#yes I wrote a whole text about kuro

[rabbitcyclops]

Kuro. (2018, XXX). Special Grade Curses.Tokyo Jujutsu High Special Guide

what name do you think the sorcerers would call Kuro by? They call Mahito "patchface" so I wounder if they have similar code names for the rest of them

[asena-graywolf]

Click here for previous part

Italic texts mean “sign language” dialogs and “texting”

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Unfaithful II

Kuro had practiced quite a bit in sign language in front of the mirror for his speech to you.

She had worked long and hard on how to express that she had finished the song she had prepared for your duet, and that she would always like to sing with you from now on.

The lyrics he made up for the song were actually describing his love for you. Even though you may never hear this song, he wanted more than anything to sing it for you.

Chaine-des-coeurs… you were expressing your feelings that you could not express by speaking to Kuro at that moment, by playing that song with your guitar.

That song you never heard while playing, every time you touched your strings, you had your love for Kuro. You were touching the strings of your guitar as if you were touching Kuro's heart.

You were so excited to spend time after school tomorrow. There was also a music lesson tomorrow. You could also talk about a duet with Kuro.

Kuro volleyball team brought the subject to you while texting in Whatsapp group

"Guys, don't you think we need a manager?"

Yamamoto was the first to answer this question.

“If you're going to bring up that deaf girl again, don't even go there. That girl is just trouble for us. Lemme tell you"

“Y/n may be deaf, we may have difficulty communicating with her, but do you think the whole problem is communicating? She is a good girl and I think she will help us a lot.

I gonna talk with Nekomata coach for this”

“I don't think the coach would take kindly to this situation. We don't have any issues with y/n, we would like to have a manager, but…sorry but Yamamoto is right Kuro,” replied Yaku

“Even though, i gonna talk with him. Let Nekomata coach and y/n decide for the best”

Kuro knew you could be a good manager and wouldn't see your hearing impairment as an obstacle. He believed in you and had full confidence in you

The next day, in music class, you saw Kuro talking to the teacher while you continued to play your guitar in a corner. When he came back to you, you asked him what he was talking to the teacher in sign language.

Kuro replied to you by writing on a piece of paper

I talked to you about the duet we wanted to do. We can give a little concert together. It would be a great activity for other students in the school as well. I want everyone to see your skill

You took out your notebook and wrote the answer to him.

Really? Oh Kuro-kun! You are so sweet. So what did the teacher say?

He wrote it back and showed you

The teacher also supports us. He will set the day for us and let us know. He asked us to find a few songs to sing. Let's work hard together for our concert y/n-chan. I'm sure we will do a great job

You replied by writing it back in your notebook

I believe we can succeed. Did you finish the lyrics of the song?

He showed you the answer he wrote

Yes. It's a special cut for us. I think we should play it as the final cut. We'll meet at the exit. i show you

You wrote your answer on paper

I wonder what you have wrotten.

I'm excited already. Also do you know? My doctor hearing aid. He said I can use it. My father also ordered the best device from abroad. Coming soon and I can hear you lip-reading

Kuro was overjoyed at this news. The possibility that you could hear him, even as a hum, excited him.

You both met after school. Kuro bought you your favorite strawberry sandwich from the grocery store. After getting yourself a snack with two drinks, you went to a place where you can talk comfortably. A place that can be considered a rural area was suitable for you

You started eating the snacks you bought at the grocery store. You thanked him for getting it in sign language.

After eating your meal, Kuro came to the issue he wanted to talk about. He took the piece of paper with the lyrics he finished from his bag and handed it to you.

Look at it. How many nights did I spend on this? How do you think it happened? he said to you in sign language

You studied the words and even though you understood what he really wanted to tell you, you still wanted to hear it clearly from him.

Words…I can't believe it. You wrote it perfectly, Kuro-kun. You're almost like a songwriter

So who made me a songwriter? Or rather, my inspiration?

The gestures he made with his hands while talking to you had changed the rhythm of his heart. Your heart almost stopped with excitement. Your palms were starting to sweat. You felt your face flushing hot.

Why?

My feelings for you are written in that song y/n. I've wanted to tell you for a long time. I thought day and night about how I can express this to you in the most correct way. I finally gathered my courage. i love you y/n

Kuro's sign language rehearsals in front of the mirror had worked. You couldn't remember ever being this happy in your life. While your heart was beating and the feeling of happiness was rushing to all your veins, you couldn't stop a few drops of tears flowing from your eyes.

Kuro's face suddenly changed when he saw you cry

What happened? Why are you crying? Did I say something wrong?

Ever since you were little, you hadn't dared to open your mouth and say a word. Because whenever you talked, you could see people laughing at you. You thought the way he spoke sounded strange to them because he couldn't hear his own voice. Since then, instead of speaking, you have decided to express yourself either in sign language or by writing in a notebook.

"No…! I love you too"

Hearing his voice for the first time, Kuro froze as if he had seen a ghost. But the fact that you said it out loud to him made him fall in love with you even more. Because you showed the courage that every deaf person could not show.

I can't believe y/n! You spoke

You're back in sign language

I guess people find it awkward when I talk. Whenever I spoke they would laugh at me. But because I thought you wouldn't judge me, I wanted to say it out loud.

Kuro took your hand, your fingers intertwined with his. He brought his hand to his lips and placed a kiss on it.

Then you took out the notebook. You were too lazy to express what you were about to say in sign language.

My mother took me to the doctor when I was 5 months old. Worried about the abnormally insensitive formation. So much so that I did not respond to any sound. The doctor did a few tests on me and unfortunately that's when they learned the bitter truth. I had permanent hearing loss due to the medication given to me when I was born. That's how I accepted myself and I'm happy with my life. Being deaf is part of who I am. Although it was difficult, I managed to make peace with him. I have never rebelled. I guess now I'm rewarded for making peace with myself. Because now i have you

Kuro turned the page of your notebook. He gently took the pen from her hand and wrote down his answer.

I will be your ear. I will hear everything you cannot hear, every sound. I will listen to all the songs for you. I'll sing the songs you can't sing, I'll sing the lyrics you can't hear. Now you can hear

You were very impressed with your words. You hugged him tight. You rested your head on his chest. Kuro was stunned for a moment, but he wrapped his arms around you tightly. He put his chin on your head. When you felt his warm breath on the top of your head, you knew you were inhaling the scent of your hair. And you inhaled her scent down his neck. It smelled of fresh mint.

You stayed like that for a while. Later, Kuro talked about being a manager for the volleyball team.

The volleyball team needs a manager. And I thought you might be the best fit. We asked many people but no one cared. I will also talk to the coach. If it's okay with you, come be our manager.

But Kuro…I am not a manager to you, but a hindrance. How good can a deaf manager be?

You don't need to understand or hear us. I'll teach you what to do. I think you can learn in a short time. After the training, we will rehearse our songs together with you. What about?

I dunno…

You think. I'll talk to the coach about it tomorrow. i will let you know

But what if I'm ridiculed of your teammates? What if they make fun of me

If they do something like that, i would mess them up. Okay? don't worry.

Alright. Lemme think then

After having your first moments as lovers, Kuro dropped you off at home. He kissed your forehead and nose as he said goodbye to you.

He waited at the door until she saw him enter the house, and then he with a big grin, walked towards the house.

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It will be continue Part 3

[mythykl]

UNSPOKEN,, *todoroki x (f) reader

Genre : fanfic, smut *aged up* (shoto is imagined to be 21yo or something,, and reader as 19yo)

rating : explicit, NSFW, 17+

Warning : fingering, oral?? todo is pretty horny overall. starts w a pretty intense bg story, so you gotta read through all that to get to the good stuff. cool.

words?? idk, it��s pretty lengthy tho.

our todoboi is a pretty lovin’ bf in here.

