#yes it hit hard back then when i played og and i loved it peak fiction but now w the remake.. it's different this time

[my-fancy-hat]

i'm def interested in playing or watching playthroughs of mouthwashing but i don't think i'm emotionally prepared to inmerse my brain onto another tragic mind-blowing story. i'm still lost in silent hill

[harrypotter-imaginess]

A/N: I just want to say, for my OG readers that have been reading this since I first posted the headcanon list last year, I love and appreciate y’all so much!! If you want, since this is a long term project, I can add you to the tag list if you like :)

Also Letter commission’s are open until 3/10, so if your interested, price and info are here. 

Based on this Headcanon list (x) : Part 1 Here! / Part 2 Here! / Part 3 Here! <This is Part 4!>

You sigh, eyes glancing back at your watch.

Maybe it’s off?

You wouldn’t put it past Fred to screw up the time on your watch just so you would show up an hour early to your class, wondering if it was always this dark at eight in the morning.

But if Fred did mess with your watch, how does that explain everyone else? You turn to your right and look at a group of third and fourth years scattered around the room. Surely he couldn’t have changed the time in everyone’s watch.

Though at this point you know better than to assume anything is impossible for Fred Weasley, especially if he’s able to get George on board with his pranks.

You sigh, eyes sweeping over the room again. The chatting has long died down, now it looks like all those late nights in the common room playing exploding snap are finally beginning catching up.

Especially when the class was missing the particularly loud and somewhat entertaining antics of the one and only, Gilderoy Lockhart. It wasn’t that it was particularly fun to watch his nonsensical lessons or anything- but at least it was something to watch. And as long as you were barley competent, you could get by just fine on the “pop quizzes” he had. Though they were really more like magazine quizzes about how well you knew him.

Plus he was pretty good looking, though you would rather die than admit that to Fred or George.

Speaking of your favorite pair of doppelgängers-

You turn to look at your side, the two chair next to you on the long bench are vacant. Well, it’s not like it’s totally unusual for them to skip class. You can count on one hand how many times they’ve been excited to come to defense against the dark arts this year. But-

But... they usually invite you when they do decide to play hooky.

Maybe they didn’t invite you because you’re always persuading them to come to class instead. ‘You don’t want a howler from your Mum now do you?’ You would say, pushing them towards the class.

Maybe they just don’t think you’re fun to be around anymore. No, no, they’re your friends- you can’t start thinking like that, there must be a good reason why-

“Hey (Y/N/N)” George squeezes past you, plopping into the chair next to you with a soft rattle.

His hair’s sticking every which way, his robe is crooked, and his tie isn’t even tied, just hanging limply along his neck. 

“You don’t even have your bag George” you hiss, did he finally get into a fist fight with Draco Malfoy? You’ve told them both not to think too hard about how he called you-

“Wait where’s Fred?” You look to the door, expecting to see a messy head of fire red hair walk through the door, sporting bruises and maybe a grin like his black eye is a gold medal.

But instead, there’s a familiar head of golden hair standing in the doorway. It’s Gilderoy Lockhart. There’s no doubt about it, the image of him is perfect. Of course it’s your professor.

Of course it is.

But there’s something about the way he carries himself? Like he’s still getting used to having legs so short. The way his smile seems a little more...mischievous than usual, that twinkle of absolute delight in those strangely familiar eyes.

“Oh no” you mumble, but George grins from beside you.

“I’m not going to be needing my bag, and neither are you” George whispers in your ear, and you turn to look at him.

They didn’t.

“Good afternoon class, sorry I’m late! I was admiring myself in one of my thirty mirrors and the time just...got away from me.” ‘Professor Lockhart’ says flashing his class the most condescending smile you have ever seen.

“That’s not a lie you know, we did find him admiring himself in the mirror” George whispers, your face is in your hands but you don’t need to look at him to know he’s got a pleased grin on his face.

“It’s why it was so easy to knock him out and shove him into the teachers lounge- he never even saw it coming”

Well at least they didn’t shove him into a broom closet.

“Now class, I would like you to write a list of things you love about me-“ there’s a collective groan and the rustle of parchment but neither you and George don’t move a muscle.

“Four feet at least!” Fred, in his Lockhart-skin-suit bellows, which earns another collective groan from the rest of the class.

