#yes i am lonesome tonight

[armoredbutterfly93]

Right in my fucking feels. This song, especially this version now, holds me when I wanna give up. And it hugs me when I feel unloved. It soothes my inner beast. I feel like this is the song I wanna die to.

Are You Lonesome Tonight? - Austin Butler

*This song is not on the Elvis (2022) soundtrack.

[depressedfairie]

in my elvis mood tonight yearning for him so bad <3

[cosmos-coma]

My Sun, My Star

A/N: I'm so weak for Winter soldier Bucky. I cant wait to write more of him, I love this sad guilt ridden man.

Pairing: Winter Soldier!Bucky x Reader

Words: 6756

Warnings: Breaking and entering, Minor violence, Injury and Blood, Winter soldier Bucky, GN reader but also Pregnant reader, mild language, I'm not sure if this is fluff or angst or both??

Summary: You wait up late for your boyfriend Bucky to return from his mission, but it isn't Bucky who finds you.

Part 2 | Part 3 | Epilogue | Bucky Masterlist

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Your eyes blinked slowly, heavier with each passing second, yet you still managed to open them once again. Glancing at the bright white numbers of the digital clock you watched it change to 1:46 AM, causing a groan to pull from your lips. Bucky was supposed to be back tonight (yesterday technically) from his latest mission, but he still had yet to show up at your shared flat. 

You checked your phone again, the lack of notifications mocking your tired eyes. You let out one more sigh before you turned off the mindless babbling of the TV and stood up to get ready for bed. You were sure Bucky wouldn’t want you waiting up so late in your current condition anyway, he had been harping you about getting enough sleep and water and everything in between.

“I’m only four months pregnant, Bucky. I’m fully capable of staying up late” You had said to him. 

“Five months, Doll, and it’s about your cortisol levels. It’s not good for you or the baby, and it could lead to them being underweight” he said, reciting exactly what the doctor had told him during your last checkup. 

“Four and a half,” you argued as you stuck your tongue out at him, “and she was talking about getting chased by a bear kind of stress, not staying up to watch Bake Off.” 

You snorted at the memory of just earlier that week, a small smile coming to your face as you went through your nightly routine. You continued to check your phone here and there as you went, “Did you get back safe? How’d your mission go?” you had texted two hours ago, yet it still remained unread and unanswered.  

‘Maybe one more quick text wouldn’t hurt,’  you thought to yourself as you typed out the simple message and hit send. 

“Stay safe, okay? I love you.”

You sighed as you set the phone down, “it’s okay, everything is okay,” you assured yourself as you pulled one of his large hoodies over your head, enjoying the way the hem brushed against your bare thighs and the sleeves threatened to swallow your hands. “He’s a former assassin and a super soldier! Nothing is going to happen that he can’t handle,” You stated firmly to your reflection in the mirror. Your eyes remained unsure despite your voice’s conviction, but you did your best to ignore it, focusing instead on the achingly tired look they held. 

“Yes, I know. It’s finally time for bed, little one,” you mumbled sleepily as you felt your baby kick against the walls of your protruding belly, being quick to climb between the layers of blankets and lonesome sheets. “Fuck, that's cold…!” you swore quietly as your bare legs hit the icy fabric- having gone unwarmed by your personal space heater and super soldier.

Thankfully sleep came easily, the thought of waking up to Bucky’s sleepy, scruffy face only further urged your body to wind down so the moment would come sooner. 

----

Bucky’s phone buzzed again in his bag, lighting up with your smiling face as your text displayed on the screen, but nobody reached down to check it, as everyone found themselves in a far more urgent situation. 

“Keep him busy, Rodgers! I just need one more minute!” Tony yelled as he dug through the equipment in the quinjet, “For fuck’s sake, who organized this last?” 

“What do you think I’m doing…!” The blond grunted with a justified hint of frustration,” Sam? Any help??” He shouted with a pointed look, telling more than asking as he struggled to restrain his thrashing friend. A swift metal fist flew toward his already battered face, barely giving him time to duck out of the way and attempt to restrain it again. 

“Honestly? Seems like you’ve got this one,” Sam said, holding up his hands.

“SAM.” 

“I’m coming..! God, can’t either of you old men take a joke?”

No one knew exactly what happened, Bucky had gone off on his own in the Hydra base they were exploring. It was supposed to have been recently abandoned, something about the agents leaving in an urgent rush that left files upon files sitting out in the open. It was supposed to be a simple mission; everyone goes off in teams, gathers what they can, and makes sure there are no surprises. But Bucky assured them that he would be fine to go on his own, he hadn’t had a sign of relapse in over a year, and he would only be picking up what looked important. A simple job.

He should’ve listened. 

It was when he didn’t return to the jet with the rest of them that they started to get worried. 

“So, where’s the Manchurian candidate?” Tony jested, looking at his watch. They were supposed to leave maybe 10 minutes ago, not terribly late by any means, but enough to start getting worried about Bucky’s quietness over the coms.  

“Man, come on.. ” Sam sighed at Tony’s joke as he crossed his arms. 

“Bucky?” Steve tried calling over the coms, ignoring both of his teammates, but the line remained all too quiet. 

They found him finally in the basement level of the office building, old discarded computers lining the walls along with cabinets upon cabinets of old files and other equipment. He hadn’t even realized it was a trap until he stepped right into it, triggering a switch that had the computers and hidden speakers flashing images and sounds that assaulted his senses with fragmented memories long forgotten. 

He should have listened. 

Sam had found him first, on his knees in the middle of the floor with hands desperately covering his ears, trying to block out the incessant noise. Hauling his teammate to his feet, he rushed back to the jet, calling everyone off from their search before anything else could be sprung. 

At first, they thought he might be fine- quiet, but fine. He had given them a small smile and a wave of his hand as everyone tried to check in with him, taking a seat as the jet took off to go home. It had all seemed relatively normal until they were halfway back and the unseen battle inside him must have taken a turn. 

“Got it!” Tony yelled as he pulled out the dart gun, aiming quickly as he fired two shots into Bucky’s chest, readying a third as he waited and watched for the tranquilizers to finally take effect. It was slow as Bucky continued to struggle against the drug’s drain, his body and mind turning into slow-moving molasses. Low grunts emanated from his throat as the last of his strength ebbed away, leaving nothing but forced sleep in its wake. 

“Was two really necessary?” Steve asked as his shoulders finally relaxed, the strain and worry now temporarily over. 

Together they dragged the drugged-up assassin into the jet’s small quarantine area for the remainder of the trip, satisfied only when they heard the mechanical locks slide into place. It wasn’t much, and they knew that and if he really wanted to there would be no stopping him from getting out, but it was something- enough to give them a few seconds of preparation if nothing else.  

“I’m not giving a super soldier only a single dose, you two metabolize things like this way too fast and I’m not taking any chances with the Tin man over there.”

Bucky- no, the Winter Soldier, seemed to still be out of it when they finally landed, sat up and leaning against the wall, head slumped forward just as they had left him. 

“Alright, let's just get him into one of the holding rooms for the night. We’ll work on resetting him-” Tony lifted his hands as the two men glared in his direction, “- on ‘fixing him up’ as soon as he’s been secured.” 

Sam shook his head as Tony corrected himself, taking notice of the lit-up phone in Bucky’s bag, buzzing with an only recently delivered message. Sam had quickly become one of your closest friends after you were introduced to the team. He was one of the few people Bucky trusted with his life and between his sarcastic jokes, his incredibly loyal nature, and his willingness to give Bucky shit whenever he deserved it, you knew very quickly how great a friend he would be. 

But now his stomach twisted as he saw your name flash across the screen, the alert quickly minimizing itself as it joined the other messages you had sent that night. How was he gonna break this to you? The last thing you needed was a bunch of unnecessary stress on your shoulders, but it’s obvious you were beginning to worry over their late return. Sliding the phone back into its rightful place Sam told himself that he’d call you once they had things more figured out.

“Heart rate still seems to be resting. With any luck, he’ll remain knocked out until we get inside,” Tony relayed as he monitored the Soldier’s vitals and pressed the button to open the heavy quarantine doors.

The doors slid into their resting positions with a soft click. 

As soon as that click landed on sensitive ears, vibrant blue eyes shot open. Sparing not even a second, the Winter Soldier surged forward from his seat, not nearly as far gone as he left them to believe. With the element of surprise, the Soldier easily knocked past his teammates, throwing his body weight against them and knocking Sam and Steve off balance, leaving him a good headstart as he dashed out the jet’s open door.

“Fuck, Bucky- Wait!,” Steve swore as he stumbled out behind him, having to use his super soldier speed just to keep pace. But between the settled darkness of the night, and the winding alleyways the brunette stuck to, Steve was left falling behind in no time. “Shit,” Steve swore as he slowed to a stop, looking around for any sign of his compromised friend. 

However, the streets lay barren, the fluttering of moths in the streetlights the only sign of life on the entire block.

---

The heavy thud of his boots echoed against the alleyway’s pavement. He wasn't sure where exactly he was headed as his silhouette slunk between the warm light of the streetlamps, but part of him- a currently repressed part of him- knew that safety was bound to be just ahead. 

His heart beat smoothly as he kept his pace, every other step falling in time as he rounded the corner. Blindly, he let himself be led by instinct and his feet maneuvered the city’s countless paths with a mind of their own. They slowed before a little apartment building and as those emotionless eyes looked up, he knew this was it.

The lateness of the hour had almost assured that no one was around as he slipped inside, footsteps padding up the stairs before stopping at the third floor. His heavy boots left nothing but wet prints in their wake as he wandered down the hall, impossibly silent, as even the notoriously creaky boards dared not announce his presence. 

The closer he got, the more the back of his mind itched, as if something- someone- was begging him not to go any further, but he refused to listen; he knew this was where he was meant to be and where he would find what his body was so inexplicably drawn to.

With each step his head turned on a swivel, looking for the sense of safety and familiarity that the other half of him seemed to find here- and desperately wished he wouldn’t discover. Just as his foot was about to take another step he stopped. ‘No. Here.’ His gut told him, turning to the door. 

His door.

Your door.

The former assassin bypassed the lock with ease, quickly slipping in before shutting the door behind him. A dim light illuminated the living room, the little lamp you left on for him casting its orange glow over his surroundings as he surveyed them.

A few mugs stand beside the sink, framed photos dot the wall and side tables, and a veritable nest of blankets lay across the couch. It was obvious someone had been here, and recently. A deep breath pulled into his lungs, causing his head to tilt to the side in contemplation as an unfamiliar scent hit his nose, something just as earthy as it was sweet and speckled with distant notes of… him?

“Hmmph”  

His sensitive ears picked up the soft grunt from down the hall immediately. His shoulders squared and tensed as his body leaned into a defensive position. Cautious fingers pulled the knife from his boot, ready for whatever may come at him as he approached. 

The sounds of soft breaths lead him to a door left ajar. Light just slipped past the curtains into the darkened room. Badum… Badum… Badum… a heartbeat pulsed in his ears as he took a step closer, leaving the door open and letting further light fall onto the source of the noise. 

His wolfish gaze ran down your form as you lay there on your back, swallowed in the extra fabric of the old sweatshirt. Your hand rested casually over your stomach as your other one squished gently against your cheek. Your legs lay bare to the world after having kicked the overbearing sheets away, leaving just a glance of your underwear for him to take in.  

“Mmph” You grunted again as you shifted, your face now turned to him as that earthy scent of yours gripped him like a vice and refused to let go.

Your sweet sleep became interrupted though- much to his dismay- as the phone on your nightstand began to light up and buzz incessantly. Still, as a statue he watched as you groaned, propping yourself up on your elbows as you went to check what your device could possibly want at this ungodly hour. 

With one loose fist, you rubbed the sleep from your eyes away, blinking consciousness back into them until you saw Bucky’s illuminated figure before you, standing tall and quiet as he watched you intently. 

“Bucky..?” You couldn’t hide the grin that spread across your face as you saw the familiar face of your lover lit up by the bright light of your phone screen. But the longer you looked the more you noticed.

His eyes were all wrong, his gaze was devoid, that’s the only way you could put it. Devoid of meaning and humanity, it seemed every gaze- every movement- was a means to an end. Empty… save for a flicker of fear; It was probably the only thing in those eyes right now that registered as human. The fear of someone who was lost, unknowing of their purpose, and confused as to why your gaze was made his cold heart falter.

His expression was flat and stoic, save for the knit of confusion that pulled his brows together. His stance was tense and prepared, the discrete knife still glittering in his hands as he took another step forward, his head slowly shaking in response to your question. 

A gasp caught in your throat as you finally understood. Glancing at your phone you saw it was Sam who was calling, undoubtedly trying to tell you what you now already knew.

“Soldat…” You whispered, trying to hide the way his name sent shivers across your skin. Your phone went black then, as you didn’t pick up in time and you were left blind by the sudden darkness.

 You and Bucky had talked about what to do if you found him like this, “You call Sam and Steve, Okay? You find a place to hide and you stay far away, no matter what you hear. There’s no reasoning with him,” He had told you.

So much for that

Your phone lit up again with Sam’s urgent call, its revealing light sending ice down your spine as you saw the man nearly standing over you now, just a hair’s breadth away.

Your hand rose slowly, shaking as you tested a reach for your phone, stopping dead in your tracks as he let out a disapproving grunt. Your head nodded slowly as you gulped, returning your hand to your stomach as you watched his gaze finally shift away. 

With unbothered calmness, he looked toward your phone to see Sam’s face and name scrawled across your screen. Wordlessly he reached over and pressed the ‘decline call’ button, cutting the call short and leaving you two in perfect silence once more. 

Panic began to rise in your throat as his gaze turned back toward you, darkened now only by the lack of light. With slow movements the Winter Soldier reached out, putting the knife away as he crouched down, as if trying to attract a skittish animal. 

Your whole body tensed as his reach came closer, eyes screwing shut as you waited for the worst, “Please… Just don’t hurt her…” You whispered, fear and desperation rattling your voice, just as it did your anxiety-filled body. 

But the pain never came. Instead, the cool touch of metal fingers ran down your cheek, barely denting your flesh as he relished in its softness. Your eyes peeked open cautiously, as his fingers moved along the slope of your jaw, tilting your head up as he came to your chin. 

His eyes had changed, you noticed, instead of being a harsh blizzard, they had now settled into something more human, something warmer and… yearning? 

“Soldat..?” You questioned as you watched his lips part, his senses focused only on the way your body reacted to his touch. You were sure he could hear the rapid pattering of your heart beneath your ribs, its pace only increasing as his fingers moved down your neck and to the exposed collarbone in your loose neckline.

“Красивый [Beautiful]...,” was all he could reply. It came out so soft you weren’t sure you heard it at first, it’s quiet reverence meant for your ears and your ears only. “Из-за тебя он чувствует себя здесь в безопасности...? Замки дерьмовые, видимость слишком высокая, но ты… [Are you why he feels safe here…? The locks are shit, the visibility is too high, but you…]” He continued, quiet and unbothered as if he assumed you couldn’t understand him. 

“He’s been bugging me to get better locks all week…” you replied with a huff, quickly shutting up as his stare found your eyes again. Between Bucky’s ramblings in the night and Natasha’s tendency to only gossip in Russian, you had made an effort to learn it; You were still learning, and your pronunciation was shit, but your understanding had gotten far better. 

“And you have a good ear…” He spoke in English this time, the vague hint of an amused smile pulling at the assassin’s stern lips. You couldn’t help but wonder if he’d ever done that before. If that odd little smile had been seen by anyone else- anyone still living that is.

A breath of relief left you as your lips stretched to mimic his, the tension easing out of your body a little by little.

His metallic touch continued to linger, running down your covered chest until it settled on the waistband of your underwear, the cool metal trailing across your ticklish skin. 

“Ah, wait, Sol-” You jumped at his touch, grabbing his wrist, despite knowing you wouldn’t have the strength to stop him if it’s what he wanted.

But instead of dipping his fingers lower, he simply tugged the oversized hoodie up, gathering it over your chest and exposing the firm baby bump concealed below. His head tilted to the side as he listened to the tiny heartbeat that fluttered in your belly as well as the thuds of its little movements against your skin. Slowly, still with that inkling of a smile, he turned to look at you, his hand hovering just above your vulnerable midsection as if awaiting permission. 

Heat rose to your cheeks as you hesitated. On one hand, you felt a surprising amount of calm under the assassin's touch, his need for your approval only increasing your sense of security. But on the other hand, Bucky would never be able to live with himself if something happened to you or the baby, accident or not. 

“Oh. I-” 

CRASH.

You nearly jumped out of your skin as were cut short by the loud noise. The door to your apartment slammed open, surely breaking the hinges with the sheer force of it. Over a dozen heavy boots stormed into your apartment as the lights turned on, flooding your senses and forcing the Soldier’s attention elsewhere. 

Your hand found his instantly, the heat of his calloused skin a comfort to you just the way Bucky’s was, especially as it squeezed around yours just the same. Sitting up properly now your sweatshirt swallowed your pregnant form once again and you peeked out to see just what was going on. 

