#yes Shine was insufferable but she did nothing wrong by liking pretty dresses

[parlerenfleurs]

Re: the ending of Fool's Fate the whole thing with Kettricken was sooo jarring. I've said it before but I'm still baffled. What was going on in RH's head there? To make the wolf all about having that particular human at a mate? I mean it is something that is possible to pull off, definitely, but I never saw it coming. You're in the process of drowning in the terrible ending that is unfolding and this comes hit you in the face out of the blue.

Said otherwise: you're busy mourning the ONE overarching relationship that consistently made sense in the whole series, and yes it is a painful one, paved with the things the Fool had to do to Fitz in the name of changing fate... but still they're repeatedly shown to be meant for each other in all the ways that count, and they're HORRIBLY NOT COMMUNICATING, and everything is bad, and here comes Nighteyes all happily panting about Kettricken?

I adore Kettricken (though not in that last trilogy, because a lot of characters felt flat and not particularly likeable to me in that last trilogy) but... why? She could have payed homage to that character and her link/history with Fitz and Nighteyes without making it feel weird.

I don't know, my mind stuck on this bit, and I think it's not because of the content but because it was so out of place. Like jamming it in last minute.

[heartshyuck]

Pairing: Haechan x reader

Genre: fluff, enemies to best friends to lovers, college au

Synopsis: he was the sun but you liked the moon more.

Word count: 6.3k (I know it's literally double the word limit 🥲)

Warnings: swearing

a/n: this is dedicated to @bl--ankhaeji, for the secret santa (@neoculturechristmas ), I hope you have a great holiday and a happy new year <3 sorry I made you wait forever!

Beautiful was the moon, the way she gracefully arose to the sky shining down on earth guiding those who travelled late at night. Accompanied by the stars, she outshone all those no matter how much she showed of herself in the night sky. In winter she ruled the skies with her reign lasting even when the sun would emerge, she would still look mesmerising and for that reason you loved winter. With the moon high above watching over you and the white specs of snow that gracefully fell, illuminated by white light; you walked through the empty campus back towards your dorm, it was pretty late but there were still a few passing bodies that relieved some of your building anxiety. 

Once you approached near, your fingers had already begun to numb, the tip of your nose kissed with frost and your toes frozen in place despite the many layers trying to keep you warm. Your hands shake slightly as you try to lift the key to the lock, hearing your struggles to open the door your roommate comes and saves you as he opens the door before you can. The warmth of the house engulfs you and it's like a pair arms have wrapped round you, protecting you from the harsh cold outside, instantly you begin to warm up. 

"Why do you insist on walking back in a blizzard" Jaemin rolls his eyes and shakes his head as he steps aside letting you in and closing the door behind you. "Literally just call me or Jeno and we'll pick you up" he whines, as always nagging and telling you off in the most loving way, and it only makes you smile, genuinely touched that he cares so much about you. 

"Because Jaems you both have lives and I don't want to be a hassle" you say as you rid yourself of your outside gear and then make your way to the living room, him following shortly behind you.  Jaemin and Jeno are both good friends, more like brothers or as you like to put it, guardian angels that the goddess of the moon sent to you upon your new dawn here at Neo University. From showing up when you needed an apartment to being there to remind you to eat when you were studying late into the night, you were indebted to them forever. "You could never be a hassle," Jaemin argues. 

"Who's a hassle?" Jeno walks into the room, food in hand and he chucks you both your favourite snack and again you're reminded how much they take care of you. "Me. I'm a hassle" you raise your arm, waving your hand a bit and Jeno sits beside you, covering himself and you in a blanket as he shoots you his famous eye smile, that reminds you of a crescent moon. 

"Last I checked you were a y/n, not a hassle" Jeno giggles, you and Jaemin both rolling your eyes at his incredibly bad jokes, though you're used to them by now. After a good few seconds of him still laughing at the horrible joke, he clears his throat "anyways Jaemin is right but if you don't wanna rely on us, how about you get a boyfriend" he raises his eyebrows.

"Well sorry to break it to you but there are no decent guys in this uni" Jeno pouts and Jaemin quickly chucks in a "hey we go here too" in protest, but you continue within the same breath, "all fuckboys who truly do not give a shit about anything but getting their dick wet" you huffed out in obvious built up annoyance directed to the male species. 

"What about Renjun? He's decent and you guys are good friends" Jeno asks "surely if you're friends, he has to be decent" 

"I saw Renjun in diapers, his mum's shown me pictures of him as a naked baby, I could never date him;he's literally my brother" you list off the reasons as to why you could never see Renjun in that way, you had known each other since before you could walk. 

"Maybe you should stop brother zoning guys then" Jaemin says under his breath in a pout and you send slit eyes his way and he smiles at you in return. 

"Okay what about Haechan" and as those words fall from Jeno's mouth, laughter erupts from Jaemin. Again you roll your eyes for what seems like the tenth time in this conversation, Jeno is visibly confused by both your reactions as his eyebrows furrow and nose scrunches up slightly. "What's so funny" this comment only makes Jaemin laugh more and you throw a pillow at him in hopes of shutting him the fuck up but it doesn't. "Best joke you've ever told" Jaemin says in between laughs "she hates Haechan's guts"

"I don't hate him" you snap back at him and Jeno's confused look turns into a surprised one "hates a strong word, i just dislike him" you explain yourself but Jeno's expression is dying for a better explanation "I find him insufferable and annoying as hell" 

"But why" Jeno says almost in a cry "he's nice, fun and honesty is the mood maker. He's great." Jaemin nods along showing that he agrees with Jeno 

"If he's so great, you date him" you roll your eyes and it's a childish comment but the topic of Lee Haechan and him in general brings that side of you out. "I think he's self absorbed, thinking he's the center of the universe and lights up everyone's world" Haechan calls himself the sun and honestly it's obnoxious but fitting you think. To all those around him he seems like the sun, but even the sun is insignificant amongst the millions of stars in the universe. He's just the center of a solar system that's amongst millions of others. He's nothing special but he thinks he is and it sums him up pretty well you think plus you've always liked the moon more anyways. "Also can we drop my depressing love life and watch a movie" you sigh, it’s not like you weren’t already thinking about you being incredibly single, you didn’t need these two idiots to remind you. 

"Yeah please, she's hopeless anyways" and again you throw another cushion at Jaemin, landing square on his face,”I’m not wrong” he cries out, hugging the pillow “you refuse to get a driver’s licence too” and you jab him in the ribs with you elbow causing his to yelp, again rolling your eyes. 

A few days past and much to your relief the topic of both, relationships and Haechan don’t come up again but it was silly of you to assume that God would be so kind to let it drop so easily. Of course Jeno had to bring it up the next time he saw Renjun, “So i was the only one who didn’t know y/n hates Hyuck” Jeno whines a little too loudly in the cafe you all were seated in. It’s a small place, right on campus, decorated with strings of fairy lights that give off a warm hue to the place; it’s open all day and it’s here you found Jeno and Jaemins want for a roommate poster on the notice board. “Jeno can you be quiet, anyone can overhear and like i said i don’t hate him” your voice dropped into a whisper as if it could undo any damage Jeno may have done and you spoke through gritted teeth. 

"It's not like he's here" he argued back and as if he had summoned him Lee freaking Haechan walks through the cafe doors. He strides in with confidence circling around him, dressed in his infamous playboy outfit, the leather jacket and black combat boots, he holds a smirk across his face as he scans the room; all eyes are on him as the bell that hung above the door announces his arrival as if royal blood coursed through his veins. In these moments you understand why Haechan believes he is the center of the universe because here everyone orbits him, everyone but you. Everyone stops and stares, their eyes lingering at each step he takes and each expression he makes. Their weary of his eyes, just in case they stop on theirs, everyone but you because you couldn't care any less. The sun is blinding and it's irritating and you'd much rather avoid it, as he steps closer towards your table; recognising the boys that accompany you, he smiles and waves in their direction, you get up to leave. "I need to go" you blurt out, pushing your chair out abruptly, it scrapes against the floor, the screech making you cringe. "I'm gonna be late for my next lesson" you clear your throat of any awkwardness and grab your things before any of them could question or comment on the situation, you rush past Haechan not giving him a second look. 

Jeno's eyes widen at the scene that had just unfolded in front of him, his mouth slightly gaping, Renjun sighs and rolls his eyes before giving a welcoming smile to Haechan who stands there confused whilst Jaemin simply continues to drink his coffee, firmly believing if he act like it didn't happen, then did it really happen. "Is y/n okay?" Haechan asks with genuine concern in his voice and in the same breath he continues to question the three, "is it me or does she always seem to leave when I arrive?" 

The three sit there in slight awkwardness that hangs in the air, it's not hard to answer this question, the simple answer would be a yes. Another simple answer would be to just shrug him off and tell him you have a lecture, a lie but still a rather simple answer and before the lie could leave Renjun's mouth, the truth slips out of Jeno's. "Yeah she absolutely hates you" Haechan's smile falters and Jaemin chokes on air.  

"What the fuck Jeno" Renjun gawked, jaw hanging, there's a heavy silence and it probably only lasted a few seconds but it felt like forever as everyone just stared at each other, only breaking when Jaemin laughs a little raising confusion amongst the three others who stare back at him. "Good joke Jeno, best one you've told" he places hand on Jeno's shoulder and kicks him under the table. Laughter erupts from both Jeno and Renjun as they try and attempt to cover up the damage. "Yeah y/n just has a lesson" Renjun laughs out and tries to emphasise this to Haechan who's now laughing but with obvious hesitation in it, awkwardness still sitting in the air. 

"Oh shit, I just forgot I had to meet up with Mark" Haechan waves to the boys as he leaves the cafe, a sigh leaves his mouth as he finally exits the cafe, his shoulders drop and a deep breath he didn't know he was holding left his lungs. He sees your figure still in the distance and he's not sure what takes over him but his legs being to move.  Faster and faster, Haechan runs towards your figure that only seems to be getting further, maybe it was his pride that was hurt or maybe it was curiosity as to why you hated him or maybe it was because Haechan liked a challenge. 

The heavy steps and heaving breaths catch up to you quickly, getting louder and louder you stop and turn back, Lee Haechan stands chest rising and falling rapidly bent down with his hands on his knees trying to catch his breath. "Haechan, what the hell are you doing?" He lifted his finger up indicating for you to give a minute for his lungs to catch up with his body, you roll your eyes and it’s action that doesn't go unnoticed as he begins to speak through his heaving breaths, struggling. “I heard you hate me” it’s breathy and deep but you make it out all the same, a wave or shock and slight embarrassment overtakes you, a heat rising up your neck and to your cheeks and you’re quick to shake your head, denying his allegations. “No. what? no i don’t-” you stammer over your words until you're cut off by Haechan, as always he’s the one that controls the conversation.

“Jeno told me” he clears his voice, finally have caught his breath, “by the look on renjun’s face and your reaction, he wasn’t lying” you grimace at his words “so I’m here to change your mind” Your mouth gapes as he stands there glowing in the white light that reflects off the snow, it angers you how beautiful he looks yet his ego is insufferable and too suffocating for you to focus on that. 

“Fuck you Lee Jeno” you mumble under your breath and haechan smirks at the comment, “honestly Haechan i don’t hate you” you begin to explain hoping you’ll get out of this, whatever this is. “I just don’t like you as much as others do and that’s normal”

“No it’s not” again your cut off and you’re pretty convinced he’s in love with the sound of his own voice with how many times it’s happened “you can’t hate me” and at this you scoff, eyes rolling back so far into your head you’re sure they’ll get stuck. 

“I have a lesson” you say turning on your heels, every conversation with Haechan is a reminder as to why you can’t stand him. He loves himself a little too much, he has a superiority complex that’s consistently being fed, he thinks he’s the epitome of perfection and he thinks he’s the sun, center of everyone’s universe. 

“What lesson, I’ll walk you there” he says as he follows your footsteps, prisoning you as he wraps his arm around yours, you're confused, shocked and baffled, legs stopping, as you look down at the junction where both your arms meet and you try to release yourself but his grip is too strong. “Come on, let’s go” he pulls you, not knowing where your lesson is. “You’re a history major right?” he keeps talking, not allowing you to even answer the question “so you must either be in building B or C, but since psych usually runs at this time in C, i guess your in B” again he doesn’t waste a second before pulling you towards the building he assumes is where your lesson is. You pull back, still in complete shock as to everything that’s going on, you just said you didn’t like him and by how quickly he was able to deduce where you next lesson is, you're pretty certain he knows you don't’ want to spend any time with him and of course he knows, the smirk is evident of that. He doesn’t care what you want, for his pride you must like him because the existence of your hatred itself is an imperfection of his, a cloud covering the sun. 

“Haechan just please leave me alone” it’s like you're speaking to a wall, completely ignored as he just navigates his way to your building, arm still interlinked with yours and every now and then when you try to pry your hand out, his grip tightens. “You’re hurting my arms” you deadpan and he turns back, loosening his grip and rubbing your arm. 