————————-

“I’m really sorry for yesterday, Y/N. I-I did’n-”

You clench your fists as you sit on the couch beside him, and interrupt, “Whatever it is- save it, I don’t blame you to begin with. I-I’m just mad. I’d spent almost a week for that chapter, to give justice and bring perfection in what I wanted to put across to the readers. Well- its not even about the time; I had thought through it so much, and atlas thought of typing it out yesterday- I mean- whatever crap that I had even written, I was proud of that- until,, your ignorant ass decided to show up in the room and fuckin’ switched off the computer assuming it’s already logged off, o-or whatever. You could’ve at-at least- fuck-” yup ya ass is livin’ in the worst nightmare of a writer, stay steady

You of course cried, and even threw a tantrum for an hour or so once you realized what had happened. But primarily, you were just mad- mad at yourself for not saving that damn file, and even at him cuz ofc. 

Todoroki certainly didn’t take it well, since he is sad at present, and can’t even look in your eyes. He apologized multiple times since last night and had even prepared a breakfast for you before leaving for work; on the other hand, you haven’t even answered to his appeals yet with clarity.

Out of the blue you just cup his cheeks, making him instantly look up- at you, and then get up with an audible sigh, “Go get ready, I’ll prepare our dinner by then.” That gesture somehow took him aback. 

He gets up instantly and blurts out in confusion, “I d-didn’t expect you to prepare a dinner for me, and on top of it- wait for me so we can have it together. You should’ve ate already, it’s almost midnight.”

You turn back to him, walking towards him to hold his hands, "I honestly don’t know what to reply. My heart- just thought it is the right thing to do that; one mistake isn’t enough to just hate you all of a sudden, Shoto. Moreover we are talking about this, it’s not like you’re being arrogant or things are left unsaid- and you’re genuinely sorry. I can see that in your eyes. I’m just- I don’t know. I’m depressed a bit- yes, but it can’t be helped now. I need some time to think, maybe.” 

Little did you know that your kind words pricked him like thousands of tiny needles against his skin. He loves you, and however seemingly ‘small’ mistake this might be, he hates himself for hurting you- the person he loves so dearly. He thinks of his mother, his complicated family life- which had made him seemingly unemotional. You were one of the people to break through that forged cold wall. He had finally accepted you as his reality than his mere escapism and live with you, but here he is- bringing tears and fueling anger in you, like a good for nothing- just like his father.

After a slight pause, he just busts his arms open and pull you close to him, in his warm embrace, “What did I possibly do to deserve such an angel?” He almost whispers in his beautiful voice.

An angel? 

“So talented, pretty, wonderful, real and warm. Remember. I love you. No matter what. I always will. And I respect you- your passion, interests, talent, likes and dislikes, freedom, strengths-weakness, your work, happiness- everything. Throw all the tantrums you want and cry all you want- more than just agreeing and being there for you- I’ll always make sure I understand you first. I’m sorry for being so ignorant lately.”

It may seem as if he’s crying, but he’s not. He said all that with a tough stance and gratefulness in his tone, a faint disbelief of having you as his significant other. While you just stood there, in surprise. You aren’t oblivious to his past and his journey through it. Is he blaming himself? or Is he again thinking that he doesn’t deserve happiness?- you’re at the loss of words and a mind fumbling all over the place. You simply subside the chaos, and hug him back. 

“We’re definitely working, Todoroki. Understanding each other more than just being in love- something that many fail to do. Isn’t this great?” You at last blurt out.

“Yes. I guess,” he says as he detaches himself from you, “I’ll be right back- until then, read what I’ll send you as you have dinner. Gonna sound stupid of me- but I already had dinner at office. I assumed that you’d not prepare a meal for me and- would be asleep by now as well.”

“Wow icyhot, I’m mad at you even more now,” you say playfully as you walk towards the kitchen.

“I-”

“Save it. You would be saying that for the millionth time now,” you chuckle as you grab your phone, lying on the dinner table.

Before serving your food, you decide to see the text, only to find an attachment with a rather strange message- ‘Hey, here’s an headcanon for chapter 37, that I wrote. Enjoy.’

Wait-

Headcanon??

Wait did he- read your wattpad book? And moreover, came up with a theory to what might happen in the ne- next chapter.

Nice. jk. Ofc you lost your shit

For the sake of getting back to senses, you legit do the deep breathing shit- which your therapist always recommended you to do.

Now what?

You serve yourself some noodles instantly, since you don’t feel hungry anymore, rush to the dining table and start chomping on the cold noodles as you open the attachment.

What made you almost throw up was that the mention of word counts. Which is 3k by the way, though no where near how much you usually write.

Shoto is definitely not the kinda guy to have read any wattpad books, or more specifically even have come across the word 'headcanon’.

He probably noticed how you mention it as well at the end, but decided to put it in the beginning,, for god knows what reason?? Or, he did decide to go through the fanons- which your readers’ posts on tumblr. This eases your nervousness, you clearly urge for more.

You swipe down, reading furiously fast, yet scanning every word and sentence- atleast twice. The chapter, honestly, was mediocre. He had ideas but couldn’t put them across- with excessive repetition of words, but he is almost close to-

“Honey, are you done?” Todoroki’s voice almost scares you. You look at your bowl ready to grab another bite- but you had already finished the meal.

“Earth to Y/N. Don’t tell me my words were that mesmerizing,” he says with a smile as he rubs his hair with a towel.

“Let’s be honest, though you don’t have the talent of a writer, your idea was- kinda similar to mine. What I’m sayin is that you almost. GOT. IT. RIGHT. Well, kuro did spy on KAORI’S house that unfaithful night, and he didn’t have any sources as such, which does mean that he is hiding his real quirk- but, no- I’m not telling you more than that.”

“Since you already know that I read all your chapters, and did like the book- I certainly can’t wait to understand why KURO would possibly do that.”

You just smirk off his curiosity; “You gotta wait boy,” you say as you as you walk back to kitchen counter with your bowl. Todoroki marches behind you to grab the cleaning cloth to clean the table, as you do the dishes.

“Put that towel in the washing machine, please.”

“Yup,” you almost feel an ounce of happiness in his reply. After he closes the machine’s door, you at last ask, "So what are your thoughts?“ It has never been one of you expectations for the people to you read your books or even, praise you for writing, but a review wouldn’t hurt, would it?

"Uhh- well, I love how everything is now just coming together, as one can foreshadow that the book’s gonna end. The use of words was elegant, and the plot is bewitching. Has been a while since I even read anything in thriller, that too- this good. Fuck. Reading kaori’s point of view just the day before the murder was- unbelievable. And characters, they all are just great.”

That is indeed a Todoroki kinda explanation. 

“Wow you did read all of tha-” but before you could complete your statement, shoto just grabbed your hips and stood tall behind you, now speaking in an extremely low tone, “And not to mention- the first sex between Kaori and Braun, it literally was like the depiction of ours. Except, they were awkward and slow, we weren’t.”

You pause. what took over him all of a sudden?

He continues, “That gave me a whole another perspective to what sex really means, and moreover what intimacy mean to you. It was.. surreal. Reading it, was as if- I’m living through that afternoon again, but with more emotions, and a bit more of you.”

“It’s not like I’ve explored much to actually wri-”

 “Oh, is that so?”

“I’m not complaining, of course, but these are the moments I believe must be left to cherish and our intimate times just feel more- sacred to me like this??” Sigh, “Ugh. Now, how do I explain?” Well, that is true, even though Todo and you’ve dated for almost two years now, it was just four months ago that you lost your virginity with him, on your nineteenth birthday. 

He had already lost his with the previous girl he was with. Though he never implied, it felt as if you were obliged to do it for him, due to your own insecurities. Once he got to know that, his reaction was nothing as what you had thought. He said that he loved you, and such things are nothing related to love; that sex is overrated, and continued on saying dorky yet adorable stuff like- cuddling was much better and what not. Since then, you had sex with him just thrice. None of you were really against this unspoken agreement, to not have-

Wait, an unspoken agreement?

Unspoken.

You instantly feel like an hypocrite, since you had just claimed to have nothing unspoken between you both.

Sudden a sharp pain in the skin of your neck brings you back to reality. Shoto is sucking on your skin, kissing ever so lightly. As if marking you.

