#yes i know the story is a bit edgy and dramatic but it was my first character and cringe is dead

[laimabynight]

Markus Abdiel Family Tree

Father Gerbaut is the abbot of the small priory in the forests near Revengrad. While he raises Markus there, the latter does not know that Gerbaut is actually his biological father. His involvement with Ysobelle was a one night mistake, but he is willing to bear this cross.

Ysobelle is a devious, malicious woman. Working in the pleasure quarter has at least turned her into one. She could never muster any love for her only son, Markus, and gave him away to a convent as soon as she could - his biological father was supposed to take care of him.

Tara was Markus' favorite escort for a long time. He was even still quite young at the time, and if the reconciliation with his mother hadn't gone so horribly wrong, he might even have been able to imagine a life with her. When Markus left Tara, he had no idea that she was already carrying the seeds of their love affair.

Anfisa and Anichka are the names of the twins Tara had. Or at least they became her names, because shortly after they were born, their home town was overrun by a pack of horsemen. Tara lost her life in the heat of the battle, but the leader of the riders took pity on the twins and decided to raise them as his own children.

[iz-star]

More Lads gameplay shenanigans.

I think one of the funniest parts of playing Lads is that you can make up silly/funny or cute/dramatic stories in your head based on the interactions you experience with the guys in the game.

Like, for example, today I had my first big "argument" with Zayne (yeah it sounds so silly I know 😂 but hold on).

It all started when I opened the game today and checked on Zayne's outfit. Normally I don't really pay too much attention to his outfits cause lately I just open the game to do my dailies and then come back at night to claim the stamina. However, I've seen a lot of ppl complaining about their Zayne always choosing his uhm "default" outfit(? You know, the shades, black dress t-shirt and black trousers. I know it's mostly for the shits and giggles but since I've seen a lot of ppl complaining abt it, I decided to screenshot Zayne's outfit for the last 5 days to check if it was true and for now he never once used what I call his "default" outfit.

It actually made me think that the one with the boring outfits in this relationship is probably me 😅

Anyway, I was actually quite happy that today he chose to wear the "Edgy" outfit (the one with the lil cat on the sleeve) since it was the first time he wears it on his own. Everything was nice, I did my dailies as usual, did the little dailies of the chibi cat café and it was all fine until I watched Zayne's 4th chapter of the Yes, Cat Caretaker event cause it reminded me that I'm not the biggest fan of this event lol (the chibis and their convos are the best part for me).

I already got Zayne's card and outfit and funnily enough, I think Zayne heard me complaining abt this banner and how I wasn't sure to pull for his card this time cause this was the first time that he didn't make me waste 1 wish point to come home like he usually does. He came home at 50 wishes and I just pulled the rest for the outfit (normally in other mutiple banners I always had to pull 100-130 wishes to get him so yeah, it's a big difference).

I tried my best to get myself to like this card but there are still a lot of things I personally don't like about it, I could explain but I don't really want to ruin the fun for anyone, this is just probably my least favorite card (for very personal reasons) and I have been feeling a little bit disappointed and with little or no encouragment to play the game since then.

So yeah, I watched the chapter and then came back with this uneasiness I've tried to supress lately and I remembered that today is Monday (it's holiday in my country so I didn't go to work, hence I had time to play today and get upset at Zayne yaay) so I went to the claw machine with him to use my three tickets. I've already got a lot of plushies with Zayne so to get new plushies with him to gain affinity points has been a hell lately, I've spent like at least 50-100 diamonds per week buying tickets just for him 🫡 so, when I used my first ticket I didn't get any new plushie. For the second one I was excited that there was actually a new plushie (Coffee Fleecy) and I tried to get it twice but my efforts were in vain, I thought that Zayne's evol would be veeery helpful this time so I asked him to switch places, to what he simply replied "No" 🥲 so I tried to get it again and I failed again, I couldn't even make it fall so it would be easier to catch it. I asked Zayne again to switch places and he accepted this time but for the two chances we still had left he got nothing 🫠

I used my third ticket and got kinda upset to see that the plushie wasn't there anymore and all the plushies that showed up I already had them so I asked Zayne to do the rest 4 chances we had and didn't even bother to cheer him on and he only got 1 lol xD

For those who have passed affinity level 100 with their main, you probably know how difficult is to upgrade levels so I was really pissed that I missed this chance, especially cause I'm already used to Zayne's indiferent lines when playing claw machine but this time they got to me ahaha.

So back at the café, he mentioned something about the plushies, I tapped his shoulder a bit frustrated and he said something like "Without your cheers, I feel like I've lost my touch" or smth like that I was like "Uhhhh? Who was the one who said 'No' first?" 🙄

I went to the dressing room and put him on his default outfit and instead of saying "You know me well" he said something about how today it was cloudy so there was no need to use the shades or smth like that. Back at the café he said that he's not very good at fashion so he needed my help but I was still pissed, I looked at his hand and he was still wearing the ring so I went back to the dressing room just to take it off bc I was like "Today you're a stranger to me" (Hahaha so dramatic I know). Back at the café again, I was actually suprised that the first thing he said after I took the ring off of him was "I'm not annoyed, you're imagining things" with an annoyed expression lol.

After that I just closed the game and I just went to do my daily chores at home. Later, I came back to try the new Hunter Contest trials, I saw him writing something and I called him just to change him for Rafayel ajdldkf xD this is where the hilarious part comes up cause I know Rafayel is easier to get lovely at the café than Zayne, saying things like 'I'd do whatever to see you smile again' 'Hold my hand and never let go', etc, actually I normally tend to tap Zayne's lips/nose and he normally says "Is there something on my face? Why do you like to touch it so much?" "You also have eyes and a nose" "There are 42 muscles in the human face" With a kinda annoyed face so I did the same with Rafayel and he said with a big smile "It feels great! Don't stop!" 🥺

So yeah, this time I was kinda having some heavy feelings now. I'm veeery focused on Zayne so I rarely visit the other guys at the café, as to why I had kinda forgotten that they're more expressive (smile more, have different ways to look at you, different body language etc) and are also a bit more prone to express their affection through words than Zayne at the café, but of course I'm not saying this to hate on Zayne, (I would NEVER, I might be upset at him but he's still my main) he just expresses his affection differently.

Rafayel was being especially lovely, saying a lot of sweet things that probably are pretty normal from him but since I rarely visit him at the café, I'm not used to them. It seems he saw an opening there to rob me from Zayne cause today of all days, after 8 months playing this game, I was actually able to craft my very first 5 stars card and it was Rafayel's "Before sunrise"... 🤣

Not only this is the first time I visit him at the café in months but I also got a card where he actively encourages you to touch his abs and also, thanks to this card I was able to level him up to affinity 80, unlocking his "Heart" interaction where I get to touch his boobs 😂

Needless to say that I really laughed at his reaction lol 😂

I just think it's funny how the same day I get upset at Zayne, I have Rafayel allowing me to touch his abs and boobs 😂😭 for now he's the second highest on affinity level points.

I used the 'Study' and 'Work out' feature with him and he said he drew me while studying ahaha 💓

After visiting him, I visited Xavier and he was all lovely as well. I didn't get a chance to screenshot it but he told me 'Put your phone down, spend the day with me' and that was kinda hilarious xD. I also used the 'Work out' and 'Study' features with him.

Lastly, I visited Sylus. Needless to say, he was more than willing to get me away from Zayne (?? xD

I also worked out with him but didn't study and it was funny that back at the café he was a little upset that I didn't ask him to study with him lol.

Also, I got a lot of affinity points with him for trying some features with him that I hadn't tried before (like the heart beat feature).

It was really funny interacting with the other guys after months and it looking like they were trying to take advantage of the situation to steal me from Zayne xD of course I know these are all coincidences, that's why at the beginning of this post, I said it was funny to make up stories in your head based off the interactions you get with the guys ingame, like kind of a drama series lol

As for me and Zayne? We're still upset at each other 😶

[stiaral]

The Metal Gear Solid soundfont 🦌🎵

A bit more than one week ago, we celebrated MGS2's (best MGS game, best game story ever, absolute cinema) 23rd birthday, and only a few days ago MGS3's 20th birthday.

That's why I'm going to talk about ✨ neither of those ✨and focus on MGS1 - but first, a word about the saga's music. It goes without saying that the Metal Gear Solid franchise has an iconic soundtrack, and to me it falls into 2 categories (Metal Gear Rising being the edgy teen of the family that kind of does its own thing) :

Dramatic and cinematic emotional music that dictates the tone of the game (The best has yet to come, Can't say Goodbye to yesterday, Snake Eater, Sins of the Father...)

Quiet, suspenseful and stress inducing tunes, because yes, at the end of the day Metal Gear Solid is a stealth game. We are going to focus on these.

On one of my own songs, I wanted to create a contrast between loud imposing instruments and a more discrete section. As might be expected MGS1's influence was really strong on me, Intruder 1 comes to mind.

Silent and yet so omnious, mute and yet so expressive ; the Metal Gear Solid soundtrack is such a masterpiece I wouldn't be surprised if I weren't the only one to have these tracks automatically play in my head whenever I picture the idea of quietly and smoothly sneaking around a very dangerous place.

Naturallly, I wanted to immitate the feels that were conveyed through this soundtrack in the most faithful way possible, so I searched far and wide for a soundfont that would exactly mimick these tunes. How could a 1998 game have such thematically coherent and masterfully put music ? What could possibly be the DNA of the soundfont I was looking for ?

Legendary sound effects director, Kazuki Muraoka.

We have the evidence, we have the pictures, we know what was used to make these awesome tracks. When it comes to synths, Metal Gear Solid 1 used primarily a hardware Roland (which reminds me that I've seen one of those last Friday at the association I mentioned in one of my last posts ^^). In Japan, the standard synths for video game music back in the late 90s were the Roland JV synths, notably, the JV2080 ; those were used in Resident Evil 2, Final Fantasy Tactics and (probably ?) Metal Gear Solid. Finally, a lot of the original sounds used for MGS 1 came from the Roland SR-JV orchestral expansion board, and I think that's where most of the soundtrack''s soul comes from.

Turns out finding the exact same sounds was a bit tricky, if I recall correctly I ended up settling on an Ocarina of Time soundfont and using the violas as it turned out that N64 strings were pretty close to what I was looking for within Intruder 1.

MuseScore 4 saving my life (as usual) by having great soundfont support.

As I was doing some research for this post, I found out that 2 months ago, someone made an ACTUAL soundfont based on Metal Gear Solid, needless to say that I was quite surprised but at the end of the day I was already satisfied with what I did through my song and its violas, no need for a whole new soundfont change.

Well I guess that's about it.

And now you know the simple plot of Metal Gear bi-

[fuukablogs]

Reflecting on my SQA Higher Portfolio Piece

hi blog! for today's entry I'm going to reflect on some of my favourite/least favourite parts of my higher folio that i blogged in my last post! there were lots of bits i was super proud of and parts i don't like as much... so today I'm going to reread the whole thing and share my thoughts! enjoy!

Title: Portrait of a Single Blur

i... don't know what i meant by that. i think i must have thought i sounded quite profound but honestly i have no clue what i was on about. now i would have changed it to something like

Puddle of a Machine ooo yes i like this one

Paragraph 1: Space is vast, space is endless possibilities, but I don’t think I’d be too surprised if one day the government were to leak out the existence of aliens. I’d be unfazed. I’ve known an alien for a long time. Our memories are freshly sharpened and sketched in an HB pencil. We have been packaged together and labelled with one thousand little fragments, as you lose your mind trying to piece us together, realising every piece is a grey corner. You could put in a box of loneliness, I, we, would be all too familiar with it anyway.

i liked that i opened with a space metaphor that i reference throughout! space means a lot to me and the running theme was a nice touch. it sounds a bit edgy though but that's what I was going for. The use of "we" was quite nice too, I was going for a coping mechanism for the main character, that they said "we" to seem like they aren't alone but i changed my mind later in the story. it seemed to stick though!