“Sorry” he laughs a little and smiles, you don’t know what it is but for the first time you’ve looked at Haechan and the irking feeling of wanting to punch his face isn’t there, his face looking a little less punchable. You shake your head, choosing not to believe the bubbling feelings of butterflies and warmth on your stomach as that smile replays in your head, again and again. You let him continue leading you to lecture, too tired to fight anymore. 

You don’t even notice when you’ve reached your destination blindly following Haechan, until he stops suddenly turning again as he flashes his brightest smile and it’s as if golden rays are dancing on your skin, lighting you up, sparking warmness in your chest. You’re flying too close to the sun. “We’re here” he says happily and finally releases your arm from his captive.

“Thanks” you mumble annoyed but not as annoyed as you thought you’d be, there was a warmth that comforted you, a woody musk that swirled around you placing you in a trance. Haechan glowed, ethereal he was with all his beauty on display and you realise if kept his mouth shut more often you probably would be just as in love as all the other girls but thank god he doesn’t have an off switch because you will not fall in love with Lee Haechan. The one who melts hearts and burns skin, everyone who’s got too close bursting into flames. 

“I’ll see you after your class” he waves turning back to the direction you just came from, your heart finally returning back to a normal pace the further Haechan walks away from you, the cold from the snow returning to your skin, finally your world has span on its axis away from the sun allowing the moon’s white light to cool you down and comfort you. 

Your lecture went on for about two hours, your eyes nearly closing towards the end as at this point not even caffeine isn’t getting you through these long days and you’re sure your lack of sleep is causing you to hallucinate, because there sat at the bottom of the stairs that lead up to building B stands Lee Haechan, Lee fucking Haechan. When he said see you after class you didn’t think he meant straight after class. Fear rises and you beg he doesn’t turn around. It’s fine you tell yourself, just don’t look in his direction and don’t draw any attention to yourself. You walk down the first couple of stairs, slowly thinking it’ll make you invisible or something and then comes the screams. Girls that flock past shouting Haechan’s names, he turns around and there he sees you, nose scrunched up as you cringe at the banshees and sigh in defeat as your attempt of an eclipse fails. 

Haechan waves at the girls as he walks up to you, snatching your folders out your arms he carries, “so where are we off to now?” he asks, grabbing your hands in his, your hands are cold, fingers frozen but his are warm, a never ending supply of heat emitting off of him. 

“I’m going to the library” you say, taking your hand out of his “no idea where you’re going to next” you smile at him, snatching your folder back. Haechan can’t help but smirk, he really loves a challenge.

“Oh wow what a coincidence, I was on my way there too” he smiles and takes your folders back out of your grasp, “so let me help you” you let a deep sigh out and close your eyes trying to regain some of your patience. You decide it’s best to not fight it, you walk past him letting him carry your folders and he runs to be by your side again catching your hand in his. You don’t know he’s playing but you allow it to happen, after spending two hours learning about medieval medicine, eyes closing slightly, you allow Haechan to warm up your hands. Some sun is good for you, right?

“So you just not gonna work” you look up from the book you’ve been staring at for the last thirty minutes, Haechan choosing your face to stare at instead, he only smiles at your word as he rests his head on his hand. 

“I am studying” he says with mock offence as if he’s been accused of something he hasn’t done, “I’m studying beauty” he smirks looking directly in your eyes and all though you roll them an unbearable heat still manages to rise up. “You hungry? we should take a break” 

“Why is my face boring you” you look down at the book, trying your best to stay focused but the universe really isn’t letting that happen today. For it places a giant burning ball of fire in your path, one that feels warm from a distance but once you instantly get too close you’ll combust, so you have to keep your distance not ready to give your heart up for anyone just yet. 

“No never” again in that sarcastic offended tone, that just irks you, seriously you’re impressed at your patience in not having punched him in the jaw by now. “But i thought you might be getting bored and studying History must make you hungry” 

“I’m not hungry, thanks” you cut him off, not looking up from your book hoping that the less interest you show, the quicker he gets bored. However, like you said, the universe is not allowing that to happen and your body betrays you for not feeding it earlier. Your stomach rumbles and it doesn’t help that the library is dead silent, the sound echoes and Haechan lets out a soft laugh.

“I think you are, don’t worry I’ll go get snacks” instantly getting up and heading towards the vending machine that awaits outside. This is it you think to yourself, this is your chance to escape his burning presence, finally be free and all you have to do is run out the door. Quickly you pack up your belongings, shoving everything into your bag before Haechan comes back and out the library door you ran, freeing yourself from his burning presence but not for long as he trails after you. As a kid you thought the Sun was following you as you would stare out the window of the moving car, thinking you were the center of the galaxy, only to find out you orbit the Sun instead but now as the sun trails after you, his legs speeding up to reach your side, you guess you are at the center of this galaxy. "Why do you keep running" he shouts as he tries his best to reach you

"Because you're insufferable, Lee Haechan" you shout back, still keeping up your fast pace, not taking a second to spare him a glance. 

"And you think you're not" he scoffs and sighs in disbelief, a sound that makes your skin crawl. “I hate to break it to you but you’re pretty annoying too” and the statement shoots straight to your heart, out of all people who was he to say that, causing your legs instinctively to turn; your fast and loud stomps directed straight at him.

“I’m the annoying one? Says the one who’s none stop bothering me for hurting his superiority complex. I’m sorry Haechan that you’re not as perfect as you thought you were, sorry that one person in this whole world doesn’t like you and I’m sorry you aren’t the center of my universe” you step closer and closer as you ramble about what about him just infuriates you and all Haechan can do is roll his eyes at you and even has the nerve to let out a small laugh that only seeps wrath further into your bloodstream, intoxicating you. Everything about Lee Haechan does that to you, his smirk, his attitude, his carved by the gods features and that damn smile. He’s a menace, the core of chaos and the true essence of calamity and yet somehow it’s exhilarating enough for you to crave his presence and it causes your skin to crawl, your eyes to roll. Too close and you’ll burn. “What’s so funny?” annoyance dripping of every word. 

“I just find it funny how you’ve placed me on a pedestal in your head of being perfect, superior and then decided to hate me because of it” he inches closer, heat radiating off his body , his lips so close to yours, you feel the words that next leave his mouth with each movement, his breath sending chills down your spine “the image of me in your head, isn’t my fucking problem” he steps back after finally being satisfied with how startled he’s left you, leaving you dazed as his words hit you hard. His warmth no longer there, you shiver yet his words still hang in the air as they plague your mind, repeating themselves again and again. He walks further away and you let him have the last say because you're sure he’ll be back, his pride won’t allow you to hate him for much longer, won’t allow you to block his rays of light. He’s right the way you perceive him isn’t his problem but that doesn’t mean he won’t go out of his way to change that and nor does it mean your perception of him is wrong, even if it’s just at surface level you know enough about Lee Haechan to predict his next move. He’ll be back. 

"Ugh" you scream out, letting out a deep sigh, eye's screwed shut as you let the snow fall on your face in hopes of letting it cool you down but then there's a burning on your wrist, fire swirling around you, sparks dancing on your skin and stars shoot through your bloodstream. You're pulled and pushed, swung around until your eyes land back on his, you should've known the sun never really disappears even when it sets, eyes burning red; anger, passion or lust you’re not quite sure but burning orbs are staring right at you. You don’t even have time to respond as both his hands reach up, gripping at the side of your face, holding tight as he crashes his lips onto yours. Your lips melted, his in a hurry as he harshly pressed against yours, passion overflowing in each rough movement, his warmth radiant and you welcome the burning sensation for once. Finally you move your lips against his. The kiss is messy, teeth clashing against each other occasionally, with his grip on your face tightening, you crumpling his shirt as you hold on as if you’d fall without support, his scent intoxicating and strong and you press your body further into his and it’s as if a knot has come undone. As if the air it’s self released a heavy sigh as it seems lighter and all fades away as you begin to float, lips moving in perfect unison until the last of the oxygen in your lungs is exchanged and the burning scorches your lung even after Haechan pulls away, with a heaving chest. “Try hating me with that” he huffs out, lips swollen and eyes glossy and again the sun sets. 

Again he leaves you stunned, holding on to your lips as you walk home in hopes that the warmth from them won’t leave just yet, the scene playing in your head over and over again as if it was the greatest blockbuster but a buzzing snaps you out of it and you flinch at the sudden noise. Your phone flashing bright with an unknown number, hesitantly you pick up. “Um hello” nerves evident in your voice

“I’m picking you up tomorrow at 5, be ready” and with that you roll your eyes, his voice still annoying your ears. “Also before you ask, Jeno gave me your number” he tells you as if he could hear your thoughts aloud.

“I’m gonna kill you Lee” you whisper under your breath and Haechan isn’t sure if it was directed at him or Jeno but he hopes it would be the latter and chooses to ignore it. 

“Anyways 5pm, okay” he repeated once again, asking for confirmation that you heard him.

“You really can’t just leave me alone, can you?” you whine in annoyance but Haechan finds it cute and it only pushes him more to continue bothering you. 

“And have you forget me and my handsome face, never could allow that now could we” he teases 

“Handsome? More like punchable, trust me i could never forget how much i want to just wipe that smirk off your face” you argue back, how could he even think you could forget him after that kiss. It’s all you could think about. 

Ignoring your comment, he continues “Yeah well 5 tomorrow, I’ll be waiting outside your place, dress warmly” he tells you for the third time and without even saying bye, hangs up. 

“Ugh stupid Lee Haechan” you kick some snow in your path as you continue to walk home. 

When you got home that evening you didn’t waste a second in trying to kill Jeno, trying would have turned into having killed Jeno if it wasn’t for Jaemin who had been there to hold you back. Yet that’s the last thing on your mind right now, now all you can think about is what to wear tomorrow. “Something warm” you keep repeating to yourself, mind wandering to where you'll be going instead of choosing something to wear and time flies past and before you know it, it’s already 5pm. Haechan is outside honking, being his usual obnoxious self, having no patience as usual. You run out the house, shoes not even on properly and quickly shooting Jeno a middle finger as he smirks watching you leave. He’s honking all the way until you sat down in the car. “You’re so annoying, you know that right” you tell him as you fasten your seatbelt. 

“Yes, you remind me every breathing moment” he rolls his eyes and starts driving, christmas songs playing. 

“Well if you weren’t so annoying every breathing moment, i wouldn’t have to remin-” your cut off by your own breath that gets stuck in your throat as you look down to find his hand holding onto yours that rests on your thigh and you see the smirk he holds on your face as he’s proud he managed to shut you up. “You were saying” he teases and you clear your throat as he laughs slightly. 

“Like I said annoying” you move your hand from under his yet it gets worse as he just rests his hand on your thigh, heat seeping through your jeans.

“You call it annoying, I call it charming” he turns to you as he pulls up at a red light, flashing you a beautiful smile causing you to scoff, crossing your legs, his hand drops off your thigh.

“Anyways where are we going?” ignoring his earlier comment, done with arguing for now. 

“Surprise” he tells you, taking your hand back in his, his grip loose and when you make no effort to move, an eternal smile is plastered on his face as his grip tightens. The music fills the car, you hum along to every song that plays. 

“Well then music major” you start up conversation again “how about you sing for me” you turn to him, hands still intertwined. Haechan only laughs at your request “hey I’m being serious, all the rumours that Lee Haechan is good looking, has a great sense of humour and can sing” 

“And you believe them?” he asks, still smiling.

“Well your jokes aren’t for me but humour differentiates, so prove you can sing”

“Ah, so you think I’m good looking” he comments, smile only growing bigger. 

“I didn’t say that” you scoff 

“Yeah and you didn’t say I wasn't” he retorts, smile turning into a smirk as he feeds his own ego. 

‘Are you gonna sing or what” you pull your hand out of his and instantly he pulls it back as he suddenly agrees to sing for you. 

“I sing like an angel hun, you’ll think you’re in heaven” he tells you again feeding into that forever growing ego of him 

“I’m sure i will” every word dripping in sarcasm as you roll your eyes. He wasn’t wrong though, you jaw hung ever so slightly as he sang along with Mariah Carey, compared to him she was nothing. The once vocal goddess outshined by Lee Haechan as his angelic voice drowned hers out. It was beautiful and he knew it, continuously he left you dazed. You were lost for words, you couldn't describe how beautiful it was and all that could leave your mouth in that moment was “wow” you let out a heavy breath.

“I know” he laughs at your reaction. The rest of the ride was silent, on your part at least as you focused on the moments Haechan would sing along with some of the songs, even his humming was pretty. He glew when he sang, shining brightest. 

Pulling up to the place, the light sparkles infinitely. Laughter rang through the air and there was warmth despite the snow that fell down. Your eyes lit up and for once being around Haechan didn't seem so bad. 

"The winter carnival it's my favourite. I come every year" Haechan tells you as he grabs your hand in his, leading you towards the entrance. 

