#yes i am writing about the gays frim the clown movie again

[nemo1230]

Summers don’t last forever

Richie felt the wind wildly going through his hair, making it go in every direction possible, the landscape around him blurry from the speed he was going with. His cheeks were warm from biking as fast as he could; he was going to Eddie’s house.

It was nearing to the end of August, summer was practically ending, as well was the losers high school years. They had all finished their senior year and now were about to head off to different colleges with the promises to write and call each other as often as they could.

Richie’s heart was beating with anticipation as well as somber uneasiness. This was the last day all the losers had spent together, soon enough they’d one by one leave Derry, except Mike, who had decided to stay.

And this was the last night he’d spend with Eddie. This summer had been special, now that they had both decided on collages, they knew that this was the last summer they’d be spending together, it was inevitable that there would be a day when they both would see each other for the last time for some while. So they both had decided to spend as much time together as possible. It wasn’t that they didn’t want to spend time with the other losers, they most certainly did, yet neither could deny that both of them found comfort in being together. Just them two.

The summer was spent in endless bike rides, quarry visits, sleepovers, which more often than not ended in them sleeping in one bed and waking up, limbs tangled together, both impossibly close together. Neither of them ever spoke about it though. This wasn’t unusual for them, they simply were that way. Friends can be close right? They are close to all of their friends. But even Richie couldn’t deny that no, in fact, they weren’t this close to the others. And it set dread and butterflies in Richie’s stomach at the same time.

The summer flew past faster than they both expected, so here they were, meeting up one last time, before the inevitable had to happen. They had decided to meet up at night, after sunset, to spend the night together. Right now the sun was practically down; only last few shades of orange were seen by the horizon, which blended together with last light blue that once had been today’s sky.

Richie reached Eddie’s house soon enough, stopped by his window and quietly got off his bike, gently putting it on the grass. Then he went to the big bush where they had hid Eddie’s bike today, so they would be ready to go instantly. He rolled it out, removing few leaves and twigs that had stuck to it, and put it next to his bike. He then found a small rock and after pointing it while squinting one eye, threw it at Eddie’s window. 

At first he didn’t see anything, so he was about to find another rock to throw but then the window slowly opened and he saw Eddie’s grinning face looking down on him. Richie hoped the dusk was masking his damn betraying blushing cheeks. At least, hopefully, from up there Eddie couldn’t feel Richie’s heart missing a beat. Which, well, at this point happened so often, that he should be used to it by now.

Eddie then proceeded to climb out of his window, on to the branch closest it, then to another and soon enough Richie heard a soft thud and Eddie was standing next him.

“Hey.” Eddie said, smiling and a little out of breath. His eyes were sparkling with joy yet Richie saw something else tainting them.

“Hey.” Richie replied, smiling as well.

Richie went to their bikes, first picking up Eddie’s and handing it to him, then his own. He got on, as did Eddie.

“Bet 5 bucks that I’m gonna get there faster.” Richie said, smirking, challenge on his voice.

“You fucking wish, dude. And I’m not doing silly dares like that,” Eddie replied, rising his eyebrows, and only when Richie was about to complain, continued, now a grin on his face as well, “if the bar is so low! It’s gotta be 10 at least. Because you’re gonna lose!” He shouted and instantly took off.

Richie gasped in surprise. “Hey! Not fair, we were supposed to take off at the same time, Eds!” He took off as well, speeding after Eddie.

They eventually drove side by side, each taking turns to sometimes speed ahead of the other. For a minute Richie let himself to get lost in the moment, forgetting the circumstances as why they were meeting in the first place.

It felt just like when they were kids - free, reckless, the whole world wide open, right at their feet, for taking. Feeling as if nothing could stop them, in other words, childhood innocence, that had burned bright and vivid within them. Despite the horrible things that happened - they were happy.

As the years passed, this feeling had died down, leaving nothing but ashes of what it had once been, the weight of the world finally settling on their shoulders, perhaps a bit too early, given the circumstances.

Richie let the long forgotten feeling wash over him, thinking of how they had always thought of never growing up; foolishly thinking their childhood years had no beginning and no end. But now, finally, after so many years of running around a labyrinth, only by luck escaping the dead ends, they had all come to an abrupt stop, reality hitting them hard and sharp. He closed his eyes and tried to soak in the very last pieces of his childhood.

“Hey, dickface, if you keep riding that bike with your eyes closed you’re gonna end up no better than my aunt, and she hasn’t got a single teeth in her mouth.” Eddie’s voice rang trough the otherwise quiet street.

Richie opened his eyes and looked at Eddie. He was already looking at him, amusement visible in his eyes. Richie couldn’t help the blush that warmed his cheeks. Nonetheless be smirked, “Don’t know ‘bout that, Eds, I’m pretty good at doing things without seeing much, since it is usually dark when I visit your dear mother.”

Eddie merely rolled his eyes. “Fuck you, asshole, really, fuck you!” He shouted, speeding ahead of Richie.

“Fuck you right back!"Richie laughed and sped up as well.

They had arrived at the quarry, right at the shore where endless warm summer days had been spent together with all the losers.