Through The Winter Soldier’s defensive stance in front of you, his knife is now drawn once more, you watched a small armed group, covered in black tactical gear raid your home, all guns pointing towards you- or more accurately- the former assassin attempting to shield you. You recognized the symbols on their vests as the team’s secondary security force, having even met a few of them over the years. But where was the rest of the team? Where was Sam, and Steve, and Tony?

“Step away from the civilian!” “Put your hands in the air!” “Sir, drop the knife!” They all shouted, overlapping with each other as each of them rushed out their demands. 

“Don't shoot! It’s okay! It’s okay!” You rushed.

You tried to slip your hand from his, but he only held fast, “Soldat, please… It’s okay, just do what they say… They don’t want to hurt us. Please,” You urged, giving his hand a gentle squeeze, 

His defenses faltered as he listened to you beg him to stand down. It wasn’t the usual begging he heard in his line of work, and coming from your lips had his walls cracking in an unprecedented way. 

He shouldn’t have looked back at your eyes, wide and pleading, as they shook his walls further. Moving slowly he turned, kneeling before you despite the way the armed group yelled at him not to. You just held up your hand to them, pleading for them to be as gentle with him as he was with you. 

“Мое солнце [My Sun]...” The warm flesh of his hand came up easily to cradle your face and a small smile pulled at him again as you leaned into his large palm. “Я только что нашел тебя. Я не потеряю тебя снова так быстро[I’ve only just found you. I will not lose you again so quickly]. ”

Your heart both swelled and pained for your Soldier. You looked into his eyes and saw a sense of certainty, a sense of knowing, you hadn’t seen from him earlier. “Oh… my soldier, my star,” Your fingers entwined with the hand holding your cheek, ”You can not lose me in any way that would last…” You whispered to him past the shouts, the commotion, and the tension, like you were the only two in the room. 

“Sir, put the knife down!” A young squad member called again, his voice far more concerned than his superiors. You didn’t recognize him or his number and you figured he must’ve been new. His gun trembled in his hands as he shouted again, but as the Soldier failed to move and the kid’s finger unexpectedly twitched, there came a sudden- 

BANG.

“Ah-!” Your face twisted with pain as you pulled away, “Fuck…!” Your hands instinctively grabbed your leg, clamping over the shooting pain in your calf that hit you- well- like a bullet. 

You winced again as you pulled one of your hands back, the raw skin of your leg angrily letting you know that it did not like being brushed against. Warm, wet crimson covered your fingers as you looked down, becoming slightly dizzy at how much had already covered your palm. You were thankful it only seemed to be a graze, but the burn you already felt and knowing you were losing blood had your stomach lurching in uncomfortable ways. 

Concern painted the assassin’s expression as you recoiled away from his doting touch, but as the unmistakable warm, metallic smell curled into his nose, his expression darkened dramatically. What was once kind, curious blue eyes now saw nothing but red as he caught sight of the wound slashing across your skin. His jaw set firmly, almost audibly grinding his teeth as he stood and turned to the young kid. 

You looked back at the newcomer as you tried to breathe through the pain, the horrified look on his face telling you that he knew he was a dead man walking. His face went ghost white as the super soldier stalked toward him and through even worse trembling hands he raised his gun to shoot again. 

“No…!”

A sickening thud rang out as the bullet hit the assassin square in his good shoulder, getting lodged in the muscly flesh. His shoulder jerked back at the force, but it wouldn’t stop his stride as he closed the gap. Another shot rang out, but with the solid vibranium arm now covering the barrel it did little to help this poor dumb kid. Snatching him by the neck, you watched as your assassin held him up until his feet kicked uselessly in the air. 

Every gun immediately trained on him and with their proximity you knew they wouldn’t miss a fatal shot if it came to it.

“Stop! Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot! Soldier, put him down!” You yelled as you maneuvered towards the edge of the bed. “Please, don't shoot, I can fix this!” you continued, trying to convince yourself as much as you convinced them. Familiar voices joined in on your plea as Sam and Steve finally entered the picture, urgently trying to talk down both the Winter Soldier and the secondary security team. 

“Bucky, It’s okay... Just put the kid down, alright?” Steve tried to reason with him, “He’s new, he doesn’t know what he’s doing yet.” Steve tried his best to stay calm and patient, but the young man was beginning to change colors now. “Bucky, put him down before you do something you can’t come back from.” But Bucky’s ears were deaf to the outside pleas and the Winter soldier refused to listen.

“Ah..!” You whimpered as you tried to stand and approach the commotion. The pain in your leg reached new heights as you tried to put weight on it, causing you to tumble to your knees almost immediately. You clutched your belly, hoping the sudden jostle wouldn’t upset the baby too much as you tried to get up again. 

“Hold on, Y/n. Stay down for a minute so we can wrap your leg…” Sam asked of you, moving over to help as soon as he saw the blood on your hands, “You’re losing plenty already.”

“No, I have to…. I can’t let him get hurt,” you argued, pushing away his helpful hands as you tried to stand again. You heard the crashing thud and rushed voices as you shakily got to your feet, leaning all your weight on your good leg. As you looked up again you came eye to eye with worry-filled icy blues.

“Sol-”

“Мое солнце  [My Sun]...” He interrupted, his metal arm snaking around your waist to pull you in possessively and away from those who threatened your safety. On the other side of the room, the nervous kid now coughed and wheezed for breath, but you were just happy to see he was still alive. 

“Please just listen to them. You’re already hurt, don’t get yourself killed…” you pleaded, your hand barely brushing over his bleeding wound before pulling his hand to your rounded belly. He tried to keep his expression steady, but you saw the way his eyes widened slightly as he looked down. “She needs someone looking out for her and I can’t do this on my own. I can’t keep away all the dangers of the world…” Your forehead rested against his as you tried to shift your weight, whining as you gave up and moved back. You couldn’t deny that this part of Bucky was her father too, even if he had been hidden away for ages, she was still his too. Whether Bucky would see it the same way you weren’t sure, but right now you were just concerned with making sure he got out of this alive. 

“I can’t do this without you…” 

The silence felt deafening as he considered. He never had to think about other people relying on him, not like this. His orders had always been to leave no threats, to finish his job and move on, no matter the cost to him. But the pain in his soft, fleshy shoulder was getting harder to ignore. The way his blood-soaked shirt clung to his arm now climbed to the forefront of his mind as he watched your big eyes stare back at him, desperate to understand. He was between a rock and a hard place. 

“I’ll be right beside you the whole time..” You assured him, “We both will, but please let everyone get us some help.” 

A gentle nudge pushed against his palm as his thoughts swirled around him, snapping him back to a single line of thought and he knew then. Defeat laid heavy on his shoulders as they slumped, accepting what must be done., “Мое солнц [My Sun] …”, He said, “Если вы так хотите, то я не буду жаловаться [If it is what you wish, then I will not complain].” 

You couldn’t tell just how long you had been holding the breath you let out, your muscles relaxing as he finally held his hands up. The security squad began coming forward with an array of cuffs, but it was Sam who stopped them this time, glancing back at you for confirmation as he assured them that they could take it from here. Despite the arguing and the hesitation, they seemed to relent, shifting their focus now to their injured colleague. 

Both Sam and Steve looked tired but relieved as they turned to the two of you, bloody and pained in your current state. Though they weren’t quite better; both of them looked like they had been the unfortunate punching bag of a certain super soldier mere hours before. Sam had bruises lining his arms from where he was surely blocking blow after blow and Steve smiled a bit with his busted lip, dried blood still stuck in the corner of his mouth.

“Let’s get you two to the tower…” 

----

The journey to the tower was quiet, your soldier never letting you out of arms reach as you all boarded the armored truck, and made your way up the tower and to the lab. 

Doctors tried to treat the both of you, but as soon as anyone dared to come close your assassin was right there to growl them back. They’d hardly be able to get past his possessive hands even if they could manage to get close, his touch keeping you pulled beside him at all times.

“Soldat…” you warned him, but he was too preoccupied gathering the medical bag they had been dropped. Coming over to you, there was no warning as he scooped you up from the ground and set you on a table to get to work. 

“Oh-!” You exclaimed as you held onto his strong shoulder, quickly getting plopped back down on the corner of the cold metal table. A shiver ran down your skin as you shifted against the sleek table, watching as practiced hands scoured through the medical bag, producing everything he needed as he went about fixing up your leg wordlessly. 

You were beyond thankful for the haze of the (baby-safe) painkillers as his fingers slid over the raw flesh. Despite the gentle numbing of the painkiller your fingers still lay tangled in his hair as he worked, only tugging in discomfort as the gauze wrapped tightly around your leg.

"Thank you..” You said when he finally finished, moving back to appreciate his work before giving it a satisfactory nod. His eyes had grown distant again, bits of confusion and uncertainty swirling in the storm of his eyes, and you reached out to stroke your thumb across his cheek. His stony cool expression remained as you touched him, his mouth staying a firm line as he instinctively leaned into your palm. You watched him for a moment before you continued, knowing that his thoughts must be far away.

“It's your turn now, big guy.... your shoulder is still seeping and you can’t keep losing blood like this," You urged him just as you had on the ride to the tower. He had refused to listen then, letting nothing else occupy his mind until he knew you were fully taken care of. But now as you sit safely before him, the only looming threats being Sam and Steve who seem to haunt the hallway outside, he finally relented.

You moved to stand, needing the angle to effectively dig out the bullet still lodged in his muscles, but he held you still with a single large hand on your shoulder, "Stay," he urged you with that low rumble of his. His eyes lingered on yours, ensuring you would do as he asked before he began to move again, gathering the supplies you would need.

He slid his bloody shirt off, revealing the weeping wound beneath and the scars of many wounds past. You expected him to stand in front of you, maybe sit so you could take care of him, but that didn’t seem to be the important thing right now.

He climbed up onto the cold table where you sat, curling onto his side with his back facing the door so his wounded shoulder sat closest to you. His head lay in your lap with a look of unmatched serenity as he pressed his forehead against your rounded belly. And there he rested, quiet and unmoving as he took his quiet moment. But he was far too exposed like this, far too trusting of “threats” lurking outside, and he almost reminded you of Bucky again. Was Bucky fighting to come back…? Was the Winter Soldier trusting you to watch his back? … or was he accepting of something you weren't sure he knew yet?

"Are you sure? It's going to be harder to take the bullet out this way. I don’t want to hurt you more than I have to," you tried to explain as you pulled out the forceps.

But he simply shook his head, "I know my time here is short, my Sun..." he said with an even tone, no semblance of fear to shake his voice, "Please let me enjoy it like this…."

Your voice caught in your throat as he answered, his blunt acceptance and knowing catching you off guard. You wished beyond anything that you could soothe him, to tell him no one was going to hurt him or take him away again. But you wouldn’t lie to him, so instead you said nothing, Your words rasping as you replied, "Of course, My star…."

The room was quiet as you worked, the only noise the sweet mumblings from your boyfriend's lips as he filled your baby’s ears with loving promises. His body let out a grunt and a soft squelch as you finally tugged the crushed bullet out. Pain creased his brow but his words never faltered and neither did the nudges or kicks he got in reply.

Carefully you cleaned up the blood, packing the wound as best you could, but you were sure Tony and his team would be redoing it soon nonetheless.

A sigh escaped him as he heard you putting away your tools, "My Sun?" he asked.

"Yes?"

“Is it time…?”

You cast your eyes downward, looking into those confused and swirling blues as they watched you with unbridled hope.

You nodded, wiping away the tears that welled in your eyes, “It’s time…” you whispered.

He nodded, thinking quietly as he looked down at your belly again, his hand smoothing over the skin he’s exposed, “Will I see you two again…?” 

Your heart broke at the slight waver in his voice, “Oh, my star…” you said, resting your palm against his cheek, “It’s just like I said, ‘you can not lose me in any way that would last’. I’ll see you again and again, in this life and the next,” you assured as you leaned down to kiss his temple, a small smile forming at the corners of his lips. Tears blinked from your eyes as you continued, “I don’t know when, or for how long, but you will see us again. You can always come home to me, and I will always be there to welcome you.” You leaned, slow as not to scare him, and kissed him gently as he turned again to look at you.

 It was awkward at first, but you didn’t mind, you couldn’t imagine the last time the Winter Soldier had felt such gentleness, let alone a kiss. 

But the moment was ripped away as the door opened, Steve, Sam, and Tony all standing in the doorway. “We’re ready for him,” Tony said simply, “Let's get this started so my lab techs can go home….” 

-----

You watched behind thick glass as Tony and his team of technicians attached various wires and machinery to Bucky’s body. Sam and Steve’s hands lie on your shoulders, trying to comfort you as you watch them finish tuning and placing everything. You watched as his blue eyes stared vacantly at the ceiling, as still as a statue as he let them do their work.

“I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have to watch this…” Steve tried to comfort you, but you only shook your head. 

“No… I promised I’d see him off,” you replied, then thought with a pause, “Despite all the warnings Bucky gave me I’m happy I got to see him face to face…” 

“Well, it helps that he wasn’t trying to beat the shit out of you…” Sam mumbled, getting an immediate nudge from you right in one of his bruises, “ Ow…okay, point taken.”

You smiled and shook your head. It was true though; despite the fear, blood, and death that dripped from his moniker, despite the pain you endured in his presence, you would do it all again. Bucky had hidden this part of him from you for so long, only ever showing you half of his face. And though you know he wouldn’t like it, you’re happy to finally see him in full light- to know and love him completely as he’s meant to be.

Tony says something that’s hard to make out through the glass, but you see him give a thumbs up to you all so he must have been ready. He moved to the switch, hesitating for a moment to let you say a quick goodbye. 

Your Soldier’s eyes found yours right away, but there was no trace of sorrow for you to see, no discomfort or fear. In fact, he seemed almost excited; excited and hopeful that when he saw you next he’d have a bundle of joy to look forward to as well. 

“Мое солнце [My Sun]...” you watched him say beyond the glass.

“I’ll see you again, My stars. I’m sure of it…” You replied with a soft smile.

He had just enough time to smile softly back at you, an image now pleasantly etched in your brain before Tony flipped the switch and the reset procedure began. 

You covered your eyes quickly as Bucky’s body began to convulse, his strained grunts and shouts breaching containment despite the way he tried to hold it all back. The sounds of pain continued for minutes, but it felt far longer. Though, it wasn’t until it got quiet that you began to worry. 

“Is it done? Is it over...?” You asked the men on either side of you, afraid to peek past your hands for fear of the worst.

“Doll…?” you heard the familiar voice call, gritty and rough from its recent use but still carrying that same soft tone he used with you.

Your heart swelled, “Bucky...?”

_____________

Taglist: @writingmysanity @simpxinnie (sorry I forgot to tag!)

It's been a while since I've written for our favorite sad man, so if I've missed you/you want to be added to the taglist, DM me to let me know!

[dumbkiri]

𝕯𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖒𝖊𝖗 𝖔𝖋 𝖄𝖔𝖚 3

ᴘᴀʀᴛ ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ

𝐇𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐞𝐧𝐚 𝐓𝐚𝐫𝐠𝐚𝐫���𝐞𝐧 𝐱 𝐁𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

Please follow part 3 of Helaena!! AI love the character so much and I find almost nothing of her, the reader and Balerion have me ecstatic too!! You make art! Thank you for your attention :(

Yes! Please have Rhaenys and [Name] kill Aemond in the next part! On my hands and knees begging! Save The Queen Who Never Was!!

I apologize for the dragon fighting. I watched S2EP4 like 5 million times to describe dragon fighting, but my brain no work with that. As stated before, I am NOT familiar with GOT or HOTD (watched in once years ago), this is all made on the fly for a dear reader. So I apologize if it's "stupid" or terrible writing. But I will continue to write this for others that enjoy this series. Thank you for following along on this new journey.

There's also a sneak peek to a Targaryen x Stark story in the future....Sansa deserves love too.

The crackling of fire and the ocean waves crashing at the bottom of the cliff filled his ears along with the breeze combing through his hair. And the voice from the fire, which he normally heard on occasion, had been quiet for a long time. Tonight had to be different because of the strong need to light a fire in the night. 

Before Rhaegar died, the Lord of Light spoke to [Name] many times. Made the father devoted to his children because one of them was going to have a son powerful enough to defend the North from the long night. [Name] thought Rhaegar would have been the one to have that son. 

Obviously, he misinterpreted the Lord of Light. The son could come from Viserys’ line or maybe [Name] would have to have more children with Helaena to secure the prophecy from the god. Still, the voices stopped after Rhaegar. He thought he must have failed the god, disappointed the deity because he did not protect Rhaegar. Or get revenge for his fallen son. 

“I heard that you speak to the fire, uncle.”

[Name] lifted his head from the burning fire and saw Jacaerys making his way over to the edge of the cliff where he sat by his lonesome. 

A chuckle slipped past [Name]’s lips and he swept his legs over the edge of the cliff. “I speak to the Lord of Light, nephew,” His response was quick and to the point. Some people like his brothers described [Name] and Helaena to be odd; one spoke to the fire and the other spoke in cryptic messages. Aegon would tease and say that they were a special couple. The word special did not come from the heart, but Aegon’s way of saying simple. 

“I’m not sure I heard of that god before, it’s not any of the Old gods or even the Seven,” Jace pointed out expertly while taking his seat, the same way his uncle did, the small fire between them. 

