#yes i will spend hours on something largely just for myself

[itslacroixsweetiedarling]

my favourite hobby? making edits to shows without a big fandom here😎

[plussizefantasia]

More Body, More Money

Anthony Bridgerton x wife!reader

Word Count: 1.1k

warnings: Allusion to smut towards the end, references to a female body and that body being bigger

an: holy shit sorry for disappearing for so long. I make no promises as to when I'll come back as I seem to have a habit of breaking those. I've been in a Bridgerton mood recently though and typed this on my phone in like an hour so no promises that it's all that good. I will say though that I've been working on a request recently and it's currently at 4k and counting which is by far the longest fic I've ever written and I'm not even to the good part yet. I've also finished outlining the rest of the parts for my Kili x reader fic. I think that's it though, thanks for reading this far if you did and for putting up with my bs.

“Darling, could you come here a moment?” Your husband called from his desk. Recently you had taken to reading while lounging on the couch in his study. It was a great way to spend time with your busy husband while also letting him get his work done. 

You didn’t exactly know what he was working on at the moment but apparently, your presence was needed to solve whatever issue he had stumbled upon. It wasn’t until you got closer to his desk that you noticed the receipts and ledgers sprawled across his desk. He was updating the families' books and tracking the spending that you and the rest of his family had done that month. 

“Yes, my love?” You moved to rest your hand on his back and traced it across his shoulders and on his neck. It was as if you two were magnets, unable to keep apart for very long. If you were close enough then you would feel your hands gravitating towards him. And if the way his arm moved to rest on your back as well, he had the same urges when in proximity to you. 

“I’ve noticed something odd in the charges from the modiste.” Anthony handed you the papers. Both you and Eloise had gone to the modiste at the beginning of the month to be fitted for some new gowns to prepare for her second season in the marriage mart and your first season as the Viscountess. 

“I’ll admit to not being the most knowledgeable about gowns and other frivolities my love, but is it normal for the cost difference to be this large? I mean when Ben and I get new suits the price is almost always similar.” He pointed to the two prices listed on the bill from Madame Delacroix. 

You didn’t know how to respond to this, you knew the reason behind the price difference between yours and Elioises dresses, of course, it was something that you had thought of already. After all, it was the same reason that your younger sister always got more gowns than you every season that the two of you attended growing up. You were larger, and as the modiste you had gone to grow up with had said “More body means more fabric means more money.” more money that your father had deemed unnecessary so you had only ever gotten one or two new dresses while your sister would be fitted for five or six of the newest and most flattering styles.

But how could you explain this to Anthony? That your dresses cost more than his sisters because you were bigger, and that meant more money.

You knew Anthony loved your body, he worshiped it often in fact but there was a difference between getting lost in the softness of your embrace and seeing the real-life sometimes the financial consequences of living in a bigger body.

“Oh, Anthony, it is uh- just a matter of resources I suppose.” 

He raised a brow at you. “I’m not sure I understand. What do you mean by resources?”

“Well dear husband, you and your brother are very similar in height and build which means the two of you have very similar resource usage, whereas myself and your sister are quite different in the… resource usage department.”

“My love, I need you to speak to me as if I am an idiot.” 

You deeply sighed and prepared yourself to have the conversation that you had been trying and failing to get out of. “Eloise is small, therefore it does not take as much fabric to make her dresses, whereas I am quite well endowed and my dresses require more material. More body means more fabric means more money it is as simple as that.” 

“That is preposterous, are you both not getting dresses?” His tone was getting more defensive, and it warmed your heart to know that he was willing to get upset at the simple fact that Madame Delacroix had charged you more because your dress was bigger. You had expected him to be embarrassed, and deep down somewhat afraid that he would realize that he had signed himself up for these extra expenses for the rest of his life by marrying you. 

“Well darling, think about it, would you expect to pay the same amount for a child as you would for yourself? Do you not pay more for your suits than you do Greg’s?”

“No, I see your point darling.”

“That is all this is my love, different sizes of clothing cost different amounts. If it is a problem I can just see about getting some of my old gowns altered to make them somewhat nicer for the new season, that way you would not have to spend as much.”

“What? No. Darling, this is not about the money, I was merely worried that that woman had tried to take advantage of you, charging you far more than Eloise for the same thing. I couldn’t care less about the money. In fact, I think you should get ten more gowns made, show everyone in the Ton that I am married to the most voluptuous, sensual, and desirable woman in the world.” He pulled you closer to him so that you were standing in between his spread knees, you still standing over him as he leaned back in his chair.

Anthony began training kisses up and down the arm that he had grasped within his hand. Turning your wrist over so that he could place one at the center of your palm. 

“I do not need ten new gowns, Anthony, that is far too much.” You giggled and protested, feeling more enamored with the man you married with every word out of his mouth.

“Perhaps I shall buy you ten diamond necklaces then so that I can have an excuse to stare at your chest as often as I’d like.” You snorted and gently smacked the back of his head. “Anthony Bridgerton, that is scandalous talk and you know it.”

“Nothing is scandalous between husband and wife, especially when the two are alone.” He wiggled his eyebrows at you and lifted the corners of his lips into a sultry grin, one that had your knees feeling weaker by the second. 

“All I really need, dear husband, is you.”

A smile that you could only consider adoring spread across your husband's face.

“And I you, my love.”

“No Anthony, I need you.”

His grin turned to a full-blown smirk spreading across his face, “Well, what the Viscountess needs she gets…” 

;)

[reccyls]

Your Hand, My Lady - The Mature Butler Pledges Loyalty (Victor story)

My translation of Victor's butler event story

--

As a result of the Evil King's Game, my exclusive butler for the day is...

Victor: Oh dear, how could this be! Turns out there isn't a number 6 after all, so the order gets turned back onto the king!

...the person who started this round of the game in the first place, Victor.

Victor: But one must put their heart and soul into what they have agreed to do, so do allow me to be your butler.

Kate: S-sure. I'm looking forward to it.

(Victor as my butler... I wonder what that's going to be like?)

...

Kate: Mm....

Victor: Ah... Apologies, Lady Kate. Did I wake you?

Daylight streaming into my room pulled me from my sleep.

As I sat up, I noticed Victor drawing open the curtains.

Kate: It's fine...

(Oh, right. Victor's going to be acting as my butler for the entire day today.)

Victor: Heh. Are you still sleepy?

He spoke quietly, almost in a whisper, mindful of how I was only barely awake. His voice was sweeter and gentler than usual.

Victor: You have no duties to attend to today, so if you wanted to sleep in, that would be no trouble. It is still half past 5 in the morning.

Kate: Half past five...? Then, I'll sleep a little more.

Victor: Of course. Sleep well, and I will let you know when breakfast is prepared.

...

As I curled up in bed once more, Victor silently approached and adjusted my blanket.

With a warm, ticklish feeling in my chest at Victor's care, I enjoyed my extra bit of sleep that morning.

After I had my fill of sleep, Victor woke me and I got dressed for the day. I also enjoyed a delicious breakfast.

Kate: Today's breakfast was really good!

As Victor spoke, he held a fork with a piece of apple up to me.

Victor: That is good to hear. I'll be sure to pass your words on to the chef.

Victor: ...My lady, how about some fresh fruits for dessert? Say 'aah'.

Hesitantly, I ate the offered fruit.

(Is he really going to feed me...?)

(Is this a normal thing for butlers to do?)

Kate: Mm, this is good too!

Kate: ...But, um, it is a bit embarrassing to do this.

The gap between me and Victor felt smaller than normal today.

It wasn't just regular kindness I could feel in the depths of his words and his expressions. He gave off the impression that he truly and deeply cherished me.

Victor: Please do forgive me.

Victor: I was enjoying myself too much and I have ended up making you uncomfortable.

Victor: Could you find it in your heart to forgive such an incompetent butler...?

Victor: Thank you very much. My lady is truly kind.

Kate: You don't have to apologize! You're not incompetent at all!

Kate: Please just keep doing what you think you should. If I'm actually uncomfortable with something, I'll let you know.

...

(I basically spent the entire day with Victor. It was a lot of fun.)

...The truth is, this past week, I'd seen some pretty horrible things during my missions with Crown.

I wanted to go on those missions so I could get used to that kind of tragedy, but all I ended up doing was make myself more and more depressed...

(...And that's when Victor proposed the Evil King's Game, and he ended up as my butler for the day.)

(Thanks to being able to spend time with him, I feel a lot better.)

But just like nothing sad lasts forever, neither do the good times.

Every hour that passed was one hour less that I would be able to spend with Victor.

Kate: Oh, thank you. If you don't mind?

Victor: Ah yes. Before dinner, may I braid your hair, my lady?

Victor: During breakfast and lunch, your hair seemed to bother you.

Victor: Of course not, leave it to me. I'll be sure to style your hair to be both practical and beautiful.

Victor sat me down in front of the mirror. Parting my hair with a comb, his large hands began to braid my hair.

Kate: ...You really know a lot about women's fashion, Victor.

Victor: I am your butler, but I do usually work as the queen's aide.

Throughout the day, Victor was careful to ensure that my clothes wouldn't end up dirty, and helped to suggest complementary accessories when I was unsure which ones to pick.

And the hands working through my hair were obviously very familiar with the act of braiding.

Kate: Oh, right...

Since he worked closely with the queen, it made sense that Victor would have picked up a deep understanding of women's fashion.

I was embarrassed that such a simple thought never even crossed my mind.

And not only that, but I became aware of a muddled feeling not unlike fog spreading through my chest.

(I had thought that I was the only one who would be able to see Victor as a butler.)

(I just didn't consider that I wasn't the only person to know this side of Victor.)

Victor has a lot of friends and acquaintances beyond just Crown, and I've never seen the face he wears in front of them.

For some reason, today, that obvious fact was like a dagger to my heart.

Kate: Victor, can I ask you for something?

(Is there a side of Victor that only I know...?)

(...Ah. That's right.)

Victor: Of course, my lady. Whatever you need, I am at your disposal.

Kate: This isn't something that happens every day, so I wanted to see you wearing a butler's uniform.

Victor: A butler's uniform?

Kate: Yeah... Have you ever worn one before?

Victor: No, never... And if this is what my one and only lady wishes of me, then I do not mind wearing one.

Kate: I'd love to see it!

And so, Victor went to go put on a butler's outfit.

(Maybe that was kind of heavy-handed of me, but I'm really excited.)

As I stood in the hallway waiting for Victor to be done changing, William approached.

William: Kate, have you seen Victor around?

Kate: He's in his room right now. Changing his clothes, to a butler's uniform.

Kate: Huh...?

William: A butler's uniform...? Ah right, he is our little robin's butler for the day, isn't he.

William: Sorry for this, but may I borrow your butler?

William: Her Majesty has summoned Victor for an emergency.

(Victor is my butler for the day... but the queen's orders take priority.)

Kate: Okay. It's Her Majesty's orders, after all.

William: ...You seem displeased.

I flushed, embarrassed at being seen through by William, who had let out a chuckle.

(Feeling lonely because Her Majesty has stolen Victor from me... I'm acting like such a spoiled brat.)

Just then, I spotted Victor, who had now finished changing, approaching.

But I knew that if I looked him in the eye, I would end up asking him not to leave, so I made sure to look away from him.

As I held back, William had walked over to meet Victor halfway, and the two of them began to speak.

It was most likely about the queen's summons.

Kate: ...Victor. Do you have a little time?

(Victor is going to leave.)

(But... if I could leave a little of myself in his heart...)

Propelled by a sense of possessiveness I didn't even realize I had, I called out to Victor.

Victor: ...William, can you go on ahead?

Seeing something in my expression or body language, Victor sent William off first.

Kate: Just a second, Victor.

I took one of my ribbons, and tied it around a lock of his hair.

As I told him my wish for him to keep me in his heart...

Kate: ...Today, you're not just the queen's aide, but also my butler.

Kate: Even if you're far away... please remember that.

Kate: ...This is my order, as your lady.

Victor took my hand and pressed a gentle kiss to it.

Kate: ...

Kate: I... I-

Victor: ...Of course. Today, I am your loyal butler.

Victor: And so would you tell me the reason for the fog that clouds your thoughts?

I didn't know whether to reveal the truth of what I wanted, but every second I dawdled was another second spent obstructing the queen's orders.

Gathering my resolve, I opened my mouth to speak.

Kate: ...I'm jealous of the queen, of how much time she has with you.

Kate: If I could... I want to order you to stay here.

(Every moment I spend with Victor is precious.)

(I wish we could be together forever... I've ended up thinking that way.)

Victor: ......

But the reality of the situation is, I'm in no position to make that demand. The queen's orders are absolute.

And so because I cannot always be by his side in reality, I wanted to make a place for myself in his heart.

I turned away from my thoughts, back towards Victor, who had fallen silent.

Kate: I'm sorry. I don't want to burden you, so just--

Hurriedly, I tried to pull my hand back, but Victor raised it to his lips once more.

Kate: ....!?

(Th-that... that wasn't just a kiss, was that his tongue!?)

Seeing my flustered expression, Victor cracked a teasing smile.

Victor's words were full of uncharacteristic seductiveness, and my heart began to pound loudly.

Victor: Just because I am your butler does not mean that you can let your guard down, my lady.

Victor: The more you say such sweet things, the more I wish to mark your body with my kisses...

Kate: ...I remember.

Victor: Do you remember what I told you earlier, when you had dressed up as a maid?

Victor: I said to make sure you only give your heart and your body to a partner you are happy to choose.

Victor: And so... may I think of myself as that partner, my lady?

Kate: You...

Kate: .....Yes. You may.

If I gave the wrong answer or if I evaded, I got the feeling that Victor would slip far away from me.

Determined to tell him the full, complete truth, I opened my mouth.

Victor: I see.

Victor let go of my hand.

(Oh....)

Victor: I'm sorry, I must go now. Until next time.

With that, he quickly walked away.

But Victor did not return before the end of the day.

(I... That was way too forward, wasn't it...!)

(When he comes back, I need to apologize for making things weird...)

...

(I wanted to wait for Victor, but at this rate I'll end up staying up the whole night... I should go to sleep now.)

Kate: Who's there...?

With that thought, I extinguished the lamp and got into bed.

Remembering all of Victor's smiles from the past day, I began to slip into slumber. And just then--

My bedroom door quietly swung open, and a scent that brought to mind a quiet deep night approached.

When I opened my eyes, there was a figure kneeling over me in bed.

Victor: ...It's me. Victor.

Kate: Oh, you're back from the palace...? It's late... you worked hard today...

I was on the cusp of nodding off, barely able to keep my eyes open as I welcomed Victor back.

Kate: And... why are you in my room?

Victor: ...Don't you know?

Kate: Is it about work...?

Victor: Hmm... Something a bit more personal than work.

Kate: Personal? Is there some kind of night banquet that you want to invite me to?

Victor: That sounds lovely, but no. The truth is...

Victor brought his lips to my ear.

Victor: ...I've come to steal your heart.

(Steal my heart?)

Kate: Hehe... There's no point.

Victor: Why not?

Kate: Because you already stole it a long time ago...

Kate: Why do you want my heart anyway, Victor?

I haven't been able to stop thinking about Victor after he left for the palace.

If that didn't mean that he had already stolen my heart, then what did?

(I'm pretty sure his eyes are more beautiful than my heart...)

Victor: Why, you ask?

Victor: Because it's so beautiful, I couldn't help but want it.

Victor: ...

His face was hovering above mine. In the darkness of the room, his eyes seemed to glimmer with light.

As I kept staring, those gorgeous eyes drew closer and closer... His long, beautiful hair fell across my face.

Kate: Haha, that tickles...

I felt the touch of something delicate across my neck, my shoulders.

When I realized that it was Victor's lips pressing across my skin, I felt no desire to push him away.

It made me think of all the times that Roger's corgi, Ale, would play with me. I giggled.

Victor: That's all? It just tickles?

(Huh...? Victor's voice sounds a little unhappy about something?)

As I was wondering what it could be about, Victor's lips moved from my shoulder to my ear.

Kate: ...Ah...

The heat of his tongue traced the shell of my ear. I trembled at the unfamiliar sensation.

Victor: Kate.

He whispered my name into my ear like he was trying to express a secret love that should never be.

With that strange joy held in my heart, my eyes slid shut, and I finally drifted off.

(He's looking only at me...)

(I don't know why, but that makes me really, really happy......)

...

William: ...I saw you paying a visit to Kate's room last night.

After finishing a discussion about work, William wasted no time in starting to gossip.

Victor: Are you accusing me of something?

William: Heh. Does it look that way?

Victor: No. You look like you're just having a laugh.

William: Not quite. I'm not poking fun, I am quite happy.

William: After all, were you not doing what your heart wanted?

William: And?

Victor: I'm sorry to disappoint you, but no.

Victor: I only went to her room to warn her not to give her heart away so freely. And...

Victor: Kate doesn't remember it at all. If she does, she probably thinks it was just a dream.

