#yes i know it started out with people typing emoji codes but the lines.. they’re blurring…

[crabs-but-better]

the nature of society is such that every so often, humanity :reinvents rp asterisks:

[griffintail]

The Start of Something

Summary: It’s the start of a beautiful story on the Dream SMP.

Pairing: Wilbur Soot x F! Reader

Previous | Next

Warnings: Swearing

A/N: So the reader will have a set hair and eye color but I hardly ever mention those facts so it’s not going to be that big a deal. It’s just a point of the plot.

Oh and (Y/U/N) means YOUR USERNAME.

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(Y/N)’s POV

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         I spun in my chair, adjusting my beanie as I waited for the exact moment my stream was to start. I hadn’t exactly talked to anyone on the SMP but it was still fun to stream on there. Soon, my timer went off and I fired up the stream.

         “Hello magical people! Welcome back to another wonderful day on the SMP! I have levels today so hopefully we won’t need to bother Mr. Soot. We’re going to actually try and talk to people today if we’re able so, let’s see who’s on!”

         I logged onto the server, hitting tab to see who was on.

         “A new name! Purpled. Something tells me I want to give him the Lilac.”

<(Y/U/N)> Hello good fellows! \o

<Tubbo_> Hello! \o

<WilburSoot> Hello Ms (Y/U/N)

         I smiled at the responses as I went down to my flower chest taking out a lilac as I glanced at chat.

         “Two new names? Oh! Yeah, sorry guys, I already met the Dream team. They gave me a tour offline. I’m sorry. I’ll pop by and maybe say hello to Mr. Sapnap.”

         I asked for Purpled’s coordinates, meeting up with him to give him his flower before going back towards my house.

         “Wait, why is everyone telling me to hide my brewing stands?” I raised an eyebrow as I looked at chat. “I mean, I guess? I’m just confused.”

         I kept my eye on chat trying to figure out was going on as I went home when I saw in-game chat.

<WilburSoot> general 1

         “Is something going on with the gentlemen? Is that why you’re telling me? I’m not going to hop on the discord just yet because they weren’t talking to me.”

         I was very curious though. I came towards Tubbo’s house seeing several of them outside his house. Tubbo threw his brewing stands at Tommy and then they all dashed into his house.

         “Some shady deals going on there don’t you think? Should I check on the children like the good mother that I am?” I asked chat as I hesitated outside the gate.

         There was a resounding yes in the chat and I chuckled as I adjusted my headset, the boys leaving the house.

         “Ok, let’s give them a ring.” I pulled up discord taking a deep breath as I looked at their call before going in as I went back to the game. “Gentlemen?”

         The first thing I heard was one of them scream and laughed as I followed them on the path.

         “WOMAN! You must leave im--" Who I could assume was Tommy start before Wilbur cut in as they stopped in-game.

         “No wait Tommy, remember we need to make sure everyone knows.”

         I raised an eyebrow. “Know what?”

         “Do you have any brewing stands or blaze rods Ms. (Y/U/N)?” Wilbur asked as though it was the most urgent matter.

         “I mean yeah at my house and enderchest…”

         “No, no, that’s not good as soon as we help Tubbo we need to collect yours as well.” Tommy declared and I smiled slightly at his dramatics.

         “And may I ask why gentlemen?” I questioned as we started to walk again.

         “Their code is all wrong! It’s all broken and if you have any you’ll just explosively shit!” Tommy exclaimed and I snorted putting a hand over my mouth.

         “You should probably watch your language Mr. Innit but this is of the upmost concern then! We must help everyone! But what are you gentlemen doing to protect yourself?”

         “We have a disposable sight elsewhere, as soon as we gather everything, we’ll get rid of it!” Wilbur declared.

         “Well then let’s get to the nearest ender chest now!” I nodded in-game before sprinting towards Tommy’s house. “How long until it comes into effect Mr. Soot and Mr. Innit?”

         “Soon, it’s of the upmost urgency that we dispose of them as quickly as possible.” Wilbur said.

         “Actually, I know, I know how I can get there quicker.” Tubbo commented seeing him drinking a potion. “I have a speed pot.”

         “Oh thank, oh thank god! Run, run.” Tommy commanded.

         “That’s good, potions are really, really good. You should always use potions as often as often as possible where ever you can buy them.”

         Now I see where this is going, shaking my head, I still followed all of them towards Tommy’s; Sapnap, Tubbo, and Tommy in front of Wilbur and I as Tubbo let out a confused sputtering.

         “Don’t worry, I’m sure, I’m sure something will come up.” Wilbur brushed it off.

         “I can hear starting to come up we need to get the blazes rods out! Get it out!” Tommy shouted, causing Tubbo to shout, making confused shouting to happen as I walked through the gates of Tommy’s area.

         “Ok! Ok! Ok! I’ve got ‘em! I’ve got ‘em!” Tubbo announced.

         “Ok! Hand them to me! Now! Now!” Tommy demanded.

         “Take it! Take it! Take it!” Tubbo chanted as he threw them but as Wilbur and I stopped in front of them, Sapnap punched Tommy away and took all the blaze rods.

         The shouting quieted as we watched Sapnap in surprise.

         “He’s gonna, he’s gonna shit. Just watch him.” Wilbur told us.

         “Oh boy.” I muttered, crouching as I backed up with the rest of them.

         It became a jumble of words as the boys backed up to what Tommy called the Power Tower but I broke from them, deciding to go around the other building he had called the Cuck Shed, dashing for the ender chest. Sapnap was too focused on them as I went in to see my own gear.

         Grabbing the stack of blaze rods, I hesitated as I hovered over my full netherite set, smirking to myself as I already knew the chat’s answer. I muted on Discord looking at my Twitch chat.