“You’re right,” [Name] looked out towards the sea, the moonlight casting a blue hue onto the calm water, “I only experienced his existence in Essos when a Red Priest spoke to me with her alluring tongue.”

Jace snapped his head at [Name] and asked daringly, “Alluring? Did she get you in bed with her too?” 

“What?” [Name] leaned back in offense then looked over at his family member, “I’m hopelessly obsessed with Helaena, Jace. I’m devoted to her and her body, no one else can satisfy me, not that I would want them too.” The man turned to the fire when a stick broke in half. Lead Jace into the fire, let him see. [Name] felt a strong pull at his chest and his eyes drew over to his nephew when he spoke up. 

“So a red woman showed you her god and now you serve him?” 

“That’s not how I started serving him,” [Name] admitted quietly, thinking back to the night of his commitment. The vision he saw in the fire, the voices he heard all convinced him to serve the red god. “She found me tending to Balerion’s teeth after a battle with some assassins. I don’t like the smell of burning bodies, especially ones that linger between his molars.”

As [Name] told his story, the fire subtly grew hotter between the males. 

…

“Open wide, Balerion,” [Name] walked in front of his grumpy dragon with a bucket of sea water and a shirt from one of the dead men on the beach. Balerion huffed into [Name]’s face and turned away from the human with a disinterested groan. 

Reeling back in disgust from the smell, [Name] covered his nose with his forearm and pointed at his dragon with his free hand. Voice muffled, but loud, [Name] shouted, “Where are your manners? I’m doing a nice thing for Dreamfyre and myself! No living thing wants to smell your tarnished breath!” 

[Name] set the pale down and approached his dragon with a tired look on his face. He was warned about traveling to Essos for pleasure, but he wanted to get out of the castle. He wanted to stop hearing schemes and breathe for once. The air he caught flying was enough to fill his lungs and cleanse them. 

Yet one last stop on the beach almost got him killed. 

“Your dragon is very beautiful.” A woman’s voice startled the dragon and the rider, both snapping their heads to see the new person on the beach. She wore a red dress with her long dark hair cascading down the front of her chest. She held no weapon to his knowledge and her hands were placed in front of her. 

Balerion’s throat clicked in unease and he lifted his head off the sand, some grains falling onto [Name]’s defensive stance. 

“Give me one good reason why I should command my dragon not to burn you like I did the rest?” [Name] asked, his bloody hand gripping onto the handle of his sword. Skeptical of the woman, he didn’t let his guard down. If she was the one that sent the assassins, he would drag her by the hair and drown her in the sea. 

The woman in red smirked and answered, “I am not your enemy, Prince [Name]. I came here to help you realize your potential in the upcoming war between your families. You are to be a formidable ally, one that can bring balance.”

[Name] scrutinized her and gently commanded Balerion to stand down. His beast chuffed and set his head down back onto the sand. Then [Name] looked at the bucket of water, dunking the shirt into it. 

In his crouched position, [Name] began his interrogation, “Upcoming war between my families? There is no war, my lady. What are you insinuating?”

He noticed she was staring at his sad campfire and she asked quietly, “Your fire has dwindled, might I rekindle it?” 

“I asked you a question,” [Name] stood up and wringed the shirt of excess water, “answer it.”

The red woman nodded her head and approached his campfire, she messed with the stick and dry grass, explaining, “I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, my prince, but your father has passed away. With his dying breath, he told your mother that he wanted Aegon to inherit the throne. She-”

“Aegon?” [Name] scoffed and his face scrunched up in confusion, “That’s not right at all. My father has always wanted my sister to have the throne, for many years he’s always been adamant that Rhaenyra succeed him. Even if he suddenly changed his mind, why would it be Aegon and not me, the oldest, to inherit it?” 

The campfire burst into flames and [Name] looked at the woman who conjured up fire with only her hands. She looked into the fire and said, “Your mother believes otherwise, insisting that your father spoke Aegon’s name. The Hightowers have usurped the throne and war will follow in the days to come.”

[Name] rested his hand on the upper lip of Balerion and paused for a second. Aemond was going to be crowned King, taking the throne away from their father’s true successor Rhaenyra. His mother, Alicent, couldn’t be this dull to really believe he said that on his deathbed. Even when he and his brother were born, Viserys never named either of them heir. 

“My prince, please join me by the fire, I have something to show you,” The red woman’s voice spoke smoothly and [Name] blinked his eyes to focus back onto the beach. As if he was entranced by the color of the fire and the warmth from Balerion, [Name] removed his hand from the dragon. 

He walked over to the woman and Balerion groaned in protest, watching his rider carefully. The beast didn’t trust the red woman yet and it showed when he bared his teeth as the woman reached for his rider. She moved her hands back and smiled at the dragon letting the beast know she won’t lay a finger on his rider. 

“Look into the fire and tell me what you see.” 

[Name] kneeled down on one knee and did as he was told. He felt completely different from the fire. He saw images of a long winter, a sword of fire, a white dragon that breathed blue fire and a boy from his line in the future. Then he saw people made of ice with blue eyes, a marriage with a Stark girl,  and the long night that engulfed the north. 

“Do you see now, my prince,” The red woman whispered in his ear, “you must return home and protect your family at all costs. Protect them so that the Dragon in the North can be born. Without him, the Prince That Was Promised will fall.”

…..

“A Prince That Was Promised, huh,” Jace huffed in question and playfully joked, “If a woman like her whispered in my ears like that, I would follow her god too.” 

[Name] laughed and patted his sword next to the campfire and finished off with, “Then she blessed my sword with his power too. But I believe he wants you to see something as well. Look into the fire, nephew.” 

Jace awkwardly laughed and shifted on the balls of his palms, “I think I’m alright, uncle.” 

“Are you afraid?” [Name] furrowed an eyebrow and smirked, “Don’t tell me the heir to the throne is afraid of a vision in the fire. I suspected my nephew to be braver than that.” 

“Fine,” Jace grumbled and looked into the fire, seeing small embers fly into the dark sky. The seventeen year old only wanted to amuse his half-uncle by doing what he wanted him to do. He had no real incentive to do it, but he was curious to see if the red god was real or if his uncle really was crazy. 

The fire reflected in Jace’s eyes and [Name] saw the twists and snaps in the reflection. Jace’s lips parted open to speak what he saw in the fire, shocked to see the vision come to life in the flames. 

“I see the North, there is an alliance to be made and an oath to keep.”

[Name] hummed in thought while Jace blinked his eyes trying to peer more into the flames. 

“And I see-”

A huge gust of wind blew the fire out as Balerion roared past the men, Dreamfyre tailing her mate close by with a replying call. Jace ducked down immediately while [Name] laughed at the cowering position of his nephew. He fixed his clothing and his hair from the flyby, still laughing at the glare he received from Jace. 

“Apologies,” [Name] cleared his throat and picked himself up from the floor, reaching a hand out to the teenager. “Balerion likes to announce his arrival, I’m sure he didn’t mean to scare you.” 

“You saw him, didn’t you?” Jace asked, taking the offered hand and stood up with the help of it. 

“From miles away,” [Name] answered, a grin on his face. 

Jace wiped his clothes off and sighed, “A warning won’t hurt next time.” 

“Where’s the fun in that?” [Name] chuckled and followed after his fuming nephew with lighthearted apologies. 

Jace was soft of grateful to have his half-uncle at Dragonstone for many reasons. He looked up to [Name] when they were younger and admired Balerion from afar, too scared to ever approach the dragon. But [Name] tried to help Jace get over his fear of the Dread. 

[Name] never questioned his or Luke’s legitimacy either, claiming that his twin and younger brother were green monsters. That Aemond envied their claim to the throne. 

[Name] was a role model, perfect son of Viserys the Peaceful. The calm and deadly rider of Balerion. Nothing was truly bad about him. 

“He’s a cunt.”

“You shouldn’t speak that way about him, our greatest ally,” Rhaenyra scolded Daemon, the council members having a small meeting about their newest arrival to Dragonstone. While the Hightower-Targaryens found sleep, the meeting concluded with the Targaryen family. 

“He didn’t even demand my head or retribution for the death of his son,” Daemon growled out. 

Rhaenys shook her head and made eye contact with the ill-tempered man, “No, he barely acknowledged your name. He thinks differently of the whole situation.” 

“How so?” Corlys was also dumbfounded by [Name]’s sudden alliance with Rhaenyra. He also found it odd that [Name] didn’t want Daemon to suffer any consequences. 

“[Name] puts the blame on his mother and her sworn protector Cole for the death of Rhaegar. He sees Daemon’s order as revenge for Aemond killing Lucerys and-” Rhaneys faltered trying to find the right words to describe [Name]’s motive for all of this, “he believes Rhaegar’s death to be collateral. You weren’t after [Name]’s son, were you?” 

Daemon looked around the table and shook his head, “No. Not Rhaegar.”

“So you just proved him right,” Rhaenys continued on, “killing you or demanding any punishment from you will not bring him his son back. He’s learned that from you trying to avenge Lucerys. And he knows deep down that Rhaenyra is the rightful queen. He of all people should know that because he supported Rhaenyra’s claim along with Viserys.”

Jace nodded his head and vouched for his half-uncle, “[Name] has no desire for the crown even grandfather knew that. He never snickered behind my back or saw himself above me, never dished out the word ‘bastard’ like his brothers did.”

“He should hate me,” Daemon spat, “I killed his son!” 

Everyone looked at Daemon with wide eyes from his outburst and Rhaenyra breathed out of her nose. She knew what ate away at her husband. 

“Daemon, we know you feel guilty over the death of Rhaegar. Maybe this is [Name]’s punishment for you, to receive no punishment or consequences. To let you live on with innocent blood on your hands, to let you think of what you’ve done.” 

Daemon looked up at his wife and glowered at her, “If I had Balerion, I would have melted this castle down to its bones, burning every person alive in here.” 

Rhaneys straightened out her back and calmly replied, “Luckily [Name] knows how to use his authority on his dragon.”

Jace watched the back of [Name]’s head as he slowed down his pace to the castle. He didn’t know why, but Jace wanted to. 

“[Name], I’m sorry about your loss. I-I know how it feels to lose someone, not a child, but a brother.” 

Jace saw [Name] stop in his path and the young man turned around with a blank expression on his face. Perhaps Jace should have not said anything regarding Rhaegar, but [Name] spoke up with a soft voice. 

“Aegon wanted me to burn you all and Otto wanted to put the blame on Rhaenyra having the people dub her as ‘The Cruel’. But I know my sister, your mother, she’s just like our father with a bit more spirit in her soul. I could never burn the true successor to the throne and if I have to make my family bend the knee with the power of Balerion, I will.” 

[Name] looked up at the dark blue sky and said, “Rhaegar’s death opened my eyes and I’ve ignored the warnings from the red god. This time I will do anything for my family. Now come on, we can grieve together in the solitude of the castle walls.”

……

The next day, [Name] saw Rhaenyra’s dragon from afar, returning from her sudden trip to who knows where. Balerion noticed the golden dragon in the bright sun and called out in greeting to which Syrax replied with a screech of her own. Smiling softly at the interaction, [Name] commanded Balerion to do one last circle around his area. 

Rhaenyra watched in awe as she rode her dragon, seeing the Dread patrolling the skies in all his dark imagery. Larger than any dragon she has ever seen, she was hopeful that Balerion and [Name] were on her side. Especially after the conversation with his mother. 

She wanted [Name] to join in on the council meeting to discuss what was spoken too. To see if he had any advice of what his family could plan against her. So she urged Syrax to call for Balerion knowing that [Name] would catch on to the call. 

The golden dragon moved her head side to side and let out a high pitched bellow to signal the black dragon to come back. 

When [Name] heard Syrax’s call, he sighed and commanded Balerion to land on the beach where the black dragon made his nest.  Swiftly, he took his black helmet off and began climbing down the ropes tied to his mount. Balerion grumbled then rested his head on the sand with a huff. 

“Get some rest, Balerion,” [Name] took his gloves off next and placed his helmet next to his dragon, “we have tomorrow’s patrol as well.” 

As if responding to his rider, Balerion's chest rumbled in agreement, the dragon closing his eyes for that much needed rest. Although, the black dragon did want to go on a hunt with his rider. 

[Name] watched Syrax fly into the cave and he started making his long trek up to the castle. One of the cons of having a large dragon, you have to walk everywhere because it cannot sleep in a cave with other dragons. When [Name] was halfway to the castle, he saw a familiar red dragon fly out of the cave. 

“Princess Rhaenys?” [Name] mumbled then hurried up the steps to see what was wrong. 

When he made his way up to the council meeting, he spotted Rhaenyra looking pale and solemn. Helaena was by her side nodding to the words Rhaenyra spoke to her. Fearing that Rhaenyra was asking Helaena to fly out on Dreamfyre he interrupted the queen. 

“Your Grace,” [Name] huffed and briskly made his way over to his wife. He set a hand on Helaena’s shoulder and said, “Send me, you promised me that Helaena wouldn’t have to fly Dreamfyre.” 

Rhaenyra moved her eyes to [Name] and shook her head, “I was only giving Helaena some comfort, brother. Rhaenys is flying out to Rook’s Rest to provide backup to Lord Stuanton. There’s a possibility of her encountering Vhagar which is why you need to fly out with her. Now.” No time for goodbyes when Rhaneys was already flying out there. 

[Name] looked down at Helaena and her eyes glistened with a teary goodbye. 

“At once, Your Grace,” [Name] bowed his head at Rhaenyra and planted a quick kiss at the crown of Helaena’s head. Then he turned around demanding someone to give him a horse so he could ride out to Balerion. 

Helaena watched her husband disappear out of sight and she looked up at Rhaenyra, “I know he’ll come back, but…the cost of Rook’s Rest would be far too great. It’s never a good thing to fight amongst blood.” 

Rhaenyra looked away from the entrance and sighed. Helaena was right, odd as she may be. 

……

[Name] had Balerion glide right above the sea water, knowing that if he had his dragon fly any higher than that, they would be spotted quickly. His heart raced in his chest and [Name] prepared his mind to fight his brother, Aemond. His biggest foe and greatest enemy now. 

Aegon would never be on the battlefield just like Rhaenyra cause both parties were too important to be sent to battle. So he willed Balerion to fly faster to help Rhaenys against the green monstrosity that would soon come to Rook Rest. 

Upon seeing the cliff Rook’s Rest was planted on, [Name] saw Meleys fighting a very family light pink and golden dragon. Eyes wide in surprise [Name] urged Balerion to fly faster seeing the blood of Sunfyre rain down on the earth. 

“Aderī, Balerion,” [Name] shouted and the dragon grumbled in response. Then when they approached the cliff [Name] commanded Balerion to fly upwards parallel to the mountainside. The Lord of Rook’s Rest and his men felt a huge gust of wind blow them forward and turned around to see a giant dark beast rise into the sky with a thunderous roar. (qᵘⁱᶜᵏˡʸ)

High in the sky, [Name] spotted Vhagar flying her way towards the engaged Meleys and Sunfyre. “Naejot, Balerion,” The dragon rider growled in frustration seeing the highly focused gaze on Aemond’s face. (ᶠᵒʳʷᵃʳᵈ)

Meanwhile, Aegon held onto his mount hearing the painful cries leave Sunfyre’s throat. His ears shattered upon the noise that brought him sorrow. His mind racing a mile and his heart about to burst from his chest. That was until he heard the greatest roar in history rumble in the sky. His head snapped to the left and he saw Vhagar flying over to him with a determined Aemond on her back. 

“Thank the gods!” Aemond cried in relief, but that relief was washed away. The look on Aemond’s face, it wasn’t a look of help, but a demand for blood and death. 

“Dracarys!” Aemond shouted, the command Vhagar didn’t hesitate to defy. 

Rhaenys and Aegon looked at the impending doom, both bracing themselves for the fire building up in the back of Vhagar’s throat as their dragons fought amongst each other. 

Yet a desperate and willful demand shouted above Vhagar’s gurgling throat, “angōs, Balerion!” The black dread opened his mouth wide, snapping hard onto Vhagar’s flappy throat disrupting the line of fire. Vhagar roared out in pain while Aemond held tighter onto his mount, glaring at his brother who commanded Balerion to fly higher into the sky with Vhagar in his clutches. 

But they were already too close to the earth for the command to have any merit, so he watched. 

[Name] held onto his mount and watched Balerion hold onto Vhagar’s throat, squeezing tighter and tighter. Both large dragons took the show away from the smaller ones and [Name] couldn’t afford to look at Rhaenys when their biggest threat was in his grasp. 

Before Balerion could sustain any injuries from Vhagar’s talons, [Name] ordered his dragon to back away. Not wanting to spoil his attack, Balerion swished his head tearing into Vhagar’s throat a bit more then kicked the green dragon to the earth. Balerion spread his wings wide parallel to the ground and glided over the burning men and fallen dragon with a victory cry, his tail smacking into some men running away.

The Black Dread took to the skies and [Name] turned around to see Sunfyre succumb to his injuries from Meleys. The golden dragon cried out with a high pitched screech before hitting the forest ground in silence and a puff of fire. [Name] cringed and turned away from the tragic scene. This was all happening too fast, Balerion had years of battle experience, but he didn’t. Neither did Aegon or Sunfyre.