"Oh and how many other girls have you brought here?" You tease him

"None" he turns to look at you and for once the fire that burns behind his eyes isn't blinding or intimidating, they sparkle. Instead of just the sun, a galaxy. You find yourself drawn into them, like a black hole he takes up all life around, light fading away until it's just you two by him. You move closer until you realise black holes destroy, the sun burns and you flinch backwards. 

You clear your throat before shooting him a smile that's well rehearsed "let's go" you say softly, gripping his hand and this time you take the lead. 

A few rides, hot chocolates and countless conversations, you find that Haechan isn't entirely what you thought he was. Yes he's confident, knows he's good looking and has swarms of girls after him but there's something about him that seems to balance it all yet you're not quite sure what it is but he doesn't allow you any moment to think anymore about it. Always dragging you from one stall to the next. 

"I'll win the big Teddy for you" he declares, chest puffed out and embarrassment strikes through you. You would have never imagined standing here, watching Lee Haechan trying to throw down all the pins to win you a Teddy bear. Everything feels so surreal, a warmth bubbles up inside you as you watch him, tongue slightly sticking out as concentration takes over and you can't help but smile. The sun's beauty, clear. He shoot a few times, each time turning to see your reaction, promising he'll get it the next one and when he finally knocks down every pin. He pulls you in his arms, happiness practically seeping out of him. You can feel his heart beat against his chest or was it yours you weren't sure. Pointing at one of the big blue teddys at the back he hands it over to you. You almost fool the sparkles in his eyes for adoration as he nears you again, a smile stretched along his face. "I told you I'd win it for you" he says, cocky as ever. 

"Thanks" you say so softly you're unsure if he heard but the smirk on his face says otherwise and thank god he couldn't hear nor feel your heartbeat as it fastened in pace, jumping and leaping against your ribs, answering to his voice. Your heart was ready to be his. That would've inflated his head a bit too much, and just when he couldn't do anything else to cause butterflies to burst, you watch as his eyes wander to a little girl, also trying to knock the pins down. 

"Do you need help?" He asks her softly as though she was made of glass, she only nodes in return but he picks her up, placing her on his shoulders so she had a better view. Her arms extend backwards as she throws the ball, knocking down all the pins. Haechan shouting words of praise and a smile lights up the little girl's face as she grabs onto a large teddy bear. 

"Thank you" she whispers, visibly shy once Haechan places her down and she hugs him. It was in this moment you could feel you were flying too close to the sun, heat rising, palms sweating and eyes sparkling as you watched him, the only source of light and the center of the universe.

Haechan begged you to go on one more ride with him before going home, the wind was harsher and the snow fell heavier and though the sun had set long ago, the moon’s reign seemed to be never ending. Your own sun was right by you, emitting light and heat endlessly, he held your hand and kept you close as you rode the ferris wheel to the top. The ride was silent most of the way, the occasional hum from Haechan as he stared out into the horizon, the dark sky filled with bright stars and the moon shining down, lights and Christmas decorations and a sfar as the eye could see white snow that illuminated under the moonlight.  Once you reached the top, he turned to you. Your breath hitching as beauty stood in front of you, a stone statue carved by the gods to show the ability of their power, a rival to the moon’s beauty, a rival to the sun light and warmth and a rival to billions of stars that envied the way he shined, forever burning. 

“So do you hate me now?” He asks a smirk always on that goddamn beautiful face of your and you can’t help but smile. Pulling him closer until he can feel your lips brush past his as you speak these next words. 

“Shut up, isn’t this where you kiss me” you crash your lips onto his and you can feel his heart stop, taken back by your actions yet he doesn’t hesitate to kiss you back, lips moving in sync and you can feel his heat overtaking your body, your heart leaping. You’re flying too close to the sun, your wing’s melting and you’re falling. Falling in love with the sun. 

© (jisungiest) 2021. All Rights Reserved.

[irishseeeker]

                                             rules don’t apply - chapter three 

Having a crush on your boss is embarrassing. Inappropriate. Wrong. Especially when your boss is Anthony Bridgerton, the most insufferable man on the planet whom you actively despise.

What does Kate have to say on the matter?

…No comment.

--

read chapter 1 here or here 

read chapter 2 here or  here

-- 

chapter 3: hold onto your leash 

“Kate.”

Kate didn’t know where she was. She was sitting in a chair behind a wooden desk, which was covered with various files, a laptop and multiple picture frames. The frames were blurred and she couldn’t make out the faces. Everything looked familiar, but she felt completely out of place. Something felt..off. Everything looked fuzzy, her vision was slightly blurred and the air slightly darker, as if there was a shadow over her.

She noticed him then, he stood in front of her, glowing like an angel.

She could see him crystal clear.

What was Anthony Bridgerton doing in her office?

He wasn’t wearing his usual work attire. He was wearing the suit he wore at the gala, except his collar was untucked and loose, his tie no longer wrapped around his neck.

His lips were slightly swollen, tints of red smudged across his pink lips.

Her reflection became clear in a small compact mirror open on her desk. More importantly, she could see the bright red lipstick slightly smudged on her lips.

What was going on?

His voice sent shivers down her spine as he said her name, enunciating each letter, his voice low, rough like gravel.

“What do you want, Kate?”

She opened her mouth but she couldn’t speak, nothing would come out. All she could do was gape as he walked towards her, around her desk, slowly coming to a stop as he stood in front of her. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up to his elbows, exposing his muscular forearms.

He moved closer, she could count the splatter of freckles across his nose as he closed the inches between their lips. One, two, three, four, five-

Kate woke up with a gasp. Newton let out a whine beside her, scowling at being woken up.

“Sorry bud,” She said, her breath hot and heavy as she scratched her corgi’s ears.

She did not just dream of Anthony Bridgerton. He was her worst nightmare.

Kate grabbed her phone, flicking open her google app and tapping impatiently at the screen as she typed her search.

What does it mean when you have a dream about your boss?

She flung her phone away from her, hearing it land on the duvet. What the bloody hell was she doing?

Kate had spent the previous day in bed with her sister, staying off her phone and eating takeaway while they watched movies all day. She needed any distraction from the article published. She even let Edwina convince her to do some yoga on Youtube. When she did pick up her phone last night, she flicked through some of the comments left under the article.

I thought you had to be pretty to be a gold digger?

Her sister is much prettier than she is

who even is she?

She quickly opened another bottle of wine to distract herself from the sinking feeling in her stomach.

How could she ever show her face in work again? What would everybody think? There was absolutely no truth to that article, but the truth had never been something people were concerned about when reading gossip.

Kate was hardly a scandal, she was a nobody. Anthony Bridgerton, on the other hand, was not.

She eventually got out of bed, washing her hair and exfoliating away the anxiety and dread that clung to her skin. She ate breakfast with Newton after getting dressed, opening her balcony doors and leaning against the railing as she looked out at London on a Sunday morning.

The air was bitter but the sun was shining despite it being winter, and Kate needed to clear her head and walk Newton. She texted Edwina, who suggested they grab a coffee and walk in the park. Edwina was a morning person, she had already been up for hours and had been to a pilates class.

Kate, on the other hand, had to set five alarms to get up on time and considered her walk to work sufficient exercise.

Cameras started flashing everywhere. Her eyes stung as the flashes started to blind her, she could barely make out Newton barking at her feet or the swarms of people waving a camera in her face.

“Kate Sheffield!”

“Kate, when did you and Anthony Bridgerton start dating?”

“Is it serious?”

“Will we be hearing wedding bells soon?”

Kate momentarily froze, gaping at the blinding flashes. What the hell was going on? How did they know where she lived?

“This is private property. You need to leave right now.” Her neighbour, a middle aged woman called Agnes Danbury, had appeared at her side. The woman tended to appear out of nowhere, trapping you in a conversation that wouldn’t finish until she was done. Kate actually liked her a lot, the woman just scared her a little. “Go out the back, darling. Through the car park.”

Kate hastily turned around and ran back into the building, down the steps and to the car park. She exited through the back entrance, which led to an empty road. She sprinted down the end of her road, away from the photographers and down the steps to her tube station. She got lost in the swarm of people in the busy station and by the time she turned around, panting, she did not see a camera in sight. She put her sunglasses on, pulled her beanie down lower on her head and cuddled Newton to her chest.

She wasn’t bothered after that, the ride on the tube and arrival at Hyde Park station was uneventful. Kate was shaken and paranoid as she glanced around her, but no one actually cared about her. It was Bridgerton they cared about. Newton was happily toddling along beside her as they entered the park gates. Edwina was on the other side of the park, near the pond, waiting with their coffees.

“Kate?”

The blood in her veins turned cold. She knew that voice anywhere. It was the unfortunate voice that she had become accustomed to hearing five days a week, a voice she did not get paid enough to listen to, a voice she could not get out of her head and now dreams.

Anthony Bridgerton stood behind her, beads of sweat dripping down his forehead as he stood in front of her. He had clearly been running, his flushed cheeks and damp t-shirt clung to his skin.

He looked good.

Why did he have to look good?

This was not the time to get distracted, Kate.

“Are you following me?” Kate managed to speak, flexing her fingers that weren’t holding Newton’s lead.

“What?” She couldn’t read his face. He didn’t look displeased to see her, which he usually did-but he didn’t look happy, either. He looked pensive. If she had seen him first, she would have run in the opposite direction or hid behind a tree.

He, for some reason, had approached her.

“Are you following me?” She repeated, bending down to scratch Newton’s ears. She needed something to do other than blankly stare at him.

“Why would I be following you?”

“Oh, so this is just a coincidence then?”

“I run in this park everyday,” Anthony said, his eyes narrowing as he spoke. “I have lived near it for years. So, yes. This is purely a coincidence.”

“Alright.” That was slightly embarrassing, but Kate was more preoccupied with getting away from him, getting away from this conversation and getting away from the thoughts spiraling in her head.

“Kate, wait.”

“No.”

“What?” He sounded exasperated, letting out a deep sigh as he appeared at her side.

“I am not doing this,” She said, gesturing between them. “We’re in public. Someone could see. I do not have the mental capacity to deal with you right now.”

“I presume you saw the article,” He said, putting his right foot on a bench to tie his shoelace. He looked completely unbothered, as if the events in the last two days hadn’t had any affect on his life whatsoever.

Two could play that game.

She just wouldn’t play it looking directly at him because he was bent over slightly and his shorts were rather right, which gave Kate the perfect view of his rather nice-

Kate, no.

“What article?” Kate simply shrugged her shoulders, her eyes flickering around the park. She didn’t see any photographers or anything unusual, which made it slightly easier to breathe. She needed to find Edwina and get away from him.

“Don’t play stupid, it doesn’t suit you.”

Kate narrowed her eyes. “You really have a way with women, don’t you?”

“My ways have never failed me before,” He replied, smirking smugly at her.

She mimed gagging. “It’s a Sunday. We are not working. I have no obligation whatsoever to talk to you.”

Anthony simply rolled his eyes.

It was incredible how she could be so attracted and annoyed by a man at the same time.

“Could we try to have a civilized, mature conversation? For once?” His voice was almost pleading, he still had his usual stern, arrogant tone but there was a hint of desperation in it.

He might actually feel bad.

“I don’t know, can we?” Kate mimicked him, making a sour face. She may be the problem here. She swiftly changed the subject.

“There were a lot of photographers outside of my flat. How did they figure out where I live?” Kate still hadn’t figured that out and it worried her beyond belief. She might stay at Mary’s for the next few days, Edwina’s flat was too small for anything more than a night.

Anthony’s face fell and he looked as if he felt bad for her. “You would be surprised how quickly the media can work. I’m sorry that happened, I really am.”

She didn’t know what to say, so she said nothing.

“The article doesn’t mean anything, Kate.”

“That is quite easy for you to say. Do you have any idea how this looks for me? You’re my boss. It’s inappropriate. I have to go to work tomorrow and face everyone. It’s mortifying. What everyone is probably thinking-” Kate would usually be embarrassed by such a display of emotions, how high pitched her voice was and the anguish in her face-but she wasn’t even thinking about that.

She was slowly coming to terms with the consequences of the events of this weekend.

The realization hit her and she felt quite faint.

It was that or the sprint to the tube station earlier-she was really unfit.

“I’m going to have to quit and move to Australia.”

“What?” Anthony said, his eyes bulging out his eye sockets as he stared in bewilderment at her. “You’re not quitting-what?”

If he hadn’t thought she was mad before, that ship had definitely sailed. Anthony’s voice had increased a pitch as he spoke and he looked scared.

“I don’t do well in hot climates. I grew up in Somerset, where it rains most of the year, for fuck sake. I’m also not a fan of spiders and snakes.” Kate groaned, covering her eyes with her hands. “They’re the size of Newton over there. My sister still has to remove them from my flat.”

“Would you calm down?”

“Don’t tell me to calm down,” Kate said, shaking her head profusely. “That’s the one thing you don’t say when you want someone to calm down. I have no reason to be calm.”