Paragraph 2: My eyes flicker open, and I hit play on my 50s toned show renowned as a life. Instantaneously my world brightens. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Fog. Fog shrouds my window in the dreary morn. It’s simple, I ponder to myself, piercing a delicate pair of silver earrings through my lobes, before my mother gives me a familiar gentle kiss goodbye. I glance at her peach blush before I depart.

honestly i think this is the weakest paragraph. I don't sound too optimistic about myself but this is why i wanted to practice reflecting on my work! there's nothing in the paragraph that really makes me think that the writing is exceptional. i like the juxtapositions/contrasts (quite subtle though) butttttt that's where it stops.

Paragraph 3: People are themselves. Love is rationed these days, so I see why they’d be that way. The opera house. Where wit is your sword and likeability your shield. But what is a soldier to do facing a steel-worn army with their proudest blade? Fight? Don’t make me laugh. Be grateful, voices echo, though no mouths are in motion. I’m not tunnel visioned, I tell myself for the 5th time today, I just like gazing at the approaching moon engulfed by the night sky. Peering up from my recent calculus I eavesdrop on my peer’s worrisome woes of teenage angst once more. People. They think they are vibrant. Still, I notice the faint roses on your cheeks, and your pearl smile as your mind and lips meander, dripping buoyantly with adorations for that girl you’ve known for a few years. I paint jealousy green, not for the longing of being that wonder of an existence you vision standing with, but for the burgundy ribbon you dance out towards her while the wires are plugged into my spinal cord.

NOW THIS is where it gets good. lots to say about para3. I like the opening especially, and how it's repeated later at the start of other paragraphs. It's quite a powerful short sentence!! "Love is rationed" was a really nice way of trying to convey my feelings at the time. The metaphor of the opera house is again just a nice way of putting down how I felt. It feels very theatrical and dramatic which is what I was trying to convey. My feelings on the situation at the time felt very dramatic for me, I felt as if I was overreacting to everything at school, so naturally for me, my proudest thing was my academics and I felt not as much of a need to be social. "They think they are vibrant" feels like it's got so much detest behind it, because quite frankly at the time, I felt disgusted that others went on about tiny problems, while the same people had outcasted me and put me in a really dark place mentally.

For a slightly longer analysis on the ribbon metaphor! I refer to myself as having wires because to plug them in they have to be the perfect fit, working fine, and not broken. However I viewed everyone else as having ribbons because they are silky smooth, vibrant, and easy to tie. Putting these together, ribbons and wires were a metaphor for the ability to socialise and connect with other people. I found it very difficult to fit in and do the right thing, so wires were how I perceived my ability to be social. However it looked easy, fun, and beautiful for everyone else.

Paragraph4: Connection is for non-orientated. For a long time, I enjoyed being aware of my surrounding environment until I noticed the tide beginning to sweep you away, your waters full of jellyfish. The colour is beginning to bleed as you slowly, slowly, slowly gravitate towards your moon while I am on Mars. I am a Martian. A Martian drifting through the vastness. But trying to characterise myself with mere words is like trying to fit a slim blazer on me while I have broad shoulders. I use your green and red paint for illustrating my education, regaining personal validation as seven As stand tall on the refined mail. Be focused, the voices begin to raise, as the casual noise is a little more welcoming in my ears. I sit idly, gazing, gazing at nothing, gazing at you all. Ribbons are red snakes, piercing me with their venom, but the cables flowing out to you are now appearing on my wrists, searching for a USB port. Please, lend me your port, let me plead on my knees for forgiveness.

jumping straight to one of my favourite bits, "your waters full of jellyfish." I wanted to emphasise the fact that reconnecting with this person while they were in a relationship made me anxious that I was trying to be a homewrecker. I was anxious of what his girlfriend would think of me, and this links to the sting of the jellyfish. However, jellyfish are beautiful, like their relationship at the time, and I was to scared to disturb the peace. Again with the space metaphors, Martian symbolises the fact that I didn't feel human in comparison to everyone else. "Gazing at nothing, gazing at you all," links to how I thought these relationships others were forming was empty. I had the ideaology at the time of "I will see no one here again after high school" and that amounted in the word "nothing" being a good fit. I feel the rest I have already explained!

Paragraph 5: Forgiveness is a weak man’s word. It’s a cry for help, an act of desperation. I never cared about being stable, as my cables just wanted to loosen themselves from my strict criteria of academia. But my pencil is becoming blunt. I smile softly as you all laugh in the face of myself, threat. I know it’s me, I’m the problem that no calculator can solve. Be considerate, be conscious of their feelings. Be aware. It’s getting louder, the fog has lifted as the sky groans. One day. One day, I’m going to grow wings. I’m going to ascend to the high ground this so-called heaven known as ‘human relation’. Nodding, bopping my head in delight as you exclaim the sweetness of this existence once more. Not that I didn’t do this before, but if I build a rocket ship maybe I can land safely back on Earth with you. But it would be nice if I wasn’t running out of oxygen. Fast. Fast, like how the tide gets stronger and the ocean seems to pull you back a tad further every second. Her platinum blonde hair dazzles in the sunlight positively. She is the magnet, you are the metal, and I am a piece of wood.

I like the link back to the previous paragraph, with the huge contrast in character. I think the writing here sounds really robotic, which I usually wouldn't be a fan of but it's quite fitting considering the character.

Now for the saving grace of the paragraph, my favourite piece of writing in the whole text. "She is the magnet, you are the metal, and I am a piece of wood."

Magnet: I believed that the girl was starting to control my friend, and pulling him in and away from me on purpose. She wasn't a good person and that was out of my control, so she was the magnet.

Metal: I considered my friend to be the metal as he was so attracted to his magnet. He seemingly didn't care about the consequences of getting reeled in, and even if he didn't want it he couldn't stop himself.

Wood: Just as wood is a pretty worthless material, so too did I view myself as insignificant. Also keen to note that I didn't like the girl he was dating at all, and magnets and wood are incompatible.

Also!! Metal is a great conductor of electricity, aka a metaphor for social skills and relationships. Metal can conduct electricity well, as I viewed my friend as being better off socially than me. However wood can only burn when met with electricity, linking to the fact of how scared I was to connect with others.

going to pause here for now, as this has been sat in my drafts and the full analysis is too big for one part. come back for pt2!

from, soph :3

[solzscribblez]

wyr this made me very uncomfortable

No talk me I angy

Check your big three right now, one of them is definitely Scorpio. You like to think that you’re emotionless but you’re literally the soppiest motherfucker around. You’re a terrible story teller, everything you say goes off on a tangent and you forget the original point of the story, confusing both you and the person listening. You probably have a rocky relationship with your mum who is low-key emotionally manipulative and cries when you say the wrong thing. You’re probably into Greek mythology and like to tell everyone how much of a massive dick Zeus was and bitch about the Odyssey. You’re definitely intelligent but you have a bit of a know it all vibe which people don’t appreciate. You definitely had an ~I’m not like most girls~ phase (sorry if you’re a dude) and used to wear all black because you thought you were edgy. You collect plants and trinkets and form emotional attachments to them. You have an unhealthy obsession with sword fights / duels. Live by the sword die by the sword my man. Your dream is to live in a secluded area, preferably by a body of water, with some little goats and those fluffy highland cows and have your body be overgrown by moss when you die. You want to learn Latin but you’d never actually put the effort in. You’d like to live in a period drama and speak in Ye Olde times and wear flowy dresses whilst dramatically running through a field. You probably try and look unbothered in public so people think you’re ~mysterious~ and you most likely wanted to be a fairy at one point. You were that kid who had a weirdly specific interest and wouldn’t shut up about it (did someone mention the Bermuda Triangle?). You can get annoyed easily and are stubborn, you’re never the one to apologise first. You probably have a small, tight knit group of friends and are most yourself when you’re with them.

took this uquiz and i genuinely don’t like how realistic it is

a pleasure to have in class

You’re the gifted kid burnout. You had a college reading level at age 9 but now you struggle with simple words like nececerassry. You still get decent grades without trying but you know you could do better if you put the effort in.You probably smoke weed even though you’re pretty sure you’ve lost a lot of brain cells since starting (be nice to the one you have left, it’s dark and lonely in there). Your dream is to move to a little cottage somewhere you can grow your own food and be known as the ~mysterious~ witchy woman who lives in the forest. You struggle with being emotionally vulnerable and your friends notice your change of mood but you talk too much and smile too often so they assume you’re ok. You probably spend a lot of time alone and your parents say they miss you but you don’t have the mental strength to be around them for long. You get lonely often but push people away so you don’t look too needy. Although, you enjoy nights sat around a campfire with your close friends, having meaningful conversations and bonding over shared memories.You probably hear “I was really intimidated by you before I knew you!” often and you secretly enjoy the ego boost you get from it. You’re passionate about things you’re not very good at and don’t enjoy the things you are good at. You were probably pushed too much to pursue something you excelled at at a young age and decided not to simply out of spite. A lot of people tend to be attracted to you but you’re terrible at introductions and never show enough interest for it to lead anywhere. You take a lot of personality quizzes because you struggle with finding your identity and probably get INFP every time you take the Myers Briggs test but really you don’t agree because you’re not that nice, right? You’re late to any event and never eat a full breakfast. You’re probably bisexual and your sexual awakening was Meg from Hercules or Vida from the fuckin tinkerbell movies.You collect things like rocks or leaves and your room is full of pointless things you keep because you’re a sentimental bitch. People find you funny and laugh at your jokes but still call you first when they need help.

[waiting-on-a-dream]

ANDDD 1, 20, 24 for aurora, slyvan, chandani (pink mao mao <3) xuemei and emile! introduce your new ocs to us, aurie 👀

- bree <3

I audibly let out a 'ho hoh!' when I read what the first question was. It's not a deep or weird question that you would usually go for, but it's hard for some of my ocs to answer all the same! @silvoila

1. Who makes up your family?  How close are you to them?

Aurora Puerstella

Aurora laughs, shifting in their seat as they think of their answer. Out of nervousness, embarrassment, or something else, who knows?

"Well, there's my mom, my dad. And two siblings, both younger than me," they bring up a hand to brush some hair away from their eye.

"My mom is uhhh...very mindful of social conduct, etiquette, rules and stuff. My dad likes to talk a lot, but sometimes he doesn't finish his sentences, and I have to ask him to repeat himself." That was all over the place.

"Alanna, my younger sister, is currently studying in RSA. She's very hardworking, and rigid, and edgy. You should listen to the stuff she says sometimes, it's kinda cringe," Aurora laughs.

"Alaric, my younger brother, is very hyperactive, chatty, and playful," Aurora sighed. "He's the only extrovert in the family. Can you guess who lonely he gets when everyone's busy doing their own thing?"

"How close are you to them?"

"Who asks these kinds of questions anyway?" they mumble in reply. "If you couldn't tell, I'm not very close to any of them."

Slyvan Marwood

"My grandma," Slyvan chirps proudly. "She's really friendly, always welcoming to any guests we have. She knows how to cook up a storm, sew, and tell some good dramatic stories! Unfortunately most of her stories are about me..."

"And then there's my mom. She makes the most amazing chicken soup, it's almost as good as any healing potion for when you're sick!" Slyvan giggled. "That was a joke, please don't assume chicken soup is more effective than actual medicine."

"And my dad! You really need to try his apple pie sometime. It's the best food I've ever eaten," Slyvan looked like he was drooling just thinking about it. "He's a fisherman, and would often drag me onto his boat to help him. Yes, he had to drag me. I really didn't like fishing," he chuckled sheepishly. "I found it boring, okay?"

"How close are you to them?"

"Hm? I like to think we're close," Slyvan nodded after a bit of a pause. "As far as families go, I'd say we're pretty tight-knit!"

Chandani Kumar

"I'm the middle child in my family. Dad, mom, and two siblings," she smiled. "It gets chaotic sometimes, especially when my dad gets these crazy ideas to go geyser-sliding for a family outing, but I wouldn't trade it for the world." The warm smile stretching across her face proves her genuineness.

Zhang Xue Mei

"I have a dad who makes wonderful dumplings and a mom who insisted on telling me stories every night before bed," she chuckles. "And I also had a wise old grandpa who taught me how to play chess...Had, yeah. I miss him sometimes."

"How close are you to them?"

She smiles with a tilt of her head, resting her chin on a hand. "I'm the only child, so I'd say I'm quite close to my parents. Never had to keep much from them."