Aegon couldn’t have survived that fall, he thought. It wasn’t possible. While distracted, an attack from Vhagar happened upon Balerion who roared out waking up [Name] from his stupor. He looked to his left and saw a small chunk of Balerion’s right shoulder blade in Vhagar’s mouth. 

Quickly he held onto his reins with one hand and the other pulled Hellfire from its sheath. [Name] with strong legs, stood on his mount and began slicing at Vhagar’s saggy skin. The flames ate away at her flesh wounds. 

“Damn traitor!” 

[Name] ignored Aemond’s angered yell at him, for he was too focused trying to get Balerion help. 

“I’ll kill you right here! And force Helaena back home, to fight with her true family!” 

Hellfire burned brighter and [Name] stabbed Vhagar in her puffy cheek. Then he dragged his sword downwards to his mount forcing Vhagar to release Balerion because this fiery pain in her mouth was too much to bear. 

Vhagar bellowed into the ash covered sky and [Name] demanded that Balerion dive down to escape from Vhagar’s talons. With a tactical retreat, Balerion flew away just in time for Rhaenys to strike a critical blow onto Vhagar. 

Meleys attacked from behind and tore at Vhagar’s left wing causing the green dragon to breathe out fire into the sky. The Queen Who Never Was ended Aegon and Sunfyre, and now [Name] needed to pull his weight and end Vhagar. 

 [Name]’s heartbeat echoed in his head and he pulled Balerion back into the fight. If Aemond didn’t bring up Helaena in the fight, he would have left Rhaenys to claim the victory of killing Vhagar. 

But Aemond was his now. Brother or not, you do not threaten his wife. Rhaenys saw the Black Dread making his way over with strong beats of his large wings. That look on [Name]’s face said everything she needed to know and she had Meleys release Vhagar, flying high into the sky to see the end of the Green’s Dragons at Rook’s Rest. 

“Dracarys!” 

His commanding voice sent shivers down Rhaenys’ spine and for the first time, she actually witnessed black fire shooting out of Balerion’s throat. Even at the safe distance she was at, the heat from it was too much. 

Vhagar gave out a defeated bellow falling into the sea like a black fireball. A huge splash resounded in their ears and Rhaneys landed Meleys on top of Rook’s Rest looking down at the burning battlefield. Lord Staunton looked up at the princess and carefully asked, “Is it over?” 

Rhaenys breathed in and out watching the aftermath of four dragons fighting. She and [Name] just ended the war in one battle. Balerion and Meleys, injured yet fearlessly fighting with their riders, ended the lives of two dragons. Suddenly Balerion landed on the burning field and roared at the usurper’s men. 

One by one, men started surrendering with their weapons falling from their hands. Green banners left to be stomped on and she could hear some men whimper at the sight of the victorious dragons. 

“Yes, Lord Staunton,” Rhaneys breathed out, “It is over.” Her eyes dragged over and saw a paranoid [Name] on his mount. She unhooked herself from her mount and Meleys moved a wing down to Balerion's back.

Meanwhile [Name] tried to catch his breath, but his chest felt like it could explode. His grip on Hellfire loosened and he pounded at his heart with an ache. His throat closed up and his vision got blurry. 

“[Name], relax!” 

The adult male blinked the tears away and saw a clear vision of Rhaenys holding onto his shoulders. She must have jumped onto Balerion from Meleys with great expertise. 

“You need to calm down, breathe.”

She softly demanded, her face covered in ash morphed into worry as he said, “My own brothers, I killed them. My own blood.” 

Rhaenys’ eyes softened at his turmoil. “Aemond, you saw him,” She tried to reason with him, “he would have burned Aegon were it not for you. You stopped Aemond and his tyranny, no one would blame you for doing that. And I killed Aegon, not you. You’d be wise to remember that you fight for Rhaenyra’s claim, you support the rightful heir. No one is going to call you a kinslayer.” 

[Name] sucked in a deep breath and his shoulder slug forward in defeat despite winning a great battle for Rhaenyra. This happened all too fast and ended so quickly. Nothing was going to make him feel better right now. 

“Princess Rhaenys and Prince [Name]!” 

A voice shouted from the castle, it was Lord Staunton. 

“The Hightowers have fled with their remaining men and there is no sight of Aegon, but his dragon has succumbed to its wounds. Shouldn’t we chase them down on dragonback and horses?” 

Rhaenys looked back at the male adult in her arms and shouted back, “No! For now, we take this win and wait for Queen Rhaenyra’s orders on what to do next. Prepare Prince [Name] a hot bath and a meal. He fought well against his usurper brothers, it’s what you must do for him. And send a raven to Queen Rhaenyra. We have news to tell her.” 

News, [Name] thought. She didn't describe it as good news for the Queen. His brothers deaths were definitely good news for the blacks. Although for him, it was just news.

...........................................................

MUSIC THAT INSPIRED THIS CHAPTER

There Will Be No Mercy - Ramin Djawadi

Rook's Rest, Pt 2 - Ramin Djawadi

The Red Woman - Ramin Djawadi

[jeankirsteinsgrlfrnd]

hey!! can i request small scenarios of s/o asking aot boys what hairstyle do they like the best on them? (like braid, ponytail, bun, hair down, etc?) some fluff :)

you can choose the characters but pls do zeke, reiner and armin if you do it!! ty ^_^

✩ the aot boys & their preferred hairstyle on you ✩

✩ short scenarios ✩

*zeke jaeger*

zeke was going to take you out to dinner tonight. he had planned to bring you to the nicest restaurant in Trost. you, being the woman that you are, are taking decades to get ready. you’re in the master bathroom, fussing about your makeup and your hair. zeke is listening from the bedroom where he’s straightening his tie. he laughs quietly at you. unfortunately for him, you heard him.

“what’s so funny about me?” you ask, coming out of the bathroom with a hair brush in your hair. you point it threateningly at him. “you try dealing with all of this.” you gesture to your hair.

zeke throws his hands up. “relax, relax. you look just fine.” he adjusts his tie one final time and strides over to you. he reaches a hand up and caresses the side of your hair. “i always thought you looked prettiest like this.”

“like what?”

“like this. with your hair down.”

you sigh a breath of relief. at least your hair was taken care of.

*reiner braun*

you and reiner are at the gym today. it was a rainy, shitty day but he insisted on going. there was ‘no off days’, according to him. you didn’t mind going with him if it meant being close to him, but you would have much rather been at home.

he’s off on the far side doing leg presses. you’re sticking to the treadmill today, not wanting to break out in a real sweat. you two continue your sessions separately with occasional loving looks at each other.

you decide to put your hair in a high ponytail. the low ponytail was sticking to the back of your neck. it wasn’t a good look or a good feeling. right after you do, you get a text from your boyfriend.

‘why’d you put your hair up so high?’

‘i’m sweaty’

‘but now you look extra hot and every guy is going to look at you’

‘i doubt any guy is going to be attracted my revealing sweaty neck’

‘…i am.’

*armin arlert*

sitting on the couch, armin has no worries except for the fact of you taking forever with the snacks. the two of you had planned a movie night tonight. you picked the movie, of course. armin never complained about the things you put on tv. he just liked spending time with you. he’d sent you to the kitchen to get an arrangement of different snacks. that had to have been about fifteen minutes ago.

curiosity getting the best of him, he decides to get up to look for you. you’re nowhere to be found in the kitchen, chips and cookies just sitting lonesome on the counter. where could you have gone to?

“(y/n?)” there’s no answer.

armin heads down the hall, beginning to grow worried at the sound of your silence. he doesn’t see you at first. in the corner of the room, the bathroom door is open. there is light coming out of the room. he walks over to the open door to find you, looking in the mirror. you don’t look sad; you just look confused. you’re huffing and tossing your hair around, looking as if you don’t know what to do with it.

“(y/n), what are you doing in here?” armin asks. there’s a tinge of concern in his voice. “i was starting to get a little nervous.” he admits.

you turn to face your boyfriend. you turn your head to the side and put your hands on your hips. “armin, i need to ask you a question.” the phrase puts knots into his stomach.

“yes, baby?” he replies.

“what is one way i do my hair that you really like?” armin tilts his head.

“what?” his eyebrows furrow.

“i don’t feel like having it down. it’s bothering me but i can’t decide on what to do with it.”

“hmm.” armin goes silent for a few minutes, leaning against the door frame. you patiently away his answer. he brings a finger to his chin. “i like your hair any way you wear it. buuut, if i had to pick a favorite, i’d say a braid.”

“a braid?”

“a braid.”

“a braid it is then.” you agree and braid your hair.

you and armin spend the rest of the evening on the couch, drinking wine and munching on all of the snacks you prepared. you thank god armin picked something simple and not an elaborate up do you’ve worn a few times. he knows you. he loves you. you’d braid your hair forever if it meant keeping him around.

a/n: this one was fun! thank you!

[hearts-hunger]

evergreen — part three

Read on AO3 | Masterlist | Cabin Fever Masterlist | Join my taglist here!

Series Summary: Jake takes you on your first vacation to the cabin the gang stays at every year. When memories of past relationships loom heavy, will this vacation send cracks through the foundation of safety and trust you have in each other?

Chapter Summary: You try to take your friends' advice and talk to Jake, but it doesn't go the way you hope.

Pairings: Jake x Reader, Josh x Baby, Sam x Danny | Genre: angst, hurt/comfort | Word Count: 2.4k | Warnings: the devil's lettuce, arguing, non-graphic smut (minors begone!), hate sex? sort of?, uncertain feelings around sex, mentions of infidelity

A/N: Yes I posted the last chapter this morning no I am not upset that I have another chapter for you tonight. I hope you like it! There's a lot to unpack in here! ♡

Jake was replacing a string on his acoustic when you went back to the basement, tapping his foot to the beat of the song the guys were working on. 

“Hey, Jake?”

He looked up. “Yes, my love.”

You gathered up your courage, remembering what Baby had said. “You want to take a walk? It’s nice out.”

“Sure. Let me finish this real quick.” He restrung the guitar and set it in its stand, happily taking your hand when you offered it. You told the guys you were leaving for a bit and started out on your walk, leaves crunching under your feet and birds flitting to and fro in the branches overhead.

“Where are we going?” he asked, swinging your joined hands between you. 

“Nowhere in particular, I guess,” you said. “I just wanted to spend time with you.” And talk about your ex, you thought, but you couldn't say it out loud. 

He smiled. “Okay. Suits me. I know somewhere we can go, if you want to do some tree climbing.”

“You know, I think I do,” you said dryly. “It’s always been my dream.”

He laughed. “We don't have to if you don't want to. But let me take you over there, and then we can decide.”

Conversation wandered aimlessly, comfortingly, as you walked together in the chilly woods. Jake spoke animatedly of a new song, thankfully not the love song he’d apparently given up on, and you watched his expression and loved the light of passion you saw in his beloved features. 

You came to a group of three trees growing practically on top of each other; nestled in the branches was a platform of old wooden boards like the floor of an unfinished tree house. Nailed into the trunk of the trees was a makeshift ladder, and Jake stopped at the foot of it.

“Oh, Jake, you shouldn't have,” you teased. 

He grinned. “I told you I knew a place. Come on.”

He helped you up to the platform, steadying you as you climbed a dozen feet off the ground. You were a little worried about the structural integrity of the platform, but Jake assured you it was sound, and you knew he wouldn't take you somewhere dangerous. 

When you were satisfied that Jake has gotten rid of any immediate threat from spiders and other woodland critters, you lay on your backs and looked up at the bare branches overhead, watching the last of the amber leaves hang on valiantly in the breeze. 

“Close your eyes for a minute,” he said.

You frowned, and he chuckled as he brushed his fingers over your cheek. “Trust me, sparrow. Close your eyes and listen.”

You did, breathing deeply of the cold, clean air, listening to the chatter of squirrels and birds as they wandered about the woods. A single, musical cricket played a lonesome serenade somewhere below you, chirping and trilling to find a companion.

“It’s music,” Jake said softly. “You hear it?”

A faint smile tipped the corners of your mouth. “I hear it.” You opened your eyes to see him propped up on his arm beside you, watching you with such affection you thought you could get lost in it forever and always be content.

“You like it out here?” he asked.

You nodded. “I love it.” You reached up and tucked his hair behind his ear, letting your touch linger. “Thanks for bringing me.”

“You’re welcome, sweetheart.” He turned his head to kiss your wrist. “I found it last year, and I’ve decided it’s a good little love nest.”

You let your hand fall. A sharp, painful something twisted in your chest, and all of a sudden, you didn't care how oblivious he was — that one hurt.

“A love nest?” you said weakly, your voice coming out less sharply than it felt inside.

He smiled, and it made the hurt worse. “Yeah. For you, little sparrow. And I guess I can be a jaybird. Jake-bird. You see the vision.”

You sat up, wishing you could hear the silly jokes you usually loved as something other than inane chatter. He brushed the leaves out of your hair.

“No Jake-bird, then?” he asked.

You curled your hands into tight fists. “I need to talk to you about something.”

He sat up next to you. “Okay,” he said, still lighthearted. “Talk to me. You want to switch rooms again? Do a night in every bedroom?”

“I’m being serious, Jake. And I don’t want to fight,” you added, trying to preempt any argument, feeling like it might already be a losing battle. “I just need you to listen to me.”

“I’m listening to you, sparrow.” Though you couldn't see his face, you could picture the mix of confusion and concern in his expression. “When do I not listen to you?”

Part of you knew it was unfair to accuse him of not listening to you on this trip, seeing as you'd never actually said anything about it, but you couldn't get past the desire for him to know without you having to tell him.

He leaned closer. “Sparrow. What could we possibly have to fight about?”

“No, I said I didn't want to fight.”

“Yeah, I know. I don't want to either, so I’m not sure why you’d even bring it up.”

You took a deep breath. “I need to talk to you about Izzy.”

You felt him stiffen beside you. He didn't say anything for a moment, absently picking up a few acorns and tossing them over the edge of the platform.

“What about her?” he finally asked, and his voice was flat.

You looked over at him.

“You brought her the last time you came to the cabin,” you said.

He nodded. “Yeah. Still not sure what there is to say about that, though. She was my girlfriend at the time. I took her on the trip where everybody brings their partners. So what?”

You swallowed. “So, you picked the same room for us that you stayed in with her.”

He frowned, like that hadn’t ever occurred to him. “I guess.” He met your eyes, and the understanding you needed to see there was nowhere to be found. “Is that why you were so all-fired to switch rooms?”

You couldn't believe this wasn't clicking for him. Maybe he was being intentionally dense, and that thought made you mad.

“Yes!” you said fervently. “Jake, are you serious? I don't want to stay in the room you slept in with her.”

His expression was guarded, defensive. “Well, we switched, so I'm not sure what the problem is.”

Before you could say anything else, he started to climb down from the platform, and you had the distinct, infuriating sense of being dismissed. You followed him down and caught up with him, walking with him back to the cabin.

“We stayed in there last night,” you said, unwilling to let him end your conversation when he decided he wanted it to be over. “And then you tried to get in my pants this morning, but you had no clue why I didn't want you to.”

He grimaced. “Don’t say it like that. ‘Get in your pants’. I hate that. Makes me sound like a creep.”

“Fine,” you said waspishly, feeling that this talk that was supposed to be so easy was quickly devolving into what you’d feared it would. “You wanted to make love to me, whatever you want to call it. Doesn't change the fact that it was in the same bed you've done that with someone else.”

“Okay, so, it wasn't the most intelligent move on my part,” he said, the admission made lackluster by his frustrated tone. “But you could have said something if you were uncomfortable. I'm not a mind reader, sparrow.”

That was a salient point, one he’d had to make frequently in your previous arguments, and it chafed you raw now just as much as it had every other time he’d made it. You chose to ignore it in favor of letting your jealousy and anger run wild.

“And then you went on and on about how great she is at things I'm bad at,” you said, “and — ”

“No I didn't,” he protested, angry now. “Don’t make shit up. I said she was good at Pac-Man. If that makes you jealous, that's on you.”

“And then,” you said, pointedly ignoring that too, “you took me to your love nest you found with her. How am I supposed to interpret that one, Jake?”

“I don't know!” He threw his hands up, exasperated. “I’m an idiot. But you're twisting this to make it seem like I’ve been hurting you on purpose, when you know damn well that’s not true.” His gaze was hard and angry when he looked over at you. “You could have said something, but instead, you chose to get more and more upset with me until you started this shit. You always do.”

The truth of it only made you angrier, with yourself for doing it and with him for pointing it out.

“I shouldn't have to say that I don't want to sleep with you in the bed you fucked your ex in,” you said venomously.

His expression changed to one of incredulity and disgust. “What the hell did you say it like that for?” he demanded. You were nearing the cabin, and part of you worried about your friends overhearing, but the stronger part of you just wanted to keep fighting.

“You never talk like that,” he said. “Why are you throwing that in my face and making it sound like — ”

“You did, didn't you?” you spat. Your self control was completely unraveled. “You fucked her in that bed, didn't you?”