An audible morn escape your parted lips as the bowl just falls on the kitchen sink. Todoroki leans forward and simply closes the tap and whispers, “So you do like to be 'submissive’, don’t you? Had this discovery while reading one of your books, 'Starless nights’.”

The exact book for which you had to watch vintage porn to make the chapters with intercourses more sensual and intresting.

Again, taking you by surprise, he simply turns you around as you continue stare at the ground with your hands wet, in front of you like dog’s pow.

“So I assume you liked my headcanon.”

“Yup; was much better than the crap I write, let’s go to-” but you’re interrupted-

“Now baby, we both know you’re the better writer, and that you just lied.”

“That was sarcas-” but he just pulls you closer and spanks you hard. You hiss as the pain spreads all over your butt cheeks.

“Never interfere, Y/N.” Wait wut-

Your immediate reaction was biting your lips- is he saying the words from the book? Not exactly inacting them but attempting to set a similar atmosphere, which you lowkey craved for in your wildest dreams.

“Since I’ve anyways taken this unspoken, unofficial oath of keeping you happy and stuff, now why not help you with some satisfaction- with all those juices flowing down your-”

You suddenly push him back and blurt while blushing hard, “Stop with this teasing and aw- awkward co- conversations todoroki! Fuckin’ juices, seriously? I’m not co- comfortable with-”

But then, you notice his right hand in your shorts. Or more like the sheer coldness against you clit, almost like there’s ice against it. When did his hand go in there? You end up clenching his T-shirt, as you jolt up on your toes.

“You. Clearly. Want. This. Don’t. You.” Suddenly, he pulls his hand out as he grabs your ass tight as he pulls you even further. Then, he brings his hand up to the height of you face and simply starts stares at the dampness on his fingers, “Wetter than I suspected." 

Now behold the unbelievable.

He keeps staring at his fingers, opens his mouth as he places his fingers into them and suck it as you watch this piece of art in awe.

"Can’t believe that I had you like- just thrice before this. You do live up to what I usually call you, honey.” He continues, “I hope you’ve noticed my creativity as well, as i used my coldness to.. nudge it.”

“You’re being quite quirky today, aren’t you?” This statement just makes him go still, and the next second he’s found laughing. His deep voice, almost reverberating in the silent room. He steps back, brings one hand to his face as he looks down and continues to laugh. The mere sight of him in this way gives you so much warmth, this is the moment you realize that this is the true home. With him.

When he finally looks up, the mere sight of you blushing so hard makes him lose his composure again, but this time it’s a nervous laugh. 

Approaching closer, you set your hands on his torso and continue, “That was quite execrable pun to chortle at, we were doing excellent just now-” but in reply, he simply cups his hand around your cheeks and say, “Shit y/n. You’re going to be the death to me,” and continues grinning like an airhead.

Why is he being annoying now? After so much sexual tension, how can he stop? In midst of you cursing yourself in your head, he leans at your height and kisses you.

Finally being out of patience, you look at the ground and stutter, “Ca-can we do i-it al-alrea-”

“Quite frankly, I’d like if you stay quiet, you shall take what I’ll give you, right?”

You look up immediately into his beautiful heterochromic eyes and say without any further doubts with a smirk, “Go ahead, Shoto, who am I to deny?”

“Sedective. umm, I like that.” he smirks too.

“Know that I love you,” and that’s it. Within one second, his hands are in your hair and his face is buried in your neck, digging deeper into you, as if uprooting releasing your soul from your body.

Skin glistening on your collar bone now and colours warming up on your cheeks, you whimper under his dominance, as he squeezes your waist and lightly nips against your shoulder. You shiver, with pretty evident  goosebumps, in spite of the heat you both bear at this point. 

Your breath gets hitched in your throat as he moves inwards below your collarbones. while his hands rest on your waist. You involuntarily climb a bit on him, intending to close the gap, but more to feel his manhood against you. Your hands firmly on his shoulders, almost pushing him back- maybe because it’s too much pleasure to feel at once. 

At another rise of your hips, Todoroki places his hand on your waist and pushes you back down, “Easy, easy princess,” he mummers before getting back to fiercely kissing me. You run your fingers through his hair, as you body slowly commences to accept an indeed new experience bombarded at you. 

Suddenly, you remember something. In heist, you shove him back and say, “Wait! We need to wash our hands- I- I mean we have just did chores. Well, at least partially and I need to wash myself- I mean I’m clean,” but then you stop to look at him just to find him in utter shock. 

“Shoto! I mean I want this but hygiene is impor- fuck. I’m. Such. A. Boner. Killer. Ain’t I?”

“Point made.” Todoroki picks you up in bridal style and rushes towards the bathroom.  for some reason i thought of adding this,, lmao

“Wait what-?”

“No time to waste.”

This makes you giggle a bit. You wash yourself while he as well washes his hands, and you practically pull him out of the bathroom, grab him by his collar and kiss him deeply as his hands slowly move up and down, feeling your torso- flesh untouched due to s mere knit. 

His hand unapologetically moves to the hem of your sweater, and further inside; but within one move of his, you stood there shivering, exposed. 

Immediately, you move forward in order to close the distance between you and shoto out of nervousness. His eyes drop down to your heaving chest and you’re painfully aware of that.

“Don’t. Don’t hide,” he mutters, grabbing a hold of your hands and locking them behind with one of his own for you to stay still; as he slides his other in your shorts. You feel his gentle hand running down the slit.

“Honey you’re dripping wet, what have i done to this innocence?” It seems that he expected a reply, but you didn’t. You just couldn’t. He then pulls the other hand to you face, diving in for yet another passionate kiss- accompanied by a battle of tongues this time. You are going breathless, but he refuses to move away.

The creasing in your folds level up to three fingers now,. He isn’t generous anymore, with aggressive circles in there, he finally commands, “Say my name.” 

“Sho-shoto.” Your moans only fuel in his lust and desires, his want, an indeed selfish want to have you all for himself, to offer the utmost satisfaction.

He pushes a finger into you as you instinctively let out a small breath hold his busy arm with both of your hands. This makes him push you against the wall with his free hand.

“M-my legs, it’s going numb,” on hearing this, he removes his own shirt and slightly repositions himself, with one hand now on the waist and the other back in there. He kisses your forehead as you look down, unable to keep up with his pace.

That’s when the coldness returns.

 “I- ah- can we ge-get to the bed first?” Your stuttered words only results in a widened smile from him. He is enjoying the sight, clearly in love with the effect he has on you. His head shakes, further sliding another finger inside you, “You can do it baby. You’re taking it all in without questioning.”

You nod quickly, as you start climb up a bit again. In return, he slowly curls his fingers- more and more with each passing second making you almost cry out this time, “Please n-no, this is too intense for me.”

“Yet my princess didn’t make Braun stop after that, I read in somewhere that Kaori secretly wished for him to not stop even if she said so. Just go on.”

You didn’t know how to come back at it, because it is true. You want your Shoto to push those limits you’ve set for himself, and you’d as well be fine if he simply throws off you cliff at this point. 

“Now now, spread your legs y/n.” 

Did he say something? You couldn’t listen. With eyes rolled back, you can’t comprehend anything to begin with.

“SPREAD YOU LEGS or else I won’t play nicely.” You’re eyes shoot up, and find his already searching for yours; before leaning in and gently kissing you. Your legs not being shut anymore, todo takes the opportunity, making his finger get stuffed deeper. His two digits start moving faster and harder, pounding against your walls- all while he feels you squirm to slow down.

“You can take it hun’,” he definitely knows what he’s doing, and you’re totally in for it. “Y-yes,” you moan softly. This is when he slides in a third finger, now really making you scream.

You attempt to gasp and struggle to stand, but then he says,”Stay,” as you unknowingly slide down the wall. Your nails dig in the skin of his back as you try to stable your stance on your tip toes yet eventually, your legs give out on you.

Suddenly, you feel him hit a spot which just pulls something inside your stomach. Todoroki on the other hand, notices your unusual hitched breath and starts hitting the SAME. EXACT. SPOT.

