anyone, because it wasn't going to generate gossip, this was more of a white collar affair.

~~~~

Parallel to these declarations of war, both Christian and Toto had felt frustrated at not being able to meet.

Toto had canceled some meetings, telling Christian that unfortunately she was accompanying him.

Jealousy was present, not insecurity, it was jealousy, Christian was beginning to detest the other woman, seeing her close to Toto, stalking.

Even though Geri was doing the same thing with him, Christian had noticed, but he ignored it... he ignored it because he was more focused on his jealousy.

On the other hand, Toto felt considerably the same, he knows his wife very well, he knows how she has changed, more control, more attention, more invasion.

He was being patient but there was a whisper inside that told him something wasn't right, unusual behavior.

~~~~~~

One day they managed to escape, they took each other's lips with great passion and gave themselves to each other for a long time.

When they were both satisfied, Toto decided to break the silence of post-coital satisfaction.

"I've noticed strange behaviors," he said as he slowly caressed Christian's body.

"Me too..." Christian said.

"Do you think..." Toto whispered

"Let's hope not..." said Christian "we better not think about this now, it's been a chaotic few weeks... so far from you"

Toto smiled and nodded obediently, hugging Christian for the rest of the time they had left.

~~~~~

The day Geri realized the name and face of that person, it was not only because of the similarity of the shirts that Christian sometimes wore (now not so much due to her presence), it was also because of the perfume.

In the paddock she saw Toto Wolff passing by signing autographs, she thought about saying hello but seeing him busy made her back away.

It was there when the man had some people around him, when he smelled their scent.

Something broke inside her, she was shocked watching the man pass by and go to his motorhome.

Toto Wolff? Her husband's rival?

~~~~

Susie on the other hand was a pretty shocking revelation, she remembers when at an event, all the team representatives were there.

She was representing her own category, but she was also accompanying her husband. While Toto was talking with other colleagues, she saw Christian, he was talking with people on his team.

He saw something unusual, the shirt he was wearing was similar in color to what Toto usually wears.

That first time she thought her paranoia and anxiety were reaching a high point, from even thinking and doubting people who weren't even close to her husband. Or so she thought.

The same thing had happened to anyone who approached Toto, he doubted everyone, he even thought that his social circle was hiding things from him.

~~~~

Geri thought so too, she thought that Red Bull hid everything from her, but that wasn't the case. She began to closely monitor her husband's interactions.

Especially when Christian interacted with him, he didn't know if it was her or something else but he felt like there was a different atmosphere.

She watched everything, the touches, the looks, the smiles, it seemed like Christian's eyes were shining.

~~~~~~

It's too much To say that they felt watched, Toto felt his wife's eyes on him.

So he tried to be quite cautious with who he approached. For some reason Susie's behavior was becoming more and more invasive.

~~~~

On the other hand, Christian felt the same way, Geri had continued trying to create intimacy between them without any success. They had gotten into an argument because of that.

Her claiming what was happening to her, him simply attributing it to stress, only for her to respond that that was ridiculous.

Yes it was, Red Bull still had an advantage even though they had more competition, but there was stress, because intuition told him that something was going to happen.

~~~~~

The day Christian had suspicions was when Susie sat next to him in the Red Bull hospitality.

The woman lately was insistent on approaching and generating interaction with him, Christian could sense the hostility but tried to behave.

Then she approached him, telling him that she wanted to talk something about his category and taking advantage of the fact that he was one of the oldest Team Principals, she could help him.

He kind of took it as silly, since Toto was the second oldest TP, but Susie put it down to not raising conflict of interest stuff and stressed how much her husband cared for her.

Christian remembers gritting his teeth when he heard the woman say that, it was a time before free practice, he hadn't changed his clothes into his usual uniform, and he couldn't do much because she arrived quickly.

She began by explaining some rules, until the conversation took an unexpected turn.

"Nowadays you get along pretty well with my husband, right Christian?" She said with her chin resting on her hand.

Christian made a confused look. "Oh well, we've always gotten along well, I guess... the rivalry is something else," he responded, as he usually does in interviews with the questions they always ask him.

