#yes i know this is golgotha crowley and not mesopotamia crowley she's just such a baddie here i had to

[aprofessionalwithoutstandards]

Do you think they could've had lesbian sex

[ID: First, a tf2 comic screenshot of Merasmus looking at the viewer and posing dramatically with her hands, saying "Ancient Sumerians invented the first carnival! But like everything the Sumerians did, its purpose was PURE EVIL!"

Second, a Good Omens screenshot of Crowley standing at the crucifixion. She is wearing a black robe and a black veil over her long hair.

End ID]

[ineffablebookgirl]

psychoanalyzing Aziraphale and Crowley through the ages instead of doing my research project that's due next week. pt. 6: Shakespeare's Globe

The Hamlet scene at Shakespeare's Globe is the one that got me started on this exercise, because I got it into my head that this is the vignette where they are the most open, unguarded, and besotted with each other (before the closing Ritz scene, of course). I *might* talk myself out of this as I go along, because the Bastille comes next and we all know what a ride that one was. So. Come along on this journey with me, friend.

Exhibit A. Aziraphale's smiles.

They are almost completely unfettered in this scene. He tries to keep them under wraps, not let Crowley see, he really does, bless him, but he really, really fails. "Oh, he's not my friend, we've never met before, we don't know each other." Followed, seconds later, by, "Come on, Hamlet! Buck up!" and the most carefree, dazzling smile that has ever been bestowed upon one poor pining demon.

Aziraphale is having the Time. Of. His. Life. His favorite playwright, his favorite foods, his favorite demon.

And the exchange they have is a well-worn routine for them by now. They recite the customary temptation, resistance, mollification, and acquiescence like lines in a play. "Fine, heads." "Tails, I'm afraid, you're going to Scotland." But Aziraphale knows, from the beginning, that he's getting something out of this meeting.

And then, Shakespearse says, "It'd take a miracle to get anyone to come and see Hamlet," and the aha music plays, and Aziraphale goes, That's my cue! He immediately looks to Crowley, before Crowley even glances to him. He's so certain he's going to get what he wants that he loses focus on doing the puppy dog eyes and looks at Crowley's mouth instead.

"Yes, alright, I'll do that one, my treat."

"Oh, really?" asks the bastard innocently, as if he didn't know the instant Shakespeare said it that his demon would do it for him. As if he didn't know that this was the purpose of the visit from Anthony J'acts of Service Crowley all along.

Exhibit B. Crowley circling.

I love whoever first noted the circling as a protective snake move. And it is interesting to me that he doesn't do it all the time. I think this scene is the first time we see a proper snake circle. Let's do a quick catalog, shall we?

On the wall in Eden, he kind of winds his way from behind to Aziraphale's left as an actual snake. In Mesopotamia, they do a quick one to tap Az on the shoulder before popping up on his left. At Golgotha, she just approaches from the left. In Rome, he's slouching in his ennui. In Wessex, they come towards each other head-on and retreat head-off [INTEReSTING, this is one of the most head-on scenes they have. Mirrored maybe by the Bandstand scene, where they approach from opposite sides and then Crowley walks directly away from Aziraphale. HMMMMMMM].

Bastille -- no circling. St. James's Park in the 1880s -- no circling. 1940s church -- no circling. 1960s Soho -- no circling (only hearts breaking).

The biggest, most obvious circling moments, the ones that seem to say something about their relationship, are (1) this one at the Globe. (2) Crowley protectively walking around Az as they cross the street to the bookshop to enjoy the Châteauneuf-du-Pape. (3) The full, appraising circle in Tadfield before the infamous vintage-coat stain-removal miracle. (4) Crowley-as-Aziraphale circling around him protectively in the park with his ice cream cone as they await their kidnappings. These are moments where they feel like they are aligned, and the anxiety is low enough that Crowley can be expressive about his protectiveness. (Notably, no circlings at Tadfield Airbase, which maybe speaks to Crowley's intense vulnerability there.)

So anyway.

Back to the Globe. Aziraphale is radiantly happy and barely conceals it. Crowley is confidently circling and tempting with the cool and offhand certainty that he knows how this will go. There is very little true anxiety in this scene.

"You can not actually be suggesting what I infer you're implying." Crowley doesn't let him get away with it: "Which is?"

"That only one of us goes to Scotland and does both. The blessing and the tempting."

This is a big step forward. According to book canon, the Arrangement was established around 1100, if I recall correctly, so they've been doing this for half a millennium at this point.

Aziraphale does have a genuine ripple of worry when he says, "If Hell finds out, they won't just be angry. They'll destroy you." But Crowley soothes it away with his next line in the script: "Nobody ever has to know. Toss you for Edinburgh." And it is enough for Aziraphale.

Apart from that, they have the usual back-and-forth of ooh I'm an angel, ooh you're a demon, I do good, you do bad, blah blah blah. But it's all part of the script. Crowley even insists that Aziraphale be the one who says the subtext out loud, and Aziraphale does it.

"You cannot actually be suggesting... what I infer... you're implying." Crowley doesn't let him get away with it: "Which is?"

"That only one of us goes to Scotland and does both. The blessing and the tempting."

This is a big step forward. Crowley is asking for something. Crowley is insisting that Aziraphale acknowledge the ask. Aziraphale does it -- both the acknowledging and the tempting.

According to book canon, the Arrangement was established around 1100, if I recall correctly, so they've been doing this for half a millennium at this point. They are comfortable with each other. They trust each other. They are openly enjoying each other's company, enjoying the banter, and enjoying doing things for each other. Yeah, Az now has another stop on his Scotland itinerary, but that wasn't the point of this meeting. The point was to make eyes at and/or circle each other and/or eat grapes and/or watch each other eat grapes.

See, I don't think I've talked myself out of it. I think this is the most open we see them together until the end. The Bastille scene is cranked up to 11, but part of that feral energy comes from the anxiety creeping back in.

[trellanyx]

We all agree that Crowley hardened pretty quickly between the time of the crucifixion and Rome, yes? He’s seen horrific things done by humans and to humans, whether this comes from their own wonderful, terrible imaginations, or on Heaven’s orders. He’s sulking in this scene specifically because the human he was supposed to tempt toward evil is already doing the butterfly stroke in the deep end. He’s jaded and cynical – about the world, humanity, Heaven, Hell…

…and about Aziraphale.

Because I think that when we see him in Rome, Crowley’s written Aziraphale off. I know it’s appealing to think this disaster snake’s been 100% smitten with his angel since the Beginning – lord knows I stan that headcanon hard – but follow me down this path for a second. 

Under a cut because this is long and image-heavy.

First, for this to work, we have to assume that Rome is only Aziraphale and Crowley’s fourth meeting. That the chronological scenes we’ve seen in the show so far – Eden, Mesopotamia, Golgotha – has been the extent of their interaction to that point. Which makes sense; their relationship is still so new, after all.