“You’re not moving to Australia,” Anthony said, trying to give her a reassuring look but it just came across as him looking slightly constipated. “It doesn’t matter what anybody thinks. Our personal relationship has nothing to do with our professional relationship. If anyone in work has anything to say, they can say it directly to me. Then they’ll get fired.”

It was Kate’s turn to roll her eyes and snort. “There’s definitely a human resources issue in there. Oh, well, that makes everything better than. Problem sorted.”

He was rather calm about the whole situation, really. It was infuriating. “Those gossip articles mean nothing, Kate. It will blow over in a few days and everybody will move onto the next story. That’s how it works.”

“That’s just amazing. I’ll just be known as another notch on your bed frame. I’ll have to add that to my CV.”

“I have a lot more experience with this than you,” Anthony said, his mouth forming a flat line. “I have been subjected to this for years-I do know what I’m talking about.”

“Yes, well, I haven’t. I never asked to be. It’s my worst nightmare. There were cameras outside of my flat this morning. They knew where I lived. That is terrifying. The comments online were much kinder to you than they were to me.”

“I know.” He actually sounded sincere and she felt a pang of guilt for being so rude to him. A slight pang of guilt. “I wanted to reach out and apologize. I wasn’t sure if it would make it worse to hear from me, given that we have never exactly seen eye to eye. I was going to speak with you tomorrow at work. I’ll send security to your flat tomorrow for when you go to work.”

Kate scoffed, rolling her eyes. Honestly, rich people. “I don’t need security.”

“Yes you do. They’ll harass you for a few days and then eventually stop. It’s not a discussion, Kate. This is a safety issue.”

“Okay. Fine.” Kate conceded, letting out a deep breath. If he really was concerned, that worried her. She wasn’t used to this type of attention. “Thank you. Send me the bill.”

How much was security? She’d had a shop online last night after a few glasses of wine and had bought clothes she definitely didn’t need, and her bank account had been hit hard.

It was his turn to scoff. “You are not going to pay.”

“I am going to pay-” Kate protested, but Anthony didn’t let her finish.

“Do you argue over everything? Or is this special treatment just reserved for me?”

“You do pay me to argue. Maybe work on your personality and I wouldn’t argue with you so much.” “Thank you, though-but only this time.”

Newton barked loudly. They broke eye contact with each other and stared down at Newton, whose tongue was wagging happily out of his mouth. He circled around Anthony, jumping up and down eagerly.

“He’s a bit overweight.”

Kate’s jaw dropped and she gasped. “You are so rude. He’s a corgi, his rolls keep him warm! He probably heard that!”

“He’s a dog.” Anthony glanced down at Newton, quite unimpressed.

Of course Anthony Bridgerton didn’t like dogs. He probably didn’t like anything that caused any joy.

“Newton,” She said, particularly emphasizing that he had a name and was not just ‘dog’, “-is incredibly intelligent.”

They both simultaneously glanced back at Newton, who was sprinting in a small circle, trying and failing to chase his tail.

Anthony hummed, his eyes bulging slightly that infuriated Kate further. “I’m sure.”

“Please do not project your insecurities onto my dog.”

“My insecurities? I’m quite confident in my body.” His cocky smirk infuriated her more. His tight t-shirt was not helping the situation.

Kate swore she could see the outline of his chest, the faint lines of his abdominal muscles were clinging to the west material of his t-shirt.

“Good for you.” Kate managed to conjugate.

“Do you think there’s something wrong with my body, Kate?”

“I don’t think about your body at all.” Liar, liar.

“We both know that’s not true, Miss Sheffield.”

Newton saved Kate from replying by jumping onto Anthony, his paws resting on the thin material of his shorts covering his thighs.

“Down, dog. Sit.” Anthony pointed at the ground, and to Kate’s surprise, he sat. She usually had to bribe him with some ham to do any tricks.

She needed to make a swift exit. “We have to get going. My sister is waiting for-oh!”

Newton sprinted away from them, jumping from his sitting position and charging off so ferociously he yanked the lead right out of Kate’s grip. Kate landed flat on her face.

She felt Anthony’s hands on her waist, easily pulling her off the grand. Kate spat out a mouthful of grass, ignoring the tingling feeling his fingertips left as she stood up, immediately taking off after her dog.

“Newton, no! Come back!”

“Can’t you call him back?” Anthony said, easily catching up with her as they sprinted after the dog. They had gathered a few people’s attention, it was an interesting sight-two people running after a manic dog.

“Thank god you’re here. I never would have thought of that one on my own.” Kate cast a disgruntled glare at him before squinting her eyes to make out Newton’s little figure, a good bit ahead of them.

“Newton!” She roared after him, but the runaway corgi paid them little attention.

Kate felt like she was going to vomit. She had to stop, coming to an abrupt halt to bend over. She was panting heavily, resting her hands on her knees. She may have been dressed in running gear, a jumper and leggings-but she had never actually ran in them.

“I think I’m going to get sick,” Kate said, half-panting, half heaving. Her stomach was not feeling good.

Anthony, who stopped a few meters ahead of her, glanced back at her unimpressed. He wasn’t even sweating. “We’ve ran about fifty meters.”

“I’m failing to see your point,” Kate said, biting her bottom lip hard before mustering the strength to take off again. She needed to find Newton-she wasn’t worried he would run off, he had severe attachment issues, as did Kate-but he would make it difficult for her in the meantime.

“Don’t you exercise?” He asked, easily jogging beside her. He still hadn’t broken a sweat and Kate couldn’t stop, the beads of sweat trailing down her forehead.

“I don’t have the time.” She wasn’t willing to try to find the time. She worked, she spent time with her family and Newton and she slept. An exciting life, truly.

Anthony, rather judgmentally, snorted. “We have a free gym in the building at work. It’s about making time, Kate. I exercise everyday.”

“Would you like a medal?” Kate tried to sound unimpressed, her tone flat and dull. It wasn’t news to her, he had raised a lot of money last year for the marathon and it had been advertised all around the building.

Kate had been treated to Anthony Bridgerton’s face everywhere for a whole month before the marathon. She not only had to see his smug face in person daily but she had been subjected to it on newsletters, in emails, on badges and on bloody biscuits.

“I have plenty, thanks,” He said swiftly, his usual arrogant tone alive and well. It was the voice he used in meetings at work when they were arguing over something and he was trying to irritate her-it usually worked. “I was captain of the rugby team at school and at Oxford. I also ran the London Marathon last year.”

“You’re so modest.” Kate laughed as he scowled at her sarcastic tone. His achievements were quite impressive, she had donated to his fundraiser last year-she just wasn't going to inflate his ego any further. “I pass the gym everyday and I swear I’ll go tomorrow. The thing is, I really couldn’t be arsed.”

Kate fell off a treadmill last year and still hadn’t emotionally recovered. It would be a cold day in hell before she stepped foot in a gym again.

“You should. It’s a good stress reliever. You always look so disgruntled every time I see you.”

Charming.

“That’s because I have to see you everyday.” Kate chimed back, shooting him a short smile before coming to a stop, beginning to walk towards Newton. They were getting closer and closer to Newton, who had been trotting around the same area of grass in the distance.

“Get him,” Anthony loudly whispered, interrupting their back and forth as he pointed towards Newton who was now rolling in a patch of dirt.

“I'm trying!" Kate shouted back, trying to keep her voice low as she reached out her hands. Her plan to pounce and grab Newton carefully before he could sprint away. "Stop distracting me. I need to get my dog. My dog, who now needs a bath and ran away, which are both completely your fault.” She was so close Newton, who still hadn’t noticed them.

Anthony was walking in front of Newton, trying to stay out of his eyeline by approaching from the side. It wasn't too difficult-Newton was quite oblivious.

“How is any of this my fault?” Anthony snapped, glaring at her from across the flowerbed as he creeped around it. “I am spending my Sunday helping you catch your beast-”

“Watch your mouth, Newton is an angel. I didn’t ask you to! I’m here because I came out to clear my head because of what you’ve done-” Kate argued, it seemed they could last a minute until they resumed bickering.

“What I’ve done?” He gaped at her, his mouth opening and closing. It was worrying how good it made her feel to make Anthony Bridgerton speechless.

“What have you done?” She was focusing on steadying her breath and controlling her panting, creeping closer and closer to Newton. She was seriously unfit. “Exist, specifically. I ended up in Lady Whistledown because of you! All because you enticed me into your fancy cars with snacks-”

“Enticed you?” It was more of an accusation than a question. “I was being nice. I can't help what the media write about me I was offering you a lift home. I won’t make that mistake again.”

“That’s fine by me!”

“Excellent”

“Great!”

“Fantastic.”

“Superb.”

Kate was going to run out of adjectives soon.

Anthony ran a hand through his hair, stopping in the middle of the flowerbed, glaring at her. "You...you are an absolute menace, do you know that? I have never in my life encountered such a frustrating-”

“A menace?” Kate snorted at the insult. “Do you always talk as if you’re from the 1800s?”

Newton spotted Kate and Anthony, narrowly avoiding Kate’s leap towards her. “Shit! Newton, come back here right now!”

Kate’s stomach dropped as she saw exactly what Newton had spotted and was now running towards.

The pond.

“Newton, no!”

“Isn’t he trained? Tell him to stop! Stop, dog!” Anthony shouted at her, his jaw clenched so tightly he looked like he was in pain.

“Yes,” Her voice wavered slightly, glaring right back at him. “He’s a dog. He’s having fun!” Truthfully, Newton had been asked to leave the three training courses Kate had signed them up for. Anthony was not going to know that.

“Kate!” Edwina waved her hand in the air. She was standing in front of the pond, a circle of ducks crowded in front of her. She appeared to be feeding them crumbs, a bagel waving in her hand.

She had completely forgotten about meeting her sister.

“Edwina.” Kate was roaring at her sister, waving her arms frantically. Edwina didn’t seem phased by her sister’s frazzled state at all. Kate wasn’t usually this dramatic, was she? “Move! He’s going to go for the bagel!”

Anthony had joined in on her shouting, but it was too late.

Newton launched himself at Edwina, specifically at the baked good in her hand-pushing her straight into the unbarricaded pond.

[girlmeetsliv3]

No Time to Die

Trigger Warning: Some heavy stuff and dark things ahead.

           It was bittersweet really. Wasn’t love always bittersweet? That’s the way he made it. So sickeningly sweet one moment and so appealingly bitter the next. Perhaps that’s why he was so attractive? It was the chase. The thing we are all taught from a young age – men are wild animals. One must try to tame them. They must be tamed or else they will leave and abandon you. Or perhaps was that just the way you were raised? Hm. Something to think about, no? Does it matter? It doesn’t really change anything at the end of the day. But at the same thing, it could’ve changed a lot. You would like to think that you wouldn’t have fallen for him. That you could’ve resisted it: the beauty, the grace, the way words rolled so smoothly off his tongue. Or are you fooling yourself once again? The way you’ve done so many times before. To be fair, you wouldn’t be the first to fall for his charms. He, after all, was an expert at luring in prey. Seducing them to the dark side. Sweeping them off their feet so fast that they suffered whiplash. It was impossible to resist really. After all, you’ve always been weak for clichés.

           Oh, and he was a cliché, wasn’t he? The way he strolled into that bar: dressed all in black with an aura that exuded power – danger. The type you had read, heard, and seen in just about every form of entertainment targeted towards naïve, inexperienced, young women. Of course, you made eye-contact. Of course, he smirked. Of course, he then ignored you and chose to nurse a drink at the bar, that you would later learn he hated. He hated the taste of whiskey, how it burned when it went down, but it was part of the image. Part of the illusion. If he had ordered something else – perhaps the fruity drinks you knew he preferred, would you have fallen for it? The image of him you’d created inside your head. Probably not. It’s okay though, you fit the image inside his. The ideal. Boy, he could probably smell you a mile away: the hard-headed girl with strong opinions, a tough outer shell but such a soft inside. The type that was so willing to bend and mold into whatever anyone wanted. Into anything that guaranteed attention and affection. At an age where a smile or a kind word can be so easily misunderstood. Where one is still under the illusion that “bad things happen, but not to me.”

           What was it again? That he said? Ah yes, something about the weather. It was raining and the air outside was so suffocating that you couldn’t stand to be outside for more than a few seconds. But you went, outside didn’t you? He wanted a smoke and asked if you would go with him. You immediately agreed and then tried to play it off, cheeks blushing a bright red due to your awkwardness. “You’re cute.” He said, before leading you towards the front entrance. Remember thinking how you thought that you would be safe if something went wrong because there were people outside? If only you’d known that as long as you were with him, you were never safe. Oh, how you smiled and laughed even as the toxic smoke-filled your lungs. Even when it reminded you of broken bottles, broken promises, and broken families. It didn’t matter, because he was oh so perfect and he would only want you if you were the same. So, you tried to be. You smiled, but not too much. You laughed, but not too much. And you talked, but never more than him. It worked, didn’t it? You exchanged numbers, he promised he called, and he did; two weeks later, but he called.