His free hand goes to the back and around your waist, holding you evermore tightly so that you won’t hurt yourself.

“I feel- like that- again-,” you manage to blurt.

“Like what?”

“Like pe-peeing, b-but different. Just like th-the last time we-”

He simply smirks, “We what?” He sighs and growls in your ear, “Is princess gonna squirt for me?”

Your body shudders against him as you moan his name, again and again, “Shoto, I-I-”

“That’s it. Squirt for me y/n,” with that he removes his hand entirely for one second, only to push two digits inside again, now thirsting harder and curling tighter; with his thumb against you slit. His hand grows even more colder, almost stinging down there, making you restless. 

“Now.”

He watches you open your mouth and moan loudly, as his hand only gets wetter, feeling you squirt against his hand. You shake hard in his hold. He doesn’t let you go. A tear escapes you eyes, but simply doesn’t seem to care,”Shoto, for some reason I-I feel s-so great wi-with yo-,” but you are interrupted as he shoves you further against the wall , sliding down your shorts and undergarment, again with three fingers in.

“That’s my good girl,” he praises you while curling those fingers inside and then removing them together. He further continues, “seems like you’re ready,“ as he rubs the wetness inside the slit, giving special attention to your clit.

Saying that, he kneels down, now facing lower abdomen and plants a kiss over there. You simply look down at him, still struggling to balance, searching for even a slightest hint to know what is there to come.

Maybe he’ll stand up an carry you to the bed? or How about making him feel better this time?

But then, his face smashes his face on your dampness; almost attempting to bury in it as he holds you up and pushes. your legs apart. You clearly know where this is going, todoroki will be showing no mercy whatsoever.

"That wasn’t even the start honey,” he confesses in midst of you moans and begs for him to go slow. It doesn’t hurt anymore as much as it gives an unbearable form of pleasure.

You moan and whimper, yet he continues to suck in your clit. You can feel a finger inside, or maybe two, as they go in and out. Practically shattering you all at once while fusing you once for all.

Your hand travel its way to his hair. Ruffled enough to make the red and the white parts almost indistinguishable.

Oh dear.

Though your eyes are close, hands are fumbling around for support and legs are strictly held in place by Shoto, yet you can feel his tongue moving. As if in patterns, not that you could figure out. It either went in for an eight or just licked off entirely as one does while eating an icecream. You moan his name again and again, the same sensation building up block by block as he paves deeper and denser.

“I can’t take this anymor-”

“What makes you think that’s gonna stop me from eating this pussy.”

Little do you know that shoto can’t hold back anymore, it’s not just that he is in control but he has lost control. At the sight of your dark flushed red cheeks, delicacy and vulnerability, he only gets faster and tougher on you. His other fingers reach around and grips your ass, with his fingers slightly grazing across your unused hole.

That’s it, that was enough for you to go stagnant again, in your mind atleast. Your legs start shaking, with your mouth parted yet again. Shoto quickly stands up, with fingers still inside, to help you stay stood up. You feel yourself about to pass out, but in actuality are fully awake and aware. He kisses you, now moaning with you as well, as he fingers you until you cum.

His teeth take in your lower lip as your eyes flicker up at his unmatched ones.

Shoto, with one hand against the wall, halts for a minute. He stands tall in front of you, while holding you as you struggle to stand.

In midst of huffed breaths, you manage to say, “I- I, I mean- can I make you feel good as well?” On listening thise words, he goes still, “Baby, you can barely stand.”

“Still-” but again, before you could say anything, he picks you up in bridal style and dropping you on the bed; letting you lay back while he removed his left over garments.

This is when his erect manhood is finally exposed, refilling your memories of your first time when you had simply wondered how would you take all of that in. You did, though it was painful. But this time you refuse to be scared by the length, you know this is going to feel the best and you’re willing to take him in, deep inside you.

Shoto sighs and walks to the bed, “No-”

“Shoto?”

“Tonight is about you. Let ME explore you.”

“I wa-wanna hug you,” you blurt out.

He giggles, “sure, all that my y/n wants shall come true.”

But when you attempt to get up, your legs just fail to response. Even the slightest movement feels like a bolt of electricity run through you. At the sight of you falling back on the bed, Shoto simply smirks and says, “By the looks of it, I think I did a pretty good job at pushing your limits.”

“Don’t- I can’t even walk.”

“Wait,” he climbs on the bed beside you, sitting with back against the headboard while you lie against him, still breathless, still attempting to move.

“Don’t move princess,” saying this, he carefully pulls you up, with your head on his thigh. He helps you sit up slowly, while embracing your body against him, and finally hugs you, like a child clenching onto his teddy favourite bear.

“You are so beautiful,” he says as he gets up, while eyes glued on you. He moves to the end of the bed and pulls you towards him as he climbs in again. His two digits reenter your dampness, almost making you hiss at first but it’s soon replaced with moans.

Your back arcs as you mumble, “Sho-shoto, I’m very sensitive ri-right n-now. ah-”

While on his part, he receives it as a signal to level up to the next stage. He slowly penetrates in, soon pacing up. Warmth filled in your hearts and sweat glinting the lustre. He repostions you both a couple of times, giving you different forms of pleasures with each go. 

You as well witness his fire quirk leaking out at times. He kisses you deeply and claims you as his own as he repeats the words, “I’ll never let you go.”

Now it’s past 3am, as your exhausted bodies lay next to each other; that’s when he whispers, “I love you.” Maybe he thinks you are already asleep, but you are not. He clearly can’t leave anything unspoken.

i hope this has left you baffled 

[loxxxlay]

The Little Things, KuroFai fic

Day 31 – What Comes Next?

Fai realizes that Kurogane has never spoken about his past.

(Also on Ao3)

Note: I wrote a post-series fic for this day because I feel like the big answer to this prompt is always going to be fan-made stuff - fanart, edits, and fic. :) And I will say that the fandom for TRC is absolutely amazing. I love you guys. ^_^ I hope you enjoy!

...

It’s not always easy. It’s not always fine.

Some days Fai will smile, and some days he’ll force the ends of his lips upward out of habit. Some days he’ll cook all three meals, and some days he’ll lie in bed for hours and refuse to move until Kurogane comes into the room with a tray of food and a promise that he won’t eat until Fai does.

Most of the time, Fai’s okay. But sometimes, a small detail—maybe a mother walking with her two children, or a gift that he doesn’t believe he deserves, or an argument—will tip him over the edge again, and he’ll have to scrape his way out again.

But it’s better. Because there’s hands (his family’s hands) to help him out, to support him. Even when they saw him at his worst, they didn’t leave, so Fai knows that he’s not alone.

And as he heals, breath by breath, beat by beat, it feels as though he’s truly coming alive. He starts to wonder.

He wonders while he watches Kurogane go through his exercises in the morning before dawn. He wonders in the quiet conversations they have together, when Syaoran and Mokona dally outside of hearing range. He wonders when he lies in Kurogane’s arms at night and listens to the crickets chirp until he falls asleep.

Why does Kurogane—the man who knows and loves all that Fai is—not share the demons of his own past?

At first, Fai brushes the thoughts aside. It’s unfair to expect Kurogane to disclose the pain of his past, when Fai never has himself—at least, not without Ashura’s influence. But overtime, the silences between Kurogane and Fai lengthen to discomfort, and Fai can’t go even a day without wondering.

They speak of Fai’s past often. When Fai dreams of his brother and wakes to fresh grief. When Fai falls into flashback and Kurogane nurses him back to reality. They spend hours going through Fai’s memories, establishing what was real, what was okay, and what was not okay, until Fai can breathe again.

But when Kurogane grieves for his own past, he doesn’t speak of it.

It wouldn’t matter—but if most of the other important people in Kurogane’s life know, then what does it mean for Fai if Kurogane won’t tell him?

So Fai can’t forever brush aside the stray thoughts that plague his fragile self-worth, when he catches Syaoran and Kurogane spending time together. What do they say when I’m not around? Fai will see a small, innocuous thing and infer a warning: You are not good enough. You do not deserve them. You do not deserve him. You are alone.