Emile Briar

"I have a wonderful mother, and plenty of rumbustious siblings," Emile laughed, eyes closed. "It's a very big family, and some of us had to fight for our fair share of attention, but I can't say we didn't have our fun times~!"

"My mother has this regal air to her, is driven when she sets her mind to something, and an abundance of magic." If one didn't know any better, they would think Emile to be bragging. But sweet, charming Emile wouldn't do that, right?

"How close are you to them?"

"Very close of course! I dare say I know everyone like the back of my hand. Some of my shyer siblings don't like it when I shower them in gifts for their birthday, but I can't help it," he chuckles. "They're just too cute!"

20. Describe your biggest pet peeve.

Aurora Puerstella

"When we do experiments in science class I guess. Partly because it's so noisy and chaotic, partly because the answer is there in the book already anyway. What's the point in doing an experiment if I already know the results?" They sulk like a petulant child, blowing at a strand of their hair. "I'm not a kinesthetic learner, so most experiments are really just boring for me."

Slyvan Marwood

"I don't like it when people yell for no reason," he answers almost meekly, shuddering at the thought of a certain green-haired junior. "It scares some people, and it's annoying for the most part. If they knew how to assert themselves properly, they wouldn't even need to raise their voice so much." Rich words coming from a wallflower?

Chandani Kumar

"How do I put it..." She put a finger to her chin. "It irks me when I see someone's homework, and it's obvious that they didn't put a lot of effort into finishing it. Of course everyone has their circumstances, but certain professors put a percentage of their students' homework performance in their grade, and it's such a shame that some students aren't able to get easy full marks for that."

Zhang Xue Mei

"I hate it when people underestimate me," she shakes her head with a sigh. "When people think I can't win that chess game, or ace that test, or finish fixing that machine. Okay, maybe that last one isn't so far-fetched. But still! Have a little faith in me, geez."

Emile Briar

"Broken furniture," he decides with a nod. "I know that buying and replacing furniture must be quite the hassle, but is that really a valid excuse to drag things out when people could get hurt?" He then shakes his head with a sigh. "Some people can be so inconsiderate."

24. What would you consider your main love language?

Aurora Puerstella

"Gift giving, I guess," Aurora answers with a shrug. "I like shopping, and usually have a bunch of knick-knacks on me that I'm willing to give away to my friends."

Slyvan Marwood

"Quality time, I think," Slyvan smiled. "I love spending time with the people I care about, no matter what they're doing. It's even better when they're showing me what they like, and vice versa. I love to connect with them that way."

Zhang Xue Mei

"I don't know much about love languages," Xue Mei tilts her head with a thoughtful hum. "But I'd say my main one is...acts of service. That's what its called, right?"

The interviewer nods affirmatively, and she continues.

"I've always been a helpful one. My whole neighborhood would be inclined to agree with me," she nodded. "My parents were very busy when I was a kid, and I tried to lessen their burden whenever I could. That's just how I show my affection, I guess."

Chandani Kumar

"Physical touch!" She answers confidently with a laugh. "I'm actually very clingy, but most people don't realize it because I try to keep my displays of affection small. Like holding onto my sister's arm when we're walking down the street, or putting my head on Irene's shoulder when I'm sleepy. Nothing that showy like big hugs or anything."

Emile Briar

"My, that's a rather interesting question to ask in an interview," Emile winked at the interviewer. "And who will be reading this exactly?"

He chuckled after a bit of silence, waving his hand dismissively. "I jest, I jest. Don't worry! I'll answer the question."

He then put a gloved hand to his chin, humming with a thoughtful expression. "Hm...I'd say my main love language, both giving and receiving, is words of affirmation. What can I say? I love praise," he laughed again.

[fayesdiary]

Gaia is really cute! My first question would be who's the other Gaia you mentioned in the post? Another question is what are the others she knows like? Does she have any retainers or childhood friends?

Thank you very much! :D That first question requires a lot of context so get ready for a massive infodump, so it's in Read More.

For the other two questions, the general idea is that Gaia's peers in the court are a bit eccentric, larger than lives and also kind of jerks, so it's no wonder she feels like she doesn't fit in. It's actually why she has a boisterous and slightly dramatic facade: she's trying to stand out to blend in, ironically enough

Gaia does have a retainer but I have no idea about who they are. Like, at all. I'm sure something will come out eventually but for now, they just exist. She does not have any childhood friends which is the main reason why she tries so hard to make a good impression, but I have the idea that she actually befriended a commoner kid once who she didn't see again for years, and when they meet they keep bickering not remembering each other until they start talking about that really nice person they met when they were children and slowly realize that "Wait, that was YOU!?" So basically Corrin and Silas but dumber.

Alright, infodump time and it's really personal!

There was this comic called New Ort they used to sell/bundle in a supermarket chain that I adored reading when I was a kid, and it was about a young girl going on her quest to master the power of the four elements, defeat the cosmic evil Karkadoom and save the world (and if the plot sounds familiar, well... the first issue actually came out a year before ATLA, the whole run lasted from January 2004 to January 2006)

And the girl's name, you guessed it, was Gaia.

Gods I love her.

She's a kid through and through so she's a bit of a brat(affectionate), incredibly hyperactive, and kind! Even if she does have some anger issues. Also, she's really funny.

Like come on this face is perfect

But also I love her design so much?? Like she has three main outfits throughout the story as she grows and it reminds me of the same change Sora goes through the main KH titles

I mean, look!

This is her original outfit, and probably my favorite! I love the purple/green/pink color scheme, I'm no artist but that is not a combination I expected to work and yes I chose the picture with the same pose as KH1 Sora's artwork on the main menu on purpose

On the latter half of the comic she gets a new outfit to explore the inside of a volcano, it's much simpler but I'm still a fan of it! It also fits more with the current tone of the story beacuse boy, do things get real at this point.

Also she has her own edgy evil self!

...that eventually merges with her, giving her the sick coat.

In general, she and the comic she's from are one of the few things I vividly remember from my childhood and a genuinely happy memory, so she really means a lot to me! She's my main blog's current pfp, too😂

..Which is why it drives me nuts that it's unfindable online and I lost a good chunk of the issues I had.

Now I get it- it's an Italian comic of a supermarket chain that probably came bundled with purchases- definitely not the things that gather much attention online, but still! I only found throughout all my research just some Ebay offers that are relatively expensive and a forum thread where people made scans of almost all of the issues, and while I will thank them forever and consider them saints (the pictures are actually from those scans!), there are still a few numbers missing.

And it's beyond frustrating, you know? That nobody knows about a piece of media that means so much to you, that you can't even introduce them to it properly and that, in general, it's almost like it never existed...

God, I even considered localizing the scans in English myself, at least to show to my online pals. I would post them online too, but I'm slightly scared they'd get taken down. But it's more likely nobody would even see them and to be honest, if the supermarket chain or whoever sends me a cease & desist for a decades old comic no one remembers, it would be the day I finally snap and kill somebody.

That's the main reason why I chose Gaia as a name for my first OC, really. And why, if I could, I'd also give her the tuft of hair Comic Gaia has, as well as those pink things that bind her ponytails and I have no idea what they're called. As a bit of reference and so that she lives on a little.

It is kinda funny though that they're almost the opposite- Comic Gaia is a prophesized chosen one with insane powers, while OC Gaia is someone who's ordinary in a world of extraordinary people. The one thing they probably have in common is that they're both little shits (affectionate)

It also really fits because while Gaia is actually a really common name here in Italy- heck, one of my friends is called Gaia!

Anyway, New Ort reboot wen, I'd buy it on the spot

[crossdressingdeath]

I think one of the major things that bugs me is that Durge is very heavily set up as the darkest origin, they do a lot of fucked up stuff and are encouraged to do even more, they're revealed to have started out as literally part of Bhaal and to have spent probably at least a decade as his Chosen and head of his temple and also were one of the architects of the whole plot, it's all very dark and edgy and dramatic, and then the good ending is pure sunshine and rainbows with a thin coating of blood for flavour beyond one threat from Sarevok in the epilogue (if he's still alive) that daddy dearest will probably make them have kids someday. Like, I'm not playing Durge for a perfect happy ending where at most they feel a bit bad about That One Person They Killed! The character whose introduction is talking about how they are constantly driven to kill shouldn't be the only character whose good ending is just "They get everything they wanted with no downsides"! Like... to be blunt, it feels like a betrayal of the story that's set up in the front half of the game. The sort of players who'll freak out if they don't get a perfect ending are much more likely to be playing the other origin characters, none of whom get that, than they are to be playing Durge! And on the flip side the sort of people who look at Durge's character intro and get past Alfira's death and still go "Oh hell yes, this is the character I want to play" probably aren't the sort of people who want this pretty, perfect ending where everything goes their character's way and the one consequence is undone less than a minute later.

Yeah, literally just changing it so that instead of somehow only killing the Urge because Durge grew their own soul and he didn't know them well enough to kill all of them even though they are literally a part of him (the soul thing is... not a good explanation) Bhaal chooses to let them go would do a huge amount to fix it just by leaving it vague as to why he's doing that. Personally I really like my idea of them having to bargain with Bhaal for their freedom and accept that there will be a price to pay for that (dying and getting immediately resurrected and now apparently they're free except for the very unclear ways they're not is not a satisfying price!), but Bhaal saying "I don't need to control you, you'll spread plenty of carnage on your own" with no clarification on whether he actually believes that or if he's just saving face would also be a fitting ending! It's just about there being a price to pay for Durge's freedom from their abuser, same as with every other origin character. And you're right, it also makes Durge telling characters "Yeah I know you think this is a fate worse than death but living is important" come across as just a bit hypocritical! That might be better if Durge didn't very clearly know that Bhaal would kill them if they defied him, but... they do. They're alive because by sheer dumb luck Jergal happened to like them enough to resurrect them, and no one else is going to get that!

Thinking about the disappointing ending to Durge's personal quest and how they either go full villain or lose most of what makes them unique as a character and basically just become Tav, and like... since Durge's death and immediate resurrection adds nothing to the plot (and what with things like the companions not responding to it, there being no clear reason why Durge is able to do something that Withers specifically says breaks cosmology and Withers apparently being unable to resurrect Durge if they kill themself to defy Bhaal at the very end of the game for no apparent reason it actually causes a surprising number of problems in the writing), why couldn't the good ending just involve finding a way to stop Bhaal from interfering in their life rather than Bhaal killing them?

Here's one potential solution, just off the top of my head. All the other origins' personal quests have trade-offs, right? Durge is the only one with this perfect "you get everything you want with no downsides" sort of ending. So what if instead of Bhaal killing them and them immediately getting brought back, they had to make a deal with him? He sets them free, and in exchange they do something for him. I can't think of what the exact terms would be, maybe something like... I don't know, "You'll uphold the usual 'murder once a tenday' tenets of the Bhaalists and if you stop you're mine again" that wouldn't really do anything in the game itself but would become an issue afterwards (like Astarion losing the ability to walk in sunlight if he remains a spawn and Wyll losing his warlock powers if he breaks his contract)? But whatever the terms are the upshot is that Bhaal removes the Urge as a show of good faith and the party is allowed to leave freely. Maybe also add in something like Shar still harassing Shadowheart if she spares her parents, like... maybe Bhaal removing the Urge and agreeing not to force Durge into their apocalyptic destiny doesn't mean he can't try to convince them to do it of their own will, so he occasionally pops into their head and tries to push them in a more murdery direction in a less aggressive version of the Urge that can't directly take over them? Or possibly just. hurts them out of spite because as long as he doesn't do anything permanent or force them to harm anyone else he's remaining within the bounds of their agreement. And that way they remain a piece of Bhaal's divine gore with everything that entails, they're just not on Bhaal's leash anymore. And they've also agreed to do something pretty fucked up of their own (coerced) will in exchange for their freedom, so they don't retain the annoyingly spotless moral high ground of the canon end of redemption Durge's story where they selflessly die rather than become Bhaal's apocalypse-triggering Chosen again.