           What was it that he said? “I haven’t been able to get you out of my head.” It was so stereotypical – fictitious, fabricated, fake – but of course, it was he was feeding you lines after all. Everything that it took to ensnare you in his web. Remember the party? You poured so much time and effort into your outfit and makeup but still went in a pair of ripped jeans and blouse because god forbid it to look like you put effort into your look. He couldn’t know that it was for him. But he did know. Of course, he did. He saw the way your eyes lit up when you saw him sitting on that old leather couch sipping on some shitty craft beer. But he ignored you. All night. Barely even spared a glance your way. Good thing you had brought your friends because you had assumed as much. He may an expert at the game, but you were aware of its rules; enough to last you the first couple of rounds. Hell, didn’t he call you the next morning? Shocked that you hadn’t approached him at the party. Shocked that you hadn’t even texted him when you had arrived. You had won, hadn’t you?

           The date was nice though, you can admit that much. You expected some fancy restaurants and maybe a movie. One that was good enough to watch, but not too good that it would absorb all your attention. How was he supposed to kiss you during a scene then? Or do that cringey thing where he asked to hold your hand or leaned into you. He didn’t though, take you to a fancy restaurant that is. He took you to the beach. A moonlight picnic on a private beach. So, the two of you could talk, “without the pretense of small talk or a movie to bother us.” Talk you did, for three hours, the time passed by so quickly. The two of you practically knew everything about each other. He had said that he’d never connected to someone the way he had to you. Oh, how your heart had fluttered, and eyes shined as he stared so deeply into you – too deeply some would say. Remember the joke? Sure, at the time, it seemed funny but now it's not so funny is it? At the time, it seemed like he was playing into a trope, but now that same phrase keeps you up at night.

           “I bet we could do just about anything here. Not like anyone could hear or see us.”

           “What kind of things are you thinking about, huh? Perv.”

           “Trust me. You don’t want to know…they’d probably have you running for the hills.”

           “Ooh, scary.”

           The images that pop into your head nowadays are scary. Isn’t that why you can’t sleep at night? It wasn’t scary that night though, not with the way the glowed so effortlessly. The full moon capturing his beauty so eerily, you wondered if he was something out of your imagination. He probably would’ve been delighted if you had ever expressed those thoughts. That was his goal after all: to be your knight in shining armor. The one you had waited for all these years. The one that was there to save you. Oh, how you longed to be saved. Who’s going to save you now? You didn’t have to worry about anything with him. He was always there whenever you needed him. Even when it made absolutely no sense for him to be there. Like how he was able to be at your house in under ten minutes when those burglars broke in. Wasn’t he supposed to be out of town with his friends? Or how about that time you and he fought because your mom was hospitalized yet again. It was so sweet when he showed up at the hospital room with a “get well soon” card, balloons, and flowers. So sweet that you forgot the fact that you had never mentioned what room she was staying in, the hospital, or the fact that she was even sick.

He just knows things. Is what you had always said, trying to justify it to yourself. Like how he guessed your astrological sign and then from there your exact birthdate – on the third date. How he knew your favorite sweets and scents; “You just smell sweet. So, I assumed you like sweet things.” Your favorite color? “You seem like a baby blue person.” Your favorite food? “Whoever doesn’t like this has no taste.” Ah, yes. Even that. “My ex was about the same size, so I just guessed.” That one had hurt you a bit. It implied that he had a type, that you weren’t special. He must’ve seen the look on your face for he leaned in real close and mentioned how he couldn’t wait to see it on.

“Just the image in my head has me almost collapsing on my knees.”

“Why don’t you?”

“Funny.”

It was a funny thought: that you would ever get to be in control of that. Oh no, he needed to be in control. He once told you that nothing got him more riled up, then having you submit completely to him. To the point where you placed your life in his hands. Remember when you did that? Just to please him. When you were shaking with fear at the thought of his hands around your neck, but he had asked so nicely that you couldn’t say no. It was only a one-time thing, right? Like the marks? Like the bites? Like the pain? But all of that was better than his words. Then the disappointment in his face when you failed him, yet again.

“Didn’t I say you should call me when you got home?”

“You know how dangerous it is to be out at night.”

“If your boss is that insufferable then just quit already. How many times have I told you I can maintain us both?”

“If your friends are so annoying why do you keep hanging out with them?!”

“I told you it would be cold outside, but no. You wanted to wear that dress.”

It was the dress you’d worn when you first met. Of course, it was special, and you wanted to wear it as much as you could. You did like wearing until “I don’t know it looks kind of suggestive.” You being the fool that you were asked him to elaborate, “Suggestive of what?” He had said so casually as if it was a truth of the matter, “Suggestive of sexual availability.” What? “You look like a slut.” You had locked yourself in your room that night and cried. Not because of what he said, but because of how it made you feel. Mother had always said men didn’t like sluts and here you were dressing like one. You were so foolish. You threw out all your short dresses and skirts in your fit of despair, but you kept the white dress. It was oh so pretty and you couldn’t ponder getting rid of it. So, you tucked it away in a little corner of your dresser, where one would have to actively look for it to find it. It was a hiding spot you had discovered years ago, and it was where you kept all your precious items hidden.

You would come to regret such a decision when he had found it years later. Truth be told you had forgotten about it, but he wasn’t having it all. Even when you explained its significance to you. “So, you want to cling onto your old life, then? The one you had before us?!” It was no use. He would never understand. There were many things he “didn’t understand,” but that was okay because there would be many things you didn’t understand either. Like how he found out about your admission into the university when you hadn’t even told anyone. Or even spoken about it to him. How he always knew where you were. Even though you had triple-checked your phone for a tracking device. You weren’t too sure he hadn’t put one inside you. You still aren’t too sure he didn’t. Which is why going through metal detectors still freaks you out so much. Just another thing to add to the list of ever-growing things that haunt you.

What was it about him? Truly? There had been others. Others just like him, but he was something unique. It was uncanny really; how perfect he was. How perfectly he fit you, almost as if he was made for you. He was Galatea and you were Pygmalion – or was it the other way around? At first, it looked like that, but now you aren’t so sure. You did change. How much was for him and how much was for you, that you don’t know. Perhaps he was so good that every choice was made by him, but just like the puppet on the strings; your choice was an illusion. Doesn’t matter now, does it? All of those years of anguish and pain turn to nothing when he smiles at you. What a beautiful smile it is straight pearly whites framed by cherry red lips, how it crinkled the corner of his brown eyes. You could stare at him forever until the smile left his eyes that is. Then all you’d want to do is run.

Running never helped though, but you couldn’t help it. He never blamed you either, it’s human nature or a fighter you never were. Not until the end. Not until you had to be. It’s funny how a moment could seem so eternal and be over so quickly, in the blink of an eye really. You thought the two of you would last forever, that you would grow old together. The image you had fabricated in your head was so perfect, you should’ve known that you would never be able to reach it. Still, that’s the beauty of dreams. The two of you often shared your dreams: in yours, the two of you would be together in life. In his, you’d be together in death. “Right, baby?” There was only one answer. Even if it was the wrong one. Even if saying the words meant bile crawling up your throat and wanting to gouge your eyes out. “Of course.” It’s a miracle that you lasted as long as you did, but you were his favorite – that’s why you lasted so long. None had been able to reach his standards, able to surpass them. You did that and so much more. Remember how proud he looked when the knife pierced through his flesh and right into his heart? It was the first time he ever looked at you – truly looked at you – and not the image of you he had created in his head. You could almost swear those were tears of joy in his eyes if you didn’t know the pain of being stabbed that is.

“I love you.”

I love you too. I love you so much. Please. Please don’t leave me. Please stay with me. Please forgive me. You remained silent and stoic as you watched the life drain out of him. The smile never did leave his eyes, did it? It’s a shame there was no funeral. You would’ve liked to see him one last time, but you can’t really have a funeral with when the body has been incinerated to the point of not being recognized. It’s what he deserved. That way you were certain he was really gone. That he wouldn’t come back and haunt you. It’s okay though, better to feel this than nothing at all – no? After all what kind of ending could you have expected…you never were one for happy endings.

These violent delights have violent ends And in their triumph die, like fire and powder. Which as they kiss consume.

[notquitejiraiya]

Ripples - {ShikaTema}

Summary:  Taking a breather from a wedding reception, Temari is joined by an unwanted stranger. (Modern AU)

AO3: lethargicshadowlover

The reflection of the moon across the water was warped a little more with every pebble Temari threw, the ripples barely getting a chance to flatten before the next impact. She raked up the skirt of her dress above her knees and leaned forward to grasp her next handful of ammo. The faintest hum of music was overpowered by each stone hitting the water violently; louder and louder as her patience wore thin. While it wasn’t her reason for abandoning the party roaring away behind her, she had decided that by the time she stood up, even if that was when the sun was rising, she would have skipped one properly. It might have been testing her patience and the breeze which swept across the lake cast an unwanted chill across her shoulders, but Temari wasn’t one to give up even the most menial of tasks.

Frustrated, she kicked at the dirt with her bare toes and let the remaining pebbles fall from her palm beside her in. Her hand reached for the bottle of wine she’d nabbed on her way out to find only the slightest dregs remaining. She wiped her eyes, necked what remained and savoured the kick on the back of her tongue. It was true: wine always taste better when it was free, especially when it was as expensive as this.

As she dropped the empty bottle to the side and uncrossed her legs, adjusting her stance to resume her game, she suddenly felt a presence looming nearby. Temari chose not to turn as the figure perched beside her, but caught the slightest glimpse of poorly shined leather as she reached for her next stone. She knew those were a man’s shoes, and for a moment she wondered if it was Kankuro, but she’d seen the amount of drinks he’d had this evening and knew full well he would fall onto her by this point, not beside her. So that meant this man was a stranger to her, much like everyone else at this wedding, and a quiet one at that.

Temari payed him no notice outwardly, merely flicking her wrist and almost beating her record for this evening of three skips. She wanted to blame her poor technique on the thought that plagued her mind: any moment this man might lean into her, or open his mouth and drive her away from this peaceful place she’d found for herself. Who was she kidding—he would! From her experience, men did nothing but get in the way and ruin things, so the fact this one was doing neither was unnerving to say the least.

The next stone didn’t even skip once, just splashed with an unsatisfying plop.

And then he clicked something, and not just once—it was the most obnoxious sound Temari had ever heard. Upon the fifth click she couldn’t help herself and turned, nose crinkled and eyes narrow, to see an oblivious young man attempting to light a cigarette.

Click.

A tie was tied loosely around his neck, a pop of green against his crumpled, monochrome suit, and his dark hair was bundled up into a ponytail. While Temari couldn’t deny the man was nice to look at—she particularly liked the shadow the sharpness of his jaw cast in the moonlight—he was most definitely a mess. The state of him almost made her feel better about her own appearance and the growing ring of dirt around the violet hem of her skirt, but that relief—or that jaw—didn’t help downplay her irritation or stop her wanting to snatch the lighter from his grip.

Click.

Temari’s grip tightened around the next stone as she leaned down.

Click.

Finally there was a flame, and his eyes shifted towards her, ignorant. For a moment she thought she saw him smirk as a subtle glow emerged from the end of his cigarette, but as he pulled it from his lips he turned away, blowing smoke out onto the water as he ignored her once more. She held back the urge to cough obnoxiously and scowled at him, expecting him to turn back to face her. When he didn’t, Temari could feel her bloody boiling and words just spat out on their own: “What the fuck are you doing?”

Dark eyes sat intently on the lake, unfazed by her crudity. “I thought that was obvious,” he said carelessly. “I’m having a cigarette.”

“And you have to do that here?” she hissed. “Right here—right next to me?” 

There was a beat as he brought the cigarette back to his lips and rolled his eyes.

Half expecting him to ignore her, Temari turned back to face the water and scoffed. “If you haven’t noticed, Einstein, there’s a whole other acre of land for you to prance about with your death-sticks and smoke.” She tossed her pebble in her palm. “Why don’t you try a spot that isn’t already taken?”

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” he snarked. His head finally turned to face her. “Could I get a map? Maybe directions to the area of this lake best suited to drowning?”

Temari growled. “I’m obviously sat here cause I want to be alone!”

“So am I.”

“Well, you’ve gone and ruined that for the both of us, haven’t you?” When Temari looked over he was chewing on his bottom lip, forcing back a mischievous smile as smoke filtered out his lips. With a look that smug on his face, she wanted to punch that perfect jaw right out of socket. “What’s so funny, huh?”

His eyes flickered shut. “Nothing’s funny.”

“Sure seems it.”

“No, it’s just so typical.”

She could feel her ears burning. “Typical?”

“Yes, woman: typical,” he chuckled. “I leave that tent to get away from the yelling, sit down here and the yelling continues.”

“Oh,” she scoffed, “this isn’t even nearly yelling. But if you want to hear yelling, I can arrange that for you.”

“I mean, listen to yourself—it’s inevitable.”

Temari had to turn away to stop herself screaming.

“So what drove you out here away from the ‘fun’?” He formed little air quotes as he tapped the excess ash away.