They dropped their bikes and Eddie sat down on a big rock near the water, Richie following close after.

Eddie looked around and signed deeply. "I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I’m going to miss this place. It put us through hell, but some good memories did come out of it.”

“Yeah,” Richie agreed, chancing a glance at Eddie, who’s face was faintly lit by the now bright moonlight. “You know what I’ll miss most about this place? Besides your mother, of course.”

Eddie looked like he wanted to protest, but then he rolled his eyes and nodded at Richie for him to continue.

Richie took a shaky breath. He was never good with feelings and expressing them. Humor was always his go-to thing whenever shit got real. Biting his lip he tried to find words that could possibly explain what he was feeling. “How I felt with you guys. How you all made me feel truly happy. I spent more time with you guys than I did with my own family, because I guess you all..you all are my real family.”

There was so much more he’d like to say but something about saying this felt too final and that left a bittersweet taste on his tongue. As well as, some things he had already decided to take to his grave. For example, his feelings for Eddie, which he had tried so hard to bury, but turned out it was his coffin which was being nailed shut, whilst the feelings only bloomed, spreading like wildfires. And the way Eddie was looking at him right now didn’t help the matter whatsoever.

Eddie looked at loss of words, kind of gaping at Richie with awe in his eyes. “Woah, Rich. Didn’t know you capable of being poetic like that.” He eventually said.

Richie let out a breathless chuckle, quickly looking up to stop the stinging in his eyes that vaguely resembled tears. “What can I say, I am a man of many talents.”

Eddie snorted. “Richie the comedian slash trashmouth slash poet Tozier.” He said, and although amusement was clear in his voice, it was laced with the same bittersweetness that Richie felt forming in him.

Eddie then pushed his hand slowly closer to Richie’s, almost touching. Richie looked down, and then at Eddie, who wasn’t looking at him, but at the water.

Richie’s heart sped up and he chanced pushing his hand closer too, now finally making their hands touch. Eddie bit his lip and put his pinkie finger over Richie’s. A silent permission.

Richie exhaled and slowly intertwined their pinkies.

Somehow this felt different, closer and more intimate than ever before, despite them literally sometimes sleeping in the same bed.

This was a conscious decision from both of them. It felt like a promise, like a reassurance, like a confession.

Richie, heart beating right out of his chest, looked at Eddie, and in that exact moment Eddie turned his head and looked back.

Their eyes interlocked, and air around them suddenly felt clogged, and Richie struggled to breathe. Their eyes seemed to be glued to each other, unnamed feeling behind them more vivid than ever.

But Richie had long ago learned that it is dangerous to even hope, so with great difficulty he turned his eyes away from Eddie, looking around for a distraction.

He looked around to find any possible way of them to forget about all of this for a bit, to let themselves get lost in the moment. But the only thing around them really was the water. So that can only mean –

He got up, taking Eddie with him, since their pinkies being still locked together tightly.

Eddie looked confused and ready opened his mouth to question but Richie put a finger on his lips, and then turning to walk them to the water. He then finally let go of Eddie’s pinkie in favor of untying his shoes.

“Richie, what the fuck, are you seriously expecting me to go swimming right now?”

“No, of course not, Eds, we’re only going in half way.” He said, as he rolled up his jeans.

Eddie only raised an eyebrow at him, still looking confused. “What?”

“We can just dip our feet in the water, that’s all, don’t worry, Eds, we’re not getting in the water all the way." 

Well, that was a lie.

As they got in, Richie leaned down, put his hands in water and yanked them up, towards Eddie as hard as he could, splashing, water going everywhere, soaking Eddie’s pants and shirt.

"WHAT THE FUCK, RICHIE, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!” Eddie screamed, looking at Richie with pure fury in his eyes.

When Richie thought that maybe that wasn’t the best idea, Eddie suddenly leaned down and slashed back, taking Richie by surprise. He stood there for a second, mouth agape, looking at Eddie with widened eyes. Then, like a switch had been pulled, they both started splashing each other, completely soaking their clothes.

At one point one of them tripped, grabbing on to the other, and then -

SPLASH!

“YOU FUCKING DICK! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!”

“FUCK YOU, IT WASN’T ME, IT WAS YOU!”

If they weren’t soaking wet before, well, they definitely were now. Richie looked at Eddie, who looked at him as well. Richie barely was holding in a laugh and when he saw Eddie crack the smallest of smiles, he let out a bark of laughter, which resulted in both of them wheezing for air from laughing so much in a matter of few seconds.

Eddie got up first, his clothes clinging to his body tight due to the water. Richie looked away so fast his neck cracked. Now was definitely not the time for an accidental boner.

When he looked back, Eddie was strolling towards the shore, water still dripping from him. But then he stopped, looked back and narrowed his eyes at Richie, “Hey, fuckhead, you coming or are you just gonna stay there all night until you get hypothermia or something?”

Richie laughed and then got up, hurrying after Eddie.

They then got on their bikes and sped off to the only place they could really feel free while being together, not fearing being seen by unwanted eyes - the clubhouse.