With that thought in mind, let’s look at this through Crowley’s POV.

First Meeting: Eden

Aziraphale has been given a massive honor. He’s been chosen to guard the Eastern Gate, to watch over God’s first humans, and he’s been given a holy weapon to aid him. 

A weapon God bestowed upon Aziraphale personally. 

And... 

Not only that, he gave it away to the disobedient Adam and Eve, who defied God’s rules and were banished from Eden. He did this because it was the right thing, nothing more or less. Simple goodness. And that goodness extends when he speaks to Crowley like an equal (an enemy, yes, but equal) and shelters him from the first rain without a thought. This angel is different. He’s genuinely good.

Crowley is smitten.

Second Meeting: Mesopotamia 

Aziraphale is watching the ark be loaded with animals. He’s surrounded by people, by children, who Aziraphale knows are about to die. And maybe the adults have become rotten enough for God to want a do-over, but the children haven’t. All they lack is God’s favor, and they won’t know it until the water rises inside their lungs. Aziraphale is visibly uncomfortable with this, but he’s also justifying it left and right. 

God’s not angry with everyone, so this isn’t indiscriminate slaughter.  

She’s showing mercy! And She’s going to put up a “rain-bow” after this as a promise to not do it again.

That’s what Aziraphale is focusing on: the future. The ineffable plan, the long game God is playing, the surety that this will all make sense and be justified someday. Aziraphale clings to that someday so he doesn’t have to face the moral muck that’s happening before his eyes today. 

Crowley is horrified.

Third Meeting: Golgotha 

By this point he’s painted Aziraphale with the same brush as Heaven. 

Your lot did this. You’re letting this kind man die in a horrific, drawn out way, because it’s all Part of the Plan. Are you pleased? Crowley is demanding. Are you okay with this? 

And still Aziraphale dodges. 

Once again Aziraphale’s removing himself from the horror of the situation. He’s just following orders, even if those orders are let people die in Her name, on Her word, for Her agenda. Aziraphale is watching, but he’s not looking. 

Just like the rest of them.

Fourth Meeting: Rome

By now Crowley’s convinced that first meeting was a fluke. Aziraphale may be a little odd by angelic standards, but he’s still one of them. Still willing to blindly accept what he’s told and enforce a plan he doesn’t understand, even if it causes suffering to the very people he’s supposed to protect. In Crowley’s eyes, Aziraphale excuses the inexcusable, justifies the unjustifiable. He was stupid to think Aziraphale might be different. Might be like him. No one is like him, not in Heaven or in Hell or even, apparently, on Earth. 

Crowley is alone.

And then Aziraphale pops up and he’s happy to see Crowley??? He even remembered the name change??? 

It doesn’t matter. Aziraphale’s proven that he can be kind and polite, but he’s also proven he’ll act just like Them when pressed. Crowley isn’t fooled. He’s hostile to Aziraphale and ignores him. Aziraphale is initiating all the conversation, and Crowley is responding with the bare minimum.

And then...

Crowley reels back. Oh, he thinks. Oh, it isn’t like that at all. I was right about you. You are different. I’m not alone.

That flutter of love from Eden returns. And Crowley thinks that maybe being stationed on this planet won’t be so bad, now that he knows there’s someone like this around. Someone who maybe, just maybe...will understand.

And that is what the Rome smile means.

[multifandomfanfiction]

On My Side of the Fence

TITLE: On My Side of the Fence PAIRING: [Crowley/OC] RATING: T CHAPTER: One-shot SUMMARY: Crowley and Cassiel have quite the history, much like him and Aziraphale, but with a twist.

[A/N - Started out inspired by “On My Side of the Fence” by Dan and Shay, but towards the end it ended up being “Good Girl Winnie Foster” from Tuck Everlasting. You’ll see why.]

Cassiel and Crowley (at that time Crawley) met in the Garden of Eden. They met a few minutes after Aziraphale and Crawley met the first time.

“Didn’t you have a companion with you also?” Crawley asked.

Aziraphale looked around for her and sighed. “Oh no! She’s probably somewhere in the garden”.

“I’ll go and find her for you”.

“You would? Oh thank you”.

Crawley found her playing at the base of a waterfall, her white dress clinging to her skin. “Aren’t you an innocent little thing?” he asked.

She gasped and spun around in the water. Her blue eyes met his gold slitted ones. Cassiel knew he was a demon, but he was rather attractive.

His fire red hair stood out with all the black he wore. “What’s your name, love?”

“Cassiel. And yours?”

“Crawley”.

Cassiel wrinkled her nose.

“What?” he asked her.

“It doesn’t suit you”.

Crawley smiled.

Cassiel swam up to the river bank where Crawley stood.

He made the mistake of kneeling down, because Cassiel grabbed his wrist and pulled him into the water.

Cassiel giggled as Crawley resurfaced, wiping the water from his eyes.

“Not so innocent, are you?” he asked her.

Cassiel bit her bottom lip and smiled. Yes, this angel was definitely not like the others. She was a rule breaker and loved getting into trouble.

Crawley could grow to like her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Crawley encountered Aziraphale again in Mesopotamia. “Hello Aziraphale!”

“Crawley”.

“So, giving the mortals a flaming sword. How did that work out for you?”

“The Almighty has never actually mentioned it again”.

“Probably a good thing. What’s this all about? Build a big boat and fill it with a traveling zoo?”

“From what I hear, God’s a bit tetchy. Wiping out the human race. Big storm”.

“All of them?”

“Just the locals. I don’t believe the Almighty’s upset with the Chinese. Or the Native Americans. Or the Australians”.

“Yet”.

“And God’s not actually going to wipe out all the locals. I mean, Noah, up there, his family, his sons, their wives. They’re all going to be fine”.

“But they’re drowning everybody else?”

Aziraphale nodded.

Crawley looked around at all the children. “Not the kids. You can’t kill kids”.

Aziraphale said nothing.

“Well, that’s more the kind of thing you’d expect my lot to do”.

“Yes, but when it’s done, the Almighty’s going to put a new thing, called a “rain bow”, as a promise not to drown everyone again”.

“How kind”.

“You can’t judge the Almighty, Crawley. God’s plans are...”

“Are you going to say ineffable?”

“...Possibly”.

“By the way, where’s your cute little angel companion? Cassiel is it?”

“Why?”

Crawley shrugged. “Just wondering. You two seem to be attached at the hip”.

“She didn’t want to be here…when it happened. She was very displeased to hear about what the Almighty had planned”.

“Shame. Would’ve loved to have talked to her again”.

Aziraphale looked at the demon, who was now watching a unicorn run off.

When they met again in Golgotha, there was still no sign of the mischievous female angel.

“She’s being punished”, Aziraphale told him.

“Punished?” Crawley, now Crowley, asked.

“She’s been forbidden from visiting earth”.

Crowley didn’t care how, but he wanted to see his angel again.

If Heaven harmed a single hair on her precious head, someone would pay.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The next time they met, it was Ancient Rome.

