#yes i realise what the signature says shhhhh

[spockshair]

Happy Daster week!!! Day 7 - flowers ♥️

Thanks @nucarnievents for organising!

[broccoliboix5peepeeman]

Req: Shōto is the campus' delinquent. Nobody dare to cross him. Izuku is the campus' nerd. His low social status makes him an easy target of bullying. One day, they're paired together for a project. What starts out as a school assignment blossoms a beautiful friendship as they realized that they're the same. They're both no strangers to pain. Izuku sees Shōto as his own person despite his surname. Shōto sees hurt, pain & sadness behind Izuku's smiles. And eventually, they both fall in love.

Ooooo thank you for the request! :D

'Shoji and Tokoyami for group one. Uraraka and Asui for group two.'

'Yesss!' Uraraka muttered under her breath. Izuku smirked at his friend and nudged her with his elbow.

'Get in there!' He winked, wiggling his eyebrows playfully, earning a frantic shhhhh from his friend.

'Momo and Kirishima for group four.' Aizawa called out. 'Jirou and Hagakure for group five.

'Ooo, halfway though, Dekuuu!' Uraraka sang quietly. 'Are you worried?'

'As long as it's not Kacchan, I don't mind.' He shrugged.

'Bakugou and Mineta for group seven.' Aizawa continued, tone bored, even as the blonde roared with protest.

'Thank fuck.' Izuku mumbled.

'Midoriya and Todoroki for group eight.' His teacher spoke, looking pointedly at him before focusing back on the sheet.

While Uraraka giggled next to him, Izuku froze, his posture straight and a look of shock on his face. He felt a pair of dichromatic eyes burning holes into his back, although he could just be paranoid.

Him and… Todoroki? UA's top heartthrob and bad boy, partnered with Izuku? Aizawa-Sensei had to be kidding, surely.

'Right, that's all of you.' Their teacher called out. 'Sit in your pairs and we'll go over the project in more detail.'

Immediately, the classroom broke out into excited chatter as everyone shouted across the room for their partner. Before Izuku could even say farewell to Uraraka, his friend had already jumped up from her seat to bounce towards where Tsu was sitting.

Izuku sighed and - with significantly less energy - got up to search the room for his partner. Of course, it didn't take long to spot him; even without the scar, Todoroki stood out like a sore thumb.

He sat towards the back of the room, slouched in his chair as he stared out of the window, unfazed by the chaos around him. The morning sun bathed his skin and made the crimson half of his hair shine. Izuku noticed that his classmate was wearing his signature leather jacket, covered in various badges and pins, along with a turtleneck, a pair of navy jeans that clung to his legs, and black combat boots. 

It was no secret that Todoroki was the "most handsome guy in school", so it made sense that today was no different. It just didn't help Izuku in the slightest - in fact, it made it even harder for him to clear his throat and gather his attention.

'To- Todoroki-kun, hi!' He squeaked, a large smile plastered to his face that didn't quite reach his eyes. When the aforementioned turned to regard him nonchalantly, Izuku's nerves only exacerbated. 'Do you mind if I sit, seen as we're part- partners?'

When his classmate remained silent, he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly and laughed. 'Sorry about that by the way… I know you probably don't want to be stuck with someone like me.'

'Why are you apologising?' Todoroki raised an eyebrow. 'It's not your fault.'

You didn't deny it though… Izuku chewed on his lip for lack of a better response, until Todoroki eventually nodded to the seat next to him.

'Your reputation precedes you, Midoriya.' He commented as Izuku fumbled into his chair. 'As does mine. I don't mind working with you as long as you pull your weight. You may think I don't give a shit about grades, but you don't know me.'

Izuku turned to regard him with wide eyes, but Todoroki had already gone back to stare out of the window. 'Library after school. We'll make a start then. Can't be arsed going home and I assume you're not too keen on walking home at the same time as Bakugou.'

Izuku furrowed his eyebrows at that. He knew Todoroki could be blunt but… Oh well, he did have a point. Kacchan would jump him the moment they were out of the school gates - clearly wanting to release all that pent-up rage on Izuku because, for some reason, his old friend had made it his own personal goal to make him his punching bag.

'Sure.' Izuku replied, turning to face the front of the room as Aizawa told them all to quiet down. Why me?

☀️🌙

Izuku twirled his pen in his hand as he read through his notes in the library. If the librarian asked, it was school work, even if the "Hero analysis #27" scribbled over the cover was a dead give-away.

Izuku wanted to be a doctor, a hero who saves lives. Ever since he had learnt to read, he was fascinated by how the body worked and how to treat various ailments. His analysis books were where he stored all the information he had absorbed from his readings.

'Last time I checked, "loss of executive functioning in patients with primary progressive multiple sclerosis" wasn't on the syllabus.' A low voice spoke.

Izuku flinched so violently his elbow slammed into the back of his chair and he almost dropped his pen. He winced at the pain and looked up to find Todoroki gazing at him, unfazed by his display.

'T- Todoroki-kun!' A bright smile appeared on Izuku's face and he gestured to the seat opposite him. When his classmate took it, he quickly put away his notebook and replaced it with his psychology workbook and textbook. 'I was starting to think you'd forgotten.'

'I just had a few things to sort out.' Todoroki shrugged, taking out his own book.

Izuku nodded along, expecting him to elaborate, but apparently that wasn't his classmate's intention. Instead, they sat in awkward silence for several moments, until Izuku shook his head to ground himself and opened his textbook.