You could even keep that "I'd rather die than serve you" energy without actually pulling the trigger: since Durge is actually a part of Bhaal rather than just his child like other Bhaalspawn, maybe they'd have ammunition for forcing Bhaal to bargain with them that regular Bhaalspawn don't. Like, say... maybe since they're a part of Bhaal them being destroyed utterly would do a fair amount of damage to him (which may have something to do with why they can be resurrected despite that usually being impossible for Bhaalspawn), and—to keep Withers's involvement in the quest, since that's actually really fun and given his distaste for Bhaal makes sense—the death god they're palling around can help make that complete destruction happen. Under those circumstances it would be better for Bhaal to lose them as his Chosen and mess up that particular plan for total victory rather than continue to try to force them and weaken himself permanently! I think if nothing else all that wouldn't make less sense than the canon ending.

[13eyond13]

Do you think Ohba was a coward for not making Light a truly likeable character? I mean, he could show us more scenes where Light saves someone. For example, she saves a girl from Sibumaru Taku and his gang, and that's a good thing? However, we only see him save someone only once (yes, he says he's saving society, but particular people's stories always help to humanize or dramatize sth, to make us feel more involved in character's deeds). So, his killings of innocents really outweigh his count of saved people simply bc we are shown how he kills the innocent. More to that, these are innocent we even get to know which only makes us sympathize them even more (Naomi Misora, f.e.).

It's as if Ohba doesn't want viewers to question morality of the story. He gives us two views on the problem (whether one can bring good by doing bad things) and tells us that we can pique a side, but he himself makes everything so we don't like Light. He makes him homophobic, sexist, rude to people of service sector (if i remember correctly, there was a panel where he tells a guy who works in a service sector that they all look alike?), and there's nothing to counter-balance to it.

Hi!

Hmm, I don't know if I think Ohba was trying to make Light particularly likable or unlikable, and maybe that's part of why he's such a strong character overall. Light feels very much like an individual personality with a fully fleshed-out life and in-depth worldview and psychology, all of which makes total sense when you consider everything you know about his home life and social status and about how he started using the Death Note and the specific age he was when he first picked it up. If Ohba had been consciously setting out to either make Light more or less sympathetic then I think it probably would've weakened his character somehow; in the behind the scenes book it sounds like Ohba was always letting Light's personality and ideals and good/unlazy writing dictate his actions and behaviour, rather than how appealing or unappealing he thought Light would be to the audience for what he does. I don't recall Light ever being outright homophobic in canon, but you're right in that he is pretty easy to dislike for how disdainfully he views and treats other people a lot of the time. In my opinion he's by far the most complex and hard to pin down character in the manga series though, because there are many layers to his motivations and actions and psychology and behaviour in comparison to most of the characters orbiting around him in the plot. I think there's also a bit more of a gradual transformation of Light's character and the inhumane actions he is willing to stoop to in order to achieve his goals and avoid capture than some people claim. It's subtle stuff at times, but he is depicted struggling with things inwardly and trying to justify stuff and seeing a lot of the nuance in the hard choices he's making beyond just coldly murdering people to achieve his goals and save his own skin. Other examples I can think of in the manga are saving Sayu when she gets kidnapped, and how differently he behaves when he loses his Kira memories and seemingly reverts back to the principled type of person he'd believed himself to be prior to becoming a murderer with a magical killing notebook. It's a shame the other adaptations and spinoffs of DN haven't ever really been able to completely do justice to this aspect of his character, because that's a huge part of what makes the manga story such an interesting and enduring classic to me.

So whether or not Ohba set out to make Light likable, I'd say just as many people love Light as a character as despise him. And I think that's because he does have more depth to him and his writing than simply being a generic edgy asshole with zero redeeming qualities, or zero vulnerabilities, or no moral code by which he abides.

[paralumansakalyetrese]

Of Clovis, Lelouch, and Killing Siblings: An Overly Critical Analysis

NOTE: THIS IS AN ADVANCE NOTICE THAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ A PIECE ON MURDER, MENTAL HEALTH AND OTHER TRAUMATIC THEMES. READER’S DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

Code Geass remains one of my top anime series of all time (second only to Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood). I first saw it back when I was still in gradeschool (2010), and I can still recall my incredibly malleable pubescent mind being blown to metaphorical tiny bits. Whatever I saw at that time, the characterization, the writing, the premise, (I can’t remember) really agreed to my appetite after having just finished consuming 37 episodes of Death Note in a span of two school nights. Now, a decade later, I decided to revisit the series and boy oh boy. It’s still as hair-raising as I remembered it to be. But now with the mind of (*cough) an adult with four years of serious college publication experience under her belt (I GOT PAID. YOU KNOW IT’S SERIOUS WHEN THERE’S MONEY INVOLVED), one diploma for a Bachelor’s degree, and two years in medical school, I came to appreciate the tiniest details that I may have missed during my first view of the series. One of which is the death of Clovis la Britannia, 3rd prince of the Holy Britannian Empire. It was a pivotal point in the story, but not in the way I had initially thought it to be . Yep. His death did cause Cornelia and Euphemia to transfer to Area 11 and for Jeremiah to start his purist rally, but those are not the best part about it.

SPOILERS ALERT! Fasten your seatbelts because things are about to get technical and overly critical.

Re;view: The day a demon was born was also the day a prince died. Viewers loved Lelouch vi Britannia and his flair for the dramatics. This is evident in the fact that he was voted the most popular male anime character in the Anime Grand Prix THREE TIMES. (How about you? How many times were you voted most popular? Kidding. Why am I hurting myself?) His main selling points are his genius-level intellect, good looks, good background, and machiavellianism going off the charts. We all love it when our heroes go all manipulative and cunning, and Lelouch is an absolute Slytherin. Looking back, I was eating it up like woah after watching L and Light Yagami double-double-cross each other in Death Note. It was the era of edgy heroes. But unlike Light, fans loved Lelouch- this is interesting because they are practically reflections of one another. (That’s not the point of this word vomit; I will write more on that in the future though.) Code Geass R1 started off with a very bold scene after the customary montage. The writers made an interesting choice with the chess battle between Lelouch and the noble. This effectively gave us a headshot of our main character: Lelouch Lamperouge. Student. Genius. Gambler. Maker of miracles. (Yes, the last one is intentional. Please laugh.) It was established early on that this Lelouch boy is different from all the other students you’ve encountered in the past. (Who would’ve thought Code Geass dipped into the Wu Xia pocket of tricks before it got popular ammaright? Errr... No. Actually this is more appropriately referenced to the Chunibyuu culture, but humor me in this one.) We were also given a glimpse of Clovis, then viceroy of Area 11. But the way he was eased into the series was more lackluster than the introduction of Lelouch. It’s quite an irony because Clovis’s first appearance is him giving a passionate televised speech about a truck of (cough) poison gas (cough) being stolen by the Eleven terrorists from the Britannian government. The scene panned out to reveal him giving the said speech in the middle of a party. At this moment, of course, I got the sense that Clovis was written as just another corrupt government official. But if you look at the script or storyboard sequence, you can see that this alone does not make a very compelling case for his death later on. He’s also Xenophobic and elitist, by the way. The episode proceeded with Lelouch briefing us to the world of Japan/Area 11 post-Britannian invasion. We see this bizarre alternate universe unfold right before us one petal at a time. This is a particularly great choice for the narrative, because the writers did a good job revealing to us how our protaginist sees his own world: Is he optimistic? Is he a committed critic? Etc. Etc. Fast forward to episode 3, where Lelouch killed Clovis, we weren’t really given a view of Lelouch shooting the prince into the head. If you think of it long and hard, this comes out peculiar. Code Geass is not one to shy away from depicting its characters shooting themselves at the command of His Highness, Lelouch vi Britannia, to “DIE.” But, why is it that we weren’t given the satisfaction of seeing Clovis’s lifeless body? Instead, we were treated with a screen blank.

No Joffrey Baratheon moment. Why was there no crime scene shot? The answer lies on the context of how the scene was closed. Lelouch vomited right after the screen blank, hence ending his remembrance of what happened to Clovis. Before shooting Clovis, he said, “You cannot change the world without getting your hands dirty.” Let me break this to you one by one. A. Lelouch has PTSD Vomiting in anime (and other pop media) is a common act presented right after killing someone. Medically speaking, it is actually a symptomatic presentation of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). According to a paper by Michopoulos, et al. (2019), they found out from a cohort investigation that peri-traumatic nausea- or vomiting around the time of the accident- is a prospective predictor of PTSD symptom development. The list of potential traumatic events is quite long, but killing one of your brothers definitely made the list. We can also see in the series that everytime Lelouch remembers Clovis’s death, he gets this urge to vomit. Does it mean that our favorite anime character has PTSD or- at the very least- is slowly developing one? It could be. One very common misconception about Lelouch is that he is either a psychopath or a sociopath. But there has never been an indicator of him being one or the other. A true psychopath is someone who cannot feel remorse even after commiting a crime, but usually this person would have the presence of mind to evade capture and lead a normal everyday life. Whilst a true sociopath is someone who exhibits erratic and rage-prone behavior (mha-em.org).  With Lelouch experiencing acceptable periods of highs or lows and having the capacity to plan extensively to achieve his goals, he is therefore disqualified from the criteria of both psychopathy and sociopathy. Furthermore, having a metaphorical “blank memory” in literature also meant that the event is something that’s far too scarring for the character to want to remember. Now, Code Geass is an anime that tells a story using a shifting point of view. This means that we can see what each character thinks during a specific situation so long as it is relevant to the narrative. For me, the blank screen effectively emphasized that Lelouch was traumatized from killing his own brother. But he already killed a group of Britannian soldiers earlier, why is there more weight emphasized on the former than the latter. Is this because they’re brothers?  To resolve this, let me borrow a beloved quote from Joker in the Dark Knight, “Do you want to know why I use a knife? Guns are too quick. You can’t savor all the... little emotions. In... you see, in their last moments, people show you who they really are. So in a way, I know your friends better than you ever did. Would you like to know which of them were cowards?”

In Lelouch’s situation, the guns would be his geass and the knife would be the gun he used on Clovis. (Quite confusing but bear with me on this one.) Somehow, shooting Clovis himself made the situation more real than the detached death sentences (pun intended) he gave out using his geass. This puts meaning on his statement before shooting Clovis, and hence brings us to the next point- which could be the other implication of the blank screen. B. “You cannot change the world without getting your hands dirty,” is the true moment Lelouch the demon was born. If Clovis's death became Lelouch's true point of no return, it is only fitting to use a clean transition from it. The blank screen could be akin to awakening from a long slumber wherein he is nothing but another face in the crowd. But if you can recall, Lelouch has already given his long protagonist speech way before episode 3. It happened at the end of episode 1. So how did I arrive at the conclusion that the true birth of the demon happened after he murdered Clovis? Why is it the true point of no return? When Lelouch commanded the Britannian soldiers to kill themselves on episode 1, we were treated with an interesting facial expression. (Another interesting thing I've noticed; try playing this scene side by side with R2 episode 1's sequence of C.C. triggering the return of his memories.) It lasted approximately 20 seconds on screen. The expression itself is not just a single emotion, rather it is a series of emotions and thoughts. As if he does not know what to feel, culminating with- finally- our beloved smirk of triumph and realization. Here's my resolution: What if everything that transpired from that moment to the moment he killed Clovis, was just a showcase of his naivete. What if he hadn't trully realized that his life was about to change? Still one would feel compelled to ask, "Didn't he just command the Britannian soldiers to kill themselves? And didn't he just witness C.C. die? Plus, didn't we witness with him the massacre of Elevens in Shinjuku (which included babies by the way)?" I have already given a potential answer to the first. As for the second and third, it would do well to remember that Lelouch came from Britannia where the ultimate law is survival of the fittest (or so we are lead to believe from Charles's impassioned speeches). Using other people is the norm there. Additionally, we do know that Lelouch actually witnessed the murder of his own mother, plus Britannia invading Japan. He has already been desensitized to death and violence at some degree. But it is probably accurate to assume that he had not killed anyone prior to Clovis. Hence, justifying how pivotal it was for his character. He had effectively detached himself from the deaths he had caused, but not from the death of Clovis. Because quoting him, he "got his hands dirty".

So in summary, Clovis's death was valuable not only as a stepping stone to bringing Cornelia and Euphemia into the scene. It is valuable because it actually highlighted Lelouch as a weak human and then re-introduced him as an empowered "demon".