Cassiel (now released from Heaven) had tagged along with Aziraphale and run into Crowley at a Roman bar. Cassiel knew him when he walked into the establishment.

Everyone around them was dressed in whites and reds and he was dressed all in black with a pair of tinted glasses on his face.

“Crawley…Crowley. Well, fancy running into you here”, Aziraphale said.

Crowley looked over his shoulder and saw Cassiel standing there. She was just as beautiful as he remembered.

“Still a demon, then?” Aziraphale asked Crowley.

“What kind of stupid question is that? ‘Still a demon?’ What else am I gonna be, an aardvark?” Crowley snapped.

Cassiel giggled, causing Crowley to smirk. He rather liked the sound of her giggle.

“In Rome long?” Aziraphale asked.

“Just nipped in for a quick temptation. Although I could be persuaded to stay longer”.

Crowley looked at Cassiel, who blushed and looked down at her feet.

“I thought I’d try Petronius’ new restaurant”, Aziraphale said, “I hear he does remarkable things to oysters”.

“I’ve never eaten an oyster”.

“Oh. Oh, well, let me tempt you to…”

Crowley gave him a look.

“Oh, no. That’s your job, isn’t it?” Aziraphale said.

Crowley looked at Cassiel. “Do you mind if I steal her for a few hours?”

Cassiel looked between her fellow angel and the demon.

“I suppose. If Cassiel doesn’t mind”, Aziraphale said.

Cassiel nodded.

“Great”, Crowley said, finishing off his drink. He took Cassiel’s hand and led her out of the bar.

They walked down the street to a Roman bath house.

“I can’t go in there with you”, she said.

“I just want somewhere private to talk”. They found an empty room and Crowley miracled the door shut. “There. No one’s barging in on us now”.

“Why did you want to talk to me privately?”

“Because I’ve been wanting to see you”.

“See me? Why?”

“Because you’re so irritatingly interesting”.

“I don’t know whether to feel flattered or insulted”.

Her smart mouth made him smile. Cassiel wouldn’t admit it, but she found Crowley fascinating. He came closer to her.

“Woah. What do you think you’re doing?” she asked him.

Crowley leaned in and kissed Cassiel. He’d been waiting centuries to do it, so if this was his only chance, he was going to take it.

Cassiel pulled away with wide eyes and started to walk away.

“Cassiel, wait!” Crowley said, grabbing her arm.

“Let me go”.

“It’s okay”.

“No, no it’s not! You’re a demon! I’m an angel! I shouldn’t…”

“Shouldn’t what, love?”

She turned to face him and Crowley placed a hand on her cheek.

“Shouldn’t what?” he asked her.

Cassiel’s eyes flickered down to his lips. “I shouldn’t want you the way I do”.

“Then don’t resist it”.

“You don’t understand. Please let me go”.

Crowley finally released her and she ran away from him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

They met again in Arthurian England.

It didn’t take much to find her, thanks to a tip-off from Aziraphale (who she kept in regular contact with).

The angel didn’t approve of the way the demon constantly sought Cassiel out, but he allowed it because Crowley seemed to genuinely care for her.

“What happened between you two in Rome anyway? She gets all testy when I say your name”, Aziraphale asked.

“I may have kissed her”.

“You did what? Crowley!”

“What? I figured I’d take a chance. Look, do you know where she is or not?”

There was a knock on Cassiel’s chamber door. She answered it and found Crowley standing there. “What are you doing here?” she hissed. She grabbed him by his tunic and pulled her into her room. “Did Aziraphale tell you where I was?”

“It wouldn’t have been hard to find you. I’ve heard talk of a fair maiden that spreads love and joy wherever she goes”.

Cassiel blushed. “Why are you here?”

Crowley approached her. “You know why”.

“Crowley…”

His hands came up to cup her face as his golden eyes burned into her blue ones.

Cassiel’s eyes fell shut the moment Crowley’s lips touched hers. Her hands slid up his chest and fisted his tunic, pulling him closer to her.

Crowley’s hands gripped her tightly as he walked her back towards the bed.

When Cassiel’s knees hit the bed, she fell back.

Crowley stared down at the panting angel. The desire was clear on her face.

“Do you wanna keep going?” he asked her.

Cassiel gave him a sweet smile that quickly turned into a mischievous one as her hands pulled up the hem of her dress. She grabbed Crowley’s hand and placed it on her upper thigh. “I don’t wanna stop”, she told him.

That was all Crowley needed to hear as he slammed his lips on hers.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Their love affair continued throughout the centuries, despite her still spending most of her time on earth with Aziraphale.

It wasn’t until the 17th century that they became serious about pursuing a relationship with each other.

After conversing with Aziraphale and losing a coin toss, Crowley turned to leave.

“I’m surprised you haven’t asked about her yet”, Aziraphale said.

The demon stopped.

“She’s here you know”, Aziraphale told him, pointing to the stage, “At least say goodbye to her before you go”.

Crowley rolled his eyes and approached her where she stood next to the stage.

Cassiel felt two hands wrap around her waist. “Crowley”, she said, her hands settling on his on her stomach. She always knew when it was him. She could feel his darkness.

Crowley buried his nose in her hair, taking in her sweet scent. “How are you, my darling?”

“I’ve missed you. Staying in town long?”

“Heading out actually. Come with me?”

“What exactly are you asking?”

“For you to be with me. Like exclusively”.

Cassiel turned her head and looked at him, searching his golden eyes for any deception. When she found none, she nodded. “Okay”.

Crowley took her hand and began to lead her out of the Globe Theater.

Cassiel waved at Aziraphale as they left. Her fellow angel rolled his eyes.

If Heaven or Hell found out about their relationship, all three of them would be in trouble.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Cassiel and Aziraphale didn’t have the best time in Paris during the Reign of Terror.

“I’m telling you this is a bad idea”, she told him.

“Everything will be fine. We’ll go and get some crepes and then pop back over the Channel. It’ll be fine. You’ll see”.

“You there! Stop!” a man yelled. Two men flanked Aziraphale and grabbed him.

“Let him go!” Cassiel begged, “Please don’t do this!”

“Quiet!” a man hissed at her.

“Unhand me!” Aziraphale snapped as they started to drag him away.

“Aziraphale!” Cassiel yelled, as a man held her back.

“I’ll be fine! It’s just a misunderstanding!”

The men led him away, leaving Cassiel standing there by herself. “Crowley!” she screamed at the sky.

“No need to shout, love”.

She spun around and threw her arms around him.

“What’s wrong, my angel?” he asked her.

“They took Aziraphale! They’re going to kill him!”

“No, they’re not. Not if I have anything to say about. I’ll get him. Wait here”.

A few minutes later, Aziraphale and Crowley were standing next to her.

“Oh thank God!” Cassiel said.

Crowley opened his mouth to say something.

“Don’t even think about it. I know what smart remark is about to come out of your mouth”, she told him.