'Right, let's get started then.' He announced, a trained smile on his face. 'Aizawa-Sensei said we have to do a presentation on the sleep-wake cycle for ours, which is actually quite interesting. I had a quick look over lunch and I was thinking we could start the intro by covering the three different cycles. So, ultradian rhythms are cycles that are less than 24 hours and can repeat throughout the day, infradian rhythms are more than 24 hours - like the menstrual cycle - then we finish on circadian rhythms, which focuses specifically on sleep-wake cycle, then go on to talk about-'

Izuku paused then, realising he had definitely started to ramble there. He knew how much his peers found his habit annoying, so he was surprised that Todoroki hadn't interrupted him and told him to shut up before now.

'Why did you stop?' His classmate asked, genuinely confused.

'You… You understood all of that?' Izuku returned.

'Yes.' Todoroki showed him his workbook, where he had started writing Izuku's ideas down.

'But I was muttering…' Heat rose to his face as he inspected the page. 'You don't find that annoying?'

Todoroki frowned at that.

'Not really. Why would I?'

'Everyone else does.' Izuku mumbled, looking away.

'I'm not everyone else.' Todoroki scratched his cheek, just below his scar. Before Izuku could ask though, he cleared his throat. 'Anyway, I agree with you. Once we focus on circadian rhythms, we can go over the stages of sleep.'

'Sounds good to me!' Izuku beamed. 'We can talk about non-REM and REM too!'

'Yes.' Todoroki nodded. 'Then maybe go into the different areas involved in sleep, so photoreceptors and the pineal gland.'

'That's a great idea!' Izuku burst out, brain going a mile a minute. This was going easier than he had expected. 'Gosh, this is going to be so fun! Right, I know it's not entirely relevant to the presentation itself, but you know dolphins?'

'Yes, I know dolphins.' Todoroki huffed, tone slightly amused. 

Was that almost a smile?!

'Well, their brains have a left and right hemisphere like we do, and when they go to sleep, they turn off one hemisphere and the other one stays awake so they can come up for air and stuff! Then they switch around when the first hemisphere is fully rested! Some sharks do it too, it's so interesting!'

Izuku paused for breath. When Todoroki said nothing in response and looked at him with an expression he couldn't quite place, Izuku blushed with embarrassment. 'S- Sorry…'

'No, you…' Todoroki spoke, his voice oddly gentle. 'That's the first time today I've seen you genuinely smile.'

… What?

'I'm always smiling.' Izuku tilted his head to the side. Smiling was his thing. Everywhere he went, he always made sure to smile, even if he was having a bad day. He smiled to put others at ease.

'It never reaches your eyes though.' Todoroki regarded him with something akin to understanding, albeit Izuku didn't know why. 'It's always fake.'

He winced at the wording.

'Does that bother you?' He twirled his pen and looked away, apprehension in his voice.

'A little.' Todoroki admitted. 'I understand why you lie, but I'd rather you be honest - at least, with me, I'd like you to be honest.'

Izuku considered his words. Despite the lack of malice in his tone, he still felt like he had been called out.

'I'm sorry.' He spoke, not knowing what else to say.

'You apologise a lot.' Todoroki stated. 'You don't owe anyone an apology, Midoriya.'

Izuku didn't like this. He didn't know where this was coming from and why Todoroki was saying all this. It wasn't a bad thing, but it was overwhelming. No one had ever called him out for his smiles before.

'I have to go.' He stood abruptly and gathered his books, stuffing them into his yellow backpack. Todoroki looked at him, mildly bewildered.

'Okay. When do you want to meet up next?' He asked before Izuku could book it out of there.

'Up to you.' He shrugged. ‘I can’t do tomorrow though.’

'How about Thursday after school?' Todoroki asked. 'We can go to my place - my old man is at the station all day then so he won't bother us.'

Izuku gulped at the idea of meeting Todoroki Enji, the city's chief of police who was rumoured to be as corrupt as they came.

'He definitely won't be there?' He twirled a loose green curl around his finger.

'I wouldn't suggest it if I didn't know for sure.' Todoroki raised an eyebrow. Izuku didn't know what to make of that.

'Okay, sure. I'll meet you at the front gates after class and we'll walk together.' When Todoroki nodded once, Izuku tried not to force a smile and mirrored the action. 'Great. Right, I've got to go. Bye!'

Before his classmate could say anything else, Izuku quick-walked out of the library. Once he exited the building, he broke into a run down the street. He liked running when he was anxious, it helped calm him.

Izuku sighed and thought of blue and grey eyes, staring into his soul. He then promptly tripped over his own two feet and landed on the floor with a thud.

Resigned to his fate, Izuku made no effort to get up and sighed heavily, cheeks squished against the pavement.

It was going to be a long few weeks.

☀️🌙

[Uwawaka: 17:05] Dekuuuuu!!! Todoroki-kun just cornered me and demanded your number?!?! Erm, have a nice life I guess? I get your shoes when you die

[Me: 17:09] Waitwaitwait WHAT?!?!?! YOU SAID YES?!

[Me: 17:10] URARAKA ANSWER ME

[Me: 17:12] I will eat your pet hamster, you whore

Izuku collapsed onto his bed and smacked his forehead with his palm. Several more minutes passed without a response and he was seriously considering calling her, when his phone suddenly vibrated.