         “Should I be ready to become the goddess chat? I mean, as far as I can tell, Tommy and Wilbur have nothing and Tubbo has iron but Sapnap now has all the cards with enchanted diamond sooooo…”

         Before I had even finished my sentence, the chat spammed yes with the emote of me holding a shield, with a face that meant I was ready for war.

         That’s my chat.

         I grabbed my armor, axe, and sword but didn’t put it on as I sprint to catch up with everyone retreating towards the woods as I unmuted.

         “You tell them why they’re breaking the law Wilbur. Tell them why.” Tommy said as I stood behind Sap and Tubbo.

         “They have the, they have the brewing stands. Aren’t they gonna like shit themselves if they have them?” Sap questioned.

         “Yeah.” Tubbo realized.

         “No, no, no, no, no.” Tommy protested. “We’ve got equipment.”

         Everyone stopped as they started talking over one another.

         “You really can’t follow us.” Wilbur said once it quieted down.

         “What is the disposal system? Can we see it?”

         There was a brief silence before Wilbur spoke.

         “Yes, yes. Come with me.” He sounded hesitant but still lead us further into the woods. “If you come with me, we’ve, uh, got a mobile disposal unit out here. That we’re using to, dispose of it.”

         Over the hill, I could see it and I muted my discord as I snorted once more, a hand over my mouth muffling it. It was an RV, a van.

         “This is all about drugs isn’t it?”

         I unmuted as I listened.

         “I’m going to ask that you don’t come inside.” Wilbur instructed.

         “Yeah, you have to stay on the other side of the river please.” Tommy agreed.

         “It’s dangerous. It’s dangerous.”

         I watched Sap get closer, carefully following behind him as they protested. If anyone was going to fight the, “operation”, going on here, it was him.

         My assumption led to be correct as Sapnap spoke.

         “Wait, Tubbo, (Y/U/N), I don’t think it’s a disposal system.”

         “Wait, it looks like a drug lab or something.” Tubbo went.

         Wilbur started muttering to Tommy as Sapnap sprinted towards the van.

         “Are you guys…? I need to look for myself.” Sap said before going into the van, I quickly following having tried to block him but got pushed in.

         He went into the back room with Tubbo, I being able to see in and see the line of brewing stands.

         “These guys are…”

         “You guys are drug dealers!” Tubbo exclaimed, pulling a sword.

         I looked at Tommy and Wilbur before stepping forward, showing my netherite one, making Tubbo step back.

         “And so, what if they are? What are you going to do about it?” I asked.

         “We have a court house for things like this!” Tubbo reminded us.

         “Who says they’re going to court? You aren’t the law.”

         “Are you with them (Y/U/N)? Have they’ve gotten you addicted to, to this?” Sap questioned.

         “No, I’m not an addict to anything.” I huffed as I typed to Wilbur. “So, I suggest you just hand over those blaze rods.”

You whisper to WilburSoot: Distract him to face away from me.

         “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

         “Tommy, I think, I think we should go.” Wilbur said moving for the door out.

         “Where are you going?” Sap quickly asked following them so they didn’t get away, turning his back to me.

         I smirked as I glanced at the chat seeing the spam of emojis as I equipped my gear, Tubbo retreating further back into the van, terrified of my armor. I shook my head at him in-game before putting a shield on, stepping out.

         “All of you are going to court.” Sapnap declared on the other side of the river.

         I leaned into my mic, putting on my crazy sing song voice. “Think again~!”

         I crit him with my sword, setting him on fire, causing him to scream as he dove for the water. He blocked with his shield but I dove in with no mercy and hit him with my axe before using my punch bow to push him out of the water. He started sprinting away as I ran after him.

         “What are you doing?!” He shouted.

         “Taking back what isn’t yours!” I grinned before critting him three more times before the text appeared in chat.

Sapnap was slain by (Y/U/N) using [The Goddess’s Sword]

         “Mr. Soot. I suggest picking this up.” I said as I leaned back in my chair, everyone silent except for Sapnap protesting.

         “How could you do that?! You’re going to team up with drug dealers?! This isn’t allowed!”

         “Oh yeah? I think the text says it all. You got KOed by the Goddess bitch.” I smirked as the chat shouted out pogs and cheered. “General 2 men!”

         I switched Discord rooms as Wilbur came over picking up Sapnap’s gear getting the respective achievements for the blaze rods and diamond gear. Two pings went off in Discord, I laughing as the silence was filled.

         “Holy shit! That was insane! Holy shit!” Tommy kept shouting. “Sorry mum!”

         My laughs died to giggles as I looked at Wilbur.

         “Soooo, you guys need a little hired help?” I asked. “Because, that was my application Mr. Soot.”

         There was a moment of silence.

         “Fair enough. What’s the price for your services Ms. (Y/U/N)?” Wilbur questioned.

         “Wait Wilbur, a WOMAN helping us?” Tommy questioned now.

         I chuckled as I came towards Tommy, who backed up quickly, leaning into the mic again. “You want to question me?”

         “No! No ma’am! I’m sorry ma’am!” Tommy quickly sputtered.

         “I didn’t think you’d be quite so…intimidating Ms. (Y/U/N). You seemed quite nice after all.” Wilbur spoke up.

         I leaned back again as I noticed Tubbo’s name tag no longer in the van. “It’s all about appearances Mr. Soot! Take a look at your lovely van! Seemingly innocent on the outside but all the excitement in the back. All good business men and women know that you need to have the good exterior but when the time comes, you need to stab a bitch. And I don’t need any payment, just a place in your business and the supply when I need it.”

         He chuckled. “Alright, well welcome to the team Ms. (Y/U/N).”

         “Excellent! Let’s get to work.” I clapped my hands before going into the van with the two of them.

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Third Person POV

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         Wilbur had been trying to desperately take the bit back on track. He hadn’t planned for someone to just derail it as such but then (Y/U/N)…She stepped in from nowhere with stacked gear. The psychotic but beautiful sing song voice had given him a shiver as he watched in shock as she slayed Sapnap with ease. As he was stuck in his shocked, silent state and grabbed the gear, he noticed his chat spamming the words, The Goddess.