“Children. Calm down. I think the hysteria is getting to you”, Aziraphale joked.

Cassiel rolled her eyes. “Let’s just get your crepes and get out of this damned city”, Cassiel told them.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The years passed by as Cassiel spent more and more time with Crowley. So much that she had practically moved in with him. Wherever he went, she went as well.

But 1967 was the year Cassiel and Crowley finally admitted to loving each other.

“You did what?!” Cassiel yelled.

“I gave him what he wanted”, Aziraphale told her.

Cassiel shook her head at her friend and raced over to Crowley’s flat. When she arrived, she used her key and let herself in.

On Crowley’s desk sat the thermos of Holy Water.

A hand grabbed her wrist as she reached for it.

“What do you think you’re doing, love?” he asked her.

“What do you think you’re doing? How could you ask him for this?!”

“Technically I asked for it 105 years ago”.

Cassiel’s eyes softened and Crowley could tell she was on the verge of tears. “Crowley, please”.

“Why? Because you love me?”

“Yes. I do. I love you Crowley. Which is why I can’t understand why you would want to do this”.

Crowley sighed. Against his better judgement, he’d grown to love the angel standing in front of him.

She was his whole world. She had been since the Garden of Eden.

“Promise me”, she said, “Promise me you won’t do it”.

“My angel…”

“Promise me!”

Crowley didn’t answer her and she broke down. Crowley released her wrist and wrapped his arms around her.

“Please I don’t want to lose you”, she cried.

“You won’t”.

It wasn’t the promise she wanted to hear, but she would accept it. She knew Crowley would look out for himself, but she still worried that Heaven or Hell would get a hold of him and she’d never seen him again.

“Why don’t we get you to bed?” he suggested.

Angels don’t sleep, but there were consequences for fornicating with a demon.

Heaven had cut her off. Unofficially disowned her was more like it. She no longer had the power she used to, but she didn’t mind it. She liked feeling more human.

Since she was no longer an angel, in 1983 she decided to take a more human name. Winnie Foster.

After the main character from “Tuck Everlasting”.

Aziraphale had gifted her the book shortly after it had been published and she fell in love with it.

Crowley, of course, didn’t understand why she loved it so much.

“Because the Tuck’s are like us. We’ll never grow old. Never die”, she told him.

Despite being practically human and having human needs like food and sleep, she never aged. But her feelings for Crowley never faltered.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

To Crowley’s knowledge, the delivery of the Anti-Christ went according to plan. When Crowley arrived back at his apartment, he found Winnie asleep in his bed lying on her stomach with her head buried in his pillow.

It was stressful times like this where he was thankful to God or Satan or whoever that he had her.

Crowley shed his jacket and crawled on top of her, holding himself up on his hands and knees.

Winnie stirred and turned her head towards him as Crowley leaned down, pressing his lips to the corner of her mouth. “Crowley?” Her blue eyes opened and she rolled over on her back.

Crowley lowered himself onto her, pressing her into the mattress as his lips met hers.

Winnie sighed into the kiss as her hands found his hair.

He pulled away from her and set his forehead on hers as he twirled a piece of her hair around his finger.

Winnie’s breathing leveled out, telling him she was asleep again.

Crowley rolled off of her and took her in his arms. In the morning he would meet with Aziraphale about what to do about the Anti-Christ, but for now he was content to hold his angel in his arms as she slept.

[prmgles]

Demon!Aziraphale and Angel!Crowley is keeping me up at night. I like reimagined the whole show with a different dynamic. What changed? Not much.

They’d both still be themselves, in fact, more so! Aziraphale doesn’t have to keep his worries and his questions hidden away, he can just be a bastard who loves Earth and everything on it. 

He was thrown out not for being bad, but he just didn’t understand the ineffable plan. Why would people have to suffer? Why would She do this to her creations? He gifts Eve with the temptation for knowledge.

His sinning and tempting revolve around pushing the “seven deadly sins”. He doesn’t see why people can’t just enjoy the fun things in life. He pushes for people to eat what they want, love who they want, and take pride in everything they do, how they look. He enjoys everything the world has to offer, he doesn't want anyone Hurt, or to be evil, but if he can guide people away from Her Divine Plan, then, okay! He’s a bastard to a fault and there is no need to hide it here. He can lie, and outright share his thoughts because what will happen to him? He’s not the most devilish demon in hell, but he asked to be put on Earth, and he’s too fussy for the first demons to want around anyway.

Crowley is just so good. He loves people, Earth, and everything it has to offer. He is an angel who wants to Protect, and he knows how to keep anything he worries about to himself. He’s a smooth talker, when he’s asked where the sword went he just says, “OH I set it down for just a quick moment, can’t go swinging a flaming sword in such a beautiful garden, y’ know.”. He never lies, just knows how to omit. Answer the questions just truthful enough to get by without getting himself in trouble. He finds his own answers without asking questions that could cause him to fall.

He keeps his home in the image of Heaven and keeps a Garden in memoriam to Eden.

Aziraphale keeps a bookshop where he covets the words the people wrote. He loves information, he loves seeing what people create.

-

I imagine in Eden. Aziraphale comes up to the wall and transforms back into his human form, and is taken aback when an angel slides up next to him and says, “That went down like a lead balloon.” It takes a moment to collect himself and understand, the angel is merely looking at him suspiciously and not smiting him?? 

Aziraphale’s argument is that they deserve to have that knowledge, it’s not like it was hidden. It was right there tempting them, placed by God Herself because she couldn't bother to put it on the moon or something. It was the right thing to do.

Crowley agrees on this whole thing, but can never say so. “Demons can’t do the right thing.”

When Aziraphale notices the missing sword and he hears Crowley, might have left it next to a big whole he may have created in the wall. 

When Azi tells him, “You’re an Angel! You can’t do the bad thing.” He means it. He is adamant. The angel before him is Good, He Knows. If this angel did something, it must have been good, and there is no if not. He doesn't want this angel to fall for doing something that is going to protect these two precious humans.

Crowley leaves amused and interested in this demon whose entire argument was based on,” I did this very Good thing,, for Hell of course, since it hurts whatever this Heavenly prospect was.”

Aziraphale is left with the fact he was not cast away from this angel but had a very cordial conversation with them. He raises his wings above their heads during the first rain. 

Mesopotamia. Crowley is pinching his lips horrified at what is happening, knowing he can’t do a thing about it. Knowing he can’t say anything against it. He isn't opposed to the demon walking up to him, finding him in the madness, and honestly worried about the outcome of the sword. He tells him, icily, not because he’s angry at the demon but the situation they are currently standing in. he is entirely too relieved when Aziraphale voices his dissent. “She can’t do this! What did they do to deserve this? The children? Really!?” 

Rather then it being Aziraphale sucking in his lips trying to stop voice his worries, not daring to question Her, simply hemming and hawing, clearly upset; it’s Crowley, clearly pissed that he can't do a thing. “She’s so kind, promising to debut a “rain-bow” after wiping all these people out.

