#yes i had to shave my pits today bc they were getting long enough to be annoying yes I'm still bitter about it

[moon-mountain]

Now that I've recovered from the drowley of it all I have to say. That scene where dean is naked in Crowley's bed and flashes his pits. Why the fuck does Jackles have less armpit hair than me?? Life is so unfair. I want that twink obliterated 😑

[writterings]

hey im nb/ag and my name is alex but anyway i really want to start T but my family is really, really poor and im guessing my insurance doesn't cover that and im also worried that if i start it I won't like it or something but i want a lower voice and to look less like a girl ffffffff dysphoria is my middle name tbh .,..,., ., .

hey alex, i’m so sorry for answering this late!! i’ve been on mobile literally all day yesterday and today and i felt as though this ask needed a longer answer than i was able to type on my phone. 

anyways! dsyphoria sucks major ass, and if it was a physical thing i would punch it for you. HOWEVER, i do have some advice that could possibly help if you’re interested, and some advice on going on T. 

i’ll put that all below the cut:

T Facts:

first things first, some insurances offer coverage for hormones. i suggest you look into company yours is through and to what extent it goes to (basically just google your insurance company’s name along with “hrt” or something like that, you should find answers pretty quick)

next, T does drastically change your body -- but at a gradual pace. if you see something you don’t like happening, it’ll be pretty easy to quit T and that certain effect should wear off after you stop your use. just be warned, if you do continue T beyond that point, that effect will develop however. 

T can cause cystic acne, hair growth all over your body, and clitoris enlargement (bc a penis is actually an overgrown clit tbh -- but that’s just another story), BUT it can also cause vocal cords thickening for a deeper voice, increased body muscles, and your jaw may become squarer. there are also other side effects -- both good and bad -- and if you’re seriously considering going on T i recommend researching it thoroughly. 

the price of T can range tremendously, especially in regards to what type you get (ex: shots vs pills vs patches). i suggest you research that as well and figure out which form of it would be the best for you considering your family’s situation. 

you typically need a gender therapist/a therapist in general to help get you on T. medical doctors want a note saying yes, indeed, you are trans before they give you any hormones. luck with this many vary. 

****disclaimer: please note i am not on T and have not taken it, i’ve just researched it along with my gender therapist a lot considering i am trying to get on it within the next few months/this school year 

Passing/Kicking Dsyphoria’s Ass/Looking Less Like A Girl:

this part is easier and cheaper than going on T tbh. first things first, you’re going to want to work on your mannerisms. to talk the talk, ya gotta walk the walk pretty much tbh. the things below will help you with the whole “appearing less like a girl” thing:

square your shoulders and stand with them back when you walk. this doesn’t have to be all the time, but it makes you look taller, thinner, and more intimidating. guys tend to walk like this, and it could be good for presenting androgynously for when you’re not exactly presenting as a guy.

when walking, look over people’s heads in the direction you’re going in. they’ll subconsciously get out of your way then. guys tend not to move out of the way for people when they’re about to collide when walking at each other, so this will help

spread your legs when you sit

take up as much space as you want when walking/standing somewhere (without being rude)

don’t look people in the eye as much when you talk to them

shake people’s hands when you meet them. and i mean. all the time. especially if it’s a guy. even if you’ve met them before.

now here’s some fashion advice:

get a binder. a good one. i personally recommend getting a gc2b one, directly off their website and ordering a size above the one you would usually wear in shirts. it WILL make you as relatively flat as you need, but will take some breaking in. their binders are about 30$ so if you need to save up, i seriously recommend investing in them. research the risks of binding, also. 

you don’t need a packer. no one cares that much to check down there.

don’t wear button down shirts unless you’re at a formal event. button down shirts call too much attention to you when you’re someplace casual, and people will stare. because they’re staring at you too long, they’ll stare at the parts they shouldn’t be  and then misgender you as a girl. however, they do think they’re properly gendering you, of course -- cis people pride themselves on figuring out people’s “”””Real”””” genders and then calling them she/he despite how the person is not dressed like a she/he. (and they don’t even consider the person is a “they”)

wear t-shirts instead, and one that’s in your proper size. no baggy Ts. regular, fitting ones are lighter and more form fitting so they make you look more attractive and they call less attention to yourself. don’t worry about your breasts or curves showing if you have them -- if you look androgynous or like a guy enough people won’t question them. (and this is coming from someone with double d breasts who just got called a “he” in walmart despite how i was only wearing a sports bra)

cargo shorts are ugly but literally talk to any guy and he owns like ten pairs. also every butch lesbian friend i have loves them as well. they’re a win if you’re aiming for androgyny/looking more masculine. they also have so many pockets. i recommend cargo shorts. 

wear your pants/shorts below your belly. it’s just a guy thing to do. 

TAKE CARE OF YOUR SHOES!!!! AND GET GOOD ONES!!! you’re agender but i don’t know how much you want to look like a guy, but lemme tell ya guys take GOOD CARE of their shoes. literally, once i started passing as a guy all the dudes at my school starting making fun of my shoes because they were a no-name brand and had holes in them. shoes are important. i can understand if you can’t afford jordans or doc martins (bc i sure as hell cant lol) but just take care of what you got. 

grooming/personal care

don’t shave your legs

let your eyebrows grow out

ditch the bangs. bangs are feminizing. (i recommend a fade away tbh -- they’re pretty androgynous haircuts)

tbh i recommend shaving your pits because they get smelly if you don’t

shave your face. everyone naturally has peach fuzz on their face and teenage boys typically start shaving off whatever they got on them when they reach high school. also, it will start growing in more thicker and faster when you do this, if you want a beard. 

voice

you can actually naturally lower your voice without going on T. 

first, you can try speaking at a lower pitch. this will hurt after you do it for a while so i don’t recommend it too much. 

you can also try vocal exercises to warm up to that. i personally use the “bing-bong-king-kong” method, where i say all those words and go down a pitch on each word, and draw out the syllabels so it’s like “oooooong”

singing along to guy’s part’s in songs and trying to match their pitches actually helps a lot! i hope your a musical fan because trying to do “waving through a window” from dear evan hansen has actually helped me a lot

this link should help you

anyways...that’s all the advice i got! sorry if you weren’t actually looking for advice tho lol. i hope this was able to help in some way. if you ever need someone to talk to, my inbox and DMs are always open. good luck, alex.