         Was that another name for her? Was she an expert at PVP the same as Dream and Technoblade? It would explain how Dream might know her. Another highly praised PVPer? He would have talked to her.

         He just hadn’t expected such intimidation from the lady that had brought flowers to every new player on every server she had been on; the same lady that called people Mr. and Ms. and gentlemen. It was quite interesting, Wilbur wondered if she was like that in public, polite and kind until the situation called for another girl.

         Maybe he should get to know the woman himself.

[ladylillianrose]

You’ve Got SPRQS a Max Richman/Zoey Clarke Fanfiction

A/N: I'm back guys! So this plot bunny wouldn't leave me alone. You've Got Mail is one of my favorite movies, so I decided to take a modern ZEP twist on it! So hopefully you all enjoy this!

SPRQS messages are in italics

Thank you to my lovely beta aubreyrichman for looking things over and listening to me ramble.

Just borrowing the characters to play with, they're all Austin Winsberg's babies!

Summary:  A new dating app has just launched for the SPRQ Watch, called SPRQS. Joan signs Zoey up for it in order to help her meet someone. Will Zoey find someone? Can you really fall in love through an app? Inspired by You've Got Mail.

Chapter 1

"I'm sorry, you did what?" Zoey asked Joan incredulously.

"I signed you up for that new dating app that just launched on the SPRQ Watch," Joan calmly explained.

"Ooookay….but why me?" 

Joan raised her eyebrow at her, "Because, you need to try putting yourself out there!"

"But a dating app? Aren't those just hookup excuses?" Zoey asked, worrying her lip.

"Not this one! No photos, no real names and no personal info until you choose to disclose it. SPRQS is all about building a lasting connection through meaningful chats and messages with one another." Joan explained eagerly. 

"So it won't even interfere with your nonexistent social life. If you find someone you enjoy chatting with, then you talk with them until you're ready to meet in person. And when that happens, I'll go with you to make sure they aren't a homicidal knife wielding maniac." Joan reassured her.

Zoey sighed, "I guess that doesn't sound too bad."

"Great, so here's your login info. You just need to make a simple profile listing some of your interests, and then you just decide who you want to talk to." Joan beamed at her.

"CodeRedLeader?" Zoey looked at Joan skeptically.

"What? It works." She said dismissing Zoey. 

Zoey shrugged her shoulders and headed to her desk. She took a moment to write a short profile.  " My blood type is coffee. No, the moon landing was not faked. Aren't you a little short for a Stormtrooper?”

Within a few minutes she had a message from someone named PianoMan. 

"Why is it all the women I talk to prefer Star Wars to Star Trek? Genuinely asking, maybe I'm missing something."

Zoey chuckled, she glanced at his profile. It read,  "Office guy by day, Piano Man by night. Pitched that idea to Marvel, still waiting to hear back….Live long and prosper."

"Maybe it's because all the women you know appreciate the badassness that is Princess Leia who eventually becomes General, and the leader of the Resistance?"  She responded.

"Hmmmm...that does seem to track with the women I know….Hii by the way, I promise I don’t normally start all conversations with random questions about Star Wars vs Star Trek...some but not  all  .”

Zoey couldn't help but giggle, "Hi to you too."

"So….I'm not totally sure how this all is supposed to work,"  he confessed.

" A friend signed me up for this so I'm not that certain myself. She said something about using it to chat and get to know people. Which, considering how busy my life is right now, is about all I have time for."

"I totally get that. Things can get pretty crazy here too. Pretty much the only thing that keeps me sane sometimes is my piano."

"Oh, so you actually play? That's not just a clever screen name or line to get the ladies ;)" she teased.

"LOL! Oh, that's too funny if you think that line gets any ladies. But, yes I do play, I've been playing since I was a child. But what about you? CodeRedLeader? I can't make heads or tails of that."

"Well, RedLeader is of course for the far superior Star Wars, and what can I say? I just love Mountain Dew Code Red."  What the fuck am I saying? Mountain Dew Code Red? Really Zoey?

There was a pause as she waited for a response.

"Of all the soda flavors out there, you're telling me that Mountain Dew Code Red is the one you would choose? I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who would admit to that."

Zoey cringed,  "Umm yeah, it's amazing…"

"Lol, to each their own. Look, I have to get back to work before my boss realizes I haven't done anything in the past half hour. But, I'd like to keep talking to you if that's okay, Red?"

Zoey grinned,  "I need to get back to work, too. But, yes Billy, I'd like that."

He sent back a laughing emoji followed by a piano keyboard.  "Talk to you later, Red."

"Bye, Billy."

Zoey glanced up from her watch to see Joan watching her with an approving smile.

Zoey shook her head, turning to focus on her work, when she felt a cup nudge against her hand.

She looked up, and saw Max standing there with a cup of coffee held out to her.

"How did you know?" She asked, taking a sip and savoring the rush of caffeine.

"I figured if Joan was making you meet with her when everything was going pretty smoothly, then you might need a pick-me-up." Max grinned taking a sip of his own coffee.

Zoey smiled at her best friend, "Naw, it was just a checking in chat. Making sure everything is okay." She was too embarrassed to admit that Joan had signed her up for SPRQS. 

"Did you hear about this new dating app that someone came up with?" Max asked.

Zoey coughed as she inhaled her coffee too quickly. "There's a dating app?" She squeaked.

"Yeah, it's called something like SPRQLR, or SPRQR I think?"

"Hmm," Zoey feigned disinterest. 

"Yo bro, it's called SPRQS!" Tobin said as he approached them.

"You know like, you've got SPRQS of love because of the connections you make."

Max raised his eyebrow at him, "And how do you know so much about it?"

"Cause I signed up, dude! I'm going to find the perfect person to handle all of this," he gestured to himself.

