#yes i did indeed spend the last 2 days binge watching DBH vids and spoil the entire plot before i bought and played it myself

[halbdaemon-kite]

So, I saw this clip from a vine compilation and afterwards spent about 40 minutes amusing myself with the thought “what if the RK900 is not stoic and serious like the popular headcanon goes, but is a actually a complete and utter dumbass”. And I mean “dumbass” not in that he’s stupid, I mean, like, instead of trying to relate to his partner (Gavin obviously lol), by attempting to awkwardly smalltalk about dogs and basketball, he just downloads a bunch of stale memes, because duh, that’s what a millenial/gen zedder likes obviously. And it all just goes downhill from there.

RK900: *uses some insanely cringey pick up line to break the ice with Gavin* Gavin: *flips his shit* RK900: “Wow, you should really calm down. All that shouting isn’t good for your updog.” Gavin: *hasn’t heard that one in about 18 years* “What’s ‘updog’?” RK900: *dabs* Gavin: “THAT HASN’T BEEN FUNNY IN 20 FECKING YEARS!” … In the background we see Connor turn to Hank. Connor: “What is ‘updog’?” Hank: *without missing a beat* “Nothing much, you?” Connor: ????¿??

RK900 and Gavin chase a suspect through some building. Suspect catches the elevator. Gavin: “Feck! The staircase is on the other end of that fecking hall, we lost him!” RK900: “YEET!” *jumps out of 4th floor window, striking a pose* Gavin: DDD:<

Gavin: *rants about some stupid shit* RK900: “Oh no, that is so sad.” *Despacito starts playing softly in the background*

Gavin: *tries to bully RK900* RK900: *T-poses* Gavin: “STOP IT WITH THOSE FECKING OLD ASS MEMES!”

Gavin: *falls down some stairs* RK900: “Big mood.” Gavin: “THAT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE SENSE!”

RK900: “Hey Gavin, you know what?” Gavin: “I don’t care.” RK900: “According to all known laws of aviation…” Gavin: “NO!”

RK900: *realizes that he can fully recline his office chair* :D Gavin: *has a feeling of dread* RK900: *rolls around desk so that Gavin can see him* 8D Gavin: *softly* “Noooo…”

RK900: *talking to another coworker* “... Yeah, I think the reason Gavin likes me so much, is because I’m just radiating big dick energy.” Gavin: *from across the office* “YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE A DICK! AND ALSO I HATE YOU!” RK900: *smiles fondly*

Gavin: *sneezes* Some coworker: “Caught a cold?” RK900: *before Gavin can reply**puts hand on chest theatrically and wipes away nonexistent tear* “I’m afraid it’s worse. He has a terminal case of lig…” Gavin: “IF YOU FINISH THIS FECKING JOKE, I WILL DRAG YOUR PLASTIC ASS INTO THE NEXT TRASH COMPACTOR!” *has a coughing fit*

Hank & Connor: *watching from the other side of the office* Hank: *pats Connors back and thanks the gods that he got the cute one*

Bonus: RK900: *sets something ablaze with his bare fucking hands* Gavin: “Holy shit! How did you do that?” RK900: “It’s called a Flammenwerfer, Gavin. It werfs Flammen.” Gavin: *looks like he wants to die* RK900: :D Gavin: “You know what. I’ll let you have that one, just because of how badass that was.”