It’s only when Aziraphale asks, “If She wants these people gone, it would be absolutely terrible, to save them, wouldn’t it?” That Crowley loses some tension. Yes, it would be. Most devilish.

He is entirely too smitten when he comes across Aziraphale hiding in an alcove of the Ark with those who were left behind.

 --

Golgotha

“Crawly wasn’t angelic enough.”

 “So what, Raphael then?

 “Crowley.”

“Hm”

( I just imagined big picture stuff here folks).

It’s Aziraphale who leads Jesus to the Kingdoms of the world, trying to get him to escape the Plan laid out for him by God. He wants so desperately to save this man, this man who just wants people to Be Kind. 

And it’s Crolwy who stands angry and upset he couldn't much to save him. He doesn't have a say in any decisions from Up Above.

-

Rome is much the same. Aziraphale overhears Crowley - an angel who can’t stop being upset at his orders and how Heaven is run.

“Still an Angel, then?” - You’re still following orders that are too painful to follow? You’re still trying to do good? You’re still safe? You’re not Fallen?

“Let me tempt you to-” His sputtering this time isn’t because he did the other man’s job but, “Not that I'm actually attempting to tempt an Angel-!”

But, Lord, is Crowley tempted.

-

Stop to mention, that obviously some allegiances would change. Aziraphale has to work with the bad guys because he is a demon. He doesn’t disprove of killing those who deserve it, and he can justify doing a bad thing if it means going against Heaven and God.

I Image his look being more muted. More white and empty. Eyes that look milky white, because he had argued before he was dropped, was that he, “Just couldn’t see why-” (Why this Great plan didn’t seem so great.)

He wears white, not necessarily to boast a Heavenly clean look, but it’s nice to look clean and sharp when you're a demon, and all you’re counterparts look like that.  He is a demon who can look the part of Those Up Above.

I like Crowley wearing dark colors, not necessarily black, but dark, warm colors. He feels a disconnect from Heaven, and he doesn't Want to look the part.-

-

It’s still Crowley who suggests it would be easier if they lied to their Head Offices since they just cancel each other out. And Aziraphale stills upsets at the idea of lying, not for himself but, Crowley can't do that! You can’t just Lie to them! That’s big trouble! 

This time his offices WOuld check, the demons down there do seem to keep good track of how much evil is happening, and wondering if it couldn't have been more evil, Azira-fail?

Heaven doesn’t check. Crowley knows this. They may have sticklers u there but do they even pay attention?

The entire conversation, as knights, pretty much stays the same actually. They just,, work for different offices. Aziraphale can’t accept an Angel doing something against the rules.

Cause the thing is? He believes in good. When he became a demon he felt a horrible ain he cannot imagine Crowley (or anyone else for that matter) going through. He can’t have that.

Here, as Aziraphale as a demon, he has to constantly worry that he is tempting Crowley to sin, by having an AGreement like they do. Something horrible could happen, Heaven could destroy him. 

Angel or Demon, Aziraphale is going to worry about Crowley’s safety and how his own actions can affect it.

Crowley as an angel has to follow the line of working with HEaven, dong the good he Actually believes in, but he has a line he does not want to cross. He doesn’t fully agree with HEaven does and can only go so far against it.

-

Globe: I can’t imagine this scene going much differently again either. Demon Aziraphale eating, enjoying a play from a very creative man? Absolutely. 

Crowley sneaking in, careful to make sure they’re not being watched, because he is aware of what horrible things could happen and is careful to make sure there is no getting caught.

Simply switching who is doing Good and who is doing Bad. “A few minor temptations. - No rest for the wicked.” 

[Aziraphale wanting one of the Gloomy plays to be popular? Yes. It actually being  Miracle (not a demonic one that does it). Not wanting to be associated with an Angel (I’m not bringing this man down, of course not) HMM. It is an entirely different way to show how they’re both not entirely on their sides? Crowley tempting Aziraphale ]? Aziraphale, being the one to worry? It means something else if they’re on the other side.]

-

Bookshop scene where Hastur and Ligur come to bring Aziraphale back to hell, as he isn't DOing Enough Evil, and they have to overhear Crowley go on about “That devilish, Demon, always thwarting and being Evil!”

-

In France, his excuse is, “I can’t explain a demonic miracle when I’m here for crepes.” (+No need to explain why he just allowed Jean Claude to die in his place. +Crowley was, “In the area” because he heard about what “Aziraphale did”. “You think this is MY Demonic Work??” “So the humans thought it up themselves? *instantly relieves Aziraphale of his chains*. (Aziraphale didn’t do anything of course, but was pleased to see some justice done). 

Can demons thank people? Can he be grateful to an Angel helping him out? No, more because an Angel can’t go saving demons. 

In St. James, Aziraphale asks the same favor. Crowley can’t allow this, he cares far too much about Aziraphale to bring him such a thing. Aziraphale is prone to ding stupid things, and not thinking out the consequences. He Won’t do this favor. “I’m not an idiot Crowley, I’m not going to just hurt myself.” The fraternizing comment hurts still too. Of course, this Angel has better people to hang around with, he’s just a demon, and Crowley is hurt by the fact his demonic friend views their connection as lowly fraternizing. 

-

The WWII scene is hard. Are they in a church? Does Azi just wear thick shoes?  They think he’s actually evil, but they had suspicions, and :O they’re taking him out. Crowly (Infamous British Intelligence A.J. Crowley) can redirect the bombs cause it’s no trouble killing Nazis, and Azi still saves them both and is warmed so much when the Angel saves his books again, after everything, and when they weren’t important to anyone but for him. 

-

Aziraphale planning a heist to steal Holy water, and coming out to have a familiar Bently pull up next to him. “You’re an idiot, of course, I hear about crimes going on, I’m an Angel, I'm supposed to stop these things.  Here’s what you’re looking for, keep it safe. I fear losing you, let me take you ou, anywhere you want to go, please,”

“I’m a Demon and I just got an Angel to do something for me, an Angel who seems to care very Much about me in a way that is unacceptable. Maybe I tempted him, in which case that is wrong, and it could get this wonderful Angel killed. I cannot accept his advances as that would be a Sin,, surely.”

.

--

If I didn't have to work.

[olivianeesan]

Good Choices [Good Omens]

TITLE: Good Choices LENGTH: 2,998 words RATING: G SUMMARY: To answer a long-standing and important question: yes, God is omniscient-- most religions have got that bit right, more or less. There is, of course, a catch: She hasn't always been omniscient.

Crowley and Aziraphale and a lesson for us all. Written as I was speculating about the various themes of the book. Can be ship or not as reader prefers; canon compliant but primarily TV series-inspired (specifically ep3). Not subtle at all. Haven't written a fic in years but Good Omens is deliriously inspiring.