William: What a shame.

At William's words, a vague smile drifted to Victor's lips.

William: So why did you rig that game in the first place?

William: Surely you must have known there was no number 6 stick in the first place.

William: That's it? No other reason?

Victor: Nothing gets past you, Will.

Victor: Lately, Kate wasn't coping well with the missions she had joined. I just wanted to be able to do something for her.

----

Victor: ....No.

Victor: Even if I did have feelings for her... there is nothing I can offer her.

Victor: Because "Victor" belongs to "Victoria".

Notes: Victor's last sentence is written as "Because I belong to Her Majesty", but what he says out loud is what I have written down.

[nisuna]

I got super inspired last night, so here's a short drabble about the smut adventures of cult leader!geto x non-sorcerer!f!reader let's goo

I have more planned along the lines of: First time sleeping with him; Public sex in front of his followers; Making you call him by his First Name during sex; Saying I love you during sex; things I have mentioned in my headcannon post (I might do a poll for the next chapter 🙈)

Feel free to check out the headcannons for this AU for more context! (part 2 here!!)

TW: heavy nipple play; nipple sucking, biting, pinching; manipulative geto, short non-con, unprotected sex, creampie, mutual orgasm, FIRST KISS, trust issues, crying, he calls you "pet", power imbalance; cult leader!Geto x non-sorcerer!f!reader

<3masterlist<3

-----------1.2k words; strictly 18+ MDNI--------------

"Geto-samaaa... I need a break today. Please, no more.", you huffed in his arms. Your hips and back were starting to hurt from the countless nights that you've been spending with him.

"What do you mean, pet? Have I overworked you? Oh poor you. But there has to be something I can do to satisfy myself. Tell me, what activity do you enjoy that doesn't involve my cock?"

You felt stumped, but something did come to mind. "Che..."

"Hm? What was that, pet? You need to speak up.", he demanded, looking at you expectedly.

"Chest.", your timid voice broke the silence. "I like it when you play with my chest Geto-sama."

After hearing the words leave your mouth, a toothy grin appeared on his face.

"Good job. Look at you speaking your mind. Such a good pet. Well then, get ready.", he cooed, loosening the knot on your robe. "Tonight, I'm going to town on your chest. Nothing more, nothing less. I promise."

He didn't lie when he said he would go to town, because that's exactly what's been happening for the last half hour. You were on all fours above him while his hungry mouth was sucking in your right nipple. Much to your dismay, however, he was paying attention to the right one ONLY. And at this point, you were getting impatient.

"Mmh whyy~", you mewled.

That caught his attention as he unlatched his mouth from your sensitive nub.

"What is it, pet? You don't like it? That can't be, you were the one who suggested this in the first place. I can practically feel you dripping all over me."

"It's not that...", you mumbled, turning your head, because you didn't have the guts to face him right now.

"What is it then? You have to speak your mind. How elese am I supposed to know if I'm doing something you don't like, hm?"

You sucked in a deep brath and squeaked. "The.. the other one..."

"Hm? Come again?", he cocked an eyebrow, putting his fingers on your chin, finally making you look at him.

"The other one...why do you only play with the right one. What about the left?", you mumbled trailing off.

His mind went ding as he smiled up at you. "Oooh your other one wants attention as well, hm? Why didn't you say so? I'm more than happy to oblige." He hummed caressing your cheek with his large palm.

"However, that service comes at a price."

"What do you-?"

"You have to put in a quarter to play."

"A what? I don't think im following Geto-sama..."

"Oh my dumb little pet. I'm talking about this, of course.", he smiled while sliding his exposed cock through your wet folds.

"Mh- no you said we wouldn't do that today!", you tried your best not to succumb to temptation.

"Just the tip, pet. I promise. Do that for me and I'll suck on your tits all night long.", the way his deep and smooth voice rolled off his tongue like honey made you weak.

How could you say no to such an offer. He wouldn't lie to you right? Geto-sama was a man of his word, you can trust him.

So you reluctantly nodded your head yes and began lifting your hips. He was quick to grab you by your hips and push into you. As promised, he didn't go deep and stopped immediately. You felt relief wash over your body as you tried your best to adjust to the sudden intrusion.

You let out a few huffs before finally discarding your robe, saying. "Mhh, I did my part of the deal. Now's your turn...AH-", as you were about to press your left tit against his mouth, he bottomed out, making you whine his name.

"Geto samaaa noo, you promised we wouldn't.. you.. you lied to me.", you sobbed, digging your nails into his exposed chest. The tears collecting in your eyes almost made him pity you. Almost.

"I'll continue pampering you, don't worry, this is just a quick detour."

You had no energy to defend yourself in his tight grasp, so you let him bully his fat cock into your tight little hole without protest.

After a few thrusts, he sat up, keeping you on his lap and finally fulfilled his part of the deal. His tongue darted out to your neglected left nipple while he pinched your right one between his long fingers. His hips kept rocking up into you while his hungry eyes kept looking up at you all throughout his ministrations.

Your tears of disappointment soon turned into tears of pleasure as you started losing yourself in his grasp. It was when he started to stimulate your puffy clit as well that your mind went blank. The expressions you were making were so nasty, that they soon pushed him over the edge as well.

It was the first time both of you came at the same time and it was understandable that you lost your mind at the intense feeling. It was when he kept fucking you through your high that you lost your sense of self and didn't notice that you grabbed onto his face and pushed your lips against his. Your mouth fell open as a needy moan left your mouth at the feeling of getting filled to the brim. You were so out of it that you didn't notice his eyes shoot open and hands halt all movement.

This was the first time you two ever kissed. Cult leader geto always saw sex as an act of service and obedience. Never once has he thought about kissing someone like you. He talked you through it and prohibited you from ever trying, or else...

Your eyes shot open as well at the lack of reaction and you almost had a heart attack at the realisation of what you have just done.

You were beyond terrified, immediately pulling away and shivering at the sight of his blank expression and his sharp eyes burning holes into you.

You began trembling in his tight grasp as your next words came tumbling out. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. Geto-sama, please forgive me-", you sobbed.

As you were about to pull your hands away from his face, he stopped you. You were petrified, expecting the worst. But to your surprise you didn't feel a punishment come your way. Instead, you felt him press his lips against yours and holding your hand in place on his cheek. The kiss was hungry, his tongue prying your mouth open and all you could do was moan and just take it. When he finally pulled away, you didn't dare speak, blinking at him with fear evident in your eyes. Your confusion only grew when you heard him let out a chuckle.

"You surprised me for sure, pet. But let's continue, I quite liked it.", he mumbled.

You nodded, letting out the breath you were holding as you closed your eyes and puckered your lips. While you were making out, you felt him harden inside of you again. This was going to be a long night, after all.

From then on out each time he crashed his lips against yours and made you cream on his cock over and over he thought "fuck it" abandoning his principles. All because of you.

----

I'd love to hear your thoughts!

[annabelle--cane]

I guess the thing that makes me not so fond of Jon's addiction allegory is that it's only coherent to a certain extent? Like I think people sometimes forget that he's actively violating these people

anon, through no fault of your own you have accidentally hit upon my sleeper agent trigger phrase. I have layers of answers to this.

so first off, yeah, it's not a 1:1 direct metaphor, it's a soupy dream logic fantasy plot device with flavors of a lot of different things. there's quite a lot of addiction in there, there's some abuse of power, there's some cyclical nature of trauma, there's a dash of disability, there's a few notes of gendered violence, there's a good bit of just. violence violence and being kind of a motherfucker because goddammit it feels good to be an active agent about something in your life, even if it's just choosing to be a worse version of yourself than you strictly need to be. a lot of tma's worldbuilding is very allegorical, but apart from aspects of individual statements nothing really matches up quite 1:1 with a real world counterpart, and if more things did then it probably wouldn't be a fantasy show anymore.

secondly. okay to contextualize this answer a little bit I have a kind of hypothetical video essay project about vampirism and addiction that I like to spend a few hours thinking about every so often but am almost certainly never going to make because the full research burden required is a lot higher than I actually have the time to properly do. but because of that I've spent a lot of time sorting through why framing vampires as addicts really works for me in a way that it doesn't seem to for everyone, and I think a lot of my thoughts on that also apply to jon. there's going to be a bit of a detour here before we get back to talking about tma, but we'll get there, I prommy.

I've seen a lot of people take issue with various paranormal addiction allegories because, a lot of the time, the act that is meant to metaphorically represent the act of use itself is something that is directly and inherently harmful to others, e.g. drinking human blood, handing over power to your hedonistic Evil alter ego, holding the cursed amulet and going crazy going stupid, slurping trauma out of the head of some guy you ran into on a boat to norway, etc., and yeah, I do get that. substance use is not inherently harmful like that to anyone except sometimes the user themself, and addicts are not inherently fucked up and destructive people; those are dangerous stereotypes that often lead to the demonizing of a whole group of sick people.

here's the thing for me, though: those are definitely truths I want explored and represented when it comes to portrayals of non-allegorical actual addicts, but fantasy fiction isn't for showing the world as it is, it's for showing a subjective fun house mirror version of reality where certain aspects are minimized and magnified depending on how it feels to live through it. and yes, absolutely in real life drug use is not an inherently evil act and it does not make you an inherently evil person, but... doesn't it kind of feel like that? sort of? absolutely no one is living their best life nor on their best behavior while experiencing any kind of major mental illness episode, and when it comes to addiction you've got a very clear tangible symbol of when The Episode is happening that it feels like you have much more control over than when it comes to other illnesses. it's also a thing where people are a lot more likely to be openly angry and distrustful of you if they find out it's happening. so you mix together the ideas of "I know I get worse as a result of doing this one specific thing" + "I act less like myself when I'm using, it rearranges my priorities and I care less about hurting people because that's what happens when you're experiencing The Horrors" + "society at large/people directly around me are pretty quick to say that doing this is evil," and you get the subjective emotional result of "I hurt people by using and it makes me monstrous." I tend to respond to those kinds of paranormal allegories like they're just cutting out the middle man of those subjective fears. "using makes me monstrous" -> "using is monstrous."

anyway. jon archivist.

don't get me wrong, I totally understand if this aspect of metaphor doesn't gel for some people and they only like taking it exactly as far as the text explicitly makes them, but I really get a lot out of reading jon's connection to the fears as addiction precisely because he does genuinely awful things to people as a result of it. he's a person in a very bad physical and mental place with little to no support who is constantly being told by both allies and enemies that he's already a monster just by being alive, and he copes with that by secretly falling further and further into an compulsive act of consumption that skews his priorities and makes him care less about hurting people because at least sometimes getting to be the cause of pain makes him feel a little bit less powerless when he has to be the subject of pain the rest of the time. then he's found out and is made to stop, and he has to grapple not just with the physical toll of withdrawal but with knowing there is a not insignificant part of him that will excuse any act of malice if he knows he'll feel better afterwards.

the end of tma is very explicit in the fact that the rules of its world are shaped by the subjective worst fears of those who live in it, it's "an exercise in unreliably reality" as jonny sims put it once, and I think that principle extends backwards in some ways to apply to the rest of the show. I don't think the fact that there are only entities of fear and not hope or love is meant to be a full commentary on the total nature of the real world, it's a reflection of what fear and suffering can make the world feel like. eric and melanie both go to really harsh extremes to extricate themselves from the fears and live peaceful lives, and in both cases something happens that foils their plans (getting murdered + the apocalypse, respectively), but I don't think the intended message is to say that is definitively how real life works, they are metaphors for the limits of individual agency in larger systems and represent two types of worst-case-scenarios. similarly, I don't think reading jon as an addict implies that addiction inherently involves violence or that the reactions of those around him were completely unjustified, it's just a subjective exploration of the kinds of fears that can come with addiction dialed up to 100.

[cmdrfupa]

XXXV

Satoru "I'm just a man" Gojo. Happy Birthday to our sweet loser :*

Satoru stood in the middle of his living room, arms crossed, a pout creeping onto his usually smug face. His blindfold rested lazily around his neck, revealing eyes that were far too beautiful for someone sulking. He glanced at his phone again. No messages. No sly emojis. No secretive texts from neither his friends nor students.  

“I’m gonna head to the grocery store here in a bit. Did you add what you wanted to the list?” You dug through your bag fishing out your wallet before taking a glance over at Satoru. “Toru? You good?”

Satoru turned to you, huffing and dragging his feet until he laid his head on your shoulder.

“No birthday brunch, no room full of my favorite people, no Nanamin telling me I can sit on his lap. Baby, I'm 35 today and my friends don't care!”

“Honey.”

“Yes my darling wife.”

“Remember when I asked you 7 months ago what you wanted to do for your birthday?” You gently rubbed his back as he draped his large frame onto you.

“Mhm.”

“And every other time every month til yesterday even?”

Satoru turned to you, his lashes lightly brushing against your neck. “Yes.” he pouted.

“And remember when you said that the only thing you needed to celebrate was a full day of peace and some sweets with your sweet?”

“And you took me seriously! Of all the times to take me seriously baby, seriously.” He lifted himself and gently took you by the shoulders.

“So you don’t want to spend the day with me and eat homemade bon-bons and ice cream cake?”

“Any day with you is heaven my sweet goji berry,” Satoru planted a warm kiss on your temple and fished out his card to slide it into your bag.

“Tread lightly baby girl. I hear that ‘but’ coming.” you glared.

“No buts. Just how much I love yours.” He pursed his lips, almost duck lip like, for a kiss and you couldn’t help but oblige. You did the same, pursing your lips and met his before he embraced you.

“It won't take me long to get the things we need to make our bon-bons. I’m also going to stop by the mail station. I’ll be back soon.

“I can manage an hour by myself on my 35th birthday. I’m brave.”

You softly grabbed his chin. “The bravest. I’ll see you in a bit.” You kissed his cheek and left out the door.

“Not even a surprise from my boys,” he muttered, flopping dramatically onto the couch. “Unbelievable. I am maxing their Christmas list items to 15. They’ll see how it feels then.”  