He quickly scrambled for the device. However, when he unlocked it and saw the message, he gasped and threw his phone at the wall.

'Izuku!' His mum shouted from the kitchen. 'What was that?!'

'Nothing, mum! Sorry!' He shouted, moving to pick it back up.

[Unknown: 17.16] Is this Midoriya Izuku?

[Me: 17:18] Yes? Who is this?

Izuku knew full well who it was and added the number to his contacts anyway.

[Todoroki: 17:20] It's Todoroki from Aizawa's psychology class. I got your number from a friend. Hope you don't mind

Either Todoroki was downplaying the situation or Uraraka was being overdramatic. He honestly didn't know who to believe.

[Me: 17:21] No problem, what's up?

[Todoroki: 17:23] I was going to wait till tomorrow but evidently I have the patience of a toddler.

[Todoroki: 17:24] I wanted to apologise if I made you uncomfortable earlier. I shouldn't have indirectly accused you of lying when I do it all the time.

Izuku didn't even know where to start with unpacking that.

[Me: 17:27] You don't have to apologise, you were right. I just smile a lot to make others feel at ease. I didn't realise it could be mistaken for dishonesty if I'm not being genuine.

[Me: 17:27] You lie all the time?

It was bold to ask that, but he couldn't help himself. Izuku was a meddler, through and through. Plus, Todoroki mentioned it first so it wasn’t like he didn’t want to talk about it, he reasoned.

[Todoroki: 17:30] I can understand that. I'd just rather you be honest with me. After all, if you're not happy, it could affect our project

[Todoroki: 17:32] Well, I tell everyone that it's a birthmark on my face when it's clearly a scar. I told a dude I wasn't gay because I didn't want to go out with him. I have depression but deny it when I get asked about it. Then there's a bunch of other stuff that I haven't told anyone that I won't even get into, but yeah

'Wow okay...' Izuku puffed his cheeks out. ‘I guess the reason Todoroki-kun doesn’t talk much is because he’s a over-sharer, but it’s okay. You got this, Izuku.’

[Me: 17:33] Lying and not disclosing something aren't the same thing! But with the stuff you have lied about, I can understand why you don't want people to know, especially considering the way others treat me just because I'm different. And your scar isn't anyone's business except your own!

He pressed send, then hesitated over the keyboard.

[Me: 17:34] Also! If you ever need to talk to someone, I'm here! We're friends now, aren't we? :)

Izuku stared at the screen, waiting for a response.

Several minutes passed without one and he was starting to question himself. However, just before Izuku could completely stress out over how badly he had fucked up, the screen brightened.

[Todoroki: 17:45] Thank you, Midoriya.

Izuku smiled at his phone.

That had gone better than he had expected.

☀️🌙

'Todoroki-kun!'

Shoto nodded to Midoriya, who was waiting by the gate. He was smiling again, but Shoto could tell he was nervous from the way his eyes were on high-alert, darting around the courtyard as if he were about to be attacked. Shoto didn't blame him though - in fact, he'd be more worried if his classmate wasn't on edge.

'Midoriya.' He greeted, once he reached his side. Due to the proximity though, he suddenly noticed the gravel rash that littered his new friend's jaw. 'What happened to you?'

'Er…' Midoriya blushed bright pink. Distantly, Shoto registered that it was actually quite cute, albeit he wouldn't admit it. 'I- I went for a run on Tuesday and tripped.'

'You should be more careful.' Shoto commented, eliciting a laugh from his classmate. 'I'm serious.'

'Yeah, I know but…' Midoriya cleared his throat. 'You just, you sound like my mum.'

His mum?

'Oh.'

'N- Not that that's a bad thing!' Midoriya frantically waved his hands in front of him. 'In fact, thank you… For caring, I guess. You're a kind person, Todoroki-kun!'

Shoto didn't know what to make of that. His stomach felt funny and his face was burning but he wasn't sure why. He coughed to compose himself.

'My house is this way.' He nodded in the right direction and they set off before Shoto could say or do anything he might regret.

The two of them walked in silence. Shoto noticed his classmate fiddling with the straps of his backpack as he mumbled to himself, but he said nothing. In fact, he found that he quite liked Midoriya's voice. It was quite soothing.

Suddenly, he saw a flash of blonde out of the corner of his eye and Shoto quickly looked to find Bakugou across the street. Midoriya hadn't noticed him yet, but Shoto recognised the sadistic smile plastered to Bakugou's face when he spotted the green-haired boy.

Shoto had a particular hatred of bullies, having grown up with one all his life. He knew about the general animosity between Midoriya and Bakugou, and how it had once ended up with the former out of school for almost a week when they were younger. Shoto also knew that Bakugou could be a violent fuck and, as a result, had never really bothered to talk to him.

Now though, Shoto saw the almost predatory look in his eyes as he smirked at Midoriya; he noticed how his classmate - his friend - froze at having been spotted.

'K- Kacchan…' Midoriya mumbled, a wobbly smile on his face. It made Shoto angry - not at Midoriya, but at Bakugou, and at himself for not intervening sooner, even though it wasn't really his problem.

Before he could stop himself, Shoto raised his arm and wrapped it around Midoriya's shoulder, bringing him close to his side. His classmate squeaked at the action, clearly tense.

'To- Todoroki-kun?!'