Zoey turned pale as she realized that there was a possibility that Tobin was PianoMan.

"Random question, but do you play any instruments?" Zoey asked.

Tobin looked at her oddly, "Just my sweet skills on the mic and some beat boxing. Why do you ask?"

Zoey breathed a sigh of relief. "Just curious. I hear some girls are into musicians. So, you could always lead with that."

Tobin grinned, "Ooo, that's a good idea, Little Red. Woo a woman with my mad lyrics. You guys should check the app out, it's pretty sweet."

Zoey shook her head. "Oh no, I don't have time for anything like that." She lied.

"What about you, Maxi-Pad?"

"First, don't call me that. And second, it doesn't sound like my kind of thing. I prefer personal conversations to exchanging messages."

Well, that was at least two guys that Zoey could check off the list. Tobin didn't play piano, and Max clearly hadn't joined the app.

"Come on people, I'm not paying you to stand around and gossip!" Joan yelled from her doorway.

Tobin saluted her and sprinted back to his desk, throwing himself in his chair. "You got it, boss!"

Joan shook her head and returned to her desk.

Max and Zoey exchanged a look, and laughed.

"So, does that mean you aren't going to take Tobin's advice and sign up for SPRQS?" Zoey asked, tentatively.

"I'm no more likely to sign up than you are," Max said, walking back to his desk.

Zoey winced internally, if he only knew.

[dvp95]

can’t breathe when you touch my sleeve - chapter 4

pairing: dan howell/phil lester

rating: e (eventually)

warnings: none

tags: alternate universe, slow burn, fluff & humour, tiny bit of inner turmoil wrt sexuality but trust me it’s not that deep, eventual smut, idiots in love

word count: 3,122 for this chapter (15,775 total)

summary: Dan keeps making a fool of himself in interviews, to the point where it’s basically a meme. Now he’s got to sit down for the better part of an hour and sell his show to the YouTuber he’d had a massive crush on when he was a teenager.

read from the beginning on ao3 or on tumblr!

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

i want to die

Aw, what happened? Did you give SugarScape spoilers?

Despite Dan's horrible mood, that makes him snort. no you buffoon 1 sugarscape has been dead for yrs, much like how i would like to be 2 i don't say spoilers ever 3 it's WORSE

I may be a little out of the loop. You gonna make me guess? I'm sure it wasn't as bad as you think it was.

phil, Dan sends on its own for emphasis. i touched my coworkers tit on live telly and now i can't look her in the fucking eye

Jaime hadn't actually cared much. She'd laughed at him, made some jokes about how Dan's spatial awareness hadn't developed yet, and then moved on with grace. Meanwhile, Dan had been having a mild panic attack on his side of the sofa because all he'd meant to do was brush a distracting piece of lint off Jaime's shoulder and, somehow, drastically missed.

It was all of ten seconds of his life, and Dan is still freaking out about it. He's been pacing his hotel room since they got back, hasn't even bothered changing out of the nice shirt he'd worn for the interview.

Like accidentally? Phil finally replies on Dan's third lap of the room.

no phil i need to grope people on camera to finish. what kind of person do you think i am. YES ACCIDENTALLY.

I dunno what you're into. I'm sure she knew it was an accident?

Yes, Jaime knows it was an accident, but that's not the point. there will be gifs phil

Phil sends him some emojis, only some of which make any sense in context. Dan isn't sure why that calms him down so much. He sits on the edge of his bed and sighs, waiting for Phil to stop typing. It takes a while, but eventually Phil says, Then you'll deal with them. It honestly can't be worse than you falling off the Jimmy Kimmel stage? I swear I saw that gif for months before I knew who you were. And if you're worried about people saying you did it on purpose, tell Jaime. You can talk about it like adults.

It's all laid out very clearly, and while it does make Dan feel better, he doesn't think he's finished being dramatic yet. He checks the time and sighs heavily.

dont suppose you'd be up for a late lunch/early dinner to distract me??

Sure! :), Phil responds immediately. The quickness of his agreement makes that part of Dan's brain start shouting again. I'm actually filming today though. I'll be done in like half an hour if you want to meet me here? Then we can either get takeaway or go out?

It's truly fascinating to Dan how practiced Phil seems to be at giving someone options and pretending like either one is fine rather than just offering his own opinion on the matter.

After assuring Phil that he'll be there, Dan considers getting changed. He's only got fifteen if he wants to get to Phil's place on time, and he isn't exactly known for his quick wardrobe decisions.

In the end, Dan just swaps his nice shoes for some sneakers and rolls his sleeves up. He's a little overdressed still, a McQueen button-down maybe a little too fancy for just hanging out with a new friend, but. He doesn't want to be late. Besides, he looks good. Maybe he likes the idea of Phil being surprised, looking him up and down, having the interview as an excuse to be so dressed up.

The part of Dan's brain that exists to remind him that men are attractive has been so, so loud this week. It's been impossible to ignore.

Dan messes with his straightened fringe until his phone beeps, telling him his Uber is outside. He remembers where Phil lives, in the very vaguest sense, but has to get the exact address from Phil.

He's glad that Phil's front door is painted a specific sort of blue. It would be just Dan's luck to knock on the wrong narrow brick building.

Thor barks, somewhere inside, and Dan shoves his hands in his jean pockets as he waits for Phil to answer the door.

"Hey!" Phil greets him before he's even fully opened the door, beaming. To the great pleasure of Dan's ego, Phil's eyebrows raise as he looks Dan over. "Y'know, you could have changed. I wouldn't have minded waiting a bit."

"Feeling underdressed?" Dan teases.

"A little," says Phil. He pushes his glasses up and gestures at his own graphic tee and slippered feet. "If I'd known there was a dress code, I'd have put on a sports coat."

"You look fine, I was just impatient," says Dan. He waits for another beat. "Uh, can I... come in?"