As he wallowed, his eye caught something on the coffee table: a colorful flyer with bold letters.  

~~~"Citywide Scavenger Hunt! Follow the clues for an adventure to remember."~~~

A crooked smile broke across his face. “Well, well, well, what’s this?”  

Clue One was printed at the bottom:  

*"Where the storm passed and sweetness brewed, love first whispered, quiet but true."*  

Gojo tilted his head, pondering. It sounded oddly familiar. Shrugging, he grabbed his coat and headed out, intrigued despite himself.  

---------

The cafe was as quaint as ever, tucked between a bookstore and a flower shop. It was the kind of place you could walk by a hundred times without noticing unless you were looking for it. Led by his own hunch, Gojo stopped in front of the window, his sharp gaze scanning the hand-written menus and neatly arranged pastries.  

At first, it didn’t click. He was about to walk away when the memory hit him like a stray curse punch.  “Storm, brew, whispers.”

“Ohhh, thiiiis place!” he exclaimed, startling a couple passing by. “This is where we hid from that rainstorm!”  

Satoru had put together a last minute picnic that got rained out within 5 minutes that day. He found the nearest cafe, where you’d spent 4 hours giggling and establishing the relationship you now had.

He stepped closer to the window, remembering how you’d insisted on ordering for him. You’d teased that he was “sweet enough” for a matcha latte—a line he hadn’t let you live down for weeks. And that day...  

“That’s right,” he whispered to himself. “That was the first time I wanted to say ‘I love you.’”  

On the window, taped neatly near the corner, was the next clue:  

*"Where koi dance and words lingered long, love spoke bold, with hope it belonged."*  

Gojo’s lips quirked upward. “Koi pond, huh? You’re making me work for this, aren’t you?”  

He reached for his phone to text you but stopped himself. If this was your doing, he didn’t want to ruin it by cheating. Instead, he turned on his heel and made his way to the park.  “City wide scavenger hunt my ass. My baby loves me!”

________ 

The koi pond glistened under the afternoon sun, tiny ripples reflecting light like scattered diamonds. Gojo meandered along the path, hands in his pockets, until he spotted someone sitting on a familiar park bench.  

“Nanamin!” Gojo shouted, startling a flock of pigeons nearby.  

Nanami barely flinched, his attention fixed on a book he held in one hand.  

“What are you doing here? Don’t tell me you’ve finally realized I was right on how much sun you need? You’re welcome!” Gojo plopped down beside him, grinning ear to ear.  

Nanami sighed audibly, closing his book with deliberate slowness. “I’m going to let you talk because it’s your birthday. But please, be quieter.”

Gojo seemed surprised at  Nanami remembering the best day of everyone’s life. Though the appreciative look stopped once he recalled his own complaints from this morning.

“So you DO remember my birthday, Nanami.”

“Hard to forget the day that changed the course of history, Gojo.”

“And yet,” Gojo pulled out his phone, pulled up his call logs and shoved the phone in Nanami’s face. “I receive not even a quick call to celebrate my great entry into this world.”

Nanami closed his book as he turned to Gojo. “I have been busy this morning. And you’re 35. The fruit basket I’m sending will be enough.”

“The only thing that will be enough is if you let me sit in your lap.” Gojo batted his eyes as if he were flirting to save his life.

“No.”

“Pleeeeease. It’s just 5 seconds of lap time.”

“No.” Nanami deadpanned.

After 18 years of knowing one another, Nanami was fully aware that this wasn’t going to be the last time he’d be asked this. Mostly because this was the 56th time being asked and Gojo seemed desperate.

The blonde sighed and patted his leg. “You have eight seconds. Then immediately get up or i’m pushing you off.”

Gojo’s face lit up like a kids and jumped into Nanami’s lap. He sat still then after only 4 seconds, Gojo stood up. “Eh. That was underwhelming.  A bit of a waste.”

 Before Nanami forgot why he was there, he reached into his inside suit pocket and pulled out an envelope. “Take this before I forget my promise of being kind to you.”  

He handed Gojo the envelope, his expression as unreadable as ever.  

Gojo opened it, pulling out another neatly written clue:  

*"Where koi dance and words lingered long, love spoke bold, with hope it belonged."*  

“Wait a second.” Gojo stared at the pond. Memories flooded back—You and him sitting here late one evening, legs brushing as he rambled about some silly story. You laughed and he looked over at you, his heart unexpectedly full, and blurted it out.  

“Hey, this is the place I told them I loved them,” he said, grinning. “This time I said it and they said it back! Pretty sure they cried. Tears of joy, of course..”  

Nanami gave him a flat look. “You’re unbelievable.”  

“Thank you!” Gojo chirped, standing up. “So, is this whole thing their idea?”  

Nanami didn’t answer, simply picking up his book again.  

Gojo wagged a finger at him. “You know something, don’t you? But fine. I’ll play along.”  

As he walked away, Nanami muttered under his breath, “They deserve a medal for dealing with him.”  

-——————-

The rooftop was quiet except for the faint hum of the city below. Gojo stood by the edge, gazing out at the skyline. It wasn’t the most impressive view in Tokyo, but it was meaningful. He remembered this spot vividly: the night you both had huddled under a single blanket, sipping canned coffee as the stars struggled to shine through the city lights only a few days after his fight with Sukuna.  He smiled at the passing birds and the sound of the bustling city below.

“Hey, are you just going to stand there looking like a complete dumbass?” a voice called out.  

Gojo turned to see Utahime leaning against the rooftop door frame, arms crossed.  

“Utahime! Long time no see. Are you here to confess your love for me too?”  Gojo joked as he took a step away from the edge.

She rolled her eyes, walking over to him. “No. I’m here because I was asked to hand you this.” She held out another envelope.  

Gojo took it, but not before giving her a cheeky grin. “So, you do care about me. I knew it.”  

“Just open the damn envelope,” she snapped.  

The note inside read:  

*"Where stars met our gaze and silence spoke, love stood firm, unbroke. Now make your way to the place that holds the memories old and untold."*  

Utahime smirked at the way his expression softened. “It’s cute, honestly. How whipped you are.”  

“Excuse me,” Gojo said, straightening up, “I am not whipped. I am simply... deeply adored. By many.”  

“You look like a lovesick puppy reading that note. Whipped.”

“I don't have it in me to be whipped. I’m a little too masculine for that.”

“Whatever you say, you lovestruck idiot.” She shook her head, waving him off. “Try not to trip over yourself getting to your next destination.”  

Gojo pinched her cheek  before heading out, his heart racing now.  

---

Gojo unlocked the door to your shared apartment, and his jaw dropped.  

The living room was transformed. Balloons hung from the ceiling in shades of blue and white, streamers looped along the walls, and a table was set with delicate china, tiered trays of sandwiches, macarons, and cakes. In the center of it all stood you, holding a teapot, your face glowing with excitement as his friends and former students stood around singing happy birthday.

“Happy Birthday, my sweet Satoru,” you said warmly.  

For a moment, he didn’t move. He took it all in—the decorations, the scavenger hunt, the care and thought behind every detail. Then, with a burst of energy, he swept you into his arms, spinning you around.  

“You’re incredible!” he said, his voice uncharacteristically soft. “All this for me?”  

You laughed, holding onto his shoulders. “Of course. I wanted to surprise you with something fun. Those places weren’t random, you know.”  

“I know.” He set you down, brushing a strand of hair from your face before he held your face gently. “Those were the places I told you had moments I fell for you all over again. Every single time.”  

Your smile widened. “I hoped you’d remember.”  

He leaned in, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “How could I forget anything about you?”  

-—————

The tea party was everything Gojo didn’t know he needed. Nanami sat stiffly in one corner, grudgingly eating cake telling Yaga of the koi pond. Utahime sipped tea with Shoko, who had brought a bottle of sake "just in case." Even Megumi had been coerced into attending, sitting quietly as Gojo tried to shove a macaron into his mouth.  

Throughout it all, Gojo’s eyes kept drifting back to you. You, who had orchestrated this entire day. You, who had filled his life with meaning he hadn’t known he needed.  

As the guests left and the apartment quieted, he pulled you into his arms once more.  

“Thank you,” he whispered, his voice low and sincere.  

“For what?”  

“For loving me,” he said simply. “And for reminding me why I love the life I have with you.”  

You smiled, resting your head on his chest. “Happy Birthday, Satoru.”  

For once, Gojo didn’t have a witty comeback. He just held you, feeling like the luckiest man in the world.  “Happy Birthday to me.”

[n0vaisnthere]

★~°•Gift wrapping•°~★

Dan Heng x Reader

Summary —☆ While Dan Heng is trying to read, you have a few different ideas and convince him to indulge in a few festive activities.

Contains —★ Fluff, pre established relationship, Present wrapping, !Scissors!

Wrapped up and taped up

It was just a normal time on the Express. Just on the path back to the station for some visits and monthly check-ups. Asta says so. She insisted. But maybe it was also because of the upcoming holiday season, where things would just be SUPER unfortunate if the engine somehow failed while having a festive dinner, or opening gifts and the lights give out. Speaking of presents, there is a huge pile of unknown boxes that everybody on the Express had collectively labeled as “Gifts-that-are-not-wrapped-yet-but-don't-open-them”. So the only sane thing a person would do is take that eyesore and do something about it.

Which would be the first thing (Reader) thinks about as they get out from their newly decorated room. At last, they don't have to sleep on the couch in the lobby, or stare at their once ‘storage closet’ of a room. Walking down to the main cart only to stare at the humongous pile of boxes, they immediately turn back around. It’s understandable really, like who would want to feel daunted by an intimidatingly large amount of boxes, just waiting in agony to be wrapped??

“..There's no way I’m wrapping gifts by myself--” (Reader) grumbled to themselves, their shoes thudding on the floor as they walked around, consciously thinking about who’s free to wrap presents.

Maybe presents aren't a huge deal to others. But it is to (Reader). Or at least to the bare minimum where the crisp and clean wrapping paper would cover up the dirty, brown cardboard boxes.

Unfortunately, as (Reader) was walking and walking for what seemed like eons, they came to the conclusion that no one is free. Himeko is currently making plans with Welt on their next destination, March is out busy cleaning the Cafe-Cart because she thought it was a great idea to shoot a star shaped ice-cube thing into a grinder to make shaved ice (it didn't work clearly), and Dan Heng is in his room reading over the damn dictionaries, books, and whatever he does in his quiet freetime.

However, a thought occurs. Why not just…. Ask Dan Heng to take a break from reading? He usually talks about health or something like that right? So why not use this as a way to 1. Get some help with presents and 2. Spend some time with him?

Feeling a rush of inspiration and determination, (Reader) makes a turn and dashed down to where Dan Heng’s room would be. In just a few minutes, (Reader) stops short in front of his door, raising a hand to knock; But stops.

“...What do I even convince him with?” (Reader) deadpans and just stared at Dan Heng’s door in a blank trance. “...” They end up just knocking anyway.

Knock Knock

There was silence of course from the other side for a few seconds before some shifting noises occurred and some feet moving across the floor. A few clicks and the door opens, showing a mildly surprised and perhaps slightly bothered Dan Heng.

“Yes? What do you need (Reader)?” Dan Heng asks as usual… What, monotone voice? Seems like he was pretty deep in reading; Look behind him, there are some piles of books on the floor next to his mattress.

Staring behind Dan Heng then back up at him, (Reader) just coughed and cleared their throat. “Well, since you've been reading for the past…” They look at their phone for a quick second. “…3… hours. uhm, I was just wondering if you'd want to wrap the gifts with me?” (Reader) asks with some kind of nervousness they weren't prepared for. Why so nervous?

Dan Heng just stared at some kind of thought. Or maybe he was thinking about whether or not to sacrifice his sweet reading time to stick some paper and tape on boxes. “I don't know (Reader), I’m in the middle of revising some notes I made in the archives and--”

“YES!” (Reader) interrupts suddenly, making Dan Heng blink back in surprise. “You could revise notes AFTER you wrap some gifts!” They tried. They did.

And Dan Heng could tell as his face shifted around in an indescribable expression. “...”

Silence

With a sigh, Dan Heng shifted and leaned on his door frame at an angle. “I guess you're right.” He nodded. “Maybe taking a break would be okay.”

With that somewhat easy confirmation, (Reader)’s face brightened up immediately, standing up more straight because becoming happy all of a sudden solved their scoliosis. “Wait really?!” They ask, only for the latter to nod simply with a straight face. Though Dan Heng did look a bit happier seeing (Reader) ecstatic about something trivial like gift wrapping.

Quick to take Dan Heng’s hand, (Reader) drags him out of his room, Dan Heng closing the door behind him as he is dragged, the two then trot down to the lobby-car to tackle the gifts. Only a few minutes later (Reader)’s shoes skid on the floor, Dan Heng possibly getting whiplash but he shows no hint.

“Alright,” (Reader) let's go of Dan Heng’s hand, or WANTED to. “Let’s take our own gifts that we’re going to wrap and do it together!”

Dan Heng made a small grunt of affirmation, then looked down at his hand. “Yeah sure, but do you suppose we wrap our gifts with one hand?”

“What do you mean?” (Reader) looked over. Dan Heng clenched the hand that (Reader) was holding, making them glance down then yank their own hand away from each other’s grasp. “..My bad.”

Sighing to show that he understands, Dan Heng then walked over to the towering pile of gifts and picked some out. The gift sizes he takes vary in size, from small and big boxes to medium sizes and even some bags.

“..Geez… You really went all out for everyone huh Dan Heng..?” (Reader) mumbled in some awe, picking out their own gifts that they bought. They were all moderate in size and were just in boxes.

He doesn't answer as he seems to be in concentration, balancing all of the presents that are yet to be wrapped and sets them on the table. He glanced at (Reader) then back at his own gift pile. “Do you remember where all of the gift wrapping supplies are?”

(Reader) hobbles over and sets their own gifts on a nearby table and hums in thought, staring up at the ceiling. “Oh uh, I actually dont …” They admit as their eyes start wandering around the lobby-car aimlessly, Dan Heng following suit.

The two looked in cabinets and drawers and on shelves. They knew that Himeko had mentioned “something-something-wrapping-paper-right-here” or whatever. But Dan Heng at the time was zoned out and (Reader) was busy thinking about the 5k credits they found in the trashcan near the stairs. Until of course, some bright red, white and gold wrapping paper was poking out from a top shelf.

“I found it!” (Reader) exclaims after what seemed like forever of searching. Truly a miracle that Dan Heng didn't just give up and go back to finishing his note-taking. Climbing on a chair, not waiting for their present-wrapping buddy to arrive for support, (Reader) goes on their tippy toes in an attempt to reach the necessary material. “ARHGHGRGHR!!” (Reader) groaned loudly, not being tall enough at all to reach it. Granted, the chair they were standing on wasn't the tallest. Probably a seat for Peppy.

Hearing a loud groan, Dan Heng stops his search in the cabinets and walks over, staring up at (Reader)’s short dilemna. Sighing, Dan Heng pokes a finger on (Reader)’s leg. “You can get on my shoulders if you want. You can reach higher with me instead of a chair.” He suggests.

Flinching, (Reader) looked down and stared at Dan Heng, feeling internally embarrassed about having to go on his shoulders, but couldn't really pass up such a rare offer either. So tentatively, (Reader) stops going on their tippy-toes and adjusts in preparation to get atop of Dan Hengs shoulders, which are now slightly leaned down for easier access. Carefully swinging a leg over Dan Heng, (Reader) goes on his shoulders at a slow pace. Dan Heng is immovable, and stood still as to not have (Reader) fall or anything. Once they were on him, Dan Heng stands up straight, making (Reader) make an unsteady ‘Woah!’ at the sudden ascension, but is now just tall enough to reach up at the corner of the rolls of shiny wrapping paper.

“Could you walk a little closer to the shelf?” (Reader) asks Dan Heng. “I can almost reach it.

In response to that, Dan Heng moved a little closer, hands on (Reader)’s ankles for support. “This close enough?”

“....Yeah,” (Reader) replied, reaching yet having trouble to get a good grasp on it. “Good enough.”

Leaning forward, (Reader) reaches and reaches, fingers just barely grabbing onto the damn paper-rolls. At last after what seemed to be a million attempts, (Reader) grabs onto them. “YESSS!!” They exclaim, pulling so they can grasp onto it. But because of the sudden yank of paper and a small weight adjustment, Dan Heng wobbled and gasped, his grip tightening on (Reader)’s ankles.

And so they both go tumbling down, the holiday supplies flying off the shelves in a picture-esque motion. Dan Heng falls as (Reader) flies off his shoulders as well, but is recoiled as they both hit the ground. Truly, these two are always falling on each other. A roll of wrapping paper bonks (Reader)’s head, and the tape flew and made a personal attack on Dan Heng’s chest. Miraculously and fortunately, the scissors were already on the table and didn't move at all.

And also in some kind of twisted and unusual way, both (Reader) and Dan Heng… Couldn't move. Like at all. Even in this predicament, the one where (Reader) is sitting on the other on the floor, maybe they both pulled or dislocated something because Dan Heng made a small yet strained noise and (Reader) just stared openly on the floor.

They both make a groaning noise and just lay there; Sitting in silence.

I guess no presents are being wrapped today because an hour has probably passed, as Himeko and Welt come back to see this… Mess on the floor. In a nutshell, ask your family to help with holiday activities, don't try doing them on your own, and get yourself hurt.

A/N: NOVA was in the trenches and asked me to write for them <3 pls enjoy (let them know if you like my writing)