“Yes!” he burst out. He stopped on the porch to look your straight in the face. “Yes, okay? I fucked her good and hard in that bed, and I intentionally picked that room so I could make you feel like shit. Is that what you want to hear?”

“If that’s the truth!” you shot back. You felt the sting of angry, hurt tears and hated it. 

He rolled his eyes. “Whatever,” he said, fed up with you. “I hate talking to you when you're like this, sparrow. You drive me fucking crazy.”

“This is your fault, Jake,” you said. “I can't ever get through to you. Every time I try, you overreact.”

“Me?” he all but yelled. “You’re the one making a big fucking deal out of nothing, just because you can't be honest about how you feel! How is that my fault?”

He went inside before you had a chance to yell anything back at him. You came in right on his heels, so angry with him you could have screamed. Baby and the guys were playing a card game at the table, and their laughter and conversation died a quick death at your entrance.

You knew they must have heard you and Jake fighting on the porch, but you didn't have time to feel embarrassed as you followed Jake down to the your new room. He sat on the edge of the bed, drumming his hands against his knees, obviously agitated. His jaw worked as he looked up at you, and for some utterly incomprehensible reason, you found it maddeningly attractive.

“You sure you want to keep fighting?” he asked, all attitude now. “You know I used to fight with Izzy too. Wouldn’t want us doing anything I’ve already done with her.”

“God, you're so infuriating!” you said. “I just didn't want to get fucked in the same bed as her!”

He stood and closed the distance between you, slamming the door and bracketing you against it. 

“What about this bed, huh?” His breath fanned hot over your skin, his eyes blazing. “How about you get fucked in this bed and shut the hell up about all this shit with Izzy? Is that good enough for you?”

Heat raced through you, feeding on your anger and the need for an outlet. It had been a long time since Jake had gotten you this worked up, and you were reminded of something he’d said that weekend at the wedding last winter — I'm the only one who could ever get you riled up like this, and you've always liked it. You hadn't admitted it then, and you damn sure weren't going to admit it now, but that didn't make it any less true.

“Fine.” You kissed him, hard, and he responded to you with furious passion. You lost yourselves in the heat, the want, the hunger — it was sweat and bruises and testing the limits, both of you, angry and rough and needful. 

After, when you lay with your hair plastered to your face, trying to catch your breath, Jake opened the window above your bed and lit a joint. He handed it to you after a moment, blowing a thin stream of smoke in the vague direction of the window. 

You took a long drag and watched the smoke drift up towards the ceiling. It was raining outside, cold and grey and lonely. When you touched a hand to your cheek, you felt tears.

Jake kissed you and exhaled smoke into your mouth. “Don’t cry, sparrow. Breaks my heart when you cry.”

You sigh was shaky. “Tell me you love me.”

“Sparrow.” He kissed gently all over your face. “I love you, my girl. Tell me you know that.”

You swallowed around the tightness in your throat. “I know.” 

You lay in silence until the joint was spent, listening to the rain fall. You remembered something else from the wedding, some realization that you and Jake were so easily careless with each other, the promise you’d made not to treat each other that way any more. You felt dreamy and sad, wondering if you’d broken that promise, tears tracking down your face even after he’d told you not to cry.

“Jake.”

He brushed your hair back from your face. “I’m right here, sparrow.”

You pressed your face to his shoulder, breathing in the scent of him. You moved closer until you were all tangled up together, warm and safe and surrounded by each other in every way two people could be.

“I don’t know if I liked that,” you said, very softly.

He sighed. “I don't know if I liked it either. But we don't have to talk about it right now. Try to sleep, sparrow.”

You nodded, your breathing choppy and tired. “Okay, Jake.”

He held you, and in your new bed with the rain drumming gently on the windowsill, you listened to the steady beat of his heart and tried to think of some way to tell him how sorry you were.

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[from-memphis-with-love]

Songbird - Chapter 2 - After Hours

Summary: Valerie meets Elvis again, again by chance. And this time, it's in a far more intimate setting.

Author's notes: Edit alert. I am constantly tooling and retooling my fics. To me, they never seem finished when I reread them. I've been taking the time to hone my craft and take online writing classes (yes, I am that loser who wants to become a better writer so I can regale you all with smutty Elvis fic), so I hope you will indulge. I am actively working on it and I believe I have it right this time. Enjoy!

You know that moment when everything's gone so spectacularly wrong that all you can do is laugh? Well, I wasn't laughing. I was slumped over the International Hotel's bar like a marionette with cut strings, wondering if it was possible to actually die of embarrassment. The doctors would probably call it something fancy, but the death certificate would tell the real story: Here lies Valerie, who bombed her Sinatra audition so bad they stopped her halfway through.

The bartender looked like he'd stepped straight out of a movie about Vegas in its golden age - crisp white jacket, perfectly groomed silver hair, the kind of face that had seen it all and wasn't impressed by any of it anymore. He glided over like smoke.

"What'll it be, miss?"

I'd never ordered a real drink in my life. Back home, the wildest I got was box wine and even that made me giggle. But tonight? Tonight felt like a good time to start.

"Gin and tonic. Make it a double."

The words felt foreign in my mouth, like trying on someone else's clothes. But isn't that what you're supposed to do after you crash and burn? Drown your sorrows in bottom-shelf liquor while the bartender pretends to care about your troubles?

My mind kept rewinding to that awful audition, like a broken record stuck on the worst song ever made. My voice had shook worse than Elvis's hips (and there was a comparison I didn't need in my head right then). The piano player had actually winced. And those other girls, the ones with their perfect hair and professional headshots, they'd smirked like they knew all along I didn't belong there.

The drink appeared in front of me like magic. I took a sip and immediately regretted it. Tasted like Christmas trees. But I kept drinking anyway, because that's what people do in situations like this, right? They sit in dark bars and drink gin and pretend they're in a film noir about beautiful losers.

That's when I saw him.

You ever have one of those moments that feels like fate just reached down and flicked you right between the eyes? There in the mirror behind the bar, I caught a flash of red hair that made my stomach drop like an express elevator. Red, Elvis's mountain of a bodyguard, was heading straight for me with the kind of determined look that meant trouble.

"Well I'll be damned," he boomed, voice carrying across the bar like thunder. "If it ain't that pretty little songbird from the elevator."

My drink tried to go down the wrong pipe. He remembered that? More importantly, he remembered that ridiculous nickname Elvis had given me? 

"Uh, hi there," I managed to squeak out. Real smooth, Valerie. Real smooth.

Red's grin could have lit up the Strip. "You clean up real nice. Mr. Burrows know you're here drowning those sorrows all by your lonesome?"

Mr. Burrows. That's what they called Elvis when they were trying to be discreet, though why they bothered was beyond me. As if anyone could mistake him for just another guy named Jon. The memory of our elevator encounter hit me like a shot of whiskey - all heat and dizzy promise. The way his voice had wrapped around my name like silk, how his presence had made the air feel electric...

"Oh, I'm sure he has more important things to worry about than little old me," I said, aiming for breezy and probably landing somewhere around desperate. "I was just about to call it a night."

"That so?" Red's grin turned sly as a cat in a creamery. "Well, it just so happens the boss is having a little private soirée up in his suite right about now. What do you say we head up there and turn that frown upside down?"

My mama always said I had more curiosity than common sense. Standing there in that bar with Red's invitation hanging in the air like cigarette smoke, I knew she was right. The smart play was to finish my drink, go up to my room, and catch the first flight back to Chicago tomorrow morning.

But when did I ever make the smart play?

"Lead the way, Red."

The trip up to Elvis's suite was like ascending to Mount Olympus, if Olympus had shag carpeting and gold-flecked wallpaper. Red kept up a steady stream of chatter, but I barely heard him over the thundering of my own heart. What was I doing? Walking straight into the lion's den like some lamb dressed for dinner.

When we reached the mahogany door - the kind of door that whispered "money" in twelve different languages - a man I'd later learn was Jerry Schilling answered our knock. The wall of sound that hit us was like walking into a beehive: dozens of conversations buzzing, ice cubes clinking against crystal, and somewhere, someone was playing "Great Balls of Fire" on what had to be the most expensive piano I'd ever seen.

The suite itself was pure Elvis - all crushed velvet and religious iconography, like a bordello had a baby with the Vatican. A small crowd milled about: men in sharp suits, women who looked like they'd stepped off magazine covers, all of them moving in invisible orbits around...

And then I saw him.

You know how sometimes a room just seems to shift, like reality hiccups and everything reorganizes itself around a single point? That's what happened when my eyes found Elvis. He was holding court in the center of the room, sprawled in what could only be described as a throne, his long legs stretched out in front of him like he owned not just the chair but the very concept of sitting. A tumbler of amber liquid dangled from those ring-laden fingers, and sweet Jesus, that shirt... black silk unbuttoned just enough to make a good girl think bad thoughts.

Two women flanked him like matching bookends - a blonde who looked like she'd been poured into her dress, and a brunette whose legs went on for days. The brunette was trailing her fingers down his chest, purring something about taking a ride in his Cadillac. The kind of thing that should have been ridiculous but somehow wasn't, not with the way Elvis's lips curled up at the corners, lazy and amused like a cat with a bowlful of cream.

I should have felt invisible. Should have felt like a sparrow in a room full of peacocks. Instead, somehow, impossibly, his gaze found mine across the crowd. Those eyes, blue as a Memphis summer sky, locked onto me like heat-seeking missiles.

And just like that, the air changed.

A man who introduced himself as Sonny West materialized at my elbow, drink in hand. His face was all dimples and good humor, the kind of guy who probably never met a stranger. "You look like you could use this more than me," he said, offering me something that smelled strong enough to strip paint.

I took it because, hell, what else was I going to do? Standing there watching Elvis with those two glamazons draped over him like living accessories was enough to drive anyone to drink. The brunette - who I'd mentally dubbed Colette because she looked like a Colette - was doing her best to crawl into his lap without actually moving.

But here's the thing about Elvis Presley that nobody tells you: even when he's looking at someone else, you can feel when he's watching you. It's like standing in the sun with your eyes closed - you just know. And brother, was he watching me.

The Memphis Mafia - that's what they called Elvis's entourage - adopted me like a stray kitten. Before I knew what was happening, I was deep in a heated debate with Lamar about breakfast foods, of all things. These guys were like a bunch of overgrown boys playing in a very expensive sandbox, and somehow they'd decided I belonged there.

"Biscuits," I insisted, probably louder than necessary. The drink Sonny had given me was doing its job. "Fluffy, buttery perfection. Pancakes are just... flat disappointment circles."

Lamar clutched his considerable belly like I'd personally insulted his mama. "Blasphemy! Pancakes are God's own breakfast food!"

"Y'all are both wrong," Jerry chimed in, grinning like he'd just won the lottery. "Waffles. Those little squares? Perfect syrup holders. That's just science."

I was laughing, actually laughing, when I heard it. That voice, smooth as aged whiskey, cutting through the noise like a hot knife through butter.

"Valerie."

Just my name. That's all it was. But the way Elvis said it made it sound like a song he'd been practicing his whole life. I turned, and there he was, standing close enough that I could smell his cologne - something expensive and spicy that probably cost more than my rent.

"Come here, pretty girl," he said, soft enough that only I could hear. "Let's you and me get better acquainted."

Colette the Brunette huffed like someone had punctured her, shooting me a look that could have curdled milk. But Elvis didn't even notice. His eyes were fixed on me like I was the only person in the room, and Lord help me, but I was moving before I realized my feet had gotten the message.

You ever touch an electric fence? That little shock that starts in your fingers and races up your arm? That's what it felt like when Elvis's hand brushed mine, guiding me toward the piano. Every nerve ending suddenly woke up and started singing hallelujah.

"You play?" he asked, those blue eyes twinkling with something that wasn't quite innocence.

I ran my fingers over the keys, smooth as silk under my touch. "A little. My daddy taught me before he passed."

Something shifted in Elvis's expression then - understanding, maybe, or recognition. "Music's in your blood," he said softly. "Like me."

He slid onto the piano bench like liquid grace, patting the space beside him. Now, there's a moment in every girl's life when she knows she's about to make either the best or worst decision of her existence. Sitting down next to Elvis Presley, close enough that our thighs touched through silk and cotton, that was mine.

"You know 'Heart and Soul'?"

I had to laugh. It was like asking if I knew how to breathe. "Who doesn't?"

His fingers found the keys first, and mine followed like they'd been doing it all their lives. The melody rose soft and sweet, barely audible under the party chatter. Then Elvis started to sing, and I swear to God, the air in the room changed. Became thicker, heavier, like honey dripping from a spoon.

"Heart and soul, I fell in love with you..."

He glanced at me, one eyebrow raised in challenge, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth that would have made a saint think sinful thoughts. Well, mama didn't raise no coward. I opened my mouth and let my voice join his.

"Heart and soul, the way a fool would do..."

You know how sometimes two voices just... fit? Like pieces of a puzzle you didn't even know was incomplete? That's what happened when Elvis and I sang together. Our voices twined around each other like lovers' hands, his deep velvet wrapping around my higher notes until you couldn't tell where one ended and the other began.

The room had gone quiet - that special kind of quiet that feels like holding your breath. But I barely noticed. I was lost in the music, in the warmth of Elvis's thigh pressed against mine, in the way his eyes kept finding mine as we sang.

"Madly... Because you held me tight..."

His voice dropped lower, intimate, like he was telling me a secret.

"And stole a kiss in the night..."

Our fingers stilled on the keys. The last note hung in the air between us like a question nobody dared to ask. Elvis turned to face me, and sweet Jesus, the look in his eyes... It was like being caught in a spotlight and wrapped in velvet all at once.

"Valerie," he murmured, my name a prayer on those lips that had made him famous. His hand came up to brush my cheek, and I swear I felt that touch all the way down to my toes.

I couldn't breathe. Couldn't think. The world had narrowed down to just this: Elvis's eyes, dark with something that made my stomach flip, and the whisper of his fingers against my skin.

That's when Colette materialized like a bad penny, slamming her drink down on the piano hard enough to make the strings vibrate. "Elvis, baby," she purred, but there was steel under that sugar. "I'm simply parched. Won't you fix me a drink?"

Now, I expected Elvis to jump at the chance. After all, what was I compared to this goddess in a dress that probably cost more than my car? But Elvis just smiled - not the megawatt grin he was famous for, but something smaller, more polite, more dismissive.

"Not right now, darlin'," he said, never taking his eyes off me. "I'm a bit busy at the moment."

If looks could kill, Colette's glare would have reduced me to a small pile of ash on that piano bench. But Elvis's attention had already shifted back to me, like she was just another piece of furniture in his very expensive suite.

"I gotta say," he murmured, voice low enough that only I could hear, "you sure know how to captivate a man's attention. Ain't too many gals out there who can tear me away from a pretty face batting her lashes my way."

The thing about Elvis - and this is something all those magazines and fan clubs don't tell you - is that when he really looks at you, it's like being the only star in the sky. Like every light in Vegas has suddenly focused on you alone.

We fell back into playing, our hands dancing over the keys like they'd been doing this dance for years instead of minutes. Every now and then, our fingers would brush, and I swear it felt like touching a live wire. The kind of electricity that should come with a warning label.

That's when I spotted them - Red and Sonny, going at it in the corner like two roosters in a barnyard. I nudged Elvis with my elbow, nodding toward the brewing storm. "Looks like trouble in paradise. What's eating them?"

Elvis followed my gaze, and his grin was pure mischief. The kind of grin that probably got him in trouble in grade school. "Those two? Hell, could be anything. Whose turn it is to make the midnight burger run, who's got the better car, whether Kong could take Godzilla in a fair fight..."

"Godzilla," I said without hesitation. "Fire breath beats opposable thumbs any day."

"Now see, that's where you're wrong, darlin'," Elvis countered, eyes sparkling like sunlight on water. "Kong's got the reach advantage."

We watched the argument escalate, Elvis leaning close enough that I could feel his breath on my ear. "Five bucks says Sonny throws his drink in the next minute."

Maybe it was the gin, maybe it was the way his proximity made my skin hum like a tuning fork, but I heard myself say, "You're on. My money's on Red putting him in a headlock first."

The next few seconds played out like a scene from a Three Stooges routine. Sonny's wild gesticulation sent his drink flying straight into Red's face. There was a moment of perfect stillness, like the whole room was holding its breath. Then Red lunged, catching Sonny in a headlock that would have made a wrestling coach proud.

Elvis and I lost it. Complete, total hysteria. The kind of laughter that comes from your toes and takes your whole body with it. I ended up half-collapsed against him, his arm around my shoulders, both of us wheezing like we'd run a marathon.

"Guess... we both... win that bet," Elvis managed between gasps, and I could feel his laughter rumbling through his chest where I was pressed against him.

That's when someone cleared their throat behind us - the kind of throat-clearing that sounds like a period at the end of a sentence. We sprang apart like teenagers caught necking at a drive-in.

Lamar stood there looking like the cat who'd caught both the canary and the cream, fixing us with a knowing smirk that made my cheeks burn. "Hate to interrupt you two, but the natives are getting restless." He jerked his head toward the crowd. "Big Man's here, E."