Phil is giving him a smile, the one with deep eye crinkles and his tongue trapped in his teeth, but it drops as he realises that they've just been standing in his doorway. "Oh! Yeah, sorry, come in. I'm actually not done filming just yet, Thor distracted me. Shouldn't take long."

"What are you filming?" Dan asks curiously, his heart pounding a bit as he follows Phil inside and then, surprisingly, downstairs. "Wait, you're the basement flat? Your video lighting is so good, though!"

"Mostly artificial," says Phil. He sounds wistful. "Someday I'll have a place with a glass window, just you wait."

"What are your windows made of now?"

"What? They're made of glass."

"Then why would you need to wait for one?"

"What did I say?"

"Glass window," says Dan, fighting back giggles. They reach the basement door and Phil lets them in, giving Dan a sheepish sort of smile over his shoulder.

"I meant a glass wall. Like a wall of windows, y'know? That's the dream."

"Yeah, it is," Dan agrees, but he's distracted by the fact that he's in Phil's flat. He kicks his shoes off among the pile next to the door and looks around. "It feels super weird to be seeing this place in 3D."

"Oh, probably," Phil laughs. "You want some slippers? My feet get so cold down here, I've got like a dozen pairs."

"I'm alright."

Phil's flat has less natural light than Dan had expected - or, evidently, than Phil would prefer - but the sheer number of lamps, string lights, and scented candles scattered around the place give it a soft glow that Dan is a big fan of. There are bright colours on every surface and every wall, and the overall effect isn't as overwhelming as it could be. Dan still thinks it could be edited down, but. It's very Phil.

To his vague surprise, he sees Phil's bed pushed against the far wall, a backless bookshelf the only divider from the open living space. Box lights and camera are all set up at the side of his bed.

"If I didn't know what you did for a living," says Dan, gesturing at the setup.

Phil grins at him. "Yeah. My landlord still doesn't believe that I don't make porn. You want a drink?"

"Sure, whatever you're having," says Dan. He spots Thor, curled up on a fluffy dog bed in the corner, and immediately starts cooing. "Oh, there you are! Hello!"

Thor perks up, cocking his head to the side, and Dan gets on the floor to call him over. Within seconds, he ends up on his back with an armful of happy puppy, and he giggles helplessly as Thor licks all over his face.

"Thor, down," Phil says from somewhere above them, sounding amused. Thor backs off, winding through Phil's legs a couple of times before he trots back to his bed.

"I love him," Dan informs Phil, still flat on his back. It's not the most flattering angle to look up at Phil, but he can deal.

"So do I," says Phil. He holds up a glass. "Ribena?"

"Please," says Dan, standing back up to accept the drink. He suddenly feels very weird, standing in the middle of Phil's lounge slash dining area slash kitchen slash bedroom. "Er, you've still got to finish filming, yeah? I can just... sit."

With a small grin, Phil waves at his sofa. "Make yourself at home. Just try not to rile Thor up too much? He's already made my blooper reel longer than the video itself."

"I think I can handle that."

Dan cannot, in fact, handle it. He brings his Ribena to the floor so he can sit next to the dog bed and scratch all of Thor's favourite spots. He finds one of Thor's toys as he listens to Phil wrap up a story that sounds maybe ten percent true, and then - well. It progresses to a tug of war before Dan can even entertain the idea that this might be distracting to Phil.

"Dan," Phil says, in this tone like he's trying to sound stern but can't stop smiling. "Are you growling at Thor?"

Yes. "Maybe."

"Maybe? I'm literally filming right now."

"He's just so cute," Dan whines.

"I know he is," says Phil. "I deal with this struggle every day of my life."

Dan sighs and lets Thor have the rope, watching wistfully as he zooms off with it. "Sorry, I'm really not trying to be a dick. I know this is your job."

"Hey, no," says Phil, suddenly sounding much closer. Dan looks up from corgi-watching to see Phil leaning against one side of his shelves, hands in his pockets and a soft smile playing around his lips. Butterflies erupt somewhere in Dan's belly. "I'm not bothered, really. I think it's cute. I just also, y'know, would like to eat sometime today."

"Why don't I just order something?" Dan suggests.

"Alright," Phil hums. "I'm lactose intolerant and hate mushrooms, but the intolerance can be ignored for pizza if that's what you want."

If that's what Dan wants. "What do you want?"

Phil blinks. "Oh, whatever."

"No," Dan presses. He knows it isn't very good manners, but he wants to see if Phil will actually offer an opinion of his own instead of walking that thin line of indifference. "I will quite literally eat anything. You pick."

It's quiet for a moment while Phil thinks it over, only the hum of the refrigerator and Thor's little huffs of breath for background noise. Dan has to admit that the small basement windows have an upside - less traffic din is able to get through. Coupled with the way Phil has lit his flat, the atmosphere makes Dan feel comfortable, like he could curl up here and just stay.

The rug under Dan is soft, the Ribena is perfectly watered down, and he's got a cute dog and a cute boy to stare at. He really could sit here forever and be content.

"I feel like Chinese," Phil says eventually. He's chewing on his lip, and Dan realises he hasn't seen Phil look so... anxious.

"Chinese sounds great," says Dan. "I'll order."

Phil seems relieved that he hasn't accidentally made a horrible choice or something, and he goes back to filming while Dan fucks around on different apps to find the best Chinese place in Phil's area.

--

"You never actually told me how you managed to grope someone."

Dan, who had gotten all wrapped up in chow mein and MasterChef and had forgotten his hellish morning by this point, chokes on air.

"Oh my god, nooooo," he groans, covering his face with both hands and sinking further into the sofa. He hears Phil laugh. "She just! Had some fucking, like, fluff on her shoulder. Like lint. I was gonna brush it off."

"How did you fuck that up so hard?" Phil asks. He sounds so amused that Dan wants to keep hiding, but the curse has him peeking out between his fingers curiously.