She let herself side-eye him and held back a snarl. “As if you care.”

“You’re right, I don’t. Just thought it was polite given that I’m definitely not going to move.” He was going straight in that lake in a minute if he wasn’t careful, especially given the hint of liquor she could detect in the smoky air. “Terribly sorry,” he added with an unenthusiastic look in his eyes.

He clearly wasn’t.

It took no time for Temari to decide that his annoyingness wasn’t some kind of flirtatious tactic as it had been for many of the men she’d come across in life. How she hated men, especially those that found such behaviour amusing or assumed it was endearing. In fact, until this moment she was certain no male attitude could infuriate her more, but here he was: smoke between his lips and sighing like the world was on his shoulders, speaking almost as brutally as her and clearly getting a kick out of it with no care for what she thought.

She couldn’t bare how interested she was in what was happening beneath that scruffy hair. What she hated even more was the fact she wanted him to be thinking about her, and the fact that undoubtedly his ignorance was fuelling her interest in him. As he lifted his head and stared her down, eyebrows raised in an almost condescending way, Temari bit down on her lip and scowled straight back.

He was insufferable.

Why couldn’t she control her intrigue?

“Right, I’ll bite,” she growled, “what’s the matter with you? Why are you out here?”

He shrugged. “Well, for starters, I’m pretty sure I just got dumped.”

Temari’s mouth fell open. “Excuse me?” she got out through laughter.

Chuckling as if it didn’t matter the man shook his head, but she swore she could see his face fall slightly. “Or if I wasn’t, I will be by tomorrow.” As he picked up a stone from her carefully selected pile Temari contemplated swatting him away, but the thoughtful way his eyes glistened momentarily stopped her in her tracks. “That and the fact that if I hear one more ABBA song I might actually drown myself.”

“Well honestly, I can see why.” She slowly sat down and pursed her lips, trying not to let him win by laughing. “You’re irritating.” 

“Wow, woman,” he said, looking back her way, “kick a man while he’s down.”

“Are you usually this much of an ass, because I don’t know about your girlfriend but I definitely couldn’t live with you?”

He laughed, properly this time. Temari decided the sound fell nicely amongst the silence. “Are you usually this troublesome?”

Any pity she might’ve housed was quickly vanishing. She rolled her eyes. He was clearly fine. “So, what did you do to this girl?”

“Nothing.”

Temari frowned. “Nothing as in you did nothing wrong, or did nothing for her?”

“I honestly have no idea,” he mumbled.

“I find that hard to believe,” Temari mused, “especially considering how sad you don’t seem about all this.”

The young man turned his head and smirked at her. “You’re determined to pin me as an asshole, aren’t you?”

“Well, you haven’t exactly made the best impression so far—invading on my personal space and blowing smoke at me.”

“Well,” he mimicked her as he turned, his tone bitter and feistier than before, “is it really so bad if I’m not upset I’m now single? I’m sure a woman like you has had a few questionable relationships in her life—you must get that it can just be relief.”

Temari almost couldn’t comprehend how insulting it was listening to him speak, and she had to fight the urge to smash the rock in her palm straight into the back of his thick skull. Worst of all he wasn’t wrong, and the look in his eyes told her he already it knew it. She could only hope that confidence was born of arrogance and not from her gormless expression.

It felt to Temari like this man was put on earth to push her buttons, and he was doing a terribly good job.

“And what is that supposed to mean?” she asked through gritted teeth, knowing full well the answer that would follow. “A woman like me?”

He nodded and blew smoke straight into her face. “You’re a firestarter; that much isn’t difficult to tell.”

“Wow,” she scoffed, snarling. “I was going to try and be consoling if you were upset, but you know what? You don’t deserve it.”

“Good,” he chuckled. “I don’t want sympathy anyway.”

Swiftly and precisely, without even standing up, his wrist flicked and sent the pebble he held flying. As it hit the water Temari was mesmerised, and begged silently for it to sink as quickly as her own attempts had. However, much to her dismay, perfect ripples surrounded it as it flew on and on and on…

When it finally dipped beneath the surface, disappearing from view further away than she cared to measure, Temari was sure she’d never been this livid. The last hour of her life suddenly felt utterly meaningless, and how nonchalant he was about his success wasn’t helping. All he seemed to do in response was shrug a little and fall onto his back to stare up at the stars. She watched him lift his cigarette to his lips and coughed dramatically until he turned her way, the paper tube balancing between his lips. “What now?” he asked.

Temari flared her nostrils, rolling her eyes to the back of her head for the millionth time.

“Do you want one or something?”

Finally she caved, unable to stop herself laughing at his idiocy. “Of course not! They’re vile!”

“Stop being such a pain or leave then,” he grumbled, letting his eyes flicker shut.

Never had Temari willingly let someone best her like is, and if it weren’t for the fact his grating personality was starting to wear her thin Temari wouldn’t have considered walking away. Then again, for the exact same reason, she felt inclined to stand her ground. She was here first, and she was most certainly going to be petty about that fact.

“Right, asshole,” she began, “it was you who invaded my evening, not the other way around, and if you’re not going to leave me alone I have some questions.” She twisted her body to face him properly as she debated impaling him with the heel of her shoe. “Name?”

His face contorted into the most childish unimpressed expression she’d ever seen. “Why?”

Temari cocked her head to one side, squinting. “Or would you rather I kept calling you ‘asshole’?”

There was a beat as he stubbed out his cigarette in the grass only to immediately light another, repeating that horrendous clicking routine a second time. Temari was certain from the little chuckle after the eighth click that he knew she hated it, and he was clearly basking in the attention whether he’d admit it or not.

When the damned thing was finally lit, Temari raised her eyebrows expectantly at him and he huffed at her.

“Shikamaru,” he said, letting his eyes shut again.

“And are you capable of not sounding bored, Shikamaru?”

“Maybe when the company isn’t boring.”

The smile playing on his lips was the only thing stopping Temari punching him, and frustratingly she could feel herself grinning, too.

One eye pried open before quickly snapping shut. “What about you?”

“Excuse me?”

“Your name—what is it?”

She frowned and crossed her arms beneath her bust. “What does it matter to you?”

“Right, like mine matters to you…”

“I’m going to throw you into the water in a minute.”

“Go ahead,” he chuckled, fluttering his eyes open in far too sweet a way for Temari’s taste. “It is a getting bit warm…”

“No it isn’t, idiot,” she snapped. “I’m freezing.”

Shikamaru frowned at her. “That’s your own fault for not bringing a jacket—you’ve made your bed, now lie in it.”

“How terribly kind of you,” she laughed, spiteful and amazed.

His eyes narrowed as he propped himself up on his elbow. “What were you expecting me to say?” he said with a laugh. “‘Oh, madam, here—have my blazer!’ Yeah, fat chance of that happening, love.”

Temari pouted to try and hide her smile. “You’re impossible.”

“Less than a minute ago you want to throw me in the lake and now you’re trying to make me feel bad for not lending you my jacket?” He shook his head and took a long drag go his cigarette. “So we know who the really impossible one is here, don’t we?”

The smoke filtered through the air and through the haze Temari caught a glimpse of him giving her what looked like a genuine smile. Without the spite or the depreciating undertone it was actually somewhat beautiful—subtle and calm, paired with eyes that looked honest above all else. His now lopsided ponytail fluttered in the wind, and he blinked a few times before sitting up properly. She was taken aback as he got to his feet, and almost grabbed his ankle to stop him leaving. A wave of hot embarrassment flooded her cheeks and she quickly turned back to the lake, biting down on her lip to stop herself being pathetic and asking that he stay.

Above the water, and the trees on its border, the moon sat high and mighty, casting a glorious glow across everything. The way the light bounced off the lake was stunning; she could’ve looked at it forever. But somehow she found herself wanting to turn back to him and look at him once more, yearning to see him under a more artificial light where the finer details of his face weren’t obscured by darkness.

It felt wrong being drawn to him. She felt stupid for being drawn in by the arrogance and mind games he undoubtedly played, and it wasn’t often she felt this much of an idiot. The bottle of wine in her system must’ve played its part in all of this, but despite that she was kind of enjoying the feeling of giddiness rippling through her stomach. For whatever reason, she was as excited as she was irked by the image of his smirk forcing its way to the forefront of her mind when she blinked; she wanted to hear him speak just to hear his voice, even though she knew every word would rile her up again.

Nothing was as easy as turning and telling him not to go, however, and Temari let her shoulders fall as his footsteps sounded beside her.

“Heads up!”

Temari turned to find fabric colliding with her face at full pelt, and grumbled through her giggles as she felt a button whip her forehead. She peeled the garment from her head, mindless of the mess it made of her hair, and pursed her lips into a smile.

His jacket.

When she looked over he’d moved a few metres away, seemingly to redirect his smoke away from her, and saluted when she caught his eye. “Just making the most of this whole other acre you mentioned,” he smirked.

Shaking her head at him, she slung his jacket over her shoulders. Maybe he isn’t that awful, she thought. She grabbed another stone to skip in order to ignore the butterflies building in her stomach.

“Temari,” she smiled. “My name’s Temari.”

[lesya-writes]

ch.3 excerpt

“So how goes it with your new manservant?” Morgana asked casually. A casual Morgana is always a lie, a necessary front when fishing for gossip and rumor. He considered, for a moment, to tell her some pretty lie, but there would be no point. Morgana always knew what she needed to know; after all, she always got what she wanted.

“He wishes for me to fire him.”

“Did he tell you that?” she asked, voice curious and perhaps a tad surprised.

“In all manner but verbal.”

“Then fire him,” she replied obviously, looking upon Arthur as though he were slow. But then, she almost always looks at him that way.

“I can’t. You know I can’t, not if I don’t want to cause offense. My father chose him and he gave him the position for saving my life. Firing him would seem to everyone, including the King, that I do not care for my own life and do not respect my King.”

Of course, there was also the matter of keeping careful watch over Merlin. But Morgana didn’t need to know that. She would never know that, if he could help it.

She rolled her eyes.

“You aren’t just some ordinary lord. You’re crown prince! You can choose who serves you without causing offense. I’m sure Uther wouldn’t care much if you fire the boy; he probably doesn’t even remember he exists. He’s served you a few weeks now, I’m sure that’s enough to satisfy his gratitude.”

Arthur stared at her, trying to piece this all together. Morgana was usually nice to Merlin and spoke to him as she did to her maidservant. So why was she so callous now? Maybe she sees he doesn’t like to serve me and wishes to free him. Perhaps the cruelty is a secret act of kindness. Morgana is known for her compassion. But Arthur sees her in private and knows she is as cunning as she is kind.

“You only say that because you want him to be your servant.”

“Maybe I do. What of it?”

“Why would you want that?”

“Merlin is my friend. And he is Gwen’s friend. In fact, we all get along quite well. I believe he’ll do much better with me than with you.”

“Is that so.”

“Yes. Besides, he’s a breath of fresh air in these stuffy old halls. He’s always full of good humor and he lacks cruelty.” Well, he’s full of something alright, but it isn’t ‘good humor’. “Why wouldn’t I want a servant like that?”

“Because he’s rude?”

“Hm. Strange. He’s never been rude to me. Perhaps it is you that is the issue.” Morgana gave him a small and very genuine smile, then quickly left. Not too quickly to be seen as running, of course. No, Morgana did not run. She flowed with the tide of the court, melding with the comings and goings of the nobles and knights, then finally joining some group of ladies to gossip.

Always the last word.

For all that he knew how Morgana worked, he couldn’t help but think of her words. They were like berries, sometimes sweet and sometimes poison. Yet, their whole childhood spent together was not enough to inoculate him. He thought about her mild criticism till the next day when he was, once again, greeted by Merlin.

For once in his life, the boy was not late.

He arrived with his morning meal and after Arthur was dressed and fed, he put on Arthur’s mail and armor.

Arthur refused to be impressed with Merlin managing to put on all his armor correctly, but for a peasant boy who had about two days to prepare, it wasn’t bad.

Still, he said nothing and walked out, Merlin trailing after him. Down at the tourney, he had his own tent set up, just like the rest of the competing knights. Since he wasn’t up first, he went there first in the hopes of unwinding a bit, but knowing it was all for naught.

Arthur could never relax, not until he was finally fighting and not thinking.

Merlin buzzed around, bringing water and some meats and cheeses and fruit.

Arthur did not eat.

That didn’t stop Merlin from taking liberties, however. He would’ve admonished Merlin, but he did not wish to speak at the moment.

“So I noticed something,” Merlin said, breaking the silence.

Arthur closed his eyes and did not groan, but he did heave a terribly deep sigh. He opened his eyes and looked to Merlin, who was standing near the table, fingers plucking a grape off a vine.

“Some of the knights, they have a little bit of…cloth. Around their arms? I was wondering what they were.”

“They’re favors.”

“Favors. What’s that?”

Arthur heaved another deep sigh.

“If you must know, they were tokens of affection, given to knights by noble ladies. They’re for good luck.”