=============================================================

To answer a long-standing and important question: yes, God is omniscient— most religions have got that bit right, more or less. There is, of course, a catch: She hasn't always been omniscient.

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Eastern Gate, Garden of Eden, 4004 BC

The first thunder booms; a demon instinctively leans into an angel, who extends a protective wing. They stand together, side by side for the first time, and watch humans begin their great journey, unaware that they stand on the precipice of their own.

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In the Time Before There Was Time, She lacked just one key learning, one vital piece of information, which in fairness left Her still pretty brilliant as all-encompassing deities go.

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Noah's Ark, Mesopotamia, 3004 BC

Left to his own devices, as he usually is, Crawley rationalizes. His interest in his angelic counterpart on Earth can easily be explained by two facts:

One, the existence of a fallen angel consists of nothing so much as being outside of God's love. But there's a warmth in Aziraphale's presence that Crawley feels is vaguely reminiscent of that divine passion; it's only natural he should be drawn to it. On some level he can even find his way to thinking that he's found a clever loophole, exploited a bug in the system.

Two, no one else lives very long anyway.*

[* And this was during the era of Methuselah, who was in fact 313 years old around this time.]

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Oh, God knew the Fundamental Truth of Life well enough, and She knew if there was to be a universe— and She knew there was —She knew she had to build it around this truth.

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Crucifixion of Jesus, Golgotha, 33 AD

Left to his own devices, as he usually is, Aziraphale rationalizes. He hoped he'd never have to admit it to anyone else, but this Crawley— now Crowley —speaks plainly the same doubts that Aziraphale hides deep in the most secret pockets of his metaphorical heart. Every act of hatred the angel witnesses chips away, just a bit, at Aziraphale's confidence in the Great Plan, and it is some small comfort, hearing another immortal express his own secret feelings.

Besides which, Aziraphale thought it was short-sighted and perhaps even rude to disregard the death of God's only son on Earth, and Crowley was the only other non-human with the decency to show up, demon or not.*

[* They were also both present at the birth, though each was too caught up by the pleasure-or-pain of the event's massive holiness to notice the other at the time, rendering this fact completely immaterial to you, the reader. But it is nonetheless true.]

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The Fundamental Truth of Life, She knew, is love.

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Titus' Tavern, Rome, 41 AD

The ease with which they begin to slip into camaraderie makes them both uneasy, ironically, though only Crowley tries to hide it with his usual insouciance. Having finished their drink at the tavern and allowed the alcohol to carry out its pleasantly relaxing effects, the pair make their way to Petronius' restaurant and do, in fact, try out the oysters, along with several more rounds of drinks.

It is the first time in four thousand years on Earth that the pair loosen up enough to really talk, and not just about work— which of course they do discuss, as members of the same industry as it were —but mostly sharing stories of their interactions with humans and bonding over the other species' propensity for trouble.*

When Crowley proposes a toast "to the first supper," Aziraphale quips a hope that it "won't be the last supper," and Crowley bursts into a fit of intoxicating laughter, throwing his head back and with such open delight that it quashes any shame Aziraphale might have felt about the not-all-THAT-blasphemous joke.**

It is not their last supper.

[* These are the sorts of stories that don't make their way into histories or epics; like the time Aziraphale got caught in a compromising position with a drunk monk who wanted to wrestle, or when Crowley inadvertently inspired the placement of series of enormous stones in a field of what would one day be England which caused much trouble then and ever since, or the time they both scurried around Hammurabi's palace influencing his new system of Law, each completely unaware of the other until the laws had already been formally codified.

And that's how you get such a brilliant idea as telling people what is expected of them but also ongoing stupidity about treating people differently based on their gender or wealth, which to be fair has never not been a problem for these ridiculous humans, Aziraphale and Crowley agree.]

[** Aziraphale almost invents a joke 1,950 years too early by following up with "Too soon?" but wisely refrains.]

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So She created beings whose fundamental core is love: angels, in several different varieties because just one would be dull and She's going to have them for all eternity.

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A Battlefield, Kingdom of Wessex, 537 AD

For six hundred years they've enjoyed meeting socially often but haphazardly, but it is on a battlefield that Crowley first has an Idea that eventually becomes an Arrangement.

He thinks the inspiration comes to him of necessity, because the armor is pinching him in the armpit, the chain mail is heavy, he's utterly stifled wearing all that in the damp air of Wessex, and to top it all off all his efforts are just being countered by his heavenly adversary.

But in fact, some part of him that he doesn't acknowledge just wants to meet Aziraphale more regularly, and if they start to share duties, well, they'd have to meet more regularly, wouldn't they?

He is disappointed but not surprised when Aziraphale rejects his offer out of hand, he knows the angel will take some convincing, and besides, silver armor must not get as hot as black armor.

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But it became clear rather quickly— after the equivalent of a hundred million Earth years, roughly —that these creatures, lovely as they were, rather missed the point.

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The Globe Theatre, London, 1601 AD

"Yeah, all right. I'll do that one. My treat."

It's not the first time Crowley has done something nice for Aziraphale*, but it might be the first time Aziraphale had thought to hope, or even expect, for him to do so. Who would have guessed that "puppy eyes" could be effective on a demon?

For Crowley, though, it was definitely a bartered exchange; not for the puppy eyes, but for the frisson of pleasure he had felt when Aziraphale expressed concern for Crowley should their arrangement be discovered. No one else ever bothered being concerned for him.

Though he couldn't help but wonder...

[* The very first time that Crowley did something nice for Aziraphale— intentionally —was in fact shortly after the humans were expelled from the Garden, but what it was, he has never told anyone, even Aziraphale himself, leaving us unable to share it with you, dear reader. But we are given to understand that this secret act of kindness was both "epic" and "badass".]

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It was at this point that God had Her own Epiphany, becoming well and truly omniscient. Then Her work really began.

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The Bastille, Paris, 1793 AD

Aziraphale was not, by nature, a suspicious person, but when Crowley came to his rescue at the Bastille he wondered whether there was more going on than he knew.

There absolutely was, but not in the way Aziraphale imagines.**

It had taken Aziraphale over 5,000 years to consider the idea that Crowley might be a bad influence on him on purpose rather than on accident— that perhaps he was running a "long con" in an effort to drag another angel to Hell, though there had been no more Falling since God made the Earth.

On the other hand, maybe the demon just didn't want to lose someone who covered for him at work.

It was neither of these things, of course; it simply never occurred to Crowley not to help his one and only friend out of a jam when he could.

Just as well; if it had occurred to him Crowley would have had to admit that he was rubbish as a demon, really.

[* To be fair, there being more going on than he knew about is a normal state of affairs for Aziraphale. Not that the angel is stupid; in fact, he's quite smart when he puts his mind to it. He just gets so distracted.]

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She created the universe, putting Her loving angels to work crafting galaxies and animals and magic (an iffy idea) and physics (a worse one) while She Herself put the finishing touches on humanity.