"I've never heard you swear," says Dan.

"I don't," says Phil, "on YouTube."

Unfortunately for Dan, the sound of Phil swearing is very hot. He groans again, overdramatic to cover up his very real blush, and gesticulates wildly. "My limbs are not friends with my brain, okay, I've got very big hands and I misjudged where I was putting one of them."

"Yeah, you do." Phil's eyes track Dan's hands with an intensity that makes Dan's gut constrict. Then he blinks, meets Dan's eye again, and the look is gone. "That sucks. I get it, though, my body and brain are not on the same frequency at all."

Dan thinks, a little hysterically, that this is a very good reason not to try and have sex with AmazingPhil - he doesn't want to end up in A&E.

There are roughly a hundred other reasons, too. Dan's uncertainty about his own identity, the fact that he's only in the UK for another two weeks, and the very real bond that they've been forming as friends are all at the forefront of his mind. Even so, it helps to make a joke to himself about it.

"Have you ever touched a tit accidentally?" Dan asks dryly.

"I've never touched a tit at all," says Phil. He's drinking coffee despite the hour hurtling into evening quickly, and Dan has to wonder if he ever sleeps. "Not really my wheelhouse."

"They're fine," Dan says, with much less enthusiasm than he normally would. He can't sit here and talk about his boob opinions with Phil, though, because that way lies madness. So he changes the subject, talks loudly about the episode of MasterChef they're on.

He's not ready to come out properly to himself, let alone to someone he barely knows.

Well, okay. It would be more accurate to say 'just met', because Dan feels like he does know Phil fairly well at this point. At least as well as he knows Jaime or Patrick. And maybe that's more of a commentary on how shit a coworker he is, how bad at making friends he is, but whatever. The point is that he likes spending time with Phil a lot, and he wants to do it more, but he can't have that conversation yet.

Dan knows he's attracted to guys. When he was younger and had an even worse handle on himself, that attraction would either lead to fumbling, fearing for his safety, or both.

Right now, specifically, he is attracted to Phil. This feels different, because he's got no reason to fear Phil or to immediately jump him, he's just comfortable sitting next to Phil in the dim light and letting the warmth of the feelings settle in his chest.

Maybe someday he'll be ready to tell Phil that he likes guys. Maybe that'll even go somewhere. For now, Dan is going to trash talk the chefs like he knows what he's talking about and settle into Phil's sofa and laugh like he belongs there.

Dan gets a little too comfortable. He has no idea what time it is when his eyes start to droop, but he's sure it's unreasonably early for someone who goes to sleep in the wee hours of morning most of the time.

A hand on his shoulder jerks him back into full awareness, and Dan blinks over at Phil. "Whuh?"

"Hey," says Phil. He's smiling and his voice is low. Dan can feel the slight chill of Phil's palm through the thin material of his dress shirt.

It's overwhelming, suddenly, how much Dan wants to lean in to Phil. The itch under his skin that he would feel ten years or so ago, the restless, guilty want that had him falling into bed with whatever bloke would let him, is thrumming through him with an intensity he hasn't prepared for. Dan's tongue feels heavy, and his gaze drops to Phil's mouth before he can stop it.

"Hey," echoes Dan, a beat or two late.

"You're falling asleep," Phil says. There's something about his tone that Dan can't quite place, so focused on his own emotions as he is. "You wanna stay over?"

Dan really, really does. But he really, really, really shouldn't.

"I can't," he says, not bothering to hide how regretful it makes him to turn the offer down. "Breakfast telly or whatever in the morning."

The loss of Phil's hand on Dan is one that he thinks he'll be feeling until Phil touches him again. "Of course. You probably have to wake up ridiculously early for that, huh?"

"Unfortunately."

Dan orders himself an Uber and slides to the floor with Thor in order to stop himself from giving his body what it wants in the short amount of time before it arrives. Thor likes the attention, and when Dan glances up to see the soft, unguarded look in Phil's eye, he thinks that Phil probably doesn't mind being ditched for his dog.

They chat about MasterChef and Dan's upcoming interview for a few minutes, safe topics, and Dan is disappointed when his phone beeps with the notification that his driver is close. He doesn't actually want to leave, he just knows he has to.

"We have to do this again before you head up to Edinburgh," says Phil. He walks Dan to the door, which is a little pointless - it's a total of eight steps away.

"How'd you know we're going to Edinburgh this weekend?" Dan asks, distracted from the process of getting his shoes on.

"Been in the business a while, lucky guess."

"Right. Well, then, I'll have to see what I'm doing on Friday."

"Yeah, just message me," says Phil.

There's a moment after Dan gets his shoes on where they're both just standing there looking at each other, and Dan's heart starts pounding like he's getting chased.

"I'll see you Friday," Dan says quietly, even though he isn't sure that he's free. He just needs to say something. His phone beeps again, probably telling him the driver is outside, and Dan is both relieved and annoyed.

Phil opens his mouth to say something, but Dan's racing heart and anxious mind doesn't want to hear whatever it is. He steps forward and wraps his arms around Phil's waist in a tight goodbye hug. It's the sort of embrace he'd give any of his friends, nothing overly intimate, but he knows he'll be thinking about it later anyway.

When Phil's arms drape over Dan's shoulders and his thumb brushes deliberate circles over the back of Dan's neck, it hits Dan very suddenly that if he were to try and kiss Phil right now, Phil would let him. That kind of knowledge is intoxicating, the surety of it making Dan's head swim.

But. He still doesn't know for sure what he wants, and his Uber is waiting. So he just pulls away, says goodnight, leaves.

[millennialsarekilling]

If there were two guys on the moon

(and one killed the other with a rock would that be fucked up or what?)