✭・WRITTEN BY: vxxxvnii (No tumblr account )

[dark-frosted-heart]

Roger Barel Main Route - Both Ends Cleared Special Story

As usual, can’t guarantee 100% accuracy on this. I’m doing this for archiving purposes and you can probably find a better translation out there.

This is in his POV

nsfw, minors dni

Today, I’ll tell you a story about me, a man named Roger Barel.

Someone, whose face I don’t remember anymore, once asked me something.

“Why do you live so recklessly?”

I absolutely don’t like wasting anything or being idle.

“Finding a way to get rid of curses” is a huge research project, and time keeps ticking away.

Even with a shortened lifespan, I wanna dig even deeper with my research.

Going on missions for Crown’s like gathering information, and my trivial everyday interactions, research.

With my boxing hobby to train my body and long hours of research, the only rest I get’s when I sleep or drink.

If my brain could stay in a fresh state, then I’d do research forever.

—At least, that’s what I thought. But apparently I’ve been changing lately.

--

Only “her” footsteps were distinct to my ears.

When the basement opened, I saw her face before I heard her voice.

Kate: Roger! I’ve sorted all your data on the Cursed by year!

Roger: Done already? That’s my dog-assistant-partner for you.

Kate: …What about lover.

Roger: Haha, I left it out on purpose. Thanks Kate, you’ve been a big help.

With the way Kate was beaming, if she were a dog, her tail would be wagging.

(You’re as cute as ever)

Kate: So…Do you remember our “promise”?

Roger: Yeah, “after finishing a task I assigned you, I’ll grant one request.” What did you want so badly?

Kate: Um, there’s a place I want to go—

--

Kate dragged me to—

(...The hell?)

—A group of people lying down on the grass.

They weren’t just lying down, they were all spacing out, as if their souls were sucked out.

Kate: It’s an “do nothing party” where busy people gather for a short break.

Roger: Do nothing?

Kate: Yes, Ellis told me it’s been secretly been in fashion in London.

Roger: Where does that guy even learn about this kind of stuff?

Kate: Hehe. Roger, you lie down too. Come on!

Kate spread out a large blanket she brought and lay down. 

(...Just doing nothing, huh? If Kate wants to, then I’ll go along with it)

I lay down next to her…

A blue sky filled my vision.

(...)

(...Has the sky always been this blue?)

(And I can hear the wind)

Despite the sky being around forever and my abnormal hearing, it felt as if I was experiencing these things for the first time.

Kate: …I’m sorry.

Roger: …What for?

Kate: I know you hate being idle and that you’d rather be spending your free time doing research. But we still have to live… The fight against despair never ends. Which is why if you keep running at full speed, you’ll run out of breath.

Roger: …

Kate: Sometimes you just need to pause, breathe, take a break.

Kate glanced at me and smiled.

Kate: Let’s run together again.

(So that’s it. That’s what Kate wanted to tell me.)

She said it casually, but the kindness in those words made it sink in.

It’s like I realized I hadn’t noticed the blue sky or sound of wind in a while.

(...Ah, I see. I’ve been acting reckless ‘cause I might’ve been “scared”)

For some time, I’ve felt like if I didn’t find a way to get rid of curses, then there was no reason for me being born.

I definitely felt that if I didn’t pursue my ambitions, I’d be betraying the people important to me.

So I continue to egoistically devote all my time into pursuing my ambitions.

(But humans aren’t kept alive only because they have meaning)

Every human’s existence was equally meaningful.

Though I came to realize that I didn’t apply this to myself.

(Having free will and fulfilling your ambitions makes you a villain)

(So I’ve been living life by getting rid of all the wasted needed to feel alive)

I don’t know if Kate did it on purpose, but she taught me some important things. To pay her back for these important lessons—

(Let’s enjoy this lovely idleness to the fullest)

Roger: Kate, let’s go.

Kate: Huh? Are we going back to work?

Roger: Nope. Sitting idle’s fine , but I wanted to spoil my cute lover. We can go shopping, eat, or go on a sightseeing cruise. What do you wanna do?

There were sparkles in Kate’s widened eyes.

Kate: All of the above!

Roger: Pfft, hahaha! Alright, we’ll do all of it. Come on, let’s go. Take my hand.

--

Kate: Roger, your shooting skills were amazing! Hehe, you shot down all the targets and the carny was at a loss.

Roger: You taking one prize and giving the rest back to the carny was admirable.

Kate: …There you go treating me like a child again.

Kate was in high spirits after playing all those games and held a large corgi plushie, the top prize from the shooting gallery, in her arms.

Roger: The stuffed toy’s nice and all, but I think it’s about time you give me a hug too.

Kate’s face fell, making her look like a scolded puppy.

Kate: …Don’t want to.

Roger: What, you going through a rebellious phase?

Kate: Because! Even though I took up a lot of your time today…I want to take more. If I hug you, I don’t think I’ll ever let you go…

(...*sigh* Why’s her reason so damn cute)

She wasn’t even trying to flirt with me, but that unconscious spoiled act aroused an animalistic desire.

Not one to hide my desires well, I sat on the bed and laid my sweet trap.

Roger: You’re a villain’s lover, remember? If you wanna take it, then take it—come here, Kate.

Kate: …Are you sure I can take up more of your time?

Roger: How insensitive. And if I say “I want you to”?

Kate: ~~...!

Kate squealed and threw herself onto the bed.

Roger: Heh, as usual there’s nothing sexy about the way you try to seduce me.

Kate: Sorry, your glasses—

Roger: Don’t need to put them back on—I’m gonna do this anyway.

Kate: Mnn, nnn…

I kissed Kate deeply and she sweetly sighed out my name in between breaths.

Kate: Roger…

(Early I said your seduction wasn’t sexy)

(...But when you’re like this, it’s enough to turn me on)

As we kissed, I stripped and caressed her, making her heat up and easily melt under my touch.

The more often we did this, the more Kate’s body became receptive to pleasure, which was also cute.

Watching Kate moan on top of me ignited a wicked desire.

Roger: Oh right, how about I teach you something we haven’t done before?

I pulled my shirt out, undid the front of my pants, took my cock out, and stroked it.*

I rested against Kate’s dripping wet entrance.

Roger: Tonight, you’re gonna put “this” in by yourself.

Kate: I don’t think…

Roger: Then I guess we won’t do it then. I’ll just have to take care of myself.

Kate looked like she was fighting against her shyness as she put her hand on me…

Kate: …Please don’t laugh if I’m not good at this.

After positioning herself, she slowly sank down onto it.

Kate: Pfff…

(...I told her to do it herself, but now I’m feeling impatient)

Roger: Come on, just a little more. Keep lowering your hips.

Kate: I don’t think I can…Roger.

Roger: Heh, alright. I’ll help you.

I might’ve sounded like a sensible adult…but I was already at my limit.

Her walls fluttered around me when I grabbed her hips and lowered her down.

Kate: …Haaa…Nnngh

Roger: Come on, don’t cum without saying anything.

Kate: But…

Roger: You might feel light-headed after just cumming, but…there’s more pleasure to come.

I took a nipple in my mouth and rolled it around with my tongue while still holding onto her hips, slowly thrusting in and out of her.

Kate: Ahh…Roger.

(Ahhh, I can only think about her right now)

(No, not just now)

(Come to think of it, I never thought that she wasted my time)

~~ Flashback ~~

Kate: Strong…I want to be strong. Because I…don’t want to hate myself. Besides…life’s too long to live in despair.

Roger: …O_O Pfft, hahahahaha!

(I thought it was amusing how she was sobbing when she felt down, but didn’t despair)

--

Kate: Next time you do something perverted, I’m breaking our friendship!

Roger: Pfft, haha! Are you a kid or something? Dummy.

(We had a lot of pointless, childish arguments)

--

Kate: …Huhu…

Roger: Ah…you’re trying to hold your tears back.

Kate: B-because…You’ve acknowledged me as your partner…I’ll ruin it if I cry.

Roger: Pfft…

Kate: Besides, I know my crying face makes you happy.

Roger: Pfft, ahahahaha! You…You’re really… You’re so damn cute!

Kate: W-waaahhh~ Roger you bully!

(I bullied Kate so many times just to see her cute reactions)

--

Kate: Pull yourself together, Roger Barel! You’re the strongest egoist out there! This despair’s nothing. Just give it the middle finger and laugh it off like you always do!

Roger: …O_O

~~ End flashback ~~

(And when I didn’t believe in love, she proved to me that it existed)

(Kate, I don’t think any of the time I spent with you was a waste)

(To me, the time I spent with you’s a lovely idleness)

It’s thanks to this idleness that I was still able to escape despair and continue pursuing my ambitions.

Kate and I lost ourselves to passion and pleasure, savoring this lovely idleness.

Kate: …Roger, love you, I love you.

I stroked Kate’s hair as she lost herself to this heat and pulled her into my arms.

Roger: …I know. It’s an emotion you taught me.

--

A few days later, I heard Kate’s footsteps as she ran down the stairs to the basement.

Kate: Roger.

Roger: Yeah? What’s up, Kate?

Kate: Ah, you’re working right now, aren’t you?

I heard the sound of paper crinkling behind her back.

(Ellis did mention something about the circus being in town)

I guess Kate was holding the flyer behind her back.

Roger: Let me guess what you’re hiding behind your back. A circus flyer?

Kate: How did you know?!

Roger: Who knows. Gimme another half hour and then we can go.

I couldn’t help but smile at how adorable Kate looked as she blinked at me.

Roger: Research is important to me and I still don’t like anything wasteful. I’m sure there’ll be more times in the future when I get so absorbed with research that I neglect everything else. I’m not exactly the most considerate.

Kate: Hehe, I know that a little too well.

We looked at each other and exchanged conspiratory smiles.

Roger: —However, Kate, I can change. I’ll try to change for you, so— Let’s be together forever.

(I want to love you until the moment I take my last breath)

(Even if I spend my whole life searching, I’ll never find another woman like you)

Kate: …What do I do.

Roger: Hm?

Kate: I love you so, so much. You’re glittering.

Roger: Pfft, hahahaha. You’ve said something like that before.

~~ Flashback ~~

Kate: The person I like is different from everyone else. They’re especially glittering.

~~ End flashback ~~

That’s what Kate told me when I didn’t know what love was.

(Back then, I thought it was completely unscientific and impossible)

When Kate blushed and smiled at me, she also seemed to glitter for a moment.

Like gold dust glittering in the dark.

I wanted to touch the light, so I pulled Kate into my arms.

Kate: …Roger, what about your research?

Roger: …Just let me hug you for 3 minutes. Then I’ll continue my research.

Kate: …I’d like to extend it to 4 minutes. 

Roger: How about 5 minutes then.

(Ah, what the heck. It’s a complete waste)

(But I can’t live without moments with her like these anymore)

(This lovely idleness is necessary to live)

Roger: Kate, I love you so much.**

-

*I’m not using their “mass” euphemism anymore. Time to free the cock. Especially since this is Roger’s POV

**Whenever “I love you” was used, it’s been 大好き (daisuki). But here, Roger said 愛してる (aishiteru). Unfortunately, English doesn’t have as many ways to say “I love you” with different meanings and feelings so…”I love you so much” it is.

[adm-starblitzsteel-4305]

ℍ𝕒𝕡𝕡𝕪 𝕄𝕠𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕤 𝔻𝕒𝕪!!!

Mothra sighed as the sea breeze tickles her fur while her eyes glanced at the beauty of the sunset. This usual routine helps her mood calm after spending weeks helping the humans and checking the Titans together with Godzilla, and wondering about Battra's current status of his people and his priestess.

Why did she have to go here?

Well, simple.

When she arrived on her temple one noon, the Shobijin, her priestesses, told Mothra that Godzilla would like to meet her at sunset, pointing the direction where she's heading. Thanking them, she fly away from the deep emerald forests to the majestic blue ocean. She headed towards the South Pacific Ocean for a few hours and finally found the destination: an island rather. It is full of lushful vegetation, such as there were no single speck of damage from Titans or human settlement.

Back to the present, Mothra wondered where was Godzilla. Maybe he has something to deal with other Titans?

While her thoughts clouded on her people and the priestesses she needed to do, she did not notice or feel a presence near her.

Suddenly, something fell on her fluffy head, which she was startled. Picking it up and brought close to her face, she saw a large flower crown decorated with vines and all, and it seems there's no such thing as poisonous of this thing. Who did-

Then she heard a cute chitter, and a low snicker behind.

The Queen spun around to see above the cliffs, none other than her King and husband, Godzilla. Alongisde a larva almost the size of her own, but different.

"Goji? Astra?"

"Mommy!" Mothra Astra ran to the other side of the cliffs towards her, giving a warm hug, which the Queen hugs back.

"Did you..." She held the flower crown. "...do this?"

The young soon-to-be Queen of the Monsters nodded enthusiastically.

"Uh-huh! Daddy was the one who finds flowers and plants and then I made this for you! It's a special gift before my metamorphosis state tomorrow."

Mothra made a look to Godzilla, who shrugs back. "Did you and my daughter...just-?"

The King raised his hand in an attempt to avoid his wife's inner anger and suspicious.

"I left our daughter to the Shobijin and traveled to Hollow Earth all by myself, then I went back to the surface world and pick her up before ending here. Our Princess here is quite skillful of making this flower crown."

Mothra sighed. Of all times, she will make sure none of some damn business would've talk about her child's wellbeing all because of their overprotectiveness and attentive care. But, was impressed yet happy about the gift she appreciated.

"Ooooohhhh look! Pretty sunset!" The young larva pointed her stubby arm towards the beautiful sunset, casting a colors of orange, peach, and pink to purple highlights.

Mothra chuckled. "Yes it is, sweetie..."

Godzilla stomps his way to his wife, adjusting his position, his arm bringing closer to his wife and his daughter. He gently pick the flower crown from Mothra's limbs, before he placed it on her head. The Queen looks at her husband, their eyes sparkled in love and purity. As if it was hypontizing their consciousness, the two leaned over for a passionate kiss. Mothra Astra, however, found this disgusting yet cute at the same time, her cheeky face turned red, before she buried herself on Mothra's fluffy chest. The two ended over their kiss, as they leaned their heads down to their child, chuckling lightly at her antics.

As the last ray of the sun faded into a twilight, the King and Queen looked each other one more time before glancing above the stars, feeling the presence of their ancestors looking down below.

"You're gonna have a big day tomorrow, sweetie." Mothra whispered to her daughter, who now falls asleep due to the warmth of their bodies.

"I can't wait for you to become beautiful and divinely moth you are just like my Queen..." Godzilla thought aloud, a warm smile spread across his face.

The three admired the beauty of the twilight as it is replaced by dazzling stars.

A single bright star - the brightest of them all - is seen twinkling above the heavenly beauty, accompanied by a celestial voice, humming peacefully of the majestic tapestry of the skies...

~•☆•~

SSSSSSSSUUUUUURRRRRRPPPRRRRRIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

Happy Mother's Day y'all mothers and grandmothers!!!

Here's my special gift for you! We have flashbacks to Mothra Astra's story and special surprises!

What do you think?

Likes, reblogs, and comments are free to express, but no hates and flames please!

I hope you love my art!

I only own my OC: Mothra Astra!

Enjoy!

~ @adm-starblitzsteel-4305 🌟

[wakeup01]

The Shorts, Like, Maketh The Man

The black shorts were just laying there, hanging off the empty bench. I know, I know. But I wasn’t usually the type to pick up sweaty used clothing in the street, but there was something drawing me to them. Calling out to me. They weren’t really my style even, clearly gym shorts for the sort of person who spends at least an hour a day looking in the mirror. I’d never even set foot in a gym. But still, they were…nice. The polyester material felt good in my hand. Silky. There was clearly some text on the back of them but I was too excited to bother reading it. Maybe I could have them? It didn’t seem like the owner wanted them anymore anyway. I look around for any onlookers and quietly take them, stuffing them away in my pocket.

I wanted to try them on. Needed to. Finding a secluded area, I remove my trousers and pull the smooth fabric up my unimpressive legs. They felt incredibly good around my waist, like they were made for me. There was a warmth radiating from them. Mmff. They seem to press against…all the right places. Clinging to my skin. I catch myself letting out a soft moan, my face blushing red at hearing the sound. Maybe I should take them off, it would be weird to walk home in someone else’s—someone…some..one. Mine. They were my shorts. I leave the baggy trousers behind and step out into the street, an extra boost of confidence in my step.

While I’m walking my body feels slightly off, as if my weight distribution had shifted. Each foot forward felt heavier, stronger. People start to turn and gaze at me. I catch a glimpse of my chunky arms; were they always that veiny? Huh. I see my reflection strutting in a shop window and freeze on the spot. What on earth? There was a completely different person staring back at me. He was sexy as all hell. I looked like a utter gymrat. I touch my sharp, smooth jaw and run my fingers over my harsh buzzed hair. The visage in the reflection copies my exact movements, a large, self assured smirk set on their face. Curious, I lift the hem of my t-shirt. Woah! I was completely jacked! You could sharpen a blade on these abs.

Somehow I had gained pounds of lean muscle in a matter of minutes and my skin had been tanned a luscious golden hue. Certainly, I wasn’t about to complain about this turn of events. Maybe I should pick up discarded clothes more often!

Fuck, my body was li—like, fit. Just check it out. I pull out my phone and take a selfie. Okay. Maybe several selfies. Fine, maybe it was a couple dozen. Who gives a fuck when you look this hot. I didn’t even care about the pedestrians walking past and staring. They SHOULD stare. Admire this prize. This TROPHY. I was in peak form from head to toe. The shiny shorts accentuated my thick, meaty legs perfectly.

My eyes suddenly catch the time on my phone, pulling me out of my shameless self obsession. Damn, at this rate I was gonna be late for Daddy. Wait. Daddy? That’s not right, I wasn’t…

