#yes i’m looking at you san marino get that potential straight

[sztansescheadache]

monaco is now eligible to participate in esc (which they probably won’t do this year, there’s too little time left for the application (but who knows, surprise me)) and it’s so interesting and honestly exiting. like with luxembourg coming back and now this possibility for monaco there’s a chance that the little states will start paying more attention to esc, as it is a huge chance to show themselves to the world. the more countries at esc the merrier

[borisbubbles]

3. MACEDONIA

Jana Burčeska - “Dance Alone” 35th place

GO GO WHOAAAAAAA!!!!

Yes, “Macedonia”. I support the Macedonian side of the argument, are you in tears??? Greece LOST my sympathy vote the second they subjected us to the OBNOXIOUS “Former Yugoslav Republic Of Macedonia” chyron, as if we can’t tell the difference between modern-day Macedonia and ancient Macedon by ourselves *MASSIVE EYEROLL*. Also, their insistence to call the country “FYROM” all the time X____X.

Anyway, this trashfest <3 It well and truly was love at first, second, third and infinite sight and it still is! I never expected Jana to qualify (lol she’s  Macedonian and this year isn’t 2012-levels of mediocre, let’s be honest), but evenso, she’s the ~ONLY~ NQ I’m well and truly sad about. :’(

RIP my fierce seraph :(

Initially, much like JOWST, I was drawn the song and perhaps even more so? Tove Lo-inspired synthpop directly hooked to my veins, YES times ∞. “Dance Alone” isn’t really complex but so, so, SO relistenable. Also, quotable. (I can’t even disentangle my favourite “Dance Alone” quote? All of them are so ~Strong Independent Wymyn~ flavoured). Her voice is the most ovine squeak ever <3

However, I was also immediately drawn to Jana as a human. You see, I’m a pretty avid watcher of reality television and one of my many favourite rtv archetypes is the “Abrasive, sarcastic bitch who deep down isn’t a bad person” (think Sandra Diaz-Twice, Deana Uppal, Gretchen Jones, the Twinnies, Luisa Zissman, Jun Song, etc). Jana IMMEDIATELY showed her true ASB colours by delivering this V I C I O U S stab at Former Basics Fave Rykka in one of her first interviews:

(ps: you should squat)

Epic Goddess deity shade <3 Fortunately, this was only the tip of the iceberg. Much like fellow secret sociopath Salvador, Jana enjoyed taking the mickey at the contest for the heck of it (why did people pretend it was a novel concept, it wasn’t. Don’t y’all remember SILVIA NIGHT??), but unlike Salvador she didn’t do it during the contest, which is much more charming. Instances such as these include:

Pretending she wasn’t able to sing and expressing in her interviews that she’s not a professionally trained singer but an amateur who was approached by the Macedonians as a last minute choice.

Reinforcing that notion by pretending to MIME during the London Fan Event (god the Youtube Meltdowns were glorious)

Delivering SUPER awkward, trolly interviews with Eurovision.tv (and ONLY them. Just the sheer imagination of Viktor & C° fuming in silent rage as Jana purposefully gives weird answers to all of their boring questions spins my world like a merry-go-round.)

Immediately glomming onto JOWST’s “live voices only” rule-change although she technically didn’t need it. <3

and the best of all:

DROPPING A FUCKING PREGNANCY BOMB DURING THE LIVE SHOW. <3 Like, she never mentioned she was preggerz before the semi final, I think? Not even during the many times Eurovision.tv tried to play Question Time with her lol. (are these people super professional or just straight-up mascochists? idk.)

Then there’s The Proposal. I’m inclined to toss it in with the the above moments because Jana’s juuuuust enough of a sociopath troll to stage it and steal the spotlight for shits and giggles (and again, she managed to keep her four month pregnancy a secret), and Aleksandr is enough of a loltard to go along with it, but whatever; It was an epic green room moment (literally the only one ever) and I’m THRILLED for her. Get It Girl <3

a good thing he didn’t think “hmmm i’ll wait until the finale :)”, huh?