He hates himself for thinking it.

...

“There’s a race tomorrow,” Kurogane announces one night over dinner. One night over dinner, Kurogane is fumbling with the device the Tomoyo of Piffle gave them to communicate with her—a device which was utterly useless until Syaoran managed to change the default language and install the app Piffle Translate. “The kid and I are planning to enter. You want to? I’m texting her now.”

Fai hums with thought. “No, I don’t think so,” he says. The adrenaline of competition doesn’t appeal much to him anymore, especially when no one he cares about is in danger. “Why don’t you join me in cheering for Syaoran-kun instead, Kuro-tan?”

Syaoran blushes beet red. “That’s not—”

Luckily, the boy is saved from his stuttering when Kurogane raises an eyebrow at them without looking away from the device in his hand. “We’d have a better chance at the prize if more of us enter.”

“Yes, but this is Syaoran-kun’s first race in person. You don’t want to steal the spotlight from him, do you?”

“No spotlight for Kuro-papa!” Mokona sings in agreement.

Somehow Syaoran blushes even deeper. “I really don’t mind,” he blurts. “The cash prize is definitely more important than the chance that I’d lose—and if Kurogane-san can win—”

“Oh shush, Syaoran-kun, don’t be so modest,” Fai says. For some reason, his hands are shaking, but he stuffs them under the table and attributes it to the excess of caffeine he’s had today. “Besides, Kuro-chan owes me a date anyway. We can spend it watching the race.”

Kurogane frowns in thought. “Actually if the kid’s competing on his own, I might visit the Tomoyo-hime of this world. We haven’t been here or Nihon in a while. I’d like to see how she’s doing and whether she’s had any dreams.”

Normally, Fai might tease Kurogane, who is never very open about these things. But his hands shake even harder when he tries to think of the words. Instead, he dons an over-dramatic pout. “But we haven’t had a date in forever,” he whines at Kurogane.

“Forever!” Mokona agrees readily. “The last Mokona saw was a week ago!”

Kurogane still hasn’t looked up from the phone. “And you wonder why,” he teases with an affectionate smirk.

Because he doesn’t know Fai is serious.

Which is fair because Fai didn’t know he was serious either until just now.

He’s suddenly toeing the line between fake tears and real ones, and he struggles with an abrupt waver in his voice. “Aww, that’s rude, Kuro-puu. I almost think you don’t love me anymore,” he tries to return-tease.

It doesn’t come out right.

He can tell because Mokona’s long ears droop and Syaoran’s eyebrows furrow. Kurogane’s gaze snaps from the phone to him in an instant. And with all pairs of eyes focused on him, Fai feels like crawling into a pit and staying there for an eternity.

Overwhelmed, Fai does what he’s best at. He pretends he doesn’t notice.

He smiles as wide as he can. “I’d better get these,” he says brightly and gathers the empty dishes on the table—ignoring the fact that his own dinner remains mostly uneaten because he always eats the slowest. And once he makes it to the solitude of the kitchen, he lets his smile fade.

The spray of water and the clatter of porcelain isn’t enough to drown out the strange sorrow in his heart. Sorrow that is inexplicable. He wonders wildly what is wrong with him, why he can’t just be happy, while he works mindlessly.

It doesn’t take long for Kurogane to join him, and he’s smart about it because he comes alone and he doesn’t immediately ask a hundred questions.

Instead, Kurogane dries the dishes after Fai washes and rinses them. They move in tandem with each other perfectly without words, and Fai is grateful because he thinks he might cry if he speaks now. A rawness tingles in his throat, begging for release, and he doesn’t know why.

When the last plate is put away, Fai turns to Kurogane for the inevitable conversation. There’s been enough time to compose himself. No running now. “Are Syaoran-kun and Mokona . . .”

“In bed,” Kurogane says. “I told him he needs a good night’s sleep for the race.”

The phone in Kurogane’s hand is blinking with a notification—probably an answering text from the Tomoyo of Piffle.

Fai hesitates. He doesn’t know why, but the mere thought of Kurogane and Syaoran competing together in the race—without him—has his hands trembling and his eyes welling up with fresh tears and it’s completely ridiculous. “You can—” He swallows. “You can compete tomorrow if you want to. I’m sure Syaoran-kun wouldn’t mind, and I know it was unfair to force you out of it like that.”

“No, you were right,” Kurogane says, shrugging. “It’s not that big of a deal.” His eyes linger on Fai, as if seeing straight through him.

Fai gulps, guilt-ridden. “And Tomoyo-chan,” he breathes. “There’s plenty of time for us, but time with her is limited. You should see her.” He bites his tongue to suppress a shudder—because the thought of Kurogane and Tomoyo alone together oddly upsets him as well.

Kurogane nods in acknowledgment. But there’s a deep frown on his face that shows nothing of what he’s thinking, other than that he is thinking.

(Of what, Fai panics, of what?)

“Are you worried that I have feelings for her?” Kurogane finally asks.

At this, Fai laughs, but the sound quickly becomes uncontrolled so he cuts himself off. “No, of course not,” he says, breathless. He knows very well that even if Tomoyo were interested in men, Kurogane and her have a different kind of dynamic.

But then, he wonders. Does she know? Does she know what the other Tomoyo knows about Kurogane’s past? Does she know, like Syaoran knows? A twinge of jealousy rushes through him, and he can’t beat it down like he normally does.

“I’m just,” Fai starts and then must stop to clear his throat. “I’m struggling lately, and it would help if I could spend some time with you. We’ve just been so busy lately, and I understand that it happens and that it’s not your fault, but I miss being with you all the same.”

Kurogane’s eyes narrow with worry. He reaches out and grasps Fai’s elbow, steady but gentle. “After the race, I’ll go see her. Before that, we can spend the whole day together doing whatever you want.”

“Oh!” Fai gasps, blinking away tears. “Including that circus tomorrow morning?”

“Including the circus,” Kurogane says, without even a sigh. It proves he’s being sincere.

Fai feels his face brighten with gratitude. “Ahhh, Kuro-puppy is really the best,” he sings as he throws his arms around Kurogane’s waist and presses his smile into Kurogane’s chest.

“I’m not a dog,” Kurogane grumbles but otherwise he doesn’t complain. He wraps his arms around Fai and squeezes him tight.

The next day goes as well as Fai had hoped. His momentary panic dissipates throughout the morning and afternoon spent alone at Kurogane’s side. His fear eases when they hold hands, nibble on cotton candy, sit in the stands for the race later, and cheer for Syaoran, who easily wins. And Fai can ignore the kernel of pain when he watches Kurogane meet with Tomoyo because Kurogane has just spent the day indulging his every desire—it’s the least Fai can do in return.

For a moment, Fai begins to think things are okay again.

Which inevitably leads to them getting worse.

In Edonis Country, the game world of Outo has been rebuilt, and the group plays once more, mostly to be with their comrades of this world.

It’s all very nostalgic.  Kurogane and Syaoran sign up as a team of hunters. And Fai restarts his cafe. It’s just like before—only Syaoran isn’t as much of a student of Kurogane’s anymore, and Sakura isn’t there.

At first, Fai mistakenly attributes everything to her. Sakura.

He uses her absence to explain the inexplicable heartache he feels when the other two leave to hunt demons. He uses it when he runs the cafe in their absence and can’t otherwise understand the emptiness he feels spreading inside of himself, the loneliness—even though Mokona is always nearby. He says it to Kurogane when Kurogane comes home early and catches him crying in their room.

“I miss her,” he chokes into Kurogane’s shoulder, and he really believes that’s why.

And Kurogane holds him close and strokes his hair and says that he misses her too. He has no reason to suspect any differently because Fai sincerely believes he’s telling the truth.

And it is the truth, he does miss her dearly. But it doesn’t explain everything.

It doesn’t explain why he delegates tasks to both Syaoran and Kurogane during the day to deliberately keep them apart. It doesn’t explain why some evenings he whines and pouts and drags at Kurogane’s arm, pleading for him to stay, whilst insisting that Syaoran can handle himself.