Ugh. My mind felt all jumbled up, like a finished jigsaw puzzle suddenly dropped to the floor. Pieces scattered. It was…I needed to…Daddy! Like, of course. After all, I was just a trophy boy. HIS trophy. An accessory for him to show off. Sculpting my body just how daddy likes it; my muscles existed for his enjoyment. Not that I didn’t enjoy them too…hmm.

My head hurt. Fuck. Was that right? No, I couldn’t be just some brainless boy toy. Now it made sense why the owner abandoned these damn shorts. Shit, It was altering my mind. I was becoming…I needed to remove these—mmff. But right then I feel the shorts squeeze on my bulge. It felt incredible! I shouldn’t, but I never, like, you know, wanted it to stop. My sensitive cock pulsed, thickening while stretching across the fabric. Ahhh! I grin inanely as pre drips down my leg. Like, yeah. Da—daddy loved his boy all hard. He loved when I did as he instructed. A pretty plastic toy to pose and play with. I was so proud to be his. Yes, I was his; body and mind. Like, how did I forget? I can be such an air-headed ditz sometimes. It’s a good thing Daddy also likes his twunky boys dumb; dumb, vapid and full of cum. I was good at those things. Huhuhuh.

I turn around - biting my lip - and look at my tight rear. The shorts thin fabric was digging between the two round globes. ‘Daddy’s Trophy’ was emblazoned on the back, across my cheeks. Mmff. I give my butt a light slap and watch it jiggle. I happily let out a pleasurable moan; it made me feel nice that everyone would know what I am. Explaining it was like, soo difficult and stuff. Daddy says I shouldn’t stress my pretty little head over such complex things. Uhhh. Anyway, these shorts were his favourite, all his boys wore them. He loved watching me dutifully clean the house in them. Or working out in them. Or obediently fucking him in them. Or being fucked…bouncing on his lap.

Oh right! I just remembered! I was supposed to meet him. Sir wanted to finalise our arrangement, there was one last thing to change before I could sign that dull agreement. His trophy boys were always blond. Blond and basic. Huhu. Just like I was about to be.

[its-time-to-write]

dress

this is my first time writing for anyone so… i guess we’ll see how it goes. reader and jamie are getting ready for a fancy dinner/benefit thing. it’s cute, a little swearing, no angst. allusion to sex but that’s it. i wrote this mostly for myself because there’s an appalling lack of jamie tartt fics. anyway.

dress

It is 3pm, and you have to leave in an hour and a half to make it to the annual benefit. Jamie goes every year, but this is your first. You had been talking to Keeley about it, lamenting your inability to pick something to wear, when she grabs your arm and says, “Don't worry about it babes! We can pick one out together.”

“Keeley, I’d love too, but I’m absolutely swamped with work. My forty hours are filled with clients, so my free time is basically all notes and treatment plans. That's why I’ve ghosted pretty much everyone except you and Jamie.”

“It's pretty much just Jamie at this point,” she says mischievously. “I’m not sure we would have made it to coffee if we hadn’t made these plans three weeks ago, especially because you didn’t even tap back to that pun I sent that Ted made the other day.”

You laugh. “I suppose you’re right. I am sorry, it’s just been so much work, what with taking on that new case and wrapping up that other one-“

“Like I said babes, don’t worry about it,” she says sympathetically. Her hand is still on your arm. “I totally understand what it’s like bein’ a young woman in business, yeah? We'll talk when it slows down.”

You take breath and nod. You both sit in silence for a moment, and then (because it’s Keeley and she is allergic to silence): “What if I took Jamie with me??”

You look at her, confused. 

“What if I took Jamie with me to pick you out a dress? I know fashion and he knows you, and I think between the two of us we could pick out something absolutely fantabulous! What do you say? I can text him right now.”

Keeley's practically vibrating from excitement, and you know for absolute certain if you say yes, they are going to come home with something the price of your first apartment. You also know they’ll bring you coffee on the way back so really, is there any option other than yes?

——

“No, you can’t see.”

Jamie has a large, nondescript bag that he is holding very tightly and an iced coffee that he is holding less tightly. You swoop in on the coffee as Keeley chimes in with: “It’s a surprise babes. You can’t see it until the benefit.”

Jamie points to her with his bag hand. “See? She agrees.”

You squint at Keeley. “This is why I hate it when you two hang out. You get together, you make plans to torture me and sure, you bring me coffee, but god at what cost?”

Jamie and Keeley are giggling like a pair of kids as you stand, still doing your best to glare and drink your latte. They do this every time, come up with some scheme because they think it’s funny when you get “upset.” It’s like a ritual. They go shopping, spend an inordinately long time, bring you coffee to appease you, and then purposely push your buttons. They feed off of each other like a pair of weird siblings and you love it. They both can tell when you’re too tightly wound and take it upon themselves to get you to laugh. Jamie waggles the bag under your nose which makes you crack a smile as Keeley cheers. “See, I knew you loved us babe. Or at least, I knew you loved me. Jury's still out on what you think of Jamie.”

That brings a full-on laugh as Keeley dances around the kitchen.

“You staying for dinner, Keels?” you ask, although you already know the answer.

“What are you making?” she asks, Jamie behind her mouthing in unison. You suppress the urge to giggle.

“Caprese salad, pesto chicken and pasta, and Thai tea limeade. Oh, plus I made those tiny baguettes you like and Jamie, I put your tea into smoothie form. Got spinach and all that.”

“Hm,” she says, finger to her chin and head tilted. Jamie mimics her. “I suppose that I can stay. Just this once though, and not very long.”

You smile and Jamie comes around the counter to kiss you. 

“I’m going to hide this,” he holds up the bag and points a finger at you “you don’t go looking for it.” He turns to Keeley, “You distract her.”

Keeley stayed her usual short amount of time, a mere six hours, giving you and Jamie a solid four hours of sleep until he has to train.

——

You shake yourself from your reverie as you reach for the dress bag. You unzip it to find something metallic with power shoulders and long sleeves, and are those little spines all over? It is long and black, yet somehow also purple and red. It is, in a word, hideous. You cannot reconcile what you see in front of you with the fact that both Keeley and Jamie picked it out, because they have never failed before, so maybe it looks better on? You sigh and begin to undress.

——

It is not better.

You go to find Jamie, looking fit in a cream hoodie and bubblegum pink suit, who takes one look and begins uncontrollably laughing.

——

“Jaim, listen. Jamie-” you’re cut off as Jamie doubles over in laughter. You’re laughing too as you catch his arms. “Babe- you can’t, you cannot leave me like this. How am I supposed to go the benefit like this? I look like a goth puffer fish!”

Jamie has collapsed to the floor in a fit of giggles, taking you with him.

“I- I’m- it-“ he gasps, “it’s so much worse- it’s so much worse than I thought it was going to be!”

You stop mid-giggle. “I’m sorry, it’s what?”

Jamie has laughed himself near tears as he holds your waist.

“Listen. Babe. You are not allowed to be mad at me. But. I may have let Keeley pick out that dress because- because,” he shushes you as you begin to protest, “I knew you would hate it, and you had nothing else to wear, and therefore you would have to wear the one that I got you.”

Your face goes through an inhuman amount of expressions as you process everything he just said, until you land on- “you bought me a dress on your own?”

“Yeah, yeah I did.” Suddenly Jamie looks incredibly shy. “Look, babe. I love your style, but the thing is, you like to play it safe.”

You frown, and Jamie holds up both his hands.

“Listen. You play your version of safe, but I think if you gave it a chance, you could expand your repertoire and we can be remembered as the hottest fuckin’ couple alive. Plus, it’s definitely way better than that horrid thing Keeley got.” 

You’re distracted by his correct use of the word repertoire, and all of a sudden you don’t care about wearing the dress anymore. All you can think is that you want it off and that ridiculous, handsome pink suit should come off too, and maybe it would be better if you both were on the bed than on the floor.

Before you can develop this thought further, Jamie is getting up and pulling you with him.

“C’mon, wait till you see it,” he says, maneuvering you out of the bedroom and into a guest room of all places.

“I had to put it somewhere you wouldn’t see it,” he explains.

All the breath has left your lungs as you look at the dress on the bed.

Jamie has purchased a short, lime-green, tulle halter-neck dress with a fluffy train in the back. It's your dream dress. The one you used to look at as a high schooler, a college student; the one that you dreamt of being able to justify; the one you told Jamie about exactly once, and yet somehow, somehow it is right in front of you in your house. 

Jamie’s arms snake around your waist, lips against your neck. “Do you like it?” he murmurs into your skin. You smile at that and turn to put your arms around him. 

“Do I like it?” you grin, “Jamie Tartt, you wonderful, beautiful, thoughtful boy, I love it. How on earth did you remember?”

Jamie smiles back, arrogance clearly written across his expression. “You think I’m beautiful?”

You roll your eyes. “That’s what you got from this you prick? I want to know how you remembered? I mentioned this dress once and somehow, it’s sitting right in front of me because you got it for me.”

Jamie is still grinning. “Tell me how beautiful you think I am, and I’ll tell you how I remembered.”

Your face hurts from so much laughter. “Jamie, you beautiful, beautiful man. I love your hair, your eyes, your smile, your lips, your-” you are cut off by his lips on yours. 

“Get changed, yeah? Then I’ll tell you.” You kiss him one more time, then he’s out the door.

——

You hear Jamie clattering around in the kitchen as you put on your shoes. You re-touch your lips and hair, then you’re on your way down the stairs.

“Hi babe,” you say to Jamie’s back, fiddling with the coffee machine.

You’ve never had someone look at you the way Jamie is looking at you now. It's the way you look at a good piece of chocolate cake: with a little bit of reverence, and the desire to devour. You forget to blink for over a minute, trapped in his gaze. 

He breathes out a single, “Holy fuck,” as he walks toward you and spins you off the bottom step. “you look fuckin’ amazing.”

“How did you know?” you ask, for what feels like the hundredth time.

Jamie sets you down on your bubblegum pink heels. “Easy. That was when I first realized I loved ya.”

Your face heats up. “You… realized you loved me… when I was rambling on about a dress I’ve wanted since high school? That was your moment?”

Jamie’s hands are still around your waist, your hands on his biceps. The room is pleasantly spinning a little bit, and a family of butterflies has taken up residence in your stomach. God, all this time with this boy and he still has the ability to make you feel like a giddy teen with a crush.

“Well, yeah babe, kinda obvious why, innit?” You scrunch your nose in confusion as he continues, “I realized you were talking to me like a real person, as Jamie Tartt, human, not Jamie Tartt the footballer. I felt all weird, so I talked to Keeley about it. Called her on the way home that night. After she finished laughing, she told me I was probably in love with you. Hearing it out loud made me realize she was right.”

The words are barely out of his mouth and you’re kissing him again, pulling him closer and closer until the moment is broken with a ding from Jamie’s phone. It's Dani, asking if you can pick him up on your way. Jamie ushers you out the door and into the car, and for a singular, spectacular moment, everything is perfect.

[babydollmarauders]

Jack and El are so adorable

He's so stingy he's such a middle child.

I want the boys to "kidnap" the baby for a day at the lake house.

Kidnap: was given express permission by momma but his dramatic ass...

it wasn’t abnormal for Jack and El to nap in the afternoon. it also wasn’t unusual for El to wake up before he does. what was uncommon however, to Jack, was for our four month old daughter to not be with me when he finally awoke.

usually, when Jack woke up from his afternoon nap, around three pm, El and i would be in the bed beside him. usually i’d be holding her while watching netflix. but today, Quinn, Luke, and the boys took the opportunity of Jack napping to ask me if they could take El for a few hours.

“good afternoon, sleepy head.” i lay on my side, facing my husband as his eyes flutter open. his mouth opens wide in a yawn and he stretches his body out the length of the bed.

“hi, baby.” he gives me a soft smile. “El fall back asleep?”

i shake my head, making him furrow his brows.

“then, where is she?” he asks me. i flip over onto my back, shrugging my shoulders. i hum an ‘i don’t know’, and he sits up in the bed.

“what do you mean?!”

“i don’t know where exactly she is. but, i’m sure she’s fine.” i tell him.

“our daughter is missing and you’re just, nonchalant about this?! what the fuck, y/n/n?” Jack stands from the bed as i roll my eyes at his mini outburst.

“she is not missing.” i laugh. “your brothers and the other boys wanted to take her for a few hours. i told them yes.”

“so, they kidnapped her!”

“they did not kidnap her.” i finally stand from the bed, rounding it to stop in front of him and lifting my hands to lay on his chest.

“uh yeah, they did. they didn’t ask for my permission.” he tells me in a ‘duh’ tone.

“you’ve been so selfish with her the entire time we’ve been here, babe. they want to have a chance to bond with their niece, and the only opportunity they had was when you were asleep. they asked for my permission to take her for a couple of hours and i said yes. you gotta let them spend some time with her.” i explain.

“they spend plenty of time with her.” he pouts. his arms circle my waist as he pulls me against him.

“time without you holding her and policing them away from her?” my tone is gentle and sweet, my hands trailing up to run through the hair at the nape of his neck.

“how much longer? i miss her.” he groans, causing a bubble of laughter to arise from my throat.

“i don’t know, honey.” i let one of my hands drop to pat his back twice. “they’ve been gone about two hours, so i wouldn’t imagine that much longer, but i don’t know what they were doing so-”

i’m cut off when Jack perks up, placing a hand over my mouth. my brows furrow in confusion until i hear what he does. a large group of loud footsteps echo up the stairs and through our open bedroom door, followed by the sound of the front door slamming shut.

“shh! jesus, Cole! don’t slam the door, she’s sleeping!” Trevor calls out loudly, followed by a few faint baby whines.

“well not anymore, asshole. why the hell would you yell to be quiet?” Luke groans. Jack’s face lights up, his hand dropping from my lips, and before i can even get a word out, he’s jogging past me and out of the bedroom. i follow behind him slowly, chuckling to myself.

we descend the staircase, finding the group of twenty-something year old guys in the living room. El is in Quinn’s arms, a pacifier in her mouth, staring up at him while he survey’s Cole and Trevor wrestling on the floor. my eyes roll at the thought of the disaster that is sure to occur in the near future as a result. in contrast to the roughhousing in front of them, Luke, Alex, and Dylan sit silently on the couch, flipping through channels on the tv.

“oh great, the overbearing dad is awake.” Quinn sarcastically cheers as Jack steps over, swiping the baby from his brothers arms.

“i’m not overbearing.” Jack tells him defensively. “i just don’t particularly like the idea of you guys stealing my daughter.”

“we didn’t steal her.” Trevor speaks up from the floor, Cole lays horizontally across him, stomach-to-stomach. “your wife gave us permission.”

Jack waves him off, pressing a kiss to El’s cheek.

“tomato, to-mah-to.”

[sophswritingthings]

OK AS A HISTORY NERD NOW IM INTRIGUED ON MORE OF YOUR THOUGHTS FOR MIZU X !PERFORMER READER

pairing: mizu x fem!street performer!reader

warning(s): none

a/n: allowing me to indulge in my history fixation while writing gay fanfic? oh babe LET ME TELL YOU—

summary: after meeting the mysterious street performer, mizu follows you back to the theater. which, has a library. you spend your time together, what little you have of it, taking and learning about one another’s culture.

word count: 577 words / 3,227 characters

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

you lead mizu back to a nearby theater, greeting other secret performers as you walk in. they eye you a bit suspiciously, seeing who is following you. but no words are exchanged.

you take mizu back to a library; walls cascading with books up and down.

she’d never seen anything like it.. such a large library filled with colorful books of english, and, supposedly—american history. and there had to be something on japan, too, because you seemed to know things about her culture well.

“so, why have you traveled from japan, exactly?” you pose the question, grabbing a candle and beginning to riffle through piles of literature. 

she wasn’t telling you she was here to assassinante a man. you’d think her terrifying. heartless. ruthless. cold.

to which, to some extent, she was.

“I’m.. here, visiting family,” she whispered. wasn’t exactly wrong.

you chuckled, “the white man you mentioned? your father?” you whip around to look at her for a moment.

“yes,” she responds rather quickly. “I haven’t met him, before.”

you nod, “japan closed its borders—deported all the white men and women there,” you respond. “it makes sense you’ve never met him. are you.. judged, in some way?”

she scoffed, “I’m sure you have no idea,” she folded her arms. “I am what they call an onryō. a demon.”

your eyes widen, gazing at her as you walked over with a stack of books you looked to be struggling to carry.

“demon?” you murmur, watching as she takes some of the books from your arms. “just for being born of a white man?”

she nods, “yes.” she narrowed her eyes, “it’s not exactly fun.”

you scoff, “I didn’t think it would be—constantly having a bounty of your back for your dead body,” you settle down at a desk, smiling and patting the seat beside you.

she sits down beside you, gazing at the many books.

“well—here in england, those eyes are considered beautiful,” you smiled softly at her. “I think they’re beautiful.”

she’d never heard such kind words before. especially about a part of herself she hated so very much.

“thank you,” she whispered, her voice barley audible.

you chuckled, your cheeks tinted rosy red, “though I suppose I am one for all things weird.”

she laughed along with you, “how so?”

“as I told you—a woman such as myself is not allowed to do much. I am expected to marry at sixteen, settle down with many kids, and never leave my house. I cannot work, I cannot do anything here,” your eyes narrowed, gazing at the book below you, “I just want to perform. to act—it’s my passion. It’s something I love.”