'Put your hand on my waist.' Shoto instructed, leaning in close to whisper in his ear. When Midoriya complied, snaking a trembling hand around him, Shoto hummed approvingly and looked up at Bakugou.

The blonde was watching them, mouth agape and clearly irritated. When he took a step towards them, Shoto flashed him a warning glare as if to say 'hands off', before pressing a swift kiss to Midoriya's fluffy curls to accentuate his point.

Bakugou stilled at that, his eye twitching, but Shoto knew he understood his position. On the social scale, Shoto was higher up than he was - as much as the latter wouldn't want to admit it - and so whoever Shoto said was off-limits was definitely off-limits. It didn't matter if it was an act or not.

The two of them continued forwards, watching as Bakugou eventually growled and skulked away. When he was out of sight, Midoriya audibly sighed and relaxed against him.

It was… Nice.

'Thank you.' His friend murmured. 'You didn't have to do that.'

'I wanted to.' Shoto shrugged. He knew he should relinquish his hold on Midoriya now that the threat had passed, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. The warmth that radiated from his classmate's touch was calming. Plus, Midoriya didn't seem too eager to let go either, so it wasn't like he was taking advantage of him or anything.

When they eventually reached his house, Shoto reluctantly broke away to fumble in his pocket for his keys. To his surprise though, the door was already unlocked.

Caution in his stance, he slid the door open and checked the shoe rack to see who was home. When Fuyumi's work shoes and Natsuo's trainers came into view, he sighed with relief and opened the door fully to alert his siblings of his arrival. 'It's me!'

It was only then that he registered Midoriya regarding him anxiously. 'Don't worry, it's just my brother and sister.'

'O- Okay.'

Shoto nodded and stepped inside, removing his shoes and waiting for Midoriya to do the same. He then led the way through his house, hoping there wouldn't be any interruptions, but alas, it seemed the universe hated him.

'Shotoutoooo!!!' Natsuo's voice rang out, before his older brother appeared, leaning against the door frame of his room. When he noticed Midoriya, half hidden behind Shoto, he grinned mischievously. 'You brought a friend over!'

'You- You didn't tell them I was coming?!' Midoriya squeaked so only Shoto could hear.

'Yes, I brought a friend home. What of it?' He ignored him and raised an eyebrow at his brother, unamused.

'Nee-San saw you two getting all lovey dovey down the street.'

'I don't-'

'It's true. Don't deny it!' Fuyumi's voice echoed down the hallway, eliciting a cackle from Natsuo.

'Whatever.' Shoto placed a hand on his hip, exasperated. 'Midoriya and I have a psychology assignment to get done, so I'd appreciate it if you fucked off.'

'Nawww, come on! I'm just having fun!' Natsuo winked before looking past him to address Midoriya. 'Shotouto pretends to be an aloof bad boy, but really he's a big softie who loves strawberry milk and manga. Isn't that right, Sho-?'

'NATSUO-NII!' Shoto exclaimed, completely mortified. He grabbed Midoriya's arm and dragged him down the corridor. 'We'll be leaving now!'

'Nice to meet you, Midoriya-kun!' Natsuo called, before Shoto slammed his bedroom door shut and sighed against it.

'He seems nice.' A quiet voice muttered.

Shit. Shoto's eyes widened and he took a breath, composing himself before he turned around to face Midoriya, who was fiddling with his sleeve.

'He's a pain in the arse.' He grumbled, before he strode forwards and set up the chabudai table in his room. 'He always does it. Something about wanting to make up for lost time.'

'Lost time?' Midoriya asked, removing his backpack to help.

'My old man wanted to keep me separate from my siblings when we were younger. Something about "not wanting to soil the perfect child".' Shoto shrugged, gathering two cushions and handing one to Midoriya. 'So it wasn't until about a year ago that I actually got to speak to them.'

'What happened a year ago?' Midoriya was definitely being nosy, but for some reason, Shoto didn't mind it; part of him actually wanted to tell him, even though he had no idea why. Something just told Shoto that he could trust him.

Or it's just because he's the first person your age who has ever bothered to ask. Another part of his mind supplied.

When the two of them sat down on the cushions adjacent to each other, Shoto pulled out his laptop, while Midoriya provided the textbook and workbook.

'When I was younger, my mother used to live at home too. She tried to protect us when the old bastard would come home and want to take his anger out on someone. He liked to take it out on me especially - make sure I toughened up - but she'd always turn his attention on her. One night, when I was about eight, mother had a complete breakdown. She saw the left side of my face, thought I was him and well… The closest thing was the kettle and boom.' He gestured vaguely to his scar. 'That's how this happened.'

Shoto didn't miss the look of complete horror on Izuku's face. 'He sent her away after that, which meant things got worse for me and my siblings. Aizawa-Sensei noticed my bruises last year and we've been working to get him put away, but it's difficult considering his position. It also didn't help that he's caught onto us and is now trying to pretend that everything is better now. That's why I'm allowed to see Natsuo and Fuyumi. He's been trying to manipulate things but he can't pretend forever.'

Shoto trailed off then and silence fell over them. He watched Midoriya for his reaction. He had never told anyone about that before.

He stared at his friend, but his vision became distorted. He thought of his old man, of how his mother had called him "unsightly" before burning him, of how his siblings used to look at him with apprehension and fear.

Shoto frowned. 'Sometimes I wonder if I'm just as bad as him.'

His words were spoken barely above a whisper, but the way Midoriya's head snapped to attention evidently showed that he had heard him.