All of this pretty much sums up why I really, really fucking love Jana. Sadly, she doesn’t entirely escape this year’s curse of “this is really good buuuut what if???” and even she wasted some potential. Allow me to share my ~thots~ on how  “Dance Alone” should have went:

(1) Jana shouldn’t have been alone on the stage. Yes, “Dance Alone” but taking it literally is never inspired, soz. Also, not with that backdrop and that choreography. It was reminiscent of Morgane’s LameDance,

which *IS* a top 2 moment of 1992 (along with Dafna Dekel’s backing bongoists lolwtf), but seriously, *so* amateur.  No, Jana should have started with her female backing group (best backings ever? possibly) on the stage, who would’ve dispersed to the background during the chorus. The backdrop should have featured silhouettes as if Jana were dancing by herself in a crowded discoteque, to facilitate the illusion of proverbial, not literal solitude.

(2) Add the male dancer from the video clip. (or any hot dancer. take Tijana’s as payment for selling your original song to them (lol that rumor <3)) Specifically, add him somewhere during the second chorus, but let Jana ignore him until the middle eight!! then have them make contact and have Jana look in his eyes while she goes “TAKE ME TO PLACES THAT I’VE NEVER BEEN” as he cradles her in his arms.

(3) Add a plot twist during the final chorus: Sample text while Jana dances with her new boytoy: “I WON’T DANCE ALONE. WHEREVER WE ARE, THE RHYTHM FOLLOWS. WE’RE LOST IN THE SOUND OF NO TOMORROW. I WON’T LET IT GO, WON’T LET IT GO NOW” Simple but efficient.

(4) Keep the original ending. Have the stage fade to black at the end, and ensure the male dancer is swallowed by the darkness. Close with “Wishing you could hold me close. :’(” as planned.

(also perhaps don’t make it appear like she’s wearing a trash bag.)

BOOM a few changes and you have a powerful, evolving performance which soups up the song’s flaws! Easy top five entry (for this ranking lol as if Jana was ever qualifying from that semifinal). Hire me, VRT (or at least pick Bazart/Emma Bale/Nathalia for our next entrant. kthx)

Sadly, while adding that VERY good intro to her song, Jana was on the stage by herself and forgot her closer. (or simply didn’t bother, which is more likely, now that I think of it <3). I still love it but those simple details cheapen “Dance Alone” greatly, so I can’t follow my heart and let her ~win~ this ranking. Whatever, she’s walking away from this experience with a husbear and a behbeh, so it’s clear that if anything, she’s the true winner in ~L*Y*F~ ::throws rose petals::

Decade rank: 28/324

THE 2017 RANKING SO FAR:

-ADORE- 1. 2. 3. Macedonia (28/324) 4. Norway (29/324) 5. Lithuania (43/324) 6. Hungary (47/324) -LOVE- 7. Moldova (55/324) 8. Italy (61/324) 9. the Netherlands (63/324) 10. United Kingdom (67/324) 11. Finland (68/324) 12. Estonia (71/324) 13. Azerbaijan (84/324) 14. Latvia (87/324) 15. Israel (93/324)

-LIKE- 16. Bulgaria (100/324) 17. Portugal (105/324) 18. Croatia (115/324) 19. Austria (119/324) 20. France (138/324) 21. Poland (154/324) 22. Armenia (158/324) 23. Romania (164/324)

-OKAY- 24. Iceland (174/324) 25. Ukraine (190/324) 26. San Marino (203/324) 27. Albania (217/324) 28. Denmark (228/324) 29. Spain (237/324) 30. Cyprus (240/324) -DISLIKE- 31. Germany (258/324) 32. Montenegro (263/324) 33. Sweden (270/324) 34. Serbia (275/324) 35. Australia (280/324) 36. Switzerland (286/324) 37. Czech Republic (288/324) 38. Malta (291/324) -HATE- 39. Georgia (301/324) 40. Greece (303/324) 41. Slovenia (307/324) 42. Ireland (312/324)