she nodded slowly, “I see,” she muttered. “It’s much different in japan. women can work.. though it’s not like they have many options. and.. performing. It’s one of the many things women do in japan.”

“I know!” you hissed, “performing should not be something that is restricted to men. nothing should be restricted to me; we should all be… equal.”

mizu couldn’t help but agree with you. she felt the same way; seeing as she was here, masking as a man her whole life to be able to do what she wanted.

you talked for hours on end. hours on hours of talking about your culture, about your lives, about what you’d been through. 

you were so similar; yet from completely different parts of this world.

she found that amazing.

she found you amazing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a/n: I’m presenting said project tomorrow and my anxiety said no

[the-fiction-witch]

Just To Spite You

Media The Artful Dodger

Character Jack Dawkins

Couple Jack X Reader

Rating Flirty AF

Requested: Hi, I would like to request something It's for the jack Dawkins book The reader's father is throwing a party and invites a lot of people including jack , the reader's enemy. They hate each other, the thing is there is such a thick tension between them they can't deny it but it has to be a secret 

I stood at the top of the staircase doing my best to hold my breath and keep out of view. I looked down at myself in my little heeled shoes too tight for my feet, my tight stockings, my endless crinoline, bird cage of wicker, petticoats, my corset on tight enough to strangle me, and my huge uncomfortable gold glittering ballgown around me, the top off my shoulders but tight to my skin so much it would truly mark me, my long sheer glittering butterfly sleeves almost to the floor, A band of teal blue ribbon around my waist, my hem and as a choker around my neck. I had skin-tight white gloves to my elbows already glimmering from the glitter that had fallen from my dress, a ring around my finger with a large blue gem attached to the bottom my dress so I would not have to hold it to move or dance, My hair had taken hours or meticulous combing and curling and now allowed to hang freely down my back. I hated to look at myself. I felt uncomfortable. Out of place. But this is what my father wants for tonight... 

Tonight was my father's Grand ball he holds each year, and this year I was a grand piece of it. 

I had always been a decoration for his grand balls but tonight was different I know my father is desperate to wed me off before I will begin to be labelled as an old maid or thornback, it already brought him such rage that I was even a spinster.  

"If I may announce, formally. My daughter Miss Y/n Y/M/N Y/l/N!" He called out and the party began to applaud. 

I sighed and stepped slowly down the stairs knowing the sort of madness if I were to trip or worse fall down the stairs. I stopped at the landing of the stairs looking out the the party, full of eligible men and a few couples of high local importance. They all looked impressed by me but I just felt awful. As soon as I could I grabbed a drink and hid myself in a corner trying to not be passed or looked at much, not easy in this glitter of a gown. 

Men often came up to me to greet me so I forced a smile and a nod a drank more. 

"Having fun?" A smirking voice spoke up I glanced to my side and saw a familiar sight... admittedly He'd cleaned up. 

Dr Jack Dawkins leant on the wall a pair of well-shined shoes, black trousers, and his usual shirt but it was actually white. Good god I didn't know he still owned any that were still white and not an off-grey from washing blood out, a light cream waistcoat with a slight teardrop pattern to it, a white tie around his neck and a black jacket folded over his arm, his hair well fixed without its usual fluffy frizz and his hands clean... or well as clean as one can get a surgeon's hands without bathing them in acid. 

"Ohh yes, Thrilling." I sighed downing the rest of my drink at the mere idea of the two of us having to... be nice to one another. 

"You're father's gone all out."

"He will. He does. He's a social man."

"And you're a recluse."

"I am not a social recluse Dr Dawkins, I meer wish to spend my time socializing with people with high intellect and important things to say."

"That's why you're talking to me?" he smirked,

"No. You are neither of those things so if you could kindly take your buggery blonde butt elsewhere that would be... Marvellous." I sighed as I saw a drinks tray go past so I quickly took one and so did he, 

"Pompous Old maid" he muttered

"Butcher."

"Whiner"

"Coot"

"Witch"

"Uneducated scoundrel"

"Patronizing Princess"

"irritating malevolent"

"Snobbish toffee nose"

"illiterate Phiilistine"

"exasperating Spinster"

"Crude vagabond" I complained, "will you go away!"

"I would, however, every woman here is married, courting or an utter idiot. And at least you can hold a conversation."

"Even if I'm going to insult you."

"Insult me all you want just please don't talk about bloody flowers. I can't hear anymore." 

"What are you doing here anyway?"

"You're father invited me."

"Why? He knows about my... feelings towards you."

"I believe he mistakes our hatred for sexual tension," he said, 

"Why would he do that?"

"At least he sees you talking to me, even if we are arguing. And let's face it most husbands and wives are like this after five years so... maybe he just thinks we are getting a head start" he said sipping his drink

"You are one of the most insufferable men I have ever met Mr Dawkins."

"Dr Dawkins. You're going to insult me you can do it correctly Sweetheart."

"Do not call me sweetheart!" I glared 

"Why? Are you gonna fight me in your glittery little dress sweetheart?" He smirked moving closer and bending himself to make eye contact like you would with a child given he was a whole head taller than me "Or better yet take it off and we can go upstairs."

My response was to simply throw my drink in his face and march off elsewhere. 

Unfortunately, I was found by my father who forced me to begin the usual nonsense, I now had to dance with any man who asked it of me and of course many did. I found it utterly nauseating being held and dancing with these men only interested in me for my father's money all while on display to everyone meaning if I pulled a face or acted up everyone would know. Luckily it would soon be over as most of the eligible men invited I had now danced with. 

This man finished up with me kissed my gloved hand and returned to his friends, leaving me before him.

Jack stood with a wide smirk his jacket now back on he bowed and offered his hand, I did my best to hide my face but I'm sure I turned red with anger. 

"Don't you dare," I whispered letting him take my hand and giving it a sweet kiss 

"Ohh I will princess. Just to spite you" He smirked holding my hand in his own he grabbed my waist and forced me close enough I could feel the buttons on his jacket, I sighed and moved my hand to his shoulder, 

"I am going to dispice every moment of this."

"I think I'm going to enjoy it," he smirked as we began to dance, he lead of course even if at times I did fight with him luckily many others danced too so we could speak even in hushed tones and I didn't have to be as careful hiding my emotions 

"Do you have to hold me so tight my father will get angry?"

"Ohh that's the plan, I want us to be close."

"Why?"

"well half because I can make your father suspicious, and I can see down your dress."

"You just get more and more insufferable don't you Dr dawkins."

"Ohh I do, it's awfully fun." He chuckled "Christ I can feel the glitter on your dress flaking off in my hand" 

"Perhaps I shall send you home glittery and sparkling,"

"You would wouldn't you."

"I would. Just to spite you."

"God even your perfume is infuriating" he whispered in a sly tone as we danced doing a good spin or two, 

"Ohh I live for the moments you spin me away, Dr Dawkins,"

"Ohh why do you get a moment of peace from my arms?"

"No, because for a few brief seconds, I don't have to smell your blood-laden aftershave." 

"Perhaps I smell bloody because I'm a vampire about to bite your neck sweetheart."

"You bite my neck, and I chop your dick off," I said purposely forcing him to spin me out but he quickly spun me back into his chest

"Ooohh feisty" He smirked 

"At least my drink somewhat covers your aftershave."

"Well then I thank you for making me more palatable" 

"Ohh you're far from palatable." 

"You know, you're not a bad dancer."

"Neither are you, surprisingly." I sighed "How did you get this good?"

"So I'm good am I?"

"For a butcher."

"I was in the navy, you'd be surprised how many officer's balls you attend. You pick things up."

"I imagine all the ladies wanted to dance with you,"

"Ohh they did, but I save my skills for the pretty ones."

"so I'm pretty am I?"

"Gorgeous Sweetheart." He whispered 

"Don't call me sweetheart." I glared digging my nails into his hand 

"You are adorable when your are angry, like a little pixie."

"One of these days Dr. Dawkins, you're going to wake up with me over you."

"Ohh I'm betting I will" he smirked 

"And I shall drive your own scalpel into your heart." 

"Ohhh sweetheart, such a violent little thing you are." He smirked, "Just remember you do anything to me, I will haunt your every waking moment, I will be the face you see in your nightmares and trust me you'll be having nothing but."

"Just dance doctor." I sighed 

"Why? Are you enjoying our dance? or do you just like a man having you in his arms."

"I've been dancing in men's arms all night."

"Not boys. A Man sweetheart." 

"Ohh I would love too, shame I don't see any men here tonight."

"One of these days I'm going to have you tied down on my operating table."

"Ohh? Didn't know you were into that sort of thing Dr Dawkins."

"Ohhh you'd be surprised by the sorts of things I'm into."

"Ohh getting rejected by little ladies? even after you saved their lives."

"You know. I'm a doctor."

"As you keep saying."

"One of these days you'll need my help, you'll be laid on my table, and only I will be able to save you."

"Ohh? And you'll let me die I suppose out of pure spite?"

"No." he smirked as we finished our dance he took a step back and brought my hand to his lips giving it a firm kiss never breaking eye contact "I'd ensure you live. Just to spite you." He smiled "Goodnight Miss Y/l/n"

"Goodnight Dr Dawkins."

"It was a pleasure," he smiled wickedly before he headed back into the main mess of the party. 

Ohh, my god... I hate that man. 

why does he have to be so..... Ughhh! there isn't been a word for that man! 

I fixed my dress a little before I noticed.

MY RING! 

It's gone! 

Ohh and I know just the slippery eel who took it. 

"Miss if I may-" A man began trying to dance with me

"Not now." I snapped lifting my dress and marching through the party to find Dr Dawkins, and I spotted him leaving the main room so I rushed after him grabbed his jacket and yanked him into the music room empty for this evening 

"What the hell!" He yelled 

"My ring I know you stole it!"

"I haven't stolen anything." 

"Liar!"

"Ohh you come to admit I've stolen your heart?"

"Give me my ring Jack! it was my mother's give it back." 

He rolled his eyes and handed me my ring back 

"You are... the most unendurable peacockish Lobcock of a man I have ever had the misfortune of meeting!"

"You are the most horrendous upstart of a woman I have ever met!"

Both of us were red in the face from yelling, our blood boiling I wanted to kill him to throw him across the room but I grabbed his shirt and he grabbed my face and we kissed with more passion and heat than I had ever felt in a kiss, his lips soft and gentle as we slowly kissed in utter silence. It was... the most amazing kiss of my life. 

We stopped and moved away from each other both of us gasping and trying to comprehend what just happened between us. 

"What the hell was that..."

"I have no idea."

"Do you wanna fight me or fuck me jack!"

"I don't know!"

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"I don't know. you're a ...complicated woman and you make me feel... Complicated"

"Complicated?"

"Some days, I swear to god I could strangle you! but... I also want to hold you and kiss you"

"I...I admit I want to slap you so so badly but... I also really want to kiss you." I answered, "Did you wanna do it again?"

"God yes!" He gasped pulling me back to his lips, I happily kissed him back stroking his neck and tugging on his hair, and he backed me against the closed door "Ummm you evil little witch! all this time all you've done is wind me up, I want you. I need you. I swear to god I will tie you to my bed tonight and have my way with you kicking and screaming if I have to."

"I want you too. I need you too. I want you forced on my bed until you beg me for mercy"

"Ohh I wouldn't beg you for mercy. Just to spite you."

"Then I'd never scream just to spite you." 

"Ohh I'll make you scream sweetheart."

"Don't call me sweetheart."

"Ohh I will," he smirked 

"We must stop"

"We must."

"I don't want to."

"Me either."

"But we must." I gasped moving away "We must. We... we must build a wall between us. These emotions they must... never be revealed."

"No... they mustn't" he nods 

I found myself unable to not stare but he also couldn't help it, as we stood five feet from each other wanting nothing more than to be in each other's arms 

"Beleive me... if your father and his party were not on the other side of that door." He said, "I would throw you on this floor and ruin you." 

"As would I you." I answered "But... we cannot. People will hear. people will talk. We can never be together."

"Why not? this is a ball to find you a husband isn't it?"

"why would I ever want to be married to you!"

"Because we can't resist each other. You know it. I know it. Our anger has always been just boiling tension... take my hand. and come with me to see your father. Let me marry you. and I swear our lives will be nothing but enthralled passion and ecstasy." 

"I do not wish to be married."

"And you can't avoid it. you know you can't your father will wed you to the first of those boys who ask... and you know your life could be infuriating if you were married. At least if you marry me you know it will be."

"Passion made fade in time."

"If it does... it will be too late. I will be yours. your will be mine. I do not imagine our passion fading but if it does, I will keep you in my arms, love you endlessly, and make love to you with the passion of tonight. Just to spite you."

"if we were to marry, you must understand that I will have to trust you... and if you break it Dr dawkins. I will see to it that your life is miserable and I will never ever give you peace, just to spite you."

"Understood. marry me. Be my bride. And I swear I will suffer with you all of my days." he said taking my hands 

"....Marry me. Make me your bride... so we can suffer this fate together for the rest of our lives." I stroked across his face 

He pulled me to his lips and we kissed with such hunger, such passion and love.

"I love you sweetheart,"

"Love you too Jack." I smiled laying my head on his chest and he rested his chin on my head 

"Come on then, let's go see your father before some boy tries to snap you up, sweetheart."

"Alright jack" I smiled holding his arm as we returned to the party. 

[mooodyblue]

Can you write something about little reader? I just bought myself a new stuff animal and I bought it when I felt little but now that I'm big I'm trying to convince myself I didn't need it. I feel like elvis wouldn't let me convince myself of that

ty for the request! u enjoy that plushie !! u don't have to be little to enjoy plushies that's for sure ❤️

pairing: cg!elvis x gn!little!reader

wc: 841

➸ masterlist

it was one of those weeks where you just wanted to curl up in bed and hide away, hug a plushie and cry. you didn't want to call your boyfriend or anyone, just you and your fuzzy friends alone.

unfortunately, you couldn't do that. you knew it wouldn't be healthy to isolate yourself so you coped in a way you knew best—buying yourself a little something to cheer yourself up. you’d been feeling awfully small lately, but had been masking it quite well to so your big activities, although you did come home and occasionally slip a paci in your mouth to calm yourself down.

you were still feeling little when you walked into the store, putting on a brave face as you looked around to find something to treat yourself to. a snack? juice? maybe a coloring book or a toy.

but then you locked eyes with a large panda bear sitting lazily on the top shelf. your eyes widened, staring at it in awe. without a second thought—you picked it up, tossing it over your shoulder and hurled it to the cashier to buy it. you deserved it, you had a bad week so it's okay to splurge every once in awhile.

until a few hours later when you weren't feeling so little anymore. the guilt of spending money on something you clearly didn't need was eating you alive as it sat in your living room, taking up space.

you were with elvis, catching up on his tour antics as he had just returned from a week run. it was good to have his presence back in your life, it was much needed. but as he was talking, he couldn't help but lock eyes with the big panda bear behind you, chuckling softly. “now who's that guy?” he asked, pointing at it.

you turned around, blushing at the bear and shaking your head as you turned back to elvis. “ah…i-i kinda thought it when i was…you know.” you replied shyly, “i might take it back.”

“what?!” elvis gasped, “why in the world would you return it?”

you couldn't hide the look of guilt on your face, sighing. “i don't know, elvis…i just…i don't really need it, do i? i’ve got enough, you're always buying me plushies too—”

“baby, c'mon.” he stopped you from finishing your sentence. “tell me somethin’...” he sat up a bit, looking at you sternly. “did you feel happy when you bought him?”

“w-well…yes. i was excited to bring him home.” you nodded.

“how do you feel about him right now?”

the panda bear just sat on a lounge chair, the fuzzy animal just staring into space. you frowned looking at it, “guilty because it was a waste of money.”

elvis let out a hmph and shook his head, “what about when you're feelin’ tiny?”

your eyes lit up a bit, “i like looking at him. he’s fuzzy and i like that he's big. he's soft and i can rest my head on him when im watching cartoons or i can rest on him when i’m coloring….he's fun to hug.”

he grinned widely, “see, baby. it ain't no waste. it makes little you happy. anyway, plushies are for everyone, ain't that right?”

you scoffed. “elvis, you know that's not true.”

“baby, i slept with the same damn teddy bear my whole life. if i ain't huggin' you in bed, i sure as hell ain’t huggin' no pillow—stuffed animals are more fun to hug.” he laughed. “ya know how many people on this earth are probably grown and sleepin’ with a lil’ bear or-or stuffed elephant by their side? it ain't just you.”

he had a point. you had friends who slept with plushies too. there were collectible plushies too, what makes you having a random panda bear any different? it makes you happy, it made you happy when you bought it—what makes it any different now?