“So what, did you draw the short stick, why aren’t you up there?” You ask jerking your head towards Fred, it looks like the more fun part of the prank honestly. It also seems like the sweetest m form of revenge after old Gildy gave you three detention last week for showing up late to class, but you won’t mention that.

George only shrugs.

Honestly ninety percent of this situation was Fred’s poor impulse control. One second they were running late to class, and George was worrying about getting detention because if he has to scrub all those awards for Filch again he won’t be able to hold a quil - and the next thing he knows he’s carrying Lockhart by his feet into the teachers lounge.

“He’s the showman, I’m just the side kick.” George shrugs, it’s been that way since they were kids. Fred would come up with an idea and George would follow his lead.

Not that he’s upset about it. It’s always interesting, he’s hasn’t been bored in years. Still, he can’t help but wonder if they didn’t share the same face, would he and Fred be as close as they are now?

Or would he be just as easily replaced, most likely by Lee Jordan. Well Ron might make a more susceptible accomplice, would anyone do-

“And where would our fearless leader be without his trustworthy sidekicks?” You say, a hint of a smile twitching at the corner of your lips. Your voice drawing George out of his thoughts.

“Probably in detention” You muse, that or jail, because technically they assaulted their professor, and that’s got to be a serious offense.

George laughs next to you, well you’ve got a point. If it wasn’t for you and him, you three would have been expelled long ago. He’s about to lean over and whisper something in your ear when some interrupts him mid motion.

“Weasley and (L/N), less flirting and more quil movement, yes?” He really sounds like Fred right there, a hint of an accent peaking through. Not that anyone other than you and George seem to notice. They’re all too busy contemplating how embarrassing it must be to get called out for not paying attention by Gilderoy Lockhart of all people.

You manage to not roll your eyes, sifting through your bag until you pull out some parchment.

“Geez four feet? That’s kind of excessive” you mumble while George is holding back laughter so violent he’s actually shaking.

“You know he’s just teasin’ right? It’s not like Lockhart’s actually going to grade these-“ and then a horrible realization dawns on him.

Half of the reason they thought this plan would work is because someone as pompous as Gilderoy Lockhart would never admit that two teenage boys hit him over the head with one of his books, and shoved him on a sofa (after tying his shoe laces together).

No, good old Gildy would go along like nothing had even happened, perhaps he’d even believe that nothing had really happened. Not enough sleep and too much caffeine do result in memory loss. And who can sleep with ‘the heir of Slytherin’ on the loose?

Ordering-sorry, assigning them to write four feet worth of parchment about what they admire about their professor sounds exactly like something he would do.

“Fucking Fred.” George hisses, why did he bloody have to pick four feet? Wouldn’t just one foot have sufficed? But no, the great Fred could never- ‘it adds enthusiasm, it’s all about the drama’ he would say.

Well where’s your god damn drama now that your best friend and brother are about to fail this god forksaken class, all because you couldn’t say one foot instead of f*cking four, George wants to scream.

You sigh, cutting your parchment in half, handing one half to George. You’ve only got four feet on you, you didn’t think you would need any more than that, so the both of you are just going to have to turn in two feet each.

“Sure would be a shame if Fred came back to the dorm and found, oh I don’t know, fifty spiders in his bed” you muse as you pull out two quills, and a bottle of ink. You’ve only got the one bottle, you’ll have to share.

But George isn’t paying any mind to the ink and parchment situation, instead he’s grinning at your suggestion. He always knew you had a wicked streak.

“Yeah it would be a real shame if say, two people were to go down to Hagrid’s hut, collect some drool from Fang, and smear it all over Fred’s robes” You peer at George from the corner of your eye, trying to hide your smile behind your hand.

“Oh well now wouldn’t that just be awful, hypothetically of course” You say, looking down to your parchment

“Truly a tragedy” He responds with a grin.

[thepaperpanda]

Forever Hungry || Eddie Brock x Reader

Summary: Venom interrupted something really important, causing a commotion.

Warnings: A bit of smut

Words: 1879

Author: Cass & Rouge

Day was busy and you had a lot of work at your agency. You kept on going only because you knew at evening you were about to meet with your boyfriend, Eddie. However, he was not only your boyfriend. He was first and foremost your boss. Working at press agency wasn't too easy but you managed and you had a great results.