[iclaimedtobethebetterbard]

his name was chad - chapter 1

Fandom: Sanders Sides Characters: All the sides Rating: Teen & up (see Warnings) Relationships: Lamp (with a focus on Logince and Moxiety), Dukeceit Warnings: Language, sexual humor/innuendo, mostly non-graphic violence, temporary major character deaths, minor animal death (not all of these are in this chapter, but I like to put general fic warnings on the first chapter) Word count: 1782 Notes: Based on that one short Thomas made ages ago; fic is mostly to be treated humorously. 

Read on AO3!

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My writing masterpost

Summary:  “We thought it’d be fun to make an apocalypse game!” Roman explained. “One we can fully immerse ourselves in!” “Well, technically,” Remus put in, “it’s part apocalypse, part western, part post-apocalypse, part zombie apocalypse—” “No! No zombies! We’ve been over this!” Roman snapped. “Right, right, I keep forgetting. Part horror, part thriller, part mafia game, part—” “I think we get the picture,” Logan interrupted. “A mishmash of ‘edgy’ genres you both enjoy, am I correct?”

 Chapter 1

“Everyone!” Roman shouted from the common area at the top of his lungs. “Hey, everyone, c’mere! Right now!”

“What the hell do you want?” Virgil demanded, rising up at once.

“Wait, wait, wait wait wait. Logan! Patton!” Roman called for their other boyfriends.

Remus popped up between Roman and Virgil, making them both jump. “Janny!” he added in an ear-grating shriek.

“What on earth is the matter, Roman?” Logan inquired as he and Patton made their way into the room.

Roman glanced around just as Janus rose up in the corner, taking up residence lurking in a dramatic puddle of shadow. “Good, everyone’s here. Come see what me and Remus made!”

“Oh, you mean the thing you two have been holed up working on for two weeks now that nobody has been allowed to ask about?” Logan said, sounding interested.

“Yeah, that!” Roman grabbed his and Virgil’s hands. “Everyone come on!”

Patton followed just behind his three boyfriends; Remus and Janus, somewhat surprisingly, followed at a more leisurely pace, Janus leaning on Remus as he wrapped an arm around Janus’s waist, held his hand, and talked a mile a minute in a voice too low for the others to make out.

Roman led the group to the workshop he and Remus shared, having everyone gather in a huddle around a table with a large piece of fabric covering whatever was on it. “Ready?” he asked dramatically.

“No, can I take a nap first?” Virgil inquired sarcastically.

“Some other time, my stormy darling. Behold!” Roman drew the cloth away with a flourish.

“Ooh, it’s a little world!” Patton exclaimed.

“Fascinating,” Logan commented, leaning closer to examine the miniature landscape, dotted with buildings and trees. “What is it for?”

“It’s a game!” Remus piped up from the back of the group. He let go of Janus and elbowed his way between Virgil and Patton. “And we’re going in it! Blood and guts and gore and death!”

“What?” Patton inquired, sounding distinctly nervous.

“What do you mean, in it? What do you mean, death?” Virgil demanded.

“Oh, cool your tits, the death is just for realism,” Remus said, waving his hand.

“That is not reassuring!”

“No, no, wait, listen!” Roman interrupted frantically. “He’s explaining it all wrong! Virgil, listen, I promise it’s not that bad!” He paused. “Well.”

“See?” Virgil pointed an accusing finger at him. “What the hell are you two up to?”

“We just thought it’d be fun to make an apocalypse game!” Roman explained. “One we can fully immerse ourselves in!”

“Apocalypse?” Virgil demanded, sounding torn between delight and outrage.

“I don’t know…” Patton put in hesitantly.

Logan looked up from where he had still been examining the table. “This is an impressive level of detail work, Roman, Remus. You should be proud of yourselves.”

“Don’t encourage them!” Virgil snapped. “Not when they’re apparently trying to get us all killed for fun!”

“What?” Logan blinked. “Oh, that. I imagine it will be harmless.”

“Yeah!” Remus backed him up immediately.

“Yeah,” Roman echoed a beat later, less certain.

“Logan,” Virgil said, “they are trying to put Patton in an apocalypse. In what world is that a good idea for anyone?”

“Well, technically,” Remus put in, “it’s part apocalypse, part western, part post-apocalypse, part zombie apocalypse—”

“No! No zombies! We’ve been over this!” Roman snapped.

“Right, right, I keep forgetting. No zombies yet. But it is part horror, part thriller, part murder mystery, part mafia game, part—”

“I think we get the picture,” Logan interrupted. “A mishmash of ‘edgy’ genres you both enjoy, am I correct?”

“Oh, that’s a good way of putting it.” Remus nodded.

“It will be fun, I promise,” Roman said. “We made it! Just for everyone in this room! So it’ll be okay. We made such cool character designs for everyone, you’re going to love it, just please can we play just one time please?” He turned pleading eyes on all three of his partners.

“And you’re sure this will be safe?” Logan asked, just to be sure. Both Patton and Virgil looked too nervous for his liking and could likely use the reassurance.

“Absolutely!” Roman assured him.

“Probably,” Remus amended.

“Shut up! We know what we’re doing!” Roman smacked his brother’s arm.

“The effects will look, feel, sound, and smell realistic,” Remus said. “Try not to die gruesomely. Or don’t, it will be lots of fun to watch guts going everywhere.” He lit up and looked over at Roman. “Hey, can we add—”

“For the sixteenth time, we said no zombies on the first run!” Roman stamped his foot.

“Boo.” Remus rolled his eyes and glanced back to Patton. “But yeah. It’s safe from the outside. We’ll just be on the inside, you know?”

“What does that mean?” Patton asked nervously.

“Don’t worry about it,” Remus said instantly, grinning very wide indeed.

“Patton.” Roman took both Patton’s hands in his own. “I would never ask anything of you if I wasn’t perfectly sure I could keep you safe. It’s all just effects, I promise.”

“You’re sure?” Patton said.

“I promise,” Roman repeated. He glanced up at Virgil, who was hovering darkly just behind Patton’s shoulder. “And that goes for everyone here, Doom and Gloom.”

Virgil narrowed his eyes and looked over at Janus, who was standing a little distance away from the rest of the group, examining his gloved nails. “And what do you think of all this?” he demanded suspiciously.

Janus looked up, blinking comically wide and raising his eyebrows. “Hm? Oh, I’m sorry, I was under the impression that you ‘don’t like liars.’ Why would you ask me?”

Virgil growled under his breath. “You know you’re self-preservation too,” he snapped.

“Oh, yes, of course, it’s just fun to make you admit it.” Janus gave Virgil a very self-satisfied grin.

Virgil glared at him. “Just shut up and answer my question. Are you going in there?” He pointed at the landscape on the table.

“Maybe. I haven’t decided.” Janus shrugged, seeming disinterested. “You should definitely go, though, I’d love to watch you get taken out by tripping on a rock or something.”

“Oh, fuck you.”

Janus smirked. “I suspect your boyfriend collection would be unhappy with that idea.”

“Fuck off, you know I didn’t mean it like that!”

“Oh, is it bullying Virgil hours?” Remus inquired, looking up from the landscape on the table.

“No, hey, wait—” Patton began in protest.

“Shush, Daddyo, it’s all in good fun,” Remus said without looking away from Janus.

“Isn’t it always, darling?” Janus responded as if Patton’s interruption had not taken place.

Remus grinned. “Ooh, fair point.”

“I hate you guys,” Virgil announced.

Janus blew him a kiss. “Thank you ever so much.”

Remus draped himself over Virgil, with his chin resting on Virgil’s shoulder. “So whatcha talking about?” he asked.

“This loser won’t tell me if he’s participating in the game or not,” Virgil snapped, jerking a thumb at Janus.

“Ooh, ‘loser.’ Very nice. Classy. Screams ‘seventh grade,’ that’s how you know it’s a mature and grownup insult,” Janus commented.

“Baby, you aren’t playing?” Remus gave Janus a pair of very distressed, pleading puppy dog eyes. “I worked so hard on it! You’re going to be so sexy, I made you such a cool backstory!”

“No, no, of course I’ll play,” Janus assured him composedly. “I was only messing with Virgil.”

“Hey!” Virgil snapped.

“I’d love to see all the horrors your mind has come up with,” Janus went on with a startling sincerity, serenely ignoring Viril. “You’ll have to be sure and show me everything.”

Remus lit up. “Oh, I will!” He pushed away from Virgil and ran to take both Janus’s hands in his own. “I made you a whole lair thing, it’s so cool, it has so many—”

“Why don’t you show me?” Janus inquired, raising one of Remus’s hands to his lips to press a kiss to it.

Remus vibrated with excitement. “Yeah, okay!” He glanced over at Roman.

“You can go ahead early, you have a little more setup to do anyway,” Roman said, waving his hand. “We’ll catch up to you.”

Remus grinned and drew Janus close by the waist—and they both vanished.

Virgil yelped, looking distinctly alarmed.

“Never fear!” Roman assured him. “They’re just in the game!” He pointed down at the landscape; two little tokens, in green and yellow, had appeared on it. “Is everyone ready to go?”

“How long will this take, again?” Logan asked.

“A couple of hours,” Roman said. “Time goes slower inside the game by default, but Remus and I can mess around with it a little if we need to.”

“And the goal of the game?” Logan asked.

“To have fun! Also not die. There’s a little bit of a story but there’s also lots of room to play around. Don’t worry, the only thing that happens if you die is you’re out of the game and you come back here. The winner gets a minifigure of their character! And bragging rights.”

Logan and Virgil both perked up at this second prize. Roman snickered. “So, is everyone ready?” he asked again.

“I just feel like it’s a little scary…” Patton said.

“Oh!” Roman snapped his fingers. “I knew I was forgetting something. We made a filter for you, Pat! It puts you on easy mode. Way less things will want to attack you. And me and Remus both have some of our mod abilities available for emergencies if you need us to change something!”

Patton thought about this for a minute, then nodded. “Okay. I think I can try it out, then.”

Roman grinned and kissed his cheek. “How about you, Gerard Gay?” He looked over at Virgil. “You in?”

Virgil grumbled to himself for a moment, then shrugged and nodded. “Yeah, fine, whatever. Jan went in, and he’s a better judge of safety than you or Remus.” He glanced away and mumbled, “Plus it sounds really cool, or whatever.”

“Normally I would be very offended, but I’m just happy you want to play.” Roman offered Virgil a dazzling smile. “Logan?”

“I will participate. I am curious to see what you have come up with.”

“Oh, I love you all so much!” Roman declared. “Alright, everyone come over here.” He shuffled them around until each of them was holding somewhere on one of his arms. “Now, the game will drop us in randomly within a certain area and timeframe, and then we just have to find each other! Have fun—it’ll start off easy and get more challenging as we get used to it!”

Roman pulled at the fabric of Thomas’s imagination itself, and there was a funny yanking feeling in everyone’s gut, and the world went dark for just a second.

Taglist (ask to be added/removed!): 

@fivehargreeves05 @theimprobabledreamersworld

[jewels2876]

Always. - A LOKI finale synopsis

So I thought I could write something magical or be inspired by the Loki finale for @the-th-horniest-book-club as it's their last day of celebration.

And it hit me. I can't.

Here's what I can do: dissect this episode down to its heartbreaking ending because at the end I still have a million questions and it's gonna take a cartoon What If?, a Spiderman movie, maybe a Hawkeye show?, and a Dr. Strange movie to answer them all and I'll STILL have questions after that.

Consider for just a moment what happened to 2012 Loki when the TVA captured him way back in Episode One - what the hell did removing Loki do to the MCU timeline? Thor: The Dark World never happened. And no I don't mean you can pretend Marvel put it out there because they did, and it's one of the worst Marvel movies, there I said it. But if TWD didn't happen, what else could have been affected?

And with that disturbing thought we begin...

The opening credits HAVE AUDIO! Every tag line uttered as the characters flash on the screen, EVEN LOKI gets his "We have a Hulk" in. It is awesome; it is glorious; it is expected with EVERY Marvel creation going forward.