'You know, Todoroki-kun…' He spoke gently, determined eyes finally meeting Shoto's own. 'I can't possibly understand everything you went through, but I do know this.'

A calloused hand landed on Shoto's shoulder and his vision re-focused to find a small smile gracing Midoriya's face. 'You're not your father. You're Todoroki Shoto, you're a kind person and you're my friend. He can't even compare to you.'

Shoto's mouth opened, but no words came out. Midoriya's words played on repeat in his head.

You're not your father. You're Todoroki Shoto.

He managed to turn his head away, hair hiding the stray tear that had fallen from his eye.

You're a kind person and you're my friend.

'Todoroki-kun, are you okay?'

So many thoughts were screaming inside his head. It was deafening, with Midoriya's words playing loudest of all.

He can't even compare to you.

'Toilet.' Shoto stood abruptly, pointedly not facing his classmate, and strode out of the room, ignoring Midoriya's bewildered shriek. He slid open the door to the bathroom opposite and shut himself away, turning the light on before he braced himself against the sink. His knuckles turned as white as the porcelain and he tried to calm his breathing.

Why was he acting like this? He was supposed to be calm, composed, aloof.

Just like father wanted. An unhelpful part of his mind taunted as tears streamed down his face. He felt a sob build up in the back of his throat. Hold it together. You're pathetic.

'Todoroki-kun.' His thoughts were interrupted by a quiet knock on the door. 'Should I get Natsuo or Fuyumi?'

'No!' Shoto exclaimed, a little harsher than he had intended. When Midoriya didn't immediately respond, he started to worry that he had scared him away.

'Okay.' His classmate eventually spoke, voice muffled due to the door. 'Can I come in?'

You don't want him to see you like this. You're supposed to be better than this-

'Yes.' He choked out, not looking up when the door slid open.

Gentle footfalls echoed on the tiles until Shoto felt a warm presence at his side. Midoriya then crouched down next to the sink to look up at Shoto.

'What's going through your mind?' He asked.

Everything.

'What you said just now, about me being kind and…' He swallowed heavily. 'You didn't mean it, did you? You were just saying it to make me feel better, right?'

'Oh, Todoroki-kun.' Midoriya gazed at him sadly. 'Of course I meant it. You told me to be honest with you, remember?'

Shoto leant his elbows on the sink to hold his face in his hands as he cried silently, only his ragged breathing exposing him.

He heard Midoriya shuffle to his feet. 'Can I… Can I hug you?'

Shoto blanked at that. Of all the things his friend could have said, he hadn't expected that. He furrowed his brow. When was the last time he had been properly hugged? With Fuyumi? His mother?

'Why?' He found himself asking instead, lowering his hands to look at Midoriya, who smiled softly at him.

'Because you look like you need it and I'm an expert hugger.'

Shoto blinked dumbly for a moment, regarding kind eyes, a genuine smile and open arms that radiated comfort, then slowly nodded.

'O- Okay…' He whispered.

Midoriya's smile brightened and he stepped forward, slowly wrapping his arms around Shoto's neck. One hand rested against his shoulder blades, while the other gently held the back of his head, guiding Shoto to the crook of Midoriya's neck. He went willingly and basked in the warmth, immediately relaxing against his friend.

Crooked fingers stroked his hair as Midoriya leant his head against him and he quickly became overwhelmed with emotion. Kind touches were so foreign to him that he usually hated the idea of physical contact. He didn't know why he had let Midoriya in, but he was glad he did.

A broken sob suddenly escaped him and he gingerly returned the hug, squeezing Midoriya's waist and clinging to his shirt. He didn't know how long they stayed like that, Midoriya's voice whispering words of encouragement until his eyes were dry, his friend's shirt was soaked and his throat was hoarse.

'I'm sorry.' He mumbled against Midoriya's neck. 'I don't know what came over me.'

'You don't owe anyone an apology.' His classmate quickly assured, echoing Shoto's words from a few days ago. 'Do you feel better?'

'I don't know.' Shoto answered honestly. Sure, letting his tears fall after years of bottling everything up was cathartic, but he had also unloaded all of his problems onto someone else just because of one comment; it made him feel disgusted at himself.

'It's okay not to be sure right now.' Midoriya pulled back to look him in the eye. 'I'll always be here to talk if you need, Todoroki-kun. We're friends and I want to help.'

Shoto must have pulled a face, because his classmate huffed, amused. 'It's an open offer. We can leave it for now.'

'Thank you, Midoriya.' Shoto didn't elaborate, but he didn't think he needed to, based on the way his friend's smile brightened.

'Shall we go work on our project for a bit?' Midoriya asked patiently. 'Then maybe we could watch a movie or something? I saw your Ghibli badges on your jacket - maybe we could watch one of them?'

Shoto wiped his eyes with his fist and nodded.

'That sounds nice.'

☀️🌙

'How could you?!' Izuku exclaimed, hand over his heart, horrified as his mum showed Todoroki his baby photos.

He had left them alone for one minute to get snacks, and now his soon-to-be-disowned mother was huddled up with his friend on the sofa, flicking through a photo album like it wasn't the most embarrassing thing in the world.

The two hardly spared him a glance, before continuing to point and giggle at baby Izuku in a hero onesie.

'Midoriya really is cute.' Todoroki smiled warmly and Izuku's cheeks suddenly felt a little hotter. 'How old was he in this one?'