"No, I don't have time for a snack break now, V." Eddie muttered reading some random paper. "Besides, I am not really hungry like now and I AM busy." He said.

"I don't care, we're hungry and we want that nice chocolate bar from machine like yesterday. If you won't provide it, we'll eat your kidney or liver," symbiote said forming itselt next to Eddie.

Its sight fell on the large window in Eddie's office when you were passing it by.

"She's nice," Venom added.

"First of all! Hide yourself. Second, you can't demage me because where you will find as great host as me. And the last thing…," Eddie looked at the window to catch a small glimpse of you. "Yes... Yes she is," he sighed. "A bit," Eddie added suddenly, shrugging.

Venom formed a hand and blew a hit into back og man's head.

"You're really a loser, Eddie, trust us, we'd love to eat ya, so we'd be able to seek for another host, maybe this time we'd be lucky enough to not get onto someone...," symbiote looked for a proper words, his huge eyes looked right in Eddie's. "Some macho, not a piece of turd."

Symbiote hid into Eddie's body again but he spoke into his mind.

"Don't be a dumbshit, we good know what you think of her. We can help you with getting to her panties, loser."

"I wanna remind you that I already did that! By myslef," Eddie growled. "I can't believe that some…," he looked for a right word. "Cosmic parasite is calling me names."

~~~~~~

After another hour of working Eddie let out a loud sigh.

"Okay... Let's go to machine and get something to eat. Are you happy, V?," Eddie asked, getting up from his seat.

"No. Now we'll stick that bar up your ass," symbiote snorted in man's thoughts.

When Brock got on the corridor and to the snack machine, you happened to fall on him while walking with pile of documents you were needing at one of your cases.

"Oh, shit! Sorry, Eddie! I didn't see you! What a mess!," you mumbled crouching and starting to gather files.

"Move your stupid ass, turd," Venom said to Eddie.

"Shut up you parasite," Eddie muttered quietly and his attention immediately went to you. "Don't worry, Y/N. Let me help you."

Eddie started to help you pick up the files.

"So... Why you have that much stuff on you? I don't recall giving you that much work," he said with a worried and confiused tone, looking trough papers and files.

You tilted head with carefree smile on your lips.

"I think I found a nice case, apparently some people stated they've seen an alien. Reports come from all the city, different places. And, well, they even started to call this thing a hero, it chases some criminals, y'know?," you explained and frowned. "Hey, Ed, you look pale, everything's alright?"

"C'mon, cowboy, say something or we'll eat her head," Venom grunted.

Eddie complitly ignored Venom's word.

"An alien? This isn't a New York, sweetheart," he  gave you a fake laugh and pointed on one of the papers, he read it at loud. "'I saw a big black thing chasing a car thief' - Really? This sounds more like some kind of urban legend," Eddie said trying his best to pull your attention away from Venom subject.

"Maybe, who knows. I think I'll investigate a bit. Maybe lurk around my district and try to catch something?," you said more to yourself. "Just imagine those headlines: ALIEN IN SAN FRANCISCO or ALIEN FOR THE RESCUE. We'd sell more than our standard print-run!," you seemed to be very excited. "But enough about work," you said putting files onto nearest desk to wrap arms around Eddie.

Eddie rolled his eyes and wrapped his arms around you.

"Yes, enough about work. I am done with work for today. Wanna come to my place, order some food and watch a movie?"

"Sounds like a plan, pal," you said happily. "Just give me 15 minutes, I'll finish my work and clean my desk, we can meet on the parking lot," you proposed.

"Sounds like a plan," he repeat happily after you nodding, then he ran to his office to grab his leather jacket and two helmets. He quickly went to the parking lot.

"You see, V? I don't need your help," Eddie said being proud of himself. "Kiss my ass, parasite. I will fuck her so hard tonight that she will scream my name," he said zipping up his jacket, looking around.

Venom formed his head in front of Eddie's face and looked at man with pity.

"With that small piece of sausage in your pants? For sure, Eddie. Live in a dream."

"At last I have a dick," Eddie commented and smiled as he saw you. "Heeey there, gorgeous! Ready for a ride?," he asked and pat his motorcycle.

"With such a bad boy like you, Eddie? Always!," you ran to him and eagerly put the helmet on.

"Well than, hop on, girl," Eddie said and gave you ass a smack.

Ride with Eddy was fast and prabobly dangerous but he got both of you home saftly.