"So much so that he lends you his shirts?" She said, her gaze turning dark.

"Sorry?" Christian said surprised and with a hint of nervousness.

She laughed "nothing just joking... let's continue"

Christian felt strange, that behavior was strange, but he wouldn't do anything about it, not if it was just a casual comment. I just knew that I would be careful when wearing Toto's clothes.

~~~~

Susie knew what she was doing, it was a way of giving Christian signals that she knew and would make him understand that she would fight for her husband.

~~~~~

On the other hand, Geri never really sought contact with Toto. He simply watched and even though he tried to stain Christian's clothes, kiss him and leave footprints on him.

Something in her told her to stop.

It's not because he couldn't fight because he had the energy and felt strong. But he saw his children.

He reflected on his age and his life and really thought about how difficult this situation would be.

So instead of confronting her husband's lover, she preferred to confront him.

That day he decided that the children would not be home, he would wait until it was after work and then he would talk.

~~~~

When Christian arrived home that day, it was very quiet, everything seemed normal but there was a heavy atmosphere in the air, his children were not there, there was no noise.

"Geri?" He said into the air looking to the sides

"In the kitchen" he heard someone say.

"Where are the children?" He said as he approached the kitchen.

"They're with their grandparents," she said. "We need to talk."

And a shiver ran through Christian

~~~~

Geri takes a deep breath.

"We haven't been well for a long time... you know that" she said.

Christian nodded and looked down.

"I noticed your behavior, I noticed it for a long time and I thought it was due to stress" he paused and then added. "And I didn't want to believe what I was seeing... when you were wearing someone else's clothes that you long to be with."

Christian looked up and saw her, her eyes moistened.

"Geri..." Christian said trying to speak.

"Let me continue, you know I've been keeping this for a long time," she said, knowing she was beginning to cry. "I never dared touch those clothes until one day I did, I did and I smelled that person's aroma..."

Christian looked down again, his hands felt cold mixed with sweat.

"And I knew he was a man then... but I never imagined what a man he was" he said and sarcastically said "Maybe you have good taste in the masculine gender, but your preference isn't for him to be single, is it?"

Christian gulped and his eyes also moistened.

"Geri please..." he said again

"No, let me speak first" she was forceful "I tried to revive whatever was left between us, but I realized that it's not worth it. Not when I've already lost this battle, we're already old Christian, we have children and they They are my battle now."

They were both crying now, she looked at him while he just looked down being humiliated.

"I've lived long enough and experienced controversies to make a media show," she said. "I won't give you that pleasure."

There was silence again and this time Christian did dare to speak.

"Forgive me..." he said "I know that asking you that is very difficult... but I want you to know that... I regret not stopping this when I could..."

"Stop what? Our marriage or your clandestine relationship?" She asked and felt annoyed for a moment "No, it won't be easy for me to forgive you, but I'm not going to fight a losing battle Christian, although yes, you could at least for our marriage when things were moving forward for you."

She left the house after that talk, crying in her car and went to an apartment that a few months ago she had already bought and prepared for the day she had to do this.

~~~~

Christian remained static at his table, listened as the car left, and burst into tears. The storm that he didn't expect to come true was worse.

That same night he called Toto.

"She knows," Christian said, feeling like he didn't feel anything.

Toto didn't say anything, you could only hear his breathing, he was processing everything.

"I don't know if someone told him it was you or if he found out because he saw us, I don't know," he said desperately. "He just said that he suddenly knew about the shirts and knew it was you."

"Calm down" Toto said.

"How do you want me to calm down if we don't know how he found out it was you..." said Christian.

"Will she do something?" Toto said

"No...she said no" Christian mentioned

"Then we should take that..." Toto said cautiously "Do you want me to go get you? And let's go somewhere else... I can't hear you well."

"No, I'm not fine, but I don't want to, thank you," he said, sounding almost annoyed.

"Okay...you can call me whenever you want" said Toto.

Christian didn't respond and just hung up.

It was just the beginning of his problems.

~~~~~

He stayed away from Toto for weeks, when they spoke it was soft, it was just a how are you and a goodbye with a goodbye kiss.