It certainly doesn’t explain why he snaps at Syaoran one morning, when all the boy did was ask if he was okay.

“I’m sorry,” he says to Syaoran immediately after, but even if Syaoran swears that it’s fine, it doesn’t lessen any of his guilt.

Eventually Kurogane confronts him.

“I spent the entire day with you at the market, so stop trying to make me feel bad about this,” he says, stern lines across his brow. Gravity permeates his voice—he’s not kidding. ”I’m going with the kid. That’s final.”

Fai pouts. “But Kuro-chan—”

“No,” Kurogane says. His voice hasn’t risen, but it’s still fierce and would be terrifying if Fai didn’t know him. “I’m not letting the kid hunt demons alone. Ever. And I am done arguing with you about it every single night. Accept it, right now, or we’re going to have a problem.”

From beside them, Syaoran, who holds the oddly quiet Mokona, perks up. “Kurogane-san, I’ll really be fine, it’s just a game anyway—”

“Don���t,” Kurogane warns without looking away from Fai. In the silence, he waits and waits until Fai finally releases his sleeve. Then he reaches for his sword at the door and fixes the scabbard to his belt.

Silent, Fai watches with a gnawing helplessness churning in his gut. Kurogane has never yelled at him quite like this, and Fai is dying inside without knowing whether they’re okay—but he doesn’t dare ask. Instead, he goes to the counter across the room and grabs the two paper sacks he left sitting there.

When he comes back, Syaoran and Kurogane are already out the door on the porch. “Wait,” Fai says and winces when Kurogane gives him a fiery glare. “I just—it’s just dinner,” he murmurs and turns mid-step to hand both sacks to Syaoran instead. “In case you’re back late.”

Syaoran smiles at him—it’s awkward but it’s sincere, so Fai musters a smile in return.

“Good luck,” he says to Syaoran. He doesn’t look Kurogane in the eye and turns to head back inside.

Just as he gets one foot across the threshold, Kurogane plants his hand on Fai’s shoulder, and trembling, Fai lets himself be whirled around, his eyes fixed on the ground.

Kurogane stares at him for a long moment.

And Fai agonizes. He doesn’t love me anymore, he panics. He never loved me, he never did, and he’s going to say it’s over.

But Kurogane simply pulls him forward and briefly kisses his forehead. “Be safe until I get back,” he says and holds Fai’s chin, forcing Fai to meet his gaze. “Alright?”

Fai hears the unspoken words between them. He remembers Tokyo, the fatal pain in his eye and how Kurogane saved him. He remembers Celes, the resignation to his end and how Kurogane saved him again. It’s a reminder that Kurogane does love him. Fai exhales relief and forces a smile, because right now he’s too worn for tears.

“Alright,” he says softly and Kurogane lets him go.

And as the tense atmosphere fades, Mokona bounces from Syaoran to Fai and curls paws around Fai’s shoulders. “It’s alright, Fai. Mokona will keep mommy company while daddy’s gone,” Mokona announces.

Kurogane huffs an irritated breath, and Fai finally feels like laughing again. He pats Mokona and waves goodbye to the others.

But when he gets inside—he loses his relief. Even in Mokona’s company, he can’t keep himself together.

He can’t stop thinking about it. He can’t stop envying the close bond Kurogane and Syaoran must share, for both of them to know the intimate details of each other’s painful childhoods. He can’t stop imagining their conversations, how maybe Kurogane seeks comfort from Syaoran but not from him.

Fai remembers Kurogane’s kiss, to his forehead, and the words said to reassure him, and he can only think it was out of pity now. Because he’s finally realized how terrible he’s been. He has no right to Kurogane’s past, and still his feelings have been bleeding into how he treats Kurogane. How he treats Syaoran. And he has no right to treat either of them this way.

Mokona doesn’t leave his side for the entire evening, and it’s for the best. He doesn’t know what he would do were he alone.

…

The moon is high in the sky when Kurogane and Syaoran return, but it’s earlier than normal.

Fai knows it’s his fault that they’re back so soon, and he hates himself, more than he has in a long time. Even if he wanted to, he wouldn’t dare refuse when Kurogane asks to speak to him alone. He trudges after Kurogane to their room and closes the door behind them.

Kurogane cups his jaw with his good hand, his real one, and looks deep into his eyes.

It feels wrong. Fai can’t meet his gaze. He doesn’t deserve this affection. “I’m so sorry,” he blurts, before Kurogane can say a word. “I’ve been so horrible to you and Syaoran-kun, and if it means anything, I feel awful about it. I won’t do it again.”

“It’s okay,” Kurogane murmurs.

He steps closer, the scent of sweat and blood and ash from the fight is strong on his robes. Fai inhales deeply because it smells of home—but then he remembers. You don’t deserve this. He forces himself to back away, against the door. “It’s not okay.”

“We can talk about it later,” Kurogane says. “It’s more important to me to make sure you’re okay. You’ve been . . . struggling,” he says, borrowing Fai’s word, “for a while now, haven’t you? What’s going on?”

Fai bites his lip and fixes his gaze on the details of the wall behind Kurogane. He has been struggling. Every day, the thoughts drag him deeper. He’s drowning in his past because everyone knows it, and for the first time, he feels a seed of anger—at Ashura for exposing him like this, for making him hurt like this, even long after his death.

But it’s not fair to expect answers from a man who decided to love him before knowing all of Fai’s sins. He has no right to Kurogane’s past.

“I can’t,” Fai says and screws his eyes shut. “It’s not right. I can’t take and take from you like this, I just have to get over it.”

Kurogane tugs at his arm and nudges him towards the bed. Reluctant, Fai follows his lead. He sits on the edge and tucks his knees beneath his chin, curling his arms around his shins, and Kurogane sits beside him—so, so patient.

“What’s not right?” Kurogane asks.

Fai inhales sharply. He doesn’t want to cry. “It’s—” he starts and waits for his voice to steady. “It’s not right to want this from you.”

“Want what?”

Pressing his face into his knees, Fai simply shakes his head.

Kurogane sighs. He plants a large hand on Fai’s shoulder blades and massages the knots out of his neck. “Well,” Kurogane says. “I’ve already given you my blood. My arm. And a shit ton of work that you’re always too lazy to do yourself. I let you call me those stupid nicknames.”

He pauses, and Fai smiles despite himself. “You like the nicknames,” he murmurs.

Kurogane snorts, but he doesn’t argue the point. “You already know I’m not ditching the kid to hunt demons on his own, but other than that, it seems like I’m willing to give you a lot,” Kurogane says. “So let’s hear it.”

A heavy breath falls from Fai’s lungs. Kurogane is good at this—at getting Fai to say things he’s afraid to say. He should expect it by now, but it always comes as a surprise. He digs his fingers into his palms. Hesitates. Then, “I want to know what you know about me. I want to know your past . . . your childhood . . . how Fei Wang Reed hurt you . . .”

Kurogane drops his arm from Fai’s shoulders, and Fai’s heartbeat flutters in the silence that follows. He doesn’t dare shift to see Kurogane’s expression. Instead, he forcibly unclenches his hands and caresses the smooth, silky fabric in his fingertips, desperate to calm his anxiety.

When Kurogane speaks, his voice is toneless. “The kid didn’t find out about it by choice, you know,” he says. “Other than in Tokyo, he hasn’t brought it up with me. Ever.”

Fai winces.

“And Tomoyo-hime,” Kurogane says. “She knows because she’s the one who found me. I don’t know about the one on Piffle because we don’t talk about it either.”

Fai winces again because he didn’t expect Kurogane to remember what happened on Piffle. “I know. I’m sorry.”

Another silence, and Fai can’t bear it. He finally lowers his legs from his face to see Kurogane in full—Kurogane, whose expression is opaque and unreadable, whose narrowed eyes watch him closely, missing nothing.