It had been several weeks since their project had been assigned. Despite the emotional outbursts, they had managed to get their presentation done and performed. Their grades were still being determined, but Izuku was confident that they had done well.

That wasn't all that had happened though. Ever since that day Todoroki had opened up about his past, the two of them had grown closer, frequently texting and hanging out at Izuku's after school. They even spent their free periods together, which seemed to intrigue and confuse a lot of students. After all, Todoroki was the scary, mysterious pretty boy and Izuku was a self-identified nerd who liked to mumble to himself. Neither of them really cared about what their peers thought though.

As the days turned into weeks, however, Izuku realised that not only were people no longer tormenting him in the corridors, but Todoroki had started to smile more. Whenever Izuku would ramble about anatomy, he would listen, lips upturned and process every word with interest. Izuku loved his friend's smile and each one felt special because Izuku had caused it.

It took a single conversation with Uraraka to realise what was happening, and another one with Fuyumi to gain the courage to do what he was about to do.

'Mum, could I talk to Todoroki-kun alone for a minute?' Izuku rubbed the back of his neck and looked away. His mum knew about his crush - she had easily picked up on it due to Izuku's habit of muttering about the things he liked - so he hoped she would take the hint.

'Okay, sweetheart.' She grinned when Izuku's jaw dropped, mortified at the endearment. He also didn't miss the way Todoroki bit his bottom lip slightly with amusement.

Before Izuku could chastise her for clearly inappropriate behaviour in front of company, his mum closed the album and stood. 'I'll be in my room if you need me.'

When the door shut behind her, Izuku sighed with relief.

'I love her more than anything but I swear she gets some sort of sick satisfaction in seeing me suffer.' He groaned.

'I think she's great.' Todoroki smiled up at him. It lit up his entire face, no matter how small, and Izuku thought he looked beautiful.

Focus!

'So what did you want to talk about?' His friend asked, leaning back and crossing one leg over the other.

'You're a dear friend to me and I know we weren't close until recently, but you've become a big part of my life.' He began, fiddling with his hands to ease his nerves. 'I'm sorry, I don't really know how to say this.'

'It's okay.' Todoroki spoke, his smile vanishing. 'I understand if you feel like it's too much. Sometimes I can get a bit overwhelmed by all this - having a friend - but I treasure your friendship too, so I'll respect your decision if you want to stop-'

'Wait, what?' Izuku exclaimed. 'I'm trying to tell you that I have a crush on you, not that I don't want to be friends.'

Shoto stared at him with wide eyes.

…

Oh fuck.

Izuku slapped a hand over his mouth and let out a strangled cry as realisation set in. He wasn't even that surprised at having admitted his feelings; he was surprised at how easy it had been.

What wasn't easy was the look of uncertainty on Todoroki's face.

'Midoriya…'

'I'm so sorry for making you uncomfortable-'

'I have a crush on you too, I think.'

That was the thing he least expected his friend to say.

'You do?'

'Yeah.' Todoroki scratched at his flushed cheek, no longer looking like his usually-composed self and instead rather vulnerable. 'I've known for a while that I feel different towards you compared to others. I feel… Safe around you, like I can trust you, and while everyone calls you plain-looking, I think you're actually quite cute.'

Izuku felt like his head was going to explode. One, Todoroki had just called him cute; two, his crush just admitted to feeling safe around him; and three, Todoroki was looking at him with such sincerity that his chest ached.

'That makes me so happy, Todoroki-kun, you have no idea.' He whispered, tears spilling from his eyes. 'I feel the same about you, except you're not cute, you're… Actually quite breathtaking.'

When he was met with silence, Izuku looked up to find Todoroki looking at him with amusement.

'Well now you've made me look bad.' He huffed, standing up and walking towards him.

'You could never look bad. That was my whole point. ' Izuku quipped, before suddenly being enveloped in a hug.

That was another thing about their relationship that surprised Izuku in a good way: Todoroki, touch-starved most of his life, had become particularly fond of cuddles. Now, Izuku had no qualms with this - he encouraged his friend to smother him with hugs whenever he needed it - but this hug felt different. Several emotions were communicated in that moment.

It almost felt desperate, yet hopeful.

'I'll have to thank Aizawa for pairing us up for that project.' Todoroki murmured against his neck, eliciting a short laugh from Izuku.

'Yeah definitely.' He pulled away to take his friend's hand, interlocking their fingers. 'We can thank him together.'

Todoroki huffed with mirth.

'I like the sound of that.'

[1believeinmiracles]

It’s more than what you “SEE”

White uniform, cap and a nameplate. Three things you see us wear daily as we start to face our busy long day. Yup, busy long day, even if we only work 8 hours per day and only get paid of that 8 hours, we worked more than what we have been paid off. Nope, we’re not complaining but it’s the truth, it’s our reality.

THE CHALLENGE February, I started. So excited with my once again wearing white uniform. Met new people and friends even some were not, actually. But most of them were friendly, atleast. First 3 months yey, I feel like I’m ready for what I decided to enter in. I am ready to be called who I really am. When I got hired I told myself, here I am, this is it, something I can be proud of. I thought, it was just like that. So easy, I can do it, I am ready. But hey, the excitement faded away on my first day, as a staff. That day when I had to write my name and put my signature on the patient’s chart. Yes, that signature does not only shouts my profession, but also says hey yeah gurl, you are responsible for whatever may happen there. Wooooot!