Everything got worse at another event, Christian knew how distant he was from Toto and in a way of feeling it he put on one of his shirts, which he still had at home.

If she didn't get close to him, she at least wanted to have him symbolically.

What I didn't expect was for Susie to come over.

~~~~

She had seen it, it had been a long time since Christian had worn Toto shirts, even her husband checked himself differently, he spent a little more time at home.

She decided to walk over and check the other man's clothes.

"Hello Christian," she said with a smile full of hostility.

"Hello... Susie" he said somewhat awkwardly.

"And Geri? I thought I'd come with you?" She said

"He preferred to stay with the children," Christian mentioned cautiously.

"Oh wow and you decide today to be like a single man right?" She said trying to joke but they both felt the hostility.

"It's not like that," said Christian.

"Or maybe you have another partner... who provides you with clothes," Susie said cheekily.

"Sorry?" Toto said

"Well because you wear really nice shirts now," she said, pointing at Christian's clothes, "better than before when you wore those ugly browns."

And that "flattery" was mixed with contempt.

"Thank you" he simply said.

"Does Toto teach you how to dress?" She said

"As?" He responded feeling nervous.

"I say this because you look better now... it seems like you have influence from him" she said with a dark tone of voice. "Can he lend you his shirts?"

"What?... No..." Christian said, smiling nervously.

"You know he has changed a lot lately and I have seen that you are very close...." she said "You spend a lot of time together... do you like my husband? Does he lend you his clothes or do you try to imitate his clothes?"

"I...don't...know what you're talking about" Christian said feeling nervous.

"No, yes, you know." She said insistently, "That shirt you're wearing, Toto was looking for it a few days ago and he pretended to have lost it."

"Susie I really don't know what problems you have with Toto... but I can tell you that..." Christian was speaking when she interrupted him.

"Yes, you know what problems I have with Toto, because you are the problem," she said, annoyed, "Listen to me carefully, you are not going to take my husband away from me, because he wouldn't be with someone as hypocritical as you, so false, and my husband is blinded by who knows what have you influenced him"

She got up and walked away, not even letting Christian say anything to her.

The latter remained static in his seat, his heart was beating fast and he felt nervous.

The hurricane finally exploded, the garden was destroyed.

~~~~~

That day Toto called Christian insistently, but the calls were not answered.

Christian after that event had locked himself in his room, taking it as a refuge, he felt nervous. He felt like his world was breaking and he was afraid of Susie's actions.

Talking about this topic with Toto would, in his view, generate a worse conflict, which he did not want.

Christian sank into bed, curled up knowing the worst storm was coming.

~~~~~

Susie noticed, she saw Toto look insistently at his phone when they were talking.

She knows he called Christian but he didn't answer. Susie thought it was stupid and even thought Christian was a coward.

But for some reason, instead of feeling happy for having bullied that person, she felt strange... she didn't feel anything... especially since she was looking at Toto quite anxiously.

~~~~~

At the next grand prix, Geri decided to take the children, because they wanted to see their father.

And Susie came to say hello, they didn't really talk, she just asked him how everything was going, what was going on with Christian.