before you could open your mouth, elvis took the bear into his lap, hiding himself behind it as he moved it’s tiny arms. “please don't take me back!” he spoke in a deeper voice, voicing the panda. “it’ll break my big ol’ heart!”

you giggled softly, “elvis!”

“i ain't elvis!” he spoke, moving the arms, “you takin’ me back? huh? or are we gonna have a problem?”

the sight of elvis’s face peeking from behind the bear raising an eyebrow made you laugh even more, “okay! okay! i won't take you back. i don't wanna make you sad!”

elvis crept from behind the bear, “ya hear that! you get to stay!” he said excitedly, “now give 'im a big hug, baby. he deserves it.”

you hugged the plushie, bringing it to to your lap and keeping a tight hold to it.

“okay, that's enough. my turn.” elvis opened his arms, taking pride in convincing you to keep the bear.

you giggled and shook your head, gripping to the plushie tighter.

he gasped dramatically, putting his hand on his hips. now he was really regretting letting you keep that bear.

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

If I Love You Too (Part 2)

Summary: As Jensen struggles to juggle solo parenting, Y/N becomes a safe place for him so he can be more present for his children. The more time he spends with her though, the more he has to deal with if he can or even should love again...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jenssen x nanny!reader

Word Count: 7,200ish

Warnings: language, angst, death of a spouse, lying, mentions of injury/death of a spouse/death of a parent, internal turmoil

A/N: Please enjoy all the torture I put poor Jensen through in this one!

______

“Hey, Jensen,” said Y/N the next day when she came back with her things to move in. I popped my head up from waxing Baby in the garage, Y/N giving me a smile.

“Hey. I got your house keys, credit card, garage door opener and sensor for the gate all set in your room,” I said.

“Thanks,” she said, opening the backseat of her car and pulling out a duffel. “Cool car.”

“Yes she is. Do you need help moving anything?” I asked. She shook her head and put the duffel over her shoulder, taking out a large suitcase and backpack before shutting the door. “If you need to make more trips you’re more than welcome to borrow the SUV.”

“Oh this is it,” she said with a smile, walking past and for the the garage door. She must have caught my face before I could make it blank, a little smirk appearing on hers. “I travel light.”

“Alright. If you need help with anything-”

“I got it Jensen,” she said. “But thanks. I’m just going to try and familiarize myself with everything today so I’m ready to go in the morning.”

“But you don’t-”

“You said you’re an actor?” she asked. I nodded and she adjusted the bag on her shoulder. “Do you wait until you show up on set to read a script or do you do that before hand?”

“Fair point,” I said. She headed inside and I went back to Baby, JJ coming a short while later looking for her chalk bucket. 

“Dad,” she said, bucket in hand as I finished up on the hood. “Will you play with us?”

“As soon as I’m done with chores,” I said, tossing the rag in the bucket and placing the bottle back in the cupboard on the top shelf. She picked up the half full jug of wiper fluid and I quickly snatched it out of her hand. “JJ. You are not supposed to touch anything in this cabinet and you know that. It’s dangerous.”

“I just wanna help you,” she said.

“I don’t need any help.”

“I wish you died instead of mom,” she said. She took off out to the driveway, Y/N walking back out to the garage at that exact moment.

“Jensen she didn’t mean that,” said Y/N as I put the jug away and grabbed a pair of work gloves from the bench. “You know how kids are.”

“They’d be better off with her than me. I know that’s true,” I said. I put on the gloves, Y/N walking around the car over to me. “Do you need something?”

“Why don’t I take the kids to the park for an hour? I’ll watch them. You take care of you, okay?”

“She’s seven. I know she didn’t mean it like that.”

“Yeah but dad needs to get his shit together after a comment like that. I’ve been in her shoes and believe me, all she wants is the parent she has left to be there. That’s all she wants.”

“I thought your dad…” I trailed off. She looked away and I nodded. “I’ll take the kids. I can ask the lawn service people to add a few things to their list.”

“What chores did you have left?” she asked. 

“Y/N, you start work tomorrow.”

“Jensen. What’s my job?”

“Take care of the kids.”

“Exactly. Me helping you going to play with your children, especially when one of them is upset right now, is my job. That takes care of them. Now what chores did you need to get done?”

“Water the outside bushes and plants. Prep lunches for school and daycare, snacks for the week.”

“Well I will handle the meal prep tomorrow morning. Point me in the direction of the hose and then I want to see your four tushes out of this house and coming back in a little while with smiles. Okay?”

“I’m gonna pay you for today,” I said. 

“Alright. Now go,” she said. 

“I owe you one.”

“Shoo Jensen,” she said. I took off the gloves and held up my hands. Fifteen minutes later the twins were rushing over to the playground to play with a friend from daycare that just so happened to be there and I was unfolding the blanket on the grass. “Do you want to play with me honey?” I asked. JJ stood there grumpily, shaking her head. “Why not?”

“You don’t want to play with me,” she said. She sat down and put her back to me, staring at the playground. I leaned over and picked her up, falling back on the ground and holding her up above me. 

“We can play-” I said before she squirmed and I dropped her. Straight onto my hip. I bit back every word threatening to slip out, JJ kneeling beside me as my face scrunched up.

“Dad?” she asked.

“I’m okay,” I breathed out. I forced myself to sit up, JJ hugging me tightly. 

“I’m sorry. I hurt your hip.”

“It’s alright. We have to be careful of it still is all,” I said, the pain fading away quickly. She still clung to me and I pulled her into my lap, kissing her temple. A woman walking by gave me a weird look and paused. “What’s your problem?”

She scoffed and took off, JJ quiet for a few minutes.

“Dad. There’s a police officer with that lady,” she said. I looked back over my shoulder, spotting a cop walk over to us. 

“Afternoon,” he said. 

“Hello,” I said, standing up, JJ tucking in close to my side. “Is there a problem?”

“Is this your daughter?” he asked. I glanced at the woman back on the path and gave her a glare. “Sir.”

“Yes I’m her father,” I sighed. “Those two twins over on the playground are mine too.”

“Do you have a photo sir?” he asked. I reached behind myself and got out my wallet, pulling out a picture and holding it out. “Is this the children’s mother?”

“Yes.” 

“Dad what’s going on?” asked JJ.

“A misunderstanding, honey,” I said. “Go play on the swings. I’ll be over in just a second.”

“Is this your father?” he asked her. She scowled and stepped in front of me. He knelt down and smiled. “What’s your name sweetie?”

“JJ. I want to go play with my dad.”

“I know. I just have to make sure kids like you are safe. It’s part of my job.”

“You suck at your job,” she said.

“JJ. Apologize,” I said.

“He’s being mean!”

“He’s doing his job. Apologize,” I said. She mumbled a sorry, the officer nodding as he stood up. 

“You can go play now JJ,” said the officer. She grumbled and went over to the swings when I waved her, the officer nodding. “You were seen hugging a small child. This was a welfare check on the child is all.”

“Am I free to go?” I sighed.

“Sorry for the inconvenience sir,” he said. 

“You know single fathers exist,” I said to the woman. The cop spun around and narrowed his eyes.

“You said the children’s mother was in the photo.”

“Yes she is. That photo is the last one I have of us all before she was killed in a car accident last year. Ackles. I’m sure you can look up the accident report,” I said.

“Have a good day sir,” he said. I turned around and ran my hands over my face, JJ suddenly at my side and hugging me again, two smaller pairs of arms joining her. I looked down, all three of them there and hugging my legs.

I took a deep breath. I was okay. I was okay.

“Come on. Let’s go have some fun on the swings.”

“Jesus,” I said, jumping up from my chair on the balcony that night. I walked over to the edge and looked down, Jared mid swing of another bean bag being tossed up there. “Calm down. I surrender.”

“Answer your fucking phone,” he said. I rolled my eyes and I got smacked in the face with a bag. 

“Jared! I’ll call your mom!” I shouted.

“You deserved that. I heard you had a run in with a cop earlier.”

“TMZ tell you that?”

“No. Our friend. Our friend who found out someone in his department was looking up Dee’s accident report. He found out what happened at the park and now I know and you’re being an asshole hiding away up there ignoring my texts.”

“How am I an asshole? It was no big deal. You’re the one breaking into people’s garages and smacking them in the face with their kid’s toys.”

“Because you promised me yesterday, asshole, you weren’t going to lie to me again. It wasn’t no big deal. You’re upset. I’m upset for you! Worst thing is it’ll probably happen again. I just…”

“The cop was doing his job. I just need to spend more time with the kids. Not doing chores or crap for them but being with them. Playing with them. It’s fucking getting to JJ and that kid tears my heart apart more and more every time I see her hurting like that. She grew up too fucking fast and the twins...they might not even remember their mom.”

“Jensen.”

“The things I say and do…they are children. They should never have to hear me say I don’t need help or think I’m too busy to play with them.”

“But you have been too busy and you do play with them. And you got help. She’s inside right now. Tomorrow you start fresh. You have help. You can be more of dad again instead of mom and dad. They’re tough kids. Don’t worry so much.”

“I know,” I said. I leaned against the railing and sighed. 

“Want me to come up?” he asked.

“I need to try and sleep. Y/N’s probably going to get an early start and have questions in the morning.”

“Okay. Call if you need something.”

“Night,” I said.

“Night,” he waved and I headed back inside. It was close to midnight as I locked up, checking the doors and alarm system one more time. The lights looked to be off in Y/N’s room but that was expected. I skirted upstairs quietly, checking everyone’s room, pausing at Arrow’s when she made a whimper. It was probably a nightmare. Thankfully they didn’t seem to bother her as much as Zeppelin and JJ. 

I pulled her door shut and went down to my room, closing the door softly, grabbing Danneel’s hoodie and putting it on before crawling under the covers in a pair of boxer briefs. I tugged up the hood and pulled the covers up, rolling into the middle of the bed. 

“Please let tomorrow be better. Please.”

“Good morning,” said Y/N, already drinking a cup of coffee and dressed in a pair of jeans and a plain maroon v neck when I walked downstairs. I yawned, no idea how she was already so together at six in the morning.

“Morning,” I mumbled. She had her hair up in a cute messy bun and I looked down at myself. Hair a hot mess and only in a pair of black boxer briefs. “I should probably put on some clothes.”

“This is your house. Wear whatever you normally would. Pretend I’m invisible,” she said. She poured me a cup of coffee into a mug, handing it over with a smile.

“Sounds like you worked for some real assholes,” I said, taking the cup. “As long as it doesn’t bother you, me walking around in my undies.”

“No, not at all,” she said with a little smile. I could have sworn for a second she looked me up and down but that was wishful thinking on my part. I wasn’t in shape like Jared and never would be was but I was fairly decent for being almost 43 years old I liked to think. Still, a very recently thirty year old was probably not thinking someone in their forties was the epitome of hotness. 

Epitome of hotness. Fucking hell. This is fucking worse than when I started falling in love with Dee and that was at least mutual.

“Would you like me to drop the kids off at school and daycare this morning?”

“Sure,” I said, popping my head up and away from what constituted as attractive to thirty year old women these days. “Car keys are on the table by the garage.”

“Okay great. I’m used to driving that kind of SUV,” she said. She seemed busy with making up food so I slipped past her quietly and got out the eggs and tossed a few into a pan. I washed up quickly and got out two pieces of bread, buttering each side and setting it down to wait for the eggs to finish. I yawned and stretched out, Y/N spinning around, staring smack dab at me. I quickly wrapped my arms around myself, shaking my head as I went back to the pan. “Would you like me to make lunch for you as well?”

“No thank you. I’m getting lunch with my manager today. You don’t have to make me coffee in the morning either, Y/N. Your job is to take care of the kids, not me,” I said. She rolled her eyes and I cocked my head.

“A cup of coffee is not difficult, Jensen. My job is to help you so if I can make dad’s life a smidge easier it’ll make theirs better too,” she said with a smile.

“You’re not like, a morning person are you,” I said, chuckling as she shook her head. “I don’t do peppy in the morning.”

“Oh no. I’m always a little nervous when I start a new job. I’ll get a rhythm down soon,” she said as I saw the eggs set.

“So what do you normally do once the kids are dropped off?” I asked, pulling a spatula out of the container on the counter.

“On a weekday I’ll review their schedule, see if anything different is going on. An average day like today I will clean their rooms, their bathroom, do some laundry while they’re at school, maybe some shopping. I’ll pick up the twins, bring them home for lunch, a little playtime, a nap. We’ll have some quiet time and maybe a craft or coloring before we get JJ from school. Then I’ll give them all a snack, we can get outside and play to get some energy out. I’ll help JJ with any schoolwork she has while the twins play and then I will start on dinner about the time you’ll be getting home. Since you have no plans currently tonight I’ll leave you guys be at that point until tomorrow unless you ask me for help.”

I blinked, opening my mouth and staring for a solid five seconds while she kept working on making baggies of snacks.

“So when do you take a break?” I asked.

“Naptime. I’ll have lunch with the twins. Don’t worry about me Jensen. That’s my normal plan but if you would like me to run some errands in the morning I can.”

“No, no. Just…” I trailed off. She really didn’t get why she was here, did she? “I still want to make them breakfast and dinner and play with them too is all.”

“We’ll figure out the right mix of things,” she said. “You just gotta tell me is all, okay? It can vary day to day too.”

“Yeah,” I said, taking the fried egg out of the pan and placing it on one piece of bread. I put the other piece on top and made a sandwich, taking a big bite. I let out a quiet sigh. I didn’t want her to do everything. Just help. But where was that fucking line? I was either going to do too much or too little and fuck everything up again. I felt her staring as I looked out the back window, taking another bite of food. “I never asked. How was your birthday?”

“Hm?” she hummed, a glance over my shoulder catching her dropping some carrots into a reusable bag.

“On Saturday you said it was your 30th. You do anything fun that night?” I asked with a soft smile. I dared to spin back around, her back to me while she worked. She probably went out with friends, got drinks. 

Maybe picked up a guy.

I looked down, squeezing my eyes shut. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Stop fucking thinking about her like that.

“I got a new job. That was the highlight of my day,” she said as she spun around, my head quickly snapping up before she noticed. I couldn’t help but cock it though. It was her birthday. Her thirtieth. She was beautiful. How was getting another nanny job the highlight of it? Maybe she felt self-conscious about it. No idea why, she looked amazing. “I ordered pizza, binged netflix. My normal Saturday routine.”

“I know everybody jokes about 30 but it’s really just jokes. Wait until you’re 42,” I chuckled, Y/N smiling. “Then you really feel old.”

“Most 42 year olds would kill to look like you,” she said. She shut your eyes and shook her head but I smiled when she looked away. Maybe I wasn’t so bad after all. “I’m so sorry. That was so inappropriate.”

“It’s alright. I took it as a compliment,” I said. She looked embarrassed and I cleared my throat, taking a bite of food. “So you did nothing for your birthday, huh?”

“Uh, no,” she said, mixing in some grapes into each of the snack bags. I frowned and popped the last piece of food into my mouth. Why didn’t she celebrate? Not even a slice of cake? A little lightbulb went off in my head and I started to smile, Y/N giving me a strange look.

“I’m gonna get you a birthday cake,” I said. She looked mortified and started to shake her head but I held up a hand.

“Mr. Ackles-”

“I thought I said it’s Jensen. I’m the boss so what I say goes. We’re gonna have a birthday cake for you tonight. So. What’s your favorite flavor?”

“Whatever you want is perfectly fine.” I rolled my eyes and groaned, swearing I caught a quick smile on her face.

“Y/N.”

“…I like red velvet,” she said. I broke out into a huge smile and laughed. Of course. Of fucking course she said red velvet.

“That was my wife’s favorite,” I said. “Haven’t had that since her birthday. She would have liked you.”

“You think so?” she asked. I took a deep breath and felt calm for a moment, nodding back at her.

“Yeah. You’re quite kind to me. She was always protective of me, even if she was the scaredy cat most of the time.”

“Can I ask how…” she said. The calm quickly left and I swallowed. I told her died unexpectedly in a car accident right? Or just died unexpectedly? No, I said car. Right. Car accident. Fuck, why’d I have to start saying she died in her sleep too. Because that made more sense than the fucking brain aneurysm while driving but that was our shitty luck...she’s staring idiot. Talk. Now.

“Accident. Tractor trailer versus her car. He tried to miss her but it was too late. I wanted to hate the guy too but it was an accident and I couldn’t blame him for that.”

“My father died in a car crash when I was six. It does get better with time,” she said.

“That’s why you didn’t know if he had a picture of you in his wallet or not,” I said as she nodded. She looked away and I shuddered at the thought the kids wouldn’t know things about their mother. “You’re too young to have that much tragedy in life.”

“So are you.”

“I’m not young anymore.”

“You’re young and overly generous,” she said with a smile. She was being polite. Or maybe not. Either way I’d take it.

“Misery loves company,” I said as we both heard a few feet above us running around. “Munchkins are up.”

“You want to make breakfast or should I?” she asked.

“Give me five minutes to get them in some clean clothes. Then I can show you how they like their eggs.”

“Sounds like a plan, Jensen.”

I headed upstairs, catching Zeppelin chasing Arrow up and down the hall, both of them giggling before stopping at my feet.

“Daddy you’re all smiley,” said Arrow. I looked down and shook my head, her eyes lighting up. “Yes you are!”