Fai wants to lean forward and find solace in Kurogane’s arms. He doesn’t know if he’s allowed. “I’m wrong to want this,” Fai says softly. “I know I’m wrong. And even if you told me now, it wouldn’t matter—because I already asked. So please, can we just go to sleep? Maybe things will be better in the morning.”

They won’t be, Fai can guess. But he says it anyway.

Kurogane opens his arms, and a thick rush of relief passes through Fai as he’s able to bury his face in Kurogane’s chest. Kurogane pulls him and arranges them both until they’re under the covers and he’s crushing Fai in his grip.

Fai closes his eyes and inhales Kurogane’s scent.

“You can’t help wanting some things,” Kurogane says, his breath rushing through Fai’s hair. “There’s nothing wrong with you.”

Fai shudders with relief and clings closer. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

…

After that night, Fai manages to stop thinking about it so much.

Something about voicing his thoughts has diminished the pain in his heart. Sometimes it flickers to life again and burns, but it’s tolerable now. He can watch Kurogane spend time with Syaoran and smile at how doting Kurogane is and how eager Syaoran is to prove himself.

He doesn’t think the terrible thoughts anymore. He truly doesn’t need to know Kurogane’s past to love him.

And many nights later, it happens.

He’s snuggled in Kurogane’s arms, halfway to sleep, and Kurogane speaks, his voice quiet and smooth.

“My father was Lord of Suwa,” he says. “Mother was the shrine’s priestess. She got sick a lot. Was frail and thin. But she never let it get in the way of her duty.”

Fai struggles to act normally—to not hold his breath, to not speak, to not cry—because he’s terrified of ruining the moment. Even so, he’s struck by a wave of affection for Kurogane—an affection so strong that he wants to sing with joy. Instead, he holds perfectly still as Kurogane recounts his tale.

“When I was about the kid’s age, there was a demon attack. Father came back from it injured, and . . . he wouldn’t listen to me. He wanted to go back out. Without even telling mom.” Kurogane huffs a nostalgic laugh, so soft and so brief that Fai almost misses it. “Mom caught him, of course. She would never let him leave without casting her protections on him.”

Hearing the pause in Kurogane’s voice, Fai can’t help but lift his head and look at Kurogane’s face. Kurogane doesn’t notice because he’s staring at the ceiling, eyes lost in memory—and there’s a strain in his jaw, his neck bobs as he swallows, but he’s steady, breathing normally. He’s okay.

Still, there’s silence. For a long time.

And for a while, Fai lets it be. If this is it, this is it. He can guess the ending.

But then Kurogane looks at him, as if checking to see if he has Fai’s attention, and Fai realizes without any words shared between them that Kurogane wants him to ask. He wants Fai to be curious.

So Fai swallows nervously and asks, “What happened to them?”

Kurogane’s eyes glint in the moonlight as he considers the question. “My mother prayed in the shrine room to strengthen the border walls, and I guarded her outside. Didn’t matter.” He blinks, languid with the memory. “Fei Wang Reed made a portal. I heard him stab her, and she died in my arms.”

Fai weaves his fingers into Kurogane’s hand, giving him a comforting squeeze. “And your father?”

“The demons he was supposed to fight broke through the walls,” Kurogane says, voice deliberately indifferent. “Only thing left of him was his arm.”

The scene comes to Fai’s mind easily. A young boy, his mother dead in his arms, and demons erupting his home into chaos all around him—the same demons to have killed his father. Fai feels tears come to his eyes at the thought of Kurogane, alone and young and having just lost everything.

He pushes himself up so that his face is even with Kurogane’s, and he stares into Kurogane’s eyes. “How did you survive?” Fai asks after the silence has lasted long enough.

“I don’t know,” Kurogane says. His eyes turn away. “I don’t remember much after that.”

With his free hand, Fai smooths a lock of hair away from Kurogane’s face. When Kurogane’s eyes flicker back to him, Fai lets the compassion and empathy he feels in his heart show on his face. I love you, Fai says with his gaze.

And Kurogane smiles at him in return, sad but loving. Eventually he finishes the story. “Tomoyo-hime found me surrounded by wreckage a few days later. Stuck in a rage. She broke me out of it. Helped me put my parents to rest.”

Fai nods and rests his head in the crook of Kurogane’s shoulder.

With the story over, the silence between them becomes comfortable, and Fai loses himself to numbed thought about the events Kurogane described to him. Even cherished by his family and then Tomoyo later on, Kurogane has lost things—that has become achingly clear to Fai now in a way it hasn’t before.

Fai thinks of his own pain and how he copes—or tries to cope—with it. Sometimes, it feels like it plagues him every moment of every day, but sometimes it’s less present and more bearable. Curious, he shifts in Kurogane’s arms to look at him again. “Do you think about them a lot?”

Kurogane frowns in contemplation. “Used to. Still do, but not like that,” he says. “I think about the good times more often than anything.”

Relaxing, Fai smiles. “The past is the past, right?”

“Right.”

And that’s it. Trusted with these memories, trusted boundlessly by Kurogane, Fai feels less like a parasite, less like he’s drowning in his own past, less like Kurogane’s trying to help him and being dragged in himself. Instead, he feels equal to Kurogane for the first time.

It fills him with hope. If something so terrible, so undeserving, could happen to Kurogane, then—maybe it wasn’t right what happened to Fai either. And maybe—if Kurogane can move forward—maybe Fai can move forward too.

Kurogane’s hand, tucked in Fai’s, grips tighter, with comfort.

It’s a question, even though he hasn’t said anything. Fai smiles shyly and squeezes Kurogane’s hand in return. Thank you. Kurogane didn’t need to tell him—but he did, and Fai is overwhelmed with affection.

He struggles to find his words. “If something comes up—and you ever want to talk about it, more or again,” he says quietly, “you can. I don’t expect you to, of course. I just mean, I’m here for you . . . like you are for me.”

When Fai looks, Kurogane is smiling, his features softening as they rarely do. “I know. I wouldn’t have told you otherwise.”

Heart fluttering, Fai blushes deep. And they kiss. Gently. Timelessly. Fai doesn’t know who started it, but it doesn’t matter, because he’s here, he’s loved, and he’s not alone. They fall asleep soon after, pressed against the comfort of each other’s bodies, and content smiles brightening their faces.

...

It’s still not always easy. It’s still not always fine.

Some days Fai can’t smile convincingly and some days he can’t get out of bed. But most days he can. And some days, on very special days, Kurogane will say something rare.

That he knows how to catch fish because he used to go fishing for his mother. Or that his father used to kiss his mother’s hair to tease him because Kurogane once complained that kissing on the lips was gross. Or how at barely eight years old Kurogane used to climb trees to the very top unless his mother caught him at it.

Each confession shoots warmth through Fai’s heart and often has him smiling for the rest of the day.

It’s not always easy, but with time, Fai learns that it’s the small moments like these—when they can truly surpass their barriers and see each other for who they truly are—that make everything worth it.3

[hiraethstill]

Hey hey hey!! Could I get KuroKen with Kuro helping Kenma through a panic attack or a depressive episode??

Unknown Number

Kenma could feel himself shaking long before he managed to find an empty stall. But the real panic only started to set in in full force as he slumped against the wall, sliding into a sitting position and wrapping his arms around his knees– shuddering, shallow breaths and the blurred lines of the stall door, the wall, the toilet next to him, the crush of anxiety on his chest forcing the air out of his lungs, disconnecting him from his surroundings. It seemed as though he was looking at everything through the wrong end of a smudged telescope, but even more sickening was the cold familiarity of the feeling.

It took him at least half an hour of using any method he could think of to calm down before he trusted himself to uncurl his body and sit upright. Blinking, he rubbed at his eyes weakly, willing them to focus on something, anything. They eventually landed on the inevitable graffiti covering the wall, trailing along the crude “Fuck this shit,” which he silently agreed with, a drawing of a penis, which he did not appreciate, and a few Your Mom jokes, which he didn’t bother to read fully. It was only when his eyes skimmed a small message near the bottom that he paused.

Aside from the elaborately drawn chemistry diagram, there were five words.

Ever just need a friend?

Right under the message was a number.