~~~~~~

The evening went nice and slow.

Eddie ordered your favourite meal and you two watched a movie together.

"You aren't asleep, sweetheart?," Eddie muttered kissing side of your head. "The movie is over."

As you were leaning over his chest, you smiled lazily.

"It's so comfy here that I don't want to get back home, babe," you told him.

"C'mon, you turd, get her to bedroom, we want to see her boobs," Venom formed itself and peeked into your decoultage from above.

"Shut up and get the fuck up! You distract me," Eddie growled quietly at Venom and laughed at your words. "Well, I have few ideas how we can extend this fun time," he said as his hand moved over your stomach.

You turned head to him in such a moment that Venom already vanished.

"Oh, do you?"

"I think you do, too."

Smiling, Eddie pulled you on his laps.

"You look so tasty today, you know?," he purred before kissing your jawline and moving down to your neck and cleavage.

"Yes, she does and her skin smells do good that we'd like to eat her alive now," Venom said in man's mind.

You rolled head, caressing Eddie's stomach through his shirt, slowly slipping hands under his shirt.

"I love your tattoos though," you said.

Eddie rolled his eyes at Venom's words.

"I know. I love them too," he said proudly and removed his shirt so you can have a better look.

"And I love your body," Eddie said and moved your shirt up your stomach to place few kisses there.

"Stop!," you giggled and messed his bangs. "You're so quick today, Eddie."

"I am always quick. Besides, I missed you so much, Y/N," man looked up at you.

You smiled at him and got off his lap, grabbing his palm.

"I hope you won't fuck me on that old couch, huh?"

Eddie followed you.

"I can fuck you anywhere you want," he said and quicily picked you up to take you to his bedroom.

Eddie kissed your neck walking with you to the bed. He laid you down and looked at you.

"How is this possible? You look even sexier now," man growled and moved down, placing kisses wherever he only could.

You smiled at him and easily get off unnecessary clothes, exposing your body to him.

It wasn't first time when he saw you naked so you were sure of yourself.

"Get her, tiger," Venom joked. "We can help ya with licking."

Eddie smiled and followed you doing the same thing.

"I love you, Y/N," he purred before kissing you, his hand moved down your body to your soaked pussy. Eddie circled your clit before slipping two of his fingers inside you.

You wrapped arm around his neck to pull him into a kiss. After moment you rolled on top of him and straddled him, simply slipping his already erected cock into your pussy.

"Easy, easy, Eddie, or you'll cum and it's gonna be end of play!," Venom laughed.

Eddie let out an annoying sigh and grabbed your hips.

"You don't like to wait, don't you?," he smiled at you and gave you one hard thrust.

"No, I don't, and you as well," you whispered leaning down to kiss his jaw while rocking your hips in steady pace. You rode him for a longer time, letting him play with every part of your naked body.

"Eddie, you dumbshit, we're hungry," said Venom to man.

"Shut you!," Eddie growled and started to move his hips faster, holding your waist tightly. "Fuck, sweetheart. You're gonna make me cum."

You also were nearing your peak when Venom formed itself right next to Eddie, glaring angrily at man's face.

"HUNGRY, YOU DUMBSHIT, WE'RE DYING FROM HUNGER!," then symbiote turned its head toward you. "Hi, Y/N. You look tasty."

You screamed loudly and fell back off Eddie, landing on the floor and hitting your head at night table that stand next to bed.

"Eddie! Don't move!," you yelled pulling on the sheets to cover yourself. "I'll grab the knife, don't move! Fuck!"

"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, VENOM!," Eddie yelled and sat up. "For fuck's sake can't you see we were in the middle of something!" He looked at you. "No, no sweetheart... Don't. It's okay, this is the worst moment but… This is Venom. He lives inside me, he is a parasite, and apparently the alien you wanted to look for," Eddie explained as quickly as he could.

You laughed nervously, pulling sheets tighter around you and moving slowly to door of the room. "Parasite... I told you to not eat that kebab last time," you said.