“It must be because you two are going to run off and get dressed this morning all by yourselves,” I said. They shared a look, that twin look, and both took off running with slightly evil laughs. “I fear the day you two are teenagers.”

“Good morning,” yawned JJ, walking out of her room dressed and giving me a hug. 

“Good morning,” I said, bending down and picking her up, giving her a squeezing hug.

“Okay?” she asked.

“Yeah. Daddy’s okay today,” I said, a thud and Zeppelin running back crying. “What hurts buddy?”

“I don’t know,” he said as I squatted down with JJ on my good hip, picking him up and settling him on the other.

“Well, that’s okay. Sometimes you just gotta cry it out,” I said. He made a face but I smiled, his confusion getting him to calm down by the time Arrow was running down the hall. 

“Daddy,” she groaned. I chuckled and spun around, Arrow climbing up on my back. 

“Who needs a workout when you got a hundred pounds on your back,” I said. “Alright, alright. We can have breakfast in pajamas today. I want you guys on your best behavior for Y/N okay? She’s new and has a lot to learn still, like your favorite eggs.”

“Hot sauce,” said JJ.

“That’s my girl,” I chuckled, feeling her hug me hard for a split second. I kissed the top of her head and went back towards the stairs. “Alright. Who’s hungry?”

“Hey handsome,” I heard as I was walking through the parking lot. I spun around, sighing as Jared walked over with a laugh. 

“Why must you do that?” I sighed.

“Cause seeing that look on your face is funny,” he said, looking me up and down. “Heading in?”

“Finished up for the day. More Batman, some video game and my manager wanted me to record an audition for some animated movie. You?”

“Walker dubbing. Again,” he said. “You’re not going strictly voice acting on me are you?”

“No. Just was kinda easy to do that while I was recovering. Drive downtown, record, drive home.”

“Excited for The Boys?”

“Yeah. Nervous. I never really made a final decision on what to do with the kids. My parents offered to stay at the house and watch them.” Jared cleared his throat and I smiled. “I know you offered too. But I just…”

“I know. You thought things were different when you took the job,” said Jared. “When The Boys is over you know I could get you a recurring guest start spot on Walker. Like anytime.”

“I know,” I shrugged, rubbing my arm. “It’s your show though. I mean we literally ended Supernatural last year. I don’t want to butt in.”

“Why would you think that?” he asked, narrowing his eyes. I rolled mine, Jared grabbing my arm, walking between the cars with me. “You are really starting to scare me.”

“Because I want to give you space and let your show be your show? Dude, relax. I didn’t say I don’t want to. I can’t wait to work with you again. But the show is new and it’s your baby right now. I’ll be on someday, I promise.”

“I just-”

“I know. But I have ideas and projects and losing Dee changed things. Maybe I do want to be able to work at home in Austin more. But let me figure that out first?”

“Fine,” grumbled Jared.

“Hey. I’ll make you a deal. I will absolutely direct in season 2 and maybe I can do a guest spot or two if you and me sit down sometime this year and brainstorm that reboot mini-series for like five years from now. Deal?”

“I was gonna do that anyways,” said Jared with a big smile, holding out his hand. I shook it, getting a quick hug. “How’s the hot nanny?”

“Shut up,” I said, pushing him away but smiling. 

“You still like her?”

“Honestly? I think I’m in deep shit.”

“Good,” he said. “I like that dumb fucking smile on your face.”

“I bought her a birthday cake. Is that weird?”

“Not unless it’s not here birthday.”

“It was on Saturday but she didn’t celebrate for some reason.”

“No, not weird then,” he said. “Find out if she’s single yet?”

“Not a clue.”

“Find out tonight buddy.”

“I’ll try. I gotta run. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Later Jackles.”

“Thanks for giving up your night with them. I didn’t mean to have that happen,” I said after Y/N finished reading the kids a bedtime story. 

“It’s no problem. It’s good bonding for us,” she said as we headed back downstairs to the kitchen. She helped pick up the plates at the table and wash them off before sticking them in the dishwasher. She looked a little tired but for some reason that made her look even prettier. I swallowed and went over to the tall cabinet and reach up top, grabbing a bottle of whiskey as Y/N covered up what was left of the cake. 

“Drink?” I asked. She smiled and pinched her fingers close to each other.

“A small one,” she said. I poured a single into a whiskey glass for her, smirking when she took a sip and made a face. “Oh that’s smooth.”

“Very,” I said, pouring my own glass. “Thank you for tonight. JJ’s been…”

“She’s the oldest. She’s gonna have a harder time with it.”

“You were about her age when your dad died you said?” I asked. She nodded and took a deep breath.

“She’ll be okay. She’ll miss her but it won’t be a deep pain. She’ll have nice memories of her mom. She’s doing pretty good, trust me.”

“Can I ask another personal question?”

“I’m off the clock. Shoot,” she said.

“Your mom ever…try again with someone else?” She waited a beat but smiled, nodding a few times.

“Yes. Years later she found a good guy. He actually is who I stayed with after she passed. He’s married now, has some kids of his own but I know if I call him up he’d drop everything for me.”

“Good. I was getting afraid you were a complete Shakespeare tragedy,” I chuckled. Whew. At least she had somebody out there to watch her back if she needed it.

“Nah. I’m not at that level of crazy in my life,” she said. “As long as we’re off the clock, can I ask if you’re asking because you’re thinking of getting back out there?”

I took a drink and smiled. Still perceptive. Still adorable. But her face looked gentler almost, like she’d drop it in a second if I asked.

“I am. My wife kind of insisted on it. When we first got serious we had this deal that we’d go try again if something happened. I mean, I don’t cry everytime I think about her now. I can smile and be happy and that ache doesn’t try to swallow me up everyday anymore. I think it’s time I could get back out there.”

“I’d say it is. The kids are ready. They’ll understand.”

“You think your mom loved the second guy as much as your dad?”

“For sure. She was a bit of a free spirit but she didn’t think you had to have just one soulmate. She told me that after she’d met Ray. She said she got two so maybe I had two out there. I haven’t found either one of them yet so I’ll take increasing my odds as best I can.”

Oh. Oh God she’s single.

Yes!

Fucking yes! I swallowed, thinking what she’d just said and grinned. Two soulmates. I kind of liked the sound of that.

“Well you’re not gonna meet your soulmate sitting at home on Saturday nights, Y/N.” I said, clearing my throat.

“Just a lot of douchey guys,” she said.

“Ah. You need to meet a better kind of guy is all.”

“Yeah see I’m thirty. All the good guys are married by now.”

“Oh all of them are taken. I didn’t realize that,” I said with a chuckle. “What am I then? Another douchebag?”

“You don’t count. You’re…”

“Too old for you?” I laughed nervously. Oh how the hell any woman had ever gone out with me was a miracle. I was a fucking wreck at this.

“My boss. Plus you’re like famous. You can go get like a victoria secret model or something.”

“Looks ain’t everything.” 

“Maybe I ought to try older guys now that you say that,” she said. I took another sip and let it burn in the back of my throat. Go slow idiot. Test the waters a bit.

“Y/N, you gotta be careful with that. I don’t want to see you get taken advantage of.”

“And this is why I watch netflix on Saturday nights,” you said.

“You serious about the older guy crack?” I asked.

“I do find them more…attractive sometimes. I guess it depends on how old. Why?”

Maybe she was looking me up and down that morning...maybe.

“I got a friend my age, might be interested?” I asked, hiding behind a smile. Why the fuck did I say that? All I wanted to know was if she’d consider someone older, not that.

“I don’t know,” she said. “No offense to your friend but…I mean if he’s 42…I want kids and stuff you know? Although a dude it doesn’t really matter how old…I don’t know.”

“It was just a thought,” I said. I took another sip but she was smiling. Okay. Maybe that wasn’t two old for her.

“I’ll think about it,” she said. “He’s not a weirdo, right.”

“No. He’s an actor. Something to think about.”

“I will,” she said, sounding like she meant it. “Thank you for the birthday cake, Jensen. You’re a good person.”

“I bought a cake.” She looked down and finished off her drink, the air heavy for a few seconds, her body tense before it relaxed. 

“Yeah but I haven’t really had one of those in years. You’re a good person.”

“You’re very welcome,” I said as she slid off her seat. “You’re free to hang out if you like.”

“I’m kinda tired. I won’t be getting up that early from now on I don’t think.”

“I completely understand. Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Goodnight Jensen.” She headed down the hall to her room and I put the liquor away, checking the hallway after a beat, her door shut. I wanted to give her a hug but that was crossing a line. 

“Daddy,” said Arrow, walking down into the kitchen. I turned and smiled, walking back over. “Can I have a little milk?”

“Okay but just a little. Want it warmed up?” I asked. She hummed and I poured her a small glass in one of her sippie cups, heating it up before popping on the lid and handing it over. “Back to bed now.”

“Why didn’t Y/N’s mommy and daddy get her a birthday cake?” she asked.

“Y/N’s parents aren’t around anymore munchkin. She lost her mommy and daddy when she was a kid too.”

“Oh,” she said softly, pausing by the bottom of the stairs. She stared, the gears grinding in her head. She’d only been three at the time but she actually understand strangely enough what it meant that mom was gone. Zeppelin was the hard case to crack but she somehow explained it to him and one day it clicked for him too. 

“Honey?” I asked, squatting down beside her. 

“Does mommy know Y/N’s parents now?” she asked.

“Maybe,” I said with a smile, tucking her hair behind her ear. 

“I hope so.”

“Me too. Go on up to bed now. I’ll race you.” She took off with her cup and I smirked when she got to the top of the stairs. “That one never fails.”

“You think I’m hot,” I said to myself the next day. I hummed as I walked into the bathroom, sweating after working out. Y/N was hopefully enjoying her break. I grinned, looking at myself in the mirror and ripping my shirt off. “She was so staring. She was so staring.”

I started to undress, whistling before I turned on the water, catching myself in the mirror again. My eyes landed on the scar and I quickly looked away, getting under the stream.

“Stop acting like a fucking idiot. She doesn’t even...of course she’d stare. I stare at good looking sweaty men of course she would too.” I sighed and sat down on the shower bench, putting my head in my hands. “Dee tell me what to do. Please. Make me forget this girl exists.”

“Jensen! I’m going to the store!” called Y/N through the closed bedroom door.

“Drive safe!” I shouted back. I lifted my head and stood up, pursing my lips. “Gonna make me figure this out on my own, aren’t you.”

I tilted my head back under the water, swallowing thickly. 

“Jensen! I just took a shower!” said Dee, smiling when I pulled her flush to me. 

“Take another one,” I said, kissing her soft lips, her hands resting on my hips and squeezing them. “Bed.”

“The kids have to go to camp in less than-”

“Fine,” I groaned, throwing my head back. I jumped when she slapped my ass, slipping out of the shower.

“I’ll play with you later,” she teased. She grinned as she used my towel to dry off before she went back to her vanity to do her makeup quickly. 

“Dee?”

“Because I’m over forty and you know how some of the moms are. Fucking little vultures,” she said, putting on some mascara. 

“I didn’t say anything,” I hummed.

“You were thinking it.”

“That you’re hot without makeup? Oh no. I wasn’t thinking that at all,” I said, giving her a bitchface. “Are you ever going to stop giving a fuck what other people think?”

“No,” she sighed. “But I am better.”

“I know. You sure you don’t want to shower with me?” I asked, jutting out my lip. She smiled and winked. “Dee.”

“Later sweetie. I promise.”

I looked over to the empty vanity. That was the last morning she stood there. Fucking worried about looking put together enough for the carpool line. I breathed deeply, looking at the pile of sweaty clothes on the floor, Y/N popping into my head.

“I like her Dee. I really fucking like her. I don’t know what to do.”

Three Days Later

“Hey,” said Jared, already out front of his when I got there. “Everything cool?”

“No,” I said. “Drink?”

He waved and I followed him around to the back table, Jared leaving and returning after a moment with a bottle and two glasses.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. I took a long sip and sighed.

“Y/N got hurt tonight.”

“Is she okay?”

“Yeah she’s fine. A scrape. But Jared...this is not a crush. I’m positive of it.”

“Didn’t we already establish that?” I turned my head and glared, Jared giving it right back. “Dude. What are you asking? Permission?”

“No. I don’t need anyone’s permission to date someone.”

“So I take it Y/N is in fact single.” I nodded, Jared leaning back in his chair. “Jensen. Dee can’t tell you that it’s okay. You have to trust that she’d want you to be happy again.”

“I know she does but...it feels wrong. I feel like I’m cheating on her with another woman.”

“Have you told Y/N-”

“No. As far as she’s concerned I’m just her nice boss. Jesus Jare, this poor girl has had a more fucked up life than me easily and she’s so nice and kind and I can’t throw my shit on top of her.”

“Jensen. How old were you when you started to date Dee?” he asked.

“Twenty nine ish. Why?”

“So for twenty nine years before that you were on your own. You dated other people but no one that you loved like that. Do you really want to go another twenty nine years, more than that, on your own?”

“I want my wife back.”

“Spit out what you’re spiraling over. What, you think Dee will love you less if you love another woman?”

“I’m not having this discussion with you.” I stood up, Jared catching my wrist. I tugged on it, Jared getting to his feet and staring me down. “Move.”

“I know you’re not used to being the one with the problems. I know I’m the one always screwing up and always needing you to take care of me but I’m the one in charge this time. Now sit your ass down and talk or I swear to God I will call up every member of your family right now and tell them you haven’t seen a damn therapist at all.”

“Don’t threaten me,” I growled.

“I say we call them anyways. You’re the one that to this day continues to check that Jared doesn’t miss therapy,” said Gen, shoving a bowl of chips on the table when she stepped out there. “Always have to be the tough one don’t you Ackles. Go to fucking therapy and let them deal with you because obviously we’re not getting through that head of yours.”

“You told her?” I snapped.

“He didn’t tell me shit. I’ve always known you weren’t going.” I stared at her and she crossed her arms. “I live with Jared. I know when someone is actually going and when someone is pretending to. I’ve kept my mouth shut because I thought he knew the whole time. Jensen, you need help. Real help.”

“Well I’m sorry. Obviously I didn’t realize how much I was bothering you two,” I said. I took a step, Jared squeezing my wrist. 

“Tell her,” said Jared. “Tell her about Y/N.”

“What happened to your nanny?”

“Jens?” said Gen, sliding a plate of leftovers in front of me a short while later. I looked up, a soft smile on her face. “I’m sorry for snapping. I thought…”

“I’m sorry for being so defensive. Honestly I’ve been hiding a lot from everyone lately, including Jared.”

“She would not love you less if you fell in love again. I can guarantee it,” she said.

“Part of me knows that. The other part of me feels so damn guilty for even entertaining the thought of another woman.”

“But why? Because you think Dee would be upset?”

“Because how is that far to her and the other woman? How can I love two woman completely like that at the same time? It’s not fair to either one of them.”

“You love JJ?” asked Jared, leaning back against the counter.

“Of course.”

“Zeppy? Arrow?”

“Obviously.”

“How can you possibly love three children completely at the same time? It’s not fair right?” said Jared. I blinked, a smirk on his face. 

“That’s…” I started, poking at my food. “Okay that actually kinda makes sense. You couldn’t have said that to me like a week ago?”

“You weren’t being this much of a dumbass a week ago,” said Jared. I pouted, getting a side hug from Gen. 

“You gonna ask her out?” she asked. I shrugged, Gen ruffling my hair. “Well maybe you can hang out like friends at least.”

“Yeah. I can handle that,” I said. 

“Gen,” said Jared, Gen leaving the room, Jared coming over to my side. 

“You’re gonna say I should go see someone.”

“I’m gonna say, try cutting yourself a break. You’re the nicest guy I know. Try being nice to yourself for a change. Deal?” I nodded and took a few bites of food before standing. 

“Jare. Sorry for...it’s just scary you know? I don’t know if I said goodbye for the last time or not to Dee and…it’s just hard.”

“I think life is too complicated for the two of us to figure out the actual answer to that. But I think she’s up there too pulling her damn hair out watching you freak out over all this. She’d be wingmanning you so hard right now. You know, forget how you feel for a second. Just be Y/N’s friend.”

“I will,” I said. “Thanks. I’ll let you know how it goes.”

“Goodnight lover boy,” he said as I headed for the front door.

“Gen! Jared wants you to do that thing with the little black-“

“Shut up!” said Jared, Gen smiling as I slipped into the sitting room.

“Don’t take it easy on him,” I winked at her.

“I never do,” she said. “Night Jay.”

“Night guys. Thanks for putting up with me.”

“Always.”

One Week Later

“Y/N,” I said, catching her washing her car in the driveway on a Saturday morning. “Got plans today?”

“Uh, I was gonna run to the grocery store in a minute but other than that, no. Need me to watch the kids?”

“No. We were going out to lunch and then going to a little car show was all and we were wondering if you’d like to join us. Totally up to you. My treat.”

“You don’t want me to watch the kids?” she asked. I laughed and crossed my arms. “I’m confused.”

“Do you want to hang out with us today? For fun?” I asked. Come on. Just say yes and have some fun. All you ever do on the weekend is chores and stayed holed away on your side of the house anyways.

“Oh,” she said. “That’s okay. You enjoy your time with the kids.”

“How do I make this clearer,” I said, walking over to her and looking down. “I want you to come with us, as a friend, to do something fun, like friends do. This is not work. Come if you want to.”

“You sure you want me to come?” she asked. I rolled my eyes and plopped my baseball cap off my head and onto hers as I walked away. She tilted the brim up, looking up through her lashes, a soft smile on her face.

“Yes. And wear sunscreen,” I said. “We’re leaving at eleven thirty.”

“Alright, alright. I’ll see you guys then.”

_________

A/N: Part 3 coming TBD!