#yes I am convinced keefe has never done anything bad ever

[lapetitepersonne]

*head in my hands* Kelvin said to his face that the rocking chair was stupid just to hurt him (because he was hurt) when Keefe probably spent hours on it and did it all for him and even put his NAME on it even though in the precedent scene at the carpentry Kelvin told him all about how Taryn perfectly replaced him and was so looooved by everyone and no one missed Keefe (BITCH YOU MISS KEEFE AND EVERYBODY KNOWS IT EXCEPT KEEFE WHICH IS THE PROBLEM) and this basically just confirmed to Keefe that he isn't needed but he still loves Kelvin so much and he was just desperate to show him what he could still do for him as a carpenter (because he failed him as an assistant youth pastor) and made him a fucking rocking chair and Kelvin said it was STUPID

[xanderhelios]

{ @xanderhelios @wrathful-red }

Xander sat in his room - his own, not Keef's. He knew when his family returned from picking up Red, the Tallest most certainly on board. Xander had stood in the shadows at the edge of the room, watching his family departing from the ship into the main hangar of the Massive, holding his other far weaker and already sick looking human father. 

He couldn't seem to bring himself to visit Dib. He was still angry and hurt. Keef was, so why shouldn't he be? Two of his fathers had thrown their entire family to the wayside so they could have their own private, mutual crises. It was selfish, and it was cruel. 

The boy hadn't gone to speak with Red, either. He was immediately in full-tilt searching for Pur and Mira, putting Dib in treatment, and taking back his responsibilities as Tallest. Xander wouldn't be surprised if Red didn't have the time to come see him - not that he much wanted to see the Irk. He'd finally formed bonds, he had been allowed a family, and for what? Only for it to be taken away when they proved to him that they didn't want their family whole anymore. Dib and Red might both be back, now, but things could surely never be the same. 

Flopping back into his bed, the boy stared up at the ceiling. Their family had been to hell and back so many times. He'd begun his bonds through deception and aided torture. Of course they'd never trust him. Rolling onto his side, he yanked his blankets over his head and closed his eyes.

Red had been incredibly busy since the moment that he had stepped foot aboard the Massive. The Tallers had done incredibly well in the absence of the Tallests, but as always, there was a never ending amount of work to do. Tracking Pur was also taking much of his mental energy. It became clear when he returned that something was incredibly wrong - the other Tallest had not so much as checked in with his mate. With a relationship as theirs, that was unheard of. Even if he had cloaked his ship- he would have let Mika know of his plan, not leaving him worrying and wondering. 

But even for all of this, the Tallest did not forget about his smeets, of the reports he had gotten as to Xander's self harm and depression. At his first opportunity, the first time there was the slightest of lulls in his workload the Tallest made his way to the boy's room, pausing outside of the door. 

He breathed a heavy sigh as he pondered what he was to say. This conversation was, in many ways, even more nerve wracking than the one with Keef had been. But after just a moment he straightened himself up and knocked lightly on the door. 

Xander only rose his head slightly at the knock, tugging the blanket down off his eyes to narrow them at the door. It could really be anyone, other than Dib. Keef often checked up on him during the day, would bring him food and drinks that often went barely touched. He wasn't aware it was Red standing behind the door with his fully human senses. 

Sighing deeply, he settled back into the bed in the darkness of his room. "Come in," he called quietly, hoping that they wouldn't hear him but knowing whoever it was would let themselves in anyway, especially if it was Keef bringing something to eat. 

The Tallest did not miss the words and quietly slid the door open and stepped into the room. It was dark, though the Tallest could still see just fine in the low lighting. He could make out the vaguely Xander shaped mass on the bed and so he directed his words there. "Hello, Xander. I think that you and I need to have a talk. May I come in and sit down with you?"

"I guess so," Xander replied, his voice just as quiet. He immediately tensed when he discovered it was Red coming into his room, not having expected the Tallest to make time to come by. He kept himself in the safety of his blanket cocoon, unmoving aside from his steady breathing. 