Even I knew who "Big Man" meant - Kirk Kerkorian, owner of the International Hotel and the man who'd shelled out big money to bring Elvis back to live performing. The kind of man who could make or break careers with a nod.

Elvis dragged a hand down his face, and for just a second, I saw something flicker there - frustration, maybe, or resignation. The mask of the entertainer sliding back into place. But when his fingers found mine under the piano's cover, giving them a quick squeeze, that felt real. That felt like just us.

"Duty calls, I suppose." His eyes met mine, dark with promise. "Don't go anywhere, alright? I'm not done with you yet."

The way he said it made heat pool in my belly, like I'd swallowed a shot of pure sunshine. I could only nod, my voice lost somewhere between my brain and my mouth, as he stood and moved into the crowd.

I watched him work the room like he was born to it - which, let's face it, he was. Elvis Presley in his element was something to see. He had that rare gift of making everyone feel like the most important person in the world, if only for a moment. A group of older women were let in, clutching programs and photos, and he signed every single one with the same megawatt smile.

But every so often, his eyes would find mine across the room, hot enough to melt steel. A reminder that I was still on his mind, even as he played the gracious host.

That's when it hit me - what I was doing, where I was, who I was playing with. This wasn't some local boy at a church social. This was Elvis Presley, and he was married, and I was so far out of my depth I couldn't even see the shore anymore.

I slipped away like smoke, keeping to the edges of the room. Sometimes the smart choice and the right choice are the same thing, even if it feels like ripping off your own skin to do it.

I'd barely made it to my door when I heard footsteps behind me. Fast ones.

"Valerie, wait!"

It was Joe Esposito, Elvis's right-hand man, slightly out of breath like he'd been chasing me down the hallway. He pressed something into my palm - a ticket, but not just any ticket. Front row, VIP access to tomorrow night's show.

"Boss wants you in his private booth," Joe said, grinning like he knew exactly what kind of bomb he was dropping. "Wear something pretty. Elvis likes his girls dolled up nice."

He was gone before I could process what had happened, leaving me standing there with a piece of cardstock that felt heavy as gold in my hand.

I looked down at the ticket, running my thumb over the embossed lettering. Tomorrow night. Elvis wanted me there tomorrow night, in his private booth no less. The kind of invitation that would make those women in the lobby sell their souls.

Standing there in that quiet hallway, I knew I was in trouble. The kind of trouble that starts with a capital T and rhymes with double. But as I got ready for bed, I couldn't stop grinning like a fool.

Only one problem: I didn't have a damn thing pretty enough to wear to an Elvis Presley show.

Taglist: @whositmcwhatsit  @ellie-24  @arrolyn1114 @missmaywemeetagain  @be-my-ally  @vintageshanny  @prompted-wordsmith @precious-little-scoundrel @peskybedtime @lookingforrainbows @austinbutlersgirl67@lala1267 @thatbanditqueen @dontcrydaddy @lovingdilfs @elvispresleygf @plasticfantasticl0ver @ab4eva @presleysweetheart @chasingwildflowers @elvispresleywife @uh-all-shook-up @xxquinnxx @edgeofrealitys-blog@velvetprvsley @woundmetender @avengen @richardslady121 @presleyhearted @kendralavon7 @18lkpeters@lookingforrainbows @elvisalltheway101 @sissylittlefeather @eliseinmemphis@tacozebra051 @thetaoofzoe @peskybedtime @shakerattlescroll @crash-and-cure @ccab @i-r-i-n-a-a @devilsflowerr@dirtyelvisfant4sy @elvislittleone @foreverdolly @getyourpresleyfix@gayforelvis @headfullofpresley @h0unds-of-h3ll @hipshakingkingcreole @p0lksaladannie @doll-elvis @tacozebra051 @richardslady121 @jaqueline19997 @myradiaz@livelaughelvis @deke-rivers-1957 @jhoneybees @atleastpleasetelephone @eapep @elvispresleywife @that-hotdog @landlockedmermaid77 @sissylittlefeather @kawaiiwitchy

[sixties-girl]

Are you lonesome tonight in Vegas?

Plot: You are in a trip to las Vegas because Elvis was going to offer a few concerts the same days you were there. You were feeling kinda lonely but that night you would get some good company to your side.

(It is mostly a fluffy thing and I tried my best to keep it free of orthographic mistakes).

--How fun! We will sure have a great time there.

-- Yeah, yeah, in special in casinos, hopefully I win some deal ‘cause then I could end up like Nicolas Cage in that movie.

--Damn Rodrick, if that is the case, we will better keep you far from those casinos- coments Joe giving a smooth elbow to his friend.

5 friends and one destination: Fabulous Vegas, or Sin City as it is use to be called. In fact, your friends wanted to go mostly to sin going to casinos wasting all their savings(in the best of the cases) in slots machines or russian roulettes while they already had a few cocktails.

Meanwhile you, you had nothing to do with that, you just were in their plan because Elvis Presley was going to have a few concerts in the International Hotel from las Vegas the same days you will be there.

It was summer of 1969 and he barely had cameback to stages a year ago with his Special Comeback TV special. You were in your twenties and you have been his fan since your teens thanks to some secondary school friends but you were excited to see him performe live after all that decade just recording some movies here and there.

The thing is that you were the only one of your friends who wanted to go to see him so you would go by yourself. Once in Vegas evening and with all your stuff already in your hotel rooms, your friends left you in the International Hotel and tell you to call them later.

You enter by yourself and wow, the space is all full of people, some smarter dressed than others. You are lucky enough to have a spot so close to the stage.

Lights turn off and there he is. He even looked more handsome in person, you were delighted by his physical appearence and the way he moved around that stage.

His black satin suit also helped to hug his torso perfectly fine while his singing live was incredibly good. He is now singing “Are you lonesome tonight?” which described perfectly how you were feeling that night.

You giggled because it seems as if he was pointing you while singing this sentence of the song and you would nod just in case he noticed it.

When the shows comes to an end, you are so excited and yet so sad it already ended this great time you had in his concert, not ready for going back outside to face Sin City but before you thought about it, a random man approaches and says:

--Hello young lady, before you leave, would you like to meet Mr.Presley more personally?.- you can’t believe him, is some kind of joke?

--If you are trying to get me I am sorry but I don’t have time for that.- before you turn around, he grabs you shoulder.

--I am being serious, he wants to meet you right behind the stage, just follow me!

You doubt but you don’t have nothing to lose after all so you follow him wherever he leads you.

You arrive in front of a door, it says “dressing room”. The guy knocks and the door opens, and yes, it is opened by Elvis Presley.

--E, here she is...what is your name?.- you are in shock right now, even trembling a little bit of meeting him that close.

--I-i am, y/n.

--You are a bit nervous, aren’t you? Don’t worry honey, I am sure that once you will know me better, you will really relax.- Elvis smiles right at you, gosh, he really knows how to captivate you.

He grabs you around your waist and invites you to enter inside. Once there, you just take sit on a random couch while you watch him lightining one of his characteristic cigars. He is staring right to you, directly to your soul:

--So y/n, I will ask you here and again, are you lonesome tonight?.- he does the last part singing it. You giggle at that.

--Yeah, I am, none of my friends wanted to come with me to watch you performe.

--Oh really? Where are they now?,- he sits right next to you, that makes your heart skip faster.

--I don’t know, probably all drunk and with all their savings wasted.

--That doesn’t sound very nice, I don’t think they are the best company for a sweet and beautiful girl like you, don’t you agree?.- he puts his arm around your shoulders, what is he doing?

--Well, to be honest, I didn’t like their plan since the beggining, I just wanted to go to your concert because I have been a fan of yours since I was a young teenager.- you give him a sweet smile that melts him inside.

--Very good girl, how old are you honey?

--I am 23.- you feel how he is getting closer and closer and you don’t know if to stay or walk away.

He nods and then takes your chin up for meeting those beautiful blue eyes of his.-- You know, since I saw you on stage I instantly wanted to meet you, you are not just a very pretty girl but also a sweet and smart one and you shouldn’t be around this city all by yourself, more now that it is all dark, so.--his face is very close to your ear and lowers his voice, almost like a whisper.-- Would you mind if I made you some company tonight?

You shiver at his suggestion, is he really meaning what you think he is meaning? Elvis had always this fame of womanizer having some affairs here and there, even now that he is married and recently became a dad.

Still, you actually needed some company, otherwhise you will have to manage to go to your hotel and you didn’t want to deal with your friends sequels of “living las Vegas”. He has been treating you good until now as well.

--What happens my girl? Don’t you want to spend some time with me? I won’t do nothing you don’t want to if that is what worries you.- he gets a bit apart for giving you some space but you grab his hand.

--No! It is okay Elvis, I would rather stay here tonight with you than anywhere else.- you get closer to him. This is actually a dream for you, you just felt a bit overwhelmed, that’s it.

--What a relieve to hear that, you really got me scared doll.- he hugs you tight.-- Maybe we should go somewhere else, to get some fresh air.

--You are right, but where we could go?

--I know a place that I am sure you will be amazed with but I have to ask you something first.- he looks attentively at you.-- Are you scared of heights baby?

--A bit, yes.- Elvis stands up of the couch and grabs your hand while you get up as well.

--Don’t worry, you can always hold on to me, I will catch ya’.

He seems very convinced to bring you wherever place he has in mind. You get out of dressing room, facing some glances, probably thinking you were another one-night stand of his.

You get inside an elevator from the International Hotel and Elvis presses the highest level button.

When the doors open, you find yourself in a huge terrace, quite crowded because there is some kind of event going on. You observe a little scenario with some band playing on the background as well as a large mini bar table on the right where people order their drinks.

On the left there is a balcony with beautiful and yet imposing views from las Vegas, and in the middle there is even a little swimming pool! You are so amazed that for a second you forgot that Elvis is talking right to you:

--Doll.- laughs a bit.-- That stunned are you by the place that you forgot about me?

--Maybe.- you say a bit teasing.-- But seriously, this is incredible Elvis, thank you for bringing me here.

--I suggest we get some drinks first, I think I haven’t drunk since I performed.

--Good idea.- and you both go to the mini bar. You order a piña colada for you while he takes a glass of cola. He looks at your drink curiosly:

--What is it?

--Piña colada, is one of my favorite cocktails ever, would you like to try some?.- you sip a bit of it.-- It tastes good, other times they would just put me too much alcohol.

--I don’t like alcohol in general but I will just try it for a bit.- he takes the drink and shows a surprised reaction in his face.-- Yeah, not bad, it is very sweet, now I understand why you have this sweet essence in you.

You blush at his answer while you sip more from your glass. He really knew how to make compliments, no wonder why women were in love with him.

Elvis takes your hand and brings you right in front of the balcony. While being there he pases one of his arms behind your back and holds you there:

--I told you that I would be holding you, remember sweet thing? I think I should call you my little piña colada.- he laughs at his own wisecrack.

--Why not piñita? Means little pineapple in Spanish.

--Really? It really suits you this nickname, so yeah, my sweet piñita that I just met today and made my night better.

You giggle with how cute he says the word piñita. He holds you closer with his arms and you look at him up while he takes your chin up. You can’t stop looking at those eyes of his and this time you don’t feel any nervous anymore as in the dressing room. He gets closer to your face and whispers:

--I would like to taste more of that pineapple and coconut flavors, could I get some more y/n?

You get shocked because it may be the first time he actually called you by your name after calling you by lots of nicknames. Suddenly you feel his lips on yours ones. Elvis starts kissing you in a gentle way, sweet you would say.

You close your eyes for feeling better that kiss of his that starts to be more passionate and needy, as if he had been waiting all night for this moment. You feel his tongue exploring your whole mouth while both your tongues weave together.

You start gasping a bit since you start feeling the lack of air but you can’t stop, this kiss may be the best one you ever had.

You notice how his hands go lower from your back, is he grabbing your ass in front of everyone else? Yes, he does.

You feel more the lack of air and you let him notice it, getting apart from you:

--Did you like it my darling? I dare you did looking at your face right now.- you feel your cheeks hot, hot because that piña colada was taking its effect, hot because that kiss left you wanting more and hot as well because some people were looking directly at you both.

--I did, you are a really good kisser Mr.Presley, and a naughty one as well.- you give him a flirty look.

--Naughty? Oh my lovely piña colada, you have barely seen the tip of the iceberg of how naughty I can actually be. I can show you a lot more than this y/n.

The situation was getting out of handle. Despite you were enjoying this flirting with Elvis, you knew that in whatever moment you could end up in his suite and the rest would come over.

At this point, you just were really tired after the whole journey to las Vegas and the concert and what came later after that. You yawn a bit and he notices it:

--Are you tired baby?.- you nod at his question.-- If you want, you can sleep at my place, the bed is huge so there’s enough space for both of us.

You look at him not trusting too much if it is a good idea to enter inside “his territory”.

--Plus where would you go anyways? I can’t leave such a sweetie like you in a place like this, all by yourself.- he looks at you with concerning eyes.- I promise I only have good intentions with you.

He is right though, you don’t have nowhere else to go and paying one night in this hotel is quite expensive for your own pocket.

You agree in going to his place after all since tiredness and the last effects of that cocktail weren’t helping you so you both go straight to the elevator.

You go down a few levels and walk through the long corridors from the building. He makes you stop in front of a door that opens and lets you enter first.

Wow, he wasn’t lying when he said that the bed was huge. And not just that but the whole room felt expensive.

But that was the least important thing. You quickly get off your shoes, that were killing you at this point, and lay down on that bed.

--Gosh y/n, you really were looking forward to lay down, didn't you?.- he laughs while approaching where you are lying:

--Hm, I wasn't lying when I told you, it has been a harsh day for me.- you yawn while you turn your face to the pillow.

--Oh no pretty baby, you can't hide that gorgeous face of yours yet.

--I can't keep my eyes opened anymore Elvis.- you murmur down the pillow.

He gets up for turning lights off and gets to lay next to you, hugging you from your back.

--Good night piñita , I hope you rest well and that you didn't feel lonesome tonight.- he whispers to you ear. You laugh softly since his whisper has given you tickles.

You wished him good night as well. He couldn't see it but you started smiling, not believing yet who was spooning you. Definetly you weren't feeling lonesome that night anymore.

I hope you enjoyed it! :)

[itscontinental]

Q #1805 & 108.5(HandbagHandbag)/Q #1463(Glance)/Q #1095(Dance) TRANSCRIBED:

Texts transcribed from collage as they may please us:

(UPPER LEFT IN BLUE)

"YOU WOULDN'T STEAL A HANDBAG"

a. Well that's for darn sure.

b. Well thats for darn sure (although you may find me at the boardwalk in my wifebeater--beating no wife but waving one handbag in circles like a leather dousing rod attempting to summon up some FUCKIN' PUSSY). c. Well I think i might steal a handbag under the right circumstances. d. I've stolen handbags. e. I steal handbags.

(RIGHTHAND TYPEFACE)

"YOU WOULDN'T STEAL A GLANCE"

a. At you? from across the baslustrade overlooking all the colored lights and confetti? Well... I cannot say that... Nervously, strategically? Scarcely aquainted and very alone? Uninvited to a party? desperate for you and wanting so desperately to be at home? No. No I do not fit that description. Search and you may find no Innocent itteration of me-- Not myself in secret--little looks lining the fabric of my pockets Peeking out to find themselves blind but for you? Lost but for you; Larceny becomes me; and the air of your absense a den of lonesome theives. No

I would. Here: Here I steal this glance forever; find me where it waits forever; find me frozen seen and suddenly finding Not a word To say.

b. (we never wrote a b.)

(LEFTHAND PRE-"MAY-PLEASE-US" IN PERHAPS HELVETICA)

"YOU WOULDN'T STEAL A GLANCE"

a. At you? From across the balustrade overlooking all the colored lights and confetti? No... Nervously, strategically? Scarcely acquanted and very alone? Uninvited to a party? Desperate for you? Longing for you and so desperately longing to be back home? no. Of that I am guilty. Search and you may find me guilty. Search whats underneath my skin and find me Searching underneath you. Let larceny become me And the air of your absence: a Den of starving theives. No. I would... Here, I would: Here i steal this glance forever; You may find me where it waits forever Frozen stiff and suddenly Finding not a word to say...

b. (we never wrote a b.)

(LOWER HORIZONRAL TYPEFACE IN PINK)

"YOU WOULD'T STEAL THIS DANCE"

a. I daresay I would. Here--you lead, i'd like to rest my head upon you Close my eyes Growing lighter in your grasp. Listening to The music be perfect now, The moon be perfect now. Making this moment for myself; itself And I at your discretion although Belonging to only me Forever Here, put your hand around my hip--good now the other--yes--now rock with me, Slowly like this--leaving no room for the holy spirit, yes--not tonight--You've got it, there--you're a natural. How long How long do you think we could make this last: This dance; what is this song? I can't remember the name but You know all the words, don't you? whisper them into my ear, will you? Can we make this last at least this long? At least this song? Can we?

b. (we never wrote a b.)

ORIGINAL COLLAGE HERE

[garglyswoof]

Tagged by @jinxedwood and @austennerdita2533 for my fave books, I'm going with the wordy jinxedwood version bc yes, friends, you know me by now. I am what one calls a verbose bitch.

IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER and this list may not be accurate but it's accurate tonight.

East of Eden - John Steinbeck The humanity of this book is what got to me. I couldn't imagine reading another book when I finished this one, I felt bereft and that odd sense of loss that comes at the conclusion of a story with characters you deeply love. Not to mention that the Kathy angle made sections feel straight out of a modern day thriller.

H is for Hawk - Helen MacDonald.. to intertwine a memoir of grief and loss with a th white biography and a large measure of birding knowledge is quite the feat. But that sounds too pat an answer. I'll quote my goodreads review for this: This book felt like me sharing something that lurks so deep inside my heart, so carefully protected, so strewn with feelings like vines and bits of moss that shake off as I hold it out. It felt like sharing that something and absolutely, 100%, knowing that the recipient understood, with every fiber of their being.

Survival in Auschwitz - Primo Levi. Please, this isnt just what you think it is. It is that and more. Levi's words will leave you spellbound and aching and hopeful and everything in between.

Dandelion Wine - Ray Bradbury. As with most of my favorites, this is sublime writing that makes me long for a time i am too young to have experienced. Utterly gorgeous.

Provinces of Night - William Gay. This was my first William Gay novel and I am slowly making through them all. Southern Gothic with such elegant prose. I want to write like him. A negative review called Gay's work "novels with poems scattered about weak plots" and frankly? that's what i love? so good job you sold me

Microserfs - Douglas Coupland The author of my 20s. His stuff opened me up to fiction about real people with real feelings thinking the things you do in your head. The unbearable loneliness of the human condition and the wondrousness that is friendship. I am not a rereader but ive read this book at least five times. I have no idea if it has aged well, i do not care.

The Chronicles of Amber - Roger Zelazny. Something about this urban? fantasy grabbed me in a chokehold and never let go. I first read this at the beach, paging through dog-eared paperbacks a friend urged me to read. I barely left the deck that week. The traveling into Amber, the walking of the Pattern - these things will never leave me.

Lonesome Dove - Larry McMurtry Look yes it's a western but it's The Western for a reason. Characters that seep into your bones. The image of lightning dancing across a steer's horns remains as vivid as when i read the book 3+ years ago.

Station Eleven - Emily St. John Mandel Something about how this post-pandemic story is paced, something about the stakes of it and how they will differ from any other post-apocalyptic book you've ever read, stuck with me. There was a simple beauty here that I never want to let go of.

Honorable mentions Les Mis, War and Peace, To be Taught if Fortunate, and i feel like i need a separate list for fave fun books? like romance and paranormal romance and ya that i love but dont come close to the above's impact

tagging @purplesigebert im curious! @ninzied cmon wax poetic with me about books @carry-the-sky i almost put the things they carried on here bc you made me read it but i can only do 9 @it-may-be-dull-but-im-determined i just feel like you'd have some cool thoughts and books to share

ok im tagged out

[fritextramole]

i'm falling, won't you catch me?

part 2 of a Serena van der Woodsen playlist - best heard in order

tracklist and quotes under the cut

Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight) ~ ABBA

Won't somebody help me chase the shadows away?

Rescue Me ~ Fontella Bass

I want your tender charm 'Cause I'm lonely And I'm blue I need you

American Boy ~ Estelle, Kanye West

Let's go shopping, baby, then we'll go to a café Let's go on the subway, take me to your hood I never been to Brooklyn and I'd like to see what's good

Wouldn’t It Be Nice ~ The Beach Boys

And wouldn't it be nice to live together In the kind of world where we belong? You know it's gonna make it that much better When we can say goodnight and stay together

Something’s Got A Hold On Me ~ Etta James

Let me tell you now I never felt like this before Something's got a hold on me that won't let go

Electric Love ~ BØRNS

Thunder's getting louder and louder Baby, you're like lightning in a bottle I can't let you go now that I got it

Sunny ~ Boney M.

My life was torn like a windblown sand And the rock was formed when you held my hand Sunny one so true, I love you

Bei Mir Bistu Shein ~ Masha Ray

Of all the boys I've known, and I've known some Until I first met you, I was lonesome And when you came in sight, dear, my heart grew light And this old world seemed new to me

Bubble Pop Electric ~ Gwen Stefani, Johnny Vulture

I get this feeling when I'm in love I'm restless, can't you see I try my bestest To be good girl, because it's just us

Two of Hearts ~ Stacey Q

I've got this feelin' that you're going to stay I never knew that it could happen this way Before I met you I was fallin' apart But now at last I really know that we are

Paper Rings ~ Taylor Swift

Kiss me once 'cause you know I had a long night Kiss me twice 'cause it's gonna be alright Three times 'cause I've waited my whole life

You Are The Sunshine Of My Life ~ Stevie Wonder

You must have known that I was lonely Because you came to my rescue And I know that this must be heaven How could so much love be inside of you?

Intertwined ~ dodie

I've pinned each and every hope on you I hope you don't bleed with me I'm afraid of the things in my brain But we can stay here And laugh away the fear

September ~ Earth, Wind & Fire

Love was changin' the minds of pretenders While chasin' the clouds away

Out Of The Woods ~ Taylor Swift

I walked out, I said "I'm setting you free" But the monsters turned out to be just trees When the sun came up you were looking at me

Love song ~ Lana Del Rey

I believe that you see me for who I am So spill my clothes on the floor of your new car Is it safe, is it safe to just be who we are? Oh, be my once in a lifetime

Violet ~ Bad Suns

I'm never lost when I'm with you Except I know that isn't true I call the cab that takes you home Tomorrow I don't wanna know

Little Bit Of Love ~ Kesha

That look on your face Feel like I don't know you anymore

Never Got to Hold You ~ Carly Rae Jepsen

I wanna be the one that's in your arms I wanna feel you I never get to hold you

This House ~ Japanese Breakfast

Well I'm not the one, I was then My life was folded up in half I guess I owe it to the timing of companions I survived the year at all

Rose Petals ~ S. Carey

Hiding in the rose petals Holding on to what you know Hanging from the pedestal Hinging on whether you should go

Last Dance ~ Donna Summer

Yes, it's my last chance For romance tonight I need you by me Beside me to guide me To hold me, to scold me 'Cause when I'm bad, I'm so, so bad

First Love/Late Spring ~ Mitski

And I was so young When I behaved Twenty five Yet now I find I've grown into A tall child

[a-cup-of-fantasy]

so, as the next couple chapters for my main @smvillainsweek fic are going to take a while for me to finish, here's a bonus snippet for the free day (though it still fits under the theme of corruption) that takes place between the second and third chapters.

I actually wrote this like a year and a half ago, and it's been sitting in my giant folder of sailor moon wips, and I thought now would be an appropriate point to share it, to tumblr at least. I may post it to ao3 eventually, idk.

(edit: I have now posted it to ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/50676811)

it's a short kunzoi piece, with implied/fade to black sex, but nothing at all explict. hope you enjoy!

Zoisite marched into their rooms in a huff, only to sigh as he entered to see Kunzite pouring over papers at the table there. “You’re still at it? You promised you’d be done for the day hours ago.” 

There was no response.

“Kunzite?” 

He walked over and placed a hand on his shoulder. At the touch, Kunzite whirled around, with his fingers just beginning to spark with the light of a spell and his eyes a dull grey, unfocused. “Hey, it’s just me! All I did was say hi—you’re not usually this jumpy.”

Kunzite’s eyes widened as he took in what was before him. He shook his head. “I’m sorry—I didn’t hear you come in. I must have been more absorbed in the work than I thought. What time is it?”

“Far past time for you to go get something to eat, if you’ve been sitting here since I left you.” Zoisite said, and he sighed, letting go of the snide tone. “Come on, I’m worried about you. You’ve been so stressed the past few days. And what are you even working on that’s got you like this, anyway?”

“I’m looking at the records of who and how many people have been entering the Earth from the Silver Millenium. There’s something—”

“Really? That’s what has got you so stressed you forgot we were supposed to have dinner together?”

“We were—oh shit. That was tonight, wasn't it.”

“Yes, yes it is. Why do you think I’m dressed up like this?” Zoisite turned around, showing off how the green silk of his shirt shimmered in the light, and how it highlighted the embroidery of the floral patterns he so loved. He stopped when he was facing away from Kunzite, and made as if to walk out the door. “Though, I suppose since you’re so occupied with your work, I may as well just leave you to it.”

Kunzite stood up from the desk and put his arms around him. “I’m sorry, love. I got caught up in this, and I completely forgot. Can you find it in yourself to forgive me?”

“I don’t know…” he said, but he broke off in a giggle when Kunzite began to press kisses to the back of his neck. 

“How about now?” 

Zoisite wanted to melt back into Kunzite’s touch, but he decided he’d play hard to get for a while longer. “I think it’ll take more than a few kisses to get me to forgive you for standing me up like that.”

“What about some pretty words then? Like how absolutely ravishing you look in that outfit, or how incredibly sorry I am to have left you on your lonesome for so long? Or, would you prefer me to get on my knees?” His words were punctuated by kisses, and one of his hands began to slide down Zoisite’s leg as he murmured into his ear.

“Alright, alright, that’s enough, you flatterer.” Zoisite turned around and drew Kunzite into a long kiss. “I forgive you,” he said as he pulled away. “But, I’m still worried about you. You’ve hardly been doing anything but work the past few days, and I could have sworn you’d said you wouldn’t be as busy now as you had been recently. What’s going on?”

“Oh, forget about it for now.” Kunzite lifted Zoisite up in his arms and carried him to the bed. 

Zoisite frowned as Kunzite set him down. “I’m serious.”

“Fine. It’s the Moon, there’s something—” He stopped and sighed when he saw Zoisite’s blank stare. “You don’t see it.”

“You’re right, I don’t see it. I don't understand what it is that’s got you so worried.” He looked into Kunzite’s eyes, still the brilliant silver that he’d fallen in love with. “Just… just promise me that you’re okay?”

“I promise.” He started to undo the ties holding Zoisite’s shirt together. “Don’t worry, my love. It’ll be fine. I’m fine. Now, I think there is something far more enjoyable we could be doing, don’t you agree? ”

The caress of Kunzite’s hands on his skin thoroughly distracted Zoisite from his concerns and drove any worried thoughts from his mind, if only for a little while. For, as he lay in bed afterwards, with Kunzite’s strong arms around him, he couldn’t get rid of the sensation that was creeping up his spine, the unshakable feeling that something, somewhere, was going wrong.

[mushangaa]

Whelp send me strength people I gotta go to a religious event today bc my cousins kid has her confirmation today and it's gonna be a doozy.

(there is a lot of bad blood with that branch of the fam but everyone gonna do the thing were we pretend it's water under the bridge for the sake of the kid. Joy. I wouldn't go normally but ain't no way imma let my mom jump into the snake pit by her lonesome so...)

Also my feet are like. Fucked. This is not news to me actually but my home is set up in ways that make it easier to not notice too much and recently I sometimes find my right foot cannot carry my weight correctly first thing in the morning and is a bit woobly which isn't that much of an issue for me to work with normally, I can compensate on even ground. Today however I woke up at my mom's place (slept over bc early church event yadda yadda we need 1h with her car to get there) and got faced with... Stairs. So. Almost faceplanted bc hm yes, the right foot don't wanna be stable about it so going down stairs was an experience. Had to move sideways and take one step at a time. Not sure how to feel about that revelation.

On a lighter note my mom has a sick curling iron that works with air and just sucks your hair on? Idk man but I was her fab Lil guy all morning with lovely turquoise curls. Unfortunately she had no spray at home to fix em like that so bc my hair is long the curls loosened up again but ey I was pretty for morning routine and coffee xd (maybe I should get this curling iron tho bc it was so easy n quick dafaq)

On an awesome note imma head off into the darkest highest point tonight that I can find bc the northern lights are visible over Austria tonight (they already were yesterday too but I was in the city so no dice) and imma go and see em. Wish my dad was still with us he would've been down to go on a hike right away for this. Ah, I hope he walks with me anyway.

Day of many emotions today but I am in a relatively good mood bc I saw Chantal in Wonderland yesterday and that shit was so funny I cried while laughing so hard.

[aceouttatime]

Short-Lived: .02 Dinner With Archie Next Chapter: (Coming Soon) Previous Chapter: .01 The Humdrums and The Noteworthy 3040 words TW: Alcohol use, (potential) drug use, grotesque imagery, depression Also, heads up, this chapter is intended to be vague!

Synopsis:

I left for home that night with quite a lot on my mind. I left for home every night with quite a lot on my mind. And by the time the week caught up to me, there was nothing left to rationalize.

I left for home that night with quite a lot on my mind. I left for home every night with quite a lot on my mind. And by the time the week caught up to me, there was nothing left to rationalize.

“What am I doing, Arch?”

I set down my half-read book–it was some heavier novel I couldn’t get myself to focus on. It was partially because the protagonist was the blandest and most predictable character I’d tried to relate to in a long while. Excruciatingly so, really. I wasn’t sure why I kept picking it up at all.

It was getting to be late evening, just warm enough to be outside in my hammock with a very fancy bowl of ramen noodles with cheese and spinach. Tonight was one of those in which I hadn’t the energy to make anything more than a microwave meal for myself. And I certainly didn’t need to dirty the table when the weather was finally getting to that pleasant, spring-ish temperature where I could don a sweater and slacks without worrying I’d catch a cold.

Shooting a glance at my partner in crime, Mister Archibald himself, I cracked a pursed-lipped smile. He was a regal fellow, sitting all prim and proper on the balcony rail like he owned the place. He tilted his head amongst the begonias and hydrangeas, clearly off in his own little world.  And those olive eyes of his that almost matched my own lowered sleepily.

Of course, Archie said nothing in return, as he was a cat.

“Grand advice. You should write that down.” I chuckled, polishing off the rest of my lukewarm dinner.

The past week had been difficult. Tamia was quiet. And when she got quiet, she was the sort to get lost in her own head and focus on anything but the task at hand. I didn’t have the heart to bring it up to her when she forgot to water the plants on her desk–they were starting to look wilted, so I gave them some water for the next couple of days. I’d seen a few other folks comfort her throughout the week, knowing better than to offer their console to me. She seemed grateful enough, though her hands still shook when she wrote on the whiteboard in the lobby.

I busied myself with my job again, researching a few things about another, more minor case’s suspects. It kept me occupied, other than yesterday when I’d finally given in and visited the graveyard by the park with some oats for the ducks. Archie wasn’t much one for adventure, but I didn’t mind being by my lonesome. I was glad for the company now, though.

“Sweet boy–how’d I get so lucky, hm?” When I reached my arm out, Archie sniffed at my fingers, little whiskers tickling the faded, dark freckles on the back of my hand. He was a ginger cat, and as all ginger cats were known to be, he was the sole cause of chaos in my tiny home. Lord knew my side of things was a lot calmer.

“Careful-” Heavy paws forced a cough out of me as he landed square on my windpipe, purring loud and droning as a car engine. “Do you think I should call Tam? Do you think she’d just try to get me to talk? I haven’t heard from her in a while, and part of me wonders whether she wants an apology.”

I scratched between his triangle ears as he curled up like a honey bun, chirping as I hit a good spot. I took that as a yes. “She does deserve one.”

Later. I’d deal with that later.

…

While I typically made a point to avoid the bar on busy Fridays, I had an old acquaintance who’d invited me. I’d tidied up, setting Arch back on his favorite rug and giving him one last scritch before I grabbed my jacket. The thing was, these days, I didn’t mind a drink at all.

“Well, now, if it isn’t Mister Sylvan Okeanoú himself.”

“That’s Lieutenant Detective Sylvan Okeanoú to you, Ms. Vidia Donelle.”

She smirked something sinister, skimpy violet dress accentuating how she popped her hip to the side in jest, her hair even longer than mine had I kept it down. Life and time had been kind to her over the past eight years or so–she looked more alive than I’d ever seen her. Part of me envied it.

I pulled my coat closer to my collar, giving a brief roll of my eyes as I followed her into the hole-in-the-wall spot that was The Odyssey. It was built back when dance clubs were in their prime and hadn’t been updated much since, rafters still dusty and couches still whispering of old cigarettes. It had been a popular spot back when the two of us were still kids floundering in university; well, one of us was floundering, and I was inclined to believe it wasn’t me. I did wonder what became of her after she dropped out of our program to ‘pursue her passion.’

I supposed I would find out soon enough.

“You always did know how to be a gentleman, hm?” We sat down on barstools I mentally noted were maybe a touch too tall–I wasn’t the most vertically gifted of men, and my ‘date’ practically towered over me with those heels of hers. Vidia ordered something fruity, and I figured I’d start with whatever the house special was these days, to which the tender and owner, Rick, politely clued me in was a cinnamon something or other.

I was relieved to see him still around. He was a big, burly bear of a man with a well-trimmed beard and cheeks hard as stone. There was, from what I could recall, usually a cigar clamped between his teeth, and he hadn’t given up the pleasure tonight. It still shocked me he worked the bar, but his hands were as steady as ever with the spirits, dusting the rim of mine with cinnamon. He and Vidia shared a glance.