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St. James' Park, London, 1862 AD

"Out of the question." Aziraphale's clipped tones cuts Crowley to the quick. Wasn't Aziraphale himself the one who had brought up the possibility of getting caught a couple of centuries ago? And aren't they friends? What's a little holy water between friends?

If giving pain were a sport, Aziraphale might have won some kind of award for this particular act, because in addition to Crowley's hurt there is the angel's own. Here it is, he thinks, exactly as he dreaded: Crowley has been buttering him up for this, none of his previous kindness towards Aziraphale was real, the demon probably didn't even really like him, probably thinks he's a big fat joke and laughs about him in secret.*

The pair parts on the worst terms they'd been on for ages, or perhaps ever. Crowley elects to spend the rest of the century sleeping, which doesn't help his relationship with the home office one bit.

[* Aziraphale agonizes over this failed interaction for decades**, eventually realizing that it's not like Crowley could have some truly nefarious purpose for the holy water— it can't be used against angels or humans. And furthermore, that nearly 6,000 years is a long time to set up a scheme and Crowley doesn't really do that kind of slow roll, moves too fast if anything. It's quite wrong of him to assume the worst of Crowley just because he's a demon, especially when said demon has honestly given him no cause for that kind of doubt. And in any case...and so on and so on. In short, the angel talks himself out of his fit of self-doubt.]

[** Crowley just sleeps through all the agonizing.]

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Then she gave it all a gentle push.

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St. Luke's Church, London, 1941 AD

Oh.

Aziraphale holds the hefty satchel full of books aloft and stares after Crowley. It feels like a lightbulb has turned on inside his head, and it won't be turned back off no matter how many times he pulls at the metaphorical string.

He'd missed Crowley.

He'd missed the demon's humor and style and random acts of kindness. Or not so random, since they are often directed at Aziraphale himself. The angel knows an apology when he sees one, recognizes it implicit in Crowley's appearance at the church, is deeply touched that Crowley went through all that physical and spiritual discomfort to save Aziraphale's stupid face.

But the books...the books aren't apology. They are gift. They are thoughtful, in the very literal sense that Crowley had spent what could have been his last moment before a painful discorporation thinking about what Aziraphale cared about and going to extra trouble making it happen.

Oh, thinks Aziraphale.

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Most humans understand that their species is taking a crash course to learn to choose Good of their own free will, whether they believe it to be divine ordinance or simple moral imperative.

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A Bentley outside the Drinking Donkey Pub, 1967 AD

Crowley knows an apology when he sees one, and the thermos he gingerly takes from Aziraphale is certainly that. It's the trust that really gets him, though. Aziraphale isn't just giving him a deadly weapon, he's saying as blatantly as if he'd written the words on a poster board and hung it in the window of his stupid bookshop: I TRUST YOU, CROWLEY.

An angel, trusting a demon?

Must be a sign of the apocalypse.

He's not surprised when the angel rejects his offer of a ride, but he is surprised that it still stings, even breaking through the rush of warmth Crowley feels at Aziraphale's gesture with the holy water. The pain ebbs slightly as Aziraphale offers consolation in the form of a picnic, or perhaps in dining at the Ritz. (The Ritz? he wonders. Why The Ritz?)

It isn't until many years later that he hears a cover of a cover of a cover of a romantic old jazz standard and thinks: Oh.*

[* "A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square" was written and performed in 1939, then performed again and again for almost the entire rest of forever. The version Crowley first hears used on a science fiction TV programme in 2007— one year before the birth of the Anti-Christ —is heavily inspired by the Frank Sinatra, Glenn Miller, and of course Vera Lynn versions of the song, all of which the demon consumes non-stop for nearly a week.]

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No humans, and very few non-humans, know that the angel species is auditing the same course.

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A.Z. Fell Booksellers, London, 2019 AD

"Don't dawdle," booms Metatron, the Voice of God, and Aziraphale doesn't.

He's made a decision, and has made it so swiftly and instinctively that he hardly realizes it yet, let alone understands the importance of it.

If God and/or the angelic host won't hear him out, there's only one being in the entire universe that he knows will, and he wishes he'd trusted Crowley with this from the start and saved them all a lot of time, but he didn't, and now he has to hurry.

Aziraphale dials a number he knows by heart.

"Hey."

"Hello. I know where the Anti—"

"This is Anthony Crowley."

"I know who you are, you idiot, I telephoned you! Listen—"

"You know what to do. Do it with style."

Voicemail. Lord, he hoped Crowley wasn't already on his way to Alpha Centauri.

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Most angels— or former angels —would never even consider this possibility. In fact, exactly two angels have ever suspected that God slipped them a dose of free will, perhaps eons ago.

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The Enterprise Pub, London, 2019 AD

"TADFIELD. Air base!"

"I heard that, it was the 'wiggle on'..." but Aziraphale's ghostly presence was gone.

Crowley had said he wasn't going to go there, had even considered whether the vision was some hellish trick, until the "wiggle on".

But really, he knew he'd been lying, knew he'd go wherever Aziraphale said to, as long as the angel promised to be there too, which he had.

You see, Crowley had made a decision too, though longer ago, perhaps at the bandstand the day before, or when he'd stopped at a phone booth to make a call in 2008, or when he'd heard a sappy love song a year before that, or maybe it was at the Globe Theatre in 1601 or the fields of Wessex in 537 or at the Eastern Gate of the Garden of Eden in four-thousand-fucking-four BC.

Like Aziraphale, he doesn't fully realize he'd made a decision, which is why he rather doesn't know when he'd made it.

Crowley gets in the Bentley and drives to Aziraphale, as fast as he can.

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Because the epiphany that God had all those eons ago, in the World Before There Was a World, was that love is a choice.

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A Bench at Berkeley Square, London, 2019 AD

"For my money, the really big one will be all of us against all of them."

"What? You mean heaven and hell against...humanity?"

Neither of them says it out loud; there are no gestures, no glances up or down or askew, but as they lock eyes they both feel the weight of the decision they've made, deep inside, to change their definition of "us".

And despite all the doubts and questions of their long lives, they both know that they've made the right choice.

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To answer a long-standing and important question: yes, God is omniscient— most religions have got that bit right, more or less. There is, of course, a catch: She hasn't always been omniscient.

In the Time Before There Was Time, She lacked just one key piece of information, which in fairness left Her still pretty brilliant as all-encompassing deities go.

Oh, God knew the Fundamental Truth of Life well enough, and She knew if there was to be a universe— and She knew there was —She knew she had to build it around this truth.

The Fundamental Truth of Life as she knew it, is love.

So She created beings whose fundamental core was love: angels, in several different flavors because one would be dull.

But it became clear rather quickly— after the equivalent of a hundred million Earth years, roughly —that these creatures, lovely as they were, rather missed the point.

It was at this point that God had Her own Epiphany, becoming truly omniscient. Then Her work really began.