“I see. And have you got one? A favor?” he asked, popping a grape into his mouth and chewing obnoxiously.

Arthur stilled, staring straight ahead. It was amazing how aggravating Merlin could be without even trying.

“No, Merlin. I haven’t got one.”

“Oh? I suppose it’s no surprise there.”

“And just what is that supposed to mean?”

“Just that, you know, you’re an insufferable cabbagehead. Who’d want to give you a favor?”

“Plenty of noble ladies would give me one! I’m the prince!”

“Then why haven’t you got one?” he asked, popping yet another grape into his mouth.

“Well. That’s because,” he paused, fumbling for an explanation. “I do not take favors.”

“Why not?”

“I do not need them. I don’t need some charm to help me win. Besides, I’m the prince. Showing favoritism can be bad for court and also give the wrong impression.”

“And by ‘wrong impression’ you mean ‘marriage prospects’.”

Arthur cringed but nodded.

Merlin ate the last of his grapes, stuffing them all into his mouth rather gracelessly. Arthur made a face, but said nothing as it was a pointless endeavor to admonish Merlin.

The boy then put his hands behind his neck and unfastened the neckerchief. He tugged it off and held it out. Arthur stared at it, then back at Merlin.

“Well? Take it!” he said, though it sounded more like, “Weh? Tae ih.”

“Why would I do that? Are you offering it to wipe the sweat off my brow? How considerate!” He went to take it, but Merlin swiped his hand away.

“Merlin. Are you giving it to me or not?”

“I am not giving this to you so you can wipe your sweaty mug all over it!” he sputtered out, his words coming out clear now that his mouth was free of grape. Arthur scoffed at such rude and inaccurate portrayal of his royal visage, but Merlin continued, “I’m giving you a favor.”

“That. Is a favor.”

“Yep!”

“Merlin, I don’t know if you recall, but we just had a discussion about why I cannot take a favor literally a few seconds ago.”

“Oh come on, no one will know who it’s from. Everyone will claim it’s theirs and therefore it will be no one’s.”

“Alright,” Arthur said, because it was a fine point.

However.

“Still, there’s something you’re missing.”

“Which is?”

“A dress and a status of nobility. Seeing as you’re neither a lady nor noble, I do not see how I can accept.”

“But no one will know! That’s the point!”

“Ah! But that is where you are mistaken; I will know.”

Merlin rolled his eyes.

“So? What does it matter where it comes from? It’s only meant to be a token anyway.”

“A token of affection. I didn’t realize you had such passions for your prince, Merlin.”

The boy spluttered.

“I do not – I don’t mean it in that way. Think if it as a token of friendship? No, that’s wrong. Maybe a platonic token of good luck from a servant to his prince.”

Arthur raised a brow.

“We are breaking some significant rules of etiquette here.”

Merlin sniffed uncaringly. “So?”

Arthur turned away before his smirk could be seen. For all that Merlin’s insolence annoyed him, his disregard for rules was refreshing. And a bit fun, too.

“Look, do you want it or not? It’s red, even. Matches.”

Arthur made a show of it, the terrible tragedy of succumbing to his manservant’s idiocy, but Merlin didn’t seem to pay much mind.

“You’ll have to put it on me. Can’t tie it with one hand.”

Merlin stepped closer as Arthur held his arm out. He took the neckerchief and folded it a bit so it was a thin strip. Then he put it around Arthur’s armored arm and neatly tied it together on the side.

Arthur watched his long nimble fingers work, at odds with his usual clumsy self. Then his eyes went higher, studying Merlin’s profile up close.

His lashes were quite long and his eyes were a grey blue. His lips were red and Arthur had to wonder how it is he made them look like that. Surely, it couldn’t be natural –

“Done.”

Arthur blinked a few times, then turned his head away quickly, trying perhaps in vain to hide his unabashed staring.

It’s not my fault he looks like that! Besides, Arthur is the prince; he can do as he pleases, even if what he pleases is staring at Merlin.

So he glances at the favor tied at his arm, then looks to Merlin, who is now staring at Arthur. He raises a brow as if to ask, “Well?”

Arthur ignores him and walks toward the tent flap, ready to fight. He feels like there’s lightning in his body, rushing down his arms and legs and through his heart. He wants to dispel this strange energy.

When his name is finally called, he walks to the arena without a backward glance, pulling the helm over his face as the sun shines into his eyes.

The crowd roars and he smiles, raising his sword.

[crqstalite]

pt. 17, into the lion’s den, pt. 6 (mierrio & naji)

bleh this is so ugly and was supposed to be 4k words but i decided to leave kiv and tri for another chapter.

written: 9.26.19. word count: 2,546.

════ ⋆★⋆ ════ character song: grrrls, aviva

character file: mierrio revel, darth nox & naji iresso, barsen'thor of the jedi order

-

the cool but warm air of the alderaanian sunset is rather welcome, mierrio believes. the way her pale skin prickles as her dress brushes the flowers along the path is enough to let a small smile form on her lips. if she'd taken andronikos out here, they'd get lost among the patches and return early in the morning. just as storybook lovers would. she'd always wanted a home in the sprawling landscape of some lush planet, but the fury seemed to be her perpetual home for some reason. didn't keep her from dreaming of finally owning a real piece of property instead of the underbelly her cult kept in her name on nar shaddaa.

ah, dreams for another day when the empire finally crushed the republic under their metaphorical and physical boot. that would be a glorious day.

however, the person beside her isn't andronikos. it's a blonde sith lord who's collected a few flowers in between her delicate hands, stopping to pick up a few every couple of minutes. she's odd, definitely a bottom-of-the-basket sith. most would leave the flowers to look pretty among the immaculate bushes, but she stops even though the thorny bushes leave clear white scratch marks on her wrists and forearms. mankael is clearly still very young, her skin still shining and free of corruption. the only way to tell she was sith was the way her eyes glowed an unnatural yellow. even the way she carried herself across the dance floor with her soldier of an escort cried out that she was much stiffer than she should be. "mankael?" mierrio speaks up, as the aforementioned sith turned toward her in a nearly frantic motion, "have you ever been to sith court before?"

"i can not say i have, my lord." mankael responds, as she lowers her gaze from her to the bottom of her pitch black gown. it doesn't fit properly, the straps hanging much too tight and in turn, her meager breasts not receiving all the attention they could've. (sith lord or not, mierrio still had a good eye for fashion, and the men at court were looking rather nice this time around. mankael would be what they considered a snatch. especially because of her childish nature and willingness to follow.) "this is all new to me."

"you didn't attend the year prior?" she turns an eyebrow up, plucking her own blood red flower from the bushes. it prickles her fingertips as she considers threading it through her hair. why wouldn't she attend sith court? it was the best reason to get unnecessarily drunk and dress up. given not all women enjoyed that (most were bloodthirsty and would've rather enjoyed a good duel -she was sure there'd be one the wrath would participate in, later during the week- or fighting the killiks beyond thul's walls), but it still seemed odd. almost all sith packed in for a good couple of nights. her own apprentice excluded, but she had her own mission on balmorra (aka mierrio wanted to get rid of the insufferable girl for the next couple of days, and spend some well-earned time with her husband). why wouldn't a self-sufficient sith lord come? "why is that?"

mankael hesitates before responding, a solid minute between the question and answer. "it sounds silly, but i didn't wish to attend last year." she fiddles with the flowers stems, her hands visibly shaking now that she looks closer. her skin is a few shades darker than her own, as if she spends a lot of time in more natural sunlight. and maybe the fact she hasn't truly embraced the dark side as others have. "i had other priorities to attend to..."

mierrio makes a noise that she hopes is more accepting than guttaral. "who's apprentice were you? i haven't met your master yet, have i?"

"i was trained under master x'ire." she says quietly, picking more flowers out of the verdant green bushes. she's beginning to radiate much more nervous energy than is most likely required for this question (mierrio's rather proud of herself that she knows how to sense emotion now, she finally learned how to from now lord ezridivia; unwillingly, yes, but done well, absolutely), and that makes mierrio just a tad suspicious. why is she nervous to ask such a basic question? if she asked the same thing to the wrath, especially next to her husband (for some odd reason; the man was always following her around at gatherings with that look that said he didn't approve of her or her opinions. fuck him, he could think whatever he wanted to, he just had to remember his place), they'd both be offended.

"x'ire? the pale zabrak i met inside?" mankael nods as mierrio chuckles delicately, "what a pansy! a nervous man inside and out!" she was only partially sure of that, mostly because unlike the insufferable darth amarillis (quinn, she had the audacity to hyphen her name. either take the the man's last name or don't at all.), she did not have the ability to sense things like anxiety or even light and dark sided alignment yet. yet. zash had screwed her over by teaching her next to nothing, but she was a fast learner. or at least she liked to consider herself one. mierrio only called x'ire a pansy to see the girl's reaction. chaos and mayhem was what she enjoyed, and feeding off that energy was a wonderfully powerful feeling.

"my master is far from nervous, my lord. he's rather deadly, especially on the battlefield." her voice grows a bit louder as the wind plays with the hems of their skirts and her blonde hair goes flying around her shoulders.  she doesn't even seem a bit angry, looking away from her to the mountaintops dusted with white snow. "w-who was your master?" she asks as she shivers, though the warm gusts continue to blow around them.

"darth zash." mierrio grimaces just at the thought of the ancient woman, or spirit she figures. was zash even really female? it'd never been a question she asked, or even wondered before now. "i despised the hag, and now i have her rank and offices on dromound kaas."

"wow. it's a real dog eat dog world out here, huh?" mankael says wistfully. this wasn't at all what mierrio had expected. any real sith would've gone on a tangent about why their master was nothing to be laughed at, or even joke alongside her when she'd spoken about zash. no reaction from mankael, as if she wasn't even paying attention with the handful of flowers in her delicate hands.

"you speak as if you haven't experienced it yourself yet. i step over those i need to, to ascend to power i have to eat the other dogs." mierrio responds, standing firmly in front of the other woman (in her brand new heeled boots, she's taller than mankael is). looking the woman up and down and the other woman wrings her hands out in front of her in the meager bouquet, she's beginning to feel as if something is very, very wrong right now. why does she keep speaking as if she's acting sith, rather than speaking from experience? even trying to go through her memories of her time at the academy, she still doesn't remember mankael's blonde hair. where had she met her? was it important? (it probably wasn't, to be completely honest. but mierrio would've remembered most of the acolytes she'd come in with and we're trained around the same time as her. given she didn't remember the skinny, frail failure of a redhead that'd been in her group, but that was to be expected after so many years)

had she met her?

"ah, i stay firmly out of the politics of the council, is all." she quickly counters, putting up her hands in the universal please don't get any closer, i'm not making a personal attack on you gesture. her eyes continue wandering anywhere away from mierrio. "they don't fascinate me enough to really get involved." she cuts herself off, as if she's about to continue her sentence but chose at the last minute not too. "the sun's beginning to dip, we should really go inside, my lord." she hurriedly scrunches up her fist to fit all the flowers within it, and quickly steps back. her shivering is getting stronger, even though the sun beams down on them from where it's beginning to rest beneath the mountains. it's not cold, and it's not atypically warm for alderaan either. chances are, this sith wasn't from tatooine.

the lack of corruption makes sense now too. the lack of scars on her face and the childish presence she felt lining the girl's entire aura. narrowing her eyes, she adjusts one of the straps on her dress and wonders if the others noticed as well. there isn't any real mark for any sort of faker to be without, but is this a spy for thul? no, she wouldn't be force sensitive then. but if...

it hits her as she sees her walking away, the black fabric billowing in the wind around her feet. not only is there already a lord o'vare that she knows (and killed years prior; the women was banking on usurping her from her chair on the council. she and khem quickly dealt with her when she came for her and using her as an example, no one else has attempted it again), but also that this woman she'd seen before. a lack of scars and babyish face contorted into one of anger and hate was what she'd seen on the....the..the word alluded her at the moment. but clearly, this woman was not a sith. she wasn't, and mierrio had left herself vulnerable at her expense.

lightning crackled from her fingertips as she shoots a volt of magenta lightning at the girl. not enough to shock her entire system and leave her paralyzed, but enough to at least leave her shaking. it hits her target, and she stops, a shriek erupting from the woman as her limbs shiver at odd angles, mierrio growing ever closer. her hair stands up on end before she stops, the girl clearly breathing hard had dropped all her flowers around her as she tentatively turns her head over her left shoulder, her eyes wide. "m-my lord?" she questions, innocent as if she hasn't just attempted to trick a darth on the council.