You put 100 people in a room and at least one of them is gonna be a jerk. Grab a couple of hundred - couple of jerks. They can shout the loudest and the meanest, and can make harassment look natural. Online bullying and harassment is an unfair dilemma that rocks the modern world, people constantly arguing the ‘best’ methods of working through it. I won’t be looking at the relationship between victim and harasser, unfortunately I don’t have this miracle workaround for when you’re getting told horrible things by mostly strangers online, and I’m truly sorry if it is happening to you.

By limiting what can be said in a space, you can liberate those who -otherwise- would keep quiet. Being free to speak your mind can allow more people to debate and more ideas would be thrown into the mix. Could this really work? Will censorship save us?

There are a lot of downsides with censorship:

“Kids today” are finding ways around their parents by using emojis, people will definitely find a way around a censorship algorithm (see: eggplant and peaches (x) yes I had to look that up because I’m 23 and studying social media and don’t actually know how to use emojis, fail me now). You can avoid a lot of censorship by clicking the s p a c e b a r b e t w e e n t h e l e t t e r s (check: if you have the time to do that go back to your homestuck RPs where you belong). Keeping on top of the ever changing ways around censorship is an almost crazy idea. Only almost because I know nothing about coding but I feel like I know enough to believe that would be insane. The overuse of the reporting feature: in the world where you can’t yell at people you don’t like, report them until they’re kicked out. This can also be used for facebook images or have a conversation removed from a public forum. Everyone has a different view on what is an isn’t harassment. Playing a video game and being told “Go ****ing 🔪 yourself you dumb **** I hope you 💀” is probably starting to look like harassment. However, being told “Man you suck so much please change your character for the love of god” can also be seen as harassment if you’re the right/wrong person. Also check above, a major complaint with facebook reporting is the amount of people that have had their personal photos taken down because someone believes they’re not appropriate. Forget death threats and general abuse, we’re talking about people posting their own bodies and family photos being considered ‘nudity’.

Let’s also be real: is it even cool? And I’m not saying ‘isn’t it just so cool to tell people to die?’ I’m imagining this website where censorship is great and we’ve all agreed on a line and people can’t say everything but they can say almost everyth- aaand most people have moved on to another website.

Some direct censorship should usually be put in place, depending on the type of atmosphere a web developer wants. However, it’s not the best way to avoid online harassment. Some better alternatives have nothing to do with the websites at all, but responsibility should be placed on the harassers. Unfortunately in the case of anonymous harassment, this is still difficult. Even if someone requires an online history to create an account, it is not too difficult to create an email address with a false name. However, some people have begin to think bullying is so normal, they don’t bother with a fake account, and sometimes instead of experiencing consequences, victims are told to ‘get over it’ or that it’s all ‘just a joke’.

[theehbox-blog]

Primary Research and Ideations: BotPlan

Bots should adapt to you. Think: mobile always: Rather than designing for a static and continuous user context (i.e. a user seated at a workstation), focus on designing flows that can be broken into micro-sequences that fit into a user that’s on-the-go, and switching between devices. As I suggested above, being responsive to user context is key — which means being able to stop, start, and continue processes on-demand, and across platforms.Nail your core competency: just because it’s easy for your bot to offer the weather doesn’t mean that you should. Stick to your core use cases (unless you’re building a rival to Siri or Alexa!) and go deep. In the case of gift-granting bot Eva , it turned out that there were so many edge cases and considerations that just offering wine, chocolate, and coffee took up most of the team’s energy. As a result, they honed in on those products and got the experience right, rather than trying to recreate a marketplace like Amazon’s that catered to every whim and fancy.Be humanlike, but don’t confuse people: one of the advantages of the conversational context (exception: daily news bots) is that you can layer in humanlike language which is more approachable and relatable. However, it’s important that people have a sense for whether they’re interacting with an automated system or a human. If you intend to offer a hybrid experience with automated and human elements, make it clear which type of actor the user is interacting with. This will help increase trust and set the right expectations. Consider this exchange as a warning against pretending to be a human.Be playful but not silly: since we’re still early in natural language generation and understanding, and the safer path is to use structured interactions or quick replies , there’s going to be some frustrating moments as we figure out best practices. Add in some personality and character to your conversational service (like the occasional emoji), but don’t overdo it. As with most seasoning, a little can go a long way towards a more delightful and fun interaction.Solicit feedback: immediately after you’ve completed a task (or failed at it!), ask for some feedback on how the experience could be improved. Be sensitive about asking too forcefully or repeatedly, and accept feedback in the same channel where the task was performed unless you get specific permission, say, to send a brief web-based survey.

Thoughts on the UX of Bots

Bots offer convenience and adaptabilityBots and chat apps offer the ability to bypass the install, setup, and configure of steps and apps. “What I find so interesting is that we live in a world where apps are designed to fit the device, rather than the user, and certainly not for the state of the user.”“Today’s apps, in contrast, largely take a one-size fits all approach, assuming that everyone is always rational and able to operate intelligently. And yes, some predictability and consistency in interface design is necessary, but designing services and experiences for mobile should do more to adapt themselves and their offerings to the user’s situation and contexts.”Bots are Better Without Conversation Apps in the message“Part of the misfire with the conversational aspect of bots has to do with the fact that natural language processing and artificial intelligence are not yet accomplished at managing human-like conversations.”The point isn’t that bots are going to replace apps - people are just spending more time chatting so we build that experience inside of chat. Bots offer:Less FrictionMore discoveryConsolidationSocial GraphsLinks and Resources:

Building Bots

Chat Bots Made

Get Started with Slack Bots

How to build your own chat bot

14 best bots you need for Slack (Ellie bot so cool)

How to create a chatbot without coding

BotStack

Design your chatbot and preview

Chatfuel.com - build bot without coding

Motion.ai - flowchart conversation builder

Api.ai - chatbot developer

Flowxo.com - graphical interface to develop flow

Botsify.com - create chat bot

Mindiq.in - build bot

Ultimate guide to chatbots

Not Read:

https://backchannel.com/the-chat-bot-revolution-is-upon-us-f3fa9e0b380#.9linrubkd

https://chatbotsmagazine.com/cheat-sheet-all-facebook-chatbot-interactions-4b14e4e00178#.djxhiefjs

https://medium.com/@producthunt/make-slack-even-more-useful-with-bots-7b211a8f59d3#.4vetrq9km

With Bots Like These, Who Needs Friends?