Although sometimes the questions seemed quite invasive.

~~~~

Toto, who had been trying unsuccessfully to contact Christian, had continued making calls.

One time he did respond saying that he needed more time, he didn't like this, on one of those occasions when he was writing a message to Christian, Susie spoke up.

"What are you doing?...you seem anxious" she said.

"Nothing, just checking some things" he responded.

"Checking some things or checking to see if anyone answers you?" She said.

"Checking some things," he repeated, sounding annoyed.

"Oh... I know, maybe Christian Horner doesn't answer you?" She said and smiled contemptuously at Toto's expression.

"No... I'm not talking to him," he said cautiously.

"Of course because he doesn't answer you"

"What do you have Susie?"

"Me?.. nothing... I'm just here looking at you desperate for him to answer you" she said crossing her arms. "It seems like he's a coward."

"What are you implying?" Toto changed his tone of voice.

"He hinted at the truth, he is a pathetic coward who only hides when he is discovered" she said.

"Susie..." Toto said.

"What? You thought I wouldn't notice... when the guy was walking around in your shirts?" She said looking at him with contempt.

Toto opened his eyes in surprise.

She started clapping "Bravo! Bravo!" She said sarcastically "you have involved with the most pathetic person in the paddock, congratulations Toto Wolff"

"Susie..." he said warningly, "what did you do?"

She laughed "nothing just in front, I told him what he deserves, which is a small thing..."

Toto looked at her and remained silent.

"You didn't do that," he said, thinking about how badly Christian could be suffering.

"Yes I did and that's why the coward doesn't answer you" she said sounding proud.

Toto didn't like it

"Don't tell him like that..." he said

"What?... I'll call that little shit whatever I want" she responded defensively.

"Shut up!" he raised his voice and she crossed her arms.challenging him "I don't recognize you..."

"Thank you and your new love..." she said with that last part, his voice breaking.

Toto takes a deep breath "Susie... can we..."

"We can't do anything!, or talk, or anything Toto... but just know that I will make his life impossible" she said.

"No... Susie that..." he tried to calm her down.

"Yes,he deserves it and so do you, I won't let you live in peace even as long as you live off this damn sport!" She said and left.

He didn't follow her, he just let her go.

~~~~

She was serious, she annoyed them... Christian sometimes watched as she hung out near Toto because she knew he was watching.

It was no longer a fight to get her husband back, it was a fight to annoy them... blinded by hate, by pain.

She once kissed Toto for a Mercedes victory, Christian passed by shortly after, he had seen them. When Toto pulled away from her awkwardly, he noticed and looked at her with annoyance. She do not cares.

~~~~~~

One day Toto came to look for Christian at his motorhome, he knocked on the door insistently.

"Christian... my love..." he said whispering "open please."

The other was inside, he was just listening, he didn't want to open... but Toto was insistent.

"What do you want?" Said

"Honey, we haven't talked..." said Toto

"We have nothing to talk about..." said Christian "Why don't you go with your wife?"

"Christian that... no" said Toto "I know she told you things"

"She told me?... she sends me messages all the time, photos of you with your son..." said Christian "making me show how guilty I am, but she leaves out that you are as guilty as I am"

"Christian..." I take his hand and try to pull him.

"Let go of me, you're also a damn culprit and you seem to be doing so well, she knows it and yet you don't do anything..." he says in protest

"Yes, I do know that I am guilty, if I have done things Christian, do you know how to be careful so that I can come see you and that she doesn't find out?" He responded "but please... let's not stand out..."

"I need time..." Christian said.

"I think I've given you enough time, trying to even keep an eye on you and what about me? I want to be with you and support each other" he responded with annoyance.

"Well I need more! And I'm not like you who can probably process this better than me" He insisted

"Okay..." Toto said and left.

~~~~~

That was their last argument, a couple of months passed and Toto no longer looked for him, it's not that he didn't want to, rather he took charge of fixing everything, he officially moved into his apartment again, now all his things were there, and from time to time from time to time his children's visits arrived according to the agreement he had with Susie.

Meanwhile, Christian, who lived alone in a large house, occasionally had his children, had agreed with Geri not to mention anything, to do everything in a friendly way.

~~~~

On the other hand, one day Susie found Geri in the paddock and then decided to talk.

"Are you coming to accompany Christian?" Said

"The children wanted to see him," she replied.

And Susie just for a moment misjudged Geri thinking the woman was naive.

"Do you know what your husband has been doing?" Susie said.

For her this was another blow that was needed.

"What does he do with your husband?" Geri answered and Susie froze "yes I know.."

"And...then you..." Susie said.

"Susie... I'm already an older woman, I was in a group of singers where before all eyes were on me and my companions, I know what a controversy it is... I'm too old for that" said Geri.

"But...what about what they did to you? What they did to us? Don't you want it back?" The other woman said surprised.

"Get back what? susie? Something we lost a long time ago?" Geri said seriously, "I passed honestly. I lost that battle and I didn't realize it."

And after a while... Susie cried the tears fell slowly

"But..." she said, "I don't know what made them connect..."

"Susie, there are things that we have no explanation for... it could be that they have connected with things that were not like that with us..." said Geri, taking Susie's hands "It's not that you forgive him... it's that you letting him go and love yourself"

"Why him, Geri?... haven't you asked yourself why?" Susie said.

Geri was crying now too.

"Believe me, yes," she said, "but maybe it was destiny, I don't know."

They continued talking, Susie continued wondering why Toto connected in that way with his biggest rival... but she knew it was an impossible question.

But somehow that conversation helped Susie to vent and, above all, learn to let go.