"Kebab parasite? You're out of mind, woman? We're Venom, not a fucking parasite, dumbshit, don't call us that next to that lady, she'll think bad things of us!," Venom said to Eddie.

"It talks... Eddie, it talks... I go... I know. I'll call a vet. Maybe it's kind of... I...," and it was when you fainted, right in a threshold.

Eddie looked at you and than at Venom.

"Thank you so fucking much, V! You ruined my orgasm and you killed the only woman that want me! And yes, you are a parasite! You threaten to eat my insides every day," Eddie growled as he got up to quickly put some pants on. He walked to you. "Y/N... Sweetheart. Come on. Wake up," Eddie said patting your cheek.

You opened eyes slowly only to see Venom's head right next to Eddie's.

"Oh God," you whispered and fainted again.

Venom sighed.

"We fuck your orgasm, Eddie. Now, move your ass to the fridge. We bet there still is that piece of fried chicken from last dinner."

Pandies🐼: @imidarogerson @grossograsso @thewildgardensstuff @leven-and-ashley @la-verdura @bearded-steve-rogers @sebbystan-plantlover @atuckyismylife @krispyjellyfishzombie @personality-within @haseki-huricihan @choppedgardenwhispers @vroobelek @lattimelka @chris-beamz @hidden-secrets69 @purepearls @volcanoxxx @kastrup-sofie @mikkal-akasaki @withoutashadowofhope @radbluebirdeagle @marvel-fan-site @smutloversblog @buquete @super-psycho-love69 @tanglesss @peter-sommer @baysidewest @vegemania @philip-stan @chodiusmmm @subwaystunnel @tykorclint @dagger-dragger @kurant @nothing-can-least-forever @oxfordkipem @deliciousbouquet90 @tuptuptup @hellenna80 @karina-marina9 @latimeriaaa @bratko @wurld89 @scott-evans @kiss-me-rouge @ovonel-espaniol @dancing-tacco @ratugadhi @white-tiger-shangrila @axn69 @eternal-life-awaits @mrs-laura-harmon @artsy-inside @gleeeeees @darkllaama @jatut @agawux @fuzzy-tigrrr @jrjohnsson2 @cassandbeast @maaargoshaaa @dontgetmewrongman @einexx @nwmtagsb @anini71 @secretlygrantaire @kyloren-supreme-ben @infinity-stones-seeker @thehappyspider @wings4life @huxyluxy @dontbeafraidchild @misafiryanki @electronicpatrolcollective @thisismysecrethappyplace @aulika​ @hidden-secrets69​ @a-happy-wolf​ @creative-seahorse​

[licentious-sanguinity]

F I N T

((F - Food play (do they like using food in the bedroom? are there any foods they prefer to use during sex or foreplay? any they’d like to try?)

I - Impact play (here’s where talking about things like spanking, paddles, canes, floggers and the like.) 

N - Not yet (orgasm delay? orgasm denial? do they tell their partner not to touch themselves for a certain amount of time or under certain circumstances? do they delay or deny other things like bathroom usage or food? do they need to beg first? do they like being denied / delayed?) 

T - Top or bottom

1. For one thing, I will say that when it comes to himself, if Pent is on the receiving end, he won’t necessarily be a fan of most food play at all. It’s kind of a combination of sensory issues (doesn’t like to feel sticky/cold) and also just caring way too much about his overall appearance to be covered in crumbs or syrup trails or whatever his partner may want to use. I will say that he is a fan of food play in the sense of using food as innuendo, in that he’ll happily take a popsicle and show off just how much he can deepthroat it if he happens to spot someone watching him while eating one, though he may just as much bite the Popsicle in half or put it aside the second that any sexy time starts to happen. So foodplay, aside from specific circumstances, is a no.

2. As a masochist, but also as someone who, thanks to sheer biology, has no ass to smack, he is absolutely down for impact play if someone wants, but he will be inwardly laughing at them the whole time simply because of how much they want to smack something that simply is not there. He knows he could always shapeshift himself to resemble something that does have legs, and therefore an ass, but what’s the fun in that if people are going to constantly ignore his OG form and constantly focus on what he could make himself look like instead? Like hell he’s going to let his gorgeous snake self be ignored. Regardless of that, though, he will get off to being smacked around because he likes the thrill of it, especially with floggers and, if one is willing to go that far with him, whips as well. If he’s on the dishing out end, though, ohh lord, he will use every tool he has to leave both the ass and the back of his partner sore and red and burning hot, he will show no mercy, unless he feels like it.