The Tallest nodded at the quiet and reserved response, glad to have been granted entry at all, even if it was somewhat reluctant. As he stepped in and sat down in the boy's reading chair he replied softly, "Thank you, Xander."

He quieted for just a moment to gather his thoughts before he said, "The first thing I need to say is to let you know how sorry I am that all of this happened. And I am, Xander. I am so incredibly sorry. I know that these last few months have been hard. They have been hard for everyone but particularly for you. I have not been a good father to you. I want to make things right for you. You deserve much better than what I have given to you."

Xander couldn't help but heave a sigh as Red spoke, immediately diving into apologies and grievances. He slowly sat up, his hair disheveled from his blankets and eyes reddened from crying and rubbing at them. He looked tired, though the majority of what he'd been doing lately is sleep. 

"No, you haven't. And don't think Miguel didn't notice you were gone, too. How could you just leave without saying goodbye? Why do we mean so little to you?" Xander spat, venom and dejection both in his voice. 

Red let out a soft sigh as the boy began to berate him- he deserved it all, of course. When Xander had finished he replied softly, "You and the others mean the universe to me. I know that what I did does not demonstrate that very well. But I was not in my right mind when I made that decision, Xander. I had been made the universe's plaything for days on end and when that veil was suddenly lifted the weight of what had happened because of me came crashing down on me all at once and then Dib had left me before I could even wrap my head around any of it. I made a bad decision, the worst decision I have ever made, in that moment. But never once was it because I did not care for you or our family. It was because I thought that you all deserve much better."

The Tallest looked at his son imploringly in the half light and continued, "I regretted it as soon as I had done it. But then I was terrified to face my consequences. That does not speak to your character, it speaks to mine. I love you, Xander. You are my son and nothing will ever change that. I hope that you will give me the chance to prove to you that it is not something that I take lightly."

"We were all scared, dad," Xander replied, his voice lowering again as he dropped his eyes back to his hands, twisting together in his lap. Hearing the tone of Red's voice, practically pleading with him, had softened his anger and just made him feel sad. "How is this gonna be okay? How do you think we can all just go back to how things were before you and Dib left? Before he got sick? Everything went wrong and everyone ran away instead of trying to fix it. It isn't fair."

Red lifted himself out of the chair and moved to sit down beside Xander on the bed as he replied, "Yes, there are those of us who ran away. It was a stupid decision. A mistake. But people make mistakes when they feel they do not have other options. I know that having to experience the consequences of those mistakes is not fair. But know that this has taught me so much. It has taught me what is truly important. And that is you. This family. Things will be alright because we will make them alright. It may take time and hard work. But if all of us are willing to work for it, we will be okay."

Xander sat still as he listened, becoming more overwhelmed with each word his chosen father spoke. Even as a human he could hear the sincerity of his words - a sincerity that stung at his eyes. With a small whine, he reached his hand out, taking Red's in his own. It was a small action, but a large enough gesture for the boy who still wasn't ready for an embrace. 

He didn't know how any of this would be okay, or how he would be able to quell the hurt and sadness that had overwhelmed the last month. He felt lost, even more so without Pur and their work to distract him, leaving him alone with his thoughts and hurt and his own guilt.

"I don't know if I can believe that yet," he muttered under his breath, eyes still trained on his free hand. 

Red accepted his son's hand and squeezed the fingers affectionately, though he did not comment on the gesture. At the boy's admittance the Irk looked down at him with a soft, albeit tired smile. "That is quite alright that you do not believe it yet. I will believe it enough for the both of us until we can prove to you that we are men of our word. I just ask that you move forward with an open mind and give us the chance to do that."

Xander nodded slowly. What more did he have left to lose by trying to trust them? Probably everything. It would be a worthwhile payback for what he had done to Zim.  "I'll do my best," he said. After a beat he added, "Any luck finding Pur and Mira?" 