Drunk Shopping: Using the API from Twilio team programmed 400 responses from their database driven by key words.

“Why is a plain old texting screen so entertaining?”

TextRiley for finding a new apartment (down)

HappyNow for home assistance (down)

TextMiley for job hunting

@tofu_product

These all have an AI air to them

Bots Thanking Bots

Bots on bots on bots on bots.

Chat-Bots vs Google Search

“Do I really need this service to live as a chat-bot?”

Micro services this is clear - it makes it available in a really fast way in the same screen.

“Actually, the chat interface requires plenty of taps for typing the letters and usually the brain behind them is not even smart enough to know what I have to say.

Getting the weather = not as easy in chatbot vs google

Getting news = sucks on chat bot

Some chatbots are not even bots but they are interfaces that ask you many different 3 option questions in order to get you something HOW DO WE AVOID THIS?

The bot needs to feel natural and personal then the chat is a great way for a service to collect data from the user and then improve the accuracy of the offers and the language. But lots of those bots don’t fill that.

“How do we continue the brand within the messaging portion?”

Why Messaging Bots won’t replace Apps

“Walled Garden” - controlling the user's’ online experience while also owning and controlling their data. This is a friction point for companies which want more control over both. Some chatbots fail to evolve beyond question and answer.

Bots should unify multiple just-in-time services

Some are single task oriented. This can address the problem of having to download the app to access services but it doesn’t change anything from switching from service to service to complete a task. (User just stays in same app).

“In a world where the message is just a container, and the content can be a micro application, the conversation view serves as a timeline.”

Messaging, bots, and slack

“Messaging is a really exciting user experience pattern, but solely exchanging words is not always the most convenient or efficient way of accomplishing something.”

Lots of opportunity to combine messaging/command line as a trigger.

“The ‘magic’ emerges if the user never has to leave whatever app they are in to do these things.”

Bots are Better Without Conversation Apps in the message

“Part of the misfire with the conversational aspect of bots has to do with the fact that natural language processing and artificial intelligence are not yet accomplished at managing human-like conversations.”

The point isn’t that bots are going to replace apps - people are just spending more time chatting so we build that experience inside of chat.

Bots offer:

Less Friction

More discovery

Consolidation

Social Graphs

Thoughts on the UX of Bots

Bots offer convenience and adaptability

Bots and chat apps offer the ability to bypass the install, setup, and configure of steps and apps.

“What I find so interesting is that we live in a world where apps are designed to fit the device, rather than the user, and certainly not for the state of the user.”

“Today’s apps, in contrast, largely take a one-size fits all approach, assuming that everyone is always rational and able to operate intelligently. And yes, some predictability and consistency in interface design is necessary, but designing services and experiences for mobile should do more to adapt themselves and their offerings to the user’s situation and contexts.

Bots should adapt to you.

Think: mobile always: Rather than designing for a static and continuous user context (i.e. a user seated at a workstation), focus on designing flows that can be broken into micro-sequences that fit into a user that’s on-the-go, and switching between devices. As I suggested above, being responsive to user context is key — which means being able to stop, start, and continue processes on-demand, and across platforms.

Nail your core competency: just because it’s easy for your bot to offer the weather doesn’t mean that you should. Stick to your core use cases (unless you’re building a rival to Siri or Alexa!) and go deep. In the case of gift-granting bot Eva , it turned out that there were so many edge cases and considerations that just offering wine, chocolate, and coffee took up most of the team’s energy. As a result, they honed in on those products and got the experience right, rather than trying to recreate a marketplace like Amazon’s that catered to every whim and fancy.

Be humanlike, but don’t confuse people: one of the advantages of the conversational context (exception: daily news bots) is that you can layer in humanlike language which is more approachable and relatable. However, it’s important that people have a sense for whether they’re interacting with an automated system or a human. If you intend to offer a hybrid experience with automated and human elements, make it clear which type of actor the user is interacting with. This will help increase trust and set the right expectations. Consider this exchange as a warning against pretending to be a human.

Be playful but not silly: since we’re still early in natural language generation and understanding, and the safer path is to use structured interactions or quick replies , there’s going to be some frustrating moments as we figure out best practices. Add in some personality and character to your conversational service (like the occasional emoji), but don’t overdo it. As with most seasoning, a little can go a long way towards a more delightful and fun interaction.

Solicit feedback: immediately after you’ve completed a task (or failed at it!), ask for some feedback on how the experience could be improved. Be sensitive about asking too forcefully or repeatedly, and accept feedback in the same channel where the task was performed unless you get specific permission, say, to send a brief web-based survey.

Questions that need to be answered:

How do we avoid the bot having an interface that gives you many options (boring)?

How do we continue the brand within the messaging portion?

What services does the bot offer that the app cant?

Plan:

It seems like the easiest way to approach this is to create a facebook messenger bot.

https://developers.facebook.com/products/messenger/

Use https://api.ai/ to build the background (what it detects and replies)

https://chatfuel.com/ to build the app

Go Library for making fb bot https://github.com/paked/messenger

Quick tut on how to: https://chatbotsmagazine.com/have-15-minutes-create-your-own-facebook-messenger-bot-481a7db54892#.h6dox821s

Also maybe: https://www.motion.ai/

https://messengerplatform.fb.com/

Bot Mockup:

https://botsociety.io/conversations/58bd80ad2f2bf3c60043404c

Use Case:

Hey I’m Trek, I’ll help you plan a trip.