#yes he almost murdered half of Liyue but we all make mistakes !!!

[tamorii]

"Hey girlie! Wanna hear me play Wonderwall?"

[amethystroselilith]

Please Help Aether (Chilumi Crack One Shot)

This dumb af fic is dedicated to @jojosbizarredepression and is inspired by our convo and their adorable hcs!

I know I said fluffy crack, but the fluff disappeared... Might make my usual fluff one shots with Lumi coddling Childe though not gonna lie cause it sounds cute af

SUMMARY: A crack one-shot featuring dumb Chilumi and a suffering Aether who just wanna watch sunsets and drink wine

Can also be read in ao3: here

Aether knows that time...

The time that scares every big brother…

The time where their sweet little sister falls in love with a questionable man.

Aether already had that small feeling when he and his sister woke up in this world that they now call home.

The feeling intensified when they met the Cavalry Captain, Kaeya. The man hadn’t even been shy for flirting with his sister in front of him, immediately kissing her hand after the twins landed from luring Dvalin away from the city.

Aether immediately dislikes him, fearing that this flamboyant captain will break his sister’s heart.

So like every respectable big brother in Aether’s book, he keeps ratting him out on Jean and Amber, to keep him away from his sister.

Then there comes Master Diluc, who fits the category of being one of the most wanted bachelors; handsome, rich, and mysterious. At least that’s what Aether thinks based on their travels to different worlds.

Aether does not like Diluc at first, he seems to be a bit too cold and distant, he doesn't want his beloved sister to feel unloved. Though as time went on, Aether sees that he’s worthy of his sister.

The way he protects her, coming by her side as enemies run up to her, tending to her wounds when she gets hit or falls, and not to mention he’s rich.

When they get married, he’s going to live in luxury too, right? He’s family after all.

Aether was ready to give his approval if the redhead would ask him for his sister’s hand.

It was all going so smoothly and Aether can already imagine life; on their day offs, he will be sitting in front of the winery, watching the sunset as he drinks Dandelion Wine and enjoying the breeze.

So how come he’s inside a cell right now, arguing with his sister while said sister is protecting a certain ginger-haired fucker that had them ended there.

“Lumi, I swear to god, he’s so dead,” Aether said as he tries to climb over the geo constructs Lumine had set to separate him from her dear lover.

Said dear lover just stuck his tongue out at him when Lumine knocked him off with her anemo powers.

“Leave him alone, Aeth! Childe’s a victim here!” Lumine protested, keeping a close eye on her brother.

“Victim?! He almost murdered someone! That’s why we’re here, inside a fucking cell!” Aether argued with a groan.

Going to Liyue was a mistake…

He just wanted a little bit of an adventure with his sister before her hypothetical marriage with Diluc, and now his sister is dating a psychopath.

“Almost.” Childe rolled his eyes, “He tried to rob me, I had to defend myself!”

“Of course, baby, we know this. Their justice system is fucked up.” Lumine cooed, stroking his cheeks softly, making him purr and lean on her touch.

Aether gave them a look of disbelief, “You summoned a fucking whale in the middle of the city!”

“Yeah, but no one died,” Childe argued.

“You destroyed a huge part of the city...”

“And no one died.”

“We’re in jail because of you.”

“Ningguang is a bit harsh don’t you think?” Lumine huffed, “He was being robbed, how could she allow that kind of scam stall here?”

Aether sighed, “Lumi, we both travelled a shit ton of worlds before, carnival-like games are scammy as fuck and yet you still fell for Shitou’s words.”

“He outsmarted us,” Childe argued.

“...Yeah, I guess it wasn’t hard to do…” he murmured to himself but the couple didn’t miss it.

“Are you saying my baby is stupid?” Lumine gasped as she pulled Childe close to her chest as if to comfort him.

“Well, I’m not saying he’s smart.” Aether deadpanned.

“I’ll have you know, my baby is a master of different kinds of weapons.” Lumine huffed, “Isn’t that right, love?”

“Yeah, I’m almost close to mastering the bow,” Childe said proudly as he nuzzles to the blonde’s chest.

“By using your hydro blades?” Aether rolled his eyes.

“I use the bow too when they’re not available!” Childe huffed.

“And using your hand to throw the last arrow,” Aether added.

“What can I say? I love to improvise.” Childe grinned proudly.

“I know, baby, I’m so proud of you.” Lumine praised as she hugged him closer.

Aether didn’t know stupidity was contagious, and now he has to deal with this all his life? Well, not really since he and Lumine were immortal and Childe isn’t.

Unless…

He grabbed Lumine’s wrist, horrified to find out the mark that symbolises Lumine had shared her immortality with someone.