Loki and Sylvie should know better than to stare at a door; they always seem to open on their own when that happens. Miss Minutes pops up out of nowhere, scaring the bejesus out of 70% of people, the other 30% wanted to see her one last time. And she's not the same Miss Minutes we first met. She's edgy, she's less peppy, and she gives our duo an offer. Honestly, she should have known the result but 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ravonna is doing something in her office; if she's cleaning it's a piss poor job. Miss Minutes shows up and tells Ravonna she gave her what she needs. Ominous.

Back to Loki and Sylvie who finally meet "He Who Remains." Now we all know guys with names like "He Who Must Not Be Named" are bad news. Guys, to answer the question asked in the show, I'm a little disappointed. The disappointment lasts about five seconds... The office they get transported to reminds me IMMEDIATELY of a certain movie and certain buildings we've seen before (insert duh at this point because you too have seen every Marvel movie ever.)

****** Side note: anyone know if Tom takes his tea with only two sugars? No? Yes? Okay getting back to other things ******

At this point, we get back to Ravonna and her lack of cleaning when Mobius shows up with the pruner (it has to have a cooler name! side side note: nope just glowing batons) and we get a nice little flashback to Original Ravonna (maybe?)

****** 2nd side note: since when did everyone who's not a Russo brother start using OHIO for origin stories? Seriously, go watch Black Widow. I'll wait.******

Now back to Loki, Sylvie, and He Who Remains, hereto known as HWR, who pulls the same trick we saw in the first episode with the "read and sign" guy with the adorable kitten. HWR needs a kitten, a pet at the very least. "You can't get to the end until you've been changed by the journey." HWR s is winding up for a pitch and also summarizes the show too. Loki asks if it's a manipulation; HWR finds the word interesting and I do to. Here's why:

Odin manipulated Loki's abandonment to his advantage

Thanos put Loki under mind control and used him

This is the 2012 Loki as a reminder, so he hasn't been subjected to imprisonment on Asgard or the brotherly banter/squabbles he and Thor have escaping Asgard, nor “Get help” from Ragnarok so it should come as no shock that Loki looks angry. After all, Odin and Thanos kind of killed any hope in Loki of feeling wanted or needed. Aren’t father figures supposed to instill hope, instead of disgust? Yeah, I can answer that one but that’d be an entire other post.

Now we’re back to Ravonna and Mobius and they spat over who was more betrayed - news flash: it was Mobius. But Ravonna has to do for the digs. “Those variants?” “You threw it away for a couple of Lokis.”  Mobius tries to reason with Ravonna, sounding exactly like Glenda and Elphaba from Wicked (his “together” is spot on Glenda!) Ravonna opens a portal looking for “free will” after giving Mobius one last beatdown.

And we’re back to Loki, Sylvie and HWR. HWR gives them a bit of his backstory; I have a suspicion he’s glossed over some of it (he admits being called a conqueror for cryin’ out loud!) He has a maniacal moment, standing on his desk, voice getting a little shrill and thin. He also admits he’s probably the saner of his variants (my words not his.) Then after his real-man-behind-the-curtain routine he makes them an offer. Take his place. Loki, who has been remarkably non verbal, asks why HWR would give up control. Good question from the guy who wants to be in control yet was meant to thrive on chaos he creates. If anyone is keeping score, questions have been asked but not a single ANSWER has been given! Sylvie isn’t believing a single word while our Loki’s wheels are turning.

****** 3rd side note: the acting has been PHENOMENAL this entire series. Forget what Marvel promised and didn’t deliver (fluid Loki) and a scene we’ll be getting to, Tom and company have been nothing short of an Emmy, which I expect next year.******

HWR finally gets fed up with Sylvie and tells her to grow up. Because she took her pruning personally. Now I’m not going to say she shouldn’t be upset about her pruning; Marvel made it A POINT of showing her playing, content on Asgard, when they took her. But HWR has a point. He’s offering an option that allows Loki and Sylvie to do whatever they feel is best and it’s the wrong time for Sylvie to get in her feelings. Of course 99% of us know that’s EXACTLY when feelings choose to surface.

Then something happens - we don’t know who or what did it. Was it Ravonna and her leaving? Did Ravonna meet someone we suspect? Was it Mobius? Miss Minutes? The agents? We may never know exactly but now HWR is actually in the dark. Mr. Know-It-All suddenly doesn’t know it all.

Sylvie thinks she has her opportunity to fulfil her quest but it’s our Loki who protects HWR. Loki doesn’t tell her she’s wrong or right, just to stop and THINK. And now we get a glimpse of 2018 Loki:

See the bigger picture

Let’s talk about it

I believe HWR

What fills the void of a dictator?

What if we unleash something worse than HWR?

Now here’s where Marvel gets an B+ in character development. They took the 2012 Loki hell bent on destroying Earth to rule it and gave him just enough growth to become the 2018 redeemed Loki ODINSON, willing to sacrifice himself to Thanos (even if he did think he wouldn’t die.) It’s not a perfect arc by any means, but Marvel got there and this is one thing I applaud.

Sylvie now thinks Loki is lying to her to get to a throne and is clearly upset they are not seeing eye to eye on this and another point to Marvel. Loki, for only seeing a few videos that Mobius showed him, still has more life experience in his SINGULAR moment with Thanos to know that there is ALWAYS something bigger, badder, WORSE around the corner and he does NOT want to make the wrong decision. Wow.

To trust or not to trust. 

It’s a beautiful sword fight that HWR sits back and watches like it’s ESPN. The lighting is gorgeous behind the action and is leading up to my next OMG moment: STOP.

Loki asks Sylvie to stop, almost like a child. Like someone who knows exactly where the fight leads, where it goes, and where it ends. And he says as much to her as well. Sylvie feels like that person who just wants the fight to be over; she hunches into Tom’s space and the lighting suddenly stays green and blue. Guess who’s green? Guess who is blue?

This goes back to my Emmy mention. Even if it’s ONLY for technical work, it’s so deserving. Sylvie, in green, tired, emotional, struggling with something we aren’t supposed to know just yet. Loki, in blue, almost as if his Jotun form has taken over, strong, sensible, relatable, empathetic.

And then that damn kiss!  Marvel missed another opportunity here. Two Lokis had the opportunity to show self-love, familial love, friendly love, ANYTHING BUT A DAMN KISS!!! I’m not saying they couldn’t have feelings for each other, but it NEVER has to be romantic just because it’s a guy and a girl. **dramatic sigh goes here**

Sylvie pushes Loki through a portal she has opened, then turns to stab HWR through the chest, as he predicted. HWR actually chuckles, which makes me wonder if he expected this exact turn of events. As if we’ll ever know for sure.

Of course the timeline is going nebular and we’re treated to a shot back to the TVA. Mobius and B-15 exchange words as they watch the timelines grow and grow. Loki is sitting on a couch at the TVA and decides he’s not done? You’re supposed to guess the motivation because everything seems normal at the TVA. Loki finds Mobius and B-15 and admits to everything. Loki calling HWR terrifying is terrifying all on is own. And this of course is where it ends.

The post credit scene is just a “Loki returns in Season Two.”

Guys, this season was a mixed bag. There was some good, there was some not so good; there were laughs and a couple of tears. But it also has me SO HYPED for what’s to come. More Loki, more Marvel content, more... everything, I hope!

[causticsunshine]

Hey Alex!! If you get this, answer with 3 random facts about yourself and send it to the last 7 blogs in your notifications, anonymously or not! Let's get to know the person behind the blog ❤️

hi ella 🥰 sorry for the late response, i've been a bit busy the past few days but i hope you're doing well!!

but uhh okay three random facts:

1. i (casually) collect erotic art! i don't have a lot of it so far but i've got a few spicy artbooks, vintage nudie mags + centerfolds, saucy prints... some are more like 'tasteful nudes' than properly horny art lol, but they're all erotic-based nonetheless

2. i might've mentioned this before but in uni one of my classmates in german was a 1d fan when she was younger and one night at stammtisch—a study/hang out night we used to do—we were talking about fics that we remembered from Ye Olde Days and i brought up one i wrote when i was like 16-ish that was (and is) just....godawfully written. like, so Edgy and nonsensically dramatic with a lot of triggering content in it. and quite a few people had read it at the time so i was bemoaning how embarrassing it was to still have up and get notifications for it, then she froze up and asked me some basic things about the plot and when i told her, she started spluttering and totally losing her composure because she knew exactly what story i was talking about because actively read and followed the chapter updates when she was middle school

and yes years later i'm still embarrassed about it 🙃

3. up until the last few years i had a super strong fear of cats?? like, i would shake if i see one, was really nervous to pet them, if i even felt a hint of their teeth or claws, i'd totally freak out. i always had dogs growing up but knew plenty of people with cats and had no real problem with them, there were just multiple super random incidents when i was younger where cats jumped on me, scratched me, bit me....one accident in particular i think really nailed it home for me and i swear i still have some numbness in that area i was bitten. weird enough too, most of the time it happened i wasn't even interacting with or noticed the cats, they were just suddenly there and not happy with me, even if i'd been around them several times before?

buuut most of my close friends now have cats and i can be around them without being afraid! i'm still learning to read their body language and can get a little anxious if they're rubbing on me and i can feel their teeth, or even if they knead into my lap with their claws a little too much, but it's a lot better than it was!

[filmadaydiary]

1/18/21 to 1/21/21

Marvel Part 2

I was nervous about watching this set of films, because I know they are the least critically-acclaimed. I figured they would be a slog to get through, mostly filler between the big Avengers events. But I was surprised to find that these films were actually quite character-driven and plot-heavy, albeit relying on the previous events to make everything that much more satisfying. There’s definitely something to be said for knowing what’s going on when you watch a film, as opposed to passively being engaged in the spectacle (which I am often guilty of). I wouldn’t be so quick to write these movies off in the future. 

1/18/21

Thor: The Dark World – Alan Taylor, 2013

Bookending The Avengers with the first two Thor films made for an interesting viewing experience. As mentioned earlier, watching things in chronological order made the overarching plot much easier to follow. I liked seeing what happened with Loki immediately after the events of New York, and that was a nice reminder that not much time has passed between the first Thor and this one. People hate on this movie a lot, and even Ragnarok makes fun of it, but it’s really not that bad. Yes, it’s incredibly dramatic, but it’s also pretty darn exciting! There’s magic, there’s aliens, Chris Hemsworth does that cute Thor smile that melts hearts everywhere. It’s a grand old time. Phase 2 of Marvel is typically regarded as the worst of the bunch, but in my opinion these movies are still pretty darn enjoyable. 

Iron Man 3 – Shane Black, 2013

Speaking of movies that I thought I hated, there’s this. I only saw it one time and then let the popular opinions sway me into dissing this movie again and again. Turns out this is an introspective look at how being in a war zone will negatively affect even the most confident of civilians. Tony suffers from extreme anxiety after New York and has to confront who he is without his armor (literally and metaphorically). It’s so rare that we get to see superheroes get this stripped down, and it’s a nice reminder that Iron Man is really just a guy under all that bravado. My boyfriend thinks that the hatred of this film comes from the portrayal of the Mandarin and how that differs from the comic books, but I think the way they did it here is a really interesting take on a cookie-cutter villain. Don’t write this off so quickly. 

1/19/21

Captain America: The Winter Soldier – Joe and Anthony Russo, 2013

Aka the film where everyone fell in love with Sebastian Stan. No? Just me? What can I say, there’s something about guyliner that really gets me going. Seeing Cap get gritty and real after the optimism in his first outing makes it clear why the Russos were handed the keys to the MCU kingdom. This is a very well-constructed movie, deftly introducing new characters and story elements that feed into the greater plot without compromising what we already know and love. It sets the foundation for Steve and Natasha’s friendship going forward and helps fill in the blanks for what’s happening on Earth while there are galactic happenings in the other films. Plus the fight scenes in this film are truly epic. Steve’s takedown of the Hydra agents in the elevator is for sure one of the highlights. The ending does drag a little, but the rest of the film sets the tone for many of the other MCU entries going forward. 