He stared at it for a long time, like if he touched it, it wouldn’t be real. Finally, his hands moved on their own, taking out his phone. The rational part of him told him that it was a complete stranger, might even be a practical joke. The rest of him was too done with being alone and terrified that it worked on its own, taking a blind leap of faith.

His fingers stopped over the call button, however. It would be much harder to call the person and hear their voice while having to respond with his own weak one. A text would be much easier, safer.

Exhaling slowly, he exited out of the current screen and opened the texting app instead. His fingers already seemed to have memorized the number, typing with quick efficiency until he pulled up a chat box for the unknown addressee. Before he could second-guess himself any further, he let himself go, typing out exactly what he was feeling, all the words he wanted to throw in his teachers’ and classmates’ faces but could never bring himself to voice aloud.

Kenma: yes, i need a friend. because im so damn tired of myself and my inadequacies but no one will listen farther than a few times including my parents and do you know how hard it is just to get out from under the blankets in the morning and know that no one will truly want to see you or ask how youre doing and youre too anxious and withdrawn to ‘just go out and talk to people’ which you absolutely hate but cant do anything about except retreat into your shell and socially regress every single day when all you want is for someone to just. listen.

He took a deep breath, realizing he’d been holding it the whole time, and let it out, sagging back against the wall and letting his head tilt back toward the ceiling. There was a strange sense of calm creeping in at the edges of his mind and chest, almost a sort of relief. The truth was out there now, at least with one person, and even if whomever it was blocked him or never replied, he felt lighter.

What he didn’t expect was the chime of his phone about a minute later.

Blinking, he tilted his head back down to the screen. A new message had popped up from the unknown number. And another.

Unknown Number: I’d be more than happy to listen

Unknown Number: Maybe we’re strangers, but you can talk to me, tell me how you’re doing, about your day - I’ll keep listening, or uh, reading, oops

Despite himself, Kenma found the corner of his mouth lifting in the ghost of a smile. Every part of him that felt dragged through the mud felt as if it were reaching out, trying to grasp onto something. It was strange how he was gravitating toward a chance at hope when everything was so hopeless. There was only one thing to say.

Kenma: thank you

**********

Kuroo knew to turn off his phone during class, or at least silence it so the teacher wouldn’t know. Recently, it had been more of the latter since his mom had been in the hospital and had no qualms about texting him at all times of the day.

So when he looked down at the silent notification, his eyes didn’t register that it had come from a different number at first. It was only when he saw the long paragraph that he paused. Instinct told him to look up at the teacher to make sure she wasn’t paying attention to him, and he subtly tilted his head down so he could scan the screen.

Something in his chest clenched, and he checked the sender’s information. Unknown. But this unknown had reached out to him. The person had no other option, and that tugged at him inexplicably.

He wanted to help.

Quickly, he typed out a reply one-handed, pretending with the other that he was taking notes, and sent another just in case. Then he went back to the chat box for his mother just in case the teacher decided to question him, heart picking up.

When he checked again, there was a short answer. Just two words.

Unknown Number: thank you

Kuroo smiled to himself. He’d made a difference, no matter how slight, and he knew that could mean the world.

Kuroo: No problem

Kuroo: Are you in class right now?

Immediately after he’d send it, he pursed his lips in distaste. He had no way of knowing how old the person was, much less if they attended school or not. He probably sounded like a fool.

Unknown Number: no

Unknown Number: dont worry about it, ill go to class or home soon

Kuroo: Ah, okay

Kuroo: Just wondering where you got my number

Unknown Number: werent you the one that wrote it on the bathroom wall

Oh. Oh. So it was a kid that went to this school. Kuroo had almost forgotten writing it out on the wall, but some vague memory resurfaced from the previous year involving a 2000 yen bet, a squirrel, and a certain bully’s underwear.

Kuroo: Right, I did, sorry

Kuroo: Glad it was put to good use

It took a while for the next response, enough to let Kuroo fill at least a third of the page with actual notes.

Unknown Number: i still can’t believe it

Kuroo: Believe what?

Unknown Number: that youre still here talking to me

Kuroo: You’re kind of stuck with me now (-u0)

Unknown Number: …youre a dork

Kuroo had to smile at that. It really wasn’t far off the mark, and he was pleasantly surprised at how perceptive this person seemed to be. Intrigued, even.

Kuroo: Can’t argue with that~

**********

The daily conversations became less about anxiety the longer they went on, and more about daily life. Even the silences were companionable, not oppressive like before, as Kenma slowly learned that the other person didn’t expect anything of him, didn’t silently demand what others did. He stuck to his phone longer, but now it wasn’t completely because he was withdrawing from others. Now he had something to look forward to - someone to look forward to - and it was a comfort in so many ways.

Unknown, which was what he’d dubbed the person, was smart, he knew that, and cared a lot about his mother. He was also confident, which Kenma envied slightly, being uncomfortable in his own skin. Or maybe Unknown had just stopped caring what others thought.

Either way, he found himself checking his phone constantly, and while he still had panic attacks, still couldn’t bring himself to talk to people, still let the negative thoughts creep in often, he had this Unknown, finally had a constant.

It was a few months before he checked his phone one morning to more of a decision than a message.

Unknown: Hey, I was wondering since we’re in the same school and all, would you like to meet? Totally fine if not, I don’t want to pressure you into anything

It took him a few minutes to completely register that message. Texting was one thing, but face-to-face interaction? He still got anxious whenever he even passed people in the hallway. How could he willingly…

He stopped, took a deep breath. What was he really scared of? Unknown had done so much for him, and here he was, scared of something so simple. In fact, if they could meet in person, it might be even better, for the both of them. They could actually spend time together in person, do all the normal things that friends did. Unconsciously, his fingers were already replying, typing out a quick affirmative and asking when and where. It didn’t take long to receive a reply and sort out the details.

Saturday. Only a few days away.

**********

It was only as he was pulling on an acceptable shirt on Saturday morning that Kuroo realized he had no idea what to look for. They hadn’t talked at all about how they looked, so he could completely pass by the other and not even know. Hurriedly, he sent a text.

Kuroo: What should I look for?

Unknown: ill sit at the table closest to the door with my psp

Kuroo: Okay, see you soon

Gathering his wallet and keys, he stood and made his way out the door and toward the train station. A short ride and a quick walk found him standing in front of the cafe. He didn’t hesitate as he pushed his way inside, immediately looking around.

There, with a PSP clutched in his hands and knees curled up to his chest, was a boy who couldn’t be much younger than himself, sitting at the closest table as he’d said he would. The hair spoke of laziness or just apathy, brown roots showing through the dyed blonde. Luminous amber eyes flicked up toward him, and seemed about to flick right back to his game, but Kuroo held them there as he stepped up to the table.

“Are you…?” he started, then stopped. The eyes seemed to grow even wider, blinking rapidly. “Are you okay?” he finished, coming to sit across from him.

The other nodded slowly and ducked his head, seeming to be trying to swallow. When he finally spoke, his voice was soft, uninflected.

“You’re… taller than I thought.”

Kuroo was slightly taken aback, but broke into a grin and took the seat across from him. “And you’re smaller than I thought, but hey, both are okay.”

The blonde paused his game and set it carefully on the table, looking up. “Your name…?”

“Kuroo Tetsurou.” He reached out with a hand slightly, but stopped himself. No contact, right. Instead, he settled for a smile.

The other’s voice seemed be softer and stronger all at once. “Kozume Kenma.” Kuroo was surprised when he reached across the table himself and touched his palm to the taller male’s in a sort of half-handshake.

“I’m…” Kenma hesitated. “Well, thank you for coming.”

“I’m the one that invited you,” Kuroo pointed out.

“Yeah, but…” Kenma shrugged, and Kuroo understood, he really did.

“Hey,” he said, softer. “It’s alright. I know.”

The immensely grateful look in Kenma’s eyes made it all worth it.

Just goes to show, sometimes I get extremely carried away. This was almost 2K on google docs, and first written on what was supposed to be scratch paper after state testing. Oops.