“Lumine, my dear beloved sister,” Aether’s eye twitched, “...who did you share your immortality with?”

Lumine beamed, “Why with my precious baby of course!” she said as she hugged Childe tighter, the ginger getting suffocated by her chest, he wouldn’t mind dying there, but he wouldn’t thanks to the mark he has on his wrist given by his lover.

Aether stepped back, “Lumi, you’re supposed to talk to me about this!”

“Oh, really? I don’t remember being consulted when you shared your immortality with your stupid pet fish!”

“How dare you!” Aether gasped, offended with her bad mouthing his precious fish when they were toddlers, “You have some audacity to call Bubbles stupid when you’re dating this idiot!”

“He’s not the idiot who wasted his immortality with a fish though!” Lumine hissed, “At least I can bring my baby with me to different worlds!”

“That’s so rich coming from you when you were about to share yours with your pet cat!” Aether called out.

Childe tensed pulling away from Lumine, “You said you never thought of sharing your immortality until you met me?”

“Baby, we haven’t met that time,” Lumine frowned.

“Doesn’t matter! You should’ve known you were going to meet me, I can’t believe you loved someone before me!” he sulked in his corner, rejecting Lumine’s inviting arms.

Aether raised his eyebrow, this is the first time Childe refused her, usually, his face would dive right in between her cleavage like the perverted bastard he is.

“But Childe I think that was you!” Lumine suddenly announced.

It immediately caught Childe’s attention, while Aether had never been so confused.

“Me?” Childe tilted his head in confusion.

“Oh my god, I just realised it, the cat has orange fur, blue eyes, and he would also tilt his head in confusion!” Lumine gasped, eyes wide in realisation, “And guess what I used to call that cat?”

“What?”

“Ajax.”

“Oh my god.”

Aether loved his twin, he really does, but he wished he could turn back time, figure out what mistake he had done to deserve his sister falling for an idiot.

He bit back his tongue to avoid calling out Lumine’s bluff, the cat’s fur was black and white with greenish-yellow eyes, and his name was Mittens.

“We really are soulmates.” Childe sighed happily as he went back into Lumine’s arms, “I can’t believe I was a cat in my previous life.”

Aether sighed, he’s too tired to deal with them so he let them be and walked to the bars, hoping to see any guards that could take him to a different cell.

A door opened followed by footsteps.

“Zhongli!” Aether smiled in relief, “Oh my god, please tell me you can help us.” he begged.

Zhongli smiled revealing a key, “Don’t worry, you are no longer prisoners.”

The three gasped excitedly as Zhongli opened the cell.

“How’d you convince Ningguang? She was so pissed.” Aether asked curiously.

“Well…”

~~~

After taking a sip of her afternoon tea, Ningguang feels a little sleepy. It didn’t take long until she fell asleep on her desk.

“Ningguang, Tianquan of Liyue Qixing.”

“Who’s there?” She tried to shield the blinding light, trying to see the mysterious figure.

“It’s me, the Geo Archon.”

Ningguang gasped, “My Lord, you have appeared in my dreams again.”

“I would like-”

“Yes, I accept,” Ningguang said excitedly.

“...What…?”

“I accept to be the next Geo Archon.” she repeated, “That’s why you’re here, right?”

“Uh… no…”

“Oh… I was ready to produce my own money, that kinda sucks, but okay I guess...”

“Anyway, I heard you sent the travellers and the Fatui to jail...”

“Yes, they destroyed half of the city, My Lord.”

“Yeah, well about that, you should let them free.”

“...They destroyed half of the city…”

“Yeah, but like no one died.”

“...The reconstruction is going to be expensive, plus helping those merchants who lost their stalls…”

“Bad things will happen if they stay in that cell…”

“What will happen?”

“Just really bad things, believe me, you don’t want to deal with that. Trust me, I’m Morax.”

“I… Well, yeah seems legit, I’ll set them free by your words, My Lord.”

“Ah, also there’s this fine gentleman from Wangsheng Funeral Parlor that’s having some rumours surrounding him about his debt. That is totally not true and everyone who says so is a liar.”

“I shall dispel the issue.”

“Also give him the key to free the prisoners.”

“As you wish.”

“Okay, cool, cool. Thanks, bye now.”

~~~

“Damn, Zhongli, will you be my best man at my future wedding?” Childe said in awe after Zhongli tells his story.

“Remove seafood in the menu.”

“Eh, we can talk about it.”

“Will you also do the honours of being an uncle to our future children?” Lumine asked.

“I can babysit for a high pay rate.”

“Fair enough, we’re planning 20 or more children.”

Aether fainted, the thought of dealing with that amount of mini Childes far too overwhelming and scary.

Please send him help...