It’s true, in our profession there is no room for mistakes. And saying SORRY (which I murdered many times🤣) is not acceptable for some whom you committed wrong; but really it depends on the situation. When you got someone killed, then yes your sorry will be the end of your career. Come to think of it, lives is what we cater, that’s what lies on our hands everyday. So it takes a lot to be on our shoes. A lot of courage to take daily responsibility of the lives of the people we do take care of in the area. One wrong step and you’ll bring harm to the person you are responsible of. Everyday, I was afraid that I get someone hurt of my poor skills and the little knowledge I carry. For no matter how hard I study, I can’t seem to find all the needed knowledge to ensure the safety of my clients. But thank God I harmed no one in the entire course of me being a staff. Then I concluded, that it is not just the knowledge we gained from school nor the skills we learned from our seniors, but it is the sincerity in us to carry our duties with honesty and humility that will make us safe and our clients. Yes, honest enough to admit that we lack knowledge of something and humble enough to seek help from the people more experienced than us. And I was blessed, truly blessed to have been guided by people who were willing to share the skills and wisdom they have gained in the battle field of their career. Techniques, that’s what most of them call it. Techniques that makes your work look a lot easier than it actually is.

People, you have no idea how sacrificing to be in the path we have chosen. Relatives complain so much why nurses were too slow to attend their needs. We’re human beings not superheroes and we don’t get things done in just a blink of an eye. We get things done in prioritization, with the wisdom we have been given and the skills we have been trusted to. So please be good to us, as we are compassionate to you. Be patient to us as well as we are to you. We do understand your worries but do understand us too, that it is not only YOU who needs us, it is everyone confined in the area. As we give you our time to attend your needs, allow us to do it, to others as well.

SECRET PRAYERS As a christian, I was taught on how to release healing to sick individuals (in the supernatural aspect). And I have seen people who got healed. Yup, witnessed it with my eyes wide opened and I had conversations with them and heard their testimonies. But. Yes there is this BUT in the area of my workplace. We don’t do that, unless I got the boldness then I will be able to release the Kingdom of Heaven which brings this healing I was taught of. Well, I tried once thrice in the secret of all the secretest way possible. I had prayed over someone and released heaven to that family. Yey, finally I did once. And they asked me what church I was attending. When I mentioned the name of my church they feel like we’re family. They know the church and our senior pastor and told me they attended a conference at Cuneta Astrodome hosted by our church and I was an usher then. So, that explains why they look familiar to me, maybe I have seen them there. It brought my heart so much joy to know that atleast I had once the boldness to give away the love and power of healing that Jesus is readily made availble for everyone who receives. Asking of what happened to that family? I don’t know. I got pulled out to that area where they got admitted and had no more time to be back and check on them. The only thing I knew was, they were happy and got discharged. Yup, I am sure, saw the mother at the lobby on the day before they went home.

Another healing happened at room 07. Shhhhh…won’t give you more details. Just room 07. We provide primary care, so this woman at room 07 was my patient, just my patient. She was crying due to pain. So what I did was, referred it to the ROD (resident doctor on duty). And they ordered hot compress. Yey! Absolutely, with the magic of hot water bag, this pain will go away in an instant. Well, it might work or maybe not. So since she was already crying, I placed my hand on her “assessing” where the pain is (but I was actually praying, declaring healing, rebuking pain and commanding it to depart in Jesus name). When I was done. After few seconds I asked, “how are you ma’am? Is the pain still there?” She answered, “not anymore, it’s a bit painful but now tolerable”. And she looked at me with so much relief in her eyes. Yaaay! In my head I was shouting “Hallelujahs” haha! That was the power of healing from Jesus, our Healer. We can’t provide healing but we can be vessels.

NO FOR NOW Yes, it is always more than what you see. Things like that happened too, I never mentioned that to someone else than myself. But there’s another side of the story. Come on, as you know nothing can be done so easily, it takes a lot of hard work and perseverance to remain on the shoes we chose to wear. Everyday, our health is in great danger. Hahaha honestly, it really is. Don’t you think a patient’s illness can’t be that contagious? We wear protective equipments but sometimes it sabotage us too. But we love YOU, our dear clients (or should I say, we love our job), so even if there is a great probability that we get (the illness) what you guys have, we can’t say no and happily embrace you in our care instead, knowingly that our health can be compromised. For me, I don’t wanna quit, I love you and I love my job but I love my body too. So when I had found the courage to say NO, I did it without regret. The NO for NOW.

For me, my health is my wealth. And I am a dreamer. So, how could I see them get fulfilled if my health get compromised? I made a decision, something that made me value what I have even more. The decision that changed me, somehow. But I am happy. The work was tiring (no not my clients, for I value them and I love taking care of them, but it is the work itself). My body got tired and my emotions got affected. Everyday, as I feel the pain in my chest or whenever I had shortness of breath or my vertigo attacks, emotionally, I get weak. No, they didn’t notice for I always choose to smile and be bubbly. But inside, I was crying, “oh God, no”, I feel like giving up though I don’t have really the intentions to. I tried as long as I can, to be strong and say, “this I can do, this I want to do, this surely I will get through”. But. No. I don’t know. Every morning I worry too much for my health. A lot of things about my health and more overwhelms my head. And that day when I decided to surrender, my emotion wasn’t the only thing affected then, the spiritual aspect of my life was hit too. That, I can longer stand; it is my strength, it is my foundation, it is my life and it is the part of me that I don’t want to crumble. When that side of me dies, I will get paralyze. And I don’t want that to happen. That part of me is what I value so much, it is not being religious that I don’t want my spirituality to crumble. It is not just my beliefs, but it is my relationship to the ONE who loves me the most. The one who sees me in the darkness, and hears my every whisper. Someone who wiped every tear and filled my heart with joy. That, I cannot stand to lose. I can still fight and go on even if I was physically ill and my emotions got weakened but if my spiritual life (the only reason I can win a battle) begin to crumble, that, I cannot stand to watch. So I decided to quit my job to protect the other part of me: my health and my wealth.