3. Yes, yes, yes yes yes, he absolutely adores orgasm denial and delay so much. Both when on the top as well as the bottom, he loves to mess around with orgasm delay so very much. If he’s on the bottom, he will squirm and beg and writhe around like a noodle, he will plead and plead until he is teary-eyed from the anticipation and the need for bliss, and if he is on the top, he will MAKE his partner cry as best he can from the sheer amount of denial he gives them, constantly working them up to an orgasm over and over, only to teasingly snatch it away the second he can tell they’re about to hit their peak, repeating and repeating until they’re all but seconds away from sobbing. He isn’t so cruel as to deny food or the need for a bathroom, not at all, and will absolutely be like “fuck no” if anyone tries to deny him anything along those lines, but denial when it comes to orgasms is absolutely free reign.

4. He is a switch, he loves bottoming and being reduced to a broken cum-filled mess as much as he enjoys reducing someone to a limp dazed state of pure orgasmic bliss, and has such a voracious sexual appetite he will go as hard as he can on either side in terms of kinks as well as how long he can go. The man is a lust demon, his duration is absolutely insane. ))

[mredwinsmith]

The Old Man and The Barbell: An Ultimate Athlete Project Review

This article is sponsored by the Ultimate Athlete Project.

Story as old as time: a guy walks into a gym. Guy sees another guy training for something, glances over inconspicuously a few times, and thinks, this other guy really seems to know what he’s doing. One of these guys is an ultimate frisbee player, the other an athletic basketball player. Guy 1 walks up to Other Guy and says, “Hey Other Guy, I like what you’re doing, what are you training for?” Other Guy responds back “Ultimate Frisbee”, and he expects to go into the tired, obligatory explanation of what that is. Instead, Guy 1 is intrigued and eager to learn more. The conversation ends with Athletic Basketball Player asking to train with Ultimate Frisbee Player (who was merely warming up with some bodyweight SLDLs, psh).

I probably did look like I knew what I was doing. I’m a veteran of the Ultimate Athlete Project, with two full seasons of training and more under my drawstring. A person on a program can give off an air of confidence and sense of direction at the gym. They walk into the gym with a job to do, and it shows. But I’ve definitely been on the other end, walking into the gym without a real plan except to pick up some heavy things and put them back down.

I wasn’t always the envy of every athlete at the gym… I didn’t start lifting weights until my senior year of college, in the form of a one-credit weight training class. We met for one hour a week. I learned some basics and some safety–don’t be too proud to not have a spotter for that bench press.

The thought of lifting for ultimate hadn’t crossed my mind. I played on a team called the Grundlebugs–a name that might speak for itself…we’ll say a very “fun-focused” squad. So, while I enjoyed this lifting once a week, I didn’t get much out of it but a small base off of which to build.

Training for frisbee really started for me in 2010 when I joined a serious club team–the Virginia Squires (R.I.P.). I did the training the team prescribed, which involved beastly track workouts, “vomit runs” (tabatas for 20-30 minutes), and five-hour practices on Saturdays and Sundays. I was in very good shape that season, but feeling sore was regular. I had this feeling that that style wasn’t sustainable, especially when I got into my late twenties.

UAP Beginnings: Is this right for me?

I joined the UAP the next season in 2011, basically when it first launched. I was an OG UAPer, even if I didn’t use it much back then. I thought it was totally tubular that someone had created a training regimen specifically tailored for frisbee. I wanted to be a part of that.

I gave that first year the old college try. Most of the lifts seemed new and unfamiliar to me with my one-credit-lifting-class-worth of experience. Melissa Witmer, the UAP architect, did a good job of explaining each one, along with introduction videos, including “How to Read the Workouts”. I lifted here and there, but didn’t dive full into the program just yet–I wasn’t fully sold.

Coming from track workouts, the UAP’s Conditioning and SAQ seemed short. I know I’m not the only one who has felt this with UAP. The lifting challenged me, but the running workouts rarely seemed to, likely because I was used to long track workouts that made it hard to walk the next day.