“Glad to see you finally got what you wanted, Lieutenant,” she mused with a roll of her eyes.

“Yes, yes, I know, how dare I correct you on my title. It’s not as if it took me a degree to earn,” I prodded, nodding thanks to Rick.

Vidia and I made short of small talk, exchanging a few choice words about my work and her Uber driver and the odd men in the corner of the bar that didn’t quite seem to know how to speak to one another. For as difficult as I’d thought it would be to talk to her, my anxiety was quelled in a matter of minutes. But, as I’d learned of myself, I couldn’t let good things last long. She became serious when I addressed the elephant in the room.

Vidia had always been quick to switch in that manner.

Taking a swig of my shot, I clicked my tongue at how it burned my throat. “Not to be terribly blunt, but what’s the occasion? I was under the impression you had forgotten we’d been close all those years ago.”

Vidia just shook her head, pinching the stem of her drink’s cherry between her fingers. It was a brilliant red that matched the windflower pinned up in her hair. A little crease formed between her brows, eyes downcast as she stirred her drink with a well-manicured nail.

“Oh, no. I just got caught up in the atmosphere of it all, you know?”

Truthfully, I didn’t. And when I raised my own brow, she heaved a sigh.

“The nightlife. The city. I mean, you know I came from nothing. That was, like, practically the only thing we had in common,” she laughed, and I felt myself ease into the melody of it. “After I dropped out, I got a job at Chuck’s place down the way.”

Vidia’s dark eyes got darker, a long silence of slow music and distant chattering filling the little gap between her lips.

“I, God, I’m going to be painfully honest here, but I felt guilty, y’know? Both about the things I said to you and about quitting. My parents had given up a lot for me to move up here and get my education. And, really, I ended up throwing that away because, for the first time in my life, I felt free.”

When she finally looked at me, her eyes seemed hollow and glassy. Maybe, behind her makeup artistry and harsh smile was that same exhaustion I felt.

“I didn’t know how to tell you, Sylvan. And after the awful things I said to you after you…told me about yourself, well, I wasn’t sure if you’d care,” she admitted. “I should’ve just apologized instead of disappearing off the goddamn map. And I missed out on keeping one of the only friends I knew I could trust to be brutally blunt with me. So, that’s why I invited you. To apologize.”

I sat in stunned silence. Vidia passed me another glass, cinnamon sticking to her fingers like sawdust and glitter in the lowlights. I had trouble thinking back to the end of my first semester. It was a lifetime ago, back when I was a bit more open and a bit more immature. I’d trusted Vidia with something I shouldn’t have. I had trusted my parents with those same feelings years before–I no longer spoke with them afterward, as was the same with Vidia. I hadn’t expected her cruelty. I couldn’t have.

After a moment, I took the shot. In the reflection of the glass, I noted the stillness of the suited men in the corner.

“I owe you, Sylvan.”

She did, but I was owed a lot of things. Enjoying the flavor past the fire, the hearth in her voice kept me warm the rest of the night. I lost track of time. I lost track of how much I drank, but it was enough to ease my nerves and then some. Heat flushed on my cheeks and over the bridge of my nose when she brought up the personal and unforeseen topic that was my love life, or lack thereof. I figured she’d probably already reckoned I’d no interest.

Vidia, however, was a viper who struck best on the unexpecting.

“You’re telling me that, in all the time you’ve been moving up through the system, you still haven’t found that special someone?”

Drink long abandoned, she gaped at me in the glow of the blacklights, hand slapping the bar as she leaned closer yet, inches away from brushing a slip of paper to the ground. Jesus. I’d brought up the odd little love note I’d found in one of my files, considering it had quite nearly fallen out of my jacket. Vidia was under the impression that it was an actual, if not childish, means of interest. I hadn’t pondered that possibility, quite literally because it was preposterous. If someone wanted me like that, they would simply ask. I wasn’t the most approachable of sorts, sure, but really. No self-respecting person sends a post-it note with illegible handwriting to their coworker, or anyone, for that matter, as a form of affection.

Plus, it was quite clear I wasn’t searching for that sort of thing. Picking up the stupid thing, I scoffed, pointing it in her direction accusingly. “That’s an off-topic question, Miss Vidia. If my mind serves me right, we were discussing the very-professional subject of unexplained evidence I’d found on my desk. Do its placement and contents not raise any questions to you?”

“Oh, you prude. Mister Okeanoú, you are still no fun,” she droned, head falling back in faux defeat. “Let me have a little fun, hm? We didn’t come here to talk business, my dear friend.”

“Mhm. And, yet, I didn’t come here to talk about my romantic pursuits.”

Blatantly ignoring that, she snatched the yellow slip from between my fingers, the heat of her proximity causing my brow to furrow. The pressed flower’s dust left a residue on my fingers.

“So. Sexual pursuits it is.”

“Vidia Donelle-”

She stopped me there, my glasses a touch foggy. “You’d think, considering what I was like back in uni, you’d have at least expected this sort of ‘uncouth behavior’ from me.” She gave a pout, eyes large and drunk. “I’m sure with that gorgeous…face of yours, you get at least a few offers every now and again.”

“Please,” I groaned, pinching the sleeve of my sweater. She snickered, the hiss of it all slurred-like, and I suddenly recalled why I stopped inviting her out alone. “No. I have no time for frivolous flings and certainly not for anything more. The work I do is more important than those sorts of interests.”

“You’re lying.”

“You have no reason to believe that.”

“You’re avoiding the question, sweetheart.”

“I quite literally just answered you.”

She laughed through the bass of a particularly grating song, my head aching and stomach ripe with unspat bile. Following her gaze back, I noticed how she eyed up a tall, handsome stranger at the pool table, lip bit at the way his back arched over the edge. It was a picturesque, half-dim open sign framing his strong jaw like an incomplete halo.

It was then I found it high time I left for some air.

Finding my footing, I bid her farewell, finding a hasty set of numbers scrawled on that post-it after I’d snatched it back. They weren’t hers. The floorboards were more uneven tonight than they’d been a decade back, the mirrors bright and rusty. The balcony door, half-hidden behind the edge of the traditional bar area, seemed a reprieve from the heat and haze and sinking disgust in my gut.

Rick tipped his head at me, flicking ash off the end of his cigar. There was cinnamon on his lips, and I wondered if he’d been drinking too. His eyes were bloodshot behind seas of shining cerulean–it took me a moment to notice the old home phone off the wall and teetering on his shoulder. Past him, Vidia was already gone.

I left The Odyssey, brushing shoulders with an odd, suited man as I did. The corner he and his associates had overtaken when the night was younger was empty, and catching the light of those empty seats made something in my chest clench like my fists at my sides. I heard a muffled grumble. His face was grim and ashy, sunken-in like yellow-papered decay.

I made certain to let the foggy glass door click shut behind me, hollow eyes on my back.

Out in the fresh air of the night, I leaned against the rail, grateful for the lack of company yet feeling lonesome anyhow. Beyond my perch lay mostly-barren avenues and alleyways lit only by the pollution of streetlights. If I had better vision, perhaps I could see the lights of my old university–the very tallest of its buildings, at least. With a long drawl of a sigh, my head and stomach protested again, now-felt heartbeat linking the two as if I’d upset them both.

I took a sip of my shot. Strange, as I didn’t recall having brought another with me out here.

Vidia was a fool for forcing herself out onto the streets of this worn-out carcass of a place. There wasn’t beauty in the booze and sex and drugs she found so freeing; there was an immense sadness to it all, a longing for something fulfilling. How many Fridays would it take before she found this repetitive? How many Fridays would it take for her to realize that she’d fucked up?

I missed university. I missed the way Vidia and I used to huddle close in those beat-up dorms when it rained, back before we’d learned anything at all. Before she’d known who I was and why I always wore high-collared sweaters–before I’d known why she kept her hair loose and lips looser.

The years had been kind to her. Too kind.

I almost poured the rest of my beverage out into a potted tree in the corner, old leaves wilted from neglect and the season. But I thought better of it, letting the few drops of liquor dribble through the nooks and crannies of the vintage floor planks to who-knows-where. It was getting colder, the longer I pondered things, the hues of things a little off in my peripheral vision.

Maybe I had missed out on things back in my younger days. Still, I was here, and she was there, and I still had a fighting chance to be successful, courted or not. Love note or not. Vidia or Tamia or Archie or not. I trembled. There was a sun-bleached ashtray near the pathetic plant.

The man was there, too. His eyes were missing, and his sockets were darker than the sky.

I blinked, and he was gone.

I knocked the ashtray to the ground. On accident. On purpose.

My head hurt.

Was I…still scared?

The bar was a blur of color as I passed back through it. Pool man was gone. Vidia was gone. The men in the corner were gone. Rick was pacing and polishing that same goddamned glass he’d been fiddling with when I’d stepped away.

I didn’t think much after that.

…

Somehow I’d made it home, body all sprawled out on the couch and damp from a shower I surely must’ve taken. The television was off, and my head was cold from my hair and aching like a particularly nasty hangover. Whatever I’d consumed to do this to me was grounds for suing.

Across the room, Archie sat like a grotesque atop a pulled-out dining chair, royal and angry as if my being on the couch rather than in my bedroom upset him. He did not climb to my chest to sleep as he always has, instead gazing at me from beyond. The balcony door was still open, night just as dark as it’d been when I’d stepped foot in here, and I’d not the mind nor body to close it.

When exhaustion had finally pulled my weary mind under, I heard the distant cry of Archie’s yowling.

...

Tag List: (DM or comment to be added)

[toongrrl-blog]

Benvi Playlist

Hey! Yes, you! What are you doing? Listen to some tunes for a change :D

"Count Me In" Gary Lewis and the Playboys

When you count the ones that want you, count me, too And if I'm not first on your list, count me blue Just be sure you count on me and when the counting's through Count me madly in love with you

2. "I'm Just A Lonely Boy" Paul Anka

I'm just a lonely boy, lonely and blue I'm all alone with nothin' to do I've got everything you could think of But all I want is someone to love

3. "The Loved One" INXS (Early 80s)

And now she's gone She's walking away Red dress on, her long black hair Well, I love her so, yeah And now she come running Anytime I say now Anytime I say

4. "Will You Still Love Me Tommorrow?" The Shirelles or Amy Winehouse

Tonight you're mine completely You give your love so sweetly Tonight the light of love is in your eyes But will you love me tomorrow?

5. "This is Dedicated To the One I Love" The Shirelles or The Mamas and the Papas or The 5 Royales or Bernadette Peters or Linda Ronstadt

This is dedicated to the one I love While I'm far away from you my baby I know it's hard for you my baby Because it's hard for me my baby And the darkest hour is just before dawn

6. "I Think I Love You" David Cassidy

Hey, I think I love you So what am I so afraid of? I'm afraid that I'm not sure of A love there is no cure for

7. "Crying" Roy Orbison (his duet with k.d. lang is also good)

I thought that I was over you But it's true, so true I love you even more Than I did before But, darling, what can I do?

8. "Only the Lonely" Roy Orbison

And maybe tomorrow A new romance No more sorrow But that's the chance You gotta take If your lonely heart breaks Only the lonely (Dum-dum-dum-dumdy-doo-wah)

9. "I Wonder What She's Doing Tonight?" Boyce & Hart

We were so close, but we should've been closer And it's making me feel so sad But I tell myself I didn't lose her 'Cause you can't lose a friend you never had (Come on, now) Because a friend won't say it's over And got out just for spite And now I wonder what she's doing tonight

10. "I Need To Be In Love" Karen Carpenter

I know I need to be in love I know I've wasted too much time I know I ask perfection of A quite imperfect world And fool enough to think that's what I'll find

11. "She's Got You" Patsy Cline

I've got your memory or has it got me? I really don't know but I know it won't let me be

12. "Walk Right Back" The Everly Brothers

I want you to tell me why you walked out on me I'm so lonesome every day I want you to know that since you walked out on me Nothin' seems to be the same old way Think about the love that burns within my heart for you The good times we had before you went away, oh me

14. "Sealed with a Kiss" Bobby Hyland or The Vogues or Bobby Vinton

Yes! It's gonna be a cold Lonely summer But I'll fill the emptiness I'll send you all my dreams Every day in a letter Sealed with a kiss

15. "Consolation Prize" Lesley Gore

Then I heard Tommy Lost his sweetheart But when he call I realized That I loved Billy Only Billy What a blessing in disguise

16. "Take Me Home Tonight" Eddie Money ft. Ronnie Spector

Take me home tonight I don't want to let you go 'til you see the light Take me home tonight Listen, honey , just like Ronnie sang Be my little baby Be my little baby, uh-huh

17. "This Guy's/Girl's In Love With You" Burt Bacharach (RIP) wrote some bops and this song has been covered by the likes of Herb Alpert and Dionne Warwick

I need your love I want your love Say you're in love In love with this guy If not, I'll just die

18. "Somethings Burnin'" Kenny Rogers

And now the sun is burning brightly We lie in love so close together I get the feeling deep inside me My love for you will burn forever

19. "Turn Around, Look At Me" The Vogues

There is someone walking behind you Turn around, look at me There is someone watching your footsteps Turn around, look at me

There is someone who really needs you Here's my heart in my hand

20. "Somebody to Love" Jefferson Airplane

Don't you want somebody to love? Don't you need somebody to love? Wouldn't you love somebody to love? You better find somebody to love Love, love

21. "Brown Eyed Girl" Van Morrison

Hey, where did we go? Days when the rains came Down in the hollow Playin' a new game Laughing and a running, hey, hey Skipping and a jumping In the misty morning fog with Our hearts a thumpin' and you My brown-eyed girl You, my brown-eyed girl

22. "Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I'm Your's" Stevie Wonder

Ooh wee, baby, you set my soul on fire That's why I know you're my heart's only desire Ooh baby, here I am Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours! Hey

23. "I Feel the Earth Move" Carole King

Ooh, baby, when I see your face Mellow as the month of May Oh, darling, (I can't stand it) When you look at me that way

24. "Shut Up and Kiss Me" Mary Chapin Carpenter

You've got the kind of mind I love to read Talk is cheap and baby, time's expensive So why waste another minute more And life's too short to be so apprehensive Love's as much the symptom, darling, as the cure

25. "Why Do Fools Fall In Love?" Frankie Lyman and the Teenagers

Love is a losing game Love can be a shame I Know of a fool, you see For that fool is me! Tell me why, tell me why?

26. "When Will I Be Loved?" Everly Brothers or Linda Ronstadt

I've been made blue I've been lied to When will I be loved?

27. "All Cried Out" Dusty Springfield

Last night I knew we were through (we're through) It hurt 'cause I still loved you (loved you) Went home and couldn't fall asleep (asleep) 'Cause sleep just won't come into eyes that weep (that weep) And that's why....

I'm all cried out, I'm all cried out All my little tears are all dried out, oh yeah Now that you say we're through I'm all cried out over you, oh yeah

28. "The Letter" The Box Tops

Gimme a ticket for an aeroplane Ain't got time to take a fast train Lonely days are gone, I'm a-goin' home My baby, just a wrote me a letter

29. "See You In September" The Happenings or The Four Seasons or Julie Budd

See you in September See you when the summer's through Here we are (bye, baby, goodbye) Saying goodbye at the station (bye, baby, goodbye) Summer vacation (bye, baby bye, baby) Is taking you away (bye, baby, goodbye)

30. "You'll Never Know" Vera Lynn or Lois Griffin

You'll never know just how much I miss you You'll never know just how much I care And if I tried, I still couldn't hide my love for you

31. "Baby I Love You" The Ronettes or The Ramones

How good it feels to hold you It isn't easy to explain And though I'm really trying I think I may start crying My heart can't wait another day When you kiss me I've just got to say

[sardonic-sprite]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💗

Oooh this is gonna be tricky, Q, you know how I am with favorites! 😂

OMG WAIT ACTUALLY

Ok so Wayne Men Take Buzzfeed's Which Robin Are You Quiz is ABSOLUTELY my top notch craziest most unhinged and hilarious fic ever. I aspire to regain the sheer chaos I channeled in this fic.

zugzwang is another one I'm really proud of. It's very much on the darker side, but it's tense, it's clever, and one of the few fics where I had a clear plan going in, and I think that shows.

The Tragic Death of Jason Todd-Wayne is another one I like, because I worked really really hard to make it feel like a BU episode and so many people said I pulled it off! Plus Jason riffing all the theories in the comments lmao. Jason's comments are my absolute faves in the series 🤭

Another Mask is an oddball sorta but I do really like it actually. It's my only (so far) Talia POV fic which was both fun and difficult. I enjoyed playing with description and tension and such, and I think I carried it off better than I gave myself credit for upon posting.

I'm still rereading it, but In A Lonesome World is my fifth pick. It's the classic Bat tires story, set at Christmas, and I honestly am very pleased with how I balanced Jason's innocence/skepticism or child/litte adult natures. Also with Bruce. He is such a good dad.

So yeah, these are perhaps not my "favorites" idk but the ones I take most pride in as I scroll through my works page. The ones that I stopped on, maybe reread, and thought "yes, i did a Cool Writer Thing here." So thanks so much, Q, bc I kind of needed this boost tonight. 💖