REST IN THE PRESENCE Many of us also went through this season of their life. A time to choose which to give up and which to keep. I wanted to rest the reason why I quit. REST is the word I used when I said goodbye. For I wanted my body to be healthier. But as days passes by I realised it wasn’t a rest for my body that I needed. It was a REST IN THE PRESENCE. Resting in His presence. That’s exactly what I needed.

Three days after I rendered my resignation, I had flu. And 2 weeks after, I suffered from severe chest pains that radiates to my shoulder, side and back. I had chills, maybe due to pain (pain scale of 12/10) headaches, nausea and vomiting and fever. I even had blood tinge sputum several times. I couldn’t sleep and pain medications gave no relief. I was rushed to the emergency room, for the pain worsens everytime I breathe and move. I don’t know what was wrong in my body. I was given pain reliever injection (that I expected would be effective, I used to administer that to my post-op clients at the hospital, so I know its effect). Pain went down to 7/10. So I thought, I can get a good sleep then, but after two hours here comes the pain again, 12/10. I can not move from side to side so I had to sleep in high fowler’s position. First time in my life that I had this kind of pain and slept that way. I thought that would be the end of me. When I consulted a pulmonologist after three days, the chest x-ray result revealed that I had pneumonia and pleural effusion. But praise God, she wanted to treat me at home so she just prescribed oral medications and some laboratory tests. Her diagnosis was pneumonia versus tubercolusis. Oh my God. As I recalled, the last patients I handled had pneumonia and the other one had tubercolusis. But I wore masks, an N95 mask so how could I acquire it then? Well, I was exposed, really; dirty cases were the ones I usually handle. In the station I was assigned, we’re so lucky to have in the area the post ICU patients, who were positive in klebsiella, pseudomonas, candidiasis and so on. They were our CONTACT precaution clients. But we’re happy to serve them even if when the protective equipments we wear can sabotage us. That’s our job, you clients are irresistible; we don’t have a choice. Going back, oral pain medications wasn’t able to cease the pain not until I started the oral antibiotics. I went on a 7 days treatment and waited for the laboratory tests results. Went back to my doctor for a follow up. And thank God, my repeat chest x-ray revealed a more clearer lung now. And though I was cleared from tubercolusis, she was surprised to know that the sputum gram-stain, culture and sentivity result revealed that I had acquired many microorganisms and was wondering where did I get those. I just smiled and said, “got it maybe from my previous work doc”.

As I had mentioned, REST was the reason I used to resign. Because of all what I was suffering from that time, I really had to rest. I feel like my health is deteriorating and I need some time to let it heal and regain strength. But as days passed by, I started to realised that it was not my body that needs rest. It was my spiritual life. I need to rest in the presence of God. My busyness at work had allowed my spirit to dry up. If my physical body weakened and got ill, my spirit became malnourished, I forgot to feed my soul on Sundays (or even if I wanted to, I can’t for my day off always fall on a weekday or Saturday). I fed my body with all the food I can buy but was not able to feed my soul because I was too busy at work. It was my fault, I can’t put all the blame with my schedule and tired body that I can’t even pray and read my bible. It was me, it was me who forgot to rest in the presence. I forgot, that my spiritual life is the most important. That I can stand against all odds when I am spiritually healthy. When my spirit started to feel weak, my body deteriorates. Something I only realized 3 weeks after I resigned from work. If I’m going to look back why I suffered from all of these: the chest pains, vertigo attacks, shortness of breath and even headaches and nausea and vomiting, I think I know why. Because I had forgotten to bend my knees in prayer and ask for a protection from Daddy God. When I was feeling all these almost everyday, I decided that I really had to let go of this job. I love you (job) but I love me. I feared of losing my health, I was afraid I’ll be in great trouble if I still keep my job. So I chose to let go. And chose to REST IN THE PRESENCE of God instead.

SWEET SEASON OF PEACE When I got sick and was confined on bed for few days, uncapable to do anything, I was able to find enough time to soak in the presence of God and read the bible. Now that I have all the time in the world I no longer have excuses not to spend time in my prayer closet. And revelations start to come, his love is pouring out like a rain and his joy is flowing like a fountain. In this season of rest all my worries were gone and I totally have found peace. I’m not saying that I didn’t have peace of mind when I was working. But this peace I’m having now is something different. All the pain I was experiencing then left me when I began to sit with God. This may sound corny and exaggerated to many but it’s the truth. I don’t know about you, but the God I’m talking here is alive and capable of releasing wondrous things to those who believed.

Lesson Learned: No matter how busy life gets; we must always find time to sit with God. For no matter how good we think we are; no matter how well we think we are; life will always begin and end with God. So in whatever we do, include God.