~~~~

It seemed that after a natural disaster, everything was settling in the garden.

Christian had finally started to regret his words. And I'm looking for Toto.

When Toto opened the door he was surprised.

"Hello..." Christian said "can I come in?"

Toto stepped aside, I let him in "you didn't warn"

"I didn't think you would answer me...." he said he remained silent and after a sigh "We can't continue like this, I know it's been difficult, we have temporarily hated each other, but we just can't"

"Christian," Toto said softly.

"Just tell me that... let's try, that so much pain caused will not be in vain... please" he said through tears.

"Oh darling... of course it won't be in vain" said Toto hugging him "I'm sorry for treating you badly in these months"

"No... you excuse me" Christian whispered.

Then Toto took Christian's face and allowed himself to do something that months ago, due to all this conflict, fear and fighting, he had refrained from doing, kissing Christian's lips again.

Before long, they were curled up in each other's arms and didn't need anything else.

"So you're alone at home" said Toto

"Yes... empty feels too big for one person." Christian said.

"We should do something?" Toto suggested "Do you want me to come stay with you for a few days?"

"I would love to," Christian smiled, "although I don't know if it will feel uncomfortable... well, I have my own room, I don't use the main one."

"I won't feel awkward if I can see you happy" he said and they kissed again.

So the garden was starting to bloom after the hurricane.

~~~~~

Well, a new chapter, sorry if there are mistakes there, there are a lot of words and I really get lost in some things, I will try to fix some spelling errors👀

[albaqae]

OH MY GOD I FINALLY WATCHED MUTANT MAYHEM AND DJJSAJJSNSNFHXJDJ

queue the ramble :) (also yes spoilers)

I’m so so happy being able to take off mutant mayhem filters NOW I CAN BASK IN THE FANART YES YESBEYYEYSYSYSYSA

Ok so like I pulled up right and I knew it was gon be GOOD, but IT WAS GOODER THAT GOOD???? After I watched rise I was like mkmk yea there’s NO WAY they can make them more teenager-y But they Did.

My friend my love told me that they told the VA to change the script if they wanted to and if they thought it was more relevant and honestly? BEST DECISION EVER

U can feel however u want abt the movie but I will Fight You about the relevancy of it so bad, like something that media tends to focus on capturing is the Present, the feeling of the very moment “insert thing” happens, and the relevancy of certain situations in certain times. It’s the very reason why nostalgia hits so hard, because it is capturing the feeling of being right there in that moment, and so effortlessly

That’s what I felt watching the movie, THEY LITERALLT SAID RIZZ AND SUS, and I never in my LIFE thought I’d hear that in an ACTUAL OFFICIAL MOVIE, I just KNOW history scholars are gonna psycho analyze every reference they make

ALSO I ADORE SPLINTER SO SO SO MUCHANJAJASJKEKNX, I love seeing just-became-a-father splinter it’s AKJSNDNX. I really really love the angle they took with him, and him seeing himself reflected in superfly and how being so strict hurts his kids because it doesn’t let them explore options or themselves fully, even if he really does think he’s right

ALSO HIM AND SCUMBAG AKAJNSNSNX IT WAS SO CUTEEEE IT KILLED MEEE

AND OH GOD near the end when superfly had the turtles and was abt to like snap them and I saw the broken shells I, no kidding, screamed. THE AMOUNT OF ANGST IVE CONSUMED THAT HAS HAD BROKEN SHELLS AS ONE OF ITS MAIN PLOTS AOQJJWNSNX, it was WILDDD having it canon ngl

Overall all the characters, like every single one, felt so fleshed out and real, it was genuinely so refreshing. I love how media now focuses on capturing raw human states instead of the heavily filtered beauty standard that our societies have for so long clung to. I think future generations being able to see that will really heal some of the damage being “chronically online” can cause