They didn’t even question it, or even hesitate to, once changed to dry spare clothes that were always kept there, getting into the hammock together, laying in each other’s arms, the comic they had taken as an excuse to lay this close, lay forgotten on their stomachs.

Despite promising to stay up all night, Eddie was now snoring softly beside him, his arm protectively thrown over Richie’s side. Yet Richie couldn’t even close his eyes. He couldn’t stop thinking about their pinkies interlocked together at the quarry, the sudden change of air between then, the intense eye contact they had shared, like a whole conversation might have happened, feelings so strong behind their eyes daring to spill out.

Richie wondered what would have happened if he had let the words out, if he wouldn’t have stupidly ruined the moment, how Eddie would have reacted. He couldn’t deny that he had seen something within Eddie’s eyes as well. It couldn’t have been his imagination, not this time. Not this time.

Suddenly, overcome by strong determination, he decided to wake up Eddie and confess then and there. Yes! He had seen something there, and this time it was real. It’s his last chance to say something and this time he is going to follow it trough!

Already lifting his hand to shake Eddie awake he came to an abrupt stop, his hand hanging in the air.

This truly was the last time they had together. What if he laid his heart bare only for Eddie to find him disgusting and leaving him? That was not the way he wanted their last meeting to end, that’s not the last memory he wanted to have of Eddie.

Signing, he put his hand down, gently putting it on the hand Eddie had draped over him. If he was bound to suffer, well, then better to follow it trough.

The morning came faster than both of them would have ever wanted. Richie was woken up by Eddie shuffling around the hammock, trying to get out of it.

Richie, barely wake, mumbled something resembling “don’t leave”.

“Rich, we have to get up, it’s already sunrise, and you know I have to be back soon, or my mom will murder me.” Eddie said, as he once again tried to get up. “Hey, dumbass, would you mind removing your unnaturally long limbs from me, I’d like to get out of this hammock in the close future.”

Richie snorted and then rubbed his eyes, trying to adjust to the light. “Unnaturally long limbs? Eds, you’re just bitter you’re short.” He said, but reluctantly removed his legs, that somehow had ended up thrown over Eddie, nonetheless.

They both then exited the clubhouse, throwing it one last look and then getting on their bikes and biking to Eddie’s house.

Soon enough they arrived and both them were met with the harsh reality - they had to separate.

“So…” Richie started, yet couldn’t come up with anything else to say.

“So…” Eddie repeated, seeming to be facing the same problem.

“This is it I guess…”

“I guess it is…”

They both stood there awkwardly for a moment, not knowing how to actually do this. How to say goodbye.

Tears where threatening to spill out of Richie’s eyes any second and he tried all his will to stop them. All that went out the window when Eddie pulled him into a bone crushing hug.

“Fuck, Richie, I’m going to miss you so much. I hate this, I fucking hate this.” Eddie whispered desperately.

Now there was no way of stopping the tears. “Don’t tell me you’re going soft on me, Kaspbrack.” He whispered back, squeezing Eddie as tight was he could. 

Eddie let out a tearful laugh. “Fuck you, Tozier, I’m serious.”

Richie could feel his shoulder getting wet. Eddie was crying as well. “I’ll miss you too, spaghetti man.”

“I hope you know that if this was any other occasion, then you’d be getting punched in the face for that nickname.”

“Of course I know, I’m taking advantage of the situation.”

They stayed like that, in each other’s arms, for as long as the time allowed them. And a little more.

The sun was already at the horizon, first rays reflecting on their tear stained cheeks.

They reluctantly pulled apart, looking at each other. The same intense feeling rose between them, and Richie had never in his life wanted to kiss Eddie quite this much.

All of a sudden, Eddie reached his hand forward, placing it on Richie’s cheek, wiping at the tears. He gave him a bittersweet smile, that didn’t really reach his eyes. “Promise to write and call?”

Richie, who had practically stopped functioning properly with Eddie’s hand on his cheek and all, took a while to understand what Eddie had said. When he did come to his senses, he smiled back at Eddie with the same bittersweet smile,.“Of course. I promise.”

Eddie then removed his hand and stepped back. Richie’s whole body screamed to follow him, to follow him anywhere in the world, but he felt paralyzed, completely stuck to the ground he was standing on.

Eddie wiped one of his own tears and then nodded to himself. “Goodbye, Richie.”

There were a million things Richie wanted to say to him in that moment, he wanted to scream for him to stay or to let him come with him or that he loved him, that he loved him so god damn much it hurt, or anything else, anything other than -

“Goodbye, Eds.”

Eddie looked at him one last time, with something in his eyes that Richie couldn’t quite place, and then turned around, climbing the tree that led to his window. Richie watched him until he had safely gotten in his room and was looking down at Richie.

He smiled at him one last time before closing the window and walking away.

And that was the exact moment Richie’s world crumbled to pieces, something in him snapping in half. If he had to guess, then he'd say that, that was his heart.

Getting on his bike to leave, he couldn’t help but imagine what would have happened if he had actually said something. What might have been.

As he biked away, it felt like leaving behind a half of him. His love, his childhood, his safety.

Oh, how he wished this summer would have lasted forever.

Behind him, Eddie’s house grew smaller and smaller.