The Tallest chittered sadly and replied, "Not yet. We have Invaders following the course that had been laid out by Pur to see if there are any clues, but we simply do not have any answers yet." His antennae fell as his mind turned to his little brother. If anything happened to the violet-eyed Irk the responsibility for it would be on him. He had not admitted to anyone just how scared he was about it. "We will find them. Everything will be okay."

Whether he was trying to convince the boy or himself was anyone's guess.

Xander rose his eyes up to Red, then, his mouth downturned in a frown. “Is there anything I can do to help?” He asked, not releasing his hold on the Tallest’s hand, but noted on closer inspection that he again wore the orok around his neck. Keef still wouldn’t wear his own, not that Xander blamed the redhead at all. Though it did make his family feel almost as split as it was when Red and Dib were gone.

At least when Dib was on Earth, he wasn’t worried about death.

Red turned to look down at the boy with a soft smile and replied, "Actually, I think that there is. I am great with speeches and military aspects of leadership, but Pur has always been the brains of the Tallest. I don't think that would shock anyone to find out. But I am… somewhat lost without his intellect. I cannot think of a better person than you to help advise me in his absence. If you are ready to put on some clean robes and leave your room, that is."

Confused, Xander blinked at Red and then looked down at himself. It was true he was a little worse for wear, having hardly left bed since first watching his family return to the Massive. He wasn’t sure how ready he was to leave, but on the other hand, maybe having a task to focus on would help. He’d been studying under Pur for over two years now, and while he was sure he’d never match the Tallest’s intellect, he was getting there.

“...Okay,” he said finally, the smallest of smiles tugging at his lip. “Um. Can I have some time to like. Shower and eat first?”

Red smiled more widely when his son accepted the offer. The desire to get him out of his room was a great deal of why he offered this in the first place. Xander was much like Dib and did not do well with idle hands. Too much time left to their own devices to brood and they became self destructive. He gave the boy a nod and replied, "Of course. Get cleaned up and dressed, I will have dinner brought up to the bridge for you." 

The Tallest let out a soft sigh, his antennae twitching nervously as he asked, "May I give you a hug, Xander? I have missed you very much."

Xander had been ready to release Red’s hands, to throw the blanket off to get up and start getting ready, but the Tallest’s words caught him off guard and gave him pause. He looked up to his father, noting the twitching antennae and the tenseness in his jaw. He’d become adept at reading Irken body language - you had to, living with them and calling them family.

With a breath, he nodded. “Sure,” he said, making the first move and tucking himself against Red’s chest, wrapping his arms around the Tallest’s waist.

Red was almost surprised when Xander moved in to give him that hug- it was not as tight as the boy used to cling to him, but it still brought a deep and rumbling purr in his chest. He wrapped his arms around the boy, burying his head in Xander's hair as he rubbed small circles on the human's back with the flat of his palm. "I love you, Xander. Thank you for listening to me and for giving me another chance."

The boy nodded against his Irken father’s chest. While he didn’t return the sentiment, he did revel somewhat in the touch. After a few silent moments he pulled back, rubbing his face as he scooched away to the edge of the bed to reclaim a bit of distance. “I’ll be on the bridge soon,” he said.

Red folded his hands in his lap as soon as Xander had released his grip. He was fine with the contact ending, not wanting to make the boy uncomfortable.  But as always, he let his children decide when they had enough of a hug. 

When Xander stood the Tallest followed in suit and gave a nod before turning toward the door. "I will see you then." Without another word Red turned and made his way out of his son's chamber. 

Xander stood still until the door clicked shut behind the Tallest, a dopey grin starting to tug at his features, one of the first in a long while. The thought of his human father’s illness, a missing uncle, and their still-broken family gave him pause, but with a shake of his head, he was walking to the bathroom to clean himself up and change.

There was work to do.