April had SUCH GOOD STYLE and I loved her :) because the plot was so heavy I almost expected a lot of the characters to not have an arc at all, so I was real surprised when splinter and April realized what they did was hurting ppl. The writers were REAL good at keep the plot semi-un-crowded despite how much was going on

Again, THE HUMOR WAS SO SO PRESENT DAY AKAJWJENNX

I loved Raph LIKE ALWAYS and how they made him an angry mf w/o making it against his brothers, and just making it as just how he is, I thought it was so nice to have an iteration where he keeps his spark without making it harmful to those he cares abt (his outfit at the end was so very fire it was my fav)

Mikey was so so sweet, I love whenever he’s both a goofy goober but also one of the most empathetic ones, the hope and kindness in his eyes <33

DONNIE WAS SO RADDDD, the VA did SUCH a good job, he has my fav voice and overall he was so cool in character too, freaking out abt the attack on titan doodle was so me and I love seeing a representation of what non-toxic fandom looks like that wasn’t seen as a problem or as meant to be looked down on, bro just loves k-pop and anime!!!

Leo was AMAZINFGGGT, they kept his leader persona and his want to take responsibility and decency without making him an ass !!! And for someone who grew up with 2012 Leo that’s something I was REALLY at awe at

It’s also the first turtle x human ship i don’t hate, they didn’t make Leo be CREEPY ASF LIKE W 2012 DONNIE, but he was still a hormonal teenager having a real crush and they were still friends

I also loved lizard dude

Superfly character was so rad too, the way he spoke and carried himself was really interesting to look at and I thought it was so cool, I love villains that have actual stories, AND BABY HIM WAS SO CUTEEEEE, wish we got more sibling content on him and his crew tho, but that’s very me nitpicking

Splinter cracking his back remind me of “BUMBUMBUM BUM BUM BUM!”

I love when tmnt doesn’t do orientalism :))) it’s very hard to avoid in iterations cause of the very foundation of tmnt, but I take it as a major W whenever we get a decent story(USUALLY AMAZING STORIES) that doesn’t rely on “oooohhhh mystery ninja stuff ooooooo” to make a compelling “aesthetic”

I also loved how Baxter stockman looked, and the turtle tots, the animation was OUT OF THIS WORLDDD, I rlly love how, as artists, we accept more diverse styles rather than just sticking to realism being the standard, because it allows for stuff like this to happen!!! And the scribbles added so much to the world ownqnnsndndjxjx I’ll rewatch it over and over again just for the art style

And also when Leo call himself leon IT MADE ME SO HAPPY BC LIKE LEO IN RISE LIKES LEON TOO IT FELT LIKE A WINK WINK SKSNSNWNMSND not sure if it was tho but it was me giggling and kicking my feet

The plot itself was so good too in the way that it applies to more than mutants, the seeking of acceptance is something really really relatable in so many contexts: neurodivergence, queerness, immigration, and so so so much more????? It’s one of my fav things of most tmnt iterations, its themes carry on to other contexts, not just to the specific story being told. This is what leads it to being so attractive to so many audiences

The music was very atsv and I thought it was so rad, it’s always nice to watch a movie that has that kinda soundtrack, especially in urban settings it’s a lot more fitting than an orchestra (sometimes, or at least I think)

By the time me movie was over with the BADASS SHREDDER APPEARANCE I lost control of my body and was just happy stimming violently and my friends just kinda 🧍‍♂️ at me, and they got the same rant u just read but even more messy, if that’s possible

I’m proud to have mutant mayhem as an official tmnt iteration, and I’m proud of the work that’s been done, and I hope to in the future maybe somehow contribute to a version too!!

I didn’t revise this, and it’s very messy, and I doubt I’ll go back and fix it, but it’s just beginning thoughts :D if you actually read this far thank you and I love you