1/20/21

Guardians of the Galaxy – James Gunn, 2014

And now, onto something completely different! This movie, much like Captain Marvel, does feel slightly out of place when watched in sequence with the others. But since it takes place in 2014, we have to watch it here. I can understand why this is the favorite of many Marvel fans. In many ways, it feels much more like a comic book than the others. It’s colorful, it’s chaotic, and being set against the backdrop of ‘80s pop music gives it a certain sense of nostalgia. You can’t help but dance along with Quill in the opening number, and it does wonders to endear him to the audience. The ragtag gang is always a fun dynamic to play with, even more so when they’re criminals. Oh, and Lee Pace is there, which means I will automatically like the movie more. The characters are edgy and unique, each with distinct personalities and quirks. Those do soften out a bit over the course of the movies, which is a shame as they all get lumped into one ensemble and become flatter for it. But there is no doubt that this is a very fun time. 

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 – James Gunn, 2017

This movie was slightly disappointing, thought it was much more enjoyable right on the heels of the first one (as opposed to three years later in theaters). I don’t love the Guardians sense of humor, it tends to be a little bit too goofy and rely on cringing or making fun of others as opposed to real jokes. So for me, I didn’t have the best time here. The only thing of value to the overarching storyline is the evolution of Nebula as a character, and builds connection between the characters. Although much of that connection is built off-camera, between the two movies. There aren’t even any Infinity Stones in this movie. It feels too unnecessary to have a whole movie just about getting the characters where they need to be when we won’t see them again until Infinity War. Space escapades are fun and all, and Baby Groot is always a bonus. Okay, and the soundtrack is also excellent, and there were a few moments that genuinely did make me laugh. My problem is it makes the jump back to Earth very jarring, and I wish there was a way to smooth that out somehow. 

1/21/21

Avengers: Age of Ultron – Joss Whedon, 2015

Ah, Age of Ultron. Another movie that seems to be widely disliked by the fans. I saw this at a midnight premiere as well, and I had a great time. I had a great time watching it now as well. Ultron’s creation is truly haunting, and his cold, calculating logic in destroying the human race feels almost reasonable. If you’ve been paying attention, then Ultron no longer seems like an overreaction from Iron Man, but instead an extension of his anxiety and his drive to protect everyone now that he knows what’s out there. The movies in between the first Avengers and this one actually did a good job of setting up where everyone is emotionally and why it’s important for them all to be back for this major event. Plus, here we get some nice character-building for Hawkeye, my main man. This pushes the Avengers in a new way, with world-ending stakes, and I think it’s great. Not only are they fighting an endless army of robots, but this time they’re also racing against the clock because they’re on a city in the sky. It’s so cool! Not to mention loads of other things get set up in this film, from Vision to Thor’s epiphany about the Infinity Stones. It sets the stage for a whole new era of Avengers, one that I’m very excited to move on to. 

[rpmemesbyarat]

As someone in the Marvel RPC, I see a lot of “my character was kidnapped/created in a lab and turned into the perfect weapon” or “my character was captured by scientists because she was an alien/supernatural creature/etc and they wanted to study her” and inevitably, both involve a lot of gratutitous torture. The key word being “gratuitous”. Either due to wanting drama or being misinformed by popular media depictions of such things (Bucky Barnes, Laura Kinney, etc) the general assumption of fandom seems to be that scientists are basically sadists and that “experiments” are little more than exercises in how to cause their character the most pain possible. The thing is though, a lot of the reasoning for all this is. . . bad. And while canon ---be it Marvel or something else-- may do that, I would also like to discuss more realistic options and point out a few general mistaken assumptions or things people don’t tend to think of. - If a bunch of scientists are trying to create an augmented supersoldier, “perfect life form”, or whatever, that’s not an experiment, that’s a PROJECT. There is a big difference between the two. - Who/what is your character being created or augmented to fight? No one is gonna spend the time/money/effort to make a supersoldier just to have one around for fun. The enemy they are supposed to face or job they are supposed to do is going to influence EVERYTHING about the abilities they’re given and how they are “designed” not to mention how much independent thinking it’s practical to give them. For instance, for some jobs, being able to think and make decisions on their own will be a must, and that’s a risk. For others, there’s really no need to leave their free will intact if you can avoid it. Someone being “built” for espionage will be much different than someone being designed as a living tank. Likewise if someone is going to be sent into a desert environment versus expected to go for long periods underwater, and so on. Knowing what they’re designed to be going up against is CRUCIAL. - Why are living weapons the best option to fight this thing? Because generally speaking, there can be a lot more disadvantages to those than to guns and guided missiles and androids and shit. What about this enemy required a lving sentient supersoldier instead? - If a specimen is rare or valuable, it’s unlikely that it’s going to be dissected or otherwise treated in a way that will deliberately damage it. Your characters might FEAR that if they’re found the men in white coats might “cut them up” but this is actually unlikely. If scientists are trying to learn about something and it’s not a thing they can easily replace, they’re going to try to do so WITHOUT destroying or damaging it. The reason that real-life lab animals are treated so callously is because there’s lots of them, and we already know a lot about how they all work. When a scientist dissects a lab mouse, they’re not losing anything when it dies. If the first alien on Earth dies, or some super-soldier they worked really hard to create dies, they’re losing either a lot of potential information that can’t be gained anywhere else, or something they worked really hard to create and won’t be able to do again without a lot of time or effort. They are going to want to avoid that, and in this age of ultrasounds, X-Rays, and other non-invasive technology, that’s very easily done, especially in a setting where they probably have higher level tech than the real world if they’re creating super-soldiers and such in the first place. And they definitely have NO REASON to want to cut a specimen up ALIVE. - If their goal is to study a person or creature, such as the aforementioned alien, or a mermaid, or whatever else, they actually will probably want to avoid causing it stress. Stress causes behavioral changes as well as physiological ones, and if this is a never-before-seen or rarely-examined species/person, scientists will want to examine them in their default state first. Once they’ve learned everything they can about them in their “normal” state, then, yes, they may begin to deliberately induce stress to study what changes. However, they’re still likely to try to avoid damaging the specimen or inducing ill-health in it (which prolonged and/or serious stress can do) Again, the reason that regular lab animals get treated like their lives don’t matter is because THEY DON’T. Lab mice, dogs, etc., are just models for which to study humans most of the time and have well-documented behavior and physiology, they’re not rare or unknown creatures. So the approach is completely different. A literal or figurative unicorn would not be treated like that. - Likewise, if this specimen is something that was created (or augmented from an existing animal/person) it’s unlikely that the scientists are going to torture them, either for fun or through painful “tests”. Again, they don’t want to damage their hard work, either through physically wrecking them or through reducing them to a useless traumatized heap. It doesn’t matter if the scientists are mean cruel people without a bit of kindness or empathy, it’s impractical. If this being was created for a purpose, fucking it up (or turning it against you) defeats that purpose. And whoever is funding them isn’t going to be happy about that. And if whoever is funding them is the one who wanted to torture this creature/person. . . why do they need it to be specially modified or whatever? That really doesn’t make much sense, especially considering it’s virtually guaranteeing that this thing you have GIVEN SUPER POWERS TO is going to want to murder you. - Sure, it’s possible that one person on the staff might just personally be a sadistic bully or have a grudge against the character/creation even when none of the others do, like Kimura with Laura Kinney, but in all likelihood they’d be found out and fired. “But they take pains to hide it and erase security footage and--” Okay, if you really really want that, you can find a way to do it. Just know it’s not at all going to be acceptable procedure even in the most illegal of operations, not because it’s morally wrong but because it fucks with the product. And I would also ask yourself---if your character is already a lab rat, do they need to be tortured as well? Why? What does that add? Does it not feel “traumatic” or “dark” enough that they, a presumably sentient being, is already owned and imprisoned and kept from anything approaching a normal life? Why is that not “bad enough” to you that their story needs over-the-top torture as well? I’m not saying you can’t do it. I’m saying to think about why you’re doing it. Because a lot of times, in my experience, it basically comes down to cheap angst and sympathy points, often at the expense of, as discussed, logic. - “But they want to make them loyal out of fear!” Okay. That works only up until they get an opportunity to escape. Because if they’re afraid, they’ll take that chance. It’s true they might be too afraid to even try---that’s the case for many abuse victims---but I’m not sure that an organization wants to gamble that will be the case and risk losing their valuable asset the moment send asset is put in the field. And, again, risk the damage to them. This one is doable, you just have to be logical about it and think from the perspective of the people running things, not from the perspective of “what’s the most dramatic?” - “But it’s to brainwash them!” Brainwashing does not mean constant egregious torture that just somehow magically produces sudden loyalty one day. I know that tons of movies and comics have showed you this, but torture does NOT brainwash people. It actually makes people MORE resistant and hateful towards the people and group doing it. People under torture may confess to anything to make it stop, but that’s a short-term compliance and far from actually altering their minds in any way. It most certainly does not render them into obedient loyal sheep; typically the reverse, in fact. If you want to read more about this misconception and what the reality is, I’d check out these posts HERE and HERE and HERE which go much more in-depth and cite real-life sources. If you would like to read more about actual brainwashing, HERE and HERE . - “The torture is necessary for their training!” Again, this works to a point, but most people take it absurdly far in their depictions. Training is to build a person up; if it grievously injures or mentally traumatizes them, that’s counter-productive, as it decreases their usefulness. Being pointlessly cruel to your “living weapon” is just counter-productive. Training can certainly still be intense, and even un-ethically or dangerously so, but if it crosses into just coming up with ridiculously over-the-top ways to make the character suffer, it’s too OTT and clearly for angst-fuel, and most readers will probably roll their eyes because it’s just ridiculous after a certain point. Here are some good articles from SPRINGHOLE.NET relevant to this topic: Things To Know If Your Character Will Be Augmented Or Experimented Upon Things About Training & Teaching Writers Need To Know Tips For Writing Dark Stories, Settings, & Characters Pointlessly Edgy Tropes To Reconsider Using Basic Tips To Create Better Characters With Tragic & Traumatic Backstories Note that this is not to say that your lab rat character cannot have been mistreated, abused, or otherwise traumatized by their situation. Indeed, it would be unrealistic if they were NOT, since treating a sentient being as a tool under the control of others and having them commit violence, even if they do so “willingly” because they don’t know any better, is an inherently traumatic thing. But because it’s inherently traumatic, the unrealistic torture porn is just that much more unnecessary and frankly kind of silly. It’s also lazy, and the ways that many writers go about make no actual sense, as has been discussed. Going back to examples from Marvel, a favorite little-known X-Men character of mine is Darkstar, aka Laynia Petrovna. Laynia and her twin brother Nicolai were mutants born in the USSR. They were taken away by the state at birth, and raised by government scientist Professor Phobos in a “school” (read: facility) for super-soldiers. They were trained in combat and taught to be loyal to the USSR above all else. They were also told that their parents had abandoned them (when in fact their mother died in childbirth, and their father was told they had died too) and were NOT told that they were siblings, instead being given different surnames so that their familial loyalty would not supersede their loyalty to the Soviet Union. It wasn’t until they were adults and discovered their bio-father during a mission that they ever found out they were related. Yet, despite this, and despite occasionally joining superhero teams in the USA (Champions) or aiding the X-Men (X-Corps), Laynia has remained loyal to her country first, though she has often turned her back on its government (though she has returned to serving it now that the USSR is no more) What I really like about Laynia’s backstory is how different it is from most “I was raised as a weapon” stories in that it lacks overt abuse or trauma. She seems to have been treated just fine, she was never tortured, there was never shown to be any needlessly brutal training or treatment of her and the others, etc. She was raised to be a loyal servant to the state, and she was treated in a way that would actually facilitate that, and IT WORKED. So many scientists/trainers/etc in fiction seem to think it’s a great idea to treat your living weapon in ridiculously over-the-top violent, abusive ways for no real reason (except, of course, THE DRAMAZ) and will often be portrayed as insanely sadistic towards their pet projects…even though that’s obviously the LAST thing you would want to do with a valuable asset that you wanted to be loyal to you and have no desire to escape or turn sides. And as I said, it WORKS with Laynia. One of her biggest and most constant struggles FROM THE START is her loyalty to her country, versus her own conscience when she’s asked to do things she finds questionable. She also finds out again and again that she’s been lied to or manipulated by the people in charge of her, and sometimes she’ll defect, but she always ends up back again. And while she’s angry at the things that government asks her to do to others, or has done to others, she never really questions what was done to her. We never see her actually being like “holy shit, I was kidnapped and brainwashed and exploited and I’m really fucking angry about this!” like so many characters in similar situations realize (and often very quickly despite supposed brainwashing; even when still “loyal” they’re usually portrayed as hating their captors) And you know why? Because, again, what was done to her WORKED. Like she has a MOMENT in the issue where she finds out her real history and vows she won’t blindly follow a government ever again, but…she still sticks with the USSR, then Russian, government. She may not be “blindly” following, but she doesn’t seem ever able to leave them for long either. And her brother Nicolai/Vanguard strays even less than she does. And the writers never focus much on this. There’s never been a story that focuses on Laynia’s mindset or giving her a journey that helps her grow in any way or even just examines all this. Partly I think that’s because she’s so minor and has never had a story IN GENERAL that focuses on her. Partly I think it’s because writers just aren’t INTERESTED in a story like hers UNLESS it involves all the dramatic grimdark “tortured test subject” cliches, and they assume readers aren’t either. But I think this does a disservice to readers. One of my pet peeves, perhaps my MAJOR and BIGGEST one, about abuse in fiction is that it is ALWAYS portrayed as BLATANT and EXTREME, committed by people who are OBVIOUSLY monsters and who act like said monsters 24/7. They might get a shallow charming veneer to fool people, but the victim and audience both know that under that they’re un-nuanced, two-dimensional demons. And some abusers are like that. Some abuse is super extreme. But lots of abusers are much more nuanced, and lots of abuse is far for subtle. If only the most extreme types of abuse and abuser are portrayed, that’s all people learn to recognize “real abuse” as being. And real-life victims of abuse already have enough problems feeling that they weren’t “really abused” or “abused enough” to qualify. So I think stories like Laynia’s are important, and they’re worth exploring. They don’t treat abuse as torture porn, something to lingeringly emphasize to the audience in every gory detail for sheer shock value even when it makes NO SENSE for what the abuser is trying to accomplish. Instead, her story makes sense for what the government and its scientists employees were trying to do, and it has an accordingly realistic effect on her that manifests in a far less subtle but no less meaningful way than dramatic “media portrayals of PTSD” cliches. And it’s a story I’d be interested in seeing more of and finally unpacking fully, if any writer ever steps up to the plate ready to treat it with the sensitivity it deserves. Not every story of this sort needs to be like Laynia’s. But not every story of this type needs to be like Logan’s either. Figure out what works best for your character, question why you want it and what purpose it serves, and just make it make sense.

