#yes im becoming cookie run autistic

[cryptidcanid19]

shadow milk cookie is horrifically gay but homophobic at the same time i dont make the rules

[shadow-vanilla]

Welcome to the Theatre of Lies!

(Featuring Pure Vanilla Cookie, I guess...)

Hello, hello! I'm your host, Shadow Milk Cookie, and here in the Theatre, I'm going to be doing something juuust a little different than usual, answering asks personally sent by you folks! How wonderful!

Oh, oh, oh!!!!! But I'm not doing this alone, we have a special guest joining us as well! Isnt that just.. Exciting!..

Now, without further ado... Why dont we introduce our guest? Oh, Pure Vanilly-Willy! Come now, there's sweet, precious time that you're wasting!!...

Alright, alright, calm down Shadow Milk Cookie, I'm coming now..

Ahem... Hello everyone, yes, it is true, I am stuck here with him, and we will be answering pretty much anything you will ask us, I don't know exactly how long I will be here for, but I might as well make the best of it, now.. should i handle the basic information before the people start asking questions? Or would you like to handle that instead, Shadow Milk Cookie?

Ahh, thank you for such a splendid offer! You're lucky I haven't broken that pretty little staff of yours yet... I'll be glad to handle the information that these sweet, sweet souls need to know!

Info about our lovely mods!

Mod Harper/Shadow Milk ; Helllooo!! I am the one who runs this blog! Feel free to ask me questions as well, instead of these stupid idiots! (Hey!! >:[) I go by she/him pronouns, and I'm a Shadow Milk Cookie IRL, hence the fact that I'm taking his role!!

Mod Lemon / Pv!! Hihihi everyone!!!! I uh. also run this blog. kind of. ANYWAYS you should give me questions too smh i wanna answer stuff as well >< /silly, aanyways i go by any pronouns, and im the Pv of this blog since. well. im kind of him irl soo, yeah!!!

Rules that you must respect, lest our lovely mods block you!!

We kindly ask that NO pr0sh1p, d4rksh1p, or (PROBLEMATIC) c0msh1p interacts with us! Personally, I have bad experience with pr0sh1pp3rs, and they make me uncomfortable! We also kindly request that you do not force us to respond to any of your asks! If you do, we will block you without hesitation. We have busy schedules, and we won't always respond in time.

Adding onto this, another request we have is that you dont try and make things weird, we can both become easily uncomfortable from that, and roleplay wise, dont try and play like. the creator of the universe or something like that, its just. bleh imo, also. just have some decency and common sense? It seriously isnt that hard to not be that kind of person yknow?

And now, for the final act... Info about the star of the show, me!! (And Pure Vanilla, I guess..)

Most of these are personal headcanons, and some are just Lemon and I self projecting...

Shadow Milk is autistic, and he goes by he/it pronouns! He will also sometimes refer to himself as "we"! (Despite the fact that I, Harper, am a system, I am not making Shadow Milk a system as well! I just like to imagine it occasionally uses we/us!) Shadow Milk is also Libramasculine, Greysexual, and Panromantic!

My turn :3

I only have one right now (im not a headcanon making machine like SOMEONE. (Beating you up.. -Harper) smh.. /silly) and that is that Pure Vanilla Cookie is Genderfluid and goes by all pronouns !! Definitely gonna update this in the future if i ever think of more in though :D

[pomegranatecookiez]

Can u elaborate on the seamoon/starpom thing? I think I get it but I want u to explain,,,

SO.

i think about this line from sea fairys relationship chart a lot

because it implies that sea fairys pissed about the whole curse thing but still feels sympathy for pomes situation because its similar to her own (being doomed to follow a cursed fate). and while i dont think pome was specifically created as a foil to sea fairy, they certainly mirror each other in a lot of ways

NOW. sea fairy decided not to be fucked forever for a few reasons but one of them was definitely her being wildly homosexual for moon milf

so i was thinking last night and then i realized. hey. doesnt pome have her own government assigned space wife who its implied made her question her fate

goodness gracious she DOES

theres also the matter of how infatuation affects pome and sea fairy in completely opposite ways. both sea fairy and pome are the most unambiguously lesbian/wlw coded characters in cookie run. its all but flat out stated sea fairy is hopelessly in love with moonlight (your love brought spring to my endless winter. yknow) and its a major part of her character. her love for moonlight is depicted as a strictly positive thing, her love is what gave her the strength to not get fucked and turn to sea foam and die rip bozo. 

meanwhile, pome is down horrifically for dark enchantress, and before anyone tries to tell me its in a strictly heterosexual way:

no

pomes “love” for dark enchantress is what motivates her to do all of her fucked up girlboss shit, and made her willingly give up all agency and become a peon with no desires other than to serve her master. her “love” is portrayed as a corruptive force, a stark contrast to sea fairys love being portrayed as something healing. 

but then, you remember that starfruit cookie exists. pomes thoughts on starfruit are very unclear in canon, but lets assume for a second that, yes, the time she spent with starfruit cookie DID make her reconsider her loyalty, even just a little bit. 

if thats the case, then once again, a pretty space lady makes somebody who thought they were doomed to suffer reconsider everything.

tldr i dont know if this is even coherent and im 99% sure these parallels are unintentional and this whole essay was the result of me being deeply autistic and insane over this fucked up fruit lady and wanting her to be happy with her pretty space girlfriend. thanks for watching remember to like and subscribe