She created the universe, putting Her loving angels to work crafting galaxies and animals and magic (likely a bad idea) and physics (definitely a bad idea) while She Herself put the finishing touches on humanity.

Then she gave it all a gentle push.

Most humans understand that humans as a species are taking a crash course to learn to choose Good of their own free will, whether they believe it to be the command of a deity or pantheon, or a simple moral imperative.

No humans, and very few non-humans, know that the angel species is auditing the same course.

Most angels would never even consider this possibility; exactly two— or rather, one angel and one fallen angel —have begun to even suspect that God secretly slipped them free will absolute eons ago.

Because the epiphany that God had all those eons ago, in the World Before There Was a World, was that love is a choice.

=============================================================

As noted in the summary, I've been mulling over Good Omens-- the book and the show, both of which have been re-read/re-watched --the differences between the two, the themes, the lessons, all that good stuff, and somehow this fic was born. I wrote the "God"/in-between bits first, in their entirety, with the vague idea that if I were the one to write a Good Omens sequel they would exist between its chapters.

I'm NOT the one to write a sequel though. But when I realized I had 13 paragraphs it felt like I needed to do something with it, so I decided to run through Crowley and Aziraphale's history. I think I've got the timeline and locations all correct (thank god for the script book!), except the tavern in Rome which I made up a name for, but bear with me if I missed anything. ;)

I wasn't sure I was going to post it, even though I set up an account to, but having heard about the devastating and deadly arson committed against anime studio Kyoto Animation in Tokyo, I thought it was important to get a little more love out into the world. I hope you enjoyed the fic, but even if you didn't, let's all try to love each other more.

[wraithwitch]

Good Omens: Ep 3

A chronological list of my thoughts and rambles whilst watching.

·     Mesopotamia: Crowley has a plait in his hair and looks hot as mustard.

·     Crowley’s utter bafflement and horror at God drowning people. And Aziraphale looks so uncomfortable - he knows it’s wrong, but is hoping it’s right because God’s doing it. (This is why Crowley suggests Aziraphale should kill the Antichrist - he knows heaven is capable of it.)

·     ‘Oi Shem! That unicorn’s gonna make a run for it!’ HA!

·     Golgotha: ‘So what is it now?’ ‘Crowley.’ - the little ‘hm, I like it’ noise Aziraphale makes is precious.

·     ‘I showed him all the kingdoms of the world’ - biblically I think that was Shitan/Satan when Jesus was being tempted in the desert, but I like the idea it was Crowley.

·     Rome: Petronius wrote the Satyricon which was a satire set during a feast. When Nero ordered him to kill himself he cut open his wrists during dinner with his friends and had a surgeon bleed him between courses. Petronius was extra AF.

·     Crowley has a serpent brooch and Aziraphale a wing brooch.

·     ‘Let me tempt you…’ Crowley looks so amused and has just fallen in love with his new idiot boyfriend.

·     Globe Theatre: Crowley why do you look like a second-rate Mephistopheles? ‘And what does your friend think?’ ‘Oh he’s not my friend’. Yes, Crowley, you smug grinning git, we know Aziraphale is your boyfriend.

·     ‘what I infer you’re implying’ Aziraphale you’re such a grammar geek.

·     ‘If Hell finds out they won’t just be angry - they’ll destroy you!’ Aziraphale isn’t worried about him getting into trouble, only Crowley.

·     Once again, 2 seconds and Crowley is doing anything to make Aziraphale happy, including miracle-ing Hamlet.

·     The look of joy on Aziraphale’s face when Crowley turns up in Paris.

·     ‘No! The humans thought it up themselves, nothing to do with me!’ Aziraphale’s look of soft relief!

·     ‘I like pears…’ Angel stop thinking about food and pay attention. ‘I’m not an idiot Crowley.’ Sorry, but you are.

·     ‘Fraternizing?!’ Oh the hurt rage in that one word.

·     Crowley walking on consecrated ground is one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever seen. Ever.

·     ‘Anthony?’ ‘You don’t like it?’ ‘No, no, I didn’t say that. I’ll get used to it.’ Once again Crowley seeks Aziraphale’s approval over his name.

·     ‘A whole font full of holy water - it doesn’t even have guards…’ Reasons Crowley has ever done anything - 1) the aesthetic 2) to annoy the Powers That Be 3) to get a reaction from his boyfriend husband Aziraphale.

·     After the bomb hits the church, Aziraphale is suddenly wearing his hat.

·     ‘Little demonic miracle of my own…’ And that’s when Aziraphale falls in love with Crowley. Or possibly realizes he fell in love with Crowley a long time ago.

·     ‘A hundred now, another hundred when the job’s done. A hundred more to keep shtum.’ Crowley, do you know how that lot would mock you if they found out they were nicking holy water?! (Do we think Crowley set up the job in Soho just so Aziraphale would hear of it?)

·     ‘It’s the real thing?’ ‘The holiest.’ Bet Aziraphale blessed it himself.

·     ‘Can I drop you anywhere?’ AKA When Crowley says ‘I love you’ using the wrong words.

·     ‘You go too fast for me Crowley.’ Ow my heart you idiots. Crowley looks unhappy.

·     ‘This is my world.’ Once again Adam tells Anathema the truth and she doesn’t see it.

·     ‘Witchfinder Majors Saucepan, Tin, Milkbottle (deceased), and Cupboard.’ Oh dear.

·     The film playing in the café is (I think) The Witchfinder General. Crowley’s paper is Infernal Times and the headline reads ‘SOUL MUSIC catalogue your collection of souls’ Inside it says ‘Research reveals Exorcism on the Rise in Wales’.

·     ‘Keeps me on my toes, I can tell you’ AKA MY BOYFRIEND WHOM I LOVE (try to keep a lid on it, Aziraphale.)

·     ‘Fatty spliffers...’ Oh no.

·     Ella Wolfnoth wrote the articles Newt scans - she worked in the Art Department.

·     ‘Phenomenon-enoms.’ Shadwell has endless issues with that word.

·     ‘You were an angel once.’ ‘That was a long time ago.’ Aziraphale, stop trying to make Crowley regret being who he is. You know as well as I that Heaven and Hell are equally monstrous in their way.

·     Crowley is still not up for killing kids and still furiously bitter that Heaven is. ‘You should kill the boy yourself. Holi-ly.’ Sass.

·     The desperation in Aziraphale’s voice when he says ‘You can’t leave, Crowley.’

·     ‘Go off together?’ Yes, Aziraphale, you idiot, Crowley is asking you to elope with him.

·     ‘Friends? We’re not friends. We are an angel and a demon. We have nothing whatsoever in common. I don’t even like you!’ He sounds on the verge of tears.

·     ‘We’re on our side!’ Crowley’s seething rage at Aziraphale’s inability to see the obvious.

·     ‘It’s over!’ ‘Right. Well then…’ Aziraphale is practically crying.

·     The Minister is in bed with a rent boy. (Probably Tory then…)