[towerofgodscreamblogwink]

reading last chap of s2 after covering several chapters yesterday, also since it's end of the season, for once I put some bigger serious thoughts at the end

who the FUCK ARE YOU PEOPLE???

OH MY GOD KARAKA IS TSUNDERE

there are OTHER slayers?? (except fucking ex white)  if they mentioned it earlier i must’ve forgot

that’s not how to talk to your daddy greatest

 -(no i don’t like jahad i’m here to bully karaka because i tend to bully my faves)

*punches table* rabbit boy. get out. i have not sighed so loud in my entire life

oh i see why people were calling them furries.

listen, you either give us catboys or leave.

please don’t say “creatures” if it’s like your furry way of talking

that guy: not to worry he has a permit

gustang: *pulls out paper* “i can get whatever i want”

i’ve read “gremlin” im dONE

you know what maybe i should just go to bed rn

also cat is destroying my door dear lord

ok so it’s the next day now

“ahahaha”

“I can’t read...”

SHIT I HAVEN’T NOTICED RACHEL GOT TELEPORTED

erh i’m dumb on this one, why have they made this parallels?

I don’t want to tell you this but he just reminded me of chara undertale...

wangan: onii-chan!?

wait what

ouch

soooo karaka believes wangan’s story even w/o ring then?

*spits tea* ow goddammit not the feels

anyhoo that’s the end of s2, siu put a note about break but yeah that was years ago, so pretty sure i’ll be starting s3 even now but i won’t be posting it rn

anyhoo well that was suprisingly long season? my usual knowledge of “Seasons” is usually from anime, and these tend to have seasons with usual 2 or 3 arcs but they usually don’t go in so many different directions 

personally it feels like half of season 2 is a season on it’s own tbh, and maybe that’s how anime could adapt it, perhaps? although 12 episodes would work best with just setting on saving bam from fug.. either anime would make the seasons in parts like aot did with s3 or have lots and lots of seasons, since probability of anime getting 24 episodes has gotten awfully small those years

As for the opinions on season 2... I see first half and season on it’s own, so let’s start from this - Bam getting rescued, and first time they enter hell train. First of all, Bam as Viole is absolutely nailing this, and I wouldn’t mind having Viole as protagonist to be honest, although it would be indeed sad as Viole is not the happiest person, but damn is he a cutie. Is he a baby. 

Wangan - oh dear I dunno if others saw the plot twist coming, but I did not - I have absolutely been viewing him as Bam’s counterpart to his Viole side, just a complete shounen protagonist who’s completely ordinary. Boy was I w ro n g. I only remember vaguely being sus about him when Viole has mentioned his ring, but that was about it, as it was never mentioned again, I forgot about it. And then it appeared Karaka has this ring. Boy was I shooketh.

I don’t think I exactly liked the further progression though until Wangan’s story was revealed - until then he kinda fell into background, and then soon again as said story was revealed. However I do know Siu has big plans with him, and at this point I know Siu’s writing enough, so I don’t have much worries about his further progression

Also sadly there was no Karaka-Wangan brother bonding

Next in mind I have Khun, naturally, as he’s my icy hot favourite. I don’t really know why even, when I saw him in anime I was quite indifferent about him. So if you want me to explain why do I like khun, I can’t really explain. Other than when he was becoming my favourite, I remember being dissappointed in myself and making a post to myself “Goddammit don’t fall for him just because he’s your type” and he’s not even really my type in terms of personality, but at that point I was jsut shrugging it off, maybe it was his childish over-dramatic posture contrasting his cold personality because I just hit that protect button

Also yes I may be basic just slap me already

And before I’ll start talking: girl’s scout outfit, really? I support my son and I can understand his edgy and k-pop fashion... But I’d be lying if I said I understood him for shit at that moment

So now that we’re past back... I was actually recently re-reading first chapters, and damn, the difference of Khun before Bam was rescued - was rather intriguing. He was laughing his ass off at silly things (his team being dressed silly) but oh sweetie did it feel weird.

Next, I keep thinking about him on the train obliberating Rachel - despite popular opinion, his cockiness was actually getting on my nerves, and only thing saving it, was his reasons were Bam - so in other words, at least he wasn’t an asshat for his own sake.

I much liked his personality during second half of the season 2 - as much as there wasn’t much khunbam content - seems like Khun has grown as a person,as his cocky aura much disappeared as he became more understanding towards his own weaknesses. Now his “cockiness” became rather entertaining if you catch my drift, because despite his jerk nature, he *is* well aware of his flaws, and I just like that. Not that he *wasn’t* considerate of that already, but the hidden floor really did wonders on him.

And dear my, his relationship with Bam. I’ll be honest, at some point during reading first half of season 2, I felt like I was reading romance story between him and Bam. It was all the little things, like playing with Rachel just to know Bam’s past, Khun noticing Bam was uncomfortable with Viole wig, Khun being near Bam as he spoke he has no reasons to live, Khun standing up for Bam when strangers tried to use him and Isu asked for his help but skipped the asking part, Khun looking back to Bam telling him he’ll be back when going to catch the fish on train, Khun trying to talk to him when Bam locked himself up in his room on train, constantly checking and finally waiting in his room when he notices Bam is gone, Khun noticing lack of Bam’s presence before going to floor of death right *after* he just said he feels like world is ending if Bam isn’t here, and then beeming when Bam does in fact appears. And that’s just all the stuff I can remember right now, and I mean the *little* things. The big things are the ones we know well - “So that I can always chase” and the famous world one I don’t have to quote.

Second half didn’t have much scenes, but there were few that did stuck to me - Bam’s line to Kiseia how he understands why she hates him, but he’ll do everything he can to stop her if she plans to harm Khun *again*. Because it seemed like Bam kind of moved on from Khun getting stabbed by his sis, but that panel did show that not only it *did* stay with him, it also stayed with him that it was *Kiseia* who hurt him.

Another scene was the one I don’t think I need to talk about much, as we all pretty understand - moment of Khun and Eduan awkward father-son bonding. Khun tries to close himself off, but Bam reaches out, and forces him out of comfort zone

But what mostly stuck out to me, was his behaviour after Khun became kinda dead. It was the way he spoke to endorsi and rest, how *he’s* going to take khun and follow the *harder* path, and anyone who *don’t want to come*, can take the easier one. Basically, he was prepared to go the harder route completely alone because it meant taking Khun with him, and he was just, prepared to go without any help, he only optionally added that others can join if they *want* to.

Another interesting scene, was Hwaryun calling him out, when few of his teammates has been captured, due to them taking the different path from Bam - but if they are meant to escape with Khun, they have to leave them, and when Bam gets steamy about it, Hwaryun goes - “I didn’t choose the teams. You’ve chosen them based on who matters more.” It’s so subtle, so cruel, yet intriguing - one of the most worst way to tell someone he cares for someone else more - she’s only saying Khun mattered to him more, but in this context, it sounds accusing, making Bam’s decision selfish. And that’s something that’s absolutely in my mind - his care for Khun, called out in “accusing” matter - as something that stopped him from commiting other decision - as something he’s willing to priotize others over.

So I can’t stop thinking about that, and truthfully? That last “take care of Khun after me.” line.

But the other line from bam’s monolouge that gets me is “Wait a bit more Khun... I’ll wake you up again.” That “again” gets to me, but I can’t really explain it. Maybe it’s the way he looks at Khun longily. 

So this covers their relationship, and I think I’m only gonna mention Bam now real quick and perhaps Eudan and Jahad, because the post’s getting long and I don’t want to make *this* post specifically long.

I don’t have much to say about Bam, as Bam himself doesn’t have much to say about him. He didn’t have much definying features or characteristics besides the time he was Viole, but you have to hand it to him for growing after meeting after she pushed him for the first time - it was still hard to say anything about him though. For several chapters later - as well, except he did manage to develop the traits of self-sacriface, and actual resolve to save everyone - because he talks about *always* and sure fights for his friends, but who doesn’t? Where his personality shines in this regard, is in the moment of Bam saving his enemies with no questions asked, and White by the way definetely helped Bam to develop his personality for sure.

But either way I’m here roasting Bam, while my goal was to say, that it was in the hidden floor where I’ve actually started recognizing him as his own character - it was in the moment of him having final confrontation with Viole, I finally saw what kind of person he was. And I liked it, he became a solid character in that moment, accompanied by proper flashbacks and exploration. And Bam continues to be then written quite consinstely as in one of later flashbacks, he indeed says, what he said to Viole a while ago - he’s afraid of being alone. Not only that, the internal conflict was added - is he a monster? is he not? It’s simple conflict but can do wonders, and it’s not something that Bam even thinks about, it’s more of a really subtle conflict within a character design itself, rather than Bam.

So basically now Bam indeed feels more of an actual character

And before I’ll end it for now, I want to mention the meeting of young Eudan, andyoung Jahad - truth to be told, I don’t have most unique feelings towards them as anyone sees the point - the adventures with pure intentions turned evil, aka how everyone can turn evil. What makes me more interested, is how Siu has used it for storytelling... Main characters having a big meeting with the younger versions of villians? Haven’t seen that one yet, so I’m interested what direction Siu will take with it, since this is my first time seeing it, so I’m really curious how exactly you can utilize such scenes in terms of long planned story, and not only how they affect story as a whole, but how they also affect just aspects of it as well.

So, that’d be it on my commentary and small “opinion” on season 2. It wasn’t like I exactly wanted  to put it here, but I wanted the end of season 2 to have more meaning to myself. But not only to have a meaning to myself *just* for my own reasons, but because I didn’t want to leave the whole season with nothing but small comments there and there. I wanted my experience altogether to be something bigger - but not only experience, but my “legacy” as well. So, that’d be about it x2, if you’re still reading, congratulations, I appreciate that, and you get an apple