However, as time went on, and as I worked my way through my twenties, I started to change my training philosophy. I introduced yoga into my life, which brought a refreshed energy and eagerness to exercise. I started to exercise every day, even if it was just something shorter.

Exercising every day is part of the deal if you decide to dive fully into the UAP. Melissa’s program is built around working out almost every day. These workouts aren’t monstrous 3-hour sessions, though. They’re consumable, but when put together over a season, they’ll turn you into a different athlete. More on that later. So yes, the running workouts are shorter, but when combined with all of the weight training, I felt like I had similar endurance on the field. The biggest difference was that I recovered much faster the next day.

A Second (Real) Try at the UAP

In 2016, after living and playing abroad for three years, I decided to try out for DC’s top men’s team, Truck Stop. I had always wanted to play on a Club Nationals-level team, but life took me elsewhere. Then life brought me back. In the two months before I returned home, I picked up Melissa’s shorter, less comprehensive program “12 Weeks to Game Time.” That built some confidence. But I had a feeling two months wasn’t enough. I wasn’t sure if, at 27, I could be a rookie on a team this good.

I was right. I got cut. And that’s when I decided to do my first full year of the Ultimate Athlete Project.

When I returned to the UAP in that 2016-2017 off-season, I came back to a hugely improved website, along with nutrition tips, seminars from other trainers and players, and more. I’m still finding new things on the site, and I know there are aspects I have yet to take advantage of, like the app. I’m convinced that If you use the UAP in its entirety, it’s like having an affordable trainer.

I was still a lifting toddler at this point, as I’d only done the UAP in small chunks. So when I started the program back up, I found the video and notes for each exercise helpful, and essential. It seems like video demos are becoming standard now for workout programs, but Melissa’s video explanations, along with her cues and written tips, give a complete picture on how each lift should go.

What’s missing? I think it would be cool to understand what muscle groups each lift is focusing on. To take it next level, it would be even cooler to hear how each lift or movement can translate to frisbee. That’d be icing on the cake.

UAP Now

I made the team the next year as a 28 year-old rookie. Now I’m 29 and in my second season with Truck. After my second year in a row of using all six offseason phases, all three preseason and all three in-season phases, I feel confident in my lifting ability. My goal was to peak at Club Nationals in 2017. I did–and it’s probably the best my body has ever felt during and after playing ultimate. I wasn’t once sore at Nationals. I felt stronger, springier, and more powerful. I also felt really confident–the confidence that only a whole heap of preparation can give you.

I haven’t seen Athletic Basketball Player since that conversation we had at the gym. Maybe he moved away. Or maybe he just didn’t have a program to follow regularly, like I do.

P.S.

Here are my UAP Exercise Greatest Hits–my favorite exercises, along with a corresponding superlative. Current UAPers can weigh in and future UAPers can look forward to them. Whether especially challenging, creative, or just fun, these are the ones that brought the house down for me:

 Backward Lunge to SLDL: “Most unforgettable”. In-season Phase 3, Lower. This one’s a marathon, and a lot of form to think about. Feel the burn! Never failed to be sore the next day from this one.

 Split Squat Cable Row: “Cutest Couple” I’m unable to find which phase this one’s in. I love exercises that recruit a lot of muscles, so these two exercises working in tandem is full body bliss.

Typewriter pull-ups: “Most Creative”. Offseason Phase 6 Upper 1 is where you’ll find the half typewriter variant. The one I remember is the full version. Wanna turn heads at the gym? Do these and look sweet!

DB Row: “Most Likely to Succeed” Here’s what I’d do if Ahhnold walked into the gym. Used throughout many phases, I think I like this one because it’s my best exercise (probably because it’s used throughout many phases).

Wall Overhead Iso Squat: “Most Thoughtful” Preseason Phase 1, Lower: This one could seem like it lasted forever. I’d try to meditate in the pose and focus on breathing so I wouldn’t count down the seconds.

Deadlift “Most Popular” Offseason 3 Lower 2: not unique to UAP, but such a complex and challenging exercise. I had never done deadlifts before UAP. This is the exercise I did the most research on. I just wanted to get better all the time. It reminds me that weightlifting can be like a new sport in that sense, a new challenge that I can always improve on.

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