"the game is over, barsen'thor." mierrio responds, finally the title graces her mind as the girl's eyes widen at the realization darth nox has just made about her. mierrio's face breaks into a dark grin as the other falls back on the ground, scurrying backwards as lightning crackles in between her finger tips. "i was told about you, you know. before our little...say scuffle on taris. you remember your good friend, darth nox? you remember me, don't you iresso?" she probably looks as intimidating as she believes she does, in heeled boots and the lavender tulle dress trailing behind her. the sun is truly beginning to set, and the cold will set in soon. "should i leave you for the cold to claim? or should i end you here and now?"

now she's shaking for a reason completely outside of the lightning that's probably still flowing through her system. fear. oh mierrio loved instilling fear in those she trapped, and naji was no different. fear radiated off her in waves, and it only made mierrio chuckle behind a pale, manicured hand. she'd called her master a pansy, but the way the woman quaked, she figured she was more coward than her master was. it was funny, the jedi had named this poor excuse of a master to be their warden.

she'd been told extensively about the barsen'thor of the order before her excursion to taris, a trip only made to undermine her mission there and eliminate her completely if it was possible (mierrio herself despised the trip to the rakghoul infested planet, but as always, andronikos found a way to entertain her while they were there; her top was apparently on backwards when they returned, as talos so skillfully pointed out). full name being naji iresso, married to a certain lieutenant felix iresso (it'd taken her too long to figure irex fess was the same man) and traveling with the current jedi battlemaster, master kiveqil delux. sadly for naji (a horrid name choice. who would name a child that?), the sith weren't always in the dark about their opponents.

a burn is beginning to form on her right forearm and is beginning to show around her neck where she must've accidentally aimed for when she had her back towards her. mierrio, obviously doesn't feel too bad about it. her dress' strap is beginning to fall as she crunches into herself, her amber eyes unable to focus properly. "ah, my darling iresso. what to do, what to do?" she pauses, pacing around the jedi girl, "do what you did to my husband when we met last? do what you attempted to do to me? you got here rather easily, those aren't your real eyes. that isn't your accent or name either. so what is your real purpose here?" mierrio asks, just barely lifting her skirt to pull out her double-bladed saber hilt from where it rested on the inside of her calf. naji looks absolutely terrified, her blonde curls messily falling around her shoulders as she bumps into the wall behind her. mierrio has blocked her in from running much further away from her. the imposter had been found out. "who are you here for, naji?"

she doesn't respond, in fact she instead stands so quickly and bolts back towards the thul palace before mierrio is even aware of what's happened. she'd dashed away with a certain ability she must've learned while with the order. mierrio smirks, sith hadn't gone without learning certain movement based abilities either. igniting her saber as she runs, she eventually turns a corner that leads with the flowers she's dropping as she runs, and the flimsy shoes she'd been wearing are thrown off in a corner when she eventually reaches the balcony where'd they'd begun their walk through the garden at, slowing the extremely fast ability she'd just used. breathing hard, she can't even find through the dark attire where the woman had gone in the crowd.

"nox. stop acting like a child and running about." the wrath is infuriatingly reminding her off as mierrio disignites her weapon. the captain is still on her arm, as they both stand near the balcony, presumably disgustingly enjoying the sunset together (the wrath is prude, even mierrio knows that. and, she also happens to know the captain is years upon years older than her. fascinating blackmail for another time.) "whatever it is, it can't be serious."

"stay out of my way, wrath." mierrio growls, shoving it down her dress' front for the time being and also wading into the crowd. if she can catch up, she can dispose of the lost time with an execution for the sith populace.

she would not let her get away, not without an explanation. or her head on a platter. that worked always.

[shirewalker]

If you’re writing things for those royal AU prompts could you pretty please do Nikolina - “i grew up not knowing i was royal and now i guess i’m heir to a throne and you’re the guy who’s supposed to be teaching me how to be royal bc i suck at it and oops we made out” ✨

Sorry it took so long, but it is finally done and ready for posting :D

Rated T for expected making out sesh. (also on ao3)

“Again.” He said, a bit tired after three hours of trying to get theprincess to recite the Constitution’s first three and most important points. Sofar she wasn’t doing terribly, except when she’d say it right three times andthen wrong five times. By this rate she’d be thirty before she would be able toglare to cinders anyone that dared to pass a stupid law in council.

“I got it right five times already. Can’t we take a break?” She groanedfrom her sofa, her petite frame lost somewhere within the layers and layers ofher pale golden dress.

He walked up to the music player, “All right, princess, I guess fortoday it is enough of Constitution.” He hit play and a soft, jazzy song filledthe room, “Now, etiquette rules. You know the drill, all of them.”

She groaned again, “Really?”

Amusement tugged at his lips, “Alina, love, you have to be ready beforethe Winter Solstice or the council and all the old white men in it will run youinto the ground.”

Her head snapped up and fire burned in her eyes, “Don’t call me love,Nikolai.”

The smirk he flashed had her insides flipping like acrobats, “All right,princess. What should I call you then?”

She sat up, back straight, head poised, hands on her lap. Just like he’dtaught her, “Princess is fine. Alina is fine as well, as long as it’s behindclosed doors.” His eyes sparked with a private joke and her cheeks heated up,“And all those royal titles you keep calling me.”

He arched a brow, “Your highness?”

“Yes.”

“Etiquette?”

For a moment she was lost, why was he calling her ‘etiquette’? But thenher brain kick-started and she groaned again. Saints damn the man, all he hadto do was smile a little longer at her and she would lose grip on her carefullygroomed self-control. Why did he have to be her coach? Why this insufferableexemplar of a man? Just because he was the only one close to her age in a widepool of royals in Ravka? It wasn’t because of his lineage, the Lantsovs had longlost any right to the throne, all thanks to some Vasily losing everything insome stupid situation of… Oh what was the point? She couldn’t even rememberimportant points in Ravka’s history! Still, the point remained. Why was Nikolaiher coach and not some old lady? It would be so much easier.

Because the truth that she would never admit out loud was that NikolaiLantsov happened to be the biggest distraction in the room. And she could neverconcentrate properly when he was around. Which was always.

Why? Because he was an insufferable git. Obviously.

He raised both brows, “So…?”

“What? Oh. Right.” And again she’d lost track of things… “Can’t we dosomething else? Something less theoretical?” Maybe go for a run. Or ride thehorse. Not that she enjoyed it that much, but it would be preferable overtrying to recite rules of etiquette when her mind was already too tired. Anddistracted. Saints damn her, there it was, that smirk again! Wait… Somethingsank in her stomach. This was the mischievous smirk. The one that had gottenher in that big, poofy dress the first time. The same that had gotten her introuble with Baghra.

“All right, princess. I guess we could do something more… practical.” Heturned to the music player again and chose another track.

Oh.

No.

He offered a hand, “Waltz?”

She cursed herself. Why couldn’t she accept her fate and stick toetiquette? Whatever, what’s done is done. Resigned, Alina walked to him andtook his hand, willing her body to not tremble, nor sweat, nor blush duringthis dance. She really didn’t need that. Nikolai would never let that go. Hemight even do more things just to get her all worked up.

Nikolai pulled her in, his other hand settling on her waist. A gaspescaped her self-control, surprised as she was with the soft touch. His eyesshined but silence remained. And then, finally, the dance started. One, two,three. One, two, three. So far so good. Alina hadn’t stepped on him, neitherhad she blushed too hard. And Nikolai was quiet, which meant death threats werekept on a low number today.

One, two, th—

Nikolai hissed as Alina missed a beat and stepped forward too late.Despite the stumble, Nikolai continued dancing, shaking softly his head, achuckle on his lips, “Something distracting you today Alina?”

She looked away, “What? No. Why?”

“Well,” his voice was laced with humour, “You never step on me thisearly in the waltz. Always after ten steps. Today it was a lot earlier.Something must be occupying your mind.” He turned her outwards, her skirtsrustling with the movement, “Do share.” Following the momentum of the step,Alina twisted back into his arms.

She really shouldn’t have, but the second she was back in place, hereyes locked on Nikolai’s. Those beautiful, hazel eyes that always seemed tohave a playful spark ready to ignite. Today they looked particularly golden,the brown overtaking those specks of green that always had her thinking ofemeralds. She’d always thought blue eyes were the best ones, but that was untilshe’d seen Nikolai’s. No blue eye could ever compare. No! She shouldn’t bethinking this. She really, really shouldn’t. She had to look away. Now!

Reluctantly she looked away, however, her gaze didn’t stray far, fallingeasily on his lips. Oh saints. She’d never been this close to his lips beforeand something she would never admit to anyone ever came to her mind. Those werethe most perfect and lush lips she’d ever seen. The slope of his lower lip, thedip of his cupid’s bow, the perfect and soft texture… Her own had never beenlike that, always on the verge of cracking. Nikolai, Nikolai had perfect lips.Before she could stop herself, her mind was already wondering what it would belike to kiss those lips.

Wait, was he… was he getting closer?

She blinked. No. She was the one. No… They were both leaning in.

Her heart let out a startled ‘oh’ as their lips met. The pressure of hislips soft, tentative. Her eyes fluttered closed and she placed her hands on hisshoulders, holding herself up as her body threatened to melt to nothing. Then…Then the kiss changed. The pressure changed and suddenly his lips were moving,goading her own, luring her deeper into it the kiss. His arm circled her waistand pulled her closer, until there was nothing left between the two of them. Ahand cupped her nape and Alina buried her hands deep into Nikolai’s hair, thegolden locks thick and silky between her fingers.

Stars, she was starting to see stars. And saints help her, this waseverything. As Nikolai’s teasing tongue deepened the kiss, Alina couldn’t helpthe soft and delighted moans that formed in her throat and poured intoNikolai’s mouth. Her knees were butter, melting away as she let herself getlost in this kiss. She’d been kissed before, of course she had. After all,she’d had a normal life until she’d turned eighteen. But this? Oh saints, thoseother kisses were nothing compared to this. The way her body seemed to be onfire in all the places Nikolai was touching her, the way he leaned her backever so slightly, as lost in the kiss as he was, the way his lips moved againsthers. Saints, her heart couldn’t handle it all. It would explode from all theexcitement, surely.

Footsteps sounded outside the door.

She snapped her eyes open, her lips still busy in another world. Duringthe split second before she broke the kiss, Alina had the chance to see the wayNikolai scrunched his eyebrows in the heat of the moment. It was… quite asight. But soon the moment was gone, the footsteps now loud enough that even focused-on-the-kissNikolai heard them.

Where there had been nothing between them a second earlier, now theystood three paces away from each other, their breathing erratic, their cheeksflushed. Nikolai barely had time to comb his hair back into place before therewas a soft knock and a maid entered the room.

The maid was startled to see two pairs of eyes staring at her, “Oh!” Shequickly covered her surprise with a bow, “Apologies, Your Highness. But I havea message from your Tailor.”

“Oh? What is it? And please, you don’t have to address me like that.”

“Of course, princess.” She cleared her throat, “The Royal Tailor hascalled to announce there has been a change in plans. Her plans for the day havebeen delayed a bit, so she won’t be here until sometime in the middle of theafternoon. She also said she would call in advance to confirm youravailability.”

Somehow, Alina didn’t think her Tailor had spoken like that. Genya wasone of the few people that still talked with Alina like a normal person. Shewas certain her friend had said something among the lines of being late andonly having time in the afternoon. But she couldn’t blame the maid for wantingto do her job well. With as much graciousness as her rushing heart allowed her,Alina nodded and dismissed the maid with a heartfelt thank you.

The distancing footsteps echoed in her head and within the chambers ofher heart, that damned thing still beating hard as she stood there frozen.

Not a moment and a blink later, Nikolai stood in front of her again. Shelooked up and saw his eyes searching her face, looking for something. He put upa tentative hand and slowly brushed his knuckles on her cheek, the touch solight that Alina wondered if she was imagining it. The need to lean into histouch was irresistible. But this was Nikolai, the insufferable git that droveher mad with his witty remarks and his ill-timed smirks and that lazy pace ofhis and oh, that gaudy teal coat he always wore everywhere.

“I want to kiss you…” it was a breathy confession, Nikolai still at aloss for air as he’d been a minute ago. It made her heart flutter inside herchest and do all sorts of crazy acrobatics. Again.

Her lips twitched, “You already have…”

That smirk of his found its way back to his lips and oh, who was Alinakidding? Nikolai was insufferable, but he was certainly the only one that madeher feel the way she did when they were together. Any and all worries flew outthe window and everything seemed so much easier to handle. All with Nikolaishowing up for the day.

He leaned in, his hand moving back to her nape. “I want to kiss you…again…”

Oh. In that case… Standing on her tip toes, Alina grabbed his lapels andpulled him in for a kiss. Unlike the first one that started slow, this one washungry from the start. Perhaps this was what happened when one bottled down alot of feelings for their royal coach. Nikolai dived into the kiss just as eagerlyas Alina, blindly directing the two in the general direction of a loveseat thatwas somewhere by the garden windows. She vaguely thought about the exposure ofsuch location, but Nikolai’s lips and hands and oh, saints, was that a groan?Saints damn her, what was she thinking about just now? Probably nothingimportant, if she’d forgotten all about it with just that sound.

Finding out she was the crown princess of Ravka didn’t seem like such ahorrible situation now. After all, it had led her to a loveseat and a very,very incredible make out session with her insufferable royal coach.